Dawn
Appearances
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
Well, I'm really grateful to be able to talk to you today. My question, I'll get right into it, is how can I leave my marriage without risking my newly sober daughter's recovery?
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
I realize that's worded kind of strangely. I guess the question really is, should I, I mean, I guess at this point I'm feeling like I really better not. Um, but I can give you a little background if that helps.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
Uh, well, the, I want to emphasize that that really has nothing to do with the whole, um, last 10 years that our family and our daughter have been through. In parallel, our marriage has had problems. I've been married for 30 years.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
I want to leave my marriage because I have things that I can't seem to get through or get over. And we're not talking adultery or abuse, just a lot of other things. And I feel like my husband is just extremely apathetic about the things that I think we would need to do to have a better marriage.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
He's looking at me and saying, I don't think anything will help. He said, I don't think you will ever get over the things you're upset about. And I don't see that there's anything I can do. But he doesn't take any steps to end the marriage. He doesn't take any steps to do the things that basically what I've been asking for is some intensive marriage counseling.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
And he just continually kind of fails to act.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
No, she does not. How long has she been sober? Only about four months. She's been through her entire adult life. I mean, in some ways, she's almost a 16-year-old, even though she's 28, because... She hasn't had any functioning adult life. She's been through just unspeakably horrific things for the last 10 years of her life. And so I, you know, she is the child of our... We have four children.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
She's the one who really deep down family has always meant the most to our family. our marriage, and if she detects that things aren't well, that's, I think, been more upsetting to her than the other kids. And that's why I kind of feel like I don't know that I can do anything. I mean, I just can't see risking her recovery. I mean, that means more to me than anything else.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
But I don't know if that's the right decision.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, that makes, that makes sense.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
The things that, um, you know, the things that women generally end up needing to do to, um, maintain their using, uh, she's, I mean, she's been raped. She's had to prostitute herself. She's been chained up to a safe full of drugs in a garage. She's, you know, I mean, there's been horrible, horrible things.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
And when I think about what she's been through, I just don't want to do anything to shake how she's doing right now. The complicated thing, she is also pregnant right now. So she's got, you know, a lot of hard things coming up. I understand I need to separate, you know, my life from hers. And I actually do feel that I've done that very well over the last several years.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
But I also do feel a responsibility, I guess, in a way for... for what she's been through.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
Right. I mean, I don't feel like I'm being dishonest. I just feel like I'm failing. I'm just in limbo failing to act because I don't want to.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
I guess I have a hard time letting go of things that I'm resentful for, and I haven't been able to do that on my own. And I haven't been able to do it because my husband, when we talk, I don't really get an apology for things that have happened. I get defending of things that have happened, and then that kind of just perpetuates Yeah, but that's an invitation.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
Well, I know that in my head, but it's still there. I mean, I would love to let everything go.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
Okay. But how do I go forward? You know, if I, I've been just endlessly debating all this in my head for honestly years.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
No, it hasn't been very helpful. Well, I've actually gone to two different ones, one with him, one without him. The one that I have done a little bit with him and then met separately with this counselor as well. So he's been to therapy with you? Very minimally. And I've always had to make the appointment. I've always had to remind him of the appointment.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
And then he usually fails to act on whatever assignment we were given in the appointment.