What goes up, must come down. Take a look back at The Daily Show's coverage of some of Wall Street's worst days. Jon Stewart an Wyatt Cenac unpack the start of the 2008 stock market crash. Jon further reports on the Clusterf#@k to the Poor House. Resident Deranged Millionaire John Hodgman joins to shill for beryllium investment. Trevor Noah arrives to report on two more recent market meltdowns. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What is the theme of The Daily Show's stock market coverage?
Welcome to The Daily Show. My name is Jon Stewart. I hope everybody had a great weekend there. For a second, I thought everybody was leaving. Tonight on the show, we got a good one. Author Amity Shlaes is going to be joining us. She has written a book on the Great Depression, or as it's soon to be known, the First Great Depression. GD1.
Chapter 2: Why was the 2008 stock market crash significant?
Now, it might seem strange to be discussing an economic downturn today as the Dow Jones Industrial was up nearly a billion points. It was up 1,000 points on rumors that money does, in fact, grow on trees. That's what they were spreading around. It was very exciting. Everybody was excited for one day to see the stockbrokers jumping up into their windows.
Tomorrow, of course, the Dow will be down 500 because we are being f***ed with. But no matter what happens, there's still good fun to be had during these tough economic times. I know it's rough, the economy, but there's going to be an amusing tidbit if you just look hard enough. For instance, how about an unbelievably inappropriately named financial analyst?
The stock market is open tomorrow, Columbus Day, and Art Cashin, director of floor trading for UBS.
Chapter 3: How does Jon Stewart use humor to discuss financial analysts?
Art f***ing Cashin? How beautiful is that? And after Art Cash-In, we go to Rob A. Bank. That's the best thing I saw in all this terrible news. Cash-In! Oh, I shouldn't laugh. Actually, my real name is John Smartass Douchebag. Stein. And financial advisors don't just have funny names. They're also presented on the financial networks in a humorous fashion.
A few weeks ago, we showed you CNBC's incredible Octobox technology. Octobox. It's named, of course, for its creator, German scientist Heinrich Octobox. That's right. That's another funny name. We're working on Columbus Day. Where you at? The Octabox, of course, unveiled when seven commentators couldn't properly analyze the situation. But these are tough times. What if eight pundits isn't enough?
What if the enormity of this economic collapse is so huge that even eight of the financial industry's smallest-headed people... Can't figure it out. Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever on CNBC, behold the majesty of the DECA box!
Ten pundits! Ten boxes!
I cannot believe we ever as a society got by with just eight. Now, I know what you're thinking. I see nine or more boxes at the same time. I better see Bruce Valanche in one of those squares. And who knows? Maybe he's in one of these boxes. I can't make out any of their faces. Maybe ten is too much. Maybe we're just not ready.
Maybe one of them has to go, and there's really only one fair way to do it. All right, Chuck, you ready?
No whammies, no whammies, no whammies, no whammies.
No whammies and stop. That was a long walk for that joke. Anyway, that was Vince Farrell, CIO of Soleil Securities Group Incorporated, who I thought had added a lot to the conversation up to that point. So what are we going to do to ease the credit crunch and get banks loaning money again? Well, last month, Treasury Secretary Paulson made clear what we won't do.
There are some that said we should just go and stick capital in the banks. That's what happened in Japan. But we said the right way to do this is not going around and using guarantees or injecting capital. That's the Japanese solution.
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Chapter 4: What insights does Wyatt Cenac offer on market volatility?
Why the volatility, Wyatt? Why?
Well, volatility frequently occurs when everyone suddenly realizes that the stock market's just a consensual mass delusion based on fictitious valuings of abstract assets. You know, it's like finding out Santa Claus is real because you catch him robbing your house.
So what is stable, then? If it's all fictitious, what about gold?
You'd think so, but it turns out gold's just a shiny metal. For right now... I mean, really shiny, but it's still just metal. But right now, you want to put your investment dollars in things you can eat.
And... No, no, it's true. Things are delicious.
And weapons. You also want to put it in weapons so that you can kill things and then eat them. Ooh, and make sure you buy some fire, too. Because you can't keep the marauders away without fire.
Are there any other tips for investors other than survivalist mantras? Anything to keep them calm?
Well, you know those numbers on the right side of your screen? The Dow, the Dow Jones. No, I think it's called the Uppy Downy Index. Watch that all the time. It's a real-time running indicator of the health of the economy. It and it alone reflects not only our country's well-being, but your value as a human being as well. Never take your eyes off it. Seriously, Wyatt? I'm watching them.
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Chapter 5: How does The Daily Show explain economic complexities to its audience?
I've been doing it since Friday.
All right, opening bell. We're down about 700 points.
Back into positive territory, up 300 points.
Yes! Yes! Yes! No! No! What are you doing? Yes! Yes! Yes! No! No! No! No!
Huzzah! I'm a rich bitch. Man, I don't know what the hell is going on.
Wyatt, do you even own... Wyatt, do you even actually own any stock?
No. But I own a boatload of fire. Wyatt Cenac, everybody. We'll be right back.
The continued confusion of the worldwide economy is the subject of tonight's Cluster to the Poor House. You know, during an economic crisis, Americans need steady, sober leadership. Now, they say that some leaders are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some have greatness thrust upon them. And then there's this guy who...
who couldn't buy great at a great store that was going out of business and had to get rid of all their great. Thank you for the warm welcome.
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Chapter 6: What were the views on credit default swaps during the crisis?
I want to just say thank you very much for understanding the importance of credit. I thank you so much for really working hard on it. Thanks for hanging in there.
You really did a great job, because I really wasn't convinced until I just heard you speak. Well, thank you.
Hmm. Guernsey office products. What could that be a front for? In fact, only one person there had the guts to take President Bush to task.
My first question as a small business owner is, what are you going to do about it, President Bush? I paid my mortgage. I paid my bills. What are you doing? You're terrible at this.
And don't get me started on your foreign policy. You're like the anti-King Midas. Everything you touch turns f***. Then the Secret Service forcibly escorted the president away from himself. Now, obviously, the economic crisis has real consequences for real people, which is why it's surprising that the news networks will only explain the crisis to those real people's children.
What happens on Wall Street affects all of us on Main Street. It's the classic domino effect. Domino.
Like the pizza. I have a hard time visualizing your point.
No! Now I get it.
Our economy is six dominoes. Hey, that looks pretty good. They seem very stable architecturally. They're all standing upright. No! No! Oh! Did not see that coming. But if I understand your analogy correctly, and I think that I do, you're saying that for America's economy to get better, we need to space our banks further apart.
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