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The Dr. John Delony Show

I Think My Mother-in-Law Is Having an Affair

Wed, 20 Nov 2024

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On today’s episode, we hear about: ·      A man convinced his mother-in-law is having an affair ·      A young man seeking advice on how to part ways with his business partner ·      A woman struggling to overcome self-imposed boundaries Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test  📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future  ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards  💭 John's Free Guided Meditation  🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show T-Shirts   Connect With Our Sponsors:  🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🌿 Get up to 40% off at Cozy Earth with code DELONY. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🥤 Get 20% off at Organifi with code DELONY.  🏔️ Use code DELONY at Poncho Outdoors. Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 The EntreLeadership Podcast   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Audio
Transcription

Chapter 1: Is my mother-in-law having an affair?

5.717 - 13.041 Caller

How do my wife and I address concerns about my mother-in-law potentially having an affair and cheating on my father-in-law?

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14.842 - 43.788 Dr. John Delony

For the sake of the past few shows, please tell me it's not you that's having the affair with her. No, no, no, no. God, thank you. What up? What's going on? What's going on? This is John. The Dr. John Deloney Show. I'm so glad that you're with us, man. Three times a week, dropping new episodes, me sitting with hurting people, trying to figure out what's the next right move.

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43.808 - 66.815 Dr. John Delony

And not always hurting, I guess, but people just stuck. Stuck in the relationships, their mental and emotional health. And it's real people going through real struggles. And we're going to sit down, we're going to figure it out, we're going to do the next right thing. If that's you... If you found yourself stuck, man, give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291 or go to johndelony.com slash ask, A-S-K.

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67.215 - 88.307 Dr. John Delony

Please, we're getting close to a major milestone here, so don't forget to hit the subscribe button. Just take two seconds, subscribe to the show, especially on the tubes. It makes such a big, powerful difference. All right, let's go out to the 512 Austin, Texas and talk to Josh. Hey, Josh, what's up, dude? Hey, what's going on, Dr. John? Nothing much, man. Rocking on to the break of dawn.

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88.327 - 88.767 Dr. John Delony

What's up, brother?

88.787 - 101.177 Caller

Hey, so I guess I'll just get straight into my question of how do my wife and I address concerns about my mother-in-law potentially having an affair and cheating on my father-in-law?

102.978 - 108.162 Dr. John Delony

For the sake of the past few shows, please tell me it's not you that's having the affair with her.

109.063 - 110.284 Caller

No, no, no, no.

110.304 - 110.884 Dr. John Delony

God, thank you.

Chapter 2: How should I address family concerns?

176.275 - 198.402 Caller

and overhearing these conversations, um, I first thought the, this guy, um, that was staying with them was just taking advantage of them. Um, but the stories that my mother-in-law kept saying and kept, you know, relaying to us, um, now I'm starting to feel like he, she's covering for him because they're, they're getting emotionally involved.

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200.583 - 227.306 Dr. John Delony

If you like pina coladas, huh? I get it. So, um, that's a pretty far leap to, from, Hey, this family friend is going through a divorce. I'm going to crash there for a little while too, man. It's turned into a year to, I think my mom, my mother-in-law is having an affair at worst, a physical affair at best, an emotional affair.

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228.326 - 236.648 Dr. John Delony

Um, I say this with all due respect, but like what business is it of y'all's of yours? Um,

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237.526 - 264.546 Caller

So that's the thing is I probably wouldn't care as much, but it's clearly having an effect on my wife who's starting to realize it. I think I saw it a lot sooner, saw the writing on the wall. But the other aspect which makes it difficult and kind of what gives, I guess, us some say-so is my son, he's 15 months old. He goes and stays there a couple times a week.

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264.706 - 281.587 Dr. John Delony

Absolutely not. No way, no how. And here's why. Not because of the affair, but because the vast majority of abuse, physical and sexual, is done with step-parents or visiting boyfriends kind of thing.

282.428 - 282.588 Caller

Yeah.

283.368 - 289.712 Dr. John Delony

And I don't know this guy. I don't know anything about this guy. I don't trust this guy. I don't have a relationship with this guy. My kid's not going over there, period. End of story.

291.494 - 313.508 Caller

And that's kind of the mentality I've had. And the issue that I'm coming across is my communicating that to my wife. She's she's again, they had their the relationship between my mother in law and her have always usually been good. And she's worried by doing that, they're going to. Burn some bridges and the connection's not going to be there.

313.548 - 338.498 Dr. John Delony

That's not how it works. The bridge has been burned, but not by y'all. Y'all are responding to a bridge that's on fire and it was lit on fire by your in-laws. Yeah. They don't get to set fire to a bridge and expect you to walk across it with your precious 15-month-old and then blame you for the singe marks on your clothes. That's not how it works. Yeah. Y'all did not light the fire of this bridge.

Chapter 3: What should I do about my business partner?

1338.213 - 1362.468 Dr. John Delony

Okay, but hear me closely, Dave. Yes, sir. You stepping out and taking a new job does, in fact, does not absolve you of the mess you already have created. If you have your name on documents, if you are a partner, if you are an owner, if you are somehow already in the middle of projects that are underway, you will still be liable for those as you leave. That's correct.

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1362.688 - 1373.035 Dr. John Delony

And so if there's 10 restoration projects or 10 rehab projects going and you just quit, but you were part of the guy that signed the contract with that original company, they still come after you.

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1374.216 - 1377.639 Dave

That's correct. So the plan is January 1st, I step out.

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1378.139 - 1382.122 Dr. John Delony

Okay. He may pull a grenade pin before then.

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1382.142 - 1382.562 Dave

I know that.

1384.016 - 1416.523 Dr. John Delony

I know. I'm expecting it. Okay. So here's what I would do. I would spend your energy not trying to predict or contemplate how he's going to respond. Instead, I would spend my energy on writing out very clearly for myself and for him, here's what the next steps will look like. And then underneath that... In fact, the last... The last three jobs I've transitioned out of, I sat down with a plan.

1418.885 - 1436.978 Dr. John Delony

Two out of three times, my plan has been readily accepted. Like, I'll stay. I'm going to overlap. I'll work here, and I'm starting my new job. I'll be available for you. You can pay me contract, and I'll stay on. That's been accepted. The other one wasn't. One of them wasn't. They said, we're going to pay you out, but we want you to go ahead and go early. That's cool. It's their facility.

1436.998 - 1454.336 Dr. John Delony

It's their place. And so you can have all the plans in the world. It's all well and good. If you want to just walk away and have no equity in this thing, and that's what you've decided, then put that down and have your lawyer draw up an agreement that says that I'm terminating this partnership effective immediately.

1456.377 - 1468.443 Dr. John Delony

If not, who knows what he gets on the phone and does, and you're still a quote unquote partner or co-owner until January. I would not do that. He can drag you through all kinds of things.

Chapter 4: How do I break free from self-imposed boundaries?

2063.728 - 2068.47 Dr. John Delony

You're a naturally quiet, I don't want to bother people kind of person.

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2071.142 - 2099.517 Dr. John Delony

If – so making a marketing material, I hate the word content, but that's the world we're in. Making – putting that message out, hey, I want you all to help me make six figures. I want you all to see how good my work is. Some people are wired for that. I'm not. You're not. If you wake up every day and say, hey, there are people – who don't like what they see when they look in the mirror.

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2099.637 - 2122.95 Dr. John Delony

And I believe everyone has inherent beauty. And I've learned this craft where I can help accentuate people's beauty and give them a moment of peace from how awful they talk to themselves. You would scream at the top of your lungs to get that message out. I can help you exhale when you look in the mirror. You're beautiful and I see it. I'm going to help you see it too.

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2125.351 - 2125.651 Josh

Okay.

2126.502 - 2150.652 Dr. John Delony

And so it's the same thing. But what I found in my life that in my personal life is when I get excited about doing something that's just for me, I don't like talking about it. I feel weird about it. And when I make like an ad or I put something on social media about it, you can see it coming a mile away. Like, hey, what's up, bros? This is John. I've got this thing I want you to buy.

2150.672 - 2152.013 Josh

Yeah.

2152.393 - 2164.817 Dr. John Delony

Right. But like I just put out some new conversation cards about sex and intimacy. I mean, listen to the show. So many people are struggling because they're married to someone. They love somebody and they don't know how to say I'm struggling in this area.

2164.837 - 2166.118 Josh

Yeah.

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