A Chelsea Lately reunion with Josh Wolf and Fortune Feimster coming together again. We talk about sports, comedy and so much more. Check out Fortune's new special on Netflix and Josh's new special on YouTube! Josh Wolf YouTube Special: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGVUxQCEC_c Support the show and get a one-dollar-per-month trial period of Shopify at https://www.shopify.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Josh Wolf: https://www.comedianjoshwolf.com/ Fortune Feimster: https://www.fortunefeimster.com/ Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/?hl=en #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcast
Oh, we are rolling. Hey, we might be drunk. Sam's making a drink. Should we do paper planes maybe? Yeah, sure. I didn't want to put you to work here. Can we get a... And hand me that seltzer. Were you there, Matty? What's in here? That's yours. Just a seltzer.
Don't worry.
Oh, perfect. Okay. I'll take that one there.
Yeah, we're literally here with Josh Wolf. We're literally just talking drug stories with you. Hell yeah. I did not know you were a drug guy.
Yeah, I stopped drinking years ago, but I've been taking drugs for 30 years. Hell yeah. And not a little bit of drugs. Not like coke and stuff like that. I don't like that. But I like drugs that change your brain.
Yeah, same.
Mushrooms. I like ecstasy. I like acid. I did jump on that ketamine train for a little while. Isn't that the bad shit? Special K. I hated it. Really? I didn't like it at all.
Is it an upper?
Or is that a tranquilizer? Yeah, it's like a tranquilizer. It's a dissociative. I like mushrooms because I like seeing things. I like my brain thinking about things that it wouldn't normally. Sure.
So you're like you're doing drugs to kind of like go somewhere interesting. You're not trying to just disconnect from society.
I would take three grams before my Friday night shows. Wow. And I would just I have a lot of them recorded and on YouTube and they're just at some point there was a one show where I really was I kept talking to somebody over my shoulder. And finally somebody in the audience was like, who are you talking to? And I thought, because I tour with my son, I thought he was up there with me. He was not.
He was not. By the way, there's a lot of people in cities doing that right now. Most of them aren't charging a cover. Yeah. Not great to be in that situation.
This whole city, man, it's hard. Sometimes I don't know if it's homeless people or somebody live streaming. Yeah.
That's true. It's a fine line.
This whole city walking around. I can't, this is the, I don't come here enough. It always reminds me there. It's like a, such a mix between homeless and high fashion.
Yeah. They're not that far off.
They're, somebody's using a scarf to look good and somebody's using it to wipe their ass.
That's a good point.
It's not that different when they're walking down the street.
There's a fine line between a hobo and dirty Elmo. And they're pretty much the same thing.
If you didn't know who Leonardo DiCaprio was when he showed up in public, you'd be like, is that dude homeless?
Right.
Skinny fat with the loose clothing.
Yeah. Yeah. Scarf looks good. And then you're like, fuck auto erotic asphyxiation. Yeah. Not good.
I've never been into that kind of shit.
Is that either one of you guys? No. No. I don't eat potatoes. Just give me a handjob.
The choking is crazy. I'm with you. David Carradine going out like that, being the kung fu guy and going out like that is kind of rough.
Although it feels kind of appropriate. I mean, to get choked out to death. Yeah. And being the Kung Fu guy. I guess. Feels like it should be.
Just a, it's a sad, but it's on your own. It's a tough legacy. It's a tough legacy because it's like, you were jacking off.
That just sucks. Yeah, that's true. Not even a hooker, nothing. Yeah.
I'm not into, I don't think, any weird sex stuff. I don't mind looking at it, but I've never been a guy, like, I think the furthest my weird is is a finger in the ass.
All right, that's pretty standard. That's standard, right?
Although I did have a friend of mine tell me, he lived in Germany for a while. And he was like, he's like, Germany's crazy, dude, because first dates, these women are putting their fingers in my ass.
I'm like, first date? Wow.
Like the first time we're messing around.
Yeah.
He goes, every woman in Germany, that first time we're messing around, their finger goes right in my ass. I'm like, first?
Make sure they wash their hands before dinner. Yeah. Out of the box?
Germany. Germany's weird. At least it's one figure, not nine. You're the best. All right. But yeah, but wow, that's, the Germans are fucked.
I think first date, finger in the ass, it feels like one step farther than I'd go.
Yeah.
I need to see, I need to know you well enough to actually have looked at your fingers. Right, right. How are your nails? What's the cleanliness?
And what if you propose? You slide a ring on that dirty index?
By the way, I said finger in the ass means nothing before, but I'm like, I have told black friends of mine that are like, you're gay, dude. That's true. You ever tell Wilson Vince, you know? They're like, what?
Well, Wilson Vince sees me eating an apple. He's like, oh, that's fucking gay. I know.
There are some people who are like, if you eat a hot dog, it's gay. I mean, if you stick it in your asshole.
All right.
All right. Like eating a hot dog.
That's a big asshole.
Maybe eye contact. Oh, yeah. It's like eye contact with a straw. I don't love. I think that's something I could probably.
How about you try to be sexy and you can't find the straw? That whole thing.
I've never tried to be sexy with a straw, though.
I haven't either. I haven't tried to be sexy, period.
I was going to say, trying to be sexy doesn't feel like your move.
No. What are you kidding? No way. This voice already. The whole thing. Me dirty talking.
I would love to hear. Your dirty talk must be terrible. It's terrible. You're a whore.
And my wife likes it, too. And I'm like, ah, don't make me do this. She's like, be mean to me. And I'm like, yeah, you retard. That's your dirty talk? I don't want to be called a retard, I guess. So I thought, yeah, you fucking idiot.
Yeah, that's not dirty talk, dude. That's just your dog looks like Pauly from Rocky.
Finish the drink, champ. I only need a streetlight and shit red, green, and yellow.
Yeah, I do like the sweater, though. That's a good touch.
Oh, I did the coach. Yeah, that's a different guy.
What are you guys making?
This is a little paper plane. This is something we've been doing this in the pod for, I want to say years now, right? Oh, yeah. This is kind of our go-to cocktails. It's pretty simple. It's a little Bodega Cat whiskey, Aperol, Amaro Nonino, and lemon juice. Fucking good.
We like to think we put it on the map. This thing was slept on, this cocktail.
I like the old school cocktails that no one really, like, you know, obviously the classics are classics for a reason. I love a Manhattan. I love a... Did you bartend at any point in time? I did catering for like a minute, but I was a shit bartender. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, I was a shit bartender. What?
Sam with a job? I can't believe it. I had no idea you ever worked.
Did you ever have a day job?
Are you kidding? Yeah. I moved furniture. I was a busboy. I worked on a gopher on a construction site. I did data entry. I did temping.
I worked as a hamster for Richard Gere.
I don't know. I was a janitor. Yeah. P. Diddy. I did cleanup.
Did you... By the way, man, that... People have been outing everybody who's ever been at a P. Diddy party. And let me just say, if in 2017 P. Diddy had been like, do you want to come to a party? I'd have been like, yeah.
Of course. Same. Yeah. Or Epstein's plane, by the way. Yep.
Yeah.
I'd go on a private jet to an island. Hell yeah.
They're trying to sell Diddy's Place, and it's like over 60. They're asking him like, that's pretty steep. But what we know happened in there. Yeah.
Yeah. Although for some people, probably like, deal. Maybe.
Yeah, maybe. You got to do a whole gut reno, though, for that shit. You got to blacklight it.
Yeah. Do you get the oil? Maybe they leave the oil in.
That thing with the oil.
Hey, thank you. Cheers. Cheers.
Mazel tov. If I walked into a party and the first thing they handed me was baby oil, I'd been like, this is probably not my party.
Or is it?
No, it's definitely not. Everybody gets their own baby oil. That's a lot of lube.
It's a party favor. Well, here's my thing with the Diddy shit. I got the hallway fist fight with the girl. We got that on video. Everything else is hearsay, speculation, J-Lo and Leonardo and Bieber. I'm like, give me something concrete.
Well, you did hear that Ashton Kutcher came out like last week or the week before.
No, I didn't hear this.
This is maybe the worst thing. He came out and said- This guy's on a cold streak, by the way.
Yeah. He just wrote the Danny Masterson judge a letter.
This is getting him colder. He comes out and says, hey, Diddy might spread rumors about me and they're not true. I'm like, dude, this is- Shouldn't have said that. That means guilty.
Yeah, he got ahead of it.
That's like you're going home to your girlfriend being like, somebody might call you and say they gave me a blowjob.
Right. That never happens. Sounds like he's getting punked in the end, though.
This is not.
That's the worst, the longest punk. Yeah. He's like, I made you look stupid on camera. He's like, oh, yeah, well, I outed you as a possible rapist. Oh, they separated over this. Oh, that's horrible. How much can you sit through? For her, you mean how much can you sit through? Yeah. I agree. There's a breaking point. I'm sure the Danny Masterson note wasn't her idea. Ah, good point.
That's a bad look to know a guy's going away for rape, have him reach out to you and go, will you give me a character reference? And you're like, yeah.
That's a friend.
That is a dumb friend. Who you have something on.
That's the type of friend. It's not going to help. It's like voting for Trump in New York. New York's going to go blue. But that doesn't help. He's still going to jail.
Yeah, it's like the judge is going to be like, nah, you raped these women, but... Ashton Kutcher is a fan. Yeah.
I agree with you. How much do character references help with certain crimes? I think it's narcissism. I think it's like, I'm famous. This will help. That's good. I think we found out recently it hurts. Yeah. The famous part, I think we found out recently.
That's true. Like a celebrity endorsement ain't what it used to be. No.
It's not at all what it used to be. No, as a matter of fact, it's almost a negative now. Still works with companies though.
Like it seems like if someone like, if you see a commercial, you're like, oh shit. Works in Japan. George Clooney's Nespresso. Yeah.
Japan commercials. They still work. Like if Brad Pitt tries to sell something in Japan, I think that probably still works.
Oh, okay. Interesting. Japan's 30 years behind. They still like baseball. I'm a huge baseball fan. I'm just joking. Well, the Yankee, the World Series over there, they watched it a million times more than we did.
I heard that it was viewed more in Japan than it was over here.
Way more.
That's crazy.
Well, they got Otani.
Yeah, but there's only seven people in Japan. There's maybe more than seven.
15.2.
That is a crazy amount.
And how many watched it here? Oh, I think it said 14. So actually, that's not a giant jump.
Consider how many people live here. 300 million people here, and there's probably only 55 million there.
And then I wonder how many of the people here were Japanese. Oh, another good point.
I still like baseball, too, though. I'm with you.
Here's what I like about baseball. To me, it's my favorite sport to see live. I don't love it on TV, but to go out to the park.
Same. It's great. Get a beer, a hot dog.
You don't have to watch the whole game.
Yes.
Even if you can fuck around with your friends. Yeah. I hate football live. It's not a fun sport live.
Really? You don't think? Well, especially in New York, just getting there is a pain in the ass. True. Like the bus or the train.
It's never good weather.
The stadium sucks.
And there are some things. I like the close-up aspect of the football.
Yeah.
Slow motion. Yeah. Are there any good seats at a football stadium?
Nah. I like hockey, basketball, and baseball live. Good energy. Hockey's the best. Hockey's incredible live. It's the biggest jump in improvement.
Not even close, because on TV you can't see how fast they move, and you can't appreciate how fucking big those guys are.
Yeah. Those are huge... With the skates on, too.
Yeah, yeah. And the hard-ons. Mostly me. But the speed and the size. On TV, you're like, okay.
Right.
But when you see them hit each other, you're like, oh, I would be dead right now.
I saw UFC Live, and I didn't love that because we had good seats. It was me and Theo. We went to some fight. He knew Poirier. They're like old friends or something. So I was like, you kind of see their feet and their thighs moving, but you can't really get a good grasp. You're behind that cage. I didn't love it. I'd rather watch it at home.
So it kind of looks like Missionary?
Yeah, yeah. It's like you're watching somebody fuck in their apartment. Wait, don't go behind the pillow. Like rear window. Yeah, yeah. Did someone just get murdered? Right, right.
So you really, because you're below the ring.
Yes, yes, exactly. So you're kind of looking up and you miss a lot and then they go to the other side of the cage and you're like, oh, what's happening over there? It's not great.
Yeah, did you, what is that a picture of?
That's our buddy Gary Veeder. He used to be, his dad was a con man. And he would take him to sports games pretending they were Sports Illustrated for kids.
What a crazy hairline that guy has.
That's Gary with Mario Lemieux. Yeah, that's how big hockey players are.
That's Lemieux's hairline? Look at that, dude. That looks like a backwards wig.
That is a crazy look. Well, that was back when celebrities met something.
Yeah.
If you had a picture with Michael Jordan. I thought autographs back then meant way more.
Listen, man. I remember. This is how old I am.
Yeah.
I remember being real, real, real, real, real young. And you would write a letter to an athlete. And they would send you an autographed picture in the mail. Wow. And it was the coolest. Now, they probably weren't autographing him.
But it was the coolest. Who do you think is doing this? Some intern?
I bet. Yeah, probably. I'm a Red Sox guy. So I had written for Jim Rice and Fred Lynn's, those are old Red Sox dudes, autographs. And they send them back. And I remember asking Jim Rice later about it. I was like, dude, I got your autograph in the mail. And he was like, that was a...
That's hilarious. I did that when I was a kid to Saturday Night Live for Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon. No way. Molly Shannon sent me an autograph. Hey! Probably not her. What picture did she use? She was like Mary Catherine Gallagher.
That's the one you want.
Yeah, yeah. No, I thought she was hilarious. She's funny. She's awesome.
She's, for me, top four... Especially, without a doubt, women who have ever been on SNL. She's just always funny.
Yeah. No matter what. She's just good in everything.
Yeah. I felt that same way about Kristen Wiig.
Wiig was insane.
The first time I saw the baby hand sketch.
Oh, yeah.
That's one of those I can be like, I'm hard to remember laughing that hard at a sketch live.
Both attractive, too, if you really get down to the- That's my guy right there, Jim Rice. There he is.
I'll tell you what that was. He had hit a ball that hit that kid in the stands.
Oh, I thought it was a Vietnam football. Golly.
Right after they had dropped Napalm. Yeah. And he was in his uniform.
He's a patriot. He's running the chopper like Dafoe in Platoon, just getting gunned down.
Oh, wow. That kid looks fucked up.
He went and grabbed him and brought him through the dugout.
I remember that. That happened to a friend of mine at a game once. We were at a game. We were kids. And Mike Lowell. Played with the Red Sox. Red Sox. But it was when he played for the Yankees briefly, fouled a ball off, went like deep, hit a fucking one of those pole things, hit my friend right in the head. How old was your friend? We were young. We were really young.
Huge bump? Or did he have the laces?
All I know is we didn't get to see the end of the game. Yeah. Damn. Fucking pussy with his big head.
Ruined a hot ticket. That was the funeral.
Well, I didn't say those words exactly. That's basically the picture. I mean, come on. That's basically the picture. That's amazing that he grabbed the person. Yeah. That's a photo op.
I always used to think about that. Those screaming line drives into the stands. And the announcer would be like, there's a lucky fan. I'm like, how lucky really is it? Because even if they try to catch it with their hand.
it hurts yeah i just a ground ball with your hand think about now people on their phones like that back then you paid attention to the game yeah yeah it's like you're on your phone bam you know well they put up the screens i think in every stadium now yeah right down the right there i think they put up the screens down on every stadium because people were getting hit in the fucking head with a
Well, you saw that. I know it's old news now, but the scene where the guy was pulling the ball out of that guy's glove? Yeah. That was, I mean, in Japan, that wouldn't fly. They would cut that guy's hand off.
That was, wasn't that in the World Series?
Yeah, it was in the World Series, but it was so egregious.
That was hilarious. Of course. That was a classic Yankee guy. Exactly, dude. That was so funny, though. You got a little of the crack of that bat. And you saw Gronk said he knew this guy.
Oh, no. Look at this. Oh!
He said he went to college with his friend. Can I tell you, now as a Red Sox fan, can I tell you what my favorite part of this World Series was and in the last few playoffs that the Yankees have been in? Them choking? There's nothing that as a Red Sox fan that I like more than cutting to sad Yankee fans in the stands. They are the saddest. There's no group of people that look sadder.
And let me tell you something else that's crazy because my generation and this young generation. So after the Yankees lost, right, I was actually in L.A. at the time, and there was a Yankee fan in the hotel lobby, and there were some Dodger fans. And the Yankee fan said something about 28 or 29, however many rings they have. And the Dodger, he was a kid, like 20.
He goes, what are you talking about? The Yankees are like the 49ers. They can't win the big one. That's how long ago it was for this generation of people since the Yankees have won. And my thing about the 28- Five in my lifetime is pretty good. Yeah, but dude, even dinosaurs walk the earth.
That's a reach right there. It's been a while. Look at this, dude. We're going from five in the last 30 to the Big Bang now. This is bullshit. Is it five? Yeah.
But it's the late 90s, man. And they won one in 09. You look at people that my son's age, he's 27, right? That 09 one, yeah, but mostly it's- Ooh. This is my favorite, man. I thought that was Parkland.
You know what? That builds character. That's good for the kid.
Dude, as a Red Sox fan, I understand that picture very well.
And also, pull up the Jeffrey, what's his name? The guy, the Baltimore Orioles game.
Oh, Jeffrey.
96.
Dude, I remember this so well.
Me too. I was 10 years old. I was in both of them. This is before our instant replay, Mark, so this is good. Okay.
Tony Tarasco. Pops it back to the wall. Kid stole it. That's a home run. And he was a hero.
He was a hero. He was a hero. Look at this kid right there. Look at that.
Oh, that was interference. That's totally interference. Every moment as a kid you want, you're like, I helped the Yankees win.
By the way, a thousand percent that kid has a podcast right now.
Remember Jim Larritz? Yes. He was like the Yankees hired assassin. Do you remember him? Jim Larritz, the third baseman? He was a DH toward the end. He was the guy they just called up because he was clutch. He didn't do shit in the regular season, but he would always hit the big shot. He wiggled the bat. So I got hit up to do his podcast years ago. And I wonder what Jim Larritz has been up to.
And I was like, he killed someone in a drunk driving accident. I guess he lost the clutch gene.
Drink Bodega Cat, folks.
Whoa. Was that the name of the podcast?
Holy shit. But he was a fucking hog.
Isn't he the guy who hit the home run off the Braves?
Yeah. Off of Mark Wolves? He was clutch as hell.
Yeah. This was not. I'd hate this.
This dude always hit the big one. Yeah. I mean, he was like.
And this was the last game.
Look at this stance, too. It was so cool. Jimmy Laird's.
Mark Waller's. Dude. Oh, nice. And Mark Waller's up to that point was as money as any closer ever. And he never had a good game. He broke him. That game fucking broke him. I faced him in high school.
Come on. Waller's? So you were a good baseball player.
I was all right.
Yeah.
I faced him in high school. I played some college baseball. And I faced him in high school. And he pitched for Holyoke. And I grew up in Amherst. And man, it was like 34 degrees. And with those metal bats. And he was pumping 92, 93. Nobody even wanted to. The first kid who swung a bat, that foul ball, he walked back. He was like, it hurts so much.
We were all like, Mom, I'm not even going to try to touch the ball. It was crazy how hard he was throwing.
That's what I see baseball players get hit by 100-mile-per-hour balls. I'm like, how do you not just break a bone?
Especially in the back or the ribs or the wrist. I played for a school called Trinity, but there's an actual guy named Josh Wolfe. I think he got drafted by the Mets.
oh damn um but just live in a different life there's a guy in the cast you know i was i played baseball for a school before the internet yeah but i was i can pull up a picture on my phone if you want to see it but all right um but yeah man i uh how was the the trim with the the college baseball were you just cleaning up No, okay, I went to school in Texas and I had really long hair at the time.
Okay, all right. And my, first of all, my coach was casually racist. He was this dude named Slim. We called him Slim and he was, he, okay. So he was trying to, every time he would give us, he would prep us for what team we were playing. And he was like, so guys, this next team we're playing, they got a lot of skill players. And we were like, skill players?
That doesn't sound so bad.
And he was like, you know, skill players. You know, like five tool skill players. And I was like, we were all like, what are you talking about? He was like, a lot of them are black. And I was like, oh, all right.
By the way, that's complimentary racism. Yeah. I had a coach and he would go way harder, but he would fuck with all of us. That was his thing. We loved him, but it was a black kid.
good friend of mine and he he would call him california raisin and i was like and then and then when he would call him on he goes you're racist he'd be like oh i'm racist i played high school college baseball at this school this many black kids this many christians one jew i don't think that's doing the work yeah right but god bless him he was the best
Yeah. By the way, I was the one Jew. I went to college in San Antonio.
You don't seem Jew. You hide your Judaism like Anne Frank. Can I? I am. I'm whispering in the attic. Camel hat. the hoodie, the high top.
I see Wolf. 100% Jewish, got bar mitzvahed. When I was in college, my roommate had, I went to his house for Thanksgiving and he had a relative who had never seen a Jew before and he was just staring at me. And I was just, he was the whole week. The Annie Hall scene. So one day I just look at him and I go, what's going on? He goes, I just never, I just never seen a Jew before.
Yeah, but you don't look particularly Jewish.
That's what I said. I go, what do you think? He goes, not what I thought you'd look. So are you saying, by the way.
It's like when you eat vegan food and you're like.
Yeah, it's kind of.
But you're like a black albino where somebody could be like, these fucking heebs, I'll tell you. And they're saying it to you. And you're like, you don't know that I'm one of them.
I get a lot of Jew jokes. I love the fact when people say you don't look Jewish, when people ask me, does that bother you? I'm like, no, I take it as a compliment. I know what they mean.
Curly hair and, you know.
Big nose and no chin and saggy face. Yeah, I get it.
I don't need to say I take it as a compliment, though. You don't look too. Thank God. Yeah. Oh, my God.
That, to me, is a huge compliment.
Hey, Adam Brody is very attractive. This is the classic. Yeah. So good.
I don't want to look like that.
Right. You don't want to act like that, either.
Yeah. God damn, is that a great movie.
Great fucking movie. Oh, good. Watching his movies is kind of like listening to Michael Jackson's music for me. It's like, fuck.
I still love it. Right? Yeah, it's great. Talent is talent. We can separate.
That's right. I don't have to watch him diddle.
Yeah, exactly. But Roethlisberger was doing who knows what, but he could still play. We know what. Yeah. Were you a Steelers fan? No.
I'm just using an example of a... That would suck to be a Steelers fan. You just have to be like, that's our guy.
If it had happened now, it had been such a much bigger deal with social media. Like, some of that stuff, those dudes who got away with shit, it just kind of went away.
That's true. Pre-Me Too. Yeah, dude. I mean, look at Clinton Pre-Me Too versus after. It's like, I guess it's settled down a little, but the vibe is a little different.
Dude, look at Bill Cosby.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. He...
I said to somebody once, they were like, who's one of your favorite comics? I said, Bill Cosby, pre-rape. And I was like, well, actually, there's no pre-rape. There's probably during rape.
Probably.
We are knowledge.
Yeah. We are knowledge.
But like- People got away with shit or it just kind of went away.
Yeah.
There was no way for it to spread like wildfire like there is now.
True.
All it took is Hannibal to tell what to do.
Right, right. Well, it makes you wonder who's next. Like, is the Tom Hanks shoe going to drop? Bite your tongue. Tom Hanks thing is bullshit. Yeah, I'm just saying.
What Tom Hanks thing? That's what I'm saying.
I don't think it's real.
The QAnon thinks it's pedophile. I don't think it's real either, but I was just throwing out an example of a beloved guy. QAnon thinks a lot, dude. Why does that have any legitimacy? Why are we like QAnon reports? Like they're fucking... This is what I'm saying.
The problem is right now is that you can be any news source and report. And then somebody's going to be like, I believe it.
Yes. Well, you want to believe it. It's juicy. You're like, oh, let's go. I don't want to believe it with Tom Hanks. Me neither. I'm not saying I want to either, but I'm saying people enjoy that.
America's sweetheart, dude. That's like saying something bad about Dolly Parton.
People have schadenfreude. I'm telling you. Like, when Ellen gets popped for being a c***, everybody's like, woo-wee. And I'm like, well, she was never a c*** to you. But they love it.
And by the way, everybody, whose boss hasn't been an asshole some time? I know.
And I love Dolly Parton human trafficking aside. Yeah. That would be a juicy thing to start, wouldn't it?
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Feimster! I got you a drink right there if you want.
Hey, great to see you.
It's funny, we talked about Dolly Parton and a lesbian shows up.
It has to happen.
Here I am. How the hell are you?
You came straight from Kelly Clarkson? Yeah.
Whoa, you got a lot of range.
Listen, you know, Kelly.
I hear she's awesome.
She's the coolest. She's really cool. I love her.
Do you remember sharing a love for Kelly Clarkson?
Absolutely. We talked about her all the time.
On Chelsea's show.
I've now done her TV show 10 times. Whoa. Wow. Yeah, I love her. Okay. I want to be able to see you. Have you sung with her? No, I tried. I angled for it today. And? She was like, that's so funny. And I was like, because we talked about I sing with Alanis Morissette on stage. And I've sung with the chicks on stage.
Damn.
We talked about that. And I was like, and if you ever want me to sing. And she was like, those are the funniest stories. Yeah.
I didn't know you sang. Are you a talented singer?
The mic was hitting my man boob. I'm a shower singer, like karaoke. I can carry a tune. Yeah. But yeah, that was it right there. This is amazing.
Nicely done. This is you singing.
That's me. Well, that's me coming out on stage. There's a whole lead up to it.
Let's get to it. Who's this?
What is this? Oh, wow.
Paper plane.
Oh, I like paper planes. Thank you. I love Alanis. That's me right there singing, guys. Oh, my God. Thanks, Sam.
You know, you played it down.
Because you got to lower the bar. Are you nervous? Eye contact? They told me to sing it to her, so I stared into her eyes.
Oh, are you guys going to make out or scissor?
I mean, we're close. That would be amazing. My wife wouldn't like that. Actually, my wife would be like, good for you. She's ironic. I sang with Jewel.
Oh, you sang with Jewel? I sang a Backstreet Boys song with Jewel. Pull it up. Oh, please.
Winnie.
Josh Wolf Jewel, yeah.
She's underrated hot.
Jewel is one of, in person, was one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen in my entire life. Wow. I could not.
There you are. Look at us just singing with people. Josh is a very good singer. Look at that.
It's like the bad room at the Diddy party.
What is going on here?
Why are you dressed like this? I had a talk show for a minute, and we had people come on to sing their guilty pleasure songs. Wow. What? And so Jules, this was her guilty pleasure song, one she had always wanted to sing. Oh, man.
I wish I'd never seen this. You with the do-rag, the wife-beater.
Yeah, your outfits are pretty intense.
Not as Jew-y as you.
No, no.
The Jew is supposed to manage the boy band. Not be in it.
Yeah, it was an interesting time.
Yeah, she's great. I watched the whole documentary on her. She slept in her car. Her story is amazing. Incredible story.
And what happened when her mom managed her and her mom taking her money. That never works, by the way.
Oh, I didn't know about that. Amazing. Her story is amazing.
There's never a good story with the parent managing.
Yeah. My mom could never be in charge of my money. That would be hilarious. She'd be like, this is mine, right?
That's true.
Yeah. My dad was an educator his whole life. He would not believe. He was like, this is one weekend? Yeah. He would not be able to wrap his head around.
Same. My mom would be like, you have to save this.
This is going into savings. My mom says to me, you're investing this? I'm like, no.
I guess. Not anything?
No, I invest a lot. Okay, good. But gee, I gotta do it.
See, now, you don't look so Jewish. Neither do you. We're undercover Jews.
He's got the hair. That's our next TV show, Undercover Jews. You're telling each other, you don't look so Jewish. It's such a compliment. I know.
Thank you. Is it? Yeah, look how Jews really look. Ellen DeGeneres has moved to Great Britain.
See, that's so mean of this lady. For real?
Yeah, that's in the news. Good for her. Well, if it's in the news, it might be true.
Why is she doing it? Because of Trump? I think it's, yeah. Oh. Probably still got a good life here, though.
What the hell? She probably got five houses in the US. There's no way that she's moving full time.
She's just not living full time here.
Right.
Did you watch her special? I did. I watched it, too. It was funny, but there was too much applause.
I think as soon as she really started talking about what was happening with her was when it fucking really kicked in. I was like, oh, this is super interesting. Right. You can tell her feelings were hurt.
from that spot was so good for me it's progress that she was fired for being a lesbian and then she got fired no one cared about the lesbian thing and then she got fired for being mean that's progress you don't care if you're gay just don't be a dick she's a cunt you are what you eat I had to get that out I guess we're not cunts Mark
You know what I was thinking about? There are so many things that we did on Chelsea's show that it's such a good thing they aren't on the internet.
I thought you and Blackface was a bad look.
I'm like, did that happen? There was a lot of things. I feel like a lot of jokes she made that probably are good that they're not.
Do you remember the sketch we did?
Pull it up. It's not on the internet. They wiped the internet of her show. Whoa. But like a long time ago, not in recent times.
We did a sketch. Remember where the two Asian people who worked at the office carried us around on rickshaws?
Now, we did not. You did. I was not in that one.
They carried us on rickshaws. They dubbed the Asian people's voice with white people's voices. And the name of the sketch was Arrive Me A Rhone.
And then a gong would hit. I think I had forgotten that from my memory.
What were the sketches you shut down? There were none. This is what was great about that, especially the first couple years. It was one of the lowest ratings. The good old days.
Yeah, that show was huge, by the way.
But there was no notes those first couple years because it was so lowly rated that they were just like, yeah, do whatever. Right. And she pushed the envelope.
But then the show became huge. Yeah.
Yeah.
When I joined, they were like the Beatles. Yeah. And I was like, what's happening here?
It broke. I mean, Joe Coy and Moshe Kasher and Natasha Leggero and you guys. I mean, Sarah Colonna, Heather McDonald.
Yeah, it was kind of crazy. And she really in the room, especially the first couple of years, it got different as it. But in the room, if it was weird and she thought it would be kind of funny, she'd be like, yeah, let's do it.
Yeah. It was just kind of like whatever you came up with ended up on TV. Yeah. I played a lot of, I did a lot of celebrities.
Yeah.
I played Adele. Ah. Obviously. Christina Aguilera. Yep. Honey Boo Boo. Honey Boo Boo's mom. Yeah.
Honey Boo Boo is you kids are listening pre-Rizzler. Yeah. That was kind of what that was.
I played Amanda Bynes. Whoa. I played a lot of people that I looked nothing like.
And the men, it was reversed. However sexually harassed or exploited she had felt women had been is what she was doing to dudes. So we were the ones in short skirts. Shirtless and stuff. Shirtless. Interesting. We were the ones who were being sexualized. And she did not... She did one show, man. But for you, you're like very fit. I feel like it was all right for you.
Yeah, he was fine to do it. I was fine to do it. Sure, I'll take my shirt off.
She did things like... She would humiliate dudes. There was one show she didn't like Bobby Lee's first two jokes. So she was like, Bobby, get under the desk for the next... I don't like these jokes. Tell your jokes from underneath the desk. And then carry the rickshaw. Yeah. But yeah, she was... The first thing she said to Ryan Lochte when he came out for an interview, remember who he is?
Oh, he was hot, the swimmer. But he was not the brightest. And he was also like the other, Michael Phelps was the guy. No matter how good you were, you were kind of in his shadow.
And he was not known to be the brightest person. He sat down for the interview and the first thing she said to him was, so do you think you're stupid? Oh, I don't remember that either. What do you say? I forget. I was laughing too hard.
You've got to be kidding me.
She said that?
The only impression I didn't get to do, which I thought was a good idea, and they had pitched me the idea of playing girl Fieri. So the girl version of Guy Fieri. And they ended up being like, Taking a they pitched and I was like, that's a good idea and then they had somebody else play Guy Fieri I'm like, well, that's not funny, right?
You're just having someone play Guy Fieri, but he has a sister with a goatee That we would have Chewie which was her little Mexican sidekick do little little guy First of all, he would always ask how much does the Holocaust cost?
Oh, that's fun. Which was fun. That's a fun line.
Always. And then we would always put him in a diaper. Remember, he would dress up like a baby and put him in a little diaper.
This feels like 50 years ago.
Where did Chewie come from?
He had done porn before.
No. Yeah. He is still on the internet.
Pull it up. Yeah, that is still on the internet. Chewy. Yeah, he was in- This guy's got a real Forrest Gump-like life.
Yeah.
When he was on this show, he was still so popular with girls. They threw themselves at him. Do you remember walking through an airport with him? Oh, yeah. It was like walking through with Elvis. What?
Or like Elphys. Have his hand on his butt.
Remember where he would put his hand? If he was standing next to a woman, his hand would come right... Oh, wow. Here we are.
I'll find it. He's not just on a... I would do Chewie Bravo.
C-H-U-Y. Yeah, make sure you get the spelling right on Pornhub. C-H-U-Y Bravo.
Don't act like you've never searched the format.
No grammatical errors on Pornhub, please.
Wait, I cut you. What were you going to say about Chewie?
Oh, just that he was always... He was right in line with ladies' butts, so it would just naturally land on the butts.
It does feel like a different lifetime.
I mean, it feels like a thousand years ago for sure.
But here's the annoying question that I got to bring up because I'm a cunt. This is still funny. The rickshaw thing is funny. What do we do now? Because you can't have this on TV, but we still find it funny. Like Chelsea is still this person, but I know she can't be that person in the public eye. So what do you do now to be funny? Do you just go on the internet?
You mean for her? Or for us in general? I think it means for the audience, right?
Yeah, because the audience is still like this kind of humor, but you can't do it on TV anymore. So now what?
It'll be back. It all swings back. You think? I think it's all coming back. I mean, look, reverent shit always swings back around, I think. I think it is swinging back right now. Because in the end, all they care about is money. Right. So if that's making money, they're going to be like, let's try it.
But if that's the case, can we stop going, hey, this is immoral. This is inappropriate. You're like, well, if it's going to come back anyways, why waste the time of yelling at everybody?
I don't ever remember thinking in the joke room, we can't do that.
Oh, yeah.
That's how I used to be. Yeah, I think it was pretty much anything goes. I just kind of sat quiet until people told me what to do. Go play this person. Go do this sketch. Do this thing. And I was like, okay. Because there was a lot of big personalities in that room. I don't think I talked for the first year and a half.
You didn't.
I was very like, you know, minding my P's and Q's. They were all very loud and very like one-upping each other in the room. And I just was like, I'm just excited to have a paycheck.
Yeah. That show sold tickets.
Yeah. But it put us on the road, a lot of us, before we should have been in front of audiences. Oh, you think? I think when I look back at the comic, I was like, I was ready.
I can only speak for me.
But when I think about the stand up that I was doing at that time in front of the size crowds that we were, it was a little disproportionate.
Right.
For me, I mean, I think people were still just happy that we were there.
Yeah. It was one of those situations, but it's fine. But you look back now that you've kind of done the work and you're like, and you see it. I get what you mean. Do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. No, because I was the opposite. I wasn't like the papered funny bones. Same. But, you know, by the end of it, you're like- I mean, you probably have a different audience now than you did then.
Way different. But that's kind of cool that you've kind of... You didn't just fall down. Like, it didn't take you out. You kind of grew with an audience, you know?
I actually had to change my audience because I really... so the chelsea glow was off of me and i wasn't talking about the things on stage that chelsea was interested in listening interesting so it was like oh i better find a group of people that actually want to hear what i'm talking about but it's hard to figure that out for like rooms that that size or that kind of pressure
Yeah. Because you don't want people to pay that kind of cover and not get a good show. I agree. But yeah, that's a dilemma.
You got to be you. Yeah. Damn, that is tough. But I opened for all those people. So selfishly, I loved it because I got to do a full room at Gotham with Sarah Colon. Same. I opened for her once too. Yeah. Nice lady. Great. I hit on her. Did you?
Did you really?
I hit on everybody in the early 2000s. Yeah, I saw her and she was like, not you again. I was like, I'm not Mark Norman. I was like, Judy Gold, what's up?
What is your version of hitting on people? Yeah, what are you doing after? You want to get a drink? Okay.
Let's hang out after.
Oh, gotcha.
You know, 50-50. Okay, I'll shoot you a shot.
A one through 10, how effective would you feel like you hitting on somebody is?
Well, I think with ladies, it would really depend, because I'm not a hot guy, so it would depend on the set. If I killed, it was a lot easier to hook up. What about with guys? Yeah, you did say with ladies. Oh, well, with guys, they'll just beat me in a bathroom. Guys are easy. You ladies are the ones putting all the roadblocks up.
You guys are making me buy you dinner.
Yeah. Exactly, exactly. So much work. But guys, yeah, my friend is gay, and he's on the, what is it, the Sniffler? Oh, what's that? Sniffies.
It's a new app. I don't know what this is. Oh, Sniffies. Sounds like a Sniffler.
What does that mean?
Yeah, what is that?
I don't know what it means. I know what it is. It's like a way dirtier grinder.
Oh, really?
Grindr was toning it down?
Yeah, I was like, was that not dirty enough?
This is quicker than Grindr. It's banging in the bathroom? Meet me in this bathroom or this bar in five minutes, and that's it. Wow.
I don't know. It's dirtier. I don't want that.
There's a little thing you can hit on the thing. It's called a cum dump. Oh, what's that? You may have to bleep this. There's just a gentleman in a stall, and then he says, I'm here. Find me.
It's like, where's Waldo?
And then what? And then you have sex with him.
In the bathroom. Cum dump? That's what it's called.
By the way, can't they designate a stall for that so I know that I'm not?
Good point. You know what I mean? Like, this is the cum dump stall. Cool. Just stick to the urinal.
Josh is taking a shit. He's eating a little too much jerk chicken. He's like, God damn it. I'm next to the cum dump. Why is it sticky? The floors are sticky.
That's crazy.
That's the worst.
That is.
But what a. But that's, man, if you leave men to their own devices, you get a cum dump app.
It just shows you that men just get right to the point. They do. They do. I mean, for better or worse, that's like, it is pretty cool.
It's pretty cool. Like what you fellas are doing over there.
But lesbians, I mean, this is- Oh, it's a lot of talking.
It's a lot of talking, yeah. A lot of talking. I figured. A lot of sharing feelings. Where are we going? What does this mean? Oh, get out of here. Is it mutual sharing feelings? Yeah. Or is there one who's more like, let's get close? There are those that are like, let's get to it. But mostly it's emotional stuff first. What are you? What is that?
Because I think that's just how ladies are wired, you know?
Yeah.
Some of them want to just, you know, get to it, the real slutty ones. But, yeah, for the most part, women like that connection.
Where are you at, honey boo boo?
Oh, this honey boo boo likes a little bit of a connection. Okay, okay. I was never, like, going wild even in my single days. I remember your single days. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, I just didn't date a lot of serious, I didn't have a lot of serious relationships because I was always working and touring.
Kills you nice.
Yeah, and so I just kind of had fun.
Yeah, good for you.
But I wasn't like, it wasn't a lot of girls. It was just like, you know, here and there.
I don't want to be a party pooper, but I think the lesbian divorce rate is through the roof. Right.
Do you know the stats? I read divorce rates every day.
Oh, what's happening?
That's a hilarious stat to just throw out there.
I bet I know why. Higher than gay men. See? Oh, I think I know why.
Why?
A lot of gay men have open relationships.
Oh.
so they are not um but it's more sex it's not like i i have some of them have like a husband and a boyfriend but a lot of it's i'm married and both of us also if we want to sleep with someone we sleep with someone uh lesbians get what's called lesbian um bed death and
yes that sounds something like that i've heard of this and so that because you become best friends you it's like your family you stop boning as much that kind of happens in heterosexual marriages too oh does it lesbian bed death sounds like the worst death on oregon trail or something that's rough damn what happened in the back of that wagon we lost her Good punk band, though.
Lesbian bed dad.
But women aren't capable. I don't think women are as capable of the open stuff to the extent men are.
Sure.
Because I feel like men can really compartmentalize sex and love. They're two different things for a lot of women.
Yes, it's an oil change.
For women, they're very intertwined because there are physical things that happen with a woman's body that connects you to a person when you have sex.
the sex can you explain a couple of those things to me so i know it's just like it's like um i've been married for 20 years thing yeah with women so yeah but i don't know what happened but yeah i guess with your if you're with anybody for many many years that stuff gets stagnant right yeah helped honestly i think what's helped my marriage the most is that i'm gone so much
Oh, I completely agree.
And so when I it's not like, oh, fucking you again.
Yeah.
But I'm gone for three or four days. And when I come back, we're like, oh, hey, I really kind of I kind of like.
Yeah. And you have stuff to talk. What'd you do?
What did I miss? You don't fall into that gossip trap or just watching shows.
you're just like rachel feinstein has that great bit where she's like you know is this she's in a toxic relation but she doesn't even realize that because we're watching breaking bad you know it's like but it's just so relatable you're like oh shit no the relationship's not good the show is good yes that's how that's really funny yeah that's so true too those shows are keeping a lot of marriages on life support just beep because you sit down you don't talk to each other
But you're doing something.
Right, quality time. But yeah, the gay men are just still banging.
They're still banging.
They're married and banging still.
Are you familiar with the term U-hauling?
I do know U-hauling, yes.
Can you explain it to these gentlemen?
Gentlemen, U-hauling is when you start dating, two lesbians start dating, and the joke is, what does a lesbian bring on the second date?
a u-haul they're ready to like shack up get married lock it down that's why lesbian bars are um few and far between because once lesbians pair up they stop going out whereas guys are still on the prowl guys are bike yeah even yeah even if guys are in a relationship they're still going to the bars they're still trying to meet people they're still hooking up lesbians are like well i'm done i'm off the market let's stay home don't we want to go get a cheap drink
Don't sell toilet seats. Sell toilet paper. There you go. You want to keep the toilet seats last 20 years. Toilet paper. Not the way I use them. Well, you don't say. It's the same with lesbians.
You know, I was at a long time ago. I was at a barbecue at Ralphie May's house. Long time ago in the Hollywood Hills. And I said to him, I go, Ralphie. And I had to go poop. I go, Ralphie, I got to go to the bathroom. He goes, Joshua, go up into my bathroom. The second floor. Nobody's going to bother you up there. So I go up there, and I sit down, and I fell in.
Wait, you fell in the toilet?
I fell in the toilet, and I go downstairs to Ralphie. I'm like, Ralphie. He goes, did you fall in? I go, yeah. He goes, yeah, I knew you skinny ass would. I had to buy an extra big toilet. He bought an extra big toilet, and I didn't know that, so the hole was bigger.
Wow.
So I fucking fell, and I was like, I didn't know they sold extra big. He goes, yeah, they can sell them extra big. So they were extra big, and they were sturdier, because he would break...
Yeah.
Toilet seats, a normal size. So that one, they had the extra large toilet seats they got.
Wow. You fell in. Yeah, I went right through.
Went swimming.
Hopefully at the beginning.
Very beginning. Yeah, at the very beginning.
But I was like a two-year-old holding on to the side. You're like Brad Williams.
Yeah. Yeah.
He's doing tricep dips trying not to fall.
Jesus Christ. Damn. Your shit goes out like... It takes like 30 seconds.
Like that coin toss at the boonie. You make a wish.
Damn. What was the barbecue like at Ralphie Mae's?
He cooked a great... Wow.
There it is.
He cooked a great barbecue.
I hope so.
And, man, Ralphie Mae... Ralphie May, he was the first one of us who made money. And he was an incredibly generous dude. And I remember we were going in his car to Jack in the Box to get food for everybody in his little apartment complex. And he ordered for everybody. And then he ordered a separate bag. He was like, yeah, can I get whatever you ordered? But it was like a legit bag of food.
And I go, what's that for? And he goes, that's for me on the drive back. And he goes, open up the glove box. And I opened up the glove box and he had his own condiment robe.
Oh, that's gross.
And yet he was like... He was like, I need the Cholula. I need that. And I was like, you have your own condiments? He had his own condiment. A custom-built glove box.
Wow.
Pimp my ride for diabetes.
Yeah. Jesus.
Damn, it's like my grandpa with the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, the drug thing.
He also, he used to watch after my kids sometimes. And he pretended to be a pinata. So when they hit him, he would throw candy at them.
That's fun.
That's really fun. That is funny. That's a great friend.
Well, he and Joey Diaz both were the, for a while, my kids' babysitters because they would do it for free. That is hilarious.
Your kid's like, cocksucker, motherfucker. The worst part, though, is your kids learn to do this with a fat guy. They see some dude on the subway and they're like, no candy. What the hell? The fat guy's like, what the hell, man? I'm obese. It's like you're ruining my day.
You're ruining my day.
He's getting punched by a little kid.
You are ruining my day.
Joey Diaz gave him candy at Edibles. Here you go. He's a Chinese star, motherfucker.
What do they call it? Oh, Star of Death.
Star of Death. Star of Death, yeah. So you guys have known each other for a long time.
2003.
Okay.
21 years. What were you doing before Chelsea Lely? I was a journalist. I was an entertainment journalist for eight years. That was my day job. And so I would write during the day and I started taking growlings like improv classes at night. And I started my own group. So we were doing shows around town. And then 2007, I started in the belly room at a comedy store.
And so who saw you to get on that show?
Joe Coy had seen me do, I had this character, a Hooters waitress named Darlene Witherspoon.
Oh, that blew up. You were her.
So that was like, I put that on YouTube and it was like early days YouTube.
Yeah.
And he saw it and showed it to Chelsea. But nothing came of it for like a year. And then I submitted a writing packet when they were looking for a new writer. And she remembered me from that. Come on. Yeah. Well, I was trying to get on the round table. Oh, right. And they would... Oh. Darlene Witherspoon. Witherspoon, okay. Look at that grainy video. Feels like it... That's great.
I was trying to get on the roundtable back then before I was a writer and they said I was too low energy. So I was on the radar but not enough to be on the show.
Do you think you would have been ready if you went on then?
Probably not. I was still pretty green. When I submitted the writing packet, I thought there's no way I'm going to get this. They had like 300 submissions. and they narrowed it down to like 10 of us, and they came, I was more of a sketch performer, even though I was doing standup. I had just done Last Comic Standing. They came to my grounding shows, and,
I didn't know when they hired me, they were kind of hiring me more for sketch. Because I had no, even though I was an entertainment journalist, I had no writer's room experience. So I felt pretty lacking in the writer's room for a while. It's a whole different animal. Yeah.
And then finally someone pulled me aside and said, we hired you more for your sketch comedy skills and to be on the show more than your writing skills.
I was like, thanks for telling me. Yeah.
The writer's room, though, like if you've never been in one, even if you're a great writer, it's an intimidating place to get your joke in.
They yell jokes over each other. And I don't, I like can't do that. I don't like competing for.
Yeah, it's weird.
Even on the round table, I kind of would like sit, sit, sit, boom. I would always sort of time out the when to punch in and then I would kind of sit quiet again.
Right.
Well, also on that roundtable, it depended on who you were there with. Some people were competitive with you and just wanted to get your joke in. Yeah. And some people really just wanted it to be more of a conversation and just kind of let it be almost podcasty. Let it be. Those are my favorite ones when it was very flowy. Yeah. And like a topic would come up, but nobody really.
Nobody really talked about it.
And sometimes you would say a joke and then a person would act it out and that was their whole thing was just acting out your jokes.
a person who didn't prepare at all.
And you're like, wait a second. You're just repeating my joke.
I just did that in verbal form.
That's a fucking peeve, by the way. When you say a joke and then someone else, like no one hears it and someone repeats it and they get the laugh. I know.
Oh, that's a fucking peeve.
I think we were on Spade's show together once though and it was like, I liked being on with you because you just kind of did your joke, I did my joke. We all kind of like got our lines and it was chill, you know?
That was a fun show also.
yeah that was fun yes because i don't like them competing with other comics i'm like i want you to have your joke i'll have my joke you have your joke and then everybody you know instead of like the person that doesn't shut up i know i know and you ever had a i've been a few writers room you ever had a joke bomb in a writer's room yeah because you're amongst your peers everybody's like
It's even, it's worse when nobody even comments on it.
Oh! They just go right past it and you're like, that bad? Huh? Okay. Yes, the worst.
I'll tell you what I, you know what I love about Spade and Bargatze, both of them? To me, the way they deliver their jokes, their throwaways are sometimes their best. Like, they're like modern day Bob Newharts.
Oh, completely. Especially Nate.
Nate especially, where he throws, some of his throwaways are like, that's the best joke. It's crazy. That's such a different way to deliver jokes.
I know. And I love that he's so successful because people, they've caught it. They get what he's doing, which is so refreshing.
It's so different. I don't know anybody else who does anything even close to what he does.
No, no, he's great. And he's so prolific. It's insane. You mean the amount of- Yeah, it just pumps it out. Like a thing will happen to him and he's got like an eight minute story on it and it's killer. Yeah.
It's crazy, yeah. He's setting the bar high. Oh, yeah. And clean. The clean part is where I'm like, holy shit. I can churn it out, but I ain't fucking clean. No, no.
And by the way, clean doesn't just mean cursing. It means there's no racial, there's no sexual innuendo.
It's great. It's clean, but it's not vanilla.
Exactly.
There's a huge difference between being just clean. You're like, that's the most boring... non-thought provoking 100% it's still great jokes yep I saw him in Vegas and his dad opened for him which was that's amazing I heard his dad crushes his dad crushes and then he when he was intro and Nate he was crying and I that's touching he goes he does it every show I was like oh got it got it
he hates it nate's bigger he's like he does a denzel tier he works it up but nate opened with 10 minutes of crazy vegas jokes whoa that i asked his dad i'm like he does this is it are these his vegas jokes he goes no these are new this weekend wow crushed
I saw him at Radio City. He had a punchline. He went, golly. And I was on the floor. That was the punchline. But he makes it. He's so good at making it funny. It's really great.
I remember a long time ago, he opened for me at Zany's.
Oh, boy.
And I was like, this kid's kind of funny. And then at fucking Bridgestone, I'm like, well, he's definitely. This kid's got something. My gosh, this kid's onto something.
Are you in Nashville?
No, I'm in Vegas now.
Oh, you're in Vegas. Whoa.
Do you like Vegas? More than any place I've ever lived.
Whoa. No tax, right?
It's not even that. It's not just the Jew part.
Oh, I wasn't going there. That's what you were trying to say.
You did this to me for a little while.
Oh, sorry. And I was like, he's holding on to that.
Mark, you did this followed by this. That was kind of weird. Followed by the horn.
Yeah, yeah. But I love it. I have a residency there every Monday night. Where at? At Kimmel's. Oh, nice. And so what I love about performing there every Monday is, okay. It really, Vegas is the one place, especially on a Monday, where I know if a joke works, because when I'm on the road, I'm in front of people that know me and like me. So sometimes it's really hard to tell, is that joke funny?
Or they just know me, or they already know my story. They know, right? But in Vegas, 50% of the people don't know me every show. So when it only hits half the crowd, I'm like, that's a joke for my crowd. But when it hits everybody, I'm like, oh, this joke is funny.
Sure.
It's such a great litmus test for me to go out and try all my new shit. And it's a Monday at 730. Yeah. So there's like zero pressure.
We do similar stuff here at the Comedy Cellar, but I was doing my show, my name, Build, and it was going well because they're my people. And I was like, these jokes aren't that good. I know it. So I started doing Unbuild, and it's way more productive. Way more.
Because you can tell, you're like, oh, they didn't just laugh because they know my cadence. Yeah. Or because they know. You get away with a lot with that cadence.
Yeah, that's true.
They know your rhythm.
They really do. They know you're like, this is where they should laugh. Yeah.
They're just excited to see you, yeah.
And they know if you do a darker joke, they're like, he's not a bad guy. But if it's a new audience and you do a dark joke, they're like. Bad guy. And you're like, no, no, I'm just saying. But they don't know you yet. So you have to like earn that.
Damon Wayans told me once when I first got to L.A. and he was doing a lot of stand up. He was like, these 15 minute sets are really dicey. I said, why? He goes, because you have a 15 minute grace period as a famous person.
Yeah.
After 15 minutes, the longer sets, if you're not funny, but the 15 minutes, they're just happy to be this close to you.
Right, right.
So sometimes it's really hard to tell what's funny and what they're just laughing because I'm Damon Wayans.
He's underrated as a funny guy. So underrated. I was a huge fan as a kid because he was on TV more.
But his special, I think he's very underrated.
Yeah. No doubt. You're still in LA. Mm-hmm. How's that going? It's good. Can you get up when you want to work on shit?
yeah i mean i my last two tours were just so crazy i did oh yeah 100 cities 150 shows i love that back to back wow three years you do the bus or you fly i flew everywhere wow well i fly to like a place on like a thursday and then drive in between just until sunday and then i fly home you do like runners and stuff and it does it does it stress you out losing the day or do you leave the night of or how do you do it
Um, I, if it's a changeover, I leave the night before. If it's direct, I'll leave probably morning of. Um, but, uh, do you mean runners like a sprinter man? No, I rent a car.
Oh, wow. It's just me. I do the same thing.
Putting around, yeah. Um, and. Jacks go everywhere? She used to, but she got, I wore her out. Yeah, I haven't stopped in three years. So I ended my last, the first tour started at the beginning of 21, year and a half, 100 cities, 150 shows. Stopped it. Whoa.
went to toronto for five months to film foobar filmed a special in between came back had a month off started the new act in the clubs another 100 city 150 shows ended in may was in toronto for another five months filming wow food bar season two how long how long do you have to stay in toronto a month five months five months almost about four and a half for how many shows is five months eight episodes is that that's kind of crazy you had to stay there without coming back
I mean, I would visit here and there and my wife would come out and stay with me at different times. And I would do like some Saturday night shows here and there. But yeah, I just got home the end of September and I was like, holy cow. So my next tour will start April 1st, like the theaters, but I'm going to have to do clubs.
I love, love, love how conversational you are Like, I love watching you. Oh, thanks, man. I love watching you perform. It's so... Have you guys seen...
I've seen the specials.
It's so good. I don't do a lot in New York.
I've seen a lot of your stuff.
Thank you. I think for me, I'm just like, let's have a good time. Let's just chat and hopefully be funny. I'm not trying to put on this whole facade or something. It's kind of what you see is what you get. Everything I'm talking about is stories from my life.
and talking about you know my mom my wife just like dumb stuff that's happened to me yeah um but yeah i think i think it maybe feels very casual because of my accent and i talk slow so it feels like we're just kind of moseying on stage like what do you guys want here let's talk about something yeah because it's so relatable
because it's your life, it makes it conversational.
Look at that. That's great.
Is that the Ryman? That's the Beacon. Ah, the Beacon. The end of this last tour. Is that a vest? No. What's that?
Is that a vest? It's like a bowling shirt.
No, it's like a bowling shirt. It's like a men's shirt, but it definitely looks like a bowling shirt. That's a nice shirt. Yeah, this last tour was really cool.
Ah!
That was me dressing up.
How great is The Beacon? It was really cool.
It's one of the best. That one and the Chicago Theater were like... Just did it. They were bucket list ones for me.
Incredible.
Top five in the country. Yeah.
That's so cool. Man. So how was that show with Arnold? Is that fun?
Really fun, yeah.
He's a cool guy?
Very cool. Yeah, he loves comedians. All right. Loves them. Loves just, like, picking up, like, he likes to, you know, rib people, like his friends and stuff. And they're always talking smack. But he's a very cool guy. Like, we went to Oktoberfest with him in Munich. Whoa. Yeah, that was great.
What a great person to be.
I know, right? Yes. Oktoberfest? He can't walk three feet without... 100 people descended upon him in Europe. It was wild. But he fucks with you? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's great. Yeah, we fuck. No, not at all. But he sings you. No, yeah, we're buddies. Wow. He's super cool. Lesbian bed death.
Was that your Arnold impression? Yeah, I can't do impressions. I don't know why I went robot. You didn't even change your mask.
I did the Terminator.
Now I know why you don't do accents.
Chill out.
Yeah, I'll do his accent to him all the time. I'll be like, it's Arnold. Let's go. Come on. Get down.
Beth and I watch the show. It's a lot of fun, man.
It's fun. It's like, you know, one of those shows that it's entertaining. Yeah. You watch for an hour and you don't think about anything. And yeah, we've just wrapped season two. So that'll come out, I think, in the spring or something. Oh, nice. I get to do like, I'm a CIA agent. I mean, who would have thought? And you work with Arnold. Yeah, I mean, it's wild.
I'm like shooting guns and running from explosions.
You also get to be a little more sarcastic and a bit of, that's different than other things that you've got to do.
Yeah, I'm hitting guys in the nutsack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's very bro-y. My character's very bro-y. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
um but i love it just because it's so different i was doing sitcoms before that my family so it was such a departure to get to like be shooting guns and in that action kind of world are you good with a gun in real life no or he's really good oh yeah look at it yeah yeah hole in one yeah
Sorry. Apparently those tickets are flying off the shelf. What? Rust? Oh, really? People want to see it.
Oh, is it coming out?
I think so.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Oh, I'd like to see it. Just for that one scene. Very realistic.
You have to wait until the end. It's one of the bloopers.
We did go to this... We went to this charity event at Luke Bryan's. And they had... You could... They had like a little mini shooting range with these professionals. Everything was very well done. And my wife gets up there. It's one of these guns that...
shoots from like you know a shit ton far away yeah and she's just there's five targets and she goes i'm like what is this like she just nailed all five in a row oh really just to show you that if you ever leave doesn't matter how far away you get she she did not miss in five in a row and this was a long target a lesbian shooter she's got to go to the wnba sorry No, that was a good one.
Oh, dude, I just saw this movie.
I got to wreck it. It's called A Different Man. Have you heard of this? No. With Sebastian Stan and Adam Pearson. Have you heard of this shit? Look at this guy, Adam Pearson. He's got this face disorder. Whoa. Yeah, that's his real face.
Holy Moses.
Dude, it's... I've not heard of this. Sorry. Oh, no. You got it. Got it. No, no. No, no. No, dude. This guy, Adam Pearson, is incredible in the movie. Wow. Which one's Adam Pearson? That guy. That guy. And then, yeah, yeah. It's a good- The Trump? What is that? He played Trump in a movie, too. Oh, okay, okay. He's called a different man. It's weird. It's like an A24 movie.
Whoa. What's that condition called?
Neurofibro something. Pull it up. I don't know. Wow.
By the way, if you go in and audition for that role, you either got it or you don't. There's no like, well, let's see him again.
It says benign tumors appear on your face.
Neurofibromas. Yeah, but a lot of people have it and it's not that severe at all. You won't even know they have it, but he has it. And his brother's his twin and he looks totally different.
Oh, really?
He looks totally.
It says soft pea-sized bumps under the skin. Yeah. So maybe for some people it's under the skin. It doesn't serve us.
But it's worth checking out the movie. It's pretty cool. Is it? It's got a sad story. No, it's the dark comedy.
Oh, wow. All right. Ah, geez. All right.
I'm eating here.
Wow.
Yeah.
That looks like me when I'm hungover. You guys have any peeves? I got one. What do you got? I was in a restaurant the other night with the wife. We're having a nice romantic dinner. She's pregnant, so I'm trying to really... Oh, I didn't know that.
Congrats.
Seven months. That's exciting. Thank you. It's not mine. Ha! Maury? You don't know me. All right, so we go to this nice dinner, and all the tables are taken. I forgot to make a res. And I go, we'll sit at the bar. So we sit at the bar, we're eating at the bar, and we're chit-chatting. And the bartender walks over this nice lady. She goes, I was eavesdropping.
I got to say this, this, this, and this. And I'm like... what is that? You're just listening to our conversation. Oh, yeah, that's weird. You're spying on us, and then you try to make it a cute thing, like, oh, I was eavesdropping, I can answer that question, and I'm like, well, what else did you hear? You know, the N-word, who knows what?
Yeah.
foobar i don't care for this i was eavesdropping like i was listening i'm spying on you eavesdropping is a sweet way to say i was listening yes and maybe if they're gonna say it like say one thing that you heard but not like here's the things that you heard microphone yeah i don't like it i'll give you a restaurant peeve please
If I sit down at a table and you take that dirty rag that's wet out of the dirty bucket and you wipe my table and then you don't dry it off so it's just covered with the wet, dirty water. That is gross.
Interesting. But we're still going to eat there. I'm going to eat there. We're going to eat there. It's gross.
But I'm going to dry it off with my napkin. But that one to me is...
I mean, if it's a restaurant situation, another one is if you walk in without a reservation, there's like 20 empty tables. And they're like, do you have a reservation? I'm like, really? And then they're like, hmm. Where are we going to sit? And then it's like the tiny ass table in the corner where you're like this. There's like 20 booths here.
I don't know what that's about. I used to be a waiter. And I can answer that.
Okay. What is that?
But it's just because either they're short-staffed and they can't handle that many tables. Okay. Or there's sections.
Yeah.
So this girl's got six tables. I've got five. But you see four empty and people are like, what the hell? And you're like, if I take that table, it'll take me an hour to get to you.
Oh, okay.
But it's still annoying.
Right. All right.
Trying to shit on your peeve.
No, I'm glad to see the other side of it. Thank you.
That's a peeve. People making sense of my peeve. I got a peeve, too. You ever have a conversation with someone and then you get away and as you're away, they try to rope you back?
Oh, yeah.
I'm halfway down the hallway and he's like, oh, there's another thing. I'm like, I'm by the elevator. I was this close to getting out. And he was like, something about the Knicks. He was like, when does this guy come back? And I'm like, I don't know.
Yeah, that happens at parties too. You've finally gotten out of a conversation and you're like, oh, well, I guess I should check on the sliders over here. And then you meet again at the sliders and you're like, oh my God. I just tried to walk away from you.
That was my out. I just didn't want to say I'm trying to walk away from you.
to your face now we're back in it sometimes though this is what I'm trying to avoid like there's a great Seinfeld episode where George said when she's just not working just always act annoyed and people think you're busy I will do this imagine I'll like walk in I'll just be like oh good I'll just I'll pull the George that's good the George is the move yeah I'll do a fake phone call what the fuck 9-11 oh man no one stops you she's pregnant what the fuck I'm like no I got it I gotta deal with this this is crazy
I just did a little part in a movie with Will Ferrell that is coming out, I think, in January. And we were filming in Atlanta, and we went to the bar at the hotel. What? And there was, like, no one in there when we got there. Maybe, like, two people. And then all of a sudden, within 30 minutes, there were, like, 50 people staring at Will. Sure. He's a very popular guy.
But it was so funny because he was like, once dinner was finished, he's like, how am I going to get out of here? Because all these people were just like staring at him. So he picks up his phone. He goes, what's that? What happened to your cat? Oh, no. I got to take this. He walks out going, your cat. Oh, my God. And so all these people were like, but he's like, I can't. I'm on the phone.
I was like, oh, that was a good one.
Really good. See the doc that. That was on Netflix with him and his friend.
Yes.
That was fantastic.
I heard it's great.
I haven't seen it. Jim and Carol. I didn't see it. What was it called?
Will and Harper.
Will and Harper. It's incredible. It's really good. It was so good. Is that a wreck? That's a wreck, baby.
Yeah. It's a wreck. It was so good. But there's a scene in that where they go to a restaurant. The two of them, but they're in Texas, man.
Because Will's friend is trans, and so the journey was kind of relearning who my friend is as a trans person and understanding the world and just sort of reconnecting as friends and trying to learn and ask questions.
And as... his trans friend as a man used to take these trips across country and she wanted to know if it was still, and she liked those small, she liked going to little tiny rodeos and small diners and dive bars, but she wanted to know if it was still safe for her to do that as a trans woman. And they sat in this restaurant
And Will Ferrell said... So Will, he did a bit where he dressed as Sherlock Holmes. That was it. Thinking it would be funny in the restaurant. And they sat them in a table in the middle of everyone and the hate coming their way was palpable.
Really?
And Will, you could see him in this crazy costume realizing the reality of the situation and that being silly and funny wasn't
He even said that after we did it. I've been in the public eye forever. I've never felt more stared at. It was a great, it was a really cool story.
That would be funny if they came up and they're like, we don't hate her. We're more mad about Blades of Glory. Yeah. Semi-pro sucked, but damn, that's crazy. It's very funny.
I do too. I needed an example.
Talladega Nights was great as well.
It's hard to pull bad ones.
Semi-pro was forced. Semi-pro was not my fave, and we watched it on the tour bus last year. We all kind of got a pick, and James, who directed my special, was like, you guys are going to love Semi-pro's basketball, and Vitor and I kind of looked at each other like...
I lost a lot of credibility. I love Will Ferrell, but it's just not.
It's a lot of misses in that one. Saw him on the street about a month ago on Bleecker Street, and he was full jogging. He had the jogging shorts, the sneakers on, the tank top, and he was just getting astride. I went, Will! And he went... And that was it.
He's gotta be so, I mean, he's gotta be one of the most recognizable people, right?
He's tall, curly hair, yeah, big guy.
I was in L.A. for like just a week last time I was there, and I was staying downtown, and you got access to that Equinox in the hotel, so I was just in there, and it's like fucking Will Ferrell. Whoa. Yeah. Crazy.
He seems like the type of dude, and I don't know him at all, but that would, he's gonna say hello if you say hello.
Yeah, he's so nice.
Yeah. He gave me a, How was the movie you were doing with him? Was that fun?
Yeah, I was only there for a few days. It's him and Reese Witherspoon.
Did you have a scene with him?
Yeah, we got to improvise quite a bit. I'm only in like two scenes, I think, and probably a lot of that is on the cutting room floor. But it was just so cool to sit there and bounce stuff off of him. Sure.
How does he work with that? Do you do it as written first, and then you're like, hey, let's just fuck around?
Yeah, do it as written first, and then just kind of go nuts a couple takes. That's got to be a dream to him. But, you know, he plays those very serious characters, so you have to try not to break, because he's just looking at you, like, very intensely. But he's so fun and cool, and I was like...
coming from the gym when he was going to set and he rolled his window down and stuck his head out the window and was like, I'll see you later. He's just like... That's great. There's always bits, you know. I mean, this is one of the funniest scenes of all time.
This is one of the best characters ever.
Oh, is that eastbound and down? Yeah. Yeah. I know I can.
I can feel it all the way down in my plums.
Your plums. Whoa.
The light blue hue to them. Fresh and juicy red fruit. Hey, that plum looks good. You got traded for your Twinkie? No, these are mine.
Gracious Johnson, Greg.
None of this is written. He's just gone. Yeah, for sure. Putting him in an R-rated scenario is almost unfair. How do you keep a straight face?
Talladega Nights was... Brilliant. Going to pray to the baby Jesus.
I saw Anchorman in college with friends at the theater. It blew our faces off.
I missed that experience. I know like part of it.
The theater experience?
Yeah. I know part of it is why we're all able to sell tickets on the road. So you got to be grateful that people are coming to see stand-up. But like I do kind of miss the theater. I miss that too. I remember seeing The Hangover in the theater being like, this was fucking awesome. Amazing.
What do you think was the hardest you've laughed in a theater? Do you remember?
Yes. What was yours? I don't want to cut you off.
No, what was yours?
I saw American Pie, which is not the funniest movie of all time, but I saw it in a black theater and it was insane. It was like the commentary was killing more than the movie and we were all in for it. You know, like when they showed the pie that was all mangled from fucking it and some black guy yelled, damn, he tore that shit up. And I mean, popcorn flew in the air. Everybody was dying.
It was the funniest thing.
Why has there not been black mystery science theater? Oh!
That's a million dollar idea right there. That's brilliant.
Yeah.
I love it.
I think Tropic Thunder. Oh, that was a big one. In the theater, Tropic Thunder, those first 15 minutes in the movie trailers. That was big. Was like- Huge. Crazy funny.
Zoolander 1 killed me. Oh, Zoolander 1's unreal. That was unbelievable. And for a female comic, Bridesmaids killed me. Big. That was a good one in the theater.
I love that one. I'll say there's something about Mary. Yes. Because I was a kid and all those dirty jokes kill me. Franks and beads. And yeah, incredible. And so many jokes. But there's a weird one, but Nutty Professor. I saw it with my dad.
Doing that fart scene.
I watched my dad who's like a polished lawyer lose his shit. Eddie Murphy just farting as multiple characters. I'm like, this is fucking crazy.
I think the craziest theater, two craziest theater experiences I ever had. One was Blair Witch because we had never seen anything like it. And you walked out of there like, wait, was that? What did we just watch? But also the same thing was the first Jackass.
Oh, great one.
That's a big laugh. We were in there and we had never seen anything like it. And that first opening scene with them just punching each other in the face was just like... The whole theater on both of those was such a huge... But Blair Witch walking out of there, people didn't know if they were supposed to like it, if they were supposed to be worried. That type of shooting had never been seen before.
Yeah. It's similar to comedy. It's a big reaction from the audience. You're on the edge of your seat. I saw Borat in the theater, and when he ran through naked with the fat guy, oh, man, the place went nuts. Yeah. Maybe it'll come back. I don't know. And then you talked about the movie. Remember, after something about Mary was like, you see something about Mary?
How about this scene and that scene when they zipped it up? And, oh, that was crazy. And then Brett Favre showed up at the end.
When was the last time you quoted a movie to a friend? Exactly.
Those days are over.
I know. That's a bummer, though, because that shared experience made the movie even funnier. Yes.
Well, now we have memes. Comedies aren't bringing people to the theater. It's got to be like a $200 million. I know.
Marvel. If it's going to have comedy, it has to have action in it.
Yeah. Yeah. Aren't you sick of seeing the same fucking trailer again and again?
For sure.
Well, yeah, of course. How many times are they going to make the husband and wife who both kick ass movies? It's like, all right, we get it. You guys are like former assassins. I've seen this 400 fucking times, this trailer.
Go back to the old ways where the husband would beat the wife. That was a movie. Oh, we all miss those. Yeah.
Or the old sitcoms where it was like, how'd that fat dude get that beautiful?
It was always so like, this is the most unbelievable. That's still happening. Yeah. This is what I don't believe.
Yeah, there you go. He's a UPS driver, and he's bagging this hot Italian broad. There's no percent chance that that's happening. Damn, RIP Jerry Stiller. Come on. RIP Aaliyah Ramini's Scientology career. Ramini. Ramini. Oh, sorry. Ramini.
I've only read it. I've never heard it out loud.
That was a fucking aggressive fact.
Yeah, I know. That's not her name. That's not how you pronounce her name.
He's not an offended. That's not how you say it.
He's a dirty guinea. Yeah.
Is there any other kind? It's greasy and it's dirty. They go both ways. Yeah. All right. I think we got to wrap this thing up.
We got to plug some, both have new specials out. Yeah. Where can we find you guys, not just specials, but tour dates? Go ahead, Forgeon.
My third hour on Netflix just premiered December 3rd. It's called Crushing It. I wear a pink suit. I mean, come on, that's reason enough to tune in. You gotta watch. Yeah, so that one's really fun. Check that out on Netflix. And yeah, I'm starting a whole new tour. So I'm in club dates right now, kind of just working out material. And then the theaters start April 1st.
Hell yeah.
Fortunefemester.com.
Maybe I should have gone first.
But definitely watch my special. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm not funny, you guys. Well, lesbians are funny. Lesbians don't count as female.
My special's on YouTube. I've always put my specials on. Yeah, you're a pioneer.
Before I put my first special on YouTube, my agent was like, you should see what Josh wants. Yes, same. You and I talked on the phone. We did.
You were like, what do you think about putting it on YouTube? I was intrigued by it. So this special is actually, I'm so proud of it because here's a couple things that I want to do different. I didn't do any wide shots. The people coming in didn't know, most of them, that it was a special.
Whoa. Oh, wow, really?
I wanted it to feel pretty authentic to a comedy show experience. All close up, right? And I didn't...
edit this is one what okay so I had to kick somebody out oh nice I kept all of I kept everything in because I wanted it to feel like a real authentic show and I did exactly how the owner stiffed you at the end you kept that that's right Will Smith slapped you I and I did I did something look it's called four stories because I tell long stories
and so i wanted it my my my people were like you can't just tell four stories i'm like but this is what i fuck your people so i i i just do what you do man but it's four stories if you like stories and that's the kind of comedy you like this is a great special man awesome i really like it out it's a four stories comedy your old stuff is like 18 million it's crazy views before anyone else was getting those numbers
Yeah, man. Well, I appreciate that. And I'm all over on the road. I tour with my son now. He opens for me.
What? Keeping that money in that family. That's right, dude. I take 10%.
but it's so much fun he opens he tells stories about me I do my stand up and because so much of my stories have been about him in the past he and I do a Q&A it's a ton of fun yeah wow so yeah it's been this is the most fun I've ever had on stage just traveling around with him it's how old is he he's 27 oh he's 27 I got five grandkids dude whoa I know can you believe it oh you're white you're a fucking gilf yeah yeah
He sure is.
Wow. That's crazy. Hotty toddy grandpa over there.
Oh, yeah. That's insane. But, yeah, yeah. But it's a ton of fun.
And the show, right? Oh, you're talking about, oh, his wife is hot, too. Pull her up. She's definitely there.
You guys are both keeping it together. It's crazy. How do you do it? What's the secret?
You work out? Yeah, I work out. You eat right. And Vegas is so stress-free. Sober. Yeah, look at her.
Yeah, I've never heard about anyone being stressed in Vegas.
Well, I don't get it. Holy Moses. See, that's hot. Hubba hubba.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. DSLs. Oh, Lord. Well done. Jeez. That's unbelievable.
Kudos. She's also a writer-director, man.
I don't care.
She's got a movie set up on Netflix right now.
Hey!
Yeah, so with the DSLs.
You got that right. Thank you very much. Mamacita. It's all over the road.
Mamacita.
Josh Wolf Comedy. ComedianJoshWolf.com. ComedianJoshWolf.com. Yep. Check them out all over the road.
Yeah, and Four Stories is a special. I'm going back to the clubs as well to polish this hour. Houston Improv, Dallas Improv, Phoenix Stand-Up Live. Then we're doing the Ryman. That's in Nashville. Great theater. Yeah, I'm excited about that one. One of the best in the world. Hopefully we can sell that out. Then the baby's coming, so I'm taking off.
Oh, how long are you taking off?
I'll probably take like two months. Okay. Really get to know that drug rat.
Yeah, fill a little time with your not your child. Yeah, two months.
clubs to warm up for theaters here we got san antonio january 3rd and 4th and we got liberty township ohio then we got pittsburgh in january and then it's all theaters pretty much here and now we're going uh you know charlotte richmond bethlehem on and on but austin dallas tulsa houston samoreal.com slash shows it i'm coming to your city and if you don't see it there now it'll be in the fall but uh i love the tabernacle
Oh, so good. Great rules. Atlanta rules. I love it.
Yeah, I love it.
So many great cities that I'm hitting, so I can't wait to come and buy Bodega Cat Whiskey, bodegacatwhiskey.com. People are loving it. We're making waves. Yes. Peter Luger Steakhouse. Whoa. Strip House. Whoa. Fucking everywhere.
You are? Nice. Is it in here?
It's here, yeah.
It's in the paper planes. Yes, you're drinking it. You better believe it. It's not as tasty, y'all.
It's in you.
It's in me right now.
Comedy Cellar is going through like 15, 20 cases a week of this shit.
Oh, that's awesome.
Selling out. We're cooking with this. Good job, guys. Love you guys for getting it. And yeah, check out Fortune and Josh's stuff. Both very funny people. And keep listening to the pod. Yeah.
Thanks for having us.
You're a lesbian with the U-Haul. That's right. You're back in the bus. Jew-Haul. Hey. On that note.
We'll be right back.
Mark's like, let me get this one in. I had to get that Jewel joke in.
Sunday's the day for my next bender. A bit of Piverec, you know the beer juice close. I've had a little too much bourbon. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might