Fancy
Appearances
Bad Friends
Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl
Fly, fly, fly all over the world. Paper Airplane coming to you, your girl. Yeah.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Why? Don't. I'm about to go ape shit crazy. Oh, no, no, no. Ape shit like?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Show me. Okay. Or your friend Lisa has to go home. All right, all right.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
,,,,,,,,. P P P P P P G ac la ac la ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac acר in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in P a
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I like jalapenos and pineapple on my fucking pizza, man. By the way, this is what it's like taking the bus.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Age of Neutrons. Everybody has a flop here and there.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
We actually don't. You guys have your animated show. We have an animated show and a game show and other things. Oh no, we washed those away. They're both gone.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Can you water the, can you water the valley? Can you water my soil patch?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Just put it in, you know. It was butthole. Butthole was what? Gondengi. Gondengi. Yeah. I love gondengi.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Chosun. Chosun is the best. Sukbul Jeep or Park. Park is also good. Yeah, yeah. Okay, sorry. We gotta take you.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Koreans against husbands. Yeah. Anyway, Jut is breast.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yes, yes, yes. What are you going to guess? I think it's unfortunately referring to little people. Yeah.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. Yeah, donkomok is the hole. Everybody knows it.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
I guess if you write hot after, sometimes it'll be like cleavage shot.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Who the fuck is going to put me in a magazine? Exactly. Me either. I feel the same way, but they put this piece of shit on? What do you mean? She's cool and smart. Oh, that's right. My bad. She's got all the jazz, dude. Look at her.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
No, no, no. They get lonely, so they morphed into one. They've joined each other. You've heard the term two peas in a pod? Yeah. That's what my nuts do.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Your testicles should not be a dramatically different color. Like curdled blood.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Yeah. Never been refilled. We filled it up one time.
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
See... I'm not allowed to ask these questions? What the fuck? I didn't say you weren't. Fuck off. Oh, that's Canadian. See?
Bad Friends
More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy
Did you start your career in Canada or here, LA? Love the word toque.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I will take one little bite of a stash. Do you guys want some of this? Oh, my God. Is it soft?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Wait a minute. By the way. Yeah. Also, soap? Your soap?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Soap. Okay. Jumping at midnight. Well, yeah, what about jumping in the middle at midnight?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Grow taller in the new year. Can you wear red? In the Philippines, do people wear red?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
All right. It says it's going to increase your chance of being struck by lightning. Wow. Don't look. What is a sukup? Sukup. Sukup. Sukup. Sukup. S-U-K-O-B. Sukup.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
There's a little tree you walk by. Sukup. Sukup. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What about kapdiksagang? You know that. Twin bananas.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
If a woman consumes a twin banana, she'll have twins?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
What about scattering coins in a new house? When you move into a house, you scatter change everywhere?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Whenever somebody's like, these stereotypes aren't real. You're like, well, they are. Yeah. It's very funny. You bring salt and rice to what? Salt the floor and rice the floor, right?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
The Italians are like, when we buy a new house, we put down mortadella on the floor. We do a little chant called Hungry Hungry Hippos. Wow, it's so strange. Avoid mirrors opposite the front door. You can't have a mirror directly across from the front door. That's bad luck. Covering mirrors is bad luck in Filipino culture, it says. Placing a chick on a coffin, like a baby chicken on a coffin.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Let's cut it out. You know what, Fancy? Spain has a lot of weird supers. I'm sure you guys have just as many weirdo ones. You know Spain's got some stupid ones. Oh, the grapes at midnight. Remember we did that one time. It's the dumbest shit on earth.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Yeah, you're supposed to wish you good luck. Then you have good luck.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
No hats on the bed. In Spain, consider it bad luck to put a hat on your bed.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I don't even know. We wouldn't have an online business. I can tell you that. We'd be drowning. I'll tell you that right now. Nobody does selling better than Shopify. Nobody. There isn't anybody out there that doesn't. They're home of the number one checkout on the planet. If you're selling something, right, like Skims, Aloe, Allbirds, you know all these companies. They have great products. Sure.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Let me tell you something. I don't like that it's got cream in it.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
But how do they get to you if you shop online? Shopify is the one that makes that go smoothly. And the not-so-secret secret with ShopPay that boosts conversions up to 50%. That's way less carts are going abandoned and way more sales going.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever, whenever your customers are scrolling and strolling on the web. In your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more, sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business to get the same checkout that Allbirds, Rothy's, Skims, all of these companies uses.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Go to shopify.com slash badfriends to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash badfriends.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
ShipStation grows with your business no matter how big it ends up getting. By the way, I had a story that I was told about a small business, a guy that was shipping stuff from his garage. He was doing old records, throwback records. He was doing them from the comfort of his own garage, and his business grew so much. He needed bigger help, and guess what?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
ShipStation was there the entire time from the very beginning till right now. Pretty impressive. Pretty cool.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
The best part is you don't have to upgrade, right? It's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your customers with discounts up to 88% off UPS, DHL Express, and USPS rates and up to 90% off FedEx rates. That's incredible. Over 130,000 companies have grown their e-commerce business with ShipStation and 98% of companies that stick with ShipStation for a year become customers for life.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Yeah, you are really town. Are you getting good?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
This is what Trump was talking about. They come here, they surf all day. They don't do anything anymore. They're surfers.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Oahu. Mm-hmm. You guys like that. Well, they own a place out there. I know. Yeah. I know. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
You surfed all day and then you ate poke? Yeah. All day. That's all you do, right?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Oh, there it is. There it is. There's crazy boy. He's crazy. There comes nutso. He's nuts.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
You'll know. You'll know when you see, you know, you can tell, you can't tell from the whistle. That's yeah.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
You know what's great about Snoop Dogg? Yeah. Tell us. I think the best part about Snoop is he's really reserved himself. He doesn't do too much. Right. He's like Kevin Hart in that way. He's like Kevin Hart in that way. He says no a lot.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Like Snoop, can you name any products that Snoop's attached to? Or anything he's doing?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Howie Mandel is here, ladies and gentlemen. And Howie's brought his family. That's your son? Your whole family. And I've met you before? No? I don't think so. Who else is there? Is it your daughter?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
You guys are just friends? Yeah. How old are you? 30. Oh, dude. He's 35.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
He's just, okay, I got it. And I got the plastics.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Well, because women usually have practical uses for whistles. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
True as it can be. barely even friends. Then somebody bends unexpectedly.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Thank you, Rudy. What gives you the right, Howie?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
It's time to wrap it up. It's a long. Alex, what do you think? How do you feel? Does he need to wrap it up? Do you want dad to get off the show and get back home to taking care of you? Taking care of him. Well, he's 35. He's obviously stunted. He brought in a beautiful woman that he's buddies with.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Where do you live? You live in LA? Santa Monica. Beautiful. I want to live on the west side. Ask me where I live. I know where you live. Santa Monica.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
What are you doing? I mean, the numbers will go down, but it's not- Huge. Not about the numbers. Really huge. Not about the numbers.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Look at all the people that have come and gone in your tenure.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Regis, Sam Donnelly. Now, I don't know who that is.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Cardi would be a good get. So you, Simon, Mel B. And Sofia Vergara. Sofia Vergara. And?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
What's up for the 70th birthday? Can I ask you also those pants? Are those USPS pants? I swear to God, the woman that delivers my mail wears the exact same fucking pants. I'm not even kidding. I'm wearing ladies' mail pants? Ladies' mail pants.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I love what you did. There she is. There's my girl. That's from the neighborhood. Oh, my God. I am wearing mail.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Yeah, he is very fashionable. Am I fashionable?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I think this is why America's in debt. This is why we're in the hole, man. Why? Because of Urien. What is Urien? I didn't understand. Her name is... Urien Retriever. Okay. Her name is Urien Retriever? I thought that was an animal. I swear to God, I thought it was Urien.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
yes I know she is great you keep up with everyone who's ever contested on the show I've heard I keep up with everybody he's you know that he's got the cell phone number of everyone that's ever tried I don't have a cell phone but I DM everybody yeah I do do you want to meet Urien no but you know the one that you the one that you gave I think a golden ticket to what's it Grace Thunderbolt Grace Thunderbolt yeah what's her name Grace Thunderbolt the singer
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Well, let him call her. You never know what you'll get out of that.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
She's the absolute best. You sent your mom one, right? I did. I love my mom and I love your mom. And you know what? Moms deserve the best, especially here on Mother's Day. When it comes to flowers, there's only one place I trust to get it. Every time. This is a fact. I've been using these guys for so long. Way longer than they were a part of the show. But 1-800-Flowers.com. So simple.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Every single year you pick something elegant and cute and sweet and colors that match your mom's style.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
What do you want, man? Don't wait. Show mom how much she means to you with a gift that says it all. Go to 1-800-Flowers.com today and give mom their flowers. They deserve them, okay? To claim your double your roses offer, go to 1-800-Flowers.com slash bad friends. That's 1-800-Flowers.com slash bad friends. 1-800-Flowers.com slash bad friends.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
From point-of-sale systems and payments to inventory and customer tools, Square brings everything together in one simple platform. You can stay organized, sell anywhere, and keep things moving. Whether you're running a cafe, salon, boutique, something entirely on your own, Square gives you the flexibility to grow at your own pace and even set up an online store in just a few clicks.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
That is S-Q-U-A-R-E dot com slash go slash bad friends. Visit Square to get started because the right tools make all the difference. When I first started touring, by the way, I used Square. There's Square on my phone. I would plug it in. I remember that. For merch. I had to do that because a lot of places didn't take cash anymore.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
And also, people don't carry cash anymore, so it was easiest for people to just tap the square. And guess what? I was too dumb to do it.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
And you are. If you know then now, if you then know now, you would have scored.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
And why wait? What are you doing? Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com slash go slash badfriends.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
There's no way her real name is Retriever. Pretty stuck on that. A billion followers, though. Killing it. She's a dancer. I know. People love dance. Well, yes, she did. Well, not enough you didn't put her through.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Who do you love, who do you really love working with truly, truly, truly? Who really good do you work with that you go, you know, I really enjoy that person a lot. I enjoy Sofia Vergara. She's great, huh?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Well, it's not only that, she's funny. And funny. I've never noticed her looks. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Really? That's not how I view people. He goes right to that beautiful thing. I think smart, sweet. That pudgy Asian girl says she was good.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Yeah. I've asked, but I am really interested. What is 70th birthday gonna be? That's a big deal. I'm gonna throw it myself.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Well, there was like a big commotion. And then I was like, what's going on? And then they were like, it's a medical emergency. And I was like, I know. My thought was dead. Somebody died.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I'm fucking 70. Yeah, but 70 is a big deal. Here's the thing. She's never going to get there. Do it for her. How old are you?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Honestly, ask AI how much longer Howie has to live.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
You know, because that happened. That's happened at almost every show I've done.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
If you die, this is going to be a banger. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Look at that. Zoom in. It is impossible to predict how long any individual will live, including public figures like Howie Mandel. Life expectancy depends on many factors, including genetics, lifestyle choice, medical conditions, and even chance. However, Howie Mandel, like anyone else, will live as long as his health and circumstances allow. No one can know for sure how long.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Probably the next four years. Fuck. That's pretty astute. But you're going to go for a long time. You're a healthy guy. Well, you exercise. I do. And you exercise your brain daily. That's just as important. That's what they say. If the noodle is activated. Is that what they say? They say a healthy brain is a healthier life for sure. Do you ever see Life in the Blue Zones? Do you ever watch that?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
And they have a series? Yeah, they did a Netflix series. Is Okinawa a Blue Zone? It was.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Yeah, it's a green zone. I kind of focus on life in the Jew zones. Life in the Jew zones.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I'm a Ritalin. You're on medication? Yeah. Oh, right, right. Well, that's healthy. That's good. If you feel good, do you feel balanced or do you feel held back? I feel numb. Is that good? No. Is that good? No, you got to feel stuff.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
That's funny, Carlos. Stop it, dude. Stop that.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Who used to be, back in the day, who did you have a little bit of a qualm with?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something. We're bad friends.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Do you know what the line you just said? Do you know who else stole that? You know where that's from? Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm a schizophrenic and so am I. You wrote that? I wrote that. Do you know what movie that's in? No. That's in... That's in... You don't know either. That's the beauty of it. No, I do know. This is crazy. My brain just went blank.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
You know, a lot of shit of mine got stolen when I was a kid. No, no. It's Richard Dreyfuss and fucking Bill Murray. It's what about Bob? It's in what about Bob? The scene where he is in the mental hospital. He says, there it is. Rose is a red violet. I'm a schizophrenic. And so am I. Right there. I called it. I wrote that in 19. But, you know, I remember that fucking clip.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I've never seen Burr mad. I don't think I've ever seen Burr upset.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Are you guys fucking here right now? Is this a comedy show?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
No, no. Yeah. The audience at home will get it. Yeah. We have to let them get it, you know?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
All right, go ahead. I have to say, whenever I hear the word, I'm sorry. That's instinct. I apologize. Hulu?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I don't look at numbers. I'm not here for numbers. You know, since his band was Smashing Pumpkins, the podcast should be called Picking Up the Pieces. I feel like that would have been more in line with the
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Smashing Pumpkins is phenomenal. Phenomenal. What city is he from? One, two, three. Chicago. The best.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
How did they never cast Billy Corgan in fucking FX's What We Do in the Shadow?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
No hair, no makeup. Yeah. No, but honestly, I'm not kidding when I say this. You got to let us throw you a 70th birthday party. Let us do it. Let us do it. I'll do it. No, I'm dead serious. I think it's important. It would be great to celebrate with bad friends.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Shaquille Humphries. Have you seen Shaquille Humphries play ball? Amazing. Guy's got handles. Dude, his big hands.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I mean, it's such a dumb fucking question. That's a loser fucking dumb question. Take your headphones off and walk outside. Go smoke. Where are you going? He's going to go shorten his life.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Come on, sit down. Sit down. I don't want you to pass out. Fucking bullshit. I don't like your shoes. Can I get you Skechers? I'm supposed to spread Skechers. I would love to know that deal. How much money is Skechers? You know how I got the deal? You know how I got the deal? AGT?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Look at his shirt, dude. The jealousy is so gross on you.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I was going to make a fucking joke and you didn't even let me get it.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I'm off. This is a comedy show. I'm so tired. I was going to say 30% off. Did they owe you money? I mean, fuck, dude. Now it doesn't work.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Jacqueline... Love it. She's so ugly. Wait, wait. There it is.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Ask Howie. He had him on the show. He said no. Yeah, I don't know. He said no. Your Honor, he said no. He didn't get charged. That is true. He's never eaten anybody. Never eaten a person. I think it'd take a lot to eat somebody.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Yeah. Wow. Did you give him like a fork and a fucking knife? Like, thanks for coming on the show. Sit down. Don't get this away from the guy. Well, he was a nice guy.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
So fucking bummed. That's your army hammer? I've never heard the guy. I don't even know how he sounds. Let me try. How does he sound? My name is Harman Kardon. Yeah, see, we did the same kind of thing.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Look at him. Look at him. Chancho is Native American. That's the cologne commercial he does? Is that what that is? That's the Lone Ranger. Oh, that is. What are you talking about? He doesn't do a cologne commercial? Who? He dresses the exact same. Johnny Depp? Sauvage. Johnny Depp? Look at Sauvage. Dresses like that? No, he doesn't. Look at Sauvage. Look, he looks the exact same.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I've never seen this. What's the difference? Show me the difference between the two photos. Sauvage. Sauvage. You never seen that? And then Tonto. That's his sketcher. Well, you're right. Exactly the same.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Why did you see his poo? He relapsed in Cancun and he got shit all over the walls.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
And on your face. By the way, did this movie bomb?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
What's the kid's name? What's Spider-Man? Andrew Garfield. I love Andrew Garfield. That kid's phenomenal too.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
He was in Social Network. Oh, okay. I named the whole cast.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
How do you poo in the car? Why do you poo in the car?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I have diabetes. If I don't eat this, my blood sugar gets really low.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Yeah, you don't go, it shows. You go, oh, that's nice. So try it again. How long did you go to Hawaii for?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I got to be honest with you. Yeah. It's the only way to eat it. These people use their hands. I mean, you of all people. You should know.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I can tell you the hands don't help. I mean, I wouldn't give you my fucking phone. Really?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Dude, just do it shows. I think it shows it's good. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
That's true. That's not. So, hey, Carlos, bring up that. I saw a Filipino girl online. It reminded me of you. No, I'm serious. Okay. Not her. That's not it. I have it. But I want Bobby. Just on this image, real fast. How do you like your coffee, it says. Yeah. Which one of those two tones are your coffee? Because your mind might change when you see the whole cup.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Yeah. I actually am going with John. John is going to fly me out.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Now, do you know why I won't come back on the show? No. Because I don't do anybody else's podcast because I already do ours and mine and that's all I want to. He can test it. Me too. No, that's a lie. You do shit all the time.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
But ask these guys. Ask these guys that's true. Do I do other shows? Well, you're starting a new one right now. No, my own. Yeah. Yeah, no, but do I do other people's shows?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Whiskey? Whiskey's going to be around for a little bit, but I have to do the golf show. It's a show. It's a podcast, but it's a web show.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Dude, honestly, I'd love to fold this podcast. So why not? No, forever.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I'm sure the fans would like that, though. But you won't. But it's two good organizers, you and Adam. Just two guys that'll hunker down.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
So what kind of coffee? Do you like it with a lot of cream or not that much cream?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
You like the far right. A lot of cream. Yeah. Let's see what the full cup looks like. One of the mocha. Yeah. Jules, do you know her?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Zoom in a little bit. Zoom in. Pinch on that. You pinching on it? I got to tell you something. The tattoos, the tattoos aren't distracting enough.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I thought this was fake, right? I thought it was like a fake.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Dentists in the Philippines? Google Philippines.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck? Dentists in the Philippines, in Cebu. Let's see. Wow.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
By the way, new dental clinic because the old one didn't make it. Yeah. What's the first one? Cebu Dental Care. Give me reviews of Cebu Dental Care. Reviews. 4.9, pretty good.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Let's read it though. Yeah. I had an excellent experience at . No, no, no, no, no. Do the accent.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I had excellent experience at Cebu Dental Care Center.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Yeah. By the way, this is written by, these are all Americans. This isn't real.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I love the one stars, two stars. I would not return there. We had only dental checks and cleaning and polishing. Painful and useless and expensive.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Oh, dude, that's when you know to pull it out.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Yank it. Why would you keep it? It's only going to get infected. They're not going to do anything with it. Wow. It is crazy to think about people from over 100 years ago who had good teeth.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Flowers. Flowers. Berries. Berries and flowers.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Why did you say berries? Did you ever use berries as a kid for makeup?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Why women are using their period blood for face masks. Oh, that does work then. No, she's saying when you get your first.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
There you go. Despite this, culturally, the use of menstrual blood is something that has been done traditionally superstitiously for years. In the Philippines, it's said if you wash your face with period blood, you'll be blessed with acne-free skin during puberty. Did that work?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Dude, tell me the song you guys sing when you do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whose song? There's no song? Wait, so this is, so she painted her face and you do it on your first one and then that's supposed to bless you for life.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Come here, I'll fuck it, I'll give you one. It's when you have a, it's like a muscle cramp.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
I'm excited for my next charley horse. Yeah. I never heard, we didn't have any.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
You mean we have anything like that? Yeah, it's like, I'm trying to think of some white ones. What are the white ones? Well, it's like, you know.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Well, yeah, you know, they say if you masturbate too much, you get hairy hands.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Like that, like something like a superstitious thing that's not true. Like if you wipe blood on your face after your first period, you won't get acne.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Okay, look at this one. Some of the Filipino culture, go up. Some of the Filipino superstitions, avoiding sweeping at night. Don't sweep. Right? What is that?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Did she have it right? It's a sweeping at night. Sweeps away good fortune and attracts bad luck. Okay, good. Don't look at the screen. What about cutting your nails at night? Why can't you do that? Trim your nails.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
No, but that makes more sense. Evil spirits. Don't ever sleep with wet hair in the Philippines.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Maybe different islands have different things. I don't know. All right, this says not going home right after a wake, like after you go to a funeral.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Cleansing ritual. Didn't we do a pug pug on this show? We love Filipinos, by the way, for the record. They're our favorite people. How about not taking food home from away? So after a funeral, you don't take food home, right?
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Yeah, when your hands are itchy inside your hand.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
Sure. This just says it's a sign of good luck to have itchy palms.
Bad Friends
Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel
You know what the fans love when we eat on the show?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tokyo to LAX. Yeah, the LAX to Tokyo one. I watched two Lord of the Rings movies. I'd never seen any of those.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Oh, you did? And I'd actually seen that one when I was a kid, but yeah, out of order, so I didn't remember it at all.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I just my uncle invited me to go see it and I had not seen the first two and I just watched that when I whenever it came out so I would have been like 12 or something or something happened with your uncle yeah no no anything no no did he well let's go swimming I don't your uncle take you on vacations
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I didn't spend much time with him. He... I don't remember him ever swimming.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I don't know how to pronounce it, actually. Yeah, yeah. Try. Yeah, try. Yeah. Spell it out. N-I-G-E-R.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
So what did you do the first day there? I think just walked around. Yeah, just walked around.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Maybe so. I don't think any Japanese people knew who I was, really. But a couple tourists said hi to me. That's cool.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
And give it to me. Why him? Well, because they said it to me. Why him, not me? Because they came up to Andrew and said it to him.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I also sent Carlos a video. Did y'all see that video? We did. Cool. Okay.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Let's see. Day one, my flight got there in the daytime, so then I would have walked to my Airbnb and then just walked around.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
That one was just like a picture because it's kind of funny. Well, actually, maybe that's rude, but it was like horse sushi, so I just thought that was unusual.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I've tried guinea pig, I think. Wait, stop. What? What? Because I was in Peru where they eat it. They eat guinea pig in Peru?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
They're at lunch in Peru. Oh, my God. But it didn't look like a guinea pig.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yes. And then the next day, I think I just walked around a ton. Quick question.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
No, I didn't hear anything like that, but I'm trying to think if there's any sound specific to... Like you wake up, right?
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
They used to do it all the time. Yeah, yeah. And this is a forest? That was just in a park there. Oh, it's one of those suicide forests I hear so much about.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Okay. I think they said it was like a week late. What is this? That was just a store with a bunch of... You like stuff, huh? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah. That's at some mall that has just a billion stores. And then I went there specifically because Carlos had asked for something from Japan. And I used underwear from a vending machine.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Come on, Teddy. Did you smell it? No. I don't have a sense of smell anyways. Okay, then you didn't. So I haven't opened it or anything.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
you can it's so weird akiko akiko is that for sure there was a man who um came up to the machine and bought some right before me because i was like just standing there looking for a while because i i just felt too nervous to walk up to it and do it but i saw someone do it and then i went and did it wow so you got did you blush uh Good hands. Oh, I went to a baseball game one day.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was, oh yeah, that's the machine. That's the machine. Wow. How much is $503.50? Wow.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Not really because I fell asleep pretty early there because of sleep schedule. And then mostly I would just walk all day and then fall asleep quickly. Did you ever go out at night and go nightlife in it? I didn't do nightlife stuff, but I did walk around at night just to look around.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
The more like eventful things was I went to like a baseball game. Oh, lovely. And then I ran into a stranger who offered to buy me sushi and he was super nice.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I didn't ask, but he actually, I said you don't have to buy it, and then he just offered to buy it still. It's very nice.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Okay. I met up with a Japanese pop group and filmed a video with them.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
yes but I don't think they understood everything I said were you attracted to any of them? yeah I think they're very pretty all of them you liked all of them Yeah, but I wasn't trying to.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
What does for country mean? If for Russia for mother or mother Russia, we will die everyone everyone will know including Ukraine and Poland Yes, and we love all we love all is anyone interested in who's who would like to know we are telling you now you pick countrymen Yeah, we're generals.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Well, not directly with them, but yeah, I definitely would have a crush on them, yeah.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
How would you say that? I said five and then they told me five V. Oh, I see it now, Dex. I see it now.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
No. go uh maybe going to that baseball game i sat in like the section where everyone's like chanting the chant you've never been there in the chat in the stadium you do the chat for me yeah like let's go let's go that's how they said that let's go let's go that was the only english part of the chant and then they said um and then there was like stuff in japanese what would that be
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Hello, let's go, let's go, hello, hello. That makes sense. That makes sense. What teams were playing? The Giants and the, I don't remember.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah. Who are you rooting for? The Giants. I went and got sushi, and I was at a conveyor belt restaurant. Oh, those are fun.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Very nice. I was feeling kind of nervous because I didn't know how to get the person's attention, and then the girl beside me noticed that, so then she kind of helped me, and then she started to talk to me through Google Translate,
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yes. And that I kind of had a little crush on her. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. She said she was also traveling by herself. From where? China. Oh, yes.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah. I've just been a little tired from trying to adjust my sleep, but now I feel like I'm pretty much back to normal.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I did the pop. I met up with the pop stars. Yeah. And then I mostly just walked around more. And then I got y'all a gift as well.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw a clip that you like t-shirts. I do. So I got you some t-shirts. A medium? They're large.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Large. And then I couldn't find anything specific. If you don't like them, you could have this. No, what is that? It's just coins from Japan.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I cut the price tag off right before I got here. Smart, smart, smart. No, we can't return them. Okay, good. Well, because I thought it would be rude. Okay. I do have one other shirt from there.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
I have a bill, like a 10,000 yen bill that I was going to take to the currency exchange, but I could give it to you.
Bad Friends
Life & Fettuccini
Thank you for being a bad friend. I just ordered a pizza, and when the delivery driver gets here, one of Japan's biggest pop groups will perform for them. Are you excited?
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Ich will ihn nur für eine Woche f***en und dann f***en sie ihn bei der L.A. River. Wow, wow, wow. Wenn wir Griechenland machen.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is the Michelin Man
Better than that witch... Better than that witch... Untertitelung. BR 2018
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
That's not why, dude. Yes, it is. That's not why, dude. Carlos and George are not in. That's not why. That's not why, dude.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bad friends to find an instantly book and a top rated doctor today.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
No, come on, Bobby. No, no, no. That's the fucking truth. Let's talk truth and let's talk gospel.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Have seen your ex-girlfriend. Oh, yeah. I've seen. Here we go. I've seen your ex-white girlfriend. Uh-huh. And they come from the depths of the earth within each other. And the prince of Korea has come with his clear skin and his eyes are purple white.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
Don't you guys turn around? You guys go, hi, hi, hi, all the time, man. I don't want you kung fuing.
Bad Friends
We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
So their whole thing is, what's going on right here? I don't know.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
You claim you don't have a lot of money, but that's a lot of Amazon packages for you. A lot.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
What have you done? I don't know. I don't know. What have you done for me? Move away.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Well, I'll be honest with you. Carlos. I had two fairies. Am I right? I had two fairies, two executioners. Who'd you get recognized? The king.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Another one. This is a funny one, dude. A man. So he was holding something on a leash. And it was like a man with no shirt on, black leather pants. I don't know what he was. He was holding something on a leash. And I go, and I follow the leash down. And there was another man as like a dog or something. Sure. Just crawling on the ground like that. Sure. Yeah. So you have that too.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
I know, but... And a couple of times, I'm like, milady, and he goes, he lady! Me sir.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Me sir, me sir. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, that was one of those situations.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah, yeah, it's okay. You're guessing. I was gathering information. You're guessing.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
It's a long walk. It's a lot of walking. What, Orange County? Where was this? It's in Pasadena. Gotta be. It was long, but it just goes on forever. And then it's like, I ate crepes. Okay.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yes. And I have found my people. And I have some gifts for you all, if I may. If I may? Did you really? Yes.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
It does. No, it doesn't. With the chocolate malt crunch? The fuck it does. It does. Dude, chocolate.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
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Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
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Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
For Jules. I'm not kidding. I love that thing. Yeah, Jules. I bought you a... It's a wand? It's a wand. Yeah, that's what they call it. Come grab it.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Look at the one in the hat right there. That's like a Korean Jew. Right there. Korean Jew.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Well, you know, I've been looking up limerence. Limericks from Ireland? No, limerence.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Limerence is an infatuation with somebody that's bordering on unhealthy. Do you think that's what you have? I don't know. So I'm being mindful about how I behave. Why can't I deserve love?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Okay, sorry. There's no enough water. I got to put some more water in it. Very good. Okay, very good.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
I looked into golf. And when I see a golf ball, right, I look at it different because of you.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
That's what happens. It never arrives to me. It drifts away from me like you do.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Dude. King dork. And don't get offended by this, if I may. Go ahead. Right? But the texture of the ball is kind of like your face. Go on. Go on. Well, I think if you were younger, maybe you had some acne. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. So I'm feeling those craters. Oh, you feel that? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. But the center, there's a mass in there. You know what I mean? And that's the brain.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
That's my brain. Yeah, and that's the brain. And your brain is filled. Thank you. Yeah, with knowledge. Thank you. Yeah. But this texture of the skin, though, is what I want to go back to. Is it bad? Not my favorite. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, here you go.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
wow that was fast that was fast and furious part of six i'll tell you that wow yeah yeah anyway you're the prettiest guy you're pretty and who supports you more than me not these fucking clowns yeah shut up i mean now that you're single what are you gonna do loser eat pussy dude are you on to girls are you on to girls
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
So I'm autistic? Yes. Yeah, but the two girls in there got together. Yeah? Yeah, in their love.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
So when we're at the Renaissance Sons Fair, we ran into a couple of little Asian girls. They're in their 30s, but they're like smaller. Forever girls. And we were eating and stuff like that. And then my friend goes, yeah, they're going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
And then they look like librarians or whatever. You know what I mean? Or like dental assistants. Dental assistants, yeah. And then my friend goes, oh, they're the two biggest OnlyFans. So then I immediately go, what's their OnlyFans? What do you mean? There's two little people? No, they're not dwarves. They're just smaller Asians that look cute and look like... Engineers.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah, yeah. And so then I frantically, you know what I mean? They're in Fort Cross. I'm trying to get their OnlyFans. What are they? What's their name? Right? I'm not going to say. But my point is that. Please. Ooh, la, la. It was nice, nice, nice. You never can tell. You never can tell. That's my thing.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah. You can get it probably right, but I don't like the guys on Raya. To go get on, you know, cause fan ass.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Oh, let's hear it. Can I be honest? Yeah. I'm hurt. Tell us your hurt pain.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
No, you clean up the dog poop and you don't care. You know, your behavior last night was uncalled for.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Or we're doing a show at the Ice House. Usually we switch, but you told me to close. And then you're like, oh, I don't know.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah, and then he goes, I will have nothing. And then he goes up there and he destroys. No. With crowd work. No. And I got buried both shots.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah, I need another 20 and I'm good. He's ready to rock. Another 20. But it's going to be great.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah. He's a liar. He's a liar. What did he do? He goes, hey, Kevin, did you go out? He goes, yeah, I did. But he didn't. Not yet. You can't get anything truthful from that. I know.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
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Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Here's a one for you, my friend. Wow. Here you go. All right? Do not jam it in your ass. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
I love them I don't know No no seriously You don't like them? I love them a lot Why? Just a couple of Mexicans They had very yellow teeth But those are just an observation Really? Because next to the Renaissance Faire is a park and it's Easter, right? So, you know, you got a guy, you know what I mean? You know, wearing like a, he's got a mini moped. He's got like a Spider-Man hat on. Oh, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Hey, puto, get out of the way. You know what I mean? That kind of thing. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's all those, you go from the Renaissance Faire to like, you know, people, you know, with real knives. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
And like, hey, puto. You know what I mean? It was like a completely different, like if there was a war, they would win. Oh, sure. Between the Renaissance Fair.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They would totally win. But, you know, yeah, it's good. I love it. Where was the Renaissance Fair? In Pasadena. By the bowl or something? No, it's like far. It was a little farther than Pasadena, actually. What are we talking? Where is that? No, Carlos, don't search. It's that. That whole green thing? See that whole green thing right there?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Can you zoom in? Buddy, that's so far back. Where the lake is. Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly, because the lake is a part of it.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Stop it. McCowan, please come. I gave you a black bird charmer. Here you go, my friend. Cool. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What do you say, you idiot? Yeah, yeah, you bow or something. Bow. Andreas, come here. I have a gift for you, too. Thank you. I have a gift for you, too, Andreas. This is a big one. Right. This is a ceramic penis.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
You know, dude. It's funny. Please. When I was with my group, no one really said anything, but I did voyages on my own, and that's when it started happening.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
No, yeah. They go, we'll go where the mini cows are. Meet us back there. Mini cows. There's a petting zoo. Calfs? Little calves, yeah. Really? Did you pet? I sure did. You did? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Because I saw my group do the spears and they were just so bad. Your group. And I was ripping on them. I go, oh my God, what do you have, carpal tunnel? I was just like making fun of them. If you could do one, what would you do? Bow and arrow, I think. Because Koreans are good at that. Are they? You win the gold every time.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Have you ever seen the Splash Brothers? Steph Curry no they're Filipino guys diving and they're trying to qualify for some thing oh and they yeah I can't they can't I've seen them I mean play it this guy's my guy the guy the fourth one yeah well it's all of them really done emotion okay good take off not gonna make it
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Jesus. Jesus Christ. Look at his face. Look at his form. Look at his form. Right on his back. That's pretty good. No high five. Why would you high five? No high five. All right. If he high five, I would move my hand. How about the John David? Oh, he's going to do it. He's going to do it.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
You're surrounded by water. Philippines are surrounded by, well, you have cliffs. How are they that bad? I don't know. Yeah, they're bad. Look at his face, dude. Look at that. He took a shit in the air, dude. Look at him. Oh, my God. Look at his whole life.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
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Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Did they? Yeah, female weightlifting. And then I think with Dutarte, bought her like a mansion or something.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah, yeah. And that is it. I had a joyous day. Bob. Yeah. Thank you so much. And then you just got drunk all day, huh? Yeah. Yeah? Smash. Yeah, how'd you get here? Uber. Oh, good. Uber. Uber, my friend. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah, I mean, there is ways to do it. There's a test, isn't there? Yeah, there's an okay Filipino test, and we have it memorized. Andrew and I have it memorized. All right, go ahead. Okay, how fast can you climb a tree?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Like a minute. A 20-foot tree, right? A palm tree. How fast can you climb that? Go.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
That's right. That's right. That's good for two. Yeah, yeah. A dwarf with two knives are attacking you, but from the sky, a lady with two knives is attacking you. What do you do? What do you do?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
That's how you do it, dude. Because she fell off a building. That's right. She was cooking something on the 15th floor and she fell off.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
It's three in the morning. You hear a noise. You go outside, right? And you see a half Filipino man, half wolf, right? And half chicken. Three halves? Yeah, three halves. Everybody has three halves, right? What do you do?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
That's very good. You eat the fucking chicken and the fucking wolf part. Pretty easy. Very easy. If you have a baby. Right. It is a wolf baby. That's a wolf baby. Yeah, with hair on the face. You know, like Barnum and Bailey.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
You give it a hair medication. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. That helps hair grow, right? Fuck, I got it wrong. I think, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah, you have a particular fear of the white. Yeah, what is your fear of the white? You have the fear of the white. What is it?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
That was one of the most expensive ones there. How much? $50. Really? Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah. Like... I understand. You don't want to see everything in there, right? Right. You don't see all the veins and all the inner workings. You don't want to see how the sausage is made.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
I'm going next Sunday. You are? Yeah, and Jules is going to come. Are you really going?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
No, because all the restaurants are closed. I'm hungry, so I'm ordering it to get delivered to my house.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah, but after this podcast, I'm going to go straight home. It'll be ready for me.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Okay. What's your problem, dude? Continue with your fucking... You're my problem, bud. No, bud. And that's a strong word right now, bud. We're not at bud level. You're acting a little silly right now, dude. Carlos. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Oh my God, there's elves, there's orcs. There's everything that you can desire. Well, explain to us how much fun you had. It looks really cool.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Oh, man, we didn't fight for weeks. It's been going on. It's been going on for a while.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Goodbye. Also, there's things going on in the background. Like, where are you? In a fucking airplane?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Like, what the fuck are you doing over there, dude? Yeah. He lives in a factory. Or a baby ass. What are you doing over there, dude?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Did Sebastian ever invite you to his little kid things? No, but that would never be. We're not close. I used to go there.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Well, you can rent. See, that's where I made the mistake. You rented? I came like this. Yeah. And then I went to the store and I rented that vest. It's good looking vest. And I was just jamming out here in front of this. Yeah, it was. I'm telling you, dude, that was. What a song. You loved it. I saw jousting. I saw a couple of plays.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
I mean, there's a thing about- I'll do it. I know, but in your face, your eyes crinkle, right? You do smile, but the cheeks is rage. Have you noticed that? Yeah. You'll go like this, right?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Well, you don't get- Or you know what I hate too is when comics go- I go, you got married? And they go, yeah, like last year. How many people, Kate? Like 500. And I go, I've helped you. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're shocked. I'm shocked. Like, dude, I helped your career. I'm because, yeah, it's because of me. I wouldn't go, but I want the invitation. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Coarsely invite you, whatever it says. Why do you want the invitation? You're never going to go. I've gone to a couple. Whose wedding did you go to? Sebastian Maniscalco and Dr. Ken Jeong.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
If you're living in Scotland, go to London. If you're living in somewhere else, go to Scotland.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
It's not good, dude. Oh my God. Okay, dude. It's dry skin. It's disgusting, dude. It's what fucking Jeremiah Watkins gets. All over his body.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
wow yeah yeah it was a very enjoyable thing so you'll go back i'm gonna go back next sunday yeah with jules and dumbfounded and gene and also andrea jen look at that you look good and i'm gonna dress i'm gonna we're gonna dress as and i'm gonna get your dress as peasants but but asian peasants so my fantasy is this wait that's not asian peasants whatever you did before
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
No, that was an Asian pencil. Who's that? Who's that woman? That's Brittany, the girl I was with. Carlos, stop creeping. Yeah, stop creeping. Carlos, stop creeping, dude. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Okay. So, no, I'm going to drug. I was a bird. Okay, okay. Okay. You want to communicate? Yeah. Okay. Dude, that's a connection we'll always experience for the rest of our lives.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
So what I'm going to say to you is that we're dressed as Japanese rice farmers from the 17th century. And our little canoe got lost. And we ended up in the shores of this English countryside. And we end up at Renaissance Ferry. We'll have samurai swords. And I'm going to wear the little rice paddy hats. And we're going to get you a dress. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
okay okay well unless you want to well unless you want to dress how would you like to dress like the elves okay kind of dress like the philippines don't have drought well elves i mean yeah we do yeah yeah those are called um crickets those are filipino crickets dude they're not elves what does it say in your sweater oh is that a filipino cricket Or elf.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah, dude. This is the Andrew I like. We got you, Jules. So did you go egg hunting? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you did. Something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was in those little eggs, huh? A little bit of money. Really? Chocolate. Yeah, you and your buddies, huh? Charlie Day, Jason Bateman. You bring these names that aren't relevant at all. Hollywood.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
I have no idea. You're fancy friends. Yeah. Allison Janney. Yeah, of course. Bradley Whitford. The whole cast of West Wing. Bradley Whitford. Bradley Cooper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bradley Cooper. No, Bradley Whitford.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah, but you know, I'm a forgiving man. You really are. It was really hard to buy him a wand. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I pondered over it for like an hour looking at it. Be honest. Yeah, two hours. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I went, you know what? He deserves a wand. He does. Yes. Thanks, Bob. So, you know, when Voldemort or the Jews attack. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
good boy maybe I regret getting that from McCone but yeah he's going hog wild with it but it is a beautiful thing if you ever would you ever go no you should go with us shut up yeah why wouldn't you go though It's so... I laughed the whole time. Okay, how about this?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yes, I have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You won't go to a Lakers game. I love it. If I'm sitting next to fucking Jack Nicholson, I'll do it. He's dead. No.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah. But I laughed so hard. Like, you know, there was a play. Hi, I can't get into it because it's getting in trouble. No, come on, please. Well, years ago I was on a game show and it was with Rob Gronkowski in that game show called Game On.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Right. And there was like. It was terrible. It was terrible. Anyway. Bad TV. So I did a joke. Happy Easter. The producers came up to me and they go, we have to cut that out. I go, why? What did you say? He goes, it was racist.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Wait a minute. Yeah, but those, but these three though, special kind. You know what I mean?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
We were going somewhere and Abby and- Do you guys remember this? Who was with us? No, Abby and her mom was there. Yeah. And then, I don't know. I think I started the conversation with them first. There she is. There's Abby. And she was so sweet. What? Wood.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
put on a disney plus that's good yeah that's good smart right you know what i do get her some dolphin stickers love put some around the room love and she'll go yay or whatever you know what i mean and then what else that's good yeah yeah yeah jules jules do you watch that show no you don't see love on the spectrum you don't watch that no what are you watching right now white lotus
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Yeah. They're drowning in a pool. You want to climb this tree? You want to climb this tree with me? I'm kidding. I don't like Last of Us because of the mushroom zombies.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Dude. Thank you. You went to 15 milk tea shops. That's what you did. You do something weird like that and the dogs need to get walked.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Oh my God. What a mess, huh? Did you ask for the jar head at the fucking hair plant place? I did. Yeah, yeah. It's a weird... Can I get the jar head from... Wait. Full metal jacket. I want the haircut from full metal jacket. Fence. Yeah, fence. What is it? It doesn't look good. You have to wait. You have to wait. Okay. That's you. That's you, dude. Yeah, yeah. What are you doing?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
I don't know what I've been told. That's you, dude. My God. And are you mad that your people aren't in the new Star Wars?
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
What do you mean? They should just put porgs in there. Yeah, porgy, porgy, porgy. And with the militant, they could be militant porgs, right? With guns. Chewbacca can't eat us. Right? That's you, dude. You look good, fam. Yeah, you look really good. Let's go back to the victim. When you look at your penis, is it translucent? It seems like it is. You know what's rude? Put it in your pocket.
Bad Friends
Rudy Is Single
Don't put it there. Pervert. Yeah. You're going to take your wand home, right?
Bad Friends
Rudy's Fantastic Fail
Das ist, weshalb ich es gesagt habe, Alter. Lass uns es dort nehmen. Nein, lass uns es dort nehmen. Lass uns es dort nehmen.
Bad Friends
Rudy's Fantastic Fail
Aber warum bringst du die Hunde zum ersten Platz? Sie haben mich zuerst angerufen.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Gib mir die Initialen des Comics, die das gesagt haben. T.W.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Wer war es auf dem Show? Gut, Greg zu sehen. Greg, Greg, Greg.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
He really is a star. Saul Trujillo is great. Say sorry one more time to our good friend.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I don't know Apology. Alright, well, we love you, Greg. I'll try to fix him, man.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
One of the greatest comics alive. One of the greatest, most talented. Because you disrespect a legend, that's trouble. That guy's a fucking legend. Greg Fitzsimmons is a legend. Now you disrespect somebody else, that's on your terms. You disrespect one of our oldest friends. Tough, tough move. He called me. He said I was really bummed. I was having a cup of coffee.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
He goes, I gotta be honest with you, I was pretty bummed at your boy. I said, what happened? Und er hat mir das Wort gesagt.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Bist du ernst? Ja. Was hat er gespielt? Außer deine Ballen.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Das ist, warum du ihn mitgekommen bist. Du hast ihn gesehen. Du warst wie dieser Rockstar.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Nein, ich habe es nicht gemacht. Fitz hat mich heute angerufen. Du denkst, er sei immer tot? Mit Fitz? Ja. Du bist in Ordnung. Das Shane-Ding? Du bist gekocht. Ich habe das gehört. Ich meine das mit jedem Sinn von mir.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Und ich verliere. Was habe ich dir gesagt? Auf der Show habe ich gesagt, nicht machen. Geh nicht nach Shane. Das ist eine schlechte Idee. Ich weiß, aber... Ich habe es fünfmal gesagt. Okay. Na, ich sage das. Ich liebe dich.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Du bist mein bester Freund. Du bist mein Hund. Ich werde nicht mit dir mitgehen.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I liked it. We gave, okay. Go ahead and say it. Say the truth.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Did it bother you? It didn't bother me. We did our first session today in the animated movie that we're going to be in.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Why do you guys think that is? Andrew's a good actor. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O. I gave him readings because I wanted to get him in the mood. And by the way, he will agree, when I said stuff to him, not line readings, when I said stuff like, Bob, get jumpy like you do. And you did. And then do you kill it? This is what he made me do. He goes, you're a bat, right?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
When he batted, the lines crushed and then everyone in the booth went like this. Ja, ja, ja. I have a video I'll send you.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Das ist genau so. Shopify ist die Kommerzplattform hinter Millionen von Unternehmen weltweit und 10% aller E-Commerce in den Vereinigten Staaten. Von Haushaltsnamen wie Mattel und Gymshark bis zu Brands, die gerade angefangen haben, vielleicht wie schlechte Freunde.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
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Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Get all the big stuff for your small business right with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash badfriends. Go to shopify.com slash bad friends.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
You can. I don't want to. Why not? It would be a surprise. You did to me at lunch. You bragged at lunch. On the phone with me. Yeah, you bragged at lunch. I like how he pretends like he's not Mr. Hollywood, then he brags.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
The throat stab guy didn't go to the meeting? I would assume he would be on track.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah. I mean this when I say this. I think the work that you do in the sober world... That's not what I'm saying. Can I just finish? I think it's extremely important. And I think there's a ton of people that listen to this show. They either use, used to use, have trouble, have thoughts. And I think it's a great world to put our audience in, to know that... Are you being real right now?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Because they said name. In Spain it's... Can I have a solo?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
There was. Okay, I know what. No, I think it's a beautiful, important thing to do as a child of addiction, as someone whose best friend is an addict, whose friend, we have a lot of friends that have lost their lives to it. I think it's important that you do stuff like that. I really mean it.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I think it's imperative to the future of people who are struggling to hear you, a famous guy, who, by the way, What, you guys are laughing?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
and listen to the show makes me feel good. These moments change my life. I think it's fucking important. They make me feel like what I'm doing when I'm sitting on an airplane and it's 40 minutes late and I'm bummed out and it's freezing and they lost my bag and I'm gonna be late to the thing and I'm pissed off and I didn't eat.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I go, oh, this is all worth it because somebody gets joy from our thing. And you give people joy by giving them hope in the process of comedy. I know what you're gonna say next.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Hey, come with me to this thing. You're lending a hand. Anyway, we'll move on from the sober community, but I do think it's an important thing.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
It doesn't matter. This is about us being real. You want to be funny, we'll go back to making fun of Andres. It's easy. Go for it. Look at that shirt. By the way, I had McCone search hell and high water to find Spanish stores. Go all over LA. By the way, Desigual, your shirt company that you love so much, is that a Desigual shirt? You know that fucking dump? It's closed all over the world.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
There's like three left. Just in the US. I have a question. There's one in Gaza. It's insane how little of them. There's none in the US.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Look here, my friend. Fancy, do you have anything planned with your wife for your birthday? Do you guys have any? You call them Fitzy?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Where the fuck have you been? I don't know. We've been doing this for five years.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Have you bought tickets? Okay, can bad friends buy the fast pass for you guys or whatever? Sure. That could be the birthday gift.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Let's do the regular thing. I thought you wanted to be a chaperone. We would chaperone you. You know what the funny thing was? My wife literally said that. She goes, what if you buy him tickets to take this kid to Disneyland? I go, they don't fucking, he doesn't want that for his birthday gift. That's exactly what we're gonna do.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
But wait a minute. We did buy Super Fast Pass at Universal for Halloween Horror Nights. You didn't even show up. You bailed. I know. Everybody else showed up except for you. I know. Jules showed up. Yes.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Hello, Mike! Hello there, Mike. We're going over to the pond there, go get beans on toast and then going to Ireland. Beautiful, beautiful Ireland. So where are we going first? We're going to London, England. July 18th, guys. Okay, July 18th. Ovo Arena, Wembley. We'll be in London, England on July 18th. Dublin, Ireland. Then we're going to Dublin, Ireland. July 19th. We're at the Three Arena.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I mean, it's not a cheap experience. How about this though? No, I've never even heard of this experience, but it is... Adam Levine told me about it.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Resort VIP tours. Are you richer than all of your friends? Get ready for a day without poor people. Call 714... I mean, that's literally... I would have done it if I wasn't trying to oppress a girl. You could tell me that.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Es ist verrückt zu denken, dass das Kind seine erste Erfahrung ist. Wir haben eine Freundin aus unserer Familie. Du weißt, mein Freund, ich sage es aus der Luft. Seine Schwester, ihre Kinder haben nie auf einer kommerziellen Flugzeuge gefahren. Sie haben nur privat gefahren.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Sie sind kleine Kinder. Sie haben also keine Ahnung, wie es ist, in einen Flughafen zu gehen. Immer. Richtig. Sie haben keine Ahnung. Kleine Kinder, die in dieser Welt wachsen, wissen nicht, wie es ist, in Disneyland zu gehen.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Du hast ihn verarscht, ich sage es. Weil er nie wieder in Disneyland gehen kann. Nein, er wird sagen, wo ist die asiatische Frau, die uns umgekehrt hat? Ja. Ich will sie wieder. Ja. Weil das sind die Spuren der Rechten. Ich meine, das ist wie, das sind fancy Pants. Schau, ich könnte dir einige all-access wilde Scheiße geben, weil wir jetzt für den Maus arbeiten.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Das wäre schmerzhaft. Ja. Wenn du sagst, du weißt, die Frau, mit der du bist, nie. Ich verstehe es. Das ist ein Kompliment. Übrigens, heute Abend, du hast gesagt, oder heute Abend Abend, du hast gesagt, keine mehr Frauen, fertig, Period.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
You're going to meet Bong Joon-ho tomorrow night? Where? Mr. Hollywood. Mr. Soor. Mr. Soor. Bong Joon-ho, you're going to meet him? That's incredible. Where are you guys going to go meet?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah, that's good. Alright, so no more women, so it's just Bong Joon-ho from now on.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah, but that's not a real website. Every time I see my friends that are on that Raya one, that's almost like, it's just Instagram. It's like showing off for the sake of showing off. I mean, I could even go to my... I've never met one person that's dated off Raya for real. Maybe hook up, maybe. Aber alle, die ich kenne, Mädchen und Jungs, sagen das gleiche.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I mean, it does sound like a murderer, what a murderer would say.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Weil ich meine Notifikationen nicht richtig schaue. Oh, ich verstehe.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Du hast gesagt, hi. Sie hat gesagt, well, hello, und dann hast du gefehlt. Lass mich schauen, lass mich schauen, lass mich schauen. By the way, this is so long ago. This is 2022. Look at the photo. Let's get another one. No, she looks cute. Let's get a more recent one. You went back so far. How about Ariana? I do live in LA. You live in LA? I do. I try to get out. Are you here?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Let's communicate. Let's communicate through Instagram. Your game is outstanding. How about another one?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Blue Chew Tablets are made in the USA, prepared, shipped directly to your door. The best part is, take them anytime, day or night, anywhere. Plan ahead, be ready whenever an opportunity arises, and it's done online. No doctor visits, no awkward conversations, no waiting line at the pharmacy. Be like Bobby Lee, get yourself some Blue Chew.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Bis bald. In Connecticut helped Oh, Asian are you? I'll comp you.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
It's Asian. You're right. I'll comp you. No pay. And nothing after that? She goes, oh, thanks. I hope Oklahoma went well for you. That's so nice. Yeah. Then he didn't respond. Is that recently? March 12th. So that was like a week, over a week ago. Let me see. You screwed up on that one.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
You have to accept the fact that that's a reality. Like our good friend Nick Christ. He was looking for love. He's been in and out. He fell in love deeply with someone who has a kid. Life is good.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
And he's been a wonderful... I don't even know what the labels are now, but... Dude, you have to get over the fact, you are at an age, you are going to meet someone with a kid.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Well, but the good news is, if they're teens, that means they're gonna be 18 and be out of the house soon. Then you got the house to yourself again. So you're really just planning, find a woman with a kid who's 16, 17. Then you're in good shape.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Go to his IMDb. There's actually a lot on there. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Let me look. Andres Rosende, IMDb. Okay. IMDb.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Well, tell them at the door, I don't want to pay cover, I'm trying to have a baby with all these girls.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
During the lap dance... I'll give you 50 grand to have my child and let me keep it. Und dann musst du nicht involviert sein. Das passiert auf der anderen Seite, übrigens. Es gibt Frauen, die sagen, ich will ein Baby mit dir haben, aber ich will dich nicht involviert sein in das Leben des Babys. Warum kann ein Mann das nicht machen?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Ich weiß nicht, ob jemand, der einen Stripper hat, das machen würde.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Wer ist das? By the way, this is not to say, dancers, you are well respected. You are well respected, yeah. I'm just saying. There should be, I just created an app. There's an app. No, we created an app. What is it? Women that want to do that. Women that want to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please download Women that want to do that.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
It's called No Mommy, Yes Papi. Yes. No Mommy, Yes Papi. Right, and then you go, how much? You know, you do, you know. It's the same. There is surrogacy, right? There is for people that can't have kids, you look at the surrogacy.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I think it's a little bit of a problem, I'm not gonna lie. Why? I don't think they do that. Oh, they don't do that? You gotta pay them a lot more, I would imagine. Extra 25? I think it's more than that. 50 grand. I'd say maybe more.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Okay, or be like Carlos, get a call girl. Get a call girl.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Right, then you'll match up with someone well. Yeah, yeah. You raise a kid solo. Or you could take someone's kid. Steal Whitney's kid. Oh, yeah. Free kid.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Who's got a lot of kids? Is there a comic with a lot of kids? George Kimmel. You don't want those kids.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Can you? Can't men have babies now? They're allowed to, legally here. Not in any of the states that I respect. Both biological trans men are capable of becoming pregnant. Yeah, because you can implant a uterus?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
No, no, no, that's trans men, meaning, yeah, they have a uterus already. You can't implant the fucking uterus and cut it out. Bobby's dream come true. Bobby's dream come true is just like a uterus in a fucking vacuum, in like a tube. Well, in an Xbox. Yeah. Put a uterus in the back, I'll fuck the Xbox. God, this guy blowing a schnoz. What's going on, dude?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Our producer, no joke, is sick literally twice a month. I bet I will say. Yeah. Very, very happy. Very happy. With what? That the weather is getting nice. Because I was traveling around, I come back to LA and I go, ooh, that feels good.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I love Dallas. Yeah. Let's go. You know I just can't move to Austin.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Why can't I move there? I keep telling you Vegas. Brother, you don't want to live in Vegas. You don't. I mean, I like Vegas a lot, but I like to visit.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I'm gonna ask you a real question. Oh my god. You've been on the road, you've been working. How close are you to doing your hour?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I'll take that. But wait a minute. You're going to shoot it in January. You've got eight months now to prep.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I just lied, man. Dude, what's going on? I just lied. I want to know the rapper. But I got mad at it. I got defensive, so I lie when I get defensive. Well, make up a better lie. You're naming people we know. You could have said Bong Joon-ho and I did crack last night. I don't know how to contact Bong Joon-ho.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Nein. Du siehst ihn auch nicht? Nein, wie soll ich ihn sehen?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Wenn ich meine Familie an St. Patrick's Day gesehen habe, war es fantastisch.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Ich bin in einen kleinen Pub gegangen. Wir sind in einem alten Pub in meinem Gebäude gegangen, in dem ich geboren bin. Ich habe ein Bild darüber gepostet, das erste Wohnzimmer, das ich jemals hatte. Theo hat darauf reagiert und sagt... Zuerst einmal, die ersten drei Flügel sind eine Garage. Es ist eine Parking-Garage. Er sagt, verdammt, Alter, keine Fenster. Yeah, buddy.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
To Theo. Yeah. And then I trolled around Chicago with my family. It was very meaningful. It was very wonderful to see my family.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I miss them. I wish I could see them more. I don't know how we can do that.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Ja, es war ziemlich unglaublich. Und hat er Bits gemacht? Er und Dr. Phil, sie haben ein bisschen gesprochen, sie haben ein paar Bits zusammen gemacht, aber Chevy war nicht mehr da. Ich denke, sie haben es sehr klar gemacht, dass er aufhören wird. Aber sie haben ein wunderschönes Video vorhin gespielt, von einigen von Chevys größten Bits aus verschiedenen Filmen.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Seine Familie war da, sie waren alle so lieb. Und dann ist er da rausgegangen, hat ein paar Bits mit Dr. Phil gemacht und dann hat er weggegangen. Es war schwer zu folgen. Ich werde nicht lachen, ich war sehr glücklich, dass ich nicht gleich danach war.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah, which he killed, but I also was like, I don't want to go after Chevy, I don't want to go after fucking a legend. But Norman went out there, he crushed him.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
You were dreading it because it's nerve-wracking to do live shows. Like that. I think the money is what...
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Ja, du warst da. Norman war großartig. Wir hatten vorhin Abendessen. Und er war so, ja, wir haben ein paar Shows gemacht. Wir haben ein paar Shows in den Dänen gemacht.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Bad Friends. Bad Friends. American Carnage. Oh, yeah. That's right. You produced that. You produced that. Oh, good. Jane Anonymous. The Devil Below.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
You wore the shirt of the band. Because I wanted him to even look at me.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
What is this? Oh, by the way, after all the hate I get, Apple Co-Founder Steve Wozniak prints his own custom $2 bills and spends them. Thank God. Thank God the Internet is backing me up. All the people that make fun of me online. All the times people mock me. The Wazi Wazi prints $2 bills, Bobby. In your face, it's real. Wow. And he spends them. There's the Waz-Dog right there. Wow.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
The nerve of this guy, by the way. Printing money. He's one of the richest men in the world and he's literally doing, he's spitting in the face of poor people. I'm printing money. The phrase, I'm literally printing money. By the way, something is happening, by the way. There's a revolution coming.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I feel that something's coming. They're big, big dogs, CEOs, big, big presidents are going to get in trouble. People are going to start taking people out. The doomsday clock has 89 seconds to midnight. We're so close. The world is about to collapse. I was in the desert. I met a guy. He was a sweet guy. He said he worked for Some company, not gonna say.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
And he goes, yeah, these other people in my company keep pushing me to get security. They're afraid for my life. I said, why don't you do it?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I think there's going to be an uprising. I think there's going to be an uprising. And I mean this. There's going to be an uprising of the lower and middle class. And they are going to go after the top tier. The guys who own Amazon, who own... Microsoft, the guys who control all of these big monolithic corporations. I think it's going to happen.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
They're... They're in rage mode. People are gonna fight back. It's gonna happen. So get ready, because it's coming. I thought about that.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Can we get seeds, though? Oh my God, Erewhon sells seeds. Great. We'll buy them from Erewhon.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Yeah, like a variety pack. All I see on TikTok now is people telling me that you're fat and you're lazy and you need to get up and make money. TikTok is all like, you want to optimize your day? You think your day starts... When you wake up, by the time you wake up, I've done six jobs. I've had six jobs. I impregnated four women and I tripled my bank account while you're sleeping.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
That's what I see on Instagram. TikTok now is getting boring.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Wait till you see green. Oh, wait till you see green plastic sandals, right? I'm gonna blow your mind. Mr. Bear, which is actually the original of the show The Bear on FX. Right. This is just the Spanish version. Mr. Bear.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
But look at this. It suggests between 2028 and 2035, I will say, we will find a continuation of alternative solutions. When we're put in a corner, humans do great things. Have you seen, by the way, Japanese are using kinetic energy. Wow. Wow. Ich weiß nicht, warum wir es jetzt nicht haben. Everything takes time. They're making it for themselves, though.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
This is a danger. I know, but look, it's not happened yet. We keep putting shit off. Look, dude, we're all dead. I got so many microplastics.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
I mean, it's like, it's fucked. You know, whenever I go to eat sushi now, they're like, yeah, you get too much sushi, you're gonna blank, blank, blank. Well, fine, I like the sushi. I like sushi, I'm gonna keep eating poisoned fish from the sea. Drinking this, you get a little microplastic. Right. Again, what am I supposed to do?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
And then there's piss and poop in the well somehow. Siehst du, wie die Leute im Publikum reagieren? Und ich bin so, nein, wir sind verdammt. Wie was? Die Art und Weise, wie wir, okay, wir waren gehen. Wir wollten versuchen, ein Auto zu kaufen, um zum Flughafen zu gehen. Und es gab Verkehr, wie verrückter Verkehr, weil sie etwas zu der Expressway wieder in Chicago machen.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Oh yeah, Mr. Bear. He had a job before he did coke. Before Cocaine Bear did coke, he had a job, he had a family. Escape.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Und diese Leute warten außerhalb des Hotels, um Autogramme zu bekommen. Die Hockey-Team war in der Stadt und die LA Kings waren dort. Ja. And the way these men would like bump in front of each other and throw each other out of the way to get an autograph from another grown man. I'm like, oh, we're fucked.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Grown men? Yeah. Like, I mean, literally fighting for airtime, space to have another man sign a piece of paper that most likely they want to sell. They're not going to keep it. And they're not making a living off of this. They just want the satisfaction. But they were like fighting. I was like, we're fucked. As a society, we're fucked.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Look at that, your autographs are for sale online. There you go. That was someone you signed at the airport.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Andres, do you want to say anything to defend yourself on your birthday? Happiest of the birthdays. Thank you, guys. Were we able to get you any gifts?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Give me. McCone's got some gifts that we'd like to give you for your birthday. Okay. You mean the world to us. Your work here is undeniable, irrefutable, and irreplaceable. You are that good to us. You mean the world, and I mean it. Bobby and I wouldn't be where we are without you.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
A piñata. And look at your second gift. A piñata. Shaped like... Shaped like what? Let me look at the face. Can I see the face? Shape like me.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Alright. Actually pretty great. I'm quite excited about this. Thank you.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
The Three Arena. Well, that's a good impression. Give me a good Irish impression.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Let him finish. Go ahead. Play the music and let him finish.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
That's the kind of production that we have on this show. The candy couldn't even go inside of it. But I am doing a GoFundMe on Alela Everett. You broke the vent, it was so strong.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Jesus Christ, the vent is broken. Wow. Okay, Bob, put the guest up there. Put broken Bobby up there, please. Sehr gut. Da ist ein gebrochener Bobby. Sie haben die Augen richtig gemacht. Fancy, erzähl mir, wie war das? War das gut? Es fühlte sich so gut an. Das ist der größte Geburtstag der letzten zehn Jahre. Kathartisch, oder? Ja. Du hast etwas aus deinem Körper bekommen. Ja.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
That's so good. Thank you. Say pint of Guinness. Pint of Guinness. That's perfect. Dublin, Ireland. We're coming to see you July 19th at the Three Arena. Tickets available at badfriendspod.com. London, England. Tickets available July 18th at badfriendspod.com.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Alter, ich habe noch nie Mexikaner-Gummi getrunken. Du kannst es nicht mal durchschneiden.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
You wanna chew my chew? It's like a Jolly Roger. I can't chew it. Well, here, how about this? Let's settle some beef the other way. Okay. I'm gonna call somebody.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Hey, Greg Fitzsimmons hier auf dem Bad Friends Podcast. Greg, ich sitze neben Bobby Lee. Bobby will mit dir darüber sprechen. Hast du etwas, was du erklären willst? Du hast mich heute angerufen und mir gesagt, dass du mich über etwas verärgert hast. Ich habe nicht die ganze Geschichte gehört. Was ist wirklich passiert?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Famous show every year. Greg Fitzsimmons does an incredible St. Patty's Day show. They have Irish Soda Bread. They have traditional songs. Live music.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
You were getting money to perform. There was no benefit. It was no benefit for a school?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Und ich werde auslösen. Also warte einen Moment. Du bist auf die Bühne gekommen und hast nicht mal performt.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Now, Fitz, just for clarity, was his name promoted on the show as he was going? Very much so.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Anything? Anything for the people that are listening that could have gone to that show?
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
And I'm sorry. I mean, Fitz is one of our oldest friends.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Okay. The commitment, not the follow-through, but the verbal commitment does mean a lot.
Bad Friends
No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day
Du hast einfach gesagt, dass ich jemanden unter den Bus werfen werde.
Bad Friends
Fireballs Of Hate Flame
and we're going to make an awesome zombie movie together. Oh, no.
Bad Friends
Fireballs Of Hate Flame
Your house, you have to go up to the living room. You can also not see it. Thank you. You have to walk upstairs to your living room and your house is a hill.
Bad Friends
Sick In Japan
Hello. Hello. Hello, Mike. It's me, Beans on Toast. Hello. And who are you? I'm Squeaky the Pete. Squeaky the Pete.
Bad Friends
Sick In Japan
Excuse me for a second. Emma, there's a long line. Yeah, they can wait. I know, but it's like, you know, we had a hard out in 45 minutes.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
You're probably right. I watched it with my dad, and he didn't want to explain. Totally. He didn't want to explain. He was like, she shit herself.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
That's a fucking dick. But I think the fact that they played her masculine actually, because if a trans girl looked that good, she wouldn't be masculine. They do. But what I'm saying is they would be more feminine. Dude, get on the internet. It's insane. No, no, they do. They do. It's insane. But I'm saying their mannerisms are not aggressive. They like to be girly. Do you masturbate?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
You can tell Bobby's uncomfortable because he's just doing that voice for no reason. That's distancing himself from the fact that he jacked off to transport. He's doing it in a goofy voice.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
You want us to get back in that tent and talk about transport? No shit. I'd love to. Whatever gets us in the tent with Jim Norton, we'll do a comedy camp. But why can't we make one?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Go. What do you think it is? We're brothers. We're all three of us are adopted brothers.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I don't know. Look, I think if you start at a base white woman. So your dad was like. And she fucks the most ginger ginger of all time. We could get you.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
She fucked Pat Morita. Yeah. Okay, here we go. We go back to the camp where she conceived us. It was a slam piece. Everybody fucked our mom and we go looking for our dad.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Right. And we're avenging her death. Now we're getting serious.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Who's Frank? It was a demon that killed her. What? And we bite off more than we can chew. That's right. Now we're fighting. We kill off all. We kill our biological bodies.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
we kill everyone on the tree and that's easy and the last name is this big frank blood one maybe this is I like this yeah you like it so now we're fighting the underworld exactly we're badass the first like half hour of the movie and then we find the last how about this it goes back to we just kill everyone our mom fucked we We don't like living in a world where a guy fucked our mom.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Bigfoot has to be in it. Our mom could fuck Bigfoot.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Yeah, yeah. I got to toss it up, right? Go ahead, go ahead, yeah.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
The Bigfoot Vampire. Frank, you were going to stick with Frank, or is that just a working name for him? What?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
He's got, like, stitched, yeah. What are we gaining from that?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
We're getting back in the tent. We're getting back in the tent. We're right back in the tent. We're back to your sexual desires.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Let's get out of the tent. Back to the Bigfoot. No. You took us to the tent with a black cock. Let's get back to the movie. Dude.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
That character. I know there's no bad ideas in brainstorming. I know that. I'm just saying, maybe let's reel us back in. All right, we'll take out the Franken-dick. It's getting a little too mystical. We need to pick one magical thing and stick with it.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
oh you want to do the voice of bigfoot yeah maybe i thought we'd hire somebody but i did wait what if it's what if you play the bigfoot too in the in the makeup and shit what if we find out okay here's how we get three different mystical things and we find out who our dads were are three monsters that fucked up oh we kill all these regular guys and that doesn't solve anything okay and then we find out your dad was a bigfoot and it's you and like a bunch of
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
makeup and like... Where the fuck is my dad, Bigfoot, bro?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Yeah, I know. I thought that's good. You're Littlefoot. Oh, Littlefoot. Littlefoot. I think mine's better for you. I don't know why you're mad at me. I'm making you a fucking strong fucking Bigfoot. Oh, you're right, you're right, you're right.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Oh, you'd be the dickless elf. That's what they're doing. Yeah, you're right.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Oh, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. All right, very good. Very fine. Dude, that's fucking fucked up. That's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. I think it would be, okay, and it's a good suggestion. It's so fucked up. These are guests, dude. Time out.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Danny DeVito from Hercules, a pan. Half goats, half, that's 100%. Yeah, yeah, look up Phil from Hercules.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
And they were horny, too. They were half goat, half man horn. It's actually so right, it's fucked up.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Okay, you're back there. I thought we were gone with the black Frankenstein.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Opening up the tent. I can hear. So I also just love that Jim is doing like grassroots, like pro-trans or jack-off organizing. He's trying to get one friend at a time. He's like, he's walking you through. No, I asked. I asked. Oh, yeah.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Okay, yeah, you're right. If we're being very clear, yeah, no chance.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
How does the movie end, Bob? So have we killed our mythical dads? Can't be that easy. Or do we become them?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
How about we kill them and we think we've done it and then we become them. Oh. We gotta. And then we fucking, we start the prophecy and then we go fuck some whore. And then it starts all over again together.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Okay, so how do we get. Multiverse is hack now, dude. It's over. It's out. It's done.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Penis. You know what I mean? You're right. I'm zipper. Yeah, yeah. Too much 10.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
You know, we'll figure that out later. Did you find him attractive? You were a boy. You know what I mean? We'll figure it out. When you watched that show, did you find him hot? Who? Emmanuel Lewis.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Maybe he's trying to borrow some clothes. I forgot my sweaters. Do you have something I could wear, Bob?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
No, he wasn't famous. No, he was. He actually was. Kenny Baker.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Probably loved it. Probably loved it. They haven't approached you to get... Aren't you... For real, I'm not even joking. Yeah. Dude, I would assume they would ask you to be in the extended Star Wars universe with some kind of little guy. For real, you'd be awesome at it.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I'm not going. I got to drink some water. Hold on, hold on. For real, I think like in the Mandalorian or in the fucking...
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
The last one. That was What's-Her-Face. Lupita Nyong'o did the voice. Exactly. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
You know who you'd be great as? What are you implying?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I don't know. That's true. Where's the fucking miss? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's probably just a voice thing, right?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
That pisses me off. Who got it? Let's fucking find him and fuck him up.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
And can you do it in the impression you do? They're like, you want me to be him?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
All right, well, you could be fucking Babu Frick. How about that?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
BB-8, dude. I'm BB-8. Now let's pull up Babu Frick and let's see who Babu is.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
You really actually, for real, feel kind of like Babu Frick.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
It's a good character. I don't even know what happens in the new Star Wars. I've seen them all just so out of my mind on acid or mushrooms. Really?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I don't think they're good, but to me, they are my favorite ones because I was so fucked up. Like, I mean, I've told this story before. I don't want to say too much, but people thought I was like special needs when I saw the Babu Frick one because it was like Christmas and I was on. I was so fucked up. I was with my brother, my best friend.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
And every time he would come on the screen, I would be like... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've told that story a hundred times, but I literally like, and so for me, I have no, like the old ones I saw when I was a little kid. Yeah. So I don't remember them. You didn't rewatch them as an adult? Not really. That's worth it. The prequels, I liked the last one.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Yeah, sure. I'm not going to get it right because I've seen it on my screen.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
So when you were in college and Star Wars came out, how did that feel?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no. They are called Sand People. And that is kind of, Kenobi is kind of weird about it. Because they have an actual name, but he calls them Sand People.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Yeah, you're right. I'd prefer it. I respect. I take it back.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
yeah yeah that's true by space italics yeah so last question got these fucking space guys coming over here yeah yeah oh I ain't going to Empire Strikes Back what's the snowy planet Hoth that's right yeah so you really have never seen any of them no I haven't what are you talking about I played the games I played the I played the I don't remember any of that shit the one is the Battlefront you ever play that
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I didn't play that, because that one's more, what's the one where you get to be kind of a, you just get to rock the open world? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I played those Jedi ones. Right, right. Maybe Your Own Jedi. That's the new one. Yeah. I haven't played those.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I feel like I'm a 24-year-old that matched Bobby on Tinder.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I like sci-fi. Yeah, I know. I'm open to it. Yeah, we're similar in many ways. I'm open to sci-fi. Yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I like fantasy. Oh, you like a horse. You like an elf.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Yeah, I guess what I'm thinking of is like a couple, like a few bangers like Total Recall.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
You know what? I might re-watch Never Ending Story.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
That should make you feel good. No one's heard of that fucking show. That's exactly right.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Isn't it better to have not worked for him and maybe potentially be in something good?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Why is this turning adversarial right now? It's not being adversarial. Well, congratulations now, bro. It seems like somebody, a demon possessed you. No. Like a benevolent demon.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
But we were all, we're hopping along, we're talking about fucking Star Wars. Yeah, you're right. And then one perceived slight and Bobby has shut down. He does that.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Coming marathon gay porn video. I know. And by the way, save it for later. The tent is a rhetorical device. We don't actually want to pull up pornography.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
It is fun. I mean, it's crazy. I am shocked that I got to fucking make a movie. But yeah, it's fun. Go rent it.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Buy it, rent it on Amazon, Apple, wherever the fuck you buy movies.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
No, I wrote it. Oh, you did? I wrote it with my friends and we did a short movie or we did a short of it and a production company wanted to make it. Wow. Dark Sky Films and Queensbury Pictures and they were just like... I'm kind of, it's kind of fucking wild. It's amazing. Like it's just, we just made a movie. Amazing. And it's fun. It's stupid as shit.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
And it was like, I really do want to make, I mean, we're joking about, you know, the movie about our mythical fathers.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
It was fun as shit because like, I really think comedy movies should just be this, where it's like friends get together, have an idea, we all carve out, we write it over however long, we carve out a month, and we shoot it on a modest budget because we know we can actually be funny. Like, we don't keep it super, you know, we keep it reasonable. And then like... I mean, what the fuck have we done?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
By getting rejected from the industry for years, we all had to build our own fan bases. Look at this. And I think that's what I found. It was just a test of the waters to see if it was fun. But I really want to make more movies with my friends. And just... Even if... They don't have to be fucking huge releases or anything. Just to make stuff for the fans that...
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
People that come out to see us do stand-up, who listen to our podcast, they fucking like comedy movies, too. It's just nobody's fucking making them. No one's making them.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
We pitched a show. By the way, I'm looking for a fat bug or a fat bird or something for this show.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Well, it's also, I don't know if you guys feel, but it's also cool because it is a ton of people and it feels fun. It feels like it's a team instead of like... You feel like you're in on something.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Yeah, instead of stand-up where you're just by yourself, especially a movie where you get to... Because I did get to cast some of my friends in that one, but it's like, that's another thing about the next...
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Yeah, you did. Did I? Yeah, yeah, but you couldn't do it.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
And there was no part for you. We couldn't afford you, Bob. Were you going to play my dad? What did you want to play? Do you want to play the newscaster that he didn't play and Tom Papa did?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
The guy's name is Maggioni. You're fired. No, I can create my name.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
That's remarkable. Big laugh from the producers on that one.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Whoa. Wow. And that's a guarantee. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you really want to come to... First of all, I don't even know if you were friends then. I shot it last June. What?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
It's fine. I'm just saying when we do our fucking movie, you're not going to be in it. Why are you standing up?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Hey, hey, hey. Yeah, fuck off. I wanted to see you. I was happy. All right. I was happy when we had you.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
There is no newscaster in the world except maybe like Malaysia that looks like you.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
How? My mother's cookies. You know, I'll be honest with you.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Now you're being fucking crazy. Fuck off, dude. Try the other one. Go eat another.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Eat, they're right there. Stop it. Eat a different cookie. I'm sorry. Eat the brown one. You're right, you're right. Tell me it's not good. Yeah, yeah. Eat the brown one and tell me it's not good.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Fuck you, dude. I don't know what you're doing right now. That's a fucking olive oil.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Oh, am I the bad guy? You don't talk bad about his mom's- You said my mother's cookies look like donkey shit. That's right. I wasn't even done with the description, dude.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I would never, but I could. But he could. But I would.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Is this the thing? Yes. All right. And be real about it.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
If I was on a road in Bangladesh. You are so full. All right, we get it. You're a good actor. You're pretending not to like these cookies. No, I'm being real.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
That's out of line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing you can do about it. Out of line.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I'm sure she's a nice lady, though. Out of line, dude.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Please don't start lying now. I'm not going to lie, okay? Yeah.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
It's not a white cookie. His mom is from the Mediterranean. It's an olive oil-based cookie. It's not butter. It's honey, olive oil, ginger, cinnamon. None of that's, I would say, explicitly white.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Oh, my God, dude. That's a fact. I've had better cookies. You're starting to get to me, Bob. No, I'm being real. That's not true.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
And that's fine. Giannis' mom is in the fucking dirt, bro. What? Okay. His mom is dead. His mom's fucking dead. And she still makes better cookies.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Stamos would never bring you cookies when you know that.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Okay, bro. That's not a thing. That's not a thing?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
You named a negative thing and said she wasn't that. That's true, that's true, that's true.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I understand that this is because you're insecure, Bob, and you're lashing out.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Stavros? I don't know. I honestly legitimately don't know, but you are, and that's what's causing this behavior.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I love you. No disrespect to Timmy, but I just, those movies don't interest me.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Although the Elvis movie was, if Baz Luhrmann did it, I would watch this movie because I like Chalamet. And it's so weird and like, it's a frenetic, the pacing's crazy. Anyway.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Blonde on blonde if it's a pornography. Yeah. Yeah.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Wait, really? I'm being real. These are Dylan albums. I just don't really love them. This might be a generational thing.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
It is crazy. You're very youthful. It always takes me back. It's awesome to watch people find out your age for the first time. What hole are you again? I'm 35. I have the opposite problem.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Yeah, he's like, there's no rules here. He started taking his pants off. Secret, Bobby. No one knows what happens while we're in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Yeah, went right to the tent. Oh, okay. We're figuring it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I'm finding out what the lashing out is. This time it's 75% latent homosexuality, 25% career anxiety. No. That's what the cocktail of the last time was today. I just put it together.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
A little bit more. Because career is going good. Yeah, but he still is sensitive for some reason I don't understand. Because you are awesome. You're the man and people want you and stuff. But still, you know, a little lashing out.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Guys that look like me play, think they're that, think they're getting goblin pussy looking like that. That's the whole point.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
No, it's not my style. Oh, you'd be only for elf pussy? Come on, dude. Relax. Come on, dude.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Perfect. Tiny cock. Yeah. Tiny fairy. Yeah, I'm just fucking Tinkerbell and it just makes sense. Yeah. My dick is just that size. I'm like, yeah.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
And that's the character dynamic. That is true, that is true.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
And I'm like, Bobby, can you mix me up an elixir that cures herpes?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Hey, guys. Well, maybe not on this run. No, no, no.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Oh, and that's awesome, and we're going to next time for sure. We're going to for sure. Actually, we're not even going to see any dragon.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
We're going by there. Near it. Oh, I see. Did it not stop?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Of course we would. It would just depend on the mission.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Look, when we're podcasting, this is fine, but when we're in the woods and there's orcs descending on us, I can't have a little freak out, you know what I mean, because we offended you. You need to eye on the prize. I don't need to worry, is he actually going to give me the cure for orc pussy? See, here's the thing, Stavros, okay? Is he mad at me?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
That's all right. I'm aggressive. What would be awesome is I wish I could go back in time and just send an email to you that you definitely wouldn't have read.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
yeah you could prove it like I sent you an email and I'm like oh my bad yeah yeah I would love to hack you he wouldn't have known you could have told him we talked about it I should have said actually we did dude what are you talking about you were supposed to be the second lead oh fuck yeah you bailed yeah I bailed I had to rewrite the whole movie the guy wasn't Korean anymore I probably wouldn't have done it in the first place yeah
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I do know that. Yeah, I would probably have done it in the first place. That's what's frustrating about this. I know you would have turned me down.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Please get the calendar. Please buy tickets. I'm going on a huge tour.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Not enough real guys reviewed it. Reviewed it to get on the tomato. What do you mean?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
These movies are fascinating because it's like those guys are so famous and they're the fakest movies of all time. Yeah. With disrespect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They almost feel like movies from 30 Rock.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Making a joke about a shitty movie that Kevin Hart was in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're both so famous and talented. It's like, how did this happen? But I guess they're getting the bag from Netflix.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Really? Yeah. You were shapely? See, I can't afford to lose any ass. I have a flatter ass than I'd like. I want to get in the gym.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I wish I didn't, but yeah, I think you're right.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Yeah. I feel like I'm at sea. How are you so tan?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I would look like fucking Bobby if I had gout. It would be a richer yellow.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Yeah, we got baclavá. We got curabiedes. We have a mellow macarono. We got it all.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
yeah what's up fellas great to be here good to see you and congratulations on the movie thank you give it up for the movie yeah give him a round of applause for the movie thank you and um let's everybody go watch let's start a cult it's available right now everywhere really right rent it you can rent it and go see me live i'm on a tour not um the the the dreamboat tour is out you can buy tickets to that now so i'm out here baby let's go baby i'm out here what's what's uh what's the next show
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
The next show, our first show is in, it starts in February. It's in Wheatland. Wheatland, California? Wheatland, California. You're doing the casino or something? Oh, the Hard Rock, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've done that, didn't you? San Francisco, going all the way through the west, down the west coast. So watch out, ladies. Midwest. I am looking to fuck. Yeah, you are.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Wait, wait, you're gonna do the one where he's got an Asian sidekick? Yeah. Holy smoke, Dr. Jones, holy smoke. That one's fun. Yeah, it's a fun one. It's fun, but the first one is the best.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Okay, oh wow. In a row. I found the time. Honestly, how many emails did you ignore from the people in the room?
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
It's nice and red. I like it. Because the thing is, it's in the uncanny... They want it to be physical. It's clearly not an actual monkey brain. They respect you enough to do that, but they'll be like, it's a rendering of a monkey brain. Especially these are homages to old adventure movies when they didn't have that stuff. And you could be very racist.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
It almost feels like they had to be extra racist to be like, go ahead. Go ahead, Robert.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Yeah, yeah. Things get brighter when they're frozen. I don't know, dude.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Oh, with Sean Connery. Yeah. That one's pretty- No, come on. That's the best one.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Number one's the best one, but they both, both two and three have their fun little charms, though. Totally. Sean Connery, and then the beginning part with- River Phoenix. River Phoenix. That was fucking fun.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Runs into Hitler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Him and Sean Connery fucked the same Nazi, which is funny. Yeah, that's good. Dude, you remember. Eskimo brothers with the same Nazi. God, you're good. Yeah, which is fun. Yeah. That's a fun plot point in a wholesome.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
This is the most like let's lose every young person tuning in. Yeah. By in detail discussing Indiana Jones.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
Um, I have a different read on that. Okay, go for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me a read, bud. Well, first of all, I'll say I was so fucking dumb as a kid that I was like, I didn't realize, because the whole idea was they put her dick in her ass. Yeah. Or she was tucking her dick. Tucking, yeah. So as a kid, I thought she shit herself.
Bad Friends
Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee
I thought that was the big reveal, is that she had shit, and they're like, ah, she's gross now. She's a dirty whore that shits herself. But I also will say, I think it's a complete... I don't think she played it as a dude. I think she was just a hot, aggressive woman.
Bad Friends
Bobby Is Going to the White House
I heard about the injury. I'll just say I heard. I heard. That's it, send that. Get well.