Juicy
Appearances
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Sliced in half and filled to the brim? Pitless and shitless? Yummy dummy ding dong. Mmm.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Spirit, no, spirit. Don't they always say spirit? Spirit, spirit, spirit.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart.
Bad Friends
Happy New Year 2025
I miss you a merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart. Feliz Navidad. Let's go. Another one.
Bad Friends
Egg Nogging
The minority's first task is... Can you talk into the mic, please? Handling the catering for everything is one. You know.
Bad Friends
Egg Nogging
I don't know if about... I don't know. Fucking... I don't know. I don't know about cults, I think. Oh, my God.
Bad Friends
Egg Nogging
I know. Yeah, it was going so good. I'm in a Christmas mood. I'm not in a cult mood.
Bad Friends
Egg Nogging
I watched the original Christmas episode a few days ago. It's wild how much smaller you look.
Bad Friends
Egg Nogging
Yeah, I scrubbed through a bunch of YouTube, a bunch of Reddit. I downloaded as much as I could, and I cut together like a 73-minute compilation. Wow.
Bad Friends
Egg Nogging
And I burned it onto a Blu-ray. So you could play that on any of your gaming devices that has a disc reader.
Bad Friends
Egg Nogging
I mean, there's even more that I cut out. Wow. If you weren't the lead of a sketch, I'd cut it.
Bad Friends
Egg Nogging
I want Fancy to be able to appreciate some real cinema. So I also got Fancy a Best of Bobby. That is nice.
Bad Friends
Egg Nogging
No, that's actually an SNL The Best of Chris Farley disc. Which is way better. Thank you.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
That's why I don't want to go there. You don't know. Fancy, you don't know. She's looking for love.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yay! Ciao. I'm in Italy. But this week, I will be in Edmonton and Winnipeg, Canada. Come see me, Edmonton and Winnipeg. Go to andrewsantino.com. Hello.
Bad Friends
Rudy's Fantastic Fail
Nun, ich habe drei mehr Exams zu gehen und ich habe gerade ein B minus.
Bad Friends
Rudy's Fantastic Fail
Das ist verrückt. Und lass mich etwas sagen. Was? Das ist das, was Bobby für die Pferde zahlt.
Bad Friends
Rudy's Fantastic Fail
Die Mädchen sagten, sie brauchten keinen STD-Test, um zu beweisen, dass sie sauber sind. Was? Sie brauchten keinen?
Bad Friends
Rudy's Fantastic Fail
Du bekommst die erste Priorität, wenn du eine Beweise hast, aber du brauchst keine.
Bad Friends
Rudy's Fantastic Fail
Ich mache nur Haar, Shampoo, Konditioner, und dann Körper, und dann Gesicht, und dann brusche ich meine Zähne, und dann ist das alles.
Bad Friends
Rudy's Fantastic Fail
It's like about transcription, like DNA replication. Can you talk us about DNA replication?
Bad Friends
Rudy's Fantastic Fail
You know what I mean? Like a scorpion. Right in the neck, dude. You're very buff, D2N. Oh, fuck off!
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Why do you have that? That's Andrew's seat. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, yeah. It sucks. Oh, just push pause? No, no, no.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's what Andrew likes. Anyway, you click, click, click. Opens up his butt. Okay. I know, he has back aches. Oh, my God. He has a spinal disc. What a gay little boy. He has a gay disc.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Toilet, remember? Yeah. Crybaby. How did he hit his head on the toilet? He got all woozy, like, ooh, I'm redheaded. I get woozy. Oh, wow.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Was machst du? I don't know what to say today, I'm just lying.
Bad Friends
Sick In Japan
The Mexicans are gone. Trump wants them out. Very good. Koreans won't budge. They'll scream and they'll shout. Oh, and then Woody Guthrie's like.
Bad Friends
Sick In Japan
Go shopping, eating food. Crab cake. Crab cake. I love crab cakes. Crab cakes.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Were you a Dungeons and Dragons guy? Were you a D&D guy?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
This podcast is sponsored by Huel. H-U-E-L. New customers can use code BADFRIENDS for 15% off plus a free gift.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
No, but I've had dinner with Jake before. And I saw it in his eyes. I've never watched it. I didn't watch it either. Isn't that weird? You know what it is? We have to watch it because, you know what it is? I think it's because maybe I'm like, I'll be uncomfortable, but I'm into that kind of love.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah. Let me ask you something. I'll see if they call. This is so annoying. Why wouldn't I get invited? Because you're not, he knows. What does he know? I'm more, you know, educated when it comes to the, you know, I mean, economics and jurisdictions and, you know what I mean? Tariffs and whatnot.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Well, he knows about my expertise on all things. Not just golf and bowling.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
He golfs more than he does presidential shit. OK, but I'm just saying he also when they see me on camera, they see the wisdom. Who's the most golfed president of all time? That has nothing to do with shit, dude. Did you get an invite for the president of the United States? I'm the guy. Fuck you. Shut up. Hey, that is crazy. I will. I can't go because we have shit to do.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I will go with you to work. Yeah. This is my wife. She was in a fire. I was burned. Yeah, she's not redhead.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
My tits burned off. Yeah, and she loves plunging into lava. I'm a big plunger. Yeah, so that's why the distortion.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
It's really pleasant to meet you, Barack. I mean, Donald. I fucked up already.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Oh, my God. Who else is my crew? I have to know who my crew is. They're not going to tell you.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Oh, my God. This is so exciting. I've never had anything. You know, honestly, dude, if this is false, you're going to break my heart. If it's one of your little shenanigans.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
You have to be a squirrel and you have to take the nut and you have to put it in the tree hole.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
But a lot of people get confused like, oh, I don't know much about it. You don't need to be an expert. Acorn recommends a diversified portfolio that can help you weather all the market's ups and downs.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have to watch Brokeback. There's a couple of things. La La Land, I can't watch. Never seen it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, what movies can't you watch? There's a string of them. Like when you said Aurora. What? Whatever. Anora. Anora. Anora. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, you watched it. Never saw it. Oh. Because of you. It's worth a watch. Yeah, yeah. And so there's just certain movies.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
You got to go to ZocDoc and I'll tell you what it is. ZocDoc is a free app, Andrew, and website where you can search and compare high quality network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Wow. And appointments made through ZocTalk, Andrew, I don't know if you know this, also happen super fast. Yeah. Typically within 24 to 72 hours of booking, and you can even score same-day appointments.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Well, I've got to tell you something else before that. What? Stop putting off those doctor's appointments, Andrew, and go to ZocDoc.com slash bad friends to find an instantly booked at top rated doctor today. I'm not good at spelling.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Oh, I don't know. Maybe delete that. That was so dumb. No, it was actually really good. I want that out there.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
No, I can't do it like that. All right, so where do I do it?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
It's insane. And the fucking, you know what? Enough of the fucking Korean deer, this shit. I get tagged. Anyone that looks Asian, I get the same thing for redhead.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
If they're acting. And also, can I just say another? All right, stop. Can I just say another thing, my friend? All right. Stop yelling out down syndrome out of your car.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
why I'm walking down the street people just yell down syndrome and I don't even and then there's people around me and looking at me like as if I have it fuck you I get Bobby's mom all day long you do right all right by yell it out right all day long yeah it's like it's it doesn't stop I mean I sat next to our good buddy David Chang on the way back home by the way oh hello you love Dave Chang I love him so much he's the best you know he's he's in he tore his rotator cuff
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
He's in like an arm sling. That was cooking equipment.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Be like, I heard about your... I did wish him well. I'm sorry about your today.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I didn't see it. The first episode she's in Black Mirror, she killed it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
David Chang. Yeah, there we go. I'm going to say, what do I say? You compose it for me.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Okay. Because if it's wrong, I feel like they're trolling me. These people are trolling me. These guys? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Well, every year, I mean, you know, Barack invited me. Biden invited me. You know, every president invites me, you know? So it's just my thing. Cool. But I'm a man of the world. And you're not. You're like America, you know? Yeah. You're going to the White House. America. Yeah. I've also seen other places. Where? Macon. The guy right back there? No, the Paris guy. Macon. Macron? Macron. Macaroon.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Macaroon. It's delicious. Have you met Croissant? I have. I have. No, you know, come on. I would never go to anywhere like that. This might end the show, actually.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
So good. Dude, I fit it. Okay, I'm going to tell you about that. May I tell you about Love on Spectrum? Yeah. Bro, I had a, I cried.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
We're 100%. Do you ever think that? All the time. Are you kidding me? Yeah, we are so dead in the business. But we created our own thing. Created our own show. Yeah, yeah. But we are dead in Hollywood.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah. I'm happy we're going to be able to do it. But guess what, guy? I've been going to therapy and I've been thinking a lot about it. A lot about it. And I'm on, if I, look at my phone. What does it say? This is it. This is it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, that's a good album. It's a great album. I know, but this is you and me together sitting here with our pals.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I am. No, don't. Now you ruined the bit. Why can't I do that? You are autistic. Yeah. I am, Andrew. Okay. Connor's the best. Connor is the king. He's the king. And also.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
No, no. I just... There are two young fish. That's not what I'm saying.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
There's two fish, and there's an older fish coming. Two young fish swimming along. Does it matter what kind?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Did you finish the very final episode? I haven't done all of them. Don't do that. Don't do anything. Or can I just say something at the end of it, though?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I've been breaking out like a teenager. You got a little pimp? I just sit here. This one's a white head. I'm breaking out like TJ.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
A lot of times you go, oh, well, we're doing this Hulu show. It comes down to, when that happens, it's going to be great.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
You have to live in it now. Yeah. I mean, when I meet the one that, when that happens, it's like, this is it. This is it. I mean, we're, I'm living life now. We're the leads of our movie. This is water. This is water. Seriously, I understand. This is water. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, he loved peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. That's what killed him. Is that true? Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I'm not going to ruin it for you. I have to say what I need to say.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Interesting. Okay, doesn't say that on there, but my point is this, okay? Um... Well, you know, I went, Bobby, you look a lot like Bruce Lee.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Good job. You have to bow. I would do it. I would be a bitch. You would, 100%. I would tremble. I would shake. Yeah, yeah. Your excellency. Yeah, yeah. No, but... This is water. I'm glad you're going through this in therapy. Well, it's because I went through some depression and then I was like, I got to get out of this. And then just go back to my techniques of being grounded in reality.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Because a lot of things you read on the internet or the things that occur in your mind aren't real.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah. Yeah. You will listen. Um, he never will. Yeah. When Pete Buttigieg is fucking, um, president, which will never happen. So you'll go then. My point is, is this. All right. I want to tell Pete bad friends, fans this. All right. There would be no, I don't even know how to speak. Um, There would be no bad friends if it wasn't for Andrew because I'm so lazy and aloof, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
So he organizes everything. And this machine, he's the captain of the ship. You know what I mean? You are. Take me to dinner. That's all I want.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
But also, why can't we stay in these towns for longer? We are. I mean, they're so back to back. We are.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Oh, so we'll go three days in London. Sure. Then do the show and then go to Ireland and then spend the next three days in Ireland. Sure. Because I want to see your shamrocks and all that stuff. You know what I mean? All the things that you... You want to see where I grew up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Out on the valley. Wait, because you know redheads have to come from Ireland, no?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Did you get enough sleep last night? No sleep. Yeah, me either.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
You, me, Logan, we could have a good time there. Logan Roy? Paul.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Mine was squid. Dried squid. Yeah, yeah. I want to take the tentacle, the dried tentacle and just suck it through my mouth.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, yeah. Jake. Jake Paul, I mean. We had a good time, no?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
That's it? And he came to the gig with me. He's like my handler. What's a gig? You performed? No, I did his podcast. But he acts as my liaison.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Wow. Yeah. You don't meet Carlos Hangout? No, you don't. Have we gone to other places? Mm-hmm. Yeah. A long time ago.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
He's my best friend. He was my best friend. Before you, 15 years ago, he was my best friend. Wow. You can switch. You can switch best friends, I mean. Look at that sitcom.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Wait, did he used to do stand-up? No. He just doesn't know what to do out there. Why did he move there? I mean, you know, let's be honest. During this woke age of acting, white dudes took a second... You know what I mean? There's so many white dudes, and they're using more minorities. Speak on it, brother. You know what I mean? This is good White House fodder. This will go far.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
No, I'm just... His point of view. That's not my point of view. I'm glad he's out. Get out of here, Charles. But, you know, that's what happened. Well, you missed me. He called me. Who did?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
You're on bad friends. You don't have to answer much, okay?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
You're on bad friends. You don't have to answer much. You don't have to talk that much. I'm just going to ask you a question.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
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Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I went to the Abbey. I was thinking about you. How does that feel?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only. Fairies by plan. That's right. I got called to the White House to have dinner with Donald Trump.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Okay, but if these guys are playing a trick on me, dude, I'm going to fire them. Who? These fucking pieces of shit. Anyway, find out if it's real. Love you. Bye-bye. Honestly, one of the best agents in the business. Carlos, come here.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, because it's not real, right? Come here. No, listen to me right now, dude. What I'm saying to you is that it's like the donut thing. I don't like when I'm being tricked.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
No, it happened all this weekend. How does my agent not know about it?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
If Abby doesn't pick up right now, I'm going to lose my mind. Right. Because it's just like, I've called her three times, she's not picking up. I'm her only client.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
CAA. They emailed CAA and you. And you're tagged in it. Is that not real?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I shaved all my pubes down there to look like a little boy. I don't know why I did that. You know what I mean? Why? You can't say that? Did you really? You went, let me see. Why? You went flush? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
You're on the podcast, yeah. Yeah, I figured that. No, it didn't happen. It didn't happen. Okay, thank you so much. All right, bye.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I'm so fucking mad. You have no idea how mad I am. Why? I texted that thing to a girl I'm hanging out with.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
So what I'm going to say something is that in the last episode of, the very last episode of Love on the Spectrum. If this ruins it, I will fucking fight you. That's your problem. I'm setting boundaries with you right now.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
No, it's not real. I was tricked by my employees. Say employees.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
No way. You want to play these games? It's war. No, there's no war. Yeah, it's war for all three of you. Listen to me, okay? Bob, please. No, I'm being real. I'm being real. It's war. How? The donuts is one thing. You made me look like a fool in front of this person I'm seeing, right? You just met her.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Okay, I think it's fucked up. I don't like being tricked and bamboozled. I think that's the right word. He's never done anything like this before. So there's some bamboozling coming your way. But this is Korean style, right? So it's a little harsher, right? And there's some implications. What do you mean? Career implications. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
And there's a lot of like, you think that I don't respond to your texts now? No. What do you think is going to happen now, Chachi? 100% this, dude. She texted me again. Let me see what she said. The movie you wrote? What did she say? She laughed.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
The movie that you wrote? With Benji? Never going to do it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
No. I'm never going to do it, I promise. Like his zombie movie, right? I'm never doing both of those things now, right?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, yeah. And McCone, you gibbering little goof face. All right? You fucking... I know things too, man. Get him, dude. Yeah, but I'm not going to say shit, okay?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
That was really good. Thanks, Bob. But you know what? I like to cause laughter too. Yeah, you have. And I like to spread joy too. So I'm going to spread some joy your way on your expense.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Well, then close your eyes and your ears. No, we're on a show together. Don't ruin it. Don't ruin it for the listeners. I'm not going to ruin it. I'm going to say it as lightly as I can. Okay? No, listen. I promise. Listen, put your headphones on. No. Are you my friend? Not right now. Do you have trust with me? Not with love on the spectrum. You're acting like them right now. All right?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
No, I'm not going to do that. I have to read it first. No, honestly, dude. You're right. Honestly, dude. That was really good. Thanks, Bob. You know what? I'm really going to laugh about it later. I'll tell you that.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Whoa. You said there was war. We're in a tariff war now? No, you said there was war. You hit me back, I hit you back? You started the fucking war. You'll see. Let me ask you about war. I don't know much about war. You're a general. Hey, boss.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
No, Philip Williams. Philip Williams in this scenario.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Guy, oh my God. Belarus just shot a rocket at San Francisco.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Oh, I'm San Francisco now? Is that what I am? Oh, yeah. You know, I love San Francisco. On your tombstone. Bobby Lee, I'm San Francisco. Dude, that letter looks so good. It's fucking great. It's so great. Yeah. What a wonderful thing. Wow. Wow.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, and he said, no, what he got flack for is he was super a nice guy. Who was, Bill Maher? Donald Trump was.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, he was like, he's not what you think he is when he's on, you know what I mean? you know, on the side, he's like just a regular guy.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, I think you just destroyed this, this date that I, I destroyed it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I'm the blind, following the blind toward a cliff. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
How many times have you gone out with her? I can't believe I fell for it. That's the word to shame it. I was like, I felt like, and then slamming you like you didn't get invited. That was foolish of me. Yeah, it was. Wow, yeah, you would definitely get invited before me. No. And then the next time, I'll know.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
time i've ever had on bad friends i look like a fool yeah yeah you don't look like a fool you know what i want to apologize look like a fool i want i want to apologize to everyone listening okay i did believe it was true i did gloat i made myself a fool right and i'm blushing right now you can't tell because when you yellow it hits red stays yellow and um yellow mixes with red yeah i'm blushing isn't that purple
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Oh, yeah. This is it. This would be a good opportunity. This is it, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, I'll do your movie for sure. Hell yeah. And Andreas, I'm going to do your movie. Thank you. You know what I mean? Hey, call me.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
So anyway, the last episode, there's a first-time kiss. I'm not going to tell you who it is and who it's with. Is that better? Just finish. Okay, there's a first-time kiss. And his reaction, his or hers reaction to the kiss, right? What? So the last episode, you know what I mean? An individual kisses another individual and the purity of his reaction or her reaction.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
If I had a baby like that, no one would even know. Bob. Stop it. No, because of privacy. Right, privacy. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Also, congratulations on... Arsenal FC for beating Real Madrid in the first leg of the Champions League. That's huge. We won 3-0. Declan Rice, two free kicks. Oh my god, they were beautiful. Two free kicks. This dude, Declan Rice, we bought him for $100 million from West Ham. Bought him? The team bought him. I didn't buy him. It is an interesting way to talk about it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
He's never made a free kick in his life. He makes two free kicks in one game in a Champions League match against Real Madrid. Think about the amount of head that guy's going to get. It was also at home. So the Emirates went crazy. It was like commentators were like... It was mind-blowing. They were perfect. The curvature... You're not going to look it up?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Well, he's a really good player. He's a very good defensive midfielder. He attacks too. But I mean, those two, I don't know what it is. It's just like- Say his name again. Declan Rice. Declan Rice. Yeah. And yeah, see, he's on the cover of it, of the highlights. And so Bukayo Saka turns to him and goes, he's like, what do I do? And he goes, Bukayo goes, if you feel it, just kick it.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Because they wanted him to cross the ball in. And he just felt it. And I'm telling you, dude. It was beautiful. You have to understand, Real Madrid, every person on that team is an all-star. It's like the Olympic basketball American team. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like that's what Real Madrid is. Wow. Yeah. It was unbelievable. I mean, it was probably boring what I just said.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
It's a good-looking guy, this kid, huh? Yeah. And here's another thing. Stop shaming his girlfriend. What about what's wrong with her? People are like, you could do better, but it's like their childhood boyfriend-girlfriend. Who cares?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I would date her. What's the issue, Bob? People shame him going, you could do better. Like, you know, wags. You know what wags are? What is a wag? Wags are football girlfriends. Yeah. Wives and girlfriends. Groupies? Yeah, yeah. And, you know, if you look at like... She's not high on the wag list?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
no you know oh good one like you know they're wags and then people um go they shame declan declan you know what i love about declan he goes she's the love of my life fuck off yeah and i love that yeah you know i mean you know let me see his girl why i don't understand the big deal here yeah me either like if you know yeah she looks just like the others Fuck you, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
You're the problem with society, dude. Oh, that's very interesting. It's like Andres' wife. They probably go, you can do better. But she's like, I'm in love. But I do think she can do better. I know she can, but she's like, I'm in love. What's that Japanese thing you're wearing? What does it say on your head?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
You're so annoying. I know. Let's just say it, Connor. His reaction. God, you're fucking dead. I know, but that's life. Yes, Bruce Willis is dead in fucking that movie. You don't even know the movie! Yes, I do, dude. Sixth Sense. All right? And if you haven't seen it by now, that's your bad. It's been out. Yeah, but Love and the Spectre just came out. Burn through it! No. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Okay, now, why would you laugh at that photo of these Japanese people laughing?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
It's like somebody just made freshly made boba or something.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
You're a golfer. That's right. Yeah. Dude, you're an athlete. In another life, you could have been an athlete. Honestly, the way he bowls, it's like I've never seen anything like it. I do love bowls. The only thing that I can beat you is ping pong, probably.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Good. You think I was fucking kidding? You're done, dude. You're toast, dude.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Anyway, he gets a kiss. Giuseppe wins one of the seasons of fucking Bake Off. Yeah, he does. Right? Okay, so he gets a kiss. Right, and his reaction, it's so pure, and it's like, let's be honest. Can we all be honest with each other?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
That's so funny. Why did you do that? A desire to be youthful. And then I shaved my head to look boyish. And everyone's like, you look so boyish. And because of the losing the weight too, I kind of look boyish. You do look. Like data from the Goonies a little bit. Right. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Like supplies or whatever he said. Surprise. Whatever. And so I feel youthful.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
You ever got some good pussy before? Yeah, that's not pussy. It's a kiss. I'd be shaking. It was a closed mouth kiss. And he does this. And his last line is, I can't feel my legs. Oh, he has a heart attack? He almost died. He has a stroke? But what I'm saying is that there's a purity. And you and I, bud, we're so jaded. And we've been in the saddle for so long. We've lost that innocence.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Of the first kiss. Of the first kiss. And what I'm saying is that I want that. Do you remember your first kiss?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
bleep bleep bleep bleep yeah and then she and then she ghosted me we didn't have that terminology she didn't shake yeah yeah that's her she didn't talk to me right monday at school why it was middle school really she was ashamed that she kissed me right and then two years later i was at a mcdonald's and she was working there and i laughed right in her face okay I did. You working here?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was the host. Party for one? Yeah, that was mean, what I just did, but that's the truth. And it's like, she ghosted me and I did that. And then...
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Well, it's like one of those things where it's like- Because it hurt your feelings, obviously. There was a girl in Dallas who had sex with a lot of comics, right? And then what happened was years later, Russell Peters comes up to me and goes, you know so-and-so from the club, the girl? And I go, yeah. He goes, I had sex with her too. I go, I did too. And she goes, she didn't mention you.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
So I'm embarrassing. And this day stops here right now. Right? I'm a cool guy. No longer not a cool guy. You know what somebody called me the other day? Zaddy.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I'm a Zaddy. I have style. What's the Z? I don't know.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I'm an older man, right? I'm stylish, charming, and self-confident.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Dude, that doesn't improve my self-esteem right now, dude. I'm trying to be real, dude. Frankly, you know what? I don't give a damn. That's not Casablanca.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I feel energetic. I'm in a very good mood, but I'm going to say something to you, pal, because you're my best buddy. You know what I mean? And your redness, really, I think about it at night. I know I just said that, but I do. I want the pain. I'm addicted to the pain. The pain of relationships?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Who owns you, kid? Who owns you? Yeah, a man's- I'm doing it wrong, all right? Would you like to be in chains?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, but he had taught that. I will street that. Correct. Yeah, I went to Blockbuster.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
You were learned. Like Last Tango in Paris, they edited. Do you know that they edited? Blockbuster edited movies because they're Mormons.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Is this real? Yeah, so when you saw Last Tango in Paris, I was like, no sex. I was like 12 years old with my dick out. Because I heard there's a lot of nudity in Last Tango in Paris.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
If you look in the mood for love, Wong Kar Wai, you know how they can't, they're in love with each other, but they can't. Yeah, they just can't do it. Paris, Texas, they can't. Brokeback Mountain, they do. And they do it good. When they do, they do it good. And they do it hard, but they do it sensual. I never saw the movie. Really? In my mind. You never watched it?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Yeah, that is true. I remember my school was that kid that, like, if you're gay, you're going to go to hell. You know, he wore that shirt, and it was a big controversy. You went to school with Trump?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
bob we have a crazy present for you i'd love it to see it um this just happened over the weekend and we wanted to save it for the recording yeah but this came through your reps what is this i already got i already got a a trophy is that what it is no it's not a trophy well hold time out what's the trophy for borderlands worst movie ever they make trophies for that no it was imdb's best um ensemble cast
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
That's a political move. I put it in my mantle. Yeah, but that's a political move. That's insane. It doesn't matter. I treat it like it's an Oscar. I wipe it every day.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I'm just going to call Abby. She must know about it. Oh, my. Because if she doesn't know about it, then it's not real. Why the fuck do you get an invite and I don't get a fucking invite? Dude, I'm very knowledgeable about our politics and tariffs. Yeah, I'm Chinese, dude. We're going to negotiate. Oh, that's what it is. He wants you to negotiate the tariffs. Yeah, maybe for Korea or something.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
CAA has a nighttime. Oh, fuck. Call your fucking agent. Matt. Yeah. You think Matt Black will know?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
Look, he's copied on the fucking email. Oh, I'm going to call him right now. He'll pick up. He'll pick up for sure. I needed to get to the bottom of this. I'm so sorry. This is so weird. No, no. You've got to frame that. I've got to frame it.