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Alyssa Nobriga

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Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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So if you're ready to challenge modern day healthcare paradigms and really take the problem out of thinking that something's wrong with your body, take your power back from this misunderstanding and really heal at the root, this episode is for you. I'm so happy that you're here. Welcome, welcome to the podcast. Thank you.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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Yeah. And just to kind of summarize how I'm hearing, because it's very aligned with how I see things, what I really understand is we're told to be a certain way. And if we don't conform to that, then we are afraid that we're going to be rejected or abandoned. And so we disown parts of ourselves. And the only way to see it is to project it onto somebody else.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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And as we project it onto somebody else, we can use them as a mirror to say, what am I not accepting within myself? And instead of and I do a very similar practice instead of defending, which actually creates the hurt, it's opening to the possibility of like, how could this be true so that there's a softening around it?

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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And then just to fully allow the emotion to be there because my experience is feelings don't hurt. It's the resistance to feeling them that hurts. And so just fully allowing it to move through the nervous system for 90 seconds is this more subtle path instead of the, and I think there's a place for like rage rituals and like really getting it out, especially for that good girl archetype.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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Yeah, I wanted to start us off just talking about the good girl archetype and talking about how this is really rooted in shame. And I know that part of the work is to bust out of societal conditioning and move through those fears. And you do some work around nervous system work. Talk to us about how you would recommend women start waking up out of this good girl archetype.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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But that was really empowering for me that pushed down my anger because I saw anger being expressed overpower, underpower. And so both from my mom and dad and I needed to learn, and I'm still integrating that to deeper levels to the rage and that, that physical, more expressive part was helpful. But I think in the seventies and eighties, they really hung out in overexpressing.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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But what you're speaking of, and most of us are here with the somatic work is it's, it's just fully allowing it. You don't even, and it's then not separate from who you are. It is part of the totality of your being, we are all of it. And so I love your story about this, and I honor the courage and the work that it takes.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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And I also hear you saying that it depends on having either a healthy ego structure or having some self care. And really, safety is the key ingredient, and safety is really only found in the present moment. And so when we wake up out of the fear based thinking, we can access a deeper safety that's underneath the fear that's always present.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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And as we access that, everything else starts to integrate. And so you and I can see why one of my students wanted us to connect because I can see some of the parallels to the work. And it's powerful. It's profound. Do you want new tools and powerful group exercises to help you deeply and profoundly change your life?

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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And then lastly, I will share with you, not only tell you, but also show you the power of embodiment work so that you can specifically use it to transform your relationship with money and attract real abundance so that you really set up to scale with ease and all the ways that you're called to. I cannot wait to share this with you. Again, it's absolutely free.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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It's transformational and it's going to be so good. And research shows that we grow so much faster in community. So send this to a friend that you want to do this with and help hold yourself accountable. Again, it's free. So join us before it's too late. All you have to do is go to alissanobriga.com forward slash bootcamp and reserve your space now.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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I also know that you talked about integrating the victim mentality, really starting to integrate your shadow, waking up out of that. Can you talk to us more about what you've found to be helpful with that? Because I think most of society is still living there.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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You're here for it. I love everything you're sharing. And I live this way with a more micro and I had not applied it to the medical system. So I really appreciate you combing through. And I wanted to ask you about healing your thyroid condition because I have Hashimoto's hypothyroid. I was put on pit hills when I was 12 and I'm still on them. And I know that there's wisdom in it.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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Like I can feel that it gets activated when I push. It's not a problem, but I also don't want to create that dependency. And I've tried to get off of it. I would love, and I also am just fascinated that 80% of all autoimmune diseases are with women. And so I think there's connections with all of this psychosomatic. And I would just love to hear a little bit more about how you

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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healed your thyroid and how you really took your power back from this sort of quote unquote broken system.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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And I love that you're focusing on the inside out. It's gotta be that order. It can be outside, but it's also, it's gotta come from within because otherwise those filters get projected onto other things.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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And you asking like what was going on when I got diagnosed, I think is such an important, I wish more doctors would have been curious about the psychosomatic connection because yes, that was probably the hardest time of my life. And knowing that there was a sacred initiation in that. So I can- hear, and I really hear the maturity of you understanding some of the pharmaceutical industry.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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And we can talk about that just from a higher perspective of why things are set up that way. And once you understand, it's like, now what do I do with it? This is not something wrong. The answer is not outside of me. How do I be with myself? Can I take some of these other principles into my health and wellbeing? And

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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insource and have my own authority in the conversation so that I'm not thinking something's wrong, projecting it outward. For me, even as you're talking, I just realized I did try to heal it, but I was 20 and I didn't do the psychosomatic work. So I was just doing it with diet and Ayurvedic lifestyle.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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But now, having been a somatic psychotherapist, I know the value of doing the inner work and having the tools to actually navigate and integrate it into my nervous system. So I love that you're pulling it all together.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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And I also know that you talk about the subconscious purposes of illness, which I love this conversation, and I know this conversation, but for people that don't get what that means, can you share that with us and also the role of the mother wound and how that shapes our experience? Because I think that's going to be fascinating for people.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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But a good roadmap for people that are. So it's like, you know, and I do this and the opposite, which is fun. And I'll do it around money or relationship where it's like, what do I fear would happen if I got the goal? And most of the time people are like, wait, I don't fear anything. And it's like, no, listen deeper. It's like, oh, if I made the money, I wouldn't have time with my family.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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But these perspectives are less against us and resistance and more just tapping into the wisdom and coming into harmony and alignment with what is so that we can actually shift it inside and then out. And I'm wondering how you play and address that with unlocking our erotic sexual desires and our hormones. What do you see as the connection and how vital is hormonal health for our desires?

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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in this body, you know, in these simple ways. I love that because it's something innate that you will do multiple times a day. So it becomes this pattern interrupt to not only, I can so many times, I'm like, I'll be right back or I'll be real quick. It's like get to change it on the psychological, but also on the physiological. I love it. this conversation.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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Yeah. I really hear that kind of hollow goals. And at some point we realize it's not in the next partner or the five more pounds or the financial goal that it's really in a deeper presence in our being, but we have to be really honest with ourselves. Is this what I really desire? And I know that you say that women's desire is one of the most powerful forces we have.

Healing + Human Potential

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And I really want to acknowledge your courage for really speaking out about what you find helpful and true and really connecting the mind body and being a stand for people to look inside and to take their own life and health back into their own hands. I think it's really courageous and beautiful. And I want to thank you for

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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doing that work and sharing with us some of the gifts that felt like there's so many places we could go to and I know my audience is going to want to stay connected. What is the work that you're currently up to right now and where do they stay connected?

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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Beautiful. And we'll put the links here and below in the show notes. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your brilliance and your open, vulnerable heart. It's such a gift to drop in with you. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by leaving an up to five-star review. It does mean the world to us. And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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And I also know that women feel very guilty for having desires. How do you suggest women really find their truth and claim their desires without all the guilt?

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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You're going to get behind the scenes access, showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify and leave a review now. You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below. But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at Alyssa Nobrega.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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80% of all autoimmune diseases are with women. And so I think there's connections with all of this psychosomatic. And I would just love to hear a little bit more about how you healed your thyroid and how you really took your power back from this sort of quote unquote broken system. Well, it's interesting because

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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the origin of that. I love that you took judgment though, as the doorway in to see what am I judging outside of myself? And how is that mirroring to me parts of myself that I've disowned or not welcomed? Is that what you were saying?

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're exploring the root cause of illness and how understanding the mind-body connection could be the missing link that actually supports you in feeling more vital and healthy today.

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The Truth About Women’s Health + Mind Body Healing | EP 69

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We are joined by Dr. Kelly Brogan today, who is a pioneer in the healthcare field, and she's really exploring with us the subconscious purposes that illness can serve as well as how to really integrate your shadows so that you do the work from the inside out.

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Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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Is it that you have to release it or be awake to it?

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And I think when people are asking, who am I? And just sitting in stillness, they're looking for more content to fill it versus being with the unknown, the vast, silent awareness. And so just to offer people to hang out with that emptiness because it's the fullest emptiness of everything. That is the birthing place from all of it. Right? Yeah. That's how you experience it.

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Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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He's known for his memory of his past lives and his ability to explain complex cosmic truths in a really grounded and digestible way. He's here to help us decode what it is we're doing here on our school and the syllabus that most of us miss from the first day of class. Let's dive in. Let's have a conversation that's going to change the world. You start. I'm just kidding.

Healing + Human Potential

Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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Thank you for sharing so transparently. I think it's going to serve a lot of people to also just to really allow whatever emotions come up without getting tossed by the waves, just to allow them to come up and pass through. Because there are people listening right now that are feeling exactly that way. They're feeling depressed.

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Whether it's from life situation or spiritual awakening and questioning existence, how could that be the greatest gift to really meet ourselves and the moment fully?

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I think you can. I wanted to have you back on for a few reasons. Your episode 49, the first episode we did was not only the most popular episode we've ever had, but you left us with a cliffhanger when you were talking about the mistake. Do you flaw in existence that's so woven in that it's almost not recognizable and it may not even be from this world is what I think you said.

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It's well intended, but then you're avoiding.

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Versus fully allowing whatever sensation is coming up.

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Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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Healing + Human Potential

Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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And this is really about creating lasting transformation from the inside out so that you can share your gifts and serve the world in all the ways that you're called to. And I've seen firsthand the power of what happens when you have the community to collaborate with, but you also have the right tools and resources to really thrive.

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Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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I'm curious, because my audience is very interested in healing, spirituality and psychology. And in your process, knowing yourself deeply, part of the work that I support my students in is embodying the truth of what they are, while letting the egoic structures come up and allow whatever feelings, sensations or thoughts to be met as if essence embraces ego.

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From the point of view of the void, of the truth of what you are, allowing any of these egoic patterns, stories, thoughts, feelings, sensations coming up to be allowed fully. Is that how you orient around it?

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Yeah, it's almost like playing a character, knowing that you're playing a character. It's not attached to it. It's just part of the play.

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Yeah by nature I love the quote let what comes come let what goes go find out what remains and just that moment-to-moment practice of really inquiring into and part of your practice allowing all of it to be and So in terms of I know people use different terms. And so I want to because we're not using the same term for sure. And so I think it's good just to unpack them.

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Talk to us about what you understand spiritual awakening to be. And what would you say to people that are interested in spiritual awakening?

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The sales pitch for it is very different than the reality.

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That first kiss of awakening. My teacher would say the first one's free.

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There's a few things I want to do, but I want to come back to the Kundalini and the energy getting stuck. So can you break that down a little bit for people just so that they understand how to keep the energy fluid and clear and not have it get stuck in their system?

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And I would imagine, and correct me if I'm wrong, then the healing work that we do would then help us have less of those attachments and have more harmony within our chakra system. Is that right?

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What is your orientation around having really aligned chakras and kundalini energy to awakening?

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I have this analogy of the rain stick. You know how it hits up and makes noise? It's an instrument like that. And so if there's less blocks and holding patterns, then it just moves through more clearly. Tell me your viewpoint around illness because I imagine it relates to this.

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What would you say to somebody that is dealing with an illness? How would you recommend that they work with their energy? Would you support them in doing some psychological healing, more energy work? I mean, obviously, they're going to take care of their physical health and see a doctor and things, but any pointers there?

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Would you say resistance, kind of like pushing your heels in?

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These defense mechanisms can really be protection and just to have compassion if somebody's choosing that path. I keep hearing acceptance as a foundation for living. It's like, oh, this dis-ease is feedback. What is it here to teach me? What is the feedback in it? How can I listen? Do I really want to heal? But I also hear you saying forgiveness, which would point back to doing the inner work.

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And you're giving it back. You're giving it away.

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So you're saying forgiveness is the first step to do deeper work. What other work is there?

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I want to break it down. I want to make sure I'm understanding for people. So what you're saying that it starts emotionally or energetically in your body, the chakras, and there's a holding and the disease is feedback.

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And that the first step is forgiveness. And then the second step is really doing some self analysis of understanding where that pattern been playing out in my life and more self knowledge and looking at the patterns.

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It just keeps coming back to the power and the importance of doing emotional mastery work.

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Yeah. And somebody that chooses not to do the work, like for example, your grandmother, do you think that she'll then just have further opportunities to get the same lessons again and again?

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Yeah. And what about for people that are listening and they have someone that they love that has died? What would you say to them? I'm sure they're asking questions like what happens specifically after we die, but what would you want them to know?

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And to grieve, I guess, and to honor that, but also to hold it and letting them go. Because not just back to what you were saying around not holding onto it energetically for you, then it's a spiritual opportunity to let go that serves you and them. Exactly. And no separation. Yeah.

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Yeah, beautiful. These are so helpful to share. Let's pretend, let's take the analogy of this being earth school. It's almost as if we are at the first day of class, but we skipped that where we get the syllabus, where we're getting oriented about what we're doing here and why. So we're here at our school, but we skipped the first day. Let's pretend that I'm in fifth grade.

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and you're explaining this whole thing yeah what's happening wait before you answer that i know that's a big question so let's end this session and we'll start on the next episode sure on this one stay tuned for next week when we release part two when he answers what is it we're doing here on earth school and so much more

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Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by following us. It does help us grow and we are so grateful. Leave a review on Apple or Spotify, submit a screenshot of that and upload it to alissanabriga.com forward slash podcast.

Healing + Human Potential

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As a thank you gift, we will be sending you one of the most powerful tools that you can use on any area of your life to help you tap into your full potential so that you don't let fear hold you back from really stepping into your dreams. I have so much more magic I want to share with you, and I cannot wait to do that soon.

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But for now, I just want to say thank you so much for being an example of what it's like to live with an open heart and mind in the world.

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Yeah. Yeah, there are. And I feel like we're going to keep raveling back and forth through various ones because there are so many portals to go down. And I want to go down all of the ones. And I know that the most important question we can ask is, who am I? How do you answer that?

Healing + Human Potential

Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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Let's go back to the void, the unknown, the vast unknown. Most people, I think, project their fears into the unknown, and yet it's the fullest nothingness and the ground of being of pure potential. Can you talk to us more about the void? Because I think it's going to help release some fear around it so that people can know themselves more deeply.

Healing + Human Potential

Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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What if the very fabric of our reality is based in a cosmic mistake? In this episode of the Healing and Human Potential podcast, we have Matthias DeStefanos back on, who's picking up right where we left off, where he left us with a cliffhanger talking about the mistake.

Healing + Human Potential

Why Letting Go Is the Most Powerful Thing You Can Do | Matias De Stefano | EP 86

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So we're going to explore this hidden flaw woven within existence and how to break free from survival programming to spiritual awakening. We also talk about non-duality, timelines, and why the unraveling in our lives might actually be the initiation that creates true freedom. Again, our guest today, Matthias de Stephanos, is a spiritual teacher and multidimensional explorer.

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And women back in these earth honoring communities would bleed together on rocks, come together to really tune into the intuition of what was best for the community at that time. So tell us if there are any stories like that, that we can start to hear about and open our perspective and come back to a more remembrance.

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I mean, this is one of my intentions personally, and then to have that reflected in my team. But I feel like hearing stories like this and how other cultures and other times we've already lived in harmony with nature and utilizing the wisdom of the collective, it does help put that front and center. So it's like, oh, that's possible. And this is some ways that it could look.

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I think we're so relational that we need examples and stories like

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Are You Living in Alignment with Your Feminine Energy? - with Sarah Jenks | EP 73

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So if you're ready to challenge societal norms and step into your essence, this episode is for you. Sarah, I'm so happy that you're here. Thanks for having me. Oh my goodness.

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I used to think that's how governments were when I was a kid. I was like, we would just elect the best teacher, the best doctor, like the best of that be great. And then, you know, there's a lot of upgrades that we are going to make that I'm holding that.

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And I think part of what you're doing is retelling these stories that got lost in support of all of us waking up to a more balanced and integrated conscious way of living.

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do you want new tools and powerful group exercises to help you deeply and profoundly change your life maybe you feel overwhelmed with the idea of starting or scaling your business and wish you had the strategy the community and the support to really help you shortcut the learning curve if so i want to make sure that you know that our most popular event of the year is back by demand and it's absolutely

Healing + Human Potential

Are You Living in Alignment with Your Feminine Energy? - with Sarah Jenks | EP 73

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So this is my five-day confidence and clients bootcamp, and it's coming up for new and seasoned coaches, therapists, and healers, but it's also for anybody that's wanting to uplevel themselves from the inside out and really start the year off strong. So each day I'm going to lead you through a live transformational group process.

Healing + Human Potential

Are You Living in Alignment with Your Feminine Energy? - with Sarah Jenks | EP 73

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I'm going to share with you behind the scenes coaching demos, pulling people up to coach. And I'll give you daily prizes and tools that you can use on yourself and with your clients right away. So you're going to discover the real reason people don't create change so that you can more easily step into your goals.

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Yeah. And there's so much I want to dive into in your world. I know a big part of your work is around the sacred feminine. And that wasn't necessarily mainstream growing up or with role models. And so for people that are like, what is the sacred feminine? Why is this important? Talk to us a bit. Let's start there.

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Healing + Human Potential

Are You Living in Alignment with Your Feminine Energy? - with Sarah Jenks | EP 73

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And then lastly, I will share with you, not only tell you, but also show you the power of embodiment work so that you can specifically use it to transform your relationship with money and attract real abundance so that you're really set up to scale with ease and all the ways that you're called to. I cannot wait to share this with you. Again, it's absolutely free.

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Are You Living in Alignment with Your Feminine Energy? - with Sarah Jenks | EP 73

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It's transformational and it's going to be so good. And research shows that we grow so much faster in community. So send this to a friend that you want to do this with and help hold yourself accountable. Again, it's free. So join us before it's too late. All you have to do is go to alissanobriga.com forward slash bootcamp and reserve your space now.

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So I know we all have internalized patriarchy, whether we're aware of it or not. What are some ways that you see that play out so that people can start becoming more aware?

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And I think one of the core narratives of the human psyche is unworthiness. This is like a core wound and it shows up in two ways. One is I'm not good enough and the other is I'm too much. And it's the same wound showing up in a different pendulum. And so... how do you then begin to support people? Yes.

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First seeing some of these things, how do you support people after they start waking up to it to integrate so that they do have a voice, they can be true to themselves and pave a new way and, and take, yeah, take space, especially as a woman.

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Are you saying that there's like muscle memory? So if we go back to those truths, it's already alive and awake within us that it's easier to reclaim. Yes, exactly. Beautiful.

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Compassionately, of course, we didn't have a voice. We couldn't take space because we'd be overwhelmed. ostracized and not live. So survivally speaking, it was great that we did that. Now we're evolving beyond that.

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And I think a lot of the time women have learned from, you know, the seventies was like, you know, be more like a man and we've evolved, but now we're starting to see what's our truth and having certain ceremonies or communities that remind us of that, then we'll help keep that awake within us. But the core is the safety.

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And the safety I think is the most important part because when there's safety at the foundation, then it's easier to be ourselves, be authentic, to collaborate and, And when we are hypervigilantly looking at other people to try to find our own safety, that's when we are going to feel anxious because we can't control anything outside of us.

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But to have that awareness and to insource that safety so that that part of us feels safe within us. And as we do that, then we can start expressing more authentically in the community. Exactly. Yeah. I love that. And I'm just thinking about the courage it takes to speak our truth. And so learning the tools to really integrate somatically that fear. I love you. You're not dying.

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You're just uncomfortable. Like knowing that and then to breathe into it. Because oftentimes what I find is people are trying to avoid feeling something by staying in their mind, thinking about it, by controlling or thinking about how other people are navigating something. And I'm curious about a matriarchal society. I'm curious about that.

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And whether it's matriarchal or patriarchal, I think the ideal is to have our own internal authority. Absolutely. To have our own spiritual authority, to really tune into ourselves. And any good teacher or guide is going to bring us back into ourselves. Yes. And that is better than any hierarchical. I do think we need some leadership positions, but it doesn't mean...

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that we are better than or that our worth is anywhere tied up in that. So just out of curiosity for a matriarchal society, is there an example of?

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Yeah. Which feels more living in harmony and balance. Yeah. And having some of the matriarchy. support the like, it's got to be both. It's got to be in total.

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Yeah, yeah. And I think that the circle in the line, I am hearing the spiral. So that's beautiful. That's where it's really in harmony. I know that trust is a big theme for people. And we have a lot of healing work to do around trusting ourselves, trusting governments or trusting something outside of ourselves. What is some of the work that you have found to be helpful to rebuild that trust?

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That's right. It's always a mirror. Life is a mirror. So doing that within us. It's interesting because as you're talking, I'm on the opposite spectrum. I call myself a completionist because I will complete something and will really show up for it. But sometimes... It's not true anymore.

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And so I need to build my own trust with being able to change my mind or knowing how to have built something, now pass it off so that it's being held with the care that I would offer to free me up to honor a new calling and a different line of service in the world. Wow, that's beautiful. And so the trust, it's something that you just there's so many layers that it can go deeper.

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But you're right, it always comes back to trusting ourselves and honoring each part of us and knowing how to say yes to it, but also like when to allow it to happen versus when to make it happen. Totally. And so like this, the masculine and feminine, we all have a different template for what's our authentic truth and where we lean on that spectrum.

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And just being able to hear a podcast like this to reflect on, am I living in alignment with my truth? Yeah. Whether it's on one side or the other more, or is it really in balance? You know, some periods of time in our lives is going to be different as well. Yeah. I love that.

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That is such great tracking. Yeah. I'm just wondering if thyroid, like having a hypothyroid or thyroid condition is that. And I've been on a journey with my thyroid. Me too. Yeah. And I noticed when I push too hard, it acts up. Interesting. And so there's similarities. And I'm just wondering, I'd love to hear from people in the comments, just like, does this resonate?

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If you have a thyroid condition, is it because you're pushing too hard? Do you notice it gets activated? And is it around also wanting to be liked versus what's my authentic truth? And I do find for me growing up more in the shamanic circle from 14 to 20, A lot of that time was just spent in silence.

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And that space of just looking at an altar, a mesa, and just listening deeply supported more of an authority within myself. I was 14, so I wanted some mental understanding, and I went and did a spiritual psychology program. But

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I do find taking that space, having those no's, I think when you get older to claim that space, to really develop the muscle and the trust within our own authority is important. Yeah.

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And you have to be present to be able to see or hear the feedback and like in your body.

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It's like, it's never not here. here. It's just, are we awake to it? Exactly. And having, I imagine practices or rituals support keeping the aperture open, staying more present. I know for me, it's meditation and questioning everything. That's always been my path. That's so good. I'm curious, are there practices or rituals that you love and recommend so that people can really cultivate

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A connection within themselves. Yeah.

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Yeah. And we all resonate with something different. Well, that's the thing. Yeah. And that's the, that's part of it. That's what's so cool.

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And I just, I love the medicine. Yeah. And I think it's good for people to try things on to find out what their truth is and not try to force something. Because I loved growing up in this shamanic circle. And at the end of the day, it wasn't my work. And I have so much deep reverence and gratitude for that.

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And yet I started finding spiritual teachers that would later, somebody was like, oh, that's non-dual. So I was like, great. There's a term for this. I like certain teachers. I was like, oh, this is my thing. And so we all just, whatever that is, that tuning fork that wakes us back up to prioritize that. Yeah. And there's not one way because we're all different.

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Yeah. When you say priestess, goddess, shaman, how do you define some of these terms? Yeah.

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I mean, that is also more of the feminine. That makes sense because it's communal. It's like getting in coherence with the whole group and adding a different frequency together. Whereas shamanism and how I understand it, yes, earth honoring, but also shamanism. Right. Right. Yeah.

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It's so cool what happens. Yeah. Things definitely get magnetized in community when we're really intentional. Right. Yeah. And like super present. It's all about presence. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. I'm wondering, you know, I know part of your work, you talk, this is like deeper than our own personal childhoods. This is much more collective. Yeah.

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What do you say with people that are interested in healing intergenerational trauma? Yeah.

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Yeah. I love that because yes, it's okay to have your anger, but don't live there, you know, let it be expressed. And how did they evolve your lineage and what's yours? That's beautiful.

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Yeah. Becoming more aware. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but this compassion and awareness, I think, is really key. Yeah. And as we start to come more into harmony and balance some of these masculine and feminine ways of being and wake up to the sacred feminine within us, that's going to elevate every area of our life, including money.

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And so I would love to hear your perspective on how... What's the work you found helpful to support people in feeling more empowered and confident with money? Yeah, that's a great question. You know, I...

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And money is one reflection of that. And what was I inherited? What did I witness from mom and dad or whoever my primary caretaker was? And what's my truth? And am I willing to be true to myself even if other people don't like it? Totally. Because I know, I mean, I love teaching people about money and feeling empowered and using business as a personal development path.

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To me, that's the only way it makes sense. It's got to be more than just making money. It's got to be about service and impact.

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Yeah. Some people really want security and safety and that's beautiful. The way that I teach it is that using your own fears to insource that safety rather than outsource it. Yeah. It may be more challenging for those people if they're not willing to do the work.

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But if they do the work to wake up from fear and integrate and feel the thing they're afraid of, actually their entire life gets freer and easier as a result. That's beautiful. Yeah.

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You and I are like, this is what it's about.

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Without the personal development, it's just hard. And with using it as a path for awakening, children, money, relationships, everything gets to be so much easier because you're willing to feel the thing that you were avoiding. Totally.

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I really just recently have been looking at what I was influenced around power from my mom and dad. My dad being an eight, a challenger in the Enneagram, my mom being a peacemaker, a nine. I was like, that's a fun dynamic. And also looking at the lens of men and women through my younger misunderstandings of like, this is what it looks like.

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And so one time I was talking to Amelia, my husband, where I was asking him about investing in a mastermind. It was a week-long mastermind. It was very expensive. And I was asking him about doing it. And I'm like, why am I asking him? And he's such a beautiful human and very clean about money.

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And he's usually just very encouraging, which helped me just wake up from... Also, if he were challenging, I'd probably be mad at him and still use it as a personal development path. Totally, yeah. But I was still like, why am I asking him? And I was like, oh, because I saw my mom ask my dad. And so that was my own inheritance that I bought into.

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I was like, no, I know how to make money and spend money. And so just the slower, like being more mindful to wake up to having compassion and being like, oh, I get to do it differently. Even if it's uncomfortable, it's a lot more freeing. Yep.

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Literally ever. And sometimes on a sales conversation, when I train people around sales is asking, are you asking for support or permission? Right. And so that it's, it's a coaching opportunity to help somebody stand in their power. And I would celebrate and have celebrated a note if it's a clear, no, if it's a, I want to, but I don't think I'm capable. I want to, or I can't afford it.

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Then there's an opportunity to help them step into their power. That's what it's really about. I had no idea what I bought into, but my younger self still, I needed to clear and clean house around patriarchal conditioning or thinking that money was better or I'd be more empowered and had nothing to do with that. I know.

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And so really cleaning that up was important for me and having compassion for what I was what I bought into from society and also just making amends with my mom and being like, I see your strength. That's really beautiful.

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That was important for me to go back to see her in her power at a time where I didn't see her in her power because that supported me in coming into right relationship with my own feminine. That's so beautiful. And there's more. There's more work for all of us around this work. But I want to come back to ceremony because you've said ceremony quite a few times.

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Talk to us about what ceremony is in your world and how it can support us in connecting with the divine. Yeah. So I just... I could be in ceremony all day, every day.

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You're like a conductor. This is sort of like a conductor. And that's shamanic as well. Yes. And I experienced that with breathwork where I move over and I'll put my hands or I'll shift the energy. But essentially, you're just moving energy in the field to support greater freedom. Exactly. Exactly. That's beautiful.

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I'm, I love that you're doing this in the world and I'm so grateful that you exist and I love you so much. And I know my audience is going to want to stay connected. Talk to us about where they stay connected.

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see what's up in there and then there are deeper ways to work with me as well yeah okay great we'll put all in the notes in the show notes thank you so much for having me oh it's so good yeah so good thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself it truly does make a difference and if you're finding value in this podcast a cost free way to support us is by leaving an up to five star review it does mean the world to us

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Are You Living in Alignment with Your Feminine Energy? - with Sarah Jenks | EP 73

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And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover. You're going to get behind the scenes access showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify and leave a review now.

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You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it. And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below.

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But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at Alyssa Nobriga. Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

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so the sacred feminine though, in your eyes is, is what, how do I define that?

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And so the importance really is to hold it in balance. In balance. I know for me on my spiritual journey, I had a lot of male teachers and there was a point where I knew it was important to also have spiritual teachers that were women. Yeah.

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And I know masculine and feminine is within all of us, but there was something that I needed embodied in both the heart and this embrace, but also the clear knowing of what I am mentally, emotionally, spiritually, just on all levels, head, heart, and gut. And then we can really develop our full range to be able to respond to the moment how it's

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asking us to respond rather than what we're just typed, you know, leaning too hard.

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But you were talking about just, I know you talk about that some of this was erased from history. You're saying that the last 1500 years educate us what happened, why?

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in a negative way it is almost always grounded in internalized patriarchy i know that trust is a big theme for people and we have a lot of healing work to do around trusting ourselves trusting governments or trusting something outside of ourselves what is some of the work that you have found to be helpful to rebuild that trust

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Yeah. And I think of this, even as you're talking about, like, how do you take over anything or how do you brainwash people? You take away the power, you confuse them and you outsource it. And I think one of the most important things you do is as, and part of what we'll talk about is how to really insource our own authority and our own truth. Yeah.

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But before we get there, this happened and it definitely reflects in society. I think there's a lot of women who are afraid to take space to own their voice. What is some of the societal conditioning that you've seen for little girls or how that's how women have adopted this in current times now?

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We've been working on this a lot this year, and the thing that we've been doing the most is... Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're going to dive into the power of the sacred feminine, how reconnecting with this part of ourselves can lead to deeper self-worth, stronger relationships, and a more authentic life.

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And I think the more we pay attention to history and how we got to where we are, the less unconscious we can go moving forward.

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And so what would you hope to see as we, just as women are starting and people are starting to really claim their own sacred feminine, what would you love to see in the world?

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We're also going to uncover why the sacred feminine was erased from history and why it and how intergenerational trauma impacts our ability to embrace it, and what practical rituals we can use to reclaim our true power. Our guest today, Sarah Jenks, is a transformational leader and a priestess, and she's going to be sharing actionable steps to live more courageously and authentically.

Healing + Human Potential

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I forgot about this until you started talking. So I was raised at 14 in a shamanic circle that my dad was a part of. And I remember learning around the time that I got my period for the first time that that was a really you're more intuitive and it's a sacred time.

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Like if somebody's attracting somebody that is, they're trying to fix the person all the time, what would you say is happening on an energetic level? What do you see?

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Yeah. I'm thinking of quantum physics. I'm also thinking that there's no separation. So he's healing the part of them. And he's also being a model in the psych ward so that he's not afraid. He's bringing a different energy. So there's multiple levels that I'm interpreting of this.

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Or it's a protection mechanism. Because if I hold on to the pain, then somebody else won't hurt me. But actually, that just perpetuates the pain. Because if I judge somebody, I hurt. And so coming into frequency of acceptance, which is the ho'onopono, it's coming into harmony with what is, where we feel free.

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And so one way to do that, maybe on a spiritual level, and maybe this is where you were going was also to see what the gifts were. What was this mirroring to me about what was in my own subconscious and how do I use this to heal that pattern inside of me? Because I often will say, stop focusing on the person. What's the pattern that's playing out. Right.

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Because if we judge the person, then we're stuck on the surface. And if we go to the deeper thing, it's like, what's the pattern that's playing out and how can I resolve that inside of me? I'll get the lesson I can move on or I'll get the lesson and the whole pattern will shift with that person because I've now gotten the lesson from it. But you're right. It's not like we're accepting it.

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We're not a doormat. We have boundaries, but we can still learn from it. Or we could leave or stay, but we're doing it from a place of peace and alignment. So if somebody cheated on me and that's not an agreement that I'm willing to forgive, then I can still come into acceptance this happened, but I could leave feeling pissed off or at peace. The leaving is the same.

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The inner experience, the acceptance is what I would do or the forgiveness is what affects me.

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How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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And the drama that you tell to your friends about and you perpetuate and you keep hurting yourself.

Healing + Human Potential

How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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And if everybody, if nobody has read A New Earth, best book in the world, by far.

Healing + Human Potential

How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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When you do the work. And I think it's important to also have space for the anger and to have your honest feelings and express them, but in a conscious way. So we have the anger, but we don't live there. We express it. And then it's like, now what do I want to look at? How do I use this for my growth and healing?

Healing + Human Potential

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What is the filter? Because it's an inkblot world. And so we're filtering it through our patterns and we're picking up on certain things like the red car. You buy a red car and then you just see red cars. And so then it's like, oh, it's just the filter that I'm seeing it through. And then you're saying taking 100% responsibility for that filter is

Healing + Human Potential

How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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Maybe getting to a point where we thank the person to help us see what the pattern is so we can complete it and move on from it.

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How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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That's right. And if you don't choose to do the work, then most of the time people stay stuck in the surface level of judging them and defending against it, but then creating and attracting more of it. Yes. So there's the unconscious way and there's the conscious way, which we're here. And anybody listening is proactively doing the real work. Yeah, for sure.

Healing + Human Potential

How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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Healing + Human Potential

How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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Healing + Human Potential

How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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I've heard you talk about that empaths oftentimes will attract narcissists. Talk to me about, and that makes sense to me, just to unpack it for people, if there's a powerful practice that empaths can embody so that they can break that pattern.

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Correct, yeah. They're both wounds, but they're the opposite side of the spectrum.

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How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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I mean, I think on Instagram, people are like calling everybody a narcissist because they've heard that term and it's trendy. Yeah. And I think what you're saying also is like your partner expresses what you repress.

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And so you're saying there's medicine for each other. Maybe it's a, not a healthy version of it, but what I'm hearing you go towards is for the empaths. Cause usually narcissists wouldn't go to therapy coaching or listen to podcasts like this, like true narcissist. Yeah. But there is gifts in to learn from that experience.

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And so to look at, okay, you were, and I would love to hear what your practice was around this to help you come into harmony with your own power and your own authentic self. expression or experience?

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How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90

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Yeah, you weren't in your body because it wasn't safe.

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Yeah. Like a differentiation. Yes. And oftentimes this roots back to childhood. So for example, for me, and I'm just realizing empaths really go to spirituality because that's the leaving pattern of leaving the body because the cosmic world is, quote unquote, safer. But actually getting into the body transcends the body. Yes. The ironic thing. But for me, it's interesting because with my mom, I...

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perceive that she didn't have her power. So I jumped in to help her and created a pattern of over-responsibility. And so one of the things that helped me also was going back to that original moment of seeing her as a child and seeing that she did have her power.

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or questioning that she didn't finding ways that she did and then also doing some of what you're talking about this differentiation process i saw a golden light around me kind of connected back up to the cosmos and then for her that she had her own energy source it didn't need to come through me yeah i don't know if you've ever studied um the five personality patterns yeah yeah so there's like the merging pattern which is you find energy through the other that is my mom and then there's a rigid pattern

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the leaving pattern, which is more like empath, some of this like taking off out of the body. So I'm just hearing what you're saying and putting it through different frames in my own life. And also this energetic bubble or egg, this golden light that we have our own unique energy supply that we can tap into and not just need it from others can be really helpful.

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And when we're doing some of the subconscious work, even if we go back to our childhood to reinvestigate what we believed to be true, to say, did they not have their power? Or was I safe? Was it okay to see again? I find that even just saying while you're in that more subconscious state to say that was then this is now or that was then this is me to find that separation. Yeah.

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I don't feel it. And that's why I don't believe in the wrong person because what you're saying is everybody is mirroring to you or showing you a lesson or something to see. Okay, so then take this person that's perpetuating finding somebody that's like, I need to fix them. They don't essentially feel worthy about themselves or they learn that they need to be responsible.

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Yeah, it's powerful because I'm just thinking of people who are in a pattern of pleasing and they're hearing this. They're like, and pleasing is weak. Loving is powerful because people can feel that pleasing is a defense mechanism to try to say, I want you to be different so that I get what I want or I can't tolerate your reaction.

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So I'm going to try and manipulate you to get you to be how I want you to be. But we can feel that. So somebody that's listening to this and maybe they've conformed their whole life because they didn't feel safe being authentic. What I hear you saying is to start really coming home to themselves to feel safety in their body. And maybe even what I would also add to that is insourcing safety.

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So the part of them that doesn't feel safe, they can bring safety to that part of them to breathe into it. so that then they can speak their vulnerable truth. How do you view safety? Safety is only here in the present moment.

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And it is accessing a deeper well-being, your true nature.

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And so it's out of the mind, it's in the body, it's in the here and now. Because sometimes people have a story about safety in the future, but that's not real safety. That's an anxiety-provoking thought.

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And so that they try to fix somebody else that's codependent as a way to get them to love them and heal the missed experience that they didn't have when they were younger versus just cutting out the middleman and loving that part of themselves. And then they would resolve that pattern and they would stop putting up with anything less than they've offered themselves.

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Yeah, yeah. And to me, safety is only in the present moment. And it's part of our true nature. Our true nature is loving, is accepting, is safe. There's a ground of well-being underneath the insecure thoughts and feelings that as we say yes to whatever thoughts and feelings are here, it opens us to this deeper reality.

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Safety, this deeper okayness, contentment or joy, not high joy, but just this grounded goodness. Yeah, more peaceful joy. Yeah, peaceful. And so part of the way that I would invite somebody that's listening to this and they're hearing this, they're like, wait, I play out pattern of...

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And now I'm judging myself for that to really just bring acceptance to that pattern because it was the best way that they knew how to create safety for themselves through compassion and to just breathe into that and to welcome it. And as they do that, they open to a deeper safety and ground of well-being that's always here, independent of the thoughts and feelings that.

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It doesn't matter what comes and goes underneath all of that is this well of well-being that we can access through acceptance. And so just giving people hacks and practical things I think is really helpful because I think this conversation is really beautiful and probably opening up different channels in their mind.

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And then the other thing around, you know, having been a psychotherapist and working in that field, a lot of the times with couples, even specifically, they would hide things. Yeah. Yeah. So the power is not in their judgment. It's in our judgments and we can shift that.

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And so what I'm hearing you say is like, as you fully authentically learn to express yourself and you feel safe in certain relationships, just stretch that muscle. People are attracted to you. You actually let that in because you're more authentic. It's like, oh, I'm letting it in because I'm not pretending to be someone. They're really seeing me.

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And because you accept yourself, they're also that reflection and that mirror. Yeah.

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And it includes the pleaser. It includes the part of us that pleases. It's like, okay, sweetheart, I really see that that's the way you thought you needed. Makes sense. And then coming back to ourselves.

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Exactly. Like I was thinking about that when you were talking, I was thinking of us most likely having more empathetic tendencies based on childhood. Yeah. And a lot of the listeners here, coaches, therapists and healers and helpers in the world are interested in personal development, helping others.

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A lot of the times for me, the things that I may have to heal and work through my trauma around over responsibility pattern, for example, actually gave me gifts as a really good coach and therapist.

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So once we've done the work to heal, it's also still developing those gifts, but from a healthy point of view.

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Yeah. Yeah. And I would want to work with somebody that's walked the path instead of learned in a book. They've really embodied it and they've really. Yeah. taken themselves into account first and foremost.

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I know one thing you talk about shifting your external reality is to send love out into the world and to other people. Is this part, can you share with us some of this and what that looks like in a practical way?

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Oh, yes. We did do that. That was my manifestation process.

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It's so powerful. Yeah. So what I did at that event, as I had people walk around as if the party, they had already stepped into all of their dreams.

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And so they spoke to each different person and they were, and they would start speaking as if it happened, that person jumps and elevates their vision, but then you can also record it so that they can go back to when they go down to this, like fear, lack, separation, you know, baseline, they can listen to it and reignite it.

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Another thing I've done with that around manifestation is in a mastermind, I have them share their vision for what they see in the one person starting. So for example, if somebody was holding space for me, a small group of people, they would share in the voice recording the celebration of what they see for me having already happened and their excitement and their level of heightened awareness.

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So if I couldn't tap into that, I could also phone a friend and have them share it in a group where they record it. And then I can go back to that. Actually, I have that. I should listen to that. I asked a group that I did to do that. So this is fun. These are different manifestation hacks. I love that you're doing that now. You

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And I think when people are trying to manifest in the future, they're just affirming that they're separate from it and it's not already here. Yes. I've also heard you talk about this like pedestalling of desires when you really want it. It's essentially energetically blocking it, which makes a lot of sense.

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Can you unpack a little bit of that and also maybe share in a story in your own life around this?

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Yes. It can never come from the outside in. It can never be satiated that way. And we really think, if I got the partner, if I got the job, then I will finally feel resolved and whole. And this is what we're sold to in society. So I love that this conversation is happening because sometimes I think people hear it, but then they just go back to the pattern.

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As you're saying this, I'm just hearing like, say somebody wants to speak on stages, then maybe manifesting through being like, oh, I've got these talks scheduled on my calendar. I need to get an EA to help me organize my calendar because of these talks.

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So kind of lowering the frequency around it, the I want it and really looking at the practical aspects of having it already helps shift the energy around it a bit.

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And then they go, that pattern oftentimes is blaming their ex rather than taking the lesson and the gift from it. 100%.

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That's right. And it's fascinating because that's the same manifestation story that I did to manifest my dream home, which I'm in now. I wrote a letter, multiple offers, and I kept seeing myself getting ready in the bathroom and it just, I couldn't help but do it. It's just what my subconscious was doing.

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But also what you're saying of like you being good and whole within yourself, yes, attracts that at the similar vibration because you wouldn't put up with anything less. And then also the visualization tells your subconscious that it's safe.

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So it's like the subconscious will think anything is unfamiliar is unsafe. And yet if you're visualizing the day to day. You're getting the green light from your subconscious. Your nervous system is settled and then it attracts more easily into your life. And I also did the, I didn't know that this was a thing, but it was like, how does having what I want serve the world?

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And I think that also just comes into alignment with our values. If we have a value of service. So it's like, yes for me and yes for everyone.

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Enjoyable, more fulfilling. It's like that self-consciousness is gone. And then it's a larger wattage, especially with groups for that divine energy just to move through. And then it's, I used to think it was about receiving the work. And then I realized actually serving is another level of wattage that moves through. It's so nourishing for the nervous system on all levels.

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Aaron, I could talk to you forever. I just, I love, I know there's so much synergy and alignment and synchronicity in terms of what we talk about. And I know my audience is going to want to stay connected. Talk to us about what you're doing, what you're up to. How do they stay connected?

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Amazing. And we'll put all the links in the show notes here below so people can easily access it. Thank you, Aaron, for just being in the world, being my friend and coming on the podcast.

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Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by following us. It does help us grow and we are so grateful. Leave a review on Apple or Spotify, submit a screenshot of that and upload it to alistenabriga.com forward slash podcast.

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As a thank you gift, we will be sending you one of the most powerful tools that you can use on any area of your life to help you tap into your full potential so that you don't let fear hold you back from really stepping into your dreams. I have so much more magic I want to share with you, and I cannot wait to do that soon.

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But for now, I just want to say thank you so much for being an example of what it's like to live with an open heart and mind in the world.

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Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're exploring the deeper energetic layers of healing, specifically things like why do we keep attracting relationships that feel misaligned? What are the subtle ways that we abandon ourselves and how do we really shift that so we can authentically live our lives?

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Yes. This is so important. I want to just double click on what you're saying. And everything we're talking about right now applies both to business and love. Just to be really clear for people that are listening. It's like same pattern shows up in different areas of our life.

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We're also going to talk about people pleasing, which really is a defense mechanism. and then how to stop dimming your light so that then you feel safe. Joining us is Erin Doughty, a teacher and YouTuber with almost 2 million subscribers, known for guiding people through awakening, breaking free from old identities, and really embodying their highest vibrational self. Let's dive in.

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Yeah. And it's so innocent, you know, and I love your vulnerability and willingness to share that because I think it's so helpful for people to see that it can be unconscious and we're doing our best, but these are ways to secure love so that we feel safe.

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And as we heal that directly inside of ourselves, it elevates not only our businesses, all of our relationships, but also then being a parent, you know, if you want to consciously parent, we're not enabling our kids and helping them really step into their full potential.

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And I was so moved by it. I wanted you to share some of it here, but also for people that are in the middle of pain and they want to take a hundred percent full energetic responsibility for their life, which is so powerful. And I don't know why more people don't talk about this, but it's literally one of the number one things that will change somebody's life.

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If they take responsibility for their energetic experience, talk to us about that and on a Pono.

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Aaron, I'm so happy to have you here. And I wanted just to dive in and talk about something that I know is really common with relationships. So people oftentimes wonder, why do I keep attracting the same partners? And you talk about this from an energetic perspective, which I'm really curious to hear your thoughts.

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It is exciting. Yeah. And we seem more open like we used to be back in the past. And I think things got closed down for lots of different ideas. People have ideas of why that was, but it is an exciting time. Imagine having a fulfilling career, doing what you love, working from anywhere in the world, setting your own hours while making good money and a big impact.

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what I understood in some of like the breaking down of doing this work is having, I know integration is important. So like having a, a, a ketamine session and then integrating it back into their day-to-day life to support more of their, like dropping the realization into a lived way of being. Is there a particular protocol or something that I can, I can get, I'm trying to like grab it.

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I'm trying to have a sense of what it was maybe because I've never done it.

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I love that you say that because my dad is a shaman and I did ayahuasca with him in Peru when I was 20. And I feel like the foundation of that work to accelerate it and not get lost because medicine work can really exaggerate or highlight what's there. And sometimes you'll have an insight, but sometimes you could also loop in your own misunderstandings.

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And so having the foundation of doing personal development work or having a guide to help you integrate or make meaning and have a deeper understanding of what was being revealed in the session, I think is really important. So I love that you speak to that work as the foundation before, during, and after.

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And I think you're incredibly remarkable and unique in the And you let your mind be in service to your heart. And I think that is really such a beautiful definition of a doctor to bring the balance of this work together and to treat the whole person. And so thank you for being here, first off. So grateful.

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Yeah. And you want to have a, for me, the consciousness of the facilitator is most important. Yes. And also doing the foundation of having psychological tools, knowing how to navigate your inner world so that it can accelerate. I think it's great to accelerate the work.

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and help integrate but to make sure to not depend on it so like there's right relationship with it i'm interested you mentioned mdma and i'm i know that that used to be used in couples therapy that was a primary way and then it uh became a drug and now i think people are really looking at different ways and that it can support people in healing and i'm just curious what your knowledge or experience like what do you know about the mdma work now

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And then legally with touch, what comes with that? Yeah.

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Yeah. Share for people that didn't see the results of MAPS.

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And I just recently found out about that there's research and studies done that there is a way to do it without side effects, without having the next day having the serotonin come down.

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Yeah. Yeah. And I'll share more of the credentials beforehand. And I know my audience is going to be really curious to hear about some alternative forms of and modalities of healing that you guys are working on. I'm curious, what are you working with and how is that really?

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That's incredible. Yeah. And to really, what I'm excited about is like, as more people do this research with the right set and setting and really look into it, veterans and who can we use this with, with what dosages to help accelerate healing on the planet? I mean, between, we'll talk about technology and things like, I'm just excited about learning more.

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And I know science takes longer to catch up to what most of us intuitively and then experientially realize. And there's, it's important to have it. And also for me, it's important to really honor what my own experience is and what I see and what I, but I'm excited about where we're going and being able to use this to help people heal and really integrate and have peace in their nervous system.

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If they've had a lot of trauma or PTSD, I'm wondering if there's a story of a client that you've worked with around helping accelerate their healing through alternative medicine.

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That's incredible. I mean, creating the right environment, the body wants to create harmony and homeostasis and health and healing. We are the pharmacy. We can do that with the right environment. I think the same is true for physical and psychological. And so... I just love that. Yeah, because then there's just like one side effect and another drug and a side effect.

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So it's just coming back to what's natural and supporting that so that it function. I'm so happy to hear that and the work that you guys are doing. And I'm curious in terms of science, I know you've talked about some exciting research that's encouraging. Where is science behind that you're hoping that we get to?

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Yeah, that's exciting. And I see you as a doctor of the future. I think of you as very revolutionary. And you really marry ancient wisdom with modern science. And I'm curious where you see the future of healthcare using AI or technology.

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Yeah. We're in an exciting time. It feels like before the industrial revolution, like that we're about to see so much that we don't even know what's going to happen, but yes to adopting it. And yes, for using it for good and accelerating healing. We'll see where we go, but it's exciting time. Yeah.

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I know that when we're talking about some of the healing work, you were talking about the default network in the brain. And I know that that sort of measures psychedelics. Is that right?

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This is exciting because then that means that after having a ceremony or a journey, then having any type of session afterwards, then you're way more easily to be reprogrammed. Is that right?

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That's exciting, especially if we've been in some really deeply ingrained patterns to be really intentional to reprogram those ways of being afterwards and to question our beliefs or to use affirmations or to change the environment that we've been in.

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I just think about even subtle things like shifting where you sleep and where you work and just making some changes so you don't go to sleep in those old grooves.

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And I think some of it is really healthy and helpful. So the things that we do that are habits just to save us time that are great, we can continue doing. But is there anything you guys do in terms of your center to support people after a ketamine session to integrate?

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It feels really empowering, you know, especially for people that have been dealing with things for a while to be able to shake that up and reevaluate what's true. What's my truth? How do I want to move forward?

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Yeah. And your journey from more traditional medicine to really being a leader in health optimization and systems biology is a really beautiful journey. I'm curious, what was the shift? What kind of woke you up to or have you always been forward thinking?

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Yeah, and what are some examples of some of the therapies that you do?

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As you're talking, I'm really hearing the parallels with the work that I do, but from a psychological perspective of not judging inflammation, not judging fear. Like there's some wisdom in it. And how do we extract that wisdom, not judge it, but then use that to support greater overall well-being?

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So I love the through line of the work that it can show up in all these different domains of our life.

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Yeah, and I'm curious about spirituality, just what role you feel like spirituality plays in health and well-being.

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I did that, and I loved it. I'm going to come to your studio and your center and do it on Monday because I love it so much. All right. I felt so cleansed and clear after doing that. So just removing that old plasma, I've only done it once, but I'm a big fan.

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Yeah. And even as you're talking, and I know you're about wholeness, you and Mikra, just really like seeing people's inherent wholeness and working with the whole body system that is very aligned with the way I orient as well.

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And, you know, I think even just looking at it from that point of view helps and doing these assessments helps see where if you think of it like the wheel and it looks at different areas of your life and if you are are deficient in one area that's going to throw everything else off and be lopsided.

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And so I hear that there's an assessment to help them sort of question the limitations to wake up back to who they are from a bigger context and then to treat the whole system from there.

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Yeah. And I think it's so important that holistic perspective, because it could be just something practical and it could be something energetic, you know, and I think as AI takes over some of the more mental, you know, under like if you're using AI in your work as a doctor, then it frees you up to develop more of your intuition and mental downloads and stuff.

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I get excited about that and working things energetically because the energy is also going to show up in the body. The emotions are going to show up in the body. And so I'm curious in terms of also where you see the future, where you hope to see people go with more alternative forms of healing, you know, maybe doing energetic work or… I know science is far behind in terms of measuring this.

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There's a lot we would need to do. But I worked with a woman when I was in my 20s who did psychic surgery. And Don Miguel Ruiz, it was his mom, The Four Agreements. I worked with his mom in San Diego. Yeah. There's healers from all over the world, ancient practices that have tapped into something.

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I'm just curious your thoughts on that or where you would... I think it's incredible and I hope more people learn to download and listen to a deeper wisdom that guides them into alternative healing.

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Right. And that's our power, the power of our belief. Yeah, it is. And then what is that doing? Is it working for us or against us?

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Yeah. And I even think about, you know, the military remote viewing and how they've used that. And why don't we talk about that more? And so I love your ability to have such a brilliant mind, but also have an open mind to ask, well, how could that be true? Or what else is here that I'm not talking about or seeing? I think that's very healthy. And I love the skepticism.

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Yeah, it's like getting an oil change. You want to upgrade that operating system, make it faster.

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I think, you know, and obviously the science is so important, but having that open mind in addition, I think is the sweet sauce.

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You talked about this complex adaptive system that we are this complex adaptive system in terms of embracing this perspective. How does that change healthcare? How does that change relationships or even making decisions?

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Yeah. As you're talking, I'm even thinking about kids going through the emotional range and the tantrums are the parts that actually develop the brain when they're younger. So I think there's so much we get to reevaluate and look at based on what's being proven and what we're also intuiting.

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That's right. Yeah. And learning to have a healthy relationship with the full piano range and to play those lower keys and how they sound with the higher keys. Like that's the tapestry of this human experience and that I know it's hard to feel that full range for a lot of people, mainly because we haven't learned how to open to our emotions yet.

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But neuroscientists have found that it just takes 90 seconds to feel a feeling fully before it moves through the body. And so then it's like, oh, I can feel grief or sadness or anger. And there's something really beautiful in that. And that creates more of the tapestry and the beauty. We don't go to a movie just to see the happy ending. We have the full experience. Yeah.

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I think I used to try to heal away from some of the negative feelings and then the orientation shifted to how do I welcome all of this and like find my center and peace through all of it. And to me, that feels way more less anxiety driven because then I know I can just regulate and be with, say yes to my full, whatever is presenting itself in the moment. So beautiful, Dan.

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There's so many things we could dive into. But just in closing, I just want to ask you, is there something that we haven't explored in this conversation that would be either a game changer for people to know about or to touch in on that you think it would really impact or benefit people?

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I agree. Yeah. And I just see the way that you and Micra love each other and are so devoted to each other and to a higher love. It's beautiful to witness. And it also, it feels like it's permission to keep diving deeper into my love with my husband and to just dive fully into that experience. And I just... And I have so much love and respect for both of you.

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And it's been such a pleasure to get to meet you and drop in and have this very beautiful four-day immersive experience with you guys.

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And one of the things that I got from this four days was the collaboration as a couple. So Emilio and I,

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haven't needed to collaborate that much he'll do it and then or i'll do it but less working together and that was one of the themes that got brought up how do you collaborate maybe it takes a little bit longer but what you create as a result is more beautiful by coming together absolutely and just in the last few days he's been we've been collaborating really beautifully it was one of the gems of not just like he'll lead or i'll lead and then we'll share back and forth but to really

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slow down the perspective, like appreciate the differences, right? We attract somebody who's different so that we can develop those parts of us and to really meet in the middle and create real beauty in the world and something that's better than we could have created on our own.

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And just deeper intimacy. I think one of the things that I felt like I walked away from those four days was I could feel an edge of, cause one of the, the assignments was to claim to each other, this is my forever partner. And Emilio was like, oh, I have some anxiety about sharing that. I'm like, wait, what? We're married? I had that before we were going to get married.

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And after he shared that, I could feel what my edge was in loving him more deeper and And I met it and I was like, oh, I didn't know it was there. It was unconscious. And I could hear a subtle saboteur judgment being projected onto him as a way to protect me to not fall deeper in love with him. And because of the work that I've done, I know that he's a reflection of me.

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And so I got to really love that part of me that I was projecting onto him. And in that, not only did I experience more self-love, but I got to go drop deeper in love with him. And

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I love that you bring that forward because I think leadership as couples and doing this work together and supporting each other's healing and from that work being able to create something that genuinely serves the couplehood, yourselves, but also your communities in the world is everything.

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Yeah, and I love that. And I love that each couple got to speak their truth and find, because I was inspired by that, the commitment to love fully, but that doesn't mean the form of that love will stay. And that also feels true for me.

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And there feels like it's a more mature love to keep my heart open no matter what and honor your truth, to let you, obviously that you will anyway, but to let your partner and support their truth, even if that's away from you. That was part of our vows. And yet there is such devotion in your relationship and in mine and all of ours. But that feels like a freer, also more mature love.

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There's no formula. Yeah. But honoring truth and keeping our hearts open and speaking that to each other lovingly. What a gift you are, Dan. Thank you for being here. So grateful. I know that people are going to want to stay connected. Talk to us about what you're up to, where they can find you.

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Beautiful. I will put all the links in the show notes below.

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Thank you for being here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by leaving an up to five-star review. It does mean the world to us.

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And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover. You're going to get behind the scenes access, showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify and leave a review now.

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You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it. And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below.

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But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at Alyssa Nobriga. Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

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That's exciting. Yeah. And I also know you guys do alternative forms of medicine in terms of, I think you work with ketamine, is that right?

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And are there other modalities that you guys work with as well?

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Yeah, I love that you're working with the whole system and also helping set them up for success. And and with some of these alternative modes of healing, you know, through medicine, ketamine being one of them. Do you guys also do any work with psychedelics?

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Well, they used to be like when I was a psychotherapist, part of the work that we would study is that that was used in therapy back in the day. And I think that that is really exciting where we can go with some of this work, knowing the set and setting the dosage, how to really set people up for success in terms of the ketamine or psychedelics.

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Give me like a breakdown or a treatment plan, like one way that you might work with somebody so that we can ground what that would look like.

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Yeah. I mean, I do think that the egoic structure needs something to look forward to, to have some hope or purpose. And then when you're connected with something bigger than yourself, I think there's a different orientation besides future. Yeah.

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Today's guest, Dr. Dan Stickler, is a former surgeon turned pioneer in health optimization, leading groundbreaking clinical trials in human enhancement and longevity. He's breaking down what personalized healing treatment could look like and offering insights into how AI and emerging technologies will reshape the future of healthcare.

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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So when I was getting my internship and getting licensed to become a marriage and family therapist, I studied Imago psychotherapy, which I know you love. And for those that don't know, Imago, literally the word Imago means image in Latin. So this is the theory that we attract somebody who mirrors the parent or caregiver that we had a hard time with growing up so that we can heal.

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So it's just like that. I love that you say there's new levels of it. And even if we do it, like in my stance, I don't think we can ever be with the wrong one. I think that somebody will like mirror to us what we're tolerating or what, like why we would allow ourselves to be in a certain situation. Yes, of course, anybody that's physically abusive is not like, move on.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And I would say, try to get the lesson and heal whatever the pattern is, because if you don't figure it out now, it'll be played out with a coworker, a lover, a parent, or somebody else. And so my stance is I'll tend to look at what's in this for me so that I can resolve it and then not prolong and project that moving forward onto whatever other relationship.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And yes, there's deeper levels of intimacy and love, and that can be vulnerable. And I think kids are Such an initiation for deeper levels of love.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And it's interesting because I, you talking about it being covert, I don't play it out in my marriage anymore, but I'm starting to see this over-responsible one that is abandoning my own needs for my team so that it just transferred over to team. And I was like, oh, I'm being schooled and initiated with leadership in this way now. So I'm just such a fan. I think both of us are just like rooting for

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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But I know that Shay, you love this work as well. I would love to hear you explain it just to help everybody get on the same page. Like why do we attract who we attract? let's give a little bit of like context for our conversation.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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doing the work. And the more aware we are and the more tools we have, the easier it gets, but the work continues. And for people that are listening, whatever you found are some of the most common blocks or patterns that prevent people from having more conscious relationships. Are there some themes that you've discovered to help people build more awareness?

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And that would make sense if somebody had a traumatic past, then they would think that trauma is safety unconsciously because that's what they've known. And so creating space for peace and allowing that to be the new set point, I think just bite-sizing that would be really helpful. I love the invitation for somebody to say, like, if my perfect person came in

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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how does my body respond and can I let myself breathe into that and do some of the work so that I can stabilize and allow this to feel like the new norm and the new set point, the safety.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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Beautiful. And it's also cleaning up house, like you're just energetically closing those leaks. And so for people that are with patterns of either chasing or avoiding, right, both being scared, what would be like another practical thing that they can do? Maybe there's a different practice for the different types of what they lean away or lean towards.

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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Like avoiding their own experience, not just others, it sounds like.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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Like whatever we repress, our partner will express. And so it's good to then learn. What I'm hearing you say is to learn from your person, whether you're dating or in relationships, so that you can develop more of your range.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And I think that's beautiful because if you are saying that to somebody that's anxious, that's going to help calm them to be like, they're not just going to leave. They will come back. They're learning to regulate themselves. And if you're both dysregulated, it's not going to be a productive conversation.

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And so what I'm hearing you say is take a pause and really ask yourself, and maybe if you're in a relationship that is both conscious and a bit more mature, you might say, Like maybe put your hand on your heart and your belly and just breathe. It's just questioning, like, can I be with this energy? Not a story, but just a sensation. Can I be with this?

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And you can both do it together or you can do it on your own rather than just texting or responding right away and creating more of those habits. But to really, what you're saying is self-regulate, create that safety. Or if you need to come back, just speak it so that that other person knows that their abandonment trigger is not going to be activated as well.

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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I think it's helpful for people to hear that because no matter what your past was, it does not define what you're capable of and that you can heal and you can have a secure attachment within yourself and with a partner. And I really want to double click on that because your story is such a testament to the work and how it does work.

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And so for people that are going through heartbreak right now, what do you say are some of the biggest misconceptions about heartbreak? And is there any guiding principles that they can navigate heartbreak with more grace?

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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I love that. And I love that you speak to grief as a inseparable from love and that it's like the other side of the coin and this relationship to move towards it rather than be away from it. My brother... whom I love dearly is like, rather than a bucket list, like a reverse bucket list, he's like, if you were to live this human experience, here are the top five things I want you to have.

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And one of them was having your heart broken. And I just thought that was so beautiful because I know it's like, and there's this quote, it's like, when your heart breaks, just keep it open. It's like, there's a tenderness in it. And for me, like I... I find that I dive deeper into levels of love with my husband. It feels vulnerable because there's a part of me that doesn't want to lose him.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And there's a bigger knowing of myself that can't ever lose him. That's more in the spiritual dimension. And yet holding both simultaneously, I think it's such a beautiful thing. paradox. And so just in closing, is there anything that you feel like we haven't spoken about that you know would really serve people if you shared today?

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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I think this is a beautiful opportunity just to kind of speak heart into love and relationships for people that are either trying to find love or be in the relationship that they really desire. Anything that you want to share with them in parting?

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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So much wisdom. I'm so grateful to connect with you. There's so much alignment with how we view things. And I know my audience is going to want to stay connected. Talk to us about how they do that.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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Beautiful. We'll put all of that in the show notes here below. Thank you for your time. Thank you for the work that you were doing the world. What a gift you are. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world. Starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference.

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by following us. It does help us grow. And we are so grateful as a thank you gift. We will be sending you one of the most powerful tools that you can use on any area of your life. to help you tap into your full potential so that you don't let fear hold you back from really stepping into your dreams.

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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All you have to do is leave a review on Apple or Spotify, submit a screenshot of that and upload it to alistinobriga.com forward slash podcast. Once you do that, we will send you this incredible gift. I have so much more magic I want to share with you and I cannot wait to do that soon.

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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But for now, I just want to say thank you so much for being an example of what it's like to live with an open heart and mind in the world.

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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I love this because then people can hear this and they don't think that having issues or challenges in relationship is bad. It's like, Oh, your partner is mirroring to you. Those score themes that are looking to be healed within you. So I find that there's two schools of thought. There's like the, I'm a hundred percent responsible for my needs.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And then there's the, if it was triggered in a relationship, it should be healed in a relationship. And I feel like we went from codependence to hyper independence. Like it almost pendulum swung and they're both trauma responses. And yeah, it's innocent, like they're protective mechanisms. I'm like a yes and.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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So I find that having the tools to learn how to heal it at the root inside of me is helpful because like you're saying, we're puzzle pieces. So if my partner's triggered, I might be triggered at the very same time and it'd be really hard for us to overcome and meet each other's needs in that moment. If somebody has the maturity, the willingness, the ability to do that, you can heal in relationship.

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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But Like you're saying, it's going to be really hard. So like to ground it for me, my husband, who I have permission to share this, one of his core wounds and triggers is that he didn't feel important growing up because his dad was really busy. So he used to unconsciously try to find that core wound through me.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And then when that would happen, because I felt overly responsible for my mom's needs growing up and I would get abandoned. it would trigger me because I felt needed. And so that was the puzzle piece of how that was playing out. And if I just went to tend to his needs, I overrode mine. I would have been re-traumatizing myself the way I used to as a kid.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And so learning to meet those triggers show us what needs tending to inside of us so we can be with it. And then if we have a partner who is willing and available to really heal and support each other's healing, like what a gift.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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What are some practical ways that you found when you are in a relationship where somebody is available? Because for me, it was a non-negotiable to have a partner that would heal and grow with me. Now that may not be true for everybody else, but what do you find are some practical things that people can do in relationship if they are both willing and available to help each other heal?

Healing + Human Potential

Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're talking about one of my favorite topics, relationships. We're going to be specifically talking about how our past wounds influence love, as well as what is the role with nervous system regulation work? How do we use it for greater self-regulation and connection?

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And it sounds like it would be an avoidance strategy rather than breathing into the sensation that's being activated to really self-soothe and insource a sense of safety like you were speaking to. So knowing where it's coming from. And I also find that you talked about personal responsibility. I think that's huge because otherwise that blame can create defense and you're not connected. Mm-hmm.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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in addition to just understanding like, oh, these are my patterns and I would play them out whether I'm with you or somebody else, then I'm not blaming. I'm not like, oh, you're the problem. It's like, oh, this is coming up so I can tend to it inside of myself. But I love that you bring in nervous system regulation work because I think it's foundational. I think it's

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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all of it, helpful, emotional mindset, nervous system, unconscious reprogramming. And I know that there's a conversation in, in online that says like, you need to be completely healed to find love. I don't believe that that wasn't my experience. And I was in relationships for three years at a time.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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I noticed I just got itchy when I was with my husband three years in, I was like, there's no problem. This is just a pattern. I was able to see that and breathe through it because I was in relationships for so long. I was like, let me just do my work

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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around healing my mother wound anything that came up with my mom and i didn't even work it out with her i worked it out inside of me it was my projections of her that i worked out and i ended up attracting a partner that i didn't recognize because he wasn't the template of what i'd known before i do want people to know that you can heal outside of relationship i mean i used my best friend.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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We were both reading gang Katie Hendricks, Conscious Loving, and we knew our own wounds. We were speaking microscopic truths. For people that don't know, it's like sharing your inner experience and just you don't even have to have a solution. It's just like when you say that, I just notice I get butterflies. So you're creating more intimacy and Personal responsibility.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And so we use our friendship to help each other heal, knowing that if we did the core work now, we would play less of that out with a partner when and if they did come, but I wouldn't also settle for anything less than I was offering myself. And so I would love to hear if there's work that you find singles can do. in support of them calling in their ideal partner if they want to do that work.

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Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81

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And then also, how does the power of self-awareness really shape conscious relationships? Joining us today is Shalena from Rising Women, where we explore transformative insights around how do you know if you should go or stay in the relationship? How do you heal heartbreak with more grace? And how do you create a love that lasts? It is a good one. Let's dive in.

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How to Trust Your Intuition + The Timing of Your Life - with Lee Harris | EP 77

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And when we're living in alignment with what's true for us and keeping our hearts open, which is really to me being in our power, that's one of the greatest, we are a beneficial presence in the world. We're living in alignment with our heart. And I think that's one of the greatest things we can do. Like my grandfather died when I was three and he was my first memory.

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I've never felt more seen and loved by someone. I knew exactly everything about being with him when I was three and how adored I was. And it kept a spiritual attunement open because I felt so safe at his presence. And so I love that you're sharing like on the goal line of life, it doesn't really matter on the soul line of just like keeping our hearts open and the frequency and the energy.

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that's what matters. And so it's such a reassuring thing. I think a lot of people are going to hear the impact that we make.

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Oh my goodness, I can already feel I'm so embodied in my heart just in your presence. And I know you do these energy updates that people really value. And I'm curious about this year that we're in 2025. Is there any kind of forecast that you can share with us about this year to support us and having a sense of what to expect?

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Yeah, it's the maturity, which is what you were talking about on the macro, like, and in some ways, as a society, we're still quite young and undeveloped, not bad, but young.

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And so I think, as we, you know, micro macro, as we are getting older, I think I can also attest to just learning to keep the heart open, even if it's to the closed heart and to hold things in perspective and have less of that personal shame. But that's also what's happening on the macro. as an invitation to really grow beyond like the end of the world. And it's like, okay, this is in service.

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And you even said choosing partners that mirror what my imprint of love was. And so you not being a victim to saying I'm choosing this and what's another choice and how can I learn from this? So again, just kind of highlighting some of the subtext of what our conversation has been, I think is, is helpful.

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How to Trust Your Intuition + The Timing of Your Life - with Lee Harris | EP 77

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Healing + Human Potential

How to Trust Your Intuition + The Timing of Your Life - with Lee Harris | EP 77

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Healing + Human Potential

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And I've seen firsthand the power of what happens when you have the community to collaborate with, but you also have the right tools and resources to really thrive. And so whether you want to do your own personal development, you're wanting to become the coach, or you're just looking for a cutting edge approach to really grow your business, the Institute for Coaching Mastery is for you.

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How to Trust Your Intuition + The Timing of Your Life - with Lee Harris | EP 77

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I know you talked about trust and I think self-trust is such a big challenge for people. Can you talk to us a little bit about what your journey has been or what you recommend for people to really develop their embodied knowing or trust in their deeper knowing?

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I love that. And I know a big question is, how do you know the difference between fear and intuition? What do you tell people specifically about that?

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It feels like in right relationship. It feels healthy. And I think we have this authoritarian expert outside of ourselves conditioning that we're coming back into our own power around ourselves. And I do think that when we don't know the future, the mind predicts as a way to try to, like a defense mechanism.

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And so it can go into worst case scenario to as a way to just think about how it can support itself, but it it creates the very thing it's trying to avoid. And so doing some of the psychological work, like I hear you talking about can really come into right relationship with whatever guidance we're hearing and see if those align.

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See if it is something that feels true, not just because I heard or I felt a sense. But I love what you're saying about empowering people to test it and really pay attention. Because my experience with intuition is it's, I feel a gut knowing.

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I don't always trust my mind because once I started hearing things and I can hear things, but if I ask, the ego has really played with that and thrown me off. And I don't mind what way I hear information as long as I get the information that I'm interested in. But mine's more of a gut-based knowing. And it's usually just a fact. And it's usually there's no explanation. It's just this.

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But I wanted to dive in a little bit more to what you were saying around trust because it sounded like you were saying you can trust the timing of whatever unfolds. Maybe if you're anxious and you're wanting it to happen now – you haven't energetically gotten in alignment or learned certain lessons, kind of like children.

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Going back to that, sometimes people are like, I want to have this baby and it's not coming. There's all these other things playing out for that child's life to come into alignment, not just when the parents want to have a child. Same thing with our dreams. There's that calling. There's either the energetic that we need to hold.

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We maybe need to learn new skill sets or other pieces need to come into play. So just for those people that are feeling anxious about having these big dreams, what would you say to them to kind of help settle that anxiety and trust the timing of when things unfold?

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And the intention of this podcast is to give those practical things, stories and practical insights about things that actually help us in our life. And there's so much that you're starting to get into. So there's sometimes we'll feel or hear an intuition, however we experience intuition. And then there's a debate between our head and our heart. And so I think

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It is a rebellious act to live in our heart in this world. And so much of us are overdeveloped in our mind, or can overly identify with and focus on the fear based mind. And I think you talking about being curious about that from childhood and what we get out of that unconsciously and really tuning into our heart space where there may be something that's more settled.

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And having the tools to kind of part the clouds from some of that is important. But there there can be this push pull, maybe we know something to be true, but the mind's really arguing with it. How do you suggest people integrate head and heart?

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Exactly. The more I do this podcast, the more I just come back, whether it's a doctor, it's an intuitive, everybody just comes back to having tools to navigate our inner world because we can't control what happens outside. And I really look at things from a learning orientation. So rather than being a victim, it's like, how can I learn from this? How do I use this for my healing and my growth?

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Yeah. You know, so and I see that with business where people are like, I know how to help people facilitate change, but I don't know how to run a company or I don't know how to do sales. I'm like, well, sales can be heart centered. Like there is that integration. So I love that we're speaking of this because it can apply to a lot of different areas of our life.

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I remember when I was a therapist, I knew nothing about business. And I would tell myself stories like, I don't know marketing. I don't know digital marketing. I don't know sales. And that really kept me at a victim and stuck in not letting myself feel my power and develop. Well, I realized, well, I know people. And marketing is people and sales are people.

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So then I started questioning that I didn't know or that I wasn't good at sales. And that let me flower into, well, how would I do it? What feels right to develop a relationship, whether that's through an email sequence online, whether that's through a conversation with somebody. And eventually some of the digital marketing people that I was getting coached by.

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I said, no, I'm going to actually do it differently. And then they started looking at my numbers that were converting better, birthing this new way. But I had to start by questioning the assumption that I wasn't good at sales or I didn't know to take my authority and my power back to say, well, no, I do know. I do know people and I can trust what feels right for me and test it.

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So a lot of themes that I just want to make sure people are hearing.

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And I think that can be really helpful when people are transitioning or going through change. Not to get sucked into it thinking that it's bad, but it's like, okay, if this were here to teach me something, what would that be? Right. Then I don't feel like a victim to it.

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Yeah. And it just feels like permission then to pave a new way that we get to do things in a new way and to trust that there isn't a manual and that we can just tune into what's needed and and to take steps in that direction. And I know with the wave of AI and automation, things are changing quite quickly.

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And I think that that is exciting for a lot of people, but it also brings up fear for a lot of people. How do you think technology is going to change the collective and Are there any words of wisdom you want to share with people around that conversation?

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And the power is in us. And so the part of my practice is to say, like, what is that reflecting in me? And how do I clean up my part so that I can live more open hearted, open minded? And I wanted to bring this question in just in closing, which is part of this. I know most people know dualistic thinking. They know right, wrong, good, bad, dark, light.

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And yet there's a growing awareness of what's beyond duality. And I would love just to hear your perspective on the shift from duality to multidimensionality.

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Who is enlightened? Who is enlightened, right? So when somebody says, I am enlightened, it's like... Run a mile. Yeah, it's like, who are you identifying as that is enlightened?

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Yeah. And my experience is that when my heart is open, I'm safe. Yeah. And I can choose to keep my heart open, even if my heart closes, like there's a bigger spiritual heart that is open. And that still doesn't mean that I don't have boundaries. So I'm not a doormat, but I can speak my truth in my power with my heart open. And I think that's, again, full circle truth.

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some of the apprenticeship that I've been learning in leadership. And I feel like that's where we're also going collectively. That integrity piece coming up, learning how to be connected in our hearts and speak our truth and use all of it for our healing.

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I just experience you as so in your heart and such a bridge from the mind and the heart. Like there's a way that you're very grounded in yourself. And I think it's such a gift specifically for the spiritual community as well to be able to talk about living with an open heart in a very grounded, practical world and in practical way. And I know you have this incredible book that is out.

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Share with us about what you're up to, your book, where people can find you. I know my audience is going to want to stay connected.

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Beautiful. We will put all of that in the show notes below. Thank you so much for being here. Such a treat to get to drop in with you.

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Thank you so much from really stepping into your dreams. All you have to do is leave a review on Apple or Spotify, submit a screenshot of that and upload it to a listen to bring it.com forward slash podcast. Once you do that, we will send you this incredible gift. I have so much more magic I want to share with you and I cannot wait to do that soon.

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Yeah. And I love that you mentioned that it's the timing that's also important because we don't want to invalidate somebody's experience. If they had a microaggression, something did happen to them. Yeah. I think there's a place to feel the victim and not to live there.

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But for now, I just want to say thank you so much for being an example of what it's like to live with an open heart and mind in the world.

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But one of the things that I'll do is like to consciously complain or to consciously be the victim, just to allow that part of me full expression without unconsciously living from it. And to meet somebody not invalidating their experience, but then yes, then how can I move on from it? So I don't just unconsciously get something out of it by living in that identity of victim.

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I know you do these energy updates that people really value. And I'm curious, is there any kind of forecast that you can share with us about this year to support us in having a sense of what to expect?

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When we get stuck in that, I think that what you're saying is so accurate about like, I can't actually then evolve beyond it. And so I appreciate you sharing that. I think that the timing of when we address these things is really great.

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Welcome back to the healing and human potential podcast, where today we're diving into the unseen forces that shape our lives through energy, intuition, and the shifts in human consciousness that are unfolding on the planet right now. What if the way that we navigate fear, uncertainty, and even technology could be completely transformed by understanding energy on a deeper level?

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What if our emotions, our relationship, and our purpose were part of a bigger, interconnected evolution? Our guest Lee Harris has spent over two decades offering intuitive guidance, and today he's going to share about the future of humanity and why heart energy is such a key to thriving in these times. He'll also talk about how to stay grounded amidst all of the global changes that are happening.

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You're going to predict it on one thing or another. Yeah. If the ego doesn't shift the root of that perspective, it will project onto team or family or work. And I love that the way that you think is so global. And I love that because I think so micro and it's the same. It's a mere micro macro. And so even just navigating some, I was hearing what you were talking about around integrity.

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Sometimes things need to come to light to really come into alignment. And so looking at different things that I'm going through personally right now, learning about being in my power, which is about having my heart open and being able to speak my truth with connection. I was sharing with you before the podcast started.

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You know, when I was a kid, I would be sent to my room, which would, I would lose connection. And I started playing that out in my team. When something didn't work for me, I was, I would share something, but I wasn't maintaining the connection. I thought, oh, there's a different way to do this. It didn't feel right.

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And so learning about how to have the tough conversations with love, with an open heart feels like, and just again, micro, like how does this play out in a grounded way? And I'll share vulnerably about my own experience. You know, somebody on my team did something that was out of integrity.

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And rather than just pushing them off or staying in my mind, because I didn't want to have the hard conversation, not assuming but having a inviting a deeper conversation with love and sharing what worked and what didn't. without blame, also looking from a higher perspective, there's some wound that they were playing out. There was some wound that I was playing out.

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We were teachers for each other. So we don't need to get lost in the person and judging them. What's the pattern that they're here to teach me? And how do I grow in my leadership as a result of that? And I think that's also part of the growing beyond the victim of not saying like, you did something wrong to me. It's like, oh, we are in each other's lives to help each other heal. And

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So if you're curious about where we're heading as a collective and how to personally align with the most expansive version of yourself, this episode is for you. I'm so happy that you're here.

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evolve if we choose to. And so then it's like, oh, thank you for that. And I still will have boundaries, I'll still share what works and what doesn't work, but with an open heart. And I think, at least for me, that's worked really well. It's also just having the tools to navigate.

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And sometimes that the things that have been pushed down need to come up so that we can see I think also sometimes suffering the challenges that we go through in life, the change, there's intelligence in that suffering. And people have needed that suffering to motivate us to do the inner work because not all of us have been proactive.

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And so having the tools, I just keep coming back to like how valuable that is. And I also love what you're speaking to. It doesn't matter if it's one person or 1 million people. It's the energy that matters.

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Welcome, I'm Alyssa Nobrega, your host of the Healing and Human Potential podcast, a place for you to discover the multidimensionality of what it means to be human. Over the past 20 years, I've trained thousands of coaches in my methodology, leveraging my experience as a former psychotherapist, and I'm here to share with you all the wisdom and insights that I've learned along the way.

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If you're doing this in a group, go ahead after you've written everything down, go around and share with each other so you can learn from each other's wisdom and really celebrate and hold what you're stepping into.

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And if you want, something that I've done and loved is put this piece of paper in an envelope, close it, seal it, and it becomes this time capsule that you can review at the end of each year to look back and see how far you've come. So last year I did this with my stepkids, their mom, my husband, and it was a really beautiful way to connect deeper and create a ritual out of it.

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And this is a subconscious way to motivate us to do better, to do more. So for example, let's say you have a fierce inner critic that tells you, you never hit your goals, so why bother making them? And you feel really disempowered or you don't even want to set goals in the new year.

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So I highly recommend doing it each year and just making it your own flavor, whatever feels creative and good to you. Send this episode to a friend or a family member that you want to do it with so that you can hold each other accountable because doing it in communities, really a beautiful way to make sure that you prioritize it and make a ceremony or a ritual out of it.

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And so I hope that reflecting on this past year and seeing your insights on paper in front of you has helped you really create a clear path moving forward with a full heart. I know how beneficial it can be to do a practice and a ritual like this for my body, my mind, and my soul.

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And so I hope that it's helped you tap into your gifts and the learnings that this year has brought versus getting caught up in the egoic trap of focusing on where you're not. And remember to take notice of the people, the places and experiences that energize you, really leaning into what lights you up and steering clear of the things that suck your energy.

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I would love to hear your wisdom and insights that came up for you. If you feel called to share them with me on Instagram, tag me, send me a DM. I love connecting with you. May this open your heart and mind and help you feel more connected and grateful for the blessings that you have in your life. And may this upcoming year be the best year yet.

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Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by leaving an up to five-star review. It does mean the world to us. And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover.

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You're going to get behind the scenes access, showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify and leave a review now. You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it.

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And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below. But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at Alyssa Nobrega.

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This is often unconscious for people, but if you've been doing personal development work for a little while, you may be more conscious of it. And what I notice is that that pattern of criticism is trying to help us show up more so that we do reach our goals, right? So we are improving in the future. But when we investigate how effective it is, we actually see that it paralyzes us.

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Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

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And then we completely miss out on the gifts and the things that we did step into this year. So it's important to slow down, to take dominion over this pattern of thinking and acknowledge all that we've stepped into and the lessons that came with it.

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So we can take the intention of doing better in our lives, but we upgrade the approach for how we do it and how we improve, realizing that being compassionate with ourselves is actually productive. And so this practice that we're about to do is not only going to make you feel good, but it's also going to help you more powerfully step into what it is you want to create next.

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Because it's really easy to look at where we're not and then totally miss out on all the doors that are opening in front of us right now. And so when we shift out of the mindset of not there yet or never enough, we open to the possibilities and we can see the opportunities in front of us more clearly that we may have missed before.

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And so as you intentionally reflect on the experiences you've had this year using these prompts, it's gonna help you zoom out and then realize how much wisdom you've gained over the last year. I'll guide you through this process right now. So you wanna grab a pen and paper, get comfy and really sit and reflect on some of these questions.

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I love being next to a fire with a delicious holiday drink, maybe some cacao or a little spiked eggnog, whatever your flavor is. But this is a beautiful practice to do as a family with your kids. I've done that for many years. I love that. You can also do this with friends or you can make it a solo sacred practice. It all works, whatever feels good for you this year.

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Each week I'll share with you life-changing tools to support you in awakening and manifesting your dream life from the inside out. We'll be exploring the intersection between ancient wisdom and modern everyday life, really diving deep into the art of human potential through the lens of psychology, spirituality, and coaching. Let's let the magic unfold. We are almost at the end of the year.

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And you can come back to this every year if you want. But if you do do it with a group, you might consider going around and sharing your reflections after you have some time to write it down. I think it's a beautiful, more conscious way to connect as a family, to hold each other's dreams, or just learn from each other's lessons. Okay, so let's move into the four different prompts now.

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And just know that you can elaborate on these questions. You can make them simple. Whatever feels right for you, just drop in and capture what comes forward. You can also pause the episode as I guide you through each prompt just to give yourself more time to reflect if you need.

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You may even want to take time briefly now to look at your phone and just go through your photos of the last year to kind of refresh your memory. Or you can look at your calendar to recall some of the events that happened in the past year. Okay, so the first prompt is to write down three things that you are most proud of from this year.

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So think back over the last 365 days and all that you've accomplished, and then write down three things that you can pinpoint that you are proud of. This can be anything that's true for you, big or small. Did you finally start taking steps towards something you've been dreaming about, something you've been talking about? What are some goals that you've accomplished this year that you're proud of?

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Maybe you prioritized your health. You completed a pattern that you've been playing out for a long time. Or maybe you started standing up for yourself. Really tune in and start feeling into, did you set boundaries? Did you really learn to love yourself more fully this year? Did you start showing up as an amazing friend, partner, or parent?

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Tune in and start writing out whatever's true for you and feel free to write more than three if that comes up.

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psychotherapy there's something called the nourishment barrier and this is when we don't take the time to do something like this where we just keep looking for the next goal to give us something without pausing and really receiving of the acknowledgement of what we have stepped into we end up creating this hungry ghost where we look for the next external goal to give us something that we aren't already receiving it's like the barrier is in the nourishment

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So you taking time to pause and reflect on all that you've stepped into is going to help you feel more nourished, which will give you more energy to say yes to your dreams moving forward. Again, you can feel free to pause here if you want more time. We're just going to move on to the next one. So now list out three things that you've learned this year that you never want to forget.

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Did you discover new practices that you love or hard lessons that you don't ever want to repeat again in the new year? So maybe you came across a profound wisdom that really shifted things for you, or you're clear that you want to let something go. You don't want to take it into the new year.

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What I find is that sometimes people reflect on what they don't want, the things that they want to leave behind, but it comes with a level of judgment. So maybe they say, I'm going to let that toxic person go, or I'm never going to be a doormat again. But then it comes with a level of resistance. And when we judge something, we're actually stuck with it.

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So the intention is good, but we don't need to be in resistance to make a change. And if you really hear the wisdom in that and incorporate that into your way of living, it can change your life. You do not need to be in resistance or judgment in order to change something.

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Acceptance, not complacency, but acceptance to say this is what it is, helps you align with the moment, have more energy, and more proactively create the change that you're wanting. The other thing I see that people do, and I want to highlight this for you, is that they focus on the person and not the pattern. And when we do that, we get sucked into drama thinking it's really about them. It's not.

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You got to focus on the pattern because that pattern can play out with lots of different people. And I like to think of life like school. We're in earth school, where we're presented with people and situations to help us evolve and grow. And so life gives us infinite opportunities to learn those lessons, whatever we came here to learn.

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And as we do, we don't need to repeat them in the same dynamics over and over again with different people. We either evolve or we repeat. So when we condition ourselves to look for the learnings, it helps us keep our heart open. And that gives us a sense of compassion for ourselves and whoever else, the person or situation that's helping us learn that lesson.

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My approach to life is that I want to use everything for my growth and evolution. So for example, this year I learned instead of bending over backwards to make other people happy at my own expense, which I learned in childhood, that pattern got developed then, I'm now prioritizing my own health and wellbeing, knowing that it comes first.

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And as I sit here to record this podcast, I'm just reminded of all of the gifts that this year has brought. So I just want to thank you for being here, for listening and to start implementing what I'm sharing here, because this is where your life changes.

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And it's sometimes you can know these things, but there's deeper levels of integration. It's kind of like watering a plant where that water seeps in at a deeper level. And so I'm learning to be with the part of me that thought I needed others to be okay for me to be okay.

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The part of me that wasn't comfortable with others being upset so that I learned to take care of that part in me first and not play into being over responsible for them. So this is not only empowering for me, it's also instant. I'm starting to see that I can walk away from things that are not in alignment. And when I do, it's actually replaced with something better.

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But I have to be with that part of me that's scared to let go or scared to do it differently. in that gap between where I am and where I want to be. And so think about what you're learning and what you're leaving behind this year with an open heart and with gratitude for all the learnings that you can implement moving forward. I encourage you to write these down.

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Not only is it going to help you ground them, but then you can also review them anytime you need a reminder. Okay, so let's move on to the next one. Imagine having a fulfilling career, doing what you love, working from anywhere in the world, setting your own hours while making good money and a big impact.

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If that lights you up, then I'm super excited to share with you today's sponsor, the Institute for Coaching Mastery. This is my robust, accredited year long certification program for newer seasoned coaches, therapists, leaders and those just looking to uplevel their life in a profound way.

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We have an amazing community of students from all around the world who have really started their journey to expand with us both personally and professionally. And this experience is designed to give you the three things that you need to thrive.

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So first, you have all of the tools and support you need to move past what's been holding you back so that you can completely change the trajectory of your life. And then you learn how to masterfully and confidently facilitate transformation with your clients or your team, regardless of your niche.

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If you want to do health, business, relationship, or you just have no idea yet, we hold your hand through that. And then lastly, you'll receive my six figure and beyond signature roadmap that's customizable to meet you wherever you are.

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I've always found just before the end of the year can be a powerful time to reflect on the last 12 months and then set us up for intentions in the coming year. It helps us consciously close things out and step into the new year with fresh energy. And so today I want to share with you a special end of year ritual.

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So whether you want to do high ticket sales, online marketing, or you just want to hit six figures without ever needing to go on social media, we've got you covered.

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and this truly is the most rewarding work in the world we have new students now who have a waitlist of dream clients in under a year we also have seasoned students who are doing eighty thousand dollar months and this is really about creating lasting transformation from the inside out so that you can share your gifts and serve the world in all the ways that you're called to

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And I've seen firsthand the power of what happens when you have the community to collaborate with, but you also have the right tools and resources to really thrive. And so whether you want to do your own personal development, you're wanting to become a coach, or you're just looking for a cutting edge approach to really grow your business, the Institute for Coaching Mastery is for you.

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you are held every single step of the way. And so if you want to get behind the scenes access to the Institute with three proven transformational tools for free to help you create the business and life you love, all you have to do is go to alistenobriga.com forward slash tools, or you can find us at alistenobriga.com forward slash apply now to see all the details and apply today.

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Now let's list three things that you're grateful for from this year. Because making gratitude a daily practice is a great way not only to boost your mood, but also strengthen your relationships and improve your overall mental health. And for this exercise, reflect on the three things that you're most grateful for this year.

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So when I reflect on this, I'm reminded of how grateful I am for all the joy that I experienced this year. I really started intentionally prioritizing pleasure and play this year. That was my intention.

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And being able to travel and experience the beauty of so many places around the world, leaning more into having fun, both fed my marriage, but it also strengthened bonds that I have with my family and friends. I had a milestone birthday this year. I turned 40 and I went to my favorite place in the world, Bali. I don't think I've ever been happier in my life.

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It feels like this new decade is about enjoying the life that I've built rather than trying to build more. And I know my 40s are going to be the best decade of my life. That is until I hit my 50s, in which case I'm going to make those the best years of my life. And I'm also grateful for hiring a CEO who is rocking my world every single day.

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This is a prayer that I've been working on for three years and it came true beyond my wildest imagination. So I just want to name if you had a dream in your heart that you've been working on and it hasn't happened yet, it is still on its way to you. Trust the timing of it. So you can either write down things that you're grateful for or people that you're grateful for.

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So who are the people that you couldn't have gotten through the year without? Maybe some remarkable friends or family, And so in the spirit of gratitude, I want to share a practice that I came across recently in lieu of or in addition to holiday cards. So sending out an end of year gratitude card to the people who really positively impacted your year is so simple.

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I've been doing this ritual that consists of four prompts over the past few years, and it's beautiful. It's really meant to support you in taking a sacred pause to reflect, to really integrate all the lessons that you've learned in the past year, and then set you up for a powerful new year. What I find is that the ego often looks for lack where we aren't yet.

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It's a beautiful gesture, but it can make a huge impact in their life and let them know that you really see them and that you're grateful for them. It can be anyone. And when you take the time to share this, it truly makes a difference and can light somebody up. It can make their day. Whether it's writing them a handwritten card, that could be the icing on the cake.

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Or if you don't have time for that, or you express through your heart and your voice, send them a voice note. So for the last prompt, what are the three things that you want to call in for this upcoming year? So a fun way that I like to do this is to imagine that it's the end of next year, and you said, that was the best year of my life to a friend.

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So tune into your heart and notice what happened for you to be able to say that. How did you feel? What did you do? Or what did you notice in your mind's eye? What images came forward? And just notice, who did you spend time with? What experiences did you cultivate and create? What goals did you have that happened for you? Just take a moment to feel into it.

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You can follow the thread of aliveness, of excitement, and just see, what are you wearing? How do you move through the world? What are the things that you've loved from this year that you want to continue moving forward in next year? So getting really clear on these things and writing them down helps you set intentions more easily to create your vision.

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You might just want to narrow it down to focus on three intentions that you have for next year. And so once you've clarified this, notice how you have to show up to live into and honor this calling. And so as you're clarifying this, notice what it feels like as if you were already living into it. Embody that quality right now.

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See if you can find a word for this quality that can encompass everything you want to step into for the next year. So having a quality for the next year is like a North Star. It really reminds you about how you want to feel and what you want to create in the world. And so if you're having a hard time making a decision or choosing a specific direction, you can reflect on that word.

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I'm not personally big into New Year's resolutions, but a word for the year really resonates with me. I actually choose a word for every six months because my birthday is in the middle of the year. So it's a good time to reflect, but a lot of people stick to one word for the year. I used to have a tune in because I want to check in with my body. and my intuition.

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And I used to hear trust as the word. And that happened for maybe like six years. Every year I would tune in and I'd hear trust. I'm like, oh my God, I'm still working with this. But I didn't feel like it was really sexy. And yet when I really sat with the quality of trust, I knew if I could embody that, that would deeply and profoundly change my life if I could live from a sense of trust.

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So it felt true and it felt right. So I want to invite you to really tune into your heart and your body, not just your mind, to listen to what your word is. Okay, beautiful. So those are the four prompts.

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I don't think enough people talk about the power of sex as a somatic practice.

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Oh, my goodness. I just want to start off by acknowledging you because you talk about sex so boldly and transparently and authentically online. I think it's so important. And I'm curious about why you think female pleasure is misunderstood. There's so much shame about it, especially with women watching porn. or using vibrators. Can you talk to us about all of this? Yes.

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Yeah. And I also think about, cause I keep hearing you say not necessarily having the goal to have sex, but maybe even doing some kind of a ritual that something that would all, turn you on if you know about yourself, like having scent or candles, things like that, like really creating the environment to have some type of connection and practice. That's a huge part of it. Yeah.

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Yeah. And you could also, I know people set up scenes for healing experiences through sex, right? So if they've had a challenging experience in the past, maybe then they become a different character in the scene and they like take their power back over sexual role play and things like that. So you can get, there's a lot of different variety with it.

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Taking their power back from it.

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Yeah. And I love that the self-knowledge piece, because as we know ourselves, then we, like you're saying, communicate to our partner and set ourselves up for success, which is really beautiful. Imagine having a fulfilling career, doing what you love, working from anywhere in the world, setting your own hours while making good money, and a big impact.

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So I know a really common question is why can't I orgasm with my partner? How do you respond to this? The most common.

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When you're talking about foreplay, I know you don't like that word. But what I don't like any of the sex words.

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OK, so for that word, just because that's the only thing I know, we can use it. What are some of the common challenges that people have? Are there any studies also men and women differences? I know. Yes. This is beyond gender norms. And I also want to include that, of course, about specifically. Yeah.

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This is the ritual for the nightly or the weekly ritual to then want to lead into. Exactly.

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That's my favorite. And I highly recommend people try that as a weekly practice to then see what happens. No pressure to have sex afterwards, but if that is what wants to happen, especially with the oils and you can get more sensual and like a massage therapist, depending on who you see. Exactly. You can do whatever you want, right? You can even role play. That's right. Oh my God.

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Yeah. My husband is a prankster. And so we went to, we were in Mexico and I was about to get a massage and he came in pretending to be the massage therapist. Oh my God, I love it. And he got really intimate and it was a woman. So I was fine with it. And he got, he was trying to play a prank on me, but he got so intimate and that he was surprised I didn't react. Okay.

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And he started laughing and then I realized it was him. But anyway. That is so funny. He's a jokester. He's like, wait a minute, you're really... He's like, pranks on you. That's so sweet.

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Another big question that I know people have, especially when I was a couples therapist, people would ask this all the time. So everything's great in terms of the relationship, but they're not sexually attracted to them. One of the most common questions is like, can you build that chemistry or does that mean that you're not compatible?

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It's a lot of shame. Yeah. And I feel like the more we talk about it, the less we have that shame.

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Yeah. And I think that when we go into kind of the surface level conversation about how often we're having sex and if it becomes blame and shame, then we stay in the defense versus speaking from the vulnerability underneath. Like I miss you or I'm scared that you're not attracted to me anymore. So the willingness to speak that vulnerable truth is what creates more intimacy and connection.

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And then sex can be a reflection of that rather than staying at the surface level. I'm tracking how much we're having. The other person feels defensive about that. And then just really, back and forth.

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And then sex is a reflection of it. Yes.

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Yeah. So what I hear is that you feel like couples specifically, they had it in the beginning, they can try new things, go to your website, see some examples, and that can be a date night, all the things, but like that can be a way to understand each other and understand your relationship now versus what it was however long ago, try new things and really rebuild that

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And then what about for if they're single and they're dating somebody and it's like they're everything, they check off all the boxes, but I'm not attracted to them?

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If that's a non-negotiable, that's a real deal breaker. Yeah. That's what it is.

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Yeah. Clear. And I know you've been talking about opening up to your partner, having really honest conversations. And yet some people don't do that because they're shame or they don't want to hurt their partner's feelings, or they just don't know about their own body, their own pleasure. Are there any practical tips for couples to open up and have deeper conversations with their desires?

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I love that you bring curiosity and playfulness into it. It doesn't have to be a heavy conversation. And if you get in a cul-de-sac where you're feeling awkward and you can't navigate it with your partner, then go to a therapist or a coach or somebody to help navigate.

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I mean, one of the things that I have an incredible marriage with my husband, 16 years, and I really pride it on the work that we've done, but the work that we continue to do. Like we regularly do therapy, not as a reactive, but as a proactive. It's one way that we create deeper intimacy and connection and just keep that alive.

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Because if we don't prioritize looking at things that got pushed under the rug, it's just going to fester, you know?

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Yeah, and I think it makes it even more important that you do. And I love that you talk about sexual IQ and that there are five pillars to this. Talk to us about this specifically and talk to us about how we can think of sexuality and our sexual practices as part of our wellness routine. Okay.

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I highly, I know. I love that we're never done. It's the thing that we get to keep exploring. Yeah. Still in therapy, right? Deeper levels of love.

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It can be really connected and light and beautiful and more intimate as a way of just opening, sharing your vulnerability. But I would say share the vulnerability. So I'm thinking about the singles listening. And what about for somebody that just had casual sex and then started having feelings and they...

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they're not compatible emotionally, but it's great sex and they're starting to create feelings. What advice do you have for them?

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You thought it was casual and then you started developing feelings.

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I love that. That's just taking your power back. It's like, what specifically was the ingredient? How can you have that self-knowledge to either create for yourself or make sure you have it in your next partner? Beautiful. I love that. Okay. So what are some other misconceptions about sex that we can debunk?

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As if there's like some prescription for everyone. Once a week, three times a week. You feel like that men want sex more than women? Yeah. Oh yeah. That's a huge one. That is so not true. I bought into that. I did too. One of my girlfriends was going to, you know, was starting a certification for sexuality and women. I'm like, that's not going to do well. Did so well. I was like, oh, checkmate.

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Except yourself. And for the singles who are having sex and they're wondering, because a lot of the time there's a lot of narrative, I think, for singles with sex of like, if I have sex too soon, is it going to ruin the connection? Are they going to judge me? Or am I not going to be a wife category, for example, women? Or does that mean like there's some rule I need to follow that I'm not hearing?

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I think there's a lot of narratives for singles around sex. Can you...

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Yes. I love the permission in that and just helping take your power back. I also think there can be something really kinky and beautiful and of like edging of just working it up. And so slow it down and enjoy that process. If that's your truth. Cause I know some women are feel like, Oh, if I, if I have a drink, I'm more open having sex.

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And then I have the oxytocin, the connection, and that's more false. It's more chemical. And so that that's their truth. Then just slow it down and say, explore what it's like without all that. But I love the permission to just have your experience and just make your own rules. Absolutely.

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Yeah. Great. Yeah. Yeah. And that was it. And it comes back to me for like all the inner tools also. So like if, you know, there's some healing or attachment and you can do the work to really unravel that. So you really choose people that are in alignment with your values and the way that you want to be treated and seen and you're showing up for yourself that way.

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So anybody else is not a match will easily fall away without judgment. It's a lot easier that way.

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Fear. It's all fear. It's such fear. I appreciate it. You've been so open about your story of unraveling performative sex for people that have really focused on performative sex because that's what they've seen in porn and maybe nobody talked to them about sex and

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Can you share a little bit about your story and then also how do you support them in feeling into what's their own pleasure rather than focusing on what they should sound like or have their experience? Yeah.

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Yeah. And really, I keep hearing like, find your own pleasure, have self-knowledge. It was interesting. My first year of college, I had a sexuality class and they had us take a mirror and look at ourselves. Yes. in the mirror and our vulva and just write a description and a letter about it. And it was just such a confronting class.

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And I hear you keep talking about sexual wellness and sexual routine. So these are some practices to know our bodies, to discover what our pleasure is, to keep tuning in. Are there any other really powerful practices just

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Yeah, just follow the threads. So just in closing, if there were something that you wished women knew about their sexual power, what would it be?

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So good. Thank you for who you are, how you be in the world, Emily. I know my audience is going to want to stay connected. Please share with us how they do that.

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We'll put all the links here. Podcast too.

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Beautiful. Thank you for coming on. I'm so grateful. Thank you for having me. I'm having my new friend. Oh my God, I love it. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by following us. It does help us grow and we are so grateful.

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As a thank you gift, we will be sending you one of the most powerful tools that you can use on any area of your life to help you tap into your full potential so that you don't let fear hold you back from really stepping into your dreams. All you have to do is leave a review on Apple or Spotify, submit a screenshot of that and upload it to alistinabriga.com forward slash podcast.

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Once you do that, we will send you this incredible gift. I have so much more magic I want to share with you and I cannot wait to do that soon. But for now, I just want to say thank you so much for being an example of what it's like to live with an open heart and mind in the world.

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That's beautiful. And it's really helpful to see and hear the pillars because then we can kind of do an assessment around where are we out of alignment? I think sexual shame is big. I think also through religious conditioning, or is there anything specific around that that you found helpful for people?

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Another big question that I know people have, everything's great in terms of the relationship, but they're not sexually attracted to them. Can you build that chemistry or does that mean that you're not compatible? Yeah. Wow. This is a conundrum. I mean, what if sex wasn't just something that we do, but it's a vital part of our healing and wellness?

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I'm even thinking about reading books, listening to podcasts, like, because for me being in a community of women who are fully sexually expressed and feel safe and celebrated, and there's not this like women competing with each other. It was extremely healing for me.

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And also just having men say in a conscious community saying, if I were to say no to anything, people saying, thank you for taking care of yourself. It's so counter to conditioning. So community really can support that.

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We don't have to live in that shame. Yeah. Cause you can get into communities through your community, through other communities that are being created online and also offline.

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And I love that embodiment is one of them. And having worked as a somatic psychotherapist, I don't think enough people talk about the power of sex as a somatic practice, especially in a safe context. What are your thoughts about using sex as a healing practice? And can you share with us anything about the somatic work that's actually happening through sexuality?

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In today's episode, we're diving into sex, pleasure, and embodiment. We'll specifically explore how to shift from performative sex to empowered connected pleasure, how to navigate desire in long-term relationships, and why so many couples struggle to really openly talk about what it is they want.

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Yeah. And can you speak to just to help normalize people crying after sex? So sometimes there's just no story, but there's just that release. And I think some people have shame about that or they're confused about it. Can you talk to us a little bit about this?

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Our guest today is the incredible Dr. Emily Morris, a sex therapist, author, and host of the number one sexuality podcast, Sex with Emily. She's known for breaking taboos with heart, humor, and clarity, and she's here to help us bring more confidence, curiosity, and compassion into our sex lives. This is a fun one. Hey, Lily. I'm so happy that you're here. I'm so excited to be here.

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And part of somatic healing is to allow the sensations that come up and not create so much story about them, just to have a place that's safe to accept it fully. And so trust the body. If people are listening, trust the body, the sound, the movements, the tears, the laughter, anything that wants to come up, let it come up and out and get out of the mind thinking about it.

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Because the moment we start thinking about it, we interrupt the natural flow of it wanting to just find its own homeostasis and harmony. So I'm a big fan of using sexuality and sex as a way to help somatically heal. Yes. And I know that libido changes are real.

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Sometimes people just going through stressful life experiences, having kids, long-term relationships, talk to us about how we can be aware and kind of reignite the chemistry and the connection with our partners with their desired dips, especially with busy schedules or

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I want to just highlight that real quick, because it feels so uncomfortable in my body when there's something unspoken that I will lean towards it. And I just want to encourage people in It is such a gift to you and to the relationship to speak your truth and not let it fester.

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So I do just want to create safety for yourself, do it in relationships so you feel safe and in practice leaning in and using these tools that we're sharing to have more vulnerable, you know, taking personal responsibility, having those conversations because it's such a gift and it can be easy and it just keep practicing it because it's worth it.

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And I wanted to start us off just by talking about any trends or stats that you see in modern relationships that may be alarming and how you kind of think about it in your work. Because I know you work with a lot of people around relationships. So in terms of modern day relationships, are there any trends or statistics that you're like, oh, this is somewhat alarming?

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When you were talking earlier, when you were saying about the problems that people that you see in relationship, one of them was what I was hearing was not to talk about everything in one conversation. So like one disruption or one conflict at a time, I think it's an ego trap to be like, and back five years ago, you didn't invite me to this wedding.

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And it's just, it's an ego trip to try to do all of it. So just like focusing on one conflict or one thing at a time. is also another thing that I think is helpful that you've spoken to and I want to highlight.

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I know there are people that genuinely don't have a reference point for what healthy conflict looks like or challenge in relationship and what unhealthy challenge looks like. Could you give us some examples just for people that just don't have that as a reference point?

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At least like the majority, because sometimes like disempowered parts can come up and be like, you're the problem, right? But yes, for the majority.

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Yeah, I love this. And what I love about this work is that the same principles apply to working with the parts of ourselves as they do to parenting, the way that we can repair with kids and model. Oh, I don't have to be a perfect parent. I can actually model this and share. I messed up and I love you and I'm learning. I'm sorry.

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So same with any relationship that we learn it in, it applies to then every other relationship.

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I love that you said that. Cause I don't think that people have that disconnected the violence and the anger. Anger is totally allowed. It gets to be honored, but the way that it is expressed has containment.

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Healing + Human Potential

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Healing + Human Potential

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So each day I'm going to lead you through a live transformational group process. I'm going to share with you behind the scenes coaching demos, pulling people up to coach. And I'll give you daily prizes and tools that you can use on yourself and with your clients right away. So you're going to discover the real reason people don't create change so that you can more easily step into your goals.

Healing + Human Potential

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Healing + Human Potential

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And then lastly, I will share with you, not only tell you, but also show you the power of embodiment work so that you can specifically use it to transform your relationship with money and attract real abundance so that you're really set up to scale with ease and all the ways that you're called to. I cannot wait to share this with you. Again, it's absolutely free.

Healing + Human Potential

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It's transformational and it's going to be so good. And research shows that we grow so much faster in community. So send this to a friend that you want to do this with and help hold yourself accountable. Again, it's free. So join us before it's too late. All you have to do is go to alissanobriga.com forward slash bootcamp and reserve your space now.

Healing + Human Potential

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I know that you've worked with so many people around finding fulfillment and relationships. Has there been a piece of advice that you feel like more people should know about or that you want more people to hear?

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Yeah. And it's like, whatever the problem or the pattern that that relationship is mirroring to you about yourself, you were going to play it out with one person or the next. And so, like you're saying, it starts with you, which is your book that just came out. I'm so excited.

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And we're going to talk more about it, but it's like, if that's mirroring back to you, then learn the lesson with whatever relationship you're in so that you can heal and resolve whatever that was looking to be met from your childhood being projected on that current relationship. So you no longer have to play it out and project it into the next relationship.

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So there's this like phase of all relationships we have to go through to heal before we get to more of the like celebration of love. We kind of graduate from that other initial phase. So it's maybe not even the wrong person. It's just, oh, this is what they're mirroring to me that is looking to be healed and met within me. And you can do it in the

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Yeah. The other thing that's really, I think, valuable in understanding yourself and your partner is when their stuff comes up, you don't take it personal. And then you can hold that compassionate space like, oh, this tracks back to when they were young. And they understand that they were looking for their love from their dad or whoever it may be. And now it's playing out currently.

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But for me, when I've been able to hold that for my husband, where I understand where it comes from, then my brain doesn't make it mean it's personal and I get defensive. So then I hold a compassionate space to support him more easily. being there to support him in meeting his needs while also, you know, yes and, like inside and out. So both of it. Yeah.

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I agree. I think that's, I think that's courageous. And I think that's the foundation for deeper intimacy because the avoidance, if you're avoiding you're going to grow apart, right? Like you were talking, your needs aren't going to get met. There's resentment that builds up. You don't actually feel the intimacy and the vulnerability for sharing the truth underneath.

Healing + Human Potential

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And as we were talking about conflict, I was also thinking when you were saying some people are in conflict all the time, that could be a self-sabotaging pattern because they thought that maybe they saw their parents in conflict all the time and they think unconsciously that's what love means. Or when it's getting too good,

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they want to pull it down to their comfort zone, their safety zone, because what's familiar seems safe to the subconscious. It's like sometimes even watching when things are really good, breaking out into a conflict or blaming can be an unconscious way to sabotage and something to be mindful of. I'm curious around sabotage and your experience.

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What have you seen around this pattern or if there's like a root cause or some of the things that people play out sabotaging their relationships?

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In service to people recognizing it so they don't get sucked into it unconsciously.

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I mean, it loops back. I think the biggest one I think you mentioned and I want to highlight is blame. And I think that when a self-sabotaging pattern that people can play out is when... instead of speaking to the vulnerable truth underneath the defense, people hang out in defense, which is blame.

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So for example, if I feel like my husband's too busy, instead of speaking from that defense, like you're too busy, you work too much, I could speak to the vulnerable truth underneath, which actually would create more of the intimacy of what I want, which could sound like the story I'm telling myself is that I'm not important to you anymore.

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So there's personal responsibility and speaking the vulnerable truth, or even just like, I'm scared we're drifting apart. And it's not defensive, it's vulnerable, but that creates the intimacy, ironically, that we're looking for. If we hang out in that defense, that protection mechanism, it actually creates the very thing we're avoiding. Yes.

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So if we are trying to avoid feeling like disconnected or rejected, if we speak from the defense mechanism, we will be rejected. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Exactly. And so the courage, like we're speaking of, to lean in, to create the safety and the vulnerability inside of ourselves. I talk about insourcing safety.

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Really feeling that inside of ourselves to then be able to speak that even if it, you know, as long as there's some level of safety in that relationship, don't just do this with everyone. As you practice that muscle, like it's easier over time. And then that the feedback is, is encouraging to keep going. Cause it's like, I want this level of depth and intimacy in all my relationships.

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How do you encourage people? I guess I have two questions. How do you encourage people to move through that resentment? I heard you talk about let it go, but is there a practice or a tool or something people you find helpful?

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That's great. Like having clear agreements, not unspoken expectations. Yes. Because sometimes we don't even speak them. That's great. Yeah. I remember literally I had this guy that I was with before my husband. The moment I started putting the title of boyfriend on him, I watched because I was doing a lot of mindfulness work.

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I watched all the expectations and new requirements that I had of him because now he was labeled as my boyfriend. I'm like, oh, that's fascinating. So then I was able to share instead of unconsciously just put it on him. But in the past relationships, because I wasn't doing so much as much mindfulness work, I wouldn't have been able to see that. So it's great. And is it really their job, right?

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Is it really their job to be meeting all of those needs? And we can see how absurd some of those expectations can be.

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And it's too much pressure for any relationship to thrive. And especially if we feel like a pressure cooker of a woman wanting to have a baby and wanting to have natural birth and feeling like, oh, the time's clicking and I need to tell this person. And they can feel that. And it just doesn't set the relationship up to succeed.

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Yeah. It can accelerate them dumping all their expectations really quickly to try to find out, is this the person or should I keep dating? Oh, for sure.

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And with the resentment, if somebody has a lot of resentment, you could even just give resentment a voice. This is called a gestalt, where you unconsciously just speak the resentment. Not to them, if they don't have that clear agreement, can you hold? But you can just journal it. What would resentment say? So you get it out of your system. You don't just

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bake in it and holding it in your body yeah there's different processes yes yeah but as we're talking about expectations and i'm curious for you're talking about people that are in relationship or dating i know people ask do i have realistic expectations or am i setting too high of standards and i'm curious your thought about this because it's a big conversation

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That's right. And what I love about this, it's like, I love that you're sharing. Do you have it? Because that is the real reality check that we get to embody what it is that we want.

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And as we do that, then we don't need it with the same type of desperation or attachment for the other person to have it because we're sourced within ourself and we don't put up with anything less than we're offering ourselves. We naturally don't date down. And so I love that it starts with you. We'll keep coming back to that before we get to more of that. Yeah. Yeah.

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One of the powerful insights and ideas that you had, it was around sexual chemistry. And I know you were talking about that sexual chemistry can sometimes cloud, you know, in the dating world, you're for people that are wanting to actually have deeper intimacy and not just sex. Can you talk to us about this?

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Because I know that having sex can cloud what I think you were saying was having sex can cloud some more judgment around choosing a partner.

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Yeah, it does. Yeah, I think it's a great reminder for people that want something deeper so they don't get clouded by all the hormones. And I know that you just had a book come out. I'm so happy to help share this in the world, The Nine Hard Truths About Love. Can you share with us one or two of the truths that you find really powerful? I know you spoke to one of them about speaking your truth.

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to give us just a taste of some of the magic that you're sharing here.

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That is huge. That is the foundation. Otherwise you just go back to your unconscious programming and play out all the childhood wounds without and re-triggering each other without having any self-awareness to pop out of it. Yeah, that's beautiful. What of the nine truths do you think is hardest for people to accept?

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It's so worth it. And so worth it. You know, like freedom to really do that work. It's life changing. I'm wondering if there's a story of your own or a client that you've worked with that's really embodied one of these truths and how that really changed things for them.

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Yeah. I mean, as you're talking, I'm just aware that we have not been in relationships evolutionarily speaking for that long. And so I think there was this kind of transactional period of time where it was like, we're, we survive in community and we need this.

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Yeah. And I love that it begins with you because then it doesn't matter if you're in relationship or not, if your partner's available to do the work or not, you get to do this work and it changes your life. What a gift. What a gift to have you. Thank you for your magic. Thank you for your wisdom. Thank you for coming on. I know my audience is going to want to stay connected.

Healing + Human Potential

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Talk to us about where they can find you and also just where they find your book.

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We'll put all the links in the show notes below. Thank you, Jillian.

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Same. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by leaving an up to five-star review. It does mean the world to us. And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover.

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You're going to get behind the scenes access showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify and leave a review now. You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Modern Love: What No One Tells You About Relationships - Jillian Turecki | EP 72

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And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below. But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at Alyssa Nobriga.

Healing + Human Potential

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And so things have really shifted since then we've really evolved and we're learning how to be there for the parts of ourselves and clearly communicate that in relationship, which is what I hear you highlighting, which is, Hey, I'm at 20% today. Can you help out? And like, I love you and I'm here, but it's not this tit for tat keeping tabs. I love that.

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Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

Healing + Human Potential

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A hundred percent. I couldn't agree more. I think it's this fairy tale that we've been conditioned around, like you're going to complete me as if I'm somehow not enough as I am. And it doesn't allow the relationship to blossom and see what it is because we're putting our unspoken

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needs and expectations onto them rather than just feeling our wholeness and seeing what unfolds naturally in the relationship. So the other thing that I'm aware of that you're bringing forward is like, you have also other relationships to fulfill other parts of you. You don't have to put too much on this one.

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You know, it's like, do you have shared vision and values and in ways that lifestyle, you know, the way that you want to live your life? There's so much I want to dive into. So we'll get to it. But one of the things I want to talk about is conflict, because I think a lot of people think conflict is bad and it's normal.

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And I think more than just if conflict comes up or not, it's like, how do we repair through it? And so that's the bigger question. It's like, conflict's going to happen. It doesn't mean you don't have a good relationship, but how do you use it to grow closer together? I'm curious if there's any practices or exercises you recommend for couples navigating conflict.

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Yeah. And having a conscious container to do our own work so that the respect is always there.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Modern Love: What No One Tells You About Relationships - Jillian Turecki | EP 72

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Welcome to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're going to dive into all things relationships. We're going to explore how do you know if you're setting unrealistic expectations or your standards aren't high enough? How do you navigate conflict and resolution or sexual chemistry?

Healing + Human Potential

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Like, you know, when I was a couples therapist talking about how do you want to fight so you don't go to your reptilian brain and jab, there's a place for the part of you that maybe wants to blame and is a victim, but that's not going to ultimately be healthy if you let that part of you lead your relationship conversations. Yeah. And I hear you saying it's you as a couple against the problem.

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You're a team instead of it being against each other. And I'll share one thing that my husband and I do that I find really helpful. We just made it up in case this serves anybody. So we say, can you hold? So if I'm super triggered... And I asked my husband, can he hold? Essentially, I'm asking him, is he regulated to some degree?

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And if he's centered and regulated, then whatever I say, I'm going to ham up the part of me that is upset. This is an advanced tool, by the way. But it's a great tool. And it's helpful to know, can you hold? Because if both of you aren't regulated, don't have the conversation. So I will ham up the part of me that just wants to be allowed and expressed.

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Let's say the victim, where I consciously complain. And anything that I say, he knows not to take it personally because we have the context set. So I might be like, you're the worst husband in the world. You know that it's your fault and you keep blaming me, but we both know that it's your fault.

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And you have to exaggerate it because then you just start laughing because you can see how absurd it is. But then this part of us got to be expressed and allowed. And there's oftentimes nothing to do after it. But these are just helpful things that people can try. Again, you have to ask, can you hold? Because if you are not regulated, it's not going to be a healthy conversation.

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But I love what you're saying. It's like, we can have practices like this. And the foundation of how we be with each other is loving, is respectful. There's not going to be any blaming.

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And it may sound like part of the examples you were sharing are taking personal responsibility, which is also super easy for somebody to hear when you're upset because it's just sharing your experience without the blame.

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I'm thrilled to be joined by Jillian Turecki, who is a relationship coach and author of It Begins With You, Nine Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life. So we're going to dive into some of them here, unpacking practical strategies to live happier, healthier relationships. Let's dive in. I am so happy that you're here. I'm so excited to share it with my audience.

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Yeah. I was going to ask you like what some myths are that you hear or misunderstandings because one of them, and I'll give an example if you have any, would be like, don't go to bed upset. I actually don't believe that. I think that if you are both dysregulated, continuing the conversation isn't gonna be productive.

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So I would rather say, let's pause, let's regulate ourselves and come back to this in 10 minutes or tomorrow morning. You have to say when you're gonna come back so you don't trigger the part of your partner that has abandonment or whatever the other pattern is. But to regulate instead of just trying to keep going because you heard, don't go to bed upset. I don't buy into that.

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I'm curious if there are other ones that you have found debunk.

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Yeah. I feel like we're in this Indiana adventure. I feel like you are doing exactly your soul's mission and just following your curiosity in all these discoveries. I love it. One thing I heard you share on another podcast from a friend where he was interviewing you and you were talking about the zodiac signs and how the opposite zodiac sign informs us something about ourselves.

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I don't want to spoil it. Can you unpack this? Because I thought this was profound. I don't know why more people don't talk about this.

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Oh, what you're doing is you're looking at it through a spectrum of time. That's right. But we can also look at it from our sun sign. Okay, macro, micro. That's right. Unpack this for us.

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Yeah, and I want to just make sure people really get this because you speak on macro and my brain thinks of micro. And so what I'm hearing you say is that with astrology and the different, say, sun signs, whatever the opposite is, we're in Aquarius, the shadow work that we will work with collectively is part of Leo. And so that can also apply to our personal. So a sun sign is Cancer.

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My shadow work would be around Capricorn, the opposite, just to help ground that for people.

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But if I judge them judging that, then I'm caught in the matrix.

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Yeah, like the come from matters where we're coming from. Also, are we trying to avoid the opposite like poverty? And so we're trying to manifest because, you know, is it coming from fear and scarcity? What's the energy behind it? And I think that there's power and manifestation, but I also want to be mindful of people not using it as a way to avoid it.

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like feeling into the sensation of the thing that I'm avoiding so that it's less caught up in the story. And it's like, oh, I can stretch the capacity to be with the range of my human feelings and emotions rather than running away from certain feelings by trying to manifest the opposite.

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So forgiving the judgments, stretching the capacity to be with the sensation, not the story, helps open the aperture to be in more neutrality. And then from that place of more pure potential and neutrality, drop in an image of, what it is you want as if you already are it because you are. And so helping accelerate manifestation that way, I think is helpful.

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As a sensation, not a story. Because we can get lost in the story. But yes, I agree 100%. Because then you transform it. You allow it. It integrates. You're less afraid of it. Because anything you're judging, you're giving your power to.

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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i know we were talking about being in the aquarius age and ai is obviously accelerating what are your thoughts about ai i know people have concerns that it can be hurtful others helpful in terms of our evolution what are you thinking about ai i think you and i both have adopted you know utilizing it for the ways that can serve us in a practical way but i'm just on a bigger picture what are your thoughts

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Yeah, I'm excited about it. And I'm also cautious and aware of some of the pitfalls that can happen. And, and, and yet I think there is intelligence. I think it's here to help evolve.

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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That's exciting. Discovering more mystery. So are they excavating or is there a plan to?

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Yep. Blame is a way we try to avoid feeling.

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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And that's why we have each other as reflections because anything that's unconscious, we manifest in the physical world so we can see it more clearly. So rather than blaming the image, the reflection, look at the mirror of what it's reflecting to you inside of yourself.

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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That's right. And I'm hearing as you're talking about teams and the work that you've done, it's the same patterns that are projected into relationship, into teams, into the world government. And so, again, I just keep coming back to the power of doing our own work. And Matthias on one of our podcasts, he was talking about how the matrix is the mother.

Healing + Human Potential

Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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And I was really investigating how what were the needs that I felt I didn't get from my mom and what were the needs I didn't feel like I got from my dad and how have I been looking for those in various ways in life. So whether that's from a partner, from team, from friends, it's just projected out.

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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And so the technology and the new way to shift this is to really offer that to myself to or inquire that it's not already here. Yeah. And so I just keep coming back to the power of the work of like, oh, if I was looking for more autonomy, how do I offer myself that autonomy directly right now? Maybe that freedom is to expand feeling the very thing that I was running from.

Healing + Human Potential

Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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So the freedom to feel that. shame or regret or whatever I was running from. So I don't project it out onto somebody else unconsciously to stretch the capacity to be with that sensation fully integrated, breathe into it. And then I don't have to play it out with other people unconsciously. I go to the root inside of me to shift it.

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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And I just hope people really get the power that they are and the power of knowing that you have the remote control, that you can shift this directly inside of you

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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This is how I got married. There was no officiant. It was everybody in the community reading different passages.

Healing + Human Potential

Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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I think people think that the darkness is bad.

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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And yet they do, in service to awakening, they help question who you are to wake up to the everything. And that the opposite of nothing is everything. And so embodying the void is the most potent nothingness that you will ever discover.

Healing + Human Potential

Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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And so I love that your work with really the intersection of science and spirituality, and my work with psychology and spirituality, and Matthias with energy and spirituality, they all converge perfectly. really at the heart of it to be the same, the same universal truths and teachings and to really question the identity of who we take ourselves to be moment to moment.

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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I think is one of the most important conversations.

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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To go into it, to go beyond it. And I can feel how deeply that touches you.

Healing + Human Potential

Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Powerful. And I know my audience, I feel like we could talk forever. And you are just dimensions of mystery that you're unraveling. And it's so beautiful to sit with you and just to hear the wisdom and the different innovative ideas and industries that coincide and how you look at things from patterns. And so fascinating. So thank you for the work that you do. Thank you for your heart.

Healing + Human Potential

Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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And I know that my audience is going to want to stay connected. They want to hear what you're up to. Share with us how they can do that.

Healing + Human Potential

Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Amazing. I have no doubt. I have no doubt. And we'll put the links here in the show notes. Anything else that you're working on?

Healing + Human Potential

Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Beautiful. You are such a breath of fresh air. I'm so grateful to have you as a friend.

Healing + Human Potential

Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Likewise. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by following us. It does help us grow and we are so grateful. Leave a review on Apple or Spotify. submit a screenshot of that and upload it to a listen to bring it.com forward slash podcast.

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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As a thank you gift, we will be sending you one of the most powerful tools that you can use on any area of your life to help you tap into your full potential so that you don't let fear hold you back from really stepping into your dreams. I have so much more magic I want to share with you and I cannot wait to do that soon.

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Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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But for now, I just want to say thank you so much for being an example of what it's like to live with an open heart and mind in the world.

Healing + Human Potential

Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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We have the privilege of having Robert Edward Grant joining us again, who is a visionary thinker who's incredibly innovative, and he applies his deep understanding of sacred geometry and universal math principles to solve problems across diverse industries. Let's dive into it.

Healing + Human Potential

Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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I love the way that your mind sees patterns and really blends different innovative ideas through music and math. It's the intersection of so many different things. What does that tell us? What have you extrapolated from that?

Healing + Human Potential

Shadow Work, Ancient Pyramids + the New Era of Humanity | Part 2 | Robert Edward Grant

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Okay, so this is part two of the interview that we did last week, and I wanted just to pick up where we left off around the pyramids. What's one of the most powerful discoveries that has just blown people's mind around the pyramids that you can share with us?

Healing + Human Potential

3 Myths About Love to Rethink for Happier Relationships - From a Former Marriage + Family Therapist | EP 63

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I see everyone as your soulmate. Everyone is helping you evolve your soul. We can use every relationship to grow from, not just a special one. I know that this doesn't sound very romantic. It's probably why it's not very popular and nobody's going to come save you, but everyone is here to help you and show you parts of yourself that you haven't seen.

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And so you never really want to push people into this work because that's like the least inviting way to have them get excited about doing personal development work. For me, it was a non-negotiable that I'd be with somebody who was doing the work alongside me, not because I needed it from them, but because it's such an important part of my life.

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And I have about a handful of deal breakers, this being one of them. So we can talk more about that in another podcast, but I want you to know that building a thriving relationship is available to you. It's available to everyone. I just recommend prioritizing doing the work, pulling the weeds as soon as they come up, not avoiding it. And I know there are different schools of thought out there.

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Some saying you're a hundred percent responsible for your inner experience. Others say if it happened in relationship, it needs to be healed in relationship. And I'm more of a yes and, but in that order. So yes to having the tools to navigate our inner world, to get free independently. and yes, to navigating it in relationship if that's available for us, but then we don't create codependency.

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And the other thing I want to note is that some people get into this work thinking that something's wrong with them or that they're broken, thinking that they need to do all of this work. And I just want to be clear that I'm not giving you these tools or talking about these perspectives to fix you. There's nothing wrong with you. Maybe you're thinking you're

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3 Myths About Love to Rethink for Happier Relationships - From a Former Marriage + Family Therapist | EP 63

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But these things can enhance our relationship and just receive love easier and help you heal. But I want to just help you come from a place of doing it for the love of it. Like my husband and I love doing this work. We will always be in therapy and coaching and proactively using our time and our money to grow closer together because our life gets freer and I feel more love as a result. So why not?

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But it's also helped us prioritize ourselves and our relationship, especially when the kids were younger. And so it's a staple. And I just highly recommend it, not thinking that something's wrong, but because of the love of it. And so obviously, this work affects our kids and how we parent and every other area of our life.

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And one other thing that I'll just share that's helped us is prioritizing speaking our truth instead of avoiding. So taking personal responsibility and not blaming each other. Blame is super toxic. It does not help. I've literally had to work with the part of me that thought that I was doing something wrong when my husband wasn't happy. And this stems back to childhood.

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I can see where it comes from, but knowing this helps me not blame myself or my husband, right? I can see it rather than getting sucked into it. And so I can see also that whether I was with my husband or somebody else, I would have projected that same misunderstanding and pattern onto them.

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And so anytime my husband shares something that he's having a hard time with, I get to be with the part of me that doesn't take it personally, thinking that I need to change for him to be okay so that then I'm okay, right? I get to be with the part of me that doesn't feel okay, so I insource my okayness independent of my husband, and that makes it easier to connect with him.

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So just putting that aside, there are gifts and lessons in any relationship that you're in. And so whether you choose to stay with them or not, my recommendation is to use the relationship that you're in or you're getting triggered by to support you in healing the patterns that are playing out so you don't have to play it out with the next person.

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But I don't want to make it his job. that he has to make that part okay, because he's going to obviously be triggered or going through his own thing. And so we get to tend to those parts of ourselves, either on our own or have our relationship help hold that safety to do our own work.

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And there are a lot of techniques for him to help hold that space and that part of me while I do the work or to help me even heal that if he's available. But again, I know how to navigate it if he doesn't. And so him doing this work with me is a bonus. It's a gift. It's a blessing, but it's not a dependency. So just as a recap, in closing, myth one is I have to choose the right one. Do not worry.

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You cannot mess this up. Everyone is a mirror for you, showing you how to love that part of yourself. Myth two is happy couples don't fight. So the truth is conflict is normal and becoming self-aware helps you navigate those conversations more easily. And do you create safety by turtling in or becoming a tiger, getting louder, more expressive?

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And if you're inspired, create a roadmap for how you want to navigate disagreements. And then lastly, the third myth is that the relationship is right if it's easy. right? It gets to be easier after you've done the deeper healing work, but you don't just want to think that because your stuff's coming up, it's not the right person. It's coming up so that you can heal it.

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That's the gift so that you can really enjoy the garden that you've created. But only after you've done the deeper excavating work, again, you would have played it out with them or someone else. It's good news that we don't need our partner to do this work. right?

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We know what our childhood wounds are, and then we can more easily heal them at the root with your partner, with yourself, with a friend, with a therapist or a coach.

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3 Myths About Love to Rethink for Happier Relationships - From a Former Marriage + Family Therapist | EP 63

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And if you want a free quiz to support you in understanding what you value in relationship and what blocks you from receiving the love that you really want, again, in relationship or not, I created one for you and you can have it for free. I'll listen to briga.com forward slash love quiz. And

Healing + Human Potential

3 Myths About Love to Rethink for Happier Relationships - From a Former Marriage + Family Therapist | EP 63

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And what I would recommend that you do is put on a fire, get a cozy, nice drink, and do it with your partner, your best friend, or on your own. It's empowering to know that as we change, our relationships change. And so I hope that this has helped you on your healing journey. Feel free to share it with a friend you think it'll serve. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world.

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3 Myths About Love to Rethink for Happier Relationships - From a Former Marriage + Family Therapist | EP 63

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Starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost free way to support us is by leaving an up to five star review. It does mean the world to us. And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover.

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You're going to get behind the scenes access showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify and leave a review now. You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it.

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You get the lesson wherever you are, and then you have clarity about what's right for you. It becomes more obvious if you want to stay or go. And then in this way, you also don't have to just keep projecting those same patterns moving forward.

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3 Myths About Love to Rethink for Happier Relationships - From a Former Marriage + Family Therapist | EP 63

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And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below. But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at Alyssa Nobriga.

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Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

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And since everybody is a mirror for us, we're going to be drawn to people who have similar wounds that match our childhood patterns, giving us an opportunity to meet and heal those parts of us that are looking to be seen and loved within us. Again, it doesn't mean that you have to stay with them, but people usually want to know the answer. Like, should I stay? Should I go?

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And in my experience, it's a lot easier to know the truth of if you should say or go once you've healed the filter that you're looking at that question from. Usually people are trying to avoid not healing it by finding somebody else, but you just take the pattern with you. So for example, let's say that I have a wound from childhood where I didn't feel chosen by my dad.

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And so then I attract men who also don't choose me. So I do that because it's familiar and it's the filter that I'm seeing life from, right? From childhood got set in. This isn't bad, but when it comes up, it's actually good so that you can see it and start choosing the part of you that didn't feel chosen. That's how you do the work.

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We're going to dive into unpacking three common relationship myths that keep us stuck and and struggling in love and in finding the one. Myth number one, I have to choose the right partner. This puts a lot of pressure in relationships and a lot of it's influenced by Disney or in Hallmark movies. The second myth that I hear is that happy couples don't fight.

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And then it's going to be easier for our partners to choose us when we've done that, since we don't have all the pressure on them and we're not viewing it from the defense mechanism, blocking the love that we're wanting.

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If you don't heal that wound from childhood, even if you're currently with somebody that's choosing you, it wouldn't feel like they're choosing you because you're viewing it from that lens still.

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And so how you might play this out is through a defense mechanism where you tell yourself that there aren't any good people out there, good guys out there, so that you can avoid not being vulnerable and not feeling chosen.

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Or you might think that you need a new partner and you're finding faults in the one that you're with, settling for perfectionistic ideals as a way to subconsciously sabotage and not let somebody in so that you don't feel hurt by not being chosen. But all of this would only keep you looped in the pattern that you'll continue attracting the same relationships and patterns. Does that make sense?

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And so you want to do the inner work to be with the part of you that feels vulnerable and not chosen, and you start choosing it. And from here, you reprogram these patterns. Once you've healed it in you, you either notice that your partner has been choosing you and the relationship works, and it was just that filter that was really blocking you to see it,

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Or now that you're choosing yourself, you're no longer drawn to people who don't choose you and you're not so upset about it, but you just move on. It's neutral. And so it's easier for you when you get the deeper gift that that relationship was inviting you into, choosing yourself above all else. And then nobody else can take that away from you.

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And that's what you were really craving and wanting anyway. I find the spiritual version of this is finding your soulmate or your twin flame. And I see everyone as your soulmate. Everyone is helping you evolve your soul. We can use every relationship to grow from, not just a special one. I don't believe in egoic one. I know that this doesn't sound very romantic.

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It's probably why it's not very popular and nobody's going to come save you. But everyone is here to help you and show you parts of yourself that you haven't seen. And when you use them as your mirror, you start to wake up to a bigger love that is within everyone. You discover a love that can't be contained by just one person.

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And that's a bigger love that I'm about and what I speak to in my Four Stages of Love podcast. So one process that you can use to support you in really being the one is to write down all the qualities that you want in a partner. And then really assess for yourself, how much are you living and embodying, showing up for yourself in those ways?

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So this becomes the directions that you start embodying for yourself rather than waiting for somebody else to save you. You don't outsource that love. And then from here, you'll attract somebody who shows up for you in ways that you've wanted, but you don't put up with anything less than you're already giving yourself, right?

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It comes from this neutral place of really embodying your inherent worth and value.

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is super empowering there's less pressure on somebody else and it allows the relationship to unfold naturally without all the fear lack and manipulation the second myth that i hear is that happy couples don't fight so disagreements and misunderstandings are going to happen especially in long-term relationships and don't get me wrong it's not about arguing all the time it's not about not having any arguments those are both red flags but it is about how you navigate conflict and challenging conversations that's important

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And you can use those situations to grow closer together to actually support your healing. And so one thing that I've used with couples is to map out how they want to fight in advance. So they have a roadmap before they get lost in their defense mechanisms. Because when we get upset, we oftentimes lose our ability to see clearly, right? We don't have that higher functioning reasoning on board.

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The third and last myth that I wanna debunk is if it's right, it'll be easy. One thing my husband and I will do if we are really in it and we don't wanna take a break to regulate ourselves, what we'll do is

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And we go into our reptilian, more survival brain. And so if both partners are open to it, I find it really helpful to be able to map that out in advance so that you can keep the connection and navigate challenges with more ease. But something else that I want you to be aware of when you're fighting that can often happen is these defense mechanisms come up.

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Some people go within and other people get more reactive. And so you can call these different patterns the turtle and the tiger. So oftentimes we're with somebody and we play out the opposite where the tiger gets louder and is more expressive and the turtle closes down and starts shutting off.

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You can switch the dynamic depending on who you're with, but these are ways that we unconsciously look to protect ourselves. They're not bad. They're just defense mechanisms. And so once you know what yours are, you're going to be able to understand how to speak your needs consciously and navigate when these things come up instead of unconsciously playing them out.

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So for turtles, instead of just closing down to create safety, you want to communicate that you just need a little time for yourself to center. And then you'll come back to the conversation within a specific period of time and tell your partner that so that they don't feel abandoned. And then they get louder, right? Tell them I'll be back in five minutes.

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And then ideally, as you access more safety, it's easier for the turtle to open up and then the tiger not to get as loud so that you can meet in the middle and connect more easily. One thing my husband and I will do if we are really in it and we don't want to take a break to regulate ourselves, what we'll do is we'll want to express the energy by saying, can you hold?

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This is a code word for us to check in. Can I express this part of me unconsciously, really ham it up without you taking it personally? Can you actually hold space for me? And then if they say yes, you get to express whatever you're feeling. So maybe you want to just ham up the victim or your anger, your sadness.

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The important part is that you exaggerate what you're feeling because then you can see how absurd this part is. And all it wanted to do was to be allowed and to express. And oftentimes we end up just laughing and connecting over it because it's so crazy. For example, if I want to ham up one of my characters, I might be like, you're always wrong. And we both know that I'm right.

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Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're going to dive into unpacking three common relationship myths that keep us stuck and struggling in love and in finding the one. And so whether you're in relationship or not, we'll dive into how to use these myths because they might be blocking you from greater levels of intimacy and connection that you really crave.

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So let's just stop pretending that you think you know what's happening here. And so you can play with it, have fun with your partner. I would say that this is a more advanced technique. And so you can try it with your partner or a friend. Just make sure that you do set up the permission in the beginning because that's most important to create that safety.

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Okay, so the third and last myth that I want to debunk is if it's right, it'll be easy. If you want to have a strong relationship, you have to be willing for it to be hard at times too, right? Have those hard conversations to really face what's true. I run towards those conversations because I know the power and intimacy that happens through having those conversations. It's not easy.

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And I know people don't run towards them, but I promise you as you navigate and have the tools to have those conversations, it creates so much intimacy and depth. And just like in life, there are going to be different stages of growth. And for all of us, when we get into relationship, there's a lot of healing work to do. And so know that every relationship will go through this at some point.

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and having worked with countless couples when i was a marriage and family therapist i've seen and heard it all and so i want to share with you why i don't believe in soulmates or being with the wrong one and instead share a perspective that invites more healing freedom and authenticity into how we relate let's dive in and kick it off with myth number one i have to choose the right partner

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It's not bad. You're going to go through it with this person or a few others until you've really done the deeper work. And so if you're willing to lean into those difficult conversations, really look honestly at yourself and welcome whatever you're feeling, you're gonna learn how to evolve and move beyond this stage.

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It's just that when we avoid doing the deeper work or having those conversations, that makes relationships hard. And so think of it like a garden where you've pulled out all of the weeds, right? You've done the excavating work, meaning like the big chunks of core wound work. After that, it gets a lot easier. You're still gonna tend to that garden, but just when things sprout,

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you're gonna be able to do more maintenance work. So this is when you graduate beyond the healing phase and that's when it starts getting easier. And so it's not to say that things, you're not gonna have disagreements at times, but again, it's just more maintenance.

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And so if you do have the tools, the emotional maturity and an understanding of what your patterns are, what your partner's patterns are, how you play it out together, you're gonna be able to navigate those hard conversations and moments with way more ease and trust.

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If you don't know what your core patterns are, or if you're in a relationship and you don't know what your partner's core patterns are, finding out what those are are going to save you years of unnecessarily struggling in your relationship. And so I've created for you a love quiz that takes about 15 minutes and you can do it on your own. You can do it with friends.

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You can do it with your partner to really help you understand and become more aware of what you're playing out. Because when you see what's going on under the hood, you don't get sucked into unconsciously playing them out, but you can also more easily receive the love that you're wanting because you're aware of what you've placed as a barrier in front of it.

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This quiz is free, so I'm happy to share it with you. If you're interested, you can go to alissanobriga.com forward slash love quiz, or I'll also link it in the show notes below. And the great thing about this work is that you can do it on your own or in relationships to help you heal. I know when I was first starting to do this work, my best friend and I, we were single.

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So we just used our friendship to do the deeper work of pulling those weeds, helping us really get to the root so that when we were in relationship, we wouldn't kind of play out those same dynamics.

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So if you do have a partner, but you're wondering if you should stay or go again, I recommend first working with what's coming up inside of you, getting the deeper gifts and lessons of why you attracted them. in your life so that you can complete those patterns. And then again, it's going to be a lot easier to have the clarity about if you should say or go.

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And then you also just don't need to keep bringing those same patterns with you to the next relationship. Maybe your partner isn't interested in doing this work or isn't emotionally available. You get to still do this work on your own. You can use a trained psychotherapist, a trained coach. to really help navigate what's coming up for you.

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Because thank God you don't need somebody else to do the work for you to get free. If your partner does want to do the work with you and you're wondering how you can support them on their journey, it's really about you doing your work. That's a gift to you and to them. It's going to make everything easier. You're projecting less unconscious stuff onto them.

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And then you don't have to get all caught up in their patterns because as you do your work, it makes it easier for them to do theirs. You have fewer unconscious patterns that are getting all tied up like a Christmas tree light in with their patterns.

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So this puts a lot of pressure in relationships, and a lot of it's influenced by Disney or in Hallmark movies, really inflating this idea that there's a perfect person out there that completes us or fills all our needs. And the truth is, you really can't mess it up. So everyone is the right one for right now if you're with them. But please know that I'm never supporting abuse in any form.

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And you could be in the same relationship, but after you do your work, it's a completely different relationship because those filters and those patterns aren't playing out. And when one person and the dance changes, the whole dance changes. And I personally find it powerful to have somebody that's trained hold space for me and show me some of my blind spots.

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So if you have the budget to let yourself receive that, I highly recommend it. And there are other free resources that are available for you if you don't. You can also have a skilled friend help hold space for you and really help you welcome the different parts of yourself that you've maybe disenfranchised or not fully loved.

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But what I have found that really helped catapult my healing was when I took a proactive approach, I did a year long immersive container like my certification program to heal the patterns directly inside of myself. When we work at things from the root, we no longer have to play them out with our partner or our kids or our employees or our colleagues.

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And it literally up levels every area of our lives. with my husband, we did a two-year master's program, which literally laid the foundation for the relationship that we have now. And it's actually where we met and he was in the grade behind me. So we were doing our work separately. And then later we started doing it together.

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I noticed that as soon as somebody is feeling like there's a failure, they look to point fingers to blame. And I think that's really toxic. I think it's a way to avoid feeling something. I fail all the time. People who are successful just keep going. With the learning disability label, I thought something was wrong with me. But now we can see that actually that disability is an ability.

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It stretched my capacity to know what I'm capable of. And I know I'm not co-creating, but it did feel like that at the time.

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Yeah, I think it's like, again, like work the trigger and then the clarity is obvious of what to do when it's aligned, when it's in truth with us.

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You're so good at this, by the way. You are rocking it.

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And so my intention in sharing this conversation is to help you learn about the things that I've navigated through the tough times so that they support you on your journey. I hope it serves you.

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And I know that that got created because I was in grade school. I remember my heart would be beating because the teacher would have everybody read. Everybody learned to read faster than me. They were better at it. I'm not a good reader.

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And I remember we were in class and we would go around reading the next paragraph and I would just sink in my seat and also try to see what's the paragraph that's mine so I could read it, but I was just in a free state. So insecure and scared and publicly ashamed in comparison of what I could do.

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I bought into a lot of misunderstandings about what I was capable of, my self-worth, being pulled out of class. I was in public school, given extra time to get tutoring and support and really thinking negatively about myself because of that or thinking I needed to work harder or prove my intelligence. Like a

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It wasn't really until I went to college that I learned how I learn for one, which is I'm a kinesthetic learner. I like, I learned by doing and sign language, like a visual learning was the only class that I rocked and I didn't have to study for. I know you talk about you, you know, there were classes you didn't have to study for. That was never my experience.

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And I also in college started focusing on things that I really enjoyed. And I know the quote, like, energy is not created or destroyed. And so with the learning disability label, I thought something was wrong with me. I thought that I was limited. But now we can see that I just learned differently and that I started developing more of my intuitive capacities.

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I started developing reading people rather than reading books. That's not how I learned. And I started using that for my advantage in my work. And so I just want to remind people that may have a limitation, a disability, that actually that disability is an ability. You're going to have other abilities developed. And that I want to be a voice for people because I have ADHD. I have dyslexia, mild.

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I also have a learning disability and I run a successful company doing what I love, making an impact in the world. And so I just want to remind people like any of those labels, we can unlearn and we can take our power back from them and use them as a way to share our gifts in a way that's only aligned with how we are designed to do.

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No, I had to do work around it. I think for a while I was like, I think I was telling myself, this is an ability, this isn't a disability. And it was more conceptual. And it was almost like there were different parts on my, my journey that helped me sink into it where I was realizing that, Yes, learning how I learned. Yes, seeing how I was excelling in my business.

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There was a part of me that needed to prove that I could do it for myself. There was something that I needed for me. And then it was almost like doing the work was like watering a plant where it kept seeping in deeper. It wasn't just a head knowing. It was like, oh, I can feel this.

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And then living it in my business helped me settle some part that wasn't fully, hadn't arrived yet at what I was capable of and hadn't shown myself that. But when I did, it settled completely.

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Yeah, I mean, one I don't talk about very much from childhood was when I was in fifth grade, I felt super self expressed, I felt really free. And I was in a, I would say a class of 60. And then in sixth grade moved to a bigger school 600 in my class middle school, and got a lot of attention. I was like the new girl. got a lot of attention, part of this popular girl group.

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And soon after, the girls started realizing that a lot of the guys paid attention to me and started rumors about me. And that was hard for me. I mean, that was something that left a really deep imprint inside of me around feeling like I got the rug pulled out from me, feeling like people were talking behind my back.

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Yeah, close friends. Like people that I, you know, at least for six months, I developed friendships with. And then I remember I was standing at my locker changing for a gym. And one of the rumors that every day I was like, what's the new rumor? One of the new rumors was that I stuffed my bra because I started developing breasts earlier than them.

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And so there were these rumors and just feeling paralyzed, like frozen. And and not having a lot of friends in middle school. And that kind of lasted for like a year and a half of like, yes, rumors, but these girls were pretty ruthless. Like they would take socks and put golf balls in them and beat girls with them.

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And I think one of them is in Harley's Hells Angels, you know, like this Harley Davidson group.

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Thanks for holding space to share support.

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Yeah, there's a lot of physical threat, like meet me at Taco Bell after school. I mean, it was a daily thing. And at that time, on top of that, my family was all going through, my entire family was going through a spiritual awakening at the same time through struggle. Mine was through this, starting to question everything. But I just remember feeling alone, suicidal, scared.

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It was the first time I was trying on different identities in my life of like, am I the rapper, the skater? Where do I belong? Where do I fit? And at that time, I have a lot of compassion for girls because at that time, or kids at that time, were looking for belonging and safety in our identity. And I really, life kept being like, don't identify with this or that. And

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I think I was spiritually connected before that and trying to play in the physical world. Like I was, life just presented me with opportunities to really question my identity and all of that. And so anyway, I just remember feeling frozen and you know, this being so long for having a year and a half, it left a deep impact in my nervous system, my consciousness and

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Usually over here. I feel nervous. I feel nervous because I'm usually more prepared. You fly by the seat of your pants. I'm much more like, okay, make this time valuable for others. I mean, I really got into online in 2017. I did 50 webinars in one year. So I'm very much trained of like making every moment count. And I know podcasting is a very different experience.

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I remember one time I was, the girls were, they had vandalized my house and then they called me often just to threaten me. I think it was like a Friday night. They were having a party. They called me and were threatening to beat me up. And my brother in the other room was so tired of hearing it. He took the phone. He's like, 1017, this is our court name. My sister's going to fight you. Bye.

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Hung up. And I was like... what? I was so scared because for one, these were 30 girls and he didn't realize that. And so I was like, what did you just do? And he, for like 30 minutes, talked me up and I was like, okay, I don't have a choice anymore. I need to face my fear. I need to face the bully. And it was the first time somebody helped me stand up for myself because nothing else was working.

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And I was ready to fight these girls. And I... was waiting and no one came. And I remember Monday morning being like, oh my God, this is going to be it. This is, this sucks. My brother's not here to support me. I didn't have like a, I didn't have that. The school wasn't supporting me and they didn't say a thing. And it was the end of the bullying.

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And it was such a teaching for me around having a voice, having my own back, standing up for myself, even if it required me to fight and not win. I remember when our oldest went to school, to a new school, and girls were bullying her And I don't know if it was like a few days or a week, but she confronted them. She had the courage to confront them.

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Now it wasn't 30 girls, but still like that was courageous and it stopped the bullying. And I was so grateful to know that she had that courage, I think because of her mom. And part of my work has been to be in my power, which has been to be in my power means being in my heart, speaking my truth. having boundaries and confronting the fear.

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And so I think part of that developed me to move towards the things that I was scared of as a way of being. I know you like edges. I like edges. It's not comfortable, but I know how rewarding and freeing my life is because if I if I cower, then my life gets smaller. And so it's not easy, but I think it's harder staying in the fear, like staying in a dysregulated nervous system.

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And it was a really hard time in my life, but I'm really grateful because it supported me in speaking my truth, going towards the things that scare me, and also leading me back on a spiritual path of questioning my identity and questioning reality, everything. It was such a time of... awakening for me and my whole family.

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Yeah. I think there's upper limits and lower limits. I think there's this safe zone, this comfort zone, which is an illusion, but it's what we've known. And part of the work psychologically has been to insource that safety. So to really meet that younger one, to let her know that she is safe, that she can feel exactly as she's feeling, that she doesn't need to be any different.

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That has been incredibly powerful for me. Not only is it instant, like securing the insecurity. It's instant, it feels empowering, and then I don't need other things to be okay, which I can't control and manage. But I just go to a deeper sense of being okay with her being exactly as she is, her not needing to be different.

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And one of the things that I love, this is a practice that our therapist taught us, which is sometimes when we have old traumas, we can go back to them to whatever age they were at. and ask if they want to come to our current day self to see what life turns out like. And that's been really helpful. Like there's been so many moments of just being like, wow, look how it turned out.

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And so I'm just learning to share myself more naturally and unscripted. But my intention is to share authentically some of the lessons I've learned in service to other people for sure.

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And to know that, that I'm okay. And that, you know, she gets to be with us as parents in a way that she needed some parenting that, you know, get to reparent her essentially is my job now. And so that prompt and that invitation. So yes, Offering her the assurance that she needed is helpful in sourcing that, but then also taking her along to be like, do you want to see my life now?

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Do you want to be with us now? And it's been something for people to try on. I think it's really beautiful.

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Share anything that you see, honestly.

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Part of my methodology is what I, so working things on five levels. So somatically, emotionally.

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The body. Working at the integration nervous system level, just really presencing the energy. The great thing about somatic work is you don't need to know the story to integrate the energy into your nervous system. So any stuck energy, like if they're

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if you just feel triggered but you don't know why somatic work is really great you can use that to start feeling less of the trigger you can start integrating walk me through that you're angry okay first let me tell the the concept and then i can go into it so so somatic work is one way and however wherever i'm presenting most is where i'm going to start or if a client is with me that's where i'm going to start if they start with tears i'm going to do some emotional mastery work

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If it's really stuck in the mind, I'm going to do mindset work. If it's somatic work, they don't know, or they're really, um, looping and avoidance. I might have the backdoor in of somatic work. So there's unconscious reprogramming stuff like unconscious reprogramming. It's really great for earlier childhood stuff that, um, upper limits. It's really good for, it's

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Some deeper trauma, like that may be ancestral and meaning like more of our lineage for me, like in my lineage over responsibility as a thing that I work with through unconscious reprogramming.

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Sometimes it's just about learning a skill and behaviorally shifting and then unconsciously. So there's five levels and I will, if it's a core wound, it's a core trigger, I will work all five of them. So over time, but unconsciously,

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Or with someone that you're working with. Yeah. And I would highly recommend only working with one trigger at a time. I think it's an ego play to then pull in, you know, like if you and I have a challenge, then be like, oh, in 1940, it was like bringing up all of the things. It's just going to be overwhelming. So one pattern at a time.

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I tend to look at what is, and I think a lot of people get lost in the person and miss what's happening with the pattern. Yeah. So for example, I could help heal my relationship with middle school experience, but what's the pattern? Oh, the pattern is how I'm seen. The pattern is not feeling safe. If somebody is talking about me behind my back, what's the pattern?

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And if I can resolve that at the root, then it doesn't matter where it shows up. I feel a lot freer. It's just more bang for your buck. It's just a deeper way to work. And I think it's like, if you have a weed, you're pulling it at the root rather than to the tops of the weeds.

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So part of my intention with the podcast is offering free tools and perspectives and especially my solo cast so that people can have this accessible. Where I go deeper into it is my certification program so that my coaches, healers, therapists, they do their own embodiment work. They really live the work and then they can more confidently serve others with it.

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But for people that either don't have the budget or just want to practice or try these, the solo casts that I do are really intended on giving people free tools to try on.

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I know that there's different schools of thought around that. I think one of the most important things is to take personal responsibility for what's being triggered inside of me. And to look at what the pattern is, what's the source of that? What's the root? And how can I really heal that from that original misunderstanding when I was a kid reading, not feeling smart enough?

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So if somebody triggers my insecurity, then I know it's not their fault. Maybe I won't put up with the way that they're talking to me and I'll have a boundary. And boundaries are really important to speak to. What I'm going to do to take care of myself, not trying to manage or change them.

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I may speak what a boundary is, but I'm still going to go back to the original wound or misunderstanding to heal that insecurity from grade school.

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I fail all the time. And I think that people who are successful just keep going. So I think that I have a very much a learning orientation to life. And I noticed that as soon as somebody is feeling like there's a failure, they look to point fingers to blame. And I think that that's really toxic. I think it's a way to avoid feeling something.

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Well, ideally, yeah, that tends to be. Otherwise, the most important thing I think is not blaming because people are going to knock on the door and your triggers are going to answer. And if you've done your work so that the triggers resolve, you have a different relationship with it or it's no longer there, people can keep knocking. But there's no more buttons to press.

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There's no one at the house. And so I think that's a better way to go about it. I tend to be really proactive with the work because my life gets better when I do that. And then I use any trigger to get free. I think of those triggers as breadcrumbs to a deeper sense of freedom in life. looking for the learnings, looking and really just doing one thing at a time, developing the toolkit.

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And even if somebody has say like three to five tools, I think that's fantastic. That's it. Like you don't need to have more, but I would say have them on multiple levels because some people really get stuck in the mind. Other people get lost in their emotions or we go through different phases of our life.

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And so the more we've got a integrative framework or a robust toolkit, the easier we can actually go to the root to resolve it.

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You're going to have other abilities developed. I have ADHD. I have dyslexia and I run a successful company doing what I love, making an impact in the world. And so I just want to remind people, any of those labels, we can unlearn and we can take our power back from them and use them as a way to share our gifts that's only aligned with how we are designed. I left everything I knew.

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I try my best not to do that so that I can look at everything from a learning, take personal responsibility. This doesn't always naturally happen, but I definitely have that orientation developed. And I would say I've invested in so many different contractors or people to work with, specifically Facebook ads people.

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So once, usually if the trigger's gone, then yes, the truth, the clarity of what's my truth is there. A time in my life where I just followed my truth and intuition where it made no sense, what you're asking?

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Yeah. I, so before I met you, I remember I was at San Diego state. It was becoming a marriage and family therapist. I had my life perfectly planned out in my mind. I had a beautiful man that I was with who was saving up to buy a wedding ring. I I was doing two master's programs at once. My overachiever was definitely alive. And one was for my head, one was for my heart.

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And I remember just as I started doing some really deep work inside myself, it's almost like I shifted timelines and it didn't make sense to my mind at all. But I left everything I knew. Like, I ended up leaving this relationship. I left San Diego. I left the graduate program to follow an impulse. It wasn't even an impulse. It was a knowing.

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And I wanted to have a story about why, because it was so hard to leave. Because there was nothing wrong. This man was beautiful. My life was planned out in my mind. And I just remember being in my Honda Prelude with my life packed in my car. And I'd gone to an acquaintance that I met. She let me stay at her place for like a week. And her walls were so thin. And I just wanted to cry.

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So we went to my car, sitting in my Honda Prelude with my life in my car and just bawling. And there was a part of me that was confused. And there was a deeper part of me that knew I had to honor this. And I had no idea where it was going to go. And that was one of the most courageous things that I'd done in my life.

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And it opened me to the life that I have now, which is beyond any of my wildest dreams that I could have even... I had so much low self-worth that I wouldn't even dream of the life that I have now. But I followed my intuition. I followed what felt true. I worked with the fears that came up.

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And I feel like, you know, the more I follow my intuition and I test that and I took it with smaller bites, the more I test that, I've never regretted following my truth, my intuition. Like it's always turned out and I had to develop that muscle.

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who have, I would say, not really necessarily had the best decisions around how to manage that budget, like some pretty large budgets, but I never went into blame. I wouldn't necessarily hire them again. I might talk about, you know, what was our agreements, what was mine, but if I go into blame, I know that then I'm stuck.

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Yeah, I think we're all intuitive. I think some of us just pay more attention to it. I think some of us care to develop it. And the way I sense things intuitively is through my gut. Like there's just a gut knowing. And I would recommend people start small where it may be like, I remember I'd be on a run and I'd be like, should I turn left or right?

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So small things that didn't have a lot of consequence to help build it. But one thing that I did that was really helpful was an intuition journal. So kind of like a dream journal, the more you pay attention to it, it helped build the confidence in it. So I would write down how I received the intuition. Was it through a thought? Was it a felt knowing? Was it a seeing?

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And then what was my intuition? Then how did it turn out? I did this for like a month. I didn't always have the result, but it helped build the confidence of saying, oh, actually, I'm already receiving intuition.

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And when I look back, and I think this is really helpful for people to do, like look back at your life at the times where you made intuitive decisions and choices and see how that did work out for yourself or if it didn't use it as feedback to refine. And then you just keep refining. testing. You don't have to trust it, but just small ways that have low impact, it will build that muscle.

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And then you can have that as a superpower in your life. Like there are things that I know that I don't need anyone else to confirm. And I just know, and it's very well developed now.

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I think the biggest thing that has changed my life is self-inquiry, questioning who and what I am. I think most of my life I had this conclusion and story. I was talking about like low self-worth. Most of my life was, oh, I'm not good enough. I'm not successful enough. I'm not smart enough, just not enough to some degree.

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And I remember really, I think with the inner work, if we want to go faster, slow down to really just bring presence and mindfulness. I've started to see that the I'm not enough and that I am enough are both stories that the mind was creating. That who I am is prior to those stories. So thoughts come and go, feelings come and go, people come and go, but there's something that doesn't come and go.

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This presence that is prior to all of that, this presence that is here now. And we've probably been on 20 silent retreats. And for me, the practices of stillness of just like, just being still and then questioning everything, but especially the identity of who I take myself to be has offered a conscious freedom that I, if I could offer it to anyone, that would be it.

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And in terms of like a learning orientation, I remember when we first got this house, I was so excited to be able to host people. This is why a big part of why we got this house, because I wanted to be in person and share my work. But in 2019, I didn't have a large enough organic audience to fill 100 spaces for an event.

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And I think spirituality is beautiful and it's a huge part of And I think we, I could get really lost in the spiritual teachings and all of them are helpful, but the deepest, most important one is identity is, and who is the one that is talking? Who is the one that you think you like moment to moment coming back to that?

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is more of an unraveling that opens a deeper level of freedom beyond any story or life experience. And I have so much to owe to Grace and teachers like Adyashanti, who's an incredible meditation teacher. A New Earth, that book, powerful, is something that I've come back to again and again. And then Byron Katie, who had her on the podcast, her inquiry.

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And I would invite people to do it around self-inquiry. You know, I am Alyssa. Is it true? I am a woman. Is it true? So really going through identity, unraveling and looking at each belief and discovering what's beyond all of that, all of the mind.

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Yeah. I think I've always, the most important thing for me is awakening. And so I've always used relationships or business. as a path to awakening. So any life triggers become the, you know, business is fun, but without that, it's not as valuable to me. Same as relationships. Relationships are everything and beautiful. And I want to share more about relationships because I think it can serve.

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But without looking at where's the source of love, what I am, I think we can get so caught in manipulation and control innocently, the psychological tendencies to look for the safety outside of ourselves versus waking up to the context, like the presence that is rather than getting caught. lost in the content that can be hard for me. I think of my life. I was going to write a book.

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I will see if I ever do, but I was going to call it stillness and stilettos. And so my life journey has always been having a foot in both world, honoring both equally, but from the context of, um, presence from stillness, that being the most important thing.

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So my invitation for people that are interested is to question who you are and you just stay with that long enough to keep coming back to and let it unravel you into the mystery and the miracle of what you already are.

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And I had just synchronistically connected with this group of girls, there was like 25 of us, who were genuinely here to support each other's work in the world. I had been doing Facebook ads before that, but apparently you don't do Facebook ads to fill an event. People come to an event because of a relationship that was already developed.

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Yeah. A few things. One of them is there's a part of me that still cares what people think. And when I don't feel safe or I feel dysregulated, I'll go towards control because control is really a fear-based pattern. And I'll go towards perfectionism. And so again, like

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I think one of the intentions of this podcast and sharing, I'm used to like moving my business online and doing webinars and also being a psychotherapist where you don't share as much of yourself. And so part of the intention of this and more long form podcast, media is to share a bit more vulnerably, meet that edge, and then also just be with the part of me that cares.

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And I feel like there's been so much growth on that psychological because of middle school and some of the trauma that happened from that. And there's other trauma that I'm not speaking to in my past because it's not appropriate to bring up here. And maybe one day I'll do a podcast on it just involves other people to get permission around.

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But the ability to just insource that safety and the sweetness that comes with really seeing that one, I think if I would ever tell myself to just let go, I feel like it's another concept I would use to judge myself. It's never helped to hear let go.

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And when I just hold on to the one that cares to create safety for that part of me, knowing it's not the whole of me that I talk about essence and ego in my certification program. So the essence of who I am wrapping the part of me, the ego that that cares is the thing that's not only instant. But it's so loving and nourishing.

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And it's almost like as the psychological clouds, like fear, insecurity, whatever the trauma is from the past, as I meet all of it with love, with presence, it parts the clouds to open to a deeper safety and presence that's

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here that's always here and for me for anyone for underneath all the insecure thoughts underneath all the insecure feelings but by meeting it with presence with acceptance parts the clouds to feel more of this wholeness the safety and i'll say this again and again but one of the greatest gifts i have found through this work is the thing that i'm afraid to feel holds the key to what i deeply desire and so a big part of my life of not feeling good enough but

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I was trying to run away from it. I was trying to succeed away from it versus just stopping to be with it and to allow it fully. And as I did, it opened me to my wholeness. And it also just makes sense. If I'm pushing a part of me away, I'm not going to feel whole.

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And as I welcome that, that one that cares or just, you know, without getting caught in the story of, I think I used to get caught in the story of, I shouldn't be that way or more identity in these parts of me.

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Warm leads, yeah. So it wouldn't be like cold leads to an event. That's not typical, or at least it wasn't back then.

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I shouldn't care or I should let go or whatever the shoulds or stories are. But as I just embrace that and allow it and feel it, there's a softening, there's a relaxing, there's a naturalness. And I think people can feel that. Yeah. And it's always available for all of us when we have the courage to just meet it. But feel it as a sensation, not a story. We can loop in the stories again and again.

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The somatic, to just drop into the energy of the thing I've been avoiding, the energy of not good enough, the energy of failure, the energy of rejection. And part of what I teach on this is like, for example, rejection, if I'm avoiding rejection, I'm rejecting that part of me and that will show up in my sales conversations. It will show up in relationships and dating.

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And again, as we work it at the root, we don't reject the one that's feeling rejected. We welcome that. We feel it's not only magnetic. People are attracted to that, but which is what we wanted those things anyways with the sales or the partner, friends, but those things matter less because again, life's a mirror. And so we feel more of that integration and that wholeness.

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And so I just share any of that because those are some of the things that I've discovered that I think can really help people along the way. Things that I've taken my whole life to realize that I hope serves people in coming home to themselves.

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Okay. Last time I had my husband interview me. No, I love it. Cause I did this with you when one time where I was like, I wanted you to say something to me and then I said it to me and then you called me and that didn't matter by that point. But I think just in my vulnerability.

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Goodness, so many things. And so in 2019, I got connected with this group of girls and we were all genuinely supporting each other. And I got on some of their podcasts. I was able to fill it and I got creative to say, why don't each of you bring a friend? And I just got creative with the marketing. So- I filled this event. I'd never done an event with 100 people. I was nervous.

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That feels tender. I want to hear, um, Thank you for having the courage to share yourself, to do something that's uncomfortable. Thank you for wanting to help me. And I can see that you're human and it's helping me accept the parts of me that are human too. And you don't have to be perfect to be loved. There's space for you to be exactly as you are.

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As I see you offer it to yourself, I'm learning how to offer it to myself. Thank you.

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And I think it's just about me accepting those parts of me. And I'm really grateful for the people that I, you know, I know that like my, I'm a mirror for people. I'm a mirror for people's shadow and light and people will project. And I know when I give myself permission for them to have their experience of me, regardless, I'm free.

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And so I don't need part of my philosophy is I don't need other people to be different. And I will do my work to find freedom because that's what I'm committed to in this life. Yeah. And it doesn't mean that it's easy because it still hurts sometimes, but I know when it hurts, it's pointing to something in me that I feel insecure about that's needing tending to.

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And so rather than trying to get other people to be different, I will keep using it as a mirror. And I know, and I'm a mirror for, you know, a lot of my students positively project. Like I will hold that mirror until they step into themselves and their greatness and see that I've always just been that, a mirror. Thank you.

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Thank you for creating safety for me to be able to share myself more organically and authentically, especially when storytelling and linear thinking is not my natural way of orienting. I love you.

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Me too. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world, starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost free way to support us is by leaving an up to five star review. It does mean the world to us. And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover.

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You're going to get behind the scenes access, showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify and leave a review now. You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it.

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And I was pitching my mastermind. I remember I was going to pitch on, I don't know if you remember this, I was going to pitch on stage. I had never pitched in public before. I was going to pitch on stage and invite these women to courageously stand if they wanted to join the mastermind. And I was so scared thinking that what if no one stands?

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And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below. But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at alissanobriga.com.

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Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

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And you were like, didn't you tell people to stand just in case? I'm like, no, I didn't do that. And I was like, no, I didn't do that. And I knew that I was inviting these women to be courageous, to invest in themselves, to go for their dreams. So I knew I needed to embody that. I needed to lead the way. And I like meeting my edges.

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It's not always comfortable, but I like how my life gets bigger by doing that. And so I pitched the mastermind on stage and it was incredible. We had more women stand, like they stood and I brought them up on stage. There was not enough space on stage. That's how many women joined. It was amazing.

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And so then friends of mine found out about how successful this was and they were like, let's, let's do that again. I'm like, great idea. So this time it was 350 women in the state on the, in the audience. And I had no doubt about this entire experience. And so it was like, we split the pitch between three of us and I was like, and stand. And then no one stood.

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I was like, oh, they just didn't hear me. It wasn't even in my realm of possibility thinking that they wouldn't have signed up. So I was like, and stand. And they still didn't stand up. And then I think I said it again. And one person stood up. And that's when I knew it was a flop. And I, in the past, before having the tools, would have gone down a shame spiral.

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I ended up leaving this relationship. I left San Diego. I left the graduate program. I followed my intuition. I worked with the fears that came up and I wanted to have a story about why, because it was so hard to leave. And I just remember being in my Honda Prelude with my life packed in my car. And there was a part of me that was confused and there was a deeper part of me that knew

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I would have really been caught in, I'm not good enough. The ego really wants to make it personal and mean something about ourselves and And I would have missed the opportunity to see that at the end of the event, there was a bunch of women lined up in the back asking questions.

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And what that told me, because I didn't go into that shame spiral, and I really did, you know, I had feelings about it, but I didn't stay there. I really offered myself compassion and self-forgiveness.

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and because of that i was able to stay creative and really see the evidence of what was happening that a lot of people had questions they were interested so instead of not pitching the next day and feeling shameful i went back up on stage and i made a clearer pitch i still needed to have a lot of conversations afterwards because it wasn't such a clean pitch the way that it first was but i didn't give up i stayed in conversations serving people until we filled the mastermind so it took a little bit of work at the end but again i think

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I think having a healthy relationship with failure, meaning it doesn't mean anything about us, maybe our skill about pitching or sales or whatnot, but it doesn't mean anything about us has been really helpful. And to not give up when it's hard.

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It's like, okay, if this is true for you, still go for it and know that you can actually have the success you want if you don't give up, if it's really alive and aligned.

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Yeah, it's a lot easier when the personalization of who I am, I'm not a failure, it failed. It's just a lot easier to do that. And of course, like the mind can get caught up and then it's just having the tools to come back to what's true. I found to be most helpful.

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Yeah, I think it's a great question. So I'll make a decision around if I keep going or not based on, is it my truth? Not from a trigger. So meaning like if I'm triggered, I won't make a decision about completing a program or a friendship or...

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I tend to work the trigger first. And when I work the trigger, then I know. It's almost like it takes the static off and it becomes more clear and obvious. No, this is still in alignment with my truth.

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We can dive into that as well. First, I'll work the trigger. And then if it's really connected with what's true for me, I'll keep moving forward. But I don't recommend people make a decision when they're triggered. I think that it can lead to a lot of...

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escapism and avoiding and i'll tend to face the very thing that i'm afraid of and that i'm scared to feel as a way to integrate into my nervous system it almost like parts the clouds and then my the clarity of what's true for me is revealed so i'll share a different story just to keep it fun and vulnerable so most of my professional life was just geared towards getting good at what i do so i love learning

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I had to honor this. And that was one of the most courageous things that I'd done. And it opened me to the life that I have now, which is beyond my wildest dreams. Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today's episode is a little different because I'm not the one asking questions. My husband's actually interviewing me. And I have to admit, this one feels extra vulnerable.

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And I have two master's degrees, a gazillion certifications. Like after I stopped going to school, I started a school. I just value learning. And so I got good at what I did. And then I really poured my entire body of work into my certification program. I gave it my heart and soul. I didn't hold anything back.

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I was like, this is my love letter back to the universe to support up leveling the coaching industry. And I remember it was about three years in to the certification where I was launching it. And I recommend every time you're doing online marketing, track your metrics, know exactly where you are. And I had poured, I think 50 over, over $500,000 into ads.

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It was a month before I was about to launch the program. It was the only program that my company was, it was not smart as a business move, but it was the only program. financial revenue that we had as a company. It was this program and it was January. The program started in February. And so it was a risky moment, a risky way to run business. Now I've learned since.

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But I went all in and I was tracking the metrics and where we were meant to be, how we tracked it for three years prior, the day that it was meant to be our biggest sales weren't there. And I was deflated. And I remember just feeling like, wow, like I had poured everything into it.

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I couldn't, you know, I couldn't, I had also never felt more spiritual energy for anything that I'd created in my life than doing this program. Like it took a lot out of me and it also gave me so much. Like I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud of my students and what they do, but launching it really challenged me at this year. And so the numbers weren't there. And I remember I, I,

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normally would have gone into strategizing and like really trying to change the numbers so that it worked. And I love that part of me. I think it's great to really be resourceful and not give up like we were talking about, but I could tell that I would have been doing it from a place of avoiding feeling failure.

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And so because I know better and I know that even if this was a success, I would have taken that patterning and that programming with me and felt anxiety because I was trying to manage and control things outside of me. And so it was a Friday and I just took the weekend off. I was like, let's go to Ojai. And I just stopped tracking.

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And I remember I did the work to really find a deeper place of peace with whatever happened. And I already knew like whoever was meant to be served by this offering would be, but I really got to come to a deeper sense of peace of like, this is out of my control to a degree.

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And I need to come to a sense of just feeling failure as a sensation, not a story, but really just allowing myself to meet failure. And so I did. And I genuinely got to a place of peace with it. I was like, okay, I'm okay regardless. And I gave it my all. And I remember I got back Monday morning and I looked at the numbers and they just started coming in.

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And they had never come in that late in previous years. It ended up being the most successful launch we had had to date, but only after I had really given up control and surrendered to what was. And I really value somatic work. I really value feeling the thing that I was afraid of, which was failure.

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And I value feeling it as a sensation in the body, not getting caught up in the story, which can loop us over and over again. And so I created a podcast episode to guide people through just like a really powerful, that exact process that I did. I'll link it in the show notes below for people, but it was transformative. And then it was like, oh, I can have my power now.

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I've spent years coaching and supporting others through their challenges. But in this episode, I'm pulling back the curtains of my own struggles and And so I'll be sharing moments that didn't go as planned, the failures, the doubts, the lessons that I've learned along the way. And I know we all face setbacks and while they can be tough, they also have the power to shape us.

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over this sensation, knowing that I'm okay regardless. And then I was more creative and resourceful and less trying to manage out there so that I didn't feel a certain way. I was like, no, I can feel uncomfortable. I can stretch the capacity to be with the range of my human experience and still find a sense of peace and safety regardless.

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So I got the lesson and then, you know, since been changing my business model too, so I don't have to put myself through, you know, kind of riskier moves.

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I specifically feel light on my back. It's almost like, imagine if I were to have wings, like there would be light energy on and it's almost like tingling. And it just felt like it was fueling my body and just pouring through. And I felt like there was this co-creative force where I was doing deep listening.

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I knew the material I wanted to share, but it was also leading by listening just, and like insights would come in or I'd hear something and I would add it. And I've really continued to optimize this program because I think it's great to hear feedback and just continue taking care of your people.

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So it still feels like this co-creation, but in that time of real building it, I was working a lot of hours and I have never felt more fueled by it. an intelligence, a life force energy, just that was moving from like essentially the back of my heart through my hands and moving out. And it was energizing. It called me forward. It pulled me in different ways. And I feel like it almost matured me.

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No, no, it's beautiful. And I really hear it comes back to safety and survival. And the unconscious thinks is familiar. It thinks it's safe, even if it's not. And so part of this, I'm hearing you say, get to know yourself and get to know your partner. And I'm just curious about the one that feels controlled and the one that feels neglected. Do you find that those pairs go together?

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Like as in partnership, you wouldn't really attract to neglected, right? It would typically, it'll be a partnership of one of the opposite because I'm seeing that with my husband and I.

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That makes sense. And you guys are opening up so many conversations I want to get into, and this is already so rich and valuable. And there's a conversation online right now that I'm hearing, which is like the most important decision you will make is who you marry. And then it stresses people out because they feel worried about choosing the wrong partner or making sure to choose the right partner.

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I love this body of work, and it shares practical ways that you can use the Imago dialogue to rebuild trust, to create connection, to move through any difficult relational conversations, whether it be with your kids, whether it be with your partner, your coworkers. It's a really beautiful framework that we're going to dive in today. It is a good one. Enjoy.

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And let's talk about that. And I love what you're saying because people get so tripped up about making the wrong decision picking. And I think that gets us up into our head. And then we have a fight between our head and our heart versus trust, life's intelligence. Obviously, don't be with somebody that's physically abusive. There's tolerances.

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toxicity and that, but you can be with somebody because your heart, it's almost like nature's way of bait and switch, get you all drunk on cocktails of oxytocin and like getting in love so that then you're committed to do the work to get free, whether you end up staying with them or however that feels true for you, but do the work to grow, to find peace inside of yourself.

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This is my robust, accredited, yearlong certification program for newer seasoned coaches, therapists, leaders, and those just looking to uplevel their life in a profound way. We have an amazing community of students from all around the world who have really started their journey to expand with us both personally and professionally.

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And this experience is designed to give you the three things that you need to thrive. So first, you have all of the tools and support you need to move past what's been holding you back so that you can completely change the trajectory of your life.

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Well, first off, I'm just so grateful to have you two. And I want to share some of my story about how I discovered the power of your work. And so I became a licensed psychotherapist and I first discovered your work. I had actually found somebody that was an Imago therapist, your approach, because it was so important to me and it was so transformative.

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and then you learn how to masterfully and confidently facilitate transformation with your clients or your team regardless of your niche if you want to do health business relationship or you just have no idea yet we hold your hand through that and then lastly you'll receive my six figure and beyond signature roadmap that's customizable to meet you wherever you are so whether you want to do high ticket sales online marketing or you just want to hit six figures without ever needing to go on social media we've got you covered

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And this truly is the most rewarding work in the world. We have new students now who have a wait list of dream clients in under a year. We also have seasoned students who are doing $80,000 months. And this is really about creating lasting transformation from the inside out so that you can share your gifts and serve the world in all the ways that you're called to.

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And I've seen firsthand the power of what happens when you have the community to collaborate with, but you also have the right tools and resources to really thrive. And so whether you want to do your own personal development, you're wanting to become a coach, or you're just looking for a cutting edge approach to really grow your business, the Institute for Coaching Mastery is for you.

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you are held every single step of the way. And so if you want to get behind the scenes access to the Institute with three proven transformational tools for free to help you create the business and life you love, all you have to do is go to alissanobriga.com forward slash tools, or you can find us at alissanobriga.com forward slash apply now to see all the details and apply today.

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I love the Imago dialogue. So I found an Imago therapist to be my supervisor when I was a marriage and family therapist intern, because I wanted to go deeper into your guys' work and I wanted to get feedback and really immerse myself in a new way of relating. And I know the dialogue is powerful. It's extremely valuable.

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And so for people that don't know the structure, and obviously the Imago process goes much deeper than just the dialogue. But just for people that want to have a conversation, that structure creates so much safety.

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Can you break down what the Imago Dialogue is and then how do you use it to avoid a fight so you can have a difficult conversation but really still stay connected with each other emotionally?

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I first found your work when you were on Oprah. I think you guys were on Oprah for a few times. And I was like, this is going to change the game for people relationally. I didn't have any good models. I really wanted to learn how to do relationships in a new way. And so I could feel the power of the work that you did when I first learned about it.

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And I want to recognize you guys because you have made something so... common now mainstream because of your work. So this idea that we attract somebody who's going to near the childhood wounds and all of the things that we have with our partner relate back to the parent that we had harder times with growing up, not getting our needs met that came from you guys.

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And that has changed thousands of people's lives. I want to make sure you guys get credit for that because even just that concept, is remarkable. So it's not like I'm with the wrong person or this is bad. It's like, oh, no, these are things that are looking to be healed inside of me.

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And so I want to just acknowledge you guys for your body of work, that being one of the things that is now mainstream and has changed the game for so many people internationally. But I would just love to hear from you guys just what like so that I can hear from you. Why do we unconsciously attract a partner that will near the parent or caregiver that we had our unmet needs from most?

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And it's beautiful because like you were speaking of just now, Helen, it's like we go in, if we're in a fight, usually we're going into our reptilian brain. We're not functioning from our higher cortex and prefrontal cortex. We're not rationally thinking clearly. And so having the dialogue creates that safety so we feel seen and heard.

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and we calm down, we both feel, we've got this template so we don't have to think about, what do I say? It's literally plug and play with any conflict or any misunderstanding to really regulate your nervous system. And one of the things I remembered is that my kids' school took your guys' imago dialogue and they called it the peace path.

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And so you have, and most of us didn't learn this in childhood, but my kids' school have, where you take one step up the ladder and you say, the thing I did to contribute problems in this dynamic was, and you take personal responsibility, And you keep taking one step up. So you learn conflict resolution and personal responsibility.

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And you really join making that ladder, that physicalizing it, which is so helpful and beautiful. And I know that nowadays, you know, you guys have worked with hundreds of couples, a lot on the brink of separation. And in 2024, just last year, the divorce rate for first time marriages is 40 to 50%.

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And so I'm just wondering if there's something that couples, either a myth you want to debunk that's in the mainstream now, or if there's a misunderstanding or something that they're doing that's quietly killing the relationship, what would you say that is?

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Well, I love it. I love that you guys have used your relationship as a laboratory, that you have really listened to your clients to hear what is the framework that's going to create that safety so people can find and use conflict to grow closer together, that it's not bad, but it really can be a way to understand ourselves and help each other heal at the root.

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Whatever the missed childhood experience that we didn't get, of course, we're going to be attracted to the very person that doesn't give it so that we can stretch ourselves to develop more of our full spectrum and offer ourselves in our

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partners healing which is so beautiful and just in closing for those that may have lost faith in love maybe they're single and they don't know if they're going to find the right person or they're in relationship but they're feeling disconnected what would you guys want to say to them well

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Yeah. Thank you guys for your body of work. Thank you for helping more couples become conscious and have peace and connection by understanding themselves and normalizing some of these things, growing closer together, more intimate and connected. I am deeply grateful for your work and we will make sure to add the links below.

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Thank you for your love and thank you for being so authentic in your willingness to find true love in the misunderstandings and the fear-based states that we all go through. And what a gift you two are.

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Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by leaving an up to five-star review. It does mean the world to us. And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover.

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You're going to get behind the scenes access, showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple podcast or Spotify and leave a review. Now you can take a screenshot before hitting submit and and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it.

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And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below. But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at alissanobriga.

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Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

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I want to pause because that is so important what you just shared. So it's like the negativity triggers the brain's survival. It doesn't feel safe in that environment. And so negativity can be the first killer of real connection and intimacy and safety is what I'm hearing.

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Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're going to be talking about why do we attract partners who mirror the childhood wounds that we had. The creators of this theory that has revolutionized relationships since the 80s are here on the podcast today.

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They're also going to be sharing about how to turn conflict into connection and what some of the biggest destroyers are that silently ruin relationships and what you can do differently because of it. So I first discovered Harville Hendricks and Helen Hunt on Oprah. They are the founders of Imago Psychotherapy. I got trained in it.

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Yeah, no, it's great to say if you're the avoidant, right? Like I'll be back tonight so that the anxious one doesn't have that abandonment trigger come up. And then the anxious one learns to self-soothe or be with the part of them that's scared of being abandoned so that they don't abandon themselves outsourcing their okayness to someone else.

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Like yes, doing the inner work and then yes, doing it in relationship, but inside out because you are attracted to somebody that's going to trigger your wounds. They're not always going to be available to presence and that's just the nature of it. So it's more empowering to have the tools to navigate it inside.

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He's a podcast host, and he's been inspiring millions around the globe about relationships. And so he's gonna really break down what true compatibility looks like And we're going to give you practical ways to let yourself receive greater intimacy and connection in all your relationships. It's a good one. Enjoy. Mark, I'm so happy that you are here.

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I agree. It's your professional responsibility to do your work so that you can hold a safe and compassionate space for your clients.

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Yeah. And really the goal and part of the intention of this podcast is to help give people tools to feel more empowered, to live a better life so that they're not dependent.

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I'm a huge fan of therapy coaching and programs to elevate and accelerate, but from the place of wholeness, from the place of optimization, not from you're lacking and you need something to fix you or you need somebody outside of yourself. Any good coach is going to help their client find their own power and be able to accelerate in that container, but not create unconscious dependency.

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Sometimes I would see in the therapeutic, and I know it happens with coaching too, where there creates a dependency on the other person. And that's not, that's not clean. It's really about helping give the client their own power by you embodying the work as a service professional first.

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I want to talk just a minute about disorganized because we didn't cover that as much. Are there nuances with disorganized attachment style that might be helpful for somebody to understand a bit more about that pattern or dynamic? Because I want to make sure that it's not just a one-time thing that comes up and they're like, I'm disorganized. I want them and then I don't want them.

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And I want to kind of kick us off with talking about attachment styles because I know these are really popular and they help people understand themselves and how to navigate relationships more easily, which is a big part of your work.

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It's more of like a deep-seated habit or a pattern that's playing out for them.

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Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah. Cause it's like from childhood, you may have gotten love and attention from that caregiver, but then they also, there could have been physical or sexual abuse. So then it gets confusing. And so to have compassion with ourselves and to do the work, knowing that we can heal and reprogram that is really empowering.

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Talk to us about just the high level, what the different attachment styles are, and then how we can differentiate the different ones for anybody to be able to understand them.

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And so again, more awareness, but also compassionate awareness, like you can change it and working with a trained therapist coach or a friend that's securely attached. I know before I got into my relationship with my husband, my best friend and I were like, well, why not use our friendship as a way to help each other heal until our partners come?

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Because you can use anyone as long as, you know, as a conscious relationship to look at them as a mirror and have those microscopic truths about, I get nervous when you say that and to slow it down. And like part of what you were sharing is, What would be helpful if I want to take space? Do you need me to check in with you?

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It's like being more conscious instead of programmed, I think will help just make it easier to navigate if you have a willing friend or partner. And if you don't, you can still do the work on your own again with a therapist or trained professional, which is really great.

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I've heard of this term breadcrumbing just recently, where it's like you give them just enough attention to keep pulling them through, but not enough to kind of commit or take it further. Talk to us about breadcrumbing. Is that one style or another? Is that something separate? And then how do you identify it or kind of overcome that dynamic?

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That's right. That's right. I was gonna ask you about this, which I love you're speaking to, because self-worth, I would say, is at the heart as the medicine for a lot of relational, whatever the relational dynamics are. Learning how to insource our own safety,

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And feeling a deeper sense of our inherent worth and value, independent of how other people see or treat us, because sometimes people will abandon their own needs for the sake of connection or they'll chase or collapse, ignoring their own needs so that they can feel connected. But what you're speaking to is that deeper sense of.

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Connecting within themselves, like instead of outsourcing that, even embracing the part of me that feels insecure helps me start feeling more secure or embracing the part of me that doesn't feel worthy helps me feel more worthy because it's not about becoming more worthy. It's just about parting the clouds.

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of the insecure thoughts or the insecure feelings so that I can feel a deeper sense of okayness of confidence that doesn't come and go. And no one can take that away from you, which is then a deeper, secure attachment, you know, where it's like, it's not outsourced. And so I love that you bring that up.

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Are there other tools or practices so that people can really embody a deeper sense of worth and value and not get caught up in a meshment?

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And there are so many things that I just want to highlight that are helpful in what you shared, because it's like when we're growing up in a family system, we need attachment from our caregivers so that we know we're going to survive. And so rather than thinking something's wrong with them, it's usually the thought is something's wrong with me.

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this inherent misunderstanding about our worth, which was a great survival strategy, just not accurate. And so to have compassion with ourselves, every once in a while, there's like a little bit more mature of an interpretation that something's wrong with them rather than us. And yet going back, as we start to create those changes, it's harder with the dynamics of the past because

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People have benefited from you not knowing and speaking your needs. And so it's going to disrupt some things and it'll be harder, but in the end, it's healthy for you and the whole system. And so just giving ourselves compassion for how things were, knowing that it might be a little rocky as you find your truth and your desires and speaking that. But really, as we start to insource a sense of

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safety and wholeness and be in communities that support that so that it's not necessarily our family system because they might not be available for that. It'll help build that confidence then to pave a new way. And if they're ready and available, they'll join you and it'll elevate your whole family system or your relational dynamics too.

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And it's okay if people are like, I don't want to go back to my family system. I need space from my family. that's okay too. Do whatever's healthy for you.

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It's easier to take that space to establish it in a new community or with friends than to go into your original family system and try to do it from there is what I hear.

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Well, for me, boundaries, the way that I like it is saying like what I will do in a particular situation rather than trying to get them to change. So then I can always honor my own boundary, even if they don't, right? So it's like, if you make a date with me and you're late, I won't make another date. You know, it's just sharing what you'll do so that it's not like a threat.

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It's just more of like having self-respect and communicating that and they can participate or not.

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Yeah, and this is, you know, as people are becoming more self-aware, just listening, just again, being compassionate because the safety strategies that you have served a purpose, they really did help you. And now you're learning to evolve differently and really take the reins back from your life. So the compassion is important with the awareness.

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Otherwise, because if you judge it, you're further stuck with it. Or if you identify as somebody that... doesn't have boundaries, it's harder to change that because identity is hard to change. So it's like, oh, I have a pattern up until now, but it's not who you are. So just those two, don't identify, don't judge. It's helpful.

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But I want to ask you a few questions about one is like, is there a question you feel like people should ask themselves before getting into a relationship?

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Where you're abandoning your truth. You're abandoning yourself. Yeah. And what I also hear you saying is if you're judging something, you can't hear the wisdom within it. So instead of being like, I judge nice guys. Well, it's like, well, maybe not. Let's get a little bit more curious. Maybe it's the manipulation that you're a no to and your body can feel that.

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So without judging it, you can hear the wisdom inside of it. But this leads me to another question that I'm actually really excited to have with you because there's somebody in my life that I love and I won't call them out. But I was talking to them and this is very common that I'm hearing from people where they're like, yeah, I like this person, but I don't feel that excitement.

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And so I don't know if I should move forward with it. And so I'm curious your personal framework around when is somebody compatible to move forward with versus when is it just being compared to that initial attraction? Because sometimes people like this person I'm thinking in my life, they're like, yeah, I felt it with my ex person.

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And I want that aliveness to be able to go further into that relationship versus when it like, what is compatibility versus that initial kind of chemistry and attraction so that people can differentiate?

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And I'm so close to them that they can't hear me say that. So I'm going to send this to them. But I think this is also going to serve a lot of people. Yes.

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That's why I'm so passionate about people doing the work, having community coaches, therapists, to really help them embody their inherent worth and value. And as there's a match to that, they can't help but attract somebody that meets them or elevates them and their self-worth rather than going lower because you won't put up with anything less than you're already giving yourself.

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exactly it the standard yeah this person i was talking about is more avoidant and so i think looking at where where are they avoidant within themselves and how can they start to presence the parts that and the avoidance isn't bad it's just a safety strategy and so how do you really presence that deeper fear so that it can integrate and it can be more conscious and less programmed into a avoidance strategy so i think that's part of the way that it starts shifting but

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Great insights on that. Thank you. That was super helpful.

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And so then really questioning those misunderstandings and being with those parts of us emotionally and then somatically integrating it is more of like a robust to shift it method and way. Yeah. And for people that are in relationship and they're feeling disconnected, are there any tools or practices to rebuild intimacy that you found really helpful?

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Yeah, and I think we nurture the relationship ongoing. So it needs to be like that garden that you're tending to and pulling out weeds. I think in the beginning of being together, there's the honeymoon phase, which actually doesn't have to end if you keep nurturing and peeling the, taking away the weeds that block the love that's already there, where you can keep flowering.

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But then there are going to be some weeds that come up. I think in the past, it used to be that past generations would say, like, the kids come first, and I think the divorce rates kind of show what happens, and it's got the best of intentions.

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And nowadays, people are saying the relationship comes first, but I think even more than that, our relationship within ourself comes first, then the couplehood, and then the kids, because the kids are gonna thrive with the couple being good, and the couple's gonna be good when you know and have the tools to navigate your own triggers and you're self-aware and then you can heal in relationship.

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I'm a big fan of that. But also having the tools to navigate because we attract partners that are going to bring up our wounds. We need to learn how to do some of the deeper excavating work, pulling out the weeds because they're not going to be always available to heal with us. And that's normal and that's okay. And there is a point where the big healing phase does end.

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But whether you do it with one partner or another, you still have to do the healing work because it's gonna be projected onto somebody. You have to see it and play it out with somebody, and it's not bad. But with the tools and with the committing to the work, it does actually get easier, and I want people to know that.

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Yeah, I'm with you. I do the same business and love as vehicles for awakening and healing. That's the foundation for the work that I do. I love there's so much synergy and excitement about like the mutual work that we do and

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Yeah, and I think that's so empowering to know. And if people have never seen those, I think it's Mary Ainsworth, some of those original videos with kids when the mom reenters and leaves, I think it's fascinating to watch. But it's great to know that regardless of what happened in your past, you can get to more secure attachment. I took a test as an adult, which I thought was really helpful.

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And using all of it because if we're ever thinking that something outside of us is going to make sure that we're okay, we're going to be anxious, we're going to be manipulative and controlling and we lose our power versus knowing how to navigate and heal and really center within ourselves helps us live more free, more authentic, more aligned.

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And then there's less trying to manipulate and control life outside of us because we are sourced. There's a deeper truth. And actually, I was going to bring this up because I did some work with my husband, with David Data, and I was talking to him and I said something about toxic masculinity and femininity. He said, try on, instead of saying toxic, saying undeveloped.

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And I really appreciated that because it felt more compassionate. It's not intentional. It's just young. It's just unconscious, but it also feels more true. And so these undeveloped patterns and ways of being feminine, masculine that we all have within us, I think it's helpful. I don't know if there's any kind of

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trends or maybe even in heterosexual relationships that you have found that maybe to speak more from the the male perspective i'm curious if there are things that you've discovered in your work just around kind of relational patterns or like undeveloped masculinity

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There was that book Attached that I just took their test.

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And it's also malleable. So even if you're secure at one point, maybe you revert back because maybe you're anxious and then you meet somebody that's avoidant and it re-triggers something. Because I know between the anxious and the avoidant, there's like this tug of war, right? Like the anxious clings and chases and then the avoidant pulls away.

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I remember my husband doing some of that work and saying, am I the man that I would want my daughters to date? that became a huge integrity barometer of like, check, like, am I really embodying that?

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And I think back to your point of having a community that mirrors values, not overcompensating for who we think the undeveloped masculine is, but just having communities are, what is the consciousness of the communities that we're in or what movies or podcasts or games are we watching or our kids watching that are really

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influencing how we be in the world, I think is important, because we're communal beings, and so we're gonna want to. Totally.

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How would you help somebody or how do you recommend those two because those feel complicated or disorganized? What are some things that you found in your work help people break those habits so that they can actually find the safety that they're looking for underneath? And I love that you bring that perspective. We're always looking for safety underneath whatever the style of attachment is.

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And I think where we come from in what we're doing is more important than what we're doing in terms of Am I wanting to be a stay-at-home mom? Am I wanting to work? Do I want to do both? Or, you know, hunting with reverence, with respect, not just, like, slaughtering. You know, like, I think the intention behind it also is important, but being authentic and being true to ourselves. Yeah.

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Yeah. I love the reverence that we can come to within each other. And then as we wake up to the truth of who and what we are, we see that mirrored in our partners. And in conscious relationship, we can be those mirrors to help us see parts of ourselves that haven't been seen so that we wake up more fully. And I think there's no better gift

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And I just want to thank you for your vulnerability, your honesty, the work that you've done, the way that you're leading and supporting people and seeing relationships more clearly. It's been such a gift to drop in with you. I knew we were going to drop in right away, but there's so much alignment in terms of our values and the work, the depth of the work that you do, which is really beautiful.

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And I know my audience is going to want to stay connected, share with us where they find you, what you're up to.

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It's so important to have that framework. And so I love that you are diving deeper into it. I think it can help people. The storyline is helpful to start waking up from the story, but also integrating the energy to not miss that. I think it's such a powerful piece.

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We don't need to know the story to integrate it energetically in our body and our nervous system so that we can feel safety and regulation. That's our power.

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Yeah. What a gift you are. Thanks, Mark. So good. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by leaving an up to five star review. It does mean the world to us.

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And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover. You're going to get behind the scenes access, showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify and leave a review now.

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You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it. And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below.

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But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at Alyssa Nobrega. Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

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Unconsciously to help others so that then they feel okay. Like this codependence. Yeah.

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That's why I'm so passionate about people doing the work to really help them embody their inherent worth and value. And they can't help but attract somebody that meets them or elevates them.

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self-repetuating if we're not conscious of it.

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I think that brings such a, like, I really hear you talking about self-awareness, which is key. And as you're talking, I'm also thinking when people take it personal because somebody doesn't like them, it's so clear to me having worked as a psychotherapist with couples, I was like, it has nothing to do with you. It's all about, do your patterns match? I am I a puzzle piece for your wounds?

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And are you for mine? It's not personal. It's just programming. And so people thinking like it, they don't like me, something's wrong with me. None of that is relevant or true. It's more about some of these safety strategies that you're talking about, which I think is helpful then to learn how to self-soothe and really regulate our own nervous system.

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But you said something about co-regulating was hard for the avoidant. Are there specific practices that you found helpful for co-regulation?

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I think it's like this bait and hook switch, right? Like you get them caught on oxytocin, dopamine, you're like, yes to them. And then you're emotionally caught so that you do the deeper healing work. And I think there's a design in it, but it's so much easier when you have the self-awareness to then not take it personally and to have the tools to meet in the middle.

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and i love that we're talking about this because yes coaches therapists healers facilitators the more they like this work as we do this work it helps our relationships but if we are a service professional then we're going to be able to better hold space for our clients without our stuff getting caught in it and sometimes i'll teach attachment style with sales or i'll do nervous system regulation with sales because you know the same patterns show up where it's like

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I'm taking coaching off the table if they're an avoidant type where it's like I'm withdrawing the offer if they feel like they'll be rejected or abandoned. Same. It's like going to the root to heal these things elevates every other relationship. Our partners, our kids, our parents, our coworkers. And so. I'm just a huge fan of doing the deeper work at the root because it elevates everything else.

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Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're gonna be exploring how understanding our attachment styles helps us foster healthier, more intimate, connected relationships, and what the number one question you should ask yourself before getting into a relationship. We are joined by Mark Groves, who is a human connection specialist.

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Yeah. And for people that are like 14 hours of not eating, you can slowly work your way towards that. I just got off a call with my doctor who I was doing more like 17. And she was based on my hormones was saying to cut it back to more like 12 to 14. So it's good to listen to our bodies and, and to see, but those habits, I think we, I do stop getting hungry after a while, or you have tea and,

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and really give your gut a break, essentially.

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And for me, it was harder the first week or two getting into intermittent fasting and restricted eating. And so just understanding that habit of when you eat and getting hungry, just to give yourself some space to find out if it really can work for you. But with the fermented foods, are there specific ones that are better in terms of the microbiome supporting it?

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Thanks for being here, Tim. I wanted to kind of dive in to talk about Ozempic because I know this is a really popular topic right now. And I'm curious specifically your thoughts on it in general, but also how it may support our mental and gut health.

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And I hear variety. I keep hearing variety. And so what are some grounded or practical ways to make it easy for people to incorporate 30 different plants a week?

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Yeah, I was going to ask you about probiotics because I know that that can obviously support the gut. Empty stomach, does it matter? Talk to us a little bit about probiotics.

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Yeah. And I appreciate the research that you bring and the honesty that you bring to it. And I really hear you saying that food is the best source and probiotics and probably having variety of different probiotics and strains also support the microbiome is good. And I think that's really helpful. And I'm sure we'll get to a place where it's personalized. And I know we're not quite there yet.

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In America, there's 20 million people that are affected by a thyroid condition. And 60% of those are not aware of that, of that they have a thyroid condition. I have Hashimoto's hypothyroid and I've found the connection between my gut health and my thyroid.

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And I don't know if you've seen that specifically or other issues around diseases or conditions around rooting back to the gut, but I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

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is before you get the blood markers changing or anything is this self-reported feeling of mood lifting and less fatigue which is great news and even me hearing just from i had a doctor appointment yesterday and i've had i'm 41 i've had thyroid conditions since i was 14 or so and

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it's ever unstable it's it points back to my gut and so i just want to be a voice and a story for people that right now i'm not changing my medication because i'm going to clean up my gut even more and because once i do that then my thyroid does stabilize because i've done it the other way where i've tried to change my thyroid medication and it didn't stabilize so then really addressing it from the gut has helped me stabilize it not need to change my thyroid medication

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but I'm just thinking about most people don't know that they have gut issues. What are some symptoms that would tell them that their gut is out of balance?

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Yeah, and I love how practical what you're sharing is. And I know sometimes healing the gut, like leaky gut, for example, can be hard. So I present as if I were to have like a really great microbiome and I can tell that some of my, just because I do a lot of lab tests and I care, I can tell that my body doesn't always absorb the nutrients that I feed it.

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And so what are some of the most powerful and practical things people can do to heal their gut?

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especially when they've changed their diet and things like that maybe going a little bit deeper into some of the nuances because i know there's an intelligence in the gut for the bad bacteria that want to live and they hide behind say biofilm and so like there's it gets more uh they're sneaky and so i would love for you to share some of the more powerful protocols that you've seen work to help people really heal and get rid of the sneaky critters is that right so

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It's good to hear this because I've been on protocols where I've taken three antibiotics that were more pharmacy grade in addition to two natural ones like black walnut and oil of oregano, things like that to really break down some of the things that I've had with gut issues.

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And what I'm hearing you say is a bit different in terms of just feed your body the environment that will help it thrive and it'll push the bad guys out. And I don't... Normally here, a doctor really promotes so much food as the pharmacy, right? Like the farm being the pharmacy, quote unquote. My assistant has a hat that says farms, not pharma.

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And it just comes back to really trusting our body's intelligence to heal itself under the right conditions. So removing some of those sugars. You were saying something about fat. Is there a specific kind of fat?

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Yeah, that's what I'm hearing you say. Healing the gut is a physical thing, but it affects us in terms of our emotional wellbeing, our relationships. Can you speak a little bit to that?

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Mm-hmm. Yeah, me as well. And I know in the wellness communities, the conversation is controversial around pro dairy or not to do dairy. And I'm curious, I know you're pro dairy as I'm assuming if you're not lactose intolerant, I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

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Yeah, yeah. Is there any new research about alcohol that has surprised you? I know that 4.5% of alcohol use has decreased in 2023. And you know more people are looking for alternatives just because of the side effects of mood and how it deteriorates your brain depending on the usage. Any new research that surprised you?

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Yeah. And I know the food standard is very different in terms of the US and Europe, where the US will have more additives and preservatives. What should we be aware of for those of us in the US around how that affects our microbiome?

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I feel like that's the only way it's really going to shift. Talk to us more about what you're doing. I know my audience is going to want to stay connected and hear about what you've got going on. Tell us more about this and how they stay connected.

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And we'll make sure to put the links in the show notes here below. Thank you for your time, Tim. Thank you for what you're doing in the world. I'm so grateful that we've connected, especially right now. I know I'm going to do a whole new revamp on some of the practical things that you've shared here. So really grateful for you and the work that you're doing.

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Are there some themes that you're seeing or people are seeing around the personality changes besides like the gambling and things like that? Are there anything that you can share?

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Yeah, be interesting to keep finding out and watching that. And I also know that you talk about how coffee supports the microbiome. And I know you're a big fan of that. And I would love to hear a little bit more about that. I personally can't have coffee. My body doesn't break down whatever the gene is that would have it break down. So I'll use dark chocolate.

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And so anything you want to plug about dark chocolate being good for you, I'm happy to hear it. But what's your experience or what's the research share about coffee and microbiome?

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What are some grounded or practical ways to make it easy for people to incorporate 30 different plants a week?

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No, I love it. I love it. And I feel like it's becoming more and more popular and I think for good reason. And so I want to hear all about how we can be educated and learn about our body and all the different links. So we'll unpack that here. In terms of coffee and emotional wellbeing, what are you seeing in terms of correlation?

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Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're going to break down the truth about gut health, what foods can really help you thrive, as well as Ozempic, and if coffee is good for you, we're also going to touch in on alcohol, all the practical ways to help you live more optimally and healthy.

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Yeah, I noticed that maca, the root, feels like it's almost revving my engine in a deep way, whereas caffeine can feel wiry, more surface and anxious producing for my body. And so just testing different things out, I think is helpful, but I love caffeine. the research you're finding with the microbiome.

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And I think a lot of people are going to be excited to hear that coffee does support their microbiome. And I also know that you talk about eating clean and the quality of food in your books. What should we be eating? How can we be more educated about what to eat for our health?

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Our guest today, Dr. Tim Spector, is a world-renowned epidemiologist and best-selling author transforming the way we see food and the microbiome. And so whether you're new to the gut health conversation or you're looking to deepen it, today's conversation is going to inspire you with practical things you can do to elevate your energy, your mood, and your overall health. So happy to have you here.

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I'm going to share with you behind the scenes coaching demos, pulling people up to coach. And I'll give you daily prizes and tools that you can use on yourself and with your clients right away. So you're going to discover the real reason people don't create change so that you can more easily step into your goals.

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I'll show you how you can create the income that you desire and practical strategies for where to create clients today for free, as well as heart-centered sales. You can fall in love with sales with this approach. And I'm going to teach you my manifestation packs as well so that you have everything that you need to embody a deeper sense of confidence.

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And then lastly, I will share with you, not only tell you, but also show you the power of embodiment work so that you can specifically use it to transform your relationship with money and attract real abundance so that you really set up to scale with ease and all the ways that you're called to. I cannot wait to share this with you. Again, it's absolutely free.

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It's transformational and it's going to be so good. And research shows that we grow so much faster in community. So send this to a friend that you want to do this with and help hold yourself accountable. Again, it's free. So join us before it's too late. All you have to do is go to AlyssaNobriga.com forward slash bootcamp and reserve your space now. Yeah, those regrets tend to happen.

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So if you're ready to challenge conventional ideas about health and step into a more connected, whole, and vibrant way of living, this episode is for you. I know that you've worked with a lot of people around end of life and have seen some really powerful transitions. One of my former best friends was a hospice nurse and she said, the way you live is the way you die.

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And I'm curious if there is a, just having been so involved in that work, if there's an experience of your own or of a client that you saw that really shaped how you see life and death because of it.

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And I think the missing piece is identity because the deeper we tap into who we are beyond a story of who we are, the more that that is not only nourishing, but that actually changes every other aspect of our life. So I think that performative nature comes when we have a pseudo self, when we haven't really tapped into who we are.

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And when we feel and know ourselves deeply, that is so nourishing and so fulfilling that it doesn't matter if one person shows up for your event or 1 million, because you know that you're being true to yourself. And you may or may not get the rewards. But that, to me, it's about identity. And as it really is embodied within ourselves, then it can be mirrored in business and in structures.

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And you talk so poetically and beautifully. And one of those things you talk about is the soul. And we've kind of danced around it a little bit. I'm curious if you can define the soul from a more scientific perspective.

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So that we can get on the same page, because that's part of where I want to go in this conversation, because I think it's most, that's the thing, because it's like, if we judge ourselves, because we haven't experienced ourselves, then it's so innocent that we may be trying to perform like, look what I can do. You know, it's so innocent from the perspective of soul.

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It's like, okay, sweetheart, you know, and when we tap into who and what we are. There's nothing else that could offer us more or less because we can't be more or less. We just are. And when we know that it's a different game, but when we're trying, it's innocent. And so I'm curious if you could share a little bit more about the soul from a scientific perspective.

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No, I mean, I have so many questions from that. I appreciate how you really take science... You merge so many worlds, spirituality, the environment, and so... It's helpful to see all of that together and to be more aware so that we can make healthier choices. I'll kind of circle back about soul because I'm still interested in that.

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But you know, in terms of all the research that you've done over the last few decades, What do you now think is the most important thing that we know for our health? I mean, it sounds like it's this. Is it the antibiotics? Is it, I mean, I know there's so many layers to it, but if you could succinct some of them so that we can practically become more educated, but also do something about it.

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It's almost like we needed to take care of the body. You said there's a boundary, right? So it's like we identify with the body so that we take care of this for evolutionarily speaking. But then that physical survival got transferred to psychological survival, right? That the egoic self, that I am separate. And then that's where I think we are as a species in terms of waking up right now.

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I mean, that makes me so happy to hear because that's the foundation of the work that I'm here to do and that I do and that the psychological tools when I was becoming a licensed psychotherapist, I was like, why don't people know this? And so to be able to have those tools because those make such a big difference. and wake up to our inherent worth and value, who we are, not as separate.

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Yes, we have a body, but we're more than a body. And when we access that, I think that's the most natural, nourishing, healing, regenerative insight that we could actually have. And everything you're sharing is just confirming that. And so I'm so grateful because it sounds like that's such a big part of healing the planet, healing ourselves, no separation.

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You were mentioning earlier, just curious about the abandonment piece of it. I always think about not good enough, but essentially it's separation. Would you say that that's fair or accurate? Because to me, the illusion of separation then has people think that they're not good enough.

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And when they think they're not good enough, that means that, you know, there's a lot of addiction and things that can happen. We were talking earlier about the accolades and kind of chasing a false sense of self. I'm curious the abandonment piece and how you've come to that, and I'm wondering how I fit it into my own frame.

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Yeah. And how I kind of construct and hold it is that this illusion of separation, not knowing who and what we are, and the psychological trauma together is what's creating a lot of the safety strategies of bigger, better, faster, more of not enough. And you talk about abandonment.

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I think of it also, I think of it as separation and a survival strategy because we, we think if we are this body, then we need to survive. And then everything we're separate from nature and whatnot. And as we do that, then I think that, um,

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The deeper gift in that, at least for my own, I like what you were saying, what's your true experience, micro macro, my true lived experiences, I was trying to run away from not feeling good enough. And when I finally just met that feeling of not good enough. It alchemized. I woke up to who I am beyond any story of good enough. I used to think like, oh, I don't have value.

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And it was like from that level of consciousness of wholeness, it's like the idea of value doesn't even make sense. How could you separate the whole and measure it as anything other than wholeness? All of it. And so this better than worse than is like, or not good enough, or am good enough. Both of them are illusions. Both of them are stories.

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And deconstructing some of that, which I would say is identity, removing all of what we think we are, helps us recognize our inherent worth, the interconnectedness of all of life, which... to me as part of the medicine that we're moving towards. And sometimes suffering has an intelligence that we have to hurt to wake up to a bigger gift if we're willing to use it that way.

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And to see the critical mind, to see, I think the critic has a bad rap, that it's just trying to make sure that we're safe. And it's just, it's like, there's no, it's just like the traffic in the background. There's no more weight that we, that it offers. It's just noise. And if we can offer it compassion for trying to take care of us or trying to protect us.

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My experience is if we change our relationship with a critic, the critic changes and it doesn't need to just because there's a presence that gets to witness it and see that it's also part of the one. You know, like I love you using the palm tree analogy that that palm tree doesn't compare to the oak tree, right? Because it knows it's all part of the same ecosystem.

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And so the willingness to feel not enough opened me in my wholeness. And I call it the paradox of transformation. It's the very... It's like when you love someone so deeply or something so deeply, there's a bittersweet in it, right? Because of the duality that there's both in it. There's the sweetness and the bitter because we've just fully said yes to all of it.

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And my experience is for anybody going through grief or loss or the fires or whatever the challenges that they're facing to create safety for themselves and then to feel it fully again. so that it does move through. Like you're saying, that wave washes through. But when we know we're the ocean, we don't get tumbled by that wave. We're feeling the bigness of who and what we are.

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And there's so much I love in your poetic sharing and all of what you're bringing. And I also really appreciate the work that you're doing in the world on many different levels, one of them through IONS, your product line. And I'm excited for people to hear about that and what you're offering. So I just wanted to open the space for you to share about it.

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As me. Yeah. And I love that you're bringing up what's happening amongst where we are right now with the fires. And I notice in challenging situations, there's just a presence that comes on board that's larger than just the moment. I can even feel some of the egoic pull to change. get caught up into social media and look at any challenges that are happening.

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There's a bit of a orientation for safety, but there's also the feeding of a drama. And so watching that within myself, holding presence, tapping into something bigger than just this finite body mind, I think is really helpful. And I know that you, you look at death as a rebirth.

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Most people look at death as the completion, but looking at it from that perspective, how do you think that helps people face challenges in their life?

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I just love the way you see life and the way that you poetically translate that. It's such a gift, Zach. Thank you for all of the work that you're doing. Thank you for who you are in the world. We're going to make sure to put all of the links below the show notes so that people can stay connected to you and participate in all the ways that they feel called. Thank you again. My heart is open.

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My mind is open. And I feel so grateful for you in this time.

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Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by leaving an up to five-star review. It does mean the world to us. And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover.

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You're going to get behind the scenes access, showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify and leave a review now. You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it.

Healing + Human Potential

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And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below. But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at Alyssa Nobriga.

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Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

Healing + Human Potential

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Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast where today we're going to explore profound insights that come with near-death experiences from a doctor. We're also going to talk about the most common regrets people have in the final moments of their life and how those can teach us to live more fully.

Healing + Human Potential

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Because what if the answers are hidden in the way we care for our bodies, our minds, and our connection to the world around us? Our guest today, Dr. Zach Bush, is a physician specializing in internal medicine, endocrinology, and hospice care.

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It's beautiful. Yeah, I've been thinking about that as well. All of the firefighters and the human spirit, people coming together to really just be of service. And I would also been considering our relationship to death and what happens in different cultures when somebody dies. Do we just take the body away right away? Do we sit Shiva to be with a dead body?

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Like all of these different traditions really can teach us about how having a healthy relationship with grief, with death, completions. And I do think it's important if we're in a culture that denies it to embrace it in our own way so that we can have a healthy relationship with birth and death, with loss and beginnings. And so I've just been contemplating that.

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I took a comparative mysticism course in my undergrad and death, dying in the afterlife. to really proactively look at things that I know my culture doesn't and to take the narrative back. Because otherwise, if I push that away, I'm going to have more fear about it rather than like, and we've had Anita Morjani on the podcast as well, who has this amazing story about her passing and coming back.

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having more of this in the zeitgeist and talking about it, I think has us have a better relationship with death and dying and completions and loss and grief and to feel it fully. I know part of my work is around, I used to be a psychotherapist.

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And so really helping people go through their inner world and process it rather than stuff it or avoid it, not to deny or indulge feelings, but just have a healthy relationship with it. If so, I want to make sure that you know that our most popular event of the year is back by demand and it's absolutely fantastic.

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And he's going to uncover how disrupting the microbiome impacts everything from depression to cancer and the universal intelligence that organizes all of life, as well as why reconnecting with nature can transform us physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

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So this is my five-day confidence and clients bootcamp, and it's coming up for new and seasoned coaches, therapists, and healers, but it's also for anybody that's wanting to up-level themselves from the inside out and really start the year off strong. So each day I'm going to lead you through a live transformational group process.

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When applied to our daily lives? How does this knowing change how we live?

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Because I think people have heard it, but they don't really know what it means.

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It knows it's going to be observed in the future.

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Or to perfect ourselves or to be right all the time.

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That's right. So the moment we're judging somebody as narcissistic, that's a narcissistic pattern. That's the reflection and projection.

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Yeah. It's like the more you judge something, the more you create it. You're giving your energy to it by pushing and resisting it.

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Or manipulating and changing people so that then we're okay.

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I think of it like looking in the mirror and putting lipstick on the mirror rather than going direct. That's a good way of putting it, yes.

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I just took a weekend of just really questioning my thinking, which is more like hermetic principle one of mentalism. And I was just really taking a weekend to look at the things that have challenged me and what the gifts were inside of them.

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So for example, just to ground it in a really practical way, my parents' divorce really inspired me to become a couples therapist, to really focus on getting good at relationships, looking at the projections in the mirror. And I have a really beautiful marriage because of that. So I know it can be hard for people to look at what's my participation in this dynamic. Oh, wait, it's all me.

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But also looking at the gifts in it, not bypassing, because I think people can hear some of these concepts and be like, oh, I love that. And it's not really true and integrated. And so helping people find for me, slowing down and getting still and questioning my judgments of others helps awaken a realization about myself.

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And as I see that they're a reflection of me, I can also do some of the work to really ground what's What was the learning in that? For me, like having a learning disability and reading comprehension, it really motivated me to want to show that I was smart. And I did that through achieving a lot of success in business. And so, you know, that was innocent.

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And yet there were gifts that came from it. So I think helping people look at some of these things, some of their challenges in a different way is really helpful, but also just pointing out not to bypass, to hear a spiritual concept like this and be like, I love the people that have betrayed me. Or I love, you know, it's like, no, really feel your feelings.

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I think people confuse accepting something with being complacent with it. So we can have discernment. And then for me, judgment comes with the charge of a trigger. So we can have discernment not to violate somebody's body, or we can have discernment to send somebody to jail without having... I mean, it's natural and normal to have our emotions around it.

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And there's processes and tools to navigate that, but not to live in the... anger to heal from it fully. I think of judgment as feedback. It's kind of like an alarm clock. I check my somatic cues. When I have a contraction, I'm like, what am I believing? And then I can question that belief.

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But I find that the judgment shows me something about myself and I can forgive it without getting caught up in the drama of the situation, still taking action. But that neutrality is a gift to me. So I can send somebody to jail without getting so caught in the

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Yeah, when you come into acceptance, you don't.

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Yeah, and there's two ways to go about activism. A lot of people have righteousness with it, and it can be more neutral. It can be because anything that we judge, we hurt. Anytime we judge, we hurt. So we can still have a stand. There was a woman, she would sleep in trees. And she was an activist because she loved the trees.

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She wasn't against the foresters or the companies that would take down trees. But she was like, I just love the trees. I don't have to be against other people that I understand their perspective that they're trying to provide for their family. And I love the trees. And so we can still do inaction, but the energy from it can be from a different place. So just to help people see.

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And I think she loved that. I think that was her truth.

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And if I were to hear that from a lower state of consciousness, because complaining is a pattern that I were in, I may then hear something like this and then judge myself about the complaining, which is one other layer of complaining, and get stuck in a rabbit hole.

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And so another way to look at that, if somebody's listening and they're stuck in a pattern of being the fruit that's complaining, is to be like, oh, complaining is giving me feedback about something that... I have a desire within that complaint. And so highlight what's the desire and let go of the drama, let go of the complaint.

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So just to bring compassion with the self-awareness, because I see a lot of people loop in, oh, I'm not supposed to complain now, but I'm complaining that I'm complaining and they're further caught in it. And so it's like, oh, there's a desire inside of my complaint. Let me just hear what the desire is.

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I can be compassionate with myself for learning because maybe they were the youngest and they learned to complain to get what their needs were when they were a kid. So having that compassionate lens would be helpful. I also want to talk because I know we talked about that suffering can really be an initiation to spiritual awakening.

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I also think there's a small percentage of people that can wake up beyond suffering. And I also know that you have the work with archetypes as part of the healing journey. Can you talk to us about the importance of archetypes? Because I think it's not something we talk about on the podcast much.

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It's like a movie without any bell curve.

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Yeah. I mean, I think that's when you get to a deeper place of maturity and consciousness to see that you're all of it. when you were saying this example of somebody was reflecting her unworthiness, even that as a teacher helping her see that for me, even in my journey of unworthiness, it was like, oh, the idea that I'm worthy or unworthy were both ideas.

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And of course, I felt something was missing because I was identified with an image of myself, not the fullness of myself. And if I don't feel whole, it's because I'm rejecting a part of me that doesn't feel worthy. So embracing the unworthiness ironically brought me to my worthiness, like that play of duality.

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It doesn't actually feel like winning either.

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They want to blame their ex. They want to put shade on other people. And I understand that. And I don't want to normalize that, but I want to help as well. I help people wake up to that keeps us stuck when we do that.

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What they thought they were lacking so that you would give it to them.

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And I hope people hear this because acceptance is the foundation to change, ironically. And ourselves reflected in others. So ironically, acceptance is not complacency. I really want people to get this. And I think it's Carl Jung that said, when I accept things, then they can change.

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And what you appreciate appreciates. And so as you're appreciating, they feel loved and they want to blossom and show up for you and love you more. But also we can reflect each other. I mean, with my husband, Emilio, him loving me helped me love myself. He taught me how to love myself in his reflection. And I also used him as a mirror to learn how to love those parts of me that reflected in him.

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So we consciously have used our marriage that way. So powerful.

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That's right. And I love that the inner world is a reflection of the outer world. And so for people that want to test this, I just want to encourage them to see how is the micro reflecting the macro.

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So if there is a part of you that you are judging, maybe as unworthy or not good enough, what happens with rather than judging it, just starting to breathe into that sensation in your body, learning to embrace that part of you, knowing it's a part of you, not the whole of you. And as you embrace it, notice what happens. Maybe it starts to settle because it was looking to feel seen and accepted.

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And as you do that inside, you can test it out in your physical world. Cause I love for people to find out for themselves.

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And so part of the work that we're doing is we're waking up to the programming and conditioning that we were told around bigger, better, faster, more, you know, that the material world is reality. All of this into more of what we're speaking to here is that life is a reflection, the universe, and really shifting it inside is what shifts it on the perceived outside. Yeah. No separation.

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There's so much I want to explore with you. And I know that you have so many powerful discoveries around the pyramids. What's one of the most mind-blowing discoveries that you've come to in your work with that? But wait, before you respond to it, let's save this for the next episode. So we'll start with the next week's episode picking up from here.

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Amazing. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by following us. It does help us grow and we are so grateful. Leave a review on Apple or Spotify, submit a screenshot of that and upload it to alissanabriga.com forward slash podcast.

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As a thank you gift, we will be sending you one of the most powerful tools that you can use on any area of your life to help you tap into your full potential so that you don't let fear hold you back, from really stepping into your dreams. I have so much more magic I want to share with you, and I cannot wait to do that soon.

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But for now, I just want to say thank you so much for being an example of what it's like to live with an open heart and mind in the world.

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Yeah, that blame. Anything that we're judging, we're essentially creating. And we're locked in the illusion of just that projection. And so the more I go deeper into this work, the more I see the power of doing the inner work and how important that is. That's everything. Inner work meaning... questioning the thoughts, really healing shadow work, integrating.

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And so for you, waking up to that you are playing this video game, the remote control, what would that be for you? How do people then play it? I think it's more about doing the inner work, but I don't know if you align with that or what you would add to that.

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What if the deeper truths of the universe have been hiding in plain sight all along? In today's episode, we're exploring how life acts as a virtual simulation, how to play the game consciously, and how the ultimate hero's journey is an invitation for spiritual awakening.

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I want to get into all of this. And we just had Matthias on the podcast. And I know you guys do a lot of work and talk about together. You've talked about the hermetic principles. Can you share the hermetic principles from your perspective, just on a high level?

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Joining us is Robert Edward Grant, an inventor, entrepreneur, and philosopher whose groundbreaking work bridges mathematics, consciousness, and the mysteries of the universe. His childlike wonder and roadmaps across various industries will leave your heart and mind blown open in this episode. I'm so happy to have you back on. So good to be here with you. What a gift.

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I have. I was like, write me a non-dual poem that speaks to the nature of reality. It was gorgeous.

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I wanted us to start off with talking about how life is a mirror. I know you talk about it as life is the universe and that life is essentially reflecting our inner state. Can you talk to us about if this were a virtual reality game, what are the rules of this game?

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How do we play it more consciously?

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Yeah, the manual. Yeah. And I love that you said through conditioned love, you learn unconditioned love. It's through the game of the opposites, which I know we spoke about in our first podcast, which was so well received by this community. And so I just, it's like unconditional love includes all of it.

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And what I'm hearing you say is the different facets of a diamond, even there's just different points of view that help build the larger view of this reality, this what we're experiencing here together. I'm also curious, when I was learning about quantum physics, I learned about the double slit experiment. Can you talk to us about this and how you see what your perspective of this is?

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And so if you want to get behind the scenes access to the Institute with three proven transformational tools for free to help you create the business and life you love, all you have to do is go to alissanobriga.com forward slash tools, or you can find us at alissanobriga.com forward slash apply now to see all the details and apply today.

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I'm curious in terms of like Western medicine and Eastern medicine and the law of entanglement. I know you talk about the three of those things and how those relate together before, just to start us off, like what, what is the law of entanglement for people that don't know? And then how do you see those worlds coming together and how do we use that for challenging times?

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You can be in the right place at the right time and it doesn't feel like it. And how did you come to this?

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And I want to see how we can use that for navigating life's challenges.

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And it kind of comes back to the first question, which is like, if we're here to evolve in consciousness, we're here to open our hearts and minds more fully to wake up to the truth of who and what we are, then the illness or different experiences that we go through can be used in service to not only our healing, but also awakening if we choose to use it that way.

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And so knowing about ancient wisdom, modern science, quantum entanglement, Like, how do we just for people that want to be able or maybe they're even just stuck and they're listening to this and they're like really either going through an illness or break up or have some block that they're currently working with.

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What would you say one thing that they can inquire into to support them and having more peace in their life?

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One of my spiritual practices is to stretch the capacity to be with the range of my human experience. I think a lot of people with emotional well-being, people or emotions, people will avoid or indulge. There's like two camps. And so rather than doing either of those, really allowing the energy to come up without... And even if it's just for 90 seconds, right?

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We know now that neuroscientists say that you can feel an emotion fully for 90 seconds as a sensation and it moves through the body. We have 90 seconds. And so if I feel...

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loneliness, if I open to that, ironically, it moves through and then I am open to a piece that's underneath it or a presence that's underneath the feeling because feelings come and go, thoughts come and go, actions come and go, but there's something that doesn't come and go, right? The context of life. And so ironically, by what you were saying earlier is by accepting what

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Whatever this moment is presenting itself as fully with an open heart, open mind, curiosity, acceptance, presence. It parts the clouds to feel that deeper foundation of well-being that is always here that we can learn to tap into. But it comes through. It's like love that's unconditional. It says yes to grief. and joy the same, sadness and happiness the same.

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And I invite people never to believe me or anybody else, but to test it for yourself to find out what's your actual truth and to have an open mind. Obviously, you're listening to a podcast like this, this far in. Again, for me, what's really important is the sensation, not the story, because when we get lost in the mind, it's a way to avoid feeling something.

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As a therapist, I used to have people come to me and tell me elaborate stories. I'm like, okay, and what are you feeling in your body? And can we be with that? And so those are some grounded practical ways to start testing this and exploring and trying it on in your own life.

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And I think people understanding that they have the remote control and here's some practices to learn to navigate so that we stay within the window of tolerance and we are healthy so that if we do a practice where we're feeling a raw sensation, we're doing it from a place of safety. We're doing it from a place of.

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having resource because you need safety and whatever the shadow stuff to be equal rather than being overwhelming, which can then put you into a trauma response. And so wanna make sure that I note that. And we're not avoiding the pain. I think sometimes, at least for myself, I used to take that practice that I was speaking of 90 seconds as a way to avoid feeling something.

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And then something dropped in a little bit more mature was like, oh, there's a love that again is indiscriminate That is my true nature that welcomes the grief without trying to love it so that it moves on, but just genuinely says yes and presences that grief. Because I was doing it as a way to avoid feeling grief. I was like, now I've got this thing and let me do it so that it moves away.

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But I'm like, oh, that's the ego finding some really great wisdom and then trying to manipulate rather than having a deeper sense of freedom. And so just calling that out. But I want to come back to you being a hypnosis because we've not had a hypnosis on the podcast. And I love that you studied with Brian Weiss. I love his work.

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Share with us, for those that don't know much about hypnotism, what is it? Who does it benefit? What should we be aware of? Talk to us about the power of this work.

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Is there a practical, simple thing that people can use in their own life, like through hypnosis that they can administer to themselves?

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Yeah, I love the term earth school. It's like there's feedback in all of it, and there are deeper lessons in who we become in the process of Answering the call. And what I hear you say around the perfect time, it's like, there's nothing else true other than what's being projected in your mind. And so this is to trust the intelligence that holds the stars in the sky is also orchestrating your life.

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Yeah. But it's not the situation that hurts us in relationship. It's the mind. And so the mind goes to fear, lack, and separation as a way to...

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predict as a way to protect right it goes to a worst case scenario and yet it creates that more of the same and so what i love that you're sharing with hypnosis in this work is that we're using the mind rather than the mind using us we're taking dominion over it and these are tools to do that i find hypnosis manifestation things like visualization these things are incredibly helpful for people who have a lot of fear anxiety so that you're reprogramming you're re-scripting what did it like i've heard this quote why not win in your own fantasy

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It's like, okay, we're using our energy anyway. And I find the law of assumption, people that assume it's going to happen, not only is it more likely that it does because they're looking for the evidence of that, but also in the gap between where they are and when it happens, they're just happier. And so why not reprogram more of... working out or choosing to hold things that way.

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That's at least my biased opinion. And so I love that this is a practice that people can feel more empowered. And I love that you led us through that. So thank you.

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Oh, my dad's a shaman. I was dating a tantric man.

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Yeah, I love the conversation about identity. And a lot of what you're talking about is up-leveling identity from not enough, low self-worth, inadequacy to being enough. And then for those, then having a healthy integrated ego. And then for those that are interested in something more, waking up out of all identity of into what we are, not who we are, right? There's no observer, it's observing.

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Yeah, it's what we are. Yeah. And so, yeah, deeper realizations for people that are interested. And those are those are other conversations also we go into in the podcast, which is really fun.

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That's part of the psychological identity.

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I love this. I love this. This is the power. This is really tapping into our innate power and personality persona comes from the Greek word persona. So that's where we got like in Greek theater, we would put on a persona. And so what I hear you saying is I want to walk without the limp. I'm in full acceptance and that would be a nice human experience.

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You also talk about synchronicities. And I think of synchronicities as a little wink from the universe, like keep going in that direction. Talk to us about if there was maybe a sign that came into your life that changed the direction that you thought you were going in or how people can trust the synchronicities that come into their life, some guidance.

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And so let me play with having that identity now and seeing how my body reacts. Yeah.

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Fun. Yeah. Yeah. If you're going to play with identity, why not try on the one that feels most fun? You know, it feels light and most in terms of the human experience you want to have. I know you talk about higher vibrational states and I always say that life is a mirror. So it's like we smile in the mirror and the mirror smiles right back.

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And so talk to us about these higher vibrational states and what that does for us in our life. Assuming we're not running from, negativity or shadow work.

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And I know people talk about gratitude and I have a commitment right now. I'm going to have a gratitude journal for 30 days because I know the value of that. And to cultivate, especially because the mind goes to worry, I want to reprogram to gratitude, which is more in alignment with our natural state. And fear and worry get to be there. They get to be accepted, but we can also cultivate.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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So this is my commitment to myself that I'll do for 30 days.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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Beautiful. Okay, great. Yeah. I love this. It's really those simple things that we do daily that make the biggest impact. And I love the invitation to really cultivate what it is I want to experience more because it's less about thinking that the outside world is going to give me something.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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For me, my spiritual path has always been about questioning everything and sitting in stillness as stillness. And so... And I love the psychological, which is more the gratitude, which helps us feel that extra sparkle in our day. So thank you for inviting that.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And the other thing I just wanted to share is with this work, I remember you were asking about, or you brought up this tantric lover that I had before I met my husband. And I remember that I would feel so high in his presence. I want to share this because I think it's going to serve people. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I was just... elevated so high.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And I realized that I went on this on the spiritual journey, I was on this like, I've got it, I lost it. Thinking like I was chasing states to try to get back to this high again. And I just want to name that because it can be a cul-de-sac in our spiritual evolution. And

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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thinking that it's in a state it's like what sees all states what's already here now no matter what and so what's the foundation and and that's a deeper freedom than anything that comes and goes so i just want to plant that for people because it was a got stuck there for a little while chasing states it's kind of like an addiction like you would to a person or to any outside thing and so just taking our power back and how do you know what's the remedy to that

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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questioning that the state is it. Like the more I look for something, the less I'm aware that I already am it. So it's the chasing a person, a spiritual state, anything outside versus pointing it back to the source of what I am, which is what is looking. My favorite quote is from St. Francis of Assisi. He says, what you are looking for is what's looking. is what's doing the looking.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And so it's a deeper inquiry. For me, it's been the medicine of everything. And I think suffering has intelligence in it. It's feedback to wake up to a deeper truth beyond the story our mind is making up, the nightmare our mind is making up.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And so talking about fear and kind of like the root of scarcity, I know that that can show up in relationships, in finances, in self-worth. What have you discovered that really helps people embody and shift from fear into abundance?

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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Yeah. And I really, part of how I orient around that is like creating safety for that part of us or that energy of fear, because that is the redemptive love that like moves towards to embrace fear. And then we feel our wholeness, you know, wholeness. Like I used to feel not good enough. That was such a core story of, of, then my mind would make that mean about everything.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And what I realized was when I was identified as a separate self, of course, I wouldn't feel enough because my identity was from ego. And so waking up to who am I that is enough or not enough, which both stories that the mind was making up, it was a reclamation of claiming and opening to that part of me, which was a part of me, not the whole of me.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And so even like the not enough is a claim for love, is a claim for embracing all of it.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And I want to talk to you about entrepreneurship because you have been such a successful entrepreneur and coach. I think conscious leadership, especially in business, is really important. I don't find that we have a lot of examples.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And so I would love to hear about your professional life being an executive in some big health companies and some of the wisdom or any nuggets you've discovered as being a conscious entrepreneur and coach.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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Yeah, it's almost like we're confronted with our core fears projected onto business, onto love, onto health, whatever. It's the filter through which we're looking at life from. So might as well proactively clear, clean the lens and work it at the core now so that we can live more open-hearted and open-minded. Yeah, I know with sales, which is a big thing that I love teaching on as well.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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I think also that it's like, who we are being separate than what we do. Like we can mentally know it, but do we feel it?

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And then in our gut really live that and, you know, being confronted with this fear of rejection, thinking that like, if you, if you are inviting somebody to work with you, that they say, no, it's a personal rejection versus they're not ready or it wasn't a fit, or you need to train better with your sales skills, but not about us.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And that's when it can feel when it's the ego makes it really personal. That's where it can be really hard to,

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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reiterate but i love that you're sharing do the inner work have a clear vision and take consistent action so just in closing i know your book the stimulati experience i want to hear from you directly what is the core message that you would love people to walk away with what do you want them to embody know or experience having connected with this body of work from your own journey

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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So encouraging. Thank you for your open heart, for really living your life in a way that can be of service to others. It's been delightful connecting with you. I know my audience is going to want to stay connected. Talk to us about where they find you.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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Amazing. I appreciate you. Thank you for what you are doing in the world. And I'm so grateful to have a new friend through this podcast. I appreciate you, thank you. Thanks. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by following us.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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It does help us grow and we are so grateful. As a thank you gift, we will be sending you one of the most powerful tools that you can use on any area of your life to help you tap into your full potential so that you don't let fear hold you back from really stepping into your dreams.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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All you have to do is leave a review on Apple or Spotify, submit a screenshot of that and upload it to alistinobriga.com forward slash podcast. Once you do that, we will send you this incredible gift. I have so much more magic I want to share with you and I cannot wait to do that soon.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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But for now, I just want to say thank you so much for being an example of what it's like to live with an open heart and mind in the world.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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Yeah. Like building that trust in your body's intelligence and that attunement you're saying is being present to be able to hear it more clearly. Is that right?

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And I know a big part of your journey has been around having an undiagnosed illness. And so you're talking from experience and really learning to attune to your body. I know that for people that are going through illness, and especially when it's chronic and undiagnosed, that can be not only isolating, but also really exhausting.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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Can you talk to us a little bit about how to navigate uncertainty during that time and share a bit of your story so people have a sense?

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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welcome back to the healing and human potential podcast where today we're talking about trusting life's timelines shifting from our unconscious thought patterns for emotional well-being and how the spiritual context of life can support us in challenging times around our relationships business and health we're joined by jim curtis who's an author speaker hypnotist and leader in national organizations like webmd and he's here to share with us practical insights and tools including a self-hypnosis journey that you can listen to on the podcast

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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So many beautiful nuggets in that. So it sounds like a direct correlation with your body starting to have more mobility through the acceptance, whether you had mobility or not. Is that what you're saying?

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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The more I do this podcast and the direct correlation with not only everything being an inside job, but we can't choose if we are walking or not. Some level of that not being up to us, but we can choose how we hold it. We can choose to be compassionate with ourselves regardless.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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We can choose to open our hearts to even our closed hearts or to find a deeper acceptance, even if the ego isn't accepting. I could talk about essence and ego. So if the ego is saying no to something, just noticing that there's a larger awareness that already accepts and allows.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And the more we tune into that, open the aperture of that larger perspective, there's a peace that's always here underneath the thoughts of resistance or againstness, and it softens us. Imagine having a fulfilling career, doing what you love, working from anywhere in the world, setting your own hours while making good money, and a big impact.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

902.923

If that lights you up, then I'm super excited to share with you today's sponsor, the Institute for Coaching Mastery. This is my robust, accredited, year-long certification program for newer seasoned coaches, therapists, leaders, and those just looking to up-level their life in a profound way.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

919.947

we have an amazing community of students from all around the world who have really started their journey to expand with us both personally and professionally and this experience is designed to give you the three things that you need to thrive so first you have all of the tools and support you need to move past what's been holding you back so that you can completely change the trajectory of your life

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

942.308

And then you learn how to masterfully and confidently facilitate transformation with your clients or your team, regardless of your niche. If you want to do health business relationship or you just have no idea yet, we hold your hand through that. And then lastly, you'll receive my six figure and beyond signature roadmap that's customizable to meet you wherever you are.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

961.382

So whether you want to do high ticket sales, online marketing, or you just want to hit six figures without ever needing to go on social media, we've got you covered. And this truly is the most rewarding work in the world. We have new students now who have a wait list of dream clients in under a year. We also have seasoned students who are doing $80,000 months.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

98.979

So let's dive into it. I'm so happy that you're here, Jim, and it's so beautiful to connect with you. And I wanted just to dive right in. I know that you've talked about that you can be in the right place at the right time and it doesn't feel like that. And I think a lot of people feel disoriented in their life. What did you mean by that?

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

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And this is really about creating lasting transformation from the inside out so that you can share your gifts and serve the world in all the ways that you're called to. And I've seen firsthand the power of what happens when you have the community to collaborate with, but you also have the right tools and resources to really thrive.

Healing + Human Potential

Using Pain and Struggle as Your Greatest Strength - with Jim Curtis | EP 79

999.467

And so whether you want to do your own personal development, you're wanting to become a coach, or you're just looking for a cutting edge approach to really grow your business, the Institute for Coaching Mastery is for you. You are held every single step of the way.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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And so I'm curious just to hear your opinion, why there's a lack of research and understanding about women's health and how that actually affects the care that we get in the long term.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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So what I keep hearing you're sharing is like, get your hormones in balance and it will support. And I also know when you test your hormones, it takes a minute to get those back, right? So what are some of the practical things that women can do to check how their hormones are doing and yeah, just get feedback.

Healing + Human Potential

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And I love that you are empowering clients to know their body and their truth. Cause I've been to doctors, Western medicine, where it's like your thyroid, you're fine. I'm like, I'm telling you, I'm not fine. They're like, no, you're fine. I'm like, no, no, I, you're not listening to me. So I found a new doctor, but it's good.

Healing + Human Potential

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It feels empowering to know that there's different measurements for men and women and to trust your body and to know that you have alternative options to test things, to find out what actually is true and how to help yourself.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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That's right. Thank you for listening to your patients and empowering people because yes, because sometimes people abdicate their authority and they give it to the expert, the doctor. It's like, no, this is your body. You're more in touch than anyone else. I also want to talk about perimenopause and menopause because I consider myself an incredibly healthy person.

Healing + Human Potential

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I have no idea the symptoms or when I am going to be approaching perimenopause or when I'm in menopause. Talk to us a little bit about this so we're on the same page and more informed.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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But that'd be great if you could prevent wrinkles and hair loss and weight gain. And slow down that process. So what I hear you saying is that by using natural hormones can help make that transition smoother.

Healing + Human Potential

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Yeah. And it's good for us to know that so that when we're hearing different research and studies, we can actually apply, does that actually true for me? Is this, does this feel right for my body? Right. So that, you know, I heard somewhere, I don't know if this is accurate that men's hormones are within a 24 hour window and women's are more through the month. Is that accurate?

Healing + Human Potential

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I did not think you were going there. I had no idea that that was even a possibility. That's exciting though. That's exciting. Yes.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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Wow. I just wasn't expecting that. I love that, that you went there. Okay. That's good. And yes, I want to feel vibrant and healthy as long as I am alive. And so why not look into different options and find, I guess, testing what is the right dose for you and where are you low and high and probably continuously checking in on that to monitor it, I imagine, right?

Healing + Human Potential

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I'm laughing because I took a testosterone at one point and I broke out like a teenager and I was so agitated and so turned on. I was like, my husband's like, thank you. What? I'm confused.

Healing + Human Potential

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Yeah. I felt so much compassion for teenage boys. I was like, wow. Okay. It was a humbling experience.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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Yeah. And I think it's good that you just keep inviting people to listen to their body and test different things out. And I know that we were talking about sexuality and that obviously hormones can affect our libido and our sexual health and that sexual shame can also be a big part of our culture, especially for women. And so in terms of

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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your work with women, what have you seen support their healing journey physically, emotionally around sexuality?

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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Yeah, it sounds like there's a huge opportunity.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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It's crazy. It feels like that would be the foundation to get started on hormone research. Yeah. And I know that doctors oftentimes will prescribe birth control for various types of reasons without really talking about the long term implications of what that does to your hormones. I mean, I got put on birth control because I had cramps at 13, and there's a lot that that does.

Healing + Human Potential

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I'm just curious to hear why you think this is so common. And then what are some of the hidden risks for us doing that?

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it makes sense. Anything that's natural, there's an intelligence in nature. And so when we're just pushing it down so we can skip a period or to help our acne, like you're saying, there's other options for people. I know that there's so much infertility.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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Talk to us about infertility and why you think there's so much going on right now or what the current research says about it.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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Yeah. So it sounds like, cause I imagine there's lifestyle things that people can do. Maybe you can share some. I also imagine there's some herbs, but I also know for other people that might need more support. Can you kind of list off a few practical things that people just so that they can see their options?

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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The only difference is... Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're going to talk about how birth control might be affecting your bodies in ways that you're not even expecting. We're joined by Dr. Sarah Dacorette to dive into all of these topics.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

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Yeah, and it's good just to see what our options are so that we can think about and just test things. What actually works for me? Why not try the different things and maybe start with some mindfulness or having less stress and seeing how the body can find its own homeostasis.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

819.998

I still need to do everything else. And you get to. You get to do it because life is so much better when we are more centered and healthier and happier. And that's so much of what this podcast is about. And so we won't go too much into that, but I'm such a fan of that as being the foundation because everything else is better when we are healthier and vibrant from the inside out.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

84.738

And so if you're ready to understand your hormones, connect with your body and take actionable steps towards living a more vibrant, healthy life, this episode is for you. Amazing. I'm so happy that you're here. And I'm just going to like drive right in because there's so many questions I want to ask you. I'm curious because I know hormone health can be like a mystery for a lot of women.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

841.809

Imagine having a fulfilling career, doing what you love, working from anywhere in the world, setting your own hours while making good money and a big impact. If that lights you up, then I'm super excited to share with you today's sponsor, the Institute for Coaching Mastery.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

857.339

This is my robust, accredited, year-long certification program for newer seasoned coaches, therapists, leaders, and those just looking to up-level their life in a profound way.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

868.326

we have an amazing community of students from all around the world who have really started their journey to expand with us both personally and professionally and this experience is designed to give you the three things that you need to thrive so first you have all of the tools and support you need to move past what's been holding you back so that you can completely change the trajectory of your life

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

890.686

And then you learn how to masterfully and confidently facilitate transformation with your clients or your team, regardless of your niche. If you want to do health, business, relationship, or you just have no idea yet, we hold your hand through that. And then lastly, you'll receive my six figure and beyond signature roadmap that's customizable to meet you wherever you are.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

909.761

So whether you want to do high ticket sales, online marketing, or you just want to hit six figures without ever needing to go on social media, we've got you covered. And this truly is the most rewarding work in the world. We have new students now who have a wait list of dream clients in under a year. We also have seasoned students who are doing $80,000 months.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

929.736

And this is really about creating lasting transformation from the inside out so that you can share your gifts and serve the world in all the ways that you're called to. And I've seen firsthand the power of what happens when you have the community to collaborate with, but you also have the right tools and resources to really thrive.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

947.844

And so whether you want to do your own personal development, you're wanting to become a coach, or you're just looking for a cutting edge approach to really grow your business, the Institute for Coaching Mastery is for you. You are held every single step of the way.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

962.688

And so if you want to get behind the scenes access to the Institute with three proven transformational tools for free to help you create the business and life you love, all you have to do is go to alissanobriga.com forward slash tools, or you can find us at alissanobriga.com forward slash apply now to see all the details and apply today.

Healing + Human Potential

The Truth About Women’s Hormones: What Doctors Aren’t Telling You - Dr. Sarah Daccarett | EP 75

983.223

Let's talk about progesterone a little bit, because I know this also plays a crucial role in our health and it's oftentimes overlooked. What is the connection between progesterone and various health concerns? And then how do we even know when our progesterone is low?

Healing + Human Potential

Psychedelics, Spiritual Growth, and Masculine + Feminine Energy with Aubrey Marcus | EP 66

103.552

I see you, Aubrey, as a man's man with the cigars and the weightlifting, the tattoos, and I see you as somebody who's deeply in touch with his feelings, has the courage to be vulnerable, which to me is just one expression of the healthy masculine. And I'm curious, how did you open? How did you start developing your emotional mastery as a man?

Healing + Human Potential

Psychedelics, Spiritual Growth, and Masculine + Feminine Energy with Aubrey Marcus | EP 66

1084.741

Beautiful. I love hearing that. And I can see how that would call you forward as a couple to be in service so you don't unconsciously have that creative energy go inward and sabotage the relationship.

Healing + Human Potential

Psychedelics, Spiritual Growth, and Masculine + Feminine Energy with Aubrey Marcus | EP 66

1096.69

So that's beautiful. I'm going to take a lot from this and start feeling into my own marriage. Imagine having a fulfilling career, doing what you love, working from anywhere in the world, setting your own hours while making good money, and a big impact. If that lights you up, then I'm super excited to share with you today's sponsor, the Institute for Coaching Mastery.

Healing + Human Potential

Psychedelics, Spiritual Growth, and Masculine + Feminine Energy with Aubrey Marcus | EP 66

1117.593

This is my robust, accredited, year-long certification program for newer seasoned coaches, therapists, leaders, and those just looking to up-level their life in a profound way. We have an amazing community of students from all around the world who have really started their journey to expand with us both personally and professionally.

Healing + Human Potential

Psychedelics, Spiritual Growth, and Masculine + Feminine Energy with Aubrey Marcus | EP 66

1137.031

And this experience is designed to give you the three things that you need to thrive. So first, you have all of the tools and support you need to move past what's been holding you back so that you can completely change the trajectory of your life. And then you learn how to masterfully and confidently facilitate transformation with your clients or your team, regardless of your niche.

Healing + Human Potential

Psychedelics, Spiritual Growth, and Masculine + Feminine Energy with Aubrey Marcus | EP 66

1158.271

If you want to do health, business, relationship, or you just have no idea yet, we hold your hand through that. And then lastly, you'll receive my six figure and beyond signature roadmap that's customizable to meet you wherever you are.

Healing + Human Potential

Psychedelics, Spiritual Growth, and Masculine + Feminine Energy with Aubrey Marcus | EP 66

1170.0

So whether you want to do high ticket sales, online marketing, or you just want to hit six figures without ever needing to go on social media, we've got you covered. And this truly is the most rewarding work in the world. We have new students now who have a wait list of dream clients in under a year. We also have seasoned students who are doing $80,000 months.

Healing + Human Potential

Psychedelics, Spiritual Growth, and Masculine + Feminine Energy with Aubrey Marcus | EP 66

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In terms of heterosexual relationships, you mentioned something earlier. What do you see the women play as a role that sabotages or limits the expression of the healthy masculine in partnership? Do you see anything, any of those dynamics play out just to help bring more awareness?

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I think as you start waking up and healing and doing your own work, you see mainstream society and you see all the misunderstandings and how we got to be where we are. I remember when I was starting to really do some deep work around what is the source of love and waking up to myself, essentially. All the love songs, I was like, this is... This is insane.

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We project my source of love onto a partner, and then lose that they evoked it in us, but it is what we are. I love that you're poking at some things to help people just have a seed of reflection. And I also know that the masculine and feminine can look different inside everyone's composition. We're gonna have a different variety of that spectrum. And it's all healthy, and...

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And to do the healing work, I think is really important. But I'm curious, as you're talking, do you feel like it's important for men to get together to do work together just as men or women just to do work as women in support of their healing path?

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Yeah, interesting. And we've had Vi on the podcast too. I love your wife so much.

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I'm curious how she has helped you evolve as a man.

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That's beautiful. That's interesting. I was in a relationship for three years, and I don't think the sexuality for me, that didn't make sense, but now I've been with my husband for 15, and I feel more attracted, more turned on, more intimately connected.

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But because we do probably some of the work around finding ourselves more deeply and to do the tantric work and role play and bring in the fun into it, the creativity.

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In terms of your edges around relationship, have you found with Vi or anyone, is there a story that you can share that opened you to push your edge, to go deeper, vulnerably, or to look at life in a new way?

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Mm-hmm. Has that always been the case, or did you need to develop more relationship with your emotions as a man?

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Yeah, it's beautiful. I hear you sort of using everyday life for greater healing and awakening. What do you feel is the role of spirituality with healing, either the personal or the collective?

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Yeah, I had a mentor say, use the word God until it no longer has trigger or charge. I thought that was helpful. I know you've been very open about your work with psychedelics. My dad's a shaman, so I grew up since I was 14 in that world. He sold his financial advising firm at 50 and went shamanic and now has a retreat center up in Mount Shasta. And since I was 14, that's been some of my world.

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And I know that you talk a lot about psychedelics. Was there a breakthrough that helped you see life more beautifully

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Your dad invites you in to do a ceremony. What a gift. Was he exposed to this work?

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It's crazy. Our dads have a very similar, we have, there's a similar thread as well because I was 14, you were 18. My dad did, Stan Groff did some of that work, then went into psychedelics, shamans, like there's some parallels there. And what a gift to have a parent that can be honest about their path to invite you into something deeper.

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Like my whole family had a spiritual awakening at the same time and we weren't talking to each other about it. And it just, for me, it was just praying to the moon and playing guitar and questioning everything. But to have a parent that nurtures that and that steers you in the direction of a deeper truth, I think is such a gift.

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I'm curious, is there something that was revealed to you in a session, in a journey, that you're still integrating now?

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Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, because a lot of my path has been questioning everything. The certainty, it's like a question I'll ask myself is, how much would I be willing to bet somebody's life that I loved on the certainty of that idea? And it's always not. And so I come back to not knowing anything. But I love, in some ways, it's like,

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creating a system, a metric system to ground the evolution of us aligning ego with essence. Because the truth of us is loving already and our ego sometimes has barriers to seeing that and recognizing and owning it. So, I hear love everyone and I love the projection work, you know, like really seeing everyone as a mirror and tell the truth.

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There's a woman who invited me to do the Truth Project, which was, like, 30 days speaking radical truth to everyone. And that was confronting. And I think of myself as somebody very honest. And I think I need to restart it, because if you even have a slightest white lie, like, you gotta call yourself back into truth. So, this is inspiring me to do that again.

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Yeah, for me, like, I love that, and I'll have a compassionate lens for the part of me that was scared, that was pretending, creating that mask. But I would rather somebody's truth over a lie any day. Doesn't matter what it is. I wanna know what's true. And I feel like there's a deeper intimacy and connection that comes from that.

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And with the right tools and ways to communicate. Yeah. I want to shift the direction a little bit because I know you've had a lot of success with your work and I'm sure there's behind the scenes of some losses, wins and losses. What was one of the most challenging but rewarding parts of your entrepreneurial journey?

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I love that you even took the silver lining right after selling on it and having some of the humility come, because that helps come back into balance. So the way that you're even orienting and framing it, I think, is helpful for people to be like, okay, I can have a healthy relationship with success and failure. They don't define me, but they're here as gifts, as offerings. Yeah.

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Yeah. It's like choosing to use everything for your growth and healing. I look at life that way, relationships and business. But with business, I think of like, as we keep growing ourselves, we're going to hit up against resistance. And so we want to grow with more grace. We have to learn how to dance with resistance. And one thing that I found really helpful is to support the defense.

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Yeah. And that's the full range. Like that's the healthy expansion. And so for men, I think it's important to have examples of different men that are in touch with their feelings to really see that. But for guys that are either new to this work or just wanting to go deeper, but they're hitting up against their own resistance, what would you tell them?

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So, like, for example, somebody comes to see me, they wanna help growing their business, but they're afraid of being seen. They've got this push-pull going on. Instead of trying to resist that, it's just offering ourselves compassion. So, maybe there's a part of them that wants to hide. Like, letting them hide for just two minutes.

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Let part of them to feel safe, because love embraces and welcomes all of it. And as that's integrated, it no longer takes power and then we can grow, right? We can take the lead. Or like the example of imagine that my hand was a piece of paper and resistance is my fist. It's kind of like a keto. If I punch, there's no hurt because it just moves through.

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But if I resist, if I'm defensive and there's a punch, that moment of impact is what hurts. Yeah. And so with resistance and your ability to take life and learn from all of it, what have you found as practices, like go-to habits to support moving through resistance within yourself when it comes up?

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Yeah, I really hear separating who you are with what you do, so there's no identity in it, and just giving yourself compassion, like self-compassion, and to know that we're all in it together. There's no idea of perfection. But that love that embraces, I think that's the same.

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We've kind of said it in the same way, that when resistance comes up, the love that says yes to all of it is what settles it. And not to do it with that agenda, because then it actually doesn't feel fully accepted. It's like, I'm going to love it so that it goes away. But it's just this humility of like, okay, that's exactly where I'm at. And it doesn't mean anything about me.

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That's a great point, and I very much align with that. But the shame is what repeats the cycle of addiction, of any type of unhealthy behavior. That's not actually the problem. There's something deeply rooted in the addiction or whatever the expression of that is, is the result, not the root.

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And so really helping let go of the shame, forgiving ourselves, being in community and having therapy and really starting to integrate into the world and being of service, I think... I just want to double-click. I'm a stand for that.

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And I think more of us, the micro and macro, as we start to experience that with inside of ourselves, we can see how it can shift in our government, in our world, but through that love. And yes, there's choices and consequences, but who they are is not bad. Maybe their behavior was bad, and there's consequences to that. But to really help them integrate in society takes love and takes healing work.

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Yeah, nothing to be afraid of. Because I think that if somebody already hear that, they might get fearful. And yet when we're in fear, we're giving our energy to something that doesn't have as much power.

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Beautiful. One thought that you brought up that I heard was talking about just in society, we have this unconscious belief that there's going to be a moment when we arrive in our life somewhere where it's going to be enough. And I think a lot of people put that, they project that onto money thinking, okay, finally, when I arrive there...

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thinking that we are gonna lack our way into abundance, but this, like, when I get there mentality just gets... There's like a moving target, and that filter gets projected from one goal to another. And I even think this unconscious belief gets projected onto spirituality. Like, there's finally gonna be a moment where I arrive, like enlightenment.

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I'm wondering if there's an area in your life where you've sort of woken up out of that misunderstanding, and if there's an area you're still combing through.

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Yeah, and then once you open one time, you start feeling lighter, more open-hearted, present, alive, and then the reward says more. That's it. Yeah, and then to have a real beautiful, healthy relationship where you are available to your emotions, it just gets more deep, so that's also the reward.

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It's a mindset. Yeah, because the safety or the feeling of, will I be okay, is more of an inner game. And we've been conditioned through society to think something outside of partnership, an amount of money, health goal will then finally make us enough. And I think...

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For me, the work that I've done is just to really welcome that part of me that has a misunderstanding that safety is anywhere other than right here. And to really question the ideas that I've been conditioned to believe has been really powerful. I'm wondering if there's, just in closing, a time where you felt broken, but that experience helped you serve others more deeply because of it.

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And I love that you speak to that because I think there's a lot of people that are called to be of service and they think, oh, I went through a divorce or I had an addiction and how can I help other people? But really that is their resume, them going through it, them walking the path.

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I would rather have somebody hold space for me that is willing to meet their shadow and have their life as their resume, that they can have compassion and greater serve others because of it.

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Yeah, and you just want to be a few steps ahead of whoever you're serving.

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100%. I feel your warrior. I feel your poet. I feel a deeper sense of authenticity in your presence, even just as I connect with you. So thank you for this gift. And I know my audience is going to want to stay connected. Tell us about what you're up to. Tell us how they stay connected.

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I cannot wait to dive in. Thank you, Aubrey. Thank you for the work that you do. And thank you for the embodiment of the man that you are in this world.

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Same. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world, starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by leaving an up to five-star review. It does mean the world to us. And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover.

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You're going to get behind the scenes access, showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify and leave a review now. You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it.

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And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below. But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at Alyssa Nobriga.

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Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

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Yeah. And I think having examples helps other men say, oh, okay, that I can still, because there's going to be a variety of different types of healthy masculine, at least then to find there's a tuning fork. What's my authentic expression?

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Because maybe I've been trained to not feel, but as we start kind of thawing out some of those layers and seeing other examples, I think more men will be finding their way with it.

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It's so innocent, that armor. It's just a protection mechanism.

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Yeah, so then like bringing even compassion with ourselves if we feel that protection mechanism come up. And I think just on the planet, we're waking up to honoring the feminine and coming into more balanced ways of being. We have a long way to go, but it's happening. And I see you as somebody who has reverence for the feminine.

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And now I hear through your mom, like, as soon as you say my mom, like, I feel your love for her transmitted. And so thank you for doing that work. Thank your mom. Like, I think more examples of this is important. How do you see the divine feminine? How do you, how do you hold their context that way?

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Is there something that was revealed to you in a session and a journey that you're still integrating now?

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I want to unpack this more because this is a new way of holding it for me. And when you were talking about the softest thing, I just was seeing a drop of water on a rock over time creates a hole. And I love the softness and the power in that softness and that love is dynamic and fierce and that's powerful.

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I want to unpack more because I'm thinking about leading is what I'm hearing is more of the masculine. What are some other qualities of

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Welcome to the Healing and Human Potential podcast. Today's conversation is packed with juicy topics like feminine and masculine dynamics, the power of psychedelics and self-discovery, as well as giving you practical strategies to work through resistance. You asked for this guest and we have him here today, Aubrey Marcus, who's an entrepreneur and author and the founder of Onnit.

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I like that. And so is your, the way that you hold it is really the intention to develop the masculine and feminine within you or within everyone?

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So in some ways you're saying that the relationship can support balance and harmony.

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I'm thinking about that's the relational component. And then there's also business. How do you see that with more complexity? Say in my marriage, I have more of the feminine, but in my business, I'm leading more in my masculine. Like how does that also work with team structure?

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We're gonna explore deeper truths revealed around relationships, entrepreneurship, and Aubrey shares some of his most profound lessons and insights that he's learned along the way. Let's dive into this highly requested conversation.

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The Most Powerful 10 Min Meditation: Who Am I? | EP 83

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Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast. This is a special episode where I'm going to guide you on an embodied inquiry into the truth of who you really are. And so rather than giving you more concepts, this is an invitation to discover for yourself what remains when you question all your identities. It's a meditation inspired by Dorothy Hunt, and let's dive into it now.

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And I'll be asking you a series of questions that you're just invited to answer for yourself based on the experience that you're having right now without going to memory to find the answer. And so based on your present experience right now, how many toes do you have?

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without relying on an image of the past to tell you just tuning into your direct experience in this moment, find out if you don't go to memory to tell you what's your address. Explore what's here and now to discover the answer fresh in this moment. Without going to the mind to tell you where were you born? Without referencing a past image to show you an answer, what shape are you?

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Do you have a shape without memory? We can find any shape from memory, but is it available to you right now based on your present experience? Beyond the pattern of the mind projecting a past or anticipating a future just here now, what job do you have? Without memory, what color is your skin? What color are your eyes?

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So go ahead and find a comfortable position, gently letting your eyelids fall shot, taking a nice slow, deep breath in through your nose, holding on the inhale, just sipping a little bit more breath in and releasing any tension or worries.

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All these ways that we've defined ourselves without the benefit of a past, are they here now? If you don't go to a memory to tell you what's your name? Do you have a name? Based on your direct experience right now, how old are you? When all these things aren't here because of not going to memory to tell you, what's your actual experience? Who are you? What are you?

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the answer won't come in thought so instead of looking for an answer in the mind just discover what's here behind the thoughts or in between the thoughts All images, ideas, and judgments of who you are are only passing stories that come and go. But what do they come and go within? They're not actually here when you're not thinking them into existence.

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So who are you when you're not referring to a thought to tell you what's piercing through your eyes right now, even with them closed, notice what's noticing. Without labels telling you who you are with a name, an occupation, an address, a shape, or even gender. Without any of these ways we've identified ourselves, what's still here? Deeper than all of those.

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When all those fall away, what still remains? What's still present underneath all of them? none of us have the experience of completely disappearing something's still here this felt sense of i am not i am joe or i am sarah just i am Now drop the eye and drop the am. Be here as what you truly are. This awake, vast, spacious awareness.

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taking another slow, deep breath in through the nose, holding on the inhale and releasing, letting go and just become more present to the sensations that are still holding on in your body right now. Maybe there's some tension in your brow, your belly, And just releasing it, letting yourself really be held by the chair that supports you, the bed, wherever you are.

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There's nothing you need to do to be more of what you already are. Just notice this peace and freedom underneath all the thoughts and identities. Perhaps you've felt even briefly what it's like to simply be this open space of awareness.

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And in a few moments, I'm going to invite you to very gently and slowly begin to open your eyes, to take in the images of the world around you from this same vast presence. So often when we open our eyes, we start labeling things from our past conditioning. But whether the mind is active or not, there's a deeper spacious awareness that's always available beneath the surface of thought.

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So go ahead and gently open your eyes from this place. Letting in the sounds and the sights of the environment around you. And just begin to feel into your own experience how it's possible to be here even when thought and memory return.

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And bringing your attention more fully present to this moment, just leaning into what's actually here now, outside your mind, in your body. Just feeling the aliveness that's pulsating through your hands and your feet, letting it expand in your awareness and just letting go, resting more fully in this moment.

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It's better to take the notes, even if you don't review, but then if you review it even solidifies it further, right?

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Oh, that's good to know. Yeah. I'm just thinking about, cause I do a lot of audio books, but I, if I use this note taking the like left and right brain where I'm writing down some of the bullet points, but also how I'm going to apply it, that will help focus my attention so that it does go in. But what I also hear is to layer on that is to just look at it the next day or repeat looking at it.

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I'm like, this is the best profession in the world because we get to enhance our lives and then serve others in doing the same. There's nothing else I would rather do with my time.

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100%. Do you want new tools and powerful group exercises to help you deeply and profoundly change your life? Maybe you feel overwhelmed with the idea of starting or scaling your business and wish you had the strategy, the community, and the support to really help you shortcut the learning curve.

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If so, I want to make sure that you know that our most popular event of the year is back by demand and it's absolutely fantastic. So this is my five-day confidence and clients bootcamp, and it's coming up for new and seasoned coaches, therapists, and healers, but it's also for anybody that's wanting to uplevel themselves from the inside out and really start the year off strong.

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And we can apply that to parenting, to business, to sales, to coaching, to all the different areas of our life. So we can really tap into our full potential. You are going to want to take notes for this one. I'm so happy you're here.

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So each day I'm going to lead you through a live transformational group process. I'm going to share with you behind the scenes coaching demos, pulling people up to coach. And I'll give you daily prizes and tools that you can use on yourself and with your clients right away. So you're going to discover the real reason people don't create change so that you can more easily step into your goals.

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I'll show you how you can create the income that you desire and practical strategies for where to create clients today for free, as well as heart-centered sales. You can fall in love with sales with this approach. And I'm going to teach you my manifestation packs as well so that you have everything that you need to embody a deeper sense of competence.

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And then lastly, I will share with you, not only tell you, but also show you the power of embodiment work so that you can specifically use it to transform your relationship with money and attract real abundance so that you really set up to scale with ease and all the ways that you're called to. I cannot wait to share this with you. Again, it's absolutely free.

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It's transformational and it's going to be so good. And research shows that we grow so much faster in community. So send this to a friend that you want to do this with and help hold yourself accountable. Again, it's free. So join us before it's too late. All you have to do is go to alissanobriga.com forward slash bootcamp and reserve your space now. Okay. So that's retention. What about memory?

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If there are powerful techniques that you didn't share or habits around memory specific, because I know there's lots that you teach. Is there another one that you can share with us?

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And you have such an inspiring story from being the boy with a broken brain to being this world-renowned brain expert, helping people really step into their full potential, which is so beautiful. Talk to us a little bit about your journey. What got you here?

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the greatest gifts we can give each other is our presence. And we have more dopamine and serotonin when we're doing one task at a time. It's been proven. And so not only is you're more productive, but you're also happier. And then it's such a gift to ourselves and to others to drop in in that level of presence. What a beautiful story.

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Yeah. And I know that you work with a lot of people that are at the top of their game, celebrities, CEOs, like high performers, and yet burnout happens. So what do you recommend for people to recharge and really stay at their best?

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I was just going to share. I have the best sleep ritual because I know that if I'm working, if I'm in a busy season and I'm working until sleep, my brain's still going to be working while I'm sleeping and the quality of sleep is going to be affected. I've measured it with HRV.

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So some of the things that I do, I love morning rituals, I think that's great, but I'm more about the night ritual because of the quality of recovery and sleep. So I have a humidifier because it's loud, so my kids don't wake me up, but it's also more moist in the air. I have an eye mask, so there's no black.

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I take a cortisol manager, sometimes a little, very little bit of melatonin if I really need it, but I don't work a few hours before going to bed. And in meditation, I do a yoga nidra, which helps drop the mind into the body, into the present moment. And I do find that meditation, if I'm really busy, if I take 10 to 15 minutes to meditate, it feels like it slows down the day.

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I make better decisions. I'm also using an energy source that's not just my own personal reserve, I'm tapped into a bigger source of energy that's unlimited and it moves through my body. So I'm not just depleting myself. And I find that to be really helpful.

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Oh, I can't even do it. Some people can't digest. I took 23 and me and it said I don't even digest caffeine. So I don't have it because I have more energy without it.

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Yeah, what's the temperature? What do you set it at?

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And are these some of the environmental things that you recommend for people for better mental clarity and focus? Because I know you talk about how certain environments are helpful and others are hurtful. Is this some of what you mean by that?

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And then it strains their eyes. Like, my eyes went down. I have contacts for the first time in my life because of COVID, because I was on the screen so much. And I was leaning over. I forgot that I could get a bigger monitor or I could zoom in. It's almost like there was so much strain on my body that now I wear contacts.

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Yeah, they say 20, 20, 20 for every 20 minutes, look 20 feet away for 20 seconds.

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I wanted an enchanted forest. It feels calming.

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I heard that they're trying to digitize scent and that they're making good progress on it. I'm like, how are you going to do that? Because the same way you would do with music, you're like, how would you take that and digitize it? But they're trying to do that with scent, which is going to be really helpful.

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And I imagine that also supports with productivity because as you're setting these things up, it'll help you get into that state and get into that zone. I know a lot of people, at least that I speak with, struggle with procrastination, which my own thought process around procrastination is that they have an internalized parent or a parental voice that's telling them that they should do something.

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And this is their way of rebelling to be like, you know, sometimes it's really a procrastination is just a rebellious act inside of them to take their autonomy and freedom back. I imagine some of these things are helping with productivity as well, right?

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Yeah. I love that you took something that you struggled with to not only improve your own life, but then to share and serve others with it. I had a learning disability in reading comprehension. So I had a similar thing with learning slowly. I didn't have a brain injury, but I had. I just didn't learn the same way.

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And for somebody like me who has a reading disability, I'll do audio and sometimes I'll also buy the book so that I have both to keep my attention and really focus.

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And the more you remember, the bigger your memory grows. It's not the opposite, right? Because when I was a kid, I was like, oh, it's going to hit its limit. And I don't know if people still think that.

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And it's surprising to me that we don't learn how our brains learn unless we figure it out on our own. Like that should have been something. I went to college. I finally figured out how my brain works and learned. And I was like, why wouldn't we learn this in grade school? Why didn't we learn this in the beginning? That would have saved us a lot of time. And it leads me just to get curious.

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I know we have different learning styles and different types of brains. Are there unique styles of learning that we can understand? How do I learn and how can I personalize my learning strategies to support that unique style?

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And I love that all of this work applies to every area of our life. So as people are listening to this, it's like, what's one simple thing you can do from listening to this podcast? So it's not just something you heard, but you action, right? From head to heart to hands, which I loved. You are such a gift, Jim. I know we could dive into all the different avenues.

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And I know my audience is going to want to stay connected. Talk to us about what you're doing and where they stay connected.

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Me too. And thank you for your generosity and just the way you move through the world. It's such a breath of fresh air. And I get why our communities are connected now. I'm grateful to be connected to you. Thank you, Jim. Likewise.

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Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by leaving an up to five-star review. It does mean the world to us. And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover.

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You're going to get behind the scenes access, showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify and leave a review now. You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it.

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And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below. But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at Alyssa Nobriga.

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Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

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Rachel's, the collaborators. What was that one?

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Would a cheetah be more kinesthetic learner as well? More experiential because of the action? Would that also correlate?

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I love this. I love this because it's like not only self-aware, but then you can also apply it in all these different ways. I teach sales around the Enneagram as well as attachment styles because you're 100% right. The more you understand how people are driven, you can connect with them, create safety, and speak to them in their same language.

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But what I love about the code, your four types, is it's also really kid-friendly, right? So you've got these cute, you know, animals, and you could also work with them to teach them in the school systems, which I hope you're doing, or somebody on your team runs with, because I would have loved to have had that.

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Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're going to dive into giving you practical tips on how to supercharge your brain and make learning more effortless for different types of learning styles. You'll learn what yours is and then how to improve it. You'll also be able to improve your memory and focus.

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It would have saved me a lot of my self-esteem issues of understanding that I just learn differently than the way that the public school system taught. Because my learning disability is in reading comprehension. And so I don't learn through reading, but I later learned how I learned and it helped me develop more of my intuitive gifts, which then supported me in being a psychotherapist and a coach.

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And so it's great. It's like disability, or is that an ability that got further developed? And so I love your perspective around that. I love that.

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I love it. I love it. I can't help. I focus so much on the Enneagram, so I can't help but see parallels as well. And I love how distilled this is because yeah, just normalizes also how we make decisions, you know, like what do we need so that it's not, if you're working with somebody on a team or you're parenting. It doesn't mean anything about them.

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It's just like, oh, they need more time to find the data before they feel comfortable moving forward. Right. Or in sales conversations. So I think the more aware we are, the better, which I love this. And I'm curious about note taking and the power or the significance on comprehension with note taking. Is there any correlation with that?

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Yes. Good. I'm kinesthetic. And I'm thinking about these digital note-takers. That's not going to be helpful unless they just keep rereading it. For me, actually, the kinesthetic writing it out is what I can see helps deepen my knowing of the material.

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So even if you have a lot of distractions, you can set yourself up to be able to focus and retain information, really play at the top of your game with brain health and function. because today's guest, Jim quick is a speaker. He's an author and been a brain coach for over 25 years. And he's giving us practical tips on things that we can do to upgrade our cognitive functioning.

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It's a reflection of your relationship with your mom.

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Throughout his own lived experience of remembering his past lives and multi-dimensional awareness, he shares frameworks for making sense of existence and living in alignment with our soul's purpose. Let's get into it.

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And that's mom, the matrix. And dad, again, is... It's the patterns. The patterns.

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But what would an example in a grounded way be?

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On the last episode, I asked you if this were earth school, and we just happened to forget to go to the first day of school where we got the syllabus, we got oriented, what we're doing here and why. How would you explain that in a simple way, say like fifth grade language, but also on a high level? Break it down for us.

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So many truth bombs just went off in my mind. I need to like rewatch this and digest this. Having worked as a psychotherapist, I think it's so powerful. And what I'm hearing is the more we see it, the less we unconsciously live out of it.

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just to kind of come back to so that's the matrix and waking up out of the illusion of time because i know that's a really powerful inquiry what would you say to people because i know time people have all had the experience of time expanding and contracting yeah but it's in our mind right so talk to us about this practice of really inquiring deeply into the nature of time

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I'm even just hearing connections between the father of like, maybe the pattern was... achievement, success, striving, you know, competition, survival, essentially. So hearing this podcast, then starting to wake up to that and starting to question that to say, okay, maybe there's a different metrics that I could create a different guideline to really

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be in harmony with what my truth is instead of the conditioning that i've been told from society yeah of course that could be helpful i mean i'm hearing that deeper as you're saying it imagine having a fulfilling career doing what you love working from anywhere in the world setting your own hours while making good money and a big impact

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And I've seen firsthand the power of what happens when you have the community to collaborate with, but you also have the right tools and resources to really thrive. And so whether you want to do your own personal development, you're wanting to become a coach, or you're just looking for a cutting edge approach to really grow your business, the Institute for Coaching Mastery is for you.

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You are held every single step of the way. And so if you want to get behind the scenes access to the Institute with three proven transformational tools for free to help you create the business and life you love, all you have to do is go to AlyssaNobriga.com forward slash tools, or you can find us at AlyssaNobriga.com forward slash apply now to see all the details and apply today.

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What is one of the biggest spiritual truths that we have forgotten and how would remembering that help us?

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Beautiful. Thank you for that. And I'm also curious about extraterrestrial life, what your thoughts or experiences are with aliens.

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That's one of the laws of the universe. Yeah, exactly. Are there other laws that we should know about of the universe?

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Yeah, helpful to study and to dive into and rewatch.

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One of the other things I was curious about is dreams. You talk about that they're not just random events, that they're journeys into different dimensions. What's happening when we sleep? How do we use that to... dreams as portals into other dimensions?

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Does this have anything to do with timelines and multidimensions?

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Okay, how does that fit in? Because I wanted to ask you about reality being multidimensional and timelines existing at once.

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But there are different timelines also happening at once.

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Are you saying it has the potential to be everything?

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So using the soup analogy, it could be the carrot as a seed. It could be the carrot rotted.

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Yeah, like playing in the mystery rather than making it serious and bringing that childlike. Every time you say that something's missing, I keep hearing, it's you. It's like the real you. Is that how you...

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Which loops us back to the last conversation we had of some of the personal work, I think, that you're doing of letting go of all the different forms and identity.

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The nothingness. Yeah, when embraced is everything. So like the short term discomfort for a bigger awakening into everything.

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In the future, what should we know in terms of the future of humanity? What should we be focusing on as things evolve? What do you think is important for us to know?

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I could talk to you all day. I'm so grateful for you. And I know that myself and everybody watching is like, how do we support this man? How do we support you?

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I think a lot of people trust your integrity and are going to want to support whatever your attunement is around how to be of service in a greater way. Is there a project, though, right now that you can share about? We will put all the links here below to be able to support the ongoing projects. But if there's anything that's important now.

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Yeah. And financially, if people can also support, I want to plug that just so that they can support whether they can come physically or they can come virtually, but also to financially support this work.

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Yeah, we'll put them here below the video. And as you have them, I'll keep updating them. But I just, you were such a breath of fresh air. Thank you for who you are. Thank you for how you move through the world. It's such a blessing to have you on.

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Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by following us. It does help us grow and we are so grateful. Leave a review on Apple or Spotify, submit a screenshot of that and upload it to alissanabriga.com forward slash podcast.

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As a thank you gift, we will be sending you one of the most powerful tools that you can use on any area of your life to help you tap into your full potential so that you don't let fear hold you back, from really stepping into your dreams. I have so much more magic I want to share with you and I cannot wait to do that soon.

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But for now, I just want to say thank you so much for being an example of what it's like to live with an open heart and mind in the world.

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Yeah. Let's talk about that. Yeah, because duality is so ingrained in our existence and our perception. Light and dark, good and bad. So why in your perception do we have duality? Where did it come from and what does it say about consciousness?

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Yeah. And the one separated itself to know itself as all of it.

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And I think the languaging that you're saying has us lost, where it's not like I am this. It's like I see this. And that language, we start then... losing ourselves. And I think suffering has an intelligence that it motivates us to that pain is a an alarm clock, a wake up call to come back to our essence to the truth of who we are. Yeah.

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And I also know that because so many people use these languages, and I know we're not talking about the same thing, I want to break down the matrix, what you see as the matrix to explain to people and how waking up beyond the illusion of time, what that does for people and how it shifts their perspective or the game that they're playing.

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Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast. If you haven't heard our latest episode number 86 with Matthias, I highly recommend that you watch that. Today, we're continuing the conversation going even deeper, exploring the beauty and power of the void, how to consciously navigate timelines, dreams, extraterrestrial life, and how to prepare for global shifts that are coming.

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You're also going to hear what the matrix really is, and why honoring ancient wisdom like eclipses and equinoxes can support our evolution in ways that modern life often forgets. Our guest today, Matthias de Stephanos, is a mystic, he's an educator, and a bridge between worlds who really help people make sense of this thing called life.

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Break it down. Give me an example. Give me an example.

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Are you reading my past? I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

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Welcome to this special edition of the Healing and Human Potential podcast. So one of the main intentions I have for doing this podcast is to share some really practical tools that will help you more easily navigate your life. And having coached thousands of people over the years, I see a lot of people doing the work but not really getting free.

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But you might not have noticed that trying to get rid of unwanted feelings doesn't actually work. It kind of traps us. And there's nothing wrong with chasing desires and avoiding fears, but it causes suffering. So I want to make sure you have a different orientation to life if you choose to try it on.

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And just breathing into it as pure energy in the body directly in this moment. Just ask yourself, can I be with this energy just for right now? Allowing whatever's happening in this moment to happen. Giving an infinite space to be here exactly as it is. Full permission, breathing in and letting go.

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And if resistance comes up in any form, maybe thinking, just meet that with acceptance, fully allowing that too. You can ask yourself, can I make space for resistance to be here just for this moment? Notice that resistance is already allowed, even if you can't. Just relaxing back, noticing this awareness that unconditionally allows all of it to be here exactly as it is.

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And if at any point it feels overwhelming, just come back to the nourishment, breathing into what's alive in the body as pure energy. And when you're ready, you can go back to the contracted or avoided feeling, bite-sizing it to digestible ways of being with it. Just breathing in and letting go. Noticing this open, loving presence that already allows it to be here.

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You are this open, loving presence that receives and allows all of it to be here without any agenda, any expectation. Allow yourself to embody and be that. Breathing, receiving, allowing, letting go.

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Because what I've discovered is ironically, the last place that we would be willing or wanting to go holds the key to our freedom. I call this the paradox of transformation because the very thing we've been avoiding is actually the doorway to what we deeply desire. when we're courageous enough to face the things that we've been afraid of, we free ourselves from the power that it's had over us.

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you might feel called to stay here a little longer you could be feeling a deep sense of peace or you may want to allow this energy to become a new blueprint in yourselves in your body but you'll know when the energy has been integrated since it will move on and you'll feel lighter and more present

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But if you've been resisting and pushing down energy your entire life, it might feel like it's getting worse for a moment. But know that it's just thawing out. Or if you don't feel lighter, then it might be feedback that you were in your mind thinking about it versus allowing that. And it's totally okay. Be gentle with yourself.

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This is a practice that you're invited to do regularly, especially when hard emotions come up. This is a guide for you. There can be layers to this work, so just stay curious. Notice your heart that is already and always open. And make sure to nourish yourself. Do something that fills you. So you can call a friend. You can go on a walk. Anything that you know that fills your cup.

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This work only works when you balance bringing light to some of the heavier energy. So nourishment is incredibly important. And I just want to honor you for prioritizing yourself in this time to get free. May you move with softness and compassion for yourself, knowing that this is always a choice. May you trust the unfolding of your journey and may you know that you are freer than you think.

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So it's kind of the game of opposites. Let me ground this for you. So if you wanna feel confident, it's through embracing insecurity. If you wanna feel worthy, it's through embracing unworthiness. If you wanna feel free, it's through embracing feeling stuck. And if you wanna feel connected, it's through embracing loneliness.

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So again, the game of opposites, what you've been avoiding is the doorway to what you deeply desire. And so in this way, the energy that we've been avoiding as it's welcomed and integrated into our nervous system, it's no longer driving the car unconsciously in our lives, making decisions for our businesses and for the rest of our life.

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And I love this framework from my meditation teacher, Adyashanti. He talks about freedom to versus freedom from. So freedom from is really escapism. So it's like, I need this thing to get out of my life so that I'm free versus freedom to is real freedom. It's being free enough to meet all of life.

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And so I want to give you an advanced tool and training here that can help you resolve the thing you've actually been struggling with your entire life. So here in this episode, I'll teach you briefly what somatic work is. And for those that don't know, my clinical degree was as a licensed somatic psychotherapist.

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It's saying yes to whatever arises in the moment, knowing that I'm free enough to navigate my human experience, all the thoughts, all the feelings, all the sensations. And so we can either try to manage and control things outside of ourselves so that we don't feel certain things, but then we feel anxious because we can't control what's outside of us.

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Or a more empowering way to live is to stretch the capacity to be with the range of our human experience and learn the art of letting sensations move through the body. And when we do it this way, it frees up all the energy that we were using to control and avoid, and it opens us to new levels of vitality, creativity, and aliveness.

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then we don't have to try to manipulate our lives to avoid feeling certain things because we now know we're free and that we can handle whatever sensation arises in the moment. And so what if instead of running away from something, you turn towards it? What if instead of trying to escape it, you discover the freedom of being with it?

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Real transformation comes by meeting life fully exactly as it is. And then no matter what's happening, we can access a deeper peace that doesn't come and go, right? It's always available underneath the fearful thoughts and the fearful feelings. As we meet them with acceptance, it parts the clouds so we can experience that peace that's underneath it.

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Plus, it's just a lot more intelligent to do because I don't know if you've noticed, but what we avoid, we actually create. Let me ground this for a moment. So let's take relationships. Let's imagine that there's somebody that is afraid of abandonment. And so they become really clingy. And then their partner feels smothered by their clingy behavior and their partner starts to pull away.

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That creates the very abandonment that the person was trying to avoid in the first place. I'll share another example of what you avoid you create, but in a sales context. So let's say somebody is avoiding pitching to work with them because they're afraid of rejection. And so they end up hinting at their offer because they don't want to feel pushy.

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And instead of confidently presenting their work, their potential client senses the hesitation and lack of confidence. And so that potential client is unsure about the value of the offer. And that leads them to say no, creating the very rejection that person was trying to avoid. Can you see that?

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So to be clear, the goal of this work is to allow energy to move through the body versus what most people try to do is they either avoid it or indulge it. And they avoid it by thinking about it or talking about it versus feeling it. But the body knows how to take care of itself. It knows how to move energy through if we don't interrupt it with our mental activity. We just allow it to flow through.

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So even if you know somatic work, what I'll be sharing with you is part of my body of work. So it'll probably be new for you. I'll share one of the deepest ways that I've discovered using this work that I also teach in my certification program so that my coaches know how to powerfully facilitate it since it's that transformative.

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Or they indulge in it thinking that deeper is better. They start ruminating in it and it creates this like spin cycle, not becoming aware of what the thoughts were that were creating the contraction in the body in the first place. And neuroscientists have found that it only takes 90 seconds to feel an emotion in the body before it moves through.

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And so that means if you're feeling something longer than that, you're not allowing it to be in your body as pure sensation. And so that's the key to feel the emotion as a sensation, not looping in the story. And so as we open to and allow this old stuck energy, it starts to integrate into our nervous system. We feel more present. We feel lighter. We feel more free.

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And then that's how you know it's working. And you can think of this like a teapot that's boiling. You want to open the top to let some of this steam out so it's not overflowing and feeling overwhelming, right? Just bite-size opening to the sensation that you've been avoiding versus feeling really overwhelmed by trying to go for it all at once.

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And then over time, you'll be letting out the pressure and that tea kettle starts to settle. And so when life triggers you, you're just working with the present moment experience versus projecting all the repressed energy that you've projected from the past onto the present moment in addition. And so this is a practice. You want to be gentle with yourself.

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And I'm going to guide us on an experience in a moment, but I want to invite you to have a new relationship with the energy that's coming up so that you feel more empowered and whole as a result. And again, the work is not about controlling life so that we never feel uncomfortable. It's about developing the capacity to meet the discomfort without letting it run our lives.

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And this is the power of somatic work. It's not about fixing, it's about feeling. And when we do, we free up all that energy that was spent avoiding and we redirect it towards creating something that feels much more aligned and expansive. And so just to give you some context about somatic work, it's also known as embodiment work. So soma means body.

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I find that somatic work is really helpful for almost everyone, but especially for intellectual people because they have overdeveloped minds, as well as those who have been doing personal development work for a long time. Maybe they know all about their past, but they're still feeling stuck.

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And so I find somatic work is like this backdoor that bypasses the intellect and it helps integrate this energy and you don't feel as stuck in the past. But I also find it's great for people who are anxious, fearful, and stressed since those are all activated by stories we create in the mind about the future.

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And so it helps you break the habit of consistently thinking by bringing your awareness into your body, right? And that's the power of this work. So you don't need to know this story that helps you integrate this old stuck energy. So even as you're listening to this right now, just take a deep breath into your heart space, feel your feet, feel your hands.

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I'm giving you a taste of it here, but I need to set you up with how to use it in a safe and productive way so that it really supports you in navigating the winds of life, learning how to surf the waves versus getting tumbled by it. And then I'm actually going to take you through a guided somatic process that will change your life if you do it regularly.

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So you're starting to bring your attention down into your body and really started tuning to what's actually here beyond the mind. And to set us up for the process I'm about to lead us through, I recommend working with a feeling or a sensation that's a five to eight out of 10 in terms of intensity level so that you can really save the big stuff for trained professional.

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And so you always want to make sure that you're resourced, meaning you have some level of nourishment and safety before doing an advanced tool like this. And so I'll guide us through that in a moment, but I want to make it really clear. Sometimes with somatic work, it can activate trauma.

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And so if you have big T trauma, whether it's diagnosed or not, meaning you can't hold the present moment with love, with presence, you always want to take care of yourself and work with a trained specialist versus doing a process like this that I'm about to lead you through. So you want to work with somebody who can hold and help you integrate that big stuff.

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You get to have that and there is support for you. And just to be clear, this isn't meant to replace working with a trained professional. And so as you go through the process I'm about to take you through, resistance might come up. That's totally normal. Welcome it. Create safety for it. There is wisdom in all of it.

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And if you're not judging it, you're not resisting resistance, which just adds another layer of resistance, you'll start to hear that wisdom. And so my invitation for you is to be like water. The goal isn't to get rid of resistance. The goal is to welcome and be with all of it. Resistance isn't bad. It's just trying to protect you.

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And so give resistance infinite space to be here exactly as it is, breathing into it and notice what happens. I'll share a quick story. So I had a client who I was working with and she wanted to hide from some of the challenges that were coming up in her life. And she really judged herself for that. I had a blanket nearby, so I supported her resistance rather than judging it.

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And I gave her the blanket to hide behind. I told her it was really okay to just take as much time as she needed. And she looked a little confused, but she trusted me. And so she tried it and she just wept. She hid under this blanket. I told her to stay there as long as she needed to. And then ironically, it was only two minutes later and she was like, I feel ready to come out now.

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And this was because the energy was seen and accepted and so it moved on. And so she could see this energy just needed to be honored and allowed. And to the degree resistance or any other emotion doesn't feel received, it will defend both within us and with others. I'm going to say that again because I think it's really important.

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So to the degree that an emotion doesn't feel allowed, it will defend inside of ourselves and in others. The principles apply the same way. And so when we learn how to work with resistance, everything changes. But I don't want to just talk about it and I don't want you to believe me. Just be willing to test it and find out for yourself.

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So I'm going to guide us through a process somatically so you can work with any block that may be coming up in your life or any stuck energy you feel in your body if you don't know the story about it. Again, we're just kind of clearing out this dam, this reservoir of old energy so that it starts emptying out. You feel lighter, more present, and more free.

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It'll help you release physical and emotional tension in your body and access more peace and freedom in your life. And so I encourage you to listen to the guided part of this process for 30 days and notice how powerfully your life shifts.

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And so if you're in a safe place to do so find a comfortable position, sitting or lying down, gently close your eyes, allowing yourself to really arrive in this moment, feeling the weight of your body resting, noticing your breath naturally moving in and out. There is nowhere to be nothing to do. Just be here in this moment. This is your time. This is space to soften and to meet yourself fully.

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Just allow your mind to sink into your heart. Taking a nice, slow, deep breath in through your nose. And gently exhale longer than the inhalation, relaxing your belly, your shoulders, your brow. And breathing in and out naturally. I want to invite you to bring your attention into your inner body. Just feeling the sensations running through your hands and your feet in this moment.

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Noticing this percolating alive energy that starts to magnetize as you pay attention to it and notice in your direct experience right now, what feels peaceful? Where in your body do you notice a sense of safety or nourishment? Maybe you feel a sense of warmth around your heart or you feel supported and held by the chair or the ground.

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And once you find that, take a moment to appreciate that sensation, allowing it to expand in your awareness, knowing that this is a resource for you that you can come back to any time you want. And if it's hard for you to find something nourishing, you can think of someone that you love. This could be a friend, a partner, a four legged friend,

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I also want to encourage you to share this episode with a friend so that you hold each other accountable to using it as a daily practice, since one of the best ways to create change and to be consistent is in community. So whether we're conscious of it or not, we're often moving away from what we fear and chasing what we believe is going to make us happy, accepted, worthy, and loved.

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And just bring them to mind and feel your care for them. Notice what that feels like in your body to care for them. And as you place your awareness there, it will expand. And when you're ready, find a feeling that you've been avoiding or find a contraction in your body right now. Once you've identified it, just notice where it lives in your body.

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You might want to place your hand there to help you hold presence with it. And for a moment, let's stop trying to get rid of this feeling or imagining our life without it. Let's stop pushing it out. That's never really worked anyway. And together, let's discover what happens in this moment when we change our relationship with it.

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Notice what happens when you silently say this to this energy in your body right now, repeating after me. I'm sorry that I've judged you. I didn't know how to be with you before. but I'm learning to open to you now. Thank you for teaching me how to keep my heart open regardless. You can stay here as long as you want. Just breathing in, opening, allowing.

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So now let's drop in to get even more intimate with the sensation, letting go of the story, bringing curiosity and openness. Notice what size this energy is. Is that the size of a grapefruit or a soccer ball? Just notice. Is it inside of your body or does it also move outside? This breathing into it with curiosity. Notice if it has a color. See if it's dense or transparent.

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Yeah. And as people are listening, just also notice for me, when you were guiding us through that, I listened from my heart and I think that's great, but I also want to develop some of my range so that I can have that mastery in each of the centers. And like you're saying that integration, I think is the most important part.

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I know with the Datien, so it's interesting because I was doing a little research for our conversation and I love the point between the eyebrows and I found out that's the upper Datien and there's a mid and then there's a lower. And I only knew about the lower Datien.

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And it's interesting because that in somatic work and healing work, oftentimes we hold the deepest core wounds in our belly and it's really connected to identity, to survival, to existence. And so I'm just curious if in your work with acupuncture and this Qigong and all of this, it's like, have you noticed some of these centers activate more healing for people emotionally?

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And I want to kind of dive into what I know people are really wanting, which is more energy. They want to feel more alive. And with most of us in our modern day life, a lot of us can feel stressed out or have this endless to-do list. And so leading busy lives, it can lead to burnout. But I remember when I was getting my second master's degrees was in somatic psychotherapy.

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Yeah, and I often find that when people are overthinking, which most of our society is so overdeveloped in the mind, we didn't learn in school how to feel our feelings and navigate some of our inner world. And so, but when we're caught in overthinking, not only does it create stress, but it's oftentimes an avoidance strategy not to feel.

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And so part of the work is to learn how to feel and then move it through the body as well. Like we want all of it in systems. And so if we're not prioritizing slowing down and we have a lot of stress that gets built up and the body shows it right. Like, tension in the shoulders or the jar, there's burnout and fatigue. And I know that somatic practices can be really helpful.

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And it's also very popular nowadays, somatic work to move through that energy. And you do a lot of different ones. I also read specifically you do vagal breathing and primal shaking. Are there some practices that you could lead us through or show us quickly to just help us kind of release some of the tension that we can hold on a more somatic way? Or-

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And my professor said something that just stopped me in my tracks. She said, if you want to go faster, slow down. And I know you're big. This is you. This is what you are about. I know you are big about the power of slowing down and how by slowing down, we can actually be more productive. And I think people want to believe this, but I would love for you to share more.

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We got it behind the scenes here.

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I want to pause that real quick because it's also really empowering to realize that. And some of us may get that mentally, but I really want to just invite people to let that land. It's like the thing you want, there's a deeper feeling that you're wanting.

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And before you go looking for that thing to give it to you, question, do I not already have access to what I think it will give me, to what I think I will feel when I get it? Because then we become a victim to the goal versus waking up out of that paradigm and realizing, okay, Oh, I want the partner. So I feel loved. Okay.

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Can I be absolutely certain that love isn't already here and then access and source that love now or the freedom, whatever it may be that you're looking for. So just conscious goals, which is some of the work that I do is like awaken to it here and now, and then still create and move forward to honor buying a fun car.

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If that feels true for you or going for the job or whatever it may be, but from your power.

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So talk to us about how this can actually be true in our lives.

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Yeah. Before we go into the practice, because I think this is another important part that I just had this realization where the techniques and the tools are so empowering and so helpful and beautiful. And, but where we're coming from when we use them is even more important.

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So am I using this to get rid of something or am I using this to just embrace what's actually here because that's what love does. And it feels so much more true and aligned when I welcome all of it. Am I trying to use a technique or a tool because I think I'm broken and I need fixing?

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Or is this just because this feels true and I feel more present and alive and I'm not trying to run away from life? So I think where we come from, the intention is really important and the tools are extremely powerful. So where we come from and yes, and.

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Yeah. Yeah. And I love that you kind of started this out with like, there's gifts of both, you know, having a surgery, Western medicine's great at things like that, but there's some of this preventative stuff, some of the ancient practices and traditions had it right.

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And so finding the gifts within both of it and feeling empowered to know and check in with our bodies, what feels right and what's actually helpful and Thank you. Thank you.

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Yeah, and I think about it from, if I'm creating the pattern of frantic doing, then I'm just further creating that pattern. Even if I hit the goal, then I have this more deeply ingrained and I'm not as happy. And I think there's also research that shares around you have less dopamine when you're multitasking.

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It makes sense. I mean, yeah.

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I mean, it makes so much sense. I mean, people don't talk about sexuality being such a somatic practice and that can be with yourself or another, but just, and I'm hearing the more like karma sutra, like different body positions to support the energy centers opening. Is that accurate?

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Yeah. And that intention, just going back to that is the most important thing. Am I using this to avoid or just to fully open to and allow? And yeah, you'll get a different experience from it. I'm curious in your work, whatever you've seen are some of the biggest challenges people have to integrating physically, mentally, and emotionally. What are the things that block people?

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I don't know if that's true, but share with us some of the research, because I do think people are like, I want to believe this, but Leigh, tell me more. Where are we at in terms of proving this?

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That's beautiful. That's beautiful. That's poetry. All right.

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And I'm curiously just in closing, like if you really want people, cause I know you have this new book that just launched. We'll talk about it in a moment, but if you really want people to walk away with something and that you really want them to know and embody and experience that, what would that be?

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I really hear that you're mastering energy to work in harmony. And so you're not pushing uphill, but you're just surrendering and feeling that aliveness and that vitality through this work, through Qigong, through the acupuncture, all of it, just to come into balance and harmony with what's naturally wanting to happen. So beautiful. Talk to us about your book. Congratulations.

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I know it just came out. Tell us all about it. Where do we get it?

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We need more messages like this to counter some of the unconscious conditioning that we've inherited. And so thank you for the work that you're doing. We will put links in the show notes so people can get the book, dive in. What a gift you are in the world. Thank you so much, Lee.

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Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world. Starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost free way to support us is by leaving an up to five star review. It does mean the world to us.

Healing + Human Potential

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and as a thank you gift we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover you're going to get behind the scenes access showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams just head over to apple podcast or spotify and leave a review now you can take a screenshot before hitting submit

Healing + Human Potential

Secrets for More Energy and Less Stress - with Lee Holden | EP 74

3285.695

and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it. And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below. But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you.

Healing + Human Potential

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So come on over and say hello. I'm at alissanobriga. Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

Healing + Human Potential

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You can also hear more of those intuitive downloads, that wisdom that comes through when you're fully focused and present and you hold it lightly and then it may guide you in a direction that you didn't think to go instead of just grinding from more of like bottom of the mountain versus top of the mountain.

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And it's healthier for us. And so I think a lot of us want it, but then we're, and I can hear people saying inside myself, like, well, I won't be as productive. So you're saying slow productivity. Tell me more about that concept. I'm curious.

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And I think some of that industrial revolution, like the bigger, faster, better, bigger, more, that kind of thinking can go, if it's not unchecked, can lead us in a way that not only is it not healthy for us, but then it's unconscious. And so I think in the creation process of honoring whatever's true and alive in our hearts to say yes to and...

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and step into in our lives, letting that life force energy move through us in whatever form is our art, whether it be, you know, as a practitioner, as an art, like an artist, a dancer, even making sushi or surfing, like letting that aliveness, that chi, that energy move through is so powerful. I think that's part of the experience that we're also craving because it's healthy.

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It supports our nervous system. But what we create from that level of consciousness, from that vitality is so much different than from the grind.

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And so, yeah, just again, so much more nourishing and, you know, from kind of Chinese medicine. So one of my, my meditation teachers kind of woke up out of Zen and, um, taught me about some energy centers, the head, heart, and gut. And I thought it'd be fun to do an experiment even just while listening right now.

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So like, as people are listening, just notice what it's like to listen from the head and just take in and notice what that's like. For me, I feel some pressure in my temples and most of us are very top heavy in our world. I talk a little faster from the head versus like kind of dropping down into the heart and And just putting all of your awareness as you're listening in the heart.

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And for me, there's some warmth there. There's like the breath goes a little bit deeper. I can feel I'm much more connected. And then dropping even deeper, feeling a sense of in the gut, like all the attention, just listening from the whole body, from the gut. And I feel a sense of my belly expands. I am fuller. It does feel a little bit uncomfortable, but also natural.

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And I feel like as I'm more embodied fully in my body, there's more access to intuition. And I'm curious, some of the work that you do, have you found a connection with people either for you or your clients when you're more in your body, how you're more tapped into your intuition?

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It's like the source of life force energy, right?

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two inches below your belly button, is that right?

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Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're going to be taking you through somatic practices that you can use to cultivate more energy and ease in your life. This is actually an embodied practice. We're joined by Lee Holden, who is a Mindvalley speaker, an author, an acupuncturist, and a renowned Qigong master.

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to make decisions, to really feel our knowing. So even before we go there, as you're listening, just notice what it's like to be listening as Lee's talking or I'm talking from your gut, like from your .tien. Just take that in to see what that's like.

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That's right. It needs structure, it needs form, it needs operating. You guys embody both of that. And I think some of the feminine ways that I see you do that is the aliveness and the creativity, but also the collaboration. You guys are great at collaborating.

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For people that are either burnt out, because I know we all kind of go through learning about that, what would you say is some of the sweet spot or what would you help people come back to if you've discovered something yourself or you're still discovering kind of that sweet spot?

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There's this quote from a physicist that he says, it's not just do, do, do, it's not just be, be, be, it's do, be, do, be, do, be, do. Yeah, I love that. I love that. That's great.

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What an honor to be able to do your first podcast together here. You are badasses in business, in motherhood individually, and together you're on a whole other level. Like, wow. And I know that the company that you guys started and sold, Thanks, is more than a product. It's really a conversation about empowering women, changing the conversation around menstruation, and... women's bodies.

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This is flipping things upside down for me, which I love. And you guys are such beautiful examples with a track record of being like, this shit works.

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I just want to know the story about what Inspired thinks to start with.

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And I'm still sitting with being in the womb together and learning to collaborate and then how that shows up with your team. And what I'm hearing also, just I want to ground this for myself and for others, is like it's easy for you to ask for support. And when you get the support, you celebrate. And so people feel purposeful. They feel like they're valued. Totally.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We have bad days too. Of course.

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Yeah. And, and I just want to highlight that because I was reading a, I think it was like the happiness advantage or just talking about what you essentially embody, which is celebrating people, seeing people, helping them feel like they belong. They're part of a bigger mission and then they want to do their best. They are, they're, they're going to show up.

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You're enrolling them into that vision rather than micromanaging or barking orders.

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Go further. Show me more. Go all the way.

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To step into what you're capable of. A coach, of course.

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When you said that, I could feel myself being like, I'll just do it, instead of being like, I see you can do better, which is pulling Oh, I'll just do it versus... For me, I'm just imagining myself in your shoes and I would be like, oh, it's not there. I'll just do it versus calling them forward into what they're... Push your creative edge. Let's keep going. I like this, but more of that.

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I also love how specific and clear you were in that, in the directions. I'm like, yeah, tell me what to do, Megan.

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You guys just have such entrepreneurial mindsets to be going through your life to be like, here's an opportunity to serve and change the conversation.

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So like this is a leadership that you do and that you modify shows up in obviously business, but also parenting and partnership and friendship. Yeah.

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I like that distinction because I think when we don't have any space and we're trying to be efficient, it actually isn't efficient because we're doing too quick. So slow it down.

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It's a great framework. That's what we're working on. Okay, great. Obviously, you guys have done so many things. And since then, you've done so much besides things. I'm curious, Radha, in terms of Daybreaker, you know, tell us a little bit about the creation story, what you're inspired by.

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I just want to share any, well, I'll share, you share about Daybreaker and then I'll share my love of Daybreaker. Yay.

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For anyone that has not gone to Daybreaker yet, highly recommend. It just reminds you of the magic of being human and alive. It's the greatest.

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Yeah. You know, on your way to recital.

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Like, wow, what a way to start the day. And you could go on your own or you can meet people there. It's such an inclusive community. And I know that both of you are phenomenal at building businesses with purpose. And so with some of that, you talked about belonging. Can you share a bit more about the purpose? Because you talk about like inclusion is not just what you put on your policy.

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It's really creating spaces where you make people feel like they belong. I know that you are a stand for that.

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You learn from each other. That's how it was in the beginning. That's right. We've been doing this. We're just going back to our roots.

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Yeah, and more belonging. Yeah, more belonging.

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You guys just have such entrepreneurial mindsets to be going through your life to be like, here's an opportunity to serve and change the conversation. Like that's...

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so good. I love it. I love it. And for people that want to learn more about the Belong Center, just to share.

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Yeah. I mean, it's a core human need to belong. And there's, after the pandemic, everything just got, there's even more need for what you're doing. That's right.

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I love this map. It feels so holistic and the belonging to yourself and then also giving back. This is beautiful. I know and love you guys and I keep diving more into each of you and opening more magical boxes that you carry and codes that you carry. So thank you.

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And Miki, I also know that you, with all the different companies, like, it seems like you're really attracted to the bathroom between, like, between Thanks Period panties with, you know, Tushy and the bidet, and then Hero with the diapers. Like, I know that you're about disruption and really challenging cultural norms and really bold innovation. I know you stand for that.

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So is it supportive of yourself? Will it support other people? It's the three questions.

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But talk to us about Hero Technologies, what it is, what's some of the deeper mission behind it?

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Amazing. It looks like you just hit one thing after another. Like what you do works because you make it work. And I also know there's like the behind the scenes of really committing to something, to getting it off the ground. What was a challenge that you guys navigated and grew stronger together because of?

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It's epic. It is so innovative and brilliant. And I mean, there's just a win, win, win. You know, the parents want to make a difference. It's for the earth. Like with the poop and the mushrooms being the fertilizer, like it just, it's brilliant. It's genius.

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And I think it's smart that you focused on diapers first, not only because it's the biggest issue, but also just to have focus and traction, and then you can open it up to other plastics.

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You just elevated because nobody wanted to use the cloth, right? So you just elevated what was, you disrupted another industry as you guys do.

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And environmentally completely so helpful for the long-term of our health of our environment.

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So building businesses, I know, just like having a baby, it transforms you. Building companies transforms you. How has growing all these incredible communities and projects and companies transformed you as a human? Because every time I'm hearing the iteration of some of the learnings on the outside, but internally, what are some of the things that you're like, just changed by, different now?

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Look at all the parts of yourselves, which is really... I mean, I think that's the inner work that then shows a different, more feminine way of leading so that it feels more in balance instead of just looking at the patriarchy, what we've had as models, so that we really do...

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tune into our intuition, have the downloads, know that the efficient conversations aren't really that efficient because of the repair and all of that, so... Right. The efficient by speeding is not efficient.

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If you want to go fast or slow down.

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And I also love that you're both introspective. You're doing the work. You're working with coaches or therapists and really shifting on the inside so that it can externally pave a new way of leadership.

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And I think that's the key, is that being in service. When we're less focused on ourselves, we're more focused on how we can give, not what we can get. That's right. And then there's a softening. And actually, it feels way more abundant to come from that place anyway. It's like, oh, I didn't actually need all of that. I just wanted to give.

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And in that giving, that service, it feels rewarding and purposeful. That's right. Yeah. Okay. I know there's so much more I could dive into, but just in closing, I would love to hear Radha talk What is one thing that you admire most about Miki, and how has she embodied that in her entrepreneurial journey?

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And like a ground of respect no matter what. And I just love your love. And just by being around you, I get lit up and just fall more in love with you guys. And you do that in the community. You do that in our community. Your love just expands and includes everybody else in it. And I'm listening to you guys and thinking of like, how can I create that with my team? I want more of that with my team.

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And so thank you for being an example. Thank you for being a model. Thank you for being my friends. I love you deeply. You inspire me. And thank you for being women, paving the way, making it easier for other female founders. And I know people are going to want to stay connected. Where do they stay connected with what you guys are up to?

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And we'll put it all in the show notes below. I love you guys. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by leaving an up to five-star review. It does mean the world to us.

Healing + Human Potential

How to Have a Purpose-Driven Business, More Freedom + Make a Difference | EP 65

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And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover. You're going to get behind the scenes access, showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams. Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify and leave a review now.

Healing + Human Potential

How to Have a Purpose-Driven Business, More Freedom + Make a Difference | EP 65

3916.306

You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alissanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it. And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic. I can't wait to share with you. And you can find all this information in the show notes below.

Healing + Human Potential

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But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you. So come on over and say hello. I'm at Alyssa Nobriga. Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.

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Yeah. You guys do feel like everything you do has to have an element of creativity, of disruption, of like really playing something innovative, but also the play. Like I feel that in everything you do. I'm also curious about, because you're female founders, has there anything been unique about being a female founder that you want to speak to that would be helpful for other female founders to hear?

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Yeah, but you really paved the way.

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I feel like you both are a stand for living life fully and going for your dreams and paving new ways. And you're not afraid to back down from something that somebody else hasn't done. And so I just want to thank you for that as a woman, as a friend, like I just love and adore both of you and your brilliance. I'm wondering, is there a moment where you realized you guys were different?

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Our guests today, Miki and Radha Agarwal, are celebrated for their ability to disrupt traditional markets with groundbreaking products. They've launched Thanks Period panties together. Miki really went on to launch Tushy, as well as Hero Technologies, which we talk about in the podcast. And then Radha built Daybreaker, which is a global morning dance movement.

Healing + Human Potential

How to Have a Purpose-Driven Business, More Freedom + Make a Difference | EP 65

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Because you have so much aliveness and excitement for life, but you're also incredibly powerful and put action behind it.

Healing + Human Potential

How to Have a Purpose-Driven Business, More Freedom + Make a Difference | EP 65

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Imagine having a fulfilling career, doing what you love, working from anywhere in the world, setting your own hours while making good money, and a big impact. If that lights you up, then I'm super excited to share with you today's sponsor, the Institute for Coaching Mastery.

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How to Have a Purpose-Driven Business, More Freedom + Make a Difference | EP 65

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This is my robust, accredited, year-long certification program for newer seasoned coaches, therapists, leaders, and those just looking to up-level their life in a profound way.

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How to Have a Purpose-Driven Business, More Freedom + Make a Difference | EP 65

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we have an amazing community of students from all around the world who have really started their journey to expand with us both personally and professionally and this experience is designed to give you the three things that you need to thrive so first you have all of the tools and support you need to move past what's been holding you back so that you can completely change the trajectory of your life

Healing + Human Potential

How to Have a Purpose-Driven Business, More Freedom + Make a Difference | EP 65

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And together, they've built multiple companies that have generated tens of millions of dollars in revenue, but also given back to their communities. They truly embody a unique sense of creativity, resilience, and purpose in the world. And I'm so excited for you to dive in. This is a fun one. Oh, my gosh. I just love you both so much.

Healing + Human Potential

How to Have a Purpose-Driven Business, More Freedom + Make a Difference | EP 65

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And then you learn how to masterfully and confidently facilitate transformation with your clients or your team, regardless of your niche. If you want to do health business relationship, or you just have no idea yet, we hold your hand through that. And then lastly, you'll receive my six figure and beyond signature roadmap. That's customizable to meet you wherever you are.

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How to Have a Purpose-Driven Business, More Freedom + Make a Difference | EP 65

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So whether you want to do high ticket sales, online marketing, or you just want to hit six figures without ever needing to go on social media, we've got you covered. And this truly is the most rewarding work in the world. We have new students now who have a wait list of dream clients in under a year. We also have seasoned students who are doing $80,000 months.

Healing + Human Potential

How to Have a Purpose-Driven Business, More Freedom + Make a Difference | EP 65

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And this is really about creating lasting transformation from the inside out so that you can share your gifts and serve the world in all the ways that you're called to. And I've seen firsthand the power of what happens when you have the community to collaborate with, but you also have the right tools and resources to really thrive.

Healing + Human Potential

How to Have a Purpose-Driven Business, More Freedom + Make a Difference | EP 65

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And so whether you want to do your own personal development, you're wanting to become a coach, or you're just looking for a cutting edge approach to really grow your business, the Institute for Coaching Mastery is for you. you are held every single step of the way.

Healing + Human Potential

How to Have a Purpose-Driven Business, More Freedom + Make a Difference | EP 65

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And so if you want to get behind the scenes access to the Institute with three proven transformational tools for free to help you create the business and life you love, all you have to do is go to alissanobriga.com forward slash tools, or you can find us at alissanobriga.com forward slash apply now to see all the details and apply today.

Healing + Human Potential

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We've been friends for a while and that perfectly, to me, embodies what you both stand for. This wonder and excitement for life and still being really powerful and making an impact in the world. And I didn't put that together until you just shared that.

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And I'm also thinking about masculine and feminine ways of being or being really stuck in our head that more focused spreadsheet type way, which leads to a lot of burnout. Right. And there's importance for the creativity and following the aliveness, which is a better fuel, but without any of the focus and the head in service to the heart, then it can just be watery and doesn't have any structure.

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Amazing. I know that part of your work has really evolved and it sounds like you've taken some of like walking on the shoulders of others like Emoto and those who have done some of this. But what's been one of the most fascinating things that you've discovered in your work with water?

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And I wanted to give people a context to, I know you have a really powerful and fascinating story, how you got into this work with water and healing yourself. Can you share with us a little bit about how you got into this? Sure.

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I love that you honored and are a servant to water. And then rather than using what seemed logical, you were given another way that was more in alignment and honoring. This is a beautiful example of that. Thank you. Yeah. Imagine having a fulfilling career, doing what you love, working from anywhere in the world, setting your own hours while making good money and a big impact.

Healing + Human Potential

The Hidden Power of Water: How to Use it to Heal in Unexpected Ways | EP 82

1572.503

If that lights you up, then I'm super excited to share with you today's sponsor, the Institute for Coaching Mastery. This is my robust, accredited, year-long certification program for newer seasoned coaches, therapists, leaders, and those just looking to up-level their life in a profound way.

Healing + Human Potential

The Hidden Power of Water: How to Use it to Heal in Unexpected Ways | EP 82

1589.537

We have an amazing community of students from all around the world who have really started their journey to expand with us both personally and professionally. And this experience is designed to give you the three things that you need to thrive.

Healing + Human Potential

The Hidden Power of Water: How to Use it to Heal in Unexpected Ways | EP 82

1602.471

So first, you have all of the tools and support you need to move past what's been holding you back so that you can completely change the trajectory of your life. And then you learn how to masterfully and confidently facilitate transformation with your clients or your team, regardless of your niche.

Healing + Human Potential

The Hidden Power of Water: How to Use it to Heal in Unexpected Ways | EP 82

1619.227

If you want to do health, business, relationship, or you just have no idea yet, we hold your hand through that. And then lastly, you'll receive my six figure and beyond signature roadmap that's customizable to meet you wherever you are.

Healing + Human Potential

The Hidden Power of Water: How to Use it to Heal in Unexpected Ways | EP 82

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So whether you want to do high ticket sales, online marketing, or you just want to hit six figures without ever needing to go on social media, we've got you covered.

Healing + Human Potential

The Hidden Power of Water: How to Use it to Heal in Unexpected Ways | EP 82

1639.182

and this truly is the most rewarding work in the world we have new students now who have a waitlist of dream clients in under a year we also have seasoned students who are doing eighty thousand dollar months and this is really about creating lasting transformation from the inside out so that you can share your gifts and serve the world in all the ways that you're called to

Healing + Human Potential

The Hidden Power of Water: How to Use it to Heal in Unexpected Ways | EP 82

1659.62

And I've seen firsthand the power of what happens when you have the community to collaborate with, but you also have the right tools and resources to really thrive. And so whether you want to do your own personal development, you're wanting to become a coach or you're just looking for a cutting edge approach to really grow your business, the Institute for Coaching Mastery is for you.

Healing + Human Potential

The Hidden Power of Water: How to Use it to Heal in Unexpected Ways | EP 82

1680.48

You are held every single step of the way. And so if you want to get behind the scenes access to the Institute with three proven transformational tools for free to help you create the business and life you love, all you have to do is go to alissanobriga.com forward slash tools, or you can find us at alissanobriga.com forward slash apply now to see all the details and apply today.

Healing + Human Potential

The Hidden Power of Water: How to Use it to Heal in Unexpected Ways | EP 82

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And I want to hear more. Please say more.

Healing + Human Potential

The Hidden Power of Water: How to Use it to Heal in Unexpected Ways | EP 82

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I'm just so blown away. And I love that you've stayed with one inquiry. What is water? Something so assumed. And you took such depth into it. And do you feel or have you heard in your research, because I know the observer effect, but it sounds like you're really studying the consciousness of water itself. And so it sounds like it's more than just we're not just influencing.

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It sounds like it has its own consciousness. Is that what you're saying? Yeah.

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I love that you're saying start with yourself with the healing and that influences the environment and also consciously putting ourselves in environments that are healing. Yes, 100%.

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Where my mind is going is that we're made up of water. Yeah. And this water is an intelligent force with consciousness. And so there's this – like you can call it telepathic or you can call it beyond whatever we've learned or known to measure that there's this intelligence with all of it. It's all one. It's all essentially back to water. Yeah.

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I think that we haven't even begun to discover the power that we have. And I love the curiosity that you bring and the scientific backing to bring to just hold diving in deeper and deeper and deeper. I think anything we have curiosity about, anything that we go so deep into, we find the same thing.

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And I'm wondering like some of the practical ways that we can use this because you've spoken to so many, but I'm wondering if you could share and kind of ground some of the practical ways through your research that we can start to shift our daily lives with water and be a bit more intentional to learn from your studies.

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It's like a freeze state. It's like a dysregulated nervous system. And when you're speaking of the belly, it's this safety. Because I watch when I facilitate someone, I watch if their belly is expanding because that is a signal of safety in their nervous system. So I can see how that also ties. Yeah.

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linen has a high hertz frequency and it keeps the water out of the light i love those there's simple little things you can do you know i love the practical yeah and i i feel like i can i just i'm so fascinated i just i'm listening to you and i'm just mesmerized by all of the research and the artistic expression of how you share and so many new things and

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And just in closing, I'm wondering if there's anything we haven't spoken about that feels like it is important to bring up in this conversation, maybe the work that you're excited about that you're moving towards or whatever you feel would actually really benefit people to hear.

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So beautiful. I know that my audience is going to want to stay connected, and I know you're going to dive into another book, right? Tell us how they stay connected.

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And we'll put all the information in the show notes below. It's really beautiful to see some of your research and the images on Instagram, so I do encourage people to check it out. Thank you so much for your openness, your curiosity, your commitment to staying with one thing so deeply and listening. You are such a gift, and I'm so grateful to have connected with you. Reflecting you right back.

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Thank you. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference. And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by following us. It does help us grow and we are so grateful.

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As a thank you gift, we will be sending you one of the most powerful tools that you can use on any area of your life to help you tap into your full potential so that you don't let fear hold you back from really stepping into your dreams. All you have to do is leave a review on Apple or Spotify, submit a screenshot of that and upload it to alistinobriga.com forward slash podcast.

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Once you do that, we will send you this incredible gift. I have so much more magic I want to share with you and I cannot wait to do that soon. But for now, I just want to say thank you so much for being an example of what it's like to live with an open heart and mind in the world.

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someone with depression or someone who wants to expand their joy i'm wondering if you could share in some of the practical ways that we can start to shift our daily lives with water there's a few things i'll share welcome back to the healing and human potential podcast where today we're exploring one of the most mysterious and life-giving forces on earth water.

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So what if water isn't just a passive substance, but an intelligent, responsive force that remembers reflects and even designs? What if it holds the key to understanding consciousness, emotions and the unseen. So joining us today is Veda Austin, who is a water researcher and author and a speaker whose groundbreaking work challenges everything we thought we knew about water.

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Yeah, I have so many questions. One, just on a practical level, with the water that you were using with your dad, I think that was part of the healing spring water. Is that right? And then with other people that you've tested, what was the, just on a practical level, what was the water that you guys were using? Was it the high alkaline water?

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Yeah, I mean, whatever you feel like would be most valuable for people to hear.

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She'll be sharing her discoveries on how water interacts with consciousness, why it may be far more than just a passive element and how we can deepen our connection with it in our everyday lives. Let's get into it. There's so much I'm excited to dive in. I'm so grateful that you're here.