Hari Kondabolu
Appearances
Pablo Torre Finds Out
Brilliant Disguise: How to Find Your Voice, with Hank Azaria
I've had a great career filled with laughter, critical acclaim, and me shaking the hands of many famous white men on television. I should be completely happy, but there's still one man who haunts me. Apu Nahasapima Petalon. Serving the customer is merriment enough for me.
Pablo Torre Finds Out
Brilliant Disguise: How to Find Your Voice, with Hank Azaria
Apu, a cartoon character voiced by Hank Azaria, a white guy. A white guy doing an impression of a white guy making fun of my father. If I saw Hank Azaria do that voice at a party, I would kick the shit out of him.
Pablo Torre Finds Out
Brilliant Disguise: How to Find Your Voice, with Hank Azaria
How you responded to that is frankly a case study that I don't think anybody else has followed necessarily.
Pablo Torre Finds Out
Brilliant Disguise: How to Find Your Voice, with Hank Azaria
All I'm saying is that the Simpsons is like your racist grandfather. You love your grandfather. He's been there your whole life and has taught you so many valuable things. But he still does racist stuff regularly. So if he can't change... Maybe it's time he dies, and you can just remember the best things about him.
Pablo Torre Finds Out
Brilliant Disguise: How to Find Your Voice, with Hank Azaria
but I'm, like, totally sick of talking about it. The story that's more interesting is the after. Hank, like, you know, his journey to here, you know, what is the difference between a person of color calling something out versus a white person calling something out? Like, that, to me, is interesting.
Pablo Torre Finds Out
Brilliant Disguise: How to Find Your Voice, with Hank Azaria
You know, it's this discussion of white fragility, of the Internet, of communication, of conversation, that. The rest of the stuff, to me, is like... I'm so done with it. I'm done.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
You can't combine those two. Why not? Because they're two distinct places. Since what? I'm afraid to go to either of them. Bill Clinton's from Alabama. No, he's from Arkansas. Same thing. So we've taken out five. Five. Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, one state. Okay, that's six.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
They're going to say we want to be independent.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
Connecticut's beautiful. Yeah, it's great in the car when you're driving through.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
Yeah.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
Okay.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
One Virginia. Okay.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
HTDE: The Friendliest Sound in the World, with Olympic medalist Molly Seidel
So I like to approach a conversation with, like, people I'm casual with. I might say team to be like, oh, like, hey, team, how's it going? Like, sort of that soccer coach vibe. I like to be overly formal on purpose sometimes, like by saying, oh, compatriots, esteemed colleagues.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
HTDE: The Friendliest Sound in the World, with Olympic medalist Molly Seidel
Yeah, thanks for the work you guys do, and thanks for making a great show.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
HTDE: The Friendliest Sound in the World, with Olympic medalist Molly Seidel
Thank you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
Mike Hickman asked his four-year-old Sadie what she wanted for her birthday, and she replied, Bluey's daddy, aka Bandit, the relentlessly fun Australian dog of the hit cartoon series that leaves every parent feeling crushingly inadequate. So Mike fulfilled his daughter's dream himself.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
He dressed as Bandit and improvised for the first half hour of Sadie's party using a terrible Australian accent that left guests asking if Bluey's dad was from Boston. But no human can keep up that level of playfulness, especially when you're stifling in a bandit suit from Amazon Prime, and four-year-olds keep climbing on you to play horsey on the doggie. So Bandit broke. Get the hell off me!
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
He then commanded so much compliance for the rest of the party that the kids called him Mean Bluey's Daddy, sir. And other parents started hiring Mean Bluey's daddy to implement order at their kids' parties. He's even started a parenting YouTube channel called Meanie until the cease and desist letter from Disney comes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
In both cases, was it a kind of ceremonious thing? Did you sit them down and kind of hold hands? Like when my brother came out, he made my mom sit down and watch The Little Mermaid with him. And then he turned to her and told her. He came out to me at Chick-fil-A. I mean, everyone has their thing.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
My safe word right now is I just look at my husband and say perimenopause and leave the room.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
It turned that person vegan, and that's better for the environment.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
I was thinking this happened a little too early because if it happened during Mardi Gras, it could be like that ring toss, right? You take off your shirt and you'd throw the beads and they'd just stay if you had a good toss.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
That's terrible. It is. And that's for the bronze, silver, and gold?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
That the newly declassified JFK, RFK, and MLK files are TLDR and boring.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
Do you think they spell it S-N-E-A-U-X there? Y'all, we got snow. We got some snow.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
I don't know, Peter. Do you read the Wall Street Journal every day? As a matter of fact, I do.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
I thought boomer asking is when you ask your parents who are boomers, like, hey, did you know the flashlight's on on your phone? Did you take your statin?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
Just, so it's something like when in Rome, act like a native.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: mxmtoon
When in Rome, try to speak that language even if you don't know how.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Why do they always say that, like a dog wouldn't do the same thing?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
But humans did that. Humans took wolves and turned them into pugs.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
And it became sentient, and now it can't breathe. Right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Y'all spent a lot of time calling the South backwards, but Atlanta ain't never had these problems.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Dulce Sloan. Miss Impossible 100 from the chopper to the walker.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Why is he on this type of, do they really think that nobody's going to go see his movie?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Are you asking me the last time I went on a date time, Papa?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Because it sounds like you want me to cry on the radio.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
No, girl, no. Oh, I went to go see one of them days. I haven't seen Sinners yet. I'm supposed to go on a date, but if that boy don't text me back, then them vampires going to win.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
No, I've seen Gang of Thrones. Dragon sex is the least crazy thing that's ever happened.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
I'd figure it out. Gold bars? There's a hose somewhere in this house.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
We all have fond memories of the wisecracking opera-singing drag icon known as Bugs Bunny. Yeah. But a botched procedure at a dentist's office in Colchester, Vermont, had the whole town asking, what's up, doc? Vita Evans went to local dentist Dr. Kurt Yash in the spring of 2022 to get a set of veneers.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Her and hundreds of other people in town got a shiny new set up for years because Dr. Yash was new to town and running a special. Well, after six months, Fida noticed an odd taste in her mouth and her two front teeth were starting to become larger and longer. While out shopping one day, she noticed other people with the same affliction.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
Her wife also noticed and very gently said to her, y'all need to call that dentist. This place is starting to look like a rabbit's den. Vida immediately called the dentist's office. The assistant apologized profusely and explained that Vida was one of many with this Bugs Bunny syndrome.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Ego Nwodim
It was caused by a defective adhesive and they would fix the problem free of charge as long as Vida promised not to lead a bad Yelp review.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Golf. Some would call it a pastime, others a lifestyle. And if you're under 30, boring. Very, very boring. In response to golf's declining popularity with young people, some country clubs have introduced a new variation of the game called Combat Golf. A golfer tees off and then has a two-minute head start before the other members of the foursome give chase.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
The three attackers are allowed to do anything they like to hinder the golfer outside of injury, at least intentionally. Wink, wink. The inventor of combat golf goes by the name of Payne Stewart. Payne spelled P-A-I-N. He says, quote, my daddy loved golf more than he loved me. When it was his weekend to have me, he made me caddy for him. Oh, the destruction I imagined causing with his golf clubs.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Who knew my revenge fantasy would turn into a legitimate team sport?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
As a New Yorker, I find it hilarious and very cute that New Jersey thinks that aliens and the government are interested in its matters. Like the idea that they think they're that worthy of attention from outer space. Major League Baseball is not interested in New Jersey. The NBA is not interested in New Jersey.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
So there's a whole civilization growing on the ornaments over the course of a year? Yes, exactly.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Oh, a Frosty the Snowman kit. Well, I'll give it to you. Snowman hands.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
The Jets and Giants play in New Jersey, but they don't even want to be associated with them. And you're telling me aliens and the government are putting drones out there.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Wait, so the Rat Boy craze, who was in that? The Rat Boy, that was last summer.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
The earth is one year closer to getting these pesky humans out of here.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
No one asked for this. Like, there's an expression, like, you know, if you feel like you're about to die, you're like, I saw my life flash before my eyes. When did that become a good thing? Right. Nobody wants this information. Yes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
I mean, it's hard when Betty White has raised the bar so high for elderly people in comedy. That's true. Like, honestly, if it wasn't the Pope, would they let him write a thing about comedy? It was good. That was the major point of the article. It's nice to laugh, which I think in the 1400s would have been groundbreaking. Right, exactly.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
The legend of the seventh son being a werewolf is still alive and well in South America.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
And you said you weren't going to perform. It's almost like G-Mac Cash is here with us.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
And what did you do to anger God thusly? I don't know.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
I gotta tell you, this all sounds like Big Gretch Bay. It really does.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
That's, I, you gotta, all you've gotta do is be the third worst dressed person in any occasion. Why the third? Well, because if you're the first worst dressed, that's bad. Yeah. And if you're the second worst dressed, what if the first worst dressed goes to the bathroom? Very good. Very smart. Third worst dressed.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
That's right. And then, yeah, then, you know, you win some, you lose some. Exactly.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
to like clap really loud because you don't think they're going to come up for an encore when you really know they're going to come up for an encore? That's a very good question, but that was not addressed.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
Yeah, but they'd rather get home late than give you the satisfaction of thinking that they liked you. When only a few people stand, that doesn't mean you didn't do a good job. It means those people thought you did a great job. Yeah, that's an audience half-standing perspective, and I appreciate that.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
Yeah, well, that's the problem. Thanks, Joe Biden.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
And where did you get this fine raccoon meat that you're serving?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
That's a shame. Yeah, yeah. How ugly? There must be a limit, right? Right. Because if you're like, oh, kind of a painting with a jarring color scheme versus like, that's my grandfather's skull. Jesus. I kind of built that plane in the air, and I don't regret it because it did land. Yeah, sort of.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
Six to tie and seven to win. All right. Tall order, Josh. Peter? Yes. My palms are sweaty. Knees weak. Arms are heavy. There's vomit on my sweater already. Mom's spaghetti. Let's do this.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
Pollution from the use of... Jeez, I'm out on one. Generative AI models.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
I don't like a jacked snowman because regular snowman is my body type. I know. I feel like we're losing representation. You might expect, you know, just the standard three spheres, one on top of each other, but the middle one has abs. Yeah, I don't like that. I also don't like, I feel like this is too Christmas-centered and it's too straight, right? We've got to be more inclusive.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
And Josh Gondelman. Christmas-themed Oscar bait movies. So get ready for Hallmark Channel original Christopher Nolan's Elfenheimer.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
Let's do two birds with one stone. I'm pitching a same-sex romance for Hanukkah called Gatel, Gatel, Gatel.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
They would have to shrink his forehead down to regular. And everyone would be like, that doesn't look anything like you. Isn't it funny?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
It would be less damaging to appoint RFK Sr. at this point. Yeah, I know, yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
Actually, when you put out the tiles, you pour some solo cups, and you play beer-jong. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
This is tough, because I was in a vintage store, and I felt really bad afterwards, and it must have been that hat I ate. LAUGHTER
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
Whoa. Lint chocolate uses toxic metal? They should just rebrand as Lint Biscuit.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
With climate change becoming an increasingly dangerous reality, President Javier Millet of Argentina has taken some extreme measures to hit his country's climate goals. To keep the nation's average temperature as low as possible, he has announced his plans to annex Antarctica. It's simple, said President Millet, in an accent you can imagine but I will not attempt.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
Think about how much of our great nation now creates no carbon emissions at all. From now on, it shall be known as . An Argentinian takeover was fairly simple, given that most of the inhabitants are scientists who offered little resistance, but did manage to peer review their new government.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Governor Whitmer
A group of belligerent American researchers attempted to stand their ground, chanting, our snow, we won't go, our snow, we won't go. President Millet responded, esta es la Ant-Argentina, habla espanol, which translates to, this is Ant-Argentina, speak Spanish.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
some tech bro is going to inject it into himself. Oh, Tyrannosaurus, Rick!
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Berkinosaurus? They're going to make shoes out of it? Like Birkenstocks? Not shoes, not Birkenstocks, but the Birken... I don't know. Birken... Merkin? Birken Merkin. No. Dinosaur Merkin.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Because I don't know what a Birken something is. You don't know what a... Yeah, Birken is probably the most famous kind of...
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Exactly for her. And also, this is going to go wrong, right?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not going to be like, we're just going to make part of the side.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
It's going to be like somebody's going to be walking around all at once. All the bags are going to become alive. They're certainly eating people up their arms.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
It's like a money and class thing. That's what it is. It's like we belong here. That person also belongs here. Yeah. They don't want to meet someone at the Hudson News. Someone who's buying a watch of McCulloch.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Yes. Oh, I love the way you're wearing your neck pillow as you walk around the airport.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Yeah, are they sure it's the champagne that's making a difference? Yeah, it's the ability to buy champagne and treat every day like it's New Year's Eve. Exactly. All right. Here is your next limit.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
You know, all you have to do is just put that green suit on, and he's going to look a lot like that Grinch. Right, yeah. He's got the same kind of body type and face.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Is there another article of clothing that is named after what it sounds like? That is a really good question. I don't have an answer.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
The shirts go shirt, shirt, shirt. No. Do pants pant? No. I'd like to slow the show down and talk about every article of clothing.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
And have the dog look away on the wedding night when he... Very awkward when the dog is in the room when people are trying to express their love to each other.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Oh, yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Yes, and your partner has already had a conversation where you're like, so when we get married, the dog's not going to do that anymore, right? And they're like, no, no, it is. Yeah. Bill, how did Caleb do in our quiz? He was perfect.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Yeah, all the, like, children's books at Christmas are going to be like, there's something called a supply chain. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Also, they are famously the slowest things to turn.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Peter Gross. Bill Belichick and Jordan Hudson are going to announce they are in a thruple with CBS Sunday Morning and Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me's Mo Rocca. Ooh. And Joelle Nicole Johnson.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
You know, for a guy who's like a professional football coach and has won, what, six Super Bowls? Yes. It's pretty ironic that he's getting played so hard.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Can't she just be an influencer like every other 24-year-old? Why does she have to glom on to grandpa and take all his money?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Except all the people who have been doing cocaine all night long are awake and flying.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
Yeah, when the Germans and Italians collaborate with the Japanese there, also?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
You know, the people at the Velveeta Institute have been doing wonderful, wonderful work with pasta for years. I recommend giving them a try.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
All right, first let's hear from Peter Gross. Forget everything you thought you knew about Dracula, or at least the guy they based Dracula on.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
This week, historians from the University of Brasov in Transylvania, Romania, unearthed a trove of documents that revealed that Vlad the Impaler, the 15th century lord who historians had believed impaled his enemies on wooden spikes, didn't actually do that. In fact, the title The Impaler was actually a misreported version of his true nickname.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
A journal entry dated June 17th, 1462, written by a Magyar duke, tells the real story. Dear diary, conquered by Vlad today. He's been so nice, total sweetheart. But can I be honest with you, diary? Every time he takes a breath, there's an annoying rattling sound, like a sword being dragged across a stone floor. It's the worst.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Natasha Rothwell
I think he has a deviated septum, or maybe there's a giant booger stuck in there. Either way, it's super irritating. Behind his back, we all call him Vlad the Inhaler. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Gotta go, diary. Also, I think I have a crush on Kathy, one of the kitchen maids. But don't tell anyone.