Gabby Windey
Appearances
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Do I look different? Because I am different. It's been a while. I got to take a deep breath. I got to get here. Let me close the doors. So it's just you and I. All right. All right. Where do I begin? I don't, I don't, I don't even know where to begin. I don't even want to begin. It's just the pressure to begin.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Oh, will you send me a video of your voice so I can play it for him on repeat? I'm going through the live videos. I'm going through the live videos. See if they have anything to say to Nardo. Screen recording and playing and playing and playing. This is for Nardo. This is what he needs. This is what's going to save him. And look at him.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
But then looking back at the videos, I'm like, oh, I cannot believe I made them do that. I would never. If roles were reversed, I would never. but it makes you do crazy things. So Robbie and I prayed every night for him. And it seems like someone, someone has his back. If you even have the heart to muster, would it kill you to send one up for this guy? You come in watching him every week.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
The dog, oh, the dog, the dog, the lymphoma, the dog. It's devastating. It's devastating. Nardo, Nardo got old in a week. He aged 10 years in six days. Look at him now, he's quite comfortable because we're doing our best to nurse him back to health. And I might interject here. Last week, I got my video taken down because of the... He's okay, Nardo. You can see he's walking a little weak.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Could it kill you to do something for him? Okay. Well, okay. And, and in case you didn't know, we're cinephiles around here, us and Taylor Swift. That is the first time I heard the word. I don't know what song. And if you spell it wrong in Google, you'll get a whole different definition. But anyways, anyways, as a cinephile, I get excited about new movies and there's a new A24 movie that I'm
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
dying to see and you should be too called the materialist with pedro pascal dakota johnson and chris evans and not to brag but apparently apparently pedro is a fan so i'm sorry to rub it in okay And I'm not even saying this because he follows me on Instagram, but he looks amazing in this movie. And as you know, I'm a lesbian. So you can understand the kind of weight that holds.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
It's directed by Celine Song, who did Past Lives, but this is different. It's lighter. It's witty. It's relevant. Read the trials and tribulations of dating, and we know what that's like. It feels like a 2000s rom-com, though, which are the best kind. We're desperate for them. It's giving like he's just not that into you, not totally that storyline, just kind of the feel.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Because because there's a love triangle. Finally, we have a love triangle on our hands. I've been begging. Who doesn't love a love triangle? I'm sure there is a good reference of a love triangle movie that's lost on me. But it's like, please just use your brain here. But as I said before, the materialists bring in the current dating culture, which is bleak as we know.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
There's a scene where Dakota Johnson smokes a cig. What else can we ask for? There's a bachelorette reference. Was this movie made for me? I think so. I will be a doorbuster. Dakota Johnson plays Lucy, who is the matchmaker. So obviously she's dealing with the desperados because this is where they end up. But I will say Robbie is a bit of a matchmaker herself.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
She set up like three couples who have been together for a really long time. And Lucy is the same. Lucy is jaded herself, obviously, who isn't when trying to date straight men. So now all she wants is money, money, money. Hello. If men are good for one thing, it's money. The wage gap is still alive and well, money. First marry for love, then marry for money, honey.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
But if you're not a cynic and believe love can happen between a man and a woman, which I know there's always exceptions, please, please, it can happen. Then you can't always be thinking about money or can you? Let's think with our hearts for a second or not. I don't know. Lucy's in a pickle. Lucy's in a pickle because Randy, yeah, he is played by Pedro.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
And there looks to be somewhat of a sex scene. And as you know, I'm a pervert. So I want to see the sex scene. Randy is hot and rich. And John, played by Chris Evans, is hot and broke. So shoot. But John is an old flame. So can the phoenix of love rise from those dusty, crusty ashes? But overall, it looks really cute and heartfelt with a stacked cast and culturally relevant.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
We need movies depicting our current dating situations, please. We all have too many demands in dating, but also not enough. Am I right? But I do want to see it and I want to see it in theaters. It's my favorite date night with Robbie. So obviously you should too. Watch the trailer on A24's YouTube, Instagram, TikTok in theaters June 13th. The great rewards hunt is on.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
New customers only. Non-withdrawable casino spins valid for featured game only and expire in 168 hours. See terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos. Ends 4-27-25 at 11-59 p.m. Eastern. So now let's get on with it. Yes. Ah, yes. Now let's get on with it. We can change our last names willy-nilly, but you can't change one letter on your passport. Hunter Schaefer, what is going on here?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Why do you even care? I know. I know. I know it's not about the gender. It's not about the letter. It's about the executive order. It's about the power. But come on. What's it even to you? Why do you even care? Why do you even care you don't? You're so far up your own ass. You can do a 360 in your small intestines. You're not going to get me thinking that you care about LGBTQIA people.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
He's getting old. I hope he's going to find some treats or water there all over the house. But let me start from the beginning. Last week, my video was taken down because the bandwagon, because some thousands of you are already turning your back on me and what reported me. Now I'm only following in the steps of my brethren, Joe Rogan, misinformation, selling nicotine. Well, what the fuck?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Not that little dweeb. sitting at the clerk's office, going through the passports, somehow figuring out who Hunter Schaefer was because I know these people and no offense if you're here, if you're here doing this job, obviously there's an exception to every rule, but there are some places that do not know culture. One of them is being Next Health. They never recognized me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
I don't know where they live. It's some kind of a, it is some kind of a different dimension. And yes, yes, that is my litmus test. Okay, you know, at least for the last two weeks, my fame has been incomparable, unfathomable, better believe it. As evidenced by, don't make me say it, your finger on the report trigger. How do they know what's going on? How, how, how does this,
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Punching in and punching out. Government dude. Who I'm assuming is straight and has never even heard. Of the IA of the LGBT community. Cure, I mean, I understand it's the T and the this, but please just give me a second and go with it. They've never even heard of this. So you're telling me now you're going out of your way to the uppers, to the uppers, to the uppers, to the uppers.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Look, we have a problem, mayday, mayday. And you still, and you still are able to pump out that passport faster than you can say, I'm a pervert. That's the real question is how are they working so fast? That's the real question is who squealed? Who's the squealer? Who is the narc? As the old true but trite saying, snitches get stitches. Mind your business.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
At the previous passport, said female, look the other way, turned a blind eye. Have you never covered for a friend at 16 buying cigarettes at the gas station? No, sir, I swear. She has a good skincare regimen. She's 18. Have you never? Come on. Come on, just put your head down and act like you never saw anything. Just make a duplicate. Hers was lost.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
It wasn't going in for any kind of a last name change, any kind of a correction. And don't even get me started on the ones who want to change the last name, the institution of marriage. Yes, I believe. Yeah, you didn't think it was going to take that kind of a turn, but it did. But it did because it's all a distraction, as you know, because we're talking about this because look at me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
I'm seeing fucking red. Hunter Schaefer did not go through all of this for that to be embarrassed at the airport. Oh, no, no, no. Embarrassed the other one who hasn't cleaned under his fingernails in weeks. You're disgusting. Wash your hands. No, because it's a distraction, as we know, from the real problem that said toddler is going to be a trillionaire. Yes. Yes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
He's not even on solids before he will be the richest man in the world. You heard me. Of course, yes, cut government spending and reallocate it to the people who need it. Don't cut their spending. It doesn't even affect you. Just reallocate it. No, because I know, I know, I know they want the control. I know, I know we're living in a sick, sick, sick time. But just turn the other way.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Is that too much to ask? And speaking of last names, speaking of last names, this conversation is solely for the gays because I know the straights are going to get their panties in a wad. And there's a couple lurking here. And dare I say their fingers on the trigger, let up. You need to be an ally. And this is how you do it. Like and subscribe and send it to your friends and listen up.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
How am I supposed to make money? I'll never do it again. I'm sorry, Lucy. I'm sorry. I can't be promoting that. I can't risk not spreading the word. Anyways, Nardo, we don't actually know what he has because they wanted to put him down three times. No, I'm not kidding. So... So either Nardo is the original Scamanda.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Gonna learn you one. But you can maybe fast forward like five minutes because I don't want to offend you. Yes, I do. Because they die for the last name change. Yes. Yes, I need to take his last name. No, I need it. It is mine. He has to pass on his lineage. It's so important to him.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
He thinks his grandkids are going to give one flying fuck about him for playing an intramural drunk kick football league. This is his lasting imprint on the world. And he needs to have a baby with his last name. And my, my, my whole line of a family tree must be quickly forgotten about. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Yes, I need a new last name to the man who sniffs my father's underwear, but I cannot confront him because we as women are supposed to be passive and docile and amicable, amiable. Because we as women are supposed to turn the other way when he kisses his mother on the mouth and then kisses my mother on the mouth. This is the man that you want to take his last name. All right, all right.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Well, you sit on the phone with social security because you so desperately want a new email. I'd rather pluck out my mustache, one fine baby hair by one fine baby hair than change my email. What? Think about, just think about it. That is so much work that you're willingly asking in. But you know what? Like I've said again and again, I support women. So honestly, do whatever the fuck you want.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
It doesn't concern me. It doesn't concern me. And I don't, you think I have one last fiber filled with energy to spare about your last name? I don't. I don't. Take that last name, Mrs. Dickle. That's who you wanna be. That's who I want you to be. What am I supposed to say? Anyways, the institution of marriage. Sometimes I hear from lesbians, I don't believe in the institution of marriage.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
I don't quite even, I love being married. It makes me horny. It turns me on. It makes me feel safe. Oh, marriage is for the insecure as they say. And I get the institution of marriage and the last name thing, obviously. I get the church marriage rooted in the patriarchy. Women cannot have access to this high priesthood. Yes, I've been doing a lot of research on Mormonism.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
And sometimes I wonder, and sometimes I wonder, why don't the oligarchs, why don't the fascists of our country, why aren't they Mormon? Because the Mormons do have a leg up. They all look the same. with some kind of a mutated beach wave and a reinvented mixture of a soda that used to be called something of a Sylvia Plaths. You guys know what I mean? Do the math, figure it the fuck out.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
You know, you wanted to talk about with your parents. With your parents, because you're on a family vacation, which a family vacation is a road trip to the KOA, mind you, which is free and you're sleeping on the ground. Yeah, dad, sure, we took a family vacation. He says, well, we used to drive up to the mountains all the time. My point, my point exactly.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
A family vacation, a relaxing time isn't coming head to head with a grizzly. Never have. Thank God. And I never will. Anyways, on your family vacation, we're lower middle class. We're going to have fine dining at the Taco Bell. Please. Still one of my favorite restaurants to this day. And you're going to make yourself a mix of the Pepsi and the orange Fanta and the Sprite. And what is that called?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Either he's faking his questionable undiagnosed blood cancer for GoFundMe's money and social media attention. Or the vets are. Or it's the chicken or the egg. Which came first? Because I don't know. Because I don't know. They said put Nardo down. We don't know what else to tell you. Dogs this sick normally don't make it. You're going to have to put Nardo down. Devastating, bawling, crying.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Like a Sylvia pot. Anyways, the Mormons have reinvented this with their soda shops. The church marriage, the evangelical Christians, aren't they all evangelical? I don't know. I'm not here to take heed. I'm here to talk shit. Leave me alone. Let me breathe. I get that. I get that. We don't want the whole, the one man has to give me away to another man.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
I understand the patriarchal of things, but what I don't understand is that I love commitment. Marriage is for the insecurities. Excuse me? You're sounding pretty insecure to me. Smelt it, dealt it, pot and kettle. Why don't you take a look in the mirrors, sir?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Why don't you take a look in the mirror, sir, because it takes a lot of security to do what I'm doing, to put your whole self aside and have enough confidence that you can love another fully, even though she's the most cultured, wisest, hottest, smartest, funniest person you've ever met, but you have to know it doesn't make you less. No, because you want to settle for a dud. D-U-D. Three letters.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
As many brain cells as he has in his head. And you're going to take his last name. At least you believe in the institution of marriage, I guess. You can't win. You can't win. Because did I just unravel my whole argument? I don't give a fuck. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. Because if marriage is for the insecures, then aren't we all a little insecure?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Don't we all just have to admit it? You're telling me you don't have some kind of an attachment style and no, I'm not talking about the secure can. No, we're all a little fucked up and I'm a little avoidant. So the commitment helps ground me. I don't have to be scared anymore. I've learned I'm healing, that I don't have to run, that it's okay to be loved.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
And now I have something to look forward to, which is spending my life with someone that I really love and care about, Robbie. That takes security. The institution of marriage. Now, I don't know, and of course this is for the gays, the lesbians specifically. I don't know how it works in a homosexual man relationship. How does the patriarchy works when there's two patriarchs?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
I don't know, and you couldn't pay me to find out. Hello, I'm married. Hello, I'm wifed up. Hello, I'm pregnant. Just kidding. Just kidding. You know that can't happen. And as you know, we had a wedding. We did do it at One Love Chapel with Reverend Nature. Big shout out. We love her. So we didn't necessarily need a wedding planner, but you do and look no further than the knot.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
My dad was in town. Just by a stroke of luck, we all said goodbye at the vet's office. We held him like a baby on the way home. His poor little legs were limp and weak. He was bleeding. He was spontaneously bleeding. He has no platelets. Zero. They said they did a smear. They couldn't find one platelet. Not one. Not one. Okay. Well, get me in there. Get me in there because you're too wise.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
aren't even acting like one. They're not even converging. I'm sure there was one. There's not even one spontaneously bleeding, had a nosebleed everywhere. He's too sick to diagnose. But we're going to keep him in the hospital. No, the fuck you're not. We're checking his ass out. AMA, against medical advice. Let me take him home. I was a nurse. I can give all his medications.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So I hop on stage, I pull off my shorts and sweatshirt into a flexible denim, belly chain, and baby tee, and I tell them to turn the bass up. This one's for you. Now I have business hours. I'll have to have a prompter for the chance that I'll be too nervous and I'll forget the words. But inevitably, I'll nail it. I'll nail it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
I know exactly what to do. You're not going to tell me. This went on all week. All of a sudden, I'm back at nurse. I'm at the bedside. I'm giving meds, Q2, Q4. I'm lethargic. He's lethargic. Something's going on. Something's going on. We go back to the vet at midnight. He had a bloody stool. What's it going to be? What's it going to be? He's not making much progress.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
The meds aren't working instead of zero. Now the platelets are 7000 and they're supposed to be and they're supposed to be mere. I don't know. and there's supposed to be a mere 40,000, you're nowhere close. Here's a list. Here's a list of veterinary doctors that do in-home, you know what, I can't even get myself to say it. We cry ourselves to sleep.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
And if I do forget, that's okay. I'll pull a Fergie a la outdoor concert front handspring into a roundoff front, front, front hastily flipping around on the stage. And does anyone wonder why no one wonders what happened to the black eyed peas? Knowing you, you won't wonder from me. All right, well, well, I do think that's it. I hate to be serious, but please think of Nardo. Okay. Okay.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
And I'll keep you updated next week on Long Wander.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
We get Nardo his last hamburger, what we think, and some French fries. He only eats the patty. He knows how to eat around the whole bun. I'm up all night watching his breathing. The next morning, he leaps out of bed. Excuse me? Excuse me? We were just calling around for an emergent appointment. Based on your breathing, we didn't know if you were going to last. Call it off. Call everything off.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Debbie and Adam come over. They immediately put him in good spirits. What's going to happen? Does the dog want to live? He doesn't want to die. He wants to live to see another day. He wants to terrorize the cat. Well past seven years and nine months, an average age for lymphoma. Are they okay? Is everyone okay? This obviously very distant relative of a wolf has come with its own mutations.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
I didn't mean it when I said I thought I got a lemon. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe a lime. Anyways, a lime with sugar. We call it off again. Wait a day. He's still tired. I'm able to force feed him some potatoes in the back of the throat. I'm sorry, Nardo.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
We have to get you something to eat so I can give you the one medicine that's supposed to stimulate the bone marrow, to stimulate the platelets, to make you feel better. The platelets, the platelets, the platelets. Check his gums. Are they pink or pale? I can't tell. Sending videos, sending videos to Amber. What an angel.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
I cracked a Diet Coke and I might regret that later because it's too late in the day to be awake. I don't even want to be awake when I awake. But duty calls. Here I am, fulfilling my duty, showing up to work. Yes, I say it a lot because I need a pat on the back. Sometimes we actually do need validation. We need a good job from our bosses. employee satisfaction.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
These people who love, love, love animals and have dedicated their lives to answering the phone from people like me who have so many questions on whether they're going to have to do the hardest thing. And yeah, and yeah, the real gag is, is that I stand by my dog mom's take. I'm sorry. The millennials have ruined it for us.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
I don't have to be a mother to love something with all of my four chambered beating heart with more arteries than you can count. I don't have to be maternal. You don't have to give me the name dog mom. Once again, the millennials have ruined it for us. So we call it off. I take him to the vet again. He has a standing appointment. Let's get his blood drawn. Let's see what they think.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
She comes back. She comes back with the same voice, with the same eyes. We know where this is going to go. All right. Give me the leash. I'm done here. I'm done. I'm done listening to anyone. I'm done taking everyone's advice. Just give him back to me. I'll do whatever. I'll do at this point, whatever the fuck I want. I'm running my own doggy hospice. Bring your dogs. Bring your dogs.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
I have a plethora of medication that my psychiatrist has offered me and you won't find on Reddit. You won't find the dosages on Reddit because they're too afraid. No, I'm not giving medical advice. Yes, this is Miss... I can't say it because obviously... I'm walking on thin ice around here because you're waiting. One of you is waiting with the finger on the trigger. When am I going to report?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
I want to press the flag button so bad to ruin it for everybody. Well, you're not going to get me. I'm not selling anything. Anyways. There's no dog hospice because they can't trust the two-legged homo sapiens not to abuse the narcotics. Obviously, you cannot be trusted. Once again, you perverted freaks. Hands off, paws off. I also cannot be trusted. Mine are prescribed, so I can give it to him.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
So I'm doing my own thing. I'm doing my own thing. But she did. But on the last vet appointment, she did. She checked his blood for us. Thank you. This might be the last time. We'll call you with the results never called. Okay. Okay. Some dire needs, I guess. some really pertinent information that you thought I should have.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
So desperately, longingly, sad-eyed in the office, in the sterile medical room, and you never called. Okay, well, tell me why he's jumping on and off and on and off and on and off. And by I mean jumping, I know he wants to get off, so I have to get up and hold him.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
And just the right way to not hurt him, to get him off the bed and on the bed and off the bed and on the bed and off the bed and on the bed. Do you want to go outside? Do you need to potty? Do you need the potty? No. Okay. So he's sniffing on the counter. Oh, you want to treat your appetites back? What is this? Two pods on the counter. He's looking for his treats. Okay. What am I supposed to do?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
He's back to life. He hasn't been interested in food in days. No kind of food. Not even the chicken from the rotisserie. mind you, from sprouts, the good white meat. You don't care about this. I don't even know you. You must be sick. Your blood, your own blood is attacking you. It's devastating. Now he wants all his treats.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Okay, well, you can have all the treats, but all through the night, please. And then he had a stool. And then he had a stool that gave, that put some light back into our lifeless eyes. Then he had a stool that was of the soft-serve kind, not the waterfall. Then he had a stool that gave us hope. I don't know. I don't know, and now he's back.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
And you really don't know what you have until it's threatened to be taken away from you. And this is what they all say. It's one of those things that you just don't know until it happens to you. I just didn't know. Oh, okay. Okay. Nurse Candy, you're dog sick. We've heard that before. We've heard that before. Just retire. Okay. We'll all give you a little PTO. It's okay. It's okay.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Okay, but now my dog's sick and I had to call off every single thing because like I said, we've been at the vet four days out of six, sobbing, bawling, don't know when it's gonna come. I can't get on a meeting. I'm delirious. I can't even think straight. Flip the camera. I flipped the camera to a for real, God forbid, barely breathing, roided out dog.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
And you want to talk about my concept for a face lotion? I'll give you one guess. It's moisturizing. And then it does. It makes you do the craziest things. This dog. This dog will make you crazy. This Nardo. Yeah, maybe his breath is as smelly as his ass. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. He's no competition for danger at the door. Yeah, maybe. Instead of barking, he might do the smile. Smile, Nardo.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
You need to know you are appreciated. Oh, I couldn't even find the word because I've never felt it. All right. You'll see here. You'll see here. Nardo is with me and We didn't think that was going to be the case this week. And no, I'm not being facetious. No, I'm not being satirical. It was scary. It was scary. It was scary. And that's where I'm going to start.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
The vet loves that. He loves the vet. The craziest thing I've ever seen. He goes right into the clinic, says hi to everyone and smiles. This is the dog they'd been telling me to put down for three times. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe Z doesn't know what to do with the burglar, but I do. So what? They want to come in and take my new Roku TV. How about I make it easier for you?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
I'm just going to leave you some tithings at the door. I'm just going to leave you a little bowl full of all the cash I have and a relative's Rolex. It's yours. Don't come in the house. You don't need to ransack here. You can get that Roku TV on sale. It's nothing. You don't want that. It's too big.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
You can't, your brain can't really perceive something too big because I imagine, because I imagine it's not very big in the first place, judging by the pantyhose that fits over it. No, your head's too small. Get out of here. Take the money and run. I'm doing you a favor. I'm making it easy on you. Leave the dog. Leave the dog. He's of no use to you now.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
because his blood is sick because the blood's attacking itself. So now I have to introduce new meds. And then finally, hopefully we can go in with the diagnosis, but, but can you believe it? It's been such a devastating week. And then Robbie had to leave. She had to go on tour. She doesn't know what to do with herself. Really? She's like, Oh, I've just been taking him for granted.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
Do you think I can catch his cancer though? Please, please don't. Well, do you think the cat can catch it? No, no, I don't. And can we think about the dog for once? This is about the dog, not about the cat. Just kidding. The dog does have a way better presence. Oh, Freudian. I know there's a lot of cat lovers out there and I'm sorry. I have an unpopular opinion.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
And I will be so fast to redact if Diet Coke wants me to, if they come around. But I prefer a Pepsi Zero to a Diet Coke. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Report me. Because everyone else is too afraid to say it. Coming this close to losing a loved one will make you do crazy things. Like when your grandma's like, oh, your Nana really loves you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
And you're like, I'm going to have to take your word for it because I don't remember Nana. I met her maybe when I was three years old, sat on her lap. And I only know that by a photo, but I'm going to have to take your word that she loved me. But when you love something, you want to tell everyone else how much they loved him. Okay. To all my friends all week. Oh, Nardo loves you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
I believe in marriage but not in coachella
My one friend in return. At least the cat will be happy. Okay, well. Well, I appreciate your honesty. me to the family do you mind sending a video of your voice nardo loves voices it puts it it makes him calm it eases his breathing it slows down his heart but not too slow let's see if he can oh good boy see he is kind of weak but i'm making him dinners and i'm gonna give him a bath tonight
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
dissenters among them oh no they didn't like that that's the first time they heard it and they didn't like it they took it personally what do you mean I'm not a I'm not a boss babe postnatal I mean actually you kind of are and I don't know what and I and you know that's not what she was saying but her audience turned on her It turned on her.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And then the journalist who took to talking about this article, you know, whatever, denouncing these these women responses. She didn't make it any better. She went right in. She said, and you all and I know you all are wearing skinny jeans and drying your eyebrows on with the Sharpie. Are you talking to me? Excuse me. What did I do to you? How did you have to get so personal?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Because I draw on my eyebrows with Sharpie. I'm always looking like the dog with eyebrows. I'm always towing that line. And that's where I like to be. That is a choice. We all have a not so distant relative who is still wearing skinny jeans. And we love them. And it's okay if they want to. Back off the skinny jeans. But I'm not pandering, okay?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Okay, and now people, and now everyone wants a little of this. They want a piece of this. Suck. We want some of her business hours. So they're emailing. I got a DM the other day that's like, Gabby, we wanna work with you. We emailed the link. And is this the right email to your manager? And it was like two first names. It was like Bob, Bob, and then the last name. They're like, is this correct?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
I'm like, obviously there's only one first name. They're like, oh, we just wanted to make sure you knew. We don't want anything getting in the way between you and your back, bitch. Nothing's getting in between. Nothing's getting in the way. And I'd be glad to miss out on some shit sometimes. It's all getting to, my lungs are failing me. So they're all, they're all knocking. They're all knocking.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
We want some talent. We want some talent. We think Gabby would be perfect for it. And this request for talent comes with a list of prerequisites. Immediately offensive, no. No, you don't put me in a box. I don't want to fit into your list. You need to fit into mine. That's not how things go around here. And then the list goes in order. Female. What? Aren't we done with that word? Offense one.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
There's no perfusion. I'm losing brain cells. more than I would otherwise, living and breathing the same air as you all, the gem population, which thank you for coming back time and time again. And welcome back to another episode of Long-Winded. I appreciate you for now. So my body's failing me. And if it's not my body, it's my mind.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And why does it have to be inherently feminine? Aren't we living in a non-binary world? Why can't a man do this? What are you, a misandrist? Has to be a female. Okay. Mid-30s. Next, do you hate yourself? Do you want your job? Do you want any talent to say yes to this? You want someone of average age? You want an average talent? Do you want to get fired and push me away? Next.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Positive personality and non-polarizing. Get out of my face. You pissed me off. You've gotten underneath my skin. Under this deeply thick epidermis that's at times thin if you hit me where it hurts. Positive personality. Do you know anything about me? Have you ever been around these parts before? You saw one clip and you think you know it all? Oh, we just get her sense of humor. What's so funny?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Who's laughing? There's nothing funny around here. It's the truth. Positive personality. No, I'm a cynic and I hate everything and I hate everyone. You want me to show up and grin? Through a clenched jaw. I will for the right people. I will for the right people. Okay, let's be honest. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. You get to pick and choose and that's my prerogative. And non-polarizing.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
The most offensive of them all. Of course I want to be polarizing. Are you crazy? I don't want to appeal to the masses. That's too much pressure. They're not going to like it here. Because the Megyn Kelly dissenters are on the other side of this. Waiting. Waiting to turn on me. And that's not what I want. And that's not what you want. You want someone who's going to fit in with everybody?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Oh, not around here. You don't. Not around here, you don't. Because if too many people come around here, if too many people start listening, by the way, this is me. This is me with 10,000 views on YouTube. This is me. This is the most relevancy and I can't take it. And it's too much. It's about 2000 too much. Because then I'm going to get an influx of, hey girl, love the pod messages.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Love the pod, but. Because I'm going to get an influx of love the pod, but messages. Love the pod, but Phoebe Bridgers is a lesbian. She's just been secretly, not so secretly dating a man for five years, but she's a lesbian. Love the pod butt. Sabrina was in love with Barry Keegan and Rap Man is body shaming men. Love the pod butt. Insert weird language about bisexuals that nobody cares about.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Love the pod butt. And then I'm going to have to show up at an award show, which I'll inevitably be at. And then I'm going to have to look face to face to one of these people that I've freely talked shit on in the past because I'm safe here with my 8,000 views on YouTube. And then everyone's going to come running and then I'm going to have to look them straight in the face and say, don't worry.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
This is Satir. It's nothing but a joke. And I'll lie. And I'll lie because I have no other choice when I get caught. I'm not afraid to be caught in a lie because then I'll lie about the lie. Hello. And that's what's going to happen. And so everyone's coming and knocking, non-polarizing. And you want to know, you want to know who came running? Metta. Metta. Gabby Windy by Meta Spawn Con.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Are you okay? Do you know anything about what's going on here? I've been sounding the alarm on the AI abortion rumba robot, which I'm sure Meta will invent. And punch your uterus into Timbuktu. This is how abortions will be done in the future. I've been screaming about it. And now they want me to do SponCon about AI? AI who's now having meetings with 11-year-olds on Sunday nights via Zoom.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
What is this M from James Bond? What is this hologram? What are you teaching these 11-year-olds? I don't think so. I don't think so. Because you know what? You're just stealing all their young cookies. I don't mean that in a sexual way, you dirty perverts. What do you have to learn from an 11-year-old little boy? Nothing, nothing.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
This is not going to serve you if AI was smart, which you claim to be. Cause you know what? Maybe I would do an ad for Meta. They got their shit together and put a pause button on the reels. Why is there no pause button on the reels? Like make a good product and then come and knock it. So, so what are you supposed to do? Who's this diva cup? Are we ever having fun? Are we even having fun?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Because as you know, I've had a harrowing journey with antidepressants. I've done it all. The SSRI, the SNRI, the benzo, the ketamine, the drug of love. That's helped me a little bit. All right. If I don't try and self-sabotage and ruin it because I hate myself. So I've landed on the mood stabilizer, Lamictal. Try telling that to every vitamin shop you go into.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
You know I believe in retail therapy, but not when that little retailer of a man with his perfectly cropped pants is breathing down your neck, judging your sweatshirt. Well, let me introduce you to Nuuly. Nuuly is a subscription clothing rental service that's all about helping you have fun. Can you imagine? Every month you get six items from Newly's shared closet of thousands of styles.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And they have everything from going out clothes to trendy clothes to cute dresses, little tops, great jeans, jackets, vacation fits. It goes on and on and on. You name it, they have it. So for just $98 a month, you get your choice of any six styles each month. You choose whatever you want to rent for whatever you have going on. Access to thousands of styles from more than 400 brands.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
We're not kidding. We're talking free people, Farm Rio, Selkie, Hill House, For Love and Lemons, Anthropologie, Goldie. I'm out of breath. inclusive sizing up to 5X as well as petite and maternity, fast free shipping and returns and professional cleaning and newly state-of-the-art laundering facility. My favorite part, what would you do if you left it with a snail trail?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And there's the option to buy what you love at a discount. So it's fun. Honestly, you get to get creative and explore your style. It's sustainable. Newly orders are shipped and recycled, recyclable and reusable totes. And it's flexible. There's no fees. We love to hear it. We're all on a budget here. There's no late fees, damage fees or fees to pause or cancel. So
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any six styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with code GABBYWINDY. Just go to nuuly.com, that's Nuuly with two U's, and enter the code GABBYWINDY and sign up to get $28 off your first month. That's N-U-U-L-Y.com. Newly with two U's with code Gabby Windy.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Newly subscription, clothing rental, change your clothes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
I may have a different personality today. I may seem different to you. And that's just because I took a puff of an inhaler filled with epinephrine. My heart's beating out of my chest 120 BPM. Something like a Barry's Boot Camp, but instead I'm sitting still, barely breathing because I have bronchitis. Because all of this, all of this, you know what I'm talking about. All of this, who's this diva?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
So who's this diva cup? And now with my rise to fame listenership around 12,000, which thank you, everyone actually has been really nice. My DMs, they're like, we've been known even no matter. And I will repost every headline no matter how dumb it is because I do need the attention because I didn't get any as a child. You guys know this. Hello, I'm on a loop. I'm chasing the dragon.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And everyone's like, we've been known. I'm like, oh, I know you're the real ones out there. And thank you. And thank you for that. But now I can't go anywhere without security detail. This is what my life has become. My security guards are from Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, the neighborhood app. And they just got done mounting the TV in my bedroom.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Having to talk to the nurse practitioner via FaceTime. Why are you on Lamictal? I'm massively depressed, lady. The one drug that's ever worked for this mysterious and complicated brain decreases your immune system. It depresses it. You can't fight anything off. You had the flu? Who cares? Another five days of Tamiflu didn't get you anywhere. Coughing up. Coughing up. Coughing up. Green. Clear.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
I send them to the back to get a couple of Robbie's Uniqlo suits. Put them on. I don't care if they're small. Oh, oh. Oh, they're a little tight? Up your crotch? Well, I see your bulge and it's smaller than Robbie's Packer. Don't complain. There's nothing to complain about. Put it on and get out here. We got to go to Larchmont to the newsstand. Tell your mom you're going to be late.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
You got to move out anyway. What are you doing there in your 30s? And I know you're living there under one condition and one condition only that you remain sober. And looking you in the face right now, I know those are DT sweats. Go crack a cold one. Come on, we got to go. Yes, I'll put my pinky finger up your ass and I will not tell anyone. Let's go. I need to be in the back. You're in the front.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
I don't care if it's a 2004 Ford Expedition. I got to go to the newsstand and I cannot be caught. I cannot be caught buying every copy of the Sunday New York Times, my article, because they can't see me doing that because they have to fly off the shelves themselves. But instead I have to fake my own fame. Okay, this is still where I'm at. Bella Hadid, what have you done for me recently? Nothing.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Come on, let's go security. Nobody can catch me like this. And then we're going to CVS. And I need you at 12, 3, 6, and 9. So I can peruse what's new in the allergy aisle freely. I need the freedom of my privacy to see what's locked in the cage and what's not. Allegra D, you say. What kind of pack do I want? The 12 blister or the 24?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Am I looking to save some money or am I looking to get fucked up on antihistamines? because you know retail therapy. Oh, it's a platitude. Oh, it's a trite old saying. Oh, it's for women. Well, you've never waited for a plan B after your poor excuse for a boyfriend came inside you, but didn't want to tell you because he was afraid to admit that your pussy was good.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Like you don't have tabs on how many CCs your vaginal holds of secretions at any point in time in any circumstance. Like you don't know his Vans deference can only spit out a mere five MLs of semen because he's checking off in the bathroom to anime porn because he has an addiction. So that's all he can afford.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
is the measly five mls of semen that's gonna get and it's gonna get no one anywhere but in case there's one viable sperm that embeds itself in your uterus you have to wait in line for the plan b well please i need something to abate me from this burden of life and that will be the salon grade hair care aisle Maybe a scrunchie. The said allergy section.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And then I'll end with my favorite multi-gummy. This is retail therapy. And then I need the Uniqlo security detail for the bar naturally. For Jimmy at the bar. Drunk on his eighth skinny margarita in the last two hours. Someone get this man a light beer. What's he doing on his skinny margarita? What are you, a homosexual? And he just found out who I was from a gay man's Instagram story.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And now he's dying to know why do people love me? Well, Jimmy, your ears and your eyes are not lending you any information into your brain. I cannot engage with stupid. I cannot engage with your failed senses that have no connection to your neurons because you're not gathering any information. All of a sudden, they think I'm a Mikey Madison in a small indie film, Anora.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Oh, she came out of nowhere. She has a resume of an acting history. She just stays off social media to stay away from people like you. And you need to stay away from me. We don't give a fuck about you. Go back to Michaela. Bother her. The one you met in the bathroom lobby. Why don't you kiki away from me? Security detail, excuse me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
escort Jimmy to table 12 full of the Australians, a table that deserves to be harassed. Because the people around here know. They know and they just get it. I don't have to explain myself to them. They're not asking me any questions. They're not asking me to deliver a monologue on cue. Why do people love you? No, they just know. And it's okay to be me, but here they come running around.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Coughing up. Coughing up. Mucinex DM. Vicks Vapor Shower Tab. Robbie's banging on my chest. Harder. Harder. At the bottom. I gotta cough this up. Well, I had no reserve because my antidepressant is turning against me. It's the body or it's the mind. It's your right to be happy and healthy. They say, no, it's not. You must choose one. You must choose one. And that's what my psychiatrist said.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And that's me and my security. And they're like, who's this Diva Cup? Which I am something of a sort. Plastic on the outside. A filler substance in my lips. And metallic on the inside. Inside filled with steroids. Bleach. Anti-antifreeze. Because my veins are ice cold. From living in the presence of a person like Jimmy.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And I do want to be a Diva Cup advocate, abider, wearer, user, because I like to be in on it, because I like to be a part of an exclusive group. I like to speak from a place of knowledge and I'm better than you. And you have to get on this train if you want your life to improve in any way. So I tried it. And it was not my experience, much to my chagrin dismay. No, no, but I wanted to try.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
because I wanted to make it easier on myself. I was born with this cavernous organ that sheds its lighting every month. And I'm trying to keep the blood from getting on my thong underwear, from getting on my new Aritzia pants, from getting on the seat of my staff meeting at 10 a.m.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
when I have to listen to Daryl put together his useless PowerPoint about things that are not gonna change at all because he took those ideas from you. And now he's claiming they're his own. When one time you did snoop through his staff locker and found a pair of dirty underwear. So I'm trying to keep this blood inside.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Despite all of my efforts, it leaks out because I'm trying because you had to fold it like a hot dog. Then you had to fold it like a hamburger. Actually, no, let me fold it like a quesadilla because somehow it's got to be in a quarter. Then you got to take your left hands.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
You got to take your left two digits, your first two digits and pry open your pussy lips while your right index finger penetrates the pussy. The rest of the four fold over the diva cup like a rose and you have to assault your Your mucous membranes, labia all in vein, double entendre, a vein holds the blood. There's blood everywhere.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And you're under duress and 10 minutes late for work because you've been fingering yourself with all 10 fingers in a suction vacuum cup that's holding your uterine lining. It's said to vacuum in just the right way to hug every single ridge of your uniquely shaped vagina. Don't worry, it'll never spill. It spills. It gets everywhere. all what it said it wasn't supposed to do. In the name of what?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
In the name of what? Sustainability? I don't think so. Take a look at our landfills. Take a look at AI. Take a look at the Roomba abortion. Take a look at the Roomba robot. Take a look at the abortion Roomba robot. Jesus Christ, I got it out. Just take a look.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And then a dear friend, a part of the Diva Cup community, a proud member, because they're always going to tell you, I will not say her name in case she doesn't want the masses to know what she's doing with their sanitary products. She says to me, oh, and you can cut the end off. Oh, you can cut the stem.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
So you don't have a constant reminder of the silicone funnel you have shoved up your pussy to catch some blood on a good day. So you can cut it off. So it's not poking you. In the vulva. So I did. So I did. And then you go to take it out. Now what? Now what?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
No amount of force of pull from any part of your body or hand can dislodge the negative pressure this vacuum funnel has created in your vagina. Nothing can pull it out. No, it has the centrifugal force. It is pulling G's akin to the spaceship carnival ride that you cannot get enough of and you can't lift your head from the back. And you won't get off.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
You won't get off because you need to feel something because your parents never loved you. This is what's going inside of the ridges of my vagina. It's not coming out. It's not coming out. The negative pressure is too strong. Come on. I have, I have no other choice but to call the ambulance. So once I figure out the number to 911, I get on the phone. I get on the phone with the paramedic.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Oh, a man, a man. No, no, it's called a diva cup. No, I'm not talking about a Bratz doll. No, I didn't shove a Barbie up my pussy. I don't even know where to find one. I sound deranged, but I'm not. No, it's not that hole. No, it's not my butt hole. There's three holes. It's in the middle and I can't get it out.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
I came to her. We had our check-in. How are you doing with your PMDD? Well, the Celexa made me batshit fucking crazy. I'm taking a Pepsid. It seems to be working two weeks before my period post ovulation. This is PMDD people. Look it up on TikTok. Everyone says to do a Pepsid. I said, but I'm fighting off this bronchitis. I can't get out of bed for two days. I'm weak.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And I need a ride to the hospital because it's clouding the minds like you would never believe. I can't think. I can't think. Who knows? Have you ever had TSS of the silicone? It could be worse than a mere tampon made of cotton. So when I get there, when I get to the hospital, I'm going to need your most delicate forceps. I'm a lesbian. I'm going to need them warmed.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And I'd like my doctor to be Jewish because they invented medicine. This is what Robbie says. This is what I need. But luckily by the grace of God, before the ambulance comes, I'm able to get the cup out. I'm able to get my fingers second knuckle deep in order to squeeze it around and pull it out. And it's sucking, sucking, sucking, preventing the exit on its way out.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
This isn't going to be easy, but they say you just do it over a toilet. So I'm squatted. I'm in the squatting position over the toilet. Everything's going to be fine. I'm going to be free. goes the diva cup, splashes everywhere. It splashes everywhere. You're not getting it in the toilet.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
You're getting it on the toilet bowl, a little in the toilet, some on your white bathroom floor, a little bit in the caulk, from the bathtub to your bathroom floor. And it doesn't come out easy. It doesn't come out easy. The pure amount of iron in the blood is enough to stain for weeks.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Now you need a barkeep, barkeeper's friend to scrub and scrub and scrub because you were born this way because you have to bleed once a month. And then it's not, okay, so then the cup is in my hand. Then what do I do? What do I do? With this diva, now you got to find out some way to clean it. Okay, but there's blood everywhere.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
You don't have any pants on because you had to take them off while you're digging in your pussy. Your shirt's kind of long, so you have to fold it up with the back hand of your left hand because the front is also covered in blood. The diva cup's in your right. Oh, where do I go now? Oh, yeah, you have to clean it. And no, a rinse won't do. You have to put it in a pot of boiling water.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
So I have to walk, I have to walk to the kitchen. Now I'm getting period blood on another surface that it should never be on, the kitchen sink. I'll give it a rinse, wash off my hands and get a pot in the utensil drawer or the pot drawer or whatever, the cooking ware drawer, fill it with water and get it to boil. This is the same pot that I cook spicy rigi in once a week for guests.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And now it has a history. And now you have to look your friends in the face knowing where that noodle came from and what it is coated with pussy blood. Enjoy. Enjoy the red sauce. So now it's the 1800s. So now we have to boil our own sanitary products because there's no better way to clean them. And we can't dispose of them because we're so worried about the environment.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Mind you, your husband is mining for crypto, but all of the weight falls on us because we're women. So we're back in the 1800s and you have to ask your maid, Meredith, to bring in your period chalice once a month. No, you cannot leave your quarters, the kitchen, except to bring me my pussy chalice. And that's the diva cup. And that's the always girly pop, never diva cup.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And I really didn't want to get into this, but I have to, but I have no other choice. This is going to be controversial. This is where, this is where of the Bella Hadid TikTokers, they come from her or Bella. They think they're going to love me because she liked one clip. This is where I lose you. It ends with us. I'm dying to get into the, I'm dying to get into the Blake Lively at all.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
I have chest pain, I'm breathless and I'm helpless. I can't even walk to the fridge without being out of breath. I can't get on a Zoom call with any sort of exasperation with a topic that needs an exasperata. Was it due to my bronchioles or was it due to the codeine cough syrup? I'm sure that shit fucks you up. And then I was like, am I addicted to opiates? So I had to stop.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
But next time, this isn't it. This is even worse. The furs. The furs. I haven't been DM'd by PETA only once. I'll tell you that. And I learned quickly and I moved swiftly. I got a protection order and I blocked their ass. You can't get to me. Not because it's vintage. Not because obviously it's vintage. Not because I'm on any kind of a moral standing. Not because I take a moral high ground.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Because it's cool. Because we're shopping vintage. Because it sounds better if I can say my fur is from the 70s. You act like this animal pelt was gonna live 50 years. Yeah, right. Now it gets another life on my arms. Because maybe I can only dream of the woman or the man who wore it before me. Hopefully they were depressed. Hopefully they found some joy in this just like I am now.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Hopefully they took it outside with them for the only five minutes they could leave the house to get a quick head buzz and feel chic smoking a cigarette in a fur coat. Maybe they got a glimpse of something to live for. Hopefully. Hopefully. Because this, and that is the first go. Because PETA fucked themselves with the chimp crazy Tanya Haddock's tonka of it all. They really did it this time.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And there's no going back. They weren't compassionate. No, they were smug as fuck. And they had a terrible leader of representation. He cannot be your figurehead. No, no, he had not once one ounce of compassion for Tanya, our beloved monkey mother, wearer of wig of sorts. Wigs, she had multiple. No, because he didn't give a fuck about her.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And she got the monkeys from someone who got the monkeys from someone who got the monkeys. So why don't you go? Why don't you go after the ringleader of this operation? Why are you going for our mere Tanya? She loved Tonka. You could have sat down with her. You could have explained it wouldn't have helped, but you could have tried.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And then why can't she come to the sanctuary every once in a while and bring Tonka a hamburger, a red Gatorade? You think he doesn't miss her? If he's so close to the caveman, to the Theovan, to the droglodyte, oh, he misses Tanya, all right. Oh, he has emotions. And he remembers her. They played footsie under the cage. Have a heart, have a soul. Invite her in for a visit.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Make her feel a little bit better. But instead, instead, PETA, you ripped that monkey from her grasp. And she went to the depths. She hid him in the basement. She did everything. I'm not condoning her behavior, okay? But I'm saying we could have met the whole situation with a little more compassion. This is how PETA has gone wrong. We're in the fur vintage coat. We just are. And you know what?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
I think that's it. I think that's it. Thank you again. Tell all your friends or don't, I don't care, but please tell them only, only if they're your good, only if you like them and only if they're gonna like me. Until next time on another episode of Long Wind.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
I had to stop cold turkey. It was making me feel too good. I was sleeping like a baby. So I told my psychiatrist, I think the Lamictal is really affecting my immune system. I have to work. You guys know what's going on. This surge. I didn't even need the leaked nude tape. I just needed Bella Hadid to repost my TikTok. Now I'm catapulted into the stratosphere. Who's this diva? Not like you care.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Not like you care you'll ever understand me. You're a sheep. And this is her mentality and I'm onto you. So I tell my psychiatrist, the Lamictal, I cannot, I think, I don't know what to do. I'm getting sick. I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick. And I've never gotten sick before. She's like, are you insane? Are you insane bringing this to me right now? You think there's any other option for you?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Immediately shut down. And she's right. So I had to take things into my own hands and self-taper. I cut my lamictal in half for like a week because I, and then I upped my vitamin C to 5,250. I'm taking zinc, every other, and a vitamin D. And here we are. And here we are. I don't get one inhale of anything. And my favorite route of administration is an inhale, is a puff. I love to puff.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
It absorbs straight to the dome. I like to smoke a stick. I like to smoke my weed. No, I don't want an edible. I like to inhale a laughing gas. You guys know this. This is how I want to take all my drugs and I can't because of the bronchitis. So here I am, raw dogging a party bus on the 30th birthday of a dear friend.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And I can't even look at a Virginia Slim because all that's looking back at me are necrotic, wheezing, asthmatic lungs. But I took it upon myself to smoke a quarter. It's barely a cigarette. And sometimes you have to push your body to the limit so you know what it can handle. Come on. Come on. I know I can fight this. Come on. I know you're going to be okay tomorrow. Come on. You can do this.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Push your body. You'll never know if you don't push. So I pushed it. I'm okay. I'm okay. I hit the indica four times last night because I'm on a steroid for God's sakes. I want to make the most of it. It gives you a little more of a tolerance. You get to enjoy your high more.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Most of the time, I can only take two hits before I can't really hold a sentence anymore because I'm really thinking about the special effects in the movie, Death Becomes Her, which is a great way to enjoy the movie. So I was watching movies on steroids. It was really doing what it was supposed to do until it didn't. It's one of my favorite drugs. And then it stopped working on me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
It's making me ill. It's affecting my body. My body is now failing me with all this attention. Just kidding. Just kidding. Because I took five days of steroids, 40 milligrams of prednisone, which fucked me up. And now I'm withdrawing from an assortment of medications, which you know that I'm on. Shall I recap? I'm withdrawing from, from prednisone. My last dose was yesterday.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Then it sucked me dry. I was tweaking. I couldn't organize my thoughts. Trying to make a mood board for my stylist. And I went on some kind of a weird tangent. And I'm scaring everybody away. That was on the fourth day. And then by the fifth day, my adrenal glands were shot. I had no energy. I was exhausted. I had never, ever felt this before. On a steroid?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
I'm supposed to access some part of my brain that I have never been before. Some kind of a genius is supposed to awoke. Awaken inside me. And instead, it's left me depleted. So here I am. This is what all this has brought me, if you're wondering. Oh, and it's not looking good. Zzz. Zzz. You know what sound that is. That's my clitoris being rubbed raw by a vibrator.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
My favorite time of day, my favorite time to manifest. And you guys know what time it is. I'm giving away a ton of vibrators from Balessa. Because why? Because they're amazing. If you don't know Balessa, they're a bi women for everyone company, redefining sexual wellness, their whole mission, empowering you to embrace, explore and celebrate your pleasure and have an orgasm for once in your life.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Now, the girlies at Balessa sent me a ton of new toys. Thank you, including their new game changing slingshot. silent collection. And my mind is blown. Remember that from five seconds ago? Well, now it's a Can you imagine? It's giving fleabag when she goes on a wellness retreat with her sister, and we all want to be fleabag. She brings her vibrator. Turn up your volume and listen closely.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Did you hear that? No, exactly, because Balessa just launched their first ever silent vibrators. I'm serious, silent vibrators. The brains at Balessa created what they call whisper tech, and somehow, don't ask me how, They made a full power, all the right spots, hitting, no noise making lineup of toys. It's actually unreal. The Whisper Bullet might be silent, but it has five whole speeds.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Then there's the Whisper Rabbit and Whisper Vibe, both of which have six vibration speeds. Okay, don't walk, run people. And obviously I had to hook you up. So I'm doing a giveaway with Balessa where literally everyone wins a free vibrator. Yep, you either win a fully free whisper vibe or a free rose toy with any whisper order.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Just click the link in the episode description or go to bbvibes.com slash Gabby. That's B-B-V-I-B-E-S dot com slash G-A-B-B-Y. The whisper vibrators stay silent, but the big question is, can you? All right, listen up. I have something to say. What's new? We need to talk about something very important. Your man.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
your disgusting man and his nicotine choices because we cannot keep having those cheap, ugly nicotine cans cluttering up the kitchen counter in the coffee table and the nightstand in the entryway table. And your dresser, for God's sakes, it's time for an upgrade. And you know, you know, I love a head buzz. You know, I love a cig every now and again or forever.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
But at some point it's like, you don't want to smell like smoke. You don't want it on your breath, blah, blah, blah. So I'm like, should I transition to nicotine pouches? I've heard some very high profile people you may know dabble in the nicotine pouch. So it could be me. Lucy is the, if you know, you know, nicotine brand. These aren't your standard gas station pouches.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Lucy is 100% pure nicotine and always tobacco free. They taste better and feel smoother for just an overall better experience. It's for the elite. It's for the mature palate. What are we doing? There's no other thought. The breakers have a tiny capsule inside, much akin to a camel crush. Hello. Remember those? You just pop it for an instant burst of flavor.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
I'm withdrawing from Lamictal. I'm withdrawing from Gabapentin. And I'm withdrawing from codeine cough syrup. Who knew that could fuck you up so bad? I was given it. I was given it in the urgent care and I wasn't warned. about how it may affect me, about what the repercussions might be. Every four hours, it says on the instructions label. So, you know, I didn't miss a dose.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
It is for the girlies and the guys who appreciate quality. Ready to upgrade their nicotine routine? You can go to lucy.co slash Gabby and use promo code Gabby to get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. Again, that's lucy.co and use code Gabby to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. And then the boomers are still on my Instagram somehow. And then Kathy's like, ugh. A Marlboro Smooth. No, but see, I always go back to that. They stopped selling menthols, but that was my go-to order in high school.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
You know, I almost burned my deck down at 15 because I love a Marlboro Smooth. So now it's like, it's literally, but I hope you're not smoking a Marlboro Light. Of course I am, Kathy. And by your profile picture, I know that you had a past. A past that showed me you were a different woman, a woman of taste.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
I can tell by your profile picture, by the lines around your lip, you used to stand on business. You used to mean something. And now you're nothing short of hypocrisy, judging me. No, because smoking is a sign of something else. It's a sign of something greater. As you know, it's a community. You're calling in like-minded people.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Of course, we have to leave this bar and talk shit collectively on the one person here that we hate. And no, it's not you. No, it's not you because this person has no self-awareness. They think everybody loves them. Ugh, I got to choke down a cig and get a head buzz and think some of this out. I got to lament. I got to stimulate.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
It's for people who have a constant lack in their life, who have trauma that lies behind them, that they need a break. They need a break and a five minute head buzz. It's the best buzz you'll ever feel. And you need to do it with a friend. It's a mature palette. It's for the people who get it. It's a fuck you to society. It's anarchy. I don't care what you think of me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Except I know smoking is inherently cool and sexy. And that's what you will think of me if I have anything to do with it. But I don't care. I don't care. I gotta take a break. Who's this diva? It's always girly pop, never diva cop. Who's this diva? Because I know, I know, I know there's some new, there's some new, let me try. There's some new ones coming around these parts.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
They don't, this is the first time. This is the first time they're learning about this. Who's this diva? Oh, because the whole crowd's doing it. Oh, because now everyone wants to do it so you can jump on the bandwagon. I know you. I know you and you're not gonna like anything I have to say. And I'm telling you right now, I'm onto you. You couldn't pussy sneeze if your life depended on it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
And if you can, come on in, the water's warm. It's ripe for drowning. Cause that's what we're doing around here. It's not a good time around here. I say one wrong thing and you're gonna drop me like a bad habit. You're gonna drop me like a hot fucking potato. There I go. I came and I went. I stopped before I started. It's not left, it's right, it's not up, it's down.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
I was a nurse for God's sakes for eight years. I know how important it is to stick to the schedule as I taper off my own medications willy-nilly. I was asleep for two days. Like what is going on? I've never been this tired in my life. This is the COVID tired that people are talking about. I'm not getting enough. I'm not getting enough oxygen to my brain. I'm hypoxic. It's making me exhausted.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
If you're not fucking, you're getting fucked. And that's me. And I'm on to you. And I know. I don't think you can pull one over. Did you hear what happened to Megyn Kelly? I don't know if you guys are on that side of things. All of a sudden, I found myself there. OK, Megyn Kelly had said something so offensive to her audience. We don't know what she stands for. She hates Trump. She loves Trump.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
She I don't know. We don't. Who knows what her bill? She's pandering. Whoever.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
wants her she will respond accordingly she's gonna give them what they want I'm not the same I'm not gonna give you what you want I'm gonna give you what I want and I don't want anything so I'm not gonna give you anything so good luck so good luck you want to stick around now you sick freak masochist you hate yourself and I hate you just kidding no I'm seriously kidding
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
who's this diva cup
Anyways, Megyn Kelly tweeted something like, something like women can make their own money, afford that swanky apartment in NYC, too far, too far. Nobody can afford that. Boy, girl, woman, man, pregnant, not pregnant. Like you took it too far. And you can have it all. Basically, you can have a job and kids with a man who loves you. Extremely offensive. Her demo hated that.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
And welcome back to another episode of Long-Wandered. Okay, what's new and we're back. We're back. What's new? Nothing. And that's what they say. No news is good news. And that's what they say. It'll all come out in the wash. And that's what they say when you give a mouse a fucking cookie. And that's just what they say. So we're back and lots to discuss. So I'll get right into it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Let The Knot connect you to all of the people, places, and tools you need to help bring your wedding to life. Get started at thenot.com slash audio. That's T-H-E-K-N-O-T dot com slash A-U-D-I-O. Okay, so there's been lots of discussion about Sophie Raine. For those of you who have no idea what's going on, she's the only fangirls who reportedly makes $43 million a year.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Jaw on the floor, hyperventilating, where's the sign up? Obviously, this creates some discourse from some conversation, a controversial topic. All the men are enraged. Okay, you're the one subscribing. Okay, men. Okay, the patriarchy created this demand. Of pussy popping, titty tooting on an app. You created this. You and your tech buds. Because you need this demand.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Because you have an insatiable need for sexual activity. Remember when it was like a bragging right?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
And we thought it was cool. And then we, and then as women, we internalize that and we're like, why don't I think about sex every seven seconds? Because I have to think about my safety. Because my Maslow's hierarchy of needs is not even being met yet. So I don't get the luxury of, of thinking about penetration reverse doggy 10 times a minute because I'm moving through mud. Let me take a breath.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Okay, so whatever part of the conversation are these men enraged? Who gives a fuck about them? Obviously, there's other things to think about. Another part of the discourse is she's so successful because she looks about 15. Yes, yes. Because this is what also created the beauty standard. Because when women... Okay, let me get this straight in my mind.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Youth is a sign of fertility because somehow, somehow this may be the most intuitive part about men that they have not tapped in on, but they only act on it, is that young means fertile. They haven't lost all their eggs yet monthly. All their eggs haven't dropped into their panties and flushed down the toilet. That's right. That's right.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Like they cannot control all of the testosterone flowing through and the 85 grams of protein he just had for a mid-evening snack. Bends over to grab tuna. His leg doesn't move. Anyways, now that I've set the scene. Nardo. He likes to eat. Nardo. Hey. He likes to chew holes in this rug. And don't they all like to chew holes in your rug? Anyways. I show up.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
When I feel an egg coming, when I feel my middle schmertz, I squares it out wherever I am.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
So then their prehistoric brain, I take back all the credit I just gave them. It's actually not any kind of insight that they're working with. It's actually their caveman brain, which we know is the only, you know, is they're still thinking as a troglodyte. A Theovan of sorts. You guys get it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
So younger women, because they're all pedophiles, because they're all freaks and disgusting and they're creeps. So this is the highest earning creator on OnlyFans because she's a child. She looks like a child. She's 20, which I will get into. Anyways. So everybody knows, whatever. We're perpetuating the sexualization of girls. We've all been sexualized as girls.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
It's part of the reason why we're so fucked up. I can't be safe in this world unless I'm leading with sex. which I can abide by on my own terms when I want to, when I want to send a message because sex sells, baby. Anyways, I'm getting off track. I can't tell which side I'm on. So I do more research. It's piqued my interest. And that's not spelled P-E-A-K-E-D-U, you idiots. It's P-I-Q-U-E-D-Q-Q.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
I got to work on the U. It's piqued my interest. Okay, I'm doing more research. Now I'm learning things. I'm becoming enlightened of these really top only fan creators are all ran by an agency. So they have this creepy man exploiting them and he's taking most of their money. This is alleged. I'm actually hoping it's not true, but I think it is.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
I wish it wasn't because I'm all about the girly getting her bag. So now we've introduced the patriarchy again. They cannot let us have our own thing. Naturally, they have to control it. They created this industry and now they're controlling it and they're taking all the money. And these girls are not seeing probably a fraction of that. Some were even like, is this a marketing tool?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Because Sophie didn't go on this podcast. She was like, this is how much I make. I don't want to hurt your feelings. But she didn't really expand. She kept that part to herself. Could never be me. I would be fired immediately.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
And I'd be like, and this bitch ass with the furry belly and hairline starting about the tops of his cartilage on his ears, who should be freshly off a plane from Turkey after getting hair plugs, is taking all my money and he doesn't deserve it. human trafficking, sex trafficking is a crime and exploiting goods and sex. Okay. That's what they're doing. And they're dead to me. So now I'm upset.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Okay. Cause first I thought that she was, you know, just making some money off of these dumb ass men. And then, and then I got all high and I was like, Oh, I got to do the math. I got to know the sheer amount of men that are subscribing and paying her to to make more money than they ever will in selling in their basement, creating some kind of a tech app that will never take off.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
So instead, they're still eating TV dinners because their mom refuses to cook for them because their mom doesn't even want them around. Do you blame them? I sure don't. They'll never make this kind of money. I wanna know how many of them there are. So I do, so I come up with a baseless formula naturally. I know exactly what to do.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
I remember the fraction times X over a hundred equals a percentage of men. I create, I'm like, okay, if she's making $43 million, So I'm just, I don't even know where I got these numbers. I do think, I'm not gonna explain things, but I do a lot of thinking in my head. I have a lot of internal thoughts. This number equaled about 4 million. That is wrong because that means that
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
We finally, she gives me a script to study and prepare via email. I'm communicating with an assistant. I have this problem recently where I'm reading things too fast. I'm not really getting into the meat. I print out the whole script. I study it, take it to the spa, mark it up, really try and get into character. I know what I'm doing here. I'm not going to need any more lessons. I led with...
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
she would, that they would only be paying like $10. And I know she probably has the same people coming back over and over again. But what I'm assuming is that I'm sure all the, it's like a mid-sized city, all the men in a mid-sized city, which isn't nothing, but I did think it was going to be more. I would like to know basically how many subscribers she has. Okay, the formula is not working.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
It's not proving to be true. I cannot figure it out for once in my life. I need help. I need to know. How many perverts are out there? So, so basically I'm like another Hulu Netflix documentary waiting in the wings. We'll never know the truth. So I think there should be a union of sorts. I think there should be a union for sex workers. Let's unionize because it's dangerous work by nature.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
So they need protection. And the first chapter would be no men allowed to manage them. Don't even come close. No, women only. And the managers can only take a max percentage of 30%, chapter one. Chapter one, get those grubby little XY chromosomes off my money. I want to be managed by a woman because with a man in the picture, there's already a power dynamic just by sheer anatomy.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
They're stronger, they're bigger, they're more powerful than you. And sex is another layer that's dangerous and exploitative. Get the fuck out of here. Second, if I had it my way, if I had it my way, they'd be 25. That's when our cerebellum, that's when our white matter, our gray matter, our pituitary frontal lobe is fully formed at 25. That would never fly.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
So for sake of ease and whatever the legalities are around creating a union, we'll go with 21, another arbitrary number, which has been not detonated, but designated to be the age where we can engage legally in activity which might harm us. What's the difference between 18 and 21? I guess three years, honestly, which is a lot of time for your brain, but I'd like to push it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
And nothing's gonna control me. I started drinking at 13 anyway. What are you gonna do? We can at least try. I think they should be 25. We're no stranger to a head buzz around here, are we? Are we? Because that first head buzz of the day, the first five seconds that you finally feel alive is gonna go away. And you'll be clawing all day to try and get it back again. That's the nicotine.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
I just have to tell you, I'm a Capricorn. I come overly prepared. I really do my homework. I pull out the script, all highlighted. Did you prepare scene two? What? You mean the beginning? Oh, it was instructed to you to prepare scene two, sure. Sure, I know how to play this game. I'm walking into a room where there's a power dynamic. You are the teacher. I am the student.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
See terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos and April 27th, 2025 at 1159 p.m. Eastern. So when you see me on my Instagram exploiting my thong bikini for free, I am of a ripened age where I am severely in touch with my developed brain. Too, too in touch. Fingerprints everywhere. Cannot escape anything. No, I'm caught. No, it's me. I'm very in touch of the reality. I, you know...
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
You know, I'm of an age, like I said, where I'm developed, but I'm also timeless. Some may say I transcend age. Generations, I can connect to anybody. Kids, I don't know, not so much. But we're not having these conversations with children, okay? Okay, I can play those games on their little Nintendos. Yeah, I want to be the cool looking girl who kicks ass, obviously.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Anyway, so that's what I think. Let me backtrack for a second. I did forget one other bit that has caused me to crawl, crawl out of my thick skin, which is a Reddit thread I saw labeled, I feel weird after having sex with someone I'm not attracted to. I feel weird. What the fuck do you think we feel? This is obviously coming from a man.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
What do you think we feel when you come at me with your pencil dick into my belly button? Have you ever seen a vagina before? Yeah, we feel fucking weird. We don't run to the internet begging for sympathy, playing some kind of a victim. What do you mean you feel weird? We didn't want to have sex with you either. Maybe that's why you feel weird. I know what you're doing.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
You're flipping the narrative and you think going to the internet and letting it all out is going to abate you from your weirdness. No, you don't get to feel weird. Yeah, you feel weird when I'm running home to take an Ambien to give me some kind of amnesia where I totally forget. And I hope it's the Ambien that makes me walk off a ledge.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Sure, I'll swallow my pride. I know you're fucking wrong. I know there was no way there was any differentiation, any instructions on the hyperlinked line Jenny script. I'm a Capricorn. I come overprepared, I say. Turns out I prepared the wrong thing. She was right the whole time. I went back and looked. There's no way she just said seen to. And in fact, she did.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
I hope it's that kind because you made me feel more than weird. I wanna forget you ever existed. I wanna forget I ever existed. That's what I think. But I don't go running around telling people. It's just a fact of life. You just internalize it. Yeah, you make me feel weird, all right. You're not the only one who gets to feel weird.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
And Ian, do you not have any self-control that if you weren't into the girl, you just can't, you just wouldn't want to fuck her? Yeah, maybe that's called guilt. Yeah, maybe that's called a conscience. Ever thought of that? You didn't need to bring her home and soak because you're too tired to actually pump a couple. You get to feel weird. No, I don't think so.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
I'm feeling weirder than you and I beat you to it. So there's that. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, weirdo. That's what they say. Put it in your pipe and smoke it. You guys know we're watching Life Below Zero. And one of my favorite characters is called Sue. The whole internet hates her. I love her. They're trying to survive in, you know, obviously Life Below Zero. It's in the title.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Most are out there because they want to connect with nature and they're really doing it. They're building their own homes. They're hunting for their own dinner. They're heating their homes with firewood, not Sue. No, Sue lives on a compound of sorts with a generator and four refrigerators. She's not dedicated to the lifestyle, but she's dedicated to something. She's Sue.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
She's the only one that I'd want to sit down and smoke a joint with because she'd be a good time because she has a personality. Because she's always saying things like, put that in your pipe and smoke it because she's putting the sneak on them. She pretends to be able to hunt, but she can't.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
She gives up way too soon because she's getting flown in hostess products on a helicopter and smoking ciggies inside one of her compound buildings that's being heated, like I said, by a generator. She has a computer. She has a TV. And one of our favorite lines is when she tries to hunt, she says she puts the sneak on him. She's out looking for a caribou. She's looking for a bear.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
She said she's been attacked by a bear. Nobody believes her online. Nope. Everyone thinks they're lying. They've even gone so far to try and prove that it was a lie. I don't believe her, but let her have it. So now when she goes hunting, hunting for any kind of a bird, which all of the other families and cast members are hunting, fishing, no problem. Sue cannot. She just can't.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
She has a four-wheeler. She does laps around the compound. She makes friends with all the foxes. These other guys would be killing them for food. She's like, let's see if we can put the sneak on him. So now me and Robbie in bed, we're like, should we put the sneak on? I'm like, I'm going to put the sneak on you. I'm like, Robbie, baby, will you please put the sneak on me? Please sneak me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
I'm feeling hot and horny. Yeah. And she's like, we're all gonna be bear meat. Bears want nothing to do with her. She's not blending in with nature. They want absolutely nothing to do with her. She's like, we're all gonna be bear meat. She's like, if you go outside without a gun, you might as well put some ketchup on you and call you a pork chop. Nobody's out to get you, Sue.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
She knows exactly what she's talking about. So I'm coming in with an L. I'm coming in with an L right on my forehead after I told her I'm the type of person to overprepare. Ding. She's got a ding. Me. A demerit system. That's what we lived by. My mom would be like, that's a ding. Two dings and I'm getting the belt, the braided kind. I wish I was kidding.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
She thinks she's a victim of sorts of mother nature and they just absolutely want nothing to do with her. But she's entertaining. And that is why we watch. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Anyways, so we get into it and you're a natural of sorts, she says. She's going to be a star. It went straight to my head. I could barely take it. And she thinks I'm cute. My head cannot fit in the room. You're a natural in some ways. and quite an unnatural in others drops the bomb. I don't know who I am anymore. What do you mean unnatural? I can learn anything. I can put my mind to anything.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. . . . .
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
I swear I'm doing this right. And we're talking a million miles a minute. I'm coming in at a deficit. I didn't know what to prepare for lack of communication because I didn't read everything thoroughly. I didn't take a beat. I didn't take a second. Unnatural. She doesn't like my vocal fry. She doesn't like the way I said yo. She's like, yeah, where's your accent from? Where'd you grow up?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
The Midwest. She said, why do you say your U's? Yo. She said, you're saying your U's. Yo. Why are you saying your U's like yo? I didn't know I was saying my U's like that. And then I kept doing it. It was like a compulsion. I couldn't stop. Yo, yo. How about you over there? Now I have to change. You, you. I said, actually, I'm quite known for my vocal fry. She said, save it for the podcast.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
It's like truly, truly back then until and we have the technology. We have drones. We've gone to outer space. Elon Musk has shot a rocket and landed in the exact same spot. I don't give a fuck. It probably wasn't that hard. Just nobody was like, whoa, I'm going to show them this will be really cool and impress and impress the same people that are waiting for the aliens to come on December 3rd.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Easily impressed. Not me. I don't give a fuck. Anyways, we have all this technology and you're telling me you cannot show me a clear video, not even of a UFO, but of a little green man. I want to see a picture in 4K, not even of a UFO, not even of a saucer, not even of an unidentified object of Elphaba. What's her name? Elphaba. Because she's green. Okay. Why? Why?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
If they're out there and you're so sure of it, why can't I see some kind of photo evidence? Why aren't they making themselves known if they're coming here? Okay, so once I see a picture, then I'll believe, yeah, I'm probably a flat earther. Back then, if I lived back then, I would believe the earth was flat and it wouldn't bother me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
And once I found out that it was a 3D sphere globe of sorts, I wouldn't fucking care. Because I don't think about that every day. Because it doesn't matter if the earth is 3D or 2D. I'm walking the same way I'm getting nowhere. It's flat for me, that's for sure. It's flat. It's gray and it's flat. Nardo, he's licking his nose again. It wouldn't change my life knowing that the world wasn't flat.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Me, Shel Silverstein, where the sidewalk ends, I don't give a fuck. I'll tip over. It just doesn't matter on a day-to-day. It's great that we found it out. Yes, of course, I'm a believer in science. It doesn't sound like it right now, I'll tell you that, but. Okay, speaking of science astrology, now we can talk about something that has legs. You know what I mean? It's tangible. It's a real theory.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Not around here. You're not. Yo, you, yo. How are you? That's how I do it. Yo. But she said, yo. Like, okay, fuck. Now I have to start in the pre-beginner course. I'm looking at two months of coursework, four hours each, twice a week. Who has time for that? When I'm highly depressed and must be bedridden for 60% of the week in order to have any energy. for what's to come.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
It's been proven again and again, not like the aliens or back then the earth was round. You know what I mean? Astrology is real. Because, and I've said it before, my great friend Morgan really astutely said this. The moon controls the tides. We know it's science. The tides are water, in case you didn't know. And our body is 70% water. So the moon controls us. You bet your ass.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Aquarius is in Pluto. Pluto's in Aquarius. I forget which one goes into which, but it's a big shift. It's huge. It's going to last for 20 years and we need to buckle the fuck up. It's giving coup. We're throwing coups. We're couping. We're revolting. It's a revolution. The last time Aquarius was in Pluto was the American Revolution. Hello? Hello?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
We're revolting, but this time against totalitarianism. This time against the fucking man. We're decentralizing the power, okay? And we saw that. RIP by the UnitedHealthcare CEO being shot basically point blank. What the fuck? We haven't seen this kind of anything in so long because he made like over $300 million last year denying sick and poor people healthcare. Pluto's and Aquarius, all right.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
All fucking right. Coup is maybe the only word I learned in like grade school, but it's like, they kind of taught it as a bad thing. Yeah, like a group of people trying to overthrow the government, but it's like, that's because they taught us that the government was good. So in my head, I'm like, oh, this can never happen because they would obviously be people who are bad people.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
you know, are like, are criminals. And it's like the, it's like January 6th, which just gives it such a bad name, but we need a good coup. Long-winded, listen up, listen up. It's a time of cults and I'm your leader. That's right. There's going to be a shift in power. And I mean, that was crazy. Not saying that that's the way to handle these things, to make yourself known, to send a message.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
But I am. And just to remind you that this is a podcast of satire and comedy. Okay, because I don't believe in the Second Amendment at all. So it's looking really crazy for us. I don't have any Aquarius in my chart, so I don't know if this really concerns me, but it is concerning society. Let me tell you what Aquarius themes, social groups, technology, democracy. That's right. That's right.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
where we're getting new leaders, some of the quirky sort, yours truly. I keep telling you, and I'm not going to stop, we are taking over the world here at Longwindered. Okay, mark my words. Once I book one acting role, you will never see me again. But until then, we're cooing up, we're colting up, and we're cutting up. I might have to take that out. I don't know. That didn't really land.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
So, okay, so really that's it for me and we'll see you next time on Long Winder.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
That's including feeding myself. That's including feeding the dog. That's including scrolling social media for hours. That's including preparing each week for a dissertation on topics you don't give a fuck about. Welcome to long-winded y'all. Anyways. That's how we begin.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
And then I'll move in to all of the ways in which men have gotten under my skin lately and likely in which all the ways men have gotten under my skin like a terrorizing tick burrowing its disgusting disease-ridden head on its way to give me limes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
That's how I feel about men recently because of various circumstances, instances that I've been privy to, which I am here to tell you about on your long drive to work, on your morning commute, on your evening commute, hopefully on the TV. I'm trying to get on your turf. I want to be a YouTube star, please. Like and subscribe. And leave me five stars. I'll start with this.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
I'm taking an acting class. She's going to be an actress. It's not me. It's Mrs. Iglesias. Yes, I'm half Mexican. Yes, submit me for all the roles. No, I cannot speak Spanish. My mom did not one thing right, including teaching me Espanol. She just couldn't do it. She had to keep it for herself. No, you can't have none of that. No, you can't have a skill.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
In order to show up to my first acting class and blow her out of the water after therapy, I was reading the script over a meal of sugarfish, over where I do the best thinking, over a salmon nigiri. $35 lunch special. So my favorite place to be, yes, I'll take an ice cream tea, and yes, I'm going to snort it. Yeah, I'm going to put it right up my butt.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
So I'm going to be firing on all fours when it comes to Jenny. That's the character I was playing, which I thought was made for me, but apparently it wasn't. Yo. There's a couple right next to me. Fuck. Now I have no choice but to put the script away and eavesdrop and hang on to every word so I can report the news to you all in real time. Here's a couple sitting next to me at the bar.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Big, a big old uggo. I'm sorry. I'm sorry he earned it. Receding hairline and all. Pot belly. Chicklets for veneers. I need to memorize this man's face in case I need to recognize him in a lineup for all of his crimes that he will be committing undoubtedly. And I know this because I watched him for 35 straight minutes. Maybe he had some kind of an adrenal insufficiency. I don't know.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
It was giving like hypothyroidism in the face. Of course, it can be treated with a dose of Synthroid, but I'm sure he doesn't go to his PCB quite often enough. He's on the homeopathic regimen. He doesn't believe in Western medicine and he doesn't believe in Westernization of women. Let me get into it. His girlfriend, I'm assuming is his girlfriend. Also, they probably have not made it official.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
I hope to God for her sake they haven't. She is gorgeous. She has her eyelashes done. She has a cute hat on. She has a bubbly personality and she's eating it up. She's under the man's thumb. She's gotta get out of there, but she's young. So there's still time. She's playing along with the terrible humor that is this man. And I will say most straight men.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
I don't come into contact with straight men often. And this is what happens when I do. He thought he was being funny. He thought he was making a joke. Oh, the music was so good. They should win an Emmy just for the music. It's so good. It's giving me a boner. What? This is what they do. They think that there's no other metaphor. They think that there's no other joke.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
They think that there's no other conversation starter than their micro dick, which is vasodilating, not growing. It's maybe growing by a couple centimeters because of the music he heard. What? What, this is all that you have to say? Actually, you're doing the music that you love and you think is award-winning? You're comparing it to your teeny tiny little dick?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
I put some respect on this music's name. It's not funny. She lets out a giggle. I'm like, oh, I've been there. You don't have to laugh at these things anymore. You don't have to do it anymore. No, we're getting our power back. You don't deserve a boner. Boner. Boner.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
And that's something, it's like, if we talk about our vaginas like that, everybody laughs and not, I'm not in a way that makes you want to be in on it in a way that's laughing at you. Well, have I got news for you. There's this new thing called pussy power. Anyways. He goes, OK, that was one tasteless joke. All right. OK, so I'm tuned in. All right. Now I have some entertainment.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
That'll put you above and beyond the gen pop. That'll put you first for any kind of selection. No, I'm going to keep that from you. So I had my meeting with my acting teacher, who's absolutely in fucking sane, just like you would expect. I show up, I sit down. We're meeting each other. She has what's called a tuna can behind her.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
OK, I'm paying attention. And then he goes on to say, I don't know. I don't know if he was trying to make conversation. I don't know if he was trying to connect with her. I have actually no fucking clue what he was doing. And then he goes, oh yeah, did you fuck him? The room falls silent. The room being the three of us. They don't know that I'm a third listening into the conversation.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
She's like, what? Or, oh, and then he goes, oh yeah, that's right. Oh, maybe he just put it in. What kind of conversation? Why are you asking your girlfriend or soon to be girlfriend who she's fucked? And if they put it in all the way, this is the only thing that you have to talk about? This is your charisma trying to woo your hot young girlfriend? No. No, you're getting on my nerves.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
And I want to squeeze you until your head pops off like the dirty little tick you are. Exhibit A, that's just one way they really got under my skin. And then the next one, I'll let you know. is Maroon 5. I forget where I was. I was somewhere, maybe waiting for a vitamin shot. And this gorgeous song comes on. And you will be loved. And you will.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
listening to it and I start listening to it and I'm like, Adam Levine, are you predatory? Obviously we knew that he cheated on his wife with some, like, I don't know, 126 girls or something. Obviously, but you had to hide it in a beautiful ballad. And then I was thinking about the lyrics. Beauty queen of only 18. What, you're a pervert?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
She's sobbing, crying in your arms, and you're making her believe that you're the only one that can save her? No, you know she has to save herself. And you will be loved. Not by you, you sick freak. You're too old to be going after an 18-year-old. And you know it. And she needs to go on her own journey of self-worth to decide who she wants to be loved by.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
And I know it's not you, you creepy old man. Get out of here. I knew all the words. I had to wait. I had to wait this long for my frontal lobe to develop to actually realize what this song was about. And there goes my childhood once again.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Which leads me into my next topic. Here comes the brides, where lesbians are dressed in off-white. As you know, we're married. No, I won't stop talking about it. We opted out for the bridal party thing and opted in for Reverend Nature. at a Vegas chapel. You know the story, $7.99, best day of our lives.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
We had to plan it quickly, but if we hadn't, you know my bridesmaids would be dressed in birdie gray. We all know bridesmaid dress shopping can be a lot. Finding the right color, the right fit, the right price. Oh, It just shouldn't be this hard. That's why we need to talk about Birdie Gray. Birdie Gray makes it easy so you can get a gorgeous look without the stress of a hefty price tag.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
And if you're second guessing a shade, they offer six free swatches, a total game changer. You can see and feel the fabrics in real life before deciding on your wedding color palette. And let's talk size inclusivity. Their dresses range from extra small to 3X, so everyone in your bridal crew can find a fit that makes them feel amazing. Oh, and here's something new.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
If you decide to get married to a man and he has other man friends, they just launched groomsmen suits that coordinate with their bridesmaid dresses starting at only $1. $199. If you're in wedding planning mode, head to birdiegray.com, grab your six free swatches, find the perfect shade, and get your wedding party dressed, starting at just $89. Stress-free, budget-friendly, and actually cute.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Come to find out it's not tuna, but a 13-year-old chihuahua of sorts. Googly-eyed, glaucoma-ed. Almost falling out of its head. Oh, are you here to meet tuna? Oh, are you here to get tuna? Oh, a tuna can's calling? In comes a guy with a limp, just pulled a hamstring. His biceps are popping out of his muscle teeth. I'm concerned for his veins because they look dilated.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
Sounds like a win. Looking for a partner in wedding planning? Well, we were, and luckily, one chapel in Las Vegas. We're great planners, but I understand not everyone is going to want to get married in Vegas. So you, who does not, look no further. The knot is here to plan with you. You found your person. Oh, God, thank God. It's impossible these days. Now let The Knot help with everything else.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
The Knot connects you to the wedding inspo, vendors, venues, and planning tools you need to make your day totally you. When it comes to your wedding, you've got ideas. We've seen the Pinterest boards you've been curating. For the last 10 to 15 years now, now finally, let's put them to good use with The Knot because they have the connections to make it happen.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
this one's for the bandwagon
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Everyone's like, you don't introduce your guests. And I'm like, sorry, but this is Sarah Shower. Yes. And I feel like you've been online forever. Yeah. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yes, that is the hardest part.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I know he so needs attention. He acts like he's neglected. What do you think since you are so smart about like, do you feel like the AA is is rooted like it's like rooted in Christianity or like Catholicism, right?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah, no, I can see that because that's how I don't have a huge lesbian community, which I always talk about. And I have a lot of straight friends, which I love them. But it is like it's not even that I can explain it, but it is just a different experience in the world. Yes. I'm like, I cannot tell you how men are so terrible. Yeah. And how they're treating you awful. Yes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Because like you have to figure that out on your own. For some reason, you still like it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
So all I can do is listen. Yeah. To your STD stories.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Because like there's no STDs in the lesbian community. Absolutely none.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
And I know you are an activist. I feel of sorts of free press.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah. And you can, the thing is- That's a good way to put it. I just talk about misandry. Yeah. That's my favorite word.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yes. And this happens, I feel like, so insidious.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Like, we just, like, appear. We're born in an infant.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Chasse out of the womb. And then all of a sudden, you don't even know, but it's all about men.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
We don't even have a choice like what to consume.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Because I heard you talking about how you remember things, which was really interesting. And you're like, kind of it's spatial. Yes. But I'm like, yes, I get that. But also, I don't remember a lot. And I can't. But but then I was thinking, I'm like, what does make me remember? And it's an emotional somehow connection or something, obviously, that I want to learn.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
That's beautiful. Yeah. But my thing, I have two things. I have, like, right now, I do not have a lot of men in my life. Okay. I have my manager who we're really close and he just gets it. Yeah. And then I have my dad.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
So actually, maybe I do, but I still have dreams that, like, haunt me. And they all, I have two types of dreams, but they all surround, like, the theme is isolation. I think because I felt really lonely as a child and I hate to be social, so I do it to myself and I'm a lesbian. So all it's like, what do you call it? Like the trifecta of like hating your life.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Wait, do you hate your life? I don't think so. Okay. But a little bit. I just like, I don't hate my life, but sometimes I hate living and I hate other parts about it. Yes. Like the patriarchy.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I'm like, if I was born in a different culture, but heaven forbid, I was born in Iran. I'm like, this can get worse actually. It doesn't help. Yeah. You know, because also like we're doing all of the work, the women, but actually the men do or need to do. And I do have like a couple of people. I have some husbands who listen and love and love, love you guys. Thanks for coming back.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
And they'll like comment and stuff. So I know some men get it, but a lot of them aren't doing the work and don't give a fuck. So it's like the more, you know, actually the worse it is. because then you're so aware. But I can't help myself from knowing because then you feel connected.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah, that's true. And what? Because I do feel like I'm very emotional. OK.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
What type of emotions? Big ones. Crying. Uh huh. Sadness.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
All the time. My therapist tells me I'm really angry. Okay. Well, I mean, that's a good thing. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Feminism, like you hear something bad happening in the world and you get mad, right? Well, it's interesting you say that because when something really bad happens, I'm always like maybe a little indifferent, but I'm always like it was meant to be like that because I can't let myself like really harp on it because I know then there's no way out. So I feel like I'm outsmarting it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Some things will click, but I cannot choose what.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But also when I get really good news, I never celebrate. I'm like, oh, it could be taken away and like whatever, this is life.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah. But do you think some people have to work harder at it than others? Yes, absolutely. They also have a lot of anger towards naturally happy and healthy people.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Probably. I have massive depression and just an overall uninterest.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
What's the difference? Okay, wait, say that again because you just said it. Jealous is sadness.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Okay. And the order does matter. Okay. Oh, interesting. Yeah, and then envy is sadness plus anger. Envy is sadness plus... I don't have envy ever. Okay.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Wait. OK. In that order? No, it's either of the three. OK. I've never felt serene. OK. And grateful. So I started doing a gratitude journal like three days. Yeah. But I did really feel like it helped. Yes. Because that's something that I am missing. But I know. But I look around and I'm like, holy shit. I was a nurse living paycheck to paycheck. I never thought that this would happen.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But also I'm like, whatever. Take it with a grain of salt.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yes. And disgust moves you away from something. Oh, that's so me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
You know, and that's also something it's like I feel guilty when I'm happy. Why? I think because I know what it's like to not have it. And then all of a sudden I become very existential. OK. Yeah. So I'm like, there's so many people who are unhappy. Look at what is going on in the world. I'll see someone, anyone who I think and and I pity them for no reason. OK. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Cause I think I'm afraid also of like being kind of, if I'm happy about something, I feel like I'm being braggadocious. I'm like, guess what happened? Then like, if I'm talking to someone who's miserable, cause I also feel like everyone's miserable except for you. Yeah. Are you on any kind of meds?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I'm disgusted by everything. I don't believe I think everything's a hoax.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I'm on heavy meds for depression. I had a good cocktail, though. So these things are making sense and more attainable. Good. Yeah. Good. Yes. Love is in the air. When is it not around here? We just had Valentine's Day. Robbie and I had a romantic Italian dinner where she could have popped the question, but she didn't. Just kidding. No pressure.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I'm like, it's even hard to say. I mean, I'm interested in feminism. Yes. I'm a raging feminist. Yes. So that's what I'm into right now. And like I was a nurse for eight years. So I feel like I'm naturally like drawn to like medical things. Yeah. Which like some is like applicable only when someone's sick. Yeah. But I still love it. You know, I'm like, if you have a question, please come to me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
What kind of a lesbian are you? When did it happen?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Just like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And do you identify fully with lesbian? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, totally.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But you've dabbled in the D.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
And I thought I was doing it for myself because you're gaslit by this terrible society that you're breaking down for us.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
So I'm like, if men can do it, so can I. Yeah. But naturally, I always thought it was going to lead to a relationship and more emotional connection. Yeah. So it's like I was not doing it for myself.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
When I say no, no, when it happens and it's fine. Yeah. I'm like, oh, I wanted that. Yeah. No, you didn't. Yeah. But it's like hard to grasp that until later, until I became a lesbian. I was like, oh, OK, what the fuck?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yes. I thought I just had to like, you know, turn over. Yeah. Like whatever. Just count down until it's done. Yeah. Just like get it over with.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But that's kind of where it ends. OK.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Not easy. Easy in the gay community. It's relative. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah. Because I feel like now I'm kind of like realizing I'm like people don't take like lesbian relationships seriously.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Well, what do you do for fun? I don't have a lot of fun. But I do like to read.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
There would never be a headline that's like Gabby seen at the beach.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
With a lesbian or with a name them. Yeah. It's like that nobody cares.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Even though it's like why isn't Chapel Roan getting these headlines. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Right. You know, it was like I saw one headline that's like she's dating a 50 year old woman. I'm like, why don't we know more about that?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Why isn't there like gossip Collins about that? Seriously. It's only about straight girls going to the beach with a football player.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I'd like to be in the mess. Yeah. I want you know, like I want to feel that. Yeah. You want to be that someone talk about you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah. But it is. And I'm like, OK, well, if you don't take a lesbian relationship seriously, I don't take your hinge relationship seriously.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I feel like I read like different things and I like to watch reality TV and I like to get high.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But it's like not true. Yeah. I mean, obviously they happen.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah. Yeah. No, I agree. It's like a plight for the bisexuals. But also I'm like, if you were smart, you'd choose a woman. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Okay, then that's, like, the pansexual, I feel. I have a hard time differentiating between pan and bi. I know the science behind it. It's, like, bi is genders. Uh-huh. And pan is personalities. But don't they, like, don't you also need to be attracted to a personality?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
And like putts. The happiest I am ever is when I'm high and like clean the house and maybe like rearrange like artwork or like knickknacks.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Tell us. No, I mean, I know.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yes. No, I know. I feel like the pansexual in me is like if maybe I met a man with, you know, a killer personality who treated me amazing, who understood me as an equal, then maybe. But also, I don't think they exist.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Okay. So when did you first know you were a lesbian?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
And like we're side by side. Is this sex? Yeah, it's like more emotional. Yeah, I know. It's like for me, like sex was penetration. It felt like kind of like a goal. Yeah. And then when when we came, it was accomplished. So I'm like, OK, I could check it off a list.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah. Anal, definitely. That was my first, like, one of my first experiences being around a lot of lesbians.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Because I feel like they can be really kind of, like, intelligent but pretentious. Yeah. And we were at, like, a lesbian, which, like, I'm, like, you tow the line. No, I'm just kidding. No, but we were talking about it before. It's like, you're so palatable. Thank you. You know? Yes. You're not, like, I feel like bragging about it or anything like that.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But we were at a dinner party with, like, a bunch of lesbians. And one goes, yeah, like, Virginia Woolf liked anal. Oh. And I'm like, how do you know? So you've read all of Virginia Woolf, first of all. Keep that to yourself. Now I have so much to catch up on. And you know so much about her that you know how she likes penetration. Yeah. It seemed very condescending.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
So like, is that like science fact? Yeah. Oh, my God. That's great. But that's what I'm saying. It's like, that's why I feel like you can kind of it's like being gay. You're born like that. It's like it could also be a choice because smart women are gay. I think that gets into political lesbianism.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yes. It's too simple. Yeah. I understand I'm breaking it down too much, but it's been my experience.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yes, and that's what we need.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Because we need to level ourselves out. Yeah. And I could relate and I am a part of, I feel like, the dumb lesbian community. Oh yeah, I toe the line. Yes, yeah. I'm telling it. Yeah. And I'm not afraid.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
That's why I like to be alone. Yeah. Because I don't because I like don't always know what people are thinking or feeling. And I feel like I kind of always have to say like, OK, but not really get it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
You know, so that's why I just stay away from people. Yeah. Because it's like what you know, like I'm afraid to disagree. Like my girlfriend's always like, you're not happy unless, you know, unless you'll feel like I'm inside your brain. I'm like, obviously.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
yeah doesn't everyone like I want to wear your skin yeah doesn't everyone feel like that yeah but I think it's just like a yearning yeah to be like understood and I'm always like I'm always having an internal dialogue yeah well yearning is just like talk about emotions again yearning is like it's like sadness plus no it's it's happiness plus sadness
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
That's for you to experience.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah, I mean, it makes sense.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah, everyone here is pretentious. We're all everything. We can be, both things can exist, all things.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Okay. Do you have any, like, feminist books or authors that you like? Ooh, yes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
No. I'm having a hard time really fine. I love Sylvia Plath. Okay. I think more than feminism, which I go in and out of like how interested I am in my lesbianism. Yeah. But I feel like so many awakenings are happening at once. And right now I really identify with depression. Okay. So like that's why I fuck with Sylvia Plath.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Because she's so depressed. And she works in a lot of feminism, but they're like, she's a feminist icon. But I feel like she speaks about it, which we talked about it earlier, which I forget what kind of feminism is more like not a little bit about being gay, but also just like her experience with men and how like, you know, the one abuser in the forest.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But is it the goal to get to the executive brain? Well, I mean, am I missing out on enlightenment?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
You know, I'm not so into poetry because I can't totally understand it. I can't now. Yeah. Yes, I know. And that makes me feel really dumb and I'm always at odds with it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I do like her unabridged journals. OK. And I actually think she's really easy to understand. Yes. Because she's like short. She's like succinct. Yes. You know, yeah, that's what I like. Like Virginia Woolf is too wordy. Yes. I'm like, just like break it down, bitch.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I don't. I'm a dancer. I stretched for the first time the other day because I saw the substance and Margaret Qualley was doing the splits and I found it offensive. Oh, like she was doing it bad? No, she was doing it insanely good. Oh, yeah. So I'm like, oh, I used to be able to do that. It's not fair that she gets to do that. Yeah. Yeah. So I stretched to Barbarella.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
nice yeah nice but that's really it and it wasn't like I feel like it was more of an emotional outlet because I didn't do like a lot of choreography okay I feel like when when I was young like I love well not I love to be told what to do like if I know what you expect of me I can deliver but now I feel like I'm diving into my creativity yes
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah. Which parent? Both at a time. But my dad was like when we were growing up active duty. Okay. What about you?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Oh, what'd he get kicked out for? He punched his officer. Oh my. And his officer probably deserved it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah. It was like, yes, ma'am. No, ma'am. Growing up. Yeah. Yeah. My dad is just like committed to the grind. He would work like 60 hour weeks even outside the military. I'm like, literally get out of the office. There's no windows in your office. You will turn into a fungus. Yeah. Like a mushroom. Don't you want it? But it's like he's just like cannot get away from work.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
And I feel like it's like rooted in that. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I also feel like it's because I'm a Capricorn.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
What are you? I'm a Libra. That's such a good sign. Thank you. Eminem was a Libra is he's not dead. He's not dead.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I'm a Capricorn sun, rising Aries, Leo moon. Damn. What about you? Libra sun, Libra moon, and then Gemini rising. Oh wow. Oh my God. So Gemini women are like geniuses. Thank you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Well, I never relax my mind. Okay. I feel like I'm always relaxed. I try and relax my body. I try and stay far away from the gym. If I need a workout, I'll do the cold plunge. Yeah. But when I'm at home, like I'll smoke weed, but I'm always like thinking because I feel like I have especially now so many tasks. Yeah. You know? Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
So I can't I guess when I smoke, but I'm trying to like get myself to like relax. That's interesting. I didn't know that it was like that. Yeah. Like in my astrology. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I mean, every other week I come here and scream to the camera about whatever I want. That is like a good way to express my creativity.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yes. But it's like we're past like now we're kind of decorated. Yeah. Like don't know if we're staying here leaving. So there's boxes everywhere. We're like in kind of limbo. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't have I know I'm trying. I guess I'm like not even it's like who's not. Well, I have to take my own pictures for Instagram. Yeah. You know. Yeah. So now I like to like fuck with cameras and like lights.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah. I love how you like feel you're really intellectual side with like other things.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I like to like I make my own structure now because I'm self-employed. Do you do pottery? I have done pottery. Very lesbian of you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah, well, that's how I feel like it's totally fine.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
No, definitely. I'm going to put it on the windowsill no matter what. But that is the thing with creativity, too, is I feel like it wouldn't be good enough art. It's like somebody would always be better than you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But like shopping for lesbians, go to a woodworking class. I'm so serious. It was probably full of curly mullets.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Okay. And how did you learn all of this?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
And you like I like knowing it's it's like real.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Almost real. Oh, yeah. What are your favorite? Because I'm like, did you read Julia Fox's? Oh, my God. But I listen to Celebrity Memoir Book Club. Oh, yes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Oh, my God. You have you always loved reading? No, no. OK, yes, because I feel like you do have to make yourself.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I think they're really good.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
You should listen to it. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I did. Because she she like whatever narrates it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
It is really good. But some things I'm like, is this all true? Yeah. You know, or are we in Belgium? I'm not calling Julia Fox a liar. I'm just wondering. Because, dude, we're on camera. But it's like, it's so crazy. But also I feel like it would happen to her.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
You know? Yeah. And that's like, I know it's hard being such an introvert and like not wanting to do anything because then I don't experience anything.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
So I'm waiting still for like to get a little umph.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Because I want things to talk about. Yeah. But it's too late for me to piss into someone's mouth with a funnel.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But that's what I want desperately. I mean, you could do like a BDSM course. That's what I want to like. That's what because it's so like I'm not interested in BDSM. Yeah. But it's like, what is more risque? Yeah. I want the shock factor.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I don't know if a macaron class.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
It's going to give me the shock.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But it will give you a lot of color. It will. How do you get the color?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Okay, yeah. It's not dye. What are you supposed to do?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
And they're great with boundaries, too. Right. Because like people are like, don't kink shame. And I'm like, but one time I had like whatever I was doing, like a call in episode. Yeah. And somebody was like, this guy I'm dating wants me to wear a diaper. And I'm like, fuck no.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
And then so last year I got crazy, crazy jump because I would need alcohol to take the edge off. Oh, and give me the bravery.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Because like that's pedophilia. Or am I kink shaming?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah, depend. Right. But what if it was visual? Is that better or worse?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Right. Because if she was in a depends, I feel like it wouldn't be that bad. Yeah. Because that's an adult diaper.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Interesting that you'd have to wear a diaper. Oh, because you couldn't wear anything tight.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I guess you like, I would never, but. Yeah, no. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
And like, I don't know a lot about kinks.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I'm like, maybe I'm just so severely sexually repressed. Uh-huh. Yeah. That now I'm like, I want to wear a strap on. Yeah. And just like swinging around at least.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
No, I have a ton. Yeah. Yeah. We're always shopping for strap on's.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Right? Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God. See, yes, now I'm getting excited.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah, I can make my own story. Seriously. Do you wear strap-on? Yeah, I have to. Okay, you have to?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
So it's just going to pop up somewhere, you know? Yes. Just like clogging the feed.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Well, then... Above all, I just want to relate.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I want to know what that feels like. But she so she because people are always saying, like, put your whole weight on my face. Yeah. So you meant it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But I mean, so I have your nose looks great. Thank you. Yes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Okay. I'm going to say that then. Oh, yeah. I have carpal tunnel. Yes. Yeah. Because I only want to be on the bottom. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to be like, I can't. Which works for Robbie and I. Yeah. Because like, you know, it's like we're pretty heteronormative. Okay. Yeah. But you and your previous relationships were like... Yeah. I mean, well, I just love to get involved.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Just 10 minutes of... And he's like, you're so funny. Yeah, this is great.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yes. And sometimes Robbie's always like, talk to me. I'm like, I haven't figured it out yet. Yeah. Like, it's just like, I need you to kind of like explore and map it out. And then I can tell you. Yeah. Well, talk to me when. when she's going down on me. She's like, tell me, tell me, tell me. I'm like, I haven't figured it out yet because I like all of it. So it's like hard to just pick one.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
There's too much pressure. I already promised.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Totally. I did that a lot in my first relationships. I would not be serious during sex. And they'd be like, this isn't working for me. But I'm like, sex is funny. We're rolling around like animals. You're so sweaty. There's noises. There's just a lot going on. I can't be funny with Robbie. Really? Yeah, but honestly, I'd like to try.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Literally, because she's, like, so serious in bed. That's the only time she's serious. And sometimes when I'll, like, start to dirty talk, I'll be like, you know, try and say something funny. Like, introduce it funny. Because how do you, like, start out of nowhere? So I'll be like, daddy. And she's like, don't. And I'm like, okay. Just in the darkness.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. I don't know like how to role play. I feel like our dirty talk is role play because it's a lot of like, like mommy, dad. Well, just not real mommy stuff, daddy stuff. Okay. And it's like, I don't want to be caught. you know that's my favorite okay like are they gonna catch me yeah in the church pew
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
You bring in an altar boy. Father Matthew is here. Yes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
It's a good way, I feel like, to express yourself. Yes. And this is making me more excited to have sex because sometimes if it's, like, the same thing. Yeah. I'm like, you know, like, I got to do it. Yeah. But it's, like, sexual frustration. Yes. But if you, like, add more, then it's like, okay, we're getting multiple experiences out of one.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
You don't? What kind of role play have you done?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Oh, my... Yeah, your sketches are so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love your Lego sketches. Thank you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Sorry. Like one second. The speaker's on. Yes. What's that wet sound on the line? you're supposed to be on hold oh my gosh the just chewing on the what is that his teddy bear oh i was like god i know but yeah well i think we're probably good okay good i know i think it's a good note to end on i love it if you're just like all right let's stop talking we're done that's it yeah leave
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
there's the door thank you so much this was so fun thank you for having me on yeah hide your dirty socks they're actually really dirty so i'm so sorry it's like i walked here from beverly hills seriously i'm so sorry no oh my god we love it i wish they were dirtier okay yeah the tops were dirty too yeah you flip them you walk on the top of your feet yes and then i have a hump on She's an idiot.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
She's dumb as shit. That's what we like here. Exactly. Oh, my God. You are amazing. Thank you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I know. I need the next time you come.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Yeah. I'm going to. The next time I come. Yeah. Sorry, guys. I know. Oh, God.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
It's a Sarah shower. Yeah. Okay, great. I want to start putting links in the description. That's helpful. Okay. You're like, please do. I'm like, I might not start with you. No, but I'm going to. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. Thank you for that. Yeah, you're welcome.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
So you like to read things I feel like that are going to teach you a lot about the world.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Okay, well, until next time. All right.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Well, thank you for having me. No, I love it. I know. I put the sneak on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And no one knows when we start. No one does. It's the best. Yeah, it is. I will say.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Same. That's what I'm trying to do. But I'm late to the game and it's hard to break in. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But and you're a comedian.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
That's so admirable. Thank you. You guys don't get any ideas because you can't do that. Not everyone can do what you're doing. Read books? Yeah. Valentine's Day came and went, and I hope you did too. Let me tell you something, I sure did. But in case you didn't, don't get too down on yourself. I got you. I'm sending out a ton of free vibrators, so hold on to your clitorises.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Bless the Boutique is the woman-founded sexual wellness company that just gets it. Their pleasure products are so gorgeous and so thoughtfully made, you can literally feel that they were made by women. I'm sure you've seen their iconic air vibe, you know, that little red suction toy that's all over your Instagram feed.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Well, it also comes in a portable discrete charging case, so no one will ever know what's inside. But I'll tell you what's inside. An orgasm patiently waiting for you. They literally sent me a box for this partnership and for the life of me. I had no clue what I was expecting. I put it on the kitchen counter and I was like, what could this possibly be? I couldn't tell it all by the packaging.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I opened it up to an array of vibrators and I looked at Robbie and I said, you know what to do. You better get in those sheets. We have business to take care of. So needless to say, there's no embarrassment that comes with their packaging to the neighbors, co-workers, doormen, mailmen getting in your business. Obviously, they're paying me for this ad, but I love this company and I ride for them.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I truly believe in them. It is all about community and they really are here to empower all of the women to get what they deserve, which is love. The big O. Melissa's mission is to empower everyone to explore and celebrate their sexuality. Guys, they have a legitimate dog policy. Yes, a dog policy. If your dog eats your sex toy, they'll fully replace it. And I know he will because he's a pervert.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But you just have to send them a picture of your pup. How cute and wholesome. So don't miss out. We're literally giving away free vibrators or gift cards to everyone who signs up. Literally every single one of you. Just click the link in the episode description or go to bboutique.co slash longwinded. That's B-B-O-U-T-I-Q-U-E dot C-O slash L-O-N-G-W-I-N-D-E-D. There's always something.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
There's always something going on. There's always someone trying to lure me out of my house and then I have to shop. Then I have to, I'm always going shopping and I can't take it anymore. But if I did, if I could take it, there's Nuuly. Nuuly is a subscription clothing rental service that's all about helping you have fun and get creative with your style. Hello. Do I even need to say more?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But I will. You get to try out trending styles, colors, and silhouettes, and then send them back for something new. Nuuly takes care of everything from shipping to laundry. You snail trailed? No problem. They take care of it. You can even pause without paying a fee if you need to take a break for any reason. So Nuuly is a subscription clothing rental service for just $98 a month.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
You get your choice of any six styles each month. You choose whatever you want to rent for whatever you have going on. It's totally up to you. Access to thousands of styles from more than 400 brands. Are you kidding? Nuuly carries free people, Farm Rio, Saks. Silky Hill House for Love and Lemons, Anthropologie A. Goldie, My Favorite Jeans in the World, and more.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
There's inclusive sizing up to five times as well as petite and maternity. Fast free shipping and returns and professional cleaning and newly state-of-the-art laundering facility. This is what we like to hear. The option to buy what you love at a discount. Honestly, renting from Nuuly means getting to wear more while spending less.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
We're frugal around here and we like to be smart with our money because otherwise it's all going to capitalism. Nuuly has everything you need to bring your closet up to speed for the season without breaking the bank. Try new styles, sizes, trends, and more when you rent with Nuuly and skip feeling the fast fashion ick. You're telling me. It's flexible.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
There are no fees, late fees, damage fees, or fees to pause or cancel. So no big if you lose a button, spill something, or just need to take a break. Oh my God. This is amazing. Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any six styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with code GABBYWINDY.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I didn't even know that that's what was left in right brain. But I guess. Yeah. Because I thought like right brain was more artistic and left brain is more like science backed.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Just go to n-u-u-l-y.com, that's Nuuly with two u's, and enter the code GABBYWINDY and sign up to get $28 off your first month. That's n-u-u-l-y.com, Nuuly with two u's with code GABBYWINDY. Nuuly Subscription Clothing Rental. Change your clothes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Although we welcome dirty socks here. Okay, perfect.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
And like, so you did it all by yourself. Have you gone to any meetings or like things like that?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Congratulations. So all the 12 steps. Yeah. Wow. What was the hardest for you? The writing apologies. I was thinking that. Yeah, I know exactly who I would apologize to. Yeah. And it haunts me. Oh, yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Because I feel like we all carry around so much guilt.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
But instead of apologizing, I'm just trying to abate all the guilt on my own. Because it really is a pointless emotion. Yeah. But I do owe someone an apology. I don't know if they know who they are. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
I can't. I'm not going to say it here. OK. Yeah. But maybe one day. But she she is like the only one I'm like, I need to reach out to. Yeah. I think she does genuinely deserve an apology. Yes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
That's what I think I'm afraid of. I'm afraid that like either she's like not going to write back or text back or be like, fuck you, bitch. Yeah. And then try and retaliate. I don't want to remind her.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer
Also, I'm having a lot of struggle in this. I don't know if you guys talk about these like this kind of part of the apology. Yeah. In AA. But I'm sure you just have to like get over it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
And it's more fun that way. When you text me this morning, there's like there's a protest downstairs and I think I'm going to go. I'm like, why? Are they protesting something you really believe in? And you're like, no, I just like that shit. I'm like, this is how, this makes so much sense. Were you always like this? Because I also want to talk about your sobriety.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I'm just like so interested in sobriety. But a part of me is like, because I really do, I want to stop drinking. Really? Do you drink? A little bit. Not because I'm so depressed that it will make me depressed. Not even the day after, but like a week later. And you won't even notice it. But I'm like, how am I supposed to do the crazy shit like that and have something?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Yeah. All of them. And right. Unless they're I get I've been on Nick Files a bunch, too, just because he has a good audience and it's whatever. But other than that, I'm like. I don't want to because what? It's not going to like do anything for me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Why would I fucking think that at 16? I think we all did. Did we? Oh my God, same. I thought it was funny. And so did my parents. They'd be like, oh, we'll be like, we just know Gabby's going to be a stripper. She's an exhibitionist. I'm like, you cannot be telling kids that. No. Because then
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Wait, I want to look at her picture because her name sounds so familiar. She was on the. Oh, no, you wouldn't even know. Probably that the Blink 182, like the NMO of the state. Well, this is I was like thinking about you because I just love you and like your style and all your tattoos and stuff. And I'm like, what is she like? How can I describe it? Because it's not emo.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
It's like I feel like it's punk. I'm like, if I were to think of one thing, it would be Blink 182. And you just said it. And then I fucking show up like a fucking 90s princess to the reunion. Like, what was that? No, I showed a picture of us to my stylist and they were dying over you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
But that's the podcast. You looked amazing.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
okay i know okay but yes no how do you still live a life and experience without because i'm like the only thing i'll ever have to talk about is if like i'm drunk that i want to fucking die right now yeah because first of all are you is triggering no because then i was like i need to live i need something to talk about so i went to go see a past life therapist wait that was fun what the fuck really what did you
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
And I'm going to cut all of this. Oh, it's recording already? Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I'm not like, yeah, but you gotta let that go a little. No, I know. You're going to freak. You're going to. I've been drowning. Yes, exactly. And it's just like being, you can't think and you can't be as creative if you're still so involved in the business.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Oh, you wanted to be professional? Yep. It would make me go the other way. Like maybe I should shave my head because I have nothing to live for. I did that, too.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
So if you didn't... Just because you make funny... But same.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
What's wrong with me? No, literally. I had somebody, first of all, on Google right now. If you Google, is Gabby Wendy, the third search down will be disabled.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
mine's either mentally ill disabled autistic yes what is wrong with that was like the top search thing for me during survivor is what is wrong with carolyn fucking nothing have you never met somebody with the personality and that's the truth who are you hanging out with it's the fucking truth shocker i'm lazy Shocker.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I'm too lazy to put on that stick of deodorant under my armpits, especially when it's not going to work at all. So you're telling me I'm just wasting my time. But then there's Lumi. It comes in a cream option, which is my favorite. So you can rub it under your armpits like a lotion. And I do lotion my body after the shower. It's one thing I do swear by. I need soft skin for my baby Robbie.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
So then in the same and the same thing and the same fell swoop, I'll put on some Lumi cream deodorant because it works. Lume is the number one whole body deodorant formula. It's safe to use anywhere on your body. Yes, I'm talking pits, under boobs, thigh folds, belly buttons. You heard me. Butt cracks, vulvas, and feet.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I'm like, no. No, I just have some shit to say. OK, Carolyn, how do you pronounce your last name?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Use code Gabby Windy for 15% off your first purchase at LumeDeodorant.com. That's code Gabby Windy at L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence from head to toe with Lume. Also, I got an email once on The Bachelor and it was very like seemingly sweet. And she was like, thank you so much.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
My daughter also has a speech impediment. Yeah, it's like, what do you mean? Because same, because I have a different kind of voice because maybe I speak in a cadence.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, but I love it. Even like sometimes it's like- Yours is soothing though. Oh my God, thank you. But even with yours, like at the end of every sentence or like the drag queen, or you'll be like, ah! At the end. But I love it. And I don't know. Like, you don't notice this shit.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, I just die laughing because it's like so much caffeine. You don't drink caffeine? I have like a half a cup in the morning. Why? I don't know. I'm just naturally anxious.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Yeah. I'm like, well, my social life go down the drain because but it's also annoying. And like that's how it is kind of being gay, too, is you're so focused on how like the other person's going to feel. I'm like, are they going to feel weird if I order a Diet Coke? But actually, it's like after one glass of wine, I'm tired anyway. My brain's slow. I'm not on it. Like, this is only fun for you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
but i was but i'm like i'm fucking fine i don't but i don't need to like be in i'm not gonna be fucking half my ass off a chair just so i can look like i'm a part of a group i'm not and i don't care that's what i'm leaning into too like it's because i'm afraid people will think i'm anti-social or people will think i'm a bitch or something but it's like now i actually want to have a reason to be a bitch
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Please, please push me the wrong way. I don't want because it's it's just better for me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I'm not. No, I actually think it's confident. Like, I love that. You're like, this hurt my feelings because you should be able to say that, like to your friends and every little thing instead of like harboring it. And I don't. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Yeah. No, I die. But all the time people will come in with an energy drink and I'm like, damn, somebody, my last guest loved Red Bull and she had a long drive home and she's like, do you have a Red Bull? I'm like, no.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Wait, you were talking to Robin Thicke?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
See, this is what I'm saying. How can you do that sober?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Or I'm ugly. It makes you so insecure. I feel like it's also just like being a woman. Yes. I'm like, what are you judging me for? Yes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Why would I – But McCormick. I know that was very thought out. I went into a Hooters once in college because same we have like the same thing going on, whatever it is. Yeah. But and I was like, obviously, I want to make money. The uniform's iconic. I went in to apply and like there were so many men there like breaking their necks already. And I walked out crying. I'm like, I cannot.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Like, yeah, you haven't gotten any sleep. You've been in L.A. for so long and you haven't slept. It's so crazy to me because I like that's why I need to sleep. I didn't go to anything.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
But don't you look at him. No, because you got him for you and not everyone else. And that's true. Everyone's like Dylan's biceps are taking up all the real estate. I'm like, what about Carolyn's tits?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
It's like, you know, we're just like it's just obviously girls have to do like 10 times more. It's true. It's a look good. We have to get our hair done and we have to be have a personality and we have to go through years of trauma.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, my friend's boyfriend just went for lunch the other day. Why? For lunch. Why? You can't tell me their chicken wings are that good. They're not. It's gross. And I don't even know. Are strip clubs still in business? Oh, my God. Totally. Which it's like to each their own. I am very pro sex work. I think they need to be regulated. They're the original minors. It's working with men.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
They need to be unionized because the canary is singing. They need to be protected. It's too hard. It can't. I mean, I want to have a sex worker on so bad just to like get like their thought process and stuff.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
They're probably like, what the fuck? I don't care. But it's just because they're jealous. They wish they could do that. It's like when I see people literally being able to enjoy themselves like at a concert or really dancing like you like so freaky. I'm like, I wish. I wish. I'm shocked. I'm having a hard time believing this. I know you're giving me a lot of confidence.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I think it's most it is like the what would other people think? Not just like of me, but I don't know. Like what? Almost like would they feel like bad for me or think something of me? But like I never I didn't even know like when you told people whatever on the Cassie or so where we didn't drink that much. But it was never I'm like, oh, Carolyn's just always having a good time.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I'm like, OK, but then some people are like, I'm sober and I'm like, we you must have really been through it. Yeah, but it's like the way you it's like the way you talk about it and the way you carry it. You know, you just like don't even think twice. You're just like, I don't drink. I don't give a... Oh, yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
That sounds terrible. I started drinking at 13. I was throwing up out of my nose. Exactly. That's what I'm saying.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
It's the Midwest or something. I don't know what went wrong, but I assume everyone was like that. But I guess not.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Yeah. No, I would feel like shit. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
OK, it gruel. It makes me a little more uninhibited or inhibited. And that's another thing. It's like if we're going to go out for a drink and have fun, I'm afraid other people are already thinking that I can't have fun. So then I think about it like that. I know I take everything on, internalize it, personalize it, project it, whatever the fuck you want to call it. I know.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Because you don't like. No. Because if everyone's sober, then it's like whatever. But then. And it kind of depends. I don't know. I think I need to change, obviously, my mindset. Because I really do want to be sober. You're funner than. Is that not a word?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I know, but it just, like, was not the vibes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I know. No, you're giving me no wonder. No, you're not. No, you're giving me a lot of confidence because this is what you need to hear. It's like and well, because I had bronchitis. Everyone knows I have not shut the fuck up about it. It was so crazy. Not trying to laugh. No, please. And this is the only thing that's like normally I'll go out and at least have like one or two drinks.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I'm like, oh, whatever. But I didn't because I knew I had to get better for this. And I was like, why am I so happy? Why am I grateful for my life for once? What has been the big change? And it's like because it's not like I'm binge drinking every night. Yeah, it's not. It's just like the depressant lasts a while for me because I'm already there's already some fucked up shit in there.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I don't have enough dopamine. It's true.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Yeah, I think I would feel like, oh, I have to make myself.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
yeah which you do a little bit and then it's fine once you start but it's like i get real judgy as fuck if everybody else is drinking around me then i'm gonna sit back and be like i'm shocked i don't even believe that this is you i really like and i get it but like that's the thing too and you know there's like which is like not actually because actually i like being around drunk people because i know they're not gonna remember
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Exactly. You know, so I can like think and say whatever I want and it doesn't matter. I know. I just need to channel that more.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Yeah. Because then I'm confused. And I'm like, how do how do other people just like drink? So like willy nilly me judging the whole audience. But I mean, I guess it probably doesn't affect them. It's just like Robbie's like, you're just not meant to be drinking. And I'm like, totally.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I don't. While I'm drinking, it's fine because I get loose as it goes. And I say things that to Wes that I didn't even think was bad that get around. So imagine the shit I was saying to Boston Rob that if I don't know what happened at the Lakers game, but somebody in particular might not be happy with me. Ooh. I only talk shit. People are like, I didn't know this was serious.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I'm like, how is this not serious? Plus, I think it's fun to kind of have one enemy. I want to have a frenemy.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
And he was laughing at every single thing. And I'm like, no, you're encouraging me at this point. You're egging me on and I'm taking the bait and I'm taking it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I was going to bring cloaks for us, but I don't have any. But I wanted to match.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, I know. I keep talking about him at home because I'm like, babe, you'll never believe. And Robbie's like, is he married? I'm like, he's married with kids. He's like, do you like him? And I'm like, stop. She's like, because me, you and him took a picture at the reunion and she zoomed in on him. I'm like, oh my God, Boston Rob. People have been talking about him. It's true.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, they love him and Jeremy. I'm like, oh my God. Okay. I'm like, people are going to want to know about the traders. But I feel like, wait, what else is there? I mean, I'm trying to think. Can I say this?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
A week or- I'm the same. Cause you're a Capricorn. Yeah. And me and Boston Rob. Oh, he is too. Isn't that crazy? And I feel like we were all pretty good and like play, like, you know, kind of similar. I'm like, this makes so much sense, but same, I'm sensitive.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
What were we saying? I don't even know. Oh, you were like, Chrishell, are we going to talk about this?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
The reunion was not it. But it is. Everyone looked incredible. Chic as fuck. Dolly Parton chic. You look amazing. And you know there's rumors that she has full sleeves, which is why she's always in long sleeves. No way. And she's gay. I did not know that. Yes. No, like you are. And she's a Capricorn. I had no fucking idea. Oh, my God. Well, I wanted my makeup.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Yeah. Yeah. Like I'm even having to give my manager actually more control because it's like.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I have like good. No, you're so traumatized. OK, wait, I do. I'm yes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, because drag is the eyebrows. I could not take my eyes off Bob the Drag Queen's eyebrows. I'm like, ah, I made him fix them.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Because. Anyone who knows Dolores, though, it is one of those things that's like, oh, if you watch their season, it's like if you've gotten to know Dolores through the half swipes, she always finds she's a Capricorn. This is so crazy. She always finds a way. She's loyal as fuck one.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
So Danielle sunk her claws into her early and then she like couldn't because even she probably and she I she just didn't want to be there. She was like, please, like every other second. She was like, send me home. Murder me. I know a lot of work. So, like, I don't think she was as invested, but she somehow kind of always removes herself from she's not going head to head with people.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
She was telling me about Reddit while we were filming. What? What they were saying. Yeah. Because they had a really crazy season. But what were you going to say? I keep interrupting.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
just shocked that the house and i'm judging i'm saying i'm i'm using her as a representation of them all i have no idea but i just thought people who have been on a show like the housewives didn't give a fuck about yeah because you have to not give a fuck if you're on the housewives but the thing is is that i do feel like the online culture and like whatever it makes it less fun because you don't know you have to be so safe you don't know what people are going to drag you for
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Even though it's like it just shouldn't matter, like not obviously it shouldn't matter, but it's like it doesn't have to be personal.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
It's like you don't need to be. Right. And like you need them all. Obviously, it's creating conversation when something makes you feel something that's art.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
they're feeling something from Dolores exactly and that's artistic it's fucking true so like girl I was shocked I'm like you're reading this shit yeah but everyone but like the reason whatever it's like yeah all her fans but it's like if you're her true fan they're not gonna turn on you now and literally it's a game this is the most innocent game nobody's gonna be like you were bad on traitors that's what they're saying
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
saying she said that yeah and i'm like you who cares i was like yeah that they say you're bad literally like how is that supposed to get to me please but yeah like i'm not a housewife and i have no idea i know let's see if i have any other trader related questions but i'm over it too to be honest i know i am it's just not do you get recognized everywhere you go how do you handle that
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I mean, you too. I don't ever want to be like mean or anything.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Was it Wes? Yes. Yeah, see? He's a little shit topper. It was Wes. Yeah, he said- Is that not true? No, he said, if you were to do it again, which one, why would I do it again? If they bring people back, you'd be like way better at it. Plus, what the fuck? I talk enough shit. Yeah. I don't need to go on another TV show to do it. And I did it once. It was great. But I was like, maybe.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
It makes me nervous that too many people like me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
now really yes now after last episode we're recording early at the round table now but it's like because i want an equal amount i want the people who don't get it not to get it i want to piss off the right people literally the right and the right but it's like if too many people like me they're gonna be disappointed they're gonna come here and be so pissed at me no it's like
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Don't just like I don't want I don't need everyone to love me. This is like too much pressure. I need to be accepted for who I am. Yeah. But then the more eyes like the scarier. But I would like some of you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, but it's inevitably going to be happening. It's going to happen. We live our lives online. Look at the ones who've lived the longest. Trisha Paytas, 10 years. Look what she's gone through. Yes. Like, come on. No, it's true. We're older.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I'm learning a lot. Wait, would you just like, what do you think was more cutthroat, survivor or traitors? Is that easy or hard?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Oh, yeah. All of production was like, everyone gets so into the game. They love it. It's so much fun. But it was the same, like, and I feel like just being a traitor would be exhausting at the end. Like, I feel like at the end, Phaedra was just so tired. Absolutely. You know, so at some point you get so tired of defending yourself because people were on to her round table after round table.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Like, I'm sure she wasn't. She was probably doing the quiet thing.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Oh, come on. I don't want them coming to me. I do. Sometimes I do follow rules. I'm fucking shocked because Wes does too because I don't. No, and you know what? We need a little of both.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, I was just so scared into submission with Bachelor. It's crazy. They really, that's where I learned. And I'm like, whatever. If this is their one thing. No, I know. Then I will deny it till the day I die. Holy shit. Okay, I'm shocked. No, good for you. No, I pick and choose. Good for you. I pick and choose.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
He was like, would you want to be a traitor? I'm like, maybe. Maybe. What am I going to say to Wes? I'm a chameleon. I tell people what they want to hear. You really do? Why? How are you able to do that? Really? Are you fucking serious? I thought you were the most realist person ever. I mean, it depends who I'm talking to. I don't want to fight with Wes. I can keep it real with Boston Rob.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I want to say this, which it's probably not going to get aired at the reunion, but I feel like my big takeaway when Andy Cohen was like, what did you learn from this from all the winners? And I took a turn. I'm like, I learned that misogyny is alive and well- And so was the patriarchy because no one took us seriously. There can't be there cannot be a woman sole traitor hunter. It's fucking true.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
He's a traitor hunter. I could never be the traitor hunter. And it's a definition of misogyny is that we like we like to show our tits. I like to show my ass. We're smart. And but everyone was like, they think it's a surprise to us that we're smart. It's like, oh, if you have it. But a man can be so innocent. Like there hasn't been one woman that's undeniably faithful.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, no. But you know what I'm saying? You were the other. I was providing information. I was like, this is who I think is a traitor and why. I didn't do anything.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
think that was traitors or make a mistake or laugh in the billiards room or what the fuck ever so there's no reason and like everyone thought that whatever Dylan was like the lead faithful whatever so I would try and talk to him like hey we're on the same size but his foot was on my neck I could see him judging me in every conversation in the last episode when I was eating I was like come here come here and he sits down he's like we have to make it quick
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
And I was like, excuse me. I'm not trying to fuck you. Because it was like, even at the end, even breaking, same, breaking into a conversation of like Tom, Dylan, and Iva. It's like they, you know, they wouldn't trust anything I had to say. It's true. Yes. It's like, okay, well, I'm talking to a wall. Like one, I want to get on fucking TV. So I have to make these conversations.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I have to fake it until I make it. And thanks, you guys, because I need some screen time. And you guys are the only ones who are talking. But it's like that. It's like Iva didn't need to win. Iva did not need to be there at the end. I'm sorry. He doesn't need the money. He's a literal royal. It's like, why could we have not picked him off?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
But it's like, because Dylan was like, no, like we have to, you know, protect him. He's coming, whatever. Well, and I trusted him. Okay.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
See, I can't even tell Wes that even if that was the truth, he's going to run his mouth. He did.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, I knew as it was happening. Danielle knew I thought she was a traitor the whole time. But I'm like, why are you doing this? You felt it. She was following me. I'm like, I'm on to you. So you want to put me in this position? Like, fine. I'm just going to sit here.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
How long was that? It was at least like five minutes, seven minutes. I knew I and I was like, there's nothing else to do besides relax and look the other way. I'm sick of making small talk.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I did. Like, didn't you need a break? Yeah. Oh, always. And I was always asking to touch up every five seconds. Oh, I needed it. I'm like, Gabby, are you ready? I'm like, one more powder, please. Please. Yes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, it gets so dry and uncomfortable. You're like, because you also have no friends. It's like, oh my God, they're like, you were protecting yourself with the B&B. I'm like, where are they now?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Like this isn't like, I have nobody to like talk shit with. But it's so bad. Like the dynamic of people was just crazy. Yes. Yeah. Because you don't know who you can trust at that point either. Okay. But I think we've really run our mouths. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I love that. It's so fun. It's liberating. Because that's what fucking that one guy does, right?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
It's like a rant. Like you get to say whatever you want. And I feel like because a lot of people will come on and I'll say something I have by myself, but they'll be like, oh, you're going to get me canceled or you're going to get me in trouble. So it's like it reads better if you're just talking by yourself because nobody is in the room. Kind of like what people are like, oh, you're weird.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Oh, I don't. Or you talk funny or you don't do this. It's the same thing. It's like, you know what? I'm just fucking around. And I want to have a good time. Why are you raining on my parade? But then you like internalize it. So it's like I like to do a mix of both.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, literally. That's why you need help.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
It is a lot of pressure. It's like, this is the thing, like, you have experience with strategizing. But even in Survivor, I didn't even think like a strategist. Like when Dylan was like thinking about... You did. I know, but that's my strategy is I'm like that in all of life. I can, like, whatever, pivot. I can take things as they come. Everyone else is planning five steps ahead.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, no, no. My at the beginning, it's like so hard finding guests. And they're like, yeah, like some people do. You don't even need a goddamn guest. You know that. And now like and that's what I wanted all along. I'm like, I do not want to be pressed for guests because I'll be damned if I have someone on the podcast who I don't want.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
But who cares? Everyone wants everyone else's job. I want to be the host of Love Island so bad. It's not up to me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Yeah. Which I do like, like I want to have funny people on. Cause I just always want like an insightful, good combo. But it's like, but also you don't know if you have chemistry until you're there and it takes you a while to warm up. So it's like, Oh, sometimes it's just dry. You, but you don't need anyone, Debbie. Oh, Thank you. You know that. Okay, where can we find you?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, I will. And I'll put it in. It's at Carolyn Rose.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Oh, I love it. It's giving my space. Which is also going to come back. Everything comes back around.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Oh, yeah. Now you should reach out to Carolyn Rose and be like, can I have it? She'll say no, but it's worth a shot.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, I love it. Thank you so much. Thank you. We love you. Everyone's been dying for you to come on. I have a twitch in my eye.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, people have been DMing me. They're like, when the fuck is Carolyn coming on? And I'm like, she lives in Minnesota. You're in town now. We're literally at the 11th hour because both of us are like, yeah, we can do it whenever. We can do it whenever. We can do it whenever. And we're like, bitch, get your ass over here. Yeah, no, I appreciate it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Like, yeah, you don't feel like not only that you deserve it, but yeah, like I guess people kind of like see you better than you are.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Fuck. I don't know. I know because I was on, I was on ABC. I was on cable TV. You were. So it's like, it's different when it's streaming, you know, but we'll get you there.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Dylan's like, if this happens with this year and this challenge and then this and then this and then this. I'm like, have you ever lived a life? Do you know what life does? Like, nothing goes to plan. Ugh. I got married. As you know, the cat's out of the bag. And I've been lying to you this whole time. Lying by omission, that is.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Girl. Yes. Yeah. No, this season's going to pop. And it's just the beginning. Once it ends and people will like binge it and come back, but just keep doing what you're doing.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Yeah, we got to get you on the star dancing. Fuck that. Shut up. No, you would do it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
You would do it. Yes, say you would do it. Yes, I'd love to do the dance. Okay, good. Okay, good.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Yeah, but who cares? Isn't it – well, you're a natural dancer. You're a fucking cheerleader. No, it's fun. No, it really is.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Yes. Yes. It's a different because you're just focused the whole time. I don't. And you get to wear sparkly stuff.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I don't, right? He didn't say anything.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Well, I talked to him for five seconds because we were out there the whole time and I didn't see him before and I didn't go to like any of this stuff with him. It was just like, I'm like, that's not the Tom. Yeah. Everyone's different. We're all like, yeah, we're beaten to a pulp. We're exhausted.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Are you kidding me? Yeah, because what if they caught me?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, and don't work for another person in the business. No. Work for a company, work for a production, work with someone who has their shit figured out. You don't need to be under anyone else's influencer, content creator's name because you are one.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
No, I know. Wes, stop running your mouth. I was going to defend him because I actually do think he's funny. But this is the problem is he's a gossip. He is.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Like, that's a completely different question. If you were to do it again, like, are you sure you wouldn't want to be a traitor? Like, that's a leading question. And then he took it and ran with it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Like, what the fuck? I was talking a lot of shit with Boston Rob. Yeah. He's such a good gossip. He is. Yes. We had a kiki. I had two glasses of wine. And by the end, I'm like, are you going to go back and tell everybody that? And then I'm like, I don't care. I'm like, I don't care anymore. Who gives a shit? Yeah. Where were you talking to him? At that dinner.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I truly – But that was also true. I mean – Bob did not know Dorinda? No. Yeah, I don't think so. I don't know. I barely knew Dorinda. But don't you – like, again, I don't watch that shit. Yeah. But isn't Dorinda, like, famous? Yeah. I mean, she was an OG New York housewife, but like I started with Jersey. So I knew who Dolores was because I love her.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
And I only only after did we watch or we do Traders that I rewatch all of the old season of Housewives. And I'm a stan. I quote her all the time. But before that, I really I didn't know who Bob the Drag Queen was. I even knew who Bob and I don't even watch that shit anymore. Yeah, I do watch that shit, and I still didn't know who he is. You can exist in the circle.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
There's so many of us, and to not know. But I understand she kind of had to, like, I think she really did dig it personally. It's like, oh, you just, like, right, don't know Bob.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I know. I mean, I think she has like, she has a huge name, but it's like, doesn't everybody in their own circle?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
But you hated Buss and Rob during Traitors?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Whatever. I didn't want to be... It's true. It's true. And I didn't want to fucking be that.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Good. Same. It's so hard. People are like, it's a game. It's a game. Don't take it personal. To an extent. To an extent. Like, I don't think Boston Rob plays a personal game. Oh, absolutely not. Like, he's like, I'm all in for myself. I'll backstab anyone. And that's what I appreciate. It's when you pick and choose. Yeah. That's like, okay, so it is personal because you're treating me different.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
I will say, and I told you this, watching Tony, a Survivor winner, grown man, cry after he got kicked off a murder mystery game could dismantle the patriarchy.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Because I don't want... Which going in again, I would maybe have that attitude, but it's so hard. Because like then I can understand like that's what you kind of have to play above yourself. You have to like watch yourself do all this. But it's just natural to make connections. Like you made friends on Survivor. Yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
hootin around with Carolyn Wiger
Literally. That's what it's like. My hair guy was like, are you excited? I'm like, no. He's like, oh, like, but everyone else was like meeting at the bar, like having a this and a that. He's like, you guys actually like each other. I'm like, I didn't think so. I like it's like I like you, Nikki, Chrishell. Yeah. And Sierra.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
So it's not fit for a girl like me, but I have to go nonetheless because I'm a business woman. I'm wearing this, you'll see, and I have my Crocs on. These Crocs were given to me by Dear Media. And as I opened up the package, I'm like, I wish you would have given me the 50 extra dollars that it costs to make these into my paycheck because that's where it's coming out of.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
He was the earliest of the musical talent and thank God for that because we've evolved. Now we have songs like Birthday Sex, which are objectively more pleasing to the ears, to your auditory system. That'll calm your nerves, not Frank Sinatra. You can't look at me in the face confidently and say, And say you know one Frank Sinatra album. And even further, can you deem it no skips? No way. No way.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
No fucking way. No way. No way. You don't need to sound cool around here. I wouldn't believe you anyways. So there's skips in the album and it's on a record player. So you have to pick up the needle every time you don't like a song, which is all the songs and slowly put it down with the accuracy and precision to hopefully get you a song you can choke down, but you can't.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
So now all your time's consumed. listening for your boyfriend. This would happen every Wednesday, Thursday night on the other side of the wall. I called the cops. They didn't come.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
I don't want to listen to that when I'm trying to watch reruns of girls on my plush couch that I did travel with me all the way to LA because I need to see Hannah Horvath ruin her life and know that mine somehow is worse. She's a nepo. She got all the money from her parents. Hello.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
No, so, so, so her awful, terrible, disgusting taste in music was the propulsion I needed to look for any loophole in the lease, any crack in the foundation, anything to get me out of there. And you know what? You know where my efforts led me? Right into the bathroom filled with black mold. Excuse me, I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for this disaster, the blackest mold you've ever seen, noir.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Finding its way into my nasal passages, crawling down my lungs to settle into some kind of an infection that we don't even know if there's a modern medical treatment for. That's how I ended up. All from your Frank Sinatra. And this is a true story.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
And every time I say it, every time I tell it, I like to give a shout out to the Harvard lawyer on Instagram that scoured the California law to get me out of this lease because that landlord's grip was so tight, I didn't even have a chance to breathe in the black mold spores. He wouldn't let me go. Asphyxiating me with verbiage and lingo in a document I cannot understand, but I signed.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Lucky for me, the law is on the tenant's side. They just try and trick you. They try and use your power. They try and use their power over you. Well, you're no match for my Harvard lawyer. And you're a pervert. He only rented to young girls so he could see them in their bikinis in the shared pool. The pool that his casita overlooks. Get me out of here. And so I did.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
And naturally, naturally, I'm thinking about the women. If I'm not thinking about the man, I'm thinking about the woman. And I want to stop thinking about the man already. No, but there's too much to say. But they're intertwined. So here you're going to get both topics. I'm learning about white feminism. I think I told you one time I was up late with Robbie. I said, baby, am I a white feminist?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
And I haven't taken them off since. And then I thought to myself, should I just wear these to the airport? And then I'll have them when I'm in New York walking around. Walking around upstairs to support my feet upstairs in the shoebox of a hotel room. And then I was thinking, I won't be doing any walking around. There's not enough space. No, I might as well crawl.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
She said, no, you're Mexican. Oh, abated immediately. Then I'm like, well, what is it? And after further research, it's a pick me. She's a pick me of the white variety with the tears. She's always crying, making something about her, riddled in polka dots and bows. No, no, you're not doing that for yourself. You're not wearing those polka dots for you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
You're wearing them for the man and they should be burned, that polka dotted dress. What are we doing with the bow? It came and went, that trend, and thank God. What are we, babies? What are we, suckling on teats? No, we're not men. The last time I wore a bow, I don't even want to say because I think it was too late in life. Maybe when I was 17 on the dance team, but it was a part of our uniform.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
And you know why you're here. So let's just get to it. Welcome to another episode of Long Winder. I'm your host. I'm your host. It's about 8.30 in the morning because I have a big flight coming up and I just smoked a pre-podcast ritual cig. First thing when I woke up. So now I have a good head buzz and I'm ready to get to it. I made myself a cup of coffee in an I Love NY mug.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
And you scour my pictures and you dig through, you'll never catch me in a bow. No, no, because that's for them. That's for the predators. It's for the Chester and the molesters. We don't need to make ourselves young and take off the polka dots while you're at it. I watched a YouTube. So naturally, I know everything on this white feminism. And they brought up the Zooey Deschanel character in Girls.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
I knew I hated that bitch. I knew I hated her, but I didn't know why. Yeah, maybe she has some good one-liners. Yeah, maybe the show was overall funny back then. Now we know too much. She's mad at another woman in a suit because she would never. No, she needs a print on her dress and a bow in her hair. You're not doing... No, this is for the male gaze. And you can't convince me otherwise.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Oh, you're quirky? You're quirky and you're just a little silly. Why do you have to dumb yourself down for the man? No. No, because here, here we're not into any of that. Here we actively repel men. Get away. Get away from me far away. I'm going to fear monger. I'm going to talk shit. I'm going to gaslight the gaslighter. Get out of here in your bald ass head with your receding hairline.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
I've said it once and I've said it again. You need hair plugs and hopefully they stick. Because I've seen a bad job. I've seen a bad hair plug job. And it's done nothing for you. Do your research. Do your due diligence. And get your ass to Turkey. We repel them here. And you might be thinking, oh, Gabby. Oh, Gabby, well, we just saw your gooch on your Instagram stories.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Well, that was in the name of fashion and design. That was a micro miniskirt that Paris Hilton wore. It's couture. It's avant-garde. So it's not for the man. It's for me. No, because all of you surrounding me, surrounding me are the women. And yes, I'm talking to you gay men. They're our allies and the husbands and some of the husbands that listen. Thank you for your service. Thank you. Thank you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Thank you. Salute to the long-winded. This is our country and you are a soldier. And then And then I'm like, okay, okay, what about the trad wife? This is also a conversation that's happening, the rise and the trad wife, the Norris myths of it all. So I was thinking about the trad wife and then I stopped thinking because there's not much to think about. They're not hurting us any.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Because you don't have to get anywhere fast in that tiny home of a hotel room. So I'm going to leave them behind. Regrettably. And here we are. But one exciting thing. that we have to look forward to in the New York scene is Robbie got a packer. Robbie got a new packer and we're gonna try it out. It's the little things, it's the little things.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
No, they're always going to be there. They were never going to be in our side. If they want to run around the house with a bustle skirt, a tight corset, paired with some pearls, and fresh batter from their pink KitchenAid, so be it. So be it. We know. We know it's not easy to do all of that and rear. And rear your terrible two-toddler who just learned the words, no, fuck you, and I hate you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
How you're making anything from scratch with the words coming out of his mouth, I don't know. You want to make a homemade Gillette? Godspeed. Godspeed, I know you're hanging on by a thread. So I have compassion. We can't turn our backs on them. No, because hopefully one day they're going to convert.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Hopefully one day they're going to be on our side and we have to welcome them with open arms because we're building, we're building a country, a nation of righteous lesbians. And if we work hard and we give it enough time, they'll come. We need to channel our inner cult leader of sorts. Okay. Turn on your charisma. Lie to their face. Anything to reel them in.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Anything to make them really comfortable like they have something bigger to live for. Something bigger than a little alien who shits itself. But we can bring them too. We can't ask them to leave their children behind. We turn, we lean in to our preacher voice and we speak with confidence and spew lies, but benign lies. You can't just go for their money.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
And then once we get them in our grasp as the lesbian of cult leaders, we're going to ship them off to the aisle of lesbos. And they'll go through a training. They'll go through training. And they'll aggressively scissor. And they'll come back to the mainland a changed person. Changed women. And then slowly but surely, we will increase our population.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
But until then, we just have to wait and be patient. Yeah, the trad wives are glamorizing. Yeah, they're making it harder on everybody else to not do what they're doing, but they're always gonna be there. They're not hurting us. And we have to protect our voices and we can be just as loud as them. And of course that if you want, I don't give a fuck.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
If it's in the name of design and fashion, hello, take those titties out. And even if it's not, I don't care. The thing is, is I don't care. You guys know, I just don't care. And that's my take on the trad wife. And because we've all been there, we've all been in the position of the trad where you're still under the man's thumb that's shaped like a toenail, pushing down, pushing down.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Your thumb has a lot of strength. There's a lot of muscle fibers in this little thing, the size of your boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's, no boyfriend's appendage that's going in Robbie's pants in New York. And it's pushing down and it's pushing. Oh, And then it's going to take all the air out. And that's when we'll be there, the lesbians, to do CPR mouth to mouth, girl on girl.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
You guys know I love Lume. I love it because I hate to admit, but actually it's relatable. I sweat. I sweat from my armpits and obviously it smells like sweat right through my cashmere. If I'm having an important meeting, if I'm meeting some of Robbie's friends or family I haven't met, I just can't risk it. Lume is a whole body deodorant. It's safe to use anywhere on your body.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Pits, under boobs, thigh folds, belly buttons, my favorite. Butt cracks, my second favorite. Vulvas and feet. My favorite is the cream deodorant because I think it's more alluring to apply a cream rather than a stick. But choose your own adventure. It was created by an OBGYN who saw firsthand how normal BO was being misdiagnosed and mistreated. Story of our lives as women.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
For all of you, for all of the straights who listen and thank God you're out there because I need every listen I can get, but I understand you're not so in the culture. You're not so in the know of what the lesbians are up to, and it might scare you a little. And don't say I didn't warn you. But you didn't come here to be safe. You didn't come here to be in an echo chamber.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
And then naturally I was thinking a little more and it's like, there's this ongoing discussion. We've had it when I was a nurse. It's like, why do only the maternals get the maternity leave? Why do you have to actually bear a spawn in order to get three months off FMLA and guaranteed that you will get your job back? And by the way, this is not taking away from the mothers.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
You deserve it and you deserve more three months in this country. That is aberrant, abhorrent. That is a personal offense. Your bosses, your managers should be ashamed of themselves, but they're not because this is capitalism. And I think you should come back and I think you should have more up to two, three, four years because you have to stay at home with the kid until the kid can go to school.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
So two, three, four, you're paid time off, guarantee your job position back and deserve a raise. Because you are single-handedly providing the company with more employees in about 20 years. So you deserve a recruitment bonus. Because this is an MLM scheme of sorts, but not the good kind. Because you're not making any money from these kids. No, they're taking. No, they're taking all your money.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
You came here to learn about the various forms of strap-ons. That's right. And you know we like our strap-ons real. Very realistic. The closer it looks to your boyfriend's or ex-boyfriend's or no boyfriend's little dicky, the better. It's a bulge of sorts. It's not erect. It's a bulge that looks like said whatever boyfriend's flaccid dick.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
They take and they take and they take. Well, you can't take anything from me. You can take my philtrum, but you can't take my dignity. The philtrum is the space from the nose to the upper lip. And you guys know I want to cut it in about half. So please take that. But you don't have the expertise or the training. And maybe as a mother, as a child, you take the retirement.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
You take, as a child, you take your mother's retirement, you take her good years, and you take her unconditional love. But as a mother, you should be able to only give them two out of the three. My mom chose to not give me unconditional love and look how it turned out. Just fine. As I find, as I go searching for any in the kitchen, any utensil, you guys know what I'm talking about. Okay, so yeah.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
So the maternity leave. So it's like, yes. So what do the childless women who I do think are here in masses today? I know I have some mom listeners and thank you so much again for being here, for serving your country. But the childless, the childless women, what do we have to do in order to get X amount of time off work and guarantee our job position back when we're ready to come back?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Because we need to take care of some shit also in order to fulfill our life's duties. What do we have to do? Grow a teratoma? You want us to grow a little tumor with hair and eyes and a full set of teeth? Well, we can't do that on command. What kind of a medical condition, medical phenomena do we need to hope for in order to get some kind of a maternity leave? Because that is what pregnancy is.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
It's a condition slash phenomena. I won't call it an illness, even though I feel like it's adjacent. It makes you so tired. Your ankles swell. You have a hard time breathing. You can't sleep on your back. You're trying to tell me this isn't a disease. No, it's the gift of life, they say. It's a phenomenon.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
If you took an aerial shot of a pregnant woman, like an X-ray, you'd see one person and then attached, maybe in a big bucket that you wash cars with, in there full of water would be a baby. So that's two people. That is crazy insane. Phenomena. Phenomena. And in the bucket, the baby is swimming. It's swimming like it's in a bathtub. It's playing with its little feetsies.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
It's digging around in its butthole. It's wiping it on its face and it's wiping it on the walls of your body. This is what's happening during pregnancy. And then right before it's gonna take its first deep breath of fresh air, it'll take a fat dump in that pool of water. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
That's what you would know because it's never been hard around you because he's gay. So it's a little bulge that you can put on your pants without said dick. You don't have the anatomy for it, Robbie. But it works for us because we both have a little something going on. She obviously has no titties. I'm used to engaging in penetration with the XY chromosome. Unfortunately, this is my history.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
It's what we both know. So... You put it in your pants, and now you have a pee-pee. The penis of sorts. And it gets me excited because there's a little lump in her pants so I can rep up on it. It gives her sort of confidence. So maybe we go to the Cubby Hole, our favorite lesbian bar in New York, and maybe we bump and grind and really have a time of it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. In a car crash, which it's like she was distraught for reasons unknown because he was really painted like an asshole. I'm like, girl, you got a new lease on life. You should thank that other semi. You got away from him. But naturally, I don't know. She's too... She's too, she's going through the grief process.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
So that's what I have to look forward to the most. is a silicone made flaccid dick with a pair of balls attached. Some don't opt for the balls. Some don't like the balls. Oh, it grosses me out. Well, I'm here for the anatomical accuracy of what you might see IRL because it's not the actual appendage that makes me want to retch. It's what's attached to it. the brain, the meaning behind it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
She doesn't know what's happening really. So somebody comes in and they offer her a robot type of sorts of the husband who looks just like him on the outside, but doesn't have any of the processing skills, no critical thing. You cannot connect to him emotionally and he's dumb as fuck. Oh, not much different than the real one. Anyway, so the only thing he's good at is fucking.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
So they fuck like rabbits and then she gets sick of him. And then the disillusion wears off and she's painfully in touch with reality. So she makes the robot jump off a cliff. It always implodes and never gets us anywhere. And yet we make commercials about it for the Super Bowl. You've been warned. Wow.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Wow, and just like that, and just like that, you came to another episode of Long Winter, and I did the Lord's work by educating you with fake news. And that's my right. I'm exercising my First Amendment. Okay, until next time, I'm Long Winter.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Or should I say, the lack of a brain, the lack of thee, that really I cannot stand. The dick on its own, totally fine. Attached to my girlfriend, even better. Yes, this is going to throw you for a loop, but this is sexuality. And we're having fun exploring, and this is what the lesbians are up to. This is why we're so pretentious. Because there's a workaround.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Because we know how to work around everything. So that's what I'm most excited for. And then everything else, not so much. Let me take a sip. Let me get a little caffeinated for you so I can really pop off in a way that you will not expect. Mm-hmm. Okay. And you know what? You know what? You'll never get a noise complaint if you have good taste in music, which is why nobody's complained on me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
I have two of the best speakers you could ever ask for blasting, blasting at all hours of the day. Sometimes it's the only way to make me feel alive. They say... They say, you know, for the depressos, we have it rough out here. I'm always looking for a hit of dopamine. I'm trying to lay off the weed, unfortunately.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Sometimes it's the only thing that can bring me joy because you get on the first hit, shh, Pow! There's the dopamine. I feel alive. An hour later, you're back to where you started, wanting to Sylvia Plath yourself. Anyways, so dancing, I feel like if you can get in the mood, if you can play some good music and do a little jig, it's also some dopamine. Maybe it's a little hack.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
So I did, sometimes I'm like, am I too cynical? Am I riddled in cynicism? But that's what you come here. That's what you come here for. So I can't change who I am today, but maybe I can give you a little bit of inspiration and listen up because you're not gonna get it again.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
This is the one and the only time I'm gonna help you feel good about yourself because I want you to feel like me down in the dumps. But I'll give you this. I'll give you this, Gabapentin changed my life. Because before, when really I was down bad with the depression like you've never seen before, you know, I had a life. Nobody could tell. That's the problem. We never knew she was depressed.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Oh, oh, what a contradiction. Oh, isn't that false? Oh, it should be a broken heart. I don't love NY. You guys know how I feel about New York. I don't love NY. No, because it's too exciting. There's too much going on. And then you have the dreaded FOMO just by being alive, knowing that the streets are hustling and bustling behind you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
She was so happy. And then she jumped off her third story building only to leave her with a brain injury. She didn't even get lucky enough to die. So Gabby Benton has really helped with the anxiety so I can at least leave the house and have a conversation without wanting to crawl under a rock, without reinstating my agoraphobia. So now, and now my interactions can be pleasant.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
So here's hope is what I'm trying to say is maybe don't lose all hope because it will get better. You just have to give it time. Whether it's medication, time heals all. Then I was thinking, what did get me through those years without medication of being massively, clinically, derangely depressed? It wasn't a hike. It was like, go outside, go in nature. No, that made me feel worse.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
But it was the little things. A friend with a dinner. A dinner with a friend who could make you laugh over a dumpling. That could get me through until the next day. A co-worker that you like to talk shit with. That'll last you at least the 12 hours that you're grinding away. Looking at any other job on LinkedIn to get you out of that hellhole. There's hope.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
And another thing that, you know, another thing that was a gabapentin of sorts that I didn't make the plunge until too late was a new couch, a new plush, fluffy couch from American Furniture. about five to $600. I did it too late because I could not afford it. And I didn't make it a priority to save the money to go buy a new couch. I already had a couch, but the couch was leather.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
It wasn't as comfortable. I couldn't really get cozy while I was watching, while I was escaping from my life, watching the first, second, third season of Game of Thrones. And then I stopped after What Does Nuts Was killed off Robb Stark. He was the only thing that kept me going. Why do you have to die like that? But then I got a new couch that I could lay on like a cat.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
spread my scent all over, rub up on it and really be comfortable. I drape myself on every arm, on every cushion. And I liked seeing something that I had worked for in my living room. Knowing that it was comfy as hell, I could take naps while the sun came in. That's what kind of vitamin D I would like from the inside. Then I could find a new show. I could enjoy a movie for once in my life.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
So that is something also that you could think about. If you can afford, if not, look for a really plush couch on Facebook Marketplace. So that is my, that is your little dose of dopamine today. That's just a little, I hate to give advice. I hate it. Unsolicited, no way. Who gives a fuck what I say or what I think? You gotta figure it out on your own.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
But I could help lead you in the right direction. You know, Robbie and I like to get down. We like to boink. We like to bang. We're always talking about our strap-ons, her new packer, maybe a little role play. We'll do anything to really spice things up. A new vibrator. We'll do it all, try anything once, and if we like it, twice. So who says long-term relationships have to be predictable?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
And you're rotting like a corpse upstairs in your 33-square-foot apartment. And it's like, you know, you'd say, oh, but I like the people. I like the people. Yeah. Because each and every one of them are on some form of an amphetamine, prescriptive or otherwise. otherwise being a Celsius. I count that as meth in its purest form.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Adults need playtime too. Aria is just what you need for your Valentine with expert crafted experiences that are totally personalized with zero guesswork. Make every date night Valentine's Day with Aria by your side. Visit arya.fyi and use code GABBYWINDY for 15% off today. A couch from American Furniture mixed with a gabapentin. It worked for me. It's not for everybody.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
My blood pressure is in the shitter. It's very low. I'll take it. I'll take it. Because who are you with a high blood pressure inside the same person? Whatever, that didn't hit like I wanted it to, okay? And then, yeah. And then you know what? Back to the music taste.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
I've never had a noise complaint on me when I'm trying to get a hit of dopamine shaking my ass on the fridge and I'll drop it down and I'll drop it down and I'll shimmy and a head whip. Because hierography is my favorite part of dancing. I'll cut a rug on the jute waiting for my tortellinis to be boiled. So I need a quick dinner because I'm depressed.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
To further back up this point that you will never get a noise complaint if you have good music taste. is there's a music coming from a surrounding neighbor around 12 p.m. every Saturday on the dot. It takes me a while. It takes me a while to really realize what's going on. What's that music? Why right now?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
The second season of Real Housewives is on and I need to decompress from the week behind me, which you don't even want to know about it. And then I hear the subtle tune of Frank Ocean's Lost. Okay, turn it up, why don't ya? Okay, now we're talking. The first couple times it happened, I thought it was a car parked outside on my neighborhood street with the door ajar.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
And some kind of newly installed speaker system. And what I can only imagine is a 1994 Toyota Corolla. I love a Toyota. That's not a diss. But his door is ajar to invite his prey in and then do what he wants with him. This is what I was assuming. Then it kept happening. Then it kept happening. Then I walked outside and I was like, oh. Oh, this is coming from an apartment. Maybe they're cleaning.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
Maybe they're fucking all day because I know what kind of music that is. Frank Ocean, Bad Bunny's greatest hits, 2000s R&B. You want to tell me you're not rubbing one out to that? Ooh, it gets you in the mood and I'm going to let him. I'm not calling the cops. It's not bothering me none. And it's on a speaker with some reach. It's carrying through multiple walls to get to me in the living room.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
It must be on a JBL, a Bose of sorts. This is good. This is really good. I'll take it. You're safe for now. Until you put something, something of a Frank Sinatra on, then it's what is the number to 911 you're done for. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why, because this did happen to me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
I shared a wall with a young lady who insisted, I'm sure not from her own will, but from her dirty, grubby boyfriend's. Every time he would come over for a meal, she would have Frank Sinatra on vinyl. Mixed with the homemade dinner. Girl, what are we doing? Why are you pulling out all the stops for this boyfriend? He's asking too much. We don't need to go down that route.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
A strap in New York
You have to make him work for it. Because I know you would never pick Frank Sinatra. Because who is? Because who is? And you might be thinking, why is she going in so hard on a musical great? Well, take a good look at yourself and don't you lie to me. Can you name one Frank Sinatra song? I didn't think so. No. No, you say it to sound cool.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
The last time, the first time I was on TV, I left the blowies there. I'm talking about a blowout. I need a compartment fit with a lit mirror as to blur out all my facial features so whatever's staring back at me is less of a John C. Reilly and more of a Jack Nicholson, maybe of his more beautiful roles. Okay, now we're talking Real Housewives of New York, the old seasons on in the background.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
It's time for rewatch. I need something of a distraction. to help get me through. And it has to be Luann at her most deranged. Season 10, I think it is. She's the only thing that can keep me grounded in these Velcro rollers that I still don't know how to work exactly right. So it gives me the perfect bounce, but not so much about akin to the 80s. No, I hope the 80s never comes back.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
But the front of the shirt is not the star of the show. If you take a look at the back, if you take a look at the back, it's French. It's giving croissant. It's giving a ciggy in the plaza of the Eiffel Tower. Maybe there with a cup of a cappuccino, but if you want something cold, a timeless cross-cultural Diet Coke. Ah, yes. Yes, I said I prefer a Pepsi Zero, but then I had a Diet Pepsi.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone, but I don't think I am. The aughts are back. The early 2000s are back. And the 90s, let's not go any further than back. We do not need the 80s. They had no idea what was going on with their hair. Admittedly, sometimes in the morning, I do look like the lead singer of Van Halen with the middle part. It's terrifying.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
But as I give my blowout in bed, I'd like to sit on something of a latex non... I don't know which kind of mattress pad. It's the kind I need because I'm still sleeping on the mattress I got as a nurse. And it's very firm. It's all I could afford. But it's doing great with the mattress pad. The one that is good for the environment. Unlike you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
What have you done with your CO2 emissions by breathing? You know, you breathe off CO2. So... So if you wanted to do something, if you wanted to stay green, you could hold your breath for a second. But I bet you won't. I bet you won't do us one favor and breathe a little slower and know when you talk, it's extra emissions. So don't even think about that.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
You need a compartment for your baby lying next to you so you can have her out when you want and put her away when necessary. This is the accessible bed. And it is a million dollars with insurance because I am looking to retire. And ah, yes, the pleasure centers. Ah, yes, you don't have any of those because of the way you were born maybe in the first 10 to 15 to 20 years of your life.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
It has nothing to do with the oppression that comes with two medium-sized titties. And a pussy hole has nothing to do. That has nothing to do with the capitalism that I am promoting. Because if I'm not the victim, I'm going to be the perpetrator. And I am the both. The victim and the perp. Can't wrap your head around that one, can you? It's hard. It's really hard.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
because the capitalism got you down because this is, if I acquire one more thing, it will save me. I need that kohl eyeliner because I got a tight line. They say, come on, Gabby, just let me tight line. No, I want my eyes to look bigger. I can't be sick, but they say I got to try. So I got one from Ulta. I am a capitalist. Don't even get me started on the non-retinol retinol cream.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
That's going to save me from aging. Read the beauty standards that were placed on me. All for. All because. Of the two titties I was born with that I have to watch sag by the day, they will point downwards at some point in my life. And who do I have to thank for that? Adam. Because he was always the problem in Adam and Eve. Why can't we just blame him for everything for anyways? I must retire.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
And it's like, obviously, obviously, I'd like to start taking my medications out in public without any kind of a glance, without any kind of a judgmental look, look in my way. What is she? Well, we don't look at anyone who needs their statin and furosemide in order to keep their heart beating. But you're going to look at me while I have heart failure of the brain. Something isn't right.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
The pressure is high up top on the north end. It's high. It's stressful. Blood is barely getting through. It's not perfusing. I could be some sort of an anoxic because I'm trying on the other hand. I'm trying to get our CO2 emissions down. So occasionally I'll breathe out a little soap. There goes the ozone.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I wanna be able to take one half of my Lamictal in coach after we've reached the level where the wifi thing turns on and the seatbelt turns off so I can get in the overhead cabin because I can't take it all at once because it makes me too tired. And you know that's my uphill battle every fucking day. So I have to take my medications in divisions. I got to the dinner first.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Here we are. Thought you got rid of me not so fast. 52 weeks and then another 52 more. They want out of me. The sweet sound of a Diet Coke eroding my esophagus and the interior lining of my stomach. What am I supposed to do? Not enjoy. What am I supposed to do? Cut out everything acidic to not have a burp every 15 minutes of the day. Well, no, because I like buffalo coated cauliflower.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I'm waiting on someone to join me. An acquaintance of sort, it's making me nervous. I got to take a propanolol. Why are you looking at me for, you nosy fuck? What do my orange bottle prescriptions have anything to do with your two eyes that are becoming cross-eyed? Looking in the zipper of my vintage bag, look away.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
It didn't hit the same as a Diet Coke. Maybe the Diet Coke is somewhat of a nostalgia, so I'll go for the Diet Coke between the hours of 12 and 3, and I'll go for a Diet Pepsi in the evening. Ah. A Pepsi Zero. What am I? Addison Rae. What do I look like? A flexible 20-year-old. What do I look like? A contortionist. She does things with her body that you could ever dream of. Not me. Because I can.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Yeah, maybe I have to take a gabapentin in the Trader Joe's because this produce aisle is giving me the heebie-jeebies. I have to look in the raspberries to make sure there's no mold. No, I can't take it anymore. What are you looking at me? So maybe I have an infection, chlamydia of the cranium. Then it would all be okay.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I would just like to freely, and this is something I'm exercising, and I invite you to go along with me. I'm airing out the little orange or the big orange pill bottles in public. Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. What's in here? A mood stabilizer because you don't want my mood flipping in this public area. No, you will be afraid. But I'm waiting.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I'm waiting to have a meltdown. I need to have a tantrum. Oh, you think I get to do that every week with you here watching me? Welcome. Kinda, kinda. And what's really affecting my pleasure centers? What about the doge? Not in a way that you might think, no, no, no, I'm not gonna get in all there. Because why?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Because you know what I do take as a personal offense is why is it pronounced doge and not dodge? Why can't we just only make sense for once? Why can't we just do things that make sense for once? Oh, that makes too much sense? Definitely not. Let's do the opposite. We can't make it easy on everyone. Department of, oh, it's not a do, da. Department of, we're Canadian, we're up north.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Department of government, it should be da-gay. but not Doge. What are you trying to make it French? What are you trying to make it otherworldly and cultured? This Department of Government Efficiency? What are you? What did you take it from the Bitcoin? Do only good everyone. No, I prefer Department of Government Efficiency, honestly, because who's doing everyone good only ever? Nobody, nobody.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
It's never altruistic. Don't even think, don't even think that someone is doing something out of the kindness of their heart because I guarantee you they're not. Yes, I'm giving my last 20 to this nice man on the corner, but it's because I want karma for my next fucking life. But if luck was on my side, I wouldn't have one. I wouldn't have one. I can't do this all again. Are you kidding?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I've already done it all so many times before. You heard my past life regression. I've been here three times before, all out of scenes of television that I've seen recently. Coincidence? I don't think so. I've been there. It's never altruistic. As we know, re-CO2 emissions and mining for crypto. What are you, the crypto queen? What are you, stealing from all your payers?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
And then you're going to disappear. And I forget what kind of country the crypto queen was. We stopped listening halfway through because it was boring. Okay, another scammer. Get in line behind me. And then there's the executive orders. There's always now everything's an executive order. Who killed JFK? Executive order. Kid Rock in the Oval Office. Executive order.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Clad in a loud red outfit and a cowboy hat with rhinestones. Executive order. Spray tans. Free spray tans for the over 70 population. Executive order. And imagine you were the spray tanologist with the task of spraying President Trump weekly. Imagine you are dealt the task to lift up his scrotum.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
You got to do the wraparound and do it from the front so you can get in with the perfect amount of distance from underneath the scrotum as to buff out the bronzer so it matches perfectly. the cartilage of his ear, which we know doesn't match. He misses spots all the time.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Imagine you were the tanologist giving Trump the choreography as to not have any streaks on his level four tan, but he probably likes it because he does like to dance. Okay, put your hands in a prayer. Okay, now bend over. Got to get underneath the butt cheeks. No, you have to clench. I know your sphincters loose these days. And if you shoot a blank, I have another appointment at five.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
At one point in my life, I could. So here we are. So here we are again. You know I needed a pick-me-up today because I woke up and I looked in the mirror and something looked back at me. Something of a... Who's that guy from Chicago? The clown in Chicago? I know I've said Jack Nicholson before, but I am most likable. My likability lends itself to John C. Reilly.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I cannot go to the urgent care for the early onset of pink eye. I cannot afford confunctitis or conjunctivitis. from your loose asshole. Okay, now hold it in three, two, one, and zero. Let me back up away to the right. Now let it loose. Mr. Trump. Is it that protein shake? Is it the Ensure? We got to talk to your dietician. You have got to lay off those. There's feces in the air.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
You take a break and come back. Okay. Now lift the heel and five, six, put it down. Seven, eight to the left. Two, three, four. Now stand up and relax. Seven, eight. He's doing the choreography. Okay, and you actually double. You double while he's bent over. He can only bend over so many times in a day, in a week. But for whatever reason, he needs weekly prostate exams. Okay, while you're here.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
While you're here, let's see how much it's grown from last week because I hear your trickles. And I know we have to take a break. We have to take one break in the 10-minute spray, Dan. And I know it's not normal. It's your strain. You guys know Nom Nom, our beloved Nom Nom cat, Jocelyn.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
She's inherently feminine and hilarious, always running around, scurrying around, looking for her food, screaming when it's feeding time. And then she'll roll on her back for a belly scratch as she should. So what? She's a little picky on what she eats and
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
If you don't feed her at the exact right time in the right portion and exactly the amount of water that she likes on top in order to keep her hydrated. So what? She's a woman. She knows what she likes. So you need to check out our next sponsor, Smalls. Nom Nom prefers Smalls way more than her previous cat food. I honestly did a taste test, but two bowls side by side and she ran to Smalls.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Do you blame her? She has taste. And even if your cat loves kibble, Smalls makes the perfect topper as you transition them to a fresh diet. Since making the switch to smalls, Nom has fewer hairballs, more balanced energy, a healthier weight, a soft and shinier fur coat, and a less stinky litter box. Say less. And you might be wondering, why can't I just feed my cat kibble?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
But believe it or not, nom used to be a wild animal. They descended from the ferocious desert cat who hunted live prey for food. And your cat isn't any different. They still need fresh, protein-packed meals to be at their best. For a limited time only, because you are a long-winded listener, you can get 35% off Smalls plus an additional 50% off your first order by using my code GABBYWINDY.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
That's an additional 50% off when you head to Smalls.com and use a promo code GABBYWINDY. Again, that's promo code GABBYWINDY for an additional 50% off your first order plus free shipping at Smalls. Yes, of course, I'm always looking for the perfect vintage designer piece. But as you know, I just got paid my money from Peacock and I cannot spend it. I can't spend it all, okay? I need a break.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I need some sort of a discount. And that's why I love The RealReal. It's the best place to shop authenticated luxury bags, clothing, watches, and so much more. I love at Cowslata and JPG, but you know what? My bank account doesn't. It has limits. So I'll scour and I'll scour the RealReal for new pieces. There are 10,000 new items every day, can you believe?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
That's who's looking back in the mirror at me today. What's all over my face besides the pimples staring back at me? A white head. How am I supposed to keep my wife? I'm breaking out. I feel ugly. Because I'm working hard at a new addiction called nicotine pouches. No, I'm not selling them. Maybe I'll bleep that. But everyone knows I'm always looking for a new addiction. I need to feel something.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
So, and then some of you may be thinking, okay, this is where you lost me. Okay, this is enough for me. Well, not me. Not me. If I have imagined Trump's asshole, burnt orange on the outside, covered with wispy hairs, similar to those on top of his head, bleach blonde and thin in nature, then you have to too. And I don't know if you know this about me. I've lived many lives.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Not just the ones in the notebook and Yellowstone that the regressionist told me. I've lived many lives on this earth. I've lived many lives. Not only was I an NFL cheerleader, an ICU nurse, I am a college dropout. I went to midwifery school for one year and a half before I had to throw in the towel after I learned about liability insurance. You're telling me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
You're telling me after I'm wrist deep in the assistance of the miracle that is childbirth, I can be sued for up to 18 years by both parties, the mom and the baby? I don't think so. I don't think so. I'd rather go on reality TV where I can get a chance to do the suing for once. Cut me some slack. No, I had to get out of there, but not before.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Not before I passed my health assessment class, a necessity where you had to go not via Zoom, but as live action. You had to show up to the flesh, in the flesh, to perform an assessment. From the lymph nodes behind your ears to the hole in your ass to the pulse in your toes. I had to assess it all. You know where this is going. I've been a prostate examiner once. Add that to my resume.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
What can't she do? We're live action. Not only me, but my patient. My patient. Not sick. It's not sick, no. And you might be thinking, oh, yeah, where did she go? Phoenix, you. Well, to that, I say, fuck you. You act like I haven't thought of that before. Good joke. Good joke. Not. I'm live in the flesh and so is my patient. It was not a patient. He's an actor. Put some respect on his name.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
An actor that willingly signed up for this position to be the receiver of a prostate exam. Think of that which you may. Okay, Gabby, you're up. Well, I never, I never, I show up and I am professional and I never say no to a duty. I glove up, non-latex, as to not have a perianal abscess show up, but seconds later, it's sensitive. There are directions to trim the nails, my nails down to my cuticle.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I need a fix. I need a buzz. As you know, I'm off the cigarettes. I have to protect my lungs from the bronchitis. Yes, I'm still fighting it. Yes, I still have to sleep with a cold diffuser every night with a little eucalyptus peppermint. And if I'm lucky, orange tree months later. So here I am. It doesn't come as easy at first and you have to fight through the breakouts.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
But if there's one thing I'm dedicated and I am driven now. And that's all my seven Capricorn placements. Can you believe? No. This? No. I was born into this treachery. Why don't I want to go to the party tonight? Why does it fill me with dread to come face to face with a room full of people at a chic, mind you, location while I'm draped in something equally as chic?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
How come I can't look forward to it? I don't know. I wish I knew. I wish I could tell you. Maybe because I'm ugly. You can't tell because I put my hair in a high pony, and I put an overlined lip and a gloss on, and now I'm feeling like myself again, so here we go. So here we go. I did cancel my glam because that is equally exhausting. I have to start my day two hours later.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . en . Like my mom always said it would, if I relax my quads for once, I get a break and this life that I'm already having a lot of problem living and the only time that I could get some time to myself is in the bathroom and I would like to not squat but rest. That is when I got the crab. Are you telling me? Are you kidding me? No, I must sever.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I will put on the foundation that doesn't match my neck and gives me a cast over my face so I look like Mark Zuckerberg on that boogie board, but... So at some point you have to conserve your energy because of your seven Capricorn placements. I'll do my best. I'll do my best. but I still have to pay my glam fee. Money lost. Money lost either way. But now I get to sip on a Diet Coke.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Now am I going to get rid of this pussy bug? That's itchy, itchy, itchy, itchy. I thought it was my perpetual yeast infection that I got from years pleasing the man on the dirty dick. No. No, no amounts of AZO is going to help this. I got to get a dye fluke in times two. It's resistant. So how am I going to get rid of this little bug? No, I can't crack it like a snow crab.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Don't tell me I have to comb through it with that of a Jiffy peanut butter. Disgusting. I've already thrown up in the Uber Tesla. Okay, and thanks for coming back again and again and again to Longwind. I'll see you next week if you're lucky. And you shall be. And you shall be. And you shall be. This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I was asking my baby, Robbie, what should I do? Why do I feel like this? This is a 12 and a half of Benadryl I took last night. It can't be. She said, no, baby. I think if you record, you'll actually feel better. So here I am today. Today, today with a lot on my mind. naturally as they do.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
As they do, I see Carol every Wednesday with her four eyes looking back at me wondering where the fuck my pleasure centers went. Well, if I knew, well, if I knew I wouldn't be here sitting every Wednesday with the camera so far up my double chin, it doesn't know what to focus on. But I need some insight from my dear friend.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
And then it got me thinking, what might make the pleasure centers a little more pleasurable? We know how I ended up here. It's the drama. What's going to soften the blow of the childhood that is my past? And I'll tell you, an accessible bed of sorts. Yeah, it doesn't roll off the tongue. It doesn't make it any less efficient. And this is my call, Patton. of the bed.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
So any of you leeches out there looking for a new business model to get you out of your everyday life, join the club. I've been researching, I've been Googling, and this is mine. No, I haven't put it in any kind of database because I don't want to do that because it looks like it's a lot of effort. And accessible bread in bed for the depressos.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
For the depressives, we shall begin because you know what? On a Monday at 10 a.m. when the emails start, boom, pouring in like the diarrhea that comes after the Saturday night because I don't know what the fuck you did with your intestines, but I bet it began and didn't end with an espresso martini, the tequila kind. You think that's going to go easy on your intestine?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
No, it's called dumping syndrome. It's got to get it out. Here we are. The emails are pouring in at 10 a.m. OK, OK, let me try and look forward to something for once. No, no, because the first step is acceptance. I've accepted who I am, but I got to spend time with the cat.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
So and I go to the office, her room dilapidated, dilapidated by the neglected track curtains that took a long time and a lot of energy on my behalf to figure out how the fuck it worked. Here we are in the room with my dyad, with, and it doesn't even matter, a comfortable Ikea chair made out of a soft brown leather that is suitable for your ergonomics. This is going to make your Monday better.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Cat atop the desk, staring back at you. What the fuck have you been doing with your whole life? With its big eyes, slow blinking, because luckily someone loves me. One thing. Okay, maybe I'll take a meeting, maybe not. But you know what? You know what? I'm no more productive sitting supine than I am. Let me try. You know what? I'm no more.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
How else am I supposed to get the nutrients from a flower that is cauli if it's not draped? and that of a buffalo. And welcome back to another episode of Long-Winded. Thank you for being here time and time again. As you may or may not know, I'm wearing newly. I'm more casual today. But if you want one way to elevate a casual shirt, you just got to turn on the headlights.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
See, I'm already one step ahead of myself because I cannot, I can't wait until the next time that I lie down. Let me try taking a meeting in bed for once. Oh, this is it. This is the stuff that makes me feel not alive. I've never felt that before, but at least more comfortable. I can think I'm relaxed. I can contribute to the conversation.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Not that I want to, because I have to sit through the grading of the conversation of my ears coming from other people's voices. Let's get on for 20 minutes in silence. How about we don't speak unless spoken to, and I shall not say a word. But maybe, maybe if I was laying down, I could have something to say. At least I'll be more comfortable.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I'm firing on all four between that and a packed nicotine pouch in the upper deck. Now I can think. No, I don't need to be sitting down for this. I need to be laying down re-accessible bed. Re-accessible bed. And it was inspired. It was inspired by the hospital bed. You spend enough time in a hospital and then things start to make sense. Of course, these have bed rails.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Of course, it has safety guardrails for when the sun starts going down and you slowly start to lose your mind. Why is my underwear on top of my head? Why am I looking in the fridge for my father's vintage pornography collection? Oh, I'm losing my mind. I'm sundowning. Somebody hit me with the owl doll. I need a bump. and restrain me to the bed.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
No, my ganglion cyst is screaming, ergonomically correct, upright. No, it's not working because I'm holding so much tension in my wrists from my processing center that is my brain and failing by the second. I cannot, I know, I know I'm looking at something, but I cannot for the life of me understand what it is. These are just words or silence. It's not making any sense when I'm upright.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I'm spending, I'm spending, I'm spending. I spend on something I'm going to wear once at an outing that I don't even want to go to once for a picture on Instagram while I'm sick of it. And now, thank God, there's Nuuly. As you can see, I'm wearing an incredibly cute croissant shirt. Nuuly has clothes for any kind of events, for all kinds of occasions.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Trending going out clothes, cute dresses, casual tops, as seen here, and premium jeans. Nuuly is a subscription clothing rental service for just $98 a month, and you get your choice of any six styles each month. You choose whatever you want to rent for whatever you have going on, access to thousands of styles from more than 400 brands, including but not limited to...
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Bore Love and Lemons, Anthropologie, A. Goldie, the best jeans if you ever ask me, Free People and more. There's inclusive sizing up to 5X as well as petite and maternity. Fast free shipping and returns and professional cleaning and newly state-of-the-art laundering facility. That's what we like to hear. What about the fried rice that I have all down my shirt because there's a hole in my lip?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Fear not. and the option to buy what you love at a discount. There's savings, sustainability, it's shipped in recyclable and reusable totes, and it's flexible. There are no fees, late fees, damage fees, or fees to pause or cancel. Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any six styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with code GABBYWINDY.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Just go to nuuly.com, that's Nuuly with two U's, and enter the code GABBYWINDY and sign up to get $28 off your first month. That's nuuly.com, Nuuly with two U's, with code GABBYWINDY. Nuuly Subscription Clothing Rental, change your clothes. I'm always trying to give myself a blowout. I don't have time to travel an hour to and fro to get my hair washed and blown out. I just need to do it by myself.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
And then all of a sudden, it's chic. I got a DM. I got a DM that read, I'm watching Traitors with my mother and she loves how bouncy your hair is, but she hates that you never wear a bra. Well, to that I say, this is music to my ears. encouragement, enabling the braless, the freedom of the nipple, which we're still begging for today as evidenced by the DM.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
But you know how it goes. You do it and then your hair falls 10 seconds later before you've even gotten to take a selfie for your Instagram story. So let me introduce the all-new Drybar Blowout Defense Collection game-changing hair products that prep for a gorgeous blowout that lasts up to 96 hours. I don't even know how many days that is.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
And I bet you don't know either because we don't do math around here, but that's a lot of days if you're asking me. The Blowout Defense Strengthen and Extend Blowout Accelerator Spray cuts blow dry time by 32% while locking in styles, a total game changer when you're in a rush. Not only does it speed things up, but it also detangles and protects hair from heat.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
So you're styling smarter, not harder. We love to hear it. And I'm always looking for salon quality results without the trip. Hello, I'm exhausted. And I'm sick. I'm sick of rolling down the window and then my blowout is ruined. So use the blowout defense shampoo conditioner and blowout accelerator spray with your favorite dry bar tool. And you have a blowout that lasts up to 96 hours.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
It is not get ready with me. It's stay ready with me. Get a gorgeous blowout that lasts now and shop dry bars, blowout defense products at drybar.com. So we get to the accessible bed. So we get to the accessible bed where we can do all of our activities. And it comes with compartments of source and great bedding, maybe Brooklinen, maybe the Egyptian cotton from Amazon.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I'll put it in the link below. Maybe they're great sheets. It's like sleeping in a cloud, they say, which we're all going to experience one day because no matter what we do here, no matter if we go through the pain of being upright, we're still going to all I'll die. And who knows?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
If your back is going to hold up by then, know you're still going to be in pain this sciatica because you've been laying in bed all day, you lazy fuck. I need a drink. Ah, the carbonation. The accessible bed comes with a variety of compartments. The first being your computer and the keyboard, complete with a number pad and a fucking mouse. I need to rest the palm of my hand on something.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
I need the support. Like a Dr. Scholl's insert on a shoe that just doesn't fit right. I have high arches. What can I say? It's the one thing my mother gave me besides a button nose. You should see my point. You should see the point on these suckers. It'll make you grain with envy. A compartment for the computer and the number pad. Because if I have to poke at the top of the QWERTY one more time,
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
Okay. I'm free on a four slash 12. Okay. Go to the bottom. Okay. Up at 10 caps lock P S T A M poking, poking, poking, poking, poking. I want the number pad. Have you seen, have you seen a woman with a number pad, a force to be reckoned with? I can, I can type in those numbers. I can do some math. Fucking finally. Oh, my number. It's never, it's never become clearer in my head.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Details of Mr President's spray tan and the elusive prostate exam
This number pad, the 369 aligned just right. Now we're talking. Now I can get something done of my taxes, but I cannot without a number pad. What are you going to tell that to the IRS, Gabby 4? Good luck. They're already making sure your dad's home with the FedEx delivery. That cannot be a good sign. We need a compartment for the blowy. No, not that kind, you sick freak. I left that in 2021.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Wait a second, I have some, I have some, I have some, let me turn myself up. Hello. Okay. I have some things to do. Okay. Right at the top of the hour. I have some things to do and I have a lot to say what's new. First of all, I'm recording this on Saturday at seven in the morning because I have somewhere to be. Imagine that.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
But instead you knocked out one of your homosexual dancers. He's on his way to the ER and you've ruined the whole performance. but you somehow save it at the end with that little move you've been working on. This splits, but you can only get halfway without pulling a hamstring. No, you're tight. We're not 18 anymore. That's what would happen.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
That's what would happen if we tried to be anything like Meryl Streep. Because she emanates from within and on the outside. You can't take your eyes off of her because she loves herself. And people try and undermine. People try and undermine. She's not conventionally attractive. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror anytime lately?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Have you washed your hands and looked up at that dirty fingerprint mirror anytime lately and who's looking back at you? She's not conventionally attractive. This is just a way to make women feel like they're not good enough. What the fuck is new? Don't come at me, you dirty troll. Because obviously this is coming from men. Because no, because no, because it is true.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And you don't know until you know, until you get to the point. And I hate and I hate and I hate giving you one glimmer of hope. But fuck, I'm married and I'm feeling good. I'm wifed up. I'm a wife and she's a wife or a husband, whatever she wants to be. We are bride and groom because we're because we're on a spectrum of ourselves of sorts because it's only us. Because it doesn't matter.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Because we cannot be comparing ourselves to the other. No. Because if you feel good for you, then that's all that counts. Damn, I feel good today. If you want in your skinny jeans, then you do. And that's all that fucking counts. You walk out that door with your head held high. And who gives a shit who else is out there? Because it's all about what you think. And then it becomes true.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And then it all becomes true. I don't have to look at her button nose or her perfectly powdered lips that I need 1.5 CCs of filler to try and get, but then they look a little heavy. I'm like an inner tube. Well, that's okay, this is for me. And I love having big plump lips, the bottom lip especially.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
I was wearing that cape last night on the episode of Traders and somehow it made my lip look huge and I loved it because it's for me. not for anyone else. And this is what Meryl Streep has taught us. Have we learned nothing from Jinx Monsoon?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
RuPaul's Drag Race, I don't even know what season, maybe season three, the quirky queen that Michelle Visage loathed with all of her being, but she's allowed to because she has a seat on the RuPaul's Drag Race panel of judges. What have you done lately? She's allowed to loathe. She's earned her credibility, but it didn't stop Jinx from winning. And Jinx was herself. She was put down.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
They just started fucking. They just started. Slipped a finger in, if you know what I mean, because that's fucking in lesbian culture and that's the way we like it. Because in that singular finger, you'll feel more intimacy, more love and emotion than you've ever felt with that flaccid little anteater coming at your belly button. They're new, so it's sweet.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
But Jinx Monsoon stayed true to herself, and she took that crown. Have we learned nothing? And then we have to move on. And then this is also something that we've completely lost about the girl code. Be honest, be honest, be honest with your friend if she doesn't look good. Well, well, let me stop you right there. Only if it's objectively honest. Unarguably wrong. Because who knows?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
If your friend looks in the mirror and she's lighting up with her camel toe, you're going to let her have it. How do these jeans look? Well, they look amazing with your fat pussy because it's a sign of power. Don't tell me I have a camel toe because I love it. Don't tell me my pussy lip has escaped my dress because I have long lips and they have a mind of their own.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And finally, you can see what I can see. which was a real story. We were at a Cosmo party and Tuffy was there and JT was on stage. Hello. So I was on the couches. Naturally, she's my city girl. And I was dancing and dancing and dancing and my left lip escaped. Tuffy was laughing. She was laughing. She was laughing. She's like, Gabby, you're pussy.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And I was like, finally, somebody sees me for who I am. Long labia lover girl. Because it's for us to decide. Yes, you got to be honest if your friend has something in their teeth and they're more than 10 seconds away from the mirror. Yes, you got to tell them. Maybe. Maybe, of course. That is a good friend.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
But if you can tell your friend likes what they're looking at, what are you gonna tell them? No, no, we support women's rights and wrongs because mostly their wrongs are rights and you cannot tell me any different. Yes, I am an apologist. And the only time we need to be honest was when they're looking desperate over a man. No, girl, you're better than him. He wishes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
No, because no, because she's not you. Let him go to the party. Let him go to the bar. No, because he'll never find someone like you. And he'll regret the day he ever left the house without you or her. So that's what I have to say about that. Oh, you found your person. Oh, you found your person you want to get married to.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Oh, because I'm getting on a flight to Portugal, okay? And Robbie's coming with me because she's the love of my life. And I get a plus one and I don't like to go anywhere without her, okay? She's a grounding force. She makes all of the whelming of life. She makes all of the overwhelming of life just whelming. She helps me to handle. Can you imagine?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Well, we know, and I have to talk at full volume because I can't afford to whisper. Even though I enjoy a little luxury, it doesn't mean I can always afford it until I discovered Quince. Quince is my go-to for luxury essentials at affordable prices. Do we love to hear it or do we love to hear it?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Quince offers a range of high-quality items at prices within reach, like 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters from $50, washable silk tops and dresses, organic cotton sweaters, and 14-karat gold jewelry. The best part, all Quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings on to us.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Hello, this is the business model we've been looking for. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices in premium fabrics and finishes. We thought it couldn't get any better. And I have one of the cashmere sweaters from Quince and it's literally my favorite. I wear it all the time. It hugs and touches all the right places.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
If you know what I mean, it fits like a glove. I'm a size medium. Give yourself the luxury you deserve with Quince. Go to quince.com slash Gabby Wendy for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Gabby Wendy to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash Gabby Wendy.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And then I have something to say. Now let's talk about the three men who no one can stop talking about and they are all the equal amount of pervert Justin Baldoni, Elon Musk, Dylan Efron. Let's get into this, shall we? Let's get into the Justin Baldoni flake lively of it all. That's what Robbie calls Blake Lively. Flake Lively. What are we doing?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
I don't know if I'm so much interested in the Blake V. Justin or the Candace Owens of it all. She loves this. She cannot get enough. She's salivating. So this is where I'm getting all of my information from. The most credible outlet of them all. Free Press. She says whatever the fuck she wants and it's free to access on Spotify podcasts. And I'm not taking a side. I'm not taking a side.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And welcome back to another episode of Long Wander. Okay, shall we? Shall we? Naturally, I'll talk about the discourse. Is Gabby okay? I know her shtick is depression and she talks about it, but genuinely, has anyone checked on her? Yeah. Yeah, everyone. Are you blind? Have you heard nothing? Are your ears plugged?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
I'm not taking the Candace side. I'm not taking the Blake side. I'm not taking the Justin side. I'm not taking sides. They're all as right and as wrong as they wanna be. No, because I don't care. No, because it's not that deep, let me tell you. No, because have you ever heard their fucking? No, because have you ever heard hell hath fury like a woman scorned? We know what's going on here.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
We saw the rooftop scene. Undeniable, some kind of weird chemistry that made me uncomfortable watching. Is this good acting? I doubt it. I've never heard of Justin Baldinone before this. No, it was scaring me like I was watching something I wasn't supposed to and not in a good way because this is the raw footage. No, it's scary.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
It's terrifying because obviously she told you she was breastfeeding in her trailer and that you could come in because you were next. You were next on the feeding list. Because it's your turn to breastfeed and she's going to throw. And then she threw her baby head first out the window. It's your turn, Justin. Let's get some of that nutrient rich colostrum.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And Ryan Reynolds is mad that they didn't let him cuck because he wanted to watch. But now he has to exercise all his power. Now he's really taking over, suing this, suing that. Who knew there was $400 million in the pot? But it's all going to the same place. I bet they're all in on it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
This is just a bigger scam to launder their money to the Caribbean island so they can buy another soccer team that nobody pays attention to. so they can maybe buy what's left of that island. And you know which one I'm talking about, not the Isle of Lesbos. And who knows what they're gonna do on it? I don't wanna know. More of this breastfeeding, I'm sure. Save it, save it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
In the voice memo, in the voice memo, Justin, don't talk to me in that voice. It's condescending and it's 2 a.m. Why are you up all night thinking about me at 2 a.m.? You call yourself a professional? Why didn't you set a Zoom call like the rest of us? Don't send me a voice memo that's over 120 seconds long, hello, and get HR on the Zoom because I don't trust anything that's going on.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And they cut off, they cut off the voice memo that was leaked halfway. There was more after that. What is there to know? We were gonna know. I'm sorry, I missed my feeding, he was gonna say. And if someone knows how to copy paste a voice memo, I'd love to know. I need that kind of insider knowledge because I have not figured it out yet. So how did this voice memo get leaked to the press?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And everyone knows you're sending a voice memo because you don't want to get caught talking shit in written word. You need it in spoken. Because as the great Dorinda Medley has said, say it, forget it, write it, regret it. He knows. He knows because they were all in on it from the beginning. They're all plotting and planning which text messages to leak, which nudes to leak.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
There's been no nudes yet. Which voice bamboos to leak, which rooftop scene to leak. Well, it's all very bamboozling. It's all very confusing because it all leads to the same place you were fucking. This is a fight between billionaires, which we will never understand.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Yeah, Justin Maldoni might not have a dollar to his name because who knows what he's spending it on, that little wrist around his, that little watch around his little wrist. No, I do not like his bicep to hand ratio. It gives me the heebies. That's where he spent, but his partner in the studio is a billionaire. So this is what's going on. They don't think like us. They're not like us.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
As the prophet Kendrick Lamar has been saying, we don't actually know what's going on. And you know what? And once again, I don't wanna know. Yes, I do. I wanna see Taylor Swift deposed, show up in a sequins bodysuit that looks just like a onesie. It's brief cut. And she's going to get up there and she's going to be like, shake it off, shake it off, shake it off, shake it off, shake it off.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Are those three little bones in your brain not so reverberating on the correct frequency to understand that I'm okay? Yes, of course I'm okay. I'm too good in fact. I'm too good. Now I don't know what to do with myself. Am I going to be able to create art now that I am somewhat for the first time in my life at some kind of level of contentment? Is that okay with you?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
I was never involved. which she did get sucked in, I'm sure of it. This was also part of the plan. Justin told Blake to involve Taylor and call them all her dragons as she is Khaleesi. That is not her own wording. That is Justin's. Obviously, all of this is alleged. Alleged. Because I don't trust a man who stands on a platform that he supports women. No, I don't.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
No, did your own kind neglect you? No, the men can't even see through you, but something about you makes them innately want to disown you. No, your own kind. It's always your own people. They're pushing you away. They don't want, they don't want you in their community of the men. So you have to pander to women. Oh, this one I'll got, I'll get, I'll pray on them. Cause they'll buy my bullshit.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Well, I'm not buying. I'm not buying one segment, not one. Justin Ballard, dream on baby. You ain't gonna, you ain't gonna get me. No, because who says out loud that he's a man? Nardo. Oh, He just got a groom. Who says out loud that he's a man who silenced his wife in public? He'd always cut her off. He didn't ever let her tell a joke or finish a sentence.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And he said this out loud in, dare I say, a braggadocious manner. He's unscripturalist. Sore did. Those ethics, those morals are all wrapped up. They're all confused and left for dead. Don't talk to me about how women should be treated. Just do it. Just do it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And don't brag about how you've wronged them every step of the way and think that you could get away with it with your olive skin and curly locks. No, I can see right through you. And it's making it worse. No, because you're a smug little fuck. You're a smug little fuck and those fingers are half as long as they should be.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
My labia are so long, you couldn't even get one knuckle deep and you call yourself a man who supports women? No, no, just literally no, no. No, because you couldn't even support my prolapsed uterus because you couldn't push it up because your fingers aren't long enough. No, you do not support me. Okay, parterre. And now there's a toddler running our country.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
He has spit up on his t-shirt, his belly hanging out, walking around knock-kneed. He has no balance, no equilibrium. His ears aren't working right. And he needs a chainsaw. Oh, yeah. What in the production company is allowing this toddler man of a billionaire a chainsaw on stage with a chain and laughing? You're in the back laughing for your own demise, for encouraging this freak pervert?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Disgusting. Disgusting. No disgusting, because this is how he wants to show off his power. Oh, yeah. Everyone's going to be scared. Everyone will think I'm totally sane, but scary. This is what all the oligarchs do. I'm just learning from my predecessors. I don't even think they had a chainsaw on stage, you freak. Did Elon Musk ruin Twitter or did Twitter ruin Elon?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Which one's which, the chicken or the egg? Because he went viral once and the hit was too strong. He can't get it again. It's like the first time that you do a gold plunge or worse, or in the same vein and worse, heroin. It's a drug. It's an opiate. It's highly addictive. The power was too great for him to handle. Imagine me. Imagine me with my nail video. My business hours. Imagine me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Because it's a scary place to me. What do you mean? Is she okay? And of course I'm not okay. Are we treading on the same planet? Do you know capitalism? It's ruining our lives. Do you know, faschism, it's coming to get us. Not so slow. It's coming to get us in a flat bill and ugly sunglasses, probably Oakley, and a chainsaw on stage at some kind of a conference. Are you kidding?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
What do you think I fight every day? I fight the supremacy. I fight taking over the world, but he cannot. He's succumbing to the virality of Twitter. But you're wrong. You thought you could take over the world with the Tesla truck. Well, it's the worst sedan we've ever seen. And there's no way you can parallel park it and y'all call it a sedan because it doesn't even have a bed that's open.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Nobody likes the Tesla truck. I swear to God. I swear to God, if I order one more Uber Black and it shows up as a Tesla when I could have paid $20 less for a blue, I'm going to get on the phone with customer service and I'm going to regret the day they ever signed that W-2. You don't want to work for this company, not with me on the other line. And then he has that disease.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
He has that sowing the wild oats disease of sorts. And it's contagious. Okay. So if there's one straight man listening to this, do not come close, but I know who you are. And I know you will, because you also want the power because you cannot help it. It lies within the foreskin that you didn't get cut off. So naturally you're left with the shmegma. It lies in there. You cannot help it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
You can't, and women don't come near. Do not come near because you're going to get sewn. He said, I want a baby with you. I want a baby with you. You IVF, you surrogate, you bend over. He's Oprah. And you bend, and you bend over and you get a baby, baby, baby. Stop it. Stop it. You sick. You're sick in the head. Something is definitely wrong.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
You guys heard of that thousand dad that could not help himself from jacking off so much. And he sold it to all the sperm banks. And then he out thought all the rules and regulations. So all the rules and regulations probably weren't thought of in the first place because he was going to different countries. He's going to different countries. And this is what Elon Musk is going to do.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Then we get to the point where we don't know if we're fucking our cousin and how our baby's going to come out. How many heads it's going to come out with? How many arms? How many fingers? How many toes? 10 fingers, 10 toes on one arm. How about that? How about that? Do you say, what are you going to do with that? Play the piano. Here's another Mozart. Now I'm selling it too much.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
I need you to take a step back. I need you to take a step Everyone's going to be related. It's going to be incestuous touching a stranger on the street and you have to sleep with yourself at night. This is the leader of our country and nobody likes Elon Musk. I don't know how we got here. Some may like the other disgusting spray tan toupee of a leader. Nobody likes Elon Musk.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
No, because, no, because he's going to do the surrogacy, the IVF, the you natural, the you midwifery, the you give birth in a hospital. And then he's going to take those oats. Then he's going to try and sew all of those dry Quaker oats on Mars. He's got to get to Mars. He's got to get to Mars to impregnate our the Marshawn alien. No, no.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
But the women of the alien, that's not a patriarchy up there in Mars. It's a matriarchy. And he's going to wish, he's going to wish the rocket never shipped. He's going to wish there was not enough force. to shoot him into, where's Mars? The second or first planet? Into one of those planets that are before or after the earth. I'm not quite sure. What do I look like, an astrologist?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
No, I'm running my mouth to you for less than I'd like to admit. But he's gonna try and get to those gorgeous Elenias, but they're not gonna buy his bullshit because they have respect for themselves and... And they have a built-in defense of the pussy teeth. So when he comes in for penetration, when Elon Musk comes in for penetration, their pussy's gonna bite down. And there goes your instrument.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And he's probably going to like it because he hates himself because he can't even recognize the person that he turned into. And he wants to have baby with the boy. He wants to get pregnant himself through AI. This is what he wants because he can't admit that he bats for the other team. He used to love the gays. He used to do the whole rainbow flag and hearts in his Twitter bio.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
What are you doing? That is Elon Musk. Okay. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay. Yeah, I'm okay. Because the greatest thing to ever happen to me besides falling in love, it gave me, this is what I'm about to tell you, is the same feeling as when Robbie and I were falling in love at a lesbian dance party to Katy Perry's teenage dream on the perfect amount of mushrooms.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And now he's woke virus, red pill. Hey, the gays and all they stand for, they should be condemned to hell. Well, I'm already going to hell. And let me tell you, it's not for being gay. It's for other things. Naturally, I was on Reddit the other day. I came across a Pitbull thread, one I like to frequent of sorts. And the caption went, Pitbull looks like he's going to steal the moon.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
So Pitbull, Pitbull and Elon Musk have a lot in common. But I'd rather have Pitbull as our fearless leader, Dolly Dolly, just wants to have a good reggaeton beat in the back and live freely. No, we don't need to assimilate. No, we don't all need to be the same because we're inherently different. Look at me. I'm Pitbull.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
I have an amazing singing voice with an affinity for a good beat, a bald head, and a short stature. And that's okay for me. You don't have to be like it. And Pitbull, Pitbull wants to steal the moon, but Elon Musk wants to fuck the moon. He wants to impregnate her. He wants to have a big old moon baby. Well, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. That's not a moon baby.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
That's a baby with gestational diabetes. They thought I had it once upon a time. I was 12 pounds and a two footer. I was two full feet long. And the nurses said that's a hyperglycemic if I've ever seen one. And then maybe if Elon Musk goes to the moon, he'll never come back. Hopefully we could only hope and pray. that the line of communication could be cut a la Armageddon Bruce Willis.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
We're losing you. We're losing you. We can't hear you. Because we don't actually know what it's like to go to the moon because we've never been. We've never been. What, if you don't know once, you can't go twice? That looks awfully suspicious of a green screen when special effects were just invented. And Elon Musk isn't just a billionaire. He's a $300 billionaire, $300 billion heir.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
You guys know what I'm saying. Okay? Okay, he needs to be stopped. What I would do, what I would do with a fraction of it. And with all that money, and with all that money, he can't even get a cell phone plan because the only ways that the mother of his children can get a hold of him is via Twitter. Hey, baby. Hey, our baby. You're not my baby. Hey, hey, Elon. Your baby needs a burping.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
The one thing you could do for once, for fuck's sake, come downstairs. Stop playing your video games and going to Mars. We're not going there. This is Earth. Burp your baby. And don't make me tell... all of X via a tweet that I had to wash your boxers. You don't even wear briefs, your boxers twice because your skid marks skidded. but it didn't come off it within one wash. It took multiple.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
I have no choice but to tell Twitter that because you haven't texted me back and you haven't sent your alimony. Like, please get off the space station. That is just the attic. You're not in space. And this is what it's like. And for the last man that nobody can stop talking about, the Dylan Efron of it all. No, Dylan. No, Dylan, I'm not a traitor. You want to get me out every round table.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
But these debating skills are better than you could ever imagine. You think I didn't go to the Elwoods School of Law? People are like, you're like Elwoods. And I'm like, thank you. I learned from Judge Judy, actually. But I understand I am no Judge Judy. But she was a big inspiration. But I have awareness. I am more of an Elwoods. But I would never chase my man.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
I would never chase a man to go to Harvard. No, thank you. I'm public school educated, tried, and true. Wouldn't change it for anything. Yes, I would. Oh, she's wearing leather hot pants. Manipulative. Oh, she's in a perfectly cowled, cowled neck, red dress. Deceptive. With perfectly laid choker pearls. Gaslighter. The sure sign of a gaslighter. Oh, you don't like my high pony? She's a cheater.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
I looked down into her beautiful face and I saw forever in those gorgeous green eyes and circle sunglasses. That she's had for, I don't know, 12 years and she will not let me touch. Baby, they're crooked. They need an adjustment. It doesn't matter, she says. It's made of a soft material she cannot touch. And she can't get new lenses. No, because she can train her eyes to not get any worse.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
She's a liar. To who? This is who I am. I'm just being myself. I'm not a traitor. I haven't done one traitor's thing. I haven't lied to any of you. Besides maybe all of you, but I had to do it for my own sake because we're playing for ourselves. I have to do what I have to do. But it wasn't a bold face lie. Maybe I said I liked you to your face, but I really don't.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Yeah, that's the only thing I lied about. Yeah, I lied about all your jokes when I said they were funny because they're not. And now I don't even know who I'm talking to anymore. I'm talking to all of you. No, she's not a traitor. And I think on that note, And I think, and I think that's it for now. So thank you for coming back time and time again for another episode of Long Land.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And what happened to me? And it gave me an out of body experience. I was levitating. This is what happens when I become too heavy, when I have too many dopamines in my brain, when they're all becoming levels, they start to float slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly. There goes the Achilles heel. I can't stop it. I can't stop it. I can't stop it. And then my little piggies.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And then I'm floating because Trisha Paytas says she likes me. Because Trisha Paytas has been talking about me. How about you? Maybe if you're lucky. She's the single most person that I've been following for at least two years. And that's a lot for me. She got me at, do you think rare beauty is called rare because of her rare disease? Actually, Trisha, you might be onto something.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And then I started levitating. And then I can exactly remember I was making a coffee. And then I got a DM from Trisha Paytas. And then I started floating. I had an out-of-body experience. I was like, this was never supposed to happen to a girl like me. It was never supposed to. And now look where we are. Look where we are. And the drag queen community is fully embracing me, okay?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Now we've made it. We've made it. I have them on my side. I can do anything with an army of drag queens. And I can. Who says long-term relationships have to be predictable? I always say I'll try anything once and if I like it, twice. And I've tried Aria many times. Aria turns been there, done that into whoa. Oh, let's do that again.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
I have something to do besides all of you. Yeah, I might have a lot to say, but also I'm in a contract. I don't want to be here. I'll be hit. I'll be served. I'll be given some kind of lethal paperwork that's going to want money from me. Who doesn't want money from me? So no, I have to come here and deliver week after week. Imagine the pressure. Imagine how I feel.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
I'd love to introduce you to Aria, a service for couples that makes it easy to break out a routine, deepen emotional connection and energize their relationship with curated experiences called scenes.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
You will also receive access to the Aria concierge, who is like your relationship's wingman, a real person who feels out your vibe and serves up spicy monthly experiences for two, plus handpicked premium items delivered discreetly to your door. It's super simple to get started. Just take a short quiz about your relationship and the concierge will provide everything you need to connect and play.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Aria really just takes away the mental load of figuring out how to quote unquote spice things up. They do the work for you and send you everything you need. It's not just a box, but a lifestyle change to prioritize the most important relationship in your life. Every piece of the scene experience is designed to be interacted with and shared.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Couples also often use the concierge to learn more about their preferences and share it with their partner. And that's what relationships are all about. We're here to learn more about ourselves. And the other, of course. Adults need playtime too. Aria is the answer with expert crafted experiences that are totally personalized with zero guesswork.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Visit arya.fyi and use code GABBYWINDY for 15% off today. Spring is coming. I'm coming. The British already came, so you should be too. That's why I'm sending out a ton of free vibrators. Bless the Boutique is a woman-founded sexual wellness company that just gets it. Their pleasure products are gorgeous and so thoughtfully made. You can literally feel that they were made by women. Imagine.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
a vibrator being made by a man, it probably wouldn't even be able to turn on and it definitely wouldn't turn you on. So I'm sure you've seen Balessa's Air Vibe. It's that little red suction toy that's all over your Instagram feed and it comes in a portable discreet charging case. incredible. They literally just sent me a box for this partnership.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And for the life of me, I could not remember what was in the mail. What could this package be? Because the packaging is so discreet. It's amazing. The mailman is not going to be tempted to steal your new vibrator. And there's no embarrassment with neighbors, coworkers, doormen, mailmen. We don't need them in your business.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Obviously they're paying me for this ad spot, but the way I ride for this company, Melissa is truly at its core, all about community. Their Instagram is amazing. It just feels like a woman's bathroom where everybody's getting together, supporting girlies and complimenting each other. So don't miss out. We're literally giving away free vibrators or gift cards to everyone who signs up.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Literally every single one of you. Just click the link in the episode description or go to bbvibes.com slash winded. That's bbvibes.com slash winded. So here we are, not doing okay, doing the best I've ever done. Because the drag queens have taste, because they know who to embrace in their community and they're picky. No, you can't be just anyone. Share Meryl Streep in me, Gagriella.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Yeah, if that's not the form of highest praise, I don't know what in. I don't need to be embraced by any other community besides Trish Like Fish and drag queens. That's right. That's right. That's why I'm getting eight hours of sleep a night and I wake up feeling refreshed. That's why my nightmares aren't getting to me as much. And yes, I have nightmares every night.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
It's too much to bear right on my head. It's going to squish my skull into a pancake. If you don't do it first. But anyways, so good morning. Here's my coffee mug. I don't know if you guys have seen this one. It's Girls Weekend Toes in the Sand. Isn't that nice? I got it on our first trip to the Hamptons. It's four girls. This, which one's me? This one's me in the yellow.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
I woke up to one this morning because I have PSTD. The disease of the brain. And then I'll stop there. But who doesn't? Who doesn't, okay? And I don't know. I don't know where you've been in the last day. And sorry to break the news to you like this. And I might have to cut this whole thing.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And I do have to remind myself to change what I'm about to show you in about 10 minutes in case something bad happens and things do not go to plan only every single fucking time I'm married. Oh, I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry, but this is the single best thing, also besides just being in the garage, I know I keep saying it, is Robbie.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And you guys know, and I know, and now we're married. And I'm sorry to make you green with envy, but if it can happen to me, it can... Oh, I gotta set it. That was my alarm to take off my ring in case all does not go to plan. So I have to set another one because fuck, I cannot rerecord this, okay? Because I told you I'm gonna be on a flight to Portugal. And it's too much for me.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
It's too much for me to cross my teeth and dot my eyes and pack the right medication to fall asleep at the exact right time. And no, I don't want to miss a meal. No, wake my ass up. But if I'm hard to wake up, then please just leave it in front of me. I want to wake up to the smell of a TV dinner that can sometimes be surprisingly good.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And I've been putting on my ring and taking it off and putting it off and taking it off because I don't, because we got married two months ago and we kept it to ourself for once. Can I keep one thing to myself for once? No, I can't. I wish I could be more mysterious, but that blessing is not bestowed upon me because I have to tell you my every single thought to make a dime around here.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
All the air of mystery ripped away. Never you, me, you, you, ubiquitous you. And now every time I look down at my ring, I see her gorgeous little head staring back at me. And then I want to squeeze it. I want to squeeze it. You know, when you see a cute baby, God forbid, and you want to squeeze it so tight. Oh, but it still has its fontanelles. Now what are you going to do?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Now what are you going to do? Besides ruin that baby's future all because of you. So don't even squeeze. Don't even come near the baby. But this is how I feel about my ring. It was the best day of my life. I want to relive it over and over and over again. You want to know what being married is like. You want to know what being married feels like.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
It feels like leaning over in the bed when you don't have any underwear on because you packed it all and you only have a couple of clean pairs. You have to go to Victoria's Secret to hit the five for 25, but you haven't had any time. So you're not wearing any underwear, but naturally a t-shirt.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And then you have to lean over in the bed to charge your phone and she comes right at your butthole with your little fingers. And even though you're too tired, even though you're too tired, you're exhausted, you have a lot on your mind, a lot on your plate, you like it. Whoa, whoa, baby, baby. Okay, maybe two because we're in love because we're together forever.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And those fingers are always going to want to touch me. I hope so. I hope, I hope. But I don't want to give too much away because obviously I want her on and then we'll talk about it and we'll gush. will gush. And you'll want to stick a singular digit into the garbage disposal, but just know that feeling is passing. It will not be here forever. Cause it's for you too. Okay.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
See, you couldn't even see, but okay. But I'm going to take it off. It's brutal. I always got to take it off. I got to put it on. I got to take it off. I got to put it on. I'm sick of it, but it's happening. Okay. Because I don't know if I'm going to have to cut this. So fuck. I'm all the professional. So fuck. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be so responsible.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
It doesn't even want to come off. My fingers are swollen. And I got new nails because I'm sick of the old ones and then they're a little too short and I hate them and they're a booty digger. You know what a booty digger is? You know what it is because you probably have them. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Show yourself your five stubby little fingers that have been digging in your butthole because there's no nail around so it can go up the butt, dig around and come out without a trace. Because hopefully your asshole will clench right around it to squeeze out the remaining evidence. And that is a booty digger.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
And then I know you, you're going to shove it right in your nose, if not your mouth, you sick freak. Okay, now let's really get into it. Now let's really get into it, the Meryl Streep of it all. Meryl Streep is the hottest woman in the world. No questions, no contestations. I will not hear it. Have you seen her in Death Becomes Her? That little number in the beginning?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
and character heels and great pantyhose better than Sabrina Carpenter's. No, she stole it from Meryl Streep in a perfectly placed wig. And she's doing a double stag leap all over the stage effortlessly with confidence that we could only dream about. The confidence comes from within. She knows she is Grace. and wit, and sass, and charisma.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
Here, a nice little leg cross, red hair. I've always said I wanted to dye my hair red. Maybe when I'm going through a midlife crisis because that's when people dye their hair red. And then this one's Robbie, the one in the shorts and the little hat. And then this one and this one. This one's Rosie O'Donnell. And this one's Sylvia Plath. And those are our lesbian couple friends, but they're new.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
El*n m*sk n skid marks
No, no, we could only hope and pray, not even on your knees, but on all fours to your Lord. Please make me more like Meryl Streep. And because if you tried to double stag to chasse leap all over the stage, you know where it'd get you? Four counts late on the next eight count. You rushing and rushing and rushing to try and finish it up and hit that hip bump.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
The following podcast is a Dear Media production. All right. As you can see, Nardo is back to his old self. So the only likely diagnosis at this point is Munchausen's. As you can see, he's doing it for attention. No. No, this is not an actual diagnosis. Yes. Yes, I'm making another funny. Or am I? All right, well, welcome back to another episode of Long-Winded. I am your host, and I'm glad.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Lots of women walking around, coming from all sorts of career fields. I can tell by their gait. I can tell by the way they walk. I can tell from one arthritic knuckle, from typing away all day. One more email. One more email. As per my last fucking email. Don't get me. No, do not bump me. Don't bump it. I don't want to talk to you. Their fingers are arthritic. Ah, there's one in healthcare.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Thank you for coming back time and time again. I do have something at the top of the hour, something that I think, something that I'd like to get off my chest. And no, and no, no. This isn't misinformation. I am a journalist. I see things. I perceive things. Don't get me started on the perceive. Don't get me started on, I don't, she just does it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
She's moving extra fast. And the last thing she shall take off. To get naked before the spa is her dance go. Because she understands what the support of a sciatica might mean to her in her future. Luckily, I brought a bathing suit. Nobody is naked. This is all very concerning to me. I'm starting to panic. I'm starting to panic. Do not give up.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
You've paid $85 times two because you thought Robbie was going to be able to go with you. No, you have no more support she had. She has a prior engagement. It's okay. Fight through. What is on the other side? The hit of a dopamine akin to a cocaine that I've said before that the cold plunge gives you. You're almost there. It's all gonna be okay once you get inside.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Boy, boy, have I never been so wrong. I step foot, barefoot. I didn't bring a flip-flop. Oh, great. Here comes the planner wart. Men everywhere, everywhere looking at me. Ugh. Oh, here's that distant feeling of what it's like to be sexualized. I thought, I thought that was in the past. Now I'm acutely aware of the word, of the word that is perceived. Here we go. I feel a retina graze my areola.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Don't cower. You've lived your whole life cowering because you're 5'8 and everybody else is shorter than you. Yes, including the man. You must hunch your shoulders and get down to their level. Thanks for nothing. Forward rolling shoulders. That's why I need to go to the gym. I have to engage my scapulas to pull the shoulders back to lead with confidence that I've never had.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
But they might take it a different way, the men. The men in their Speedo and Happy Trail and furry chest looking at you. They might take it differently. They might remember the Quaalude they bought from Hugh Hefner's estate sale, which they have been saving just for you, just for this moment. They're gonna sneak it into the bathtub where you soak and it will permeate your pores on the epidermis.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
There you go. This is what they've been waiting for. Know this is a co-ed space. Not only do I have Senecal on the horizon, there's nowhere to go. They're packed like sardines. They're packed like sardines. The men and the woman, the bathhouse flat iron is for where people to go, is where people to go for procreation. This is where they go to make a fetus. The pool is milky.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
With a substance that I shall not be named. No, it's not milky. Come on. But it could be. It could be for how close these men and women are to each other. There's a funny substance on the floor. Oh, no. If it's not a plan or wart, it is something of a substance that could impregnate me from the sole of my foot. It could crawl up. my main artery and lie in my uterus.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
I'm afraid I have to immediately leave. Thank you so much for your nice service. But, but I thought there was going to be a woman screaming in every steam room, sauna and pool because it's time for your body scrub. Scrub me like a dinner plate. where there is no sexualization infiltrating the space.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Ah, the objectification of one who doesn't want to be perceived. It's never kept me up at night. I can't really, I can't really think about because I can't even really perceive myself. So you think whatever you want to think, it doesn't bother me none. Anyways, I report. On the perceptions, it's called journalism. Are Kim K and Elon Musk fraternizing of sorts? Who's to say?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
No, her whole purpose is to make you think that your skin could be scrubbed raw, but it shan't and will leave you with nothing more, with nothing less than a buttery surface for your lesbian wife at home to appreciate. This is a co-ed space. Because there's only one type of man who will not sexualize you. And no, I'm not talking about your father. He is a pervert, as you know.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
He looks at my breasts whenever I come close and plays with my hair during conversation, please. Please get that booty digger away from my freshly cut, moisturized locks. I got a deep conditioning, deep, deep conditioning treatment. It is the Portuguese man. Yes, they do exist.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
The Portuguese and the man who does not sexualize you, they don't care if you're wearing, they don't care if you're walking around in a see-through dress in the name of fashion. They won't even look twice, no. No, they're busy smoking a cig and gossiping about the earthquake that they cannot get over that happened a thousand years ago, but the city is still rebuilding. They have priorities.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
So what? So you might think of me as a conspiracy theorist of sorts, and it is a slippery slope, the conspiracy of it all. And not kind of, not you're wearing socks around the house and you got a fresh piece of floor that's just been cleaned, could never be me, so you slip. Oh, I can get myself back up again. No, no, this is a severe slip. This is of the tailbone kind. You're sore for days.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
You have to sit on a donut in public. No, this is the sort. Think dishwasher soap on the slip and slide. Think extra KY on one finger. In and out, in and out, in and out. No friction. Disgusting. This is the kind of slope that is slippery that will lead you to a conspiracy. I am susceptible. There has to be a different meaning. It is not what it seems.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
So, so I am afraid to say, so I am afraid to say, I started to go down. What do you mean? What do you mean I should be buying stock in a pharmaceutical company because of a vaccine? How did the two go hand in hand? Oh yeah, because of the business capitalization our country is. Oh yeah. What do you mean I still have to get a booster every six months? Oh, that is for the immunocompromised.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
I was a healthcare worker. So you bet your ass I was getting my vaccines because I had to. I couldn't not have a job. I was living paycheck to paycheck. So I got my flu A and my flu B, which is all in one. And I don't even know if it. It's like, hello. It's like, hello. There's research that can predict what kind of flu is going to be the most traumatic in the season.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Okay, but I'm not around sick people all the time. I got the flu. I got the flu B. I'm still dealing with my bronchitis. Re-nausea post vitamin D, C, and Z. Okay, so, so what does this all mean? I go to a fairly important dinner with people surrounded by people who I should care about what they think of me for they are in charge of my career somewhat. I sit down, the lights are dim, well,
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Well, I think I might be somewhat of an anti-vaxxer. The lights flip on. There's a spotlight on my head. The table in the restaurant falls silent. They don't know what to say. Oh no, we shouldn't have taken her on. What kind of road is she going down? There's nothing left.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
There's nothing left to do but to shove my mouth full of monkey bread because I cannot think of a sentence to muster to this woman. I circle back. I can read the room. I circle back minutes later and my mind can be changed at any second. I'm just trying something new. No, you should not try this one. Okay, you're right.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Because then I was like, oh, I thought the real anti-vaccine began and ended with Jenny McCarthy's book. Didn't she have to put out an apology? So what? She has some iconic photos from the 90s. She has a cute little head. With a somewhat questionable little brain. Ah, that's what, ah, that's what they thought I meant by this.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
So then, so then I learn there's a measles outbreak in the Texas Mennonite community. The first one in two decades. Ah, so it didn't begin and end with Jenny McCarthy. I thought this was all of the proof that we needed. Because this is science-packed and we've been doing it for years. So what is going on now, RFK?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Like I said, I am a journalist. I never said I never said they were fucking. No, no, because he he's most likely asexual. Now I'm not judging. No, I don't judge. I just gather and report the facts. And she supports her man via via the love of her Tesla truck. She loves it. Slytherin all over. And that is her prerogative. slithering all over it. And that's okay.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Because then we heard things like, oh yes, maybe 88 people and 50,000 died from the COVID vaccine. Oh, okay, well, well, it's not nobody. And two offspring have passed away from this outbreak in measles due to not getting their children vaccine. Well, I don't know if the numbers are there, if I'm being honest. But wait, it's not about that. It's the spread. It's highly contagious.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
And maybe this is the one thing that the good Lord has done for us. is give RFK this dysphonia of sorts and where his larynx fights for its life every time he wants to say one word. Maybe it's because his voice should be silenced. Okay, so I think there's only one thing left to do. I think there's only one solution to the problem and the children need to speak for themselves. They need to get up,
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
off their tummy time, engage their core and their cephalic, including their neck, and speak up for themselves. Use your diaphragm. Do you, are you opting in or are you opting out? Fresh out of the womb. Loosen that umbilical cord. Come on. Use your oxygen. Let me know what you want to do. It's the only solution. Because do you, infant child? Want to end up in a wheelchair? From that is polio.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Watching your wife at a wedding bump and grind with a man who has full neuromuscular function of his legs. But she wants to have fun and have a dance at a wedding. And you have to sit and watch. There is a song about that. There's a tragic song about that. Do you want that to be you, poor child? And to that you shall make a decision. It doesn't sound like it.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
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Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
And that is, oh, I'm not saying, I'm not saying. No, no, because still the Tesla truck is everywhere. And no, no, you're judging at this point. You're putting words into my mouth. You are doing it all, not me. Don't bring me into it. That's all I got to say. That's all I have to say at the top of the hour. And then I'm picking up Robbie from the airport right after this.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Oh yeah, that's right. You know, that's how he is. I know, I know.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Don't even get me started on the vitamin K. On the vitamin K4, it is not even a vaccine. It's simply there to help you. It's simply there to help your coagulation factors. And what about that antibiotic on your eye? We can't have infected eyes. We're still learning to see.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
And until then, you must rely on magnetoreception, the scent of your nose, to nosedive into what is that of the nipple so you can... Feed and get your strength back to opt in and to opt out of cookies one day. Me changing my cookies, going into every option, unclicking every box. No, you're not going to get me. No, I do not want my information sold.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
I will go the extra 10 clips to ensure that will not happen. Maybe on something of a principle, you could say. And then what's next? And then what's next? They want our period. The children from measles aren't enough. Well, leave my pussy alone. Now we're left with rubella, no period privacy. And what's next? Maybe a lobotomy. And we'll get to that. Don't you worry.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
I can't even use an app to track my period. So I know what I can prepare for re-mental illness. So now, so now I have to go into the notes app, write down the last day of my first period. Already cannot conceptualize why is there so many words in something that I have to do. Count 14 days or two weeks. That is when the jellyfish shall land in the panties.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
The old victorious secrets with the holes in them. Right near your asshole. I know what you're doing. It's okay. You're not a lady. You're a woman. Two weeks after that is when I shall expect my uterine to line. Oh, they don't even want that in your notes app. You can't have it on your phone. You have to put pen to paper also. All because the government wants to know when you shall lay your egg.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
The government wants to know when you're feeling your most confident. The government wants to know when your skin glows. The government wants to know when you're singing the best you ever could. Yes, there has been multiple reports of that on Reddit. That ovulation makes you sing better. Why do you want to know?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
So we got to keep it moving. We got to keep it going, okay? Because I'm excited to see my baby. I haven't seen her in over 10 days and it sent me into a spiral. How does it feel to be left at home with a dying, very much alive dog? It sends me down a rabbit hole, down a Reddit rabbit hole of venlafaxine. How is this going to cure my mental health? I'm still looking for a cure.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
So they can use it against you in the court of law when you need that AI-assisted abortion for many reasons. One, you don't like kids. Two, You stepped on the floor of the Flatiron Bathhouse 3. You mistook your boyfriend for his brother. They want to use it all against you. They want to use it against you so they can plan for your inevitable lobotomy. It should happen at the same time.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Your middle schmertz and scrambling of your brain, lest we not forget the sister therein who have came before us. who had the best response to the lobotomy because always medical interventions pick and choose which genders they are the most efficient. Yes, of course, this is science. Yes, they need the lobotomy. They don't like the life they live.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
They don't like the oppression that comes with their husband, the demands that are placed on you. I have to discipline the kids and I have to put in the casserole at a perfect 350 degrees Fahrenheit as to not burn. I have to lift my silk pajama dress once a week so you can grunt in there for five seconds all while having a full head of rollers to prepare for the next day.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
This is means for a lobotomy. Call the lobotomy mobile, which was a real thing. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to read it out loud. Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to show you how to do it. Thank you. Thank you. you. Thank you. I'm going to go ahead and start the recording. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Will this give me some kind of a personality trait that I've been dying to have? Am I missing something? It must. It must be procured by a different SNRI, SSRI of sorts. You know, you know, my drug of choice is a prescription antidepressant. I must try them all so I know, so I can speak again from a place of knowledge. I'm a journalist. Venlafaxine. Is it going to save this deranged little brain?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Is it going to save my dopamine receptors? Who's to say? Who's to say? And then I've tapered off my gabapentin. You know things are awry. I'm still looking for a fix for a cure. I was talking to Carol once again every week on Wednesdays. There's this question, what do you do for fun? What do you mean, Carol? You've known me for over a year now. You know I'm not having any fun.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
You don't have any fun? No. I suppose, I suppose, and I've said again, once I take the first hit of a joint... In the evening or the mid-afternoon at this point, it's the only thing to bring me any kind of peace. Things are better. After the first puff of a Slimmy, have you ever taken a hit and then lit up the vacuum? The shark's going and she has a new filter. This is what I'm talking about.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
We're sucking up the dirt. A metaphor for that of which I don't know. No, I will not be leaving the house today. Not today. Not tomorrow. So what? I need some therapy. Some retail therapy. If CVS doesn't do it for me, then I have no choice but to go online. That's right. Which is why there's Nuuly. Nuuly is a subscription clothing rental service that's all about helping you have fun. So you hope.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
And get creative with your style. Should I buy that $250 sweater from Revolve to wear once for an Instagram story? I don't think so. It's all getting to be way too much. And I can't do it anymore. Nuuly is a subscription clothing rental service for just $98 a month. You get your choice of any six styles each month. That's right for whatever you have going on.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
They have athleisure, they have jeans, they have casual tops, they have faux fur coats, they have dresses. As you may or may not have seen, I'm clad in this episode. And I look fabulous. You have access to thousands of styles from more than 400 brands, inclusive sizing, fast free shipping and returns and professional cleaning and newly state-of-the-art laundering facility.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
I won't say if I did or did not wear underwear in this skirt, but if you forget, it's no big because they do their own laundry and the option to buy what you love at a discount. So there's savings. It's fun and sustainable. It comes in a little cloth package with a zipper. So you're not wasting plastic and packaging and this and that. Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any six styles.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
But right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with code GABBYWINDY. Just go to n-u-u-l-y dot com, that's Nuuly with two u's, and enter the code GABBYWINDY and sign up to get $28 off your first month. That's n-u-u-l-y dot com, Nuuly with two u's, with code GABBYWINDY. Nuuly Subscription Clothing Rental. Change your clothes. You guys know Carol.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
I'm glad and newly. You might be wondering why I'm looking so for Herbulers. And to that I can say only one thing. I can't help it. And to that I can say one other thing. This is newly the jacket and the skirt. Two different prints of sorts. You might not like it of sorts. You may be thinking, oh, well, that doesn't match of sorts. Well, I don't care. I don't care.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
You know, Carol, my therapist, and I've been seeing her for a long time now. Every Wednesday, she helps me so much. You know, it's not so much mental health around here, but mental illness and therapy has helped me greatly. But it's hard because I know times in the past I've had to pick therapy over literal groceries.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
It's like, OK, well, I can't afford it this week, so I guess I'll be somewhat satiated. But still. mentally ill. So here's Rula. Rula is an online therapy option and it's more accessible and affordable. Telehealth has made mental health care more convenient and accessible for millions of people. However, critical challenges like finding a suitable therapist, sometimes so hard, can
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Scheduling appointments and the expensive out-of-pocket costs still keep many from getting the care they need. Read me. Well, Rula's got you covered. They take most major insurance plans and the average copay is only $15 per session. You can now get the quality care you need when you need it. It's true end-to-end care.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Rula is committed to supporting you and staying with you every step of the way in your mental health journey, which is so important because you have to develop a relationship with your therapist so you really feel safe. They have dedication to quality care and therapy progress and a range of care types for your mental well-being.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to Rula.com slash Gabby to get started today. After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to Rula.com slash Gabby and take the first step toward better mental health today.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
You deserve quality care from someone who cares. That's rula.com slash Gabby. Which leads me to somewhat of a journalistic take on the co-ed spaces. The co-ed spaces, which as you can imagine, I am not so fond of. Yes, yes, as you know, I would like to be relegated to the Isle of Lesbos. I would like to be surrounded with women. And by that, I also mean the gay men and especially the drag queens.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
This is where I'd like to be. The gym. is a co-ed space much to my chagrin. How am I, how am I supposed to infiltrate the free weights with two troglos on other side of me, sweating from places you would not imagine their stomach. I didn't know we had a perspiration gland in the oblique, but their shirt may say otherwise they're breathing heavy. And do you know what?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
The men can have the free weights as long as I can have the machines. No, no. I don't want an ill intentioned man looking over me while I'm doing a lat pull down. Get your own, get your own. You're the only ones who know how to work the free weights with good form. I don't have any. I come with a deficit, a woman in the gym.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Give me the machine where the form comes with the engineering of the weight. This is what he, and I need you to back away. The men are The men in gold chains here at the Equinox, where I lie. And if there had to be a man, he should be in a gold chain.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
The men who are swinging the pH of the environment a little bit too acidic, which comes along with the swinging of their tiny little dick and their ill-fitting Lululemon shorts. No, I see it. And I must balance it with a couple lesbians in the room. They don't want to be there. But there are enough to make me feel at home. And guess what? We're all in the machines.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
We're nowhere to be found on the free weights. Yeah. And to that, I say, women, single women, single women, you should be you should be at the equinox and steer clear of the sprouts because I'm looking I'm looking at the men. I'm looking at the I can't even at the at the at the at the man child that occurs that prevalates the sprouts. I've seen you at the checkout. You're not paying.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
This is a cheetah print, I believe. This of something like a jaguar, I also believe. But it's unclear. The jury's out. I got to close the doors, okay? It's a feng shui thing. Plus, the other cat in the house, besides this one, this one, and this one, you know where I'm pointing, might come in and start hissing. And I mean this one. Anyways, anyways, welcome back.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
I've seen you follow around your girlfriend of five years, but you can't get it together enough to propose. Because you're too insecure. Or you think the grass is greener. The grass is not greener. And then a woman had a cute outfit out of Sunday and sprouts. No, you're not going to find that. And I see. I see you sneaking in a treat into the cart because you're too much of a coward to ask.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Even though you're nowhere near the checkout line when you need to be. Oh, you've gotten lost. in the whey protein aisle? I hope not. The toilet can't handle the artificial protein. Go wait in the car. Stay away from the sprouts. The other co-ed space I'd like to address is the spa. Is the spa because I had an experience recently which left me here. which left me here speaking out.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
No, it cannot be good. I will set the tone. Not that you assumed otherwise, but in case, in case you haven't had your morning coffee, your afternoon diet Coke, the mini one in a six ounce because you care about your sleep as much as I do. I needed a spa. I was in New York. I was incredibly stressed. I'm coming off of a two week straight work trip. Can you imagine? Can you imagine me?
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Flying here, flying there, ending up in New York, filled with tears in the morning. I will get to that later. They need more out of me. Even though I spent six to seven weeks in middle of nowhere, Scotland, spending time with a cross-dresser who I love. But that's despite, that's despite, that's besides the point. I'm not done working yet. You will be happy to know I received my money.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
NBC is less than happy with my behavior. And that's the way we need it to be. Because how are we going to be known in the world? Oops, I'm sorry. I screamed on live TV three different times. I didn't know it would cause such a stir. I'm working. I'm working. I need to relax. I need to clear my mind, which I normally do at the spa. So... I AI Google search of sorts.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
No, not by, not, not willingly, but I cannot get away from the AI. It's infiltrating no matter what. If I scroll down, it's the same exact answer, but sooner. My thumbs cannot, they cannot muster up the energy to scroll any further. Okay, here's a nice spa with pictures filled with gorgeous pools that are, mind you, empty. Oh. This must be one of my spas. A 20 person max.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Filled with old ladies with tits to their knees who have lost all kind of perception and fucks to be given. They left them in the 1900s where they belong. Now they cannot be bothered. Their fucks slowly sweat off of them in the steam pool, further exfoliate in the sauna, and they get to recharge in the cold plunge. This is what we need to reset to make it through a work trip.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
Naturally, I must get high before to get myself in the exact right headspace, a little indica as to not onset the paranoia that is sure to come with the sativa. I walk. It's within walking distance. I step into the lobby. Oh, oh, alarms are going off. There's men here. As I step in, I try and calm myself. This is not the time. Maybe it's two levels. There has to be a designated space for the men.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
I know there's not a real estate in New York. So instead of being side by side to the women's section, it must be upstairs. What if there's a leak? That's not for me to know. That's for the plumber. I'm not an architect. What do I look like? They have some kind of waterproof drywall built of cement that makes a lot of sense on a multiple story floor as to not leak from the cold plunge.
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Ky jelly and conspiracies
We must be separate. Do not Let your fear center engage. Know the weed. Know that Indica is still not helping. I am afraid. She gives me the wristband. She teaches me how to work it. I immediately forget. For I am still scared. I walk into the locker room. Oh. No, there's not men, but there is way too many women. This locker room is huge.