Act 1: The Jew Who Saved Christmas Welcome to the holiday chaos you never knew you needed. Meet Bernie Gold—Spirit Airlines check-in clerk, reluctant adult, and connoisseur of bad decisions. It’s Christmas Eve (or, as Bernie will remind you, the seventh night of Hanukkah), and while the rest of O’Hare Airport is brimming with holiday cheer, Bernie’s slouching her way through TSA complaints, confiscated wine bottles, and unsolicited career advice from her aggressively optimistic co-worker, Eve. Bernie’s life is a snow globe of dysfunction, and someone just shook it—hard. Enter a mysterious piece of "Miracle Gelt" that takes this night from mildly chaotic to “holy crap, is that actually Santa Claus in my parents’ garage?” Let’s just say Santa’s not exactly in prime sleigh-piloting condition, and Bernie might’ve had something to do with it. What follows is a whirlwind of edible-fueled mishaps, family judgment, and a holiday disaster that’s teetering on the edge of redemption. And the Cast? This lineup will make you laugh so hard you’ll spill your eggnog: Jeff Bergman (@jeffbergmanofficial) – The voice legend who brings magic to every moment. Selyna Warren (@selynadoubleya) – Writer, star, and the kind of comedic genius that keeps you hooked. Jim O’Heir (@therealjimoheir) – The guy who stole your heart in Parks and Rec steals the show again. Marissa Read (@marissalread) – A double-duty powerhouse delivering laughs and heart. John Milhiser (@johnmilhiser) – Former SNL dynamo bringing the absurdity to life. Kiel Kennedy (@kielkennedy) – The gold standard of comedy chaos. Tiffany Black (@tiffanyblackness) – Pure holiday hilarity in human form. Carla Delaney (@voicesbycarla) – The kind of voice work that makes you laugh even when you don’t want to. Ashley Bell (@ashleymichaelbell) – A scene-stealer who brings charm and mischief in equal measure. David Jacks – An actor who makes every moment count. ✨This isn’t your cookie-cutter holiday story. It’s raw, messy, ridiculously funny, and filled with just the right amount of holiday heart. Elevator Pitch: In Act 1 of The Jew Who Saved Christmas, you’ll laugh, cringe, and maybe even tear up a little as Bernie Gold stumbles her way through a Hanukkah-Christmas mashup of biblical proportions. With sharp dialogue, hilariously flawed characters, and just enough holiday magic to keep you guessing, this is the start of a holiday tale that’s anything but traditional—and we wouldn’t have it any other way.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Chapter 1: What is the setting of the story?
Benjamin shakes his head, never.
Well, that's old news because after tonight, my name in Hanukkah won't be associated with fire. Actually, it will be, but the Gen Z good kind.
Hell yeah, friend. So, how can I help you get redemptive fried? You looking for an indica in the couch situation or a pre-party pump-up?
Benjamin, I'm not smoking before my party. My family's already taking cash bets on me beefing it. I just want something for after to help me unwind.
I got just the thing, my man. Benjamin ducks below the counter and pops back up with gold-wrapped gelt. Bernie inspects the tag.
Miracle gelt. Just one bite and in one night, eight crazy adventures will ignite.
I do love a theme. Eight miracles per serving.
My Safda in Israel got these eats from some ancient rabbi who's a descendant of the Maccabees. This shit's got salt from the Dead Sea. Dates from the West Bank. It's blessed by, like, four holy beards.
Yeah, okay, easy on the hard sell. I'm down for audibles. Thanks, Ben. All right, I'm out. Wish me luck.
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Chapter 2: Who is Bernie Gold and what is her situation?
But we wanted to include you in the Christmas fun.
How neighborly. But it is I that should include you. Why don't you join in on our Hanukkah fun?
Phil's tow-headed child grabs his dad in fear.
Dad, no! If we go in there, Santa will think I'm Jewish. He'll skip our house, and I won't get my Nintendo Switch.
Maybe next time, Bernie. It's not like Hanukkah has a shortage of nights. And yet y'all still picked Christmas Eve to celebrate. Well, okay. We're off to finish the rounds. Spread the cheer.
Convert the masses.
Pardon?
Merry Christmas, Phil. Area neighbors.
They start to sing Mary, did you know, as Bernie slams the door in their faces. Interior, living room, later. The family is gathered around as Bernie lights the menorah. Everyone sings the prayer.
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Chapter 3: What conflict does Bernie face at the airport?
Come on, Santa, work with me here!
She dips her fingers into the water and splashes him repeatedly. Nothing. A gust of wind howled.
Fresh air. Yeah, always sobers me up. Okay, so how do you, um...
Bernie gestures to the chimney.
Front door. Front door is good.
Time jump. Santa's arms are now draped over Bernie's shoulders as she attempts to drag him to the door.
Almost there. Okay, I can do it. No, no, I need a break. Okay, let's just rest for a minute.
Bernie props Santa upright. He balances for a moment until he slowly falls backwards and breaks the coffee table. Glass shatters and food flies.
I killed Santa.
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Chapter 4: How does Bernie interact with her co-worker Eve?
Did you know that you're a baby boy?
Text alert from mom. I pulled out the dining room leaf so you wouldn't scratch it like you did last time.
That was so good. I do both those jobs. That's incredible.
I'm so used to it. She sounds that way all the time.
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