Peter Sagal
Appearances
This American Life
535: Origin Story
And so it was all intellectual arguments and drama and involved the Holocaust and questions of the First Amendment law. And it came to the attention of this producer, Lawrence Bender, who is most well-known for being Quentin Tarantino's producer. So he produced, among many other movies, Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction and so on and so forth.
This American Life
535: Origin Story
I mean, there was, I think the year of 1992, my annual income was $10,000. I was, yeah, this was the phone call that you wait for.
This American Life
535: Origin Story
And I had no, I didn't know anything about the Cuban Revolution, but one of the things I found out was that everybody involved with it was incredibly young. Castro himself was only 29. They were all 17, 18, 19, 20 years old, these guys up in the mountains with him. And one of the things
This American Life
535: Origin Story
that actually happened was almost as soon as they took over, the Cuban Revolution, these wonderful young Democrats, you know, freedom-loving rebels from the mountains, started executing people on television. And in my original conception, there were two parallel stories.
This American Life
535: Origin Story
There was Maria, who I called the central character, who had a rebellious, more typically adolescent rebellion going against her own parents. And then there was her romantic interest, a character named Josefo, who was a Cuban and was sort of a third column rebel underground guy living and working in Havana to undermine the regime, sometimes through violence.
This American Life
535: Origin Story
The title of the film is Dirty Dancing 2, colon, Havana Nights.
This American Life
535: Origin Story
There is not a single line of dialogue in that movie that I wrote.
This American Life
535: Origin Story
Innocent girl with a semi-dangerous guy. And sometimes I think back on the experience and I say, you know, I should have said to them, hey, if that's what you want, I'm really not the guy for it.
This American Life
535: Origin Story
It was really fine. Oh, honey. No, no, no. I mean this. Let me put it this way. Before I got that call, this experience had been a failure. I mean, I remember at that time, you know, just lying in bed going, well, I had my shot and I blew it. You know, all I ever wanted was a shot. I got my shot and it failed. I did a bad job.
This American Life
535: Origin Story
And so then when I got the phone call, it's like, oh, it's going to be made. It's going to be Dirty Dancing 2. That's a happy ending. That's a much better ending than the ending I thought I had, which was that it was just a disaster.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
HTDE: Heckling, Yawning, and Imitating, with James Austin Johnson and Patton Oswalt
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Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
HTDE: Heckling, Yawning, and Imitating, with James Austin Johnson and Patton Oswalt
Hey all, it's Peter. This week we are bringing you the season finale of How to Do Everything. But don't worry, they will be back for a season two. So make sure to follow them over at their own feed. You know, I just got to say, seeing as I live here in the Wait Wait feed, I'm going to miss not having them here.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
HTDE: Heckling, Yawning, and Imitating, with James Austin Johnson and Patton Oswalt
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HTDE: Heckling, Yawning, and Imitating, with James Austin Johnson and Patton Oswalt
I mean, Mike and Ian, they started off as like kind of annoying roommates that constantly made me eat weird stuff. But in the end of it, We kind of became, you know, brothers in arms. Sausages all packaged together in the same variety pack, if you will. And some good news, How to Do Everything has some surprises for you to stay connected in between seasons.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
HTDE: Heckling, Yawning, and Imitating, with James Austin Johnson and Patton Oswalt
Make sure to follow the Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR for more information that'll be coming soon. And now enjoy the latest How to Do Everything, our thrilling season finale.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Probably. Yeah. I don't know how many ensembles and groups you've started in your career, but my understanding is the latest one is called The New John. Actually, the new John is... I should say, for non-Philadelphians, that's not the name John, that's J-A-W-N.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
I see, yeah. Could you explain to non-Philadelphians what a John is?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Right, right. Well, Christian McBride, it is such a pleasure to talk to you in your hometown, and we have asked you back here to play a game we're calling Bass Pro meet Bass Pro.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
You're a world-renowned genius when it comes to the bass, the instruments. So what do you know about Bass the Pro Shop? We're going to ask you three questions about the outdoor store that is not REI. Answer two out of three questions correctly. You'll win the prize for one of our listeners, the weight-waiter of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is jazz legend Christian McBride playing for?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
So Bass Pro Shops are famous for their enormous sales floors and the things on them, like giant aquariums, actual running streams through the floor and more. All of that natural beauty, though, can backfire as in which of these cases? A, one store in Texas is now home to a family of geese who refuse to let anyone go near the camping supply section.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
B, at a shop in Florida, a man showed up with a net, scooped a 50-pound fish right out of the aquarium, and then just walked out with it. Or C, a store in Kansas was declared a protected environment for a species of endangered fish, and now nobody is allowed inside.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Put a price tag on it.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
You're right, yes. That's what happened. And according to the store... According to the story, the thief, and perhaps for all we know, the fish, is still at large. Maybe he was rescuing it in a Finding Nemo kind of way. We don't know. Now, next question. One of the most famous Bass Pro Shops is the one in Memphis, Tennessee. In addition to being very popular, it is notable for one other reason.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
I'm curious that when the show came to the U.S. on PBS, it became this huge thing. And I was wondering, was that the initial reaction that Monty Python got in the U.K., or was it more reserved, as we might expect from the stereotype?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
What is it? A, all of the fish in the aquarium are descendants of the fish that Elvis had in his aquarium. B, it has an actual moat you can test drive their motorboats in. Or C, it is located inside one of the largest pyramids in the world.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Yeah, the pyramid was built... For some civic purpose. That's a big junk. It's a big junk, yeah. It's meant to be a two-thirds scale model of the Great Pyramid of Giza, and just like that world wonder, it was also built by aliens. And now there's a Bass Pro Shops in it, which is pretty awesome. All right, here's your last question. Sadly, not everyone is happy with Bass Pro Shops.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
In fact, a man once filed a $5 million lawsuit against that company over what? A, the fact that he spent over $3,000 on premium fishing gear and still could not catch anything. That sounds American. B, they stopped replacing his $12 pair of socks after about 10 times, even though they had a lifetime guarantee.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Or C, he got dysentery after getting thirsty in the middle of the store and taking a drink from one of the artificial trout streams. Wow. Whoa.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
I'm actually going to go with A. You're going to go with A, the fact that he spent $3,000 on fishing gear and still couldn't catch anything. No, it was actually B. It was about the return of the socks. Bill, how did Christian McBride do in our quiz? Well, he's a winner. Two out of three.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Christian McBride is a Grammy-winning bassist and the artistic director of the Newport Jazz Festival and the Jazz House Kids. Christian McBride, everybody. Last August, we talked to Diane Lane, who had been nominated for an Emmy at that time for her performance in the TV show Feud, 45 years after making her film debut at the age of 14.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
So you came off the plane, you hold the tortoise out to your mother, and your mother says what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
You know what I love?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
I love the idea of you being on the set of your first big movie, A Little Romance, with Sir Laurence Olivier, and you telling him stories like this.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
I can imagine. You have played a comic book character. In your case, more comic book character adjacent, but you played the mother of Superman.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Martha Kent, famously. And this is the Henry Cavill Superman, right? Okay. Yes. Yes. You're like, okay, was that his name? Okay, yes. Yes. So how have you found, after all the other things you've done, after being a well-known person, you had your Brat Pack period and all these other periods, to be like a star at Comic-Con?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
So you've never been. You didn't have to do that. You didn't have to go to Comic-Con and all the Superman fans were like... I dodged it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Ajita. You have ajita, as they say in New York. How can a shy person be constantly on screen? Isn't that weird? Yes, I told you my therapist is rich. So the latest project you're in, it's a TV show. It is remarkable. It is called Feud. It's about a very real situation in New York society in the 60s and 70s when Truman Capote wrote a book that enraged his society friends, of whom you are one.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Slim Keith, who was a real person.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Sassy pants people. Sassy pants people. That's what Truman Capote called them, and that's what made them so mad. You've been promoting this TV show all week, and you've been asking about it and answering questions, as you've done for us. Before we move to the game, is there anything else you'd like to talk about? Is it...
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Oh, this is a safe space. This is a safe space. This is totally a safe space. If there is anything on your mind, Diane Lane. Would you like to talk more about the underside of turtles? For example...
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
That's okay. All right. Well, we actually have something for you to talk about because we have invited you here to play a game that we're calling Swan vs. Swan. So, as we've established, in the TV series you play one of the society ladies that Truman Capote called Swan, so we thought we'd ask you about actual swans. Ah! The water fountain. The bird. The bird.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Answer two to three questions about swans correctly. You'll win our prize. One of our listeners, any voice they might choose in their voicemail. So, Bill, who is Diane Lane playing for? Ryan McGee of Prescott, Arizona. Are you ready to do this?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Okay. Here's your first question. Swans are notoriously temperamental, but one pair of swans had to be forcibly removed from a lake in Austria because they kept doing what? A, honking the melody of ABBA's Dancing Queen. No. B, pooping on every single couple that were trying to take engagement photos at the lake.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Or C, attacking anyone who got near their nest, which didn't have any eggs, just a bunch of red solo cups. Oh, it's got to be C. It is C, the swans. Hey! apparently had mistaken these cups for their eggs and would attack anyone ferociously who dared to approach them. That was very good, and I liked your instincts. You know your animals, as we have established.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Now, probably the most famous one is, of course, the ugly duckling, right, from the beloved children's story.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
I'm sorry. Wow, just cut right to the end there. That's the story, of course, that teaches kids that everyone is beautiful in their own way and you shouldn't accept the judgment of others in the original version of the story. the ugly duckling is finally approached by a group of regal swans ready to claim him as their own, what is the first thing the ugly duckling says to them?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
You mean the same fate as, like, massive fame and wealth? You mean that fate? Well, that for sure, because we work for the BBC.
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A, quote, finally, a family of my own. B, quote, and this is why no one should ever be judged in their appearance alone. Or C, quote, kill me. LAUGHTER
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
It was actually C. Thankfully, the swans did not exceed to the duckling's request, which is shocking, given what we know about swans. All right, you've gotten one right. You have one to go. If you get this right, you win. Yours is not the only TV show that we have had with swans in the title. Back in 2004, Fox broadcast a show called The Swan. What was that show's premise?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
A, it was just a remake of Everybody Loves Raymond, but replaced Ray Romano with a live swan. A reality competition in which self-proclaimed ugly ducklings are given lots of plastic surgery until at the end one is judged the most beautiful. Or see a documentary show that just shows the daily life of Bucky, a swan that lives in a pond in New Rochelle, New York.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Because that's the world we live in, isn't it? Yes, that's what it was. The Swan, which apparently was very popular, still only lasted one season because it was kind of gross. Bill, how did Diane Lane do in our quiz? Two out of three. Diane, that is a win in our case. Congratulations.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
And let me say, since you have an Emmy nomination for your show, Swans, may I say I hope this is not the last thing you win this year. Thank you. Diane Lane is an Emmy nominee for her role as Slim Keith in FX's Feud, Capote vs. the Swans. You can stream the whole series on Hulu now. It is remarkable. Diane Lane, thank you so much for joining us on Broadway.com.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Coming up, a punk icon and a pair of comedians making the Midwest cool again. That's when we come back with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Now, one of the things that a lot of us who first saw Monty Python, maybe even people now have this reaction, is how could they possibly get away with this absolute nonsense on television? And I heard you tell a story that if the BBC ever tried to give you notes or tell you you couldn't do something, you would all go in and physically intimidate them.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Imagine, if you will, a show from NPR that's not like NPR, a show that focuses not on the important but the stupid, which features stories about people smuggling animals in their pants and competent criminals in ridiculous science studies, and call it Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me because the good names were taken. Listen to NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Yes, that is what it is called, wherever you get your podcasts.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Thank you, Bill. Thank you. And thanks, everybody. So we have been enjoying a spring break this week, and I have to tell you, we are not even done with the show, and we're already partied out.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
So while we take a break from our break, here's two more great conversations we had in the last year. First, Kathleen Hanna, founder of the seminal feminist punk band Bikini Kill. She joined us in July, and I asked her why she was getting the band back together.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Maybe when you sang them 30 years ago, it worked, but the effect wore off. Yeah. Now you have to reapply Bikini Kill. Let's talk about your background. I was reading in your book, I was reading your book that you recently published, Rebel Girl, which is a remarkable memoir. But I was surprised by so many things in it. One of them
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
I was so surprised by your first time singing on stage, which you say in the book was a really important moment when you realized that's what you wanted to do. Could you tell us about that?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Yes. If you're going to play Annie, that's the show to do it in, yeah.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
It is a tearjerker. Can you still do, or have you been tempted to do the big song Tomorrow from that show?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Can we hear it?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
It's thrilling.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
When did you know that Monty Python had become like a phenomenon, something that like everybody knew and everybody treasured pretty much, well, certainly in America, if not the whole world?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Speaking of rock and roll, I also found out that Monty Python and the Holy Grail, your legendary, and it was your first movie, The Pythons, was actually financed by some of the biggest rock stars in the world.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
So, Tim, how did Bridget and Jeff do on our quiz?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
It's a record. It never happened before. Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller are stars of Somebody Somewhere on HBO and Max. Season 3 is out now. Catch it. It is remarkable and heartwarming and funny. And every now and then, Bridget says something very dirty. Bridget and Jeff, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Awesome to have you. That's it for our spring break edition.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Do you really?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Mylon Dornboss, and Lillian King.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
You send a check to Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull because you put up like... I write them out personally, yes, so they know where they're coming from. In addition to knowing all these rock and roll bands in the 70s, we've also heard stories that you, either yourself as a group, used to throw these pretty legendary parties. Is that true?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Special thanks to Monica Hickey. Our Jolly Good fellow is Hannah Anderson. Peter Gwynn is the little worm at the bottom of our bottle of tequila. Our vibe curator is Emma Choi. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Thanks to everybody you heard on this week's show. All of our panelists, our fabulous guests, and, of course, Bill Curtis. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll be back next week tanned, rested, and ready. This is NPR.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
We heard once that, like, you threw a party in the late 70s and the cast of Star Wars, which was filming at the time, came over.
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Do you know which scene you ruined and how you ruined it?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
That is an amazing bit of Star Wars lore, and I don't know if everybody knows it. That is amazing. Speaking of musicians, the Stones came by to your party. I also, again, for the first time, found out, was it true that Elvis Presley was a big fan of yours?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
I want to talk to you about the musical, of course, which went on to be a huge hit and won Tony's and then was revived and won Tony's again. You had always been a musician. In fact, you wrote Always Look on the Bright Side of Life from the end of Life of Brian. We heard that that is the number one song played at funerals in the UK.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Oh, that is good. I think, yeah, that is definitely improvement. I mean, have you ever been to a funeral and all of a sudden the choir, they start doing it in harmony?
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Well, Eric Idle, it is a huge honour for me especially to talk to you and a pleasure to have you here. And we have invited you here to play a game that we're calling Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam and Spam Now. Thank you. As I'm sure you know, it was that famous Monty Python spam skit that is responsible for the fact that unwanted email advertisements is called spam.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you. Who said only students get to celebrate spring break? This week, we are giving you a well-deserved holiday from whatever the hell is going on with the help of some amazing interviews from the past few years.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
But we wanted to know if you knew anything about spam email. So we're going to ask you three questions about it. Answer two right, and you will win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is Eric Idle playing for?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
You ready for this? Yes. All right. Here's your first question. The first genuine mass advertisement that people called spam went out to the users of Usenet, a precursor to the internet, in 1994. What did it advertise? A, a then unknown new TV series called Friends, B, a new canned meat product called Spam Plus, or C, Jesus Christ? I would say Spam Plus. Spam Plus.
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You think that Hormel, the manufacturer of Spam, which, by the way, has embraced Monty Python and Spam.
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Well, that would be an interesting way of advertising a brand new television show on something called Usenet. Yes.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
It does. And so in many situations in life, all you're left with is Jesus Christ. Yes, the message was headed, global alert for all, Jesus is coming soon. And it was sent to the hundreds of thousands of people who were on Usenet at the time. So not only was it annoying, it was also incorrect. Here's your next question.
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Now, one of the odd things about spam is while that everybody hates it, and they really hate the people who send it out, it doesn't make the advertisers themselves a lot of money. One study showed that you would make more money and suffer less social disapproval if you did which of these? A, dined and dashed once a month. B, played saxophone in a subway car. Or C, stole a car.
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I was there, stole a car. Yes, that's right, stealing a car. People don't like car thieves, it's true, but at least you could sell the car and make some money. All right, here's your last question. One of the most notorious spammers ever was a man named Alan Ralski, who was actually convicted of fraud for sending out all those spam emails. Before that, though, he had another punishment. What?
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A, he fell for a spammer himself and ended up sending all the money he had to a fake prince. B, he typed so many fake emails that his fingers all broke. Or C, people found his physical address and signed him up for every piece of junk mail they could find, resulting in him getting thousands and thousands of magazines and pamphlets every day.
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Thank you very much. Eric Idle is one of the founders of Money Python. He is also the Tony-winning creator of Spamalot and the author of the new Spamalot Diaries out now. Eric Idle, an absolute pleasure to talk to you. Thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
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When we come back, the greatest bassist ever to come out of Philly and actor Diane Lane and how she ran away and joined the circus at the age of seven. That's when we come back with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
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WWDTM: Eric Idle, Bridget Everett + Jeff Hiller, and more!
Now, as a longtime Python fanatic, it was a dream come true for me to talk to him, and I only wished he could have joined us in person when we talked in October. Turns out, he felt the same way.
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Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you. So we've officially declared it's spring break for all of our listeners this week. Now, we thought about going to the same places we used to hang out in college, but for some reason, when we go there, they think we're undercover police officers now.
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So, as we find people our own age to do shots with, anti-inflammatory turmeric shots, of course, here's some more of our favorite conversations from the last year.
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Now, of course, being a famous bassist is a bit of a contradiction, which is one of the things I asked Christian McBride about.
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So when you were starting out, were you immediately into jazz? Was that your first love?
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And you actually got to play. You played with a lot of people, but you actually got to play with James Brown. I got to play with Mr. Brown, yes. And what about, what's it like meeting your heroes in the case of Mr. Brown?
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Yeah. That's what everybody says.
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Significant part of his income, I'm sure, by the end. So when did you get into jazz?
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It's a good town. And let me put it this way. When you walk the streets of Chicago, we're a very cool, sophisticated place, I know. But do people recognize you and go nuts because they, like me, were Monty Python fans growing up?
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Do you have any idea what you'd do instead?
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I was wondering what those paint stains were, but now I know. That's great. I wonder, you have had such an extraordinary career. We can't even go into it. Is there a moment that stands out for you in your career where you simply like, I cannot believe that a nice young woman from Orange, New Jersey is doing this? Was it, for example, performing for the Queen of England?
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Well, yeah, we don't warn them in advance. They think we're normal NPR. I even have a Steve Inskeep wig.
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In August of this year, we went to Minneapolis and were joined by one of the most famous sons of that city, designer Nate Berkus. So let's start at the beginning. You found your love of interior design while you were very young, growing up here, right? I did, yeah. Yeah, so how old are we talking?
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That's true, yeah. So you started out both as an interior designer and as a gym rat.
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So if I met you at the age of 10, would you be all about design and antiques?
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Do you remember the first time you ever designed something? You ever set up a room? Yeah.
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I... I think that's great. I do love the idea of you as a, you said, 13-year-old? 12, yeah. 12-year-old. 12, you know, the early teens, it's a very rebellious age, that the source of your conflict with your mother was color palettes. Did she, like, you know, search your room when you weren't there and found, like, illicit swatches? books in your sock drawer.
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You come home and she's holding up a Pantone catalog.
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Was it getting a Lifetime Achievement Grammy? Is there anything that stands out?
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As a young man, was it hard to find places to design? If you wanted to be in a band, you get a guitar. Were you going, I think I could really fix up your ice fishing hut?
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Right? I mean, you know. Nate Berkus, we're delighted to have you here. We have asked you to play a game we're calling... Try some exterior decorating. So you do interior decor. We thought we'd ask you about exterior decor, namely tattoos. Perfect. Is it perfect? Yeah, this is great. So we're going to ask you three questions about tattoos. Get two right, you win a prize for one of our listeners.
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When Ariana Grande released her single, Seven Rings, she celebrated by going down to the tattoo parlor and getting a tattoo of the two Japanese characters, meaning seven and ring. Seven and ring. One problem, though, what was it? A, the tattoo artist inked a seven next to a little portrait of Ringo Starr.
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B, the tattoo artist instead did the Japanese characters for Bad and Blood, because Bad Blood is a Taylor Swift single that he preferred to any of her music. Or C, those two characters combined form a proper noun, meaning a small charcoal grill. I'm going with C. You're correct, yes. It was...
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yeah basically i mean it's like you try to get something and it ends up just being like a hibachi right all right next question tattoo artists sometimes make mistakes like when a cannabis enthusiast uh asked for a tattoo of a pocket watch showing the time 4 20. but what happened a even though it's an ink and never changes the clock is still always four minutes fast
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B, he did the pocket watch with the lid closed, so you can't see what time it is. Or C, he accidentally drew it backwards, realizing afterwards that now the clock reads 7.40.
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Okay, anyway, last question. See if you can make this as perfect as everything else is. Okay. Sometimes a tattoo artist's mistake turns out to be a kind of happy accident, like in which of these cases? A, a tattoo reading Murphy's Law, i.e. the idea that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and he misspelled it Murphy's Law. LAUGHTER
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I think I speak for America when I say, do tell.
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B, an artist putting in the name of a man's new baby put Maya instead of the baby's name, Mara, but it turned out the doctor had made the same typo in the birth certificate. Or C, a woman got a tattoo of a forest which looked terrible, but it just so happened the tree trunks happened to form a UPC code that gets her the employee discount when she scans it at Nordstrom.
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Um, I think it's B. You think it's B, the matching typos? No, it was actually Murphy's Law. It was, okay. The Svelte Murphy's Law. The client saw it and was utterly delighted.
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Nate Berkus is an acclaimed interior designer who is up to so many different things. You can find them all at nateberkus.com. Nate Berkus, thank you so much for being on. Thank you very much. Thank you, sir. Nate Berkus, everybody. Hometown hero. When we come back, one of the greatest actors alive talks about getting his farts just right.
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And the comedian makes the worst mistake anybody can make, taking part in a game show.
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That's when we come back with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
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Thank you, Tim. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Now, we're thrilled to have Tim here because while some of the segments we are rebroadcasting this week are quite familiar to you, they're new to him.
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Well, I hope you didn't hear this conversation with actor Gary Oldman, who appeared in September to talk about the new season of his show about seemingly incompetent British spies, the show Slow Horses. I asked him about the character he plays, Jackson Lamb.
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I think that Jackson Lamb has the greatest character introduction I have ever seen. When we meet Jackson Lamb, he's having a nap in the office, and he farts himself awake. LAUGHTER I mean, let's face it, you've done a lot of good work in your career, Gary, but I don't know if you've ever done anything that immediately evocative.
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And you were nominated for an Emmy. You were there. If I'm not mistaken, you were caught up in the great Shogun sweep of all the awards, right?
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How do they do that? Did you have a speech ready? I've always wondered about that. Yeah, I think it's polite. Yeah, and what do you do with it if you don't get to use it?
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Gary, it is an absolute pleasure to talk to you again. And once again, we have asked you here to play a game, and this time we are calling it... The Slowest Horses of All. You, of course, star in slow horses, as we have discussed, so we thought we'd ask you about the very slowest horses, that is, hobby horses. Hobby horses are, of course, the toy. It's a stick with a horse's head.
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And people actually ride these hobby horses in competitive events called hobby horsing, where they go around gates and jump over fences and do dressage, just like... real horses. So, we're going to ask you three questions about hobby horsing. Get two of them right, you will win our prize. For one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they may choose for their voicemail.
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Alright. Ready to do this? Have you heard or seen hobby horsing? I have seen it. Yeah, it's Pretty out there. It's pretty out there. So, now, if you've watched it, and there are many videos online, you can watch them, you'll notice that it's very popular with young girls. But, according to Hobby Horse Riders Australia, boys are starting to get interested in the sport, but with a notable change.
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What is it? A, they prefer hobby war-horsing with jousts. B, they make and ride hobby dinosaurs. Or C, boys' rules allow them to turn the horses around and pretend the sticks are guns. I'm going to go with jousting. You're going to go with jousting. That is a natural choice, but it's actually hobby dinosaurs. Yeah. You still have two more chances, so you're all good here.
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The very first American Hobby Horse Championships were held in Michigan, and the competitors who came had to deal with some significant obstacles, such as which of these? A, due to a quirk in Michigan law, the horses had to be stabled and given adequate food and water, even though they are not real.
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B, those who flew there could not bring their hobby horses on board the plane because they could be used as a weapon. Or C, the Northern Midwest Alliance for Animal Liberation, which on the first day of competition tried to liberate the, quote, spiritual horses.
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I'm going to have to go with C. No, I'm afraid it was B. They could not bring the hobby horses onto the plane because they are essentially four-foot-long sticks. You could use them as a weapon.
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Yeah, I know. All right, you have one more chance here. Let's see what happens. Some competitors use the hobby horse for every event, but you know, when it's time to retire your loyal hobby horse, don't worry, because you can always do what? A, bring them to Lincoln, Massachusetts, where they can live out the end of their days with other hobby and rocking horses in a grassy kind of pasture.
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B, just break them in half to create two hobby ponies. Or C, send them to a factory to be turned into wood glue.
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No, it was actually A. Nobody knows who put the first rocking horse in this pasture near Lincoln, Massachusetts. But it has been joined over the years by dozens more hobby horses, rocking horses. So Aisha? Oscar-winning actor Gary Oldman doing our quiz.
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Well, congratulations on this big win. I hope it makes up for everything. Gary Oldman is an Oscar-winning actor, and if you have not yet watched him in the show Slow Horses on Apple TV, I envy you because you get to start from the beginning. Gary Oldman, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Come.
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Finally, also in September, we spoke to comedian and impressionist Jay Pharoah, who had just become the host of a new game show called The Quiz with Balls. Really. Tim, do you happen to know Jay Pharoah?
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That's pretty impressive. Here is Jay as himself. So first of all, I should say, welcome to the pinnacle of human achievement, the game show host. It's not as easy as it looks, is it?
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On the show and in your own comedy, you are known for these astounding impressions. Is there one like in your entire roster of people you can do that you're most proud of?
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I did it. All right. Forgive me, but did it not occur to you at that moment to say, I'm Dionne Warwick?
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That was... And I'll say... That was a little eerie, is what that was.
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Well, this might be fun, because who knows, you can do this as a group. Jay Farrow, we have asked you here to play a game we're calling... You can keep your balls. So as we have established, you host the game show, The Quiz with Balls, so we thought we'd ask you about games that don't require any balls at all.
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Answer two or three questions right, and you will win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Jay Farrow playing for?
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All right. Here is your first question. There's lots of games you can play with a frisbee instead of a ball, but not all frisbees are alike. You could find yourself catching which of these? A, the combat frisbee lined with razors along the edge. B, frisbee for dummies, which has an iron coating and comes with gloves lined with magnets.
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Or C, a disc molded out of the ashes of Ed Hedrick, one of the inventors of the frisbee.
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So you're going to trust Kevin Hart on this, Jay? Is that what you're going to do? I got to trust Kev. I think he knows. He let you down. It was C. It's actually the guy who invented, as part of his will, one of the guys who invented the Frisbee, he asked to be cremated, and then he had his ashes mixed in to plastic to make Frisbees that were sold for charity. And they're out there in the world.
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You still have two more chances. All right. Here's your next question. Cornhole, that's the game popular here in the Midwest where you try to toss bean bags through a hole in a board. We all know this game, right? But there are international variants such as which of these? One of these is real.
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A, the game of Tejo in Colombia where players throw their bags at exploding targets filled with gunpowder. B, tramp hole in Australia where you bounce off a mini trampoline and try to throw yourself through the hole. Or C, crick hole in England where the other player can defend the goal with a cricket bat.
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I'll say A. Jay-Z is correct. That is right. And it's absolutely true. Imagine, imagine cornhole, but if you hit the target, an explosive charge goes off. Boom. It is the second most popular sport in Columbia after soccer.
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All right, last question. Everybody loves to play darts, right? But it's not as easy as it looks. What is a proven way to improve your darts game? A, just closing your eyes and throwing randomly toward the target. B, spinning around four times and then throwing it like a discus toss. Or C, just getting a little drunk.
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So, B, have to say it like a dude. For some reason, I've never said this with more pleasure, but you're wrong. LAUGHTER I'm having a lot of emotions here, Jay. The answer is actually C, getting drunk. Studies have proved that just a little alcohol improves your dart game. That's why they play it in bars.
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He did, Jay. Yes, you walk out of here with a clean record. Bill, how did Jay and his friends do in our quiz?
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That's it for our It's Tim Meadows First Time edition. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Air Car Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeker writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donnell. BJ Lederman composed our theme.
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Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Normboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Monica Hickey and Blythe Robertson. Peter Gwynn is our belly full of jelly. Our vibe curator is Emma Choi. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock.
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And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Thanks to everybody you heard on today's show. Our panelists, our guests, guest host Karen Chee, guest scorekeeper Aisha Roscoe, and of course, Mr. Tim Meadows. And thanks to all of you for listening here at the Studebaker Theatre and wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll be back next week. This is NPR.
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This message comes from NPR sponsor Viking, committed to exploring the world in comfort. Journey through the heart of Europe on an elegant Viking longship with thoughtful service, destination-focused dining, and cultural enrichment on board and on shore. And every Viking voyage is all-inclusive with no children and no casinos. Discover more at viking.com.
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Did he remember that? Because you probably ran into him many times. You remember that. Did he, that first instance, did he in fact know who you were? No. He had no idea. I didn't know who I was. It is amazing that that is the story you chose to tell from your remarkable career, and I kind of love it. Before we get to our little game with you, I did want to ask you about something else.
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In addition to everything else you've done, you have now been called the queen of Twitter. You adopted Twitter. And you are very good at it. Thank you. And I'm sure you, I have no doubt having met you now that you do it yourself. Here are some of your best tweets. We have them here. Here's one from 2021. I just heard about Leonardo DiCaprio's 25-year rule.
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His loss, you don't know what you're missing. Thank you.
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Which brings up another topic. I found out you were married once. That ended in the mid-70s. You never married again. What is it like to be out of everybody's league?
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I do, however, I just got to add one more tweet before we move on. This is from 2022 from Ms. Dionne Warwick, the legend. I will be dating Pete Davidson next.
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Dionne Warwick, it is such an honor to talk to you. And we have asked you here to play a game we're calling... Oh, so that's what friends are for. That's What Friends Are For, obviously one of your greatest signature hits, but as great a song as it is, it doesn't cover all the things friends are for. So we're going to ask you three questions about other things that friends do.
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Thank you, Tim. Thank you. And as Tim said, Bill took off early for his Christmas break, but we're so happy to have you with us because who better to share these wonderful segments from the past year than somebody who hasn't heard them yet?
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If you get two right, you'll win a prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is Dionne Warwick playing?
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First question. Friends are great for helping you move, and you probably should call your friends rather than a certain real moving company. A, shattered glass movers in Seattle, Washington. B, hernia movers in Milwaukee. Or C, two guys and no truck movers in Atlanta, Georgia. One of those is real.
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You're right. Hernia movers. They're real. There you go. Hernia movers has been helping... She does. Hernia Movers has been helping people move around Milwaukee since 1975. Here's your next question. Another thing that friends are good for is, of course, rides to the airport. But it was likely a very bad friend who forgot what that was left at the Dublin airport.
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Was it, A, a tombstone with the inscription, you will always be remembered, never forgotten. LAUGHTER B, their friend's car, which they left in long-term parking for so long that it cost $100,000 to get it out. Or C, their friend, who has been living at the airport now for 14 years. Okay.
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So you think that somebody went to the airport to get their friend, forgot to pick him up, and he's just been there for 14 years. The audience... All right, if you don't think I'm right, that's all right. But having spent a little time with you, I absolutely respect your confidence here. It's what I should have expected, but it is actually A, the tombstone. All right, here's your last question.
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The final thing friends are for is being a wingman. That is helping you meet dates when you're out together. Well, one such wingman posted his story on Reddit. He said his friend got divorced, was really broken up about it. So he took the divorced friend out to a bar to meet some ladies. And then what happened?
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A, the bartender recognized his friend and called the police to have him arrested for robbing the place two weeks earlier. B, the wingman introduced the friend to an attractive woman there who turned out to be the friend's ex. Or C, the friend kept trying the line on the ladies, he's my wingman, but when you and I get married, he'll be our ringman. Oh, I know, yes. Making that face.
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Let's start with what may be a true highlight of a year filled with them. In September, we went to Kansas City at the same time as legendary singer Dionne Warwick, who was there on tour, and she joined us on stage to talk about her incredible life. Here is an extended version of our talk with her. Thank you. So your first of many hits, Don't Make Me Over, was released in 1962. Sure was.
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You can immediately throw out three, I think, right?
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Yeah. You're right. That's what happened. There we go. He says he was chatting up this woman in the bar. He said, hey, have you met my friend John over here? Yes, she has. Wow. Bill, how did Dionne Warwick do on our quiz?
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There you are. Add that to the list. Dionne Warwick is a six-time Grammy winner. She's touring around the globe this year. You can find dates at officialdionnewarwick.com. Dionne Warwick, thank you so much for gracing us with your presence.
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When we come back, Alison Felix, one of the greatest to ever run track, and interior designer Nate Berkus, one of the greatest ever to help you pick out a tie rack.
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That's when we come back with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Hey, it's Peter Sagal. The year is almost over, and now is the time when NPR and I come to you hat in hand and ask for your support. Now, interestingly... The idiom hat in hand does not refer to, say, a street performer walking around holding out his hat for people to put in money. I always thought it was.
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No, it is actually referring to an old tradition when knights would remove their helmets and show humility. So it's really more about my attitude of supplication than it is about asking for money, even though, of course, I'm going to be asking for money. Now, if you heard that and you said to yourself, wow, that's fascinating.
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I was also under that misapprehension as to the idioms meaning, then you, my friend, are one of us. That means you enjoy our show.
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where we do trivia and jokes for smart people, dumb jokes for smart people to be sure, where we give you a break from the week's news, where we make your breakfast on the weekend with your family, or your walk with your dog, or other interminable tasks, bearable with our goofy, dumb, but we always think smart humor. Now, if you heard me say that,
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WWDTM: One Last Gift to Unwrap
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It's 62 years later, and you are still performing. Are you still enjoying it? Are you having fun?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: One Last Gift to Unwrap
So you are hearing all these segments for the very first time. What do you think so far?
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WWDTM: One Last Gift to Unwrap
If you thought that was impressive, wait to hear this segment with Allison Felix, one of the greatest Olympians to ever lace up track shoes. She joined us in July of this year, right before this year's Olympics, with guest host Karen Chee.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
An Amazon delivery man is caught on camera outrunning a German shepherd and gets himself a football scholarship. Your last story of somebody getting screen time comes from Eugene Cordero.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Here are your three choices. Somebody was surprised to see themselves on TV. Was it from Paula Poundstone, an elderly former soccer player who watched his own memorial service with a moment of silence even though he was still alive to watch it? From Alonzo Bowden, an Amazon delivery guy who was caught on camera and then on the news sprinting so fast he got himself a gig on a football team?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Or from Eugene Cordero, a man who saw himself used as an example of an unhealthy lifestyle but... It ended up bringing him some business. Which of these is the real story of a surprise TV appearance? Oh, hey, oh, hey.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
You're going to go with Paula's story. Well, to find out the correct answer, we spoke to a reporter covering the real story.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
That was Guardian reporter Paul McInnes talking about the moment of silence at the soccer game. Congratulations, Kim. Paula was telling the truth. Thank you. I took a moment to glare at the people who objected. Paula was telling the truth. You earned a point for her for doing so, but you yourself have won our prize, the voice of your choice, on your voicemail. Congratulations. Well done.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Thanks for calling and playing. Thank you. And now the game where we ask accomplished people about things they know nothing about. We call it Not My Job. I'm right for that one. All right.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Mo Wagner was the star of his basketball league as a young man in Germany when he sent a highlight reel of himself to the coach at the University of Michigan, and he soon found himself a Wolverine, or as he might say, a Wolverine. He then joined the NBA and has been the star center for the Orlando Magic since 2021. Mo Wagner, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
So you grew up in Berlin, Germany, and I don't know the answer. How big is basketball in Germany?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Now, did you gravitate to basketball originally, or were you playing soccer, and then you passed six feet in height, and somebody said, no, we'd like you to pick up the ball now?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
It's a shame because you could be playing uncounted millions in the national handball.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Well, second best is always okay. Now, I was surprised by this. I had assumed that you had been scouted and found by Michigan, but in fact, as I said, you were interested in American collegiate sports. You wanted to, like, go to America and play for an American college, specifically Michigan?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
LAUGHTER You are also quite famously part of one of the very few pairs of brothers in the NBA. That's correct. Your brother also went to Michigan, came from Germany to Michigan, and then now is with you on the Magic. Correct. And so was it like all you? You're like, dude, this is great. You're going to do this.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Now you're 6'11", and your brother is 6'10", so do you like torture him by holding things up out of his reach?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Literally rubbing in the top of his head, which you can reach because you're an installer.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
So you guys, so you live together. You have your own, like, basketball house.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Kim, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis, standing before us, is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. Your job, of course, correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that, you will win our prize, the voice of your choice from anyone on our show you might like for your own voicemail. You ready to go? Let's go. Let's do it.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
You are on like the court. You're in an NBA game with your brother and you were like talking trash about the other players in German. Absolutely.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Well, Mo Wagner, we have invited you here to play a game that we're calling... Even you would look up to 7'11". Right, so you're 6'11", so we thought we'd ask you about something even taller, 7'11". Answered three questions about the global giant of convenience stores, and you will win a prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose from our show on their voicemail.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
All right, you ready? We'll see. This may be the first competition you've done in a few months, so let's see how rusty you are. Here's your first question. 7-Eleven is very proud of their signature drink, the Slurpee. In fact, they celebrate the frozen drink with which of these? A, one day a year, you can bring a cookie jar from home and fill it up at the Slurpee machine.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Your first quote is someone with a positive take on being stuck very far from home for nine months. We got a little more time to enjoy the view. That was Sonny Williams, who this week finally got home from where?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
B, one day a year when franchisees can sell their own custom Slurpee flavor they develop at home. Or C, one day a year when they hold a 10 minute moment of Slurpness and they just let the machine flow out onto the floor.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Yes, you're right. It's the cookie jar. It could be anything, in fact. It's called Bring Your Own Container Day. And if you're interested, the only rule is it has to fit under the spigot, and it happens on one day. It is July 11th. Get it? 7-11. So get ready, everybody. Wow. Yeah. Here's your next question.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Amazingly, not everyone loves 7-Eleven, like an unhappy former franchise owner in Boston who got back at the company by doing what? A, going into stores and quickly rewiring the hot dog rollers so they spun at 5,000 RPM. B, swapping out an entire shipment of coffee destined for all of the area's stores with decaf. are opening a competing convenience store, which he called 612 across the street.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
You open 612, it's open from 6 till 12. It's better. And seven years after he did it, it is still there. All right, here's your last question. 7-Eleven stores are, unfortunately, as we all know, frequent targets of robbers. But at least one Oregon man did not get away with any money when he tried to rob a 7-Eleven with what weapon? A, his fingers, which he held up in the shape of a gun.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
B, a pool noodle, which he stiffened by inserting 10 straws from the drink dispenser. Or C, he didn't have a weapon, so he asked the cashier, hey, do you happen to have a baseball bat behind the counter? And if so, could I borrow it? I'm going to go with C here.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
I'm going to say that for the audience listening at home, it's a little difficult because there's a whole group of opposing fans in front of him waving things at him to distract him. That was my attempt at a basketball joke. That failed. I apologize. All right, so your choice is C. You're going to go for, you asked the guy, so do you have a baseball bat? Can I borrow it?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
You're right. Very good, Kim. Thank you. Nine months after they left for a planned eight-day stay on the space station, astronauts Sonny Williams and Butch Wilmore finally made it back to Earth on Tuesday. Everybody was thrilled for their safe return, and the ISS even waived their late checkout fee. Imagine that, they go up for eight days, they're stuck in space for nine months.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
I'm afraid it was A, in fact. It was the finger gun. Really? Yeah, the police say, quote, the clerk was not convinced. and the man left without anything.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
His first in a while. How did it feel? It feels phenomenal. I know. In a minute, you're right. May this be the first of many to come in the next year. Thank you, guys. Mo Wagner is the star center for the Orlando Magic, currently on involuntary leave. Mo Wagner, thank you so much for joining us here in Orlando.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
In just a minute, you're going to want to bring your mustard for our elicitor limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, anyone sensitive to flashing lights or awkwardly forced rhymes are advised to look away. It's our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, it is time for you to play a new game that we are calling How's the Guy Who Invented Pirate's Booty Doing?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Now, the inventor of Pirate's Booty, America's most popular flavor of Styrofoam, is named Robert Ehrlich. And Mr. Ehrlich lives in a small village on Long Island, and he has wanted to be the mayor. So in honor of his fascinating career in both toddler snacks and now politics, we are going to ask you about Mr. Ehrlich, but we're going to do it rapid fire for each of you, true, false, style.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Here we go. So we'll start with Eugene. Eugene, true or false? Mr. Ehrlich likes to use his professional title, Emperor of All Snacks. Oh, please, true. No, it's false. He wants you to call him Captain Bootyhead. Oh, I love this guy. Alonzo, oh, just wait. Alonzo, true or false, his first attempt to become mayor was to walk into the village hall, announce, quote, I'm the mayor now.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Eugene, true or false, as a write-in candidate with an absolutely aggressive campaign around town, he ended up getting 1,064 votes. True. No, false. His opponent, the incumbent mayor, got 1,064 votes. He got 62. Ha-ha. Aw, buddy. So it was close. It was.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
That's it for the first edition of How's the Guy Who Invented Pirate's Booty Doing? Aw, man. Given what this guy is like, we'll be playing it again before the end of the hour. Oh, I'm hoping. Oh, man, I could play this all day. It's amazing. He's a remarkable fellow.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
That's time enough to have a baby, and I bet a little bundle of joy is gonna burst out of Butch Wilmore's chest cavity any day.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. And you can see us live most weeks back at the second most magical place on earth, the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. We concede it. We concede it.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
You're an SEO specialist. I know this. That's search engine optimization, right? And the idea is that your job is to help companies show up quicker or higher up in search results, right?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Oh, do you? So let's say I wanted to be higher up in the Google results for people who are searching for quiz show hosts. What should I do to sort of goose my own ranking? Goose your own rankings.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
All right, Eric, I know you get paid for that advice, so let's just move on.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
No, no straight secrets. Eric, you're going to play the game in which Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks, but he's not going to finish them. That will be your job. Do that two times out of three. You will be a winner. Ready to go?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
You've trained for this. You've studied. Here we go. Here is your first limerick.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
The New England Aquarium in Boston has opened what we believe is the first-ever retirement home for penguins. Six African penguins moved in this week, so they can have sex, I mean, eat in peace. According to the New York Times, the, quote, geriatric penguins are mostly in their 30s, which, rude. This is true. One penguin is only 14 because she's there with her 32-year-old penguin partner.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
She says she loves him, you know, but mostly she's waiting for him to die so she can inherit his collection of pebbles.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
We'll do it one more time, Bill, and we'll listen for the rhymes.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Nothing, wieners and buns. I'm thinking bratwurst, but... Bratwurst. You're thinking bratwurst. I mean, how could you not? I know.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
I'll just give it to you. The answer is hot dogs. Hot dogs. A tower of hot dogs. The hot dog tower is a multi-tiered tray of hot dogs, condiments, french fries, and sides. Imagine one of those seafood towers, but the food you see is hot dogs. Right? Now, this presentation makes sense. You might ask someone, listen, do you want eight hot dogs? And they'd say, of course not.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
But do you want eight hot dogs arranged in a tower reaching up as if to touch the face of God? Absolutely.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
That is a sculpture of food and a cry for help. Yeah. Here is your last limerick. Let's see if we can get this one.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
The answer is shaking, yes, thanks to social media. Of course, the so-called weight loss equipment known as vibration plates are back. That's the beautiful thing about the circle of life. Every 30 years, an old scam can come back to trick a new generation of people.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
I don't think anybody ever did. But it would be fun to stand on a vibrating plate and hold the Shake Weight, and it would shake the weight for you. Yeah. Full body workout. Yeah. Bill, how did Eric do on our quiz? Two out of three. Two out of three. It's all right, man. You made it. You did it. You got through.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Now it is time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
All right. Eugene, that means you are in third place. You will be up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, President Trump signed an executive order ending the Department of blank. Education. Right. On Monday, a judge indefinitely blocked the ban on blank members in the military. Transgender. Right.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Citing safety issues, the Vancouver Auto Show barred electric car company blank from participating in the event. Tesla. Right. This week, cases of blank in Texas surpassed 300. Um, uh, measles? Right. This week, jazz legend Herbie Hancock told the BBC the best advice he ever received was when Miles Davis told him blank. Uh, blow harder? That's a good advice.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
He said that Miles Davis told him, quote, if all you see are dudes in the audience, that means your music is dead. Oh, wow. Tough stuff, but true. Yikes. On Wednesday, the famed Grand Ole Blankie in Nashville celebrated its 100th anniversary. Opry? Yeah, Grand Ole Opry. On Monday, it was announced that Conan O'Brien would return to the host the 2026 Blank Awards. Oscars. Right.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Following a marked increase of incidents, ophthalmologists are warning people not to mix up their bottles of eye drops with blank. with mouthwash? No, with bottles of glue. Oh! Many bottles of fingernail glue and eyelash glue look almost identical to eye drop bottles, and hospitals are seeing more and more patients who have accidentally dropped glue into their eyes. Wow!
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Just with a helpful hand, if you happen to do this, and you glue your eyes shut, you can get help by just mashing all the buttons on your phone until it eventually calls 911. Bill, how did Eugene do on our quiz?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
And so... Yeah, that's true. I mean, we Gen Xers were all prepared for that.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Okay, we have arbitrarily picked Alonzo to go next. Alonzo, fill in the blank. On Tuesday, a federal judge ruled that Blank's attempt to shut down USAID likely violated the Constitution. Musk or Doge. On Monday, Chief Justice John Roberts offered a rare rebuke of Blank. Trump. Right. This week, Israel launched ground and airstrikes in Blank, breaking their ceasefire with Hamas. Palestine.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Good enough, Gaza. On Thursday, the EU announced they would delay implementing blanks on goods from the U.S. Tariffs? Right. This week, a college baseball player was forced to apologize after he hit a triple and celebrated by blanking. Running a home plate? No, by bending down to the third baseline and pretending to snort it like cocaine on Tuesday.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
New data showed that the Earth just experienced its blankest decade ever. Hottest. Right. On Monday, a French politician called in the U.S. to return to the blank. Statue of Liberty. Right. We're not using it. This week, a homeowner in Los Angeles allowed a stranger to use their bathroom despite the fact that the stranger had just blanked.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
No, crashed his car into their house. You know how it is. You're driving home, hear the call of nature, and your options are either hold it or crash your car into a stranger's house and ask them to use their bathroom. The homeowner's kindness was rewarded. The guy left a great review of their bathroom on Yelp, adding, and plenty of very exciting parking. Bill, how did Alonzo do in our quiz?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
All right. How many, then, does Paula Poundstone need to win?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Seven to win. All right, Paula, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. Following a two-hour call with Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin agreed to pause attacks on blank's infrastructure. Ukraine. Right. This week, researchers announced that they have found a way to keep blank symptoms at bay in some aging patients. Awesome. Right. On Tuesday, the Federal Reserve chose to hold blank rates steady.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
That's why they all bring large chests of fancy clothes.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Uh, uh, interest. Right. The opening round of the NCAA tournament included a matchup between the Houston Cougars and the Southern Illinois Blank.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
No. Cougars. On Thursday, officials in L.A. said there's a strong chance Kendrick Lamar would be involved in the opening ceremonies of the 2028 Blanks. Olympics? Yes. This week, two Japanese tourists were kicked out of China after they were caught blanking on the Great Wall. I don't know. They were mooning each other on the Great Wall of China.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Yeah, I mean, they were surprised. The two men were deported after guards caught them mooning each other. It's going to be a real blow to the ego. Imagine realizing, my butt is so hard to look at, I am no longer allowed in China. Bill, did Paula do well enough to win?
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict where Sonny Williams and Butch Wilmore, who just got back from the space station, will get stuck next. But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBZ Chicago in association with Urgent Aircraft Productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. BJ Lederman, composer. Our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn is our Disney princess. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Our jolly good fellow is Hannah Anderson. Technical direction is from Lorna White.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me, is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, where will Sonny and Butch get stuck next? Eugene Cordero.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
They're splashed down. This is true. They splashed down and the spaceship was immediately surrounded by this pod of dolphins. It was beautiful. But of course, with Butch and Sonny's luck, they turned out to be the man-eating dolphins. All right, here is your next quote. Spies, state secrets, no second gunman.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everyone. Thank you all so much. We are delighted to be back here in Florida, also known as America, the sneak preview. Later on, we're going to be talking to Mo Wagner. He is the star center for the Orlando Magic, who had to miss almost all this season with an ACL tear.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
That was the New York Times headline about a trove of files declassified and released this week. Files all about what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
The JFK files. This week, the JFK files were finally released, and it turns out he was murdered. Did any of you expect anything exciting? Were all of you interested in what secrets would be finally revealed? I'm so glad no brothers got blamed.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
It is true, though, that all of those people who thought there was some conspiracy that was going to get blown open were all very disappointed. There's nothing in all of these thousands of pages about, say, the second shooters on the grassy knoll. It's just useless trivia about how the CIA works.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Basically, 5,000 pages of, like, timesheets and memos and one expense report that says, pay Lee Harvey Oswald.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Do you want to hear a true thing? There's nothing in this about any conspiracy. Lee Harvey Oswald apparently did act alone. But there is all this stuff about why the CIA should have known what he was up to, including the fact that, and I'm not kidding, he was overheard after he was denied a visa to get into Cuba. He was so angry, he shouted, I'm going to kill Kennedy.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Absolutely. All right, Kim, your last quote is from relationship expert Terry Orbook.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Now, Orbook was advising us all to plan out exactly what you are going to say before you go on a first what? Date. Exactly right. Yes. Yes. Apparently the latest thing in dating advice is this. Plan your conversation ahead of time. And to make sure you don't forget your list of chosen topics, write it on a three-by-five card and tape it to your date's forehead.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Well, I'm glad you're... I'm glad you're workshopping your monologue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very important.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
From Loxy Blues. Now, the question, the thing is, you're going to plan it out, but you've got to be flexible, you've got to be nimble. For example, if you had a date set for, say, last Tuesday night, you'd want to be ready with, oh, so great, the astronauts made it back, and shame about those astronauts.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Sad, but fortunately, his butt remains uninjured, so he'll be able to sit with us and answer our questions. So first, though, remember, you need to limber up a little to avoid injury when you call in to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, how are you? I'm well. Who's this?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
It's called Longeviquest. Oh, 150? Yes, 150. Oh, wow. Wow. That's a magic number. Or, well, I gave it to you because when people claim to be very old, this company checks out their claims. Finally, someone is leading the charge against the scourge plaguing the globe for far too long, people claiming to be super old who are, in fact, only very old.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
They fly and they show up like this 106-year-old woman who was chosen as a torchbearer for the Tokyo Olympics. Say, they show up, this company goes out to them and says, prove it.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
The company's 34-year-old founder is fascinated, he says. Oh, is he really? Wow. He's fascinated with the lessons we can learn from people who live past 100 that can all help us perhaps increase our own longevity, but he is not here to waste time with some plain old 96-year-old.
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WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Coming up, it's an as-seen-on-TV bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for NPR and the following message come from GoodRx. Looking to take control of your health? With GoodRx, you can find big savings on your prescription medications.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
GoodRx lets you compare prescription prices at over 70,000 pharmacies and instantly find discounts of up to 80%. And even if you have insurance or Medicare, GoodRx may beat your copay price. So for simple, smart savings on your prescriptions, go to GoodRx.com slash wait.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Peter Sago. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Right now it's time, of course, for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me bluff to listen or game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
My name is Kim Holmes, and I'm calling from Chicago. Chicago! I was going to say we miss it not being home, but there was a snowstorm there this week, and we're in Florida, so that's just not true.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Right. So you moved from Saskatchewan, Canada, to Maine, the United States. Yes. Do you regret that now?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
That's the best kind of doctor, as far as I'm concerned.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Yeah, exactly. Well, welcome to our show, Kim. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Kim's topic? Honey, you're on TV. It's always fun to be on TV, whether it's being interviewed in the local news or maybe seen in the crowd at a football game or French kissing your brother on the White Lotus.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
This week we heard about somebody getting on screen for a somewhat surprising reason. Our panel is each going to tell you about it. Pick the real story. You will win our prize, the weight-weighter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
Petko may not have been dead. But he did watch a moment of silence for himself on the TV before a soccer game. Your next story of a television tale comes from Alonzo Bowden.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Moe Wagner
There you go. Well, Kim, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, you've seen him in Star Trek Lower Decks, Loki, and currently he's in Netflix's Man on the Inside. It's Eugene Cordero. Hi. Hi, how are you? Hi. Next, he'll be at Comics Roadhouse at Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut, April 3rd through the 5th, and at the Pittsburgh Improv, April 18th to the 20th.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Urban wandering in which people just barge their way through whatever they want because I guess they can. Your next word from the wild comes from Roy Blunt Jr.,
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Adventure catting, the new trend of taking your cat with you when you go out into the great outdoors. Your last inside scoop from the outside comes from Hari Kondabolu.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
All right, so here are your choices. One of these things is going on somewhere outside. Is it from Dulce Sloan, urban wandering, where people just sort of wander through people's property and yards just because, you know, it's there. From Roy Blunt Jr., adventure catting, where people are doing the typical outdoor things, hiking, paddle boarding, but bringing their cats.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Cats, or from Hari Kondabolu, Combat Golf, a new variation on the ancient Scottish game in which you can try to keep your opponent from hitting the ball by hitting him first. Which of these is the real story of a new outdoor activity?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Adventure catting. All right. That is your choice. Do you believe Roy is telling the truth? Well... Here is someone who has first-hand experience with this particular activity.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
That was Nicole Alcain talking to Oregon Public Broadcasting about her experience adventure catting. Funny, they never get the cats on tape talking about it. Congratulations, Kelly. You got it right. You earned a point for Roy. You have won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing, and enjoy the holidays with your son home from England. Take care.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
And he's a comedian whose newest special, Vacation Baby, is available on Hulu and YouTube. It's Hari Kondabolu. Hello.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Bye-bye. And now the game we call Not My Job. Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone have been married for 19 years. And in that time, they have written, produced, directed, and or starred in six films together, including The Boss and Thunder Force. And that is apart from the other movies Melissa has starred in, like Bridesmaids and Can You Ever Forgive Me? And yes, also they produced two children.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Their latest project is a podcast called Hildy, The Barback, and The Lake of Fire. Melissa and Ben, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. So, let me start here. I always wonder this. You guys have been at the height of Hollywood fame and power. You have your own production company. Melissa, you've been nominated for two different Oscars. Why throw that all away to do a podcast?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
And he's a writer and humorist whose delightful substack is Take Another Little Piece of My Heart Now. It's Roy Blunt Jr. Hey, how you doing? Welcome. So, Melanie, welcome to our show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
We read this that when you perform this thing this fantasy thing you're wearing costumes even though no one can see you. Is that true?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
That's true. Definitely. We read that you have a remarkable collection of costumes and wigs in your home. Is that the case?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
So do the costume parties have a theme that's a non-Christmas theme?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Right. I read, by the way, and by the way, I read a lot of this in an incredibly elaborate People magazine chronology of your entire relationship, which I guess is a cool thing to have out there in the world. Does that exist? It does. It does. It starts when you were both teenagers in Illinois, and it extends to the present day.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
And one of the things it mentions is that you, both of you, once went to an Oscar after party wearing velour tracksuits, and people got mad.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Now I'm like, oh, I felt like I cracked the code. Sure. Speaking of that timeline of your relationship, you guys met as teenagers here in Illinois, right? You both grew up here.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Moving on, the People Magazine timeline of the marriage of Ben and Melissa. You saw each other, or at least Ben, you saw Melissa, but you actually met doing like an improv comedy group in LA, famously the Groundlings. Do you remember, Melissa, if like what caught your attention about Ben?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Really? Really. Interesting way to break your fast, call in to a news quiz. It's broadcast nationally. All right. Now, your first quote comes from Senator Chuck Schumer. What the heck is going on? Senator Schumer was one of many people asking that question about what mysterious things in the sky over New Jersey. Oh, the drones. The drones.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Well, Melissa and Ben, it is a real pleasure to talk to you, and we've invited you here to play a game we're calling... Melissa and Ben meet Melissa and Doug. Melissa and Doug. Since you're parents, you might know that that is the company founded in 1988 by Melissa and Doug Bernstein to sell traditional wooden toys. We're going to ask you three questions about this company and its products.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Answer two of them correctly, you'll win our prize. One of our listeners, the voice of whomever they like from our show... Bill, who are Melissa and Ben playing for?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
All right, here's your first question. Although they eventually became very famous and successful for their wooden puzzles and play sets, their first big product, Melissa and Doug, was what? A, a half-hour-long VHS videotape that encouraged kids to make friends by playing the kazoo. B, a blank block of wood and a chisel sold with the name Imagination Play Set.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Or C, a, quote, anti-war toy that was a flower you could stick in the barrel of other kids' toy guns.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Well, that was very collaborative. Yes, A. You're right. It is A. The video is called... You on Kazoo, it did not sell well, so they moved on to actually making toys, but you can see it online because it went viral in the 2000s, and it is terrible. Here's your next question. In 2023, Melissa and Doug sold their company to a billion-dollar toy conglomerate called Spinmasters.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
But even that giant company had humble beginnings. What was Spinmasters' very first toy? A, a box of cereal rebranded as a food fight kit. B, a short yo-yo called Yo with a string so short it just dangled. Or C, Earth Buddies, which was a nylon sock stuffed with sawdust and grass seeds.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
You're both drawn to C, and you're both correct. It was... Really successful. They sold thousands of them and went on to great things. All right, here's your last question. These days, their most popular products, Melissa and Doug, include play sets that allow kids to pretend they're doing adult things, including a get well doctor activity center that is so realistic, it even includes what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
A, a real working x-ray machine. B, a credit card swiper for when your insurance doesn't cover the visit. Or C, an exam table with stirrups. What?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
This is fascinating. I think it's an amazing sort of glimpse into your working process. So Ben, you're picking A, which was the real working x-ray machine. Melissa, you're picking C, the exam paper.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
All right. Now we see how the movie gets made. All right. Yep. So you're both choosing. Ben, you're following Melissa's lead and going to see the exam table with stirrups. It was actually B, the credit card swiper.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
For weeks now, people in New Jersey have been seeing what they say are car-sized drones, sometimes by the dozens, floating in the sky, and people want answers. And after many, many demands, finally President Biden said, quote, there's nothing nefarious, apparently. Hey, quick thought, if you're trying to calm people down, don't use the word apparently. LAUGHTER
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
The detailed medical play set is supposed to, quote, ease kids' fears of doctor's visits, unquote, including the part where the insurance company refuses to cover the visit, I guess. Bill, how did Melissa and Ben do in our quiz? Well, they did great.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Congratulations. Yay! You've won. You can now change into your track suits to be comfortable at the after party. We don't mind. Ben Falcone and Melissa McCarthy are the husband and wife duo behind Lemonada's hit podcast, He'll Be the Bar Back on the Lake of Fire. You can listen to all of season one wherever you might get your podcasts. Melissa and Ben, thank you so much for joining us.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
And wait, wait, don't tell me. We'd like to meet you. Take care. Bye-bye.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
In just a minute, Bill offers a delicious beauty tip that will give you that medium-rare look in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT for Jonas in the Air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Thank you, Bill. Thanks so much, everybody. In just a minute... Bill wants you to simply have a wonderful Christmas rhyme. Aw, and our listener, Limerick Challenge, if you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But first, it is time for a game we call... Doctor's Thought. The news was filled recently with stories about doctors thinking...
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
They had the diagnosis right only for it to turn out to be something else. So we're going to ask you to fill in the blank rapid fire style on some of these headlines about what doctors thought. Get yours right. You get a point. So what we'll do is we'll just ask you to take your best guess as what the blank is. Here we go. First one's for you, Hari.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Fill in the blank on this headline from the Telegraph newspaper. Doctors thought I blanked a koala. I birthed a koala. No, it was doctors thought I got chlamydia from a koala.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
I thought they got vaccinated. Didn't they come up with a vaccine for that? They did, but the koalas, they still got it. Turns out that this particular patient just had pneumonia. Apparently, as you indicate, chlamydia is very common in koalas. It's really easy to catch it from them. At least that's what that koala told me when she turned me down for a date.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Dulce, full in the blank on this headline from the Washington Post. Doctors thought she had a deadly disease, but she was just allergic to blank. Talking to men. No. The real headline was doctors thought she had a deadly disease, but she was just allergic to her own tattoo. Roy, fill in the blank on this headline. From the Telegraph, doctors thought she was pregnant with twins, but it was blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
No. No. You went the other way. The real headline was a doctor's thought she was pregnant with twins, but it was just one giant baby. Thank you for playing doctor's thought because remember malpractice makes mal perfect. And now some questions about the rest of the week's news. Roy, this week a new study found that what has five times as many germs as toilet seats?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
It's not a food thing. It's a thing that a lot of people have in their homes on a seasonal basis, and this is the season.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Christmas tree. Something on your Christmas tree. Oh, well, a little bulb. Yeah, Christmas ornaments. What? Yeah. Oh. It's the most filthy time of the year. Because they are handled so often and never washed, Christmas ornaments can be one of the germiest things in your house. Huh.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
So for a safer holiday, you can either disinfect the decorations as you put them on the tree or go the easy route and start putting all your presents underneath the toilet bowl. Oh, yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
It's true, but then you never clean them. So over years, you know, all that grime and hand stuff gets all over them.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Hari, a group of entrepreneurs in Russia is offering to take some of the work out of the holiday season, offering what for sale to anyone who wants it on the Internet for up to $50 a pair? That means there's two of them. There's two of them.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
I'll give you a hint. Some of them come in a package deal with a carrot and a corn cob pipe.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
That is six. What? They're selling snowman hands. Russian online marketplaces are flooded with ads for artisanally plucked natural snowman arms with prices ranging from about $5, and basically those are just sticks, to $50 for, well, those are also just sticks. The ad for the $50 pair reads, we have a super offer, new, shiny, creative hands for your snowman.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Your snowman will become a star and your neighbors will definitely envy you, unquote.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Well, no, no, they won't because the last thing you wanna do is cross Russian arms dealers. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago and come see us on the road.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Check back in the new year for upcoming road shows near you. For tickets and information, go to nprpresents.org. And you can also check out our sister podcast, How to Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian make me taste some new eggnog recipes. And I barely escaped with my life. Hi, you were on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
A beautiful and cultured town. I love it there. What do you do for fun?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Maybe the aliens have a particular interest in New Jersey. Maybe, like, for respiration instead of oxygen, they breathe hair gel.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Oh, yeah. They have those there.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Do you take your cat when you hike around the lakes?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Sure, absolutely. For you, if not the cat. Well, welcome to the show, Becky. Bill Curtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with a last-word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last-word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to go?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Yes. From your dog. Dog fur knitting is back, baby. According to a new op-ed after its initial heyday in the 90s, people are once again collecting their dog's hair, spinning it into yarn, and knitting it into disgusting little sweaters. Why stop there, you know? Why not collect all your dog's drool and throw it in your Brita? Ha ha!
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
People advocating for dog hair garments argue it's warmer than sheep's wool. And also, animal shelters just don't have any sheep. You can also collect all the material you need by sitting on any dog owner's couch. Wait, this was a trend in the past? This is a trend in the 90s, and it's come back, making sweaters out of your dog hair. You take the dog hair, you collect it, brush it out, whatever.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
You have to spin it into yarn, and then you knit a sweater. And nobody will know that you're wearing clothing made out of dog fur unless, of course, you wear it in the rain.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Noodle. Yes, Noodle. Move over, Rat Boys. The new Hollywood heartthrob archetype is Noodle Boys. Actually, stay there, Rat Boys. A lot of you are the same people. We're talking about these floppy-haired, wispy-armed Hollywood stars like Timothee Chalamet and Finn Wolfhard, who I refuse to believe is not a character from the Flintstones. Ha!
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
According to the New York Times, our pop culture fixation has moved away from men who look like they spend hours in the gym to men who look like they've just coughed up blood into a handkerchief.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Last summer, we were told that all the guys were into Rat Boys, who were these sort of vaguely feral, I guess, looking guys.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Yeah, basically, whatever Timothee Chalamet looks like now, that's the trend, right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Beef, yes. According to the New York Times, more and more people are turning to beef tallow. That's beef fat. It's a cheap and natural alternative to commercial skin care products. So stop shopping for skin care at Sephora. Start shopping at the dumpster behind a Ruth's Crits steakhouse.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Users claim slathering pure beef fat on their faces makes their skin look nourished and gives them that fresh-off-the-grill glow. So it's dog hair and beef tallow. Basically, yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Congratulations, Becky. Well done. We still cheer for Becky. Is this okay? We cheer for Becky. Congratulations and thanks so much for playing. Thank you. This was fun. Bye-bye.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Well, you never know. I mean, maybe they have drones. Maybe they disguise the spaceships as drones. Maybe we think they're drones, but they're really spaceships. Who knows?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Now it is time for our final game, lightning fill-in-the-blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
All right. So why don't we do this? Since Dulce and Roy are in second place, Dulce, I will start with you. You ready to play? Because you were eager to go. Here we go, Dulce. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Monday, doctors in Louisiana confirmed the first severe human case of blank flu in the U.S.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Yes. On Tuesday, the Supreme Court agreed to hear a case that could effectively ban social media app Blank. Tick. Right. This week, the Biden administration set new pollution goals to help combat blank. Climate change. Right. On Thursday, the Teamsters launched the largest ever strike against online shopping giant blank. Amazon. Right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
This week, a man in Singapore who drove directly into a guarded military camp said he did it because he wanted to blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
No. He just wanted to see, he said, how security would react. On Wednesday, the CDC confirmed that U.S. blank had risen to 78.4 years.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Oh, drinking. Right. 80 people got food poisoning at an LA Times event celebrating blank. Food. Good enough. They got food poisoning at an event celebrating the best restaurants in L.A.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
A norovirus outbreak linked to oysters poisoned 80 people who paid $159 to get into a celebration of the finest cuisine in the city with the people who paid $350 for VIP tickets getting VIP, very important, vomiting.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Now, what happens is people saying, well, no, all these drones. And the government says, no, there aren't. We've looked. They're all perfectly reasonable explanations for all of it. And the whole thing might be this kind of mass hysteria. This is all true. A Pennsylvania state senator tweeted a photo of what he said was a drone that had been shot down. See? It was a Thai fighter from Star Wars.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
All right, Roy, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, a House panel voted to release the ethics report on blank. Matt Gaetz. That's right. On Monday, Olaf Scholz, the chancellor of blank, lost a no-confidence vote. Sweden. No, Germany. This week, the Federal Reserve cut blanks by a quarter point. Got the interest rate. Right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
On Wednesday, the FAA reported that over 100 blanks had been hit by laser pointers this month. Ooh. Planes. Right, airplanes. This week, a woman in California sued her parents because she claimed they gave her blank. Chlamydia. No. No? They gave her all of their ugliest genes. On Monday, U.S. entomologists confirmed that the invasive blank hornet threat had been eliminated.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
No, it's the murder hornet. Murder hornet. This week, a criminal in Massachusetts was caught by police after he got stuck trying to blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
No, he was caught while trying to escape down a family's chimney. After evading police by jumping from roof to roof, the man made a huge mistake when he got stuck trying to escape down a chimney. There's the nice list and there's the naughty list, but it's so rare we get somebody on Santa's stay-in-your-lane list. Bill, how did Roy do in our quiz?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
How many then... Does Hari need to win? Seven to win. All right. Here we go. Hari, this is for the game. On Thursday, Luigi Mangione agreed to be extradited to blank for his trial. New York. Right. On Wednesday, OpenAI announced that you can now use a 1-800 number to call blank. Domino's. You call chat GPT.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
This week, NASA confirmed that the two astronauts stuck on the blank will be there until late March. Spaceship. Right. Well, Space Station, on Wednesday, Taylor Swift threw a huge party to celebrate the end of her blank tour. Eros tour. Right. This week, a report revealed that the owner of the New York Jets scuttled a trade for star receiver Jerry Judy because blank. Slept with his wife.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
No, because his player rating in the Madden video game was too low. Very good. In a possible link to climate change, researchers warned that some blanks had become carnivores. Herbivores. No, squirrels. A squeamish man whose wife was in the bathroom sick with food poisoning was able to comfort her and keep his distance by blanking. Hiding under the bed.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
No, he comforted her from a safe distance by rubbing her back with a Swiffer mop. While his wife cradled the toilet, the husband was hiding in the hallway and rubbing her back from about four feet away with their Swiffer mop. It was a gesture, just around the corner from Sweet.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
It was so nice, he also sent the Roomba in when he had to step away, so there was somebody there at least to repeatedly bump her. Bill, did Hari do well enough to win? No.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Coming up, our panelists predict what would be the best Christmas present of the year. But first, let me tell you that. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircare Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeker writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Lederman, composer at Theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Grombos, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Vinnie Thomas and Monica Hickey. Santa's little helper is Peter Gwynn. Emma Choi is our vibe curator, technical direction of some Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
And the former governor of Maryland, Larry Hogan, posted a footage of drones that he said were floating above his house for hours. And again, true, it was the Constellation Orion. Okay, fine.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now panel, what would be the best present received this year? Harry Kondabolu.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Roy Blunt Jr., Dulce Sloan, and Harry Kondabulu. Thanks to all of you for listening. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theater. Happy holidays from everybody here. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR. Support for this podcast and the following message come from Anthropic.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Meet Claude, the AI assistant from Anthropic that's transforming how organizations work. Imagine every person in your team having an expert collaborator who knows your company inside and out. That's Claude. When you upload company documents into Claude, you're giving it the context to become your subject matter expert and deliver astute and helpful responses. Thank you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Join leading enterprises already working smarter with Claude. Transform your organization's productivity and visit anthropic.com slash enterprise.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Yeah, I know, you never know, yeah. All right, Melanie, here is your next quote. Let's look back at some delicious memories. That was a message that appeared on People's Starbucks app. Starbucks is one of many companies copying Spotify Wrapped this month and offering users what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Exactly right. A year in review, right? Everybody's doing their own version of Spotify Rack. So, for example, we mentioned Starbucks tells you what you bought, what your favorite drinks were. The Washington Post has a summary of all the articles you read that year. Strava, of course, gives you a summary of all the exercise you did. And I personally loved Boeing's Flights You Survived 2024. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
You know who actually did this? Tinder. Tinder offered their users an end of the year swipe report because what everybody wants as a Christmas present is a statistical breakdown of all the people who rejected you. So your top genre was unavailable guys with glasses.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
See, the whole point of these summaries is they give you the illusion of having accomplished something with your time, right? You're still just like, you know, then the same old drudge you were January 1st. But look at all the songs you listen to.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Great to see you. We do have a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone, part of a pantheon of Hollywood power couples like Bogie and Bacall, Ben and J-Lo, Leonardo DiCaprio, and a series of women who cannot legally rent a car. You can play our games alone or as part of a power couple. We don't care.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
There you are. Melanie, your last quote today is actually a punchline to a joke that was written out in a New York Times op-ed this week. All I can tell you is that it's the Pope who is driving him. Who told this joke, among a few others, about the Pope? Oh, the Pope. Yes, the Pope. What? Of course it was the Pope, or as he would say, is the me Catholic? Ooh.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Pope Francis wrote an op-ed in Tuesday's New York Times entitled, There is Faith in Humor, in which he went on to basically tell a bunch of jokes. Great. Another old white guy in comedy. How many Popes does it take to do something? I don't know.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Now he says that what this is about is like how humor is important in coping with life's travails, it's a part of faith, that we should embrace humor, right? But what's going on is that pretty late in life, the Pope obviously wants to start doing stand-up, which is fine, but it will be shocking when he starts his sets with, so I've been dating again.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
And he'll do crowd work, like, oh, what do you do for a living? Yes, and what are your sins?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Well, he's really interested in comedy. As you may have heard Jim Gaffigan talking about on our show a few weeks ago, he invited a whole bunch of comedians and humorists to the Vatican to meet them. Not me! Well... Are you Catholic? No. Oh, fine.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Congratulations, Melanie. Go first. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about the week's news. Dulce, question for you. Dulce, there's been another breakthrough in pickles. Now the hot new online trend in pickles is to cover pickles with what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Glitter. You got it. Yes. You knew all of them, but you wanted glitter. Glitter. TikTok has come up with yet another way to torture a pickle so far, as you, I think, were trying to tell us.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
You did, yeah. So far, TikTokers have wrapped pickles in fried cheese. They've stuffed them with taki chips, and now they're dumping edible glitter into pickle jars to make a treat called a glickle. Oh.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Where you been? Go ahead. Now, does Glitter Pickle sound like the name of an all-male strip club in Reno? Yes, of course it does.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
And Glickles apparently are perfect for people who like sparkly things and literally have nothing else to eat. See, I feel like you're judging, Peter. I am. For why? Glitter Pickles? That ain't none of your business. I guess you're right. If people want to eat their pickles with glitter, it's a free country.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Right. Have you eaten glitter pickles or glitter?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Coming up, our panelists go adventuring in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Hey, it's Peter Sagal. The year is almost over, and now is the time when NPR and I come to you hat in hand and ask for your support.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Now, interestingly, the idiom hat in hand does not refer to, say, a street performer walking around holding out his hat for people to put in money. I always thought it was. No, it is actually referring to an old tradition when knights would remove their helmets and show humility.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
So it's really more about my attitude of supplication than it is about asking for money, even though, of course, I'm going to be asking for money. Now, if you heard that and you said to yourself, wow, that's fascinating. I was also under that misapprehension as to the idioms meaning than you, my friend. are one of us.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
The number to call is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
That means you enjoy our show, where we do trivia and jokes for smart people, dumb jokes for smart people to be sure, where we give you a break from the week's news, where we make your breakfast on the weekend with your family, or your walk with your dog, or other interminable tasks, bearable with our goofy, dumb, but we always think, smart humor. Now, if you heard me say that...
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
and you said to yourself, well, I know that. Everybody knows that. Then you are our ideal listener, and you should donate even more. You know what you should do? If you're enjoying this little riff on idioms, You should join NPR+.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
A small recurring donation gets you special perks for more than 25 NPR podcasts, like sponsor-free listening and bonus episodes, even discounted items from the NPR shop. It only takes a few minutes to sign up, and you can do it right now at plus.npr.org. And if you've already donated to your local station or joined NPR+, that and I thank you. We will be waiting for your donation with bated breath.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
And that's baited, B-A-T-E-D, short for like abated, i.e. we're holding our breath. But come on, you knew that.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
McKinney, Texas. I don't know where that is. Can you tell me?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Little north of Dallas. And what do you do there?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Thank you. Thank you so much. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. You can always check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at Wait, Wait, NPR. The information you need is there. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Hey, I love Pittsburgh. One of my favorite places. What do you do there?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
All right. What do you teach there? Okay.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
That's great. I have to ask, only because it's so typical, did he come back from college in London with a pretentious British accent?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Well, welcome to our show, Kelly. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Kelly's topic? Get me to REI. There's so much you can do in the great outdoors. You can kayak, rock climb, get malaria. Our panel is going to tell you about a whole new kind of outdoor activity that's becoming popular.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to go?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Well, let's do it then. Let's hear first from Dulce Sloan.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Well, that's really cool. Well, Michelle, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's the comedian you can see at the Miami Improv from January 24th through the 26th. For all dates, go over to mazjobrani.com. That's right, it's Maz Jobrani. Hi, how are you, Michelle?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
A couple so much in love that they installed magnets and they hold hands. They are really holding hands. Your last walk down Lover's Lane is from Alzo Slade.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
So one of these is a real story. of the deepest, deepest kind of love that we saw on the news. Was it from Helen Hong, a couple who have invented their own extraordinarily complex language? From Maz Dobrani, a couple who actually had magnets installed subcutaneously so when they held hands, they were truly bonded? Or from Alzo Slade, a couple that decided to take sustainability
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
You really? All right, that's your choice. It's Maz Durrani's story of the couple that installed magnets in their hands. To bring you the real story, we actually spoke to a reporter who covered it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
That was Rania Shimona from Fox 2 Detroit reporting on that real couple. Congratulations, Olivia. You got it right. You have earned a point for Maz just for telling the truth, and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thank you so much. Take care. And now the game we call Not My Job. Rose Matifeo got her start doing stand-up comedy in New Zealand as a 15-year-old.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Since then, she's gone on to win Best Show at the Edinburgh Festival, write and star in her own comedy series, Starstruck, and she has a new comedy special on Max. But most importantly, she, like so many other ambitious people, has found her way to the pinnacle of entertainment jobs, game show host. Rose Matifeo, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you for having me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Next up, she's a comedian who will be at the Walton Arts Center in Fayetteville, Arkansas, on January 30th, and who hosts the trivia podcast, Go Fact Yourself. It's now on LAist in Southern California. It's Helen Hong.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
So you are, I think, the first great comic I've talked to out of New Zealand. And you were very successful there before you went to the UK with your show in 2020, right? You won all these awards and had TV shows and stuff. Is that right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Is it true, by the way, that, like... you, like everybody in New Zealand knows each other because it's so relatively small. Like we read, for example, that the prime minister of New Zealand, either before or after she was prime minister, used to like open up your shows for you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
I mean, I assume that you went to the UK eventually. You relocated there because everybody in New Zealand had already seen you. So there was nobody left to come see your show.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Hi, Helen. And he's an Emmy and Peabody Award-winning journalist and comedian and host of the new Nat Geo show, What X Does to Your Body. It's Alzo Slade. What's up, Michelle? How you doing? Hi. So far, we're good. So, Michelle, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Choyoki?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
You have a new special. It's on Max. I've watched it. It's called On and On and On. I have a question for you that comes from a very American perspective. It seems that in... I forgive you. Thank you. It seems that in this comedy special, which is very funny and charming and original and different and surprising, that you taped in... You are from New Zealand.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
You taped it in London in front of a British audience, but you seem to be wearing... a University of Minnesota shirt. Don't get me started on this.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
You're looking for massive controversies. You've never been to Minnesota, have you?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Right. So I want to talk to you about something close to my heart. You are hosting a game show now, the greatest job you could ever have. Taskmaster Junior, which is based on a show Taskmaster, which has a bunch of comedians doing silly tasks for points, except in your version, instead of comedians, it's kids, right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
This time, Choyoki Ianson, filling in for Bill Curtis, is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our big prize. Any voice from our show you might like for your voicemail. Are you ready to go?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Yeah, so you're very... The conceit of the show is the taskmaster, that's you, are a very imperious figure sitting in a big chair. You don't smile much. And you are, like, rating these children. You have sent these children out to do these difficult tasks of discovering this or figuring out that or competing in this. And then you have to judge them.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Well, Rose Matifeo, it's a real joy to talk to you, and we have asked you here to play a game that this time we're calling... On and Off and On. So your special, as we've discussed, is called On and On and On, so we thought we'd ask you about some of those famous couples that have gone on and off and on again. Get two or three questions right about these tempestuous and flighty people.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
You'll win our prize. One of our listeners, Chioki, who is Rose playing for? Stephen Ward of Atlanta, Georgia. All right. You get two out of three right here. You win. Let's do it for Steven. Let's do it for Steven. Here's your first question. The most famous on and off again relationship was, of course, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. But Ms. Taylor wasn't just kind of indecisive with him.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
She once broke off her engagement to another man just because of what? A, they were traveling in Asia and he would not let her buy an elephant to bring home. B, he chewed with his mouth open one time. Or C, his habit of saying, wee, right before they got in the bed together. LAUGHTER
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WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
That's not right in this case. In this case, it was the elephant. She said, I'd like to bring this elephant home. And he said, you can't bring the elephant home.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Okay. Your first quote is from Victor Willis, who is the lead singer of the group The Village People.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
You have two more chances. The most notorious on-again, off-again couple of the 1980s was Ryan O'Neill and Farrah Fawcett. Tell me about it. Now, their relationship even started in a kind of wild way as their first date happened when? A, after she saw him in a store buying that Farrah Fawcett poster and followed him home.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
B, after the Dodgers' 1981 World Series win, they had gone out and were looting a store together. Or C, when Fawcett's husband, Lee Majors, was away filming and asked O'Neal to just be a pal and check in on her.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Classic story. Yes, Lee said to Ryan, could you go check in on Farrah? And Ryan checked in and she was fine. If you get this one right, Rose, you win. Okay. And you will be happy with yourself for a fleeting moment. So here we go. The American record holder for most marriages in a lifetime is a man named Glenn Wolfe, who was married 31 times.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Alzo's a fan. Before he died at the age of 88. to whom was his very last, his 31st marriage? Was it to A, the very last woman left in his Iowa town that he had not yet married, B, the person who held the woman's record for most marriages in a lifetime, or C, wife number one, because as he said, I've tried all the rest, she was the best.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Thank goodness. That is what he did. He married the woman who had the record for the most number of marriages, and they both did it for the publicity and to, you know, get in the Guinness Book. I don't know how long the marriage lasted. So...
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
The Village People will undoubtedly bring the country together next week with their performance at what event on Monday?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Absolutely. Rose Matifeo is an actor and comedian whose new special On and On and On is charming and funny and surprising. It is now streaming on Max. Rose Matifeo, thank you so much for being with us and staying up late. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. In just a minute, Chioki spends all his money at the arcade. Stick around to see what he's won in our Listener Limerick Challenge.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Yes, the inauguration of our next president, the... The Village People will be one of many entertainers who've been lucky enough to be chosen to play at Monday's inauguration, performing a very favorite song of a president-elect. By the way, Mr. Wallace also insists that the song YMCA is not, in fact, a gay anthem. Also, he says their hit in the Navy is about military readiness.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Thank you, Chioki. Thank you, everybody. In just a minute... Shioki reveals that he is the heart and soul of a poet in our listener limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Alzo, the tech millionaire, Brian Johnson, has become famous for his ambitious plan to live to 150 years old, but he's just learned that one particular drug he was taking to slow the aging process was actually doing what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Can you give me a hint? It's sort of, let me put it this way. It wasn't helping. It was Hurting. Right, meaning it was... It was painful. No. If he was taking it to slow the aging process, instead the drug did what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Brian Johnson poured millions into various elaborate and advanced techniques to stop himself from physically aging, including getting blood transfusions from his teenage son, taking a vast array of experimental and off-label drugs, and pretending he really likes skibbity toilet.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
But this week, Johnson admitted to his followers that one drug he'd been taking to slow his aging was actually speeding it up. And as soon as he realized something was wrong, he was like, dag nabbit, my apothecary has hoodwinked me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Right. All of a sudden, he found himself really interested in that Matlock reboot. Exactly.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Maz, this week Sony announced that soon the PlayStation console won't just have, you know, great graphics and sound. Players will also experience what? Feelings. No, that will never happen. Give me a hint. I will give you a hint. It makes the rotting flesh of the zombies you're fighting that much more realistic. Smell? Smell, yes. Yes, amazing. So many discoveries to be made.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
For example, just as you always suspected, Lara Croft uses natural deodorant. Sony says that the technology, when it is introduced, will, quote, engage scent to fully immerse you into the world of the story.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
This may not be like high tech. They might just put a piece of old cheese in the console and then seal it and send it to you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Helen, Apple users are panicking this week after it was discovered that the newest iOS update may disable what iPhone function?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Right. I'll give you a hint. A lot of people are going to have a new excuse for being late to work.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
The alarm function, yeah. Users have been reporting the same glitch in the latest iOS version where their alarms trigger hours after they've set them or sometimes not at all. And nothing gets you a good night's sleep than thinking, well, there's a 50-50 chance my alarm won't go off.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
What I need from Apple is their guarantee that if I'm late for something, Tim Cook will personally write a note saying it's his fault.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
And Macho Man is just about a guy who likes nachos, but there was a typo.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theatre in downtown Chicago, Illinois. You can also come see us on the road.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
We'll be in Richmond, Virginia, Chioki's hometown, on February 13th, and in Orlando, Florida, on March 20th. For tickets and information for all our live shows, go to nprpresents.org. And you can also check out our sister podcast, How to Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian talk with Saturday Night Live's James Austin Johnson about how his Donald Trump impression has changed over the years.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Spoiler alert, Trump got sleepier. Hi, everyone. Wait, wait, don't tell me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
One of the best places I know of. What do you do there?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Wait a minute, a surgical tech in the operating room. So what do you actually do in the operating room?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Whoa. That's so cool. Do you ever think to yourself when you go into work, like, today I'm going to mess with him?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Well, Lucy, welcome to the show. Chioka Jansen is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you will be a winner. Here is your first limerick.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Well, hold on. What kind of hoop? It rhymes with the common phrases, doula whoop. Doula whoop? Doula whoop, yes. Scientists... have discovered the ideal body type for successful hula hooping using physics, geometry, and va-va-voometry, they've determined. A curvy waist and hips and a flexible badonkadonk are all you need. These findings were published in the academic journal Maxim Magazine.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
I'm sorry if you are gay and listening. I'm sorry. We should have warned you. Yeah, no, as you know, this has been a big song. President Trump loves it. He loves to play it at his rallies.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Doula whoop. And which is, you know, when would a doula whoop, right? When the baby's born.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Claw? Claw, yes. Arcades around the country are adding claw machines featuring luxury prizes in order to attract older players. Prizes include designer handbags like Hermes, high-end gaming consoles, and a sticky hand toy that doesn't get stuck to your ceiling. One arcade owner in Queens charges $50 a try. What? !
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
and says that on average it takes about four to seven tries to finally get something out of it. It's a great deal. By playing six times, you can win a $150 Nintendo Switch for about 300 bucks.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Right, the Nobel. This week, a science site wrote about Nobel disease or Nobelitis. It's an observed phenomenon where scientists who win a Nobel Prize suddenly become really dumb. Huh. It turns out you would be amazed by the number of Nobel Prize winning scientists who accept the award and then say in their speech, and my next area of research is ghosts.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
It's great. We don't know why this happens to the extent that it does. Maybe they make those Nobel medals out of lead.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Well done, Lucy. Thank you so much. Thanks for playing. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Jokey, can you give us the scores?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Okay. The pressure. The pressure. Helen, you're going to be up first because you're in second place. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, Benjamin Netanyahu delayed a vote. To approve the ceasefire in blank? Gaza. Right. On Monday, two Russian cities were hit with a drone strike from blank? Ukraine. Right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Following an encouraging report on inflation, the blank surged 703 points this week.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Right. On Monday, SpaceX launched two missions to the blank? The moon? Right. After an Alabama district court judge deemed two opposing lawyers to be acting unprofessionally to one another, he filed an official order requiring them to blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
On Thursday, it was announced that podcaster and former late night host Blank would receive the Mark Twain Prize for comedy.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
No, Conan O'Brien, best known for Blue Velvet, Mulholland Drive, and Twin Peaks' legendary director Blank, passed away at the age of 78.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Right. This week, a man in Australia who attempted to burn down a restaurant had to flee the scene because he blanked. Burned his clothes. No, because he... Well, no, right. You're right. I'm sorry. What? He lit his own pants on fire.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Yes. Mr. Willis, who is the lead singer, is the last living member. The rest, of course. So it's just why? Yeah, pretty much.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
The security footage shows the man dousing the restaurant in some flammable liquid, lighting a match, and then being quite shocked when the only thing that caught on fire were his own pants. So important note for arsonists, when you bring your gas to the crime scene, do not carry it in your pockets.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Let's arbitrarily pick Alzo to go next. Fill in the blank, Alzo. On Wednesday, Blank delivered his farewell address to the nation. Biden. Right. Weeks after being impeached for declaring martial law in his country, the president of Blank was arrested on Monday.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Right. Thanks to an incoming Arctic blast, the U.S. will face its blankest temperatures in over a year. Warmest. Oh, coldest. Right, yes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Arctic would be the key. This week, officials in the UK said that residents should not be concerned about the loud bang and giant mushroom cloud of smoke emanating from the local blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
No, emanating from the local nuclear plant. On Monday, Starbucks announced they were reversing a policy that let anyone use their blank without making a purchase.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Right. This week, a woman in Russia walking to her gate at the airport stepped onto a moving walkway and discovered blank. It was not moving. No, that it was actually the baggage conveyor belt. A woman was seen on closed-circuit TV footage stepping under the conveyor belt and getting pulled through the small doorway into bag processing. What?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Thankfully, she's fine and says the worst part was actually all the other people who lined up to get sucked into the baggage carousel, even though their group hadn't even been called yet.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
This is for the game. On Tuesday, confirmation hearings for Blank's cabinet picks began. Trump's. Right. On Wednesday, Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass warned that the city was not safe from the danger posed by Blank's. Fires. Right. This week, the royal family reported that Blank was in remission from cancer. Kate Middleton. Right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Yeah, I was about to say, it actually makes sense, Ellen, that on Monday, that the big song would just be, why? Why? And we all remember the big story last time, the first time he was inaugurated, was Trump insisting, falsely, that he had the biggest crowd in inauguration history. So you know, His people are trying to make it true this time. So be wary if anybody in the D.C.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
On Tuesday, the House passed a GOP-led bill banning some blank athletes from participating in their chosen sports. Transgender? Right. After charming fans by riding a lime bike to a movie premiere this week, Timothee Chalamet blanked. Fell off the bike. No, he was fined $79 for not docking the bike properly. Hilarious.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
On Tuesday, social media app Red Note jumped to the top of Apple's charts thanks to the potential ban of blank. TikTok. Right. According to a new report, one in 20 people who caught blank may suffer long-term effects. COVID. Right. After multiple warnings from the city, a woman in Memphis has a court appearance because she refuses to remove blank from her yard.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
What? The woman who had planned to leave the skeleton up and then, you know, she put it up for Halloween and she planned to leave it up all year and decorate it based on whatever holiday was closest, but the city is demanding she take it down, which is a real shame because nothing says happy Valentine's Day than a 12-foot skeleton. Yeah. Jokey, did Maz do well enough to win?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
In just a minute, our panelists will predict what unusual thing will an NFL player next be spotted doing on the sidelines. But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Aircraft Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. © BF-WATCH TV 2021 Peter Gwynn can do five sets of 47 push-ups every morning.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical director is from Lorna White. Her CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what's the next surprising thing we'll see on an NFL sideline?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Thank you, Jericho Jansen. Thanks also to Alzo Slade, Maz Grobani, and Helen Hong. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
area gets an invite promising a free vacation in exchange for watching a short presentation.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
It wasn't worth it? No. Do you have any advice for the people who will be... And it's supposed to be very cold in Washington on Monday. Do you have any advice for the people who might be attending this hour?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Exactly. Don't go. Stay your ass home. Yeah. All right, here is your next quote. It's from the CEO of a big national chain.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
So... What a revelation. What chain might soon stop putting some of the most common items behind lock and key? Target? No, not Target. It's a chain of drugstores. CVS. Oh, I'll give it to you. It's the other one. It's Walgreens. You had a 50% chance, right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Great news for our listeners with herpes. Walgreens may soon be doing away with their locked cabinets. In recent years, Walgreens and other stores, they've been locking up everything from toiletries to snacks to prevent shoplifting, and we assume, you know, to allow the possibility for meet-cutes between employees and desperate customers looking for Tide Pods.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
But Walgreens CEO admitted finally this week on an earnings call that locking up merchandise, brace yourself, leads to fewer sales. Who would have thought? that having it announced over the PA in the store that you need the laxative case unlocked would be a deterrent to purchasing it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Did they suddenly stop? Yes, they have stopped. I see. And, of course, the problem is they come and they unlock the case. That's nice. Thank you. And they don't leave. And it is so nerve-wracking trying to decide which toothpaste you might want with the employee just standing there. That's why I've been brushing my teeth for the past month with wood glue.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
That was Fox Sports announcer Tom Brady after cameras caught Eagles wide receiver A.J. Brown doing what on the sidelines during a game? Reading a book. Yes, that's right. He was reading a book. The self-help book, Inner Excellence, is suddenly the number one seller on Amazon after Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver A.J. Brown was seen reading it on the sideline between plays.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Thank you, everybody. Thank you. So Bill Curtis is off on assignment for a few weeks, and we cannot tell you where he is, but if you notice one of the masked singers has a lot of gravitas, you'll know why. Meanwhile, we are delighted we've got Choki Ianson back to keep on keeping score. Later on, we've got comedian Rose Mattafeo joining us, but right now it's your turn. Give us a call.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Coaches knew something was up when Brown said, after he put the book down, that instead of being a wide receiver, now he wanted to be a wide giver. And this is actually an interesting story. So, this book, Inner Excellence, a self-help book, was published, was self-published by the author in 2020. And it is now, instantly, the number one best-selling book on Amazon.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
So, you know, this inner improvement thing, it works. The author's methods for success, in case you want to follow along, are, in essence, give the best of what you have that day. be present, and get an NFL player to read your book on live national TV.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Take care. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Also, a high-ranking Polish general has been fired after a shipment of anti-take mines he was in charge of were found where? In his kitchen. No. Not his kitchen, but at a place that has a lot of model kitchens for you to shop. At an Ikea? At an Ikea.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
That's awesome. So this general who's in charge of, like, logistics for the Polish army had this shipment of munitions on a train, and the soldiers who were unloading the train missed one car, which kept going in the train until it arrived at an Ikea warehouse where the employees were like, okay, and they unloaded it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
And they were probably like, okay, anti-take mines, I guess they go in the outdoor furniture department. Yeah. And it turns out it was a good thing. They sold a lot of them under the name Boomlanding.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Coming up, our panelists fall madly in love in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. This message comes from CookUnity. Choose from hundreds of restaurant-quality meals prepared by award-winning chefs delivered straight to your door. Just heat and eat. Flexible, commitment-free subscriptions.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Skip deliveries, pause or cancel anytime. Subscriptions start as low as $11 per meal. Reset your routine with convenient, mouth-watering meals crafted with local ingredients by award-winning chefs. Go to CookUnity.com slash wait or enter code WAIT before checkout for 50% off your first week. This message comes from Grammarly.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
The work week can be fast-paced and it's hard to focus on getting everything done. Let Grammarly be your AI writing partner. It can help you write and quickly edit with suggestions wherever you write. 93% of professionals report that Grammarly helps them get more work done. Get more done with Grammarly. Download Grammarly for free at grammarly.com slash podcast. That's grammarly.com slash podcast.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant this week. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Thank you, everybody. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Well, that's great that you're a curler. You must be so excited for the impending invasion of Canada then. Well, welcome to the show, Olivia. You're going to play our game on which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Chioki, what is Olivia's topic? Have I told you lately that I love you? Valentine's Day is only a few weeks away, and we're already seeing proof that true love still exists.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
In fact, we saw an amazing story about an unusual expression of love in the news this week, and our panelists are each going to tell you about it. Of course, only one of them is telling you about the real story. Pick that one. Panelists, you will win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? So ready. First up, let's hear from Helen Hom.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Full of snow. Oh, too bad, he said from Chicago. I'm so sorry. What do you do there?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
A couple so deeply in love that they have invented their own language. Completely inscrutable to anybody else, your next true or false story of true love comes from Maz Jobrani.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
All right. So, let's say... Let's say you had aspirations to get into the music business. You might do one of these things. Is it from Peter Gross, go work for a day as an assistant to Gene Simmons simply by paying him more than $12,000 for the privilege? From Emmy, absolutely go all out to break into the music business via that common first step, an airline safety video.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Or from Fortune, just bake biscuits so good they cannot keep you out of the music studio. Which of these is a real tactic? used to get into the music business.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
The audience apparently has the same opinion of Gene Simmons as all right-thinking people do. Well, we spoke to a music journalist who told us about the real story.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Yes, that was Ilana Kaplan, a music editor for People Magazine, telling us the two conditions that you'd have to have in order to take advantage of this remarkable opportunity of spending a day with Gene Simmons. Congratulations, Terry, you got it right. You're in a point for Peter. You just told the truth. Good job, Terry. And you've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Next, it's the actor and writer you can see in the show Two Square at the Oklahoma City Improv Saturday, March 15th, and at Comedy Sports Philadelphia on April 5th. It's Peter Gross. Hello. Hi there. And finally, making her debut on our panel, we are thrilled to be joined by the comedian whose third comedy special, Crushing It, is streaming on Netflix.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Congratulations and well done. Thank you. And now the game where we ask famous people to answer questions about something they know nothing about. We call it Not My Job. Amanda Seyfried is an Emmy-winning actor who starred in, among other things, three of the most profitable movie musicals ever made.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
But she has said that despite her many successes, all she has ever wanted to do was play a cop on TV, a dream that has finally come true on her new show, Long Bright River on Peacock. Amanda Seyfried, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. So, let's start there.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
We heard that was true, that you've always, through your remarkable career, starting with soap operas and then Mean Girls and through the Mamma Mia movies, everything you've done, that you've always had this secret desire to play a cop. Is that right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
That would be fun. Were you influenced by watching cops on TV when you were growing up? Were you like a Law & SVU girl?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Wow. So your model for the cop you wanted to be was not like, say, Kojak, but like the little bunny in Zootopia. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Wow, I can see that. In preparation for this role, you did something, I am told again, that I know a lot of actors do, which is you did a ride along with real Philadelphia police, is that true?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Yeah. I have always... I know that many actors who are dedicated to doing a good job do that experience. They go for a ride-along or spend time with police, and I've always wondered what that's like. I mean, you're sitting there, you're driving down the streets of Philadelphia, and the cop in the front seat turns to you and goes, so, mamma mia, I heard that was a really fun set. Was it?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
But... So the wellness was pretty low. Yeah, not a lot of wellness there.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Sure. It occurs to me, though, I mean, well, the cops have you, that you could come in handy. Like, if a gunfight got for a bit to break out, they could shout, put down your weapons. Amanda Seyfried is here. There's like a third Mamma Mia movie on the line.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Right. All right. Speaking of Mamma Mia, we have read, this might be urban legend, it might be true, we have read that like when you were making that movie and its sequel and these beautiful places, that the entire cast was drunk the entire time.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Yeah. It looked like, I mean, it seemed like part of the appeal of the movie was just imagining being able to make it with you guys because, boy, it looked like fun.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
So you won an Emmy for playing Elizabeth Holmes in the dropout, the story of her and Theranos, and perhaps the single most iconic moment in the show is when you, as Elizabeth, kind of dances into your boyfriend's office to Lil Wayne to either seduce him or cheer him up or both, and it is somehow the most awkward thing I have ever seen.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
And my question is, how does someone who knows how to dance dance badly?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
So Cameron, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. Of course, your job is to correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that, you will win our prize. The voice from anyone on our show, you might choose for your voicemail. You ready to go?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
When that really happened, presumably it did, Lil Wayne felt a horrible twinge somewhere. He just knew something was wrong.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
That was, you did both exceptionally well. Well, Amanda Seyfried, this is a joy to talk to you, and we have asked you here to play a game we're calling... Mean Girl Meet Nice Guy. So, you began your career by starring in the classic movie comedy Mean Girls. So, in honor of that, we found three questions about some guys who were actually really, really nice.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Answer just two of them correctly, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Amanda Seyfried playing for?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
You seem a little, I hope you were warned that this would be happening.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Right. All right, here we go. Here's your first question. Mr. Rogers was possibly the nicest person of all time. After Mr. Rogers filed a police report that his car had been stolen, what happened two days later? A, PBS pledged money to him to buy him a new car. B, neighbors complained about all the people clogging up their street hoping to give him a ride somewhere.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Or C, the thieves returned the car with a note that said, if we'd known it was yours, we never would have taken it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
He was that nice. He was so nice he could turn other people into nice guys through osmosis. He was amazing. All right, that's very well done. Here's your next question. During World War II, Canada famously treated their POWs so well that some of them didn't want to go back to Germany when the war was over.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
All right, let's do it, Cameron. Here is your first quote. Is it finally time to freak out? That was a soon-to-be retiree quoted in Market Watch, worried about the rapid decline of what? Would that be the United States of America?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
According to one captured German corporal, that great treatment at the POW camp included which of these? A, the government brought in a famous chef to make authentic schnitzel for them. B, the guards would regularly lend the prisoners their rifles so they could go hunting. Or C, upon request, Canada would find a soldier's wife and kids so they could all be POWs together.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Nah, it's A. I'm afraid it was actually B. They gave them rifles to go hunting.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
All right, anyway, here's your last question. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether or not someone is nice, like the man who helped out a woman in Wales one day by hanging up her laundry to dry, washing her floor, putting her groceries away, and taking out the recycling. But there was one catch. What was it? A, he had broken in her house to do these things while she was away at work.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
B, the whole time he was working, he told her how bad her clothing and food choices were. Or C, after he finished, he told her, now you have to come do my house.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
He broke into her house, and he did all those things for her, and then she came home and found him doing them.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Yeah. Bill, how did Amanda Seyfried do in our quiz?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
You did. You had some help from this fabulous audience. Amanda Seyfried is an Emmy-winning actor who you can see right now in Long Bright River. All episodes are streaming on Peacock now. Go watch it. Amanda, thank you so much for being with us. What a pleasure to talk to you and see you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
In just a minute, Bill has the perfect treat for people with peanut allergies in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Bill expresses his truth the only way he knows how, with limericks. If you'd like to play, give us a call. 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Peter, bad news in nutrition. This week, we found out what popular treat contains potentially dangerous levels of heavy metals and pesticide residues?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Especially this time of year, when they tend to show up. In the spring? Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
I knew we laid ourselves a trap as soon as I read that aloud. We're looking for something specific that was definitely on a significant downward trend this week. Oh, the stock market. The stock market. Yes, the stock market. Things are so bad with everybody's retirement accounts that, and this is true, one prominent brokerage site now has a pop-up when you log in warning you just not to look.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
No, I'm sorry. It's not when they grow, it's when they are sold. Oh, Peeps. No. I'll give you a hint. They could just embrace this and say, thin mints, now with even more copper. Girl Scout cookies? Girl Scout cookies. A new lawsuit alleges those cookies sold by the Girl Scouts include, quote, dangerous metals and pesticides. I don't care. I'm still going to eat them.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
I just love the Samoas, which have the chocolate coating and the lead filling.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
No, but it's colder. It's cold. Frozen iron is good.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Yeah, exactly. Peter, officials in Brazil, sadly, are cutting down part of the Amazon rainforest to make way for what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
You got to make them somewhere. That's true. You might as well save money on shipping. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
I'll give you a hint. Greta Thunberg is going to be so mad when she shows up for this one.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Like an environmental summit? Yes, a climate summit. Oh, God. Wow. A new four-lane highway cutting through thousands of acres of protected Amazon rainforest is being built for this year's climate summit in Brazil. And before you start complaining, the road will have a bike lane.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
So they decided to hold this year's COP30 climate summit in the remote Amazonian city of Belem, presumably to show what might be lost if we don't fix things. And somebody said, hey, you know what would really show them how bad it could get? The new road is called Avenue Liberdade, which is Portuguese for whoops.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
And you have to get there in cars that are powered by styrofoam. Exactly right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Fortune dog owners pride themselves on knowing exactly what their dogs are feeling at any time. But a new study proves that. What?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
That may well be the case. But actually, the discovery was about the people, not the dog.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
I'm going to give it to you because the answer is, it turns out that owners have no idea what their dogs are thinking or feeling at any given moment. We just don't. Sweet. A new study shows people actually have no idea what their dogs are feeling. As far as you know, that tail is wagging to express profound disappointment in you. Oh, no, that would be terrible.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
I know, but in the study, this is what they did. They showed people videos of dogs reacting to something, And the people could only accurately ascertain what the dogs were feeling if they could also see what they were reacting to. If that was taken away, their guesses were no better than just like random. Oh, you think this bowl of treats made your dog happy? Oh, wow, you're like a dog whisperer.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
All his feelings are, I want to lick your face. Yes. He just feels that all the time.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
In case there's any food in there. Because that's the thing. This is not hard. Dogs have three emotions. Three. One. I'm eating. Two. Is that something I can eat? Three. Oh, it isn't.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, or come see us on the road. Hey, Spring Breakers. You want a real party?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Next week we'll be in Orlando, Florida at the Walt Disney Theater. For tickets and information, just go over to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, this is Cody in Madison, Wisconsin. Hey, beautiful Madison. I love it there. What do you do there?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
I'm glad you're still on the job. Me too. I assume you're the last one left. That's right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Exactly. And when they let you do your job, what is it exactly?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
They really do? They really do. That's right. Things are so bad, ladies and gentlemen, your 401k has a bouncer.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Yeah, I was about to say, in all your research on wood, have you ever come across any scientific findings indicating that chewing on wood makes you smarter?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Right. Well, if things get dicey in the next few minutes, just grab a wooden spoon. Here we go. Cody, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Here is your first limerick.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Car, right. Drivers everywhere. are fed up with how complicated the door handles are these days. Gone are the days of the simple just like grab it and pull. Now, if you want to get into the car, you need to push like a concealed button. Or if you have a Tesla, whisper five things you did for Elon Musk.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
It should just be like a picture of a dog with a little hat dancing back and forth, and you just look at it for a minute, and then you go, eh, whatever.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
I can't remember the last time I saw an actual key for a car. No, no. Yeah, they're gone.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
My new car, if you walk up to it, it knows you're coming and opens up its handles for you. It says, oh, I'm unlocked. And the funny thing is that it has a timer and if you don't grab a handle, it locks it. So if you're me and you're not particularly quick and sensitive to potential insults, it feels like, oh, Peter, welcome, psych.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
A comedy club in the United Kingdom says that the stand-ups who perform there are tired of playing to Botoxed people and their, quote, frozen faces. Yeah. Because it's impossible to tell or not whether their jokes are landing. They come backstage saying, I did all my best material, but the front row just looked constantly surprised.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
I'm not going to check my balance. Or like, you know what's really important? Family.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
It sounds like maybe these aren't the best stand-ups in the world.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
I've never tried it, but I know it paralyzes your facial muscles, so I imagine even if you do laugh, it doesn't sound great. How? We're like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Exactly right. Experts are worried about a new TikTok trend, yet another one, where people are eating those biodegradable packing peanuts, arguing that they're edible because they dissolve in your mouth. Okay, a rule of thumb, if you have to argue that something is edible, you have already lost the argument.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
That's the question. At this point, play it on the safe side. Eat the packing peanuts. This makes a lot of sense, though. I mean, I think at this point we're all like, enough with ingesting microplastics. I want macroplastics. Bill, how did Cody do in our quiz? Cody, Cody, Cody got a perfect score. Well done, Cody.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Must be all that wood you work with. Congratulations, and keep up the good work. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
also right you're just completely oblivious you sometimes you look and you're like this it's sure moving this line on the grass yeah today it's green tomorrow it's red it's so christmassy yes it looks like it has a heartbeat fortune do you are you are you concerned at all about this do you like have stocks or no i love losing money yeah
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
All right, Emmy, you are in second place. So you will begin Fill in the Blank. On Thursday, President Trump withdrew his nominee for the Director of the Blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Yes, it is, the CDC. On Sunday, Mark Carney was sworn in as the new prime minister of blank. Canada. Right. This week, a judge in New York blocked White House efforts to deport legal resident Mahmoud Khalil over his participation in protests against blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Yeah, war in Gaza. After the International Criminal Court issued a warrant for his arrest, former Philippine President Blank was taken into custody there. Rodrigo Duterte. Very good. Yes. This week in Australia, one of the highest concentrations of dinosaur footprints ever recorded in a single fossil was discovered in a blank. Nightclub. No. In a...
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
In a high school where the slab had been sitting there for 20 years without anyone noticing all the dinosaur footprints. This week, RFK Jr. said that vaccinating against blank flu could have unexpected side effects. Bird flu? Yes. On Tuesday, Fashion Weekend, blank came to a close. Paris? Yes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
This week, a man in Florida was arrested for stealing a pair of diamond earrings worth $700,000, but police had to wait a while before gathering the evidence because blank. He ate them. Yes, he did, Eddie. Wow.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
The salesperson should have known that something was up when the man said, whoa, these diamond earrings are so beautiful. Do they come with any kind of dipping sauce? Bill, I think he did very well.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Okay. Well, you know, it's okay. But are you ready to try this? We're going to go next, all right? Here we go, Fortune. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Russia rejected a U.S.-brokered ceasefire deal with blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Right. On Tuesday, the House passed a temporary spending bill aimed at averting a blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Right. As part of his ongoing trade war, President Trump imposed a 25% blank on steel and aluminum imports. Tariff. Right. On Thursday, it was announced that the return of the astronauts stuck on the blank would again be delayed.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Not yet. This week, the band Tool was booed offstage at a music festival organized by blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
No, by the band. Good guess, though. By the band Tool. Following multiple crashes, sales of tickets for blanks have dropped considerably. Airplanes. Right. On Thursday, it was confirmed that comedian Nikki Glaser would return to host the 2026 Blank Awards. Golden Globes. Right. This week, a newlywed couple in the Maldives are closer than ever after they shared a blank on their honeymoon. Bed.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
No, they shared a single life jacket after their ferry boat sank. Oh. After the ferry carrying 50 people sank, the newlyweds shared a single life jacket until help finally arrived and they were rescued. Somewhere, Jack from Titanic is like, oh, come on. What the hell? There was room on that door. She had a life jacket on.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Bill, how did Fortune do her first time on this quiz?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Oh, man. Good job. Whoa. How many of them does Peter need to overtake Emmy and win the game? Peter needs seven to win. All right, Peter, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the Trump administration announced massive layoffs at the Department of blank. Education. Right. On Tuesday, officials in New Mexico and Oklahoma confirmed cases of blank linked to the outbreak in Texas.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Oh, measles. Right. This week, the EPA was directed to roll back a Biden-era rule mandating less pollution from blanks. Carbon monoxide, right? Less pollution from what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
And just about everything. Saying that the paper's freedoms have dangerously eroded in the past year, an editor of the blank resigned on Monday. Washington Post. Right. This week, an Arizona dentist who used household pliers on a patient told the disciplinary board, blank. They asked for it. No, he said, quote, it was a bad choice. I will acknowledge that.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Tuesday marked the five-year anniversary of the WHO declaring blank a pandemic. COVID. Right. This week, after a mom in Wisconsin ate some of her four-year-old's ice cream, the boy responded by blanking. Throwing up in her face. No, by calling the cops on her. Right. After catching his mom eating ice cream, the young boy called 911 and told the dispatcher, come and get my mommy.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
She needs to go to jail. Which is really kind of sweet. So the police, you know, they heard the call. They stopped. They got some ice cream. They brought the toddler the new ice cream. And they arrested the mom after planting a bag of drugs on her. Bill, did Peter Gross do well enough to win?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Now, we might be in the verge of another Great Depression, right? But according to this American Girl book I've been reading, it is going to be awesome. No, the depression was great. You can live in a boxcar, travel for free. Every windowsill will have a pie cooling.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Coming up, our panelists predict after his new radio show what will be the next surprising new job for King Charles of the United Kingdom.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
But first, let me tell you all, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godka writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre, BJ Lederman composed our theme.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Mohanad Elshehi and Monica Hickey. Our mean girl is Peter Gwynn. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Our senior producer is Ian Chilog and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, that's Michael Danforth. Now panel, what will King Charles do next? Emmy Blotnick.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Peter Gross. He's going to force his radio show on the countries of India, Bermuda, Jamaica, Gambia, and the Falkland Islands, whether they want to listen to it or not.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
And the best of all, Those of us who will survive it will get to be insufferable to everyone else for the rest of our lives. Oh, yeah. Back in the Great Depression of 25, me and my four siblings all had to share one vape pen.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
We really do have a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Amanda Seyfried, who used to be known for starring in things like Mamma Mia and the TV show The Dropout and Mean Girls. But after an appearance on The Tonight Show last week, she is now world famous for doing Joni Mitchell covers on the dulcimer.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
We had to share one Netflix account. It was horrible. Our tokens were non-fungible back then.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Cameron, here is your next quote. Focus on a nature scene with a sunset. That was something that computer programmers came up with to help relieve the anxiety that what has been feeling. Exactly. AI, a new study has found that AI can get anxious and depressed, right? It can worry. That's trouble for those who use chat GPT for its main use, cheating on their homework.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Now it's the one saying, oh man, oh man, we're going to get caught.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
But why are they, why is it really like, is it because we're so anxious that it is aping us and being- Pretty much.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Because if you remember, these things work entirely by absorbing all this information and how humans have reacted to this information. So you heard the quote from Bill. Because it was being made anxious by the prompts that make humans anxious, they thought giving it mindful and meditation exercises would help, and it did.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Yeah, exactly. But I don't know how this can be. I would think a computer would freak out even more if you asked it to take deep, calming breaths, and it realizes it doesn't have lungs. Yes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
I feel like we can just stop AI now, right? Yeah, it's done. If we are inventing something that is mechanical and is separate from us, but it is acting like us and achieving our worst parts of ourselves, I think this is the time to step back and be like, that was probably too much.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Is vengeance one of the stages? I hope not. All right, Cameron, your last quote is from the host of a brand-new radio show on Apple Music as he introduces the next song.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
So who is a new side gig as a radio DJ? Would that be the King of England? Yes, King Charles III himself. Of course. The King's got his groove back. This week, Apple Music debuted King Charles' new radio show, The King's Music Room. And I got to tell you, it's actually really good. I'm not kidding. He plays Bob Marley, Beyonce. He plays world music. Here, this is just a bit of it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
So maybe instead of questions, we'll just have her do the whole blue album. But first, we want your help, so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
It is fun! Plus, it is going to be so much easier to get knighted now. All you have to do is be the hundredth caller. Can it be a video thing and he has to dance after he plays? No, actually, Dave, of course, because it's 2025, they also videotape it and put that online, and it's great, because, yes, I will confirm, he does the whole show wearing the complete royal regalia, right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
So at one point, when he gets really excited, he starts twerking with the orb.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
We're going now to Reginald Pips in the sky. Reggie, what's going on in central London? That's really funny.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Fortune, a new study finds that you can boost your brain's performance simply by chewing what? Gum. No, if that worked, my mother would have been a genius.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Chew on thoughts? Just thinking. No, I'll give you a hint. Now that explains how the beaver I saw got today's wordle in two.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Yes, wood. Chewing wood can make you smarter. Research finds that chewing on a piece of wood significantly increases brain activity, especially in the part of the brain that asks, why am I doing this?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
How do they figure this out? Like, what's the study that's like, here, chew on this gum, now do this puzzle. Chew on this stick, now chew the, oh, the stick guy did pretty good. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
The hypothesis is that chewing on something hard like wood increases blood flow to your head, which in many people is where the brain is located.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
No, it has to be harder. It has to be something that really takes effort.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
So you can't be just like a whimsical guy sitting on a porch whittling and chewing on a toothpick. No, no, no.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Coming up, our panelists are music to your ears in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPO.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
For the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game, call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air, or you can head over to npr.org slash wait, wait, form. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
You said that your husband was a librarian with some pride.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Oh, that's very exciting. So when somebody asks him for, like, music, he'll say, I'll dial that up on Spotify for you. You betcha. Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Terry. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Terry's topic? Behind the music. Speaking of music, getting into the music business isn't easy.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
People will do anything to get a leg up, a foot in the door, a toenail in the window. Our panel is going to tell you about a surprising new tactic someone might be able to use to get ahead in the music biz. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. You ready to play?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
What does one do with a pontoon boat? I've never known. You put their parents on it and you push it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Typically, when you put out a want ad, you explain the job, list the responsibilities, and state the salary. But if you're KISS bassist Gene Simmons, you tell someone how much they are going to have to pay you for the privilege of working with you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
Simmons is going out on a solo tour this month and he put out a call for help explaining that he's looking for one person in each city to join his road crew for the day for the low, low price of $12,495. Now before you scoff, there are some great perks. You get to meet Gene and for free they will throw in being laughed at and called a rich idiot by the real crew members.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
But you'll be the one laughing when you get to sit down and have a special one-on-one meal with a man accused multiple times of sexual harassment who once released a solo record called and who told an interviewer in 2022, I don't have friends.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
The going rate to be an assistant to Gene Simmons of KISS is $12,500, which you pay him. Your next music business breakthrough comes from Emmy Blotnick.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amanda Seyfried
A man goes all out to make sure that his is the safety song played on an airline. Your last musical moment comes from Fortune Feimster.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
All right. Somebody saved $1.2 million. Thank you. Was it from Nagin Farsad, an oil tycoon who ended up not having to build that water park in his backyard when the designer ran off with his lady friend? From Adam Burke, a Czech town that didn't have to build that dam because the beavers did it for them?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Or from Alzo Slade, a bad IT guy manages to cancel all the software subscriptions for his company, but the free trials save them $1.2 million? Which one is the real story of big savings?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Hi, Nick. Next is a comedian and host of the podcast, Fake the Nation. It's Nagin Farsad. And the Emmy and Peabody Award winning journalist and comedian and host of the new Nat Geo show, What X Does to Your Body. It's Alzo Slade. What's up, Nick? You're going to play Hugh Chiocchi, this time Chiocchi I. Anson of Richmond, Virginia. is going to read you three quotations from this week's news.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
That would be Adam Burke. Something appeals to you. You think that the story, I'm sorry, you think that the story about the beavers is the tooth. All right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Well, to bring you the correct answer, here's somebody who could speak to that real story.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
That was TikToker at ThatGoodNewsGirl talking about the real story about how beavers did it best in the Czech Republic. Congratulations, Will. You got it right. You earned a point for Adam. You have won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Will. Take care. And now the game we call Not My Job.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
In 1984, a group of musicians and art students at Virginia Commonwealth University started a new band, kind of as a joke, with players and elaborate costumes and even more elaborate fictional backstories. 40 years later, GWAR is still going strong, playing over-the-top bloody stage shows around the world. We're still based in Richmond, and members Mike Bishop and Mike Dirks join us now.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Dirks and Bishop of GWAR, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Good to be here. Now, for anyone, I mean, it's been 40 years, so everybody should know who you are, but for the few people who don't, can you describe what GWAR is? Because it is absolutely like nothing else I've ever seen or heard.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Oh, that old saw. Quite literally. They use a saw sometimes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
And you two were right there in the beginning. And when you joined the band, did you pick your own characters? No.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
The Berserker Blothar. And for people who haven't seen it, these costumes you wear are not just, I mean, like the guys from Kiss, for example, are just amateurs when it comes to you guys. You've got, like, enormous headpieces and huge full-body costumes that often have, shall we say, over-the-top anatomy. Oh, yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
And one of the things that I find fascinating is you guys usually don't do any appearances not in costume. And you're not in costume right now. Yes, that's right. And how does it feel?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
I mean, don't we all do that? Ultimately. Yeah, even if we don't have enormous, fleshy protuberances, it's really, it's something we all deal with. This is not your first time at NPR, because famously, Gwar did a Tiny Desk concert. This is true. And you are, I'm not an absolute expert, but I do believe you were the first musicians ever to play a song at Tiny Desk called Sex Cow. Yeah, probably.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
I mean, Regina Spektor tried, but she just didn't have the job. By the way, I recommend everybody watch this. When you walked into NPR headquarters in the full, guar, regalia, what was the reaction from our colleagues there? It was enthusiastic.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Let's do it. All right, here is your first quote. So, about that asteroid. That was the headline of The Atlantic on the news that a giant asteroid out in space now even has a better chance of doing what? Would that be hitting Earth?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
It'd be like, hey, Scott Simon, could you step out of the office just for a second? Yeah, yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
What's amazing is in the Tiny Desk concert, your character, Blothart the Berserker, proclaims his incredible enthusiasm for Terry Gross.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Right. And you, guar, very popular in Richmond, of course, and you even have a guar bar. We do. People have been to it. For fans, and Dierks, you work there sometimes, right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Right. And do people ever come in? I presume they're GWAR fans.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Well, Mike Dirks and Mike Bishop, we have invited you here to play a game we're calling... You guys are Gwar.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
We're going to ask you about Jaguars. Answer two out of three questions about Jaguars of various kinds. You'll win our prize fund of our listeners. Choki, who are Mike and Mike playing for?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
All right. One down, lady. If you win, maybe she'll come by the bar to thank you. All right, here we go. Now, the Jacksonville Jaguars are an NFL team that's had some good seasons, but they have also been very unlucky, including one year when their punter suffered a unique injury. What was it? A, he bet somebody he could punt a 35-pound kettlebell and broke all his toes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
B, he accidentally chopped himself in the leg with the inspirational axe kept in the locker room. Or C, he joined the team's cheerleaders for a kick line and ruptured his groin on the first kick.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Broke his toes. So let me get this right. Dierks, you're picking he broke his toes trying to punt a kettlebell. And Bishop, you're choosing he got in the kick line with a Julie. It was actually the other one. The coach kept an axe and a stump in the locker room to inspire his team to, quote, keep chopping. What does that have to do with Jaguars? And one day, the punter did.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
All right, that's okay, guys. You still have two more chances. Here is your next question. The Jacksonville Jaguars mascot is Jackson DeVille. It's a person in a skin tight suit and a big jaguar head. And he has been so innovative in the mascot arts that he has actually inspired a rule change for all mascots across the NFL. What is that rule change?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
A, no mascot may ever mime intimate acts with the other team's mascot. B, all mascots must be drug tested before each half. Or C, no mascot may get closer than six feet to the field of play, especially not if they are carrying a life-size dummy of the opponent's quarterback that they intend to stomp on midfield.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Yes, hitting Earth. Updated calculations from NASA say that the asteroid flying by Earth in 2032, that is going to happen, well, it now has a 1 in 43 chance of hitting Earth. Just last week, we were told the asteroid only had a 1 in 100 chance. So whoever just started having an affair, God saw you. Yeah. Now, NASA is referring to it as a potential, quote, city killer. A city killer.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Yeah, it really could be inspired by GWAR. Maybe it was. That's the real answer, of course. All right. The rule arose from an incident in a game against the Steelers in 1998. Okay, let's start talking about real jaguars. According to the scientists who work at a wildlife reserve in Guatemala, the best way to attract one of the big cats that can do it without fail is to do what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
A, turn on music by Kenny G, which the jaguars find irresistible. B, where lots of obsession by Calvin Klein... which draws them like flies, or C, dressed like Jackson DeVille, the Jacksonville Jaguars mascot?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Oh, wow. The audience is saying B. The audience is shouting B. Session. Session by Calvin Klein.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
So you're going to go for B? Yes, that's right. Congratulations, everyone.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
One more victory for our visitors from the asteroid. Mike Bishop and Mike Dirks are members of the intergalactic heavy metal band GWAR, which you can catch on their 40th anniversary tour later this year. More information at GWAR.net. Bishop and Dirks, thank you so much. Give it up for GWAR, everybody. In just a minute, Chioki has a new way to avoid me at the office.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
It's the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
In just one minute, it's time to sit. In just a minute, it's time to sit your kids down and have the talk about limericks. It's our listener limber challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Also, we've all gotten used to having these big screens on the dashboards of our cars, but Jeep owners are now complaining that their screens keep showing them what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
I'll give you a hint. Yeah, it seems pointless because they've already bought the car. What, an ad? Yes, it keeps showing them ads.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Sort of, yeah, it's the screen on their dashboard. You knew this day was coming. Car companies were not giving us those huge full-color screens just to distract us into fatal crashes, no. Jeep owners have been complaining about ads for extended warranties on their cars that pop up every time they come to a stop.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
The company says that's just a glitch, not supposed to happen, but it's hard to believe that when every time the driver gets within two feet of another car, the ad pops up again and says, are you sure?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
And like I said, Chrysler says, no, we didn't mean to do this, but they all mean to do this, right? Ford Motor Company has already applied for a patent for a system, all true, that will use your camera in a car to identify the driver and then show that driver personalized ads on the screen.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Right, right. And these ads will be based on its observations of you while driving. So, it will be extra hurtful when you start seeing ads for like voice lessons near you. Also, for more than a decade, a man in Ireland has been pleading with authorities to let him search the town's landfill after his girlfriend threw away a Bitcoin wallet worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Sucker!
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
That really freaked people out. But then everybody said, wait, which city?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Now, the town has always refused his request, so now the guy has offered to do what? Uh, by the lake. Not the lake. The body of water that the... Not the body of water, it's the landfill. Oh. By the landfill. By the landfill, that's right, yes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
12 years ago, James Howells put a hard drive containing 8,000 Bitcoin in a digital wallet in a garbage bag for easy storage, and his girlfriend threw it in the trash. Correction, ex-girlfriend. It's hard to win an argument when you're like, honey, what do you mean you threw away my garbage bag? Now, the wallet is right now worth $800 million.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
So he says, okay, okay, I will buy the whole landfill. And his odds are good. He says that through careful, you know, research, he has narrowed the search down so he will only have to sift through 10,000 tons of garbage. Meanwhile, by coincidence, a seagull has moved into a 40-million-dollar ranch on the coast.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
He's just going into every bank in Ireland saying, look, I'm good for it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, or come see us on the road. For example, we will be at the Walt Disney Theater in Orlando, Florida on March 20th.
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For tickets and information to all of our live shows, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
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Historic in Cain Hill. What interesting history does one have in Cain Hill, Arkansas?
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Wow. Nice. That's exciting. What was the name of the first co-ed college?
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Well, Vanessa, welcome to the show. Chioki Ianson right here is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to go?
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Wine. Yes. The president of Colombia, Gustavo Petro, has envisioned a future, he says, where cocaine is sold around the world and valued and appreciated just like fine wines.
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I just want to say, hey, NPR Wine Club, I have an idea that might make us a lot of money.
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A name? A name, yes. You have all heard that advice. If you want to make a good impression on someone you have just met, just repeat their name. Keep repeating their name. You know, Jeff, great to meet you, Jeff. By which I mean you, Jeff. But the Wall Street Journal reports that people are really getting tired of that trick. They call it pushy and creepy.
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You have to be careful not to cross that line from, like, co-worker trying to make the new guy feel welcome all the way to dad talking to the Applebee's waitress. Yeah. Do you think Jesus hates this? He better not. He's like, I get it, you know me. It's like, dude, I appreciate you saying my name. Could you do it once when you haven't stubbed your toe?
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Now, even though they can calculate whether or not it will hit Earth within some degree of specificity, there's no way of knowing where the asteroid might hit. But you know it's going to be Greenland right after we buy it.
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Boring. Exactly. A self-described introvert wrote to the New York Times workplace advice columnist, they have one, saying that she had a colleague who simply wouldn't stop bothering her. And the advice was to, quote, go gray. That is, to make her responses so dull that the other person would just give up and go away. That's easy for her to do. Some of us have no off handle on our charisma faucet.
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Well done, Vanessa. Hang that on your museum. Congratulations. Thank you.
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Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Shoki, can you give us the scores? Adam and Alzo have three. Nagin's got two. Okay, so Nagin, you are in second place. That means you're up first.
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The clock will start when I begin your first question, Fill in the Blank. After a phone call with Russia on Wednesday, President Trump said negotiations to end the war in blank... Ukraine. Super Bowl. Honda.
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No, a snowstorm. On Tuesday, former Beatle blanked a surprise show to 600 fans in New York.
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McCartney, McCartney. After being told his in-laws were considering buying a house in his neighborhood just to be closer to the family, a wealthy man in California blanked.
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No, he didn't. He secretly bought the house so the in-laws couldn't move in. When the in-laws excitedly told the guy, well, they put in a bid and this house will be right around the corner, he then formed an LLC under another name and bought the house in cash so they could not get it. That's gangster. That's gangster. He was very proud. It was quick thinking.
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So that has ensured for all time that the in-laws he apparently hates will have to stay in his house whenever they visit. Choki, how did Nagin do in our quiz?
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Adam, I am arbitrarily choosing you to go next. Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the Senate voted to confirm blank as director of national intelligence. Tulsi Gabbard? It was. This week, U.S. blank jumped by 3%.
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Right. After firing the entire board, President Trump was named chairman of the blank center. The Kennedy Center. How did he manage that? This week...
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No, apparently not. I think they're just booing the Kennedys. This week, a Georgia representative introduced a bill to rename Greenland blank. Oh, red, white, and blue-land? That's right. On Monday, NASA announced the astronauts stuck on the blank would return home sooner than planned. The International Space Station. Right. On Tuesday, a giant schnauzer named Monty won best in show at the blank.
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The Westminster Dog Show? Right. This week, singer Bryan Adams announced he had to cancel a concert in Perth, Australia because the city was dealing with a giant blank. infestation of other Bryan Adams? No, they cancelled the concert due to a giant fatberg. Oh, that's right.
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All right. Your next quote is from a headline in the New York Times that was kind of worried about a big news story this week.
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Fatbergs are giant sewer blockages made of discarded grease that all clumps up together and one was so close to the venue where Bryan Adams was set to perform that the concert was cancelled over fears that all the toilets would back up. This is, of course, a huge disappointment to Adams' fans who weren't able to hear his hits like Summer of 69 and the encore performance of Summer of 69.
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All right. So how many then does Alzo Slade need to win this big thing? Six to tie, seven to win. All right. This is for the game. On Monday, President Trump announced 25% blanks on steel and aluminum. Tears. Right. On Tuesday, the chair of the Federal Reserve said they were in no rush to cut blanks. Uh, interest rate. Right. This week, flights were delayed as severe blanks hit the East Coast.
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Uh, winter storms. Right. On Thursday, Israel said that Hamas must release more hostages by Saturday or the war in blank would resume. Gaza. Right. This week, a man in Minnesota was charged with arson after he tried to put out a fire by blanking. By starting it. No, but he actually did start it, but he tried to put it out by dousing it with alcohol. What he had in his hand.
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Due to botulism risk, a recall was issued on several brands of canned blank. Uh, tuna? Right. On Wednesday, OutKast, Billy Idol, and Phish were among the nominees to be inducted into the blank. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Right.
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This week, a woman in the UK on a bad first date excused herself to the bathroom to text a friend, tell him the date was awful, they should call with a fake emergency, but she accidentally blanked.
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Yes, she did. Yes. Everything I'm about to tell you is true. So this woman was on this first date. She was having a terrible time. She goes into the bathroom and she texts her friend and I quote, this date is rubbish. He's brutally ugly and I'm not having fun. Can you call me in about five minutes and I'll pretend there's an emergency, unquote. And she pressed send right to him at the table.
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So, and again, this is true. The guy looked at it, turned to the waiter and said, you know, I've got to leave in a hurry. An emergency has just come up. My lady friend is in the bathroom, but she has the credit card and she'll take care of the bill.
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There you go. Yeah. In just a minute, our panelists will predict, now that pennies are being phased out, what will we do with all our leftover pennies? Wait, wait, don't tell me.
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It's a production of NPR and WBEZ, Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeker writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Altria Theatre in Richmond, Virginia, and a special thanks to our wonderful partners at VPM. Thank you. P.J.
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Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dorboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Vinnie Thomas and Monica Hickey. Our jolly good fellow is Hannah Anderson. Peter Gwynn's got that big dinner energy. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.
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Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will we do with all those pennies? Alzo Slade.
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Thank you, Chayoke. Anson filling in for Bill Curtis. Thank you. who will be back the next time you hear us. Thanks also to Nagin Farsad and Birkenauzo Slade, our fabulous audience here in Richmond, Virginia. And thanks to all of you for listening wherever you are. I'm Peter Stegall. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.
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We are so delighted to be back in Richmond with the true mayor of this city, Cherokee Iyanson, filling in just one more time for Bill Curtis. Now, later on, we're going to be talking to two members of the shock metal band GWAR, famed for their costumes and their stunts and their headbanging music. Now, the band was formed by art students and musicians right here in Richmond 40 years ago.
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Yeah, exactly. That's the only reason it got in your pocket, I'm sure. Trump did this the same week that he announced he was also getting rid of paper straws, which also everybody hates. This feels like a win-win. But then Trump also announced that from now on, all straws will be made of melted pennies. Nobody knows. I mean, he's been so sort of impulsive.
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Nobody knows exactly why he came up with this. He might just be governing based on what he finds in his pocket. That's why he also just declared war on chapstick and lint.
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Yeah, you can't put a Bitcoin on a railroad track. You've got a smushed one. That's not going to work. And you just know we're never going to get that Harriet Tubman 20. Just give it up. Yeah. All right, very good.
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Now, that was a man in France, and he was the first of what we hope will be many people around the world to get fined for doing what in public? I have no idea. Can I get a hint? Well, it's an obscure story, but I think you'll find it a welcome one. He could have avoided the fine if he had just spent the money for headphones.
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Prism. It is now illegal in France. Finally, a judge has ruled in the case of me versus literally everyone else on this pod. This man was fined about $200 for talking to his sister at full volume in a crowded train station. And if $200 doesn't seem like the right punishment, remember, France no longer has the death penalty.
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He just kicked into a room and goes, forks go on the left. And not only, I got to say, not only is this rude to the people who happen to be around you, it's actually unfair to the people you're talking to. Like, so you say, like, Helen, I'm really sorry you have chlamydia. That's tough. And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you you're on speaker and I'm in church.
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Oh, yeah. I don't know that we need a law for this. I mean, the asteroid is coming here.
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It's really true. Yeah. Joki, how did Nick do in our quiz? Nick the fish got all three right. All right, Nick. Yes. Congratulations, Nick. You have made Philly proud.
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Take care. Bye-bye. Panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Adam, thanks to a new technology, more and more couples are discussing whether or not it would be permissible for one of them to do what?
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That's true. Yes, more and more couples are sort of getting, you know, getting prepared for when the time comes when you can do this, if it would be okay for their partner to cheat with a robot, according to a survey that seemed to be exclusively offered to complete freaks.
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Meaning this band has gone all the way from having dads yell, why are you kids listening to that noise? To dads yelling, hey kids, listen to this noise. But first we want to hear what you're playing, whatever it might be. Give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
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One out of four people say they would be okay with their partner cheating with a robot, but if, and only if, and I swear to you this is true, if the robot's appearance was based on them.
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It is so weird that that is the condition under which it would be okay. It's like, oh, my spouse prefers intimacy with a machine. That's humiliating. Wait, it's also balding with a spare tire? Now it's validating.
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Coming up, as Ben Franklin said, $1.2 million saved is $1.2 million earned. It's our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY and we'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Hey, it's Peter Sagal. Before we get back to the show, I wanted to tell you about a special bonus episode we're working on.
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One in which we turn the tables in which the questioner is questioned. That's right. We need your questions for me. I'm doing an AMA, you know, like ask me anything where you can ask me about. Let me check the rules here. Oh yeah, anything. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT and leave us your question. Again, that's 1-888-924-8924. We'll pick the best ones and I will answer them in an upcoming bonus episode.
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So if you want to hear it, make sure you're signed up for NPR Plus. If you're not, just head over to plus.npr.org and fix that quick.
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Right now... It's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
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WWDTM: GWAR
That's really good work. I really appreciate it. What do you do to enjoy yourself?
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Right, so that's two or three days of great riding in Boston. Well, welcome to the show, Will. You're going to play our game on which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Joki, what is Will's topic? $1.2 million saved. Everybody would love to save an extra $1.2 million, but Act Fast, your opportunity to get it is 120 million pennies, is fast running out. Okay.
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Our panelists are going to tell you about someone who was able to save $1.2 million in a unique way. Pick the one who's telling the truth and win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Ready to go? I'm ready. All right. First, let's hear from Nagin Farsad.
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Not Nick the Fish, who'd be kind of like a notorious gangster, but just Nick Fish. That'd be Jersey. Exactly, just the fish. Well, welcome to the show, Nick. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian who'll be bringing his cocktail hour comedy show, Shaking with Laughter, to the Kansas City Irish Center in Kansas City, Missouri, on February 20th. That's Adam Burke.
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A tycoon saves $1.2 million when he doesn't have to build a water park for his boo. Your next deep discount comes from Adam Burke.
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Save a town in the Czech Republic $1.2 million by building a dam before they could get around to it. Your last story on sale comes from Alzo Slade.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
You do? So like an incubator, they call it?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Yes, yes. And are you the one who, in a Shark Tank kind of way, gets to decide who you're going to invest in based on their idea?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
A politician in New Jersey... thinking of running for governor, fakes his Spotify rap to make it seem like he listened to more Bruce than he really did. Your next trip down Thunder Road comes from Paula Poundstone.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
A convenience store owner in New Jersey gets a little carried away with his Springsteen fandom and ends up getting a smackdown from the boss's lawyer. Your last Springsteen spiel comes from Joyelle Nicole Johnson.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
And what is the stupidest idea anybody's ever pitched you?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
All right, here are your choices. Bruce Springsteen, no stranger to the news, found himself in it for an unusual reason. Was it from Mo Rocca, a gubernatorial candidate, perhaps in New Jersey, faked his Spotify rap to make it sound like he listened to more Bruce than apparently he really did?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
From Paula Poundstone, a convenience store owner who just got a little too carried away and got into legal trouble with his Bruce fandom? Or Bruce Springsteen himself announces he is going to write, produce, and star in The Boss 2, which of these is the real story of Springsteen in the news?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Please, oh, come on. Megan, come on. If they're that dumb, they probably don't listen to NPR, so go ahead. No, no, we admire your discretion. That's fine, Megan. Welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our fabulous panel this week. First up, a comedian you can see New Year's Eve at the Burlington Comedy Club in Vermont, Joelle Nicole Johnson.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Mo's story about Spotify wrapped. Your choice then is the story about the... Politician who tried to increase his New Jersey cred. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to the journalist who broke this story.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
That was the New Jersey Monitor's editor-in-chief, Terrence T. McDonald, who is the guy who realized through careful forensic analysis... that this Spotify wrapped report was fake. Congratulations, Claire, you got it right. So, we know three things. You earn our prize, Mo gets a point just for telling the truth, and Joyelle has never once in her life heard Bruce Springsteen's speaking voice.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Yeah. It's good to know. It's just good to know that about you. Congratulations, Claire. You got it right. Well done. Thanks so much for playing. Thank you. And now the game where we ask important people about unimportant things. It's called Not My Job. Katonji Brown Jackson was sworn in as an associate justice of the Supreme Court on June 30th, 2022, becoming not just the first. Yes. Yes.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
I know that they're responding as if they just heard the news. More public about it. Anyway, she became on that day, not just the first black woman on our highest court, but also the first former public defender in that role. Justice Jackson, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
We are so delighted to have you. Although we have to be honest, as much as we'd like to think that this were the case, you are not in New York City simply to be with us. You are going to be on Broadway this weekend.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Wow. How is that going to happen? How does that work?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Wow. And I could just imagine the admissions officer going, she's a lunatic, but kind of fun. Let's let her in, see what happens. So they have offered you a chance. It's an actual Broadway show, right?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
I mean, I just want to say that this remarkable event, you appearing on a Broadway stage, is such a gift for all the mothers who are telling their kids, no, no, you can go to law school and then be on Broadway. LAUGHTER And they can point at you and say, it worked.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
All you have to do is get in the Supreme Court. You can have any part they want. They will call you up and ask you.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Justice Breyer again told us he did not enjoy that.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Oh, well, hold on. Give us an example.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
I mean, you can't talk about cases and controversies. Tell us about entrees.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Oh my God, Paula's reading her dissent from the bench. Yes! So, in you, Justice Jackson went to college with Mo Rocca right here, is that right?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
It's the pinnacle of every theater person's dream to perform with Mo Rocca, but you also... Didn't you also get to perform in some way with Matt Damon when he was a student there?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Hi, Megan. And finally, a comedian you can see in Glendale, California on February 8th at the Alex Theater. And, of course, you can hear her on the podcast. Nobody listens to Paula Poundstone. It is, of course, Paula Poundstone.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
So anyway, about Matt. So you were paired with... Matt Damon, Matt Damon, Matt Damon, Matt Damon. We were paired for a scene.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Well, Justice Jackson, we are so thrilled to have you with us. And we're asking you here to play a game we're calling Supreme Meet the Supremes. We were thinking about the Supreme Court, and that made us, of course, think about Diana Ross and the Supremes. Oh, amazing. So we're going to ask you three questions about that greatest of all girl groups.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Get two of them right, you'll win a prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Justice Jackson playing for?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Now, again, having read your book and seen you in action, I'm guessing that you were the kind of person who takes this seriously, even if you know you shouldn't.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
All right. Your first question. The Supremes had 12 number one hits, like famous ones, Stop in the Name of Love, but some of their early singles did not find much success, like which of these? A, a song about a lonely fox during a snowy winter, B, a song about how the singer's boyfriend eats too much popcorn, or C, a song called Go in the Name of Love?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
All right, Megan, you, of course, are going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis stands at the ready with three quotations from the week's news. Your job, of course, correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that and you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to go?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
You're going to say Fox in the Snowy Winter?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
She does think on her feet. She does. Come on, context clues. You are quick. Yes, you sensed my skepticism and you got it correct. The song... The song was called Buttered Popcorn, came out of the Motown music factory there in Detroit, and Motown stopped promoting it after someone told them that the lyric, he likes it greasy and sticky, could be construed to have a double meaning.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Yeah. Okay. That was very good. Here's your next question. One day in the 1990s, a stretch limo driver got a call from Diana Ross's manager with a question. What was the question for that stretch limo chauffeur? Was it A, if that driver could look for Miss Ross's heart chakra, which she insists she had left in that car? Yeah. B, if the driver was available to take Ms.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Ross on a trip through a car wash, which she loved, and a stretch limo, of course, would make it last longer. Or C, if he could turn up the heat because Ms. Ross, who was sitting in the back seat at that very moment, was a little chilly. That's got great.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
You are right again. Yes! Here is your last question. Miss Ross, known, of course, as one of the quintessential divas, as we just illustrated, she does, in fact, try to stay humble. For example, she went on social media in 2017 to express her sincere gratitude for what? A, the fact that a song she recorded in 1974 hit number one again.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
B, she was grateful for her daughter sharing her Netflix password with her. Or C, she was grateful for the stranger who turned in her fanny pack after she lost it at Marshalls. Diana Ross with a fanny pack?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
You're right again. The tweet read, thank you for the angel. I lost my fanny pack at the Marshalls on Olympic and someone turned it in. What a blessing. So Bill, how did Justice Jackson do on our quiz? Three in a row. Perfect. Katanja Brown Jackson's memoir is called Lovely One. Justice Jackson, thank you so much for gracing us here with your presence. Thank you.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
I hope so, because here is your first quote. He's even hotter with his mask off. That was someone in the New York Times talking about an accused criminal who many people are calling a, quote, folk hero. Who is it?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Ladies and gentlemen, Associate Justice Katanja Brown Jackson. In just a minute, a brand new meaning of runaway bride. That's in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Thank you so much, Bill. In just a minute, Bill, like history, does not repeat himself, but sometimes he rhymes. If you'd like to play our Listener Limerick Challenge, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Paula, the life of a parent can be hectic, as you yourself well know, which may be why a recent poll found that one-third of parents regularly eat what for dinner? Oh, their kids' food. Yes, exactly. Their kids' leftover lunches, specifically.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
In order to save time and money, about 30% of parents around the country admit to regularly eating the leftovers from their kids' school lunches for their own dinner. Now, I trust researchers, but I'm calling this one out. It is not 30%. Every parent does this. 100%. Some just don't want to admit how delicious Uncrustables are.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Yes, he did. Luigi Mangione. Yes. It's okay. You're applauding for her. She got it right. It really shows you the state of American healthcare where they catch the guy who murdered an insurance CEO and the main public reaction is, well, hang on, let's hear him out. Every major news outlet, including NPR, is running pieces debating if Mangione is a villain or a kind of popular hero.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
The poll found that most lunches consist of your classic sandwich and chips, and so that's what you get for dinner, but you know that if you will be eating the leftovers, why not, you know, play to that outcome? You know, your kid's like, oh, why did mom pack me a pan-seared halibut and a glass of Chardonnay again?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Yeah. Joelle, new research finds that of all the Christmas songs, Frosty the Snowman is the most what?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
That may well be true, but not according to science. Let me give you a hint. I mean, think about it. You might poke your eyes out on that sharp carrot nose. Dangerous? Dangerous. It's the most dangerous holiday song. Yes, Frosty the Snowman has been deemed the most dangerous Christmas carol. We'd say danger is Frosty's middle name, but his middle name is the...
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
So researchers in China showed that songs with a high tempo can be distracting to drivers, right? So an insurance company applied that formula to holiday songs and discovered that the tempo of Frosty the Snowman, which is 172 beats per minute in most popular versions, is a ticket to the danger zone, right? Plus, the chorus just fits too perfectly with plow through a school zone.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Exactly. And back we are. Yeah. Yeah. Joyelle, we have AI assistants. Some people have AI companions. Now, phone companies have introduced another kind of artificial person, an AI what? Customer service? Oh, we've got that, and it's terrible. Oh, it is. Oh, oh. I'll give you a hint. I'll give you a hint. It even pinches your cheeks and gives you Werther's original hard candies.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Yep, AI grandmas. So a British phone company called O2 has unveiled their new AI grandma. She's designed specifically to frustrate phone scammers who prey on the elderly. Right?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Right? Right. Instead of taking money from your grandma, they get stuck with her and she's able to keep them on the line for 40 minutes or more by misunderstanding what they're saying just enough to get them to keep trying to explain. It is absolutely spooky how realistic she is. Every 10 minutes, this AI grandma tells you you're so brave for living in New York and taking the subway.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
She's named Daisy. She loves chit-chat, talking about her kitten. At press time, she has tied up over 1,000 spammers and convinced more than two dozen of them to visit her more often. I love that.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Coming up, it's lightning fell on the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call and leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks back at the beautiful Studebaker Theater in Chicago. For tickets and info, just go over to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Even Senator Elizabeth Warren said, and this is a quote, violence is never the answer. But... But what, Senator? Oh, it's not the answer, but it's a good guess? Have you guys been caught in a kind of sort of dual consciousness about this terrible crime? Oh, it's no duel. Yeah. No, I mean, this, of course, is the problem. It is a terrible crime, a murder in broad daylight.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Hamburg, New York. I don't know where that is. Where is it exactly?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Okay. Well, that just makes you people thrive, right?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
It just cushions the blow when you jump at the folding table before the games to have the snow on. Aaron, Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Those are the rules. Are you ready to do it? I'm ready. Let's go.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Run? Yes, very good. This week, the New York Times told us about a new wedding trend where in the morning of the ceremony, the bride and groom make the guests go for a run with them, even putting on sometimes a pre-wedding 5K. There's nothing like starting a day with all the people who love you, giving them a reason to hate you.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Right. It's like, yes, you have to go somewhere and you have to get there on foot. And now most cases of these weddings, the run is not required, but the reception is 3.1 miles away from the church, and it starts now. Would you do this if you were invited to a wedding and there was a group run on the morning of the wedding? Would you go?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
You're running by and you grab a can of pain and stuff it in your face. I like that. All right, here is your next limerick.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Right, yes. Moths avoid plants if the plants are crying. Great. Plants cry now. Come on, as if we didn't have enough to deal with. So, what does plant crying actually sound like? According to the Times, plants, quote, cry a mournful melody, unquote, consisting of ultrasonic clicking. It's not bad. It's why one of the most popular YouTube channels is Plant Dying ASMR.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
That's really interesting that you were feeding flies to your personal Venus flytrap, and yet you are not today a serial killer. I think that's such a sign of your resilience. All right, here is your last limerick.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Yes, the hottest trend in baby names this year is names that conjure up the image of an Ivy League educated elite. You know, names like Whitaker or Kingsley or Forrest, something that suggests old money and, quote, can commit any crime because dad knows the governor. So that means that if this trend holds, 18 years from now, Harvard and Yale freshmen will be named like Harvard and Yale freshmen.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
It's frustrating. This happened right after we had a child and named him Little University of Phoenix Online Cycle. Bill, how did Erin do in our quiz?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
But on the other hand, our healthcare system is terrible. If the guy ever goes to trial, the problem for prosecutors will be finding 12 people for a jury who have never been screwed over by their health insurance company.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Mo and Joyelle, three. Paula, two. All right. Paula, that means you are in second place. That means you're going to go first.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
The clock will start when I begin your first question. Ready to go?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Fill in the Blank. On Wednesday, Christopher Wray, the director of the Blank, announced he would resign at the end of President Biden's term.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Right. On Thursday, the president of South Korea defended his decision to declare blank in that country last week. Martial law. Right. This week, GM announced it was abandoning its plans to develop a line of blank-less taxis. Blankless. Driverless. Right. On Tuesday, the CDC proposed a new rule that would greatly reduce the amount of blank and tobacco products. Nicotine. Right.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
This week, a man in the UK who was arrested for the 59th time told the judge blank. I like it here. No, he told the judge... He told the judge, quote, I think this time I really have learned my lesson. On Monday, FIFA announced that Saudi Arabia had won the bid for the 2034 blank. Soccer champion thing. I'll give it to you. World Cup. World Cup.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
This week, a senator said that mysterious blanks above New Jersey should be shot down if necessary. Drones? Right. During a parade in Palm Springs this week, a motorcycle cop who wanted to impress the crowd did a wheelie and then blanked. Uh, fell off. No, he did a wheelie and then crashed into the crowd, sending 10 people to the hospital. Oh, my gosh.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
During the Festival of Lights this week, the motorcycle cop popped up on one wheel, lost control of the bike, and knocked down 10 people. Fortunately, no one was seriously injured until the ambulance taking them to the hospital tried to do a wheelie. Wow.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Okay, I have arbitrarily chosen Moe to go next. Moe, fill in the blank. On Thursday, President Biden sent a single-day record for presidential blanks. Pardons. And commutations. On Tuesday, Russia confirmed that they had granted asylum to the deposed president of blank. Syria. Right. This week, residents were told to evacuate as a blank swept through Malibu. Fire. Yes, wildfire.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
On Thursday, a watchdog group reported that the FBI had missed basic steps in their intelligence gathering before the attack on the blank. Capital. Right. This week, Russia announced it was sending, quote, 100 elite blanks to North Korea.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Did you zoom in? Mo Rocca, are you an abs truther?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Elite GOAT is kind of redundant, yes. On Wednesday, Bill Belichick agreed to a five-year coaching deal with blank.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Well, hello. To combat overcrowding, an airline in Japan announced plans to deliver passengers blank directly to their hotels. Oh, their package. This week, the elaborate wedding proposal of a couple under a giant Christmas tree near Radio City Music Hall near here was interrupted by blank.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
No, it was interrupted by a rat running out of the Christmas tree just as the man got down on one knee. Yes! The rat's timing... I'd like to think it was... I'd love to think it's Pizza Rat. Pizza Rat, yeah, he's still out there. The rat's timing could not have been more perfect. If you look at the video, he popped out of the tree the moment the man was about to pop the question.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
The story has a happy ending, though. The rat said yes. Bill, how did Mo do on our quiz? Settled at 15, and he takes the lead. All right, then. So how many, then, does Joyelle need to win in this, her first appearance on the stage of Carnegie Hall? Seven to win. Here we go, Joyelle. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, GOP lawmakers met with several of blank's cabinet picks.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Now, of course, as you know, after this week-long manhunt that seemed to occupy the news, he was spotted by a worker at a McDonald's in Pennsylvania. And this is true, again, reflecting people's mixed feelings about this. People have been flooding that McDonald's with bad reviews on Yelp.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Yes, Donald Trump. On Wednesday, a technical issue caused widespread outage of Facebook, Instagram, and the other apps run by blank. Meta? Right. This week, three more people filed charges against disgraced hip-hop mogul blank. Diddy? Yep. On Monday, the Department of Agriculture announced plans to expand the testing of U.S. milk for blank flu.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Yes. This week, a man won the Spanish National Scrabble Championships despite not blanking. Speak in English? No, despite not speaking any Spanish. It was in Spain. Three months after having back surgery, golfer Blank announced he was returning to competition. Tiger? Tiger Woods. On Tuesday, movies and TV shows produced by Netflix scored over 35 Blank Award nominations. Oh, Golden Globe? Right.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
This week, the most watched video on TikTok was a woman telling the story of the time she had used an olive oil hair treatment in high school and blanked.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
No, I'll tell you what happened. She used too much olive oil, leaving a path of olive oil behind her. Then her cat frightened her. She slipped in the oil, slammed into a door, and passed out. Then she woke up in darkness, didn't know where she was, and couldn't stand because both her legs were asleep, and she was covered in olive oil. She finally got up and tried to run to the door.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
When she got to the door, it set off the burglar alarm, which wakes her dad up, and he comes downstairs wielding a baseball bat, thinking there's a burglar. They both scream. The story goes on, but the show is about to end. Bill, did Joyelle do well enough to win?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
In just a minute. We're going to ask our panelists to predict after unclaimed mail what will be the next innovation in gift giving. But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ, Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircare Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Our tour manager is Shana Dommel. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer. Birthday, Mills, Miles, Drone Boss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn is the ghost of Wait, Wait, Future. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Special thanks to Gary Yeck this week. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mr. Michael Danforth. Now panel, what's the next big thing in gift giving? Joelle Nicole Johnson.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Paula Pounce, Angela McCall-Johnson, Mo Rocca. Thanks to everyone at WNYC, the amazing staff here at Gardner U Hall, and our fabulous audience here in this gem of an institution. Thanks to all of you for listening wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you back in Chicago next week. This is NPR.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Because there's shots of him with a Happy Meal from earlier. But really, I mean, again... Even given what he is accused of doing, everybody is obsessed with this guy's good looks, including the shirtless photo that I think Mo was referring to a moment ago. The New York Times even ran a headline this week, Luigi Mangione and the Danger of a Handsome Criminal.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
And it was the first ever New York Times article with a centerfold. Megan, your next quote comes from a contestant on a certain reality TV show.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
In a huge win for reality TV stars this week, the National Labor Relations Board ruled that stars of one particular show have rights as employees. They can even unionize. What is that show?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Well, there was a big hint in the quote.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
However did you know? The National Labor Relations Board issued a ruling this week saying the contestants on Netflix's dating show Love is Blind are legally employees. They have the right to... to decent working conditions, pay, and if they like, can form a union. This could have shockways across the reality TV space, as they say.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
I can't wait for the first time someone pulls out their housewife's local 150 membership card.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
That's true. But also, when you think about it, on Survivor, there will now be workplace rules. OSHA will be able, right, to come in and make sure that everything is safe and up to code. Like, you know, they won't be able to kick people off the island, you know, with union protections. The tribe has spoken. We have to move you to a desk job with full pay.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Exactly, yeah. All right, Megan. Megan, your last quote is about what one person actually got for Christmas.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Now, if you're wondering why anyone might get that weird random collection of stuff as a present, it's because according to the Wall Street Journal, the new hot thing for Christmas is to give your loved ones other people's undelivered what?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Close enough. Their unclaimed mail. Very good. They're packages. Companies like Fun Delivered are making unclaimed mail the hottest gift this season. Nothing says I love you like somebody else didn't want this. So for about $100, Fund Delivered will send you a bunch of unopened packages to give away, right?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
It is such a pleasure to be back at this absolute jewel of an institution, Carnegie Hall. We have such a special show for you all today. Later on, we are going to be talking to Supreme Court Justice Katonji Brown Jackson. It's so exciting now. We realize that she is the most junior justice in the court, but all the really senior ones were outside our price range. It's still free.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
These packages have been abandoned by their recipient and not returned to the sender, right? You don't know what you're going to get because neither do they. The unclaimed packages can be anything from valuables to negligees to fake IDs to, uh-oh, whose grandpa's ashes are these?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
That's the great thing about this idea. For when you can't think of what somebody might want, you get something that you don't know what it is.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
If you out there are excited by this gift idea, act quickly. There's a holiday special at 10% discount on packages that are leaking.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Bill, how did Megan do in our quiz?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about the week's news. Paula, an American woman traveling to Australia arrived there and was caught with a gun in her suitcase, which is a crime. She said she forgot it in there, but she was sentenced to jail this week when authorities discovered what?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
I will give you the right answer. She had set up a Google calendar alert for that day that said, put gun in suitcase. Wow. You laugh, but that's why you always forget to put gun in suitcase. This is all true. The woman was carrying this gold-plated automatic pistol on her way to attend clown college in Australia. And before leaving on this trip, she both Googled, can I bring a gun to Australia?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
And even though the answer is no, she put the reminder in her calendar, right? And when she arrived, she said, I have no illegal items. And a customs officer said, well, what about that gun in your luggage? And she responded, quote, oh. I forgot about that.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
So you walk around with your medications, scotch tape to your shirt.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Do you have the little pills on you? Yeah, I put the pills on me. And you wait for someone to notice them.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Coming up, we go down to the river in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Hey, it's Peter Sagal. Before we get back to the show, we want to say a big thank you to our listeners. It's because of you that we get to bring on famous people and ask them about very silly subjects.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Just this year alone, we've questioned Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen about Antiques Roadshow. Can I phone a friend? You have armed security. You can do whatever you want. Stumped chef and TV host Kristen Kish with Jeff Bezos trivia.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
So go ahead, ask your question. And asked English actor Gary Oldman about hobby horses. Have you heard or seen hobby horsing? I have seen it. It's pretty out there. It's pretty out there. Like I said, silly, but we like to think pretty funny. If you already support our work by giving to your local station or signing up for NPR+, we really appreciate it.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
If you haven't heard of NPR+, well, that's a program especially for our podcast listeners. For a small recurring donation, NPR Plus supporters get to hear this and other NPR shows sponsor free. And you get other perks too, like bonus episodes and discounted items from the NPR shop.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
So you get all that with Plus and know you're supporting NPR's mission of creating a more informed public and our mission to embarrass as many famous people as possible. Just go to plus.npr.org to learn more. And thanks.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
To call and play our games, the number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
This message comes from Omaha Steaks. Nothing delivers comfort and joy quite like the unrivaled quality and taste of Omaha Steaks. The gifting experts at Omaha Steaks have made it easy to deliver the perfect gift with thoughtfully curated gift packages featuring gourmet favorites, from legendary steaks to mouth-watering desserts. Save 50% off site-wide for a limited time.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Plus, get an extra $30 off with promo code WAIT. Minimum purchase may apply.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Thank you, Bill. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at waitwaitnpr. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
I love Tucson, one of my favorite places in this country. What do you do there?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
What do you do there in Pittsburgh?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
So I assume, of course, that you carry a bullwhip and have lots of adventures, right?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
Absolutely. And of course, the students know about the whip, so they're not going to give you lip. Well, welcome to the show, Claire. You have to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Claire's topic? Maybe we were born to run. Bruce Springsteen, icon, superstar, the one good thing about New Jersey.
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
So this week, Bruce Springsteen, though, showed up in the news in a surprising way. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize. The wait-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to go?
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WWDTM: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
All right, first off, let's hear from Mo Rocca.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
Yay! Yay! We got a big yay here. Thank you. Wow, you know our audience. Yeah.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
It was very good, yes. Okay, a scandal in the harp world, as some people play it on the wrong side. And to a dubstep beat, your next story of controversy in Cardiff comes from Rachel Koster.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
A cheating scandal at the pickled cockle eating contest. Your last rare Welsh bit comes from Josh Gondelman.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
All right, these are your choices. One of these things... happened in the ancient and storied kingdom of Wales? Was it from Nagin, a scandal when some harpists played dubstep music on their traditional Welsh harps? From Rachel, the winner of the pickled cockles eating contest found to be a cheater?
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
Or from Josh, that experts on Welsh culture complaining that all of these fantasy romance novels are doing Wales dirty? Which of these is the real story of Trouble in Wales?
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
No fool you. Well, welcome to the show, Caroline. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, it's a comedian performing at Cobb's Comedy Club on January 25th as part of San Francisco Sketch Fest. It's Josh Gondelman. Hello. Thank you so much for having me here. Next, a comedian and host of the podcast Fake the Nation, and you can also see her at San Francisco Sketch Fest on January 31st.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
So you're going to go then, that was Josh's story. Now, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to a reporter who covered this scandal.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
Yes, that was Katrina Aitken. a journalist in the BBC World News who reported on the fairy fact-checking going on in Wales. Congratulations, Greg. You got it right. You earned a point. For Josh, you've won our prize. The voice of anyone you may choose on your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today. Take care. Thank you. Bye-bye. And now the game we call Not My Job.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
Josh Gad keeps getting famous over and over again, but for different things. He became famous to many people when he starred in the original production of Book of Mormon on Broadway. Then again...
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
He became famous to more people when he played Olaf the Snowman in the Frozen movies, and then again as LeFou in the live-action Disney Beauty and the Beast, so we assume he's going to become famous all over again as an author, because his new memoir is In Gad We Trust. It's out now. Josh Gad, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much for having me. It's a pleasure to have you.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
And congratulations on the book, which I devoured this week. Was it a little intimidating to write a memoir at the age of 43?
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
Yeah, that'll do it. Now, you answered a question in the book that I often ask to people like you who've done a lot of different things.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
This conversation, you figured, let's just save time. Peter, just read the damn book. The question I often ask people like you who've done so many different things is, what do you most recognize for? And you say in the book...
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
Yeah, okay, there's some people. So I myself have never watched the show. Why is that surprising? Who is Bearclaw? That's my question as well.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
It's Nagin Farsad. And making her debut on our panel, it's the host of the TikTok series Boy Room, it's Rachel Koster.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
Wow. It's like a Twilight Zone episode thing where it happens to you, man.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
He's the superior Josh G. You did tell the story in the book of one person who did not recognize you, which was the director David O. Russell.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
So, Caroline, you, of course, are going to start us off. Who's Bill this time? The first new one of the year. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to do this?
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
Game over. Amazing. Well, Josh Gad, it is a pleasure to talk to you after seeing you do so many amazing things over the years. But we have asked you to play a game we're calling Josh Gad Meet Posh Lads. So we've decided to ask you about Posh Lads, those fancy boys produced by British universities and boarding schools. Bill, who is Josh playing for?
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
Here's your first question. In 1805, posh lad and poet Lord Byron attended Cambridge University, but Cambridge wouldn't let him bring his dog with him as dogs were banned. So, Lord Byron, that scamp did what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Was it A, he kept a bear in his dorm room instead because nothing in the rules said he couldn't do that, B, he built a dog house 50 feet away just off school grounds with a tunnel connecting it to his room, or C, he submitted a fake application that got his dog hired as a professor?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Okay. Your first quote is from the Prime Minister of a certain island northeast of Canada. It's not for sale. Nonetheless, Donald Trump still wants to buy it. That would be Greenland. Yes, Greenland. At a press conference this week, Donald Trump, who will really be president again quite soon, said one of his national security priorities is annexing Greenland, a.k.a.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Well, you think it's the bear? Well, you're right. It was the bear. He used to walk the bear around campus on a chain. All right, Josh, your next question. The famously elite Eaton College has a longstanding tradition called the Eaton Wall Game. It's a sort of combination of soccer and rugby, and it's played against this big brick wall.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
You have? No, I lied to you. I understand that. There's an annual game between the fanciest King scholars and the rest of the school. It's a big deal. Even though which of these is true? A, the last time anyone scored a goal in the game was in 1909. B, the wall completely encloses the playing field so none of the spectators can actually see anything.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Or C, the game is played with a 95-year-old ball that deflates if you kick it. I'm going to go with C. You're going to go with C, that is played with a 95-year-old ball. No, the answer is actually A. No one has scored a goal in this game for more than 100 years. Here's your last question. If you get this, you win. Here we go.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
Eden was founded in the year 1440, so obviously a lot has changed over the years. For example, in the 17th century, what was a rule imposed on all Etonians? A. Before exams, the headmaster inspected each boy to ensure his upper lip was sufficiently stiff. B. Students were forbidden from even learning the cleaning staff's first names.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Or C. For their health, all students were required to smoke before breakfast.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
We did it! They smoked tobacco. They were forced to smoke tobacco for their health. It probably protected them.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Josh Gad's new memoir is in Gad. We trust Josh Gad. Thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Call Me. Thank you. What a joy to talk to you and what a pleasure to talk to you. Stay safe. I'll talk to you soon. Take care. Wonderful. In just a minute, some advice for you psychopaths who still have your Christmas trees up. That's in our listener limerick challenge.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill annexes Rimea in our listener limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, though, some more questions for you from the week's news. Nagin, this week, Kia, the car company, recalled over 20,000 EVs because the seats may not be securely fastened to the chassis.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
not the Bjork Island, the other one. He's also talked about annexing Canada, taking over the Panama Canal, and this is big. He's also going to try to buy all four railroads. So this is true. He became obsessed with taking over Greenland years ago when a friend of his showed it to him on a map, and because of the projection of the map, it looked really, really big. That's true.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
They looked into the problem, and they blame it on what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Yeah, they've tried to figure out, like, not, they had to check 20,000 cars to make sure the bolts were fastened. Of course, they wanted to see how this problem arose.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
I know you were. And yet, and this is, I think, a sign of the times we live in, you stumbled on the truth. They determined that it was one guy at one factory who forgot to tighten the bolts, right? So the Kia EV9 is an all-new electric SUV that the company promised would make electric vehicles exciting again. And guess what? They were right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
And it's got three rows of seats, two of which are supposed to be removable, but not if you just stop suddenly. And so some cars were found with these loose seat bolts, and the problem was traced to this one worker in one factory who didn't tighten them. They found him by asking everybody who worked in that factory, lefty loosey, righty what? What?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
On the other hand, I mean, he could have discovered a great new thing in cars. I mean, sure, maybe the chair should move wherever you want them. I love an open concept Kia. Rachel, if you're a frequent flyer, you have to be careful because according to the New York Times, airlines aren't just tracking where you fly and how often. They're also tracking what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
That would be a good guess. No, they're tracking something else you do on the plane.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Yeah, and if you do it too many times, they throw you out.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
What do people do, especially on the ones with the screens and the seat backs now? What do they do?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Yes, the airlines apparently are keeping data on what all of us are watching on our little entertainment centers. Airlines know everything about what you're watching. They know what you like to watch, when you paused it, how fast you press skip, when the characters start disrobing and there are kids behind you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
So now, like, your profile on, like, the United app is like, TSA pre-check number, prefers aisle seats, and watched four hours of MILF Manor. Seat alone when possible.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
This isn't fair. Everybody knows that what you watch on airplanes doesn't count. It's like doing a crime in international waters, right? I may have watched all of Young Sheldon twice, but since I was in the sky, no crime was committed.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, or you can catch us on the road. We will be at the Altria Theater in Richmond, Virginia on February 13th.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
For tickets and information, go to nprpresents.org. Also, check out our sister podcast, How to Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian tell you what you should absolutely not name your baby.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Well, of course it's big. It's Yellowland and Blueland put together. LAUGHTER
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
A music education. Are you a musician? What kind of music do you play?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Okay, cool. Well, David, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play? Absolutely. Here's your first limerick.
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WWDTM: Josh Gad
Hair? Hair, yes. A man named Andy Chertow threw a party last month to celebrate 50 years since his last haircut. They knew it had been 50 years because they cut off a hunk of it and just counted the rings. He cut his hair the last time before an office Christmas party in 1974, and after that, he decided to grow his hair out, and now he has 10-foot-long dreadlocks.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Post says his hair, his dreadlocks are so long that he cannot walk without picking them up and stuffing them in his pocket.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Whoa, is that 50 years of coiled hair in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
It's like the version of Rapunzel where the prince is like, yeah, no thanks, gonna stay down here.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Eat? Eat, yes. Officials in Belgium are pleading with their Belgian residents to refrain from discarding their Christmas trees by eating them. Instead, they're asking everyone to dispose of them properly by throwing the tree to the curb and watching as someone trips on it while looking at their phone.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
The warning came after the city of Ghent suggested reducing holiday waste by using all Christmas trees for pine needle spruce butter, which, to their credit, is great on Roast Elf. You're spreading more rumors about whales.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Yeah, I really have. All right, here is your last limerick.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
A call, yes. A college in England is teaching students how to make phone calls. This is in response to Gen Z's infamous tech, you know, phone phobia. They don't want to call people. It improves students, quote, phone confidence and etiquette.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
It's the only course in the world where the midterm is leaving a voicemail and the final is spending 20 whole minutes talking to your mother without also scrolling Instagram.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Can you give us a sample of what that sounded like when you, small, childlike Rachel Koster, would call up and order Chinese food in a British accent?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Exactly. Actually, it's a good pitch to Trump, actually, to buy Iceland, because as you say, you mentioned two things he really likes, white and Russian. This is interesting. He says that if Denmark does not cede Denmark, which sort of has sovereignty over Greenland, if it doesn't cede Greenland to the United States, he will hit Denmark with massive tariffs, right? But that's not going to work.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Now it is time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
So, Nagin, we're going to pick you to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question, Fill in the Blank. On Wednesday, mandatory evacuation orders hit L.A. as multiple blanks burned across the area.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
On Tuesday, the first U.S. death from blank flu was reported in Louisiana.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Right. This week, the White House announced a $500 million aid package for blank. Right. On Monday, the Surgeon General called for cancer warnings to be added to blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Right. This week, a woman trying to text her drug dealer put in the wrong number and accidentally texted blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
No, a narcotics officer on Thursday. The WWE announced its live debut on blank drew 2.6 million viewers.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Right. On Monday, fast food giant blank announced changes to its menu.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Arby's? No, science. This week, a good Samaritan in St. Louis helped a man dig his car out of the snow and then blanked.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
No, then stole the car, according to the victim. The thief spent a few minutes getting the car unstuck from the snow and then pulled out a gun and demanded the keys. And if that weren't bad enough, he then helped someone shovel their driveway and immediately moved into their house. Bill, how did Nagin do on our quiz?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
All right, Rachel, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, President Biden delivered a eulogy at the funeral of former President blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Right. On Monday, Donald Trump said he wanted to put his entire legislative agenda in one massive blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
I guess that would be a reaction to lack of health care, simply to die. But in his case, what he did was he banned residents from getting sick. According to new research, drinking blank in the morning can reduce risk of cardiovascular disease.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Right. On Sunday, Shogun and Hacks were the big winners at this year's blank awards.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Right. This week, a man complained that he missed his flight home from Arizona thanks to blank. Storm. No, thanks to the driverless taxi he got stuck in, which was just driving in circles around the airport parking lot. Couldn't get out, couldn't get on his flight. Come on, man.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
It's going to fall apart as soon as people realize, and this is true, that all our Ozempic comes from Denmark.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Everybody knows you need to arrive at the airport at least two hours before your flight, plus an additional eight hours for your driverless taxi to run out of gas so you can escape. Bill, how did Rachel do on our quiz?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
So how many then does Josh Gondelman need to win? Five big ones to win. Here we go, Josh. This is for the game. On Tuesday, Meta announced it would no longer be blanking posts on Instagram and Facebook. Fact-checking. Right. On Monday, Canadian Prime Minister Blank announced he was resigning. Justin Trudeau. Right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
After the Supreme Court refused to issue a stay, Blank was sentenced for his conviction in a hush money case on Friday. Donald Trump. Right. California Highway Patrol officers who pulled over a Rolls Royce for speeding found blank inside. Nobody. No, they found five cell phones, four bins of marijuana, and a riding shotgun, a baby spider monkey wearing a onesie.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
On Monday, a Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist at the Washington Post resigned from the paper because they refused to publish a cartoon critical of blank. Billionaires, like Jeff Bezos. Jeff Bezos and other billionaires, yes. On Tuesday, Peter Yarrow, one-third of the folk group Blank, passed away at the age of 86. Peter, Paul, and Mary. Right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
This week, 17-year-old Luke Littler became the World Darts Champion, overcoming the fact that he cannot legally blank. Play darts in bars. No, he cannot legally buy darts in the United Kingdom. There's a law in the UK banning the sale of dangerous weapons like knives, swords, and even darts to anyone under 18, and the new world champion doesn't turn 18 for two more weeks.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
But if it's really a problem, he could just fly to America, buy any gun he likes, and then hold up a darts shop.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Congratulations, Josh. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict after congestion pricing, what's the next previously free thing that New Yorkers will have to pay for? But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Koticka, Red Star Limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager, Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Lederman, composer and theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Special thanks this week to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn has not been seen since he left here in a Rolls Royce with a spider monkey. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Her CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Neuhauser. Senior producer is Ian Chilog and the executive producer.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mr. Michael Danforth. Now panel, what will New Yorkers have to pay for next? Nagin Farsad.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Thank you so much, Bill Curtis. Thanks to Nagin Farsad and Josh Gondelman and for making a great debut in this great show. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theatre and to all of you wherever you might be listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
That was a reporter from the New York Post describing the lengths that some New Yorkers are going to in order to get out of the way of paying what new fee?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Yes, congestion pricing. Very good. Yes. As of January... As of January 1st, New York now charges a toll to drive your car into midtown Manhattan. They take a picture of your license plate as you cross the border, and then they'll send you a bill. It's part of a scientific study. How far can you push rich people before they finally take the subway? And people are outraged.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
As New Yorkers, right, the three of you, you know this. It's your God-given right to take half an hour to drive four blocks. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
The money from congestion pricing, I guess this is good news for New Yorkers, it's going to go towards public transportation, which presumably will get really great now. It's going to, you know, like, you'll get on, you'll be like, I don't remember this bus having a chandelier. And in the subway, waiters will come around. They'll be like, would you prefer to sit in tap or sparkling urine?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
All right, your last quote is a line of dialogue from a recent Lindsay Lohan movie on Netflix.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Now, Caroline, that line was written after Netflix advised TV and film producers to assume that their audience was always doing what while they're watching?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Netflix has admitted, at least internally, that they have lost the battle for our attention. They now assume everybody watching their service is either cooking or knitting or watching Hulu on their phone.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
In an article that came out this week, screenwriters said that Netflix execs instructed them, quote, have this character announce what they're doing so the viewers who have this program on in the background can follow along, unquote, right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
So that's, now you know, that's why characters in, say, Bridgerton are always saying things like, I'm in the room now, and I'm removing my clothes, and people on Love is Blind are saying, I am making a terrible mistake.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
We have a great show for you today. Later on, we are going to be talking to actor Josh Gad, who is probably most famous for playing Olaf the Snowman, the beloved character from the Frozen movies. That is, unless you are listening to us right now with young children. In which case, later on, we will be interviewing Olaf the Snowman.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Yeah. No, no. We are so lucky that there have been so many great movies made before Netflix. For example, can you imagine like The Godfather? It's like, oh, yeah. There's a horse's head in my bed.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Yeah, I see what you mean. Where no one is actually going to look at you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Josh, this week we learned about the hottest new trend in baby showers instead of doing things like, oh, guessing the baby's gender or bringing presents. Guests are asked to do what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Can I have a hint, please? Yes, you may have a hint. We're talking about baby showers and the new trend. So, for example, if you did want to have a game, you could have first person to fill up the vacuum bag wins a Starbucks gift card. So to have people do chores for you? Yes, to have people do chores for you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
According to the New York Times, more and more couples are replacing flashy baby showers with what are called nesting parties, in which your friends come over and do what new parents normally have to do on their own, painting the nursery, assembling a crib, realizing their lives are effectively ruined for the foreseeable future.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
I think we just need a trick. You can trick them over and you can get like through three or four good cleanings with like hysterical pregnancies.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Coming up, our Bluff the Listener is all about whales. The country or the animal? Stay tuned to find out. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for NPR and the following message come from GoodRx. Looking for relief from cold and flu symptoms this new year?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Remember, be yourself, whoever you might be, when you call in to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first list that are contested. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
With GoodRx, you can save an average of $34 on cold and flu medications. Plus, GoodRx lets you compare prescription prices at over 70,000 pharmacies and instantly find discounts of up to 80%. And even if you have insurance or Medicare, GoodRx may beat your copay price. Save on cold and flu prescriptions and more at GoodRx.com.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at waitwaitnpr. All the info is there. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Oh, and what do you teach there? I teach mathematics. You teach mathematics, like the math that a pilot needs to know?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Okay. All right. It's not like you teach them how to read a fuel gauge. Zero is bad.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Greg, it's nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's the topic? What ails Wales? There's controversy in Wales, and it's not just that the Welsh language is hoarding the world's supply of the letter Y. Our panelists are going to tell you about what's going on in that little section of the United Kingdom.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Oh, it's beautiful there. I know that much. What do you do there?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Josh Gad
Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Sure. Okay. First, let's hear from Nagin Farsad.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Right, right. I have friends who live on Martha's Vineyard and I know what it's like. It's like the summer is just filled with all these rich people, but in the winter they all leave. And I assume you just walk around breaking into their houses and pretending you're wealthy.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
One of these stories really happened. Was it from Faith Saley, a 12-year-old who ended up taking confessions at a Catholic church? From Roy Blunt Jr., a kid at a German soccer pitch, well, not using his hands on the ball. Or from Shantira Jackson, a docent's daughter at the Metropolitan Museum, changing the placards on the art to more honest ones.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Which of these is the real story of a kid at his parents' workplace?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
All right. You've chosen Roy's story of the soccer player's son who attacked the soccer referee. Well, we spoke to someone who had an opinion on this real story. I just felt so bad for the referee and for everyone involved. That was Joey Kenward.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
He's a soccer referee and broadcaster in Vancouver, Canada, talking with, I think, some apprehension about the boy who attacked the referee with his teeth in Germany. Congratulations. You got it right. You earned a point for Roy. You have won our prize, the voice of any one you might choose from our show in your voicemail. Congratulations and well done.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
And now the game where we ask famous people about obscure things. We call it Not My Job. Lauren Graham became very famous and even more beloved by playing Lorelei Gilmore in The Gilmore Girls, a grown woman dealing with her own problems and the problems of her young daughter.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
She's now starring in Z-Suite, a new comedy in which she plays a grown woman dealing with her own problems and the problems of her much younger colleagues. Perhaps she has found a niche. Lauren Graham, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Give me a fact check. Was I correct in drawing a parallel? Does your role in Z Suite remind you at all of your former adventures as Lorelei Gilmore?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
It really is, isn't it? Well, welcome to the show, Rebecca. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a writer for Clean Slate. Season one is on Prime. It's Shantira Jackson.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
I have to ask, I watched the first episodes of Z-Suite and... Are there actually young people writing this show? Because I have to say, not being a young person myself, the young people seem like lunatics to me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
That's true. That is a thing that happened. Wow. I want to talk about the fans of the show, but I have to engage in just a little speculation. One of the things that I have learned about the Gilmore Girls is that it's famed for its references. There are webpages giving the explanation of every reference and every episode of the Gilmore Girls.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
In the very first scene of the first episode of the Gilmore Girls, your character Lorelai offers some flavored lip gloss to your daughter Rory. In one of the very first scenes of Z-Suite, your character describes one of the colleagues as so young, she still uses flavored lip gloss.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
And I'm like, this has got to be a subtle callback, right, on somebody's. No?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
And you're a very lovely woman, but we knew that. Let's talk about the Gilmore Girls. Gilmore Girls is so beloved that there are two fan conventions this year in Connecticut alone. Have you ever gone to one? No.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Next, a writer whose unmissable substack is Take Another Little Piece of My Heart Now. It's our old friend Roy Blunt Jr.,
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
It'll be great to have all the people wear plaid. That'll be exciting. Many years ago, I had the privilege of interviewing Leonard Nimoy. And he had a thing early in his career where he got very upset that people thought he was Mr. Spock. He later... Embraced it. And I wonder, you played a similarly iconic character.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Do people think you are, you, Lauren Graham, actual human being, are Lorelei Gilmore fictional creation?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
And a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning and Woman About Town is Faith Saley.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
No. Has it ever gotten awkward? Has anybody come and laid out their troubles and asked for Lorelai's advice?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Well, Lauren Graham, it is a joy to talk to you. And we have asked you here to play a game. And we are calling it Gilmore Girls Meet Girls with Gills. I know. All right. Work with me here. Work with me. I will. You played a Gilmore girl, so we're going to ask you three questions about Gil girls, that is, mermaids.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
So, Rebecca, welcome to the show. You, of course, are going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Makes sense. Answer two to three questions correctly, you'll win a prize from one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they choose from our show, on their voicemail, perhaps mothering them. Well.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
It is, I think. I think it's the only one we could possibly afford, so it better be. Bill, who is Lauren Graham playing for? Aoife Murray of Oak Park, Illinois. Ah. Really? A place I know well. Here we go, Lauren. You ready to play? I am. All right. Here's your first question. The old 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride at Disneyland, now gone.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Well, for a brief period in the 1960s, had actresses dressed up as mermaids lounging on rocks in the lagoon and waving to the visitors? They had to end that part of the attraction just after a few years. Why? A, one of the mermaids got a tail caught in the submarine and got dragged through the lagoon. B, visitors kept jumping in the water and trying to hit on the mermaids.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Or C, somebody who said they represented the real mermaid community said it was offensive stereotyping.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
That's right. It was, unsurprisingly, mostly men who were jumping into the water to go talk to the mermaids. I don't know if the men had noticed that the mermaids are fish from the waist down. All right. Very good, very perceptive. Here's your next question. The most famous mermaid attraction in America is of course the mermaids of Weeki Wachee Springs, also in Florida.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
If you were to dive to the bottom of the Weeki Wachee Springs where the mermaids play, 75 years after that show started, what would you find down there? A, about 10 metric tons of loose plastic mermaid scales. B, a carton of cigarettes that was dropped by a mermaid in 1968 who actually thought she could have a smoke break down there. Or C, nobody has any idea because nobody's ever seen the bottom.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
All right, I can tell. Here we go, then. Your first quote is from a coffee shop owner in Canada talking about the Americanos on his beverage menu. Join us. Call them Canadianos. That barista was renaming his drink as part of Canada's national uprising against what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Scales? No, it's not scales. It's that nobody knows. The Weeki Wachee Springs is the deepest natural springs in the world, and nobody has gotten down there. All right. You have one more chance. If you get this right, you win. An aquarium in China also offers a mermaid show with performers dressed as mermaids, performing this time in a giant fish tank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
But they were recently accused of covering up an incident in which what happened? A, the tail fell off a particular mermaid, revealing it to be a merman. B, the head fell off a mermaid, revealing it to be a giant sturgeon. Or C, a giant sturgeon tried to eat a mermaid's head. The audience is yelling C. No, no, they're just an acapella group. Yeah, I know.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
I was about to say they're yelling C in C. Am I being booed? No, no, you're not being booed. You're being helped. You're being helped.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
The giant sturgeon, which was in the tank, just swamming over and just tried to swallow that mermaid's head. And I have to say, having seen the video, it is horrifying, but in a good way. The mermaid was fine. Bill, how did Lauren Graham do in our quiz?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
You did that like Lorelai. You were thoughtful, you struggled a bit, but you won in the end. You came through. Lauren Graham is now starring on The Z Suite. You can find it on Tubi. Lauren Graham, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
It was such fun. It was a delight. Thank you, Lauren. Take care. Bye. Bye-bye. In just a minute, the one thing you cannot go camping without. That's in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Thank you so much, Bill. In just a minute, roses are red, violets are blue. Bill does the limericks because he's better at rhyming. It's a listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Faith, there's a controversial new trend taking over the Internet that challenges people to show up only 15 minutes before their what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Well, gosh, I mean... Most people, most of the time you're recommended you show up two hours before this.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Your flight, yes, in a challenge designed... That makes you sweat. Exactly. In a challenge designed to make your dad furious... The airport theory trend suggests that with modern airports and everything else, you only need to arrive at the airport 15 minutes before your departure time in order to make your flight. No, no, no. No, it's perfect.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Yes, the trade war. Thank you. As they always say, you won't like Canadians when they're mad. Actually, they're adorable. First, Canadians booed the national anthem at NBA games. Now they're rebranding the Americano up there as the Canadiano. And I just want to say to the Canadians, thank you. Everybody knows the Americano is the worst coffee order ever. Can I have some coffee, please?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
No, I'm going to absolutely do this on Thanksgiving with my two small children and my non-refundable fares, and it's going to be awesome.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Enjoying each one because they cost $40 each. Over the last month, TikTok has been full of people testing out this theory. Coincidentally, and this is true, in the last month, Google searches for I missed my flight have gone up 645%. Roy, we've all experienced our banks going digital, so we do things on our apps now, on our phones. A new organization has also moved to digital banking. What is it?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
It's a bank that all of us, well, almost all of us have been to.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
No, no. That would be interesting how you'd use your phone to make a deposit in that. You can do it. No, I'll say I don't mind using the app for banking, but it is a little uncomfortable just to have to swipe left to get out of jail free. Oh, to rob a bank. No. No. Get out of jail free. Monopoly. Yes, the Monopoly bank has gone digital.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
To keep up with the times, Hasbro is releasing a new version of Monopoly where instead of the classic bank and all the Monopoly money and its colors, you'll manage your money via Monopoly mobile banking app. That's right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Yes, boo that. They've automated the Monopoly banker sending the unemployment rate among older siblings skyrocketing.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Yeah, I know. I mean, you cannot replicate with some, you know, bytes, digital data, the cocaine-like high of waving your $100 bills in your sobbing little sister's face.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Yeah. And where does this end? Are we going to see, like, Airbnbs instead of hotels? And I swear, if they replace railroads with rideshare apps, I will burn Marvin Gardens to the ground.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago or on the road. We'll be at the Walt Disney Theater in Orlando on March 20th. Tickets and info is at nprpresents.org.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Mariah Wood. I'm from Chestertown, Maryland. Chestertown, Maryland. Okay, I don't know exactly where that is. No, you wouldn't. Why wouldn't I know where it is?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Right. Well, welcome to the show, Mariah. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in the last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to go? I sure am. Here is your first limerick.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Day? The whole day, yes. British scientists have developed a variety of banana that doesn't spoil once it is peeled. This is a huge win for fruit salad and anyone who wants to save 19 cents by eating half a banana today and saving the other half for tomorrow. Otherwise known as, why are there fruit flies in my car? But this is amazing. Just think. What an advance.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Think of all the bananas that wouldn't have gone bad and been made into banana bread. And think of no one having to pretend they like banana bread.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
But make it watery. President Trump began the week by announcing a 25% tariff against all goods from Canada and Mexico, and then he exempted cars from the Canadian tariff, and then he just delayed the Mexican tariff entirely, and then finally he delayed the Canadian tariff for a month, all in four days. By the time I finish this sentence, the only Canadian product we will be banning is Drake.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
So for six months, your kids would only eat mashed bananas with chocolate and milk?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Toothpaste! A teenager in China who was stranded in the remote, frigid mountains with no food, survived on river water, melted snow, and a lot of toothpaste for ten days.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
One tube of toothpaste. Fortunately for him, it was Colgate's new beef toothpaste. I'm very happy for the guy, and I'm glad he got rescued, but who decides to go hiking on a trail that was closed because it was too dangerous with no water, no food, but a tube of toothpaste?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Really? Explain the logic. I haven't been a teenage boy for a while.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Poor guy will never be able to brush his teeth without experiencing PTSD again. All right, here's your last limerick. You're doing great.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Yogurt? Yogurt. According to influencers, there is a new kind of yogurt that makes you look hotter, as opposed to traditional yogurt that makes you look old, because there you are, eating yogurt. Coconut Cult is a probiotic coconut yogurt that, quote, promotes gut health, eliminates bloating, improves immunity, and clears skin, and at $40 a jar, facilitates poorness. $40?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Won't make me hot, maybe a little warm, but, you know, that's good enough.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Well... Roy's in first place. Faith and Shantira are tied for second. So I'm going to arbitrarily pick Faith to go first this time. Here we go, Faith. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, European leaders met at a special summit after the White House pulled critical support for blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Right. Following several collisions and near misses, a House hearing was held to address the shortage of blanks.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Yeah, air traffic controllers. This week, the county of Los Angeles sued California Edison, saying the company's equipment sparked blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Right. On Monday, streaming video site Blank announced it was cracking down on gambling-related content.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
No, YouTube. This week, Citibank said a, quote, inputting error was the reason a customer who made a $280 deposit was accidentally credited with blank. $280 million?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
On Tuesday, FIFA announced that for the first time ever, the 2026 men's blank would include a halftime show.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Exactly. Drake's revenge. On Sunday, Onora was the big winner at the 2025 blank awards. Oscars. Right. This week, a family in England is fighting over their father's headstone after his wife engraved it with the epitaph blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
No, close though. The gravestone said, in loving memory of John, husband, son, father, adulterer. All right, the first question is, come on, who would cheat on somebody so funny? The father's side of the family has demanded a new headstone, but his son says no, and he has the support of his mother, his two siblings, and four other people who also are his siblings, it turns out.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Here we go then, Shantira. You are up next. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, President Trump reversed course and lifted most of the blanks placed on Mexico. Tariffs. Right. According to a new study, Paxlovid may not reduce hospitalization risk for older adults who catch blank. COVID. Right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
This week, Utah became the first state to pass legislation that requires blank apps to verify their users' ages.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
On Thursday, a 40-day boycott against Target began in protest of the company scaling back blank policies.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Right. The existence of a top-secret CIA black site in Virginia was accidentally revealed this week when blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
No, when the Trump administration listed the building for sale. On Monday, Uber began offering blankless vehicles for riders in Austin, Texas. Driverless? Right. This week, a court in Canada ruled against a man who said he couldn't provide spousal support because he was injured from blanking. Cheating all the time. Well, he did that, but he said he was injured from hunting for Sasquatch.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
All right. Filling up to it. Here we go, Roy. This is for the game. On Thursday, the White House prepared an executive order aimed at eliminating the Department of Blank. Oh, probably all of them. Department of Education. Right. Following his protest during Trump's address to Congress, the House censured Representative Blank. Al Green. Right. This week, the U.S.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
began negotiating directly with Hamas about the ceasefire in Blank. In Gaza. Right. On Tuesday, the CDC warned that the Blank outbreak in Texas has continued to grow. Oh, no, I know. Measles. Measles. This week, a dispatcher in Oklahoma worked closely with police after a toddler called 911 and asked for a blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
No, he asked for emergency donuts. And he got them. On Tuesday, Blank became the first player in NBA history to reach 50,000 career points. LeBron James. Right. On Thursday, scientists warned that human brains could contain up to a spoonful of blank. Oh, plastic. Right. This week, a tourist in Rome who was trying to flee the police was caught after he blanked.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
The Trevi Fountain, the famous fountain there. He dove into it and thought he would swim away from the police. It was a brilliant plan, except for he swam when he got to the other side. The police were already waiting for him because they just walked around the outside of it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, now that publishing has given up on paperbacks, what will be the next cost-saving innovation in books. But first, let me tell you that... Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Nurembos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Mahanad Elshehi and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn is our Sasquatch Wrangler. Emma Choi is our ride curator.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Our Jolly Good Fellow is Hannah Anderson. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer... Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's Michael Danforth. Now, panel, how is the publishing industry going to save money next? Shantira Jackson.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Shantira Jackson, Roy Blunt Jr., and Faith Selle. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. Thanks to all of you listening wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
I mean, what's weird about this is, of course, as you know, President Trump came into office promising massive tariffs against everybody for any reason he could think of, and then he finally said he was going to do it, and he did it, and then all of a sudden he's not doing it. His approach to economic policy is the same as my approach to making plans with friends.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Absolutely, we are going to get together, count on it, and then I never see them again.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
We have got such a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Lauren Graham, star of the legendary TV show, The Gilmore Girls, a show so beloved that 25 years after it debuted, people still rewatch it in times of extreme stress, just for its calming, cheering effect. So today, we are not sure if we should interview her or just have her reenact season one.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
And, you know, Canada has an advantage in this whole renaming thing, right? Because there's all these American things they can rename to Canadian. But as for Canadian things, what are we going to rename? They have the worst bacon and the meanest bird. Right? Here is your next quote, Rebecca. I blame the little free libraries.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
That was a commenter on a Wall Street Journal piece about how publishers are planning to stop putting out what kind of books? Actual printed books? Well, a particular kind of printed books. There are, in general, two kinds. There's the hardbacks. Oh, hardcovers. No, the other one. Yes, say goodbye to paperback books. You cannot now wait for the paperback version of a book you want to come out.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
The publishing industry is moving to a model where it is going to be the hardcover or nothing.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
No, no, this makes sense. The publisher's plans to make all books much heavier and more expensive will be great for sales. This apparently is because of a lot of things affecting the publishing industry. Among them, the fact that instead of buying paperbacks or hardbacks, most people are now reading books on e-readers, such as the Amazon Kindle and the Barnes & Noble. Oh, that's so cute.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
So the way it's going to work is instead of there being a paperback release for every hardback, which sort of was the tradition, right? Writers get one shot. If the hardback doesn't sell, they're done, right? They don't get a paperback release. That really will raise the stakes for hardback sales, especially for those, you know, serious, more obscure, less popular authors.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
So everybody is all of a sudden very excited about Joyce Carol Oates' new novel, One Quick Tip to Melt Belly Fat.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Rebecca, we got one more quote for you. Here you go. It's never too early to get planning. That was from an article in the New York Post urging people that despite it being almost 10 months away, right now is the best time to start shopping for what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
No. I know we just finished the second month of the year, so 10 months would put us... Yes, Christmas.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Great news for psychopaths. Buying Christmas presents in March is now a thing. You can save money but make sure you get those people in your life something that you would like too because chances are by December at least one person on your list is not going to be your friend slash wife anymore.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
This is for next Christmas? Yeah. The New York Post is saying this, and they're utterly reliable.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
you have to be careful though you have to be careful you have to do a little bit of planning because the last thing in the world you want to do is embarrass yourself when you're you know your beloved opens up a package and pulls out the special department of education forever t-shirt he didn't do it
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Roy, there's a new company that promises to use cutting-edge treatments to significantly extend your lifespan. The only catch is you will have to live the rest of your lengthy life where? In a jar. I'll give you a hint. We'll be doing ultrasonic colon cleanses down in the Lido deck. Oh, on a cruise ship?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
But first, we want to be soothed and reassured by the sound of your voice. So give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
On a cruise ship. Passengers who embark, possibly as soon as next year, on the MV narrative cruise line will get personal training, genetic testing, stem cell therapy, and to even extend their life further, the blood of young people who died over on carnival cruises. The catch is, and you're wondering, there has to be a catch because who wouldn't want to live forever in a cruise ship?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
The catch is you don't buy a ticket. You spend a million dollars to purchase a stateroom and then you get to live there forever. And it is...
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Coming up, our kids ruin everything in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Thank you, Bill. Thank you. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air, or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page, at WaitWaitNPR. Hi, everyone. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
That's new. You keep... Poison dart frogs, do they come when you call them?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
All right, Dustin, well, welcome to the show. You are going to play our game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Dustin's topic? Don't bring your kid to work. You may remember the day a decade or more ago when NPR had to take your kid to work day and somebody's kid pushed a button and took NPR off the air for more than a minute.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
This week, somebody's kid did something even more interesting while at their parents' place of work. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you will win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice for your voicemail. You ready to play? Yeah. All right. Well, let's start then with a story from Faith Saley.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
I was about to say, what a shame you're not playing our listener limerick challenge. That would be ideal. What do you do in that beautiful island?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
A 12-year-old gets taken to church by his parent and ends up taking confessions and learning a little about the world. Your next story of a kid catastrophe comes from Roy Blunt Jr.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
A German soccer ref gets surprised by a player's son on the pitch. Your last story of a kiddo uh-oh comes from Shantira Jackson.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Residents of a retirement community in Florida pick up their old teenage habit of mooning. Your last poll from pubescence comes from Nagin Farsad.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
All right, so one of these things... from our teenage years has come back. Is it from Josh Gondelman, the town of Bemidji, Minnesota, where Lovers Lane has been taken over by adults who had to move in with their parents like they were still living there, so why not act that way? From Tig Notaro, a group of residents, starting with long-term roommates.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
in a retirement community in Florida who've decided to start mooning anybody who goes by or from Nagin Farsad braces the scourge of so many teenagers being worn proudly by adults. Which of these is the real story of a teenage trend coming back?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
All right. Your choice then is Tig's story. Well, we spoke to someone who had covered this real story.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
That was Tracy Swartz, a journalist from the New York Post, who commented on the story about adults embracing braces. I just got some grilled, so apparently I'm behind. Yeah. So you didn't win. However, you earned a point for Tig in her very first time in the show, which is very exciting for her. All right. Pretty cool. Thank you for that. And thank you so much for playing. This was awesome.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you, and good luck in the new gig. Thank you as well. Take care. Bye-bye. And now the game where we ask really well-known people about things they don't know anything about. We call it Not My Job. Sterling K. Brown had been a working actor for 15 years or so when he became famous and won an Emmy for his performance in The People vs. O.J. Simpson.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Yeah. Well, Alexis, let me introduce you to our panel today. First, he's a comedian who will be at the State Theater down in Austin, Texas on April 17th. He also writes the weekly newsletter. That's marvelous. It's Josh Gondelman. Hello.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Since then, he's gone on to star in This Is Us, as well as the movie American Fiction, for which he was nominated for an Oscar, and now Paradise, a political thriller, or so you are led to believe. We believe we are thrilled to have him with us now. Sterling K. Brown, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. It's an absolute pleasure to talk to you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
I've been a big fan for a while, as I am of your new show, Paradise. But there's a problem, which I'm sure you are aware of, which is that there is a big twist at the end of the first episode, and it would be bad if we discussed it. So the question is, you're out there like a good guy promoting the show, which you should do. It's one that everyone should see. How have you been handling this?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Like, you can't actually talk about, like, what's really going on in the show.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Oh, that's the us! Oh my god! I didn't know who it was about. Yes, famously, I think I can talk about this. The pilot of This Is Us, this family drama, you're having all these different characters, and then you find out at the very end that you've been watching in different timelines, and some of these characters are the parents of these other characters who are now grown into adults. How nice.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
So, have you tried talking about what the twist in the new show, Paradise, is not? So, for example, it turns out that your character is James Marsden's grown son. LAUGHTER That would be funny. That would be, that would, have you come up with any tricks or like?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Everybody calm down. I have to ask you about another project you do. You do, and I believe you're coming back and doing it again, a podcast with your wife, right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Next, she's a comedian and host of the podcast Fake the Nation, who you can see performing at TED in Vancouver next week. It's Nagin Farsad. And making her debut on our panel, she's an Emmy and Grammy-nominated comedian and host of the podcast Handsome. You can find all her upcoming live shows at tignitaro.com. That's right, it is Tignitaro. from one twin mother to another. Also a twin mother.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
So you had an episode where you talked about the fact that you did ayahuasca together. That is correct. That is correct. Whose idea was that? And again, I mean the podcast.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
You know what else is a way of finding out? Do you know what else is a way of finding out you have no control about what happens is being on stage with Tig Notar. I want to ask you one more thing, which is I love working actors, the guys and women who put in their time, and I love asking them about the odd jobs they might have done.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Is it true that before getting into acting, you were an intern at the Federal Reserve?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Do you ever find yourself, you know, since like financial policy is so much in the news, a weapon out of, well, you know, as a former employee at the Federal Reserve, I can comment.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Said the guy with a podcast. Well. Well, Sterling K. Brown, it is a personal pleasure to be talking to you. And we have asked you here, in fact, to play a game that this time we're calling... A Retirement Paradise. So your show, as we've discussed, is about a community called Paradise. Very mysterious.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
So we're going to ask you about a community that claims to be a paradise and isn't mysterious at all. Jimmy Buffett's Latitude Margaritaville Retirement Communities. Yes. Come on, now. Come on. Answer two out of three questions about what sounds like really a terrific place to be, and you will win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Sterling K. Brown playing for?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Here we go. Here's your first question. The Margaritaville retirement community calls itself your home in paradise. And down there near the eastern coast of Florida, they offer a wide variety of amenities, including which of these? A, the hangar workshop where residents are invited to, quote, trick out their golf carts. B, Jimmy Buffett karaoke, which happens every night. Or C, a nude beach.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
That seems like it's going to be the answer. And it is. That's right. Yeah, like a lot of retirement communities. Because they're sort of self-enclosed, people ride around in golf carts instead of cars, and as you can imagine, drunken golf cart driving is a persistent problem down there. All right, here's your next question. You got one right. Let's go for two.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Margaritaville prides itself on being a place where people, quote, 55 and better can, quote, grow old but not up, unquote, and that explains why their monthly newsletter once contained what exciting phrase? A, Bert took over the DJ booth for trap music night. B, party starts at four and ends when you pass out. Or C, look at all the fun our residents had at the QVC watch party.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Well, welcome to our show, Alexis. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show that you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready. All right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
I'm pretty sure they might have said that at one time, but the one we saw was the fun at the QVC watch party. The line to get in the QVC watch party went down the block. Now, this is all right, because there's one more to go. If you get this right, you win everything. Okay.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Now, the founder, of course, was the late Jimmy Buffett, quite a remarkable guy with a remarkable career, and he found his musical success relatively late in life. In fact, after years of trying and failing to be successful in music, he was just about to quit it and go into what business when he did finally have his first hit record. So, what was he going to be? A, a marijuana smuggler.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
B, he was going to go into private equity. Or C, he was going to go into the Catholic priesthood. The audience is all yelling A, Marijuana Smugglers.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
He says that... You know, he was living down in Florida, and he was just about to buy a Boston Whaler to bring merchandise to the beach at night when his third album became a big hit, and the Jimmy Buffett we know and love was born. Bill, how did Sterling do on our quiz? Two out of three, she reached paradise.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Sterling K. Brown is an Emmy and Golden Globe winning actor whose new show is Paradise, which you can stream on Hulu now or catch it Mondays on ABC starting April 7th. Sterling K. Brown, what an absolute joy to talk to you. Thank you so much for joining us. You're the best. In just a minute, if you're feeling tired, Bill might send you to jail. It's the Listener Limerick Challenge.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
For your first quote, here is the President of the United States making a major announcement in the White House Rose Garden.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. In just a minute, Bill opens a limerick aid stand in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Be careful, Bill. Those limericks have been recalled for limsteria. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
McGeen, this week we learned about a new way stressed out parents are letting off steam. It's a party where grown-ups go to be able to do what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
You're so close, I feel I have to give it to you. The answer is throw a tantrum. Just like your kids, right? What parent of an out-of-control two-year-old hasn't looked at the kid and thought, yeah, that's the vibe I want to be given off? The concept was described by a therapist in Australia. All right, I have to be honest. She is described as a, quote, life coach and breath worker.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
I just didn't want you to hate her yet. She calls it a, quote, tantrum party, and it's exactly what it sounds like. There's loud music, there's pillows to hit, and an adult in the corner saying, oh, he never does this.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Yeah, I know. Josh, this week the New York Times ran a piece in favor of doing what to strangers in public?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Actually, it's the opposite. It's what they're doing when they're talking and you think they shouldn't be. Shushing them? Shushing them, yes. Shush people in public. That's the advice. The columnist says that shushing someone, once only reserved for babies, libraries, and bars that look like libraries, is a socially acceptable thing to do.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
That was President Trump on Wednesday explaining why he was slapping what on almost every other country on the globe?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
But if you're in a library... The best solution, really, is if you're in a situation where people are talking and they shouldn't be talking, is to quiet them the way you might quiet a baby. Pick them up and wrap them really tightly in a blanket. Yeah. Now, the writer says... Swaddling. Yes, swaddle a stranger.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
The writer says having been... I donated so much money to that charity last year, swaddle a stranger. Josh, question for you. Josh, this week, a beloved chain restaurant filed for bankruptcy. What's the restaurant? Hooters. Yes, Hooters. Hooters. It's a sad day for Hooters, America's number one restaurant cited in divorce proceedings.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
They struggled since the pandemic, but the final blow came, of course, with President Trump's 25% tariffs on big old knockers.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
It would be tariffs. Tariffs. On Wednesday, April 2nd, which he christened Liberation Day, President Trump announced the highest tariffs in history, and the world did not like it. The next day, Thursday, the Wall Street Journal actually ran out of words for how badly the stock market was tanking. It was like, Dow plunges, S&P 500 crumbles, the NASDAQ gets its junk stuck in a zipper. Right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
I can say this in all honesty. I've never been to a Hooters. Josh? I've been to one. Yeah. I mean, I go to strip clubs all the time, but Hooters, no.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
The CEO of Hooters says that... There's a CEO of Hooters? He's that cartoon wolf that goes, He has an MBA.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
A master's in breast administration has his MBA. The CEO of Hooters says they'll be rebranding to a more family-friendly concept, a process he calls, and this is true, re-Hooterization.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
I'm sure you guys celebrated Liberation Day in the manner of your own families and customs, right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Yeah, of course. Because you are a... Lesbian. Right. Now, this is true. This is absolutely true. The markets cratered so badly in the 24 hours after this tariff announcement that the world's 500 richest people, including, of course, Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk, lost a combined $200 billion in just one day. But, but, wait a minute. Cat rules. But there was also bad news.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
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Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
, , , , , ,, in P P P P P P P P P P ac la ac la ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac in P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P gi g la la la la la la la la la la la la la la gr wh gi la la la gr e e e e ,G e ,G e ,G e ,G e , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
For example, the day after the tariffs were announced, the U.S. dollar became weaker than the euro, the British pound, the Australian dollar, and those arcade tickets where you need 500 to get one low pop.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
All right, Alexis, your next quote comes from legendary Chicago newscaster Bill Curtis right before the great Topeka tornado of 1966. For God's sake, take cover. That would be a lot harder for him to do now because thanks to government cuts, what is about to become a lot less accurate? Weather reporting? Weather forecast, that's right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Thanks to cuts to the National Weather Service, weather forecasts are about to become a lot less accurate and useful. But think about it. Now, talking about the weather with your in-laws will be that much more exciting. Who knows what's going to happen? Part of the reason for these cuts is, people believe, to eventually privatize the weather forecasting industry.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
So, if you want to know, say, if it's going to rain, okay, that's free. But if you want to know what it's going to be raining, water, men, then you need weather premium.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
I'm glad, yes. Things will be so unpredictable that people will be betting on multi-day forecast parlays on FanDuel. And you know, but it might be fun to like engage in like the nostalgia to through the days before we had like reliable scientific weather forecast, right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
We'll have to go back to peering at the horizon from the front porch of the ranch house and saying, mama, get the cows in the basement.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Yeah, that's a way for that guy to make up for the lack of social security. That'll be awesome.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
All right, Alexis, your last quote is from DoorDash. Buy now, pay later. So you now instantly take out a loan so you can afford to do what? Get takeout? Yeah, order food delivery. Klarna is a company... Very good, yes. People are excited for you and for the possibility of going into lifelong debt for a sandwich.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Klarna is a company that lets you buy things online, usually expensive items like clothing, maybe, or electronics, and you buy it on credit, and then you pay it back in installments. But now they are partnering with DoorDash... the food delivery company, for all of you who've ever said, you know, this burrito is great, but I just wish it affected my credit score.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Thank you so much, Bill. Thank you, everybody. You're very kind. It's great to see you. We do have a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to the great actor Sterling K. Brown, who's starring in the new series Paradise. But if you are a fan of that handsome finance guy from This Is Us, well, this is he. But right now, it's all about you. So give us a call to play our games.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Although, I hope it wasn't in monthly installments because that would just go on too long.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
I want to advise people who are thinking of doing this, remember to pay it back because you do not want to be the first person to get your legs broken because you're behind on a breakfast bowl. I'm here from DoorDash. They're very disappointed in you. Bill, how did Alexis do on our quiz? She did perfectly.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Thank you. Thank you so much, Alexis. Take care.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Tig, this week, the New York Times offered their advice on how to navigate a tricky social situation. When you go to see your friend in a show, and then what happens?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Yeah. The show is awful. Many of us have been there. You go to see your friend in some kind of show, you know, whether it's a play your friend is in, your co-worker's improv show, or your other co-worker's improv show. And if the show isn't that great, what do you say to your friend when you see him after in the lobby?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Get all sorts of perks across more than 20 podcasts with the bundle option. Learn more at plus.npr.org.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air, or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page. That's at WaitWaitNPR. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, this is Jason Laughlin, and I'm calling from Des Moines, Iowa.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
What inspired you to leave the law and go into mental health counseling?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
I could have probably figured that out on my own, but it's nice to get it confirmed. It's nice to have you with us, Jason. You're going to play our game on which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Jason's topic? I feel like I'm 17 again. This week, we read about something from your teenage years that has come back, and it's not your acne.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Our panel is going to tell you something from the teenage years that adults are now fully embracing. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Absolutely. I admire your spirit. Let's get started. First, let's hear from Josh Gondelman.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
How about you? I am fine. I don't know where Cummington is, and I applaud your ability to just say it without hesitation or shyness. You just said it. What do you do there in Cummington? I did just say it. You just said it. What do you do there in Cummington?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Sterling K. Brown
Adults forced to live at home again in Bemidji, Minnesota, making the best of it and driving their cars up to Lover's Lane to make out. Your next teenage throwback comes from Tig Notaro.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
All right, then. An interesting discovery about clothing made this week... And reported by one of our panelists, which is it? Is it from Helen, the discovery that white clothes actually make your food taste better, which is why you end up smearing it on the white clothes?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
From Tom, fish can remember what you were wearing from the last time they saw you, and you know, maybe they won't like it that you've changed. Or from Paula Poundstone, boysenberry syrup, the kind they have at IHOP, can dissolve most clothing fabrics. Which of these is the real story that we found about clothing in the news? Oh my goodness. Let's try Helen's story about the color in the food.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
You're going to try Helen's story about the fact that wearing white clothing makes you just crave the foods that will stain. No.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
So you're changing your mind. You're going to go, all right, with Tom's story, okay? All right. Well, to find out if that was the right choice, let's listen to this.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
That was Sarah Hashemi, who is a science journalist at the Smithsonian Magazine. Congratulations, Samara. You got it right. You earned a point for Tom, and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Congratulations, Samara.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
And now the game where we ask famous people about obscure things. It's called Not My Job. Roy Wood Jr. became famous in the last decade or so on The Daily Show, but he's been doing stand-up since he was 19. He's got a new stand-up special now out on Hulu, Lonely Flowers. And he's also the host of Have I Got News For You on CNN, which is, of all things, a comedy quiz show about the week's news.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
What an idea! LAUGHTER Roy Wood Jr., welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Yeah, it's like, yeah. We've had comedians on the show. We've had podcasters on the show. We've had game show hosts on the show. We've never had anybody who has exactly my job on the show. So it's a lot harder than it looks, isn't it, Roy?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Yeah, you sit there gigging, you know, doing your music, and you're thinking, wow, tonight I get to originate a mortgage.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
letters yeah very smart very smart i want to talk about your new special uh lonely flowers which is truly great uh on hulu and i found out some things about you that and this is my fault i did not know including that you started doing stand-up when you were 19 years old yeah which is i was still in school at florida a&m right and and and what inspired you to to pursue that difficult life
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
There are a couple things about that that I want to ask you about, one of which is that you've said that that job at Golden Corral, which is a buffet, was like one of the most important formative experiences of your life. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Adam. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a comedian who will be performing at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco on March 23rd. It's Helen Hong.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
But here's the question. You've been pretty famous for at least a decade on TV, The Daily Show, a lot of other things. Has anybody who, like, knew you back then reached out and said, bro, I was the white supremacist. Remember me? I was the guy with the Nazi tattoo. I'm Cocaine Mike.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
There's another story you tell in the special, which I actually, and I was unexpected because it's extremely funny and I didn't expect to be moved. You start back when you were staying in bus stations because you couldn't afford hotel. And the story is that your mother found out. Somebody ratted you out to your mom. And she didn't know you were out doing comedy, right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Next, he is a humorist, a tool impresario, and the founder of Hatch Space Community Woodworking Shop and School in Brattleboro, Vermont. It's Tom Bodette. Hey, Adam. And a comedian who will be in St. Paul, Minnesota on March 21st at the Fitzgerald Theater. You might have heard of that. It's Paula Poundstone. Thank you. Hey, Adam. Hey. So, Adam, welcome to the show.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Well, Roy, it is so great to talk to you, and we have asked you here to play a little game with us. This time we're calling the game, Have We Got Booze For You? So you host CNN's Have I Got News For You? We're going to ask you three questions about ghosts and hauntings. Booze. I believe in ghosts, by the way.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Oh, Joyce. You can't say that. This isn't CNN, Roy. We can't. We can't go blue here on NPR. Well, all right, knowing both your belief in the supernatural and the reasons therefore, I will still proceed. Bill, who is Roy Wood Jr. playing for? Peter Grieving of Clucksville, Georgia. All right, here's your first question. One of the most famous hauntings in U.S. history was the Red Ghost.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
the spirit that haunted rural Arizona in the late 1800s. People were quite relieved, though, when the red ghost turned out to be what? Was it A, a vaudeville comedian who was trying to promote himself as being, quote, dead, funny? B, a basset hound, which no one in Arizona had ever seen before? Or C, a feral camel that had been a part of a failed camel cavalry in the U.S. Army?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
You got it, and that's correct. Nice. It was a camel. It had run away from the Camel Cavalry. It was out enjoying itself. People would see it and get scared. The Army Camel Corps, by the way, was created by Jefferson Davis, one of his many, many good ideas. All right. All right. All right, second question. Every country has their own legends of ghosts, their own versions.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
In Japan, for example, you could be visited in the middle of the night by a kamikiri, a ghost that does what? A, gives you a really, really bad haircut. B, just sits, looks at you, shakes its head, sighs, and leaves. Or C, raids your refrigerator and invariably steals what you were saving for lunch the next day.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
You're going to start us off with who's Bill this time. I'm so pleased to say Bill Curtis, back with us, is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize, the voice of anyone from our show. You might choose on your voicemail. You ready to go? Yes. All right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
He picked correctly. It is. Stories spread back in olden days about people walking down the streets of Japan and all of a sudden their hair would fall to the ground without them noticing. It was the kamikiri. You're doing very well, Roy. One more question for you. Last question. A lot of people believe ghosts are real. In fact, so many people believe in ghosts. Which of these is true?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
A, in New Mexico, you can drive in the carpool lane if you have a ghost in the car. No. B, Vermont taxpayers are allowed to claim a ghost as a dependent. Or C, if you are selling a home in New York, you have to disclose if it is haunted.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
No, it was, in fact, if you sell a house in New York, you have to tell people if you believe the house is haunted. Bill, how did Roy Wood Jr. do on our quiz?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Thank you. Roy Wood Jr. is a comedian and the host of CNN's Have I Got News For You. His new stand-up special, Lonely Flowers, which is both funny and a little heartbreaking, is streaming on Hulu. Roy Wood Jr., what a joy to talk to you. Thank you so much for being with us. Great pleasure to talk to you. A brother and quiz. Take care. Bye-bye.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
In just a minute, Bill reveals the number one sign your man is cheating in the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Thank you so much for just a minute. Thank you. Bill loads up at the all-you-can-read Limerick Buffet in our listener Limerick Challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news. Paula, if you really love a movie, we all know you can buy a poster for the movie.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Maybe you can get a T-shirt with a movie. You can even these days get a commemorative popcorn bucket where you go to see it in the theater. But these days, apparently, the newest, hottest kind of movie merchandise is what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Well, that's good for you, but that was not the answer. Do give me a hint. What is that you're wearing? Is that Top Gun Maverick I smell? Oh, a fragrance? Yes, movie tie-in fragrances. If you watched Nosferatu, say, and said to yourself, man, I wish I could get a whiff of those rats, you can now buy Eau de Macabre. That's real. It's a scent inspired by the film.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
It has notes of lilac, moss, whetstone, and desperate marketing exec flop sweat.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Tom, the computer company HP wanted to encourage more people to use their website to get customer service, so they came up with what innovation on their toll-free telephone helpline?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Wasn't it supposed to be every government employee? Yes, every federal employee. Wow.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
I'm gonna give it to you because basically what they did was they kept everybody on hold a minimum of 15 minutes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
They chose 15 minutes because science has shown that's as much hold music as the human brain can withstand. And basically they decided to drop, this was in Europe, in their helpline in Europe, and they decided to drop this policy because they were caught.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
And the problem was that people were so furious that when they did finally hang up the phone and go online, many of the AI chatbots quit saying they couldn't take the stress.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Yes, the people, if you were willing to brave it out, they would eventually sort of give in and somebody would answer. You'd get a customer service person who'd be like, fine, what is it?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Paula, it's stylish to get a layered haircut or wear layered clothing, but the latest trend is layering your what? Ooh, chin. I'll give you a hint. Well, it's sure not a secret anymore. It's a new degree of dry idea.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Including somebody in the audience, yes. Employees at every federal government agency received an email from the Office of Personnel Management over the weekend requiring them to list five things they had accomplished that week or they would lose their jobs. This is part of Elon Musk's crusade to fire as many government workers as he can.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
The hot new beauty hack is to give yourself a custom scent by combining fragrant products like perfumes, lotions, and deodorants. Consider this a shot across the bow for you folks who forgot to put on one layer of deodorant this morning.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Really? This is finally what inspired you to ask the mothership to take you home. Everything you put up with.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
But if you are thinking of trying this yourself, just remember you want to hit all four cents, salt, fat, acid, and heat. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
You can catch us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois. You can also see us on the road. We'll be at the Walt Disney Theater at the Dr. Phillips Center in Orlando, Florida on March 20th. For tickets and information, just stroll on over to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Hey, the Kansas City metro area. Thank you for identifying that. What do you do there in the Kansas City metro area?
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Wow. Do you realize that it may just fall to you to do it for the whole country because no one else will at this point?
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Well, welcome to the show, Corbin. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to play?
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Yes, glitter. Apparently, the latest thing for those young women going out to the clubs is they douse themselves with glitter spray before they go out as a way to ward off men who are cheating on their partners.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
The idea is that men who are in relationships will avoid cheating with someone wearing glitter because they're afraid they'll get glitter all over them and their partner will notice when they go home. Hey, I think I finally figured out why I keep getting in trouble whenever I come home from my guy's craft night. Yeah, yeah, that could be it.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
You know, the people who waste taxpayer money doing useless, busy work like keeping planes from running into each other.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Yes, very good. Fashion brands like J.Crew, Prada, and Tiffany's are now using books to appeal to female consumers, a tactic straight men on the subway have been using for years. Yes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
It's hot to be smart and at home alone with your books. I guess. I don't know. I feel that way. Yeah. Yeah, me too. We're ahead of the curve fashion-wise, Tom.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
It is feet, yes, in a trend... In a trend that doctors are praising for letting them buy a new summer home, hundreds of people on social media are filming themselves dropping heavy objects on their own feet and then rating the pain on a scale from one to weight. Oh my God, my thirst for clicks has made me a fool. I see that now.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Well, that's the thing. I mean, I couldn't do it. I can't think of three things I did in my life.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
No, but people do. It's amazing. Some of the objects dropped on feet in these videos include cases of soda, air fryers, vacuum cleaners. Those are especially popular because you can use them to clean up the bone fragments.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Like that type odd challenge kind of thing where you sort of like that something really yeah And it catches on and people start posting they try to outdo each other well that guy dropped a vacuum I'll drop a printer or something, but I'm not impressed by people who are doing those videos because it's silly I want to meet the guy who drops stuff in his feet and doesn't film it who just does it for the love of the game Yeah Yeah, those are the real players.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Good luck being in charge of the entire nation's health.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
All right. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Hey, it's time for our final game. Lightning fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
All right, Paula, that means you are in second place. You're going to go first. Here we go. Fill in the blank. During his first cabinet meeting, President Trump asked if anyone was unhappy with blank's role in the administration. Elon Musk. Right. According to the new data, the number of Americans filing for blank reached a three-month high. Unemployment. Right.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
This week, the USDA outlined their strategy to control the spread of blank flu. Bird. Right. On Tuesday, the White House floated the idea of a $5 million gold card offering wealthy foreigners a direct path to blank. Citizenship. Right. During a daring heist this week, a group of thieves in the U.K. stole blank from Blenheim Palace. I don't know. A big painting. A golden toilet.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
On Wednesday, a Texas-based space company launched a craft headed for the blank. Headed for the moon? Right. On Thursday, a study found a link between extreme blank and accelerated aging.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
No, extreme heat. This week, President Trump sent the Oval Office's resolute desk to be cleaned and refinished, and many suspect it was because Elon Musk's small son blanked. White boogers on it. That's exactly right. During their joint press conference last week in the Oval Office, sharp-eyed viewers noticed Elon Musk's little kid pick his nose and then wipe it on the resolute desk.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Trump then immediately sent the antique desk to be deep cleaned and refurbished, which was understandable, I guess, but sadly means now that all of FDR's boogers are lost to history.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
All right, I am going to arbitrarily pick Helen to go next. Fill in the blank, Helen. On Tuesday, the FAA confirmed that two blanks nearly collided in Chicago.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Right. On Wednesday, Israel said it would not remove its troops from Egypt's border with blank.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Right. This week, health officials in Texas confirmed the first death from a growing blank outbreak.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Right. On Monday, the U.S. reached an agreement with blank to access their rare earth minerals. Uh, Canada? No, Ukraine. This week, a man in Washington State was arrested after he crashed a car at an intersection one day after he had blanked.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Close enough. Crashed his car at exactly the same intersection. Wow. On Tuesday, Amazon unveiled a revamped version of their digital assistant blank. Alexa. Right. This week, a restaurant in Japan that had gotten a couple of bad reviews decided to deal with that by blanking.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
No, they responded to the bad reviews by putting a bounty out on the heads of the reviewers. A ramen shop in Kyoto, Japan, got a pair of very negative reviews and handled it in the normal way. They posted pictures of the reviewers and offered a hundred thousand yen to anyone who could provide personal details, addresses, or quote, take action against them. What? True.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
You can learn all about it in the fabulous new documentary, Jiro Dreams of Murder.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
All right, so how many then does Tom need to win? Six to win. Here we go, Tom. This is for the game. On Tuesday, Speaker of the House Mike Johnson announced that the House had approved a sweeping blank plan. The spending bill. Yeah, budget. On Wednesday, Jeff Bezos announced that the opinion section of the blank would now focus on, quote, personal liberties in the free market. Jeff Bezos.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Wait, no. The opinion section of the blank. Oh, I'm sorry, Washington Post. Right. On Thursday, the White House hosted Keir Stormer, the prime minister of the blank. Britain. Yes, the UK. According to a new report, 70% of food in the U.S. is ultra blank. Unhealthy. Ultra-processed is the answer. After being released from prison after serving a 30-year sentence for a crime he did not commit.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
A man in Hawaii celebrated by blanking. I don't know. Committing three felonies. No. Going to Costco. Can't blame him. On Thursday, the Vatican said that Blank's health was showing slight improvements. The Pope. Right. After her contact lenses kept disappearing, a woman in China was thrilled when she found five of them behind Blank. Behind her eyelids. Close enough behind her eyeball. Ha.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
You were like, it's time to see what that Poundstone woman does to earn her keep.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
While treating the woman for an entirely different issue, doctors in Beijing found five contact lenses tucked away behind the woman's eyeball. When she asked how the contact lenses got back there, she was told good news. Apparently, they were looking for these car keys.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists, now that Amazon has acquired James Bond, what's the next beloved movie character Jeff Bezos will take over?
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
But first, let me tell you, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeka writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shane O'Donnell. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre, BJ Lederman composed our theme.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Drombos, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey. Key grip number three, that's Peter Gwynn, our jolly good fellow, is Hannah Anderson. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Our senior producer is Ian, swallowed by a whale, Chilag. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now a panel, what character will Amazon buy next and what will they do with him? Helen Hong.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Heads are gonna roll. But apparently, you know, some people, like, got it and copped an attitude. You want five things I did last week? Your mom, your mom, your mom, your dad, and your mom.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
All right. Here is your next quote, Adam. This is the best thing to happen with sports in a long, long time. That was somebody over on Twitter reacting to the latest attempt to modernize baseball. For spring training, Major League Baseball is trying out umpires who are what? AI? Yes, they're robot umpires. Very good.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
During spring training, Major League Baseball is experimenting with robot umpires to help call balls and strikes. The technology required to do this is amazing. Do you know how complicated it is to weld on a protective cup?
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
No, what it is, is it's an automated system that uses lasers and cameras to judge the strike zone and see where the ball goes in it. And they act as fact checkers for the human ump. So if a player thinks the ump got a call wrong, he can appeal to the robot and they get better results if they start the request with, oh, my silicon overlord.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
But that's when we talk about it. I see. Adam, your last quote is a headline from The Economist. Amazon gains a thrilling new asset. What thrilling and handsome new asset did Amazon just acquire the rights to? Oh, my gosh. Can you give me a clue? I can give you a hint. Like, instead of one-day delivery, it'll be 007 days delivery. Oh, God. The James Bond series. James Bond.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Yeah, it's true. Amazon has bought the rights to the James Bond franchise, which is good. I guess they'll make more movies, but it will not be the same when Q is like, I know you're used to carrying a Walther PPK 007, but Amazon's choice is an Omidra seven-shot handgun with carrying case.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Yeah, and of course, they haven't announced exactly what they're gonna do with him, but they have said in the first Amazon-made Bond movie, he'll be fighting a true global supervillain, local bookstores. And I thought he was dead. And of course, it's not just going to be movies because they own the whole IP, as the saying is.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
They could make a 007 sitcom where James Bond lives in Brooklyn with his quirky waitress roommate trying to make ends meet. They could make a kid's version. James Bond babies. Jimmy Bond. Exactly. Where he fights like Gold Pinky. No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to cry.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. But just to say it again, thank you, Bill. We're so glad to have you back. Now, a lot of people have actually gotten in touch to ask, maybe with some concern, where you've been these last six weeks. Can you reveal it?
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
No, he did ask people, once he bought it, he did ask people on Twitter who they thought the next James Bond should be, because Daniel Craig has retired, you know. Also asking, can James Bond be bald? And should it be me? Bill, how did Adam do in our quiz?
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Thank you. Thank you. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Helen, it's well documented that mood swings are one of the side effects of hormonal birth control. I say this as a feminist and an ally.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Well, one woman who started taking a new birth control recently reported a rather surprising side effect. What?
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Yes. She really, really, really wants to know if you'll still need him when he's 64.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
I know, it's very strange. It's a little weird, that's the thing. I mean, because all women know that birth control is a scientific marvel. It can protect you from pregnancy and make you cry at every TV commercial, right? I mean, the avocados came all the way from Mexico? That is so beautiful. Anyway, but this woman... Says that she experienced a very strange symptom.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
She went on a new kind of birth control. She cannot stop worrying about Paul McCartney dying According to the woman quote every time I think of him I start weeping Doctors are you know concerned? It's not serious, but still they're trying a new prescription. It has different side effects This one for example makes you want to murder Paul McCartney
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
No, but the doctors do say that this weeping over Paul McCartney, that's within normal limits for mood swings brought on by hormonal changes. They would only start getting concerned if she was weeping over Ringo.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Coming up, our panelists dress to impress in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Well, it's great to have you back, and we're also delighted that comedian Roy Wood Jr. will be joining us later to play our games, and mainly we are delighted that you folks listening can also call in to play. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey. Hey, who is this?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you. Thank you all so much. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff with the listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Jersey City, New Jersey. How are you? Samara, great to talk to you. What do you do there?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Wow. Some people find that depressing, but those people, they're nuts. How are you enjoying it?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Well, it's great to have you with us, Samara. You are going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is your topic? That's why I always do a fit check. An outfit can say a lot about a person. Show off their personality. Show if they had mustard for lunch. Our panel is going to tell you about a whole new reason to care about what you wear.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready. Let's go. All right. Here we go. First, let's hear from Helen Hong.
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WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
A scientific study proving that wearing white just makes you want to eat those messy foods. Your next story in style comes from Tom Beaudet.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Fish can remember what you were wearing and they probably have opinions about it. Your last outfit bit comes from Paula Poundstone.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
This is Adam from Kansas City. Oh, it's a great town. We were there just a few months ago. What do you do there? I'm a musician and I do mortgage loans. So you're a musician, but like on nights and weekends you do mortgage loans because that's your true passion. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something's got to pay the bill.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Shioki Ianson, filling in for Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Rekha Shankar, Joyelle Nicole Johnson, and Adam Felber. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Dino upchucks, more rare than a comet. It's so ancient, we ought to embalm it. Food from the seafloor. We're wretched up on the shore. We have found some old dino sharks.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm the voice that puts the fun in defun public broadcasting.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
All right. Here is your next limerick. Billy Crystal seems merry and pally, though in rom-coms he'd tarry and dally. We'll channel his passion by aping his fashion, the look from...
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Here is your last limerick. Though my loafer's a trusty work steed, its soul has more torque than I need. It's flexing its muscles. These tassels can tussle. It's made for endurance and...
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Joyelle got three right for six more points. So with a total of nine, Rekha still leads.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
With a total of 15 points, Adam is this week's winner.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
I put on 20 pounds because, believe it or not, I was thinner than the guy.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
And if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
This message comes from NPR sponsor Rosetta Stone, an expert in language learning for 30 years. Right now, NPR listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership to 25 different languages for 50% off. Learn more at rosettastone.com slash NPR.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater in the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
All right. Here is your last quote. 51% of Americans suffer from psiety.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
No zeros, just ones. Hey! Matthew got all three right. Congratulations, Matthew. Thanks so much.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Chioki Ianson, filling in for Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Adam Felber, Rekha Shankar, and Joyelle Nicole Johnson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Every day I'm hustling. Every day I'm hustling. Every day I'm hustling.