Episode #655: The 12 Days of TCB continues with some Christmas movies of yore and one of our all time favorite pieces of content…Mountain Monsters! Donate to St. Jude & The National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund 12 Days of TCB (#2) Top 20 Christmas movies of all time (according to Town & Country???) Tim Allen’s cocaine prison trip A Christmas Story Christina’s concerning childhood songs Mountain Monsters Holiday monsters Nothing good happens in Ashe County The Cherokee Devil It’s Huckleberry! That is FRESH DONT STARE AT THE RED ROCKET Buck & the Cherokee girl
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Hey, Chrissy, best to you. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you.
December 13th through the 25th, brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season. As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of The Commercial Break.
I just wanted to let you know that December is International You Can Catch These Hands Awareness Month, and don't speak to me sideways, because you'll give me an excuse to toss these hands around, which might put me on the naughty list, but it'll feel pretty nice.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
And we're going to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking King.
Ah, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. This is the jingle to my jangle, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.
Best to you.
best to you out there in the podcast universe merry christmas happy holidays and all that jazz we're on day number two of the 12 days of tcb reviewing our favorite content stories and events of 2024 i know you don't like the camera christina but don't kick it over I spent a long time on those wires. Welcome back. We're in the brand new studio.
Christina is here with us and we're celebrating and enjoying the holiday, the very festive holiday time with you by, I don't know, by just generally being festive. We're a little less boring than we normally are. How's that? There you go.
I like it.
And Chrissy, best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. You thank you for joining us. How are you feeling? I'm feeling This is a marathon, not a sprint. So I don't want you to get burnt out. I want to make sure you have lots of coffee. You've taken your magic mushrooms and all that good stuff.
Vitamins.
Yes. I was just watching. I can't remember who the celebrity was. I want to say it's Pete... Not Pete Davidson, but there's another gangly-looking Pete with blonde hair. Do you know I'm talking about the comic? He had an HBO show for a while of his own. He was talking about Magic Mind. Have you heard about this drink, Magic Mind?
I have not, but there's a lot of different stuff out there that includes... THC, psilocybin, all kinds of different stuff.
I'm not sure Magic Mind has psilocybin in it, but it is apparently some drink that a lot of people that are taking and they feel very good about themselves and the world around them when they take Magic Mind. Yes, so I snorted Crank this morning, and that has made me feel awful good, Chrissy.
You're pretty calm for Crank.
Well, listen, it just hasn't kicked in yet. My third eight ball has not kicked in yet. Okay, got it. All right. Top 20 Christmas movies of all time, as ranked by who? I don't know. But give me three of them. Tell me three of the top 20 Christmas movies. We're going to review them real quickly. Okay. As ranked by town and country.
Because they are the experts.
The Martha Stewartists. Martha Stewartists. A magazine that ever lived.
Well, let's see. I mean, one that's got to be on there is National Lampoon.
You're right about that. That's on there.
Christmas Vacation.
Yes.
How about It's a Wonderful Life?
It's a Wonderful Life is on there.
A Christmas Carol.
A Christmas Carol, I think, is on there also. Are you ready for them?
I'm ready.
Okay, I'm going to go 20 to 1. Here we go. They ranked the top 65. How they even came up with 65 movies to rank, I don't know. I'm sure they're out there, but it probably includes Hot Frosty. I'm sure. A national treasure, okay. A national treasure of your algorithm, yes. Your Netflix algorithm. Number 20, The Family Stones.
The Family Stone, your favorite.
The Family Stone, 2025. A holiday flick about a dysfunctional family that features an all-star cast, including Sarah Jessica Parker, Luke Wilson, and Diane Keaton. I do like it. It's very good. Last Holiday from 2014. Last Holiday.
The heartwarming rom-com starring Queen Latifah plays a small-town saleswoman who spends her life savings on a holiday trip to Europe and finds that she is terminally ill. Except there's a twist. Oh, congratulations. Sounds wonderful.
That movie is incredible. Is it really? I love it. Never seen it. It's in my top five Christmas movies.
Is it really?
That's a good one.
Okay, maybe I'll have to watch it this Christmas. Charlie Brown Christmas comes up at number 18. It's so fun. Now, Charlie Brown Christmas is not my favorite Christmas movie. I wouldn't even put it in my top ten. It's a classic. I do understand it's a classic. There's a lot of nostalgia around it. And what is fun is watching my children now get into a Charlie Brown Christmas. So we've all seen it.
It's a timeless cartoon starring Charlie Brown as he seeks out the true meaning of Christmas with the help of his friends and his curious dog, Snoopy. Okay, number 17, going exactly the opposite direction, Harold and Kumar Christmas, a very Harold and Kumar Christmas, which is super fun, very funny, and unbelievably, like even a little bit festive. I think you'll like this one. Yeah. Yeah.
Looking for something to watch after little ones go to bed? Press play on this Bouty Holiday Comedy, which is the third installment of the Harold and Kumar series. Neil Patrick Harris is in it. A very funny cocaine-filled child is in the movie also. It's a lot of fun. You'll like it. Watch that one. Number 16. I disagree with this completely. Christmas with the Cranks.
Ah.
I don't even think that would show up in my top 65, and I don't even know 65 movies. Christmas with the Cranks was not very good.
Jamie Lee Curtis.
Jamie Lee Curtis. Tim Allen. Tim Allen. Speaking of cocaine, Tim Allen. Did you know that Tim Allen spent like seven years in federal prison for cocaine distribution?
Crazy. What? Yeah.
It's true. Before he became a stand-up, he spent a period of time for, and not a small amount of cocaine, it was like 20 pounds of cocaine or something. Can you believe that? Isn't that crazy?
Yeah, I know. Santa. What?
Indeed. And then, you know, listen, and then he's Buzz Lightyear, right? Okay, so he's Buzz Lightyear, and then he makes a couple of comments during the pandemic.
I thought that was Tom Hanks.
No, Tom is Woody.
Oh, he's Woody. Yeah, he's Woody. My bad.
Buzz Lightyear, Tim Allen. He makes a couple of comments during the pandemic that rile the people up over there at Disney. And they say, no more Tim Allen as Buzz Lightyear. He's not going to appear in any movies moving forward. But I guess Tim had the last laugh as they're currently making Toy Story number five with... Tim Allen. So The Christmas of the Cranks is a lighthearted comedy.
The funny flick follows a couple played by Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis who anger their neighbors by making plans to skip Christmas in favor of taking a Caribbean cruise. It's a ridiculous premise and it's not very funny. Dan Aykroyd is in the movie also. I'm sorry, I just don't like it. But anyway, okay. Number 15, A Nightmare Before Christmas.
Ah, The Nightmare Before Christmas.
I know people who go crazy over this movie. Who go nuts over this movie. I dated a woman for a period of time. And she, it was like right when, I think it was in 2000, like the early 2000s. And she, like everything was about A Nightmare Before Christmas.
People do go crazy over it. I mean, it's an interesting take on the Christmas classic.
I can appreciate where Tim Burton is coming from. He's never been my favorite director in the world, but I understand, like, I can appreciate the creativity behind Tim Burton movies. And this one is Claymation. So it's really, really, like, I guess, a huge feat of animation that he did this. And I think it took him a long time to do it.
Not my favorite, but I can appreciate that it's in the top 20. Almost Christmas is number 14. Almost Christmas.
Almost Christmas.
From 2016, starring Danny Glover, Omar Epps. I have not seen this one. Okay, I don't think I have either. Danny Glover is a retired, who doesn't love a little Danny Glover? I know.
How have I never heard of this?
How have I never heard of this? Danny Glover is a retired widower who only wants one thing for Christmas, his grown children and the families to get along for the holidays. The performances from this talented ensemble cast will make you grateful for your folks this December. Okay, well. All right, Monique's in it. Put it in there. Jessie T. Usher's in it. DC Young Fly. Nicole Allen Parkway. Okay.
Oh, it's okay. Oh, I see. There's a little break in the curtains there.
I was trying to be discreet. No, it's okay.
Listen, we've never been a podcast that's particularly discreet. So there you go. All right. This is right up your alley, Christina. Number 13 is A Christmas Prince from Netflix.
Have you seen this movie? Actually, I hate that movie. You hate that movie. Surprise. The hair and makeup was atrocious.
Oh, really?
Yes. It's the hair and makeup we have a problem with. They did her so dirty.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow. A Christmas prince packs every rom-com cliche that you can think of into 90 minutes. And that's exactly what makes it so delicious to watch. When a journalist is assigned to cover a handsome but mysterious prince of a small country named Aldovia, she gets more than she bargained for. Right?
nice uh yeah not not a movie i would watch but okay all right uh number 12 is santa claus number two not a fan of the santa claus movies they're okay i like some tim allen movies like toy story but i am not a fan of the santa claus uh series yeah no i liked uh what's the other one though with it's with um kurt russell i liked that one That's Santa Claus, like, five or something, isn't it?
No, no, it's called something different, but it's got Goldie Hawn in it, too, in, like, the second installment of it. Anyways, I thought those were cute.
Wait, Kurt Russell plays Santa Claus and Goldie Hawn appears?
Uh-huh.
Well, I gotta see this. As Mrs. Claus, yeah. Oh, really?
Uh-huh, it's super cute.
Okay, all right. Well, I'll find out what the name of that movie is. Number 11 is the original Santa Claus. When a divorced businessman accidentally kills Santa... Nothing like the holidays to send the writers and directors into overdrive trying to figure out the most ridiculous premise. Number 10, The Dr. Seuss' The Grinch, the animated one from 2018.
No list of Christmas movies is truly complete without an appearance from The Grinch, and the new-ish animated version deserves a place in the holiday movie canon. Thanks to Benedict Cumberbatch's memorable take on everyone's favorite green holiday grump, I agree with this.
That's right, it's a good one.
This is the best version of The Grinch, I think, is the new one from 2018. Number nine is Claws.
Claws.
By Netflix, an animated original. The Netflix original about a postman who befriends a reclusive toy maker is a great family Christmas film, especially with the beautiful animation that will leave you really feeling the holiday magic. Haven't seen it? I guess I'll have to see it. Have you seen this one?
No, but I've heard really great things about it.
Okay, I'm going to watch this. This is from 2019. Number nine, Scrooged. I love Scrooged. We've talked a couple times about holiday movies and we have not added Scrooged in there. Scrooged is fucking fantastic. I love it.
A modernized version of The Christmas Carol stars Bill Murray as a curmudgeonly New York City TV executive who learns the true meaning of Christmas in hilarious fashion and sometimes a bit scary. But I love this movie.
Oh, it's a great movie.
I remember seeing it as a kid. This came out in 1988. I remember seeing it as a kid. And I loved it from the beginning. I thought it was great. Bill Murray really does play the best Scrooge that has ever been. The Christmas Chronicles starring Kurt Russell. The Christmas Chronicles. That's what I was thinking of. Those are good. The original is number seven.
Number six is Home Alone 2, Lost in New York, starring Donald Trump. Kevin McAllister's family manages to leave him behind yet again in Home Alone 2. And this time around, he winds up in New York City, where he managed to outwit the bandits one more time.
Yeah.
I'm going to say it again, hot take. I just don't like the Home Alone series. I just find it to be absolutely ridiculous premise how you could leave a child behind and then that child, through no fault of their own, is then left for days on end to outwit bandits with, you know, Cracker Jacks and sound effects.
I know, I know. I do love it, though. I love the first one.
Home Alone comes in at number five. Number four, I would have put this a little bit higher, but number four is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Of course, of course. Watching this Chevy Chase movie will make anything your family does at Christmas seem totally normal by comparison. It is probably...
Probably the best vacation movie is A Christmas Vacation, but a very close second is the regular vacation movies. I actually liked The Vegas Vacation, Vegas Vacation too. I thought that was pretty funny.
I remember watching it. I didn't love it, but I could be up for watching it again.
okay uh number three is elf with will fair of course this is a christmas instant christmas classic i have met people who do not like this movie i do not like them it's like people who don't like dogs i don't trust them and even though i don't like my own dog that doesn't mean i don't like dogs in general i just don't like that one that's outside my room but if you don't like elf i think something's wrong with you like how do you not like l i
I can understand you maybe not being a fan of Will Ferrell, but if you take your dislike for Will Ferrell out of it, how can you not love the sheer innocence and joy of the character he plays? And Will Ferrell was born to play out. He was born to play an adult child, essentially. Yeah.
uh looking at the world in such a like an awestruck way and and seeing everything and and then add it add to it that he's a very physical comedian he just does this role such justice he does and while the ending is a little I always will stop and watch elf when it's on television
And Bob Newhart. Oh, yeah.
I love him in it, too. In one of his last movie appearances. Yes, yes. Bob Newhart was great in that movie, as was, who's that guy? Wilford Brimley? Isn't Wilford Brimley in that movie?
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, okay. Diabetes? Diabetes. Number two is It's a Wonderful Life, which is a Christmas classic. Not my favorite Christmas movie, but it's a Christmas classic. It is.
It's been around forever and it's got a good story.
And number one, I would say that the three elf Christmas vacation and a Christmas story. Well, jockey for position in my heart, a Christmas story is the sentimental favorite. I think this is a great one.
Plug lamp.
Fragile. It must be Italian. Such a quotable movie.
You'll shoot your eye out, Ken.
Such a quotable movie. And the story of A Christmas Story, the movie itself, is just, I think, as charming as the actual movie, which is this was a book that was written back in the 30s or 40s, I think, about the writer's childhood and kind of a fictionalized version of his Christmases. Yeah. and how he really wanted this red rider BB gun. His mom said, you'll shoot your eye out.
And he grew up in Cincinnati, I think it was, Cincinnati, Ohio, somewhere in Ohio. And so the movie gets made after the book kind of banters around for a couple of decades trying to find the right writer and director. The movie finally gets made in the early 80s, I think it was, 1983. And it is... A flop at the movie theaters, basically.
Not a flop, but it doesn't do very well at the movie theaters. Until a burgeoning network, cable network called TBS decides, what can we do for Christmas? It's not going to cost us a lot of money, but might get people to tune in. And they start running it. They run it on a loop for 24 hours. And the rest, as they say, is history.
As a bunch of children, my age and younger and older, decided that was the movie that we were going to watch because it was on, just on a loop. So you could essentially, you could do anything. You could go and eat some Christmas cookies and come back and it was on again. And it just got embedded into our minds. Really? And now it is a Christmas classic.
I think there will, other Christmas movies will come along for other generations. But for our generation, for a large, like a 20-year period, that was the Christmas tradition that made us feel this. My mom hated it. Your mom hated it?
She hated it.
Why?
I don't know. It just would run all that, you know, it would just run over and over again. I think after a while, she just hated that movie. Plus, I think as a kid, if you watched it while, when you were a kid, you kind of like identified with the kid. A little bit. In there. So I think that kind of, you know, stuck.
I think it reminded me a little bit of growing up in Chicago, the snowy winters, the being bundled up, the growing up in 1942, the kind of things that I did. Yeah. It's because it's so quotable, and the lines are sparse but funny, and you can get it as an adult and you can get it as a kid. I think that's why we as children started to really identify with it.
And even though the toys that they are obsessing about were nothing like the toys we were obsessing about, there's something charming about... This has... This is less about the Christmas spirit and more about what Christmas really was about when we were kids, no matter what you thought, which was getting a present, getting that present that you wanted.
And then when you're an adult, you see that this really becomes about parenting children and how these moments are special and how they're fleeting and how they come. And so as a parent, I have a new appreciation for it. However, my children do not have an appreciation for it. They don't like that movie whatsoever.
I've never even seen it.
You've never seen a Christmas story?
Oh, wow. I know that's weird. Where do you live? I've never seen it. Where did you grow up? Scotland. Same place we are right now.
Yeah, yeah. But you've never seen a Christmas story?
No, no. I think just because it wasn't part of my parents' culture. It was very American. So I think it's just one of those things that we never really would have watched. But I did watch the Christmas special of The Singing Kettle.
The singing kettle? Yeah. What in the fuck is the singing kettle?
It's a British children's sing-along TV show. Oh, okay. It's a live performance, though. It's cool.
It's a live performance with puppets and stuff? No, it's okay.
No, with people.
Oh, with people.
Yeah, they do a sing-along show, like a singing show. Okay. It's like, spout, handle, lid of metal, what's inside the singing kettle?
Oh, very interesting.
Okay, now I'm seeing it. It has some great classic hits like You Canny Shove Your Granny Off a Bus.
Okay.
Which is a good song.
You canny shove your granny off a bus.
No, you can't. But the song goes, you can shove your dad's mom off a bus, I think. But you can't shove your mom's mom off a bus.
Well, that's fair enough.
And then every time after you say, like, you can't shove your granny off a bus, you go, push, push.
Wow.
Isn't that silly?
It is very silly. And so I'm glad I didn't grow up in Scotland. Yeah. I will say that my children have—speaking of silly songs, my children, I have introduced them to Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. Oh, a classic. Which is a Christmas classic. And so now they are running around the house saying, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, which the Venezuelans don't understand.
No, they don't.
No, they certainly don't. Okay, so we're getting close to a break here. I want to remind you that each day during the 12 days of Christmas, we are going to be asking—or we're going to be telling you about a— Essentially a charity that we have done a little research on and we feel strongly are doing good work out there in society. And we feel strongly that they should be supported in their mission.
So Chrissy has chosen one. Chrissy, today you are choosing.
Yes, the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund.
The NBCC, we will put a link up there on the show notes, the National Breast Cancer Coalition and their fund. They do good work. Apparently, most of the money goes to the work that they are doing to support women and help find a cure.
Breast cancer research, vaccines, all kinds of stuff.
Yes. So, yeah. A cause that is near and dear to, I know, Chrissy's heart and my heart, too. So check your tits, check your balls, and support the foundations that are trying to find a cure for this extraordinarily terrible disease that affects many, many women. And men. And men. That's true.
If you know a man or a woman in your life, if you know a man or a woman in your life, it's likely you're going to know breast cancer at some point. Yeah.
in your life it is so please go to the link in the show notes we have nothing to do we are not authorized by them we are just saying this out loud uh that we would love it if you would go and visit and if you find it a worthy cause please donate a few dollars this holiday season to support the women and men in your life who may or may not be affected by breast cancer um yes okay so that's it so let's take a break and we'll be back
In a shocking turn of events, it's me again, Christina, your producer and resident rom-com lover here at The Commercial Break. And I just have one thing to say. I'm just a producer standing in front of an audience asking you to follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast.
Text us or call us and leave us a voicemail because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with TCB, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. And while you're at it, go to our website, tcbpodcast.com. But you don't have to because we like you just as you are. Now, if you immediately got those references, you're my kind of person.
But it's time to take a break and listen to some sponsors and then we'll get back to the show.
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Okay, I have to tell you, I was just looking on eBay where I go for all kinds of things I love, and there it was.
That hologram trading card. One of the rarest. The last one I needed for my set.
Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams. One of a kind. eBay had it, and now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers? eBay has all the parts that fit my car. No more annoying. Just beautiful.
Whatever you love, find it on eBay. eBay. Things people love.
Okay, the 12 days of TCB, and we are reviewing 12 of our favorite news events, content ideas, guests. We reviewed guests yesterday, and now we're going to get into some meat and potatoes. Chrissy, we did this in 2023, and we did this in 2022. We did a little year in review, and we managed for one episode on those other two years, but this year we stretched it out to 12 hours of TCB.
Hey, why not? Yeah.
Bigger, better, and more complicated than ever. So this year we're reviewing some of our favorite content that we've done before. And no year would be complete without discussing one of our favorite, the mountain monsters in our lives. We love the mountain monsters. What a ridiculous premise. What an absolutely ridiculous show. That really has taken the world by storm, quite frankly.
There are so many people who like this show. Oh, yeah.
And it's been on for forever now.
I think they're on season number 27 or something. They have to be. Good for Buck. I agree. At this point, I'm rooting for him. You know what I'm saying? So Buck and Huck and Chuck and Fuck and all the guys that are in the group and the gang.
But before we get to reviewing a mountain monsters for our second day of the 12 days of TCB, I wanted to ask you if you've ever heard of any... Are there any holiday monsters that you have heard of besides... Krampus. Are there any holiday monsters that you know of?
Holiday monsters? I mean, Grinch, I guess, is one.
Well, I mean, monsters that might actually exist.
Oh, oh, no. I'm not familiar with a lot of the Christmas monsters.
You've never heard of the Merry Lild?
The Merry Lild, no.
Yes, the Christmas zombie horror. All right, here it is. The macabre skeleton mare of the Welsh tradition rises from the dead and wanders the streets with her attendants, who are fresh from the grave, to remind the living of their existence. Mary Lwyd, Lwyd, L-W-Y-D, they should put some vowels in there, L-W-Y-D, Lwyd, has only one goal in mind, and that is to get in your house. Ha!
To keep the zombie horse out, you must engage in a battle of wits.
The zombie horse.
Yes.
I thought you said zombie whore.
No. Oh, the zombie whores. That's a whole different... I met one of those on Christmas Eve. They met the mirror on the side of my car. To keep the zombie horse out, you must engage in a battle of wits, in rhyme no less, usually on New Year's Eve, where the undead mare is represented by a puppeteer parading a horse skull on a pole draped in a white cloth. Sounds like a ton of fun. I know.
It's so weird. That is so weird. The babushka, Chrissy. In Italy, Russia, and parts of Europe, we encounter a witch-like lady rooted in the fairy tale figure of Mother Holy. who doles out punishments for the lazy and riches for the hardworking. In Italy, she is known as La Befagna, and in Russia, the Babushka.
Each January, she packs up and sets off on a broomstick to join the three kings who are seeking the Christ child. She searches every house, and if she finds a child there, she leaves cookies and gifts behind. Well, that's the kind of Babushka I like.
Oh, yeah, I know.
It doesn't sound very scary. How about the straggle? Have you ever seen the straggle? Ha! Look at that, Chris. Look at that forefinger. The straggle. Yeah, the straggle.
In many places... It's kind of possum-like.
I know this one simply because I was in Switzerland for a while with Astrid, and I had seen something on TV about this. In many places, such as Switzerland... Perchta rides with a throng of demonic-looking helpers known as straggle, who love to participate in the feast of offerings left out for them on Christmas by people hoping for Perchta's blessing of wealth and health in the new year.
In some places, straggle get to dole out punishments themselves and aren't terribly discerning as they rob all the bad children and tear them to pieces flying through the air. Oh, nothing like the straggler. Don't be a straggler. That is scary. That is scary. Jesus, people are weird. People are weird. How about the bell schnickle?
In some German and Pennsylvania Dutch communities, bell schnickle, the bell snickle, shows up a couple weeks before Christmas. Filthy and dressed in rags and furs, like my mom used to dress me up for Halloween. Yeah. to beat children who have misbehaved.
In 1872, a Philadelphia newspaper recounted Mr. Belsnickel, his personal appearance dressed in skins or old claws, his face black, a bell, a whip, and a pocket full of cakes or nuts. And either the cakes or nuts or the whip are bestowed upon those around.
Back in the 19th century, it was popular for rowdy revelers to go bell-snicking and get drunk, vandalize the city, whip children, and play planks. That's awful. Different kind of corporal punishment. Back when it was fun and there were no consequences. Unbelievable. Drunk adults whipping children. One more here. One more here, Chrissy. The gorilla. The G-R-Y-L-A. The gorilla.
One of Iceland's most renowned figures associated with Christmas, the gorilla, is a giant troll who is in a perpetual bad mood due to their insatiable hunger.
They have a thing in the trolls over there.
Oh, yeah, they do. It's one of those things. They swear they see them. They believe in them. So they're in a perpetual bad mood due to their insatiable hunger. This sounds like both of my children and my wife. Each Christmas, Gorilla comes down from her mountain dwelling to hunt for naughty children.
She places them in a sack, drags them back to her cave where she boils them alive for her favorite stew.
That's one way to make your kids behave.
Oh, and she has 13 sons called the Yule Lads. There you go. That's where the Yule Logs come from. The Yule Lads.
Yeah, those are interesting. Oh my God, that's terrible. The hottest new boy band. The Yule Lads.
The Yule Lads. We wish you a Merry Christmas. We tear apart your small children.
I know.
And eat them for lunch. Boil them. Yeah, we boil them alive. All right, but... Listen, the mountain monsters know better than to talk about eating children on their show. They want to get ratings. So the mountain monsters are at it again, Chrissy, and I just thought because we have done so many mountain monsters over the years.
In 2024, we've done the fewest amount of mountain monsters that we have since the show started. In our five-year history, four and a half year history, this has been the year where we've addressed the mountain monsters the least. Maybe we should have done more of them. The mountain monsters, but it's still one of my favorites. I think we have to agree. And I think the audience agrees also.
Absolutely. That the Mountain Monsters is classic TCB. There are now whole podcasts dedicated to making fun of the Mountain Monsters. And it makes me wonder. Let's take the good part of TCB and let's just do that all the time.
Smart idea.
Smart idea. I wish we had done that. Cow killing bastard. Exactly. All right, so here the mountain monsters are. There's no preface on this particular video except to say that the mountain monsters are literally in a nightmare. So let's see what happens. Here we go.
You guys notice that no one said one single word for the last hour?
You guys notice that I just said some words and those were the only words we said for the entire hour? Now, you're going to make me believe that these four yellers, screamers, and yappers didn't say a word for an hour.
Something's amiss.
Yeah, video or it didn't happen.
A lot on our minds, Buck. Well, guys, I'm none too thrilled to be heading to Ashe County, North Carolina. No.
No. Nothing good happens in Ashe County, North Carolina.
No. That's what I've heard.
Yeah. Got a lot of things on our mind, Buck. It's Christmas. The kids are out of control. Got to pay for private school. And I don't know what to wear at this year's Emmys.
This is a place that I never thought I'd see again. I keep dwelling on what can happen.
After I took a hot shit in the local Waffle House, I thought they'd run me out for good. Keep going on what has happened. This rogue team's drawn us in here for whatever reason it may be. I'm not sure. But the other thing is, we've got a badass Bigfoot that's still in these woods, I'll guarantee you.
We've got a badass Bigfoot.
Oh, there's a picture of him. Hey, there he is. Wow. I've never seen something so realistic, Chrissy. Look at that picture. That's straight out of a Canon Rebel ES-07. All I can think about...
Whenever I think about that red shed is the Cherokee Devil. I can't even think about the rope tape.
The Cherokee Devil. The Cherokee Devil, Chrissy. You ain't never seen the Cherokee Devil?
I mean, how do they keep up with all the names of these different creatures?
He's down by the whacking post, Chrissy, or the red shed as they called it. That's because my red rocket comes out every time I get in that red shed. That's where the local gals go to make a few extra bucks. Some people have lonely fans. We have the red shed. The red shed.
Trying to draw us in for an ambush or whatever the hell they're setting up.
Ambush. Ambush. They know.
Ain't like Anheuser-Busch. This Cherokee devil's going to be on the back of our head the minute we walk in them woods. Try to get our minds right. Get focused on what we have ahead.
Yeah, they're going to pull over and meditate.
I don't know.
Yeah, get our heads right. You got to get in the right mindset before the big game, Chrissy. I know, you do. You can't go off willy-nilly into Ashe County, North Carolina, without getting your head right.
Let's pull over and smoke a little Mountain Dew meth before we get into the game, shall we?
Try to find out why this rogue team wants us back to that little red shed. What is a rotine? You know, roti is a certain kind of food they make, traditional holiday food in Venezuela, the roti. Okay. But I don't think that's what they're saying. I think they're saying rotine. If they're taking rotines to the red shed, we might want to censor this episode before it starts.
Scary. Scary sound effects. That's my favorite. They just dump sound effect over sound effect.
They do. But my favorite is when that, whatever, wild cat. We just got to Ash County, North Carolina.
We came here straight from Trappers.
Trappers. Yeah, Trappers. It's a local bar, Chrissy. We found Billy down there.
I bet Billy was there. I'm sorry, guys. I just can't take it anymore. We've been done chasing these monsters for a long time and ain't seen shit. My wife wants me to get a real job.
I like how it said night two of the investigation. Investigation indicates that, you know, you're actually doing serious investigating.
Well, just strap a headlamp on.
And that makes it real. I don't think this is the first thing Buck has strapped on. I'm just saying. I bet Buck likes pegging.
It's a pretty quiet drive. Long drive. The thoughts never crossed my mind. I'm coming back in these woods. Somewhere I've never wanted to... Bringing the bass, boys. I'm going back. And yet here I am. You brought extra firepower tonight, I see. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I brought me an AK-47. If we decide to shoot anything, I'm going to be ready.
But we haven't really shot anything in the 72 seasons of Mountain Monsters.
We're ready, boss. If that other team thinks they're going to get us in that shed and ambush us, they're going to find out why I'm far.
I won't tell you what's going to happen down there. What did he say? Did he say two states and three county fairs? Yes. Oh, funnel cakes? What's he talking about?
Who these people are and what they want, we're never going to be able to fully prove that Bigfoot exists.
Wait, hold on. They're talking about people? They're ready to go meet people. I guess so, yeah. And they're bringing loaded guns. So now we've just turned into Ash County is just lawless. You just bring your guns. Ready for a gunfight? Uh-huh. This is the real Hatfield and McCoy's right here. Yeah.
Right now, we have to focus 100% on this rogue team.
Yeah.
However, the devil lives in them woods. Yes, he does.
And we're going right in there with you. So there's a rogue team and a Bigfoot?
There's a rogue team and a Bigfoot, and Satan is protecting them all. But luckily, we have what look like real guns but are probably water pistols prepared at any moment. to go firing upon anything that moves in the woods, because that is both legal and reasonable to film a reality television show. First of all, second of all, who are these cameras? This is any reality to this.
Who are these camera guys agreeing to just go behind armed men who are ready to shoot at the rogue team? The rogue team of who?
It's not something that I prefer to do. There's only one way to find out what they want and what they're after. By the way, they're working with a skeleton crew today, aren't they?
Well, that's what I was saying. I'm thinking maybe that the other half of them, maybe that's the rogue team.
Oh.
Maybe.
I don't know. You think they've been divided? I don't know because there's only three. Well, listen, when Satan is running through the woods, you know, he's bound to catch a couple of them, right? Yeah.
And that's to head right back to that little red shed. Yep, yep. Let's do it. Yep, yep. Yep, yep.
The red shed.
I don't know what lies ahead of us. I think they've cocked their guns 12 times. Yeah, chick, chick, chick, chick.
What's that? I want more gun-loading sound effects, please.
And they look so fit to go chasing after things.
Listen, when you think about guys you want running after Satan, you think about huck, chuck, and fuck.
It could be an ambush. It could be a fist fight. It could be a gunfight. I don't know. But what I do know is in these woods is the Cherokee devil. He still haunts me every day.
Yeah.
The red eyes. The red glowing eyes. Well, listen, to be fair, if there is a red devil, he's probably going to have glowing eyes.
Does this look familiar, guys?
Oh, yeah. Hell yes.
Oh, yeah. It does. I think we're a couple yards down from the QT. I used to smoke cigarettes here after high school. Oh, what? No. Okay. All right. I'll shut up, guys.
We found that totem pole laying down right there in that brush. A totem pole. A totem pole.
A totem pole. Yes, a totem pole. We found a totem pole. We're now mixing Indian ufology with our monsters. Okay, fair enough. Hey, listen, to be fair, Indians did believe in a lot of this shit, too. That looks like something straight out of Polynesian Resort in Walt Disney World, Florida. That was the fakest looking totem pole I've ever seen.
Never.
Huckleberry is naked in the rain. Oh, no. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. I got to take my hat off for this. I cannot believe this. The band is broken up and three of them are on the side of Satan. Oh, no. And he's dressed in a hula hoop or a hula skirt or whatever you call those things.
He looks like Mr. Tumnus. Yeah. He's wearing some, I don't know, he's covered in mud or something. It looks like fur bottoms.
He's wearing a grass skirt.
What happened?
I don't know.
He's crouched.
It honestly looks like he got lost in a Polynesian resort costume department.
Huckleberry! Huckleberry! Oh, my God. Poor Huckleberry.
Is this a flashback? What is happening? This is a flashback.
That was a flashback maybe to where they were there before.
They were there before. We didn't see part one. They're coming back for a second time. We didn't see part one. We're catching up on part two. But now we think we're understanding that the team has literally been split up. The guys are no longer working as one. They are two.
Were they ever?
Listen. Chrissy, far be it for me to get in the minds of genius. I don't know. I'm just a mere mortal. I can't talk about all these, the comings and goings of the mountain monsters, but I will tell you this much. This is going to be an interesting episode. If these guys are fighting against each other. Maybe we'll find them tonight.
And if we want them now.
It's the teacher from the peanuts.
Yeah.
This trail's still active.
Hey, guys. See them trees right there, guys? Right here. Oh, the bow trees? Yeah.
Is that our tree?
Branches on the ground.
In a forest. Yes. This trail is still active, boys. I don't even know what that means. It's still active. All right. I think this is a good place to stop. We'll take a break. But I do want to remind people that we are... are focusing a little bit today on one of an organization that's near and dear to Chrissy's heart, the National Breast Cancer Coalition.
We'll put a link down inside of the show notes. If you're feeling in the holiday spirit and you'd like to save some tatas and some lives, go ahead and donate to the NBCC. We're going to give a direct link. We are not getting in the middle of this. You go there, you donate what you will. That's between you, God, and the NBCC. We'll take a break and we'll be back.
In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced to record liner after liner and I never get to leave. So help me by following us on Instagram at thecommercialbrick and on TikTok at tcbpodcast and go to our website tcbpodcast.com for more information about Brian and Chrissy and access to our massive catalog of video and audio episodes.
Now please text us at 212-433-3TCB and tell Brian and Chrissy to let me out of the closet.
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Whoa, the Energizer bunny's got so much power. Wait, he's powered up all the toys.
I think that means we're done for the year.
I love this bunny.
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All right, we're back here with our boys, the mountain monsters, who apparently Satan has divided so he can conquer. They are in the woods of Ashe, North Carolina. I've never heard of Ashe, North Carolina. I haven't either. But is it near Asheville? Could be. North Carolina makes some sense. They just ran out of names, so they put a ville on the end of Ashe.
There's Ash, and then there's the Ville of Ash. Okay, there you go. Huck, Buck, Chuck, and Fuck. There's one team of three. It's Chuck, or Huck, Buck, and who is it? Huckleberry. Huck, Buck, and Huckleberry. And then you've got the other guys, the one that screams and the other guys. They're all on the other side doing something.
So they're running through the woods chasing each other with loaded guns, I might add to you. Former teammates soon to be murdered by their former teammates. Fresh. Yes, it is. That's real fresh. That's some definite Bigfoot sign. How do you know a branch is fresh when it's fallen on the ground? I mean, I'm sure there's a way to tell.
acquire those skills i guess when you spend all your time by the creek and the whacking tree you know when a fresh stick is you can tell that's a fresh stick chrissy there this is so fresh your limbs wants to have the green leaves look we pick this log up and set it on top of it to hold it down look at that That looks like a fallen tree to me. It does. But I guess that's where, I guess he knows.
He's clued into some special investigatory powers, allow him to know that Bigfoot has picked up the log and thrown it on the ground, and it's fresh. It's still active, Chrissy. This is still an active investigation. Yeah. They can't give us much information yet, but they do know they're hot on the trail.
It's out of doubt Bigfoot's on. He's still here, guys. The Bigfoot that actually grabbed me is still right here. Uh-huh.
Of course, and then quickly happens. Yes.
Oh, did you see that right where I stopped it? They seem to have a photograph of a small, miniature Bigfoot. It looked like a miniature Bigfoot. It looked like a child in a Bigfoot costume. Oh, they're going to shoot. Oh, they've got their guns out.
Come on, Jeff, get on your feet. That tree just come down. Yes, it did. Right behind.
Come on, Jeff, get on your feet in case we have to outrun the seven and a half foot red-eyed Bigfoot with claws that'll tear into human flesh. We can do this. Quick. That Weight Watchers is paying off now, Jeff.
I don't see anything.
Holy, he's here. We're standing there looking at those bent-over trees. Then all of a sudden, the biggest tree in this forest falls over right behind us. This Cherokee devil tried to knock us out. We're right here hysterically listening.
Well, luckily he did not. We came mere inches from certain depth.
Oh, my God.
The biggest tree in this forest.
The biggest tree in the forest fell. Only we didn't capture it on camera, unfortunately. But that is fresh, Chrissy. I will tell you, if a tree falls right next to you, that's a fresh fall.
Go, Jeff, go. I'm going.
Let's go back. Let's go. Stay together.
You guys there?
Yeah, I'm here. Yeah, we're here. Did you just do this, Buck? You guys there? All those lights and cameras behind me? Are those you? No.
You do that? No.
Wait. Oh, my God. They're literally pointing to a branch.
Like the tiniest branch. Like the tiniest branch. Ever. Look at this.
This is. That's what I'm saying, man. This is human side. Yeah. If this was that turkey devil, he's tall. His face would have been right here. He'd have broke his side of his way. This.
It's human. Isn't that a branch you just walked by? And I don't mean to throw shade or anything, but you're a big boy. If you walk, you're going to break a few tiny little branches. Yeah, he is. So he walks by the twig of a tree. I mean, we're talking like an inch round. Yeah, with a little tiny twig, the smallest of twigs, blooming out of it. And he's pointing to one broken one.
It's probably no longer than three inches long. And he's saying that because one is broken on the bottom but not on the top, that's a human sign and not the Cherokee Red Devil. What is it?
The Red Rocket? Cherokee Red Rocket? Yeah.
That's human sign. They've been here. They've been here. We think there might be somebody else out here. I don't know what they want.
Well, maybe it's not the other part of the team, then, because they would be calling them by their names.
Yeah, or calling them by their cell phones.
Right.
But we have to find out why this rogue team wants us to go to that little red shed. We have to keep pressing on. Right here. This is exactly where I was standing.
How do you know that by putting the butt of your gun on the ground? How do you know that's exactly where you're standing?
Like a year ago, too, right? Or whenever he was there last?
These are some wild investigative techniques that I think should be shared with the rest of the country.
Yeah, they could be helpful.
If you really could tell where someone was standing a year ago by putting the butt of your gun on the ground and going, this is exactly where it happened. It's almost like his gun was magnetically drawn to that point. I know. It has a memory.
I looked up and right at that grapevine, he was standing right there.
Oh, he's got PTSD.
Yeah, we got to stop and cry for a moment. Let us all give a moment for Buck and the time when he was standing exactly right there, staring off at the vine, and he saw the red-eyed red rocket monster. Yeah.
talk about really it's emotional it can be it can be chrissy bringing up old memories it does but i think it just might be the taco bell i had earlier but i'll just be a second i'll be okay they knew bringing us out here guys i got a light oh wait hold on he was having a moment he was so rude can we just get can we just let him have his moment he found a light that was
I've just seen a flicker right straight through here. Turn the lights off. Turn the lights off.
Turn the lights off. What about the camera lights? Except for the camera lights. I know.
You see red eyes. Don't look.
Don't look?
Don't look.
Like, is it going to turn you to stone like Medusa?
Well, it hypnotizes you, Chrissy. Okay. That's really where you get the PTSD from. I mean, I don't know if you've ever seen red eyes from a red rocket ash monster, but it can really send you for a loop. Cherokee devil. Yes. It's like, don't stare at the commercial brake sign either. Same thing happens. You got it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where? Where? Right behind. Right in front of Jeff. Look straight up the hill. You got to look real easy. You got to turn away and look.
Oh, what was that?
I'm turning my light back on.
I ain't playing this game. Don't let them get to you. Jeff, that's not them I'm worried about right now. Come on now, guys.
Come on, guys. Get our shit together. We're trying to kill the Red Rocket. If we kill the Red Rocket, we'll go down in fame. But right now, all you guys want to do is bicker and complain about your light bulbs. Turn them on. Don't turn them on. Don't give a shit. Just don't look in his Red Rocket. Just don't stare at the Red Rocket. It's like a dog humping your leg.
If you don't stare at him, the Red Rocket will go away.
Just together here. Jeff, there's someone there. Well, then let's hustle around there and find out. Let's get toe-to-toe with them. This rogue team's into psychological warfare. They sent us back where we never wanted to go back to again.
Is that psychological warfare? Is that the definition of psychological warfare?
And why have they sent them there?
And why have they agreed to go back? Why? I know. Yeah. What is the point, guys? Can I ask a question? I know you got episodes to make just like we do. Yeah. But can I ask, why are we going back to the place where Buck almost got killed?
Yeah.
Putting him through all of this PTSD. Don't look at his eyes. And then you're claiming it's psychological warfare. You're the dum-dums that decided to go back there. It's not like they... It's the rogue team. It's the... There's a rogue team. Let the team be rogue. I know. Let them go do their thing. You do your thing. There's plenty of room in Ashe County.
You don't have to go right back exactly to the spot. Kentucky seems to be your hunting grounds. Why not go back there? A man up and go to that little red shed. That's what I say. Take a break. Get the Anheuser-Busch and go back to the red shed. There it is.
What?
What? I don't see anything. What happened? Where'd it go? Everyone's crying now. I don't know what's going on.
The emotions are overwhelming. Right where I'm standing at, I look over, and that's where I seen that little Cherokee girl. Whoa, look, look, look, look, look, look, look. Cherokee girl? A Cherokee girl? Did you see that? Did you see that? How's that little Indy?
Oh, he's in love.
Where'd she go? Where'd she go? She was right here.
They're flashing back.
They're flashing back to a time. So when he was there before. In the red shed, there was a Cherokee girl that he fell in love with briefly. But she ran off. She ghosted him. They connected on Tinder. Or Grindr. I'm not sure which one it was. But they connected. And all Buck wanted was just a moment. A moment more with the Cherokee girl. And who doesn't, quite frankly, Chrissy.
But nay, she was gone. Off in the wind. Probably eaten by the, you know, redhead. The red devil. Red devil.
Where'd she go?
You all right? Oh. Oh, God. Buck's throwing up. What's going on there? Geez. He's gagging. Yeah, that's not a sight for anybody to see. Oh, God.
Please pull out your airplane bag.
Come on, Buck.
Oh, shit.
I thought that was like a baby making noise or something.
I don't know. Maybe it's a burrito baby or something. Poor buck.
Keep with him, Jeff. Keep with him. I'm going to keep an eye on him.
Right now. I'm going to keep an eye on him. You go get the seven and a half foot red devil.
I'll stay here. Yeah. What is it? You're like at a, what is it, a bachelor party in Nashville? I'll stay here. You go back and make sure we get the boys' phone numbers.
I'm really concerned about my little buddy Buck. He's having a hard time to get through this. But deep down, I know he's going to push himself because he knows this has to be done. What has to be done?
What is pushing you so hard to get this done? I don't know. There's an episode in the can somewhere. Look at his face. I know, look at his face. All that fake throwing up's got him upset.
I'm sorry, guys.
No, don't you be sorry. Not at all.
There is some love between the guys. Oh, absolutely. You know, there's some compassion between them. They're just a bunch of friends trying to chase deadly creatures through the woods of Asheville.
Here, look at this shed. the harder it's gonna be to go in it. So there's only one thing left to do. It's time to do it.
All right, Buck.
Jeff, you stay with him.
All right.
You stay close, Huck. I'll be right behind you guys.
You think they're like in a pitch meeting and they go, you know what we should do? Make a big drama about that Cherokee girl that ghosted you that one time and make it emotional for her to go back to the red shed.
And do you think, not only do you think that there's like a pitch meeting where they have to write all of this out, but then do you think that there are people out there somewhere in cable television land who, who actually are buying into the drama that Buck has to, you know, go and face his demons at the Red Shed in Ashe, North Carolina.
I think so.
You think so?
I think there's some people out there that might believe it.
There's a lot of people in this world. Some of them are not well, right? Okay. I do believe that there's... But I don't believe it's a majority of the audience. No. If the comments underneath the YouTube videos are any indication, most people take it like we do. It's a good comedy show if you watch it that way. And it's funny. You know, it can be really funny.
But there are some comments under there where you know people are really into this show and they hang on every scene.
Yeah.
I can see that.
This could be an ambush, guys.
Hell yeah. Oh, my gosh. We got it. We got it. What? What the hell you got? What is this? How do they know my real name?
Oh, and that's the end. We might have to find the second parts of that. He walked in the shed. Did you see that, Christina? That was crazy. Christina's blown away. She can't believe it.
This is like one of the first times I've actually seen the video. Yeah. I was giggling. Oh, yeah. This is funny, isn't it? It's quite entertaining.
This is high entertainment. Screw the 12 days of TCB. If you really want to have some fun this Christmas, put yourself on a marathon of the mountain monsters. Nothing gets you in the Christmas spirit like the Red Rocket. But what happened was he went back to the shed where he had seen the Cherokee girl.
And when he walked inside of the shed, there were a bunch of manila envelopes tacked to the wall with all of their real names.
That looked pretty professional, actually. It's typed out and everything.
I don't think it was a red rocket. Exactly.
Yeah, I don't think it was a red rocket. Well, listen, maybe we'll find out. Maybe we won't. Stay tuned to the 12 Days of TCB. We're on the edge of our seat now. It wouldn't be a year in review without our mountain monsters. That's all I got to say. I love it. I love it. I know. I love the boys.
They're a good group.
I wonder if they do a holiday episode. They should. Chase holiday monster. They should. If they don't, they should. I'll look into that. If it is, I'll see if we can't do that. Yeah. Sometime shortly after the 12 days of TCB. All right, Chrissy. The NBCC, the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, will put in a link to their official website where you can donate directly to them.
In the show notes, if you could be so kind as to do that, it is a cause that's near and dear to our hearts. We certainly would appreciate it. I know Chrissy would. I would. And hey, if you have tits, check them. That's all I got to say. Men and women. Because it does affect men also. Men do get breast cancer.
That's true.
And at a more alarming rate, I think, than ever before I was reading. So there you go.
tcbpodcast.com that's where you go to find more information about the show all the audio all the video which includes now every episode of the commercial break is available on video on the website youtube.com slash the commercial break and soon spotify video if it's not up there already it'll be up there soon and those episodes just to let you know get released a day or two after they get released on the audio feed can't cannibalize our own you know sponsors crazy
Because we don't have many. Right. Yeah. Exactly. We don't have many. We got to keep them around. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We're taking them all right there. You can call, leave us a voicemail or text message. That phone number, and we will get back to you. We promise. I don't know when, but we'll get back to you sometime soon. Ask TCB.
We might get to that sometime in the year 2025. We should. Ask TCB is on the list of 12 days of TCB. Okay. So there you go. I'm doing a little foreshadowing for you, Chrissy.
Nice.
Again, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. Subscribe, like, and comment on your favorite videos. Add the commercial break on Instagram. TCB podcast on TikTok, at least for right now on TikTok. We'll see what happens in a couple of days. TikTok might go away. You never know. Yeah. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for now.
I think so.
But I'll tell you that I love you.
I love you.
Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe until tomorrow. We always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.
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Cow-killing bastards.