Pardon My Take
Week 17, Fastest 2 Minutes, Commanders In The Playoffs, Joe Burrow MVP? Plus Playoff Seedings
Mon, 30 Dec 2024
Week 17 and we start with Fastest 2 Minutes. (00:00:00-00:10:08) We then Recap Every Game From Saturday/Sunday Chargers/Patriots (00:15:05-00:22:09) Bengals/Broncos (00:22:09-00:36:08) Rams/Cardinals (00:36:08-00:41:19) Eagles/Cowboys (00:41:19-00:51:28) Giants/Colts (00:51:28-00:58:28) Bucs/Panthers (00:58:28-01:07:08) Commanders/Falcons (01:07:08-01:18:55) Bills/Jets (01:18:55-01:33:18) Raiders/Saints (01:33:18-01:35:57) Jaguars/Titans (01:35:57-01:40:00) Dolphins/Browns (01:40:00-01:42:08) Vikings/Packers (01:42:08-02:05:28) We then do who’s back of the week and talk some college football bowl games (02:05:28-02:20:53)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/pardon-my-take
Chapter 1: What happens in the Fastest 2 Minutes segment?
Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's Pardon My Take, we have Week 17 in the NFL. We're going to start with Fastest Two Minutes. We got some big-time playoff... implications going on. We've got a lot of the seeds set.
We also have some fun games, uh, that are going to be set up for week 18, some things still at stake. We're going to talk a little who's back. We're also maybe do a little college football because we have the quarterfinals coming up in a couple days. And it's all brought to you by our friends at DraftKings for monster slams to draining threes at the buzzer.
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The crown is yours. Okay, let's go.
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Today is Monday, December 30th week. 16, 17, week 17.
We're on Zoom, Teej. We're talking on the computer. Let's not pull a Jeffrey Tobin.
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Chapter 2: What are the playoff implications for the Chargers vs. Patriots game?
Big Cat's pinky bet is still alive. I'll tell you I'm sorry for picking you off put Kyler through the ball and to McBride's mouth Williamson steals the game and keeps the Rams in the playoffs
To Sunday in the Meadowlands where the winless at-home Giants were taking on the Colts without their AR-15. But they did have Joe Tick Flacco, who went over the X's and O's in prep all week as he looked like Prince Albert the way he was tossing balls to wide receiver Fallick Pierce, finding a hole in the D time and time again.
Typically super bad Giants quarterback Drew Cock must have looked at his notes, but unlike the movie, he never ended up getting the boos from the Giants faithful. McGreek Neighbors was the hero of the day as his skills didn't peter out as he had all of the targets kabobbing and weaving through the Colts defense on the way to the victory.
The G-Men, the G-Men. 45, Colts 33.
We go down to Tampon Bay, where it's that time of the month as Bryce is back in the flow and the Carolina crampers are looking to stop the bleeding on a bad season as they spotted the Bucs in early TD. And then a touching tribute to my dear friend Jimmy Carter. Dave Panama Canales turned it over in a contest some called It's Must Lose. And they got boat raced.
Jimmy was a great man who came from poverty. And the punt is blocked. And the punt is blocked. LMAO, every day I'm rustling. Every day I'm rustling. Return it for a score. The Bucs win in a blowout. 48-14.
And the first time in Fastest Two Minutes history, we go to someone who's actually at the game. Max, who is at Philly.
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Chapter 3: How did the Bengals keep their playoff hopes alive against the Broncos?
Reporting live from Philadelphia, where 2K Quan Barkley has officially etched his name into the prestigious 2000 Dark Club. Kenny Chiklitz redeemed his performance from last week with two early touchdowns and a 24-7 halftime lead. Not a big deal! After an unfortunate injury, Tanner McKeegan Bradley looked like the people's quarterback while throwing his first touchdown pass of the year.
But then A.J., what can Brown do for you? Express ship the Memorial Ball into the stands. After we all thought the ball was gone, A.J. went to Big Don Corleone and said, someday I will call upon you to do a service for me. And that day is today, as Big Don was able to retrieve the ball for A.J. to give to McKeegan. Shout out Big Tom. Eagles win 41, Cowboys 7.
And now to the saddest game of the day. Western New York, the Bills and Jets memes was there.
We head up to Buffalo where Josh Allen was singing That's Amare as he finds him in end zone for a 30-yard pass. The Bills weren't done as Keon, I'm a cold man, went up over the Jets secondary to possibly seal the MVP for Allen. To add insult to injury, the Jets let Tyrell, shaving Private Ryan, added a 69-yard touchdown in garbage time.
As for the Jets, Aaron Rodgers looked like he was playing dodgeball out there, throwing the ball to the other team and getting unnecessary roughness penalties. He commented after the game, Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste. No one chuckles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills.
Thanks, memes. Down to Jacksonville where, yes, people actually paid to attend this game. Drug Peterson needed a win in this battle between Crack Jones and Free Basin Rudolph, but none of this game rocked. Biden, more time. Peterson won't be a job hunter quite yet. Calvin Coolidge-Ridley and Brian Thomas Jefferson had a tasteful homage to the late Jimmy Carter as neither went over 100.
And much like our nation's capital, the refs need to lower the flags and let this game end.
Jaguars 20, Titans 13.
We go up to Minneapolis where the Minnesota Vikings of Leon's sacks were on fire and they could really use Sam Buddy, Donald, to continue his great season. Jordan, I love sprinkles. Yes, it's true. Yes, I do. Was anything but a cupcake as the Vikings took a page out of Gordon Hayward's playbook and kept looking to Addison. Josh, very cool.
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Chapter 4: What went wrong for the Giants in their game against the Colts?
Jimmy Carter famously saw Babe Ruth and Hawk Tua.
Yeah, and there's really nothing that we can say about the man that hasn't already been covered by my Francesa earlier when he was just like, Jimmy Carter dead, not a great president.
It's cool, though, when someone dies when they're 100 because it's just free reign to make jokes. Like 100 is way too old. Like, dude, that's just it was way too way long past your expiration, dude. Yeah, you went to like four overtimes in Buffalo Wild Wings.
You don't really want to be 100 years old. Nobody wants to be 100. All your friends are gone. You don't understand anything. I guess you get some sweet discounts on early dinners, though, which is pretty good. But besides that, there's not a whole lot going on. Yeah. R.I.P. Jimmy. R.I.P. Jimmy. He was a real one.
Yeah, and he was an AWL, so one less listen for this episode. So someone please step up and listen twice for Jimmy. All right, let's get into games. So just to set the stage, Hank is living his Ben Mintz life right now.
He's traveling across country to New Orleans to see his favorite band on New Year's, and he's got flight issues, and then he just texted us and said that his bag is being shipped to Germany. So I don't know when he'll join us. When he does, he will have to do his boomer in monotone and also answer some questions about the Patriots. But let's start with that game. Chargers 40, Patriots 7.
Just real quick, Jimmy Carter got shipped to Germany and he still did his job.
That's true. That's true. Well, he didn't do his job today listening to this podcast. It's true. Yeah. Chargers 40, Patriots 7. The Los Angeles Chargers are in the playoffs. Insane turnaround by Jim Harbaugh, the king of turnarounds. These are Jim Harbaugh. So his last three jobs, he took over the San Francisco 49ers in 2011. The year before he took them over, they were 6-10, missed the playoffs.
They went 13-3, lost in the NFC Championship game. In 2015, he took over Michigan. The year before, Brady Hoke, who just didn't wear a headset on the sideline, looked like the dumbest piece of shit ever. Michigan went 5-7. He took over the team. They went 10-3. This year, he takes over the Chargers who were a dumpster fire. Remember when the Chargers lost last year by like 70 to the Raiders?
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Chapter 5: What should fans know about the Commanders' playoff chances?
Dobbins got healthy. It feels like the Chargers, they're not going to win the Super Bowl, but they could make some noise.
Because I feel like we've been sentenced to a lifetime of every time Ladd McConkie has a good game, just getting incessant texts from Jerry O'Connell.
Just being like...
Why didn't he do that in week 16? Where was this in week 16? Just a heads up, guys. I drafted him in week 16. Sorry. We're just going to be updated on everything with his life via those texts. But, yeah, the Chargers looked good. They dominated the Patriots. Wasn't really close. Got a little stone smart action going on. And J.K. Dobbins is back.
Yeah.
All the way back. Huge.
Massive.
Yeah, I mean, depending on the way the postseason schedule shakes out, they might win a game. Who knows?
If they play the Texans, they're playing better football than the Texans right now. I don't know if playing the Ravens, that would be very difficult because the Ravens look unstoppable in December. But, yeah, I mean, if they play the Texans and then if it breaks out and they play the Texans and then they go maybe play the Chiefs, hard to beat a team three times. It's true.
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Chapter 6: How did the Bills perform against the Jets?
Here, you know what? I'll text it to Max. Max should have to read it. Okay. Max will read it. And Ravens fans, this is Max Delente. He's the one who's reading this. Say something nice about the Broncos, even though they kind of suck, and I actually weirdly want the Broncos to get in the playoffs so I can bet everything on the Bills against the Broncos.
Bo Nix throws the fuck out of the football. When he throws the deep ball, he throws the fuck out of it, and I respect that.
Yeah, that's true. All right, Max, say this. This is Max Salente saying it, by the way. Max Salente here. It's getting hot. It's funny watching... Because we obviously were kind of in the thick of the Heisman race, not having any wager and watching from afar. People are really angry about Josh, Lamar, Joe. Like, it's crazy. Like, Ryan Clark, I think his brain is broken.
He's just finding random people online and quote tweeting all of them to say anything about Lamar. It's like, dude, everyone knows Lamar is incredible. He's having an incredible season. He's having such an incredible season. Max has a staff for it.
Yeah, here's a stat. Lamar against the Bengals twice, the Bucs once, and the Giants, which are three of the worst defenses in the NFL, had 18 touchdowns and zero interceptions. Whoa. I don't like that stat.
Oh, so he's not supposed to play good against bad teams?
Yeah, that's a crazy stat, Max. Why would you say that?
Oh, also, Max, maybe their defenses are so bad because they have to incorporate the stats like what Lamar did to them. Yeah, true. That has a part in it.
Yeah, yeah. And maybe if a running back breaks the single season rushing record, they should be considered for MVP too.
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Chapter 7: What are the key takeaways from the Vikings vs. Packers match?
No, nor should they be. They shouldn't be afraid of anybody.
Yeah, they just win games. Okay, so yeah, I don't – the Bo Nix drive to tie the game was sick. That was like 89 yards and 70 seconds. But the Broncos, like, they're limping in right now. And it's not like they're bad. It's just they've had to play a couple teams that are better than them, and they've kind of been exposed for that.
I also think the Broncos are kind of irritating for the casual fan to watch because they cycle their running backs around so confusingly.
Yeah.
You have no idea who's going to be getting touches in the red zone, no idea who's going to be getting touches on third down. It's just hard to figure them out. It's like their anonymous crush defense. They thrive on just being interchangeable.
Also, I love that Zach Taylor was like, yeah, Chase Brown got hurt, so we had to abandon our plan. It's like you could have just stuck with the plan, dude. Like totally botched that where he scored on the next play and didn't even make the Broncos use their last time out.
That's the other thing. That ending sequence right there where Chase Brown did the right thing. He went down to the two-yard line, took himself down.
He got injured doing the right thing. If he had kept on going, he wouldn't have gotten injured.
That's what I'm saying. He tries to do the right thing, goes down at the one or the two to kill the clock, let them in with a field goal if they want, or... Probably the smarter thing would be run the football, let them burn a timeout, and then try to score a touchdown afterwards. So he tries to do the right thing, and then they just go ahead and score on the next play anyways.
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Chapter 8: What are the expectations for playoff seeding and matchups?
I understand, but you don't – if you're in a division, you don't want to give them the number one pick and you have the coach trying to keep his job. So he's going to try to win that game with a rookie quarterback. And then the other one is the Titans playing the Texans. Texans aren't going to play anyone.
Also a rookie coach trying to keep his job, which I don't think he should get fired, but probably try to keep his job. I think the Browns could get the one. I think it could. I think he could find a way to sneak in there.
I mean, Hank, you don't necessarily need the one seed because you've got a quarterback. So if you got the one seed, you would just sell it off.
Yeah. Well, you'd take Travis Hunter. No, I think you would trade back.
Yeah, maybe. Yeah, you'd have a bidding war. Depends on how much – I don't know if this quarterback class would be – People might not be trying to trade multiple number one picks to trade up in this.
But you could trade back at least a few spots and get more picks. Again, like we learned last year, I don't even know anything about the draft. But today I was thinking about it. It's like there's no world where even if we have the one pick, we're not drafting first.
Yeah, it just depends on what other teams are behind you and what other teams are willing to do. Because if you're not totally sold on Shador Sanders or Cam Ward, you're not going to trade a future first-round pick to move up.
Yeah, but I feel like when it comes down to it, teams get sold on QBs. Yeah, you're probably right. QBs get sold off on QBs no matter how good or not good they are.
You'd definitely rather end up with the number one pick than not because at least you have all the options.
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