SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
Thu, 03 Apr 2025
From their homes, Kareem and Hari also discuss how Florida is America's dick, Trump-style takes, the Dakotas don't have enough people, odd numbers, Kareem doesn't know state capitals, land acknowledgements, square shaped states, states that are mid, people wearing shoes inside is a colonial mindset, it's never too late for butt stuff, Al Cowlings, nondiscriminatory racists, Kareem going to tanning salons and other stuff. Host: Kareem Rahma Creators: Kareem Rahma and Andrew Kuo Editor and Mixer: Dale Eisinger Artwork: Andrew Lawandus Theme Music: Tyler McCauley Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What does the podcast discuss about the number of states in America?
What's up, everyone? I'm here with Hari Kondabolu, comedian you may know who joined us on Subway Takes a couple of months ago, maybe a couple weeks ago, whose take was very, very, very, very, very, very popular. I call it a triple-decker, which means it hit over a million on Instagram, on TikTok, and on YouTube Shorts. That rarely happens. I'd say it happens once every...
hundred episodes we get a triple decker so he's he's a very very limited club of people his take his take was that there are too many states in america we need to get we need to cut 10 what the hell is up harry how are you i'm good man is that right i'm a triple decker you're a triple decker it never ever literally i i think you're probably one in three total so what's your take too many states in america we need to cut 10 oh
100% agree. All right, we start out with Dakota. We don't need two Dakotas. South and North Dakota are one Dakota now. And still, that's me being nice.
Okay.
That's still barely a state, but fine. One Carolina.
One Virginia. Okay.
Three gone right there. Number four, Rhode Island. It's a vestigial organ off of Massachusetts. You're going to cut it off? It has to go back to Massachusetts. Oh, it's being absorbed. Yep. Alabama, Mississippi, one state.
You can't combine those two. Why not? Because they're two distinct places. Since what? I'm afraid to go to either of them. Bill Clinton's from Alabama. No, he's from Arkansas. Same thing. So we've taken out five. Five. Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, one state. Okay, that's six.
Vermont, New Hampshire, one state. I don't know why they're two states. It's one piece of land. We're not in a Hispaniola situation. Okay, one state. Washington and Oregon, one state. Okay, one state. Okay, this gets a little tricky now. We sell Alaska to Canada. in exchange for British Columbia, which expands the Northwest, right? And then we get a little bit of Ontario that has Toronto in it.
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Chapter 2: Why do we not need two Dakotas?
Okay, okay. This is interesting. So there could be some lobbying if this plan were to go into effect.
Oh, there's definitely going to be issues. Yeah, without a doubt. The West Virginia, Virginia one, there's some history there, and there's a larger history that kind of is like, yeah, I guess I get why they're separate.
Well, I think that it's completely fine to combine the Dakotas. I've been to both. I actually don't think that they will even be upset. Yeah.
They wouldn't even know. There are not enough people to know. Wasn't there a North? It changes nothing.
Within a couple of years, people will be like, yeah, it's always been Dakota.
I mean, the biggest issue is you got to cut an even number because I don't think I think people just like even numbers like 50. Like it was 48 and then they added two to make it 50. If it was 49, that would seem off, wouldn't it? Yeah. You got to get an even number in it. I know zero.
That's, that's perfect. That's awesome. But that's not happening unless we cut. I mean, I guess we can go to 40, right? Like I was thinking the same thing yesterday about TV, like TV episodes.
Yeah.
Like there's never seven. No, there's always six or eight or 12 or 10. It's always an even number. No, I don't be true. It happens every once in a while. It's just really it's really rare that they're like, yeah, they're like, for some reason, an odd number feels random. And like they just like either ran out of budget or they had extra budget. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Chapter 3: What happens to Rhode Island in the state reduction proposal?
Yeah.
If you ask Americans, that's like half the country would go. They wouldn't know the capital.
I don't want to play this test. I don't want to play this test. What's nice about Europe is that every country has a capital. Yes. So you've got to memorize every country's capital. But then when you're talking about the U.S., you've got 50 extra capitals to memorize. That's a lot of capitals. Unnecessary, too. I know. So North and South, those can go. North and South Dakota.
The Dakotas can be Dakotas. I think we should leave the S. Wow.
That's nice. Yeah. That's nice. That's acknowledging a complexity of identity, which I would not keep. But that's nice that you feel... There's two separate entities that we combine into one, and I am just Dakota. It's almost like a land acknowledgment.
Yeah. But instead of acknowledging the Native American land, you just acknowledge the fact that it used to be two states.
It's the same logic. It's like we're not giving the land back, but we will acknowledge publicly that it is stolen. We're not going to change the Dakota situation, but we'll acknowledge there was two at one point.
know how important it is to stay on top of the news but let's be honest sometimes it can be a lot to take in that's why you should check out five good things every saturday we highlight the good stuff happening around the world because there's plenty of it i promise here five good things on saturday mornings wherever you get your podcasts actually and one very other important question that i forgot was why are we doing this
Doing what? Why are we doing 40 states instead of 50? Oh, I chose 10. Yeah, but why?
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Chapter 4: How do they propose to handle Alaska and Hawaii?
Yeah, it's like New York has such a nice iconic shape, and if you add a jersey, it would kind of look like almost like a little gun, which is kind of, I mean, in some circles, cool. That's appropriate. It's kind of cool. Kind of cool. Guns, I mean, squirt guns are cool. So I think, yeah, that's, you know, I think it's a shape-based endeavor.
So we have to take that into consideration when we're combining it. North Dakota, South Dakota combine into one long Dakota. I think that's fine. Here's a question about West Virginia and East Virginia. That's the problem. Stupid. So stupid. Also, if I was West Virginia, I would have been pissed off this entire time. That what? Like, how come they get to be Virginia and we have to be Western?
Yeah, it doesn't make sense. Yet there's no Carolina, South Carolina. It's just that. Then we're making a distinction.
That actually makes sense, though, North and South. Because there's a North and there's a South. If there's a North, there's a South. If there's a West, there should be an East.
Well, it should be West of Virginia. The state should be called West of Virginia.
Right, right, right. But it doesn't matter where we're going. Also, what's up with this little island off the coast of Virginia? What island? I don't know. I'm looking at a map right now. There's a little chunk of map that is the same color as the Virginia that I'm looking at on my map here, which is literally an elementary school.
I'm looking at an elementary school children's map of the United States. And there is a little island here. I'll tell you exactly what it is here. Oh, it might just be Virginia Beach. Or no, it's Assateague Island. Stupid. I'm out. Sell that.
Based on the name?
Yeah. Assateague? I don't need that. Sell that. Alright, so I'm still with you on combining the Virginias and the Carolinas. Fuck it. I know that they're mad, but... Actually, maybe we can keep those separate.
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Chapter 5: What does the term 'America's dick' refer to?
Well, they're saying fuck Asians, fuck Arabs, fuck Native Americans. Yeah, what are you talking about? Shoes are filthy. What's wrong with you? Shoes are disgusting. I guess what kind of person said this? I'm not going to say what kind of person said this. It was a white woman. Let me guess. Flavorless? A flavorless person? That's the top comment. Unseasoned chicken eater for sure.
That was the top comment on that video.
Man, that's a stupid take. I'm sorry. Do you not go into your Asian friends? I don't think my Asian friends should entertain guests. If I can't leave my shoes that have stepped in poop all over their carpets. How do you live that way? Do you keep them on in the bed too?
She literally said she would rather risk having feces on the carpet than to look at her friend's toe.
Okay, that's your issue. You dealt with something in childhood regarding feet. There's no other explanation for that. That's ridiculous.
They're disgusting. Shoes are disgusting.
I agree. I agree.
They literally step everywhere. All the filth of not only of New York City, of New York City.
And this was a very posh, elegant...
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Chapter 6: Why is Florida compared to a colonial mindset?
Well, she's an author. She's an author, but she's a normal person. She's a normal person, and I just, I think she stands by it.
Was it J.K. Rowling? Was that the author? Oh, man. First the trans thing, now this. This is, it's going at it. It wasn't her.
It wasn't her. Did she try to hide admitting to having random street poo on the carpet that I guess feet behind a posh accent? I mean, a lot of the comments are just like, that is a white person. That comment, that's so white. That Is So White has 5,884 likes.
That one should go viral big time because that is a gutsy thing to say. That's absurd.
I know what's being served for dinner at a party with shoes on and it looks bleak. That has 2,500 likes. That's funny. I'm going to like it right now. That's incredibly good. One of the things I told her, I was like, I think that this is not a good... I think that this is going to make you look like a savage. You think it makes you look...
Like a classy, nice British lady, but it makes you look like a disgusting street rat.
Did you say street rat? Please tell me.
Of course I said street rat.
Calling a posh person a street rat, that's well done, Karina.
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