Aunt Kippy
Appearances
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Go Watch The Route 66 Tour Comedy Special on YT
We need this. This is the biggest thing we've ever done. We're so happy. We're so proud of it. Can't wait for you to see it tonight, 7 p.m., on the YouTube premiere on the RU Garbage page. This takes place over nine shows on Route 66. We gassed up the bus. We got a lot of heaters, a lot of beers, hung with the homies and the bozos. It's a good time. Share with your friends.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Go Watch The Route 66 Tour Comedy Special on YT
Let's really put the army of garbage behind this and put this thing on the goddamn moon, baby. So we'll see you 7 p.m., YouTube, RU Garbage page, live chat. See you there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Kit, what's talking about Upside? Shout out to Upside. Gang, one of the smartest apps you can have on your phone in 2025 is Upside. Upside gives you the power to earn more on the stuff you buy all the time, whether you're filling up your tank, going out to eat, or shopping for groceries. The Upside app lets you earn cash back on every purchase.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I forgot to mention something in your intro. Uh-oh. Also... Goes along with the episode. Former counterman at the flagship store in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for Macy's department store. I was a haberdasher, sure. At the Wanamaker building. At the Wanamaker building. That shit doesn't get any bigger than that. Third floor, menswear. It does get a little bigger than that. Where? Bloomingdale's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Upside users are making as much as $208 a year, Keppy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
What I'm saying is, would you go, if you saw me walking up and I'm looking at the Nike sweatsuits.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
You can't come up and go up and be a general manager or something like that. I don't think anything – Because it always looked nice. I was always jealous of those skills that I didn't have. Like –
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
watching, like, just Christmas shopping this year, because, you know, we went to the Willow Grove Mall and stuff like that, seeing, like, you know, them, like, the way they handle the fabric, they fold it up nice, they're really cool, they know everything, the bags were nice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Levi 501s. They were the original. Those button flies when I was in high school and college. Forget about it. I used to rock.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
You're talking about jeans. I'm trying to relate.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I got jeans. Not a button fly.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
King of Prussia Mall. Fragrance model. I would push back on that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Oh, man, a fucking cooked mushroom to you. Might as well have been eating a slug. Eating an eyeball. No, thank you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I always feel bad about it, but I'm not great in those situations as far as putting things back where... Listen, as a guy who I hated, people would come in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I look like it's like a raccoon got in the trash. I try. I'm just not neat like that. I try to put it back. You got to just make an effort.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I leave it in the changing room now. Yeah, it's not. I left stuff in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
My mom, and I hear this from my nephew now, my mother, when she tests to see how far the big toe is in the shoe, you're lucky your fucking nail doesn't crack. I mean, she applies pressure to make sure that there's room in the shoe. Why are they so?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
You were the fat guy. You probably had a slice of Sparrow underneath the register.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, you always had to do a little three-point stance, you know, show guy coming off the line. Yeah, these are good. You got the clerk jacked up. You're running them down the aisle like the sled. Trying on wrestling shoes. I'm down in the start position. Get me, I swear to God.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I'm doing a fireman's carry to my mother.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I loved. Okay, I hated the foot thing to measure. The side, the front, that thing. That was a NASA piece of equipment. And Patty would swoosh them. Bring some poor bastard over and get him involved. I love the bench, the little bench with the slanted mirror.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, we had Phil's shoes. Some of those dudes, man, they would lace you up like you were jumping out of a Huey. Just fucking crazy tight. He's fashionable. Loosen these up a little bit. You got my tongue up in my fucking socks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
That's the first time I saw an assembly line to make a sandwich.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
My dad turned me on to them. Yeah. Because they're comfy for bigger guys. Sure. Rock ports.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
My first pair of rock ports were hand-me-downs of his. Mm-hmm.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
What the hell are you doing up there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
You got to do primetime someplace like that. Probably pretty nice. L.L. Bean was banging.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Got a Cartman watch. What are they called? I don't even know what that is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Get one of those, a couple of carabiners.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Get out of here with that shit. Easter? Fucking bullshit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Oh, fuck that. All right, buddy, I'm on your side. Fuck them guys. I don't think an Annie Ants is ever closed. They're closing. The mall's on its way out. Sure. I don't think you're wrong. You got snakes in that mall. It's no good. Sure. Get out of here with that. Uh-huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
When Cinnabon hit, oh, my God.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
We were in Annie Ann's family. My family went nuts for those things.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
A little bit of brownie on the corner of your lips.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Clover was always a tent pole in a mall. It was always like at the end, the Macy's or the JCPenney's or whatever. Yeah, I'm trying to think of the name of this mall. Our Clover was attached to a Clemens, and then it had a little mart in between, like it was a bunch of kiosks. It was phenomenal. What are you asking? What's my first what? To me, that was the closest one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Boscov's was our first one in Wilkes-Barre. They used to do the Halloween. They'd have the witch go from across the street to the other side. I waited in the car. That shit scared the fuck out of me. Sure. They just had some doll or some dummy on a wire, but she would peek out over here, and they had another lady peek out over there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I was a fragrance model. Okay. At Bloomingdale's. Oh, what do you want me to do? Blow you? What do you want from me, guy? You would have wanted to back then. Spritz as he walked by. All black. My Aunt Jill got me the job. She ran the makeup counter up there. I love those ladies. I love walking through the perfume department at a department store. I hate it because it makes me sad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
There should be some sort of... I always thought their parent company was Strawbridge and Clothier.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I believe so. That's pretty good. I'm sorry. I think your Strawbridge's card, which only when I knew... Only when I knew I had one was my aunt Colleen was talking about her Strawbridge's card. I loved it. Denise had one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Great department. It was awesome.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
The stand was in the middle, and they had the Icy spinning around up top.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Those icies would screw you sometimes, though. You'd be halfway done, but you'd have no more juice. Sure. You'd have to shake it up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, what killed me is Woolworths. I believe the Woolworths that we used to go to, they had a big garden section.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah. I didn't like the smell of the fucking gerbils in the back or the fertilizer over in the garden section.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Hated it. It was always cold and creepy. Wasn't a fan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
That's a great question. What store did you get lost in? Or did you lose your parents in?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Mine was a Kmart. I got lost in a Kmart and freaked the fuck out. Some neighbor found me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Speaking of retail, Patty Foley, manager at The Gap at the Wyoming Valley Mall, as you know. Uh-huh. For a long time. Sure. Maybe about five, ten years she worked there. That's back when The Gap was The Gap. Poppin'. That was, like, new. It was cool. It was, like, off. No, this is lowercase gap. This isn't uppercase gap. This is before The Gap popped. It was cool then.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I talk about it all the time on the show. I loved it. That's a hell of a curse. People would recognize me. Oh, my God, what have you done? Don't fragrance model.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, it was very Three's Company. Like, it was very 70s. The paint on the walls and stuff like that. She was hardcore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Doing okay, though. Okay, let's talk about Factor. Shout out to Factor. One of the best in the business. The best in the business. We're talking about Factor meals, baby. Always fresh, never frozen, ready to eat in about two minutes. You throw it in the microwave, absolutely delicious. Listen, springtime's coming. Everybody's busy. Everybody's trying to what?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Tighten it up a little bit for the summer?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Factor meals, nutritious, delicious. You could do keto. You could do low carb. Absolutely fantastic. Kippy likes to try the chicken taco ball. I like the rice over there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Would you get one of those? Would they get you one of those? Occasionally. Nah, my mom hated them. They never lasted.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
No, I didn't shit my pants. This is when I was different. This was peak lacrosse. I was probably about $1.69, $1.70, $1.71. I'm not saying you weren't. Stop cutting me off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Maybe. But they weren't for anything.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
That's pretty good. Those guys – I mean, you remember probably when you were in middle school, I was in high school or college. I mean, they had – I was in middle school. You were in college.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I'm surprised they didn't ask me to do that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Sure. No, but you have to wear the clothes. Yeah. Which, didn't you have to wear the clothes? Didn't you have to wear Macy's clothes? How were you able to wear your dad's suit?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I thought you had to wear the clothes from the store. My mom did. They wore, like, Gap stuff so people could see how it looked on you. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Try colored popcorn out of the tin.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
He's hanging out with punk rock kids.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
See, I always thought at Foot Locker that you got a bump. Who helped you? Kevin helped me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
DXL, they sometimes give you the full court press. Are you sure you don't need them? They're hanging around. That looked good on you. First of all, nothing looks good on me, lady. I know you're fucking lying to me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I think you would be great. You know, my one uncle was a Joseph A. Bank guy. Cleaned up. Just a born salesman. My uncle's brother by marriage. Uncle Joe. Some guy you know. Yeah. Used to move, move, move suits.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I'm selling dupes. CKC. That CKB was a big hit. That CK1, too. I was a polo man. Polo sport. If you wanted to close some ass at Widener University, 1995-96, you better have a little CK1 on you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
That's funny because the last couple times I went in, I dropped a couple of bucks. I was loading up. And I don't remember them falling over themselves.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I think I spent like 300 bucks, 400 bucks the last couple of times I was in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
It should be like 10%. They should get 10% unless they're paying them at the wazoo. At the wazoo? Give them a reason to move some fucking gear.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
What does DXL stand for? What's the D? Destination XL. Whoa.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
No, it's Destination XL. My bad. It's also tall, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Dave Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tootie's in a new edition. She's out starting a new job today. Okay. Gold's Gym. Trainer. Respect it. She's got the winch throw if you need it. Mike Owens is coming at you from across the table. It's what we call a family episode.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
You think that the dollar charges would... Ring somebody's bell. What are all these dollar charges? They didn't know, though. I mean, we did the standard when Best Buy was fucking up. When they first opened and they had the shit upstairs, my buddies had the return thing going.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Very, very, very... Of a couple of years ago, a lot of people were doing this. They weren't just doing it at the perfume counter, the cologne counter, which I respect the move. Sure. Okay. I respect it. Go in there and freshen up. A lot of people were going to CVS and Dwayne Reed and shit like that. Going to the and hitting the. You used to do it. What? I used to do it. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I would go and I would open up a thing of hairspray or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I would grab the crew forming cream and just do my hair real quick.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
And they're trimming our beards.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Sir, you didn't buy this. It's dirtbag. It's garbage, but I love it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
A couple of them sandwiches. And if Raj from Quiznos was here, he would tell you the same thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I'm going to go get my dicks on. You know what I love as far as cologne? And I get a version of this every year from one of the Byrds family. One of my aunties gives it to me over there. Is... The samples, the little tiny bottles of a... Dude, that keeps you going for the whole year. You got an eclectic... They're all like little samples or little giveaways. I love that around the holidays.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
If you buy like a certain bottle of cologne, they'll give you like the pack with like the this and the that. I love that shit. You got like 50 different cologne little babies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
They got Sephora's in there now, too. No shit. The one by us, Sephora right in the middle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
H&M was legit. I was saying the Kohl's toy store, toy department, bunk. Wack.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
That's where the ladies got their cuts. Everybody in my family was getting cuts there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
That's why you got to wash your produce, gang. I've pulled it at work before, but in the bathroom. Like a gentleman. Not around other things. No. Have you ever tugged your root here? No. I have not.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
That's not true. That was deep. Fucking dirtbag. I've never jerked off in here. That tooties. I wouldn't do that to her. Goddamn ant. It's different psychologically. There he is. Sure. Do that. Your house I have. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I believe so. Man, talk about coming from the inside.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Those guys that work in the Barnes & Noble, man, God love them. What? They just take a deal with a lot of shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Sure. I just feel like people don't treat the people that work there well. You know what I mean? They boss them around and shit like that. Nobody ever knows where the fuck anything is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, so I was going to say, you've got to be a little intelligent to work at those places. You've got to know a little bit what's going on. I feel like people always treat them like shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Amazon took them down. Hedge fund, huh? Yeah. BlackRock? Who is it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, when are you going to fucking make a purchase?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Talk about a goodwill kid. Jesus Christ. Probably Undertaker would have to do is trim those eyebrows. You'd be all right. Just so he could close the door. They're popping out. He's trying to close the door. Oh, man. That would suck, dying in the suit you're buried in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Owner will be back in a couple hours. Something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Obviously, you know, at different times in my life, I was... Hey, do you have... You know. A larger size. Yeah. You have anything bigger in the back?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
You load me up with a pound of gummy colas and I'll be on my way. Shout out to the gummy colas.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I would. They do that. They do that at DXL. They're like, oh, we can order it for you. Or, oh, the store. What? Are you out of your fucking mind? Seriously, I'm not fucking going to the other.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I believe that's what it was. Yeah, I'm not going to the other. Don't worry about it. I'm not going to the other store. I'll just wear dirty underwear.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Wasn't it an... Hold on, hold on. Yeah, go. Wasn't it an older computer?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah. Like, yeah. That would come up? Hey, they have... It would be in, like, the green lettering and, like, a black thing. It was looking at... It was, like, concave. It looked like a TV screen. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, I don't know why you keep trying to fucking explain. I told you what it was like. And you would be able to search through that? That was connected to something?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I mean, it was 2008. Wow, really? Yeah. I didn't know those were connected.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Do you know the Kardashians? Do you guys have a back?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
You know Derek Jeter? Is he there now?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Uh-huh. We'll see you next week. Peace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Now, if you had to define diminishing returns, the elder Ryan is a superior model to what I look across the table at every day. Hey, good-looking kid. Sharp guy, good-looking kid. He should be a young guy working there. What was I? I was a young guy working there. Quiznos.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I was in college. You were in college? Yeah. So you would be in college and you'd go work in the city? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Would you be showing up late to parties with, like, your tie on?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and an international man of mystery. Ooh, I don't know where he was last night. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
This guy's down there selling ties like Boris Johnson.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Or would it only be when you were in school?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Between that and the Quiznos, I'm out of cash. For the folks that aren't familiar, it's in a very nice historic building in Center City, Philadelphia called the Wanamaker Building. John Wanamaker. Wanamaker's was an old department store. Macy's bought them out. Whatever. Things go. This and that. It's a nice place. It's a beautiful building.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Now get out of here. You think you're Alfani material? So you didn't, it's funny, you didn't have a mall to go wander around. You had to go down the street to get your nourishment.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
You know, you know, you know how delusional I am. I thought.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
So this is this is winter break. I think either it would have had to been my freshman year after my freshman year of college or in the middle of my freshman year or middle of my sophomore year of college. I was hired. I was paid as an actor, I believe, if I'm not mistaken, or talent or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
The only job that I had, I just had to stand there and hand out cards and spray people and talk people up about CKB, and I'd be in different places in the store.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
That's modeling. That's fashion. That's high fashion. Sure. I thought that I was going to get points.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Anna Wintour screwed me out of that gig. She said I was too good looking. She wanted me embarrassed in the French models. How many Victoria's Secret models did you date? I was teamed up with this dying piece. I don't know what ever happened to her. I lost touch with her.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I had my teeth back then. I had been taking a lot of heat about my teeth and my tongue and my face. A lot of job references. Overall well-being. I thought I was going to get SAG credit for it. I swear to God. I mean, you are an all-time bozer. I thought that was the start of it. I thought that's how you get to Milan. Cannes Film Festival.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Thought I was going to be fucking doing H with Kate Moss and Johnny Depp hanging out smoking cigarettes like this. Thought I just went back to Widener and flunked out. I don't need this. I'm in fashion. I worked at West Coast Video my senior year of high school. Okay. That was my retail. I wasn't good with the...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
This is crazy. We did sell at West Coast Video. You were able to not just rent, you could buy. I'm aware of that, but nobody was getting it. Retail purchase, right, Luke?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Were you selling? I was a cashier on the floor. I understand that, but would you go and help people? Hey, this shirt, I want to wear this with this. Would you be, like, would you be selling? Did you get commission? No. Commission? I was making $8 an hour. Jesus. 8.15 an hour. So you had no motivation to help people or like, you know, hey, why don't you get the shoes too or get this or whatever?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
I thought that's how that worked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
You were walking around in your, what were you in, shirts, socks, shoes?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Right before you met me, your whole world turned around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Lucky you did that. Or you wouldn't be sitting here with me drinking your seltzer. Kip, let's talk about Light Strike Hard Refresher. Shout out to Light Strike. Shout out to all you party animals out there. The Two Bears 5K is in Tampa, Florida this May 4th and sponsored by the first beverage built to outpace the party.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Retail Stores Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Of course, we're talking about Light Strike Hard Refresher, an excellent source. of five percent alcohol let's go baby light strike is finally here and unlike anything the alcohol industry has seen before light strike isn't just a drink it's a goddamn survival tool it's perfect for any party pacer why choose between fun and function
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was going to be like, we have to cancel the show. I don't know what this guy's talking about. There's no way those taillights work.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, it's a superior product. Everybody knows it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're talking about shows that aren't booked yet. Relax.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
That thing is pretty fucking sweet, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
He was a nice guy. He was my teacher. He was my gym teacher. Mr. Duncan. Shout out to Mr. Duncan, dude. Was it Mr. Duncan? Duncan that ass. Duncan his dick in my ass. Duncan his balls in my mouth.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Came over there, blasted you on, trippled up my ass.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
I like having cash in the hand. Sure. There you go. It's a one, but still.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Did I ever tell you the time... My dad rented a car for like months from Enterprise. Our car had gotten removed from our possession.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Probably like a U-Haul. Those things are all. I don't keep track of them fucking thing. I don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm like, this ain't, you know. It was a blue neon, too, if I remember correctly. It was a couple of times this had happened. I used to have to drive it to, like, pull up when I was working. We were all working together. I was, like, pull up to, like, fucking supply houses or job sites in a neon blue neon with, like... It had, like, blue on the wheels, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I don't know who that is. And it ain't me. I'll do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Good deal. Bad news. Okay. Oh, damn. That's a good frigging time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Focus on multiple foods at a time. I can see your thoughts. Yikes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Before I want to take my life.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're going to have the string in the back. Croakies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, man. I got two triuncles that wear them things, and they're like looking at a spark plug or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Make an effort. Put that away.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
We'd go down to her house, and I could smell this. They had this steepest set of stairs to get to the basement, and they were carpeted with that shag car, that dude. I fell down them fucking stairs 38 times. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Some cabbage patch undies. Oh, hello. I got them on my head. My uncle comes up. What the hell are you talking about? I was also, I remember that side of the family, I'm not even really sure if they were ever married.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
And my brother got a relatively souped-up race car for, I don't know, some gift. And he took it down there to show off my cousins.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was a row home. It's like a bunch of row homes back up to an alley. And we were, you know. And he goes, I can't wait to get this thing over to the baseball field and jump off the pitcher's mound.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Launch it off the pictures, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, man. I'm not even joking. I think it might have broke. Doing that because I remember vibes being down when we went back to the house and I remember him being like, yeah, I might genuinely might have happened. She was tumbled.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
This thing ain't even paid off yet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
I totally get it. That sucks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Okay. Jesus Christ. See all the grudge.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I don't think I've ever been in a really weird, tough situation like that with someone else's parents. That I can recall. I have.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're going to stay here and eat all your food and leave and take a dump in your toilet and get out of here. You're wrong. I'm taking my talents down to fucking Justin's house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
I wasn't really working in restaurants. I'm saying like my office jobs or whatever. Oh, for sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's been a minute. It's been a minute since we've been in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
You know what? That's what it's all about. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
You are not the customer of the month. Wake up with seeds in your hair and stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!
You got to get lowered into that thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Chain Restaurants Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, and the Back on the Block tour starts this week. Tickets still available for Pontiac, Michigan, March 8th. March 11th, Milwaukee Improv. And then March 14th, Minneapolis, Minnesota at the Fillmore. Get your tickets on eBarbers.com. We'll see you there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm a goddamn comedy and podcast man. My dad just got banned from the roof.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's great. Mixing it with vodka is awesome. Yeah, that is awesome.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, yeah, Sunny D actually made a vodka seltzer, too. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right, they did.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Simply cloud to ground lightning that occurs very far away.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, so it's just normal lightning. Lightning just further away. That occurs very far away with thunder that dissipates before it reaches the observer. Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's how your new band you're working on? There's also dry thunderstorms, which I guess are a thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
They probably have very stringent rules to become a Costco doctor. Yeah, it's also like, dude, you got to think. Got shareholders. Not for you, though. Otherwise, they're in the mall. You're not going. Going to Cohen's Optics.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
They say if you reach out, they'll reimburse you with that and warranties and like about 430, 430. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think that's without insurance, honestly, even. That's expensive. I feel like that's cheap.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Don't forget about the year's supply of pickles it comes with.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, no, it's between $50 and $100 without insurance.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Yeah, go to Costco. What are you doing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, it's like super cheap down there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
I think surgical tools are usually just pulled from actual... Like they're newly used every time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Also, to take the snake into your house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's actually... That's asking more than like... They eat like twice or once a week. Maybe these people are going to jail.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Peach schnapps and orange juice, baby. That's it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
You can add a splash of vodka depending on the drinker's taste.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know. Ramen. It's a big guy doing it. Yeah, I get the little saucer plate doing it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
You do it in the green room a lot. You'll try to put on a little bit of hair. I got a damn show shirt on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Covered in cocktail sauce. You went sicko mode.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, you do. Yeah, we got a mudroom, too. You do, huh?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
You would think they're out to get you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Fifteen bucks. Fifteen bucks. Make a donation.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
Home Depot market cap is $421 hundred billion.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's like how much money is moving through Home Depot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Prime Video brings exciting entertainment. Erlebe Starkoch Andreas Caminada und seine Freunde in Dinner Club, enthalten in Prime.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Erlebe die neue Crime-Serie Mobland mit Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan und Helen Mirren. Jetzt nur auf Paramount+.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Egal worauf du stehst, das alles gibt's hier. Prime Video. Klicke oder tippe auf das Banner, um mehr zu erfahren.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Gang, we got a brand new big merch alert. The 2025 edition of the RU Garbage Card Game is now available at RUGarbage.com. It's 50 brand new questions to find out whether your friends or family are trash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Doing all right, Ann. Yeah. You're a good kid. Kip, let's talk about soul. Ooh, shout out to soul, gang. Gang, do you need a little help falling asleep out there? I know I do. Sure, we all do. How does bad sleep affect you? That's a big question. It affects you the next day. You're tired. You're cranky. You don't want to deal with anybody.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
How about a little nightcap, little gummies to help you get to sleep? Take the edge off. Dude, you heard us talking about souls out of the office gummies. Now get soul's nightcap. Yes. Get a nice night's sleep. Wake up the next day feeling fantastic. And just a little side note, they got the seltzers. I had one of those. They were fantastic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Gang, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Yes. As a lot of you know out there, Uncle Hank has started a mental health journey. Okay. Feeling better. Feeling good. Got some tools to work on, some things that I need to work on. And I'm telling you right now, that journey wouldn't have begun if I didn't start with BetterHelp. Yes. BetterHelp can actually change your life.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Whether you got something big going on, something small going on, you get to talk to a licensed therapist from the privacy of your own home.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Man. I didn't really think about that. The bus never really went on the highway unless you were going up first.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Sports were different. We used to take it all the time. But, man, back in grade school. Yeah, it was always a different bus, too. I feel like they put you in a little bit better bus if you were going down to the city or getting on the highway. Ours was the same. Ours, well, we at least have a bunch of a dirt bag.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I don't know if I've ever been on a bus like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Uh-huh. I feel like we drove up with the teachers in cars. That doesn't sound right. Yikes. That sounds like a molestation.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Were you a safety back in school? Yeah, sixth grade. In grade school? You were. You were on the job, huh? You had to.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Boy's got a dump truck on him. I didn't pass the psych profile. You're in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Cards are a good time. You can play them with the gang, play a little drinking game out of them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Were you going to chase me? Those kids were always dicks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
And then it clipped and wrapped. Did you ever see that? Imagine like. Yours didn't. You wore yours like a gangster wears a tie hanging down his.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Is that true? It's just a game you can enjoy a beverage with. That's all I'm saying. Find out who the trashiest person in your family and your friend group is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Officer Eyebrows over here. I really thought I was on the job.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Would you put your plate in your bulletproof vest?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
You got a new guy with you. Aren't we going to the office? You're in the office, baby. Smash Mouth starts playing. I didn't know you'd get wet. I dipped your chicken fingers in sherm. How's your Spanish? Better learn that shit. Motherfuckers be out here plotting on you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Wait, why? You were supposed to let everybody on. Until your bus comes, then I'm all duty. I got to get my cool guy seat. You didn't finish the job and let everybody get on the bus and then you get on? Like a good leader would? And then you say to the bus driver, let's go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
You got to eat all the tater tots in the cafeteria. I was always nervous about the pennies when it was penny day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I know, dude. You would pull those things out of the box and be like, hey, Mr. Smith, did you keep this in your asshole last night? These things stink.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
So you mean shut down, shut down the water in the whole place? Shut down the water of a hotel.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Small hands, you can climb through the pipes. Tie a rope around me, send me through to clear it like a rat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I just hear a loud bang. Two seconds.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Did he pay you? He probably gave me like $40, $50. He had nothing to do with you? What? He couldn't leave you?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Typical cop. You're moonlighting. Then you're dead ass the next day on your shift. That's right. Doing a little nip. Taking a little nip to keep it going. Bad lieutenant. I remember he told us we weren't allowed to have lunch because you're not worth shit when you come back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I'm actually 26. I've been smoking a long time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
You don't got to tell me, Jerry.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Try wrangling these animals at the bus stop, Jer. My supervisor don't get it. You know, I keep telling him. He's threatening to take my badge away. I got my safety.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
This is after you were done being a safety. This is the year after safety, yeah. Got a taste of the good life, you know what I mean? Retired. Got your gold watch, you got out. You know the important thing about being a safety? Getting home alive every night. Sure. That's all that matters.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
That's how we got Luke Combs on the show. Yes. Playing the card game. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I wanted to ask you this. I had a little situation yesterday that reminded me of something very, very trashy. Okay. I was at a business. I made a purchase. Okay. A very old school business. Some old school people behind the counter. I believe it was a mother and a daughter that worked there. Can I ask you what kind of place this was and why you're being so vague about it? I wasn't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I think the two of them go hand in hand. What? If you're praying, you're smoking. Sure. You know what I mean? I respect it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I've never brought this up to you. Yeah? You do have holes in your socks more often than... We've talked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Dad's 65, broad's 38. Congratulations. Uh-huh. Shout out to your dad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
She's two years. My dad's new wife is two years younger than me. And I'm living there. Listen. You know how I feel about that. So, family's family. You don't have... You shouldn't have any... Listen to me. The kid might be jammed up. Just, you know, restarting. Yeah. He's going to be there forever. You don't know that, though. She don't know that either. Guy's a fuck-up. Back at 40.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Take the summer. See what happens. That'd be my thing. Take the summer. Get your feet under you. Save a couple of bucks. Plus find out if she's cool with it. If she is, ride that out. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I wasn't being vague. You weren't being descriptive. It's not really. It was a bakery. Okay. It's not important to the story. All right. I was picking up a bird. We were picking up a birthday cake for somebody the bird works with. Okay. I get a little thing. Irish soda bread, too. It's fucking. What do you mean, though? March. Okay. Anywho, the total came to 2025.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Why are you assuming there's an argument? What? Because they're at Dollar Beer Night together?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
And there's tension. There's tensions. You know what I mean? Not at all times, but things happen. Listen, I know I might not see you at Thanksgiving because you don't talk. I wanted to tell you this here. You know, Teresa's pregnant. Salute. Hey, you're assuming they're Italian.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Can you see if they're still open? Shut down.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
And the woman behind the counter goes, ooh, 2025. That's an easy number. And then I go, you got to play that number tonight. And the daughter goes, I was just about to say the same thing. That's a dirtbag thing. Dude, we've been doing that. I got to play that number tonight. I got to play that number tonight. No matter what it is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Hey, I get it. They made all that money off of you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
That's not what the Boy Scouts is. I'm making the kids responsible for that. The fuck was he supposed to tell his dad not to drink? He's a kid. The dad's not coming back. Sure, I get it. But you're punishing the kids.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
It's a bunch of young kids. They probably wanted to watch it, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Not for me. I liked all that stuff. I think I used to read Boy's Life or something like that or whatever that magazine was. Got it. Whatever that magazine was. Or my cousin had it or something like that. Playgirl? Mike Honcho?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
A little bit. That was a very big... As a kid. Yeah, that was a very big thing in, like, 80s movies. Go and lay on the hood of the car at the end of the runway. That would be cool. And no fucking Facebook or nothing. Yeah. I mean, you gotta fill the time somehow. Make out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Of course. Yeah, you can't fucking get anywhere near it. Yeah. Rightly so. Hey. Hey, I don't mind that. Never forget. I don't hate that. That's just the same as driving around and looking at houses.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I like those. Okay. All right, I'm sorry. Cargo haulers, coal trucks. Okay. That's what we used to have. Canadian Pacific was great. That's a nice passenger set. Sure. Lying out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I'm all about it. We used to drive by the Philadelphia Naval Yard. Look at all the ships. I used to love that. Sure. Just sitting there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Shit you saw in Desert Storm, just like all along the side. Intrepid's nice in New York. You come to the city, go check out the Intrepid. It's pretty sweet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Who, you and Jerry? You guys became fast friends?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
What is he, fucking Doug the Head?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Your dad's taking you to an unlicensed boxing match?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I realized as a divorced kid, you spent a lot of time with your dad and one of his boys. Yeah, but they weren't my dad's boys. They were my brother's friend's dads. But you did spend a lot of time with people like Jerry. With the boys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Hopefully he's on a heater up there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Jerry's picking you up from school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
They're all at your games watching you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Little fat ass out there in the head with a soccer ball.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Jimmy McDonough, Jerry Kazalowski. Jimmy and Jerry. Uh-huh. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Any Ford Ranger. Any time a number that somehow had a rhythm to it or made sense. I'm going to play that tonight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
So you weren't allowed to... Right, right, right. Wait, waived it meaning at a later date? Or just... No, just no tolls. Oh, okay. And I kind of... So how did you... Oh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Listen. It's trash. All right. Stop. They weren't using fucking seatbelts, and they probably weren't using a goddamn car seat. The mom was holding that kid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I want to say probably breastfed. Want me to find out? No. I'll call her later. Yeah, I was just curious. I would say breastfed. Yeah. I think that was a combo because you can do both. No, you can't. Yeah, you can. I don't think so.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I thought you can't do both because then the kid don't want one or the other. That's what I thought I heard. I could be wrong.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Just throw that out there. Maybe that's why you're well-balanced, because you got both. I probably only got... I was thinking about where my deep-seated, instinctual love of milk comes from. Like, when I drink milk, I have a reaction that... It's the grossest thing I've ever seen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I have a chemical reaction in my brain that I don't get with any other beverage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I've been a reference on many, many, many job applications.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Yo, by the way, just so you know, I put your name down as a reference. If anybody calls you, manage a restaurant called Skippy's, and I worked there between here and there, and I was a good employee.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
That was my brother's move back in the day, not to go for the big jackpot. Go for the little one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
First of all, solid fucking dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
That might be the most bulletproof dirtbag move I've ever heard in my life. Okay, listen. That made me so happy, dude. That is the sickest move. Like you said, hey, I decided, listen, it might be a good opportunity. I love what I do here. I'm going to stay. I appreciate you considering it. I'm going to go back to the office. I'll be back at the desk. Or they bang out. Boom, here you go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Here's the other side of it. You're talking about being able to check it. Let's say they call. Yeah, this is so-and-so.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Were you looking for another job? You're not happy here?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah. I mean, it's probably pick four, pick three. Big pick four guys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Well, somehow that led to, you know, do you know this guy? Yeah, would you have to tell them you work together? Yeah. Also, yeah, you can say my old boss. Just random. Oh, bingo. You don't need a backstory.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
My old boss randomly reached out to me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
You know? That's pretty goddamn good, man. It's very rare that I'm. His brain's working overtime over there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Five grand. That's not crazy. Yeah. Yeah, they do two a day. One at noon, one at seven.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
In your grandmother's neighborhood. No shit. It's crazy. I always wanted to be one of the guys doing that. What? I'd love to know if anybody out there has ever done that. Let us know. What? Have you ever been the guy drawing the numbers on your local lottery? Do they still do that? Yeah, they still do that. They still draw the numbers. Yeah, I'm sorry. They get some broad or whoever. Uh-huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Just film that in the studio three days ahead of time. When I was like nine years old, I got two of them. We were all sitting there together watching it, and I got like six and seven or something like that. You're doing this like you're actually like talking. You're like, uh, 14. For a second, my mom was on her feet. She was about to take me right down to Barnum and Bailey.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
The fat one's possessed. Take me to an ATM, start guessing pin numbers. All right. That's neither here nor there, gang. As I said, we're here for a family episode. Uh-huh. As you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon there, you can have your question read on the air by Kevin Ryan himself. Whoa! Former lottery winner.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I saw them over there in the corner. You didn't fucking say nothing, by the way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
You didn't tell anybody you were doing scratchers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Losers. Just so we all agree, okay? If you win anything on the road, we all split it. I think that's the gentleman's move. What? Yeah. Everybody. Anybody in the van. I don't agree with that. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? It's that little show where you sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a group to be classy. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
All right. If we win, we'll share with everybody. You can share with everybody. I'll share with everybody. I'm taking my money. But that goes for the losses, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Whoever has it, I hope you're having a good time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
The tip notwithstanding, and plus we don't know all the details, so we don't want to trash you. It's a little too late for that now. You're dragging his good name. The server shouldn't have gave you a fucking funny face. That's what they want. Listen, every single restaurant in the world, if they could get by doing cash only, they would.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Every server, every restaurant owner, cash only, they would love that. Because the best restaurants don't take reservations and are cash only. I'd push back on that now. Not at all. Not at all. Those old school joints. When you can do just cash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
We're going to be having stir fry tonight. A little rock and roll. Yeah, very excited. Okay. She's loving it. She seasoned it up. She said it's going to be delicious. Okay, great. Mike O's is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Circle the wagons. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
You mean like as far as like Michelin and all that kind of stuff?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Because they can't get away with it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
A lot of old school places. Old school's different than the best. That are good. That are really good. They do that because they can get away. They don't need to do credit cards. I completely agree with you. Because people will still show up. I completely agree with you. All right, thank you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Yeah, trying to find. It's funny because the nicer banks, when you go to an ATM at the bank.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Well, it figures it out for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
That's a pretty good time. It's grime time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
How they used to look down on people that would go to ATMs, like me, have to go to the ATM, try to get $10 out of it, try to find an ATM with tens. Now the nice banks, they're giving it away.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
He is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Arayen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
What did you just have in your mouth there?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
But I like that move. You should stop at a bank and say, hey, can— Yeah, but then it's like, fuck it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
Fuck that guy. He's getting a 12% tip. Fuck him. I always get funny looks if I have to do that. If I go to—because Navy Federal, it's hard to find a branch. Yarrr. Hard to find a branch, but if I go to another bank, take out money, and then go inside and be like, hey, I had to do that for a wedding not that long ago. Because the ATM only gave 20s. I wasn't going to give 20s.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
And I went in, I was like, hey, can you change this for 100s?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
No. Holding it up in the light and stuff? I'm pretty sure I gave my cousin a handful. Oh, it is what it is. Of 20s.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
I gave it to the groom with no envelope. I was like, here, this is for you guys. Wow, that's a dirt. It was like I handed him a little grenade. He's like, thanks. I'll put it in the box. Keep that for you, for you, for you. But as a former server, I can tell you this. There ain't nothing better when somebody hands you a thing full of cash and says, do you need change? No. Boom. Out the door.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey gang, if you haven't gotten your tickets for the Back on the Block Tour, do yourself a favor and grab them now, because they're going fast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
We never really got harassed back behind the little strip mall, behind the Aloha Inn and Joe's Pizza and all that stuff. There was never that, like, cat. I'm out of here. I'm going to whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Remember how anti-skateboarding they were in the mid-90s and early 2000s?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
The fuck were you guys doing? Smoking cigs and weed. Were you causing trouble?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Kev, let's talk about DraftKings, baby. Go, Birds! Gang, we're not talking about the itty-bitty teeny-weeny bowl. We're talking about Super Bowl 59. The Birds versus the Chief. Get your bets in now. And as you know, scoring touchdowns is the key to hoisting the Vince Lombardi trophy. And you have a shot to score big by betting them on DraftKings Sportsbook, the number one place to bet touchdowns.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's like 10,000... Plus Family Game Night, which has been a big hit. It's been a very divisive, divisive... Follow the directions. Very divisive. If you know, you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
DraftKings customers can... Bet $5 to get $200 in bonus bets instantly. That ain't nothing to shake a stick at, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
HelloFresh. Gang, with HelloFresh, you can get farm-fresh pre-portioned ingredients and seasoned recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip the trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy and affordable. That's why they're America's number one meal kit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Do it. Yeah. I wasn't a skateboarder by no means. I don't pretend to be, but I'll tell you what. I always had respect for those kids, and it really took a long time for society to appreciate that. Like, yeah, sure, they look like dirtbags. You got a fat kid wearing fucking tuxedo pants with his arm in a cast. But, you know, like Seinfeld says, a lot of trial and error. You got to get back up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
The boys are back on the road. Woo! Tickets? Listen, this isn't a marketing ploy. A little bit. Well, not really. I'm in the business of selling tickets.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Success by repetitive failure. Crazy. Took a lot of heat. Which means you know a lot about...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're nuts. Otherwise, it's real tough for a fat guy to start arguing balls and strikes. You're not wrong. You know what I mean? My juju bees are marked out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't want somebody price checking. I can't be fat and cheap. You know what I mean? I don't want someone price checking my cottage cheese or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
How do you need this many olives for? But I respect it. I respect it. But yeah, I would. I'd say, yeah, 50 bucks, 100 bucks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't have kids. I'm not a responsible adult.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm terrible with money. I never really think about that shit or look at that stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'd push you out of the way and fucking take my goods home with me. What are you going to do, chase me down? What are you going to do, run away? I'll walk, casually.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I have bad memories of that customer service counter. My mom only went there for... You're going there for bad news. Three reasons my mom went there for.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is she a rain check gal? No, but she went there for heaters. They used to sell heaters behind that customer service counter.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Let's take care of this in the back. What do you say? Get some champagne for you. I need to sit down. Getting heaters. Somebody was about to get screamed at or the worst. I remember her cashing a couple of checks there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Carl Hanratty. So then I think they... Her name's Patty Foley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. So I never, I always now I've never, I don't think as an adult walked up to that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm not telling trauma and fear.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You know what I've seen the other day? They're really cutting back on the self-checkout. They're starting to get rid of that. It didn't work. They don't like it. People stealing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Where are you snagging a 20-ounce Pepsi? What? The impulse cooler in the front? They don't carry bottles at my joint. Yeah, they don't. You're hard-pressed to find a cold drink in a supermarket sometimes. No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
There's always something weird about the soda aisle when it's not refrigerated. It takes me a minute. It's like going back to the 40s, dude. It's weird.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You landscaped. You worked at a restaurant. You worked at a grocery store.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
There was one or two. We had a place like that called Folkways, which was a retirement home that I guess they must have had a huge dining hall because everybody I knew worked there. I got shot down for some reason. Lady didn't like the cut of my jib.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Meanwhile, I'm bagging groceries. Might as well be Tony Katane.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is it nine bucks? I don't know. Because I still have a MySite account.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
That sounds like a fascinating summer you had there, buddy. Summer. Most of high school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was all to get the patent on the claw. But to answer that question... Patty's my, you know. What question? The one about how off does it have to be. Sure. Patty Foley, 15 cents should be going on the floor. It's off. I get that. And that's, as a kid, that's who I went to the grocery store with. It'd be weird if it went with someone else.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
He wanted to know what I like for breakfast in the morning. He a Wheaties man?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I never emailed anybody with a Mac address. Yeah. When I first got my first and only computer back in 2006.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's a good time, man. A nice fight with your brother in a hot car in a fucking supermarket parking lot. The worst was rainy. It was dark and rainy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
No one's going to hear you. Cars just shaking from the zoom out. Not as an adult, obviously. My dad got older, and if I would go with them just to whatever and mill around. Uh-huh. But as a kid, I was maybe in the grocery store once with my father. He never went. It was always my mom.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think my stepdad's ever been in a grocery store. Sure. But then every once in a while, my dad would go by himself and show up with the craziest shit you've ever seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Where the fuck? Sure. My mom would be like, what is this shit? Mm-hmm.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Listen. That was the summer of his life right there. Don't get any better than that. 17, 21-year-old.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I always felt like the deli guys could beat me up. I don't know why.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
They were bad dudes. I go to the guys that work the deli at the grocery we go to now. I'm fucking, they're probably 15 years younger than me. I'm yes sir or no sir. Sure. They fucking smash your head open. Sure. And for some reason, you liked when they like you, when they know you. Salt of the Earth people, they're giving you their approval.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I just got the one guy to be like, hey, man, good to see you again. Good to see me again? What time do you get home?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
2006 Mac OS X. Bought it in 2018. 17 inch. My dad bought it for me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
But you have it like a wall, like a landline. You have to pick it up. It's like that phone. It's that red phone. That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
They're transients. Your mom had three kids in the house, two boys, two growing boys. Sure. What was the usual routine? Highest amount of deli meat that you would get. It would be a pound, right? Pound. Pound of turkey. Pound of turkey. Pound of turkey, pound of cheese, half pound of cheese.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Kip, let's talk about Adam and Eve, baby. I'm hard right now, gang. Let's talk about getting weird, baby. Gang, let's talk about Adam and Eve. Let's talk about Valentine's Day coming up. You got to get something special to slam in your butthole. No. That's what the holidays are all about. Have a little fun in the bedroom. It's 2025. You, your partner, you, whatever. Neighbor, anybody.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Do yourself a favor. Have a little fun. Get over to Adam and Eve. Get a little toy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
And he was the worst with computers. And for him to be like, you got to have a computer. What are you doing? How the hell are we going to email you, guy? This is the guy who used to send emails all in caps because that was his style. That's who I was taking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Do it. I just remember as a kid holding a pound of turkey, how big that was.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like, you're like, they're going to send you to jail. We have that now. That literally just happened to me and the bird the other day. And when it's me, she'll fucking disappear for 45 minutes. I was gone three seconds. She's fucking popping out like this. She's almost done. God forbid. Same goddamn credit card. But then you got to then you fuck it up. You got to go then you close that out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You got to go back for one more thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, obviously on like a Saturday or something. Yeah, no, of course. You got to sneak through. Sorry, I'm actually, I'm with him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You ain't sneaking nowhere. Those New York City lines are tight. But when your mom would disappear, I remember being like, is she ever coming back? Like, is this just how it is?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's a dirt bag, but I respect that. Give your little kid. Don't tell anybody the code. One, two, three, four.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm all voice to text, voice to email, voice to text.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
What do you mean? You know, the pen, you check the bill. Check the bill. Check the $100 bill.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm sure, like, you know... You'd be fucking handling that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Well, I got rid of my fucking ear pods because you said they were causing brain cancer, and I got the fucking— Buddy, you could use a little bit of it. Maybe get the synapses fired on the right pages.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know what to tell you, lady.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Popping out. Who would man your post? What do you mean? Because wouldn't they be, would you have to call somebody to the front? You have to tell them, hey, can I, so say it's like.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
But I remember being like... Dealing with your fat ass.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Dude, those things are in there forever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Lobster tanks at the grocery store?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
The diner near me used to have one for a long time. Maybe that'd be restaurants. You'd go in and go, I want that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
A restaurant's different. That's nice. Seafood joint? That's nice. Anything like that, my dad was always shifty about, so he'd go to fucking... Like a Captain Chucky's type.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You'd stop at the seafood store and be like, oh, fuck. They did that. I remember. Valley full of candy. Going there, that place smells like low tide.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You look over, the top goes down real quick.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
There was a higher-end clientele. Oh, seeing how my friends' parents' money shopped, it was nuts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Not like the chip beef. Chip beef cologne you're wearing. I'm in my dad's old pants.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Kathy still not want to talk to me? I don't know why you used to never come over. She thinks I'm gross.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey, hold on. You're asking the mom if you still see your daughter around?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You think that's what you would say? Fucking dork.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're not a black olive guy, right? I'm not an olive guy. Huh. You get them at a nice plate at the table with the little olives. I don't touch them. Really? No. And you weren't eating black olives out of a can as a kid? I'm not doing that now. I used to crush them. My dad would eat them like chips.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
He would just crack open a thing of that and put them in a bowl and just be popping them while watching TV.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't get what you don't understand. You got your Toll House. You got your Ritz.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
But there's now 10 different versions of each one of those. Listen, you want to start getting into fucking Garden Tomato or fucking Salsa This. You're on your own.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Does this shirt fit? Not in the traditional sense that you're thinking. Do you know where this shirt's from?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
To their credit. If they're launching one of those things, say Wheat Thins has, you know, ranch Wheat Thins, low-fat ranch Wheat Thins, they'll have them in a little thing up front in some broad town he had over in the cookie cracker aisle. It's a new flavor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Who? They're taking away the register people. They're not fucking putting greeters in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Keep an eye on it. I think Wheat Thin should supply that. They should have somebody from corporate.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm running back and forth between the deli and there. This is a dumb question. You've made a cracker sandwich before, right? What's that? Like a cracker with cheese and a piece of meat in between two crackers. You've done this. I love it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You don't remember this shirt? Why would I remember that shirt? I got married in this shirt. Damn. It don't fit anymore? That was two weeks ago. It fits. It didn't... No, I mean, okay. It fits. Just when I said... It didn't... What? I mean...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You got to put a lid on it. I assume this wasn't you, but as a kid, a peanut butter and jelly in between two like Ritz or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy, but they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tootie's in the new edition.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
But if you got a little piece of sausage, like that summer sausage or a piece of cold kielbasa and some fucking sharp cheddar cheese, a couple of wheat thins, maybe a dab of Dijon.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Wait, that does the ready-made board?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sometimes it's wild when those things don't go cracker.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Salami? I don't like doing that. I know. One, I'm surprised you're a salami guy. I'm surprised he's a cheesy guy. I was a big salami and cheese kid as a sandwich growing up, and I would press it down and smush it. I didn't like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're wearing the shirt you wore to your wedding just casually throughout New York City. I was thinking about that when I put it on this morning. What am I supposed to just wear it once? Am I supposed to just hang it up and that was it? Why not get some use out of it? Why is that crazy? It's not like I'm wearing it. I don't know anybody else that's ever done it. That's all I'm saying.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm surprised there's not a... You know how people storm into CVS? They steal stuff. People storm in a liquor store, steal liquor. That is the... If you're an addict, that is immediate get fucked up on the spot. Just run in there. It's going to take... As long as there's nobody stocking in there, they're putting the eggs away or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
If you've got a clear dairy aisle, you could probably get down like five cans of that before someone comes in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
That was always when shit got real. I remember a couple of kids being yanked out of high school for being drunk or fucking doing dust off or something. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Because most people get married in suits and tuxes and all. I wouldn't be walking around in a tuxedo. If I bought a tuxedo, there's a good chance I'd be sleeping in it. Yeah, I could untie that. I'd do that bow tie every day. That cummerbund's a pain in the ass.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Crazy, dude. Hot bag of wings.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
And that's thin plastic. That had to stretch from the heat a little bit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
But, I mean, listen. I don't use those a lot, and I get a look when I don't use them. What? Like, I'll just put the three avocados on the belt or the three limes on the belt or whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't hate it, man. I've done that. I see people. We have a little eating section next to the hot bar at the place we go to. I tell you what it looks like. In the afternoon, on a nice sunny day, someone's just sitting down there having lunch. I love it. I'm like, man, I'd like to sit and join you guys. There's some weird toys scattered around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's a good time. That was a summer night right there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Gang, we love you. Grab tickets to the live shows. Check us out on Spotify. Check out the Patreon. And we will see you next week. Peace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Listen, unless the planet's gone off its axis and we've lost half our gravity, these numbers cannot be right. That's a high end scene, pal.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Wait, you sweat-panted them? Rolled them down?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
She's upstairs digging out an ingrown toenail. Okay. You got a hot date tonight. I can't. You're a lucky guy. That's a Foley right there. Mike Coase is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
You might as well have Cindy Crawford do it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Anyway, it's a nice shirt. I like it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, you mean today or for the wedding?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Nice shirt, but don't spit me this sentimental bullshit. Well, it means a lot to me now. It means a lot to you. You're still fitting it, all right? Tough guy. I can't remember what happened to the one that I was going to wear. Didn't fit. No, it did. I don't know why it didn't work or the pants didn't work. Oh, it didn't work with the pants. I couldn't wear the tan pants.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I had to wear the dark pants. I had to get this. Either way, don't fit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Your friends are Ronnie, right? You remember every once in a while when your dad or somebody would get a nice new coat? It would have an extra lining in it that kind of zipped out. Sure. Like a London fog. It would be for when it was a little bit colder.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Which, speaking of super fresh... Sure. That's what we're here to talk about.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
And a heart of America. Everybody's got a food shop. It really is. A lot of nostalgia, which we've talked about many times before. Very much so. Very important. The supermarket.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm having flashbacks from Studio 54. If there are any epileptics out there, shade your eyes. You've got to look at this shirt through one of those fucking eclipse glasses.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
There's a little mystery to it. Sure. Plus, it was around Christmas. It was very Christmassy. No, it's not. Yes, it is. That's Christmassy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Design like this is a lot of different things.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Man, I told we used to be about 10 feet of asphalt, like a little driveway. I love driving behind a shopping center like that. Cutting across. It feels dangerous when you're doing it. But then it's got to have about 10 feet of that. Then the woods. Yeah, there's some sort of tractor trailer or something back there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Boys, you take your blue chew today? No, of course you didn't. That's why she's giving you dirty looks. Listen, we get older, we all need a little help in the bedroom. The blood's not pumping. Couple extra pounds. Do yourself a favor. Get some blue chew, man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You'll be knocking the bottom out of it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Do her a favor. Men and women all love a big, hard boner, okay? And Blue Chew is the way to that. There you go. It's the same active ingredients as Viagra. It's online. First of all, online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra. Discreet packaging. Cialis and Levitra at a fraction of the cost and in chewable form. Blue Chew tablets are made in the USA.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm talking homegrown bones, baby. Ship directly to your door. That's all done online. There's no weird doctor visits, no awkward conversations, no like, hey, you know what I mean? Things ain't what they used to. Whatever. No waiting in line at the pharmacy. Comes right to your door. Blue Chew wants men to rock hard and listen. So does AYG. That's the mission of Blue Chew.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
The boots on the ground. The sleeper cells. That's right. Let me tell you this real quick. I was at Patty's last night. Funny you mention that. Me too. Really? Thought I saw some extra small condoms laying around the bedroom. That's when I finger. Ew! Little dental jawns. This broad goes, are you hungry? I say, I could eat. She's like, I got some frozen pizza in the freezer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
They will not stop until every man is bricked up like a brick house, till every tent is pitched, till every rod is raised. Discover your options at BlueChew.com. And we've got a special deal for our audience. You can try Blue Chew free. Just pay $5 for shipping at checkout when you visit bluechew.com. That's bluechew.com to receive your first month free.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Visit bluechew.com for more details, important safety information. But we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. Do it. Yeah. Kip, we got to talk about Rocket Money. Rocket Money! Because, gang, you think you know how many subscriptions you got going. You don't. You got a lot more.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Rocket Money helps you cancel those subscriptions, helps you follow your spending, lets you know what you spent last week, last month, lets you look at those numbers and say, hey, I got a cut back here. I got to pick it up here. You know what I mean? So do yourself a favor. Get over to Rocket Money and get your finances all straightened up. They're absolutely fantastic. Yeah, I'm a big fan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I love getting the weekly updates. I got one today. Hey, you spent too much over here. Hey, big charge detected. I was like, how's that Burger King?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
It is, but it's fantastic. Listen, we are not financially literate, and Rocket Money is helping us wrap our heads around spending, around money, what to do. Listen, I get drunk, and I'll order some sort of streaming event, and then next thing you know, I'm signed up online. Got a Jazzercise. Yeah, I'm signed up for shit. I don't know. They tell you, you hit it, they'll cancel it for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's fantastic. I told you I signed up for some Eastern European fighting event or something like that. This guy's trying to learn Swahili. Rocket Money came in and said, nah, not my boy. Stop charging them. So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash garbage. That's rocketmoney.com slash garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
One more time, rocketmoney.com slash garbage. Do it. Yeah. But that's neither here nor there, gang. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. You guys know when you join the Patreon over there, you get to ask your garbage question on the air. Read by Kevin Ryan, everybody. Whoa, hey, with new doorknobs and all. Look at this guy. All right, let's see. This one...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I'm shocked this never came across our desks. Hit me. This is from Nick. Hey, gang, $10 wedding donator. What's trashier? In the cabinet, cups facing up or cups facing down? Cups facing up. Is trashier? Trashier. I don't know about that. That is restaurant 101. Yeah, but the restaurants sit on the mat to let it breathe. You don't have a thing in there? I don't think so. Oh, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
We have that stuff, that netting. Yeah, but that stuff's like that rubber. You need like an industrial restaurant. It's not a fucking Chili's. We're not moving that. We're not turning tables like that. That mat's grody. That's not letting enough. You need... This is my take, personal take. I think you go up unless you have a proper thing in there. No, the bugs and all that stuff get in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Bugs get in where? Get into the cups and dust fall into the thing. It's upside down for sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, there's no bugs in my fucking kitchen cabinet. Sure there's not. They're in there with the spices and stuff and the flour having a field day. Everybody knows there ain't nothing to eat in there. All fucked up on garlic salt. Proper way.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Rim side down. You can store glasses rim side down to prevent dust from collecting. This is especially true for glasses that are used less frequently or stored in the back of a cabinet. That's rim side down. So it's supposed to be up. Yeah, rim side up is technically the correct way to store glasses because the rim is the most fragile part.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's especially important to store fine glass more like crystal and vintage barware, which I use a lot. I use a lot of crystal. I got a couple of wine glasses. I have them hanging. Are you working at a Bennigan's? Are you living at a Bennigan's? Above the bar. We have a little thing that slides underneath the cabin. I know what, Matt, you're talking about. Yeah, it's thin.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I don't think that thing gets. You turn them over. They're gross. Listen, I know what you're supposed to be doing. I don't think you're. That gets Charles grody on you. I flip them. No, you don't. Every Saturday. I cut my lemons. When I do my side work. Do my pre-shifting. Yeah, that's a great... I never thought about that. Are you stacked up in there? The glasses?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're talking to the flatbread freak, baby. So I'm thinking, all right, French bread, Elio's, DiGiorno, something's coming at me, okay? She pulls it out, and it's... Sure, you're pregnant. What you doing? What you doing next? I'm on the edge of my seat. She pulls it out, and it's two regular slices. Whoa. She froze pizza. That's crazy. She knew you were coming.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
No. Because we have multiple pint glasses that are stacked up. That's trashy. That's trashy. Is it? Yeah, I don't do that. We don't have any pint glasses like that. For our car bombs. Are you dropping or pouring? That's a big... big thing when you do car bombs. Dropping or pouring. You always drop. Yeah, but sometimes if you're ordering them at... I didn't always frequent fine establishments.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
A lot of times the bartender don't like washing. They order eight car bombs. That's their fucking nightmare. They're in the weeds at a Flyers or Phillies are on or something. Because we used to do it every time... A home run. If we were watching the Phillies playoff, home run meant car bombs. Same thing if the Flyers scored in a playoff game. Jaeger and Guinness, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, Guinness and Whiskey and Bailey's. Jameson and Bailey's. Jesus. And you drop it, but you can only drop it if you have an actual pint glass and an actual shot glass. But they don't like doing all that fucking laundry. They get the plastic ones. And if you're ordering them, they're like, oh, these fucking idiots, this is going to be like the fifth one tonight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
They give you a plastic cup so you got to fucking pour because then you get a floater and that'll jam you up. I wouldn't do car bombs with the glass. I was scared the glass was going to shatter and I was going to swallow glass. That's part of it. You're running the risk when you're fucking partying. Meanwhile, I'm sniffing whatever in the bathroom. Yeah, sniffing glass. Gives a shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I wasn't a car bomb guy. I wasn't a Guinness guy. That didn't hit. Car bombs hit. The bombing. The bombs really hit when I was banging in my teens to 20s. Jaeger bombs, car bombs. We were doing Golden Schlager. You and the other girls? Appletinis, you know. Appletinis. That was before me, but Appletinis was big. Sure. Every movie, everything, Appletini, Appletini. Sex and the City.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is that what it was? Cosmos, Sex and the City, Appletinis. Casual sex, too. One broad got after it. Shout out to Samantha. They all did. Love that Kim Cattrall. All right, this one's from OK Buddy. Great name. That's pretty good. OK Buddy. OK Buddy. Long time $10 bozo, never have one read.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is it garbage if your gym is inside an old grocery store and they didn't remove the cart corrals from the parking lot? That's a tough look. But those things are probably hard to get rid of and dispose of. Sure. Those things are fucking anchored down in there. You do push-ups and shit on those. Hang pull-ups. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Rosses or whatever. I mean, it makes sense, but I feel the corrals are a tough look. But at the same time, you're working on your fitness. You don't really give a fuck. A lot of gas stations don't get rid of the tank. You know that? When a gas station closes down, they don't get rid of the tank. Yeah, that's bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Real expensive to get off of, yeah. And then... Don't drink the water in there. Yeah, so it's like a Starbucks pops up or something or a Subway, and it's like fucking... You're on borrowed time for a sinkhole. Yeah, drinking fucking 93, dog. Let it... Let's go. All right. Also in the same vein, this is International Man of Garbage. Is it garbage to drink soda out of the can with a straw?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
It always rubbed me the wrong way. Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Yeah. No, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't. Unless you're in fucking double cast or in a coma or something like that. Sure. That's weird. If you're in a hospital bed, I'll let it slide because you got to bring it to you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Girls, women did it. Yeah, chicks, I guess. My one classy aunt, Aunt Kate, shout out to you. She said one time I handed her. Only drank tall boys. And car bombs. She's dropping in car bombs. But she hit me with it. She goes, oh, I don't do tinnies. I handed her. She's like, can you get me a Diet Coke? I handed her a Diet Coke. You told me this. She goes, I don't do tinnies. Tinnies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was like, ooh. I don't like the lead. But that's it. I think I've mentioned this before. That's a New York thing. When I first moved, you buy a beer. You buy like a fucking can. You buy a pound or a Bud Light. Because of the rat shit. Because of the rat shit and piss. They give you straws. And I'm like, fucking miss me. Just rub your fucking, rub it on your shirt.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I've only started to think about when those, like when these were made or like when the sodas were made and how long they've been sitting in some warehouse or on some shipping container or something like that. I don't worry about that at all. That's why if I get, sorry, if I get candy, I always do the holiday stuff. Because, you know, it's fresh. They push that years. I know they do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to work in a chocolate industry. That's how you made your first million. Don't buy dollar store candy. I'll tell you that much. Get a little bit of kippy sweat in there. Get all that Stover's money. Stover's. Love a good Stover's. You like a Stover's? Russell Stover's? Little assortments? I eat them all. I didn't mess around. Really? I like the variety.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Nah, coconut can kick fucking rocks. Whitman. It's a nice Whitman sampler. Want to get me something nice? I'll get me a nice Whitman sampler and shut the fuck up. Let me enjoy myself.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
The fucking day before Christmas. God damn it. Jamming me up. All right, let's see here. This one's from Jessica. $10 homie, never have one. Jesse. First of all, shout out to the $10 homie. If you're a homie, you know $10 is the way to go. Yeah, appreciate value. Best value on the internet, I would say, for the $10 level. Is it garbage for the school bus to drop you off at a job? Oh. God, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
In high school, I was dropped off at the subway I worked at inside of a gas station. What the fuck? Tough luck. How does the school... That's a fucking wellness check right there. Yeah, I mean... Who else was getting dropped off there? Where the fuck does the bus start making ends meet? It's not an Uber. I would assume that's a handshake deal you got with the bus driver.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey, listen, do me a favor. Or, like, you know, a lot of times, back when I was banging, if I wanted to go somewhere after school, like, say I was, like, the fifth bus stop getting, like, off, and I wanted to go to, like, my buddy's house that was... further on the route. Okay. I would get off closer to his house. You know what I mean? I would get on my bus, pass my bus stop.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, they wouldn't say something to you? What? Oh, we couldn't do that. I would just be like, I'm going to fucking Matt's or something. Nah, we couldn't do that. I guess it was still the 90s and they were still worried about kids getting yanked. I mean, they were more worried about kids getting yanked in the fucking 2000s. I don't know. They were tight. If he saw it, what do you do? He'd stop.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You got to go back. You had to get off it. You're stopped. I think, yeah, but I think we could massage that a little bit. I mean, I did it. You couldn't get on another bus. You weren't allowed to do that. Oh, they'd shoot you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
What the fuck? I mean, listen. Next step is your freeze drying shit like a psychopath. That goes in the fridge and is eaten the next day for breakfast with a couple of scrambies. I was like, when the fuck is this from? She's like, the summer. The summer. Fucking December. Nah, that's crazy. Yeah, that's got a short shelf life. Plot twist. Not too bad. Not bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
kidding me i remember it god damn no fly list there was a kid always on the bus when we got on the bus he was coming from like the tech school or so he was at high school we were in junior high and i went to school with his brother and his older brother would be on the bus who was like my older brother when you got on in the morning or in the afternoon he got picked up they got out they got out like 12 30 he got picked up from
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Halfway, I don't know, some sort of institutional program. Yikes. And he would be on there bragging about, I mean, first of all, he was about your size at 17. He was a big boy. Good-looking kid. And listen, you are a good-looking, bigger guy. You think so?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
This guy looks more like a toe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
to drop you off after school. That's what your parents just told you. Yeah. I mean, are you just putting that together that your parents were like, this kid has special needs? We're going to lie to him and tell him that, like, hey, your normal bus is long. This one's good. Oh, the helicopter's not coming today. Yeah, man, you are.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You ever see the kids in the station wagon, the school station wagon? No, we had like an Astro van. I don't know who was in that. That's like Hannibal Lecter shit. Getting dropped off in like an ambulance or something. Dude, I remember a proper old school station wagon that said school on the back of it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Two O's, you said it right. I was on the short line. So when you were leaving school... What a tight turnaround. What is this guy? He's a fucking Delta? What do you mean?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Were there other kids that got off at your stop?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find it has to be classy. Just a big old piece of trash. Yes, sir. I'm your host, Tate Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tootie's in the new edition. She's already into the NyQuil. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Good night's sleep, sir. I got a giant Hodor. Shut up, Fannington. Carrying me on his back. Take me to homeroom. Oh, God, man. Jam up city. But getting dropped off at work in high school is... That poor kid. Get out there working. She's probably got a great work ethic. The subway at fucking a gas station? I stay clear of news.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, I'm fine with... It was tough when Dunkin' Donuts started going into gas stations for me, but I got over pretty quickly once the hash browns dropped. And that Baskin-Robbins when those two teamed up. Fucking planet went to hell in a handbasket. Saw it writing on the wall. You can never get the Baskin-Robbins. It was mainly Dunkin' focused. That guy did not want to scoop your ice cream. No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Try to get a taste out of that guy. Fucking cursing at you under your breath. Sure. Every Sunday came with a little bit of spit. He's got bagels burning. You're asking him to taste 31 flavors. You don't know what bubblegum ice cream tastes like, you fat little bastard. All right, let's see here. This one's from Noodles. Shout out to him. $10 homie, never had one read.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is it garbage to insist on getting a flat top haircut as a 7-year-old fat kid because I was an Arnold Schwarzenegger ride or die at the time? Dude, that, I mean, that was 90s. A hot, sharp, new, fresh flat top in the 90s. Yeah. That thing was tight. They loved the high and tight in the 90s. Yeah. The fuck. Sharp. Yeah. One of my biggest regrets. 90 degree angles on that, John.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
One of my biggest regrets is I did a production of Biloxi Blues at the Hedgerow Theater in my training. And we went and got our haircuts and I could have got a flat top and didn't. Mm-hmm. And it was just regular buzz. I look like an idiot. Because I don't have... My hair's real thin, so it looks like I'm... Mine too. So it looks like I'm balding.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're freezing regular slices?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
But a flat top really would have brought the character home. What characters you do in Biloxi Blues?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know. I was the mean guy. Kowalski. Whatever. You stunk. Where is he? Private... You're more of a Captain Haley kind of guy. Captain Haley? Where do you see him? Or Corporal Haley. I don't remember that guy. That's what you look like, Doug. That must be the Broadway production. The European production. That's Broadway's production. Ain't fucking lumping in with him. Was that Walken?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, yeah. Walken was in the movie. Man, I forgot he was great. You ever see that? No. Neil Simon.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
This is what you encourage. What, did you see the maid do this when you were younger or something? You fired her immediately, but kept the idea. Stole the intellectual property. These broads are getting older. They're going to end up in a home pretty soon. They start putting a cat in a freezer and shit. They don't know. They save everything.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
More of a Paul Simon guy. How you doing? More of a Garfunkel man. More of a notes guy. Overnight. Like a guy that hits the high notes. You know what I'm saying? A little falsetto. None of that baritone bullshit. Anybody can write the tracks. Talking about a guy coming over the top, over the drum kit. Phil Collins. Treat me right. All right. Let's see here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
This one's Mark W. Is it garbage if your whole family gambles on the length of the speeches at your cousin's wedding? That's a good time. The speeches. Listen, I hate a speech at a wedding. Hate it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
i'm unemotional i i get it's just too much i don't love it i get that a lot of the family loves it i get that the the it's very nice for the bride and groom not for me but that would make it very interesting if you're getting pull all action on it you know what i mean yeah that i can get behind somewhere just too long hit it sweet at 90 seconds and get the fuck out of there i mean this is well documented you brought this up but
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I got the fucking, I got the recipe for fucking success. That's the one thing I know how to do. And I've told thousands of homies and bozos what to do. Get up there. You don't go too funny. You don't go too sincere. You don't start crying. You thank her. You thank him. You thank the families. You say something nice about him. You say something nice about her.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Then you hit him with the H-Foley toast and you get the fuck out of there. What's that toast with a little bit of cream cheese on it? Bacon bits. It's more of a French taste.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's my secret. Yeah, of course. All right, let's see here. The Milkman is a great name. Is a garbage you get a tattoo at a flea market? I didn't even know you could do that. Also, somebody commented my uncle did that. So apparently, I guess I would assume lower end flea markets are Do you like a flea market, Kevin? I love, love, love, love a flea market.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Me and my wife were driving in the burbs no more than two, three weeks ago. I see a real ragtag flea market. You stopped. Oh, we pulled in. Wow. I popped. She was not a fan. Uh, of it. I just love people on their last leg selling their last belonging. Well, you know, it's a bad flea market when the wooden tables are out there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Even when the flea market's not there, you drive by the lot and all the, all the tables are there. There's a handful I grew up around where they're just, like, in an empty lot on the side of the road. There was the Montgomeryville Mart that we used to go to that was like a flea mart, but it was there all the time. Did you ever go to Rice's? I love Rice's. We used to go there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's why I wrapped my first lumen around a telephone pole cutting school going to Rice's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's where we got our butterfly knives. It was only Tuesdays and Saturdays. Let me see if we can get a Rice's Flea Market, right? Bucks County. Pull up the actual website for it. They don't have a fucking website.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
They think it's like wartime when they're not going to be able to get another fucking pizza pie delivered in 30 minutes or less. I've said it many times here on this podcast and on the Patreon. Since my dad has passed, the cooking, the refrigerator, it's fucking real subpar, man. It's a lot of... Poor morning woman, and you're over there breaking her fucking stone.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Rice's Sale and Country Market. Ooh, look at that. Shop's Tuesdays. So Saturdays. Oh, that's nice. Now, it wasn't like that when we were kids. There was no potted plants. No. There was some fucking Mexican shakeweed. Yeah, that's where you want to go right there. That kid right there will give you eggs that will fucking blow your hair back. That's nice now. I mean, I haven't been in 25 years.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
But that's where you could get solid fireworks. And I think the butterfly, there was one, I think we wanted switchblades or something. And the switchblade guy was only there on Tuesday. We had to go on a Tuesday for some reason. I forget why. So we would cut school and go up on Tuesdays. I didn't even make it out of the neighborhood until I crashed my car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
We would go there after, so Friday after Thanksgiving, we would go to the King of Prussia Mall for the day with like the four or five families. Everybody would go up there, embarrass ourselves. And then Saturday, a smaller squad would go down to Rice's. They didn't take the kids a lot on those things. I don't know why. They're tricking down there or something. Turning tricks, couple of jobs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Shooting dice. But it would only take a couple of kids. Gangs, nothing to do with the holidays like Aura Frames, baby. The easiest gift to give this holiday season. Do yourself and your family a favor. Hook everybody up this year. Make this the Aura Frames year where you blanket the block with Aura Frames. Get it for your mom, your mother-in-law, your sister.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Everybody gets to keep up what's going on with the family. I mean, talk about a genius idea. It's fantastic. It's so good that it's a one-stop shop for most people in your life. I'm running into trouble where I've done it for most people already over the past two years. Double dipping. I've been giving everybody them. But listen, it's that good of a gift. You go, oh, here, boom, you're good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Boom, you're good. Boom, you're good. Out the freaking door. Right now, for a limited time, visit AuraFrames.com and get $45 off Aura's best-selling Carver Matte Frames by using promo code GARBAGE at checkout. That's Aura, A-U-R-A, frames.com, promo code garbage. This exclusive Black Friday and Cyber Monday deal is the best of the year, so don't miss out. Terms and conditions apply. Do it. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Gang, let's talk about bumbas. Bumbas. Let's talk about socks. Yes. Let's talk about how important socks are. Are you wearing shitty socks right now? Most people are. Like right now, is the socks coming down over your ankle? Do they feel loose? Does one sock feel tighter than the other? Then you need some Bumbas, baby. Socks are important.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're on your feet all day, and we got the best pair of socks that you're ever going to have, and Bumbas makes them. Yeah, it's a perfect holiday gift for anybody in your life, cousin, the bird, the boss, the nephew, the secretary. No one says no to a great-feeling pair of new socks. Hey, you ain't lying. I know. It's like kind of the jokey thing. Oh, you got me socks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's like, nah, these are the Cadillac of socks. These are socks. They also have their slippers designed with marshmallow-like memory foam that are all wrapped up in Sherpa. Once you put them on, you're never going to take them off. Plus, they got a great mission.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's a lot of... Keeping your fat ass in Zod. You ate it, didn't you? I had it. I had to put a lot of hot sauce on it, though. Really, really... Which I had to really dig to find that. Really church this thing up a little bit. It's a lot of fucking quarter pounds of... Weed? Hashish? Not a sour diesel for breakfast. No, it's a lot of quarter pound of... Lunch meat. No, chicken salad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
No matter what you get, your purchase creates a very real clothing donation for someone experiencing housing insecurity during cold months. Something like a new pair of socks can make a big impact, and thanks to Bombas Loyalty all over the world, they've donated over 140 million essential clothing items.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
That is fantastic. You think you'll love Bombas, but even if you don't, you're still covered totally free with an easy return or exchange. So here's the turkey, gang. Head over to Bombas.com slash AYG. Use code AYG for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash AYG. Code AYG at checkout. Do it. I love, I genuinely love a flea market.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't like the flea markets that are pretty much just like bad garage sales. You know what I mean? Where it's just like, I like them, but there's never anything real. Like in theory, I like the hunt of like, oh, I could go there. I actually stopped to look for stuff for like tooties. Like, oh, we can find a cool... Fucking something like that would be really cool on set. And I stopped.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
And I mean, it's just like it's it's rough. It's real rough. It's like they got like oxygen tanks and they're sitting there catching.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, they're on them. I was going to say, pick up a tank for the boys. Talking about clean living.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uh, yeah, it's just never anything, and it's like, you always see the same, like, this box of whatever this got, this package, if they do have packaged goods of some kind, it's been in and out of a trunk and a box 50,000 times, and it's just, like, broken and ripped and whatever, and it's like, it's just never shit you want. I love one that's like, hey...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
There's one on the Upper West Side that we bounce around to.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, that's a nice one. Yeah. But they got like, hey, I make furniture. I make coffee tables. I make cutting boards. I make these. I make that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Sure. Good pickle stands. You got good specialty food stands. Love all of that shit. I just don't like the... And I do love a garage sale. I do love... Like I said, I would grow up... We would go trash picking, looking for... I like to search. I like to hunt. Gotcha. But... They're just anymore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's like just old musty shit that lives in their trunk, and then they go to the next one on Tuesday, then the next one on Wednesday. It's just not my cup of tea. You jogged a memory of could be a good are you garbage question. Growing up, did any of your family members, was there an oxygen tank in the house? Sure. I don't think so. My Aunt Mary had one. She was young, too. I never saw her use it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Daryl was like, don't smoke around that. Get away. Don't play with that. I didn't realize that that would blow up. Yeah, I mean, I think if you're like pure oxygen, I'll go up. Sure. I don't know. I never. I thought I got the challenger, I think. I don't think. I don't think the astronauts were on oxygen in that thing. I think there was oxygen. That didn't help the situation. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
All right, let's see here. This one's from Beardo. Is it trashy when you're out at a restaurant and you use the condensation from your drink to get any foreign substance off your hands, such as anything sticky? That's a pro move. Pro move. Pro move. If you're jammed up, you wet it, then you hit the paper towel, maybe hit it again. I'm not opposed to an ice cube snack.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's not classy, but if you're jammed up. Cold glass, cocktail napkin, and a wedge of lemon. It's like taking a shower.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Fucking get all in there. You know, also isn't bad if you're at a bar and they hit you with the fucking, you order like a draft beer, they hit you with the bar napkin. Mm-hmm. Put that on there, maybe a little overflow, a little drip, just that moisture on there. That'll get you going. That'll get you where you need to go. Brush your teeth with that thing. Dude, a pit's in the grundle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Keep it moving, daddy-o. It's a mando before mando. Uh-huh. All right, speaking of parents' houses, this is from Hulk. Is it garbage to stop at your parents' house just to get food from their fridge to eat at your own house? That's a big thing now. Kids do that. College kids do that. College is different. I did it in college for sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
But I would understand if it's like leftover, hey, she's got her some sort of leftover there. You know what I mean? But like, I mean, if you're popping by and eating like a bag of chips or something. I took home three slices of frozen pizza from Ben's. What were the slices, by the way? It's a good question. It was Franzones. First of all, they were whole pies. It was Franzones. It was a Franzones.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
The lunch meat. They stop, they will listen. The lunch meat, you don't go near, because this fucking broad knows that we break her balls about throwing up the lunch meat. She'll take the old stuff and put it in a new thing. Yeah, it's crazy. And then put the new stuff in a Ziploc bag. I don't know what the fuck I'm eating. Uh-huh, yeah. The cheddar's Munster, the Munster's Swiss.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Shout out to Franzones in Contra Hocken if you're looking for good pizza. Sweet pie. Delicious. Get the onions on it. Balanced everything out. It's unbelievable. They were all slices of Franzones with onions.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
It's like a salad. There's vegetables involved. Yeah, I took them home with me. But I did it for the pizza. What? You don't freeze pizza, man. You're trying to free the pizza? Freeing the pizza. Get you guys a good home. Like Dodo. He goes around and picks up the stray dogs. I mean, you are genuinely something else. I'll tell you this. If you do freeze the pizza, you got to eat it that night.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Because by the time I got it home, put it in the fridge next day. Oh, you can't do that. No. That starts getting... That turns into... You got spores on there. It's like Ridley Scott directed it. Like an alien... Fucking onions were moving. No bueno. That one's looking back at you. Hey, buddy. All right, this is from OTA.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Is it garbage to think you can beat anyone up because you quote unquote see red? That's a big dirtbag move. I don't know, man. I just see red. Sure. That and like... I got to have a you get like that was like in high school or college. Like, you know, I get fucked. I have four shots and I'm, you know, it was like I got to be drunk to fight type thing. Sure. That was always a dirt.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was always a kid about to get his ass kicked. Yeah. Never really. I never looked at it like that. I never thought I could win. But now I was going to fight you. Does that make sense? There's frozen pizza on the line. I'll get my ass kicked. I would never say I'll beat your fucking ass. I've yelled that a couple of times. I would just say I'll fight you. Beat me up, you beat me up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You want to do wiener versus wiener? What do you want to do? You still already had sex with your girlfriend, so whatever you do to me, pussy. Tough break, loser. I already beat you on the bag of blow. The fence will be here in any minute. I already won. Yeah, I think any time I was in a fight, I was, again, huge lack of confidence, huge. And you had to be a crier. No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You afterwards, you weren't a crier. Why did you do that to me? Why did you make me do that? No. As like a kid kid? Like a kid. You strike me as a guy. I'll cry. Yeah. Not in, like, a bar fight. I'm not in, like, Old City in Philadelphia at Mad River throwing drunk haymakers in my bootcut light jeans. Flat-toed shoes. Oh, man. Big. No, but... You saying that kind of shook.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Don't go near the pepper jack. That's my pepper, Jack. That was turkey a couple weeks ago. Yeah, no, I've also, as, you know, my mother is a widow herself. Things are, that's what brings us up. I was actually down at Denise the Pizza's, too. Does the pizza drink pomegranate juice? That's the only good addition to the house. Nah, she's more of a. She's got that pomegranate.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I never thought about it because I know I don't like I never liked fighting. I would rather never fight than like making sweet love. But sometimes when you're at your early, you're a drunk early in your 20s with idiots. That happens. You know what I mean? Sure. Tensions are high. People are trying to get laid. That don't happen. Hormones, testosterone. Yeah. Viagra. Viagra just hit the scene.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
So your best guy kissing another dude. Get a little patty. I thought what we had was serious. I'm swinging on Pat. You're mine, dude. Like Vito and Johnny cakes in the parking lot. I was hot. I just never wanted to get beat up. I didn't want to win the fight now that I think I was a very defensive guy. What's beat up? Like, knocked out? Why don't you come over? I'll show you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Because these kids today, they fucking knock each other out. Nobody back in our day, even yours, was getting knocked out the way kids are getting knocked out now. Unless they're just... You see it. It's filmed. I never saw anybody get knocked out like that. I understand, but it's not like... It's just being filmed more. You think? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
If somebody got knocked out in the town next to you... These kids go to the nickel real quick, too. Sure. Hey, things are a-daisy. Did you see... That guy playing pickleball that got kicked in the face a couple weeks ago? Who's side are you on there? I mean, obviously you don't kick a guy in the face when he's bending down. That's a tough look. But that guy was screaming.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
That guy's a dork for taking pickleball that serious. Smacked the paddle out of the guy's hand. Did he or did he go to high five the guy? I don't know. I checked in the comments on that. Because he bent down to pick it up. I think he was way too serious in the moment. Sure. That guy was a little butthurt. He just got fucking spiked on. I get that. He walked over.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Caught him with a clean John Jones.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
The paddle got knocked out of his hand. And I don't think that was intentionally. I think he was just fucking charged up. But like, you got to be a little bit of a gentleman. Like he's screaming, fucking pretty much screaming right in the guy's face. They're shaking hands and he's still going, whoa, let's fucking go. Caught him with a soft kick, too. Yeah, that wasn't even a hard one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Knocked him out. That was a little... Yeah, that guy went down like a sack of potatoes. He's fucking hanging on the net like a fucking... He's hanging in a fucking seafood jar. Which I don't condone, but I popped into the comments and everybody was like, we're all on the side of the guy who kicked him, right? And I don't think... Oh, dude, he slumped him. I don't think that's... Oh, fuck, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Was this a professional thing? No. I don't think so. It looks some level. This pickleball shit. Shut up. Someone said it didn't count. His foot was in the kitchen. That's pretty good. Which, I mean, like, listen, that is not acceptable. But also, like, you're playing sports. Things get passionate. Guys are fucking idiots.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You start screaming and shit like that in someone's face and knock a paddle out of their hand. It was disrespectful. I'll give you that. I can see how what that guy did was viewed as like you're being a fucking jerk off. Sure. And that guy's up. I mean, that's a that's a cheap shot. If I ever square up, go knuckle to knuckle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I know this is old news a couple weeks ago, but if you look at it, look at it. He does it, and then he goes to pick it up. Doesn't he? Yeah, I don't know. Unless he was going to drop it again. Throw it further. I was all pussy. All right, let's see here. This one is Carter. Are you garbage if your mom got you a Detroit Lions Zippo lighter for your birthday? And you're from Atlanta.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
She's more of a. That's all right. More of a Pinot Gris kind of gal. That pomegranate juice with a little bit of club soda in it is very refreshing. But, you know, that was the house I grew up in. You've been in the house 30-something years at this point. Never made any real big improvements on it. I would love to snoop around that pantry. I bet you got some fucking...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I mean, I would really hope you're a diehard Detroit Lions fan, but that's a mom that gets it. That's a perfectly trashy gift from a parent, I feel. That's like, hey, I know you. You like heaters. You're smoking bowls. You're a Zippo guy. I thought you would like this. I got it at the Exxon gas station. There you go. I really fucking respect that. They were all out of Hesh trucks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You for sure know that's not a name brand Zippo either. That's a Zippo style lighter. First of all, shout out to the Zippo style lighters. Got plenty of them on the website, I believe. I think we're all sold out there, big guy. We're gearing up for a new merch drop. No kidding. Soon. We're getting stuff. We're getting things in line. Pickleball? Pickleball. We should have that guy's face.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
We should have that scene. Talk shit, get kicked. All right, let's see here. This one's from Jagoff Jesse. Great name. Love him. $10 Tendi basket. There you go. Never had one read. Are you garbage if you're... This one's insane. Are you garbage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
If for your mom's birthday, the whole family smokes homemade hash and goes to the Chinese buffet together because it's her favorite restaurants and she loves the crab ragoons. I mean, dude, there's so many things wrong with that. I think the only thing is the homemade hash. I enjoy a nice Chinese buffet. I would pull that back one level. I think smoking hash with your family is crazy. Crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Homemade hash with your family is even more bonkers. How do you make that? I don't know. Press your weed?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, everybody's bugging out. No one wants to get up and go to the buffet. Freaking out. You got a knife to the waiter's neck. My only thing with that, to be dead honest with you, is there's no real dessert there. Maybe they have the soft serve machine, but there's no, you can't get, you know. You think these hash heads are worried about pie? I think so, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
They're up to their neck in crab rangoons. I mean, you're not going there if you want a good dessert, necessarily. You drink with your family. What's the difference? Yeah, we're not making it in the fucking bathtub. I go to goddamn Anheuser-Busch or Cavett, someone who knows their way around a Pinot Grigio. You're freebasing with Denise? Yeah, what the fuck? You got the pen and the tinfoil?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Also, I'm by no means a saint. My family is as dirtbag as it gets. But they don't like Chinese food. No, they do not. At Texas Roadhouse. Yeah, I mean, that's... Hey, if it brings your family together, look up the... Who drove? That's what I want to know. Look up the legality of hash now, too, because I don't think that's to criminalize.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't think you'd be... You know what I mean? That's still a crime at the end of the day. Adults age 21 and older can share up to three ounces of cannabis flower and up to 24 grams of contraindicated cannabis. With other adult age 21 and older for personal use. I don't understand nothing about saying hash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Well, she's got the kids over there now, so it's a little, you know, from time to time, so it's a little more. I bet you got some old cheese that's in there. Probably boxes handwritten. Nah, she was never cheesed. She's a goldfish gal, and them things are hard to keep on a shelf. Those things go quick. Sure. Especially if I get down there and open up a fucking screaming can of Coke.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah. Click the next thing down. How much hash can I carry? Eight grams. Damn, you can have eight grams of hash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's a big family. If everybody has their own eight grams, too. No shit. Get lifted, dog. Fucking 32 G's. Talk about playing in the mud. Everybody's smelling like resin shit. I would assume whatever state that they live in, marijuana is not legal. And I believe that probably the Chinese food is subpar. I don't know, though. That's got the Dakotas written all over it. Man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Probably just a Chinese guy working at a Burger King. They're so high, they think they're at a Chinese buffet. Chinese spot in Wyoming must be tough. I don't know, though. I don't know. You never know. You never know. There's no Raymond's, I'll tell you that. Shout out to Raymond's in Pacifica, California, one of the greatest restaurants I've ever had. We should say we were all fucking on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
We might as well have been on eight grams of hash is how fucked up we all were. I was sitting on the Lazy Susan, spinning around like a new Cadillac. That place was unbelievable. I think about it many nights. Best hot and sour soup I ever had. I wasn't crying. You're like me in a fight. All right, let's see here. This is from Drew, $10 hoagie. Is it pronounced pay-per-view or pay-per-view?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, it took me a long time to realize it wasn't pay-per-view. And I still say pay-per-view. Pay-per-view. But you just say it's pay-per-view. So really, the phonetic sounding is paper. Paper. Pay-per-view. Pay-per-view. It was pay-per-view. That took me a while to realize that's what it was. Sure. I thought it was like, I just thought it was pay-per-view. Yeah. Which are coming back. How?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I mean, all the UFC is all pay-per-view. You get through the cable? Yeah, yeah, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
What if I got YouTube TV? What? What if I got YouTube TV? I think you have to have ESPN Plus, and then you got to buy it through ESPN Plus or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
No kidding. Yeah. And Dana White. He's got his hand there. Boss man. Cutting checks. He gets heavy at the tables, too. Sure. Kind of like you. Heavy everywhere. At every table I've ever been at. Especially at a Chinese buffet. Let's see. This one's from Amber Crombie. Deep cut. You ever sit in the garage as a family with the door open and watch a thunderstorm? Uh, never with my family.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
We did it down the shore with fucking Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor. That was like a majestic showing of mother nature at that point that we were on the water. The fucking storm was rolling in from like a mile out or whatever. That was something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're fat ass. Yeah, and I'll just, while we're talking, I'm munching those while I'm putting an order in over at fucking Dominic's or something. I'm crushing. I'm going, I'm like 55 pieces, baby. Well, I'm whose booze. But she's doing a, you know, two, three. She's sprucing a place up a little bit. Oh, I didn't know this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, yeah. Sit on the porch. Hides the yelling. You don't hear that many dishes breaking. That was like in Shawshank when he was waiting to hit the pipe. Your dad was doing it, waiting for the lightning and going, you motherfucker. I'll kill you. Back porch. The sunroom, as they call it. The front porch. The door open.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Man, when that pressure would change and the barometer would drop and you would smell that ozone coming through the screen door. The angels are bowling tonight, Pop. Sit there and watch the storm. He's having flashbacks. That would happen once in a while. Yeah. Loved it. Yeah. I don't think we ever did.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I remember being in some cars real nervous and they're always like the safest from the lightning. And they'd be like, you know, meanwhile, whoever's drive is probably fucking half cocked. I don't know. Is that true about being in the car? I think they say that's the safest place to be because the rubber is grounded. That's what my. That's what the drunk adults of my life would tell me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I don't know, though. Yeah, because I've seen some videos. If you're caught in a storm while driving, you're safest in an enclosed metal vehicle. This means the hardtop cars with all the windows shut. If the car is struck by lightning, the camera will flow through the metal body of the vehicle. You'll feel a little bit. You'll get a little buzz. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like one of them vibrating panties or something. Man, those videos. Talk about going to a Chinese buffet. How you doing? I'm going to get one of those for Luke. Oh, we should do an episode like that. Put a butt plug in Luke and just buzz him. Oh, hey. Oh, AYG after dark. We should do it for both of us if we each control it. We're just coming and me just screaming. I pull out the fob right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Just running full blast. I didn't know you guys were down to party. Fuck me, dude. Yeah, we loved watching anything like that. Lightning storms. Accident scenes, house fire. Yeah, we were out there. Yeah, we never really. Maybe the news van drives by. Everyone freak out. We were never really around as a family. We're never really a tight unit like that. I mean, dude, you think about it as a dad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's a cheap night. Sit and watch the fucking thunderstorm. Maybe it hits a telephone pole. It's like the finale in a firework show. You ever have that? You ever have the telephone pole outside your house get struck by lightning? I had it even worse in a very bad rainstorm. I was a young man driving late at night. Okay. Put it that way with a friend of mine. Okay. Couldn't see shit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
A little bit. Like a new coat of paint. Sex swing? What are we talking about? Jesus Christ. She listens to the program. You said you had sex with my mother. I said I was fingering her. And I'm not sure if you're joking or not. That's different. Broad gets around. She's talking about bringing some lackey to the wedding. How you doing? I'll be there, son.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was in my first loom. I was driving him, dropping him off, pouring rain. So I'm driving real slow. We drive by like, it was like a hut in the woods, like right off the side of the road, like a transformer house or whatever. You know what I mean? Oh, I know what you're talking about, man. That got hit and the whole fucking world went neon white and blue. Okay. And I hit the brakes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Could have been the hash. You were sitting in your living room, buddy. I got a plate as a steering wheel. And I mean, it went like fucking phenomenon, that movie. You know what I mean? Or powder, whatever one. The John Travolta vehicle? Yeah. Didn't he get struck by lightning and he was like a genius? Yeah, for a minute. That's what happened to me. Brain cancer. That's why my head's so big.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, phenomenon. Something like that. I don't know. That's what you saw? I don't know. I was pretty fucked up, if we're being honest with you. No, what was... Pictures of a volcano. What was Powder? He was just a weird kid. No, he got struck by lightning, too. Did he? Oh, man, that was me. I never realized how freaky that kid is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
He looks like he should be in fucking... What's that heathen-ass movie that Tom Hanks did? Heathen-ass movie. Power of the Dollar? No, Power Angels and Demons?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
One of those monks running around? With the guy that plays Vision that was hitting himself with the belt. Yeah, I wouldn't want that guy looking for me. Powderstone, you got ass in high school, though. Look, he's making out with that broad right there. He was dating somebody in that movie. He brainwashed her to convince her to do it. Is that Katie Holmes? Who's that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, she's going to be too young. But, yeah, we looked at each other and like, was that it? Are we in the big lumina in the sky right now? It was fucking, man. Woo, doggie. That was a quiet ride home. We just turned around and went back to where we were coming from. We're like, we faced the devil tonight, dude. And then, you know, had the right hand and was able to walk away.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
My parents were driving me to the train station one time with an old girlfriend in the car, and it was on 73. Skip back pike. Excuse me. And some car had gotten hit by downed power lines. It was over the other person's car, and like a piece of a tree, the branches were on top of it. Nope. And I went to hop out, and my dad freaked the fuck out. That's a hot wire. Yeah, hot wire. Uh-huh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
10 o'clock in the morning. Could be from the night before. Broad shutting it down early, I guess. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. And he is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman. He's the flatbread freak, the chicken porn hero, Captain Neptune. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
She be done. Fried. As soon as you put your hand on the door, I got you, ma'am. Fucking out. Don't cook a bacon. All right, we got to wrap it up, gang. What a fun one. Yes, sir. Gang, Kippy. We love yous. Luke. Love you guys. We'll see you next week. Peace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You want to find some dick over there, go ahead, but you're not bringing anybody over. Jesus Christ. He's walking me down the aisle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Fuck off, me pussy. Playing him at basketball. Getting your ass kicked. Fucking pussy. Some old nom vet kicking the shit out of me. But she's doing, you know, a couple renovations. Just sprucing a place up. Got a paint job. Hasn't been painted in a long time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
On the inside. The whole house? Yeah. Really? No. I don't think so. On the outside. Yeah, she went candy paint. Ah, Joyce. That's candy paint. That's candy paint. It may go do it. Oh, gun metal black. She put the couch on a set of 20s, too. Odd choice. Windows are all tinted. Smells like black ice in there. She painted the outside of the house. No, inside. Inside. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like the hallway, and I think that's it. Do something with that basement down here. She flooded it. Jesus. Yeah, she left a hose on it. What, did you go in there and take a dump? She left a hose on out front. What the hose on? Yeah, she was- What's she doing out there? That's what I said. I don't know. She was watering her flowers or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
flooded and like left it on and i guess there's like a crack somewhere down in there jeez my brother was like well i'm glad the flowers look nice because the basement's fucking it's like raging waters down there god damn it but all taken care of i saw everybody in the family's constructions everybody goes over there fucking she's sprucing up to get it on the market or something like that i don't know you're asking a lot of personal financial questions i don't know what she's doing
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
She's retired. I'm not taking off her hands. She's retired. You move into my childhood home. Start breaking all the furniture. She's still living there. But it got me thinking what she did. One noticeable thing. She changed the doorknobs on the inside of the house. Like the all like the interior doorknobs. Like the closets in the bedroom. The bedrooms, the closets, the yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Which I never really thought about. What'd she go with, eight balls? Big dice. She went skull and crossbones. Something tasteful. No, they're nice, but they're black lever ones. It's like orgy shit. It doesn't feel... All the doors now open from the middle. It doesn't feel like the house I grew up in anymore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
She's making the changes. That's a real dirtball thing to do, too. Just change the fixtures. Patty's gotten away with that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Everything's the same, but the knobs are different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's what she's doing. A fresh coat of paint, whitewashing it, and then, you know, fresh coat of paint and some new hardware. Sure. Right? And it just doesn't feel like the home I grew up in. She don't want you there. I know. She don't. Changing the locks. She did change the code on the fucking garage. Of course she did.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's fucked up. It's been the same thing for 27 years. So you shut me out. Keep you from stealing the power washer. I guessed it. Not to Gabby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
So that got me thinking of what they originally were. And what were the interior? Because I think it made me start thinking about it. And different homes have different levels of doorknobs, which say a lot about the house. Oh, yeah. Because mine were pull up, whatever the first one I sent you are. This one's a nicer one than we had. That's like a current day one. No, that's what we had.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
It was the bronze with the gold. Ours wasn't good bronze.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's newer. That's like of today's. That's the today version of it. All I know is ours were duller than that. Yeah, duller than that. And I could get into it with like a bobby pin or a pin or something. Not a bobby pin. It had to be one of those combs that had the shiv on the end of it. You know what I'm talking about? One of those. It's like a handle comb, but it goes down to a fine point.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
What's up, gang? Shout out to you. First of all, thanks for tuning in. Make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. And I'm told you got to say Spotify now, too. I'm getting that in my monthly reports. And then, obviously, full video available on YouTube. But then I got to be on. I'd be remiss. Hit me. If I didn't hit you with the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, I think it was for teasing up the hair. Sure. Doing the pubes. Straightening them out. Frosting the tips, as they say. But you could get in there. Yeah. Because my brother, God love him, he couldn't take a shower or fucking go into his bedroom and lock the door. I would always fucking pop that thing open. So that's what we have. But then I started doing a little fishing around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
And there was a version of that. That's a rough. That's what we're talking about. That's a rough. That was those stainless steel ones. They were always like replacements, so they never hooked in nice. I think ours were the gold-colored ones. But that looks like the lock that was on my door. And it was like that, exactly like that, for a long time, from like 13 to 15. That door's been kicked in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, my dad would regularly kick in the door. Wave in the faux faux. Sure. Sure. Yeah, I'd be in there. The place would be a mess. Uh-huh. How the fuck are you doing? Miss you, buddy. Love you, pal. If you're looking back, I'm going to be missing this one day. I know it sounds crazy. You're going to miss me screaming at you. Yeah. But those were also middle of the road, I think, a little less.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
I was trying to find a picture. I couldn't fucking find it. Do you remember the ones? Because also, too, to me, these are heavy... The lock really, especially when you're going to the bathroom, you go to the bathroom at someone else's house, the lock sometimes didn't, there's not a lot of security in some of them locks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Right? So the next one, my aunt had these, and these, dude, these things, but you could. It's a skeleton key. A strong breeze would open that up. That didn't really last. The ghosts like those. You're sitting there taking a boom boom. It wouldn't catch. Never caught. Or it would stick sometimes and the lock wouldn't pop out. Those are good doors. They're nice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Those are really, they're obviously always an older, more like Victorian. You never had the keys for those. No, you get locked in there. You lose a kid. You're fucked up. You're riding it out until dinner's over. My last apartment, one of the apartments I had in the Heights had that. Doorknob. On the front door? In the bathroom. And me and Nadine got locked in there one time. It was a fight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's like, that's from like the fucking 60s. That technology didn't hold up. No. All the fucking steaming shit from the shower, that's fucking warping that wood. You're fucked. And you see how that door was white and you're saying what Denise did? Patty, one step trashier, we have the cheap Luan doors as our bedroom doors. What is Luan door? How do you spell that? Luan. Come on. Jesus.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Give me flashbacks. Leon Doors? Luan. L-U-A-N. Luan. It's hollow wood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The dark hollow wood. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what we had growing up. And then at some point, she just painted them. That never takes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Never takes. Never takes. Looks bad. Especially if you're doing it yourself, it never fucking takes. Oh, of course she did it herself. We didn't fucking spend the money like that. But you know what's funny is I was taking a shower in there. And she had that bathroom done. That's a nice bathroom. She had that bathroom done probably, I don't know, 2003 or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
That's fucking 20 years ago. It still looks great. Well, that was the thing. I hated the guy that fucking did it. Sure. There's a big difference between home improvements past 2020 versus before 2020. Why? Like, things just got more affordable and nicer. Like, you could get nicer stuff. Sure. And it now still looks more modern than if you did it in 98 or whatever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You go over there, you get all your bonus content. I'm talking over 400 hours of podcast episodes sitting over there waiting for you to join. The 13,000 people are already there. Ooh, the army of garbage out there. Shout out to all the homies. Little homies appreciation. Not on the Patreon. The shareholders. Do yourself a favor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
After, I'm sorry, sorry, after 2000. I apologize. Yeah, after 2000, things started getting more. Sopranos hit. Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
But you know what I'm saying? You could get, stuff was cheaper, like those fucking mosaics, you plate the whole thing. Open the ports up. What? Open the ports up. A lot of China money coming in. Yeah. But there was one that I couldn't find. So imagine like it was like a regular, it was like a circle, a silver circle doorknob with, and the lock was most of the center of it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
And it had the long slit and you would like turn it. Do you remember? You would have to turn it in like a 180. You have to like kind of pinch it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Wait. So it was like this. So it was like a circle. And then like the whole circle. It looked like an oven dial. Yes. Though you couldn't trust those things at all.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
That was like being a jigsaw. You're in there pulling your little putt or whatever. Those things gave you no confidence. Those little pinners are fucking dangerous too. That one right there. You missed it. The Schlange Plymouth. Schleg. Schleg Plymouth. Schleg's a proper brand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You want to lock it, you lock it with a schleg. That's their motto.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
You want to lock it, lock it with a schleg. That's pretty good. That one, you're fucking pulling it. They get you with a fucking clothespin. Sure. You're going to start laughing at your penis. Rude. Yeah, but it was funny. It was like one of those memories I had where I'm like, whoa, this house is now different based on that probably very cheap upgrade.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Beating the Buffet w/ Kippy & Foley!
Like, I don't know what a fucking doorknob goes now. Probably like 18 bucks or something like that. Damn. Changing the locks on you over there, huh? Changing the locks. Still the same doors. Same thing. Painted the doors, though. Wow. Yeah. She's trying to fucking get you off the fucking scent. Get me off the books. Jesus Christ. Uh-huh.