Why are women still expected to “stay in their lane”? Tamsen sits down with Stacy London, CEO, author, and former co-host of What Not to Wear. Now with her own QVC fashion line and decades of experience helping women feel seen, Stacy unpacks the emotional toll of high-functioning depression and why conversations about menopause are still considered risky in the professional world. Stacy gets vulnerable, sharing why community and friendship are more essential than having a partner, and how to let go of outdated identities. Together, they dive into the messy, transformative beauty of midlife, exploring the unspoken truths about living in fear, reinvention, and how clinging to old clothes can keep you stuck. Stacy opens up about closing her business, redefining success at 55, and why evolution means saying yes, even when it’s uncomfortable. Stacy shares her expert advice on getting comfortable with your naked body in the mirror is the key to personal freedom and good style. If you’ve ever wondered if your best years are behind you, this episode is here to tell you: absolutely not! What You'll Learn: How to break free from the social pressure to stay in your lane Why community and friendship are more important than romantic relationships Curating a new wardrobe that reflects your body now Why holding onto old clothes is psychological torture Success isn’t defined by titles, possessions, or external validation Why women need to talk more openly about money. How fear keeps you stuck and why getting older is the perfect time to be braver Why it’s never too late to reinvent yourself How to let go of the "expiration date" mindset Watch the Full Episode and Subscribe to Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/@TamsenFadalTV Follow Stacy on Social: https://www.instagram.com/stacylondonreal Get my new book, How To Menopause, Take Charge of Your Health, Reclaim Your Life and Feel Even Better Than Before 💖 http://www.howtomenopause.com Follow The Tamsen Show: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetamsenshow/ Follow Tamsen Fadal: Website: https://www.tamsenfadal.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tamsenfadal Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tamsenfadal Medical Disclaimer: The information provided in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical concerns or treatment options. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of The Tamsen Show. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: How can women break free from societal expectations?
There's a lot to choose from, but I do believe that part of being self-aware is actually understanding. Let's say every seven years, your cells completely turn over. You are literally a new person every seven years. You need to think about every aspect of your life, whether it's seven years or a decade or whatever works for you. Every year, people make resolutions, whatever it is.
But you need to be aware enough that you are evolving, which is It takes incredible self-awareness to realize that evolution means change. So you're not going to wear the same clothes you wore in your 20s. You're not going to want to. And it's okay. And that's okay. It's like saying, you know, you loved baked beans as a kid and now you don't want to eat them.
It's just your taste will change. I think we have to allow those things, though. And we talked about this before. You know, you talk a lot about allowing yourself. You have a very interesting viewpoint of it. Allowing yourself is not the same thing as being passive and just sitting back and watching things happen.
That's right. I don't believe it's the same. Letting go is a little bit more passive. Allowing requires the work of being self-aware enough to understand when pushing back or fighting against something is actually in your own disinterest.
And allowing also means that you are looking at every possibility as an option, that you are not limiting yourself, that you are not self-criticizing what you see as a potential option for your future. I noticed that I have this voice, this mechanism that kicks in the minute I think about doing something wild and crazy that's like, Stacey, that's not practical. Shut up, that Stacey.
Stop being negative Nancy. Let positive Polly think about things for a while. And you really have to be very much in control of the way that you think. The way that you think is going to determine the choices that you're going to make in your life. And I think it's very hard when menopause is literally the most disorienting stage of life.
That's why we needed to start asking questions and getting answers. It's why I hope in our future we are going to get much more research on female physiology and how bodies work. Because we're not little men. And the minute that we start putting the clinical dollars towards that research, I think we're going to find that our systems are much more complicated.
Ich wundere mich, was wir eigentlich finden werden. Ich wundere mich wirklich. Ich denke, wir haben diese Oberfläche kaum gesperrt, kaum, kaum. Du hast gesagt, du und Clinton haben ein Interview gemacht und der Host hat dir beide eine Frage gefragt. Deine Augen wurden geöffnet nach der Antwort. Kannst du diese Geschichte erzählen?
Yeah, well, Clinton has opened my eyes in a lot of ways. And it's funny, a lot of things that I think I used to be more envious about are things that I truly admire in him now. And one of the things that I admire most is he said something on that podcast that literally struck my heart. We were both asked to say something that we'd never said before. And I said, oh, you know, I don't know if...
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Chapter 2: What role do community and friendship play in midlife?
If you had advice, and I always think about, I wish I had known this when I was younger. I say that all the time. I wish I was 26, I'd have known this. Is there anything you say, when I was younger, I wish I had known this?
Yeah, I wish that I had really understood that I was lacking so much self-esteem as a child, because then I would have known what to work on. I remember that You know, I'm a New York City kid, right? My parents got divorced when I was four. They threw me into therapy because that's what you did in the 70s.
Your parents get divorced, you throw the kid into therapy so she doesn't become like a serial killer or whatever. I don't know. But I didn't know what was wrong with me. I didn't know what I was feeling. And I, for a long time, felt that I... I look back on those child therapists and I'm like, they should not have a license. I mean, a lot of them just did nothing but sort of actually... Wow.
Und wirklich, wiederum, das ist alles Arbeit, die du selbst tun musst. Es ist großartig, als ein early childhood development. Oh Gott, hier gehe ich. Ich bin ein bisschen intellektuell. Michael Winnicott spricht über early childhood development und sagt, dass einer der Wege, wie Kinder wirklich ihre eigene Person werden. How did you figure out you were missing it?
You know, by my actions, really by who I have spent time with. Also... What I've settled for in my life, you know, staying in jobs for longer than I wanted to, being with partners that were probably wrong for me. I think that a lot of choices that I've made in my life, I chose things out of a low sense of self-esteem, a low sense of self-worth and really no self-awareness.
Self-awareness, that is, it is hard to face the dark side of yourself. It is hard to face the ugly, mean, yucky, spiteful, jealous, gross, awful side of yourself. Do you feel like you do it now? I do.
In the morning, at night, all day long?
No, no, no. Because you have to face those things and accept them. Not be embarrassed and ashamed of them. Because again, that shadow side of yourself, that darker side of yourself... We all have it. And to ignore it is to live in a way that is not aware, right?
Instead of just being mean and spiteful because I've been triggered, now I can say, wow, somebody triggered me and I am feeling really mean and spiteful. Okay, what am I going to do with that? Well, now I know to talk about it. I feel mean, I feel spiteful, I feel awful, I feel so angry, I feel this.
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Chapter 4: How can personal style lead to confidence?
So while you were doing your show, you knew how to style though, right? Yes, because I came from magazines. Right, of course. And now it's all about the design. Those are three different careers, Stacey. So I don't think you have fear. I don't know that you live in fear.
Ich weiß nicht, vielleicht fühle ich mich befreundet, aber ich mache es trotzdem. Und ich denke, ich fühlte mich wirklich traurig, in 2018, als ich fühlte, als wäre das Genre der Make-over-Szene vorbei. Ich fühlte mich nicht passioniert über die Fashion. Ich habe meinen Vater verloren. Ich war in einem dunkleren Ort.
Und ich denke, es war auch, weil ich bereits im Perimenopause war und es nicht wusste. Und ich habe wirklich mit all den Symptomen, dem Gehirnverlust, der Schmerzschmerzen, We talked about this, the weight gain, the headaches, I mean, all of it, the nausea, the food allergies, the itchy skin, the itchy ears, the itchy underarms, you name it, I had it. And I just felt I needed to do something.
And what I find very important is that when you are lost, don't look out. You gotta look in. When you are lost, that path is not outside of you. You will not be able to take the step until you can imagine dass es einen Weg für dich gibt. Und ich dachte, ich bin so unglücklich mit dem, wo ich bin. Ich bin so unglücklich mit dem, was ich fühle. Ich muss das in etwas anderes verändern.
Das kann nicht nur ich sein, der es erlebt hat. Wie nehme ich das, was ich fühle, und dieses Gefühl, dass ich verloren bin, oder dieses Gefühl, dass ich bezahlt werde, und dieses Gefühl, dass Ja, genau. Und auch in Frank Lippmanns Buch, der vor Jahren herausgekommen ist, How to Be Well, war der Name des Buches. Gemeinsamkeit und Freundschaft sind essentiell.
Es ist tatsächlich mehr essentiell für Frauen, als sie älter sind, als ein Partner zu haben.
Ist das nicht großartig? Weil ich immer irgendwie unterschätzt, es ist nur eine Gemeinschaft, wenn ich Zeit habe. Ja. Wenn ich Zeit habe.
Wenn ich Zeit habe, meine Freunde zu sehen, habe ich einen Trink. Ich mache das. Genau. Und Gemeinschaft, ich, du weißt, du hast deine, das bedeutet nicht, dass du viele Leute hast. Es bedeutet, dass du deine Leute hast. That you can, you know, lie down and say, I can't go out tonight. Make me a martini. I'm coming over and sob on your couch.
I like this, Stacey. I like this, Stacey. Do you feel like you're saying yes these days to more things?
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