Tyler McCauley

That's, that's perfect. That's awesome. But that's not happening unless we cut. I mean, I guess we can go to 40, right? Like I was thinking the same thing yesterday about TV, like TV episodes.

That's, that's perfect. That's awesome. But that's not happening unless we cut. I mean, I guess we can go to 40, right? Like I was thinking the same thing yesterday about TV, like TV episodes.

Like there's never seven. No, there's always six or eight or 12 or 10. It's always an even number. No, I don't be true. It happens every once in a while. It's just really it's really rare that they're like, yeah, they're like, for some reason, an odd number feels random. And like they just like either ran out of budget or they had extra budget. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like there's never seven. No, there's always six or eight or 12 or 10. It's always an even number. No, I don't be true. It happens every once in a while. It's just really it's really rare that they're like, yeah, they're like, for some reason, an odd number feels random. And like they just like either ran out of budget or they had extra budget. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Isn't that like, it doesn't seem like anyone ever pitches like, okay, so we have five episodes of an amazing show. Unless it's a miniseries. But even those, those are just like four episodes.

Isn't that like, it doesn't seem like anyone ever pitches like, okay, so we have five episodes of an amazing show. Unless it's a miniseries. But even those, those are just like four episodes.

Yeah, that was four. Every once in a while there will be more. But I think, yeah, I think let's rehash this. I think North and South Dakota, I don't even know the capital of either of those places, which is probably a good rule of thumb.

Yeah, that was four. Every once in a while there will be more. But I think, yeah, I think let's rehash this. I think North and South Dakota, I don't even know the capital of either of those places, which is probably a good rule of thumb.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't want to play this test. I don't want to play this test. What's nice about Europe is that every country has a capital. Yes. So you've got to memorize every country's capital. But then when you're talking about the U.S., you've got 50 extra capitals to memorize. That's a lot of capitals. Unnecessary, too. I know. So North and South, those can go. North and South Dakota.

I don't want to play this test. I don't want to play this test. What's nice about Europe is that every country has a capital. Yes. So you've got to memorize every country's capital. But then when you're talking about the U.S., you've got 50 extra capitals to memorize. That's a lot of capitals. Unnecessary, too. I know. So North and South, those can go. North and South Dakota.

The Dakotas can be Dakotas. I think we should leave the S. Wow.

The Dakotas can be Dakotas. I think we should leave the S. Wow.

Yeah. But instead of acknowledging the Native American land, you just acknowledge the fact that it used to be two states.

Yeah. But instead of acknowledging the Native American land, you just acknowledge the fact that it used to be two states.

Doing what? Why are we doing 40 states instead of 50? Oh, I chose 10. Yeah, but why?

Doing what? Why are we doing 40 states instead of 50? Oh, I chose 10. Yeah, but why?

Because the guy that interrupted us had a good... Like, if we were strategically trying to make the Senate... What is the purpose of doing this? Yeah, what is your... You just thought it was fun. You just thought it was a fun idea.

Because the guy that interrupted us had a good... Like, if we were strategically trying to make the Senate... What is the purpose of doing this? Yeah, what is your... You just thought it was fun. You just thought it was a fun idea.

I think it's diversity.

I think it's diversity.

You know what I mean? You don't want them all to be... Because if they all looked like Colorado or Wyoming, it would be fucking boring. That's insane.

You know what I mean? You don't want them all to be... Because if they all looked like Colorado or Wyoming, it would be fucking boring. That's insane.

If they all looked like Colorado or Wyoming, it would be so boring. But I will say that the entire East Coast has, I would say, more of a personality than the West Coast of the country.

If they all looked like Colorado or Wyoming, it would be so boring. But I will say that the entire East Coast has, I would say, more of a personality than the West Coast of the country.

Colorado is literally a rectangle.

Colorado is literally a rectangle.

right like that's so so that's not natural that's right well i i i just think that maybe the the east coast is like oh we're like we have more vibes so they're like oh look at this little plot of land that literally could be connecticut but they're like you know what we need a smallest state so they're like let's do let's do the country's smallest state we'll put it right next to connecticut

right like that's so so that's not natural that's right well i i i just think that maybe the the east coast is like oh we're like we have more vibes so they're like oh look at this little plot of land that literally could be connecticut but they're like you know what we need a smallest state so they're like let's do let's do the country's smallest state we'll put it right next to connecticut

There's only a couple of different places. And it's like Boston. Yeah. New York, obviously. Yeah. And then I'd say like Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Maryland, with the exception of Baltimore.

There's only a couple of different places. And it's like Boston. Yeah. New York, obviously. Yeah. And then I'd say like Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Maryland, with the exception of Baltimore.

Pennsylvania. They're all kind. Jersey. Jersey's like they're all kind of the same guy.

Pennsylvania. They're all kind. Jersey. Jersey's like they're all kind of the same guy.

It's touching. They're touching.

It's touching. They're touching.

Well, I'm just thinking in shape, and I don't think that the shape would be cool.

Well, I'm just thinking in shape, and I don't think that the shape would be cool.

Yeah, it's like New York has such a nice iconic shape, and if you add a jersey, it would kind of look like almost like a little gun, which is kind of, I mean, in some circles, cool. That's appropriate. It's kind of cool. Kind of cool. Guns, I mean, squirt guns are cool. So I think, yeah, that's, you know, I think it's a shape-based endeavor.

Yeah, it's like New York has such a nice iconic shape, and if you add a jersey, it would kind of look like almost like a little gun, which is kind of, I mean, in some circles, cool. That's appropriate. It's kind of cool. Kind of cool. Guns, I mean, squirt guns are cool. So I think, yeah, that's, you know, I think it's a shape-based endeavor.

So we have to take that into consideration when we're combining it. North Dakota, South Dakota combine into one long Dakota. I think that's fine. Here's a question about West Virginia and East Virginia. That's the problem. Stupid. So stupid. Also, if I was West Virginia, I would have been pissed off this entire time. That what? Like, how come they get to be Virginia and we have to be Western?

So we have to take that into consideration when we're combining it. North Dakota, South Dakota combine into one long Dakota. I think that's fine. Here's a question about West Virginia and East Virginia. That's the problem. Stupid. So stupid. Also, if I was West Virginia, I would have been pissed off this entire time. That what? Like, how come they get to be Virginia and we have to be Western?

That actually makes sense, though, North and South. Because there's a North and there's a South. If there's a North, there's a South. If there's a West, there should be an East.

That actually makes sense, though, North and South. Because there's a North and there's a South. If there's a North, there's a South. If there's a West, there should be an East.

Right, right, right. But it doesn't matter where we're going. Also, what's up with this little island off the coast of Virginia? What island? I don't know. I'm looking at a map right now. There's a little chunk of map that is the same color as the Virginia that I'm looking at on my map here, which is literally an elementary school.

Right, right, right. But it doesn't matter where we're going. Also, what's up with this little island off the coast of Virginia? What island? I don't know. I'm looking at a map right now. There's a little chunk of map that is the same color as the Virginia that I'm looking at on my map here, which is literally an elementary school.

I'm looking at an elementary school children's map of the United States. And there is a little island here. I'll tell you exactly what it is here. Oh, it might just be Virginia Beach. Or no, it's Assateague Island. Stupid. I'm out. Sell that.

I'm looking at an elementary school children's map of the United States. And there is a little island here. I'll tell you exactly what it is here. Oh, it might just be Virginia Beach. Or no, it's Assateague Island. Stupid. I'm out. Sell that.

Yeah. Assateague? I don't need that. Sell that. Alright, so I'm still with you on combining the Virginias and the Carolinas. Fuck it. I know that they're mad, but... Actually, maybe we can keep those separate.

Yeah. Assateague? I don't need that. Sell that. Alright, so I'm still with you on combining the Virginias and the Carolinas. Fuck it. I know that they're mad, but... Actually, maybe we can keep those separate.

Oh, then that's big. That's big.

Oh, then that's big. That's big.

I mean, I care a little bit.

I mean, I care a little bit.

I don't care enough, though. I'm kind of with you on this, just because you speak with such knowingness. It's almost like when you say it, it's inevitable.

I don't care enough, though. I'm kind of with you on this, just because you speak with such knowingness. It's almost like when you say it, it's inevitable.

They also look like each other except upside down.

They also look like each other except upside down.

Yeah, mirror images. Exactly. You know so much about states. I'm embarrassed to say that I don't know much about what Hispaniola is. That's the landmass.

Yeah, mirror images. Exactly. You know so much about states. I'm embarrassed to say that I don't know much about what Hispaniola is. That's the landmass.

Wow, why didn't... I mean, the French really fucked up.

Wow, why didn't... I mean, the French really fucked up.

This is ridiculous.

This is ridiculous.

They can combine. Wait, so there were some funny comments. How the fuck did Delaware slip through in tax?

They can combine. Wait, so there were some funny comments. How the fuck did Delaware slip through in tax?

Yeah. Yeah, you forgot about it. But then let me tell you the problem. Thirty-nine. Then you're at 39 states. Yeah. If we do all of your proposed cuts, we're at 39.

Yeah. Yeah, you forgot about it. But then let me tell you the problem. Thirty-nine. Then you're at 39 states. Yeah. If we do all of your proposed cuts, we're at 39.

You wouldn't rather just keep Delaware? I mean, I did.

You wouldn't rather just keep Delaware? I mean, I did.

Yeah, like me.

Yeah, like me.

Of course. I mean, the podcast that you're on is based in Delaware. Wow. I didn't know this was a Delaware product. It's a Delaware product. That's what we have to do. I don't know why, but I pay attention to what rich people are doing. And then I just mimic it. Like my tax guy... He's like, well, what do you want to do about this? I go, I don't know. I pay you to think about this, not me.

Of course. I mean, the podcast that you're on is based in Delaware. Wow. I didn't know this was a Delaware product. It's a Delaware product. That's what we have to do. I don't know why, but I pay attention to what rich people are doing. And then I just mimic it. Like my tax guy... He's like, well, what do you want to do about this? I go, I don't know. I pay you to think about this, not me.

And then I just say, I was like, anytime you have a question on what we should do, I say, do what Trump would do. Not pay taxes. No, I pay taxes. When in Rome, though, I say, let me get the loopholes that those guys are looping. I want to loop. Delaware. The loopholes exist for a reason. I don't know the reasons. That's wild, man. Subway Takes is from Delaware.

And then I just say, I was like, anytime you have a question on what we should do, I say, do what Trump would do. Not pay taxes. No, I pay taxes. When in Rome, though, I say, let me get the loopholes that those guys are looping. I want to loop. Delaware. The loopholes exist for a reason. I don't know the reasons. That's wild, man. Subway Takes is from Delaware.

Subway Takes is a Delaware corporation.

Subway Takes is a Delaware corporation.

Unless you're moving that office, I guess technically where would my new office be, Maryland? I guess so.

Unless you're moving that office, I guess technically where would my new office be, Maryland? I guess so.

Yeah, I mean, you've got to do something with it.

Yeah, I mean, you've got to do something with it.

Well, weren't there any other ones that people disagreed with?

Well, weren't there any other ones that people disagreed with?

I have a radical adjustment, which is to just combine Maine, Vermont, and New Hampshire.

I have a radical adjustment, which is to just combine Maine, Vermont, and New Hampshire.

And the one big guy.

And the one big guy.

It's a nice big old state. It's the big thumbs up of America. That's what we can call it.

It's a nice big old state. It's the big thumbs up of America. That's what we can call it.

That's funny. Does Florida have a, you know, I think you called it the penis of the states. It most certainly is. On this podcast. I guess that's what it is. Like the boot of Italy, the penis, the cock of the US. America's cock. Yeah. Is that really what it is?

That's funny. Does Florida have a, you know, I think you called it the penis of the states. It most certainly is. On this podcast. I guess that's what it is. Like the boot of Italy, the penis, the cock of the US. America's cock. Yeah. Is that really what it is?

The cock of America. The cock of America. Cock of America. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, there's just a lot of states in America that are just kind of mid. Like, I was mid. Literally, yeah. Correct. Somebody in the comments said, Montana here, do not pair us with Nazi Idaho. Give us to Canada, please.

The cock of America. The cock of America. Cock of America. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, there's just a lot of states in America that are just kind of mid. Like, I was mid. Literally, yeah. Correct. Somebody in the comments said, Montana here, do not pair us with Nazi Idaho. Give us to Canada, please.

Yeah. Cool. Did you know? Did you know that that was going to happen?

Yeah. Cool. Did you know? Did you know that that was going to happen?

I mean, literally, those are fighting words. I said Nazi Italy. Or, sorry, Nazi Idaho.

I mean, literally, those are fighting words. I said Nazi Italy. Or, sorry, Nazi Idaho.

Why are people watching so closely?

Why are people watching so closely?

It's a two-minute video. Don't analyze it.

It's a two-minute video. Don't analyze it.

That's why. What is your take on... We published a Subway take today, and it was that people who make you take your shoes off when you enter their home should not be allowed to entertain.

That's why. What is your take on... We published a Subway take today, and it was that people who make you take your shoes off when you enter their home should not be allowed to entertain.

Well, they're saying fuck Asians, fuck Arabs, fuck Native Americans. Yeah, what are you talking about? Shoes are filthy. What's wrong with you? Shoes are disgusting. I guess what kind of person said this? I'm not going to say what kind of person said this. It was a white woman. Let me guess. Flavorless? A flavorless person? That's the top comment. Unseasoned chicken eater for sure.

Well, they're saying fuck Asians, fuck Arabs, fuck Native Americans. Yeah, what are you talking about? Shoes are filthy. What's wrong with you? Shoes are disgusting. I guess what kind of person said this? I'm not going to say what kind of person said this. It was a white woman. Let me guess. Flavorless? A flavorless person? That's the top comment. Unseasoned chicken eater for sure.

That was the top comment on that video.

That was the top comment on that video.

She literally said she would rather risk having feces on the carpet than to look at her friend's toe.

She literally said she would rather risk having feces on the carpet than to look at her friend's toe.

Yeah, I knew it was going to do well. I knew when we were doing it that it was going to do well.

Yeah, I knew it was going to do well. I knew when we were doing it that it was going to do well.

And this was a very posh, elegant...

And this was a very posh, elegant...

wonderful british woman and i i just couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth and i was like why are you why are you doing this and is it that much of an inconvenient like i've had parties where i make everyone take their shoes off like 60 people 70 people yeah because it gets disgusting otherwise you have all that filth in your house i know and it's amazing everyone's like running around in their socks it's like we're little kids again

wonderful british woman and i i just couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth and i was like why are you why are you doing this and is it that much of an inconvenient like i've had parties where i make everyone take their shoes off like 60 people 70 people yeah because it gets disgusting otherwise you have all that filth in your house i know and it's amazing everyone's like running around in their socks it's like we're little kids again

It felt really good. It was exactly what a great subway take needs to be, which is smart but dumb.

It felt really good. It was exactly what a great subway take needs to be, which is smart but dumb.

It wasn't Emma Watson, no. No, no, no, no.

It wasn't Emma Watson, no. No, no, no, no.

Oh, my heart would break if it was Emma Watson. It was a nice, normal person who... It wasn't Emma Mackey from Sex Education, was it?

Oh, my heart would break if it was Emma Watson. It was a nice, normal person who... It wasn't Emma Mackey from Sex Education, was it?

Well, she's an author. She's an author, but she's a normal person. She's a normal person, and I just, I think she stands by it.

Well, she's an author. She's an author, but she's a normal person. She's a normal person, and I just, I think she stands by it.

It wasn't her. Did she try to hide admitting to having random street poo on the carpet that I guess feet behind a posh accent? I mean, a lot of the comments are just like, that is a white person. That comment, that's so white. That Is So White has 5,884 likes.

It wasn't her. Did she try to hide admitting to having random street poo on the carpet that I guess feet behind a posh accent? I mean, a lot of the comments are just like, that is a white person. That comment, that's so white. That Is So White has 5,884 likes.

I know what's being served for dinner at a party with shoes on and it looks bleak. That has 2,500 likes. That's funny. I'm going to like it right now. That's incredibly good. One of the things I told her, I was like, I think that this is not a good... I think that this is going to make you look like a savage. You think it makes you look...

I know what's being served for dinner at a party with shoes on and it looks bleak. That has 2,500 likes. That's funny. I'm going to like it right now. That's incredibly good. One of the things I told her, I was like, I think that this is not a good... I think that this is going to make you look like a savage. You think it makes you look...

and completely digestible in the initial take. No further explanation needed. You get 100% agree or 100% disagree off the bat.

and completely digestible in the initial take. No further explanation needed. You get 100% agree or 100% disagree off the bat.

Like a classy, nice British lady, but it makes you look like a disgusting street rat.

Like a classy, nice British lady, but it makes you look like a disgusting street rat.

Of course I said street rat.

Of course I said street rat.

And she was like, ha ha ha ha. Like, it's fine. And I was like, no, it's not. And one thing, I don't want to out this person. I mean, anyone can see the video. But one thing that I did notice is that she has not accepted the collab post. I feel like it went down. She figured it out. I think it probably took her about 40 seconds. And then she was like, uh-oh.

And she was like, ha ha ha ha. Like, it's fine. And I was like, no, it's not. And one thing, I don't want to out this person. I mean, anyone can see the video. But one thing that I did notice is that she has not accepted the collab post. I feel like it went down. She figured it out. I think it probably took her about 40 seconds. And then she was like, uh-oh.

What's up, everyone? I'm here with Hari Kondabolu, comedian you may know who joined us on Subway Takes a couple of months ago, maybe a couple weeks ago, whose take was very, very, very, very, very, very popular. I call it a triple-decker, which means it hit over a million on Instagram, on TikTok, and on YouTube Shorts. That rarely happens. I'd say it happens once every...

What's up, everyone? I'm here with Hari Kondabolu, comedian you may know who joined us on Subway Takes a couple of months ago, maybe a couple weeks ago, whose take was very, very, very, very, very, very popular. I call it a triple-decker, which means it hit over a million on Instagram, on TikTok, and on YouTube Shorts. That rarely happens. I'd say it happens once every...

Yeah, she's not going to get fired. But it did make me think about that this person probably... She said it was such conviction that I was like, oh, you probably don't have any...

Yeah, she's not going to get fired. But it did make me think about that this person probably... She said it was such conviction that I was like, oh, you probably don't have any...

friends of any color other than milk yeah milk yeah because because or you're that much of an asshole and you're just like fuck off i'm not coming to your party i'm sorry auntie okay i'm not taking my shoes off auntie oh my god we're having a big celebration at my house

friends of any color other than milk yeah milk yeah because because or you're that much of an asshole and you're just like fuck off i'm not coming to your party i'm sorry auntie okay i'm not taking my shoes off auntie oh my god we're having a big celebration at my house

For the big holiday after we fasted and starved for 30 days, do you want to come over and have some amazing baklava and kushari and grape leaves that my grandmother rolled by hand for the past two hours? Actually, past two days. Let me elaborate. And she's like, can I wear my fucking Doc Martens? No, you can't wear your Doc Martens in my house.

For the big holiday after we fasted and starved for 30 days, do you want to come over and have some amazing baklava and kushari and grape leaves that my grandmother rolled by hand for the past two hours? Actually, past two days. Let me elaborate. And she's like, can I wear my fucking Doc Martens? No, you can't wear your Doc Martens in my house.

Oh, these rugs are from Morocco. Literally flown from Morocco to America. They've been on an airplane. And you want to walk on them. Here's one thing that I'm going to be... You're not going to like this, but I'm guilty of it.

Oh, these rugs are from Morocco. Literally flown from Morocco to America. They've been on an airplane. And you want to walk on them. Here's one thing that I'm going to be... You're not going to like this, but I'm guilty of it.

So, I... lay on my bed with my outside clothes sometimes.

So, I... lay on my bed with my outside clothes sometimes.

It's not a good thing, but we're tired, man. We're working all day. We're working hard. We're typing memes.

It's not a good thing, but we're tired, man. We're working all day. We're working hard. We're typing memes.

The bed's right behind you. But a lot of people, including whites, they are not about that horizontal life.

The bed's right behind you. But a lot of people, including whites, they are not about that horizontal life.

The shoes are the clothes of the body and the bed would be the rug of the elevated area in your home. Right. So it would make sense to take it off. But for me, I'm like the floor is so dirty. But like I like if I go to a restaurant, I eat. you know, my back's against the chair that other people's backs have been against.

The shoes are the clothes of the body and the bed would be the rug of the elevated area in your home. Right. So it would make sense to take it off. But for me, I'm like the floor is so dirty. But like I like if I go to a restaurant, I eat. you know, my back's against the chair that other people's backs have been against.

I'm not like a, I'm not like such a germaphobe that, and I also, I have a cover on my bed. Like I have like a, one of like a, like a hotel style situation. Do you really? Yeah. But it's just like another extra, I have like a blanket that goes on my bed during the day. Yeah. Where I lay on it if I want to lay in bed, but at night I don't sleep on that blanket.

I'm not like a, I'm not like such a germaphobe that, and I also, I have a cover on my bed. Like I have like a, one of like a, like a hotel style situation. Do you really? Yeah. But it's just like another extra, I have like a blanket that goes on my bed during the day. Yeah. Where I lay on it if I want to lay in bed, but at night I don't sleep on that blanket.

No, that blanket just goes on the floor.

No, that blanket just goes on the floor.

Yeah, I don't know. I think I made that up. I don't think that's a real thing that people do.

Yeah, I don't know. I think I made that up. I don't think that's a real thing that people do.

But it's, I mean, I don't know if it really works because technically I'm laying on the blanket and then I put the blanket on the floor, which is disgusting, and then I put the blanket back on my bed every day. Like, I don't know if I'm doing much.

But it's, I mean, I don't know if it really works because technically I'm laying on the blanket and then I put the blanket on the floor, which is disgusting, and then I put the blanket back on my bed every day. Like, I don't know if I'm doing much.

My wife is Russian and she's very good about outside clothes the minute she gets home she's in inside clothes that's good she's changing twice a day she'll change into the inside clothes and then back into the outside clothes

My wife is Russian and she's very good about outside clothes the minute she gets home she's in inside clothes that's good she's changing twice a day she'll change into the inside clothes and then back into the outside clothes

Well, not only did he join to... Or actually, not only did he interrupt, he actually hopped in with some additional context and advice. Like, the guy was eagerly listening to our conversation for...

Well, not only did he join to... Or actually, not only did he interrupt, he actually hopped in with some additional context and advice. Like, the guy was eagerly listening to our conversation for...

Well, he gave a great example, which is that when your friend comes over and sits on the couch with you, it's fine. Yeah. Like, you sit next to people a lot. Yeah, yeah. Or you just simply shift a little bit. Yeah, yeah. For some reason at dinner... You're always sitting across. Yeah, it's weird. Right? If you don't do it, it looks like you're staging a play. Right.

Well, he gave a great example, which is that when your friend comes over and sits on the couch with you, it's fine. Yeah. Like, you sit next to people a lot. Yeah, yeah. Or you just simply shift a little bit. Yeah, yeah. For some reason at dinner... You're always sitting across. Yeah, it's weird. Right? If you don't do it, it looks like you're staging a play. Right.

And he gave a great example that it's weird that you might be sitting at home with a friend side by side, and then you go to dinner, and then all of a sudden you guys are face to face, which makes, you know, why are we doing that? Yeah.

And he gave a great example that it's weird that you might be sitting at home with a friend side by side, and then you go to dinner, and then all of a sudden you guys are face to face, which makes, you know, why are we doing that? Yeah.

Exactly. I think it's weird when friends sit across from each other on the subway.

Exactly. I think it's weird when friends sit across from each other on the subway.

I think they do do that.

I think they do do that.

Yeah, clean socks.

Yeah, clean socks.

You don't want people to see your socks? She said she doesn't want people's holy socks in her house. And I said, most adults, especially the ones that you're hanging out with, are probably coming with a fresh pair.

You don't want people to see your socks? She said she doesn't want people's holy socks in her house. And I said, most adults, especially the ones that you're hanging out with, are probably coming with a fresh pair.

They're not coming with a holy sock.

They're not coming with a holy sock.

Oh, those sound thin, though. That sounds like a thin sock.

Oh, those sound thin, though. That sounds like a thin sock.

I don't like thin socks. I like a nice pad, nice cushion. You know, the Europeans, they sit side by side. Oh, is that, yeah. No, no, like, if you're, like, in Paris or something, like, and everyone's sitting, like, stadium seating, you know? Have you been to Paris?

I don't like thin socks. I like a nice pad, nice cushion. You know, the Europeans, they sit side by side. Oh, is that, yeah. No, no, like, if you're, like, in Paris or something, like, and everyone's sitting, like, stadium seating, you know? Have you been to Paris?

Oh, okay, well, and the outdoor cafes, they kind of have, like, row, it's like a movie theater, except the theater is the street.

Oh, okay, well, and the outdoor cafes, they kind of have, like, row, it's like a movie theater, except the theater is the street.

Yeah. So you'll see these cafes and there's no, there's not really any tables that are facing each other. Right. It's just like a row of like 20 chairs and then another row of like 20 chairs and then maybe another row of 20 chairs or, you know, it could be five chairs, whatever, whatever amount of space you can accommodate. And yeah,

Yeah. So you'll see these cafes and there's no, there's not really any tables that are facing each other. Right. It's just like a row of like 20 chairs and then another row of like 20 chairs and then maybe another row of 20 chairs or, you know, it could be five chairs, whatever, whatever amount of space you can accommodate. And yeah,

whatever 15 minutes and then was like you know what i gotta say something i gotta say something smart actually because didn't he so he started talking about the senate yeah he's talking about how you gotta change the number of senators then if you're gonna have less states and maybe three which i didn't quite understand but i said oh yeah

whatever 15 minutes and then was like you know what i gotta say something i gotta say something smart actually because didn't he so he started talking about the senate yeah he's talking about how you gotta change the number of senators then if you're gonna have less states and maybe three which i didn't quite understand but i said oh yeah

There's little tables, maybe in between every two or something, but they do it so that the street is the theater, and you're sitting next to your pal smoking cigs, having a little conversation about combining European countries, and it's nice.

There's little tables, maybe in between every two or something, but they do it so that the street is the theater, and you're sitting next to your pal smoking cigs, having a little conversation about combining European countries, and it's nice.

Yeah, of course. That's incredible.

Yeah, of course. That's incredible.

One of the greatest pastimes of all time.

One of the greatest pastimes of all time.

Why are you critical of the French?

Why are you critical of the French?

Right, right, right, right.

Right, right, right, right.

I don't know what that is. Why do you know so much about history, mate?

I don't know what that is. Why do you know so much about history, mate?

Oh, the Berkaban. Yeah, I know what that is. I thought it was a new thing. No, it's been around for a minute.

Oh, the Berkaban. Yeah, I know what that is. I thought it was a new thing. No, it's been around for a minute.

They don't like beliefs, man.

They don't like beliefs, man.

This one came from a fellow brown man. So those two were white takes. Okay. Obviously, both of you, you and I are both on the same page regarding the shoes. We're both like 100% disagree. Then we've got the sit next to somebody. Do you 100% agree or 100% disagree? Are you pro sitting next to someone or against it?

This one came from a fellow brown man. So those two were white takes. Okay. Obviously, both of you, you and I are both on the same page regarding the shoes. We're both like 100% disagree. Then we've got the sit next to somebody. Do you 100% agree or 100% disagree? Are you pro sitting next to someone or against it?

So you're 100% agree? Can I do an 85%? Unfortunately, that's not the way that the show's set up.

So you're 100% agree? Can I do an 85%? Unfortunately, that's not the way that the show's set up.

Now you see how difficult it is for me to make these decisions.

Now you see how difficult it is for me to make these decisions.

Because I can only do 100% agree and 100% disagree, which of course we know is not really possible.

Because I can only do 100% agree and 100% disagree, which of course we know is not really possible.

But that's what makes the show fun.

But that's what makes the show fun.

okay so this one came from a fellow brown I believe India but you know could be Pakistan I think it's India but Indian American every straight guy should try butt stuff twice oh is that Nick?

okay so this one came from a fellow brown I believe India but you know could be Pakistan I think it's India but Indian American every straight guy should try butt stuff twice oh is that Nick?

Now he's saying it should. It should doesn't mean you have to. That means. He's saying every straight guy should try butt stuff twice. And you either have to 100% disagree or 100% agree. That's the two options. I'll tell you what I did. I agreed. I agree, because I'm not homophobic to myself.

Now he's saying it should. It should doesn't mean you have to. That means. He's saying every straight guy should try butt stuff twice. And you either have to 100% disagree or 100% agree. That's the two options. I'll tell you what I did. I agreed. I agree, because I'm not homophobic to myself.

It could be. It could be finger, it could be penis, it could be tongue, it could be probably a dildo or like a butt plug.

It could be. It could be finger, it could be penis, it could be tongue, it could be probably a dildo or like a butt plug.

I don't know. I'm not... I think it's interesting that you'd rather do it to yourself. I would rather not. Because if you think about, for example, a handjob, would you rather jerk off or get a handjob? I would rather get a handjob, for sure.

I don't know. I'm not... I think it's interesting that you'd rather do it to yourself. I would rather not. Because if you think about, for example, a handjob, would you rather jerk off or get a handjob? I would rather get a handjob, for sure.

Also, to your point or to his point, he's I said, why twice? And he said the first time's never good. Like get like some sort of I'm so old.

Also, to your point or to his point, he's I said, why twice? And he said the first time's never good. Like get like some sort of I'm so old.

It's never too late for butt stuff.

It's never too late for butt stuff.

Are you fucking kidding?

Are you fucking kidding?

I'm falling apart, man. I think that you should not play pickleball when you're 40. That's a sport for 22 or 80.

I'm falling apart, man. I think that you should not play pickleball when you're 40. That's a sport for 22 or 80.

I'm not very athletic either, so I've been thinking about getting into golf. I think that's where people go. There's some walking involved, though. There's some serious walking. I know, but I've never been injured walking.

I'm not very athletic either, so I've been thinking about getting into golf. I think that's where people go. There's some walking involved, though. There's some serious walking. I know, but I've never been injured walking.

Well, I think that's the coolest thing about New York is that you see two guys talking into their MetroCards, and first you come in and you add value. You say, hey, I like what you guys are saying here, but it would actually be more interesting if you did this because then you'd get rid of the senators. And then you say, by the way, why are you talking into your MetroCards?

Well, I think that's the coolest thing about New York is that you see two guys talking into their MetroCards, and first you come in and you add value. You say, hey, I like what you guys are saying here, but it would actually be more interesting if you did this because then you'd get rid of the senators. And then you say, by the way, why are you talking into your MetroCards?

I think golf is good because you do get physically you feel like you worked out unless you drank 15 beers.

I think golf is good because you do get physically you feel like you worked out unless you drank 15 beers.

happens but you know you get to be outside with your friends kind of hit some balls talk shop talk about the stock market a little bit you know and get some physical activity and it's nice that sounds good yeah I don't know I haven't done it yet like this is like theoretically something that I'm gonna do soon

happens but you know you get to be outside with your friends kind of hit some balls talk shop talk about the stock market a little bit you know and get some physical activity and it's nice that sounds good yeah I don't know I haven't done it yet like this is like theoretically something that I'm gonna do soon

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But everything that I've ever done that's been gay has actually been awesome. Huh. Like every time that I, like skinny jeans.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But everything that I've ever done that's been gay has actually been awesome. Huh. Like every time that I, like skinny jeans.

It was considered gay, Jason. It was metrosexual.

It was considered gay, Jason. It was metrosexual.

They were like, oh, dude, that look is metrosexual. I don't like it.

They were like, oh, dude, that look is metrosexual. I don't like it.

Oh, look at this. A metrosexual, the definition of metrosexual, according to Oxford, is a man who lives in an urban area, enjoys shopping, fashion, and similar interests traditionally associated with women or gay men.

Oh, look at this. A metrosexual, the definition of metrosexual, according to Oxford, is a man who lives in an urban area, enjoys shopping, fashion, and similar interests traditionally associated with women or gay men.

That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying.

That is so fucking funny to me.

That is so fucking funny to me.

Wait, Google Trends only goes until... Oh, wow. Searches for metrosexuals peaked in 2010. Hmm. Google searches. Makes sense.

Wait, Google Trends only goes until... Oh, wow. Searches for metrosexuals peaked in 2010. Hmm. Google searches. Makes sense.

That was kind of the peak of the metrosexual.

That was kind of the peak of the metrosexual.

No, no, no. And do you know what the portmanteau? It's a portmanteau of metro and heterosexual.

No, no, no. And do you know what the portmanteau? It's a portmanteau of metro and heterosexual.

Metropolitan.

Metropolitan.

No, yeah, that's so cool. Fuck it. I might go as metrosexual these days.

No, yeah, that's so cool. Fuck it. I might go as metrosexual these days.

It was coined in 1994 by a guy named Mark Simpson.

It was coined in 1994 by a guy named Mark Simpson.

I didn't know him at all. I was just like, this is sick. This Bronco's fucking awesome. This guy's chilling on the highway. Who was the other guy in the car?

I didn't know him at all. I was just like, this is sick. This Bronco's fucking awesome. This guy's chilling on the highway. Who was the other guy in the car?

You don't open with, what are you guys doing? Why are you talking into MetroCards? You open with, I'm going to impress you with some facts and skills and knowledge that might not make any sense at all. And then I'm going to inquire as to why you're talking into your MetroCards.

You don't open with, what are you guys doing? Why are you talking into MetroCards? You open with, I'm going to impress you with some facts and skills and knowledge that might not make any sense at all. And then I'm going to inquire as to why you're talking into your MetroCards.

So, wow. Al Collins. This is cool. All right. Is he still alive? OJ is a handsome guy. OJ's dead. I know, but I'm looking at a photo of OJ when he was alive. He was a handsome guy. This is interesting. So AC's still alive. He's most famous for his role in aiding his close friend, O.J. Simpson, in fleeing the police.

So, wow. Al Collins. This is cool. All right. Is he still alive? OJ is a handsome guy. OJ's dead. I know, but I'm looking at a photo of OJ when he was alive. He was a handsome guy. This is interesting. So AC's still alive. He's most famous for his role in aiding his close friend, O.J. Simpson, in fleeing the police.

Was O.J. innocent? According to the court of law, he was.

Was O.J. innocent? According to the court of law, he was.

Wow, that could be cool.

Wow, that could be cool.

Well, we live in capitalism.

Well, we live in capitalism.

If I were gonna... He's just capitalizing on the moment.

If I were gonna... He's just capitalizing on the moment.

Do you have any other takes? Anything you've been thinking about lately? What's your take?

Do you have any other takes? Anything you've been thinking about lately? What's your take?

You could go lukewarm. Old guys shouldn't play pickleball. Well, young guys shouldn't play pickleball.

You could go lukewarm. Old guys shouldn't play pickleball. Well, young guys shouldn't play pickleball.

Let me bum a take, dude.

Let me bum a take, dude.

No, dude, don't worry.

No, dude, don't worry.

What?

What?

That's so rude.

That's so rude.

You were like, hey, dude, wrong race. I'm not I'm not black.

You were like, hey, dude, wrong race. I'm not I'm not black.

That somebody being racist like that. Punishable by death, yeah. I like that. I'm 100% agree.

That somebody being racist like that. Punishable by death, yeah. I like that. I'm 100% agree.

Okay, but we'll make an exception for this.

Okay, but we'll make an exception for this.

I also want to just clarify that when I said he mistook you for a black person... I'm saying that not as me. I'm saying that his intention was to be racist.

I also want to just clarify that when I said he mistook you for a black person... I'm saying that not as me. I'm saying that his intention was to be racist.

I think I would get called that. I think I would get called a monkey or a baboon.

I think I would get called that. I think I would get called a monkey or a baboon.

Right, right, right, right, right.

Right, right, right, right, right.

Also interesting that you got Sand End because you're not even from a Sandy zone.

Also interesting that you got Sand End because you're not even from a Sandy zone.

Like, I'm from a sandy zone.

Like, I'm from a sandy zone.

They don't know. Egyptians might be the sandiest end because we have the pyramids.

They don't know. Egyptians might be the sandiest end because we have the pyramids.

Yeah, and the Sahara Desert.

Yeah, and the Sahara Desert.

Like, I think we take the crown on that one, which I proudly wear.

Like, I think we take the crown on that one, which I proudly wear.

That guy had very never-been-on-the-internet-before vibes. Yeah. Have you tracked him down? No, I've checked the comments to see if anyone's like, that's my dad because it happens often. It doesn't happen with Subway Takes a Lot, but it does happen with Keep the Meter Running where people are always like, that's my dad.

That guy had very never-been-on-the-internet-before vibes. Yeah. Have you tracked him down? No, I've checked the comments to see if anyone's like, that's my dad because it happens often. It doesn't happen with Subway Takes a Lot, but it does happen with Keep the Meter Running where people are always like, that's my dad.

Well... Yeah, racists, if you're listening, make sure you smash that like button. Give us five stars. Subscribe and share this episode with your friends. That's a nice way to close it out. That's a nice way to close it out. Look, a click's a click. A view's a view. A view's a view, dude. I need all of those. A quarter of a penny per stream. Maybe even less than that.

Well... Yeah, racists, if you're listening, make sure you smash that like button. Give us five stars. Subscribe and share this episode with your friends. That's a nice way to close it out. That's a nice way to close it out. Look, a click's a click. A view's a view. A view's a view, dude. I need all of those. A quarter of a penny per stream. Maybe even less than that.

Maybe it's 0.10 cents per stream. So make sure you guys keep streaming to infinity and beyond.

Maybe it's 0.10 cents per stream. So make sure you guys keep streaming to infinity and beyond.

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay.

100% agree. I love that.

100% agree. I love that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm fully supportive of this. I... Fun fact, in college, because I went to school in Minnesota, I used to tan in the winter. Really? I used to go to tanning salons because, bro, I was just like, I need that feeling. And you know what? I don't regret it. And you know what? I still might start doing it again.

I'm fully supportive of this. I... Fun fact, in college, because I went to school in Minnesota, I used to tan in the winter. Really? I used to go to tanning salons because, bro, I was just like, I need that feeling. And you know what? I don't regret it. And you know what? I still might start doing it again.

I made a lot of difference. It felt good. And I looked much better. But, you know, it's not for everyone. You're going on tour soon?

I made a lot of difference. It felt good. And I looked much better. But, you know, it's not for everyone. You're going on tour soon?

Let Ari Correct take it from there. Thank you so much for being on the show, man.

Let Ari Correct take it from there. Thank you so much for being on the show, man.

And then the best part is when it's a cab driver with many kids, which many cab drivers do have many kids. So there will be like 15 common threads. that are like, that's my dad. And at first, I was like, this is a joke, right? And then what I realized is that cab drivers generally have, yeah, they just have like 15 kids.

And then the best part is when it's a cab driver with many kids, which many cab drivers do have many kids. So there will be like 15 common threads. that are like, that's my dad. And at first, I was like, this is a joke, right? And then what I realized is that cab drivers generally have, yeah, they just have like 15 kids.

And that's my dad. No, that thing ripped. It did really, really well. Do you have any regrets?

And that's my dad. No, that thing ripped. It did really, really well. Do you have any regrets?

Yeah, I mean, I was thinking one thing that you may have regretted was wearing a red shirt.

Yeah, I mean, I was thinking one thing that you may have regretted was wearing a red shirt.

But the thing is, your take is so fun because you didn't give up on anyone. You didn't just cut off Florida. Because you could There probably is technology. We could ask bad evil man Elon Musk, who has technology to make tunnels, it sounds like. We could ask him for some sort of massive saw that just chops Florida off. On the map, it looks not that hard to do.

But the thing is, your take is so fun because you didn't give up on anyone. You didn't just cut off Florida. Because you could There probably is technology. We could ask bad evil man Elon Musk, who has technology to make tunnels, it sounds like. We could ask him for some sort of massive saw that just chops Florida off. On the map, it looks not that hard to do.

hundred episodes we get a triple decker so he's he's a very very limited club of people his take his take was that there are too many states in america we need to get we need to cut 10 what the hell is up harry how are you i'm good man is that right i'm a triple decker you're a triple decker it never ever literally i i think you're probably one in three total so what's your take too many states in america we need to cut 10 oh

hundred episodes we get a triple decker so he's he's a very very limited club of people his take his take was that there are too many states in america we need to get we need to cut 10 what the hell is up harry how are you i'm good man is that right i'm a triple decker you're a triple decker it never ever literally i i think you're probably one in three total so what's your take too many states in america we need to cut 10 oh

Yeah, if you look at a map, it cannot be that complicated to just saw it off.

Yeah, if you look at a map, it cannot be that complicated to just saw it off.

No, there are plenty of man-made beaches, man-made oceans. I mean, Dubai built islands.

No, there are plenty of man-made beaches, man-made oceans. I mean, Dubai built islands.

Well, no one's ever done it.

Well, no one's ever done it.

But it was this before. Like, I don't think here's what I remember. Yeah, I think I pitched the idea of like, we'll take Canada. I think I said that in the episode. I can't remember for sure. Hmm. but it was pre Donald Trump being like, I'm going to, I'm going to buy Canada or whatever. Like it was, it was such a dumb idea when I said it. Yeah.

But it was this before. Like, I don't think here's what I remember. Yeah, I think I pitched the idea of like, we'll take Canada. I think I said that in the episode. I can't remember for sure. Hmm. but it was pre Donald Trump being like, I'm going to, I'm going to buy Canada or whatever. Like it was, it was such a dumb idea when I said it. Yeah.

And then like two weeks later, it was like, no, no, I'm actually going to just like, he watched the video. Well, he wants to buy Greenland.

And then like two weeks later, it was like, no, no, I'm actually going to just like, he watched the video. Well, he wants to buy Greenland.

Well, he wants both. I mean, I guess with Canada, he's thinking full force. With Greenland, he's thinking maybe purchase. And then if that doesn't work, then full force.

Well, he wants both. I mean, I guess with Canada, he's thinking full force. With Greenland, he's thinking maybe purchase. And then if that doesn't work, then full force.

They've got to have a nuke.

They've got to have a nuke.

It's like semi-autonomous. Wow, wait, Greenland? I just realized that Greenland is kind of like the Puerto Rico of Europe, I guess. Explain. Like they're a commonwealth of Denmark.

It's like semi-autonomous. Wow, wait, Greenland? I just realized that Greenland is kind of like the Puerto Rico of Europe, I guess. Explain. Like they're a commonwealth of Denmark.

I mean, I get why it would be strategic. I've played a lot of board games. I've played a lot of board games. And if you look, again, if you look at a map... Yeah, it seems strategic. You would want to put the U.S. Army there if you were playing a game and you were like, I need to continue conquering and colonizing.

I mean, I get why it would be strategic. I've played a lot of board games. I've played a lot of board games. And if you look, again, if you look at a map... Yeah, it seems strategic. You would want to put the U.S. Army there if you were playing a game and you were like, I need to continue conquering and colonizing.

Usually that's not... Well, I don't think he sees... Anybody as an ally. Yeah. But no, it is interesting, though, that in 2025... You know, I think that one of the things I think about often is I'm like, war is so weird. Yeah.

Usually that's not... Well, I don't think he sees... Anybody as an ally. Yeah. But no, it is interesting, though, that in 2025... You know, I think that one of the things I think about often is I'm like, war is so weird. Yeah.

like like killing people over land seems like something that should have stopped after the boundary and then everyone's like okay cool we did it everyone did the war and now we've got we've established the thing so now we should all live long and prosper a like asap asap mob always says or is that only star trek is that star trek

like like killing people over land seems like something that should have stopped after the boundary and then everyone's like okay cool we did it everyone did the war and now we've got we've established the thing so now we should all live long and prosper a like asap asap mob always says or is that only star trek is that star trek

I don't know.

I don't know.

Wait, live long and prosper. I think that might be ASAP. Live long and prosper ASAP. Are you sure that's not? Maybe they always have. Oh, no, they are always strive and prosper, which. Common mistake.

Wait, live long and prosper. I think that might be ASAP. Live long and prosper ASAP. Are you sure that's not? Maybe they always have. Oh, no, they are always strive and prosper, which. Common mistake.

I'm also thinking ASAP, you may have a little bit of a copyright infringement. They changed one word. Live long and prosper. Always strive and prosper. i don't know uh but yeah i think war is weird and i think being like oh we need to add territory is weird and i guess they kind of go hand in hand but that lost a lot of people in my subway take the me adding british columbia to america um

I'm also thinking ASAP, you may have a little bit of a copyright infringement. They changed one word. Live long and prosper. Always strive and prosper. i don't know uh but yeah i think war is weird and i think being like oh we need to add territory is weird and i guess they kind of go hand in hand but that lost a lot of people in my subway take the me adding british columbia to america um

See, I think that's the worst part. I don't want that part.

See, I think that's the worst part. I don't want that part.

Yeah, because I just want the land. I don't need the people. We already have enough people.

Yeah, because I just want the land. I don't need the people. We already have enough people.

You got that dog in you. No, it was... Here's the thing. It was one of the smartest takes that we've had on the show. And I have a hard time because, as you know, I don't really know the take. I know the one-liner and I'm like, cool, okay. And I know the one-liner... And I don't know where it's going to go. I don't know if I agree or disagree.

You got that dog in you. No, it was... Here's the thing. It was one of the smartest takes that we've had on the show. And I have a hard time because, as you know, I don't really know the take. I know the one-liner and I'm like, cool, okay. And I know the one-liner... And I don't know where it's going to go. I don't know if I agree or disagree.

It's almost a checklist to be like, all right, it's not about dog poop in New York City, which 7,000 people have pitched, right? Right, right. So when you're talking, though, I'm like trying to do the math and I'm just asking engaging questions. I'm like, what is this guy talking about? I'm literally like, what is this guy? Like, where did this come from? Like, why is that the thing?

It's almost a checklist to be like, all right, it's not about dog poop in New York City, which 7,000 people have pitched, right? Right, right. So when you're talking, though, I'm like trying to do the math and I'm just asking engaging questions. I'm like, what is this guy talking about? I'm literally like, what is this guy? Like, where did this come from? Like, why is that the thing?

Where did it come from for you? Because it was well thought out.

Where did it come from for you? Because it was well thought out.

Okay, okay. This is interesting. So there could be some lobbying if this plan were to go into effect.

Okay, okay. This is interesting. So there could be some lobbying if this plan were to go into effect.

Well, I think that it's completely fine to combine the Dakotas. I've been to both. I actually don't think that they will even be upset. Yeah.

Well, I think that it's completely fine to combine the Dakotas. I've been to both. I actually don't think that they will even be upset. Yeah.

Within a couple of years, people will be like, yeah, it's always been Dakota.

Within a couple of years, people will be like, yeah, it's always been Dakota.

That's, that's perfect. That's awesome. But that's not happening unless we cut. I mean, I guess we can go to 40, right? Like I was thinking the same thing yesterday about TV, like TV episodes.

Like there's never seven. No, there's always six or eight or 12 or 10. It's always an even number. No, I don't be true. It happens every once in a while. It's just really it's really rare that they're like, yeah, they're like, for some reason, an odd number feels random. And like they just like either ran out of budget or they had extra budget. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Isn't that like, it doesn't seem like anyone ever pitches like, okay, so we have five episodes of an amazing show. Unless it's a miniseries. But even those, those are just like four episodes.

Yeah, that was four. Every once in a while there will be more. But I think, yeah, I think let's rehash this. I think North and South Dakota, I don't even know the capital of either of those places, which is probably a good rule of thumb.

Yeah.

I don't want to play this test. I don't want to play this test. What's nice about Europe is that every country has a capital. Yes. So you've got to memorize every country's capital. But then when you're talking about the U.S., you've got 50 extra capitals to memorize. That's a lot of capitals. Unnecessary, too. I know. So North and South, those can go. North and South Dakota.

The Dakotas can be Dakotas. I think we should leave the S. Wow.

Yeah. But instead of acknowledging the Native American land, you just acknowledge the fact that it used to be two states.

Doing what? Why are we doing 40 states instead of 50? Oh, I chose 10. Yeah, but why?

Because the guy that interrupted us had a good... Like, if we were strategically trying to make the Senate... What is the purpose of doing this? Yeah, what is your... You just thought it was fun. You just thought it was a fun idea.

I think it's diversity.

You know what I mean? You don't want them all to be... Because if they all looked like Colorado or Wyoming, it would be fucking boring. That's insane.

If they all looked like Colorado or Wyoming, it would be so boring. But I will say that the entire East Coast has, I would say, more of a personality than the West Coast of the country.

Colorado is literally a rectangle.

right like that's so so that's not natural that's right well i i i just think that maybe the the east coast is like oh we're like we have more vibes so they're like oh look at this little plot of land that literally could be connecticut but they're like you know what we need a smallest state so they're like let's do let's do the country's smallest state we'll put it right next to connecticut

There's only a couple of different places. And it's like Boston. Yeah. New York, obviously. Yeah. And then I'd say like Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Maryland, with the exception of Baltimore.

Pennsylvania. They're all kind. Jersey. Jersey's like they're all kind of the same guy.

It's touching. They're touching.

Well, I'm just thinking in shape, and I don't think that the shape would be cool.

Yeah, it's like New York has such a nice iconic shape, and if you add a jersey, it would kind of look like almost like a little gun, which is kind of, I mean, in some circles, cool. That's appropriate. It's kind of cool. Kind of cool. Guns, I mean, squirt guns are cool. So I think, yeah, that's, you know, I think it's a shape-based endeavor.

So we have to take that into consideration when we're combining it. North Dakota, South Dakota combine into one long Dakota. I think that's fine. Here's a question about West Virginia and East Virginia. That's the problem. Stupid. So stupid. Also, if I was West Virginia, I would have been pissed off this entire time. That what? Like, how come they get to be Virginia and we have to be Western?

That actually makes sense, though, North and South. Because there's a North and there's a South. If there's a North, there's a South. If there's a West, there should be an East.

Right, right, right. But it doesn't matter where we're going. Also, what's up with this little island off the coast of Virginia? What island? I don't know. I'm looking at a map right now. There's a little chunk of map that is the same color as the Virginia that I'm looking at on my map here, which is literally an elementary school.

I'm looking at an elementary school children's map of the United States. And there is a little island here. I'll tell you exactly what it is here. Oh, it might just be Virginia Beach. Or no, it's Assateague Island. Stupid. I'm out. Sell that.

Yeah. Assateague? I don't need that. Sell that. Alright, so I'm still with you on combining the Virginias and the Carolinas. Fuck it. I know that they're mad, but... Actually, maybe we can keep those separate.

Oh, then that's big. That's big.

I mean, I care a little bit.

I don't care enough, though. I'm kind of with you on this, just because you speak with such knowingness. It's almost like when you say it, it's inevitable.

They also look like each other except upside down.

Yeah, mirror images. Exactly. You know so much about states. I'm embarrassed to say that I don't know much about what Hispaniola is. That's the landmass.

Wow, why didn't... I mean, the French really fucked up.

This is ridiculous.

They can combine. Wait, so there were some funny comments. How the fuck did Delaware slip through in tax?

Yeah. Yeah, you forgot about it. But then let me tell you the problem. Thirty-nine. Then you're at 39 states. Yeah. If we do all of your proposed cuts, we're at 39.

You wouldn't rather just keep Delaware? I mean, I did.

Yeah, like me.

Of course. I mean, the podcast that you're on is based in Delaware. Wow. I didn't know this was a Delaware product. It's a Delaware product. That's what we have to do. I don't know why, but I pay attention to what rich people are doing. And then I just mimic it. Like my tax guy... He's like, well, what do you want to do about this? I go, I don't know. I pay you to think about this, not me.

And then I just say, I was like, anytime you have a question on what we should do, I say, do what Trump would do. Not pay taxes. No, I pay taxes. When in Rome, though, I say, let me get the loopholes that those guys are looping. I want to loop. Delaware. The loopholes exist for a reason. I don't know the reasons. That's wild, man. Subway Takes is from Delaware.

Subway Takes is a Delaware corporation.

Unless you're moving that office, I guess technically where would my new office be, Maryland? I guess so.

Yeah, I mean, you've got to do something with it.

Well, weren't there any other ones that people disagreed with?

I have a radical adjustment, which is to just combine Maine, Vermont, and New Hampshire.

And the one big guy.

It's a nice big old state. It's the big thumbs up of America. That's what we can call it.

That's funny. Does Florida have a, you know, I think you called it the penis of the states. It most certainly is. On this podcast. I guess that's what it is. Like the boot of Italy, the penis, the cock of the US. America's cock. Yeah. Is that really what it is?

The cock of America. The cock of America. Cock of America. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, there's just a lot of states in America that are just kind of mid. Like, I was mid. Literally, yeah. Correct. Somebody in the comments said, Montana here, do not pair us with Nazi Idaho. Give us to Canada, please.

Yeah. Cool. Did you know? Did you know that that was going to happen?

I mean, literally, those are fighting words. I said Nazi Italy. Or, sorry, Nazi Idaho.

Why are people watching so closely?

It's a two-minute video. Don't analyze it.

That's why. What is your take on... We published a Subway take today, and it was that people who make you take your shoes off when you enter their home should not be allowed to entertain.

Well, they're saying fuck Asians, fuck Arabs, fuck Native Americans. Yeah, what are you talking about? Shoes are filthy. What's wrong with you? Shoes are disgusting. I guess what kind of person said this? I'm not going to say what kind of person said this. It was a white woman. Let me guess. Flavorless? A flavorless person? That's the top comment. Unseasoned chicken eater for sure.

That was the top comment on that video.

She literally said she would rather risk having feces on the carpet than to look at her friend's toe.

Yeah, I knew it was going to do well. I knew when we were doing it that it was going to do well.

And this was a very posh, elegant...

wonderful british woman and i i just couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth and i was like why are you why are you doing this and is it that much of an inconvenient like i've had parties where i make everyone take their shoes off like 60 people 70 people yeah because it gets disgusting otherwise you have all that filth in your house i know and it's amazing everyone's like running around in their socks it's like we're little kids again

It felt really good. It was exactly what a great subway take needs to be, which is smart but dumb.

It wasn't Emma Watson, no. No, no, no, no.

Oh, my heart would break if it was Emma Watson. It was a nice, normal person who... It wasn't Emma Mackey from Sex Education, was it?

Well, she's an author. She's an author, but she's a normal person. She's a normal person, and I just, I think she stands by it.

It wasn't her. Did she try to hide admitting to having random street poo on the carpet that I guess feet behind a posh accent? I mean, a lot of the comments are just like, that is a white person. That comment, that's so white. That Is So White has 5,884 likes.

I know what's being served for dinner at a party with shoes on and it looks bleak. That has 2,500 likes. That's funny. I'm going to like it right now. That's incredibly good. One of the things I told her, I was like, I think that this is not a good... I think that this is going to make you look like a savage. You think it makes you look...

and completely digestible in the initial take. No further explanation needed. You get 100% agree or 100% disagree off the bat.

Like a classy, nice British lady, but it makes you look like a disgusting street rat.

Of course I said street rat.

And she was like, ha ha ha ha. Like, it's fine. And I was like, no, it's not. And one thing, I don't want to out this person. I mean, anyone can see the video. But one thing that I did notice is that she has not accepted the collab post. I feel like it went down. She figured it out. I think it probably took her about 40 seconds. And then she was like, uh-oh.

What's up, everyone? I'm here with Hari Kondabolu, comedian you may know who joined us on Subway Takes a couple of months ago, maybe a couple weeks ago, whose take was very, very, very, very, very, very popular. I call it a triple-decker, which means it hit over a million on Instagram, on TikTok, and on YouTube Shorts. That rarely happens. I'd say it happens once every...

Yeah, she's not going to get fired. But it did make me think about that this person probably... She said it was such conviction that I was like, oh, you probably don't have any...

friends of any color other than milk yeah milk yeah because because or you're that much of an asshole and you're just like fuck off i'm not coming to your party i'm sorry auntie okay i'm not taking my shoes off auntie oh my god we're having a big celebration at my house

For the big holiday after we fasted and starved for 30 days, do you want to come over and have some amazing baklava and kushari and grape leaves that my grandmother rolled by hand for the past two hours? Actually, past two days. Let me elaborate. And she's like, can I wear my fucking Doc Martens? No, you can't wear your Doc Martens in my house.

Oh, these rugs are from Morocco. Literally flown from Morocco to America. They've been on an airplane. And you want to walk on them. Here's one thing that I'm going to be... You're not going to like this, but I'm guilty of it.

So, I... lay on my bed with my outside clothes sometimes.

It's not a good thing, but we're tired, man. We're working all day. We're working hard. We're typing memes.

The bed's right behind you. But a lot of people, including whites, they are not about that horizontal life.

The shoes are the clothes of the body and the bed would be the rug of the elevated area in your home. Right. So it would make sense to take it off. But for me, I'm like the floor is so dirty. But like I like if I go to a restaurant, I eat. you know, my back's against the chair that other people's backs have been against.

I'm not like a, I'm not like such a germaphobe that, and I also, I have a cover on my bed. Like I have like a, one of like a, like a hotel style situation. Do you really? Yeah. But it's just like another extra, I have like a blanket that goes on my bed during the day. Yeah. Where I lay on it if I want to lay in bed, but at night I don't sleep on that blanket.

No, that blanket just goes on the floor.

Yeah, I don't know. I think I made that up. I don't think that's a real thing that people do.

But it's, I mean, I don't know if it really works because technically I'm laying on the blanket and then I put the blanket on the floor, which is disgusting, and then I put the blanket back on my bed every day. Like, I don't know if I'm doing much.

My wife is Russian and she's very good about outside clothes the minute she gets home she's in inside clothes that's good she's changing twice a day she'll change into the inside clothes and then back into the outside clothes

Well, not only did he join to... Or actually, not only did he interrupt, he actually hopped in with some additional context and advice. Like, the guy was eagerly listening to our conversation for...

Well, he gave a great example, which is that when your friend comes over and sits on the couch with you, it's fine. Yeah. Like, you sit next to people a lot. Yeah, yeah. Or you just simply shift a little bit. Yeah, yeah. For some reason at dinner... You're always sitting across. Yeah, it's weird. Right? If you don't do it, it looks like you're staging a play. Right.

And he gave a great example that it's weird that you might be sitting at home with a friend side by side, and then you go to dinner, and then all of a sudden you guys are face to face, which makes, you know, why are we doing that? Yeah.

Exactly. I think it's weird when friends sit across from each other on the subway.

I think they do do that.

Yeah, clean socks.

You don't want people to see your socks? She said she doesn't want people's holy socks in her house. And I said, most adults, especially the ones that you're hanging out with, are probably coming with a fresh pair.

They're not coming with a holy sock.

Oh, those sound thin, though. That sounds like a thin sock.

I don't like thin socks. I like a nice pad, nice cushion. You know, the Europeans, they sit side by side. Oh, is that, yeah. No, no, like, if you're, like, in Paris or something, like, and everyone's sitting, like, stadium seating, you know? Have you been to Paris?

Oh, okay, well, and the outdoor cafes, they kind of have, like, row, it's like a movie theater, except the theater is the street.

Yeah. So you'll see these cafes and there's no, there's not really any tables that are facing each other. Right. It's just like a row of like 20 chairs and then another row of like 20 chairs and then maybe another row of 20 chairs or, you know, it could be five chairs, whatever, whatever amount of space you can accommodate. And yeah,

whatever 15 minutes and then was like you know what i gotta say something i gotta say something smart actually because didn't he so he started talking about the senate yeah he's talking about how you gotta change the number of senators then if you're gonna have less states and maybe three which i didn't quite understand but i said oh yeah

There's little tables, maybe in between every two or something, but they do it so that the street is the theater, and you're sitting next to your pal smoking cigs, having a little conversation about combining European countries, and it's nice.

Yeah, of course. That's incredible.

One of the greatest pastimes of all time.

Why are you critical of the French?

Right, right, right, right.

I don't know what that is. Why do you know so much about history, mate?

Oh, the Berkaban. Yeah, I know what that is. I thought it was a new thing. No, it's been around for a minute.

They don't like beliefs, man.

This one came from a fellow brown man. So those two were white takes. Okay. Obviously, both of you, you and I are both on the same page regarding the shoes. We're both like 100% disagree. Then we've got the sit next to somebody. Do you 100% agree or 100% disagree? Are you pro sitting next to someone or against it?

So you're 100% agree? Can I do an 85%? Unfortunately, that's not the way that the show's set up.

Now you see how difficult it is for me to make these decisions.

Because I can only do 100% agree and 100% disagree, which of course we know is not really possible.

But that's what makes the show fun.

okay so this one came from a fellow brown I believe India but you know could be Pakistan I think it's India but Indian American every straight guy should try butt stuff twice oh is that Nick?

Now he's saying it should. It should doesn't mean you have to. That means. He's saying every straight guy should try butt stuff twice. And you either have to 100% disagree or 100% agree. That's the two options. I'll tell you what I did. I agreed. I agree, because I'm not homophobic to myself.

It could be. It could be finger, it could be penis, it could be tongue, it could be probably a dildo or like a butt plug.

I don't know. I'm not... I think it's interesting that you'd rather do it to yourself. I would rather not. Because if you think about, for example, a handjob, would you rather jerk off or get a handjob? I would rather get a handjob, for sure.

Also, to your point or to his point, he's I said, why twice? And he said the first time's never good. Like get like some sort of I'm so old.

It's never too late for butt stuff.

Are you fucking kidding?

I'm falling apart, man. I think that you should not play pickleball when you're 40. That's a sport for 22 or 80.

I'm not very athletic either, so I've been thinking about getting into golf. I think that's where people go. There's some walking involved, though. There's some serious walking. I know, but I've never been injured walking.

Well, I think that's the coolest thing about New York is that you see two guys talking into their MetroCards, and first you come in and you add value. You say, hey, I like what you guys are saying here, but it would actually be more interesting if you did this because then you'd get rid of the senators. And then you say, by the way, why are you talking into your MetroCards?

I think golf is good because you do get physically you feel like you worked out unless you drank 15 beers.

happens but you know you get to be outside with your friends kind of hit some balls talk shop talk about the stock market a little bit you know and get some physical activity and it's nice that sounds good yeah I don't know I haven't done it yet like this is like theoretically something that I'm gonna do soon

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But everything that I've ever done that's been gay has actually been awesome. Huh. Like every time that I, like skinny jeans.

It was considered gay, Jason. It was metrosexual.

They were like, oh, dude, that look is metrosexual. I don't like it.

Oh, look at this. A metrosexual, the definition of metrosexual, according to Oxford, is a man who lives in an urban area, enjoys shopping, fashion, and similar interests traditionally associated with women or gay men.

That's what I'm saying.

That is so fucking funny to me.

Wait, Google Trends only goes until... Oh, wow. Searches for metrosexuals peaked in 2010. Hmm. Google searches. Makes sense.

That was kind of the peak of the metrosexual.

No, no, no. And do you know what the portmanteau? It's a portmanteau of metro and heterosexual.

Metropolitan.

No, yeah, that's so cool. Fuck it. I might go as metrosexual these days.

It was coined in 1994 by a guy named Mark Simpson.

I didn't know him at all. I was just like, this is sick. This Bronco's fucking awesome. This guy's chilling on the highway. Who was the other guy in the car?

You don't open with, what are you guys doing? Why are you talking into MetroCards? You open with, I'm going to impress you with some facts and skills and knowledge that might not make any sense at all. And then I'm going to inquire as to why you're talking into your MetroCards.

So, wow. Al Collins. This is cool. All right. Is he still alive? OJ is a handsome guy. OJ's dead. I know, but I'm looking at a photo of OJ when he was alive. He was a handsome guy. This is interesting. So AC's still alive. He's most famous for his role in aiding his close friend, O.J. Simpson, in fleeing the police.

Was O.J. innocent? According to the court of law, he was.

Wow, that could be cool.

Well, we live in capitalism.

If I were gonna... He's just capitalizing on the moment.

Do you have any other takes? Anything you've been thinking about lately? What's your take?

You could go lukewarm. Old guys shouldn't play pickleball. Well, young guys shouldn't play pickleball.

Let me bum a take, dude.

No, dude, don't worry.

What?

That's so rude.

You were like, hey, dude, wrong race. I'm not I'm not black.

That somebody being racist like that. Punishable by death, yeah. I like that. I'm 100% agree.

Okay, but we'll make an exception for this.

I also want to just clarify that when I said he mistook you for a black person... I'm saying that not as me. I'm saying that his intention was to be racist.

I think I would get called that. I think I would get called a monkey or a baboon.

Right, right, right, right, right.

Also interesting that you got Sand End because you're not even from a Sandy zone.

Like, I'm from a sandy zone.

They don't know. Egyptians might be the sandiest end because we have the pyramids.

Yeah, and the Sahara Desert.

Like, I think we take the crown on that one, which I proudly wear.

That guy had very never-been-on-the-internet-before vibes. Yeah. Have you tracked him down? No, I've checked the comments to see if anyone's like, that's my dad because it happens often. It doesn't happen with Subway Takes a Lot, but it does happen with Keep the Meter Running where people are always like, that's my dad.

Well... Yeah, racists, if you're listening, make sure you smash that like button. Give us five stars. Subscribe and share this episode with your friends. That's a nice way to close it out. That's a nice way to close it out. Look, a click's a click. A view's a view. A view's a view, dude. I need all of those. A quarter of a penny per stream. Maybe even less than that.

Maybe it's 0.10 cents per stream. So make sure you guys keep streaming to infinity and beyond.

Oh, okay.

100% agree. I love that.

Yeah.

I'm fully supportive of this. I... Fun fact, in college, because I went to school in Minnesota, I used to tan in the winter. Really? I used to go to tanning salons because, bro, I was just like, I need that feeling. And you know what? I don't regret it. And you know what? I still might start doing it again.

I made a lot of difference. It felt good. And I looked much better. But, you know, it's not for everyone. You're going on tour soon?

Let Ari Correct take it from there. Thank you so much for being on the show, man.

And then the best part is when it's a cab driver with many kids, which many cab drivers do have many kids. So there will be like 15 common threads. that are like, that's my dad. And at first, I was like, this is a joke, right? And then what I realized is that cab drivers generally have, yeah, they just have like 15 kids.

And that's my dad. No, that thing ripped. It did really, really well. Do you have any regrets?

Yeah, I mean, I was thinking one thing that you may have regretted was wearing a red shirt.

But the thing is, your take is so fun because you didn't give up on anyone. You didn't just cut off Florida. Because you could There probably is technology. We could ask bad evil man Elon Musk, who has technology to make tunnels, it sounds like. We could ask him for some sort of massive saw that just chops Florida off. On the map, it looks not that hard to do.

hundred episodes we get a triple decker so he's he's a very very limited club of people his take his take was that there are too many states in america we need to get we need to cut 10 what the hell is up harry how are you i'm good man is that right i'm a triple decker you're a triple decker it never ever literally i i think you're probably one in three total so what's your take too many states in america we need to cut 10 oh

Yeah, if you look at a map, it cannot be that complicated to just saw it off.

No, there are plenty of man-made beaches, man-made oceans. I mean, Dubai built islands.

Well, no one's ever done it.

But it was this before. Like, I don't think here's what I remember. Yeah, I think I pitched the idea of like, we'll take Canada. I think I said that in the episode. I can't remember for sure. Hmm. but it was pre Donald Trump being like, I'm going to, I'm going to buy Canada or whatever. Like it was, it was such a dumb idea when I said it. Yeah.

And then like two weeks later, it was like, no, no, I'm actually going to just like, he watched the video. Well, he wants to buy Greenland.

Well, he wants both. I mean, I guess with Canada, he's thinking full force. With Greenland, he's thinking maybe purchase. And then if that doesn't work, then full force.

They've got to have a nuke.

It's like semi-autonomous. Wow, wait, Greenland? I just realized that Greenland is kind of like the Puerto Rico of Europe, I guess. Explain. Like they're a commonwealth of Denmark.

I mean, I get why it would be strategic. I've played a lot of board games. I've played a lot of board games. And if you look, again, if you look at a map... Yeah, it seems strategic. You would want to put the U.S. Army there if you were playing a game and you were like, I need to continue conquering and colonizing.

Usually that's not... Well, I don't think he sees... Anybody as an ally. Yeah. But no, it is interesting, though, that in 2025... You know, I think that one of the things I think about often is I'm like, war is so weird. Yeah.

like like killing people over land seems like something that should have stopped after the boundary and then everyone's like okay cool we did it everyone did the war and now we've got we've established the thing so now we should all live long and prosper a like asap asap mob always says or is that only star trek is that star trek

I don't know.

Wait, live long and prosper. I think that might be ASAP. Live long and prosper ASAP. Are you sure that's not? Maybe they always have. Oh, no, they are always strive and prosper, which. Common mistake.

I'm also thinking ASAP, you may have a little bit of a copyright infringement. They changed one word. Live long and prosper. Always strive and prosper. i don't know uh but yeah i think war is weird and i think being like oh we need to add territory is weird and i guess they kind of go hand in hand but that lost a lot of people in my subway take the me adding british columbia to america um

See, I think that's the worst part. I don't want that part.

Yeah, because I just want the land. I don't need the people. We already have enough people.

You got that dog in you. No, it was... Here's the thing. It was one of the smartest takes that we've had on the show. And I have a hard time because, as you know, I don't really know the take. I know the one-liner and I'm like, cool, okay. And I know the one-liner... And I don't know where it's going to go. I don't know if I agree or disagree.

It's almost a checklist to be like, all right, it's not about dog poop in New York City, which 7,000 people have pitched, right? Right, right. So when you're talking, though, I'm like trying to do the math and I'm just asking engaging questions. I'm like, what is this guy talking about? I'm literally like, what is this guy? Like, where did this come from? Like, why is that the thing?

Where did it come from for you? Because it was well thought out.

Okay, okay. This is interesting. So there could be some lobbying if this plan were to go into effect.

Well, I think that it's completely fine to combine the Dakotas. I've been to both. I actually don't think that they will even be upset. Yeah.

Within a couple of years, people will be like, yeah, it's always been Dakota.