All The Feelings • The Sins & Virtues
Humility: Because Sometimes You Gotta Eat That Pie
Thu, 29 Aug 2024
This week Pete and Tommy dive into the totally and completely grounded world of humility. Why is humility so often misunderstood as self-deprecation? What is it about the cultural and historical shifts in how these concepts are perceived that makes being truly humble so hard?We begin with a JOURNEY THROUGH TIME (cue the echo), examining how ancient Greek society valued pride over humility and how this perspective flipped with the rise of Christianity. They delve into the role of Jesus Christ's crucifixion in redefining humility as a virtue (which was a BIG DEAL (echo again)), pondering how this transformation occurred so swiftly and profoundly. We also explore secular perspectives, highlighting David Hume's emphasis on modesty and intellectual humility.Plus, we have another segment of our one-segment gameshow about how we can possibly "eat humble pie" and Pete tries not to humblebrag but he’s just terrible at it … at … not … doing it. Whatever. ---Learn more about supporting this podcast by becoming a member. Visit our website to learn more.
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All the Feelings presents Sins and Virtues. This episode, Humility. Hi, everybody. Welcome to All the Feelings, Sins, and Virtues. I'm Pete Wright.
And I'm Tommy Metz III. Woo! We're already on number four.
Yeah, I know, number four. And not a single one released. How about that? You're going to tell people that? That's my shame.
We can hide these things, Pete. You're in charge of the edit. Yeah, we're going to... What an own goal. We're pulling a real baby reindeer. We're just going to shove them all out at once.
That's our Netflix model. Yeah, this is the value. We are talking about a... I had a hard time with this one today. We're talking about humility, which is today a virtue, but we're going to come back around to that.
So far, is it interesting? And I think we talked about this last episode that I know we're only four in, but every time we talk about a virtue, it's a little harder than the sin. Sins are just more fun. And I guess the problem with virtues is because we're bringing up Well, this actually gets into humility because we're bringing up sometimes personal stories.
Here's a story about how I was virtuous makes it seem the opposite.
It's pride. Yeah.
I have to find like self-deprecation within my humility. Well, first, okay, Pete, I know, I don't know if you've met, we have a robot friend and I was wondering if maybe a Pete robot, robot, Pete robot, say hi. Hi. And a robot. Why don't you go ahead and set the table?
Humility, noun, a modest or low view of one's own importance. Humbleness.
Thank you, Robot. Pete, humility, what do you think? Is it all it's got to be? I want to do this like this morning zoo radio. We're taking calls. What do you guys think about humility?
Look, humility is a challenging one because it's in the definition, as Robot said. A modest or low view of one's own importance feels self-deprecating, which feels antithetical to what we believe here in Ye Olde West. Hmm. Explain. That's interesting. Well, I don't know. I mean, don't you just isn't this just a recipe for feeling like crap all the time?
Low view. We'll see. Modest and low is very different for me. It's being used almost like a synonym here. But modest is like you're like capping expectations. You're not blowing your own horn, but you do have a horn. You're older yet. You're just not putting your lips around it. Gross. But a low view of one's importance seems like you are tearing yourself down and that's not helpful.
I assume that there is a difference between humility and self-deprecation. I think if anything, I tend to maybe I've been told that I tend more to stray towards the latter. Towards self-deprecation versus humility. But I don't know how to separate those two.
Well, you use self-deprecation as a weapon, a tool. Weapon is not the right word.
I don't weaponize humility. Um, well, yes, I use it as a yes. And I'm actually going to be talking about that in a later segment about how I use humility or humility.
And we're going to talk about modesty in a second, because I think it's interesting that you put modesty in the robot, but modesty in the definition, because modesty came relatively late in the historical sort of evolution of the concept of humility. And this is why I think humility is interesting. Yeah.
So when you look at humility, you know, our modern interpretation, as we just said, it's the opposite of pride or arrogance. And what I found a different definition that I actually really like, it is about having an accurate assessment of one's abilities, accomplishments and limitations, which has a different spin on it.
I, for me to have an actualization, that's like, yes, isn't that doesn't that feel a little bit more in alignment with, with humility, as we understand it, the non secular kind of version of humility?
Yes. Yeah. And not not self-aggrandizing yourself, just really knowing where you are, where your skin is and where your place is.
Because then it's not grounded in self-deprecation or meekness. Right. It's grounded in maintaining perspective about where you are in the world. So that's what it used to be, you're saying? No, that's what I think. That's, I think, a really good definition of what it is. Got it. Yeah. Right? I think it's a more complete definition of what it is. But this is the fascinating bit.
The ancient views of humility. I am really, I feel like I have come into my own as a 50-something. Because suddenly I'm into, like, World War I and ancient Greeks. Are you my dad? Yeah, right. I've just become dad. This is what I think is really interesting. In ancient Greek philosophy, humility was not valued and was actually seen as a form of self-abasement. Pride and honor were the virtues.
Pride and honor. Okay. This is in the Greeks, you're saying.
Greeks. Yeah. Yeah. And that, like, isn't that fascinating? Like, be shocked about that. Pride was a virtue. Humility was effectively the sin.
Oh, I see what you're saying. So it's completely reversed. I guess maybe both could exist, but I guess both can't exist. So Pride, everyone's psyched that you're overly proudful.
Because that was it. I'm prime among peers. I am. I'm powerful. I'm strong. I am the best warrior. I'm the best whatever. Like Pride was the jam. when we were in more of a, I don't, I mean, the ancient civilization, right? The Greeks and the Romans that were all about pride.
Was it just because you were like convincing other people or is it like a fake it till you make it thing? Why? Because having pride doesn't mean you have achievements. It means you're saying, right? It means you're saying I'm the best. It doesn't mean you're the best.
Well, that, I guess, would be the sin, right, is false pride. But saying you're the best and trying to outdo one another, that sort of braggadocio was the event, right? That's why we threw each other in the Coliseum and fought, right? We fought lions and stuff. Like, what a horrible Sunday.
That sounds terrible for a society to be based on loving them. And it also kind of sounds like America. A lot of America.
Right, right. Okay. So what was it that actually, this is where things get a little bit, again, crazy for my brain. What was it that actually changed society? humility and swapped humility and pride. What was that transition of humility from being denigrated to being respected as a virtue?
Well, I have a guess, but it's going to be the same guess that I've had every episode so far. And I don't want it to seem like I'm perseverating on one thing.
Well, it is always the one thing. Religion. You can be more specific than that. Jesus Christ. Superstar.
Yeah. Who did he think he was? Um, Right. Because he preached humility. He preached that the meek shall inherit the earth, that rich people are camels and needles and can't get into heaven. All of that. Right.
Well, that's what that's what he preached. But, you know, there is an argument that is made in many texts that even that wasn't really understood until one event in his lifetime or in his lifetime. What I know it is pretty well known. You know, I think you might have heard this one.
It's going to ring a bell. Oh, the real humbleness. Well, I mean, obviously giving yourself up for crucifixion on behalf of everybody else is a pretty cool, is a pretty cool. It's pretty, it's pretty cool. Yeah, I don't, I don't know. What is it? Unless it was crucifixion.
It was the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
This is completely offering yourself up, sacrificing yourself for everyone else being a jerk.
Yes. And it's like, you know, if somebody strikes you in the left cheek, always turn against him with your right. Like that mentality started to make sense to people. And this is the thing that's crazy. It is documented that humility made that shift from sin to virtue over the course of, and units matter, two decades, 20 years. 2,000 years ago, people just changed belief.
That's how quickly the sentiment changed and humility became the jam of everyone.
We can be that specific with time that far ago?
There is a lot of writing and how the writing changes.
It's all right because everyone's texting up.
Wow. Everyone's writing.
I think, by the way, just to go back a second, that when we were doing the quiz, that I made sure to say Jesus Christ and not Jesus because I didn't want you to be confused. Yeah, you could have been talking about Christ like a famous. Oh, my friend Denzel Washington.
Hey, Seuss Washington. Yeah, right. Right. So that is bonkers to me. Like, wow, we can't do anything in the span of 20 years. And the world, the Christian world changed an ideology in the span of 20 years.
And we have so much more in effect text now. Yeah. Is it because the floods are all coming from one place? Meaning that we still sort of had not a town crier, but ideas were coming from more centralized places instead of everyone screaming them all the time. Because that is really surprising to have. That is a huge shift.
And I bet there was a lot of prideful people flapping in the wind being like, no, but wait, you love me, right? Yeah, check out what I can knock over with my penis. Like no one there just laughed in the dark. Yeah.
Right. I'm just here whacking away at this bookshelf. Yeah. So, yeah. So it was really the Christian, the Christian input post Jesus's crucifixion was hot, hot, hot.
And that just, and that one, one is a dumb way to say it, but because that struck, it must have struck something that so many people either hadn't thought of or did believe. And you know what I mean? Like it uncovered... It awoke something. That's how that has to work. It can't just be like, oh, this guy said it, so let's go. It was this... We've always been thinking this way.
So maybe it was a lot of... Maybe there were a lot more meek. Of course there were. There were a lot more meek and less... People with things less to be proud of. There's always smaller on the top with all the power. So that may just be... An inversion of the pyramid, right? Right. An uprising of humility, which seems like an oxymoron. But you know what I mean? This is it. Yeah.
It's all of the meek and all of the people with no that feel humble, that feel that they are less than, but realizing, wait, if you'd say we have the power, we're so much more than you guys are. We win.
Interesting. And in Christian tradition now, right, the role of humility in counteracting pride, pride is considered the most severe of the seven deadly sins in many circles. Think about that. Right. Over like wrath? Right. Because it involves an excessive love of one's own excellence and often leads to other sins.
Oh, if you're prideful, then of course you're allowed to do anything.
You can do anything you want.
You can lust it up. You can wrath it out.
You can greet it down. And you can do it wherever you want. You could do it in Times Square if you wanted to.
Sure. Wow. Interesting, because that's the tipping point. If you believe in yourself that much, then is this really a sin?
Is it really a sin? Right. If I'm doing it, surely it's not a sin.
Man, I never would have thought that pride would be. Pride seems like The also sin. I know.
And this was so crazy because I don't think I understood what we were talking. We've talked about pride before, and I don't think I really understood the context at that point when we talked about pride because we weren't looking at it in the context of humility. And until I was able to read about the evolution of humility, pride didn't make whole sense to me. But it does more so now.
Like on the other hand, right, of pride, humility involves having an accurate perspective or view of yourself, right, and recognizing your own limitations. And once you recognize your own limitations, you're doing so with a perspective that you are not above anyone else. Right, it's not you and everyone else. You're not above the rules. You're not above the systems.
You exist and you understand what is above and below your worldview. And that perspective leads to modest behavior, selflessness, respect for others, right? It's through humility that we... maintain our perspective on our own abilities and skills, right? And foster gratitude and dependence on our community and others. And of course, in the church, dependence on God. Wow.
That's a little bit mind blowing, right?
Like, that's really interesting. It's extremely interesting because there's so much Again, I'm just, I'm really putting the more on an oxymoron, but there's so much strength in humility that I didn't think it's such a strong, I thought humility would be kind of like what you said, like this one is a little hard. Like the first three words that I use when I was like, okay, what's for week four?
Humility. I think my first three words were boy, boy. I don't know what to say. Like it's humility. What are you going to do? It's like, it's like sneezing in the wind, but no, there is so much, not a phrase, but there is so much there. And it really is like the leash that keeps you from going crazy in so many other ways.
And this, so this transitions because so much of like, we just talked about it, right? The foundation of humility is based on a supremely religious event, right? The crucifixion of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. You bet. Right. Right. Yeah. And, And so how, like, I'm not, I am notably not a religious person.
How am I, secular human, supposed to relate to humility if I'm not religious and don't have that background? Asking a rhetorical question, but I am also curious what you think.
The fact that they made it, granted, if we take the Trinity out of it, the idea that God and the Son and the Holy Ghost, that they're all the same thing, because that just sort of makes your head blow open. You have a child. The idea of being so humble, because Jesus was humble, but really who was in charge of the humble train was God, because he gave his only begotten Son.
So you have to give up Nicholas. Or everyone else being a jerk. Nicholas has done nothing wrong. But you have to put your son in eternal detention. Well, three-day detention. And then he comes back. But either way, the humility to do unto others, to save everyone around you and lose one of the things that is the most important thing to you, is that relatable-ish?
Because that's unthinkable for you. You would say, the answer is, no, that's stupid. Yeah.
No, and what that begets is greed, right? I'm keeping my only friend to a begotten son, right?
But I think the relatable thing is supposed to be that he, capital H, he didn't. He did that for us. That is ultimate humility. That is ultimate grace is supposed to be. And I, again, I am not a religious person, but I know I am religious, what? Not themed. Adjacent. Yeah, I'm on the off ramp of religion. But yeah, I think that's probably the best way that you can try to imagine that.
Thankfully, you and I don't have to armchair too much because David Hume got there first.
oh dave i know dave yeah so uh the good dave he has a what what he called a secular ethic right and so this is 18th century now we're we're many many years post-crucifixion we've we've jumped time uh everybody's wearing did you just have me try to do stuff and then you actually have a real smart guy gonna answer the question Isn't that what we do? Yeah, I guess so.
Except mine are usually plagiarists. So he was a massive critic of Christian humility. And this is why I mentioned we were going to come back to this particular word, because he promoted, Mr. Hume, a form of humility that he termed modesty. Oh, involves a realistic self-assessment of the recognition of one's limitations.
We mentioned that he argued specifically that this form of humility is essential for moral motivation and social harmony. Right. You talked about that because you don't see yourself apart from everybody else. Yeah, exactly. and says it fosters extensive sympathy and empathy and moral judgments based on, this is the part that I love, common human experience rather than doctrine.
Got it. So it's not because you were told to, but it's because this is what makes the most sense for all of us together. Yeah. And every time you use the word, you've used it twice now, every time you use the word foster, you know that my brain goes right to my dog. It's your dog. And I miss the next couple. Right.
you just have to sort of black out you have to be very careful yeah i'm always like oh i have to pick up sticks at the store yeah um you just have to know that but yeah that makes i love that i love anything that doesn't have to do with rules or doctrine from above whether the above being religion or government or anything that if we're figuring it out on our own golden rule style that's always the best that's the i think so too
So I did a little bit of searching on other sort of models of secular philosophical approaches to humility or perspectives. There is intellectual humility, right? It emphasizes the importance of recognizing the limits of one's knowledge and being open to information and perspectives. I think it's safe to say that in many circles, we lack intellectual humility right now in our modern society.
To wit, the pandemic, for instance. To wit, the pandemic, right. Everyone was all of a sudden either an expert or very skeptical of experts.
Right. And of course, intellectual humility is very much, you know, valued in scientific and academic communities and formerly in journalistic communities. And it was seen as crucial for the advancement of knowledge and the avoidance of dogmatism, I think is how to put it. Right. Big deal. The other, Confucian humility is another.
In Confucian philosophy, social humility is rooted in the social and ethical fabric of society. Confucian humility emphasizes the importance of placing social good above individual aspirations and recognizing your own place. in a larger community, which is antithetical to capitalist dogma, right?
Absolutely anti-humility feels to me in this context, antithetical to the Western way of life, which is kind of, it's really makes me a little bit sick to my stomach.
Yeah. You keep mispronouncing the word communist when you say Confucianism.
I know, God, why do I keep hearing that? You know, secular humanism, we've got humanist ethics and, you know, just this the whole idea that there are ethical principles based on reason, empathy and commitment to human well-being. Again, it feels like we're trailing off as we fall off the edge of our flat earth. Sure. Interesting. Yeah.
I feel like all of this is really useful right now, especially as we just try to rationalize how we can still be good people, how we can still find a way to be modest, if not humble, right? Right. From a non-secular perspective. And and and be able to live a whole life with other people and different belief systems.
I don't think we can find I think where we struggle to find commonality is when we are not able to understand the perspective that we bring to differing communities. Self-awareness with other people. The other. Yeah. Yeah. The other. Isn't that part of it? Very much so. That's what I've been thinking about. That's my whole, that's my whole jam.
I feel like now we've solved humility and what are we going to do for the rest of the episode? I don't know. Um, play a little, uh, yeah. Rochambeau football. Is that a thing you can do? I don't know how football works.
We just play fantasy football. You think fantasy football is just imagining a game? That's kind of what I think. Well, guess what? I just scored nine touchdowns.
I just spiked a ball on your head. Oh, guess what? You're out. I just, I just took your entire team out of the umpires. You just struck me out. Is that a football thing? All right.
And now, words are fun, with all the feelings, sins, and virtues. And our contestant today is Uncle Pete. Pete, come on down! Yay! Okay, what am I doing? Pete, as you know, this is the show where we ask a question, and it doesn't really matter if you know the answer or not, because I did research that I want to share no matter what.
Are you ready? First of all, let's just note you were just complaining that I did this exact thing to you and you already had it locked and loaded.
We don't know what you're talking about because I have a different character. All right, Pete, here we go. What does the phrase eat humble pie usually mean?
It means that I was prideful and I had an event that brought me down to earth.
Right. It means to apologize for or take back something that you've said. Okay. Or done. Right. You eat humble pie. You're exactly right. Do you know where that phrase came from? Have you ever thought to think, where did that phrase come from? It's a UK phrase, mostly.
Ooh.
that were hidden. So when you eat humble pie, you're brought down to earth by losing some teeth. Did you know that?
Did I send you my notes by accident? That's crazy. This has been, no, that is not, that is not quite right. But you are right that it involves food. Would you like to know? Can I just go ahead and tell you real quick? Please tell me. In the 14th century, the numbles, N-U-M-B-L-E-S, was the name given to gross food.
For the most part, heart, liver, entrails of animals, especially of deer, what we would now call awful, O-F-F-A-L, not awful, but it was awful. It was considered a lower class food. By the 15th century, the term had changed to just umble. Instead of N-U-M-B-L-E, it was now U-M-B-L-E, dropping the N. How did this happen? Well, some word smarties think that pies might be the reason.
At that time, pies were extremely popular and affordable to eat, and a lot of people didn't have money. And if you were to eat or serve a pie made of numbles, N-U-M-B-L-E, you would call it a numble pie. thus dropping the N in pronunciation. A numble pie. A numble pie. Exactly right.
And because humble and humble sound so alike, it was actually used as a pun of sorts in the UK by 1830, meaning to eat lower class food or to do something resulting from past regret was to eat humble pie. But then everyone forgot the gross stuff used to be called numbles or umbles in the first place. And so humble pie just became an idiom when no one remembered it was originally a punchline.
So everyone's walking around just saying these words, not realizing that we used to be smart and it was like a play on words. And now we're just saying this stupid words together, humble pie, which doesn't make any sense. No, it doesn't mean anything.
I'm definitely never saying this again.
Yeah, but it used to. Humble or numble. It was a numble pie. What is America's version? Here's your second question, Pete. Oh. What is America's version other than eating your words or humble pie? What do we say? It's not used very much at all. Oh, eat ass. So close. Show me eat ass. No, that's a different. That's family ass. No, the America's version is eat crow. To eat your own words.
To eat crow. Do you know why it was called that?
I'm going to guess it has something to do with mistaking words.
Extremely poor people. No, it just used to eat boiled crows. Like they would find crows were very plentiful. And so like sassy, you've seen Disney cartoons, crows and Siamese cats are notably sassy. So they were very easy to catch. And so you would boil them and you would call eating boiled crow or eating crow was humbled experience because crows are nasty. All right. That's our show.
Pete, you've won nothing. Thank you. And we'll see you on the next episode of words are fun. Goodbye forever.
There is a story, one I heard for the first time a long time ago, but many times in many different forms since. And I'm going to share it in its full state, as full a state as I can remember, as a wee gift for those who are married and sometimes need to be taken down a peg or two. In a small, picaresque town... there lived a well-respected preacher named John.
Reverend John was known for his passionate sermons and his unwavering dedication to his congregation. He had been preaching for over 20 years, and he took great pride in his work. His wife, Mary, was his steadfast companion, brilliant and beautiful, and always supporting him from her perch in the frontmost pew.
One sunny afternoon while cleaning out the attic, Reverend John stumbled upon an old dusty shoebox tucked away in a corner. Curiosity peaked. He opened the box and was surprised to find five eggs and a stack of bills totaling over $10,000. Confused and intrigued, he decided to ask Mary about it. Mary, I found this shoebox in the attic. It has five eggs and a lot of money in it.
Do you know anything about that? He asked, holding up the box. Mary's face turned a shade of pink, and she hesitated before responding. Yes, John, I do. You see, every time you preach a bad sermon, I put an egg in the box. Reverend John was taken aback a bit. He'd always believed he was an exceptional preacher. But then he thought, five bad sermons in over 20 years wasn't so bad.
He felt a sense of pride wash over him. Only five bad sermons in all these years. That's not too bad, he thought, smiling to himself. His wife continued as if she hadn't noticed his silent preening. And every time I collected a dozen eggs, I sold them and tossed the money right in that box. Want to share your love without the baggage of judgy lessons and fiscal responsibility?
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So jump in now, support the season, and know you're also supporting Pete and Tom from the farm all the way to our humble table. Visit allthefeelings.fun to learn more. And thank you for your support. And now, back to the show.
Humility by David Tenson. Perhaps humility feels like this, to shut my mouth, quiet my critique, and make space for sapling and seed only time away from tallness, to leave generous gaps in the canopy of wisdom, to recall that I too remain dependent on the elements and shelter of neighbors and strangers.
to live with a fragile knowing that the unavoidable truth is we all fall and break down only to become a bed for both friend and foe to dig their own roots into just as we have done. Pete! Oh, hi again. Hi, it's me. I've been here the whole time. Today, as you know, we've been talking about humility and being humble.
So on that line, Pete, have you heard of the word, it was very in fashion a while ago, and then even the author that came up with it disowned it because it became too overused. Have you heard of the word humble brag?
Oh, yeah. Oh, you don't like it? Yeah, no, it's no. Maybe I do. I don't know. I don't like it. Tell me about it.
Do you want to define what do you think humble bragging is? Or I can just define it for you.
I think I would rather you define it for me because I have a feeling I might try and give you an example and it'll be wrong. Okay. I'll be like, I'll do a full Linus Morissette. Like, it's not ironic.
That's just a bunch of spoods. Usually it's over social media and it was started by comedians and then everyone started doing it where it's the idea of subtly letting others know how fantastic your life is while undercutting it with a bit of self-effacing humor or woe-is-me gloss. So it's pretending to be like, oh, boo, who is me? But you're actually bragging.
This was a word coined by late, amazing comedian, writer, comedian and writer and actor Harris Whittles, who is no longer with us anymore. Would you like some examples that I called from Grantland and BuzzFeed? Why does this make you so upset? Wait, first of all, this was just supposed to be like a little bit of an intro. Why are you shaking your head?
Oh, my God, there's blood coming out of your nose.
Why are your eyes bleeding? I because I don't know how to I don't know how to do. I don't know how to do stuff. Right. Look, the thing I it is you've tapped into an anxiety for me, which is how do I share the work that I'm proud of and not sound like a dick?
Oh, so you're worried that you're either humble bragging or just bragging.
That I worry that I am doing this all the time. So as you talk about it, I'm like, ugh. And here's why. This is a big why. Because, you know, as we've talked about, this is me about to humble brag. I'm going to do it right now. I don't know how to do it any other way. I just, with my co-host of the ADHD podcast, we just wrote a book. We wrote a book together. We worked very hard together.
And we wrote a book and it was hard. And that book is being published. And the publisher has told us that the book is coming out on September 4th. Pre-orders are available now. Yeah, if you're into ADHD, if you're like a real fan of ADHD, you should go get this book. It's Unapologetically ADHD. It's in Amazon. You should go get it.
The thing is, I'm about to have to start learning how to promote this book in a way that people need to buy it. And also, I'm terrible at that largely. And I wish I didn't have to do it. I wish it could just like I wish there was a Patreon for my life and people could just throw me a buck for everything I do. And I would never have to ask for any value exchange at all because I hate it so much.
So that's where I am. And that's why this gives me heartburn.
Well, none of that was humble bragging. That was just being proud of your work.
I dodged a bullet.
Yeah. Right. Here, let me give you some examples, some historical examples called from Grantland and BuzzFeed that Harris Whittles picked off of social media. These are all celebrities talking about things. See if you can figure out the difference between what you just said and what they're saying. Do you remember Tequila? Yeah. She had a thing called A Shot of Love.
It was a dating show that I think was followed up by A shot of penicillin. So Tia Tequila, old host turned right wing weirdo, it turned out, wrote once, I hate my Lambo. Police is always pulling me over just because it's a Lambo. So they always think I'm speeding, but I'm not. Then they let me go. Okay. So she's saying, woe is me, my life is so hard, but it's because I have a Lamborghini. Yeah.
That's a humble brag.
That's a humble brag. So I'm calling them out as I see them.
Good. Toy Story 3 and Finding Nemo director Lee Unkrich once said, quote, spazz alert, colon, I tripped walking upstairs to receive my Oscar nominee certificate. Hashtag forever a nerd.
Humble brag. Okay. You get it? Really? I mean, I get it. But also, I have watched a lot of Leon Gritch, and he's a pretty grounded guy.
And also, he did trip. This is a humblebrag. There's no reason to say that. I mean, you can see that they really want everyone to know that he got an Oscar nominee certificate, but he's pretending to do it under the guise of Uber.
Well, now, wait a minute. No, this is I'm going to push back because that presumes people in the industry didn't know that he got an Oscar certificate, like got his Oscar nomination. If this was already news, we know he's already there. And like like maybe he's just calling that out. We didn't need to know that Tia Tequila had a Lambo. Right.
We didn't need to know that he was receiving an Oscar. I'm pushing back on your pushback. It's a classic humblebrag. Let me keep going. Okay. Keep going. Actor, comedian, Stephen Fry. Wrote, oh dear, don't know what to... Oh, all great British humblebrags start with oh dear. Yeah. Oh dear, don't know what to do at the airport. Huge crowd, but I'll miss my plane if I stop and do photos.
Dot, dot, dot. Oh dear, don't want to disappoint people like Stephen Fry.
Ouch! Yeah, okay, I get that one. I get it.
And finally, Kevin Hart. Comedian, quote, actor, end quote. I'm watching the UCLA and Florida game in amazement because I performed in the same arena where they are playing now and sold it out. Hashtag God is good. These are all. So that's humble bragging. Okay. Yeah.
Yeah.
You're ready for the whiplash of one of the worst segues to talk about myself in history. Oh, good. Yeah. I'd like to offer up a twist on that term, humble bragging, and explain how I use it in Young Storytellers.
100%.
And Young Storytellers, real quick, it is a nonprofit creative writing and literacy program that I work for out of Los Angeles that I've talked about a bunch. I call it, this is a thing that I, I'm just making up this phrase for this episode. I've never called it this before, but I desperately wanted to relate it to what we're talking about. I call it dumbbell bragging. These were humble bragging.
I'm dumbbell bragging. May I explain it? And the reason I want to bring this up is because you don't work with kids, but A, you have kids, and B, you have been an instructor. You've been a teacher for people younger than you. And so I wonder if A, you... Find value in what I'm about to explain to you and B, if you've ever used it. Does that make sense? Go for it.
Okay.
So when I'm working with a new fifth grader, I pretty much exclusively work with fifth graders, especially one that is very shy or introverted. It can be very hard to get them to trust me or to open up. Of course, because I'm a 49-year-old thousand man and they are a child with their life in front of me and they can see the light dying in my eyes.
And so they don't want to catch what I've caught, which is aging. And so I have a large basket of tricks that I can use. But one that I've been leaning on more and more lately is making myself vulnerable through a bit of self-deprecation of sorts.
I will actively make a mistake or do something kind of dumb or silly on purpose in front of the kid and then call myself out on it and laugh about it together. Like I won't talk down about myself. I won't say, ugh, or get frustrated. I'm such a jerk. What did I do? I'll just poke fun at myself. May I give you an example? I hope you do. This is a true story.
Two weeks ago, I was working with a young girl named Estefania, and she was very sweet and polite, but painfully shy. I was actually subbing in for another mentor. So this was like week three, and she was just meeting me for the first time and was never going to see me again. I was just subbing in for a mentor. So I realized that she was really, really quiet.
I've been told by the mentor, it's really hard to get her to open up. And so I started the process by we were sitting next to each other and I was reading out loud the last bit of the script that she had written so far. And to help bridge the gap, I tripped myself up on purpose. I'd like to, this is what I mean by dumbbell bragging.
You're being a little dumb on purpose to make yourself more accessible to others that need it. So for example, her script took place in Africa and the main character was a giraffe with an Australian accent. And I'd say it's lines and I'd do the accent. Pete, we know and avid listeners know I cannot do accents at all. Settled linguistic science. Yeah. Yes.
But I would make it egregiously bad for her and then say, I'm so terrible at voices. And she would giggle. And then I'd try to have her say it. And then I'd get even worse for the next line. Or I do it as an English accent. Like I would just keep messing up. And then I finally and she would giggle. And finally, I was like, OK, you're in charge of all the draft lines.
When we read together, I'll read all the other characters of the script stuff because I'm too embarrassing. You have to do it. And just like that, I got her talking. Now she's saying all the lines. She is comfortable with me. She's leaning into me emotionally.
And I think she got comfortable with me in part because showing vulnerability and making mistakes, albeit leaning into it on purpose, I erased the line between instructor and student. By dumbbell bragging, I raised her up to my level by lowering myself to hers. Wait. That was a riddle, but you understand. Oh, I met her in the middle.
That's the way that I phrase you.
It's like... Like when you meet a friend's kid, some adults instinctively, like if they're very small, instinctively get down on their hunches. Like you physically lower yourself to their level. Right. So you're not just looking down on them when they're staring up at you. When they're staring up at you, that's when they hide behind their parents' legs. It's because you are an intimidating force.
But dumbbell bragging, as I'm now coining, it's a way of doing it emotionally, I guess.
And performatively, for sure. But here's the thing I don't understand. Yeah. I feel like you've just humanized an exchange between you, and that is awesome. And you've just found a way into this exchange to get her to come out of her shell. Amazing. At no point did you brag. So where's the brag in the Dumblebrag? Or are you just Dumbledorking? I don't know.
I understand what you're saying. And I understand that. I guess the brag was I was really I wasn't trying to cover up the mistakes that I was doing. I was really putting a spotlight on them.
That's the act of humility right there.
Right. And so the idea and but I'm calling it bragging because it's almost like, in case you missed it, look at what I messed up. And I'm still messing up. I'm really, I'm almost bragging about how dumb or I bet I am with this in order to so that's where the bragging I think I was trying to make it come in. Usually you would try to like speed past it or correct yourself.
Instead, I'm really putting on the brakes, right?
Everybody needs to stop and notice how dumb I am.
another way I would do it, for instance, is like talking to you. If I was talking to you, I'd say like, uh, her script took place in Africa and it was the, um, Oh, it's the, it's the, it's a very common animal, like real tall, eat leaves.
You give me an opportunity to say giraffe.
Like giraffe. Okay, good. Okay, from now on, you're in charge of animals. That's Dumbo break. Like I know the word giraffe, but just skipping on that and letting them pull in the stuff and then saying, oh, thank you for doing that. And now you're in charge of that. I've given you agency. I've given you and taken myself down a peg, even though I was in control of the conversation the entire time.
It's interesting. It feels like good jujitsu.
Well, I feel like you all these years have probably been using this like Tom Ripley on me now. And it's making me rethink every exchange we've ever had. So that's good, I guess. You really dumbbell bragged your way into this.
Is because I forget actual words all the time. And now I'm going to incept that I was dumbbell bragging instead of literally not knowing what a giraffe was, which was 100% what was happening.
Thank you all so much for joining us for this episode. This week's tune is Humble by Young Lords. And coming up next week, oh, Tom. Yikes.
From humility to the opposite. Not the opposite of humility, but it's a rough one.
Yeah, Wrath. We're going to Wrathville, USA. What is in the box?
Yes, we are wrathing it up. I don't exactly know what Wrath means. I know it means violence and anger. But I have to do some research on this and figure it out. I know Khan is involved.
Yeah. That's the one thing I know about Star Trek. Is Khan was there. Yeah. Well, we're going to see how close you are to that, if you can dumbbell brag your way out of that. Until next week, I'm Pete Wright.
And I'm Tommy Metz III. Thank you so much for downloading. We will be back next week with all the feelings, sins, and virtues.