The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: The Deflection Masterclass (feat. Sex Expert April Lampert)
Fri, 04 Apr 2025
"People think sex starts when you enter the bedroom, but sex is happening all the time." After Hawk executes some top-shelf detective work to attempt to understand how Amin's whereabouts last night led to him showing up late to today's show, our favorite sexpert, April Lampert, returns to explain. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: Who is being roasted for being late?
All right, guys. I mean, thought he could get that off, but not on the blackest show ever. He tried to lie to Andrew Hawkins. I didn't lie. Oh, yeah, he didn't try to lie.
I just didn't tell you certain things.
But you ain't got to tell him. We got an Afro detective in here named Andrew Hawkins. He was like, I hear your voice. I see your eyes. Oh, there's the imprint across your forehead. I love durag lines. Yeah, you could get that off when Dan is here and Stu and Chris, they don't know about durag lines.
My voice is my voice. My voice is always deep.
No, your voice has changed.
My eyes. It's got a rasp to it. It's always got a rasp to it. Nah, man. Do you understand how much... metric liters of alcohol I go through a week, you'd think my voice is just like, oh, I'm like this. But when I've had a night out, I'll go like this. You think that's what happens? Nah, man.
I'm always this deep. You can gaslight all you want. Gaslight? What is that? I know a raspy voice in the morning. Every man in my family has a deep voice. Even G, Roy? Even G. If you catch us early in the morning, there's a certain rasp to it that I can point out. I'm going to tell you right now.
This is what happens. I walk in here. It's a viper's nest. Before I even walk in here, I'm getting makeup done. I'm trying to come here correct. I hear the show. Y'all are already getting it on me. I'm like, okay, that's what we're doing? Regular, I mean, yesterday, I was like this, hi guys, what's going on?
Today, I gotta do the Stephen A. And I gotta put my voice right down here, because that's the most menacing.
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Chapter 2: How did Amin's night out unfold?
You guys thought you would be invited to my funeral? That's where you guys were at? What are you trying to say? Roy, you're good. Thank you. That's crazy. Here's how it goes. If you've been on Cinephobe, you're good. Thank you. So Roy, Billy. Billy's been there. Speed 2.
Everyone else?
Tony defended you.
So what happened? Are we going to get to the bottom of what happened? You come in here in a UK Nike Tech sweatsuit. You got do-rag lines on. You know what I'm saying? Raspy voice.
I think you and I could recognize do-rag lines. Do-rag lines. Guilty. It was incredible. But I think Billy probably could recognize do-rag lines, too. Kenny? Billy? Yeah.
You know what do-rag lines are?
Yeah.
I had cornrows once. Oh, man. It was a summer. Yeah.
Shout out to my boy.
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Chapter 3: What are the comedic highlights of the show?
It's got to be a couple years away.
I got them in 02. I'm going to tell you what's going to happen. For us, by us. Hawk, I'm going to tell you right now. Someone famous, more famous than us, is going to wear their Fat Albert sweater or whatever, and then it's going to be back in, and then you're going to pull them out.
Platinum collection.
Here's my problem. 90% of my baggy-ass 2000s clothes that aren't like nameless, faceless white tees or whatever, Sean John. That one I don't think is gonna come back. No, I think that's it.
Rock-a-wear. I got a rock-a-wear polo. I was button-ups. Big jeans and button-ups was going on. Big jeans, button-ups, long chains. That was like my Miami Prime era. So you probably left the Elster around 11.45 p.m.
He think he gonna get you off the case, but he don't know what level of detective we working with.
So that place, can I see your Uber? Absolutely. You see my Uber app? Absolutely not. Let me see your last 24 hours of Uber. I don't respond. Get a warrant, buddy. Yeah, exactly. I don't respond to anybody. Let me see how your rating has changed. What was his rating a couple days ago?
We'll figure this out. A black 491 was what it was. A black 491?
That's like a regular 86? Yeah, 486.
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Chapter 4: What is the significance of the deflection masterclass?
Toasted bracket bragging update.
The bragging.
He was bragging. That was me throwing a little. That was who you editorialized.
That was me burbying him. I was worried that Jimmy Johns was like, Tony likes to brag. I was like, okay, sponsor. You give us money. We'll talk about your brand. You don't editorialize all my guys. That's where I was at. Now I know it's Chris. Jimmy Johnson, my bad.
What do you attribute your perfection to? Is there something about your basketball?
Picking the best teams, yeah.
Right, but I mean, I'm saying how did you know? Was there something? I'm just giving you a chance.
No, no, yeah, I'm saying picking the best teams. That's literally all it is.
So it wasn't like an understanding of a specific matchup. College basketball is like, hey, them good, them bad, give me the good one.
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Chapter 5: How does the show connect pop culture references?
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Don Libetard. Again, started on the breakfast flan. Oh, man. I've been singing a song to myself all morning long. Breakfast flan. Stugatz. Have you never heard the breakfast flan song? No. Hit me with it. Okay. I wish I had some breakfast flan. Breakfast flan. Where can I find a breakfast like that?
This is the Don Labrador Show with the Stugats.
All right. As I mentioned before. Hold on, Dominique. There's a lot of stuff. You guys are looking way too deep into my boy right here. A lot of pocket watching on Amin. A lot of seeing stuff like that. A lot of pocket watching. You know what? What's up? Don't look now. But. Yes. Oh. It's time for a new game.
Don't look now. Both of y'all going to be blindfolded for this?
Got to be. Can't look. Amin, stop looking.
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