Rachel
Appearances
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
Do you have another note card? Not anymore, no. See?
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
Respect her. I'm actually excited and I'm really happy that I was vulnerable and called the station. Thank you guys.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
Hey, thanks for having me.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
It made me feel kind of old, too, though. I mean, I had been in a relationship since college. So, like, 2007, you know what I mean? So, like, I just completely knew for me. And when I got flooded with all these guys,
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
it was exciting it kind of it boosted my ego but it took me about like two and a half weeks to find someone that actually fit all of my criteria and that was jack yeah so you messaged him so he reached out to me okay so i thought that was vulnerable you know what i mean like that's
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
Actually about five days. So we started kind of like Sunday, Monday talking. And then that weekend he was free and I was free.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
So we ended up going to dinner. Okay. It was really, really sweet. We met there. So I took an Uber.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
I'm a huge fan of Broad City and I felt like I was in Broad City.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
Oh, well, he was just such a gentleman. Like, he was dreamy. He was such a good listener to you guys.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
It did. Because like I said, it was over a decade. And each thing that came up, he seemed to roll with it. And it didn't seem to bother him. I mean, because here's the thing. I was up front with him from the get go. And I told him straightforward that I'm not going to go home with him.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
This was, like, after the first appetizer. Oh. Because I wanted to kind of loosen things up, but I just didn't want to get too loose, if you know what I mean. Okay.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
He was taken aback, but he said he wasn't expecting anything. So maybe, like you said, it just kind of threw him off or whatever. And I mean, here's the thing. When you talked about bringing out my ex, for the first time, I didn't. I didn't cry, guys. You know, I was. On the date?
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
Well, I mean, I get teared up whenever I think of Dylan. You know, that's my ex.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
I think maybe that the drinks didn't help, you know?
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
I don't think so, no. Like I said, he didn't seem like he was weirded out by it at all. That's good. No, it seems fine.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
No, he was a gentleman, so we did, like, the side hug thing.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
I don't know that that's a good sign. It was my first date. Like, I haven't been in a real in-person date in over a decade. Like, give me a break.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
Honestly, I'm hoping for the best. There was nothing but positive vibes. So I feel like something happened maybe at his job or family. I don't know. I hope everything's okay. But he's just perfect.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
Oh, my God. We had such a great time. I mean, you're such a sweetheart. You just told me that you like, like, you think I'm attractive, you know? Like, I'm trying to be a great communicator. You know what I mean? Like, no gray areas. I thought you would appreciate to know exactly what I want, what I needed. You know, like I'm, I'm not, I'm not trying to play games.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: First Time Tinderer
You said we didn't have any chemistry, but I guarantee that server would have told you different. And to be honest, it's your loss because after date number five, things really open up. Oh.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
I have one stipulation. I will give him another chance, but we are not going to a sports game.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
Yeah, this is Rachel.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
I mean, I do like sports.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
Oh, actually, yeah.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I see.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
Well, I don't know what to say. We went out to a hockey game and it was okay. It was all right.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
I wouldn't say I had so much fun, but it was okay.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
I mean, it's fine. I took an Uber home. It's just the way that Brett... acted he just went a little overboard no not a little he went overboard with what yeah what do you mean Well, okay, so to give you an example, at one point, he was trying to get everyone to do the wave, and it wasn't working. People just weren't having it.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
But it wasn't just that. So when nobody did the wave, he stood up, and he actually pointed at these three guys... that were two aisles down, and he told them to man up.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
It was the wave. It was like it was so uncomfortable. He was yelling.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
I don't know, because at one point he actually ripped his jersey off and he was running up and down the aisle. And it was like it was so hard to watch. I was so embarrassed.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
i'm embarrassed you're saying he doesn't look good with his shirt off that's not no that's not what i said it was crazy like a crazy person that'd be a huge turn off for me i would not stay no no matter how good the seats is that why you left because you were embarrassed yeah that was a huge part of it before we went to the game it was fine i really liked his personality i liked him as a person
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
But then that side of him, that sports fanatic, it was too much for me. It was a turnoff.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
I'm here. I just don't understand how he doesn't think that was overboard. That just tells me that this really is his normal behavior when he goes to a sports game.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
He painted his chest when he ripped his shirt off. He had their logo. Oh, no.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
I didn't know what to say. What do I say? It's the first date. It's not like we've been together for months and this is how you suddenly acted. It was the first date. Like, you showed me your true colors. And the amount of times that you've yelled, you suck at the other team and the other fans, like you're borderline a bully.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Hockey Fan Gets Hosed
It's just a game. It could really hurt people's feelings.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Grant Hilbert - From Farming in a Game to Farming in Real Life
And why are you saying it?
Farm4Profit Podcast
Grant Hilbert - From Farming in a Game to Farming in Real Life
What did you do to it? No, no, no. You know what that's from? Is that from the meat?
Farm4Profit Podcast
Grant Hilbert - From Farming in a Game to Farming in Real Life
This beer's really old.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Grant Hilbert - From Farming in a Game to Farming in Real Life
Gross. Smell it. Smell the salsa. I'm not smelling it. Do it.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Grant Hilbert - From Farming in a Game to Farming in Real Life
I don't know if I trust that.
Farm4Profit Podcast
F4F - Welker Farms & Special Guest Randy from Fieldrows
You might get a little bit of that, too.
Farm4Profit Podcast
F4F - Welker Farms & Special Guest Randy from Fieldrows
Who else are you working with?
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
Don't call you whores on the daily, I guess. Yeah. That'd be good. Yeah.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
I heard people that swear are smarter, like have a better, like a higher IQ. Really? If they swear more. Yeah.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
That was on Sunday when TikTok went down. Somebody said something about, for the last 24 hours, when I said I read this somewhere, I legitimately meant it. Because most of the time when you see I read something somewhere, they saw it on TikTok. They didn't actually read it.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
No, I don't think so. Majority were just nice people. But I didn't I mean, like none of mine really went viral or anything like that. So I don't I don't think that I had any like negative comments by any means. But I know other people experience that.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
They're putting you in a different box and putting you down because they want to feel better about themselves.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
Yeah, I don't really ever get on our Twitter. And then that week, I literally got on so many times. I was reading through all the comments. I was like, guys, should we be, like, concerned?
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
You can download Grammarly. I have that on my phone.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
We like to just, like, talk about it all day, every day.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
No, Matt and I like to do everything together. I feel like if he's going out to the farm for chores, I'll usually go with him just because even if I just sit in the truck because it's cold. He called me a fair weather farmer the other day. But yeah, we like to do everything together.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
He tries to sit me down and run me through numbers and stuff like that so I can understand it because I feel like my job is one to work at Farm for Profit and that's my full-time job. But yes, I want to understand what he's doing every day so that way when he has questions or if we're investing in something together,
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
Yes, like buying a farm. So, like, I want to have that knowledge, too, just so I can understand what's happening with our finances as well, I guess. But the cattle side of stuff, like, I just enjoy going out and taking pictures of them and hanging out with them.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
That he does the chores and you do the genetics or you have certain spaces that you both... I would say he does a majority of that, but he will ask my opinion on stuff. I got you. He'll do a lot of research and then he'll sit me down and he wants to review the research.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
Does he drive out there every week?
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
That would be a tough one.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
Yeah, I didn't know that.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
I'm so excited.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
That sounds so weird.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
I think it's both.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
Maybe. Maybe.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
I don't know. I just did.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
I had all of their coats on, actually, as blankets.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
They think that I needed a new sweater because I wear my other one a little too often. So they bought me a new one, which I will say definitely looks like it was picked out by men.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
It's just like a sweater.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
I do wear it every day of the week, usually. It sits on my desk chair. That sounds gross that I wear it every day, but it sits on my desk chair. And then when I'm cold at home, I just put it on. So since I work from home, every day, Corey or Tanner or Dave sees me, I'm always wearing the sweater.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
So they started counting how many times I was wearing the sweater and didn't tell me and then eventually told me. That they had sweater watch 2024. Yeah. It's actually a cute sweater though. It's like tan. I wore it when Matt and I got engaged.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
That's exciting. Yeah. I want to meet her.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
I was cold. Is it dirty? So is this the roast of Rachel? This is. This is what they do like every day. So they got me a new sweater, which is also still an ugly beige, but has some added colors to it.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
You just, like, put the sock, and you twist your hair around it, and then you pull it up.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
Yeah, and then you have floppy ears. Only I did find out last night, because if you're a side sleeper like me, it can kind of get in the way. You can also do them up on top of the top of your head.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
yes you do it the night before yeah because it needs to it needs to like set yeah it sits in there all night so i sleep with it in this is common knowledge guys that's why i said tonight i want to do like my bangs and one right here and then the other two right here i think can we get a picture of that maybe for social media probably curly hair with socks yeah and she puts her sock in her mouth and i hope that's clean just so everybody's aware
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
It's supposed to be super good for your skin. But I also, one of the dermatologists I follow said that it also just like locks everything into your skin. So make sure that your skin is super clean. I think it's kind of like slugging. If you know what slugging is.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
Tallow is rendered beef fat, so you can just like... melt it down, and then you clean it, basically, like, strain it. And then you can put, like, essential oils in it.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
But you don't have to have your pilot's license. You just have to take that test. Yeah.
Farm4Profit Podcast
8th-Generation Farmer Zoe Kent on Running a Farm & Owning Her Story
All the fixings.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Revolutionizing Ag Equipment: Behind the Scenes with Strobel, Terraplex, and Brandt
Well, I know in the last episode you guys talked a little bit about expansion. So you guys have had a few different stores open up. What do you know about those?
Farm4Profit Podcast
Revolutionizing Ag Equipment: Behind the Scenes with Strobel, Terraplex, and Brandt
Yeah, I feel like we've heard Rodeo's story before of how he came about TerraPlex and we've now heard yours, John. Sue, how did you get involved with the company?
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
I'm Rachel Fischbach. I farm in Washington County, Iowa, with my brother Vince. We farm corn and soybeans. I also do a lot of social media with our farming operations. So Iowa Farm Mama, I am on social media for TikTok and Facebook. And then I also have a people of ag media marketing company doing marketing items for area businesses if they need help.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
Well, I think technology is growing with the times and keeping farming current with all of other industries that are out there, especially with social media and telling our stories via video.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
Yeah. So, I mean, traveling, especially with you guys, you know, seeing the different ag shows out there, there's so much technology in ag that we sitting here in Iowa do not even realize is happening in California or Texas.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
And until you see it firsthand, whether it's in person or video, you don't even know some of those crops have those capabilities or the equipment going with them to do that type of work. And I almost wonder, it's not necessarily that we're behind the eight ball as far as technology goes in agriculture.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
I almost feel sometimes the general public puts farmers in a category that we should be stuck in the 1950s in that farming world where, you know, I like to use the analogy of all the other industries, whether it's medical or the equipment or the different things in our homes, our vehicles, have all evolved throughout the decades, but everyone wants farming to stay in the 1950s era.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
And we have so many different people like yourselves, the professionals out there doing the technology behind all of our GPSing, our equipment that we have running. So, yeah, I think just telling our story that, hey, it's OK for ag to evolve with all the other technology in the world also goes with kind of telling your story and showcasing it to clients.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
Well, I would say on two levels. I've got my brother on camera. We talk about our farming on social media a lot. And then my brother and I have only been farming our family ground a couple of years, but it's with older equipment. So retrofitting older equipment with the GPS, the Delta Force, the seed farmers, the different things. So we're really trying to utilize technology.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
things that work for our operation that way.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
Well, I really like the spraying drones. I think that is a very interesting way of getting to our crops without damaging them. And then not just in row crop farming, but the different technology being used in livestock barns, the robots, the counting, the different things. for farmers to be able to check on their iPhones to make sure everything is okay for their livestock and barns.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
That has come a long way in the past five, six, 10 years, so.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
Yeah, just by utilizing some of the people on social media to talk about your product or showcase your product, they're going to show your product to a completely different audience in some situations. You know, we have people that follow us that have nothing to do with ag or some that watch you because of the similarities that you have in the ag business.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
I just want to ask you a question about the cover crop. So my brother and I have tried doing no-till, but our soils just work better because my brother is an engineer by trade and he loves doing some of these things. Have you noticed a success rate higher in certain soil types? Because we struggled in some of our things.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
Well, and can I just expand on that? So, you know, Corey, the Farm Talk friends, the people that are talking about different products on social media, like we feel that we all trust each other. We're friends on a personal level, but... they're not afraid to give their personal opinion or experience with a product.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
Yeah, so I definitely agree with the whole perception thing. You know, everyone wants their everyday life, whether it be medical, you know, the products that they use in their home to be advancing with technology, but they have that persona of an American farmer. You know, that
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
just explaining our processes and how we raise corn, soybeans, pigs, cattle, whatever our products are here in Iowa or across the United States to not, to showcase the A, B, and Cs of why we're doing it and the technology behind it is not scary. So yeah.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
I guess something that I would be concerned about or want to be on the forefront is touching on what Corey said, the technology that you're introducing making sure it works with multiple different brands of equipment. The one thing that is scary to me is I have children that want to farm and the price of equipment has gone up so drastically over the past five years.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
You know, people needing to go to used equipment, making sure that you can explain why your product works with used equipment if it's something that goes into tractors or combines. It doesn't have to be showcased with brand new items all the time because It's really hard for people to afford a lot of the brand new equipment out there today.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
This is my first time today I get to go first. Thanks, Tanner.
Farm4Profit Podcast
Tech-Driven Agriculture: Insights from a Panel of Farmers
I really think making a presence online, social media, is going to just become increasingly more because farmers are going to either continue to grow in size per acre or be smaller farmers. And telling your story just to help put a positive word out there about how farmers do things on their farm is going to be huge.
Infamous
Murder at Lululemon I Part 2
Um, I worked at the Tyson's Corner store starting in June of 09 and I transferred to Bethesda in May of 2010.
Infamous
Murder at Lululemon I Part 2
Yeah, no, everything seemed fine. I knew that some people had been missing stuff from the back, like out of their bags and everything, but that was all I knew about it was that a couple personal items had been missing. I know maybe a bottle of perfume was gone.
Infamous
Murder at Lululemon I Part 2
knives sharp objects anything like that so there's the back room where all that is with the microwave and everything i don't think there's anything sharp back there there is i mean maybe silverware like a butter knife maybe one like bread knife or something like that in the back hallway there are exacto knives um where we cut for cutting the tape from the boxes but that's pretty much it.
Infamous
Murder at Lululemon I Part 2
I know we have a toolbox, might have just normal tools like screwdrivers and stuff in it, but that's all I know of. Okay.
Infamous
Murder at Lululemon I Part 2
There was no customers in the store. Jane was in the back room doing a restock was what we call it. It's where you print out everything that we sold in like the past hour or since the last one was done. And you bring the stuff out, the merchandise out to the floor. She was in the back doing that.
Infamous
Murder at Lululemon I Part 2
A restock report. And Brittany was taping up a box. She was in the fitting room area.
Infamous
Murder at Lululemon I Part 2
No, not at all. I said bye to both of them. They both seemed happy. They both seemed fine.
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
It was quite noticeable, but that wasn't, you know, brought up by anyone for some time because it's just a house. Like it's just a, just a shitty old house. You're not really trying to read in too much to it in a, You know, you sort of think maybe once you've hung some pictures on the wall, maybe that feeling will change.
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
I remember my first impression of the place was just that it's really cold and kind of foreboding. And also, it was strangely hard to navigate, which is not something that you really... That's not an impression that a building leaves on you a lot of the time. We were partying and stuff, but I wasn't drunk all the time.
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
I'm going to this place in the middle of the day and being like, hang on, didn't I just come into this room? It was hard to find your way around and to remember where you were and to remember how to get to, I don't know, the kitchen or whatever bedroom. It was just kind of a disorienting place. Yeah, and the place, the electrics didn't work.
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
So, you know, once you're there at night time, again, this was before, like, advanced mobile phones like we have at the moment that have torches and flashlights and stuff like that. So I don't actually know how the place was lit. Probably a lot of candles, which would have been a bit of a liability, but that's what we were working with. Within a couple of weeks...
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
The flat was relatively established. People had moved in and word started getting around that people were having weird experiences there. And the theme that seemed to be attached to these experiences was that each occurrence involved basically a doppelganger or someone that looked like you or someone that you knew that clearly wasn't them. Quite a destabilizing feeling, occurrence.
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
So the first I heard of it was when one of my friends who we'll call Shelly moved in. Her and her boyfriend, Justin, was helping her shift. And they were... Doing a long day of it, they were going, you know, back and forth from their car to Appleby Mansion with boxes and furniture, like back and forth, just over it, you know, moving day, no one really likes.
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
And they were just, by the end of it, working independently, trying to get it done and, you know, just... focused on the task at hand. Slogging through, at one point Shelley was out in the car grabbing one of the boxes that she wanted to move in and she turned back to the front door of the house and she saw Justin was there with his back to her.
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
So she called out for him for help to lift this heavy box because she was quite a small girl. And he didn't respond. He was just kind of like standing there for a beat or two. Then he walked through the door, through the front door, down the hallway, didn't respond to her. So she heaved the box somehow herself, feeling kind of annoyed with Justin for not helping.
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
And when she got to the front door, she saw that he was at the opposite end of the hallway again with his back to her. And she called out again for help. But again, he didn't respond. He just turned left kind of robotically and headed into the lounge and So at this point she's tired and irritated and she called out like, what the fuck, Justin? And from the car behind her, Justin responded, what?
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
So Justin's in the car and she's just seen Justin in the hallway. There was no one else on the property. So no idea what's happening there. And I guess they just got on with the day, but she did mention it to me as something that was kind of like strange and She was like a pretty high stress person anyway.
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
So she was freaked out by what had happened because she's not a person that leads with anything sort of spooky in life. But she was like, I knew what I saw. It was definitely Justin, but it wasn't Justin because he was in the car. So how is this possibly happening? And that kind of set the tone for her time at Appleby Mansion as well.
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
Like she was definitely on edge and uncomfortable staying there after that, which was hard for her. And that's why this came up because she was needing like support from a friend about what she was going through. You know, these stories were coming from people that weren't, you know, they didn't lead with an interest in the supernatural.
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
It was just people that I'd never heard talking about like ghosts or anything spooky, you
Otherworld
Appleby Mansion [Patreon Preview]
the vibe was not good there. You know, our energy was great. Like I really enjoyed the people that we were spending time with and like the stuff that we were doing, like people were playing cool music and stuff. And there was just something about the place that, that felt quite intense and quite off.
Savage Lovecast
Savage Lovecast Episode 953
Hello, you beautiful humans. My name is Rachel and I just listened to part one of the anxiety episode. Fascinating. My question is around the link between creativity and anxiety and how the creativity kind of pulls you out of it and calms it. I've seen a big correlation between most talented, creative humans also being
Savage Lovecast
Savage Lovecast Episode 953
extremely anxious or struggling with depression and anxiety and all of those things, and have even seen some artists or singers, when they find more peace in their life, their art really changes or they stop creating altogether, at least at the same level. So I guess my question is, why is that? Is it kind of a chicken or egg thing? And, you know, it seems like the
Savage Lovecast
Savage Lovecast Episode 953
struggle and anxiety fuels some of the most beautiful things that have ever been created. So we just love your thoughts. Thank you.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
42: Earlswood’s mass cycle ride and Reigate’s Pub In the Park plans… and more
Kidical Mass is a global movement. It was set up to campaign for safer cycling infrastructure for families and kids and to promote cycling as a healthy hobby to have. When I decided to set up Kidical Mass Ellsworth and Redhill, there wasn't a Kidical Mass in Surrey. Earlswood as a space is very green and there's lots of cycling, but the cycling to school is a bit hit and miss.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
42: Earlswood’s mass cycle ride and Reigate’s Pub In the Park plans… and more
It's very difficult, yeah. It's no fault of anybody really, but it's about educating people that perhaps they could cycle if they wanted to. This is a safe space that they could have a go at cycling on the road with their kids. There's some key points in Earlswood specifically that could be...
The Planet Reigate Podcast
42: Earlswood’s mass cycle ride and Reigate’s Pub In the Park plans… and more
really do with looking at there's a cycle path that sort of ends and then the cycle route national route 21 goes through Ellsworth down a residential road with no designated path historically and back in the day in the Victorian times there was actually a cycle path that went all the way across the ring that we call on Ellsworth Common. What are the numbers today?
The Planet Reigate Podcast
42: Earlswood’s mass cycle ride and Reigate’s Pub In the Park plans… and more
The official count this morning was 282, but quite a few cyclists joined on the ride. So we're calling it 300.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
42: Earlswood’s mass cycle ride and Reigate’s Pub In the Park plans… and more
Absolutely. I think every time we do it, it just grows and grows. And the more visible we are, the more people talk about it.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
42: Earlswood’s mass cycle ride and Reigate’s Pub In the Park plans… and more
Absolutely. It can be a daunting prospect to try and cycle sometimes with your children on the road. So this is a safe space for them to be able to practice that. And the more people on the bikes, the better. We try to do two every year. So this is our first one of 2024. We will probably do one in sort of September, October. And we try to centre each ride around a local primary school.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
42: Earlswood’s mass cycle ride and Reigate’s Pub In the Park plans… and more
So then it encourages different people to attend. It also helps promote the idea of cycling to school.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Hi, guys. So I basically just lack boundaries and the ability to keep my boundaries and that's got my marriage to a place where my husband's a bit spoiled and i can't get him unspoiled so we i love the self-awareness and honesty yeah it's like i can't drive and my car is in a ditch all right so what uh what do you struggle with boundaries what kind of boundaries do you struggle with
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Um, I would say probably the most major thing is I am a huge people pleaser and I don't like to, I guess, annoy people or bother them. So instead of doing that, I kind of just take everything on myself.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
I would say it would partly be maybe like a lack of self-confidence mixed with bad previous abusive relationships.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
That's true. And I guess I couldn't necessarily pinpoint. I don't recall ever not being like this.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
No, my household, it was kind of, I guess, maybe easy for my parents. Like my mom handled me and my dad handled my brother. It's just us two. So I didn't really get any maybe discipline from my dad. So I just... What did you get from your dad? I guess that's maybe... Okay, so now I am thinking about it a little harder. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
My parents have always kind of denied it, but I've always, and other family members and things like that, have always kind of felt like my brother was
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
maybe favored a little bit more at least that's always been my thoughts on it so i felt like he was getting things that i was being told i couldn't have um and things like that so i guess maybe that could be where it stemmed from is like why is he getting it and i'm not well but take a step deeper that's that's a way to intellectualize it but imagine yourself as a seven-year-old little girl when you're just basically a walking nervous system
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Yeah, and I don't think it's that he doesn't like me. I think it's maybe just easier for him. I know, I know.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Um, I, it's mostly just the chores around the house. I get, we don't actually have kids, but, um, we, so we both work full time. So I feel like chores should be split pretty evenly.
The Ramsey Show
Your Future Self Deserves Better Choices Today
Um, you're correct. Beginning at the beginning of our relationship, I would say they were, um, he fell into a depression with his last job. And that I think is where the bulk of it came from is I was depressed. obviously there for him through that. We've gone through that, but during that time, I just ended up taking over everything, and it's never gotten back to the 50-50.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Good. My name's Rachel. I'm 26 and I'm wondering how I get my boyfriend to care about my feelings.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah, so for context, we dated in high school for six years and then we broke up for about six years. I joined the military and we reconnected over the summer when I was home on vacation. So we are long distance, but with his job, he can come spend like winter months with me. So he was here for three months over the winter.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And during that time, we kind of figured out that we have like vastly different sex drives, whereas he wants to have sex every day and I'd be fine with like two to three times a week. But around the time that we got together, I increased my dose of my antidepressant. And, um, with that, I've noticed that I've like, definitely like, I don't even think about sex. It's not even on my radar.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And I know that that's, you know, a problem, um, for sure. So while he was here, we kind of realized that we, you know, this is going to be a told him, you know, this is something that I'm going to work on with my doctor, but it doesn't change overnight.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Um, and I just kind of noticed that during this time, he has been like kind of withdrawing from me, like being different, like not treating me as he used to. And so it was kind of like a point of tension the entire time he was here for the three months he left in January, the night before he left, we went out on a date and
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I asked him, I was like, oh, can you lean in and be sweet and soft towards me until you leave tomorrow? And he was like, are we really going to have this conversation again?
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah, it had just been like a topic of conversation, you know, the entire time that he was here with, you know, me going to my doctors and trying to find like a different medication that'll work. And every time that, you know, we would have like a discussion of everything, it always came back to what you he would say to me, you want an emotional connection.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I want a sexual connection and I don't feel like I'm getting what I need. And so in turn, like, you know, understandably, like you're not getting what you need from me. And so it had kind of been like, you know, we talked about it a lot. And it was definitely something that we both knew needed to be worked on. But, you know, my medication, I can only do so much so fast.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And so he said that comment and I let it go because I wanted to have enjoy our last night together. And then a few hours later, we were on the way home and he's driving and I lean into him and I say, you know, like, oh, I just want you to be soft with me. You know, like I miss that side of you. And he kind of, you know, he got upset and he was like, you act like I beat you.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
You act like I mean to you. You act like I'm doing something intentionally to hurt you. And that's not what I'm doing.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And he, and that's, so when we get into like more, you know, more of it, he up until very recently, wouldn't really acknowledge his fault in anything or like his, the fact that he had been treating me differently. He hadn't been the partner that, that I had grown to know him to be. And he didn't really, he wouldn't really acknowledge that. And kind of just made me feel like it was in my head.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So we get home and we don't really say like that conversation didn't go anywhere. I was kind of taken aback because that's not, he's not very confrontational. And so I, Just kind of didn't really know what to say. So we got home and it's, you know, late. So I shower, I get in bed and he just stays out on the couch, which is not normal.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And I ask him, I FaceTime him after about an hour and I'm like, hey, are you going to come to bed? And he's like, well, what for? And I was like, what do you mean what for? And he was silent, didn't say anything. So I get upset. I hang up the phone and I just roll over. I go to bed. The next morning we wake up and he's in bed with me and we're just like scrolling on our phones.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And I was like, is this really how we're going to spend our last day together? You know, mind you, I'm not going to see him. probably until at least June, possibly August. So this is a long time that we're not going to see each other. What month are we in? January. He left January 10th.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yes, sir. Yes. With his job, he's working. He's a commercial diver.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So yeah. So he, and I live in the desert, so he's, you know, he couldn't even move his job out here. That's another point of conversation in our relationship too. It's like, it's always going to be long distance. Even if I were to move to where he is, he's always out on remote jobs.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So we're both 26 and this time we've, we've only been together since May of last year. Okay. So it's been like eight months.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So when we dated in high school, we dated for six years until I left when I was 19 to join the military. And I lived with him and his mom. So his mom was like my mom. And so I had always stayed in touch with her. So I was visiting her when I was home over the summer. And I saw him for the first time since I left when we were 19. And it was like no time had passed.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And a week later, he was here visiting. And yeah.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah. So he we spend the whole day, his last day in silence. And oh, earlier in the morning when we woke up and I said, you know, is this how we're going to spend our last day? He says, how else would you rather spend it? And I explain, you know, I feel like we're, you know, at least on my end, like we don't feel like our normal selves. I feel like this is I don't want to end our trip this way.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And he said that he didn't really feel like there was anything that we needed to talk about.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Right. And I, and I, of course, and I had, that's, I had every intention of, you know, like sucking it up. I want to like, yeah, I get it. Like, you know, I had every intention of doing that, but I, and another thing that we had talked about previous while he was here is like, he wasn't really creating an environment where that was something I wanted to be doing anyways.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Like you're kind of being cold, withdrawn, like medicine aside, you're not really like. making me want to have sex with you anyway.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So he said it's so funny. He said that he he doesn't really feel like we've listened. I mean, I listen to you every week and he doesn't feel like he's ever heard you give bad advice.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So he's like, you know, maybe I'm having blind spots because I'm in it that he can kind of, you know, shed light on or, you know, maybe he says that he kind of feels like you just help people naturally get to where they're kind of already going.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I think so. Yes. I haven't felt that way in the past. I've told him, I'm like, I feel like you think you're perfect. And that like, it's all, you know, because he multiple times has said, like, you're letting your head get away from you. Like, this is just your anxiety. And it feels to me like he's using it as a cop out. Yeah.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So, but I mean, it seems like he's definitely, he's excited to hear what you have to say for sure. Although he was unwilling to get on the call too.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
No, he's not underwater. He is home. We were actually FaceTiming before we got on the call. And I said, well, what if he asked me to call you? And he's like, oh, I know you're doing it. I just won't answer. That's a shame.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I will text him. No. And it's so funny that you say that because I told him, I was like, he's going to want to know why you're not getting on the call if you're so supportive.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Right. No. And I completely agree with everything, everything that you said. I feel like for me, like it's, it's beyond the sex of it because I feel like I can get that, you know, taken care of. Like, obviously we're still going to have different drives and that's, you know, like I, I want to have sex more than I'm wanting to have sex right now.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So that's something that I know that we can find a solution to. It's more so for me now, like how he's handled the situation.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Exactly. And he's said things to me since then, because we've kind of talked in circles about it since he left that I'm just like kind of stunned. It doesn't really feel like the person that I thought I was in a relationship with.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I felt I feel currently and at the time that I don't feel like I'm with person that he portrayed to me that he was in the beginning.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
where we at one point we're on facetime um talking about you know the whole situation and i told him i was like i just feel like you don't care and it was a bit of a heightened you know conversation and he was like i don't care like i don't care to talk about this i don't care you know to continue having this conversation and i said well then what's the point like why am i i might as well why is he so you're describing someone who's getting triggered and gets upset and elevates
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And that's the hard thing. He has said that he has a hard time being empathetic and he's never had mental health struggles. So he doesn't know what it's like for the medication to affect you in these ways. And he has a hard time empathizing.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
No. And he, and that's another thing I tried to create in an environment like, okay, well, what about when we're older and maybe you have a hard time, you know, getting it up or what if I'm postpartum and I can't have sex for a while? Like, is this how you're going to treat me in those situations? Yeah. I just, he, you know, was very flippant like that.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I'm not going to not be able to, you know, just arrogant about that. And then said that he would understand because it's postpartum. And I'm like, so if you can understand that, why can't you understand this? Or at least try to give me grace and time to, you know,
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Right, and I definitely could agree with that, and I feel like he feels rejected too, which obviously I totally understand, But I feel like I've been so communicative and like it has nothing to do with my feelings for you and my attraction to you. Like I have tried being affectionate in other ways. And, you know, just in the meantime, I have been very verbal.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Like, hey, this is something that I do feel is short term. And it's more so for me now. Like he I ended up sending him a screenshot of I had this album on my phone of like cute things that he had said to me because I was like, you know, I like I had so many pinch me moments in the beginning of our relationship. Like, how is this real life?
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And he sent me this one text about how, you know, I haven't had the easiest life. Obviously I was living with people that weren't my parents when I was 14 years old, you know? So he said, you know, I don't want you to ever have to be alone in anything, or I want to be the person that you can come to and be vulnerable with. And we can figure it out together. Like you'll never be alone again.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And I sent him that screenshot and I was like, this is what I mean. Like what happened to this? This doesn't feel like the same person. And he literally said to me, it was easy to say those things when it was okay to touch you.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Truly, some of the things he said to me, I've just been like, I mean, I'm just blown away. Like I, you know, I, yeah. And he just keeps making it like it's my mental health.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Exactly. I can totally understand like why he would be feeling that way for me. And kind of like you said, I told him, well, if that's if sex is like the most important thing to you and that is what you're after, you can get that anywhere. Like you don't need to be entertaining a long term relationship where there's going to be the ebbs and the flows to it.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
You can just, you know, you can get that anywhere. And, you know, he says that he's after a long-term relationship and he wants to have a family. He wants to have, you know, a wife and kids. I just don't feel like.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And I will say to you, because he is obviously very supportive of me being here, I went over what I was going to talk about. And everything that I'm saying to you, he completely agreed with. He was like, yep, that's... Up until recently, though, he wouldn't really acknowledge that he was treating me different. He just said that he wasn't getting what he needed. So it was harder for him...
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
to connect with me. He, but then on Thursday, I, I, uh, last week I told him that, you know, I'm kind of feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Like, I feel like I'm giving everything that I can and I'm not really getting anything back. And we're just talking in circles. We're not getting anywhere. And that's when he kind of, he says it was a coincidence to me. It feels like he was like, oh shit.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Okay. Let me, you know, but then he was like, all right, let me, you know, I have been treating you differently out of spite because I was feeling rejected. Let me be different. Let me, you know, show up for you. And so for the past five or six days, he's been, you know, like more attentive. I feel like for me, I'm, I'm now scared though, because it's like, okay, who, who really are you?
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Is this, is how you have been the past, you know, two months who you are and that's how you handle conflict. And that's how you will continue to handle conflict. Is this just you putting on a show because you want the companionship while you're out there, you want to have someone to text and to feel like you have somebody to come home to. So he feels like now I have walls up, which I do.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I'm scared now that I don't know which part of him I'm going to get if I'm having, you know, if we're going through a hard time.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And so he like often doesn't have phone service and he's just with like five or six dudes.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And I appreciate you saying that. It definitely gives me more because that's something else that I've brought to him is that I was like, I feel like the only thing you value in this relationship is sex. And even with him being gone, yes, obviously it's off the table, but he still expects like a certain like
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
you know, he wants the pictures he wants the, and I get it like he's craving that, that part of the relationship and which I was definitely open to and more receptive to, you know, before he came out here and when we were in a better place and now it's just not that kind of right.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And so he, you know, I told him, I was like, I feel like the only thing that you kind of want out of this relationship, appreciate out of the relationship is sex. And I feel like I bring so much more And he's been like, well, like what? And, you know, I obviously have my point of view. Are you saying this now or he said that then? Since he's been gone within the last few weeks.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Thank you. And some of the things he says, I told him just like how you just said to, you know, I'm choosing to be with you just as much as you're choosing to be with me. And it doesn't really feel like you appreciate that because of the things that you're saying and how cold you're being. It feels like you think that you can do anything and I'll still be here. And that's not the case.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Exactly. And I told him, I was like, you, you know, you're attractive. Like you, you know, you can get sex anywhere. Like it doesn't have to be where there's like all, like it doesn't have to be this difficult for you if that's all that you're after. But then he goes back to saying he wants that emotional connection to that relationship.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
It's like, neither are good. And that's what I told him. I was like, you know, this is just, you know, neither are good to be clear for sure. Sorry. Is that, um, you know, this is just you acting out of character because you're upset and even that's not good. Or this is like who you actually are. And then of course, like, that's not the person that I want to be with.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And so now I'm just, we're kind of at a, as he would say, a stalemate. Like I don't, we're, we're just kind of like, you know, now he's trying and I'm scared.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And I've definitely had those moments too in these conversations where I have... gotten heated and I say something and then I go back and I'm like, Hey, like, I'm sorry that I got to that point. That was disrespectful. That's not my intention.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
But even in like talking about it earlier today, when, when, you know, we've been in like an okay place and he's putting an effort now, he was like, yeah, that all sounds, you know, that's, that's what happened. And I said like, I'm worried, baby, this is making you kind of look not the best.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And he was like, yeah, I mean, it's, you know, it's, I said those things like he'd never has once been like, I'm glad he's owned up to it, but I'm just more like,
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And it's leaving me not knowing what to do. Because a little more context, I have a four-year-old son and I spent a long time trying to make that relationship work with his dad when it wasn't a relationship I should have been in. And so I feel like I'm a little bit now that I've seen like, okay, this isn't really some signs of someone that I want to be with.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I feel like I'm more ready to just be like, all right, you know?
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And that's like, and that's where I feel like it's, it's necessary. That's like, you can, what do you have if you don't have that? And I told him with this, like, you know, and I don't feel like, yes. Okay. The initial thing that started that all of this is stemming from is that I'm taking medication that is, you know, causing you to have, you know, sexual dysfunction. Yes, that is the problem.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
But now like there's so much outside of it where I told him, I don't, I feel like if I don't show up as my best or in the way that you want me to, you expect me to, it's not enough for you. So then I feel like I have to put on like this. I can't just be, and that's not, it's just, it's so crazy to me how far different we are now.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah. So I'm just, I'm left with, I don't like, I want to give him the, I don't feel like I've given it everything. Like, I feel like this is the first, you know, we've only been together about like eight months. You know, I don't, this is our first kind of hurdle that I would like to see us get over.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And, you know, this is like, you know, the hard times in a relationship is when you get to show how you can show up for your partner. Yeah.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I have it. I haven't read it yet, but I do have it.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I feel really validated right now. Just I, you know, cause it's, yeah, you said that perfectly. I'm just, I'm taking it all in. It's a lot. And I do feel like that is with how we met, right. And his mom, I call her mom, you know, we stayed in touch six years. My son calls her Nana.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So for me, that is something that I would definitely grieve if, you know, we were to go our separate ways is that would be right. Like amazing, but that's definitely not what's holding our relationship together. That's not what we're going to fall back on every day. And I can acknowledge that it is something that I've kind of thought about. I would have to separate myself from that.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I was like, listen, if you were giving me it, yeah, if you were giving me like any kind of like environment where I was like, you know, anything, if you were giving me anything at all, like it would be so much easier for me to lean into that side.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
But even like, I've been down dosing my medication and like within the next month or so, like I should be, you know, like that shouldn't be playing a role anymore. Um, you know, with the, the sex, sexual dysfunction. And I still am not like, I'm just like, it's, I don't enjoy, you know, getting on the phone and having like, we're trying to find the quality time. Like
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
It just always feels so heavy because this is consuming every part of our relationship when we're long distance right now. That shouldn't even be a huge part of it right now. It's stuck in his head.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And that's definitely something that I will bring up to him too. You know, he's eager. I tried getting him on the call, but he's eager to hear what you had to say. So I'm definitely going to let him know that.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
He wanted me to ask, he was like, well, how long am I going to have to wait?
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
That's very validating to hear. Sorry, I'm getting a little emotional. It's just, I feel like it's been like made out to be in my head so much, you know? So it's really validating to hear that. Like, I feel like I've, like I've told him, I feel like I've done everything I can. Like, I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Like, I don't know what else there is for me to do. Um, and you're right.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
It's not really like, it's my problem. It's for his to decide if he wants to show up and be different. And if he doesn't, and he even said last week when we were talking, when he was like, you're right, I've been doing this out of spite. He said, let's not talk about it. Let me be different. And if I'm not like you have your answer.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
But now I'm having a hard time kind of being like vulnerable and letting him because it's like so much has, it's been so much that's happened.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Yeah, but that's the thing, Nick. I feel like he's so prideful that if I were like in his head and I told him this, I said, I just really want you to understand that if I do choose to walk away, it's not me not being able to handle the distance. It's not me, my mental health. It's not that it's that you're not showing up, like you're not giving me what I need.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And then, you know, it's just I feel like he's so prideful that he wouldn't. Let himself.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Um, these are my friends there and I'm close with my parents now. They were both, they're just, uh, they're drug addicts and they're sober now. Um, but I, yeah, yeah. So it's, we have relationships now, but it's not, you know, I've, I've always struggled and he was there, you know, for, for all of that when we were in high school and everything kind of fell apart there.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Um, but I've always just felt like, you know, had a hard time feeling like I'm enough, you know, and it's something I've sorted through in therapy as well, but, um, it's definitely in the forefront now.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And that's something he did bring up to me this morning, you know, because I've been very vocal. Like, listen, I see that you've been trying the past few days and it's I feel like my walls are up. I feel like I'm having a harder time being vulnerable and letting you in. And he's like, well, I need you to tell me. If like, are you going to just do what I've been doing?
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
And now that I'm trying, are you just like he was like, now are we going to swap roles? Like, what's the point of even continuing that?
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Right. And that's what I told him. I said, I definitely don't want you to feel like, like you said, tit for tat. It's like, this is me being scared of like, I don't know if who you have been acting like is who you are or if, you know, that was a lapse in character. And obviously I want to give you the opportunity to show up for me how you say that you're going to now. But I'm scared.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I don't know what to believe or how long this possible nice act is going to last. So it's scary for me to people.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
It was easy to say those things when it was okay to touch you.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I guess I haven't considered that he might actually believe those things.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
No, I appreciate that point of view because that's not something that I had, you know, when he's asked me, like when we've talked about like what all I bring to the relationship and what he brings, that's not something that I've really considered.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Right. And that's something that, you know, I feel like that question has definitely been more like put onto me what I bring. I will say that I know like he obviously has, you know, financial security, of course he, you know, and when things were going well, he showed up for me in so many ways. Like he, you know, would like make me breakfast every morning.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
We, you know, like do dance classes together. Like we have like, I have so many pinch me moments with the things that he would say to me about how, like, is this like, I can't believe someone's finally showing up for me this way. And, you know, it's, it's felt like it was happening.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
We were connecting so naturally, I guess I haven't flat out asked him what he feels like he brings to the relationship in present day.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
So he has said to me that... We've talked about being empathetic. He has said to me that he has a hard time Like that's not his strong suit. And he's literally flat out said, if that's somebody, if you want somebody where that is like, they're coming into it and that's their strong suit. Like, I'm not your person. Like, obviously he's, you know, said that he'll work on it.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Right. I think that'll be really beneficial for him when he hears it. I won't tell him beforehand, but when he hears it, I think that that'll be really good.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I feel like that'll definitely give him some perspective hearing your point of view on that. Because I've asked him before, why do you have such a hard time showing empathy or And he says that he has a hard time with it because he thinks that every decision you've made has gotten you to where you are. So why should he feel bad for you about it?
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
He says that like when, and maybe I didn't say it in the best.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Okay. All right. I have the questions written down. I'm going to talk to him after this, and then I'll let him hear the rest from you. But I really appreciate your time and all of your insight and perspective.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
I literally asked him, I said, well, what if he tells me to break up with you? And he was like, well, then I don't feel like he's leading you astray. Like it's, yeah, it's astonishing.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Right. Thank you so much. I do feel better. I do. I've been like so excited for this and anxious and I listen to you all the time. I know everybody always says that, but I, yeah, you guys are great. You keep me company on my commute.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Okay. I can do that. That's a good challenge. I can do that.
The Viall Files
E893 Ask Nick - How Do I Connect With My Son?
Okay. I will. Thank you guys so much for everything that you do.
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
Hello, you beautiful humans. My name is Rachel and I just listened to part one of the anxiety episode. Fascinating. My question is around the link between creativity and anxiety and how the creativity kind of pulls you out of it and calms it. I've seen a big correlation between most talented, creative humans also being
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
extremely anxious or struggling with depression and anxiety and all of those things, and have even seen some artists or singers, when they find more peace in their life, their art really changes or they stop creating altogether, at least at the same level. So I guess my question is, why is that? Is it kind of a chicken or egg thing? And, you know, it seems like the
We Can Do Hard Things
What If My Partner’s Jokes Hurt My Feelings?
struggle and anxiety fuel some of the most beautiful things that have ever been created. So we just love your thoughts. Thank you.