You Can’t Win With Money if You Keep Ignoring the Real Problem
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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show. We help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Dr. John Deloney, Ph.D. in counseling, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author. He's my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Stacey's in Cape Town, South Africa. Hi, Stacey. What's up?
Hi, how are you guys?
Better than we deserve. Wonderful food scene there. Y'all got some nice restaurants, kiddo.
All right. Are you guys hanging in tight for my story?
We're ready. Bring it.
Okay. So my question is, how do my husband and I navigate the very strained relationship we now have with his family after multiple instances of disloyalty and dishonesty? So... My father-in-law needs to repay a loan of $100,000 to us and hasn't done it yet. It's been two years now. And four months ago, the in-laws and my husband wanted to start a new business. They actually own a family business. And that was around the time when we moved into our new home. They sold the house and a couple of days later asked my husband to put our house up as their loan guarantee for their new business, as it was worth around $2 million. And, oh, my husband wouldn't be the business owner, but just an employee. So since then, the relationship... I assume your husband said no.
My husband, when he was so angry, he said, not only no, but now pay us back $100,000 straight away. And now he just keeps distancing himself from them, which I totally understand, but how do we navigate this situation? How do we get the $100,000 back? I... I have no idea.
Wow. Is there any documentation or legal contracts on the $100,000, or was this a handshake?
When we did the bank transfer, it literally showed up as loan to XYZ.
That doesn't matter. I mean, they didn't sign a note? They didn't sign a contract with you to repay?
No, it was just verbal.
So it was a handshake, and you wired them the money? Okay.
Yes.
All right. And was there any discussion at the time as to what the repayment terms would be?
Yes. At the time, they said that as soon as they sell their house, because they had a second-degree house that they didn't use, as soon as they sell their house, they're going to pay us back.
And then they did sell their house. Then they did sell their house.
No, no, they didn't, but they've had multiple offers. They just keep turning them down.
Okay.
Offers that match their asking price.
Okay. Yes. Wow. You got yourself in a pickle, didn't you?
Yeah, I know.
I know.
And now my husband is feeling a bit guilty, and he keeps asking me if, Is he a good person because he told his dad now to repay everything back?
Yes, he's a good person. His dad is not.
Yeah, well, the mom's getting involved in telling everybody that we are money-minded and we are keeping our kids.
I don't care what they told you, what they tell people. What they tell people doesn't matter. They don't really get a vote because they're the people that don't pay bills and propose absurd business things. They don't get a vote anymore. They lost their vote. What they tell people or what they think is irrelevant. Agreed? Yes. Other than it hurts your husband's feelings. But, I mean, that his dad's being a twerp to him. But, yeah. John?
Are y'all of means? Stacey, you live in a $2 million house. I'm assuming y'all have money.
Yes. Yes.
This is easy for me to say on this side of the ocean, but you're probably not going to get that money back. And just your husband making laps around the living room every night, existentially wondering if he's a good person. Is he costing his relationship with his dad? I don't know.
Yes, that's exactly what's happening.
I can imagine there. Here's the deal. Your father-in-law needs to pay back the money. He's probably not going to. He probably can't. And y'all now, Dave and I have been talking about this forever. Dave, for three decades before Ivan showed up, when you loan a family member money, you change the nature of your relationship together. Now you are invested in them accepting an offer on their house.
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