Ashlyn Harris
Appearances
First Date Follow Up - The Jubal Show
Why is Ben ghosting Natalie?
Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
First Date Follow Up - The Jubal Show
Why is Ben ghosting Natalie?
We all have a moment that splits us wide open. On my new podcast, Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed.
First Date Follow Up - The Jubal Show
Why is Lyla ghosting Aaron?
We all have a moment that splits us wide open. On my new podcast, Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed.
First Date Follow Up - The Jubal Show
Why is Lyla ghosting Aaron?
Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
First Date Follow Up - The Jubal Show
Why is Lyla ghosting Aaron?
We all have a moment that splits us wide open. On my new podcast, Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed.
First Date Follow Up - The Jubal Show
Why is Lyla ghosting Aaron?
Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
"We Hope We Dance" (w/ Matt & Bowen)
We all have a moment that splits us wide open. On my new podcast, Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed.
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
"We Hope We Dance" (w/ Matt & Bowen)
Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
We all have a moment that splits us wide open. On my new podcast, Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
It was a moment that should have broken me, but just because of how I was raised and my bullishness and arrogance to want to be great hardened me. It gave me a platform to be so singularly focused on greatness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Does that make sense?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
It was a moment that should have broken me, but just because of how I was raised and my bullishness and arrogance to want to be great hardened me. It gave me a platform to be so singularly focused on greatness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And if you can show the brain that there's what my friend Jud Brewer calls a bigger, better offer, which is that it will feel better to connect to your family most of the time because sometimes our families are annoying. But it will feel better to connect to other people, to read a book, to take a walk in nature than it will to, you know, attach your arm to the –
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
IV drip of FOMO that social media can be. And so I think meditation is a great way to do that. The final thing is, see if you can ask yourself this question. And I get this from a woman named Catherine Price, who wrote a book that I recommend called How to Break Up With Your Phone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
She encourages people to ask themselves, to try to get in the habit of asking themselves a very simple question when they're when they find their zombie arm reaching for the phone, what do you need right now? What need are you trying to fulfill when you pick up that phone?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
For me, it's often because I'm bored or I'm in an uncomfortable situation or I'm tired and I don't have the wherewithal to do something or I'm lonely or I'm hungry. And actually, if you run that program, you run that algorithm internally for yourself, You know, you're only going to remember this 10% of the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But if you can remember to do it some percentage of the time and ask yourself, what is it that I'm actually going for here? You might realize, actually, the phone is not what I need right now. And for me, I found that really helpful. Doesn't work all the time, but it helps.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It's not my phrase, but it's from this guy, Dr. Judd Brewer. And he's written some books about anxiety and it's called The Bigger, Better Offer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Former ABC News anchor.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Mr. Dan Harris.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
People who live the longest have strong relationships. Dose yourself with some discomfort. Go to that party. Accept the invitation. the number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Jay Shetty. He won the only Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah, I'm sure. And I think it goes to something really important, which is personal growth, spiritual development, whatever you want to call it, is hard and messy. And perfection is not an offer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And I think just knowing that and even hearing Jay Shetty talk about making mistakes and getting his shins cut off by a laser as he walks into the bedroom with his phone is useful because people need to know It's not a straight, unbroken, upward trajectory. That's not what this is about. There was a great tweet, or I guess we call them exes now, or whatever. There was a great ex, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
There was a great ex the other day from a Zen Roshi, Roshi Joan Halifax. She's this incredible human being, and she posted a picture that was basically a bunch of squiggly lines just going nowhere. And then the caption was, the path. That's the thing. This is messy. We are messy animals, and that's okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And what I think is important to know is that growth is possible, but it is impossible without making a bunch of mistakes. And if you can get that into your head, you're better off. So how do you get that into your head? There's a bunch of research that I've become increasingly interested in about the possibility of reprogramming your inner dialogue. Most of us have really nasty inner weather.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I sometimes joke that if anybody said to me the types of shit that I say to myself, I would be punching that person in the face, and yet I talk to myself in quite a scathing, venomous way, and I know this is not unusual. So what can we do about it? Well, you can get into the habit. You can develop – and again, this is a data and evidence-backed assertion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I'm not just making this up, nor is it an original observation. But what I've learned is that you can get into the habit of talking to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. And – There are some little hacks that make this easier. One of them is to actually refer to yourself by your name. So, Jay, I know you just got distracted in meditation, but...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Dude, as you know, getting distracted is a part of meditation. If it was possible to clear your mind, then we'd have lots of people walking around with no thoughts. But that isn't possible. What is possible is to focus your mind for a few nanoseconds at a time and then start again and again and again. And we are very good at giving advice to other people, but not taking our own advice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And so this technique, which is called distance self-talk, where you use your own name to create some distance, can allow you, Jay, or me, Dan, to give ourselves the advice that we're so willing to give other people and then actually to hear it. Does that make sense?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Thanks for having me. It's a little embarrassing because they might have tagged me in the comments, but I wouldn't have seen it because I wasn't on social media until a few months ago. And and well, I had an Instagram, but I didn't really post to it much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I think it's absolutely complementary. You know, as you know, in meditation, you are one of the benefits is that you're more self-aware. You're more aware of all of these wild thoughts careening through your head. And so it's easier to wake up. Now, I mean, I get lost in meditation. you know, homicidal fantasies and, you know, unspeakable fantasy, other kinds of fantasies. That's just the mind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But I'm more likely now to have some self-awareness. I mean, another word for that is mindfulness, to be able to see what's happening between my ears, behind my eyes, without necessarily being caught up in it. And so the sooner I can wake up to the fact that I'm in the middle of a jag of self-judgment, Then I can bring in these other tools.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Oh, yeah, you know what I need to do right now is have a talk between the sane part of myself and the insane part of myself. And as you said before, the inner critic comes to the ball masquerading as wisdom. But it's not wisdom. It is your ancient fears. And it is the dysfunction of the larger culture. So you might be telling yourself you need to look better. Well, that's not your voice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
That is as to invoke another amazing person, Sonia Renee. What am I? Sonia Renee Taylor, I believe, is her name. I'm embarrassed and I'm forgetting her last name, but she's a great writer. And she said something to the effect of when I see self-criticism, I realize it's not my voice. It's the voice of the system. And so you're telling yourself you don't look good? Well, by whose standards?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And so about six months ago, I started putting some videos up and I was looking at it one day and I saw that I had a message from you, but it was from 2020. So I answered it. And that's why we're here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It's the culture's standards. And I have two modes that I'm least proud of. One is greedy, and the other is angry. And over time, I've learned to actually have some affection for these modes because it's just the organism trying to protect itself. It's just my ancient fear-based patterns
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
doing their best usually you know like they're it's a five-year-old's version of doing their best to protect this body but i don't need to listen to them in fact the radical disarmament is to actually make friends with them to kind of high-five those demons instead of trying to slay them and for me that's been really useful and and just to get it back to your question combining these i would say modern psychological tools with ancient contemplative tools has really been helpful
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Another fascinating question is, what is me? Close your eyes and look inside. Can you find some core nugget of J? Spend some time with that question. That'll pop you out of ruminating about lots of other unhealthy things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I think you I think I think you come more out of the Hindu tradition. Yes. And I come a little bit more out of the Buddhist tradition, even though I don't look like it. But, you know, that's that's where I've spent the last 15 years of my life really doing a lot of study. And one of the things they say in Tibetan Buddhism is that. the not finding is the finding. Because there's nothing to find.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yes, I mean, on the level of consensual, conventional reality, I'm Dan, and that camera's taking a picture of me, and yes, that is true. But on the deepest possible level, if I look for some core nugget of Dan, there's nothing to find. And that not finding is...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
is the answer and if can you stay with that ambiguity there is something healing about that so how how do you take that out of the esoteric clouds into your actual life one little linguistic trick you can you kind of teed me up for this before because you you use the phrase i am like i am so and so what if you just and again this is i want to give credit to the person who came up with this it's joseph goldstein is a great meditation teacher but he often
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
advises his students to say, instead of I am fill in the blank, there is fill in the blank. There is hunger right now. There is anger in my mind right now. There is sadness in my mind right now. There's no you to find. The adding of the you on top of it is just adding insult to injury, right? That's extra. But it's true that hunger or anger or sadness can be here right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But if you can take the I am out of it and to the there is, well, then it's workable, right? You can do something with it. You can let it pass. You can observe it. You can try to work with it. But if you add in a whole story about how I, Jay, or I, Dan, I mean, curably fill in the blank, well, that's a much bigger problem.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Well, can I turn it around?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Like my last retreat was six to nine months ago. I've got one coming up. So I'm like further and further away from sanity. But you are much fresher. Like you've just come out of a retreat. How do you balance that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It's not good. I recently learned, this is embarrassing that I recently learned this, the difference, the specific difference between stress and anxiety. Hopefully I don't mangle this, but it's something like stress is the difference between the things on your to-do list and your capacity to handle that to-do list. The difference between the demands on you and your ability to meet those demands.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Well, it does. I think you're aware through your own practice that there's more than just the J you see in the mirror.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And yet you live in a busy world and you're actually, like me, you're kind of building a business around the small version of yourself, like the physical corporeal version of yourself that presents here and now, smaller than the sort of vast, infinite, mysterious, we don't know what that is somehow, it lives in your mind. And the way that you balance it, I heard, is
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
just engage in the messy business of trying to remember to the best of your ability.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Exactly. I mean, I think the biggest problem In my experience, the biggest problem in whatever, again, like I don't know what to call this, personal growth, spiritual development, whatever it is, the biggest challenge is forgetting. Because you hear a great podcast, you see a great Instagram post, you read a great book, you go to a great retreat.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But then everything about modern life pulls you back into the I'm going to get satisfaction from the next thing. Oh, no, no. The next thing I'm going to keep scrolling. I'm going to get that next sip of a latte. I'm going to get the next promotion. And again, I'm not saying these are bad things, but they won't do it for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
There's a reason why you keep wanting more, because the way the human animal is designed is that natural selection didn't want us to be satisfied, because then we'd stop having babies, and that wouldn't be good for the species. So you need to wake. This is an urgent mission.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
You need to find as many ways as possible to wake back up, and you just described meditation is a great way to pound this stuff into your neurons. It's probably too aggressive of an analogy, but it gets it into your molecules in a way. And another thing you also described earlier is having good friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
You know, if you can surround yourself with people who are also taking this thing seriously, that is a great way to wake yourself back up. And also, by the way, is a great way to get you out of your attachment to the sort of, I don't know if this is the appropriate term to use, but the sort of smallest, most superficial version of yourself, the brand of Dan, the brand of Jay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Well, if you're talking to your best friend and he's got a problem and you're helping him with it, another word for that would be generosity, right? If you're being generous in some way, that's going to get you out of your head. That is a form of letting go.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And anxiety is a little bit more fretfully projecting forward into the future and fearing that bad things are going to happen. And so I think actually both things are probably at the worst point they've ever been since we started keeping those records. So from what I can tell, anxiety, depression, suicide, addiction and loneliness are, according to the numbers I've seen, at unprecedented levels.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
There's a little line that I have, which is impolite, but the view is so much better when you pull your head out of your ass. And, you know, if you're being generous, your head's out of your ass. Even if you have ulterior motives, which I think we unfairly demonize. Like, it's okay to give because, you know, you have some... There's something in it for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
By the way, there is something in it for you. The brain is wired to experience intense reward in the act of generosity. That's cool. But you're still more of your bandwidth...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
focused on the benefit to somebody else than there would be if you were like mindlessly scrolling or binging or eating or whatever it is and it is just fundamentally getting your head out of your ass in whatever form you choose and it doesn't have to be giving money it can be holding the door open for somebody like i i sometimes ask people to do this little mental
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
very easy mental game of like pay attention the next time you hold the door open for somebody what does that feel like feels good if you're paying attention that feeling is infinitely scalable in a way that the pleasure of instagram or ice cream is not and i just you can ride that insight not that i do it perfectly if at all but you can if you're so inclined ride that insight all the way to a significantly greater levels of happiness
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah. It doesn't mean you should ever do it. I just, it's just the endless part that you should lose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
There's a way in which you can assume that sitting and meditating or even going to a, can you believe this dude went to a monastery for 10 days a couple days ago? That's not going to help him with his edge, but actually it does help you. It does help you. Do you want to be less emotionally reactive? Do you want to be more focused? Do you want to have better relationships with your collaborators?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Okay, do you think going to a monastery is going to help or hurt with those things? It's going to help with all of those things, and those are the things we need to be successful. We've been sold through hustle culture, this idea that, you know, thank God it's Monday. I've got to rise and grind and all of that stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
now i don't we haven't been keeping these statistics for that long so i suspect when we were like on the edge of world war ii things were worse but in the modern era things have not been worse from what we can tell and um i think a huge contributor to that is uh the pandemic that we just lived through i sometimes describe it as a global unregulated experiment into what would happen when you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But that that is, in my experience, a great way to burn out when, in fact, the cycle that you just talked about of. uh, retreat to advance kind of, you know, you, you take some, you don't have to do it. It doesn't even have to be a retreat. It can be just five minutes of meditation every day that that is filling your tank in a way that allows you to engage in the world more effectively.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And so these, these two things are not in opposition in my experience. And you're a walking example of that. Like you spent time being a monk and that has helped you build a business that helps other people that helps you do more inner work. Boom.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I'm actually, I'm excited. You're interviewing me right now, but in like two minutes, we're going to turn this around and I'm going to interview you. Because we come from different traditions. So I actually come into my discussion with you with a lot of curiosity about what your meditation is like. So from a Buddhist standpoint, it's for beginners, really not complex.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And a lot of people worry that it's going to be, you know, esoteric or impossible, but it really isn't. There's really three steps for beginning mindfulness meditation. And by the way, I keep talking about Buddhism, but this meditation that I'm talking about now is secular. There's no religious lingo or metaphysical claims. It's just a very simple secular kind of exercise for the brain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And the first step is just to sit or lie down comfortably, close your eyes. And the second step is to bring your full attention to the feeling of your breath coming in and going out. For some people, the breath can make you a little anxious if you're focusing on that. And if that's you, then you just pick something else like the feeling of your body sitting or lying down.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
So that's step number two. First, get into a comfortable position sitting or lying down. Second, pick something to focus on like your breath or the feeling of your body. And then the third step is the most important because as soon as you try to do this... Your mind is likely to go into mutiny mode. You're having all these random thoughts and urges and emotions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And at this moment, the voice in people's heads often swoops in and tells them this whole story about how they're failed meditators. I mean, you were talking about this earlier, but that voice is wrong. The whole goal in meditation is just to notice that you've become distracted and to start again and again and again. And the waking up from distraction is not proof of failure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It's actually proof of success because the whole goal here is to get more familiar with this inner conversation that we're all having, this inner narrator that is chasing us out of bed in the morning and is yammering at us all day long. You just want to get more familiar with this cacophony so that it doesn't own you as much. And so it's really that simple.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Pick one thing to focus on, usually the breath. Then in a few seconds in, you'll start having random thoughts about like what kind of bird was big bird or where do gerbils run wild, whatever. All these random thoughts. As soon as you wake up from those thoughts, blow them a kiss and go back to the breath, back to the breath.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
over and over and over again, and that's like a bicep curl for your brain, and that's what we see on the brain scans of people who meditate, that the area of the brain associated with attention or focus changes in a positive way. Meanwhile, the area of the brain associated with stress shrinks, and this is an exercise that anybody can do.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I will say a small asterisk, if you have significant mental health challenges or trauma, it might be good to do it under the supervision of a mental health professional. But other than that, it really is universally accessible. It doesn't matter what your religious beliefs are or if, like me, you're an agnostic. This is simple secular exercise for your brain.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Deny people social connection and put people in a state of deep uncertainty about the future and add into that political polarization, the noxious impacts of social media, which we were just talking about, war, climate change. And you have a very tough situation for individual minds.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Well, a couple things to say about that. One is there are many voices. I mean, one of the theories of modern psychological theories is called the modular model of mind. We have these modes. I kind of think about it like, you remember Magic 8-Balls? Yeah, of course. You shake one up. Yeah, I still love that. And the tiles compete for the top space, and it'll send you a message or whatever.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
So we have a bunch of tiles in our head and they're all competing for that little for the steering wheel. Right. And so I've got a jealous mode, an angry mode, a fearful mode, a self-critical mode. And I think often the self-critical mode is the one with a steering wheel. But you have a wise mode, a generous mode, a compassionate mode, and they're often just not getting that much airtime.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And there are ways through meditation, through therapy, being in nature, exercise that can bring the healthier tiles to the surface. And so that's just one thing to say. And then the other thing to say is that. Yeah, it's true that self-criticism, we're scared that if we let it go that we'll be on the couch eating ice cream until the end of time. And that's just not what's going to happen.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Back to Tibetan Buddhism, and I'm not an expert in it, but they have this expression that I have a couple of colleagues who are sitting on a couch over here who heard me say this a million times, but I really love this. There's the Tibetan word for enlightenment. as far as I understand it, roughly translates into a clearing away and a bringing forth. You clear away the noise.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
All of our demons, our unhelpful demons, what can come out is what is already there in all of us, which is the good stuff. You know, you might use the loaded word love. And I think of love as like sort of an overarching term that encompasses things like generosity, compassion, kindness, patience, ethics. And that is in us.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Of course it's in us because back to evolution as a social species, we needed all that stuff in order to cooperate and collaborate and become the apex predator on the planet. And
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
when you turn the volume down on the you know shittier aspects of our nature the good stuff will come out and it's it's it has an edge it has the edge that you want it it does want to create beautiful and important things in the world it does want to take care of you too as well as it wants to take care of everybody it it does um it does want to stand up to injustice
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It does want to be tough, but not motivated by hatred. Instead, by the good stuff, which is like giving a shit, caring. Anyway, that's all my experience of how this goes. Yeah, absolutely. And I'm not perfect at it by any stretch. I mean, I made a reference to Liz and Tony who are sitting in the room with us. Like, give them the mic. They'll tell you, you know, 90% still a moron. Absolutely.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I'm projecting a little bit here and guessing, but I sometimes think there's a difference between what people perceive to be the source of their stress or anxiety and what actually is driving it. So we might fasten on to things that are real for sure. I mean, like work stress, economics.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
So there can be stress about the state of your job and then economic stress about the larger state of the economy. There's increasing stress around inequality and bigotry, increasing awareness of it. So the question is, are those the proximate causes for your stress, or could there be subterranean contributors that you might not be aware of?
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Sure. I mean, there's this great – I know you know who he is, but there's this great Vietnamese Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. I love Thich Nhat Hanh. He has this expression about like holding your anger like a baby. I don't love that because I'm such an anti-sentimentalist and I – I find it like somewhat annoying, even though he's completely right. He's a genius or was a genius. He passed recently.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
There's something to that. First of all, the anger is trying to tell you something. In my case, it's like some infantile, usually desire to protect myself. And often it's sometimes anger has been described as a secondary emotion. So it's an emotion that's covering up for another emotion. And in my case, it's usually fear. So I'm a guy and we don't like to admit fear.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And often if I look closely, if I hold the anger like a crying child, If I get over myself and do the thing that the wise person has mentioned that we should probably do, I actually see, oh, yeah, I'm scared of something here. And that's really helpful because then I can respond wisely to the thing that's making me angry slash scared rather than reacting blindly.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
There's a difference between healthy anger and destructive anger. Again, this is not my insight. This is the way in psychological circles they talk about it. that can get you off the couch to do something about a problem. And it's clarifying it. Healthy anger can help us see clearly where somebody's full of shit.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Although there's a reason why we talk about anger as seeing red, because it can also be, you know, blind with blind rage. And so that's the destructive anger, which where that's an anger fueled by hatred, fueled by bias, bigotry. And it can get us into endless conflict. And that's what you want to avoid. That's what I've failed to avoid for too many times in my own life.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And that's still screw that up, you know, regularly. But it's nothing can happen. until you identify the problem. You talked about this earlier, you know, like one of the things that meditation does for you is it helps you be aware of stuff so that you can work with it. And so, yeah, this is one of my big things that I have to work with.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
So I think today's media environment, particularly social media, and I'm not anti-social media. We just talked about the fact that I recently went on it. But I think there are aspects of social media we need to be aware of. And too much comparing yourself to other people is, as you've talked about, the source. It's a really good source of unhappiness and stress.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
defensiveness or dismissiveness. If I am dismissing something out of hand, it's usually something I should listen to. And if I'm getting defensive, it's because there's something I know I should hear that I'm unwilling to hear at that moment. And I almost never catch it. I almost never catch it in the moment. I almost never catch it in the moment.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But it's usually when I feel embarrassed the next day. You know, it's like it's just I keep coming back to this. You know, I'm so pissed that this person said this thing. It's like, ah, shit, they're probably right. And so I actually got an email the other day from I won't say her name because she didn't give me permission, but from a great meditation teacher who was talking to me about something.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And I didn't recall her getting defensive, but she recalled herself getting defensive about something, because I was pushing her on something. And she wrote me an email the next day. She was like, I woke up thinking about how I was defensive, and that means that there's something I really need to listen to there, so I'm going to go in that direction you push me.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And that's usually how I get past the double bluff.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It feels good to point at the other person. They're such a schmuck or whatever. But like, of course, you're seeing it so clearly and you hate it so much because it's in you.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
There's a great expression. If it's hysterical, it's historical. You know, it's like you're getting hysterical about something. There's some it's some deep programming. And yeah, I hate admitting that. Yeah.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I think also if you're spending too much time staring at a screen, two things can happen. One, you can get a distorted view of the state of the world because the algorithms feed off of conflict and anger and outrage and anger. They feed our anxiety. And then the other thing is the more you're staring at the screen, the less time you're spending connecting to actual human beings.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I mean, you interview all sorts of people, but you interview a lot of like great folks from the meditation world. And so do I. And so in my experience, the common denominator among all of the great like spiritual masters, right, if that's a term that you're okay with, the common denominator is they all have a sense of humor. Because how can you look at this mind without laughing after a while?
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
The word that my meditation teacher, Joseph Goldstein, uses most frequently is ridiculous.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
We're ridiculous. And it's just, it's so healthy to see that and laugh at it.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
So I think this is the deepest contributor. We are, and this is to state the obvious, social animals. You hear this in every TED Talk. I think I said it in my own TED Talk, so I'm like deeply unoriginal here. We are social animals. We're designed to interact with other human beings. And yet everything about modern life militates against this basic, obvious fact.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
To pick up on the instant part of it, you know, it kind of takes me back to the first question you asked around stress. And we talked about some of the contributors. I think one of the contributors is that we live in a world that doesn't have enough friction, that we've created a world for young people.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And to me, you're a young person, but because I'm in my 50s and you're in your 30s, but I have a nine-year-old who's a much younger person. And we You know, there's a way that older people can blame younger people for their this generation or kids today or whatever. But this is a world we've created for them where there isn't a lot of friction. You can get everything you want on demand.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And as a consequence, people are intolerant of discomfort. And that is creating a lot of anxiety because life is uncomfortable. And there are going to be stressful and scary situations. And your ability to thrive is going to be directly correlated to your ability to handle this. And if we don't Get comfortable with discomfort. We're going to suffer. And there are ways to work with this.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
One of them is this thing that it's a psychological term, opposite action. You know, when you I'll give you an example. I have intense claustrophobia. And when your colleague Jordan came to pick me up in the lobby of the hotel in which we're doing this interview and take me up the elevator, I said, I have to ride alone. because I didn't want to have a panic attack in front of her.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But I got on the elevator. I didn't want to. I thought about walking 30 flights. And I've done that before.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
How did you set this up, dude? What are you doing to me? No, I... But the lesson here is that I need to get on elevators regularly. That's the way out of this. It's opposite action. I need to do the thing I'm scared of. Carefully, I don't want to give myself a panic attack, although there are some people who argue that that is a way through this.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But for me, I just kind of gently expose myself to the stuff I'm afraid of. And so I actually look – I relish the opportunity to get on an elevator or to take a subway ride. I just have to do it in the right circumstances. So – I didn't inflict it upon Jordan. I just took a different elevator.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And I actually think this is one of the ways out, one of the ways out of the epidemic of stress and anxiety that we began this conversation with, which is to, in whatever way in your own life, to just dose yourself carefully and gently with some discomfort, to take the opposite action, do the opposite of what
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
You want to do, which may be to, you know, hide from the discomfort, go to that party, accept the invitation, ask that person out for a cup of coffee, press like on that Instagram post, you know, little steps like that will will equip you and arm you to move through a world that is largely out of your control.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Everything drives us into our own information silos, into curating our own resumes and working on our own little homes. And all that can be beautiful. But when you overlook... what we need, that is going to create stress and anxiety. And you might think it is observable things out in the world, and it probably is those things, too.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Clear your mind.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Make awesome shit that helps people do their lives better.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Well, I got a tattoo recently. Oh, nice. It's an acronym F-T-B-O-A-B. It's way off brand for me in terms of like it's cheesier than I like to be. But it stands. It's a Buddhist phrase for the benefit of all beings. And we talked about my anger habit. But one of my other habits that I also mentioned that I don't like is a kind of selfishness or greed. And so.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I really try to remind myself as much as possible, like, no, I'm answering this in more than a word.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But I try to remind myself, yeah, this is for the benefit of all beings. And the A, the all, I'm included in that. So it's not like I can't make a living or whatever. But having it right here next to my watch, I'm trying to put that thought in my head more frequently.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
How long do most people pause? Because I'm thinking.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Okay. What law?
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And I don't think this is something that you can legislate. So I wouldn't want to force it, but it would be like a strong suggestion, which is around kindness, which is that... Maybe I'll use this phrase from the Dalai Lama that I like better than kindness, because kindness can sound very bland. Wise selfishness. That's...
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
if you want to do selfishness correctly, you will be thinking about the benefit of all beings to the best of your ability. Because that is how you will get happier. And if we lived our lives, all of us, with that as a North Star, which again, I don't know if I could make it a law, but I could make it a strongly held policy. I think that would change a lot. I think that would change.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I'm not a utopian. I don't believe that we can create a perfect world, but I think that we can create a much better world if we play to people's self-interest in a way that really is in their self-interest instead of the fleeting dopamine hits that we're selling people on now, that actually your abiding happiness is going to be found in And I wish there was a less cheesy way to say that.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But I just wonder for many people whether it's this deeper contributor that they're not looking at.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
More than a sentence.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Right, just to go into a flow.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It's so interesting to meet you because, I mean, this is a long way of saying thank you. It's just so interesting to meet you because I've seen you from afar for a million years. And then just to like... walk into this hotel room, you're like this dude who just shows up, they're like, hey, how you doing? Like you're way more casual and down to earth than I might've expected.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And so it's really fun to like put an actual person to the name.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
That's usually when you, when I, I, you, I meet a, I've met a lot of well-known people in my job, um, as a journalist, cause I have my job to interview them. And, uh, it's rare that I like people more after meeting them based on their public persona. And so that's what I was trying to say.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
One of the things that I really try to do in my work is move away from abstractions or cliches or big ideas and get really practical about how you can actually act on these things. Because it's easy to scroll on Instagram or read a book or hear a TED Talk and you hear these inspirational notions like we're built for connection and we need belonging and you need to invest in relationships.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And then what do you do about it?
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And so I think about that a lot. And I think you just gave us an example. You made a deep friendship 18 years ago, but it's not enough to just have a connection with somebody. You need to invest in it over and over and over again. That's true for any level of deep relationship. It's true, I would imagine, with your wife.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I mean, you've written a whole book about this, so I'm not talking to you like you don't know what you're talking about. But I just think you're giving a great, concrete example of one little thing you can do, which is... Figure out who you like and then make an investment in that person and hopefully a few other people consistently over time because the rewards are huge.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And this isn't just like a nice to have. I know you're familiar with this research, but the study that comes up for me all the time is this study that was done that's still ongoing at Harvard University. It's overseen now by Robert Waldinger. And the idea is.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
that they've been following several generations of people who live in the Boston area to see what contributes to a long life, longevity, health, happiness. And what comes screaming out of 80, 90 years of data is that the people who live the longest have strong relationships. And what's the mechanism for that? Stress is what kills us. You started this whole conversation with the idea of stress.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Stress is what kills us most of the time. And the best way to reduce stress is to have positive relationships. Waldinger has this great expression, never worry alone. And that's what you're doing three times a week with your buddy.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And there are obviously things you can talk to your wife about, of course, but the whole, and again, again, you know all of this, but you can't, you can't, your wife can't be the alpha and omega. Your wife can't be everything to you. And again, there's data to support this contention too, that the strongest,
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
marriages or romantic relationships uh in those relationships the the participants have other relationships that support it you know that that you're getting certain needs filled through your best friend um and yeah so i just go back to what you said that that seems to be a direction that people can move in when they're trying to think about how to operationalize this stuff in their own life
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
First of all, you said this thing about how you have struggled with social media. I just want to... ad that I have too.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I mean, I just started, as we've discussed, and I can't tell you how many times I've gotten sucked into either scrolling and looking at things that, I mean, I could be talking to my child during that time, or, and this is even more embarrassing, compulsively checking back to see how a specific video is performing. And so, yeah, I don't come to this conversation with any superiority.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I also think, and I will get to some things that have been useful for me, but I also want to say that I'm not against social media. I think there are beautiful aspects to it. I think there are also very difficult aspects, and we can talk about that if you want. But it is popular not only for the negative aspects for it.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And I think it's, you know, you can get some degree of pleasure through social media for sure. And I think it's true just for any dopamine hit in our life. You can get addicted to anything that is the source of fleeting pleasure, from food to cocaine to alcohol to gambling to shopping. And there's healthy use, healthy involvement in all of these activities, and then unhealthy.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And it really just depends on the circumstances of your own brain, your own life, and it's a thing everybody has to work on for themselves. as it pertains to like practical things that work for me with technology addiction. One is just being pretty disciplined about putting it away at a, you know, usually at the end of the day, I try to put it away and have a proper evening with my family.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Stress is the difference between the things on your to-do list and your capacity to handle that to-do list. Anxiety is fretfully projecting and fearing that bad things are going to happen. Both things are probably at the worst point they've ever been since we started keeping those records.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Don't always succeed at that, but I notice when I do it, I feel better. And that leads to the second piece of advice, which is As you know, I'm a big advocate of meditation, as are you.
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Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And I think the self-awareness that can be generated through contemplative exercises like meditation can help wake you up to the fact that you will feel better if you don't get sucked into your phone for prolonged periods of time. And that can – the brain is always looking for pleasure.
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Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Team.
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Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
We all have a moment that splits us wide open. On my new podcast, Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed.
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Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. you are cordially invited to...
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Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
He didn't charge you?
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Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Lakshmi.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Listen to Crumbs as part of the Michael Duda Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Thanks, brother.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
It was a moment that should have broken me, but just because of how I was raised and my bullishness and arrogance to want to be great hardened me. It gave me a platform to be so singularly focused on greatness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
The Filthy Magic of Studio 54
We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Team.
Stuff You Should Know
The Filthy Magic of Studio 54
In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
The Filthy Magic of Studio 54
We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Team.
Stuff You Should Know
The Filthy Magic of Studio 54
In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
The Catacombs of Paris
We all have moments like this. Something happens that's supposed to break us. But it's in these moments that we discover what we're really made of. I promise you, if anyone knows this, it's me. I'm Ashlyn Harris, two-time Women's World Cup champion and goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Team.
Stuff You Should Know
The Catacombs of Paris
In my new podcast, Wide Open, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: The Three Christs of Ypsilanti Experiment
We all have a moment that splits us wide open. On my new podcast, Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment, and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: The Three Christs of Ypsilanti Experiment
Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart Women's Sports production on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.