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Table Read

The Jew Who Saved Christmas - Act 2

17 Dec 2024

Transcription

Full Episode

0.509 - 19.925 Ad Narrator

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20.066 - 21.627 Ad Narrator

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22.828 - 41.98 Ad Narrator 2

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42.6 - 62.004 Ad Narrator 2

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67.942 - 91.951 Santa Claus

Oh, did you eat one of Bernie's special cookies and forget what happened in the first episode? Well, Santa doesn't blame you. I wasn't all there that night either. Our story began at O'Hare Airport, where we met Bernie Gold, a Spirit Airlines liaison with no Christmas spirit, and not just because she's Jewish.

92.751 - 120.633 Santa Claus

After ruining her family's Hanukkah party, Bernie tries to down her sorrows by whipping up Santa's all-time favorite, chocolate chip cookies. Only Bernie added a naughty ingredient, a rare strain of kosher cannabis. And when I accidentally landed at the wrong house, Bernie's house, well, I thought those cookies were a gift for old Saint Nick.

122.314 - 144.445 Santa Claus

Well, let's just say Santa got higher than the North Pole. As I was thrust into the first of eight Jewish-themed stoner miracles, Bernie had no choice but to step up and become my designated driver, or be forever known as the Jew who ruined Christmas.

151.081 - 165.972 Narrator

Episode 2, Interior, O'Hare Airport, later that night. An asleep Santa, sporting a Wisconsin Dells bucket hat and sunglasses, is haphazardly strung over a baggage cart, being pushed by Bernie.

166.452 - 170.195 Bernie

Yeah, sorry I had a weekend at Bernie's, your ass, but there was no way I was getting in that sleigh.

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