Matt Peters
Appearances
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
It was 2011 was when they stopped doing that campaign. Whoa.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
Oh, this is hot. So these cis gals who have OnlyFans are putting dildos in their short shorts. And they're appropriating. Yeah. And trans women are calling them out, saying like, my gender is not your costume.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
The driver guy was joking. 2.5 million views? Yeah, this is a big show. Two weeks ago.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
Are you guys like old friends or something like that? I don't know about it. What is going on right now? This is absolutely incredible. It's like you make fun of how I fucking talk. You say something about my fucking dog.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
But what's a good pillow to you might not be a good pillow to me. What's a good pillow to you? True. I like a little give, but firm. Okay.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
Like that, and then I put a T-shirt over my eyes.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
And it stays there all night. That's how much I don't move.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
Yeah, get a sleep mask. But sleep mask tugs your face tight.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
If she's more horny, it means she's offering you more sex, which means keeping the partner around. Biologically. That's good. Yeah. Just a guess.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
It says increased blood flow and sensitivity. There it is. And genitals may lead to higher levels of sexual arousal.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
Your dad knows what's ahead. Oh, yeah. That's a great dress. Is this her after wedding dress?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
So I do have an answer on the first TV show developed into a movie. It was Dragnet or the other way around. Sorry.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
Oh, okay. Translated over to the big screen in 1954.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
It's... I got through the first one. Oh, the second one's... There's a great cliffhanger after two. And it's the Tiger King guy. Yeah, it's the guy who made Tiger King. He sort of couldn't make a number two because he was so well known. He couldn't get back into the animal world. So he hired a proxy director. to direct it for him to be the face of it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
It's like an older guy. Endearing. You know like those texts you show when the person dies? You're going to show that one because it's fucking signed. People do that. Oh, really? Yeah, like Jay Leno dies. You're like, here's him talking to me in the young comic, and it's signed Jay.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
And sex is already always pretty funny. I was talking to Ari, and he said that, uh... Joke retention is about 14 seconds. If you don't write it down after 14 seconds, it goes. Luckily, I only fuck for 13.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
I'm going to guess Jersey. I'm going Minnesota. No, that's not going to do it. What do we got?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
They're nice eyebrows. They're full. They're dark. You know what? When they do, I don't know if you're at the age yet, but when they're like ear hair, it's like, that's just a yes. Yeah. You know the answer to this question.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
I think if Martin Luther King had his dream today, it would be, I have a dream, no one cares.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
So since I became a dad, I can't really watch stuff where kids get hurt. Huh. Well, I'm not giving any spoilers. You're going to have to see.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
I think they must be pissed. In Thailand, they're actually at odds with each other. Is that right? There's a fight between them.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
Yeah. I did hear a quote from a black guy. He said, a woman converting to Islam is like a black person converting to slavery.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
Yeah, yeah. That's something. Kids are just rebelling against whatever their parents hate. Right. So it's probably he hates this thing, so your kid chose it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
uh-oh bad retention mr beast he would hate this what um silence the silence oh fuck that we're going through the uh i'll give you a peeve while you're looking give me a peeve oh please i go to the uh deli counter and i'm like can i get a quarter pound of ham and a quarter pound of bologna and i was like is that a lot quarter pound And he's like, I don't know what quarter pound was to you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
It's like that a lot to you. I was like, I don't know. You do this every day. Yeah. You tell me people normally order a quarter pound. I don't know what a quarter pound of meat looks like.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
He knows what it is. He should say what you just said.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
Is it a lot to you? I was like, I don't know. That's why I'm asking you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
What? Did you make it a fart? So he farted instead of it's his body odor? I kind of like that it just smells like shit. I do too, but like to make it less offensive. No, that part hits though.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
I think you'd have to make her rating way lower, like a two. Yeah, but no one's going to believe it. And then you say, oh, you're two points off. And then two points, that's a lot.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
One second. Sam also just dropped his last special on Punch Up Live. Oh, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
You want to see a menu? He said, you want to see a menu? And Gary said, no, just play the hits.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
So now you have a person pop in and just leave. A guy didn't eat is going to get charged. I won't spoil it, but he'll get charged.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
fucking uh thing i'm like what is this also he threatened to oh god he almost got whacked i mean he almost took him out of the back pictures he's like i'm gonna throw you out of here yeah so i was using the flash he was like no flash in here yeah yeah and then you kept flashing of course yeah but uh yeah you almost got thrown out then you had salad skews had to talk to a man who mono we mono remember that you had to go take the back to him yeah yeah
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
Richie April. So it was $346 a head. That's fucked up. Because we didn't get that much.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
By the way, I don't mean to rat out your girl, but you did a fucking gangster move at the end.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
Oh, yeah, I missed that. So she was like, I'm paying what? And she saw what she had to pay. She signed her name, and she immediately opened her purse, took out three saucers from the table, just three plates, shoved them in her purse sideways, and left.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 194: Dr. Phil (Adam Ray)
Some people would say that telling kids that being gay is a sin or getting married is a sin or whatever, that in itself is incredibly destructive and damaging in a country where seven states now have legalized it. Mark, what's Norm's thing?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 198: Dan Le Batard
The plum sauce. Is it plum? I think it's plum, right? I love fish sauce.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 198: Dan Le Batard
Oh, yeah. This has been coming out for Mark's birthday, so. Your birthday. To good health with you guys.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 202: Kyle Dunnigan & Blair Socci
Hey, what's up? How are you? I'm good, how are you?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 202: Kyle Dunnigan & Blair Socci
Here I am due to be released tomorrow, and I still have worked out one single crime.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 202: Kyle Dunnigan & Blair Socci
You have a hot mom? Don't act so fucking surprised. No, no, I'm just saying you don't hear that every day.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 202: Kyle Dunnigan & Blair Socci
Well, yeah, this is too much. Why are they all bikini pictures?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 202: Kyle Dunnigan & Blair Socci
Dang, I thought they were going to be severed pictures of my feet.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 202: Kyle Dunnigan & Blair Socci
I just pulled up pictures of, like, bikini pictures.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 202: Kyle Dunnigan & Blair Socci
He said the day started with a trip to the hut.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
video evidence of this because it's so fascinating to watch how quickly his opinion changes on you. Let's take a look.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 196: Joe List & Sarah Tollemache
A multiple award-winning documentary called The Target Shoots First. Documentarian Chris Wilczek joins us this morning. Slick TV commercials.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 200: Brian Regan & Woodford Reserve
He was strangling an elk. Hold on, I'll call you back.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 195: Whiskey Business: Bodega Cat
Kayden and... Kaydem and Kaydas. It's two twins from... I like it. Where are they from? I'm not sure. But Metanoiz on Instagram. M-E-T-A-N-O-I-Z.