This week, special guest Roy Wood Jr. joins panelists Tom Bodett, Helen Hong, and Paula PoundstoneLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy
Chapter 1: Who is hosting this episode of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me?
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm back, bitches. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.
Chapter 2: Where has Bill Curtis been for the last six weeks?
Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. But just to say it again, thank you, Bill. We're so glad to have you back. Now, a lot of people have actually gotten in touch to ask, maybe with some concern, where you've been these last six weeks. Can you reveal it?
I can't reveal much, but let's just say this Brazilian butt lift didn't happen on its own.
Chapter 3: How can listeners participate in the show?
Well, it's great to have you back, and we're also delighted that comedian Roy Wood Jr. will be joining us later to play our games, and mainly we are delighted that you folks listening can also call in to play. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey. Hey, who is this?
This is Adam from Kansas City. Oh, it's a great town. We were there just a few months ago. What do you do there? I'm a musician and I do mortgage loans. So you're a musician, but like on nights and weekends you do mortgage loans because that's your true passion. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something's got to pay the bill.
Yeah, you sit there gigging, you know, doing your music, and you're thinking, wow, tonight I get to originate a mortgage.
You nailed it.
Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Adam. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a comedian who will be performing at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco on March 23rd. It's Helen Hong.
Hi, Adam. Hi, everybody. Hi.
Next, he is a humorist, a tool impresario, and the founder of Hatch Space Community Woodworking Shop and School in Brattleboro, Vermont. It's Tom Bodette. Hey, Adam. And a comedian who will be in St. Paul, Minnesota on March 21st at the Fitzgerald Theater. You might have heard of that. It's Paula Poundstone. Thank you. Hey, Adam. Hey. So, Adam, welcome to the show.
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Chapter 4: What are the humorous headlines from this week's news?
You're going to start us off with who's Bill this time. I'm so pleased to say Bill Curtis, back with us, is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize, the voice of anyone from our show. You might choose on your voicemail. You ready to go? Yes. All right.
Let's do it. Here is your first quote. List five things you did last week.
Me.
Wasn't it supposed to be every government employee? Yes, every federal employee. Wow.
Including some in this room.
Including somebody in the audience, yes. Employees at every federal government agency received an email from the Office of Personnel Management over the weekend requiring them to list five things they had accomplished that week or they would lose their jobs. This is part of Elon Musk's crusade to fire as many government workers as he can.
You know, the people who waste taxpayer money doing useless, busy work like keeping planes from running into each other.
I think this would be hard for anybody in any industry.
Well, that's the thing. I mean, I couldn't do it. I can't think of three things I did in my life.
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Chapter 5: What is the impact of technology on baseball umpiring?
I can think of one thing. I'm a stand-up comedian, so my first thing was think of a funnier word than spatula. And then it just devolved from there. Right.
Is there a funnier word than spatula?
No, not that I could find. I'm self-employed, so I knew the note was coming.
Who sent it? Did you send it to yourself?
I did, yes.
You were like, it's time to see what that Poundstone woman does to earn her keep.
I'll tell you something. Sometimes I see that look in my eye, and I know.
Heads are gonna roll. But apparently, you know, some people, like, got it and copped an attitude. You want five things I did last week? Your mom, your mom, your mom, your dad, and your mom.
That was definitely from someone at the DMV. Probably.
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Chapter 6: What is the strange side effect of the new birth control?
But that's when we talk about it. I see. Adam, your last quote is a headline from The Economist. Amazon gains a thrilling new asset. What thrilling and handsome new asset did Amazon just acquire the rights to? Oh, my gosh. Can you give me a clue? I can give you a hint. Like, instead of one-day delivery, it'll be 007 days delivery. Oh, God. The James Bond series. James Bond.
Yes, they bought the rights to James Bond.
I hope when you give me hints, they're a lot like that last one, because that was all but packaged for Adam.
Yeah, it's true. Amazon has bought the rights to the James Bond franchise, which is good. I guess they'll make more movies, but it will not be the same when Q is like, I know you're used to carrying a Walther PPK 007, but Amazon's choice is an Omidra seven-shot handgun with carrying case.
Yeah, and of course, they haven't announced exactly what they're gonna do with him, but they have said in the first Amazon-made Bond movie, he'll be fighting a true global supervillain, local bookstores. And I thought he was dead. And of course, it's not just going to be movies because they own the whole IP, as the saying is.
They could make a 007 sitcom where James Bond lives in Brooklyn with his quirky waitress roommate trying to make ends meet. They could make a kid's version. James Bond babies. Jimmy Bond. Exactly. Where he fights like Gold Pinky. No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to cry.
Do you think Jeff Bezos just bought it because he was like, pussy galore? Yeah.
No, he did ask people, once he bought it, he did ask people on Twitter who they thought the next James Bond should be, because Daniel Craig has retired, you know. Also asking, can James Bond be bald? And should it be me? Bill, how did Adam do in our quiz?
The name is Bond, and he did very well. Three in a row. Congratulations, Adam. Well done. Cheers.
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Chapter 7: What are some bizarre clothing-related studies?
Yes. She really, really, really wants to know if you'll still need him when he's 64.
Being obsessed with Paul McCartney?
Specifically, yes. Worrying about him dying.
What? That's a side effect of a birth control?
Yeah, birth control.
That's really specific. That's so specific.
I know, it's very strange. It's a little weird, that's the thing. I mean, because all women know that birth control is a scientific marvel. It can protect you from pregnancy and make you cry at every TV commercial, right? I mean, the avocados came all the way from Mexico? That is so beautiful. Anyway, but this woman... Says that she experienced a very strange symptom.
She went on a new kind of birth control. She cannot stop worrying about Paul McCartney dying According to the woman quote every time I think of him I start weeping Doctors are you know concerned? It's not serious, but still they're trying a new prescription. It has different side effects This one for example makes you want to murder Paul McCartney
I was going to say, how did she know that it was specifically that? She got off it and she was like, oh, screw that guy.
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Chapter 8: Who is Roy Wood Jr. and what is his latest project?
It kind of goes against our understanding of fish as, like, maybe not the smartest creatures. Yay!
That was Sarah Hashemi, who is a science journalist at the Smithsonian Magazine. Congratulations, Samara. You got it right. You earned a point for Tom, and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Congratulations, Samara.
Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
And now the game where we ask famous people about obscure things. It's called Not My Job. Roy Wood Jr. became famous in the last decade or so on The Daily Show, but he's been doing stand-up since he was 19. He's got a new stand-up special now out on Hulu, Lonely Flowers. And he's also the host of Have I Got News For You on CNN, which is, of all things, a comedy quiz show about the week's news.
What an idea! LAUGHTER Roy Wood Jr., welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Hey. This is a nice concept.
Yeah, it's like, yeah. We've had comedians on the show. We've had podcasters on the show. We've had game show hosts on the show. We've never had anybody who has exactly my job on the show. So it's a lot harder than it looks, isn't it, Roy?
It's very hard. Yeah. This is very difficult. I don't have smooth Bill Curtis making everything feel better. Look at the smile on his face, Peter.
You can tell it's not hard for him at all. He's just trying to get you off his back.
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