Kurt Metzger is a stand-up comic, writer, and host of the "Can't Get Right with Kurt Metzger" podcast. His latest special, "30 Minutes with Kurt Metzger," is available on YouTube. www.kurtmetzgercomedy.com Get 10% off perfect boots at Tecovas.com/Rogan Don’t miss out on all the action - Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using dkng.co/rogan or with my promo code ROGAN. GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), or visit www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS).1 per new customer. $5+ first-time bet req. Max. $150 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Ends 4/13/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: How do Kurt Metzger and Joe Rogan view the future of comedy?
Well, they definitely weren't really far away, right? I know a few of them. People were too close. Well, you know, the real problem is the area where they did it is radioactive forever. They did a bunch of these tests out in the desert, and then John Wayne and his crew went out there and all got cancer.
Oh, my voice is back. Exactly. Genghis Khan. Yeah, which is a terrible movie. It's one of the most amazing, because it's cursed from the gate.
Yeah. It was probably cursed by Genghis Khan.
I hope it was.
And if you're going to make a bullshit version of one of the most fascinating human beings that has ever lived, a bullshit version of their life, it would be a John Wayne movie from the 1960s. Was it even the 60s? Was it the 50s?
Is that the original? Whitewash movie? Well, no, not whitewashed, but Jada Pinkett Smith made Cleopatra, where it's like Cleopatra's black on Netflix, and it was like she clearly sees Cleopatra as her, and it's like a suck-up to herself. And John Wayne, I'm sure, was thinking that with Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan was 65.
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Chapter 2: What are the misconceptions about nuclear safety measures?
Yeah, so that's like Jada Pinkett. Oh, it says 56, the conqueror. Yeah. This is the same. Hold on. What was the 65 one? Who did that one? Is that John Wayne? No. Omar Sharif. Okay. So they've done a few of those. Yeah, you're getting a little closer with Omar Sharif. But even then, you should be getting a guy from Mongolia.
I mean, if you want me to believe that it's Genghis Khan, find a guy in Mongolia. There's got to be a guy.
Oh, I don't.
Acting is not that hard.
No.
You think so?
I think it was a giant movie. And they offered him a shit ton of money. And he's a giant movie star. It's not his project? And there was only like five movie stars back then. Was it John Wayne's project?
You know what? Maybe I'm wrong. Can I take off my Trump one piece? One piece is really hot. Now, I put this on. You put it on over your clothes, though. I put it on over my shirt because I want the great job so far. Where did you get that thing? Out there. Every time I come, Jamie has a box of Bizarre merch.
Somebody sent us that. Okay, let me tell you.
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Chapter 3: How does Hollywood's portrayal of historical figures affect public perception?
They were going there, and they were also going to Kamala Harris rallies, and they were going to a bunch of other different left-wing protests. That's a thing. People get paid to be Democrat. They get paid. It's a real job. You can get real money, much more money than you make working at McDonald's, to just show up and grab a sign and get in the stands. And so you can get 24,000 people.
You have to pay them. But if you do, they'll go. And you can just keep doing that if you have an insane amount of money.
Yeah. Yeah, well, that's what they've been doing for a while, ever since the tea party.
Look at the fucking amount of money that she spent on that campaign. She ran a great campaign. You've got to admit that. It was pretty rock tight.
What was the total? Every Diddy suspect. Beyonce, not singing, just talking. Yeah. Great commercials, reaching out to men. Not going on your show, going on the caller. I think that's Hawk to his mom, caller daddy. Okay. Great job, guys. And she lost the cherry on top of that great campaign.
Well, what was really funny was afterwards they were asking for money. After it's over. Why didn't you save some? Dude, they did that after Roe v. Wade to the Democrats. Yeah, they did immediately.
Right after.
Immediately. Donate. Donate to the Democratic Party. We're going to protect Roe v. Wade.
Screaming about Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who always thought Roe v. Wade should be overturned on illegal reasons. Because it's a bad, in her mind, but bad ruling. Katie Couric edits out her real feelings out of the book, you know?
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Chapter 4: Why is the current state of cryptocurrency compared to gambling?
This guy's going to have to do that too. But William Braddock, I'm like, okay, who is he? He must be from a family from there. I couldn't find anything, but maybe I just sucked at it. But where's his bio? Who is he? Who's his dad?
Imagine you're just talking shit and you think you're a badass and you're going to say cool shit to this girl on the phone and you find out you're being recorded while you're on cocaine and you plan to hit. You might have woke up in the morning with a splitting headache, doesn't even remember... Being on the phone saying he was planning a hit. Wakes up, he's paranoid.
She's a nurse? A nurse. She's involved in the COVID stuff? Yes. Oh, yes. She is. She's talking to him.
They call her a conservative activist. No, she was talking about some real shit. She was good to think she was talking about with that. What was it?
I can't remember. I don't know what they were talking. She was reporting from the hospitals, I guess. Yes. In Florida.
She did good work on that, yes. There's so many of these James O'Keefe type videos now. I love it. And it's all the same thing. It's all really chatty gay guys who spill the beans when they're on a date. On paper, they look like they're going to be good employees, don't they? And occasionally a man who's saying stupid shit to a woman who's undercover.
Well, sometimes it'll be a guy that I thought was that, but no, he was a straight guy. The straight guys and gay guys in those circles are imperceptible. Like, oh, Harry Sisson came out as straight recently. That kid with the rosy cheeks that Tim Dillon had on? Yes. Tim Dillon had him on his show? Exposed him as shills. They came out and said they're being paid.
And they're like, no, cut that, cut that. Do you remember that? It was really funny. No, let me see that. I didn't watch that. Yeah, Tim Dillon.
Who's that, Jamie?
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Chapter 5: What are the major criticisms of Social Security?
I believe in God, so I'm like, I can't wait to tell on everybody. Please kill me. I cannot wait to tell God on you. I can't wait.
I'm not telling you I walk out of it, but I'm just saying- How bizarre is it that you're kind of right? How bizarre is it that you're right that we're inching closer and closer towards World War III, and that's not what people are concerned about? They're concerned with putting a swastika on a Tesla.
It's because it's called mind control. I bring it up nonstop, actually, to the point of annoying, I would say. MK Monarch was the one in the 90s that probably most of these actors and all these figures that are like, why are there hotter people in government all of a sudden? I want to show you something.
Jamie, put that thing I just sent you. These are the same people that are getting paid to go to the Tesla demonstrations. Yeah. Same people that get paid to go to the Tesla protest? They do human dog obedience shows like this. These are the people.
That Matt Damon cross-dresser from the Nuclear Commission that was stealing luggage? Yeah, that guy. He was one of these... I thought it was him, but they put a thing on? Oh, yeah. Now, this is a crazy conspiracy I made up, but... You know how at Disney, you were talking about Disney, they couldn't find the dwarves?
Right.
There's a story about Walt Disney. They wanted Pinocchio to be on a ballot, so he hired little people to be Pinocchios, and he just left some food and wine up there. And it got real hot, and I think they were stuck on the roof, so they just took off their hats, and there were these drunk dwarves yelling cursings at kids at Disneyland.
But you know how the employees have to keep their suit on at all times to the point of it's like some kind of Guantanamo torture? Right. So where did furries come from? I think that, and Dizzy's part of it, now I'm just pulling this out of my ass, dude. I like where you're going with this. They're genetically engineering employees who like to be in a fursuit. It's almost erotic to them.
They have the minds, even though they're smart, right? And they know math. They love products. Ooh, is this a new lightsaber? I'm 40, but I'm excited as a child. And I love wearing this suit because that's how I come. And they genetically, like all the stuff they put in is making these employees for the theme parks. That's what furries are for. People that want to be in that hot, awful suit.
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