The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's $5M Immigrant "Gold Card," Elon's First Cabinet Meeting, | Rosebud Baker
Thu, 27 Feb 2025
Desi Lydic tackles Trump’s first cabinet meeting, which included Elon Musk accidentally canceling Ebola prevention and RFK Jr. downplaying the measles outbreak. Meanwhile, Trump announces $5M "gold card" for wealthy immigrants. Meet Elon Musk’s Body Movement Choreographer, Jean Lemón, the mastermind behind Elon’s X jump and heart-to-the-crowd salute. Comedian, actor & writer Rosebud Baker sits down to discuss her Netflix stand-up special “The Mother Lode.” They talk about filming the special before and after giving birth, portraying an honest journey to motherhood, why Baker’s daughter is at high risk for becoming a comedian, and how kicking pigeons helps her cope while writing SNL’s Weekend Update.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What are the highlights from Trump's cabinet meeting?
We've got so much to talk about tonight. Donald Trump is releasing a new line of hats for your weird uncle to wear. America's cover charge is about to go up and Elon Musk does hand stuff. So let's get right into it.
I'm going to cop on.
Today was a big day for Donald Trump. He had a meeting with every member of his cabinet, and he even invited the president. By the way, thanks for dressing up, Elon. Don't let us keep you from a blackjack tournament in 2006. But yes, Elon did have a seat at the table. Well, not an actual seat. He was more looming over it like an Ed Hardy Sith Lord.
And some reporters wondered if that created tension with the actual cabinet members, given that he keeps trying to fire all of their staff.
President Trump put out a truth social today saying that everybody in the cabinet was happy with you. I just wondered if you had heard otherwise, and if you had heard anything about members of the cabinet who weren't happy with the way things were going.
Let the cabinet speak just for a second. If you are, we'll throw them out of here.
It's nice to know that someone gets a vote on whether Elon Musk should be running the country. It would have been awkward if someone started to raise their hand before everyone else started clapping. Me? Oh, no, I wasn't raising my hand. I was just about to do a Nazi salute. Phew, good save. So everyone is proud of the job that Elon is doing, and Elon agrees.
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Chapter 2: How did Elon Musk accidentally cancel Ebola prevention?
And I should say, also, we will make mistakes. We won't be perfect. But when we make a mistake, we'll fix it very quickly. So for example, with USAID, one of the things we accidentally canceled very briefly was Ebola, Ebola prevention. I think we all want Ebola prevention. So we restored the Ebola prevention immediately.
I'm sorry, you accidentally, very briefly canceled what? I hate to be giving efficiency notes to the efficiency master, but perhaps next time we keep Ebola prevention going the whole time. I mean... Is Elon really asking for credit for only canceling Ebola prevention a little bit? It's like he dropped a baby and went, what? Look how fast I picked it up. Five second rule.
I think we should be a little more careful, especially when we're already dealing with a measles outbreak. But don't worry, Elon is not in charge of that. RFK Jr. is.
There's 124 people who have contracted measles at this point, mainly measles. We're told in the Mennonite community there are two people who have died, but we're watching it. So it's not unusual. We have measles outbreaks every year.
Quick question. When you say we have measles outbreaks every year, are you talking about America or, like, you? Right now, it sounds like you might take out that whole room, and that would be terrible, I want to say.
But yes, RFK is overseeing the measles outbreak, and he has promised, promised that he will personally, if the hospital allows it, consume all of the corpses of those infected with it. So he's really seeing to it. And this cabinet meeting was kind of a waste of time, okay? But Trump has been getting some stuff done.
For example, yesterday, he signed an executive order that forces hospitals to be transparent with their prices. And look, that seems like a good idea. And I am perfectly capable of admitting it. When Donald Trump did something good... When Donald Trump did something good... When Donald Trump did something good... I can't say it! I can't say it! Why is this so hard?
Oh, thank God those don't come along very often. Of course, because it's Donald Trump, most people will never hear about this price transparency thing, because at the same meeting, he seemed more interested in doing stuff like this.
Do you have one of those Trump was right about everything hats? Give me this, here. Give me all of them. Look. See that? Trump was right about everything. It just came in. Somebody sent it. I said, this was sent in by a fan. I said, I think we should make some of them, right? But we were, pretty much. You want one?
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Chapter 3: What is Trump's new $5M immigrant 'Gold Card'?
The 2020 election wasn't stolen. China doesn't... China doesn't operate the Panama Canal, nor does it. And the best taco bowls are not made at the Trump Tower Grill. But yes, other than that, Trump was right about everything. Now, I'm not trying to be a hater, but if you're gonna own a hat with a ridiculous lie on it, at least make it a fun, ridiculous lie, which is why I'm selling these.
Garfield did 9-11 hats. Get yours today before he finishes the job. But obviously, Trump didn't bring everybody into the Oval Office just to sell hats. He was there to sell something much more fancy.
We're going to be selling a gold card. You have a green card. This is a gold card. We're going to be putting a price on that card of about $5 million, and that's going to give you green card privileges plus.
Oh. Oh, green card privileges plus. See, I was still getting America with ads. Quick question. Quick question, if I'm unhappy with America, can I cancel my subscription after seven days? I am curious, what does this gold card do?
It's going to be a route to citizenship, and wealthy people will be coming into our country by buying this card. They'll be wealthy, and they'll be successful, and they'll be spending a lot of money.
Did this guy just put a cover charge on America? It's $5 million to get in, but he'll waive it if you bring in three hot girls with you. I mean, I guess it beats the old way of becoming a citizen, which was to marry Donald Trump, but still. I feel like immigrant stories are going to be a lot less inspiring in the future.
My grandfather came to this country with nothing but $5 million and the clothes in his custom Louis Vuitton five-piece trunk set. Although I have to admit, I don't totally hate the idea of buying your way into a country. Hey, Canada. How you doing, girl? I'm just going to come out and say it. I want to be in you.
And listen, I don't have five million dollars, but I do have four dollars and a cough drop. And this orange hat. Let's talk about it. Now, you might be thinking, wait a second. If the U.S. is just going to put citizenship up for sale, doesn't that mean that any monster can buy one as long as they're rich? Well, according to Trump, mm-hmm.
Would a Russian oligarch be eligible for a gold card?
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Chapter 4: Who is Gian Lehman, Elon's body movement choreographer?
Made in China.
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There's one thing we've learned about Elon Musk. It's that he's a very graceful man who's comfortable in his own body. But how did he get that way? Well, good news. We found the man responsible.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Mr. Elon Musk.
Double fist. Double fist and roar. Yes!
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