Matt Peters
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
It was 2011 was when they stopped doing that campaign. Whoa.
It was 2011 was when they stopped doing that campaign. Whoa.
Oh, this is hot. So these cis gals who have OnlyFans are putting dildos in their short shorts. And they're appropriating. Yeah. And trans women are calling them out, saying like, my gender is not your costume.
Oh, this is hot. So these cis gals who have OnlyFans are putting dildos in their short shorts. And they're appropriating. Yeah. And trans women are calling them out, saying like, my gender is not your costume.
The driver guy was joking. 2.5 million views? Yeah, this is a big show. Two weeks ago.
The driver guy was joking. 2.5 million views? Yeah, this is a big show. Two weeks ago.
Are you guys like old friends or something like that? I don't know about it. What is going on right now? This is absolutely incredible. It's like you make fun of how I fucking talk. You say something about my fucking dog.
Are you guys like old friends or something like that? I don't know about it. What is going on right now? This is absolutely incredible. It's like you make fun of how I fucking talk. You say something about my fucking dog.
But what's a good pillow to you might not be a good pillow to me. What's a good pillow to you? True. I like a little give, but firm. Okay.
But what's a good pillow to you might not be a good pillow to me. What's a good pillow to you? True. I like a little give, but firm. Okay.
You sleep on your back?
You sleep on your back?
Like that, and then I put a T-shirt over my eyes.
Like that, and then I put a T-shirt over my eyes.
And it stays there all night. That's how much I don't move.
And it stays there all night. That's how much I don't move.
Yeah, get a sleep mask. But sleep mask tugs your face tight.
Yeah, get a sleep mask. But sleep mask tugs your face tight.
If she's more horny, it means she's offering you more sex, which means keeping the partner around. Biologically. That's good. Yeah. Just a guess.
If she's more horny, it means she's offering you more sex, which means keeping the partner around. Biologically. That's good. Yeah. Just a guess.
It says increased blood flow and sensitivity. There it is. And genitals may lead to higher levels of sexual arousal.
It says increased blood flow and sensitivity. There it is. And genitals may lead to higher levels of sexual arousal.
What are we doing here, fellas? Yeah.
What are we doing here, fellas? Yeah.
Your dad knows what's ahead. Oh, yeah. That's a great dress. Is this her after wedding dress?
Your dad knows what's ahead. Oh, yeah. That's a great dress. Is this her after wedding dress?
So I do have an answer on the first TV show developed into a movie. It was Dragnet or the other way around. Sorry.
So I do have an answer on the first TV show developed into a movie. It was Dragnet or the other way around. Sorry.
Oh, okay. Translated over to the big screen in 1954.
Oh, okay. Translated over to the big screen in 1954.
It's... I got through the first one. Oh, the second one's... There's a great cliffhanger after two. And it's the Tiger King guy. Yeah, it's the guy who made Tiger King. He sort of couldn't make a number two because he was so well known. He couldn't get back into the animal world. So he hired a proxy director. to direct it for him to be the face of it.
It's... I got through the first one. Oh, the second one's... There's a great cliffhanger after two. And it's the Tiger King guy. Yeah, it's the guy who made Tiger King. He sort of couldn't make a number two because he was so well known. He couldn't get back into the animal world. So he hired a proxy director. to direct it for him to be the face of it.
It's like an older guy. Endearing. You know like those texts you show when the person dies? You're going to show that one because it's fucking signed. People do that. Oh, really? Yeah, like Jay Leno dies. You're like, here's him talking to me in the young comic, and it's signed Jay.
It's like an older guy. Endearing. You know like those texts you show when the person dies? You're going to show that one because it's fucking signed. People do that. Oh, really? Yeah, like Jay Leno dies. You're like, here's him talking to me in the young comic, and it's signed Jay.
And sex is already always pretty funny. I was talking to Ari, and he said that, uh... Joke retention is about 14 seconds. If you don't write it down after 14 seconds, it goes. Luckily, I only fuck for 13.
And sex is already always pretty funny. I was talking to Ari, and he said that, uh... Joke retention is about 14 seconds. If you don't write it down after 14 seconds, it goes. Luckily, I only fuck for 13.
Where's he from?
Where's he from?
I'm going to guess Jersey. I'm going Minnesota. No, that's not going to do it. What do we got?
I'm going to guess Jersey. I'm going Minnesota. No, that's not going to do it. What do we got?
They're nice eyebrows. They're full. They're dark. You know what? When they do, I don't know if you're at the age yet, but when they're like ear hair, it's like, that's just a yes. Yeah. You know the answer to this question.
They're nice eyebrows. They're full. They're dark. You know what? When they do, I don't know if you're at the age yet, but when they're like ear hair, it's like, that's just a yes. Yeah. You know the answer to this question.
I'm keeping it.
I'm keeping it.
I think if Martin Luther King had his dream today, it would be, I have a dream, no one cares.
I think if Martin Luther King had his dream today, it would be, I have a dream, no one cares.
So since I became a dad, I can't really watch stuff where kids get hurt. Huh. Well, I'm not giving any spoilers. You're going to have to see.
So since I became a dad, I can't really watch stuff where kids get hurt. Huh. Well, I'm not giving any spoilers. You're going to have to see.
I think they must be pissed. In Thailand, they're actually at odds with each other. Is that right? There's a fight between them.
I think they must be pissed. In Thailand, they're actually at odds with each other. Is that right? There's a fight between them.
Yeah. I did hear a quote from a black guy. He said, a woman converting to Islam is like a black person converting to slavery.
Yeah. I did hear a quote from a black guy. He said, a woman converting to Islam is like a black person converting to slavery.
Yeah, yeah. That's something. Kids are just rebelling against whatever their parents hate. Right. So it's probably he hates this thing, so your kid chose it.
Yeah, yeah. That's something. Kids are just rebelling against whatever their parents hate. Right. So it's probably he hates this thing, so your kid chose it.
uh-oh bad retention mr beast he would hate this what um silence the silence oh fuck that we're going through the uh i'll give you a peeve while you're looking give me a peeve oh please i go to the uh deli counter and i'm like can i get a quarter pound of ham and a quarter pound of bologna and i was like is that a lot quarter pound And he's like, I don't know what quarter pound was to you.
uh-oh bad retention mr beast he would hate this what um silence the silence oh fuck that we're going through the uh i'll give you a peeve while you're looking give me a peeve oh please i go to the uh deli counter and i'm like can i get a quarter pound of ham and a quarter pound of bologna and i was like is that a lot quarter pound And he's like, I don't know what quarter pound was to you.
It's like that a lot to you. I was like, I don't know. You do this every day. Yeah. You tell me people normally order a quarter pound. I don't know what a quarter pound of meat looks like.
It's like that a lot to you. I was like, I don't know. You do this every day. Yeah. You tell me people normally order a quarter pound. I don't know what a quarter pound of meat looks like.
He knows what it is. He should say what you just said.
He knows what it is. He should say what you just said.
Is it a lot to you? I was like, I don't know. That's why I'm asking you.
Is it a lot to you? I was like, I don't know. That's why I'm asking you.
What? Did you make it a fart? So he farted instead of it's his body odor? I kind of like that it just smells like shit. I do too, but like to make it less offensive. No, that part hits though.
What? Did you make it a fart? So he farted instead of it's his body odor? I kind of like that it just smells like shit. I do too, but like to make it less offensive. No, that part hits though.
I think you'd have to make her rating way lower, like a two. Yeah, but no one's going to believe it. And then you say, oh, you're two points off. And then two points, that's a lot.
I think you'd have to make her rating way lower, like a two. Yeah, but no one's going to believe it. And then you say, oh, you're two points off. And then two points, that's a lot.
One second. Sam also just dropped his last special on Punch Up Live. Oh, yeah.
One second. Sam also just dropped his last special on Punch Up Live. Oh, yeah.
You want to see a menu? He said, you want to see a menu? And Gary said, no, just play the hits.
You want to see a menu? He said, you want to see a menu? And Gary said, no, just play the hits.
So now you have a person pop in and just leave. A guy didn't eat is going to get charged. I won't spoil it, but he'll get charged.
So now you have a person pop in and just leave. A guy didn't eat is going to get charged. I won't spoil it, but he'll get charged.
fucking uh thing i'm like what is this also he threatened to oh god he almost got whacked i mean he almost took him out of the back pictures he's like i'm gonna throw you out of here yeah so i was using the flash he was like no flash in here yeah yeah and then you kept flashing of course yeah but uh yeah you almost got thrown out then you had salad skews had to talk to a man who mono we mono remember that you had to go take the back to him yeah yeah
fucking uh thing i'm like what is this also he threatened to oh god he almost got whacked i mean he almost took him out of the back pictures he's like i'm gonna throw you out of here yeah so i was using the flash he was like no flash in here yeah yeah and then you kept flashing of course yeah but uh yeah you almost got thrown out then you had salad skews had to talk to a man who mono we mono remember that you had to go take the back to him yeah yeah
Richie April. So it was $346 a head. That's fucked up. Because we didn't get that much.
Richie April. So it was $346 a head. That's fucked up. Because we didn't get that much.
By the way, I don't mean to rat out your girl, but you did a fucking gangster move at the end.
By the way, I don't mean to rat out your girl, but you did a fucking gangster move at the end.
Oh, yeah, I missed that. So she was like, I'm paying what? And she saw what she had to pay. She signed her name, and she immediately opened her purse, took out three saucers from the table, just three plates, shoved them in her purse sideways, and left.
Oh, yeah, I missed that. So she was like, I'm paying what? And she saw what she had to pay. She signed her name, and she immediately opened her purse, took out three saucers from the table, just three plates, shoved them in her purse sideways, and left.
Are you doing it on a tour bus?
Are you doing it on a tour bus?
Some people would say that telling kids that being gay is a sin or getting married is a sin or whatever, that in itself is incredibly destructive and damaging in a country where seven states now have legalized it. Mark, what's Norm's thing?
Some people would say that telling kids that being gay is a sin or getting married is a sin or whatever, that in itself is incredibly destructive and damaging in a country where seven states now have legalized it. Mark, what's Norm's thing?
No, they were like, you shoot the worm, you get a t-shirt.
No, they were like, you shoot the worm, you get a t-shirt.
What's this tincture? It's a little fucking hangover thing.
What's this tincture? It's a little fucking hangover thing.
Whoa. Oh, you're talking about cookies, right?
Whoa. Oh, you're talking about cookies, right?
The plum sauce. Is it plum? I think it's plum, right? I love fish sauce.
The plum sauce. Is it plum? I think it's plum, right? I love fish sauce.
Oh, yeah. This has been coming out for Mark's birthday, so. Your birthday. To good health with you guys.
Oh, yeah. This has been coming out for Mark's birthday, so. Your birthday. To good health with you guys.
Hey, what's up? How are you? I'm good, how are you?
Hey, what's up? How are you? I'm good, how are you?
Here I am due to be released tomorrow, and I still have worked out one single crime.
Here I am due to be released tomorrow, and I still have worked out one single crime.
You have a hot mom? Don't act so fucking surprised. No, no, I'm just saying you don't hear that every day.
You have a hot mom? Don't act so fucking surprised. No, no, I'm just saying you don't hear that every day.
Yeah, there is a picture.
Yeah, there is a picture.
Well, yeah, this is too much. Why are they all bikini pictures?
Well, yeah, this is too much. Why are they all bikini pictures?
Dang, I thought they were going to be severed pictures of my feet.
Dang, I thought they were going to be severed pictures of my feet.
Now I'm humiliated.
Now I'm humiliated.
What? How did it get to that?
What? How did it get to that?
My face just turned so red.
My face just turned so red.
I just pulled up pictures of, like, bikini pictures.
I just pulled up pictures of, like, bikini pictures.
That's so rude.
That's so rude.
He said the day started with a trip to the hut.
He said the day started with a trip to the hut.
What the hell did you just say?
What the hell did you just say?
video evidence of this because it's so fascinating to watch how quickly his opinion changes on you. Let's take a look.
video evidence of this because it's so fascinating to watch how quickly his opinion changes on you. Let's take a look.
You're not even famous.
You're not even famous.
A multiple award-winning documentary called The Target Shoots First. Documentarian Chris Wilczek joins us this morning. Slick TV commercials.
A multiple award-winning documentary called The Target Shoots First. Documentarian Chris Wilczek joins us this morning. Slick TV commercials.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
This comes on.
This comes on.
He was strangling an elk. Hold on, I'll call you back.
He was strangling an elk. Hold on, I'll call you back.
Yeah, with lists.
Yeah, with lists.
The same color?
The same color?
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
He appeared in Liberian Girl video.
He appeared in Liberian Girl video.
We got a song sent in from some fans.
We got a song sent in from some fans.
Kayden and... Kaydem and Kaydas. It's two twins from... I like it. Where are they from? I'm not sure. But Metanoiz on Instagram. M-E-T-A-N-O-I-Z.
Kayden and... Kaydem and Kaydas. It's two twins from... I like it. Where are they from? I'm not sure. But Metanoiz on Instagram. M-E-T-A-N-O-I-Z.
Are you doing it on a tour bus?
Hey, what's up? How are you? I'm good, how are you?
Here I am due to be released tomorrow, and I still have worked out one single crime.
You have a hot mom? Don't act so fucking surprised. No, no, I'm just saying you don't hear that every day.
Yeah, there is a picture.
Well, yeah, this is too much. Why are they all bikini pictures?
Dang, I thought they were going to be severed pictures of my feet.
Now I'm humiliated.
What? How did it get to that?
My face just turned so red.
I just pulled up pictures of, like, bikini pictures.
That's so rude.
He said the day started with a trip to the hut.
What the hell did you just say?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
This comes on.
He was strangling an elk. Hold on, I'll call you back.
Yeah, with lists.
The same color?
Get out of here.
It was 2011 was when they stopped doing that campaign. Whoa.
Oh, this is hot. So these cis gals who have OnlyFans are putting dildos in their short shorts. And they're appropriating. Yeah. And trans women are calling them out, saying like, my gender is not your costume.
The driver guy was joking. 2.5 million views? Yeah, this is a big show. Two weeks ago.
Are you guys like old friends or something like that? I don't know about it. What is going on right now? This is absolutely incredible. It's like you make fun of how I fucking talk. You say something about my fucking dog.
But what's a good pillow to you might not be a good pillow to me. What's a good pillow to you? True. I like a little give, but firm. Okay.
You sleep on your back?
Like that, and then I put a T-shirt over my eyes.
And it stays there all night. That's how much I don't move.
Yeah, get a sleep mask. But sleep mask tugs your face tight.
If she's more horny, it means she's offering you more sex, which means keeping the partner around. Biologically. That's good. Yeah. Just a guess.
It says increased blood flow and sensitivity. There it is. And genitals may lead to higher levels of sexual arousal.
What are we doing here, fellas? Yeah.
Your dad knows what's ahead. Oh, yeah. That's a great dress. Is this her after wedding dress?
So I do have an answer on the first TV show developed into a movie. It was Dragnet or the other way around. Sorry.
Oh, okay. Translated over to the big screen in 1954.
It's... I got through the first one. Oh, the second one's... There's a great cliffhanger after two. And it's the Tiger King guy. Yeah, it's the guy who made Tiger King. He sort of couldn't make a number two because he was so well known. He couldn't get back into the animal world. So he hired a proxy director. to direct it for him to be the face of it.
It's like an older guy. Endearing. You know like those texts you show when the person dies? You're going to show that one because it's fucking signed. People do that. Oh, really? Yeah, like Jay Leno dies. You're like, here's him talking to me in the young comic, and it's signed Jay.
And sex is already always pretty funny. I was talking to Ari, and he said that, uh... Joke retention is about 14 seconds. If you don't write it down after 14 seconds, it goes. Luckily, I only fuck for 13.
Where's he from?
I'm going to guess Jersey. I'm going Minnesota. No, that's not going to do it. What do we got?
They're nice eyebrows. They're full. They're dark. You know what? When they do, I don't know if you're at the age yet, but when they're like ear hair, it's like, that's just a yes. Yeah. You know the answer to this question.
I'm keeping it.
I think if Martin Luther King had his dream today, it would be, I have a dream, no one cares.
So since I became a dad, I can't really watch stuff where kids get hurt. Huh. Well, I'm not giving any spoilers. You're going to have to see.
I think they must be pissed. In Thailand, they're actually at odds with each other. Is that right? There's a fight between them.
Yeah. I did hear a quote from a black guy. He said, a woman converting to Islam is like a black person converting to slavery.
Yeah, yeah. That's something. Kids are just rebelling against whatever their parents hate. Right. So it's probably he hates this thing, so your kid chose it.
uh-oh bad retention mr beast he would hate this what um silence the silence oh fuck that we're going through the uh i'll give you a peeve while you're looking give me a peeve oh please i go to the uh deli counter and i'm like can i get a quarter pound of ham and a quarter pound of bologna and i was like is that a lot quarter pound And he's like, I don't know what quarter pound was to you.
It's like that a lot to you. I was like, I don't know. You do this every day. Yeah. You tell me people normally order a quarter pound. I don't know what a quarter pound of meat looks like.
He knows what it is. He should say what you just said.
Is it a lot to you? I was like, I don't know. That's why I'm asking you.
What? Did you make it a fart? So he farted instead of it's his body odor? I kind of like that it just smells like shit. I do too, but like to make it less offensive. No, that part hits though.
I think you'd have to make her rating way lower, like a two. Yeah, but no one's going to believe it. And then you say, oh, you're two points off. And then two points, that's a lot.
One second. Sam also just dropped his last special on Punch Up Live. Oh, yeah.
You want to see a menu? He said, you want to see a menu? And Gary said, no, just play the hits.
So now you have a person pop in and just leave. A guy didn't eat is going to get charged. I won't spoil it, but he'll get charged.
fucking uh thing i'm like what is this also he threatened to oh god he almost got whacked i mean he almost took him out of the back pictures he's like i'm gonna throw you out of here yeah so i was using the flash he was like no flash in here yeah yeah and then you kept flashing of course yeah but uh yeah you almost got thrown out then you had salad skews had to talk to a man who mono we mono remember that you had to go take the back to him yeah yeah
Richie April. So it was $346 a head. That's fucked up. Because we didn't get that much.
By the way, I don't mean to rat out your girl, but you did a fucking gangster move at the end.
Oh, yeah, I missed that. So she was like, I'm paying what? And she saw what she had to pay. She signed her name, and she immediately opened her purse, took out three saucers from the table, just three plates, shoved them in her purse sideways, and left.
No, they were like, you shoot the worm, you get a t-shirt.
What's this tincture? It's a little fucking hangover thing.
Whoa. Oh, you're talking about cookies, right?
The plum sauce. Is it plum? I think it's plum, right? I love fish sauce.
Oh, yeah. This has been coming out for Mark's birthday, so. Your birthday. To good health with you guys.
video evidence of this because it's so fascinating to watch how quickly his opinion changes on you. Let's take a look.
You're not even famous.
A multiple award-winning documentary called The Target Shoots First. Documentarian Chris Wilczek joins us this morning. Slick TV commercials.
He appeared in Liberian Girl video.
We got a song sent in from some fans.
Kayden and... Kaydem and Kaydas. It's two twins from... I like it. Where are they from? I'm not sure. But Metanoiz on Instagram. M-E-T-A-N-O-I-Z.
Some people would say that telling kids that being gay is a sin or getting married is a sin or whatever, that in itself is incredibly destructive and damaging in a country where seven states now have legalized it. Mark, what's Norm's thing?