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Bad Friends

Rat Island

Mon, 16 Dec 2024

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00:00 - 00:05 Bobby Lee

This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huel, your go-to for complete nutrition.

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00:05 - 00:11 Andrew Santino

Try Huel with 15% off today using code BADFRIENDS at my.huel.com slash BADFRIENDS.

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00:11 - 00:13 Unknown Speaker 1

You two are bad friends.

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00:13 - 00:14 Unknown Speaker 2

Who are these two idiots?

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00:15 - 00:20 Unknown Speaker 1

A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

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00:20 - 00:23 Carlos Herrera

You two are something. We're bad friends.

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00:26 - 00:26 Unknown Speaker 2

Oh.

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00:32 - 00:33 Jesse

I'm running out of air.

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00:33 - 00:36 Bobby Lee

I was already out. I was already out.

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00:36 - 00:37 Jesse

I didn't even want to collect it.

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00:37 - 01:15 Bobby Lee

Yeah, do it again, dude. Ready? Yeah, yeah. Well, this is out. This is stopped. I had my eyes closed. No, okay. Because I couldn't breathe. You're the guy in choir. I really liked it. Keeps going. I really liked it. Let's do it one more time. Ready? Right, but I want to keep your eyes with it. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh. Dude, we're like a barbershop quartet. That was incredible.

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01:16 - 01:19 Andrew Santino

Also, I heard you laugh in the middle of it too.

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01:19 - 01:22 Bobby Lee

It sounded so beautiful to me. You kept the tone.

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01:22 - 01:23 Andrew Santino

It was very good.

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01:23 - 01:48 Bobby Lee

That was great. Well, welcome back. Welcome back, Carter. And let me say something. That's when you said, don't say welcome back again because I think of welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, yeah. Number one, I want to say we got back from Australia. And my sleep schedule is so wickily. Yesterday I woke up at five. Today I woke up at three. You know what I mean? Carlos looks confused and dazed.

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01:48 - 01:53 Bobby Lee

Are you dazed? Yes. Or confused? Both? Both. Yeah. It was a great movie. Yeah, it was a great movie.

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01:53 - 01:53 Andrew Santino

And I just.

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01:53 - 01:58 Bobby Lee

Kangaroo balls there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kangaroo ball. Petrified. Yeah.

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01:59 - 02:02 Jesse

I'm petrified holding them. That's real? Yeah.

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02:02 - 02:04 Andrew Santino

They're heavy. It's pretty heavy, yeah.

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02:04 - 02:05 Jesse

Sorry for fondling your kangaroo.

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02:05 - 02:07 Andrew Santino

No, no, no. It's what I like. No, they're heavy because the...

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02:15 - 02:19 Bobby Lee

We're getting it. We're getting it. Yeah, we're going to be doing that quite frequently on this podcast.

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02:19 - 02:20 Jesse

Oh, and I brought this.

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02:20 - 02:20 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

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02:20 - 02:21 Jesse

For the studio.

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02:22 - 02:23 Bobby Lee

Oh, whoa. A boomerang.

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02:23 - 02:27 Jesse

I'll throw it to you. But hey, can you edit this so it looks like it comes back to me?

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02:27 - 02:27 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

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02:29 - 02:29 Andrew Santino

Nice.

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02:29 - 02:30 Jesse

It works.

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02:31 - 02:31 Bobby Lee

Let me see it.

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02:31 - 02:33 Jesse

Okay, here, for real. I'll throw it to you.

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02:34 - 02:35 Andrew Santino

All right, end over end.

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02:35 - 02:37 Bobby Lee

Have you tried it in public?

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02:37 - 02:40 Jesse

No, I just knew it would work. It's the first time I've thrown it.

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02:40 - 02:41 Andrew Santino

Oh, are you guys ready?

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02:42 - 02:43 Bobby Lee

Is there a way to throw it that'll come back?

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02:43 - 02:47 Andrew Santino

Right here. Really? If you throw it like that, then because it flattens out.

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02:47 - 02:54 Bobby Lee

You know what it is, dude? You're such a know-it-all. He does. He knows everything. He knows everything. It drives me crazy. Why'd you ask me then?

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02:54 - 02:58 Andrew Santino

Why do you ask me so many questions then if you don't want to know the answer? Because you know I got the answer.

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02:58 - 02:59 Bobby Lee

I know you got the answer.

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03:08 - 03:10 Unknown Speaker 1

Oh, my God.

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03:10 - 03:13 Bobby Lee

Stop, stop. That's it. So how is your sleeping?

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03:15 - 03:21 Jesse

And saying it's terrible. I can't believe you're doing spots. I had a spot at midnight and first time in my life canceled it.

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03:21 - 03:23 Bobby Lee

Saturday night. I didn't do it one Saturday.

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03:23 - 03:25 Andrew Santino

I told you that was a bad idea.

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03:25 - 03:25 Bobby Lee

No, no, I went.

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03:26 - 03:26 Jesse

I thought you did.

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03:26 - 03:27 Bobby Lee

Yeah, I went, I went, I went, I went.

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03:28 - 03:29 Jesse

And you went Monday.

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03:29 - 03:35 Bobby Lee

I went Monday. Yeah, not tonight. And tonight. No, not tonight. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, yeah, yeah. So what time have you been sleeping?

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03:36 - 03:43 Jesse

I've been trying to go to bed at night, but I stay awake till like 4 a.m. And then I still wake up at 9 a.m. And then I am tired all day.

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03:43 - 03:43 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

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03:44 - 03:44 Jesse

Yeah.

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03:44 - 03:44 Bobby Lee

It's rough.

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03:44 - 03:46 Andrew Santino

What about you? I'm good. I know you are.

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03:46 - 03:47 Jesse

I knew you would be good.

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03:47 - 03:50 Andrew Santino

I'm good because I did the exact pattern I told you.

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03:50 - 03:54 Bobby Lee

Oh, my God. You're going to drive me crazy with that pattern. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

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03:56 - 04:02 Andrew Santino

The funniest part is, I literally said, when we fly to Sydney. I did the pattern.

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04:02 - 04:10 Bobby Lee

Everyone that's listening, this is what he does. This is what he does, okay? Yeah. Because he's Mr. Know-It-All, okay? That's my new name. Yeah, Mr. Know-It-All.

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04:11 - 04:13 Andrew Santino

But it's Mr. N-O, Mr. Know-It-All.

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04:13 - 04:21 Bobby Lee

And so Mr. Know-It-All, he obviously, we do a group meeting. We do. when he has his little TED Talks, right? He goes, this is what we need to do.

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04:22 - 04:24 Andrew Santino

They're TEDx's. Yeah, yeah.

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04:24 - 04:38 Bobby Lee

So he says, from Perth to Australia, right? Don't sleep at all. We were in the airport. Perth to Sydney. Sorry. Okay. That's another know-it-all thing you just said. I'm going to let it go.

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04:39 - 04:40 Unknown Speaker 4

You could have let it go, but you didn't.

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04:40 - 04:57 Bobby Lee

Dude, I'm Mr. Know-It-All. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Know-It-All. That's my gig. All right, so from Perth to Sydney, don't sleep it up, which is like a four and a half hour flight. Four hours, yeah. What did I do? Slept the whole time. The whole time. I stayed awake the whole time. Because when he says something to do, I go the opposite. Smart. I'm Know-It-All's nemesis. Wait a minute.

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04:57 - 04:59 Bobby Lee

I'm Mr. Know-It-All. You're Mr. Know-It-All.

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05:00 - 05:01 Andrew Santino

That's Mr. Know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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05:01 - 05:04 Bobby Lee

That's what it is. Yeah. Right? So I say no. I slept the whole way, right?

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05:04 - 05:09 Andrew Santino

Smart. Yeah, good for you. And then- Like a fucking idiot. You stayed up the entire flight home.

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05:10 - 05:12 Jesse

I did, yeah. 15 hours?

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05:12 - 05:30 Andrew Santino

Watch me, watch me. I said, stay up on the first leg, on the second leg, eat the dinner, and then last as long as you can to match up with the LA clock and go to bed, because then it'll be nighttime. Then when you wake up, it'll be noon in LA when we wake up and get to LA, but it'll actually kind of be our sleep schedule. We'll think it's like 9 or 10 a.m., which I go, that'll work perfectly.

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05:31 - 05:49 Andrew Santino

I was up during the meal. I see him. I watch across the aisle. He's on his iPad, and you can hear him. I can hear him laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I go to bed, right? I wake up from bed feeling good, take a piss. He's still up, still on his iPad, and I know he hasn't fallen asleep. Still giggling. In the exact same position.

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05:49 - 05:51 Unknown Speaker 4

Yeah.

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05:51 - 05:57 Andrew Santino

Exact same position. Then I go back again. I'm stretching a little bit. I'm thinking he probably is asleep now. Wide awake.

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05:57 - 05:57 Bobby Lee

Wide awake.

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05:57 - 06:02 Andrew Santino

Not one hour of sleep on 15-hour flight. Ha, ha, ha. And now what's happening?

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06:03 - 06:04 Bobby Lee

I can't sleep.

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06:04 - 06:04 Andrew Santino

I know. See, I told you.

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06:05 - 06:08 Bobby Lee

So, oh, you're right. But I refuse. Right. Good for you.

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06:09 - 06:11 Andrew Santino

Right. Right. You should. I would rather.

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06:11 - 06:12 Bobby Lee

And here's another thing.

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06:12 - 06:15 Andrew Santino

I would rather. You know what? I'd rather this for you. I like this. I know you do.

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06:15 - 06:20 Bobby Lee

And here's another thing that I did. A long time ago, you and I went bowling.

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06:21 - 06:22 Andrew Santino

Yeah.

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06:22 - 06:24 Bobby Lee

Right? And you tried to teach me how to bowl.

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06:24 - 06:24 Andrew Santino

That's right, yeah.

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06:24 - 06:25 Bobby Lee

And I refused.

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06:25 - 06:25 Andrew Santino

That's right.

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06:26 - 06:34 Bobby Lee

But then when we went to Sonny's birthday party, right, Charles Melton taught me exactly what you taught me, but I listened to what he said.

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06:34 - 06:35 Andrew Santino

Good.

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06:35 - 06:41 Bobby Lee

Do you remember? Yeah, yeah. Right? And I started bowling correctly, right? And I looked at you, and I think you were a little upset by it.

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06:41 - 06:41 Andrew Santino

Yeah, a little bit.

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06:41 - 06:54 Bobby Lee

Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, you know, if he teaches me something, I refuse to listen. But if it's like anybody else, right, with the same knowledge, because he has all, he's Mr. Know-it-all, right? Mr. Know-it-all. But I don't know why that is. Why is that, you think?

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06:54 - 06:58 Andrew Santino

Because you resent the fact that I'm younger than you, but no more than you.

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06:59 - 07:02 Jesse

He's talented, too. There's literally nothing you can't do.

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07:02 - 07:03 Andrew Santino

God bless.

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07:03 - 07:08 Jesse

We talked about it the other day. I said, can you name one thing you can't do? And you couldn't.

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07:08 - 07:10 Andrew Santino

That's not true. I said. He couldn't do that.

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07:10 - 07:10 Jesse

He couldn't.

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07:12 - 07:23 Andrew Santino

He can't beat me in ping pong. How about this? I can't play piano and he's beautiful. Piano, ping pong. Ping pong, I can beat you. Get a table.

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07:23 - 07:25 Bobby Lee

Oh my God. Tennis?

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07:26 - 07:27 Andrew Santino

Tennis, we might be more evenly matched.

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07:29 - 07:31 Bobby Lee

I was on the tennis team in high school.

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07:31 - 07:33 Andrew Santino

I grew up with it. And that was 40 years ago. It doesn't matter.

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07:33 - 07:38 Bobby Lee

I hadn't ridden a bike since I was in high school and we rode a bike in fucking Australia.

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07:38 - 07:54 Andrew Santino

There's no phrase that's, hey, it's just like tennis. Once you learn, you never not learn. There is no tennis phrase. Yes, it goes to tennis. It's just like hitting a tennis ball. Yeah, yeah. Once you know, you know. Once you know, you know. Yeah, yeah. We did ride a beautiful bike around Rottnest Island and had a gorgeous day at Rottnest Island. We did. Probably one of our best days.

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07:54 - 07:55 Jesse

What a roller coaster, though.

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07:56 - 07:57 Andrew Santino

Incredible, right? Why? Why?

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07:57 - 08:06 Jesse

Well, because we kind of hyped it up the entire trip. And Bobby kept pulling me aside and saying, listen, I know everyone says they're the cutest animals on earth. But what if we get there and they don't like us?

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08:06 - 08:07 Bobby Lee

That's right.

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08:07 - 08:09 Jesse

And we got there and they were all just like looking for food.

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08:09 - 08:11 Bobby Lee

Because I'll tell you why. Yeah. May I tell you why?

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08:12 - 08:12 Jesse

Yeah.

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08:12 - 08:13 Bobby Lee

My wisdom on this?

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08:13 - 08:13 Jesse

Yeah.

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08:13 - 08:15 Bobby Lee

Okay. Look at them right there.

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08:15 - 08:16 Jesse

Oh, my God. They are cute.

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08:16 - 08:23 Bobby Lee

They're so cute. Rice, they're so cute. They're so fucking cute. Edible, by the way. They look very edible. Yeah. They look like porgs.

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08:24 - 08:26 Andrew Santino

They look like little Andres. Yeah.

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08:26 - 08:34 Bobby Lee

Little Andreses. So here's the situation here, guy, my friend. I'll tell you how the quokkas came into my... I told you, right?

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08:35 - 08:36 Andrew Santino

Yeah, Jim Jefferies.

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08:36 - 08:59 Bobby Lee

Jim Jefferies. Right. Months ago, pulled me aside, mate, you gotta see the quokkas. Yeah. He told me the island and everything, right? So I've been thinking and dreaming about quokkas a long time. I get that. Yeah. And then when we got there, some fucking bloke, some Australian bloke, says to me, mate, you know why they call it Rottnest Island? I go, why?

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08:59 - 09:20 Bobby Lee

And he goes, because the first guy that went there, right, thought they were rats. So in my mind, I'm like, oh, they're not as... Because what we see, I thought they were going to be real small like rats. Me too, yeah. Right? But then when I saw... That's me. Look at that. You've taken a photo with one so beautifully.

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09:20 - 09:22 Jesse

Oh, the joey's coming out.

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09:22 - 09:28 Bobby Lee

Yeah, the little joey's coming out of the stomach. Dude, that was like magical. In love. In love with that.

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09:29 - 09:31 Jesse

And that was like four hours into the trip. You got that.

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09:31 - 09:38 Bobby Lee

Yeah, that was the last second. We were about to board the boat to go home. Well, because I don't... You know, when people go crazy over celebrities...

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09:38 - 09:39 Jesse

Yeah, not so high-fiving.

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09:39 - 09:54 Bobby Lee

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go less crazy. I take a step back and I go, you know, I'm better than that, right? So there was a lot of quokka fawning. A lot of fawning. Yeah, right. So I'm like, no, you know what? I'm really cool about this. But after like two or three hours, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? It's a fucking quokka. Take a photo.

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09:54 - 09:57 Jesse

Yeah, you were like three hours in. You're like, I'm ready.

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09:57 - 10:03 Andrew Santino

I'm ready to take a fucking photo. Yeah, yeah. No, but see, this is what I appreciate about you. You waited till you felt like it was time. And guess what?

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10:03 - 10:04 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

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10:04 - 10:17 Andrew Santino

That photo is proof that if you wait, good things will come. Because a lot of people got a lot of bad photos of them with quokkas not looking at them. You, on the other hand, have a picture-perfect picture with quokka-pukka-pukka-pukka-pukka.

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10:17 - 10:19 Bobby Lee

Because I had the little baby in the stomach one.

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10:19 - 10:19 Andrew Santino

It was unbelievable.

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10:19 - 10:21 Bobby Lee

What an unbelievable photo.

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10:22 - 10:37 Andrew Santino

The proof is in the pudding, kiddo. If you wait, good things will come. Don't call me kiddo anymore. All right, baby doll. I think it's kind of funny. We got a lot of love down there in Australia and we want to thank- It was probably- Yeah, go ahead.

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10:37 - 10:37 Bobby Lee

Sorry.

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10:37 - 10:39 Andrew Santino

No, no. That's it. I just want to say we want to thank our fans.

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10:39 - 10:40 Bobby Lee

It was probably- Go ahead.

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10:40 - 11:01 Andrew Santino

Yeah, sorry. Go ahead. I just want to say that I want to thank- Cut me off again. Probably- There it is. Oh. Oh. I want to thank all the fans from Down Under. It was one of the best experiences we've ever had. I mean it. It was un-fucking-real. It was so cool. It was so fun. Life-changing. Life-changing. We had people come to the show that are actor friends of ours that came.

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11:02 - 11:03 Andrew Santino

Oh, can we talk about that?

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11:04 - 11:06 Bobby Lee

Sure. You're not going to be mad?

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11:07 - 11:20 Andrew Santino

What do I care? You already made fun of me half of the trip about it. I got mocked incessantly. Even though what did Andrew provide except for great recommendations for food and hangout spots and cool things to see. But that's okay. But make fun of me more. It's fine.

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11:21 - 11:21 Bobby Lee

Well, then I will not.

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11:21 - 11:25 Andrew Santino

You're right. I'd actually prefer it if you did. If you did. Go ahead and make fun of me.

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11:25 - 11:29 Bobby Lee

Well, so you asked me to close the shows.

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11:30 - 11:32 Andrew Santino

I asked you to close the shows because I wasn't feeling good.

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11:32 - 11:34 Bobby Lee

That's fine. And I 100% back that.

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11:34 - 11:36 Andrew Santino

Because usually we switch off.

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11:36 - 11:36 Bobby Lee

Sure.

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11:36 - 11:38 Andrew Santino

And I said, will you end up closing some of these shows, please?

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11:38 - 11:50 Bobby Lee

Yeah, but I closed except for the one. Except for one what? One of the shows. You didn't close, what do you mean? Let me finish. He knows what I'm talking about.

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11:50 - 11:52 Andrew Santino

You closed every other show.

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11:53 - 11:54 Jesse

You know which one.

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11:55 - 11:56 Andrew Santino

I just wanted to close one of the shows.

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11:57 - 12:02 Jesse

Interesting. This is so interesting what you're doing. So interesting.

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12:03 - 12:25 Bobby Lee

What did I do? I wasn't there, but I get the picture. You'll get the picture, right? So there's one show where he goes, you know what, Bob? I'm going to close this particular one. I'm like, wow, I thought I was going to close all of them. Right? And then it was the show that it was Dakota Fanning, Sarah Smooch. Smooch? Bridie and Slim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smooch. Right? Sure. Yeah, yeah.

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12:25 - 12:32 Bobby Lee

Now what I'm saying is that, so the one show that your celebrity friends are coming, you're like, I want to close because I want to make it seem.

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12:33 - 12:35 Andrew Santino

Well, they came to see me because they're not a fan of you.

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12:36 - 12:37 Bobby Lee

See what you're doing right now?

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12:37 - 12:37 Andrew Santino

No, no, no.

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12:38 - 12:38 Bobby Lee

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

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12:38 - 12:54 Andrew Santino

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I'm just being honest. Yay. Do you like the honesty now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They all were like, I don't really care about Bobby. I don't like his stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I said, would you guys like me to go last? Right, right. I'd prefer it. Yeah. Less of him, more of you. But whatever. No, no, I just want to tell you the truth. Whatever the reason.

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12:54 - 12:59 Andrew Santino

If you like the truth. Whatever. I love the truth. No, no, no. If you like this little truth game. I love the truth. They all literally said, we're not fans of Bobby Lee.

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12:59 - 13:00 Bobby Lee

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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13:00 - 13:04 Andrew Santino

Both comedically, personally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said, that's rude.

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13:04 - 13:15 Bobby Lee

Yeah. That's my partner, Brian. I love what you're doing. I love what you're doing right now. Dude, these are their words. Yeah, yeah, I know. I don't think... They go, I don't like him as a stand-up or as a podcaster.

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13:15 - 13:19 Andrew Santino

Yeah, I don't think so. They go, we're not... That's just not our style. And I said...

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13:21 - 13:24 Bobby Lee

What would it matter who went up first then?

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13:24 - 13:32 Andrew Santino

No, it doesn't matter. They're going to see me anyway. They saw me anyway. Because you hate it if I do too much time. You bitch about it every time. So if I go second, then you're not going to complain to me. Right.

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13:32 - 13:41 Bobby Lee

It was just an observation. I don't know if it's the truth. But I'm giving you the truth. It could have been one show where you're like... Here's the deal. It could have been one show. It was like, you know what? I just feel like closing out the second show.

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13:41 - 13:57 Andrew Santino

No, no, no. The truth really is. I thought, okay, if they're coming to see, I'm not going to have you get upset at me because I did too much time in the front. So I was like, let me close the show so I don't hear it from you because every show we've ever done, if I do too much time and there's proof in the booth, you do get mad. Are you going to be honest and say that that's true?

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13:57 - 13:58 Bobby Lee

That is the truth.

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13:58 - 14:13 Andrew Santino

Yes, because you go. Let me ask. Can I ask? I hear backstage you going like this. He's doing too much time. He's always doing too much time. Okay. These guys, they rat you out. They rat you out. Let me say something. Let me tell you something. The reason why. Rat him out. I'm sorry.

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14:13 - 14:20 Bobby Lee

All right. What I'm saying is, is that. So your beef is not with me, pal. It's with the rat. All right. We call that rat. Rat island.

0
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14:20 - 14:20 Unknown Speaker 2

Okay.

0
💬 0

14:20 - 14:42 Bobby Lee

Let me say. All right. First of all, right. You rat fuckers, dude. Yeah, you both do, you rat fuckers. And number two, right? Don't hide now, pal. Don't hide. I'm going to say something to you, okay? You're one of the best comics on... First of all, cut it out. Let me finish. Stop, cut it out. He's one of the best comics on planet Earth, okay? No. Listen, right?

0
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14:43 - 15:08 Bobby Lee

We're playing in front of thousands of people, right? Do you know how hard it is? I'm blocking your face. Do you know how hard it is to follow this guy in any environment? He says this every time. We say the same thing about you. Okay. So my point is, is that, you know what I mean? I'm sorry that I, at times, don't want to work that hard. No. Okay? I'm sorry. I don't want to work that hard.

0
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15:08 - 15:09 Bobby Lee

And number two, right?

0
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15:10 - 15:10 Andrew Santino

Back me up.

0
💬 0

15:11 - 15:16 Bobby Lee

Now you two rats, right? Time out. Real fast. Real fast. The truth is out there and I love the truth.

0
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15:16 - 15:29 Andrew Santino

No, but let me stomp the truth real fast. Okay, good. Two things. Real fast. Real fast. One, clearly they never said that about you. You know I'm joking. You know that I'm joking. I just ratted myself out? No, no.

0
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15:29 - 15:38 Bobby Lee

I just said, listen to me. I just admitted that I do complain. And now, that was some fucking Jedi shit, dude. That was on co-op.

0
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15:38 - 15:54 Andrew Santino

Don't do that. He knows everything. He knows everything, dude. Mr. Know-it-all. Can I finish something? Yeah, yeah. Two things. Go ahead. One, they never said it about you because you know that they're all in love with you. I made that up as a joke. But two, to love. Who? Dakota fanning them? All of them. Of course he didn't! I know, but let me level this. Let me level this.

0
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15:54 - 15:54 Bobby Lee

Okay.

0
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15:54 - 16:12 Andrew Santino

To make this even more fair. That is true. I did want to go second because I did not want you to get mad at me about the time. And then, to make both of these things together, these guys will also tell you, the rat fucking scumbag loser fuckheads, that they'll tell you the exact same thing that I say about you when you're on stage. I go, I don't know why he doesn't go second.

0
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16:13 - 16:27 Andrew Santino

He's crushing and I don't want to go after that. Do I not say that to you? So yes. Okay. So the same thing you say to them, I say to them about you as well. Okay. So, so we're good. We're good. Who are we really mad at?

0
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16:28 - 16:30 Bobby Lee

Yeah, but we're not good yet. Okay.

0
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16:30 - 16:35 Jesse

I love this because my parents divorced when I was six, so I never got this.

0
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16:35 - 16:52 Bobby Lee

Now you're seeing it as an adult. So let me just go to the committee, okay? So McCone, all right? Now I have to burp. Yeah, McCone, look at me. Why do you think he wanted to go second? Just in your opinion. You know what I mean? Your opinion that only the second show on Melbourne...

0
💬 0

16:54 - 16:55 Jesse

Don't look at me. What are you doing?

0
💬 0

16:55 - 16:58 Bobby Lee

Dude, you're about to lie. I could just see.

0
💬 0

16:58 - 17:01 Unknown Speaker 3

You did a swallow. He wanted to look cool in front of his actor friends.

0
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17:01 - 17:09 Carlos Herrera

There it is. Carlos? I think he wanted to show what a good comedian he was in front of his friends. Okay. Yeah.

0
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17:09 - 17:11 Andrew Santino

That's fine. That's great. Yeah. I told you what it was.

0
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17:12 - 17:12 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

0
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17:12 - 17:24 Andrew Santino

I didn't want to hear it from you if I went long. That's really... I did not want to hear your bullshit about you going... Because by the way, I did 30 minutes because I wanted to do more time. You wanted to give him the best version of the show. Oh, fancy.

0
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17:25 - 17:27 Unknown Speaker 4

Fancy.

0
💬 0

17:27 - 17:33 Andrew Santino

What are you doing? What are you doing? We were just sailing through this... So here's the issue.

0
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17:33 - 17:47 Bobby Lee

No, no, no. All right. Let that sink in. I don't want it to. Yeah, it's already. Just clean it off. Once you get HIV, you have it. Not anymore, dude. I know, but I haven't taken the cocktail yet. Well, please do. Yeah, so I just took some of HIV.

0
💬 0

17:48 - 17:50 Andrew Santino

A shot of it. He's walked into the porg.

0
💬 0

17:50 - 17:51 Bobby Lee

Right, so yeah.

0
💬 0

17:51 - 17:52 Andrew Santino

At least he's embraced it.

0
💬 0

17:53 - 17:55 Bobby Lee

You said that's the best part of the show.

0
💬 0

17:55 - 17:57 Andrew Santino

No, fancy.

0
💬 0

17:58 - 18:07 Bobby Lee

No, listen, if this is gonna be about the truth and if we're putting it on the table, let's just do it. Let's not like, you know, let's be cowboys.

0
💬 0

18:07 - 18:08 Andrew Santino

Okay, so I told you my truth.

0
💬 0

18:08 - 18:09 Bobby Lee

Yeah, and I believe you.

0
💬 0

18:09 - 18:11 Andrew Santino

I genuinely, I just wanna do a lot of time.

0
💬 0

18:11 - 18:20 Bobby Lee

So I just heard your truth. And you know what? Nice, fancy, way to go. So anyway, wow, what a great trip.

0
💬 0

18:21 - 18:24 Andrew Santino

It was incredible. It was awesome.

0
💬 0

18:24 - 18:24 Jesse

We saw kangaroos.

0
💬 0

18:24 - 18:27 Andrew Santino

We did. Jess and I went for a long walk and saw some roos.

0
💬 0

18:27 - 18:28 Jesse

That was awesome.

0
💬 0

18:29 - 18:41 Andrew Santino

It was incredible. And then in Auckland, Carlos went to a brothel, which I'm sure is... Can you talk about it? Yeah, of course. We already talked about it.

0
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18:42 - 18:43 Carlos Herrera

It was more independent than...

0
💬 0

18:44 - 18:46 Andrew Santino

Oh, less corporate. Mom and pop. Less corporate, yeah.

0
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18:47 - 18:52 Carlos Herrera

It was just in a hotel room and there was like a closed barrier. Like when you walked into the left.

0
💬 0

18:53 - 18:54 Andrew Santino

So there was someone else hooking up in there as well?

0
💬 0

18:55 - 18:59 Carlos Herrera

So she was like, go shower. And so I went and showered. Like I faked it a little bit.

0
💬 0

18:59 - 19:00 Jesse

What do you mean you faked it?

0
💬 0

19:00 - 19:02 Carlos Herrera

I had already showered. I didn't do soap.

0
💬 0

19:02 - 19:04 Jesse

Like you just went in there and pretended to soap?

0
💬 0

19:04 - 19:05 Andrew Santino

Why wouldn't you just shower again?

0
💬 0

19:05 - 19:10 Carlos Herrera

Just shower. I don't want to double soap it. It's just too much. Sorry? Sorry.

0
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19:10 - 19:31 Bobby Lee

I didn't want to do so double soap it is too much like you get extra clean yeah what does that even fucking mean I didn't want to do two soaps but it's not your body it's your breath that's what they meant you can't wash that in the shower you can't wash you know can we discuss can we discuss that for a second okay there was no discussion there's not anything that smells particularly like that

0
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19:32 - 19:33 Carlos Herrera

That's why prostitutes don't kiss.

0
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19:33 - 19:36 Bobby Lee

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why prostitutes don't kiss, yeah. Do you kiss them?

0
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19:37 - 19:37 Carlos Herrera

No.

0
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19:42 - 19:43 Unknown Speaker 1

Right.

0
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19:47 - 20:04 Bobby Lee

You go, that's a mixture of poo, pee, generations of it, right? Whatever, right? When you're in Skid Row, right? You kind of know what those smells are, you know what I mean? People that are BO, dirty, you know what I mean? Yeah. Et cetera, et cetera. I get that.

0
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20:04 - 20:04 Andrew Santino

I agree.

0
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20:05 - 20:21 Bobby Lee

With his is a particular kind of skank. Pretty interesting. Yeah, stench. That you don't know quite what it is. Right, what is it? It's like there's salami, right? But then there's also dirt. But then there's also like, you know what I mean? Like, you know... Vomit. Vomit. Yeah, yeah.

0
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20:21 - 20:23 Carlos Herrera

But it's like... It's from vaping and a bunch of... But it's a lot.

0
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20:23 - 20:45 Bobby Lee

But it's like, also, here's another thing that you can do, which is, I think, an X-Men power. You can project it from across the room. Whoa, that is like a power if you... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I... I can literally walk in a room and go, oh, Carlos is here before even I see you. Whoa. I'll be real. I'll go, oh, Carlos. I don't even have to look. You're just there. Does it leave a trail or something?

0
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20:45 - 20:48 Bobby Lee

It's a projection. I don't know. It's weird. It's like a funk.

0
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20:48 - 20:51 Carlos Herrera

What is it? What is it? What is it? I think it's because I don't eat enough.

0
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20:52 - 20:57 Andrew Santino

Because you don't eat enough food? Yeah. So your stomach is eating itself. Yeah. That's bile. That's bile.

0
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20:57 - 21:00 Carlos Herrera

Well, every morning I throw up blood and stuff.

0
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21:00 - 21:25 Bobby Lee

oh my god what are we going what was no no don't do that don't do that yeah yeah why i'm still alive though okay when's the last time you saw a doctor i'll see my dad in a couple days and i'll see what's up wait oh so your dad is your doctor oh yeah i just text him and then you call him doctor dad doctor dad on nbc wait a minute do you what does he ever run blood work on you

0
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21:26 - 21:28 Carlos Herrera

No, he just like- You need blood work.

0
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21:28 - 21:35 Andrew Santino

Do you ever run blood work on yourself? No, I don't do that. You've never done that? No. You honestly do that. At your age, you have to run blood work.

0
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21:35 - 21:36 Carlos Herrera

I mean, I've gotten STD tests.

0
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21:36 - 21:52 Andrew Santino

That's not the same thing. I'm talking about holistic. Your whole body needs to know like maybe you have allergies to something. You can have some stuff going on that you don't know. That's like what hot girls- And I'm not even talking about your breath. I'm talking about separately. You should run blood work, dude, to know what's- I'm talking about your breath. That's right.

0
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21:52 - 21:54 Bobby Lee

That part- Yeah, I'm talking about it.

0
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21:54 - 21:59 Jesse

What if he does blood work? What if he does blood work and the results come back bad breath?

0
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21:59 - 22:07 Bobby Lee

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even the blood is like, mm-mm. Even like when, like sometimes I'll say, get me mints.

0
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22:08 - 22:11 Carlos Herrera

You're just trying to like make it easy.

0
💬 0

22:11 - 22:13 Bobby Lee

When we're doing shows, do we ever say that?

0
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22:13 - 22:17 Andrew Santino

When he says get me mints, he means the royal me.

0
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22:17 - 22:31 Bobby Lee

I'm trying not to be rude. Right? It's a message. He doesn't get it. Yeah, get me gum, mints, right? And get me, you know what I mean? Toothpaste. Mouthwash, everything, right? It's not for me. I don't use it. It's for you. Okay.

0
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22:31 - 22:37 Carlos Herrera

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the hint. I had a lot of mints in Australia. I always had some on me.

0
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22:38 - 22:42 Andrew Santino

Okay. You won't believe this. I saw him put a mint in his mouth and it jumped back up.

0
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22:47 - 22:57 Bobby Lee

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0
💬 0

22:57 - 23:08 Andrew Santino

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💬 0

23:09 - 23:14 Bobby Lee

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23:14 - 23:19 Andrew Santino

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0
💬 0

23:20 - 23:23 Bobby Lee

How do you get this new customer? Tell them about it.

0
💬 0

23:23 - 23:28 Andrew Santino

To get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com.

0
💬 0

23:29 - 23:31 Bobby Lee

That's mintmobile.com slash badfriends.

0
💬 0

23:32 - 23:46 Andrew Santino

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0
💬 0

23:49 - 23:59 Bobby Lee

You guys, when I play with my oral pleasure. You play with your ding dong. When I play with my ding dong, I use equipment from Adam and Eve, and it's the best sensations on my.

0
💬 0

23:59 - 24:15 Andrew Santino

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💬 0

24:15 - 24:26 Bobby Lee

Yeah, yeah. Holidays are around the corner. Treat yourself or your partner to the best stocking stuffers. Take a look at adamandeve.com slash bad to see what four sex toys will be yours for just $20.

0
💬 0

24:26 - 24:34 Andrew Santino

Go to adamandeve.com slash bad. It's the only way to get this offer. Go to adamandeve.com slash bad and pick any four sex toys for just $20.

0
💬 0

24:34 - 24:38 Bobby Lee

At adamandeve.com slash bat, four sex toys will be yours for just $20.

0
💬 0

24:38 - 24:42 Andrew Santino

Go to adamandeve.com slash bat and pick any four sex toys for just $20.

0
💬 0

24:43 - 24:46 Bobby Lee

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0
💬 0

24:46 - 24:58 Andrew Santino

Dude, when you eat it, I feel it. I can tell when you're on it. Because with Blue Chew, by the way, ladies and gentlemen, it's an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but at a fraction of the cost in chewable form.

0
💬 0

24:58 - 25:08 Bobby Lee

The process is simple. Sign up to Bluetooth.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days.

0
💬 0

25:08 - 25:18 Andrew Santino

And some people are like, how hard do you get, guys? I'll tell you how hard. Bobby sometimes takes it, calls me on the phone, and then puts a speaker up to his wiener, and it's... That's what it sounds like. I say someone at the door.

0
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25:18 - 25:20 Bobby Lee

He goes, no, it's my I get Dwayne Johnson.

0
💬 0

25:20 - 25:23 Andrew Santino

You get Dwayne Johnson hard like the rock. That is baby.

0
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25:23 - 25:24 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

0
💬 0

25:24 - 25:29 Andrew Santino

They always say there's nothing sexier than confidence. Bluetooth is going to give you that confidence in the bedroom. Lock it up.

0
💬 0

25:29 - 25:37 Bobby Lee

Does it work? Yes. Oh, yeah. Do you think you'll need it? Yes. Yeah. Try it free for a month and see. You're going to love it. Your partner is going to love it. Why won't you do it? Do it now.

0
💬 0

25:37 - 25:54 Andrew Santino

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25:54 - 25:57 Andrew Santino

When you visit BlueChew.com, that's BlueChew.com to receive your first month free.

0
💬 0

25:57 - 26:03 Bobby Lee

Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring Bad Friends.

0
💬 0

26:03 - 26:14 Andrew Santino

Play this video of him coming on stage in Sydney. This is Bobby coming on stage in Sydney. Jesus Christ. So crazy. Oh my God. Wow. Crazy.

0
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26:14 - 26:15 Unknown Speaker 3

8,500 people at this show?

0
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26:16 - 26:16 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

0
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26:16 - 26:22 Unknown Speaker 3

Wow, man. There was more people at that show than in the state of Nevada when it was admitted into the union in 1860.

0
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26:26 - 26:27 Jesse

It was almost a great moment.

0
💬 0

26:27 - 26:31 Andrew Santino

Do I get the Mr. Know-it-all thing now, or is it passed to this fucking guy? That's a great one.

0
💬 0

26:31 - 26:35 Bobby Lee

I think you've influenced them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's basically baby know-it-all.

0
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26:36 - 26:37 Jesse

Yeah.

0
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26:37 - 26:40 Andrew Santino

That's baby know-it-all. Baby know-it-all. I don't even come up with shit like that.

0
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26:40 - 26:43 Jesse

That's insane. Because you know it all, but you also know timing.

0
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26:43 - 26:45 Bobby Lee

Ah, that's what it is.

0
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26:45 - 26:46 Jesse

But he knows a lot.

0
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26:49 - 26:49 Unknown Speaker 2

No.

0
💬 0

26:49 - 26:51 Bobby Lee

Okay. Do you know about Keiko?

0
💬 0

26:51 - 26:53 Andrew Santino

What's the Nevada thing? What is this saying?

0
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26:53 - 27:02 Unknown Speaker 3

I saw this in a video the other day. When Nevada became a state in 1860, they had just over 6,000 people. And I thought, that's crazy. There was more people in the audience.

0
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27:02 - 27:02 Andrew Santino

I'm not going to lie.

0
💬 0

27:02 - 27:04 Unknown Speaker 3

That is fucking amazing.

0
💬 0

27:04 - 27:06 Andrew Santino

That's insane. A state when it was formed.

0
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27:06 - 27:08 Jesse

Influence. Influence.

0
💬 0

27:09 - 27:12 Bobby Lee

Yeah, yeah, yeah. See how no one allows to influence each other?

0
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27:12 - 27:13 Unknown Speaker 4

Hey, hey.

0
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27:13 - 27:23 Bobby Lee

Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Good boy. He's learning. Yeah. Good boy. You're actually coming... But my kind of know-it-all, Carlos, is you, right? What up, man? Yeah, what's up, bro? What's up? There's a few things he doesn't know.

0
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27:23 - 27:34 Andrew Santino

We know nothing. Yeah. All right, so let me ask you, though, not to stick on this joke, do you go to see a dental hygienist, though? No. You can't just have, you don't? No. Will you?

0
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27:35 - 27:36 Jesse

I think it's will they?

0
💬 0

27:41 - 27:47 Bobby Lee

That's very funny. Yeah, they will not. Huh?

0
💬 0

27:48 - 27:53 Jesse

He has his picture up at the stoppage.

0
💬 0

27:53 - 27:56 Bobby Lee

He's banned. Wanted.

0
💬 0

27:56 - 27:59 Andrew Santino

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dead. Wow. Wait a minute. So you won't go?

0
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27:59 - 28:01 Carlos Herrera

I'll just do other things.

0
💬 0

28:01 - 28:03 Andrew Santino

Yeah. But wait, why won't you go see somebody?

0
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28:04 - 28:05 Carlos Herrera

Because I'm healthy. I'm alive.

0
💬 0

28:05 - 28:08 Andrew Santino

Are you afraid of a dentist? Is that what that is? No, I'm really not.

0
💬 0

28:08 - 28:12 Carlos Herrera

I'm just lazy. Like how my car is keyed, I didn't fix it.

0
💬 0

28:12 - 28:16 Andrew Santino

This is tripping me out. When's the last time you went to a dentist? For real. Maybe when I was a teenager.

0
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28:16 - 28:17 Bobby Lee

Andrew, check this out.

0
💬 0

28:17 - 28:20 Andrew Santino

In fucking 30 years? Yeah. Andrew, check it out. What?

0
💬 0

28:20 - 28:29 Bobby Lee

What am I doing? What? Who was that? You're a dentist? No, no. It's worse. Every woman that makes my life... Okay.

0
💬 0

28:30 - 28:31 Carlos Herrera

All right.

0
💬 0

28:32 - 28:32 Andrew Santino

All right.

0
💬 0

28:32 - 28:35 Carlos Herrera

I mean, just imagine. That wasn't Kalilah.

0
💬 0

28:36 - 28:41 Andrew Santino

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Shots fucking fired, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0
💬 0

28:41 - 28:42 Bobby Lee

Very good.

0
💬 0

28:42 - 28:51 Andrew Santino

The frequency of dental visits depends on your individual circumstances. However... The ADA recommends, the American Dental Association recommends adults and children see the dentist every six months.

0
💬 0

28:51 - 28:53 Carlos Herrera

That's so dorky. No one does that.

0
💬 0

28:53 - 28:55 Andrew Santino

I think that almost everyone I know does.

0
💬 0

28:55 - 28:55 Carlos Herrera

Really?

0
💬 0

28:55 - 29:03 Andrew Santino

Yeah, I go to the dentist. Everyone in this room goes to the dentist. At the very least, once a year is definitely what you should do.

0
💬 0

29:03 - 29:07 Carlos Herrera

I did tell Jesse this, but I did brush my teeth with Sprite and Adelaide.

0
💬 0

29:07 - 29:10 Jesse

Yeah, I forgot about that. I said, why Sprite? And he goes, I don't know what fizz is.

0
💬 0

29:13 - 29:14 Bobby Lee

Bro.

0
💬 0

29:14 - 29:16 Jesse

He's just rubbing sugar on his teeth.

0
💬 0

29:16 - 29:25 Bobby Lee

Bro. Bro, dude. That's the problem. That is. Yeah, yeah. I think we found it. Yeah, we found the problem. You're brushing your teeth with Sprite?

0
💬 0

29:25 - 29:27 Carlos Herrera

Yeah, yeah. I was too lazy to go to the bathroom.

0
💬 0

29:27 - 29:35 Bobby Lee

Just do it with Pop Rocks. Those fits do, dog. Do you smell? I mean, is there other smells in your body that you're not aware or privy to?

0
💬 0

29:36 - 29:38 Carlos Herrera

I don't know. I can't smell them.

0
💬 0

29:39 - 29:39 Bobby Lee

You can smell.

0
💬 0

29:40 - 29:42 Carlos Herrera

But I can't smell like marijuana or anything like that.

0
💬 0

29:42 - 29:46 Bobby Lee

Yeah, you dip and smell. You dip and smell? Yeah, yeah.

0
💬 0

29:46 - 30:13 Andrew Santino

like dip your finger in your butt and smell it no not the pot no no but don't start there yeah don't start there no but i'll like i'll go like this and do that yeah have you done that yeah of course yeah i want to surf i'm see if i'm on track yeah i think we need to get this solved and i mean this because now i feel like it's dangerous are you really throwing up in the mornings oh yeah oh buddy come on that's not good yeah oh that's not good well then stuff's going on it's like indigestion it's a whole thing and mccone knows my pillows have blood on them when i wake up yeah

0
💬 0

30:13 - 30:20 Andrew Santino

McCone, you're not voicing this to us ever? You're not going, hey guys, I think you should know this. Both for the sake of health and comedy.

0
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30:21 - 30:26 Unknown Speaker 3

I mean, I feel like everybody who's like 10 years older than me, I'm like, oh, they got it somewhat figured out. No, they don't.

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30:26 - 30:27 Bobby Lee

They don't, no.

0
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30:27 - 30:27 Unknown Speaker 3

No, they don't.

0
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30:27 - 30:28 Bobby Lee

They got it.

0
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30:28 - 30:29 Unknown Speaker 3

No, there is no such thing.

0
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30:29 - 30:33 Jesse

I did love all the music we made together, though, with the piano and your singing and the trumpet.

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30:33 - 30:57 Andrew Santino

I'm going to say it right now, dude. I told you backstage. Say it. And I don't know if you really took this to heart, but I mean this. I said, man, it's incredible when you are freestyling on the piano and she's backing you up and just flowing with it. It's extremely impressive. Maybe I'm a fucking... underexposed person to that kind of style of music, but it fucking blew my mind.

0
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30:57 - 31:17 Andrew Santino

Every night I would sit down, when you would freestyle on the piano, and you would just smooth come in, I'm being so genuine to you guys, it's so impressive to me. And maybe I don't know shit about music composition and theory, but it fucking was incredible. I'm not kidding. Sure, maybe, but it was fucking gorgeous.

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31:17 - 31:24 Bobby Lee

I do also have to say that the shows versus the shows we did in America a couple years ago were way tighter.

0
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31:25 - 31:29 Andrew Santino

Over there, we were much tighter. Well, we had 60 cities of practice. We found a groove.

0
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31:29 - 31:34 Bobby Lee

We found a definitely groove with all of it. It just seems faster, tighter.

0
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31:34 - 31:46 Andrew Santino

It was smooth. And we had some incredible people, fans, to help out in the show. We had a woman who was able to squirt breast milk out of her mouth. Into my mouth. Out of her tit, into your mouth. Her mouth would be crazy.

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31:46 - 31:49 Bobby Lee

Well, she'd be drinking and spitting.

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31:50 - 31:50 Jesse

Yeah.

0
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31:50 - 31:56 Bobby Lee

She squirted breast milk and it's sour. It doesn't taste like oat milk or. Right.

0
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31:57 - 31:59 Andrew Santino

What do you mean? Yes, it does not taste like oat milk.

0
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31:59 - 32:02 Bobby Lee

Or any milk that I've ever had. It was like sour.

0
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32:02 - 32:08 Andrew Santino

It was a human milk. Oh, it's human milk. Human milk. And let's see it right here. Let's play a clip there. Oh my God.

0
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32:08 - 32:09 Unknown Speaker 4

Oh my God.

0
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32:09 - 32:18 Andrew Santino

That's so much more than I remember. That's insane, dude. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's all breast milk. That's all breast milk. And those babies are not going to go hungry. That is so much.

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32:18 - 32:24 Bobby Lee

And can I say something too? Probably one of the best breasts I've ever seen. Gorgeous. You saw them, right?

0
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32:24 - 32:24 Andrew Santino

Yeah, I snuck back.

0
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32:25 - 32:26 Bobby Lee

I mean, they were a perfect breast.

0
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32:26 - 32:38 Andrew Santino

And her husband approved. We asked her. Yeah, exactly. She goes, my talent is that I can squirt breast milk very far. And that's us asking her husband. I'm saying, dude, was this cool? Do you approve? And he was thumbs up all day.

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32:38 - 32:40 Bobby Lee

Is that the show that Dakota was at?

0
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32:40 - 32:42 Andrew Santino

It was. Yeah, that was in Melbourne. Oh, that was a magical show.

0
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32:42 - 32:43 Bobby Lee

That's a magical show then.

0
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32:44 - 32:46 Andrew Santino

Sarah Snook, Jake Lacey.

0
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32:46 - 32:50 Bobby Lee

Oh, Jake Lacey from... White Lotus. White Lotus.

0
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32:50 - 32:57 Andrew Santino

And I'm dying up here. I'm dying up here. That's how we met. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sarah Snook, who is... Secession. Such an incredible actress.

0
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32:57 - 33:00 Bobby Lee

I walked up to her and I just kind of grabbed her arms.

0
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33:01 - 33:06 Andrew Santino

Yeah. Such a big fan of yours. I have such a crush on her talent-wise. You know what I mean? I think she's so talented.

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33:06 - 33:13 Bobby Lee

I'm like, God, you're fucking... I love... And Dakota? Dakota, oh my God. She's the shit. She's so not what you think.

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33:14 - 33:26 Andrew Santino

Well, because she's, you know what, what's funny is when you grow up in L.A. and you meet people that grew up in L.A. that are like actors that grew up here, I guess it's more you have a projection of an idea of who you think they are. You do because you meet some kids that grew up here and they act and it's a thing.

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33:27 - 33:30 Andrew Santino

And, you know, even though she moved here as a young kid, she kind of grew up here.

0
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33:30 - 33:53 Bobby Lee

But you see a lot of young actors, because I know a lot, that they play by the Hollywood rules so they don't want to say the wrong thing or they're just very in the middle about things. Political. Political. Yeah. She seemed to be, she reminded me more of a comic. She floats her own way. She's like cool. Doesn't give a fuck. She loved the show. Yeah. The show was wild.

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33:53 - 34:07 Andrew Santino

It's really nice to see people feel free and not feel like, because our show is fucking insane. Like, you know, Sarah brought their 14-year-old son. And when they came backstage, I was like, do you want him to see the show? Yeah. And she was like, yeah, I mean, why not? Who cares?

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34:07 - 34:10 Jesse

And they just saw Neil deGrasse Tyson play there.

0
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34:10 - 34:17 Andrew Santino

Yeah. We played the same venue as rocket scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson. And we're sucking on tit milk.

0
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34:17 - 34:17 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

0
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34:17 - 34:19 Andrew Santino

Rock and roll. Incredible. Rock and fucking roll.

0
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34:20 - 34:22 Bobby Lee

It was a great trip. The whole trip was good.

0
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34:22 - 34:24 Andrew Santino

There's only one part of it I didn't like.

0
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34:24 - 34:24 Bobby Lee

Tell me.

0
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34:25 - 34:28 Andrew Santino

One part of it I didn't like. Tell me. You know what it was.

0
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34:29 - 34:29 Bobby Lee

McCone.

0
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34:30 - 34:30 Andrew Santino

Yeah.

0
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34:31 - 34:31 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

0
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34:33 - 34:37 Andrew Santino

Did you make me mad the whole show? Was I mad at you a little bit? I was.

0
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34:37 - 34:39 Bobby Lee

What was the anger about? I forgot.

0
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34:39 - 34:42 Andrew Santino

I can tell you exactly what it is because it's a little bit of jealousy is what it was.

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34:42 - 34:43 Bobby Lee

Okay, go ahead.

0
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34:44 - 34:48 Andrew Santino

We played the clip on here of you walking out to Sydney to all those fans. Oh, I knew it.

0
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34:48 - 34:51 Jesse

As soon as I saw Bobby post that, I knew this was going to happen.

0
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34:51 - 34:56 Andrew Santino

No, no, no. It's not Matt or Bobby. I said to him, did you get us all coming out to the fucking crowd?

0
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34:57 - 34:58 Bobby Lee

Wait, he didn't get you coming out?

0
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34:58 - 34:59 Andrew Santino

No, no, no.

0
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34:59 - 35:02 Bobby Lee

No, there's got to be. That doesn't make sense. He does not.

0
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35:02 - 35:08 Jesse

And you were watching it all day on your Instagram. And I just knew that he was.

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35:09 - 35:21 Andrew Santino

I wasn't upset at you. I said to him, did you get everybody getting that shot? I got all of us going out. Is that what I asked you? I said, did you get me or Jesse going on stage to the big crowd?

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35:22 - 35:26 Bobby Lee

I don't want to fight you, Andrew.

0
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35:26 - 35:26 Andrew Santino

What? What?

0
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35:28 - 35:29 Bobby Lee

Can I side with McCone for a second?

0
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35:29 - 35:30 Andrew Santino

Interesting.

0
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35:30 - 35:31 Jesse

Interesting.

0
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35:33 - 35:38 Andrew Santino

Interesting. Someone's trying to get under Mr. Nodal tutelage, huh? What? Someone's trying to be Mr. Nodal for the show.

0
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35:39 - 35:46 Bobby Lee

I mean, just a little thing. What is it? I did go up to him before the show and I go, make sure you get me coming out.

0
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35:46 - 35:53 Andrew Santino

Interesting. Okay. That has no bearing on the fact that he would literally go, I should probably get everybody coming out.

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35:53 - 35:54 Bobby Lee

Yeah, you're right.

0
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35:54 - 36:03 Andrew Santino

It's 8,500 seats. Yeah, you're right. You assume. If one of us said, hey, make sure you get this shot, why wouldn't your instinct go, I should get this for Jess?

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36:03 - 36:04 Jesse

Because you were already on stage.

0
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36:05 - 36:05 Andrew Santino

Correct.

0
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36:05 - 36:08 Jesse

At that moment. So he couldn't go back and forth.

0
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36:08 - 36:09 Unknown Speaker 3

No, no, no. He asked him before the show.

0
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36:10 - 36:10 Jesse

Oh, I thought it was like.

0
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36:10 - 36:18 Unknown Speaker 3

No, no, no, no. I was running up to run the cameras to get the back of everyone going because I have running second camera.

0
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36:18 - 36:32 Andrew Santino

I don't. It's over to me. And that will always lay inside of me as something that you disappointed me at. And it turned me. I was extremely upset. I went to my hotel room and I said, not happy. Doesn't care. Doesn't care.

0
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36:32 - 36:34 Jesse

Almost a Dollywood moment that day.

0
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36:34 - 36:41 Andrew Santino

Pretty close. That wasn't why I was feeling that way. But that Dollywood moment almost happened again. Yeah. I had a day.

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36:42 - 36:46 Jesse

That was scary. I kept wanting to hang out with you so bad, but I knew it would be best to just sleep alone.

0
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36:46 - 36:55 Andrew Santino

I had to go to the gym. I had to just walk away. But McCone was a big sliver. A big sliver in my hand. Ow. How do I get this out?

0
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36:55 - 37:01 Bobby Lee

Right. I do have to say my relationship with McCone got better on the trip. Mm-hmm.

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37:04 - 37:04 Jesse

Because of that?

0
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37:04 - 37:09 Bobby Lee

No, not because of that. I feel like he was trying to, he was trying.

0
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37:10 - 37:11 Jesse

Yeah, I will say he got- He was trying.

0
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37:11 - 37:12 Bobby Lee

You're welcome.

0
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37:12 - 37:13 Jesse

Every one of my- Excuse me?

0
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37:13 - 37:26 Andrew Santino

That's me. That's all me. I know what it is, dude. That's all me molding and shaping the kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what it is. And you know who didn't try on the trip at all? Who? Who didn't put any effort into the trip whatsoever? Carlos. Yeah. Shout out to Carlos. He worked very hard.

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37:26 - 37:27 Jesse

Yeah, you killed it, Carlos.

0
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37:27 - 37:36 Andrew Santino

You actually did a phenomenal job. Thank you. I appreciate it. A phenomenal job. Much better than we expected you to do. You went above and beyond. Fancy you didn't do shit. You stayed back and caught up check.

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37:37 - 37:55 Bobby Lee

let's talk about the best hotels you think we stayed at I think the coolest one we stayed at was the W the W was good in Brisbane yeah that hotel was wildly dope but also my second was the Ritz Carlton the last night of yeah Was it Perth? What night? Perth.

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37:56 - 37:57 Jesse

Yeah, Perth.

0
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37:57 - 38:01 Bobby Lee

Oh, the crown. The crown, I mean, yeah. Oh, the crown, yeah. But we had Nobu that night. Incredible. Incredible.

0
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38:01 - 38:05 Andrew Santino

A little Nobu dinner. Yeah. And the kids never had Nobu, right?

0
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38:06 - 38:06 Jesse

Never.

0
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38:06 - 38:09 Andrew Santino

You're welcome. Didn't say thank you once. Didn't say thank you.

0
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38:09 - 38:10 Bobby Lee

Ungrateful, really, huh?

0
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38:11 - 38:16 Andrew Santino

Did not. Did you say thank you? We said it a few times. When? Do you remember? Give me the time.

0
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38:16 - 38:17 Jesse

He probably has it on camera.

0
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38:17 - 38:20 Andrew Santino

Yeah, he's got a time stamp of it. I'll pull it up.

0
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38:21 - 38:25 Jesse

That dinner was amazing. I love the lazy Susan. Just spin the food around.

0
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38:25 - 38:47 Andrew Santino

Love a good lazy Susan. Love a good lazy Susan. And we had, overall, man, every city did what we thought they were going to do. Nobody let us down. Every city was amazing. Every venue was great. And let's be honest. Can we be honest? We thought one of the cities, we both were like, what if this isn't that good? Because of the venue.

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38:48 - 38:49 Jesse

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

0
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38:49 - 38:51 Andrew Santino

And it turned out to be fucking great.

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38:51 - 38:52 Bobby Lee

Oh, yeah, that one.

0
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38:53 - 38:53 Andrew Santino

We were both.

0
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38:53 - 38:54 Bobby Lee

Oh, I walked into that one.

0
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38:54 - 38:55 Andrew Santino

You walked out.

0
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38:55 - 38:56 Bobby Lee

Oh, here's another Memphis.

0
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38:56 - 38:57 Andrew Santino

Yeah, you did say that.

0
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38:57 - 39:03 Bobby Lee

Yeah, yeah. Here's another Memphis, Tennessee. Just a tank. Yeah. But it wasn't. That show was incredible.

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39:03 - 39:04 Andrew Santino

Amazing.

0
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39:04 - 39:06 Bobby Lee

Amazing. One of the best shows I think we did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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39:07 - 39:08 Jesse

I had a panic attack that day.

0
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39:08 - 39:11 Andrew Santino

Was that Brisbane? Adelaide. Adelaide. Wait, tell that story.

0
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39:11 - 39:27 Jesse

Yeah, on the plane I had a panic attack and I was trying to like hold it together until I got to the hotel room so no one would know. And right at the end, well, when I got to the baggage claim, Bobby was like, go get me some donuts. So I'm like still trying to like hold my breathing together. And I'm ordering these donuts and the lady's taking forever and shrimp's like, come on.

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39:28 - 39:28 Bobby Lee

I'm sorry.

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39:28 - 39:42 Jesse

No, you didn't know. And so I get the donuts and I get on the thing. And right when we park, Bobby's like, what's going on with you? And I was like, I think I'm having a panic attack. Yeah, you were having a panic attack. And then he starts yelling to everyone, she's having a panic attack. I was like, you're making it worse.

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39:42 - 39:47 Andrew Santino

Well, then I went back there and I go, are you really having a panic attack? I didn't know if he was joking. And then you were just off.

0
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39:47 - 39:51 Jesse

I just got to my hotel and tried to control my breathing, took a shower and calmed down.

0
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39:51 - 39:52 Andrew Santino

I felt so bad.

0
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39:52 - 40:02 Jesse

And then the show was transformative because I just could focus all my thinking just on the show and perform. And yeah, that venue was great.

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40:02 - 40:03 Bobby Lee

Well, since we're being honest.

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40:03 - 40:03 Jesse

Yeah.

0
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40:04 - 40:11 Bobby Lee

Since this is The Honest Show. Yeah. When you get low, you get low. When I get low. That's what I said.

0
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40:11 - 40:15 Andrew Santino

I thought it could have been a royal when people get low, they get low.

0
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40:15 - 40:18 Bobby Lee

Oh, right, right. No, when you get low, we can feel it.

0
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40:18 - 40:18 Andrew Santino

Uh-huh, yeah.

0
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40:19 - 40:26 Bobby Lee

Right? And there's always like a 12-hour period where it's like we just know not to. But what happens to your mind there?

0
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40:27 - 40:32 Andrew Santino

Well, I have clinical depression, so I go into a deep, very dark, low hole. Yeah. I disappear.

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40:32 - 40:41 Bobby Lee

It's scary. Yeah. I get really, I feel so bad for you. Well, thank you. No, I'm being real. I'm always like going, oh my God. I mean, I can't imagine.

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40:41 - 40:42 Jesse

Yeah, I want to get you out of it.

0
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40:42 - 40:49 Bobby Lee

We try to get you out of it, but then we don't even, we don't say anything. I don't think I said anything to you that day. No, you didn't. Yeah, yeah.

0
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40:49 - 40:51 Jesse

But I would walk by your green room and just, hey.

0
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40:52 - 41:18 Andrew Santino

If I'm being honest, if we want to talk real shit, yeah, I get fucking – I have depression. I get extremely dark and low. I think the worst negative thoughts, I'm sure there's fans that have exactly what I have or they do this thing. And I found my only solution – is to not communicate with people because I just feel like I'll be mean or rude. And sometimes I am.

0
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41:18 - 41:39 Andrew Santino

Then I just get snappy because I'm really low and I apologize if I am. And I find that if I can go and exercise or just break away for a second and just kind of Do my own little thing. It helps me reset my bearings. And then I can get back to it. And I've done it a few times with you guys. But that's just... Unfortunately, I think it's a part of my chemicals. Yeah.

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41:40 - 42:02 Andrew Santino

I think it's a part of my fucking unfortunate DNA. I'm born with this awful... I don't even know how to describe it. It's awful. It sucks. I'm not proud of it. I'm not, but it also is who I really am. So I think if I service myself and I leave people alone, I can figure it out. I found the tools for me to go, okay. And you know what helped me? I'll tell you this.

0
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42:03 - 42:21 Andrew Santino

Shout out to the guy I met in the gym. I didn't want to fucking talk to you. I absolutely didn't want to talk to you. I was lifting weights, I had headphones in, and he approached me multiple times to talk. And I was being a little mean at first. I was like, what's up? I did that. Oh, I've done that. Like what, what, what, what?

0
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42:22 - 42:43 Andrew Santino

And then as soon as I dropped my internal guard, I thought, this guy's just a nice guy asking a question. And then I shout out to that guy for some reason that helped me like get back to where I needed to go because I knew this was a test. I don't know what you believe in. I don't care if you believe in a God or not or a universal energy. This was 100% a test from the universe going, watch this.

0
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42:44 - 43:01 Andrew Santino

I was in the gym alone and it was like, watch this. And it put this guy in front of me and it was like, you can either fucking be a fucking grump and be bummed and ruin someone else's part of the tour, the other people you're performing with, or you can take this guy as our little fucking tool. And honestly, I felt great after that.

0
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43:02 - 43:20 Andrew Santino

Something in the universe gave me that guy, I believe that, to be like, look at this happy-go-lucky sweet guy who just wanted to talk, chat, didn't know me, it wasn't like a fan, it was just a guy wanting to chat about something. And I don't know. I wholeheartedly believe the universe was like, deal with this because you got to cut it out. And then it did.

0
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43:20 - 43:33 Andrew Santino

It like re-triggered my, I got to be good for the other people on the show. It's not fair. It's not fair to your friends and performers and people who support you to bring your shit on other people.

0
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43:34 - 43:54 Advertisement Speaker

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0
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45:04 - 45:05 Andrew Santino

What is this clip that you want to play?

0
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45:05 - 45:08 Unknown Speaker 3

This is just Bobby throwing a cig back at Carlos.

0
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45:08 - 45:10 Andrew Santino

After you threw one at him first.

0
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45:10 - 45:10 Unknown Speaker 3

Yeah.

0
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45:11 - 45:17 Andrew Santino

Right, so you threw one, then he just retaliated. But that seems fair. Eye for an eye, smoke for a smoke.

0
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45:17 - 45:18 Unknown Speaker 3

Leaves everyone blind.

0
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45:18 - 45:26 Bobby Lee

Yeah, like the good old days. There's a resentment. Your behavior, there is. There is something there. There has to be something there.

0
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45:27 - 45:31 Jesse

I think he loves you, but the bad breath is like venom. Like it's taking over.

0
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45:31 - 45:34 Andrew Santino

Maybe that's what it is, yeah. The bad breath has something to do with it.

0
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45:34 - 45:35 Jesse

It's not him.

0
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45:35 - 45:40 Andrew Santino

It's morphing into its own thing. It's like actualizing. Yeah. It's becoming itself.

0
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45:40 - 45:42 Jesse

Because he's changing, right?

0
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45:42 - 45:46 Andrew Santino

Oh, 100%. Carlos has, the change is there. I see it.

0
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45:46 - 45:48 Carlos Herrera

It's the responsibility y'all gave me.

0
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45:48 - 45:49 Andrew Santino

So we gave you too much?

0
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45:50 - 45:51 Carlos Herrera

No, just the right amount for me to grow.

0
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45:52 - 46:16 Andrew Santino

Interesting. Yeah. I will say this. We had a little talk off camera. People don't know. We're working on, right now, we looked up our analytics. And we, I think, are going to play a show in jolly old England. We're working on going to London for a show. Because our fans in the UK have said, why don't you guys come to us? The first country we went to outside of the US was, well, Canada.

0
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46:16 - 46:20 Andrew Santino

But we went to Australia. And I think we owe it to our...

0
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46:21 - 46:23 Bobby Lee

Australian? London friends.

0
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46:23 - 46:25 Andrew Santino

Our Londoner friends. So we're working on that right now.

0
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46:25 - 46:26 Bobby Lee

Can we do this?

0
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46:26 - 46:28 Andrew Santino

Yeah. Make a whole vacation out of it.

0
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46:29 - 46:40 Bobby Lee

I know, but the problem with the Australia trip is that there was just too much traveling. I mean, what I would want is to be in Sydney for two or three extra days, two days, so we can travel around. I know we lose money that way.

0
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46:41 - 46:41 Andrew Santino

No, that's fine.

0
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46:41 - 46:49 Bobby Lee

You mean London. So when we go to London. No, when we go to London, I don't want to be like flying in and flying out. I want to spend two or three days. I want to go to the Emirates and look at the Arsenal.

0
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46:49 - 46:50 Jesse

I was just going to ask.

0
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46:50 - 46:55 Bobby Lee

We go there? Yeah, yeah. Can I say something about you? Yeah. She saw the Champions League game. Did you see it or the highlight?

0
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46:55 - 47:00 Jesse

I watched the whole thing. It started at noon. I put it on my big TV and just watched it.

0
💬 0

47:00 - 47:00 Bobby Lee

Wow.

0
💬 0

47:01 - 47:04 Jesse

Because that's the best way I can learn the players is by watching them.

0
💬 0

47:05 - 47:17 Bobby Lee

And so I know. What do you mean? Same thing. I would love to bond with you. I know. I love it. So let me ask you something about our bond, right? Yeah. Do you love the team?

0
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47:18 - 47:20 Jesse

I love the team. Why? I became an Arsenal fan.

0
💬 0

47:20 - 47:20 Bobby Lee

Why though?

0
💬 0

47:20 - 47:23 Jesse

Why do you think? Well, it started to bond with Bobby.

0
💬 0

47:23 - 47:26 Bobby Lee

Why do you think it is that she likes the team? Why? Because of my passion.

0
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47:26 - 47:28 Jesse

Yeah, so that's where it started.

0
💬 0

47:28 - 47:30 Bobby Lee

That's where it started. She wants your love.

0
💬 0

47:31 - 47:32 Andrew Santino

So she loves what you love.

0
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47:32 - 47:41 Jesse

Well, let's face it. We love each other, but we don't have a lot to talk about. We went to a dinner together, and they took our phones away, and it was kind of hard for us.

0
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47:41 - 47:42 Bobby Lee

That was a great day, though.

0
💬 0

47:43 - 47:46 Jesse

It was great, but we ran out of- You were mad.

0
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47:46 - 47:55 Andrew Santino

Can we talk about that day? They took away your phone, and you were at dinner without a phone? Yeah. I've never seen that in my entire- I'm not kidding. In the 20 years I've known you, I've never seen you at a meal not on your phone.

0
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47:55 - 47:58 Jesse

Yeah, and if I liked Arsenal then, it would have been way different.

0
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47:58 - 48:03 Bobby Lee

Yeah, so here's what happened, okay? We were going to go and then you go, I don't want to have lunch.

0
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48:05 - 48:06 Jesse

You said, you guys go get lunch.

0
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48:06 - 48:07 Bobby Lee

You said, you guys go get lunch.

0
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48:07 - 48:08 Jesse

Verbatim.

0
💬 0

48:08 - 48:12 Bobby Lee

But then you were mad that we had lunch without you. Because you went to a fucking five-star restaurant.

0
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48:12 - 48:23 Andrew Santino

Yeah, if I knew you were going to Michelin, I thought you were just going to grab a snack like we've been doing. I didn't think you were going to go to a fucking sit-down Michelin restaurant. I thought, hey, grab lunch. We'll all just grab lunch, and then we'll have a nice dinner.

0
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48:23 - 48:24 Bobby Lee

But it was discovery.

0
💬 0

48:24 - 48:26 Jesse

Yeah, we looked and looked and looked.

0
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48:26 - 48:35 Bobby Lee

We looked and looked and looked, and then we found this place, and then- Oh, we stumbled into a Michelin restaurant? No, literally we did. We walked by it- Cause there's no sign.

0
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48:35 - 48:36 Jesse

There was no sign.

0
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48:36 - 48:42 Bobby Lee

It was like stumbled into a Michelin restaurant. Yeah. So then I go, no, we Googled it. There it is. Yeah.

0
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48:42 - 48:50 Jesse

We Googled it. Literally he, I was looking for restaurants. He goes, no, no, no, no. Just type in expensive restaurant. Correct. Then we found one.

0
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48:50 - 48:59 Bobby Lee

So there was a, so we walked by and then, and then, and you go, I don't think we it's here. I think it's gone. Yeah. I go, I think, you know that fancy door that's got stairs going down?

0
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48:59 - 49:01 Jesse

Yeah, go down those stairs into that alley and check that door.

0
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49:01 - 49:05 Bobby Lee

Yeah, and she checked. It was the restaurant. Yeah, gold flag. And you had to ring a doorbell.

0
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49:05 - 49:05 Jesse

Yep.

0
💬 0

49:06 - 49:11 Bobby Lee

Right? Then we got buzzed in. Yep. Walked down the stairs and it was probably one of the best meals we had, I think, there.

0
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49:11 - 49:13 Andrew Santino

This was in Sydney, right? Yeah. Do you remember the name of the place?

0
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49:13 - 49:14 Jesse

The Gidley? The Gidley?

0
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49:15 - 49:17 Bobby Lee

Something like that, yeah, the Gidley. The Gidley.

0
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49:17 - 49:18 Jesse

I think that's what it was called.

0
💬 0

49:18 - 49:19 Bobby Lee

Yeah, yeah, the Gidley, I think.

0
💬 0

49:19 - 49:22 Andrew Santino

It's close to that. Shout out to the Gidley in Sydney.

0
💬 0

49:22 - 49:23 Jesse

It was incredible.

0
💬 0

49:23 - 49:23 Andrew Santino

It is, mate.

0
💬 0

49:23 - 49:28 Jesse

But they took our phones. They put them in little... They go, here's something quirky we do here. We'll take your phones, put it in bags.

0
💬 0

49:28 - 49:31 Andrew Santino

I respect the fuck out of that. That's what Chappelle does at his shows.

0
💬 0

49:31 - 49:34 Bobby Lee

Yeah, and we sat there and then we didn't... Did we talk?

0
💬 0

49:34 - 49:38 Jesse

We talked about comedy and the state of comedy, but that only lasts so long.

0
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49:38 - 49:38 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

0
💬 0

49:38 - 49:56 Jesse

But... Yeah, we went into this store in Perth that was a sports vintage store. And there was some Arsenal jersey. And I saw one that I really liked. It was like my fit. But I was like, I'm such a poser if I wear this. I go, well, you teach me about Arsenal. Is that weird? And he said, are you serious?

0
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49:56 - 50:19 Bobby Lee

yeah and then so we educate her and she memorized a bunch of things and now you can wear the jacket I think I think you can wear the jacket I really like them because it's like I get super into certain shows like Mr. Robot wait wait why are you guys laughing no it's cute why because it's sweet there's something else look at Carlos I don't I just thought it was nice

0
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50:20 - 50:28 Carlos Herrera

No, because you're so strict on people about wearing jerseys and making them afraid of being posers that she should have just been able to wear without studying.

0
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50:28 - 50:40 Jesse

I will say, Bobby's been nothing but like... I was afraid if I wanted to like this team, he would get mad because that's his thing, but he's been nothing but like... No, like if you kind of like the team, you like it.

0
💬 0

50:40 - 50:42 Bobby Lee

Because it's something that no one ever wants to talk about with me.

0
💬 0

50:42 - 50:43 Carlos Herrera

Ian Edwards?

0
💬 0

50:44 - 50:47 Jesse

No, I can't believe you said that.

0
💬 0

50:48 - 50:51 Bobby Lee

I love this. She's doing it. But I really like it.

0
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50:51 - 51:04 Jesse

And I realized I've always wanted to get into a sport, but I never could know where to start. And it's like certain shows like Mr. Robot and Arcane, like I love them so much, but they end. And I just, it clicked. Like sports, I get why people like them now.

0
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51:04 - 51:04 Andrew Santino

They never end.

0
💬 0

51:04 - 51:05 Jesse

They never end.

0
💬 0

51:06 - 51:07 Andrew Santino

You get new people every year.

0
💬 0

51:07 - 51:09 Jesse

New seasons. So I'm really into this.

0
💬 0

51:09 - 51:13 Andrew Santino

The drama. Right. I'm on season 40 of all my local sports teams.

0
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51:14 - 51:15 Jesse

Yeah.

0
💬 0

51:15 - 51:18 Andrew Santino

Except I don't like the cast on any of my sports teams.

0
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51:19 - 51:21 Jesse

Well, you switched to Arsenal. They're great.

0
💬 0

51:22 - 51:29 Andrew Santino

Well, I don't like soccer, but that's the other thing. We both love sports individually, but I'm not a soccer guy. But I like that you like it.

0
💬 0

51:30 - 51:33 Jesse

I don't see how. It's like basketball and American football together.

0
💬 0

51:34 - 51:38 Andrew Santino

Because it moves so fast. I like fast-paced scoring.

0
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51:39 - 51:40 Jesse

You like basketball?

0
💬 0

51:40 - 51:41 Andrew Santino

Basketball's the best. It's fast-paced scoring.

0
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51:41 - 51:43 Jesse

Yeah, but they're bouncing around the field.

0
💬 0

51:43 - 51:54 Bobby Lee

Whoa, whoa, whoa. That sounded... What? The reason why I like soccer is because... When you do score, it's just that much more potent.

0
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51:54 - 51:56 Jesse

I was screaming alone in my living room.

0
💬 0

51:56 - 51:57 Bobby Lee

You know what I mean?

0
💬 0

51:57 - 51:57 Jesse

Yeah.

0
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51:57 - 52:00 Andrew Santino

It is. I just like to see black guys dunk. Okay.

0
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52:00 - 52:05 Jesse

I like to see... Then Arsenal's one of the first teams to allow black people on their team.

0
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52:05 - 52:12 Andrew Santino

Oh, then I definitely don't like them. Oh, were they really? Yeah. Were they really? I didn't know that. It's awesome. Wow, I didn't know that. So they were the first team to have black players?

0
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52:12 - 52:16 Jesse

One of them. I don't know if the first, but they got some backlash for that. Some blacklash here.

0
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52:17 - 52:25 Andrew Santino

A little bit of blacklash from that. So this is a photo here. This is a photo of McCone in bed with, who is that? That's my mom. Now, what are you doing in bed with?

0
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52:26 - 52:26 Unknown Speaker 3

Whoa.

0
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52:26 - 52:27 Andrew Santino

Where'd you get that?

0
💬 0

52:27 - 52:28 Unknown Speaker 3

We got this from a fan.

0
💬 0

52:28 - 52:29 Andrew Santino

A fan. Wow.

0
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52:29 - 52:35 Unknown Speaker 3

And I didn't ever find a good time to show you guys. Oh, I love that. We literally got it the first day and I would pack it. Did I have that? Yeah, of course.

0
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52:35 - 52:37 Andrew Santino

Well, can we just put it up at the studio here? I want it.

0
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52:38 - 52:39 Unknown Speaker 3

Why can't we put it here? Please let me have it. You may.

0
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52:39 - 52:42 Andrew Santino

Behind my mom. Yeah. I mean, you definitely have that photo.

0
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52:43 - 52:45 Jesse

Yeah, I was like, where'd they get that?

0
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52:45 - 52:51 Andrew Santino

Well, can we print out a real nice one? That looks like shit. I want that one. Okay, we'll give you that one. Yeah. Can I see it?

0
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52:53 - 52:57 Jesse

Wait, let Andrew hold it. I want to see a side-by-side.

0
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52:57 - 53:14 Andrew Santino

What do you guys think? What do you say? Is it close? Is it close? I hate you. I'm bubby mom. I love your mom too so much. I actually miss her and I'm coming out to Phoenix. Can you line it up?

0
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53:14 - 53:15 Jesse

Can I plug some dates?

0
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53:16 - 53:16 Andrew Santino

Yeah.

0
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53:17 - 53:26 Jesse

I'm going to Sunnyvale and Fort Worth and Dallas all next year. Colorado Springs, Rochester, New York.

0
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53:26 - 53:26 Unknown Speaker 4

Ooh.

0
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53:27 - 53:34 Jesse

I know I'm forgetting some stuff, but it's all coming together. My tour, I'll post it, and my merch will be up too, jetskijohnson.com.

0
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53:34 - 53:35 Andrew Santino

With the glasses?

0
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53:35 - 53:46 Jesse

The glasses will always be up on Rainbow Optics, but my t-shirts, I finally got an online store that'll mail them out. So if you can't go to a live show where I'll always have merch, you can buy it online finally.

0
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53:46 - 54:02 Andrew Santino

Wait, is it jetskyjohnson.com? Is that up, your merch? Yes. Right now, go look at it. Let me pull it up. Also, by the way, to the Australian fans that asked us why the fuck we didn't bring merch, I'll tell you why. We hunted for a way to bring you guys merch. Local companies, of course, is what we'd have to use because it would cost too much to ship merch from the United States.

0
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54:02 - 54:18 Andrew Santino

And all the local companies that we tried to work with, it just wasn't going to work. So that's why. We just wasn't going to work out for us, for you guys. It wasn't cost effective or efficient for you guys to get good merch from us that we cared about to distribute to you. So we have great merch all the time on the website.

0
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54:18 - 54:22 Andrew Santino

So sorry we didn't bring anything with us, but it just wasn't going to work. Can I ask you a question? Yeah.

0
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54:23 - 54:26 Bobby Lee

I got invited to a Thanksgiving with somebody. Should I go, you think?

0
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54:26 - 54:27 Andrew Santino

Can you tell them?

0
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54:28 - 54:28 Bobby Lee

Michael Bay.

0
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54:30 - 54:31 Andrew Santino

Michael Bay. Yeah.

0
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54:31 - 54:33 Jesse

You're going to blow up that bathroom.

0
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54:34 - 54:44 Andrew Santino

Imagine the fucking whole table just explodes. Lights on fire. You think I should go? I have no plans. From a personal perspective, do you want to come to my house?

0
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54:44 - 54:46 Bobby Lee

Who's going to your house?

0
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54:46 - 54:50 Andrew Santino

Nobody. My cousin and a friend or two. Yeah, maybe. You come to my house. Yeah, maybe.

0
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54:53 - 54:53 Bobby Lee

100%.

0
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54:53 - 54:56 Andrew Santino

Yeah. I know your priorities. Yeah, yeah. Best friend.

0
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54:57 - 55:00 Bobby Lee

No, I just think that it would be like an interesting story. Of course.

0
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55:00 - 55:06 Andrew Santino

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, my assumption, the reason I didn't invite you to Thanksgiving, honestly, my assumption is you would not want to do that.

0
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55:07 - 55:15 Bobby Lee

Well, can I say something to you? Have I not been showing up to places? No, you do. Lately, I've been being very mindful about going to different places.

0
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55:15 - 55:16 Andrew Santino

I agree.

0
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55:16 - 55:19 Bobby Lee

And when I get invited and I go. But I'm saying. I go to raves, whatever.

0
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55:19 - 55:21 Andrew Santino

We talked about inviting you.

0
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55:21 - 55:21 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

0
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55:21 - 55:27 Andrew Santino

And my wife was like, do you want to invite Bob? I said, yeah, but I don't think he would like this kind of thing. Because I don't know. You know, traditionally.

0
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55:28 - 55:32 Bobby Lee

If you're going to be anal, then no. I am, I'm sure. Well, I'm gonna be a mess.

0
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55:32 - 55:37 Andrew Santino

Yeah. Yeah, I don't want you at the house. I'm going, I'm going. No, go to Michael Bay's, please, please. Now that I think about it.

0
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55:37 - 55:38 Bobby Lee

I'm going.

0
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55:38 - 55:41 Andrew Santino

There's cranberry sauce on the ceiling? Yeah.

0
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55:41 - 55:56 Bobby Lee

There's another thing that I've noticed is at this comedy store, people have been like, I had a waitress come up to me and go, have you been working out? I go, no. Why are you laughing? I'm saying the Ozempic is working. And then Steph Tolove goes, oh, I see it now.

0
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55:56 - 55:56 Andrew Santino

Yeah.

0
💬 0

55:57 - 55:57 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

0
💬 0

55:57 - 56:07 Andrew Santino

Stand up. Stand up. For real. Just stand up. You don't have to do anything else but stand up. We can see it. It's an obvious difference. Can you or no? Yes. Be honest. We've said it every fucking day.

0
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56:07 - 56:08 Carlos Herrera

It used to protrude.

0
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56:09 - 56:11 Andrew Santino

Wait a minute. What did you say, Carlos? You can't tell?

0
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56:11 - 56:17 Carlos Herrera

I can't tell. So I see him every day. You can totally tell. You need to take more. Oh, my God.

0
💬 0

56:17 - 56:23 Bobby Lee

What are you doing? See, that's what I'm saying. He wants me to overdose on Ozempic. No, don't do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wants me to die.

0
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56:23 - 56:25 Carlos Herrera

No, it's like weed. You can't overdose.

0
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56:25 - 56:30 Andrew Santino

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you literally can. And also, let's stop plugging Ozempic. It's fucking Wegovi.

0
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56:30 - 56:30 Bobby Lee

Wegovi, yeah, yeah.

0
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56:30 - 56:42 Andrew Santino

It's the other one. Oh, okay. The amount of people that commented on my Instagram about you, they were let down because they thought you were on Ozempic, and so they were too. Yeah. But now you're on Wegovi, and now people were like, fuck, I got to switch.

0
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56:43 - 56:46 Bobby Lee

No, I'm still on, I have black mark in Ozenta too. Oh, you do?

0
💬 0

56:46 - 56:47 Andrew Santino

You bad boy.

0
💬 0

56:47 - 56:49 Bobby Lee

Yeah. I do both, I do both.

0
💬 0

56:50 - 56:58 Andrew Santino

The smeglitude, but it is working. Everyone on tour has said that. There was a few ladies that said that on tour. I mean, it was just true. The truth is the truth.

0
💬 0

56:58 - 57:01 Bobby Lee

I'm so hungry. But don't eat. I'm not.

0
💬 0

57:01 - 57:07 Andrew Santino

Yeah, just don't. Bobby wants it because he wants to be, say it with me. Hollywood. Ripped.

0
💬 0

57:07 - 57:10 Jesse

Well, you want to be ripped. Jacked, I think it was.

0
💬 0

57:10 - 57:25 Andrew Santino

Jacked. Ripped and jacked. What did you say in the van? You'll see. You'll see. You'll see. And that's the name of the special. You'll see. Be jacked. Absolute jacked and ripped. And you know what? I think you're on your way. I mean, you're definitely losing the weight. Are you late night snacking?

0
💬 0

57:25 - 57:25 Bobby Lee

No.

0
💬 0

57:26 - 57:30 Andrew Santino

No. Look at me. Nothing. Not even like a Kit Kat or a Chippy?

0
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57:32 - 57:56 Bobby Lee

Well, last night I went to Shabu Shabu. It was my first meal. Of the day. Of the day. And then after the store, Andrea Jin goes, let's go have dinner. I'm like, I already ate. And she's like, just go. So I went to... Soon and Dang. Right? And they had a couple of dumplings. That's nothing. And then I went to, dude, I've been going to Wii Spa every day. It's been great.

0
💬 0

57:57 - 58:18 Bobby Lee

In fact, last night at Wii Spa, it's so interesting. I'm in the fucking dry sauna, completely naked. And I sit like this. That's how you're supposed to sit. You know what I mean? I just got to sit like this. I lean like this. And there's a lot of black guys in there, which I love. I go, what's up, bro? I go, what's up, man? You got to show off. Yeah, and I do this.

0
💬 0

58:18 - 58:38 Bobby Lee

I'm not afraid of my little guy, right? There's two white dudes sitting there, and I'm looking at them like this. I was looking at them like this, and they were like, what are you looking at, man? You guys. Yeah, I'm looking right at you. Yeah, yeah, and they go, oh. And I go, what do you guys do? I go, we're actors. We just moved here from, I forgot where.

0
💬 0

58:39 - 58:50 Bobby Lee

You know, I got there, and we talked a little bit about, it's dry, you know what I mean? And then later when I'm done, they come up to me and they go, you're Bobby Lee, I can't believe it. I go, why didn't you say that in the dry song? Yeah, why'd you say that?

0
💬 0

58:50 - 58:51 Andrew Santino

You didn't think it was the penis thing?

0
💬 0

58:52 - 58:53 Bobby Lee

I don't think so. What do you think?

0
💬 0

58:53 - 58:54 Andrew Santino

Well, they might have been threatened.

0
💬 0

58:56 - 59:00 Bobby Lee

But it's like, you can just say, you're Bobby Lee, right? What's the problem here?

0
💬 0

59:00 - 59:05 Andrew Santino

Well, because it's kind of hard to, your cock is right there, so they might want to save the excitement for when they don't see your cock.

0
💬 0

59:06 - 59:07 Bobby Lee

Oh, what if I started getting hard on you?

0
💬 0

59:07 - 59:08 Andrew Santino

That would be so funny, dude.

0
💬 0

59:08 - 59:10 Bobby Lee

That's what I'm talking about. You're Bobby Lee.

0
💬 0

59:13 - 59:14 Andrew Santino

You do get excited when people notice you.

0
💬 0

59:14 - 59:19 Bobby Lee

Yeah, I love. When's the last time you went to Wii Spa? Forever. Yeah.

0
💬 0

59:20 - 59:21 Andrew Santino

It's been so long. Have you gone?

0
💬 0

59:21 - 59:22 Jesse

No, I don't.

0
💬 0

59:22 - 59:25 Andrew Santino

I love it though. I want to go back. You want to go tonight? You're going every day?

0
💬 0

59:25 - 59:28 Jesse

To Wii Spa? Yeah. I'm not going to that dry sauna with you.

0
💬 0

59:29 - 59:31 Bobby Lee

Why? There's a women's department. There's a women's department.

0
💬 0

59:31 - 59:36 Andrew Santino

Yeah, there's a section. It's like men and women. You would go in your own section. Yeah.

0
💬 0

59:36 - 59:40 Jesse

What is it like? Walk me through it because I can't, I have no idea what it is.

0
💬 0

59:40 - 59:55 Andrew Santino

Can I ask you something? Yeah. I'm not trying to start anything at all. Yeah. Are there trans people in the saunas? No. Okay. That's a real. So there was a controversy at WeSpot.

0
💬 0

59:55 - 59:56 Bobby Lee

Do you know the controversy?

0
💬 0

59:59 - 60:26 Bobby Lee

no so we suppose it see that's see what see that photo right there they give you clothes and so there's a like a you know a co-ed area of the spa but there's no nudity there's no nudity where there's like a clay room a salt room and then we're fully clothed with other people right and you steam out there and do your thing there you can meditate you can there's yoga there's a women's department too right anyway the controversy was if you go to we spa there's kids sure

0
💬 0

60:27 - 60:32 Bobby Lee

Running around. You know, there's like a lot of like, in my section, little boys running around.

0
💬 0

60:33 - 60:34 Andrew Santino

Not late at night, but yes.

0
💬 0

60:34 - 60:34 Bobby Lee

Even late at night.

0
💬 0

60:35 - 60:36 Andrew Santino

Sometimes? Oh, yeah, yeah. Wow.

0
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60:36 - 61:01 Bobby Lee

Yeah, yeah. Even late at night, you'll see like a Korean kick on. You know what I mean? Right, and you're trying to like, you know, maybe be cool, you know, but you know what I mean? Yeah. You gotta be cool. Gotta be cool, man. So a couple years ago, a man, a woman, a trans woman, right, who hasn't had the procedure. Sure. Went to the women's department. Uh-huh. And there's little girls there.

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61:01 - 61:09 Bobby Lee

Right. I think that's what happened, right, Reed? It's right here. Yeah, and then- There was protests because they kicked the guy out, the girl out.

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61:09 - 61:25 Andrew Santino

A trans woman with presence of a nude individual with a penis, most commonly believed as a trans woman. The women's changing area of the spa. The video went viral, attracting significant attention from gender critical feminists, also termed trans exclusionary. Oh, TERFs. Right. And some media, which led to protests and counter protests.

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61:25 - 61:42 Andrew Santino

Some media outlets initially questioned whether or not the alleged incident had been a hoax. they reported again the transgender woman was charged with indecent exposure relating to the alleged incident after four women and one minor girl filed police reports in July. Suspect is awaiting trial on seven counts of exposure.

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61:42 - 62:01 Andrew Santino

And finally, judge ruled that the indecent exposure case could proceed, citing the testimony of two witnesses and the individual in question had partial or full erection. for a duration of 30 to 60 minutes during the incident. That's a bummer. It's a bummer to have a boner. But that spa is phenomenal. I mean, if I could walk around there hard, I would.

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62:02 - 62:04 Andrew Santino

Imagine taking a fucking blue chew then going to Wii Spa.

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62:04 - 62:08 Bobby Lee

But it's also a cultural thing. It's a Korean establishment, right?

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62:08 - 62:08 Andrew Santino

That's right.

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62:09 - 62:10 Bobby Lee

What? Yeah.

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62:10 - 62:10 Andrew Santino

Yes.

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62:10 - 62:15 Bobby Lee

And they're like, you know, it's just a different culture. And it was just like, what else are they going to do?

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62:16 - 62:25 Andrew Santino

You're saying they're just in their removal of the... I mean, because I know that there's always little girls and little boys.

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62:26 - 62:38 Bobby Lee

I'm talking about five, six-year-old kids running around. Right. And it's just a part of Korean culture to bring your kids to a spa. It's like, you know. Yeah. And I would do it if I was a father. And I don't know. I just think that it's inappropriate.

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62:39 - 62:45 Andrew Santino

It's hard for your kid to see someone else's penis. This kid only sees my penis. My kid sees my penis.

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62:45 - 62:48 Bobby Lee

Yeah. But they're little girls, right? So he's in the women's department.

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62:48 - 62:48 Andrew Santino

I know.

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62:48 - 62:49 Bobby Lee

You know what I mean?

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62:49 - 62:51 Andrew Santino

Do you remember the first time you saw your dad's penis, by the way?

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62:52 - 62:53 Bobby Lee

When I saw it or sucked it.

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62:56 - 63:00 Andrew Santino

Okay. You should have did. I remember the moment I see my dad's penis. I mean, what a bummer.

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63:00 - 63:03 Jesse

I almost grew up in a nudist colony. Did I ever tell you guys that?

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63:03 - 63:06 Andrew Santino

What? You almost did, so you didn't.

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63:06 - 63:11 Jesse

No, my dad wanted to take me to a nudist colony and my mom was like, I don't want the first penis she sees to be your penis.

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63:12 - 63:12 Andrew Santino

How old were you?

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63:13 - 63:18 Jesse

I don't even remember it, but it had to have been after they were divorced, so probably around six to eight. Seven, yeah. Yeah.

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63:19 - 63:39 Andrew Santino

Wow, a nudist colony. Different life. Are there any nudist colonies in Southern California? Welcome to Southern California's premier family nudist resort and RV park located halfway between Los Angeles and San Diego. Glen Eden is nestled 154 acres with the base of the Cleveland National Forest. We're the perfect combination for a resort for amenities and nature. Dude, we have to go to this.

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63:39 - 63:48 Andrew Santino

And look, it's a Korean woman on the photo. Glen Eden Sun Club here in Southern California is the largest member-owned nudist and resort club. I am joining.

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63:48 - 63:48 Bobby Lee

Why?

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63:49 - 63:51 Andrew Santino

Because, dude, clothes are so fucking dumb.

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63:52 - 63:55 Bobby Lee

I know, but look at that photo to the left, right?

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63:55 - 63:55 Jesse

Yeah.

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63:55 - 63:57 Bobby Lee

Those are what we're going to be saying.

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63:57 - 63:58 Jesse

Yeah, I don't want to grow up there.

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63:58 - 64:01 Bobby Lee

Fun, fun, fun. Like Clint Eastwood's dust dick.

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64:02 - 64:09 Andrew Santino

Hello, partner. You know what I mean? No, no, I'm saying retire here. I don't think you should grow up here. I want to retire here.

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64:10 - 64:10 Bobby Lee

Okay, I mean.

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64:10 - 64:24 Andrew Santino

Don't you hate laundry? Yeah. Imagine never doing laundry again. And every day waking up, eating naked, swimming naked, hanging out naked. Not worrying about it. You love the Wii Spa naked in the sauna. Imagine if that's every day.

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64:25 - 64:25 Bobby Lee

That's true.

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64:25 - 64:43 Andrew Santino

And because you've got a nice little cock who cares. Run around with it. What's the difference? And they do Toys for Tots. That's great. They do blood drives. I mean, this place is fantastic. Yeah. And look at this. They're plant-based. You can go vegan there if you feel like it. I'm in. Call us up. Call us up. There's just some things you can't do naked.

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64:43 - 64:46 Bobby Lee

When did clothes first start happening? Cavemen probably.

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64:47 - 64:57 Andrew Santino

Well, I'm sure, I mean, before anything, clothes were probably for fucking warmth. And protection. And protection. And then it became about puritanical fucking ideologies of covering up parts of your body.

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64:58 - 64:59 Bobby Lee

Like shoes was probably the first thing.

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65:00 - 65:17 Andrew Santino

Yeah. Look, they got the first shoe in Africa between 30,000 and 120,000 years ago. Oh, just a small gap. Between 30,000 and 120,000 years ago. Early clothing was made from animal skins and fur and leaves and grass and wrapped, draped, tied around the body. Clothing changed with wealth.

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65:18 - 65:27 Andrew Santino

I mean, I just think like, you know, there was a point when nudity in the summer was chill and somebody didn't like it. Some small dick weirdo was like, we should cover up.

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65:29 - 65:31 Jesse

That's probably exactly how it happened.

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65:31 - 65:37 Andrew Santino

You know what I mean? Some small dick loser in the community was like, I don't like to see other guys' penises. It's gross. And everybody's like, what are you talking about?

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65:37 - 65:38 Bobby Lee

What are you talking about?

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65:38 - 65:39 Andrew Santino

Everyone has their penis out.

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65:39 - 65:39 Bobby Lee

Yeah.

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65:40 - 65:40 Andrew Santino

I think it's gross.

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65:41 - 65:43 Bobby Lee

Yeah. As soon as like Leroy moved into the crowd.

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65:43 - 66:06 Andrew Santino

Right, right, right. Leroy, as soon as Leroy. I don't like when Jermaine comes over for dinner. I don't like it. Your wife is like, what's the problem? He's not my kind of guy. Some fucking huge cock guy moved into a community and then all these fucking insecure dudes were like, we should wear clothing. I don't like that that's out.

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66:07 - 66:09 Bobby Lee

You know, I want to move into the village where the Changs live.

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66:13 - 66:20 Andrew Santino

And by the way, that's how Hacienda started. Little community. Where they're like, that's where the Asians are, that's where the whites are, that's where the black dudes are.

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66:20 - 66:37 Bobby Lee

But do you think that if you had a time machine and you went back where cavemen were, right? And you were wearing modern clothes, they would freak out? They probably, well, they'd kill you on sight. Like I'm wearing a FUBU tracksuit. You don't own that, do you? I know, but I would buy one. Like a full FUBU tracksuit. Yeah, they might like it. A fedora.

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66:37 - 66:42 Bobby Lee

Do you think they'd be like... They'd kill you on sight. Oh, they would? Well, because you'd look like a future person.

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66:42 - 66:43 Andrew Santino

Oh, yeah. Oh, really?

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66:43 - 66:45 Jesse

Like a spacesuit. Like that.

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66:45 - 66:55 Bobby Lee

Yeah. If we show up, me, Donnell. Yeah, yeah. You. Who else? Me. Doc. Me, you, Doc, Donnell. Yeah, Donnell. And just with full-blown identical tracksuits. Fubu tracksuits? Fubu tracksuits.

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66:56 - 66:59 Andrew Santino

They'd be excited at first. Yeah, yeah. Because we'd look like we're like a group of aliens. Yeah, yeah.

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67:00 - 67:00 Bobby Lee

Oh, yeah, we would.

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67:00 - 67:09 Andrew Santino

And different colors, too. Imagine. No. A Korean and a redhead and black eyes. Yeah. You know what I would do? And we start rapping. Right. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

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67:09 - 67:30 Andrew Santino

imagine how happy they'd be to hear rap right because they would go yeah they would start going along yeah they would hear the rhythm yeah that'd be cool dude one of the cavemen starts fucking robotting and then they kill us and eat us and wear the clothes if you would you ever eat human if you had or have you if you had to

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67:32 - 67:45 Bobby Lee

Like that one movie, is it Alive or? Alive, yeah, the soccer team. The soccer team, yeah. Would you do it? I don't know what, I presume I would because I don't know what extreme hunger is like.

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67:45 - 68:00 Andrew Santino

What if you got into a plane accident and you crashed in the Andes Mountains, but you still were taking your Ozempic to curb your appetite for humans? Like, you would just- Oh, I would definitely do that. You would just double down on it. Oh, double down on it. Then you're like, well, I'm not that hungry. Right. And everyone's like, how are you? How are you doing this?

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68:00 - 68:08 Bobby Lee

Yeah. Nothing. All right. Anyway, thank you for being a bad friend. Great.

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