Helen Hong
Appearances
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Oh, I don't need that. That is something that nobody asked for. Sony, nobody asked for this.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
I have defaulted to using my iPhone alarm solely and not using any other alarms. So if it didn't go off, I would not be here right now.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Do the gays know that the village people are not a gay iconic group?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
They're all the same. They're all the same. Keep going.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Nothing deflates buying a razor than standing in front of the razor case and just hearing, customer service to razors, customer service to razors, and then just be like, you know what, I can be hairy for another week.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Researchers in England have discovered a new language invented by a couple to celebrate their love and to trash talk others in public. Lisa and Jim Newman have been together for 14 years and in that time have created an entirely new language that only they understand. Early on, I tried to tell her what I loved about her in Klingon, which we both speak fluently.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
But there was no word for the light that glints off your hair when it's slightly greasy after a day and a half of not showering. So we made one up. Linguists, in fact, cannot believe the complexity of the invented language, which also has an individual word for a whiff of your musty beard makes me feel like Uhura flirting with Spock in the Mantrap episode of the original series.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Their language, in fact, is so complex and realistic that they were cast as aliens in the latest Star Trek show, Strange New Worlds, only to later reveal that what they were talking about on camera was how lame that show is compared to Deep Space Nine.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
This is like the best commercial for Golden Corral I've ever heard in my life.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
This is the first time I have ever wanted to go to a Golden Corral in my life.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
That's weird. I don't want to smell anything that has scrapings off of anyone.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
What happened to the people who stayed on longer than 15 minutes? Did they finally get it?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
I think this would be hard for anybody in any industry.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
I can think of one thing. I'm a stand-up comedian, so my first thing was think of a funnier word than spatula. And then it just devolved from there. Right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Amazon will take over the Planet of the Apes franchise and offer a new dish in its grocery stores called Planet of the Crepes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
That was definitely from someone at the DMV. Probably.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Who is, are they going to teach the robots to spit? Because that's all I see them doing ever is spitting and chewing gum and then making like weird hand gestures.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Do you think Jeff Bezos just bought it because he was like, pussy galore? Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
That would be a horrible side effect. Can I have a hint?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
I was going to say, how did she know that it was specifically that? She got off it and she was like, oh, screw that guy.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Wow. And then she went back on it. She was like, oh, pull. Wings is the best.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
Is there a Viagra version where if you took Viagra, Tom, you'd be like, oh no, Hootie and the Bluefish.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
We've all done it, spilled red wine on a white blouse or smeared cherry pie on a brand new white dress shirt. But why do we do it? Scientists now may have an answer. Researchers in the Deliciousness Lab at the University of Pennsylvania Hershey campus noticed a strange pattern in their taste test data. Very different reactions to the same foods based on the color of your outfit.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.
You may know intellectually that it's a terrible mistake to eat a bright yellow curry with your fingers, but if you're wearing white, your intellect seems to be taken out of the question, one researcher told Flavor Studies Weekly. The scientists have no theory as to why white clothing makes everything taste better, and dry cleaners hope they never do.