A deathbed confession altered Carmen’s sense of identity. But that revelation was just the beginning. Carmen Rita Wong’s memoir Why Didn’t You Tell Me? is available now. If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal Team, email us at [email protected] and follow us on Instagram at @betrayalpod See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What was Carmen Rita Wong's childhood like?
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I wanted her love so bad, and she couldn't love me enough to tell me the truth. Even before she died.
I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything. Carmen Rita Wong grew up in New York in the 70s. Her earliest memories are of her mom Lupe. Lupe was glamorous.
She was always dressed to the nines and the red lipstick was She, along with my grandmother and my abuela, both from the Dominican Republic, were seamstresses for Oscar de la Renta, who was Dominican and employed a lot of the Dominican women immigrants to New York City.
Oscar de la Renta was one of the most expensive and exclusive designers in the world. First ladies and movie stars wore his designs.
And they dressed up to be seamstresses. My abuela as well, always in an Oscar suit that she probably made with her own hands.
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Chapter 2: How did Carmen learn about her father's true identity?
Chapter 3: What impact did Poppy's arrest have on Carmen's life?
In her 20s, Carmen began her career. She'd always wanted to be a writer and she was offered a job.
And they said, okay, well, there's an opening and the Time Life building, which is legendary. I was excited. I wanted to work at Time or People. And they said, oh, it's Money Magazine. And I said, well, even in my 20s, I knew, get your foot in the door, sister, get your foot in the door. And I ended up at Money Magazine.
Carmen was finding her independence, solidifying her sense of self. Meanwhile, things back in New Hampshire were falling apart. Marty never recovered financially after he lost his job.
My mother's white knight had fallen off his horse and wasn't getting back on it. And she was wildly disappointed. She felt like she had gave birth to all these kids and given them this fantasy. And he was disappointing her. And their marriage did not survive.
She wasn't surprised to hear the news about Lupe and Marty's divorce. But for Carmen, life in New Hampshire was in the rearview mirror. She and her brother Alex had both settled in New York. And as adults, they became closer than ever.
I have my midtown job and I had my own apartment back uptown with my Dominican people up in Washington Heights. And I get a call from my brother and we talked a lot, but this call was later than usual and his tone was different. And I was like, what's up? And he said, oh, I talked to mom. Okay.
After her divorce, Lupe threw herself into religion. Part of that process for her meant reconciling decisions she'd made in the past. So she called Alex to make a kind of confession. Lupe told Alex she had terminated pregnancies, both before Carmen and after.
And we both kind of just stood there on the line in silence. That just seems odd, right? Like, why would you? Why was I?
Why had Lupe chosen to keep Carmen? The confession brought up those same feelings Carmen had for a long time. The sense that she was missing something. That she didn't have all the information.
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Chapter 4: How did Carmen's relationship with her mother evolve?
It was in that moment that she asked herself a bigger question.
Was I Chinese anymore?
She felt like she was being stripped of her identity as a Chinese Dominican woman. It was an identity she loved and had proudly carried for 30 years.
How do I feel authentic as a human being? Like if your whole story is a lie, how do you feel authentic as a person?
As angry as she was at Marty, she knew who was actually behind this story.
I just saw in all of this the machinations of my mother who ruled the roost in the sense of what gets told and what doesn't get told. She needed to talk to her mom directly. She had only been given months to live. And I had to know if it was true.
So Carmen went to visit her mom in person.
I saw her in her emaciated frame and hugged her and we cried. but I still was strident inside because I knew that I was there to confront her about something.
It was a horrible position to be in, confronting her mother about a lie at the very end of her life.
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Chapter 7: What is Carmen's memoir about?
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I didn't want to be talked out of this plan.
Then she disappears.
Uh, anyone else think this is strange? I just had to know.
How did this happen?
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