Stacy London
Appearances
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Be honest about what doesn't fit, what will not. Continue. This is Stacey London on The Tamsen Show.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
That's why we needed to start asking questions and getting answers. It's why I hope in our future we are going to get much more research on female physiology and how bodies work. Because we're not little men. And the minute that we start putting the clinical dollars towards that research, I think we're going to find that our systems are much more complicated.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Yeah, well, Clinton has opened my eyes in a lot of ways. And it's funny, a lot of things that I think I used to be more envious about are things that I truly admire in him now. And one of the things that I admire most is he said something on that podcast that literally struck my heart. We were both asked to say something that we'd never said before. And I said, oh, you know, I don't know if...
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Ich weiß, was mein Geschmack ist. Und ich dachte, das war eine große Konfession. Ich liebe französische Land und italienische Moden aus den 70er-Jahren. Und das funktioniert nicht immer zusammen, wenn man rosa Ceramics mit Lucite oder was auch immer. Und ich sagte, manchmal weiß ich nicht, wie ich all diese Dinge zusammenmischen kann. But Clinton said something that literally blew my hair off.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
He said, I do not live a fear-based life. And I really, like I almost started crying. I actually started crying when I got off the podcast, because I thought, I have been living a fear-based life most of my life. And it stopped me from doing things that...
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
wish i'd taken a chance on doing and i got braver as i got older but i'm still i'm still living in that fear that's not where i want to live i don't think you still are now i do i still think there are parts of my personality that i am having to overcome the thinking now i grew up in manhattan i am a very proud new yorker i'm also proud to say i never learned to drive i did fail my test when i was 17 because i had a small argument with my official
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
They told me not to take the test at the end of the day because the inspectors are usually grumpy. But he was mumbling. And I said, sir, you're mumbling. Did you say left or right? And he was like, listen, lady, it's not my problem if you can't hear me. And I was like, listen, sir, it's not my problem. This is your job. And he was like, get out. Oh, my gosh. So, so much for that.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And where are we now? Almost 30 years later. I still don't know how to drive. So the goal for this year is to learn to drive. I'm 55 years old and I'm terrified of driving. It bothers me that I'm so afraid to take responsibility for my own life. And I think I spent a lot of my life waiting for somebody to come and save me. Many people have already said that. I know Mel Robbins has said that.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Nobody's coming to save you. There is no Prince Charming. Sorry, Walt Disney. Your rom-com fantasies of my childhood do not actually mean anything.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
I did not watch Sex and the City. What? You're a New Yorker. What? Because I lived
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
You were sexist. I'm sorry. I'm like, there's nothing Sarah Jessica Parker has on me that I have not done on this island of Manhattan.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And when Clinton said it, I hadn't thought about it either. Und ich muss sagen, ich dachte, oh mein Gott, das ist ein echter Ziel. Und das braucht auch die Erlaubnis, sich brav zu machen. Was bedeutet das? Das bedeutet, verärgert zu sein und es trotzdem zu tun. Und es gibt Dinge in meinem Leben, als ich 55 war, in denen ich bemerkte, dass ich immer von dieser Mentalität war.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Wenn ich nicht gewinnen kann, werde ich nicht spielen. Ich hatte immer Angst davor, sich überrascht oder verletzt zu machen, weil ich ein Novice bei etwas war. Und anstatt etwas Neues zu lernen, um es gut zu machen, würde ich es einfach nicht machen, wenn ich es nicht gut war. Und wenn ich es gut war, würde ich darauf gravitieren. Und ich erinnere mich, wie schade das ist.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Ich erinnere mich, wie viel wir lernen können, so viel Wunder. in the world. And instead of having all of this anxiety, if I had trained myself to be better at taking chances, then I would be more prepared for this stage of life. Where do you think you're not prepared for this stage? Well, I feel like I'm prepared for it now because We've been talking about it for so long.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
But I still think that at 55 to feel fear around things that other people do every day. You learn to drive at 14, right? There are things that literally I think would change the quality of my life dramatically. Like I'm finally moving out of an apartment that I've been in 20 years because I
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
I've just been too lazy or too bored or too afraid or, you know, what if I don't find any place I like better than this? And I've seen apartments in New York City. They're not like my apartment. You know, how am I going to find a balance and moving? And I think about all the things that are difficult and overwhelming rather than, and I know you're good at this. You make lists.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
You love to check things off. I am way too messy for any of that. Die letzten paar Monate habe ich mein ganzes Haus komplett geschliffen. Und es war eine der interessantesten Erfahrungen. Ich glaube nicht, dass ein verschlossener Haus zu einem verschlossenen Haus geführt hat. Oh, du hast es nicht gemacht?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
I know, and hug you. But it's also that you and I realized very much. Ich erinnere mich. Es war wie, ich weiß nicht, was ich tun soll. Ich fühle mich nicht wie ich bin. Ich sehe mich nicht wie ich bin. Wie mache ich das? Und ich bleibe immer noch so, wie ich bin. Und das war ein echter Lernprozess.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Because there was a rack in front of it, piled high with papers, important papers, contracts, my will, my stock options for my apartment, literally just piled on top of each other. I'm going to come over with a label maker. And I was like, these are the things I need to deal with. If you came over to my apartment today, you can see my desk.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Not only can you see my desk, there is nothing on my desk. I have cleared it out. I have made folders. But I feel like you've been so busy creating that that's forgivable. Well, that's magical. I have to tell you, I don't know if I like styling or designing more. Really? But you were always styling. Always styling. Now, designing. Ja, genau.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
It's also been very challenging to understand how to create a good and universal fit when you're talking about fabrics that don't stretch. I've learned so much about technical design and draping. How do you know that a shoulder seam is a sixteenth of an inch off? I work with a technical designer who can see that from five feet away. I was like, what?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Ich weiß nicht, vielleicht fühle ich mich befreundet, aber ich mache es trotzdem. Und ich denke, ich fühlte mich wirklich traurig, in 2018, als ich fühlte, als wäre das Genre der Make-over-Szene vorbei. Ich fühlte mich nicht passioniert über die Fashion. Ich habe meinen Vater verloren. Ich war in einem dunkleren Ort.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Und ich denke, es war auch, weil ich bereits im Perimenopause war und es nicht wusste. Und ich habe wirklich mit all den Symptomen, dem Gehirnverlust, der Schmerzschmerzen, We talked about this, the weight gain, the headaches, I mean, all of it, the nausea, the food allergies, the itchy skin, the itchy ears, the itchy underarms, you name it, I had it. And I just felt I needed to do something.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And what I find very important is that when you are lost, don't look out. You gotta look in. When you are lost, that path is not outside of you. You will not be able to take the step until you can imagine dass es einen Weg für dich gibt. Und ich dachte, ich bin so unglücklich mit dem, wo ich bin. Ich bin so unglücklich mit dem, was ich fühle. Ich muss das in etwas anderes verändern.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Das kann nicht nur ich sein, der es erlebt hat. Wie nehme ich das, was ich fühle, und dieses Gefühl, dass ich verloren bin, oder dieses Gefühl, dass ich bezahlt werde, und dieses Gefühl, dass Ja, genau. Und auch in Frank Lippmanns Buch, der vor Jahren herausgekommen ist, How to Be Well, war der Name des Buches. Gemeinsamkeit und Freundschaft sind essentiell.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Es ist tatsächlich mehr essentiell für Frauen, als sie älter sind, als ein Partner zu haben.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Wenn ich Zeit habe, meine Freunde zu sehen, habe ich einen Trink. Ich mache das. Genau. Und Gemeinschaft, ich, du weißt, du hast deine, das bedeutet nicht, dass du viele Leute hast. Es bedeutet, dass du deine Leute hast. That you can, you know, lie down and say, I can't go out tonight. Make me a martini. I'm coming over and sob on your couch.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
I'm saying yes, like tonight I'm doing archery. What? Yeah, my friend Kendall started a company called Wild Captives. And during the...
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
pandemic she taught herself archery and now she makes her own bows and arrows and has an archery like archery area okay at industry city that one day you're gonna drive to right exactly in industry city in brooklyn and you can book lessons you can go there and just shoot and you can do all of these things what is that lesson to somebody younger because i always think about this i always think like i wish that i had this
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Right. And I know that a lot of women our age love to talk about that no is a full sentence. But you got to say yes. You got to say yes. You have to say yes, even if things aren't exactly perfect. Whatever interests you, whatever strikes you as perfect. Potentially something interesting. Doesn't have to lead anywhere. Doesn't have to be a goal.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Doesn't mean you wind up with a million dollars at the end of the day. You're just trying something new is a yes. That is a yes. And I have missed a lot of yeses in my life. Aus Angst. Aus Angst. Aus Angst vor Enttäuschung. Aus Angst vor blöd oder dumm zu sehen. Ich habe eine echte Angst vor Humiliation. Nun, um ehrlich zu sein, habe ich keine Ahnung, wo das herkommt.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Das ist wahrscheinlich für eine Therapie-Session. Aber das ist Teil der Grund, warum ich nicht Dinge tue, die ich nicht gut bin. Ich wollte nicht gelacht werden. And I don't know why I had such a sensitivity to that. But I've really lost a lot of that. I really feel like that's a skin I'm in the process of shedding. Well, I am back in therapy. I think that's really important.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And I'm actually making different choices. Instead of what my first reaction is, I give the opposite reaction. Or I give the opposite answer. So if you say to me, Stacey, come with me in Ira. Come visit us in California for a long weekend. We're hanging out. We'll go to the farmer's market, whatever. And I'm like, oh my God, you know, is the ticket going to be really expensive?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And oh, like, do I have to behave a certain way around Tam and Ira? You know, like all of these things would run through my head. Now, if you said that to me, not... Wow. Und ich versuche nur, mehr Zeit mit mehr Leuten zu verbringen. Ich bin sehr gut beim Isolieren.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Ich bin sehr gut beim Stehen zu Hause mit meinem Hund und beim Zuschauen, beim Bingen jeder Serie und beim Nicht-Ein-Ein-Ein und beim Nicht-Ein-Ein-Ein-Ein-Ein-Ein-Ein. I think I still have a little bit of that residual pandemic kind of social anxiety, but I'm really fighting it now for the first time instead of being like, it's okay, it's okay, give yourself a break, give yourself a break.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Yes, but self-care is... That's another word that I think has just been completely bastardized. And that self-care is not about being indulgent. It is about true care. Your health and your happiness are absolutely intertwined. And I'm finding that I haven't let myself be happy, really happy in a long time. And I'm working on it. I don't think happy is a constant state, right?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
If you're shooting for happy, you're going to miss because it's a moving target. But I do feel like you can get to a place in your life where you're pretty content. Life is hard.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Anybody who read M. Scott Peck and knows The Road Less Traveled or any self-help book since knows that we come into this world thinking or somehow think that we're entitled to this perfect life or that's what we've been fed as the American dream or any dream, right? But life is hard. And I think if we come at it from that aspect, then everything else feels like a win.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
If you know what you're doing, being alive, getting up every day, breathing, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, getting dressed and going out is hard. It's just hard. Facing everything you have to face in life is hard. Financially, with romance, with family, everything is just meant for. Ja, genau. And I wouldn't say, the only thing I've ever really been addicted to is food.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
But I wouldn't say that, I did this on a podcast called Soberness. I was talking about the fact that there are crutches that we need sometimes. And like now, look, sometimes that's food. And I'm like, I need chocolate right now. Or it's martini. Or it's going dancing. Or it's buying myself new pants. Yeah. I call them crutches.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
I say that they're temporary and they're necessary when you're going through something hard. That is indulgent, right? That's a way of being good to yourself that's indulgent. Self care is making sure that your mental, emotional, psychological and physical health
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
ist unter deiner Kontrolle und dass du deine Seite der Straße sauber hältst, egal was du in der Welt erlebst, dass du mit deinen Werten, deinen Worten und deinen Aktionen verabschiedet bist. Und ich habe nicht immer verabschiedet, aber ich bin es jetzt.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Or that invention isn't something that you can continue to do your whole life. You don't have to re, just because I was here before, doesn't mean I'm not inventing an entirely new version of myself. Every seven years I'm a new version anyway. And I love the idea of that, because I really believe that this... You're right. Everything is connected.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Everything is about self-expression and identity and self-awareness and self-esteem and self-confidence. All these things are things that I have cared about my whole life. I've cared about helping instill them in other people because I've been trying to find a way to instill them in myself. Und das ist eine lebenslange Reise.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Oh, it was beautiful. Was it beautiful? I can tell you, you're wearing a white t-shirt and these skinny jeans.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Ich denke einfach, dass ich mich jetzt besser fühle, wie ich jetzt bin, als ich es jemals hatte. Und ich denke, dass viele der Wege, in denen ich mich in der Leben verabschiedet habe, wirklich war, weil ich versucht habe, andere Menschen zu lieben. Ich wollte mich in jemanden bewegen oder mich in jemanden, der ich nicht bin, um jemanden anderen glücklich zu machen.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
um meinen Boss glücklich zu machen oder meinen Partner glücklich zu machen oder meine Familie glücklich zu machen.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Das ist richtig. Und das ist der Grund, warum, wenn wir über unglückliche Frauen sprechen, über die viele Fahrer in einer letzten Runde gesprochen haben, war sie so, ich hasse den Fakt, dass wir nie sagen, dass Männer unglücklich sind. Wir sagen, dass Frauen unglücklich sind. And listen, I think there are a lot of pain in the ass bitchy women. Sorry, there are.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And they're not people that I want to associate myself with. But at the same time, I want women to help each other to work together. And I want women to really come from a place of there's room enough for everybody here.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Es gibt genug Raum, um alle zu scheinen, weil, schau dir das an, du bist aus Billionen und Billionen und Billionen von Atomen errichtet, in einem Weg, der wie niemand anderes in den 8 Billionen Menschen auf diesem Planeten ist. Du hast etwas, das du nur durch Existenz erreichst.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And I was wearing some flouncy dress. I felt like a weird, I did not feel like myself at all, clearly. But I remember thinking, oh my God, she's beautiful in a t-shirt and jeans. Can you imagine?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Exactly. And I think that's a good deal. Das haben wir zu sehen. Wir sollten darüber sprechen, weil die Idee, was wir denken, wie wir aussehen müssen, Teil davon ist kulturell und Teil davon ist sozial und kontextuell. Und was ich damit meine, ist, dass du dich dressen kannst, wie du dich dressen willst. Ich bin nicht die Stacey von 2003. Du wirst das tragen. Right.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
But I think that most people think of me that way. They're a little afraid. So who's the Stacey today? Well, the Stacey today is more like, do you feel the way you want to feel in what you're wearing?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Do you feel like you want to feel in what you're wearing? Or are you not thinking about it? Because I can pretty much tell when somebody's not happy with their body, if they dress in a way that makes them look like they're ashamed of their body.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
That's also why I really wanted to rethink the idea of a wardrobe as how do you make something easier that's going to look good. And that really was the conceit behind Buy Stacey London. Not your clothes don't have to be black to be flattering. And they need to be easy, work with what you have in your closet and help pull your closet together.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
So when you go to get dressed, you can have an experience, a feeling of joy and excitement rather than dread. And this has nothing to do with size or how much you can spend on your clothes. I always say spend as much as you can afford to reasonably, not however much money you have. What can you afford reasonably?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Und dann, was sind die Teile, die sind, wenn du deine Klosse öffnest und du sie als lebendiges Atemorganismus angeschaut hast, dann denk an die Kleider in deiner Klosse als die Beine. Wenn du viele Verschmutzungen hast, Dinge, die nicht zusammengehen, eine-zu-ein-Teile, die du nicht haben kannst, um sie zu vermischen, dann sage ich, nimm diese Teile aus deiner Klosse. und diese Teile aufhängen.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Zuerst entscheiden, ob sie wirklich in deinem Schlafen gehören, ob sie ein Impuls waren, oder was du mit diesen schwierigen Teilen anfangen kannst, ist, dass du anfangen kannst, zu schreiben, was mit dem gehen würde. Was würde mit all diesen Dingen gehen, die nicht so eine Outfit haben, mit denen du gehen würdest? Wenn ich einen tannten Schuh gekauft hätte, wäre dieses Shirt super.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Und dieser tannte Blazer würde mit diesem Pinstripe-Pencilskirt wunderschön aussehen. Wenn du anfängst zu überlegen, was nicht da ist, was wäre das verbindliche Tissue des Körpers? Wenn du also überlegst, was du schon als Beine besitzt hast, was ist das Muskel, was sind die Knochen, die einen wirklich funktionierenden, bewegenden, veränderbaren Schuh bilden?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
That feels like it's really, truly a beating heart, like a part of you.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
I'm learning. I'm learning. You're learning and you're also experimenting. I'm experimenting a lot. You're wearing a color that I introduced this fall. I call it in bloom, but it's sort of like a red violet. And what I love about this color is that for me, this is a bolder version of wearing burgundy. It's a bolder version of wine. So what I also love about this color is that it's bright.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
You can wear it in winter, but you can also wear it in spring. So, I love for people to start thinking about their wardrobe slightly differently. One, you don't have to just think about things in season, right?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
It is buy clothes that you love, because even if it's winter and it's negative three degrees outside, you're still going to need a silk blouse at some point. If it's on your list, and I love making a list of the things that are missing, right? What's the missing connective tissue? You start a running list. Ja, genau. 10 Outfits. 10 Outfits.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Easy to wear, work on multiple occasions, go from day to night, those type of things. Consider what your needs are in your daily life and that's how you can create a wardrobe that matches it. Ich sage immer den Leuten, zuerst musst du dich auf deine Wardrobe kümmern. Das ist das erste Ding. Und ehrlich sein.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Und ehrlich sein über das, was nicht passt, was nicht weiter passt, was du dich mit Täuschung befindest. Das ist psychologische Täuschung.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
I remember one time Oprah said to me, if you're actively losing weight, if you're dieting, if you're exercising, if you know that you have a goal weight, whatever, maybe keep one piece as that inspiration to keep you going. But if you have a closet full of clothes that no longer fit you, it is psychological torture and dread to open up your closet. So one.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
You gotta look at what really needs to go. What's stained and can't be taken out by dry cleaning. What's ripped, what's missing buttons. Things that either you're gonna fix or you know you're not going to. You've gotta figure that out.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And then there's all the clothes that just don't suit you anymore that are perfectly wonderful that you should absolutely donate to charity or you can put on consignment. And just generally speaking, you'll probably get back about a quarter of the retail price that you spent if you put something on consignment or thrift. That's usually what you can expect.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And then you need to stand in front of your mirror naked. I'm sorry, this is part of the process. Where did that come from? I know, it sort of came from left field, but I don't want to leave it out because I wrote about this in my book, The Truth About Style. You cannot be truthful about what looks good on you if you don't know your own body.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And sadly, our judgments of ourselves and our preconceptions of ourselves are Das dauert einen langen Zeitraum, um sich zu verletzen. Du musst vor einem Fenster stehen, bis du stoppst und sagst, Gott, ich hasse meine Schulter. Oder guck mal, mein Arsch ist irgendwie in die Rückseite meiner Knie gelaufen und ich weiß nicht, wann das passiert ist.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Aber du musst vor diesem Fenster stehen, bis du kannst sagen, ohne Emotion. I love my shoulders, but I hate my upper arms. So I know I want to show, you know, I like the cold shoulder look, but I don't want to show this. I love that I have a small waist, but I don't love my hips. Okay?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Now that you can look at those things objectively and just say, I don't love my hips, you're going to look for clothes that work not against you, not trying to hide them. But make them look or complement your figure in a way that looks better than not paying attention to it.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
So for example, if you don't like your tush, if you're wearing all black and you wear a long knit sweater over your tush, I immediately know that you don't like your tush. Aber wenn du einen langen Trouser und einen Blazer trägst, der direkt am Top der Rückseite ausgeschnitten wird, dann würde ich denken, oh, sie mag ihren Tusch nicht, aber schau, wie groß sein Körper in diesen Kleidern aussieht.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Weil once you know your shape and once you know the shapes that fit your shape, which again also takes a little bit of work to understand. But that's what Dress Your Best was about, the book that Clinton and I wrote. That's geometry, that's color forms. Do you need more volume on top, more volume on bottom? How do you work those things out? It's like putting a puzzle together.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Dann musst du dein Gehirn, weil das ist, wo der Stil beginnt, zu stoppen, zu denken, was mir früher gut aussah, sieht jetzt nicht gut aus. Was du denken musst, ist, hier ist das Körper. Ich weiß, was ich mag, und ich weiß, was ich nicht mag. Ich beginne von Anfang an. Ich beginne mit dem Körper, das ich heute habe. And then you think about what in my closet compliments me still and what does not.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And I don't mean compliments or flattering in a way that's just patriarchal. Like, look at me, pick me, all that bullshit. In a way that makes you feel however you want to feel. For me, when I was younger on What Not to Wear, I wanted to feel sexy. I wore tight, you know, pencil skirts and five inch heels. And I wanted people to be like, she's kind of hot.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Ich fühle mich nicht in der gleichen Weise. I go to the gym because I want to be stronger every day, because I want to walk when I'm 85. And that is a question of perspective. Your perspective changes as you age. Your priorities change as you age. And if you can think about that across every aspect of your life, every aspect of your life will only get better.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
You have to allow for things to be different. And we hate change. As humans, we hate it. We hate it. We're afraid of it. We're terrified. Who moves my cheese? That's what I always think about. What? Change? And also I saw it in my grandmother. I see it in my mom. There's a narrowing of what feels safe if we don't stay out there.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
You want things to be organized in a certain way. I remember moving my mom's aspirin or something. She was like, put it back where you found it. Those are things your world will get smaller if you don't go out and do big things. You gotta do big things. You're always doing big things.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
If it's family, you can't get rid of them, right? You can just be like, nobody asked for your opinion, Mom, thanks, right? That's one, I think it's really important to stand up for yourself. Like, and what not to wear, there was a sign that said, no miniskirts after 35, because at that time, we said, look, this is not age appropriate. If it works for you. I don't care.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
I don't care whether you're skinny or you're curvy or you're plus size or you're petite or you're an extra tall. I don't care. If you feel the way you want to feel in that miniskirt, there is nobody who can tell you otherwise. And you can tell your family to stuff it. Ich liebe das. Ich denke, wir müssen das hören. We've said age appropriate for a long time. We've also put too much value.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Yeah, this was a long time ago. And, you know, look, I think one of the things that I felt after that lunch particularly was such a sense of relief that I could let down my guard that we were speaking the same language, that I didn't feel uncomfortable talking about things like loss of libido or painful sex or things that we have been taught, just taught culturally not to discuss. Yeah. Right.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And this is where I talk about societal and contextual. We put a lot of value on what other people think. Now, what you wear matters if it is going to get you what you want as well. So, for example, I always talk about the suit. If you are job interviewing at a bank that's 200 years old and it's old and it's The latex suit could work at the bank too, depending on how you want to show things off.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Depending on what you're there for. How you want things to shake out. So like maybe somebody hires you at the bank just not to work at the bank. Right. But I'm just saying contextually, we want people to accept us so we can move further in our lives. That's what that public opinion should be about. Public opinion by itself should make no difference in our sense of self. It's so hard.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Yeah, I wish that I had really understood that I was lacking so much self-esteem as a child, because then I would have known what to work on. I remember that You know, I'm a New York City kid, right? My parents got divorced when I was four. They threw me into therapy because that's what you did in the 70s.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Your parents get divorced, you throw the kid into therapy so she doesn't become like a serial killer or whatever. I don't know. But I didn't know what was wrong with me. I didn't know what I was feeling. And I, for a long time, felt that I... I look back on those child therapists and I'm like, they should not have a license. I mean, a lot of them just did nothing but sort of actually... Wow.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Und wirklich, wiederum, das ist alles Arbeit, die du selbst tun musst. Es ist großartig, als ein early childhood development. Oh Gott, hier gehe ich. Ich bin ein bisschen intellektuell. Michael Winnicott spricht über early childhood development und sagt, dass einer der Wege, wie Kinder wirklich ihre eigene Person werden. How did you figure out you were missing it?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Talk in the doctor's office if you're going to talk.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
You know, by my actions, really by who I have spent time with. Also... What I've settled for in my life, you know, staying in jobs for longer than I wanted to, being with partners that were probably wrong for me. I think that a lot of choices that I've made in my life, I chose things out of a low sense of self-esteem, a low sense of self-worth and really no self-awareness.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Self-awareness, that is, it is hard to face the dark side of yourself. It is hard to face the ugly, mean, yucky, spiteful, jealous, gross, awful side of yourself. Do you feel like you do it now? I do.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
No, no, no. Because you have to face those things and accept them. Not be embarrassed and ashamed of them. Because again, that shadow side of yourself, that darker side of yourself... We all have it. And to ignore it is to live in a way that is not aware, right?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
No. And this idea that I think that women continue to think that they are competing against each other. And this whole idea of women supporting women and everybody supports that publicly. To be honest, I'm sort of on Miley Cyrus' side here. I don't think all women support women. And I think they do continue to do real damage in terms of female friendships.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Instead of just being mean and spiteful because I've been triggered, now I can say, wow, somebody triggered me and I am feeling really mean and spiteful. Okay, what am I going to do with that? Well, now I know to talk about it. I feel mean, I feel spiteful, I feel awful, I feel so angry, I feel this.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
It would have been amazing. But it would have been amazing to know that it was okay to admit to feeling like a shitty person instead of trying to hide it and be perfect and lovely all the time, like most women are taught to do. So anytime a woman is called unlikable or difficult, I struggle with that because I'm like... Who says that she's unlikable and difficult? And why?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Because if you have boundaries and you are a person who knows themselves and knows their worth, you're not going to put up with a bunch of shit.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Of course you can. And I used to be afraid of those people because I was like, wow, they're so strong, so tough. And now those are the people I admire most.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Actually, this is kind of funny, considering we're all friends. Sherri Shepherd. Sherri Shepherd was on The View. It was the first time I was on The View. I was in Barbara's seat, terrified out of my board. And we sit down at the table and, you know, there were coffee cups on the table. This was in the old studio, not where they are now.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And there was that semicircle table, right, where we all sat. And I had Sherri on my left. Can't even remember who was on my right. But Sherri, the table was lit. Yeah. So that you got light from below. Sherry said to me, move your mug. It's blocking your light. And I thought, that's worth remembering. We want light from below as well. Okay, move your coffee cup.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And it was hilarious to me, but it was one of the smartest things. And I'll tell you something else about Sherry. One of the reasons that I really admire her was she was the first person to talk to other women about their salaries. Ja, genau.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
I love you too. And then spend that money on great clothes. And then buy some great clothes for the bones of your wardrobe. Go to buystaceylondon on qbc.com. Where can people find you? Well, okay, you can go to qbc.com and search by Stacey London. I do tutorials on buystaceylondon on Instagram. And I'm staceylondonreal on Instagram just for all of the things that I do.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
I think I'm staceylondon on Facebook. I don't think they're all staceylondonreal.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
But the one thing that I've really learned... Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja. Actually, it turns out it's a billion people out there who are going through something similar, who are going through what we have been referring to as some sort of midlife crisis.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
But I don't think we've actually really unpacked what a midlife crisis is and why women in particular with female physiology, anybody with female physiology, is experiencing this radical shift and change physically and emotionally.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Ich erlebe so viel Scham und so viel Schmerz und so viel Angst um diese Erfahrung. Wenn es eine Person gibt, die mir helfen wird, dieses Produkt zu vermitteln oder einen Website zu haben, dann habe ich etwas richtig gemacht. Ja, genau. Perhaps I was like maybe a little bit early for what we would now call the menopause gold rush.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
But I certainly think that at that time, look, a lot of people in style said to me, you are committing career suicide. The minute you start talking about menopause, nobody is going to let you talk about style. And I thought, Well, first of all, audiences did not accept me as being a CEO and talking about menopause immediately because they were like, well, we want fashion advice.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Ich habe so viel Scham und so viel Schmerz und so viel Angst um diese Erfahrung erlebt. I wish that I had really understood that I was lacking so much self-esteem. You gotta say yes.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And I thought, well, why am I not allowed to change? Why are my priorities not allowed to change? Why do you think that is? Audiences like what is familiar and people want you to stay in your lane. And I think that's true for most women in general.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And this idea of being entrepreneurial or this idea of being multifaceted and not staying in your lane is another way to prove that we can do whatever we want in life and that it is never too late and that you're never past where you're supposed to be. And for me, trying out, being an entrepreneur, Das war eine unglaublich schwierige Erfahrung, aber es hat mir so viel gelernt.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Nicht nur über Business, sondern auch über das, was im medizinischen Weltraum in der Menopause passiert ist, in der Psychologie, was passiert ist, in Bezug auf Dr. Judith Joseph, die über hohe funktionierende Depressionen spricht und wie das etwas ist, was wirklich in der Menopause passieren kann und wie man die Unterschiede erzählen kann.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Und so viele Dinge, die ich gelernt habe, die mir in meiner eigenen Evolution hilfreich waren. Aber ich erzähle dir, was ich sehr schnell über die Firma gelernt habe. Wir hatten Millionen von Hits auf der Website. Es war unglaublich. Die Leute lesen alle unsere Artikel. Es war wunderbar. Aber wir hatten fast keine Konversion.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Und ich konnte es nicht herausfinden, bis ich bemerkt habe, dass die größten Probleme beim Menopausen nicht über Haut oder Haut geredet waren. Und das heißt nicht, dass es keine guten Produkte für menopausalische Haut und Haut gibt. It's that to say it wasn't the issues that women were really struggling with. What they were struggling with are what I like to call the big feelings, right?
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
The shame, the guilt, the anger, the rage, the depression, the anxiety, that they didn't know where to put those feelings, confusions or how to talk about them. How hard was that? Es war wirklich nur so, dass wir keine proprietären Zutaten hatten. Ich wusste nicht, wie wichtig das sein wird.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Weil, ehrlich gesagt, wenn du Skincare, Haarcare, Vaginalcare machst, musst du wirklich darüber nachdenken, A, dass wir sauber sind, aber auch darüber nachdenken, was... Stay in your lane is kind of funny, right? Menopause is not a lane. There are so many different aspects to it.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And everybody said to me, well, how are you going to make a line that everybody is going to use for menopause? Like you're going to do everything? And you realize, you know, people now, the way you roll out product is one hero product. You prove that it works. Then you add two more. Then you prove that those work.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And women our age, like really, I would say between the 40 and 65 range, would come up to me at every show and say, where are the clothes? I don't know what to wear now. I'm not in my 30s. I'm not even in my early 40s where I could get away with wearing clothes for my 30s and late 20s maybe. I don't know what I'm supposed to look like.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Trends don't mean anything to me, but I want to look put together. I want to look relevant. Und an dem gleichen Zeitpunkt wollte QVC wirklich die Q50 öffnen. Alle diese Frauen-Ambassadoren, die unglaubliche Dinge mit ihren Leben machen, die starten bei 50 und gehen bis in ihre 80er Jahre. Das liebe ich so. Ich liebe diese Gruppe von Frauen. Ja, genau. Ja, genau.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
There's a lot to choose from, but I do believe that part of being self-aware is actually understanding. Let's say every seven years, your cells completely turn over. You are literally a new person every seven years. You need to think about every aspect of your life, whether it's seven years or a decade or whatever works for you. Every year, people make resolutions, whatever it is.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
But you need to be aware enough that you are evolving, which is It takes incredible self-awareness to realize that evolution means change. So you're not going to wear the same clothes you wore in your 20s. You're not going to want to. And it's okay. And that's okay. It's like saying, you know, you loved baked beans as a kid and now you don't want to eat them.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
That's right. I don't believe it's the same. Letting go is a little bit more passive. Allowing requires the work of being self-aware enough to understand when pushing back or fighting against something is actually in your own disinterest.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
And allowing also means that you are looking at every possibility as an option, that you are not limiting yourself, that you are not self-criticizing what you see as a potential option for your future. I noticed that I have this voice, this mechanism that kicks in the minute I think about doing something wild and crazy that's like, Stacey, that's not practical. Shut up, that Stacey.
The Tamsen Show
Stacy London: Reinvent Yourself (and Your Style) in Midlife
Stop being negative Nancy. Let positive Polly think about things for a while. And you really have to be very much in control of the way that you think. The way that you think is going to determine the choices that you're going to make in your life. And I think it's very hard when menopause is literally the most disorienting stage of life.