On today’s episode, we hear about: · A wife struggling with inappropriate fantasies and thoughts · A daughter seeking the best way to have a hard conversation with her parents · A husband looking for advice on how to support his overwhelmed wife Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show T-Shirts Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🌿 Get up to 40% off at Cozy Earth with code DELONY. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🥤 Get 20% off at Organifi with code DELONY. 🏔️ Use code DELONY at Poncho Outdoors. Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 The EntreLeadership Podcast Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What struggles does the wife share about her fantasies?
Well, I am doing okay.
All right. So what's up?
I'm talking to you, so... Some would say not okay, but... All right.
What's up?
Um... Well, I am struggling with a decision that I know is morally wrong. I am a new Christian, so I'm finding my path there. And I know that this is morally wrong, but I feel like I still want to explore it. I feel... like very turned on and very attracted about the idea of my husband being with another woman.
Okay. And you, and you, and you participating, you watching you being there or just the idea of it happening?
Um, a little bit of all of the above. I don't know if I necessarily want to watch, but the idea of him being with someone else is very attractive to me. I've talked to him about potentially having an open marriage. Um, But, like, I don't want to bring another man into it. Like, I have a zero desire to be with anybody else.
The way you just said it's like, I don't want another man. Like, men are gross.
You know, a lot of them are. Hey, trust me.
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Chapter 2: How does John Delony respond to the wife's feelings?
And there's also a power dynamic where you get to give him permission. Oh, like almost as you're not as much as your control over him, as much as you're in control of the other woman's desire.
Oh, I didn't even think about that.
Because it sounds like your husband in this exchange is the variable. He's the pawn in the chess game. The chess match is actually between you and other women.
Interesting.
And this may be the most amazing conversation to have with a baby in the background.
I was trying to keep him quiet.
No, it happens. It's life.
He's not even two.
No, no, no. It makes this conversation even more rich because why not? Right. Exactly. So tell me about that. Let me ask you this. Where do you feel powerless with other women in your life?
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Chapter 3: What role does jealousy play in relationships?
So have you said, Hey honey, I would love to help out around here and I don't know how to, I don't know how to help. Can you give me a roadmap for the help that you need? Uh, not, not like that. No. Yeah. All right. What about your marriage makes that question scary? Cause that seems like the most logical, that's actually like a FinTech question. Like what's the next, what's the next test to run?
Yeah, no, I don't, I don't know. I'm not sure. I mean, yeah, I guess I just haven't asked it like that. We've had conversations about like how I can help more, but I guess there's times where I feel, I mean, there's times where I offer,
you know, things on how to help, but then it's like not really received or it's kind of like, that's, that's, that was a nice way of saying, I like to tell her how this should be done. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. So here, here's where I think you can get beneath it and above it at the same time. Okay. And I don't know how that's logically possible, but I just made that up. So go with me. Okay.
Um, or it's not geographically possible. Um, I, how old your little baby? We have two. So we have a four-year-old and a two-year-old. Okay. So drop your shoulders from your ears and rest assured that with a four-year-old and a two-year-old and two full-time working parents, one working from home, one working in a helping profession, it's got its own secondary trauma attached to it.
So exhale and know that you're not crazy, that your sex life is blown up. You feel like you've lost your best friend in the chaos of just diapers and exchanges and who's picking up what, and I got to get this kid to what, and this one needs to eat. And can you pick up this on the way home? Like you're not crazy. And also realize that she probably misses you too. Yeah.
And there's something powerful there. about a couple getting away from this madness, even if it's for two or three hours, and calling out, and you can literally listen to this call, because it sounds like you love her, and you're trying to figure out how do I help, right? Yeah. And I want to applaud you. Before I start lecturing, I want to applaud you.
What I did in your exact situation, we had one kid and several pregnancy losses, okay? What I did in your situation was I understood that I didn't know what was going on or how to. And so I figured the best way I could help my family was just to go make a bunch of money. And I figured the best gift I could give my wife and my new kid was to not be around.
And I want to applaud you for being a man who's not doing that. you're trying to figure ways to plug back in. And it's like, you're trying to find a plug behind the bed and you're just like trying to find where the outlet is. And you're just like jamming it up against the sheet rock and it won't go into the outlet.
I applaud you for not just dropping it and saying, I'm just going to go without light for a while. Good for you. Yeah. Okay. So I think there's great power and grieving and joy and excitement and fear, all of those things together by y'all two getting away and saying, okay, Everything about our marriage is different now. We don't have the same marriage we did. Now we have two kids.
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