Take a moment with The Daily Show to consider the constitution, while it still exists. John Hodgman joins Jon Stewart to fix the constitution. Michael Kosta meets the man responsible for getting the 27th amendment over the finish line. Old Timey Jon Stewart checks in on Mississippi, the last amender, in 19th Century News. Trevor Noah hears Trump's argument to terminate the constitution. Author A.J. Jacobs joins the show to talk about his Year of Living Constitutionally.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What is the significance of the 14th Amendment?
The National... The national immigration debate is more contentious than ever, with growing fears of these anchor babies we talked about earlier. Terror babies. Muppet babies coming to our shores. By the way, you should check out the new Muppet character, Anchor Me Terror Baby. Adorably destructive to our country.
The trouble stems from the Constitution itself, specifically the 14th Amendment's promise of birthright citizenship.
The 14th Amendment granted citizenship to, quote, all persons born or naturalized in the United States to protect newly freed slaves and their children and guarantee their rights as citizens. Last time I checked, I don't think we're having that problem anymore.
Chapter 2: Does the Constitution need updating?
I don't think the founders understood when they did the 14th Amendment that it would create a circumstance where people could fly into America all over the world and have a child, and that child would have dual citizenship.
Chapter 3: How did John Hodgman propose to fix the Constitution?
Okay, two things real quick. A, the founders didn't write the 14th Amendment. That happened in the 1860s. And actually, Ben Franklin very much wanted to fly and have babies all around the world. That's why he invented the sex kite. Anyway, um... Does the Constitution need changing? For answers, we turn to John Hodgman in his segment. You're welcome. John Hodgman joins us.
Thank you very much for joining us. I appreciate you being here.
What is your take on the constitutional crisis? Well, the reality is the Constitution is badly broken and out of date. Young people in particular never read it anymore, even though it's almost ridiculously easy to steal from the National Archives.
That's the actual Constitution?
Well, I believe this Fifth Amendment says I don't have to answer that question. All right, I understand. In fact, that means it's a good one, so we're going to keep it. There we go.
Are you drawing on the... Okay. Yeah. How are you going to get young people involved in the Constitution?
Well, let's start at the top, John. It's going to need a hip new name. Constitution. It's very negative, isn't it? Why not something a little more positive? Why not a pro-stitution?
Actually, there's one reason I can think of that that wouldn't really be a good idea. Too late.
I've already made the change. Ah. Which brings me to solution number two. Let's trim the fat. I mean, basically, everything after Amendment 10 wasn't written by the founders, so that can go. And some prominent constitutional scholars think we can go even further than that.
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Chapter 4: Who is Gregory Watson and what did he accomplish?
Anyway, you didn't play Senator Sessions' entire soundbite.
I believe the Second Amendment is a vital constitutional amendment. A lot of people don't think they have to enforce the Constitution as it's written.
See, John, he was only talking about the Second Amendment. Guns, John. Of course we can't change that clause. Look, the founders made it Sharpie-proof. I can't do anything to it. Damn it. Their original intent is clear.
See, that's the whole thing. They talk about the sacrosanct nature of the Constitution when they like what it says, then suddenly they say, hey, that's not what the founders meant. They don't want to do that. They want to pick and choose the parts of the Constitution that they want. That's the problem with this original intent business.
We have the founders' words, but no one really knows what they were thinking, and they're not monolithic to begin with. No one, John?
Or no one minus one? I should tell you that I'm a noted founding father psychologist. As you would know if you had read my book, Men Are From Mars, James Madison was a godlike genius who could do no wrong, and I am the only one who knows what he was thinking. Now, how could you know what James Madison was actually thinking? Didn't you even look at the cover of my book, John? I thought I did.
I get it straight from James Madison's skull.
What's that?
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Chapter 5: How did Gregory Watson get the 27th Amendment ratified?
What?
John, in the unlikely event that a powdered, wig-wearing skull doesn't provide the guidance we need, what then?
That's a ridiculous premise, John, but I'll play along. After all, even James Madison recognized a higher authority at work.
Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant. They're quite clear that we would create law based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments. See, that's what I'm...
Talking about the Constitution when it suits them, the Bible when it suits them. It makes it sound like the Constitution is an amendment now to the Bible.
Yeah, a lot of people think that that's true, but that's an easily fixed misconception. If you scroll down now to New Amendment 6666, I think you'll see that the Bible is now actually a prostitutional amendment. So it's all in there.
And what about separation of church and state, which is in the Constitution? What's that, Mr. President? Excuse me?
What? Oh, James Madison said the separation of church and state was just their little joke.
Thank you very much. John Hodgman, everybody. We'll be right back.
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Chapter 6: What challenges does Mississippi face in changing its reputation?
John, could you just stick to the reenactment? Also, you're meant to be 19 years old, so can you act like a hot teen? No, I can't.
And so what happens now? Well, then I start writing those letters, pleading with members of the legislatures in those states to introduce a resolution at the state capitol to ratify the amendment. And it needed 32 states. And when Maine ratified the following year in 1983, there was just no turning back.
And that's the story of how Gregory Watson got a... Oh, no, you don't have to look at the camera. Why are you talking? I was just delivering my line.
You don't narrate.
Hang on, hang on. I'm John Hodgman. I'm still on television sometimes. We're done.
Okay.
And then what happens? So I pestered, and I badgered, and I cajoled the state legislatures over the course of 10 years, and they ratified it.
This whole time, I thought you'd be some Harvard Law constitutional scholar lobbyist to elicit change. You're really just a pain in the ass.
Yes.
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