The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Hour 1: Zach Charbonnet, Baker Mayfield, and The Toilet Grid
Tue, 17 Dec 2024
We have to get to a very important pee story from yesterday. Maybe it shouldn't have been phrased that way, but here we are. If there were a grid on a toilet, which section would you aim your pee at? Then, it's time for Stugotz's Weekend Observations including dropped footballs, Jaxon Smith-Njigba, and the Top 5 Names In Sports That Make Stugotz Feel Fancy. Plus, we're back to Tony at our Holiday Toy Drive for an update AND to get Rose's factually accurate recap of "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast.
Today's episode is sponsored by DraftKings. Stay tuned because you'll hear more about DraftKings and all it has to offer throughout the show. DraftKings, the crown is yours.
I have been remiss in not telling people that Greg Cody Tuesday is not today, is going to be tomorrow. Greg Cody Tuesday is going to be Wednesday tomorrow. I'm sorry for not addressing it earlier. You should be. Yeah, I've grown. to expect him here on Tuesdays.
They like their Cody Tuesdays and to the degree that some of you didn't notice that he was gone, thank you for not noticing because I notice whenever he's not gone on Tuesdays because he's an endless fountain of content around here. But he will be tomorrow for those of you who miss him. We will check in with Tony one more time and I will tell you again
That this toy drive that we're trying to do a little bit at the last minute today with Cuban Santa Tony and tomorrow with Roy, a Roy drive tomorrow. Stoic Santa. Not not going to be a lot of joy at that one. I don't think I'm not going to feel like I mean, maybe. Maybe we can summon Santa's joyous Christmas time and this Roy drive will escalate tomorrow at Vivo Mall. But you guys... Dolphin Mall.
Excuse me. Vivo at Dolphin Mall.
Vivo's a restaurant in the Dolphin Mall.
Forgive me. I'm just worried. Today's thing, I'm being told that they're being towed now. That's a famously small parking lot in Flanagan's. Now we've got Cuban Santa and our tow drive is being towed. But Tony's still there trying to keep things together. And when I walked into the other studio, and you guys are going to have to help me here, Lucy, Jessica, and Billy.
They were all laughing at Cuban Santa's insecurities. All of them were laughing. That's not falsehoods. Billy. Billy. Jessica. Jessica. You guys.
Lucy. Lucy.
I was laughing at Rose trying to replug that inflatable thing. We don't know if it's happened. We don't know the situation there. I have a lot of questions.
It feels like you're trying to steal this segment away from Tony by making it Royce's top five.
Royce tomorrow.
Yeah, Royce tomorrow. Vivo mall. Dolphin mall. People really miss Royce top ten. Farmed and fabulous. They really miss Royce top ten.
Sorry, we wrote them all. There are no more Royce Top Tens. Is Dwork going to be there?
That's a good question. It seems like a package deal. They're getting towed?
What about Ice Ice Baby? So this toy drive is a bit of a gorilla outfit. Look, I want to say something real quick here, Stu, guys, before we get into the sports-tainment stuff that we need to be talking about. Okay.
i am really grateful for the group of people who have made this startup business something that can exist for three years when everyone's got their own hardships and it's been hard and i just threw a toy drive at them and they're all overworked and they're tired and they would like not a whole lot of like it'd probably be better to stumble into the holidays without more work but now i've insisted on a toy drive out of nowhere so i need to support cube and santa even though i don't trust them with your gift cards or your cash
And I got to trust Stoic Roy to go to the Everglades, Stugatz. You said you made a joke. It's Doral.
It's not even west of the Turnpike.
Stugatz made a joke yesterday that his three weeks of travel this season are equivalent to what Lucy has done because he went out to Dolphin Mall.
I mean, there's a Topgolf west of it. Now, after that Topgolf, it's the Everglades.
Yeah, my body hurts. I mean, it's been a long football season. I don't know how you feel, Mike, but my body hurts. We have made a lot of trips this year, and the trip to the Dolphin Mall is the one that really got me.
Football season ended in Syracuse for me.
I still don't understand how Carvana works, because there's one of those right next to Topgolf. They make it seem like it's a car vending machine, but it's not like that.
It's like more of a car PEZ dispenser. Really? Huh.
Like, I don't swipe my card and then, like, push, like, A15 and then... It's quite the shot game. Dodge Ram comes down.
I'm always curious. The logistics of a Carvana.
Yeah. A lot to learn. Anyways, how many toys do you think we've collected?
I don't know. I think this is a tough thing, and I think you will enjoy if we don't collect any. I believe the anarchist in you would like the kids to be unhappy. It's not the kids. It's Tony. Well, is it Tony?
Well, something is happening in the tension between everybody in Cuban Santa that makes me not get honesty about where it is that Cuban Santa is not happy how all of this is gone because Rose stole his limelight. I didn't do that. I mean, we all saw it happen. We all saw it happen.
The 17th time you asked her to pronounce Luigi's name, you didn't do that?
We were dancing on the line. Look, we were dancing on the line. I was getting approval from the room because nobody quite knew. Are we doing something offensive? I don't know, but it's funny. And offensive two ways, because we've made light of murder in the street now. We do that now. Yeah, it's just murder in the street. Hey, murder's not a real thing. These aren't human beings.
We all live in a simulation. Luigi Mangione.
Let's not vamp on this one.
Luigi Mangione.
Is Tony scaring people, maybe? Can he just take off the beard? Why is he wearing a costume? Because he's Cuban Santa.
What do you mean? That time of year, Billy. No, he's in performance as Cuban Santa. You guys know what that Flanagan's is. It lives on a hill. It's a parking lot. It's a very small parking lot. Some people are being towed. We're trying to do a toy drive. Rose is holding up the inflatables that weren't put there by us. She ruined their property. That's not us.
I don't know why she was even back there. But it reminded me of Billy at Tim Legler's house. It reminded me of Billy falling into the bushes as an eagle.
Less inflatables somehow.
I don't understand what just happened. I really don't. Our toy drive has fallen into a puddle that Stugatz is saying is filled with urine. He is not. But there is another pee story that for some reason Jessica is desperate to get into.
What is happening?
Thank you for setting it up that way.
They're not full of urine. I have urine in me.
There was a photo that was going around the internet yesterday. It was a toilet with a grid over it. And the grid was numbered 1 through 9 on the top and A through J on the left. The Y axes, I guess. And people were saying where they aim when they piss. And I saw this picture and I showed it to my boyfriend and I was like, everyone's like an E5, right?
Like, is there anywhere else you would aim if you were aiming into the toilet? And apparently that's not the most common answer.
Battleshits. If this is late at night and I'm not trying to wake up my wife, I'm an E8 kind of guy.
Yeah. There's a silencer technique. And also, you're not in control of how much water is in the bowl. If there is a bowl that has less water in it, you're probably going to want to go closer to D2 range.
I just noticed there's a cat in this picture. You can go D2. I go right.
You go corners.
Yeah. Depends where the water is. I live in the 8-9 zone. What? Well, in the middle. Not at the top. I'm not peeing on the rim. But I'm trying to hit the side of the wall. That is the aiming space.
Why?
Because it's not loud. I don't want the...
You want it to cascade off the side and it limits the sound. You can also sit.
Well, that's, I think, the women I don't think play this game. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong.
I mean, you guys are all like, all the ladies are like J5, right? Yeah.
You think we pee off the front of the toilet?
Yeah. Well, I guess my mistake. H5. F5. Huh?
No.
E5.
I think probably closer. Really? It depends if I'm sitting with my back to the back of the toilet or if I'm squatting facing the toilet.
What if it's a public restroom?
There you go.
It goes where it goes. I mean, I hover.
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Now drop that jingle. Don Libertard. All of us who were watching college football elevated everything the weekend was because we missed football in general so very much.
You didn't watch the ending of UTEP Jacksonville State. It was awesome.
A doozy. Boom. Mm-hmm. Stugatz.
It's such a lane for you. Just everything in college football is awesome. Any single thing that happens, she gets deliriously happy about.
Don't you miss viewing sports through that prism, though? Like, I'm envious of Lucy. Like, I wish that I could still be happy.
This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz.
I'm glad I did that. Weekend observations, please.
It is time for Stu Gatz to share his game notes. No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boy Stu.
Weekend observations. Brought to you by Miller Lite. Great taste. Just 96 calories. Available for delivery. Din. People were ready to write him off. They said he was washed. They said he should just go ahead and retire. But on Sunday, Sunday, Dan, he turned back the clocks, reminding everybody why he was a four-time MVP, dropping dimes all over the field with 289 yards and three touchdowns. No.
And even more impressively, at 41 years old, he could still scoot. Six carries for 45 yards. The team's leading rusher. And Dan, just like that. Make no mistake about it. Aaron Rodgers is back. Exciting. Hey Navy, do it in the Army. All the Jets win did is give me hope for next season. I hate them. The Philadelphia Eagles, the rare 12-2 team that feels like a ticking time bomb.
I don't feel like anyone understood Navy, do it in the Army.
Well, you know, Navy beat Army, and I'm just telling the midshipmen, do it as a cadet. A lot of people think the Army is harder than Navy, Dan. You know the old joke from A Few Good Men? We give you a ride, the Army. You know what Jessup says? You give us a ride when we want to go fight? That's all I'm saying. Do it in the Army.
It was a play on an old classic.
I'm full of urine. Let's not vamp on that one either. Jesus Christ almighty. Follow-up questions. I probably need to let this one go. But every time I see Eric Crouch on the Heisman stage, it infuriates me. He has no business being there. Same with Jason White. Business is what I was trying to say. Why is Jason White on the Heisman stage? I know why Crouch is there.
Because the Miami guys split the votes. That's so bad. He had no business winning that thing. Crouch. Very few things in sports tug at the heartstrings quite like a good Heisman Trophy speech. Top five sports things that tug at the heartstrings. Number five, a good Heisman speech. Thank you. Number four, a good retirement speech. Number three, the Hawkeye wave. Number two, Tom Rinaldi's voice.
And number one, Gary Anderson's miss from 38 yards to keep the Vikings out of the 98 Super Bowl. That's the best team to not make a Super Bowl in the history of the NFL. You agree, right? Do you feel bad for Gary Anderson? I'm wondering, Dan, do you? Because he was perfect that season. Perfect. Had a 38-yard field goal to put him in the Super Bowl against the Falcons. He missed it.
It's a one-loss team.
Talk to the heartstrings. Isn't that the reason that you and Billy say that the Lions had to lose a game? Isn't that team the reason that you guys say that? Yes.
It was heartbreaking. Chris Chandler went to the Super Bowl. Is he the quarterback for the Falcons?
We also didn't say that. Dan Campbell said that.
Here come the Senators. Can we stop saying every player is generational? You were mad about this before the show. You can't have 20 players be a once-in-a-generation type player.
You can't. You were stomping around. You were furious around the bacon that you were eating with your bare hands. Just stomping around about this.
I like bacon. There's one generational player. That's it. Can't have 20 from one generation. Defeats the purpose. Supposed to wear a glove to eat bacon? I don't get your point.
I don't... The point... I'm sorry. I would say that most people eat bacon when walking around with a plate or a napkin or something. It's not just bacon. Do I have this wrong?
I think you eat bacon with your bare hands. I mean...
I kind of delight in the fact that you're walking around with bacon fingers that are covered in cigarette smoke, but I'm not even judging it. I'm not even judging it. I'm just saying I don't think most people do it that way. It's more observational, honestly, than judgment. Your observations, huh?
Being aggressive and going for it on Fort Dam. You know what the Bills did to the Lions, Dan? They gave him a taste of their own medicine. They really did. Dan Campbell is going to cost his team a Super Bowl. How much longer are we going to pretend to care about the NBA Cup?
I'm tired of it. Billy, why does that delight you so much? It's a big day today. Today's championship day in the NBA Cup. Christ enough. Yeah, today's a championship. Bucks against someone. Oh, LeBron didn't make it, huh? Well, he took vacation. The Bucks against somebody?
Who are they playing?
I think it's OKC.
Oh, yeah, the Thunder. That's right. Big one.
Amin is joining us from Vegas because he thinks this is an important game. He got one over on you, buddy. Jesus.
Free trip to Vegas. Congratulations to the Carolina Panthers for being favored for the first time in 32 games. Also, good loss. There's nothing like screaming free play at your TV when you see somebody jump off sides.
Put it on the poll, please. Juju at Levitard Show. Do you shout free play at your television when someone jumps off sides? Room? Room? The whole room does this?
You have to. Of course. Caleb had one yesterday. Yep. Made the most of it. 20 yards or so.
Dan, I thought after Deshaun Jackson, it would never happen again. Why does it keep happening? Why does it keep happening? Cross the goal line and then celebrate your touchdown.
Would you guys watch a 30 for 30 on that? Would you guys watch a Meadowlark documentary on why does it happen? Jason Whitlock said, do white people ever do that? Is it ever a white person who drops the ball before the goal line? We can turn that into a mockumentary. We can turn this into a mockumentary. We can.
Not really a representative sample. You're basically counting on Cooper Cup. Mike Allstott dropping it at the goal line. And quarterback sneaks.
Allstott.
I mean, Jalen Hurts. Most of the white guys are scoring from like an inch out. They don't have the time to drop it before the goal line because they don't have 80 yards.
I'm trying to think of the last white guy that could, you know, go for 80 yards. Ricky Prohl? It's just Cup.
It's Cup. Oh, McCaffrey. Well, they haven't done it. It's the two-guy sample. Ricky Proll. That's all I had. God, you didn't have anything.
I mean, Ricky Proll was a deep threat.
And it checks out. He's definitely white. That's a long time ago.
Where was I? I have no idea. Dan, you know what the D in Detroit stands for? Not defense. I thought you were going to say done or something. Something more dramatic. They're just getting started. Eagles with a 21-play drive to ice the game. You know what that is, Dan? No. It's football. Georgia Tech quarterback Haynes King announced he'll be back next season.
That sound you just heard was Mario Cristobal shuddering in fear, even though the Canes don't play Georgia Tech next season. You were quick. You were coming for that, weren't you? He's still nervous.
I'm still scared, yeah.
Mike hasn't given us the real heartbreak of that. You still feel it, right? You still physically feel that's a season you cared about.
Yeah, it's a bummer for a 10 that way. But I watched part of the show yesterday trying to make light of Miami's season. It was a good season. It was a real good season.
You get a cool trophy. That trophy's awesome. I hate the Pop-Tart Bowl. Why? It's awesome. Yeah, it's like the biggest bowl outside of the ones that matter.
I understand that. But like I said, don't get me started on it.
All right. Needs a better name? What's better than Pop-Tart Bowl? It just needs a better one.
Timing is everything. Once I saw the new trophy for the Pop-Tart Bowl, I declared it a must win for Miami.
You hate Camping World Stadium, right? It's an awful stadium. Yeah. Every year it feels like it's there.
Or at least every other year. It's weird. The Duke's Mayo Bowl can only dream of being the Pop-Tarts Bowl.
Marshall. Hold on. If I may, Stugatz, if I can just do this. I'm sorry to interrupt the precious sacred ground that is Weekend Observations. Always respected around here. We as a show made fun of the Pop-Tarts Bowl, and Jessica reminded us a couple of times on Monday, hey, that's a good bowl.
But Miami's season ending against Iowa State in a bowl for Pop-Tarts is something that's getting the best Miami season in 25 years and the best Miami offense we've ever seen made fun of for ending up in a Pop-Tarts Bowl. That's a thing that's happening. The University of Miami's last game ends as Pop-Tart punctuation that people are laughing at.
because they didn't get to one of the big games, they're stuck with the Pop-Tarts.
You're really trying to get me started, and I said don't.
It's probably a must-win. Like, you don't want to lose the Pop-Tarts.
I'd rather lose it.
No, you wouldn't. Oh, please. Mario Cristobal last year. I don't want to go to a bowl game. I'd rather opt out of it. What? What are you, Marshall?
OK, you got me started on it. My whole thing about the Pop-Tart Bowl is Jess is right when she says it is supposed to be a prestigious bowl and that it's supposed to be the top ACC team that's not going to a CFP game. And if this was a seven win season, this was an eight win season. Look, last year I was all about the bad boy mowers pinstripe bowl. All about it. You can lean into it's a mean bowl.
It's a bowl that exists for memes and the teams that are playing in it are used as punchlines for the toasters and the Pop-Tarts. And it's just when you come that close to the CFP, you see the bowl game that is most active making a joke of itself on the Internet. It's just kind of like a bummer.
I haven't seen them using Iowa State as a punchline. It's pretty much just been Miami. Yeah.
You're happy with the Pop-Tarts Bowl. Isn't that the one you'd want to go to?
Oh, heck yeah. I mean, I understand Mike's sort of take of it does feel very meme-ified.
I feel like I make fun of the team. It's too fun.
In the day and age where there's the playoff now and the bowl games that used to be a really big deal are now playoff games, and there are so many bowl games. There are a million and ten bowl games. You kind of have to find a way to differentiate yourself, and Pop-Tarts has done that by being fun and quirky and having a live edible mascot and a toaster, and I don't know. This is college football.
Let's have fun.
We respect the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl. No. Okay? Pop-Tart doesn't get off Tostitos. It's going to get there, though.
It's not the Tony the Tiger Bowl.
Just give me an old white guy in a royal blue blazer handing me a normal-looking trophy and saying congratulations on your season. That's how you actually stick out these days. You've got to dump mayo. You've got to dump potatoes. You've got to dump coffee. I get it. It's all fun and games for everybody.
But if this is supposed to be one of the more prestigious ones, how about we stop making fun of the teams that are in it? Mm-hmm.
I think that all the bowls should have a fun little element. Iowa is playing in the Music City Bowl in Nashville, and I think whoever wins that game should get to throw a chair off a bar like Morgan Wallen did. And that should be the trophy.
Lucy, I believe that we should get you all access to the Pop-Tart Bowl. If they're in on the joke, you should be the media renegade who is selling Pop-Tart Bowl to the country because of how fun the Pop-Tart Bowl seems to you.
I would go. If you paid for it, I would go. And it's fun. I don't have a problem with it. I think if my team were in it, I would still enjoy it quite a bit. But I think it's fun.
Let's do it. Iowa State's in it, so Lucy might be rooting for Miami.
I actually kind of like Iowa State.
Oh, no.
Whoa. They're super nice fans. First 10-1 season ever. This is actually a very, like, I know it's a bummer for Mike, but this is a huge deal for Iowa State. It's a huge deal for them, and their fans are going to travel really well. I think I'm excited for them.
Isn't there also a mystery Pop-Tart to be revealed? There is.
There is, yes. I'm with Mike, though. I don't like gimmicky bowls, you know? Give me the Gator Bowl. Give me the Cotton Bowl. Give me a Rose Bowl. Give me an Orange Bowl.
I'm good with the gimmicky ones for, like, bad teams. Right. For, like, teams that are just eligible.
You want to make the Orange Bowl, you got to go to the playoff.
No, I understand that. And that's a sick bar, dude.
Give me a Gator Bowl. I mean. And the Rose Bowl has a parade. It's about football and Pop-Tarts.
I'm jealous. I'm jealous. Other teams get to go to a normal, like, holiday bowl. Give me that. Their whole thing is like, are they still Culligan? Give me that. What about the Wasabi Fenway Bowl? That one seems fine. Two college basketball programs playing in a baseball stadium. That's what I like.
North Carolina UConn.
You can't spell Jameis Winston without the INTs. Yankees forcing Devin Williams to shave his beard. There's not a T in Jameis. What do you mean? There's not a... You can't spell Jameis Winston without the INTs.
Okay, I'm sorry. My bad. There's no T in Winston. My bad. How dare you?
Are these your observations or mine? I'm so sorry. So sorry. That's okay. Yankees forcing Devin Williams to shave his head. Hey, Yankees. Why don't you worry about winning a World Series and not about facial hair? Taylor. Taylor. The Jets were 0-5 against Mac Jones. You know what that means, right, Dan? Add their number? It means they were due. I hate them. Jets, awful win.
Also, I want Aaron to come back. I hate them. The Jets lose must-win games and win must-lose games. I hate them. And Devontae, I'd like him to come back as well. I hate them. I feel fancy every time I say the name Zach Charbonneau.
Put it on the poll, please, at Levitard Show. Did you say it right? Charbonneau.
Charbonneau, that's right. Or Charbonneau. I was thinking of Guy Charbonneau. That's who I was thinking of.
How would you like me to phrase this? Charbonneau. On the poll at Levitard Show. Do you feel fancy when you say the name... Charbonneau.
Top five names in sports that when I say them, they make me feel fancy. O-L-I. David Benoit. A lot of people think it's Benoit. It's not.
It's Benoit. Yeah.
David Benoit would be weird. Yeah.
Well, not weird, but just not as fancy.
Right. Number five. Guy Carboneau. Number four. Jesper Parnevik. Fancy Schmancy. Number three, Zach Charbonnet. Number two, Bryson DeChambeau. And number one, Roderick A. Boubois. No idea if I said any of those correctly. I feel fancy, though. Roderick A. I think it is. Baker Mayfield, goods.
Geno Smith, the rare quarterback that is more likely to throw an interception in the red zone than a touchdown. Dan, last week I said you couldn't do better than Tommy DeVito for tanking. I was wrong because the Giants put in Tim Boyle. The T in Tim Boyle stands for tanking. As long as Mike Evans is playing football, he'll be open. He's so good. First ballot Hall of Famer.
Brandon Aubrey attempting a 70-yard field goal. Ambitious. Sam Howell can sling it, sometimes to the other team, but sling it nonetheless. You agree? Yeah, yeah, and he gets sacked a lot. I left out Taylor. Death, taxes, and Louis Riddick popping up as a GM candidate. Every year. The Jets now. Louis Riddick. Hmm. He's never going to get one. Really? Why are you doing that?
I mean, he's been up for five. Okay, and? He doesn't get them. I mean, but you really, okay? He's up for a job, and the next season what I do is I see him standing next to Steve Levy calling a game. I mean, that's what I do. I would like him to get one. He's always the bridesmaid.
Oh, no.
He is. It's not fair to Louis Riddick.
It's often with Schusen, who you've said is your dear friend. I love Bob.
You guys still have that chat going on? Oh, yeah. Still on fire after last night. Klay Thompson. Revenge game. Jackson, Smith, and Jigba. Dangerous name to say. I was nervous just approaching it. Because of the X in Jackson.
Of course.
Kyle Tucker traded to the Cubs. Dan, the stove is heating up. Taylor. Congratulations to the Jets for getting their first ever victory against Mac Jones. I hate them. Mac Jones has a 19-30 record for his career. He's 5-1 against the Jets, 14-29 against everyone else. I hate them. If Mac Jones only played against the Jets, he'd be a first ballot Hall of Famer.
Indianapolis Colts, the rare trick play that tricked no one. Dan, you know what Dan Campbell gets to do? Hit the reset button. When Dan Campbell is humbling his team, he's got you right where he wants you. Mike Lombardi strolling into a kid's house and saying, hey, you ever heard of Brady? Collision course. He's going to do that, right? That's his recruiting pitch.
A new report on the Joe Burrow home break-in. Apparently, the robbers tried to enter via the Super Bowl window, but it was closing too quickly. I hope the Jets told Belichick no via napkin. Lions-Bills, Steelers-Eagles, first half, split screen, football heaven. Dan, if you decide to get a blizzard from Dairy Queen, what you've decided is that you are okay spending the next 12 hours in hell.
Speaking of hell, Art Bryles. Dan, those are the weekend observations.
You're basically saying of the blizzard, one of the great delights in dessert anywhere in the history of sugar. You're saying that the lactose situation on that, if you have that at night, it's not going to be a resting situation. You're going to get the gurgling stomach for the rest of the evening. That's what you're alleging.
The rest of the evening, it goes into the next day, perhaps an entire day. But you know what you're getting when you get it. I mean, it's delicious going in.
But is that true for everybody? Or maybe you have a specific lactose intolerance here? Like, I don't think that's true for everybody, is it?
I'm just saying I eat a Blizzard and I go to E6 on Jess's toilet chart. That's so gross.
Kind of feel like the map would be all over the place then, no? It'd be. It'd be like A1. It could go anywhere.
I'm actually crying.
Y9.
Why is there a cat in this picture?
What do you think that cat thought he was doing?
Why are you taking a picture of your toilet and your cat is looking at you like, why are you doing this?
Get that cat out of the way if Sugata has a blizzard. I'll tell you that right now. D4. Remnants?
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please drink responsibly smirnoff number 21 vodka distilled from grain 40 alcohol by volume the smirnoff company new york new york please do not share with anyone under legal drinking age don lebertard so like there was a time that that and i'll tell you who this person is that i admired and i said that'd be a great career for me ryan seacrest
And then to take it a step further, you know, just a couple weeks ago, James Corden was stepping down and said, you know who would be a great replacement for him? Me. I could do that. I could replace James Corden, right? I actually agree with you on that. If I don't have to move to L.A.
and I could just do this somewhere near the Tamiami area, like they have an old, you know, theater that's kind of abandoned right now. Maybe we do something there. I mean, people like to come to Miami, right? Turn the abandoned Kmart into your late, late show studio.
Yes, I didn't even think about that. Wow, that's a theater right there. This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stugats.
There were two things in Stugatz's weekend observations that I thought were worth revisiting.
One was that play in Colts-Broncos because everybody is so safe with the football now that when something like that happens in professional football, you have to understand what these people are doing, right? Like they're super precise military complexes trying to march down the field carefully protecting the football. The Packers have a meeting about the football every week.
Every Thursday, they get together, the Packers get together, and like, who turned the football over? It's a meeting about just the football.
Makes sense. They bring the football, they talk about the football, you can't, and then you watch, oh, look, the cold season, they're in the mix, they're right there, Broncos, I don't believe in them, but oh, where's this game going to turn? Jonathan Taylor's going to just flip the ball at the goal line, and also, oh, shit, right after that, look what happened.
The Colts are playing flea flicker ball and the perfect play goes in the other direction. The dream for any kid playing football in the history of defensive football since the beginning of time happens. It just lays out for Benito's. and he runs 60 yards with the football. But the other conversation that I wanted to have, where are we on the goods and Baker Mayfield?
Because this has been an argument for 10 years between Mike Ryan and Stan Van Gundy. It's been one of the great arguments around here that we've ever had.
I think Mike wins.
Well, but Baker Mayfield's going to throw you occasional interceptions, but we cannot dispute that Baker Mayfield is very good at quarterback, correct? Exceptional at quarterback. I don't know if it's exceptional. No, it is. But it's good enough for goods? Good enough for goods? He's got the goods. He's got the goods.
He's proven worthy of that contract. He's a good player. Is he ever going to be confused with the best in the sport? No. But can you win with him? Absolutely. I hope they do because it'd be a really great story for him. This guy was playing defensive end on scout team for the Carolina Panthers. Crazy.
And in Baker versus the Browns, unequivocally, he won that one.
No doubt. No doubt. This guy's big sin was to play through an injury and maybe could have been a little bit more professional about his time over there, but they shoved him out the door and replaced him with Deshaun Watson.
And for a team that was struggling for 20 plus years to find a quarterback, for them to have one, for them to have one who was runner up in the AP Offensive Rookie of the Year, said all sorts of passing records as a rookie, won a wildcard game at Pittsburgh, made Ben Roethlisberger all sad. That's the stuff that you were dying for. as a Browns fan, and you couldn't wait to push him out the door.
Dan, he's been so good. 3,600 yards, completion percentage is 70%. Two quarterbacks have a higher completion percentage. Golf and Tua.
All right, so if I may just for a moment, because I know this stuff happens super fast in that sport, just real quick, grabbing, you know, great college player, putting him in the pros, and then putting him through the furnace of, We're going to slice this up real quick. You better be value at quarterback or you're going to break up our defense. So you've got about three years to figure this out.
And these rookies better figure it out faster than faster. And Bryce Young, you're getting a bench fast. Anthony Richardson, you've got about five seconds over here. Let's hurry it up.
Baker goes into the furnace of all of that and was this far from having his career basically be over before he resuscitated it on Monday night because McVay at the end of a season is saying, all right, we'll try this for a minute or two.
Hours after he flew into town.
And now he's going to get, now we're looking at it and wait a minute, that's better than Sam Darnold money. And that's a sentence I just said. That's a sentence I just said.
That lands so harshly to Carolina Panthers fans as both of them excel.
But can we now step back for a minute and just say, hey, it might take a minute to be the guy who can go 20 for 30 and there might be some blemishes. Baker's going to play in a way. You might get three turnovers in a playoff game and you can't be too surprised.
Oh, we need to slow down what we're doing with quarterbacks. Dan, when we were growing up, you would have guys sit behind the starter for three or four years. Geno Smith is a great example. What I'm saying is... He left the Jets a decade ago.
I would just ask you to step back from all of it, no matter how much we make the finances of it, the important part of the early part of the career, and just know what you're throwing all these people into the maw of, because it's
gotten faster and crueler about how it disposes people in that backfield when you can replace the running back salary with Josh Allen because he runs and throws, when you can be what the Ravens are because you figured out the finances of your backfield.
I've asked people on the know, independent of the injury, which is, I think, a huge part of this, which made him play worse, which if he's not playing worse, then you don't open the door to him leaving. But by all accounts, it seemed as though Baker's time at Cleveland was at an end. There were divisions in the locker room. He had worn out his welcome. He was at a different point in his career.
But you could make a quick evaluation on Baker Mayfield. In retrospect, he was really good as a rookie. He wasn't as good when he had Freddie Kitchens, one of the worst head coaches of all time, as his head coach in that second year. Really good his third year, wins a playoff game.
And in his fourth year, he battles through multiple bad injuries and tries to tough it out, which affects his performance. You could look at the first four years of his career and say, I can explain why he's bad. And I'm pretty confident this guy is good. That's what I kept saying as it was happening. I did not want Deshaun Watson. I wanted to keep Baker. I was team Baker all the way.
I didn't want to replace him. While other people were saying this team is just a quarterback away, no, they're just a healthy Baker Mayfield away.
That's interesting. You saw enough in the first four years where you're like, there's something there. If we just stick with this guy, there's something there. I had a quarterback that we drafted number one win in Pittsburgh in the playoffs. Mike, you're right because you can make the argument his third season was his best season.
Even better than... Let's see if we can get Stan Van Gundy on the line to concede this would be a holiday treat. Two people who never admit they're wrong. Stan Van Gundy and Mike Ryan having to go back and revisit. Did or does Baker have the goods? Yes or no? Because it's been an age-old argument around here. I'd like to settle some of these one day.
My guess is, Stan, knowing Stan the way I do, knowing the type of player that he likes, he's going to concede this to Mike because he likes Baker.
All right, let's see if we can get Stan Van Gundy on the line. But let's go back out to Flanagan's here for the final time today. And I will ask the audience, we're trying to do an old-time radio remote type of thing where we send somebody out locally and you bring them toys. Tony is at Flanagan's today. In the next couple of days, we're going to be at Vivo at Dolphin Mall.
Before we go out to Amin, who is stealing the company's money in Vegas, let's go out here to Tony at Flanagan's, the legendary Flanagan's. There are actual toys behind him. That's right. Well, whenever we ask our audience for anything, they always do this, and we didn't give them much notice.
So now we're giving you notice on the next couple of days, and Roy will be joyless somewhere in the Everglades in the coming days. But, Tony, what is going on on there? Give us a last report. I'm mortified to tell you that the group has learned that there were some insecurities involved in Rose and how well she did during your segment.
Thanks, Dan, for coming out. We're going to be here until about noon, so a couple more minutes here just hanging out at 2721 Bird Avenue, the Flanagan's here in Coconut Grove, as you can see. Toys have been dropped off. We've got a beautiful Woody. We've got some trucks. We've got some lip balms over here. We've got a football for football guys. Excuse me. We've got a Nerf gun.
We've got amazing Spider-Man Uno. People have come through and brought some amazing gifts. I've had to transition from Santa with the mustache to a more Dagestani Santa with the no mustache look because the mustache was starting to get twirled and I couldn't speak without getting hair in my mouth.
Amateur Santa move, Cuban Santa. We are asking again for new and unwrapped toys for the charity Branches. BranchesFL.org if you're outside of Miami. Tony, what has been the peril? I'm sure you've met. Anytime we ask listeners for help, they do moving things. We're asking for building toys, Legos, jewelry, craft kits, educational toys, action figures, play food, tea sets, board games, Nerf toys.
Remote-controlled cars. It's a really nice thing to think of this time of year. Just basically one kid who might not have somebody think that a lonely kid might be getting something that somebody's thinking about them. So, Tony, what are you finding there? Cash is not good, Tony. No, no. People, we cannot give to him. No. Tony.
Dan, yeah, no, I will update you on this, Dan. We've had people bring a lot of stuff, as you can see. We're very happy with that. One thing to report is that it did start raining, and the sun is out now, so it's making it very steamy. So that's one thing to report that's going to be tough for Cuban Santa to keep on his shirt and his beard, because...
You know how it is when it gets steamy on the blacktop.
Are you just trying to take your shirt off? Is this what's happening right now? You're going to punctuate this segment?
No, I want to take the beard off. Take it off, Tony. You should be comfortable.
No, no, I want to take the beard off. Come on. This is uncomfortable. You keep doing this. Pants. Okay, but this is tall. I'm just trying to help, Tony. You don't want to be sweaty, Dan. I'm wearing shorts. I'm wearing shorts. Okay, so is Rose still there? Yeah, Rose is here. All right, can I get Rose real quick? Can I get Rose to just get in front here? And I just want to ask her one more time.
Of course.
I want to see if I can tickle Lucy here because nothing makes Lucy more. Lucy, this is the funniest person in the world to you.
You're the one that keeps pushing this Rose thing, and you keep saying Lucy. I think you're the biggest Rose guy here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Say the name. Please try to say the name again.
Luigi Mignogne.
Does Tony want to say it now too?
Say Luigi Mignogne.
Luigi Mignogne. Nailed it. That's close. Yeah.
Rose. Luigi Mignogne. Yeah. What? Rose, what did Mike Ryan get wrong in his recap of Miss Congeniality 2? Yeah.
Oh, there is no beauty pageant. And Sandra Bullock comes back and she's in the FBI. And she's the face because now she's famous. And then they kidnapped her best friend.
What?
By accident because she was not to be the one to be kidnapped. So she goes to Vegas to rescue her.
What's in Vegas?
Yeah, Vegas. What's in Vegas?
What's in Vegas?
She was dressed like a showgirl, right? Not like a pageant. I think that's the mistake we made.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what's going on? Is there a show in Vegas? Is there a show in Vegas that she goes to?
Yeah, there's a show that she dresses up. She dresses up at a show in Vegas.
yeah because she did she had a big thing here kind of feels a little formulaic if you ask me rose also feels like vegas it feels like a pageant is she at the emirates cup but there's a pageant i mean it's a competition it's a show it's in vegas it feels a lot like a pageant no because she was there because she needed to have information from a fake dolly who is fake dolly
Tell me. You just said it.
Salvador Dali, Dolly Parton.
Oh, Dolly Parton, sorry.
Yeah, you can see how I'm confused. Rose, what is the song you like to sing from Wicked?
Either Defying Gravity or Popular.
Sing Popular.
Popular, you're gonna be popular.
All right.
What?
We faded her down when we listened to Jeremy all day? Why did we fade that down? What is this? This is a crime against humanity.
Commercial music. We're going to get in trouble. Oh, please.
They're not watching us like you do. You just ruined the moment. I've heard her sing it like 500 times. They can't sue us.
It's a toy drive. Back up Chris's judgment here. Do you want to go to it again? Hey, folks, it's Mike Ryan. The holiday season is upon us. Christmas is coming next week. So what are you doing for it? I imagine you're going to have some family over. How do you entertain the family? How do you keep everybody happy? Well, I know one easy way. Make your holiday time Miller time.
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Take a sip, look around, see your family, and know you immediately made the best decision possible. Because Miller Lite is brewed for taste. It hits different than other light beers. Simple ingredients. like malted barley for rich, balanced toffee note flavors in the iconic golden color. The original light beer since 1975 and still the best one. Making memories at year-end gatherings?
Tastes like Miller time! Go to MillerLight.com slash stand to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Light pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Fewer calories and carbs than premium regular beer.