Mike Coase
Appearances
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I had a jealousy problem with my first boyfriend, Marlon. Shout out, because I know he watches my stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
So, this girl kept checking him out, and it was annoying me, and I got mad. At school? At school, and I got pissed, so I made a comment to her in the math hallway during our lunch, and then she- What was that comment? I said, you know, keep your fucking eyes to yourself, bitch, something along those lines. Respect.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
it and then her friend set of instructions her friend shoved me who I've never seen in my entire life and I was like who the fuck is this bitch so I shoved her back but then my friend I can't say her name because she gets pissed off when I tell the story but she comes in and just throws this girl to the ground and just pounds her in the math hallway like pounds and I was like
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
oh shit so we run out a teacher comes off pulls us apart also my friend did you get involved in the punching no I just I did the initial show I started I did the initial show gotcha so we we leave that that get kicked out of the school we're outside at the pizza shop and I'm like are we gonna be in shit and my friends like we're probably gonna get like I love how you get in a fist but you're like let's go grab a slice no we had a full slice I went back we were here all day what are you talking about hey Mario if anyone asked I've been here since opening
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I went back to fifth period, and I remember I asked my teacher, Mr. Black, I go, are there cameras in the school? And he goes, why? What are you doing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
There was cameras. So I was like, I won't get in trouble because they'll see that I didn't do the first push. So I was like, oh, I'm in Scott Free here. And then we come to school the next day, the both of us. Nothing happens all day long. End of the day, this teacher, student guy comes up. He goes, you're in a lot of trouble. There's a girl in the hospital. I'm like, what? Girl in the hospital.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
And then we go take it down to the office, and I'm sitting there, and this out-of-clothing police officer starts going through my backpack. She's like, you have the right to remain silent. I'm like, who the fuck are you, bitch? She's like, you have the right to remain. And I look over, and my friend is literally leafing through a People magazine. I'm bawling my eyes out. We wore school uniforms.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
She's going, what took you so long? So I'm wearing a little kilt, a little school kilt, and I'm getting handcuffed in the school office. Is this Catholic school? No, we just had a bad gang problem at our school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah, East York Collegiate in Toronto. There was a lot of gangs were coming in. Say East York Collegiate? Yeah. EY, look at me. Psycho. You have your school tattooed on you? East York? Crash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
There was a European... I think they're called European Alliance. EA. They were insane.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
They bring chains to school. It was just people trying to find my grandparents. You had the Russian mob in your high school. What do you got on...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Oh, I am. You are. And a couple of hockey players are as well.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I kept being taken off it. Somebody kept taking me off of the notable alumni. My friend kept putting me back on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Arrested, fingerprinted, handcuffed. They locked me and my friend in two separate cells. Really? All white room with a white little table. Wow, you must have been freaking out. My dad's going to beat the fucking pulp up. Sure. Because, you know, Bulgarians like to slap around a little bit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Oh, big time. My friend's singing in the room. Mariah Carey, top of her lungs. I'm like, this bitch is fucking laughing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, she married, actually, another comedian friend of mine. I introduced him. They have two kids. Two beautiful kids. Wow. I know. They're doing great. She really came around. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I, on the other hand... Anyways, yeah, we got... But in Canada, we went to court, like, I think 13... We got expelled initially, but my parents both went to this high school and my grandparents, so they're like, you're getting back into school and keeping the name alive. So my dad went and, like, begged the teachers to, like, let me back in, the principal, and they did.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
And then I came back, and then I was in the student government.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
And then I got on the honor roll, so suck my dick, East Shore Collegiate.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
But also, if you've ever been arrested at that age, you just get thrown in a room with everybody else who's had a charge, and you're sitting there with some drunk guy at the back, and he's yelling, and they're like, they just call your name up, and you walk up, and they're like, okay, we'll make another court date. They just keep pushing it back. It's such a waste of fucking time and money.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Well, it was me, and it was the bulldog, and I kept honking some butts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, I would go into the classrooms, and everyone thought it was a guy, and I would grab all the guys' asses, and they got so pissed off. Jesus. It stunk in there. You want to talk about a smell? Holy Toledo. Bad things never washed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Hold on. No, no. I can show you this. I also got handcuffs tattooed on me with my friend and I. We got a little handcuffed. The friend that got arrested? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
It's a little high. She's getting hers removed because her mom saw it, and her mom hates me because she thinks I'm a bad influence. And, like, she literally, her mom saw the tattoo recently, and she's now getting her.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Last year, same time I got the EY. What the fuck? We both got the EY. I am trash, and we're realizing it now. That's pretty wild.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, I'd buy it, or we used to go to this place called Harvey's and just ask for free pickles. You were allowed to leave. Yes. Interesting. Or I'd go home. I lived really close to my 678th school. I lived down the street, so I'd just go home sometimes and eat a whole can of ravioli and then head back. Oh, yeah. Not good. I ate a lot of ravioli growing up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Oh, of course. What are you, crazy? I found a maggot in it one time, and I remember I just pushed it aside, and I continued to eat it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, my mom never, like, didn't really cook us shit. She wasn't a girl cook? No, like frozen chicken and put it in the oven, and then I had to do that once my mom would teach, and I would have to come home from high school, and if my dad walked in the door and the chicken wasn't ready, there'd be a full fucking fight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
And then as soon as I was in, like... Like a good Bulgarian girl. But in, like, halfway through high school, I went full punk, and I had, like, a dog collar, and I was like, I don't listen to the man! And then my dad... And I really didn't get along after that. Jesus Christ.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Oh, it was crazy. I got braids one time. I got those, like, they're not good anymore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, like the full, like I had full, like woven in braids, like what black women get. Pretty much, but braids. And then I had to dance with that. I looked ridiculous. Yikes. I don't have those photos because I did scrub those off the internet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Well, yeah. Here's where it gets even worse. I went to clown college. There's a two-year program at Humber College called the Comedy Writing and Performance Program. Humber? Humber College. Look it up. It's a two.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
You know what? I am, and it's so fucking funny because they fucking hated me. I lived in a house with eight guys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I actually am a nice person. No, I live with eight guys, and we'd just be stoned all the time, and they hated us because we didn't write anything. And there's only like eight women in the whole program. Anyways, at the end of the year, they cut me out of all the sketch shows, and I had to do stand-up. That's why I started doing stand-up. I initially wanted to do just sketch comedy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, there was a clown class, though. It actually wasn't a very good class. Did you take a clown name? No. We would wear the nose and it would be so stupid. I tried to be an actress. I auditioned for like four acting programs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes, but this program is kind of a joke. Gotcha. I don't tell people I have a degree in comedy. It's embarrassing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
So I was in an improv troupe called the Dumb Cunts with a K. We thought it was cute. No one put us on the flyers. Yeah, very marketable.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
And then we changed it to Lady Stache, and then during that time, I would just do, like, I actually have a mustache tattoo. That was my first tattoo. We would start doing, I started doing stand-up in there, because I realized improv pays no money. The guys are creepier in improv.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I will tell you, when women complain about male stand-ups, I'm like, you've never seen the lower back touching a male improviser will do for no reason in a scene. It's part of my character, just fingering your ass. LAUGHTER Yes, Ed. You have to go along with this. What about pets growing up? Any pets? Yes, golden retrievers. Big golden retrievers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
The most normal thing I've heard so far. I have a golden retriever now as well.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
You ready for something even crazier? I have a tattooed on my ansel. I do have a tattoo.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
They're so stupid. They're all worse than the other one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
It was called Snow Jam, and I think Treble Charger, I believe, was headlining, and I body surfed. It was like rock. I body surfed, and a guy grabbed my ass and my tit, and I freaked out. Snow Jam, Toronto. Yeah, there it is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I actually have no idea. My eyes fell out of my head when you said that. I'm like, what the fuck is he reading?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
It should be Treble Charger. Who else? Dropkick Murphys. Oh, fuck.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I didn't see them. Danko Jones. I remember seeing Danko Jones. So you probably went on Saturday. Yes. Swollen Members. Yes, that's where I was there. Swollen Members, Showcore, Mocha.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
What the fuck did I see? I think it was... Snow Jam 08. I don't remember. I haven't been to one in a while. I think Death From Above, though. It's my favorite band.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes, but I listen to a lot of EDM. Okay. EDM. Like Odeza, Flume. Okay. Actually, Flume went to my last concert I saw at Red Rocks. That was very good a couple years ago.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Oh, I babysat when I was really young. My parents forced me. This kid in the street. But then I worked at a wading pool, which is like a kiddie pool. Okay. So it's like the ones that you fill up just a little bit. And you worked there? I worked there. There's like, you have a little, a guard. And I worked in this very bad area. It was right at Main and Danforth in Toronto.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, it's like, you know, it's like a playground. And there's like that small, like, like cement pool with a little thing in the middle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Those things. That's it. That's all the pool was. They have a lifeguard for that? You can drown in three feet of water. I'm aware of that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Were you a strong swimmer? I was, but you didn't have to swim for this. You just had to learn CPR. But this area I worked in, it was all government housing. So the parents would assume that we were babysitters. So they would drop off their children who were horrendous all day long. They'd hit me. They'd fucking chase me. They'd lock me in the pit. They'd throw the keys down the well.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
They were bad. One time there was a dead pigeon and it had no head. And they shoved a stick in it and then chased me around with the end of it all day.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
do you have you been in Los Angeles? Yeah. I'm never going to fucking get a nice car in the city. Everyone's driving like an ape. I'm not fucking buying a nice... There's so many scratches that are not from me on it. I'm not doing it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, no, no, no. I was in Canada for like 15 years. I came out to L.A. 10 years ago. OK, because to become a successful comedian in America, you have to have a green card. And in order to get a green card, you have to get a bunch of fucking credits. You have to fill out six out of the ten, like, whatever it is, things. Like, commercials. Gotcha. Like, trophies. So you did all that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
But the process of coming here still helped. You have to do an STD test.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yep, you have to test for syphilis. And mine came back like something was wrong with it. I didn't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Hey, I got to tell you, this is the one podcast that people kept being like, why aren't you on it? And I'd be like, fucking tell them every single time. Like, so many people tag me in this. I guess they think I'm trash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Hey, I've had HPV. I haven't had syphilis. I'll be honest about it. So I had to go back in. So they had to hold back my fucking green card for another three, four months. I kept having these going away parties in Toronto. Like, fuck you, Canada. I'm done.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I'm back. Never mind my pussies. I can't go to America yet. So I had to keep coming back. They do STD checks. They do. Not even AIDS, which I found alarming. Just STD.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
is that crazy i thought i assumed aids i can come here i filled to the brim with hiv no one cares no just the tippity top of aids and nobody in america cares but if i have a little burning in my peepee hole not allowed across the border so i went to la 10 years ago so i did like improv and stuff i waitressed for my whole time i was in toronto okay yes a lot of waitressing jobs a lot of
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Were there any family recipes that your mom did make? No, nothing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
A little bit, yeah. My dad, when we were very young, was very cute. We'd do little reindeer marks and sleigh marks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah, I do all the time. Really? At home? Not with anything else. Yeah, but you wash them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Take the laces off. What are you talking about? Put them outside the driveway.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes. You did. I got in trouble a lot. I used to slam my door a lot and my dad got very mad. And one time my sister slammed my door and then my dad came up and took it off the hinges and took it into the basement. And then every time somebody called, I'd go, hi, my dad's a pervert and likes to watch me change. So the door was put back on within a couple of days.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Okay, now we're getting into it. I was obsessed with Blink-182. In a way, that's not normal. There wasn't a piece of wall in my bedroom. Were you a Mark Tom or Travis guy? Oh, Tom, my God. I used to look at this photo of him and masturbate in my high school room. I had this little wiggly pen. It's like a vibrator for kids. It's a pen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
So when you write it, it goes do-do-do-do-do, and it would do little swirls. But I one time put it on the little glitty, glitty bang-bang, and I'll tell you what.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
It was probably at the kitchen table. Hey, Dad, make your own chicken.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes. Blink-182 obsessed. Fucking obsessed. How many times have you seen them live? I've seen them live only three times. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
But Death From Above, the band I love the most, I've seen about 20 times now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes. This is where it gets sad. So I was supposed to dress up like Jim Carrey and... At prom? From Dumb and Dumber. Dumb and Dumber. We rented the suits.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I was going to have Luke just make the camera a little fuzzy. Oh, my God.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
My good friend Justin, who I was like best friends with in high school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Look at this fucking nose. You think high school accepted this? I was fucking Toucan Sam from grade 9 to fucking 12.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Oh, for three months and he jizzed in his pants. I thought he peed. I don't know what was going on. Hey, there's nothing wrong with that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, okay. So I was supposed to dress up, and we rented the outfits. We rented the tuxes, the orange and the blue.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
He bailed on me, like, literally less than 24 hours before. He went with somebody else. He got a suit.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes. So I had nothing, so I had to borrow this, like, weird pink dress from my friend, and I wore pink all-star high tops because I was a psychopath. Who'd you go with?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
For some reason, all of my friends, we all went with nobody. Okay. But then here's the thing. So I thought I was going to win prom queen. Why would you think that? Because I was popular. Okay. Yeah. I was funny. I was in all the plays. I was on the announcement crew. I was in the student government.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I was also MVP of the lacrosse team. Okay. And I was in cross country.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Captain of the lacrosse team. MVP. MVP of the lacrosse team. My lacrosse teacher, Mr. Zach, who I had a huge crush on. Okay. Give me the award. So I think I'm going to win. It's called Missy Stork. Missy Stork. This girl, Virginia Shoelist. Whore! I'll never forget it. She was such a fucking loser. You know you were, Virginia. She was such a fucking loser. No one liked her.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
She was like a goody-goody two shoes. She counted the ballots. She wins.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
She gets booed. Everyone is booing her. She comes over off the podium, hands me the crown, and goes, I think this should have been yours. No fucking kidding, bitch. Who's got East York tattooed on their finger? I was so pissed off. So you're the people's champ. I'm the people's champ.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. But even Mr. Zaff came up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Because she got booed that fucking badly. Nobody would have voted for her. Everybody hated her.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Also, look how crazy. Also, okay, I can even get even worse here. I was bullied so badly. So bad. Is everybody on meds in this high school? They might be. I was bullied so bad in grade nine that they took my yearbook. And they wrote Big Nose. There's a bunch of Greek guys. There's like 10 Greek guys that fucking hated me. Because I was like, they're going and funny.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Greek guys? Well, funniest thing, one of the guys who's friends with the bullies comes to one of my comedy shows recently, sits in the front row. I go, let me call my high school bully. Oh, why don't I call you? I feel like I saw this go viral. It didn't go viral because the guy's name was said and his brother fucking threatened to sue me. So I had to fucking take the clip down and take his name.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I didn't even say his name. The bully who I called goes, oh, is this so-and-so whose phone I was calling from? Not saying the name. So we sued again. And then the clip was going so fucking viral. It was like 30K in like 20 minutes. I was like, oh, this is a clip. And then I had to take it down. I was so pissed. I'm like, I would have gone back to court in Canada.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Put my dog collar back on. Remember me? Remember me from high school? All right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
They wrote ugly, big nose everywhere. And I had this crush on this guy, Kevin. And they scratched out his face saying, he'll never like you. You're so ugly. And then one of my best friends in high school cut out Kevin from her yearbook and put it in mine. It was very sweet. Anyways, these guys are losers. Most of them apologized to me. So that phone call, I forced him to apologize.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
He probably didn't really want to. This is why I'm like this now, because I was heavily bullied. Also, bullied by men is so bizarre for a woman. It's wild. Isn't it crazy? Yeah, it's crazy. It's usually like girls bully girls, guys bully guys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No breath. I will say something. Thank you. The amount of comedians, male comedians. All right. Unbelievable. I always tell people that no one's flossing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah. I don't know what my nose does to men, but they hate it. I have a clip right now going viral on Facebook because 500 men are like, is that a prosthetic? How does she even get it that big? You think I want this? You think I'm walking around going, I'm trying to make it look like this? It's so crazy. Adrian Brody, let's see your fucking DMs. Are they you big nose Danny DeVito penguin bitch?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Okay, okay, now I'm feeling it. Yeah, she's worse than me, isn't she? So, have you ever ridden a mechanical bull?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I have an apartment. You're renting? I'm renting. It's an $1,800 rent, two bedroom, laundry in unit, parking spot, front yard for my dog.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
That's fucking Ian Fightance. He keeps fucking saying I live in the fucking hell. It's in East Hollywood.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Does he ask to stay with you all the time? No, but he did my podcast. He's like, what the fuck is this? There's chickens everywhere. I'm like, yeah, there's chickens up the street. Let them live.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
So you live in a... I've been there for 10 years. I found this place. I'm never leaving. It's so insane.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes. Okay. All right. So you got a nice place. Got a nice place. Do you live by yourself? No, I have a lovely boyfriend.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I just pissed off really badly today. He was so mad at me, but I love him so much. Sorry, big guy. He's very upset.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Okay. Why did that happen? Where was he living? So he was living in New York. So this is a crazy story. All right. I'll make it quick. He moved from New York to East LA? Well, he's an actor. Okay. Actor, comedian, musician. So I met the laugh actor one night. Everyone's bombing their tits off. It's Wednesday night. No one there. 14 people. Hell. I'm pissed off. Shooter McGavin walks in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Shooter McGavin. From Happy Gilmore. You're dating Shooter McGavin. Can you imagine? And that's the end.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Chris McDonald walks in with my boyfriend who looks exactly like him. And I go, oh, it's his son. Why the fuck are they here on a Wednesday night? Hammered. And I'm like, fuck. Yeah, Shooter gets after it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Oh, they're blackout. So I go up. I'm trying so hard. I'm obsessed with Happy Gilmore. It's my favorite movie. I'm embarrassed now. I hit bomb for Shooter McGavin. I ask this question to who takes dick pics, and nobody answers me, but I think Shooter's son. He goes, I do. I put a little tiny etch-a-sketch on the tip of my dick. And I'm like, what?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
So I'm kind of laughing because it's such a bizarre thing for someone to say. I get off stage. I'm like, fuck it. I'm saying hi to Shooter. I never fangirl over anybody. I go over and I'm like, Hello, hi, I'm a huge fan. And then I'm like, oh, is this your son? And he's like, oh, I'm his nephew. And I'm like, oh, okay. Gives me a big hug. And I'm like, I'm starstruck.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Do you ever go up after someone and the mic is like rancid? It's brutal. If you have no idea how bad like this actually smells good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
He's like, so you're gonna come drink with us? And I was like, what? No, I'm going home to bed. And I left in like a panic because no man ever hits on me after show. I'm like, my fucking pussy's dragging on the ground. Every guy's like disgusted. So by the time I get home, Jefferson, Shooter McGavin's nephew, who is now my boyfriend, DM me being like, hey, can I get your phone number?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
And we've talked every day since. And let me show you him. He looks exactly like Shooter McGavin. It's fucking crazy. I'm dating Shooter McGavins. Look at him. Look at this guy. It does look like Shooter McGavin. It looks exactly like him. I'm obsessed with this man. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Are you seeing this? This looks exactly like Shooter McGavin. It's fucking crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, no furniture. We split the rent, but I pay all the bills.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Well, because he's on the road so much. I think I'm there more. He does cruise ships and stuff, and he tours a lot. So I'm like, sometimes he's not even there for like a month.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
A year and a half. We met almost a year and a half ago, exactly. April of last.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
You know why we started just talking so much? Well, I'm disgusting. Well, I'm a fucking horny pervert. Also, I've never dated a Hawkeye. I'm like, get the fuck in my house, asshole. You're not going anywhere. I'm talking to the radiator. I've only dated Blobs. She sounds cool to me. I'm a great girlfriend. And now he comes with me on the road, Pavi Features.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Well, I got a big honker too, so I'm smelling. You're in there. I got an extra scent. I can smell a mile away. It is hell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Well, we're always on a diet, so I'll cook, like, zoodles and a fucking, like, meat sauce.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Well, if we get, like, takeout, we'll sit at the couch and watch, like, Netflix or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes, it depends on what we get. But if we get, like, yeah, some sharing stuff, I'm plating it. I like a knife and fork.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Maybe some almond butter and some pickles. Yeah, a lot of pickles. You mentioned pickles before. What's up with the pickles? I don't know. I love pickles. You do? I've been eating them nonstop since I was a kid. How do you feel about bread and butter pickles? I like them all. Really? Not as good. I like a crisp kosher. Okay. Dill. Gentleman fix.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
It's a queen and we need a king Okay, it's a queen It's a nice You admit that you need a king It's got a big green like back thing Like a fuzzy back thing Okay Yeah Is it in the middle of the room? Middle of the room Okay Very nice Is there nightstands on either side? On his side I have like a bench on my side
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
The room is way set up. It's not like a pork bench. Yeah, it's a nice wooden long bench thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, no, I can get out the sides though. It's not that big. What's on the bench? A couple candles. It's running along the wall or along the bed? Yeah, it's running along the wall, under a big bookshelf. Every single book. That's nice. The books are all his. Do you read at all? Absolutely not. Look at me. Do I look like I read? I don't think I can. I don't know. I can't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Start from the beginning. Start from the beginning. Please. Grandparents arranged marriage from Bulgaria. Stop. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Is there a ceiling fan in there? Yes, there is. On all the time. On all the time. We're both very warm. Okay. Very hot people.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
You got window units or central air? This is where it's a problem. I'm on the main floor, so I can't have a window unit because I'm scared someone's going to come in there and do a little rapey-rapey.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah. And it's not a great area, so I keep the windows locked at all times. So I have one unit I move around. I've been looking for another one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes, like the big one that you put in the window. You put the window down just a little bit, but I don't like to keep that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
On all the time so you take it out of the night or so no at night well when I'm there It's on when I'm there when you leave you take it out if I'm gone for a weekend or something But I have a dog sitter there, so it's there yeah, but I don't trust keeping my windows open ever this area There was a shooting across the street literally yesterday the chickens wait So if you take if you leave for the weekend you take your air condi and there's not gonna be a dog sitter Yes, you take your air conditioner out put it on the floor close the window no no it's not it's just a small thing It's just like the tube ah
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
It's psychotic. Yes, I do. It's demented. That's what they do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Your grandparents were coming in hot. My dad's mother and father.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
It is. Oh, it is fairy meth-y. Because we don't have central air because it's an old place. No, I get it. Yeah, yeah. Also, we're not home that much in the summer. Once the summer comes, we leave. We go back to my parents' cottage, his family's. Do your parents have a cottage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah, right on a lake. Very nice. So your parents have a nice lake house? Yes, very nice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I think they're still paying for it. Yeah, there's a lot. Well, that's good. Marble counters, all wood interior. Antler, chandelier.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, just a little bat. My dad gave me a bat and a trailer hitch that he said I should swing if someone comes in the house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
How does Shooter feel about that? He eats 12 eggs a day, so those aren't sitting in there long. Yeah, you're burning and turning. Oh, yeah. It's like an Applebee's at happy hour.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Where are you guys stealing from? It's very hard. No, I shop at, it's very annoying. It's a place called Lazy Acres in L.A. It's so fucking expensive. It pisses me off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Had no idea what the fuck was going on. Uh-huh. Gets here. Can't speak English. Gives the wrong last name. My last name's supposed to be T-O-L-E-F-F, but my deado cannot speak English. He goes, mumbles it. Guy goes, Tolov. This is a made-up name.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
It's like close. Or I get my produce from a place called John's, which is, if anyone's in L.A., they're going to be laughing because it's embarrassing. But John's has the best liquor and produce. Liquor and produce? Oh, yeah. They have like a fucking sick liquor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Tequila soda. Tequila so if I'm out margarita with a tahini rim to him yeah, okay?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah, the heen me He is so much salt otherwise, but I can't get from like I can't do like the mix the pre-mix I'm very picky like a nice a fancy bitch when it comes to eating Okay, what's on the what sorry now?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, John's is trashy. John's is in my neighborhood is trashy as hell, but the Lazy Acres is like a fancier chicken breast. One piece of salmon is like $35.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
My produce is swill, but I'm making sure my meat is... It already comes with worms. No, it's disgusting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
A veggie tray with hummus. That's it? And sugar-free Red Bulls.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No. Shockingly, my apartment's very nice. Okay. I decorate it very well.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, I had a Dyson and stopped working and got annoyed by it, so now we have a plug-in one for pet hair because Jefferson hates Susan's hair. Okay. She's not allowed on the couch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Three months later, my baba, 17 years old, gets a photo of my daddo. Not a good-looking guy. Neither was she. I don't want to be rude, but my grandparents, hideous people.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Can you ice skate? No, and it's so annoying because I'm Canadian. But I used to play floor hockey and field hockey in high school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I just got these done because I filmed something last week, but normally.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, no, I hate that. I can't wipe my ass. I'm always back there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I got a hemorrhoid. It happened this morning. I'm fucking pissed off.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Right now, it's killing me. I'm sitting on an angle. Can you not tell? I'm really leaning on my left side here. Pavi this morning is like, don't fucking bleed your hemorrhoid in my house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Take it outside? As if both of you don't have fucking hemorrhoids. I can see you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I got a bad case of athlete's foot. I can show you. I was just on a cruise, and I'm allergic. Do we want to see this picture? No, it's so fucked up, but I'm going to show you anyways. I was just on a cruise ship, and I'm allergic to the sun. Were you working or were you vacationing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I don't vacation. I haven't vacationed in years. I want to kill myself. Um, this is all over my body right now. So it's like, Oh, it's like, that's my back. It's, it's, um, I don't know. No, it's like, I think it's an eczema from the sun in the skin. It like, it raises and it blisters and then it scars me. Okay. Did you see it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
They have, they have, they have the test. They said they have to test the blister and take it out and test that. And I never around a doctor when it happens. So I just have issues. I'm fine. It's gone down now. Okay.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I love how many new ones I have here. Have you ever... I don't know if that's good or bad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Does that have a CD player? It does, but not Subaru, like when I used to drive my parents' car. Does the Subaru have power windows? Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I had nothing when I got it. Yeah, that's why I got it. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Do you like deviled eggs? Love deviled eggs. Holy fuck. I'd suck back a whole tray right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, I sit down. After working in a restaurant for years, every time I eat, I make sure I sit the fuck down. I hate standing and eating.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I think the Eastern Europeans, hideous people. Very large creatures.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I let it sit in my hamper for way too long and clean. But fold it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Big jumpsuit gal. Big. My whole closet. I have like 60 right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
A natural one that doesn't fucking work. Okay. Hume, it's called. Jason Ellis, if you know him. I don't know. I watch other people.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Never in my life. I'm not getting Marissa. What the fuck? You haven't. Will you walk around in your bare feet in the hotel room? No. Ew. Hotels are disgusting. Bare feet?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I need a little more than that. So my baba gets his photo, comes and meets my grandpa, has three children with him. Wow. Not good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Sometimes. We'll make like a dirty vodka martini. Our go-to at the house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Well, I'll tell you what. Smokehouse in Los Angeles. Have you been to Smokehouse?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Right across from Warner Brothers lot. It's like right there. It's like classic. They have a nice huge booth with the big plush backs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Then they sometimes sloppy the sides. You wanted a booth. I wanted a booth. It was like a fucking... It was like a...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
And by the corner where the door's opening, I'm not sitting like that. If I'm going to spend, we're going to buy a bottle of wine, we're both going to have a martini, we're going to spend, we're both eating steaks, I'm not eating steak and being slopped around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah. And I was like, I said my sciatica was acting up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I think goats were traded. I'm not sure of the exact trades.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No. Unless it's like fucking... There's a hair clumped on or something, and then I'll suck it back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
What about leftovers? Take leftovers? There's not really leftovers around with me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
We made it last night with Olivia and Pappy, and then we ordered all this stuff, and then Olivia's like, oh, we'll take this to go. We'll finish it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Maybe one lemon potato left, maybe. Where'd it go? Greek place in Astoria. On Dipmars? Yeah. Keklitis? Is it on the corner? Is it a huge patio?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Maybe they were both so ugly. They did it on a bet, brought it back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Delicious. I got recognized. I walked in. There you go. The hostess went, oh, my God, Steph Tolovan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes, Alanis Morissette, You Ought to Know. And I sing the fuck out of it. Yeah, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Me and my dad used to do Blue Angels. Do you guys know what those are? Me and my dad and my sister at one time in the cottage all bonded. It's when you light a match on your ass and it does like a little flame. So cute. You gotta try it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah. Okay. I mean, what are we doing here? I mean, what are you doing here? I clearly am trash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Not, I hate the smell. It's annoying. We clean the car. Jefferson cleans my car a lot. And there's no, I have nothing, there's no schlop around the car.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
There's just like the dog, I have the dog thing in the back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, yeah, soda. Sorry, America. Do you have it now? Diet Coke sometimes. That's it. When I'm hungover, yeah. What were you drinking at dinner when you were a kid? And if I didn't finish it, my dad would dump it on my head. Waste, really. Bizarre. He would dump it on your head. If I didn't finish my skim milk out of a bag. You know how disgusting that is? Yeah, I'm aware.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes. So it doesn't work out. Three kids. My father divorces him, which is unheard of because he's a psychopath.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
He would cut the hole so big, the hole, the bag would just smell like a fridge. It was like fridge milk. It was disgusting. And skim is so gross.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Where'd you film this at? Boston. At the Paradise Rock Club. Very nice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Shot at the Boston. Yeah, it looks like it was like an old Van Halen set. The lights, the trellises. It looks fucking sick as hell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
He's jealous. He used to hide in the bushes and beat up the mailman because he thought he was trying to fight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Again, she ain't a looker, so buddy. Don't you worry about that. The mailman is nothing but a neighbor. What'd the mailman look like? Yeah, exactly.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
My mom's side's already been here for a while. They're like full Canadians.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
All Toronto. My dad meets my mom in high school. Big dick hanging out of those running shorts. My dad was like the head of the track team. Has he got a hog on him? Oh, he's got a hog. How do you know your dad has a hog? I can show you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, it's not his bare penis. But you see a bulge. I see bulge.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
He still does. Maybe it gets smaller. I will say I did see my dad's penis by accident. He had prostate cancer. Not by accident. I was like, let me look at that. Peaky, pinky. No, he had prostate cancer, and we were about to go walk the dog. I went home to help him. And he goes, oh, fuck. And when someone says that, you look over to what's happening. He was putting a catheter back in his pee hole.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
And I had to look at it. Biggest dick I've seen in my entire life. Really? Unbelievable. Like how big are we talking? I'm talking like soft, huge.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
The catheter was a fire hose. He was just turning and he was like cranking it in.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I gotta find this fucking photo. Okay, so my dad, we've been taking, like, photos on, like, family trips for years. And I was like, can you send, like, a cute photo?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I didn't suspect it. He hid it for years. Like, and he pretty much raised me and my sister. I'll get into that. But, like, I had no idea. Wait, are your parents not together anymore? They are together. They shouldn't be, but they are together.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
She ain't walking straight, I'll tell you that. I can't find this fucking photo.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
We'll take your word for it. Just text me later. He's just like bricked up in these sweatpants he has. Anyways. So they meet in high school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Dad's swinging his dick around. Mom's loving it. He's got a Corvette. Really reels her in. I know. My dad was cool.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
They said zero down, zero percent financing. That's exactly it. His dick drove it out of the parking lot. It wasn't even him. So they get married, whatever. They have me. Both my parents drop out of high school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
They both dropped out of high school. My dad went into, they were offering this program called, it's like Toronto Hydro. It's like power and water in Canada. And they offered all these young kids, if you drop out of high school now, we'll teach you how to show you all this electricity shit. Okay. So he went and did that. Good pension. He's still doing well. Pension wise, I guess.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
And my mom, this is where it gets weird. My mom dropped out to be a Highland dancing teacher. What's Highland? Exactly, yeah. Like Irish?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yes, like Riverdance, but it's all turned out. It's kilts and bagpipes. Is she Scottish? No, makes no sense. My grandma was weirdly obsessed with it. Bizarre. Google it. If you don't know what Highland dancing is, Google it. Look it up right now. So I competitively Highland danced from the age of 3 to 18 years old. If anyone's ever seen my body, not a dancer's body.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
We ain't sitting over here with small feet. You got Toronto hydro body. No, I did. Nine and a half hawkers, broad back, same tits as my dad. It makes no sense why I was highland dancing. Until 18.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, I was so bad. And she dropped out of school for this? And she's still doing it. My mom teaches highland dancing, teaches judges and examines. So me and my sister, our whole life, that was our whole life. Every weekend we had a competition. Every single weeknight we had practice. I had no fucking life. I had no life. I had no friends. That sucks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I mean, they're still working. Is there brother and sisters involved? Just my sister. Same mom and dad. Same mom and dad. Three years younger than me. She's my best friend. She's funnier than me. So fucking annoying. You ever have a sibling that's funnier than you? No. It sucks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I brought her just for last one year, and she came back over with a stack of cards.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I swear to God, she had a bunch of agents, and no one talked to me the whole fucking time. I was so pissed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Just dancing. Everything revolved around dancing. Every fucking weekend we'd drive to like Michigan.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I'd go to Scotland every year. That was my one big trip we did. Every year we'd go to the world championships.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
All my mom's students were. My mom has one of the best dancing students on the planet. She's in the Guinness Book of Records for winning the most consecutive. And I'm shit. It was so embarrassing. Picture your mother having like. It's crazy you're bragging about that. Yeah, that's my big brag.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
And my dad would start to help out at the competitions. He would announce. He'd be like, all right, coming up next, the beginners, lineups.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
They would sit like I had this one. These one they would definitely beat their kids. They had like bruises on the inside of their thighs. And every day they'd call my mom and quit. And then they'd show up the next day. It was bizarre.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Everybody was like small, and I'm like, that was exactly it. No, if you were smaller, you were definitely winning. But if you were like a Bulgarian.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No one's fat dancing because you're jumping nonstop. It's fucking crazy the amount of jumping you do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
That is brutal. It's actually hell. That sucks, dude. And picture every night of your life practicing when you're not good. Like every night I would take my sister right from school and we'd walk up to the dance. My mom taught at this church.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah, both my grandparents were, but my parents aren't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
No, it was upstairs. My mom runs up to the upstairs church and we had to move all the fucking pews. It was a nightmare.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I'm part Greek. My grandmother was Greek and she's born in Greece.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Kurt Browning. Who's that? He's a famous Canadian ice skater. We saw him at the airport once. Kurt Browning. And that was a big deal for our family. Kurt Browning. He was killing it, bad receding hairline, but still young.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
I was like, if you tell me Kurt Browning is a bad man, I'm going to get very upset.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Okay, because I was like, please, we've worshipped this man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
That was the big one. Other than that, we saw nothing. Was he in the Olympics, this guy? He might have been. Yeah, he might have been.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah, but we were dancing. I had to go to bed at like 8 p.m. We'd eat like a pile of spaghetti and go to bed at fucking 8 p.m.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Yeah, no, single family home. Like three bedrooms. They redid it. My uncle was an architect. He like made some weird fucking shit going on in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Oh, we had a Dodge Caravan for a while. What color was that caravan? Green, with that gray trim on the bottom.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Steph Tolev!
Young, attractive. I think this is why I'm so self-conscious of my body now. When I look around, I was this big-nosed, unibrow mustache pig and all these little dancers hopping around. And I was like, why is no one looking at me?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Me versus my dad. Sorry, flashing your headlights on an oncoming car is not a gang initiation ritual. It's a hoax.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, like March 4th, we could watch them play the Yankees.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I can get you the ultimate Phillies experience January 22nd in Clearwater, Florida.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Join a lineup of Phillies legends like John Crook, Mickey Moriandi, Larry Boa. Mickey Morandini. Larry Boa. Chase Utley. Chase Butley. Chase Utley. Yeah. Who else? The team I listed. Now what's that include you? Oh, you got to contact them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, Philly Fantasy Camp, PH.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
The Phillies legends are on hand to coach you. Okay. Take you through a little BP everything. The Glory Days, they'll share some stories.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Oh, you get a scout? You get to play general manager?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Can I throw? Yeah, obviously. Can we film? I wonder if we could film that. That'd be all right. Utley's going to crank a homer off you. Right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Look at the stands that you are.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You get your own authentic Phillies uniform. They're going to charge you more. Luke, get my checkbook.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Yeah, she owed him $50. To meet the fanatic was only $2,600. To do the player experience, $6,000.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Swoop, I can get you for $400. Yeah?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You do get your own personalized locker.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Orthopedic cleats. Would you go with me? Of course. It doesn't say anything about recovery, though, so I think we have to pay for that out of pocket. What do you mean? Ice baths.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're in a hot tub with Larry. When?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Until kids threw curveballs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Maybe the circles you roll in. While not a common pairing, eating pickles and drinking milk together is generally considered safe.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
No, ended in 2009. Rest in peace.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Well, it's rental membership, so it's $9 a month, I think.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
I love big red. Yes, a big red candy can burn your mouth, particularly if you eat too many because of its high concentration of cinnamon.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
it creates a strong burning sensation on your tongue and mouth lining due to its capsaicin content, similar to chili peppers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
You're the snake. Whoa. Snake knows. Yeah, a snake wouldn't know that. Don't mean the meeting last week.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
The year of the snake. Does it mean anything? Uh, the snake is linked to metamorphosis, wisdom, and intuition.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Listen, you don't walk a lot, all right? What? They got the beepers for the blind people sometimes, too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!
Chicken wings. Godfather Part 2.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Industry Insider w/ Dan Soder
For sauces? You guys ever have this buffalo sauce?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Industry Insider w/ Dan Soder
With Wahlburger sauce. That's Donnie Wahlberg right there. He goes, hey, I made that sauce pretty good. I know this is a Mark Wahlberg. This is a wild breakfast. But I'm doing it for Donnie. Cooking with leftovers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
That incites a level of fear. That's like kill or be killed. That's caveman level anxiety.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Mental health awareness is growing, but there's still some progress to be made. 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey say they have avoided seeking mental help due to the fear of judgment. I know the environment I grew up in, that was not... It was kind of frowned upon to go seek mental help. You were viewed as weak. That is not the case.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I found out as I've gotten older, seeking... A therapist or mental health help or talking, talk therapy is fantastic. I've been better in my life since I've started talking to someone. I highly recommend it. There's a before and after moment of talking to someone. My life is significantly better. BetterHelp is an easy way to start talking to someone. It's lowered the barrier of entry.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Yeah, starting in September, we're in San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, then Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, at the Met. The biggest show we've ever done. Then we're doing Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada. All tickets are on sale.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
It's very, very helpful. BetterHelp has 10 years of experience matching people with the right therapist from the diverse network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists with a wide range of specialties. It's fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. We're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.com slash AYG to get 10% off your first month.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash garbage. Do it. What's up, bozos? Let's talk about Open Phone. If you're running a business, which a lot of you are, you know that every time you miss a call, you're leaving money on the table. When every customer conversion matters, you need a phone system that keeps up and helps you stay connected. That's why you need Open Phone.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Open Phone is a number one business phone system that streamlines and scales your customer communications, making it easy to navigate. We'll be right back. CUI, over 50,000 businesses trust Open Phone to manage their business calls and texts. Open Phone is offering our listeners 20% off your first month, your first six months at openphone.com slash garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
That's Open Phone, O-P-E-N-P-H-O-N-E.com slash garbage. And if you have existing numbers with another service, Open Phone will port them over at no extra charge because they're good people. Open Phone, no missed calls, no missed customers. Do it. That was the thing. Back in the day, there was more loose dogs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Because I walked to my buddy's house, and we had to cut through some yards and a little bit of, like, trees and stuff. Like, not a forest, but, like, woodsy type area. And, I mean, we would get to this point where this dog, he'd be staring. at you on the porch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
It was about a 50-yard dash, and we would get there. We'd get to the edge. We'd tie our shoes. We'd go all right on the count of three.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
And, I mean, that was just normal. Then you'd get over the fence. Ooh, that was close.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
If you're at home and you're making them, what do you do? Are you going to scramble them?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I watched my wife do a poached one. At first, I didn't know what a poached egg was. No, they're great, but to spend that much... And she did it, and I was like, it is crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
What kind of hotels you're staying at on the road? You go for a nice one or you just like give me the Holiday Inn Express?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
And when you order room service, do you let the guy come in or do you stop him at the door and take it? A lot of times, like, we own that car and they get right up in your business.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Syphilis toes. When you're traveling, you fly up front in first class? Of course. Come on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I could take this and we could spread it over eight nights. These snacks were only supposed to last one night.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Cheez-Its like you're studying Cheez-Its. Fucking combos like I'm getting down and dirty.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Do you do the pepperoni? Yeah, I do all of them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Dude, those are always dusty at the gas station.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Combos all across the country are always on the bottom shelf. Always dusty for some reason.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Have you noticed a lot of those kettle cook, the Cape Cod, they've really gone with like the flat, the matte paint, the matte finish of the bag to make it seem classier compared to a nuts, which is just like the thin foil.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Oh, we're going to get you this time. One of the heavy requested guests, so we're happy to have you back. Oh, that's so nice. You're also, we haven't crossed paths in a minute. You know what I mean? It's been a while. Everybody's out there running around. I think it was the last time at Moon Tower, and you're one of those people that when you bump into, we saw you at the airport.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
You got those. It's a part of the Geneva Convention.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Okay. What's your go-to drink if you're stopping at a gas station and you're on the road? Are you getting a Diet Coke? You did a seltzer when you're doing a seltzer?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
hurt my throat i get that you eat the chips you you cut the whole inside your mouth because i fuck my mouth with them and then i drink the diet spray it's great that's what my mom does who's a big fan of yours by the way my mom does coke or it was sprite zero with the she does with the hers nuggets and she'll just sit there watching the news just crushing talk about ruining the inside of your mouth no enamel left yeah shout out to denise wow
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
And I loved Wendy's, and I loved- Were you going somewhere, or you were just going to the rest stop?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Out the window. Listen. That's the 80s, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
It was a coin flip whether that bag was getting launched out the window.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
And we took an Uber, and I was just like, we're just in there. And like right away, you just start trashing people, and I'm like, oh my god, I fucking love her.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
What are you going to do? Shifting from food for a minute, unless you have any. No, please. Pizza Hut or Domino's if you had to.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Huh. What was the last vacation you went on, or where's the next vacation? Anything, not extravagant, but just what are you looking at?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I like binoculars. Have you been to a TJ Maxx or Marshalls in the last 30 days? Come on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
You're looking for clothes. You'll shop for clothes at a TJ Maxx.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Are you going and looking for anything or are you going in like I need...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
For what? For a cold. Yeah, it's like it's supposed to suck.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
What the hell were we asking you? I don't know. You were like the eighth episode. We were still getting our feet under us.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
You say, like, hey, I want to have a special on Hulu and then turn that thing over?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Okay. Switching back to travel a little bit, what kind of luggage you got? Ooh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Well, it's funny, they also say preparation H for bags under your eyes or wrinkles under your eyes. It, like, tightens it, you know, tightens it all up there. What kind of luggage do you have? Do you do name brand luggage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Okay. Do you ever go to the grocery store with bags?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Please, what do you got in the hopper there, big man?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
And where are you food shopping now? What's the grocery store you go to?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Psycho. I need it. My wife tries to ask me something. I'm like, shut up. I'm busy burning over here. I can't talk or listen to you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
hey gang let's talk about rocket money when it comes to spending sometimes it's out of sight out of mind the daily coffee habit that adds up those streaming subscription they add up as well rocket money helps you spot those patterns so you can do something about them and keep more money in your pocket prices are going up all over the board and now those dollars flying out aren't just dollars anymore they add up rocket money is a personal finance app
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions and monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. You can see all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For ones you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them. I was subscribed to something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Some weird streaming service in Europe that I signed up for when I was drunk one night and I wanted to watch something. Meanwhile, they were whacking me over the head every month. I had no idea. They weren't emailing. It wasn't until Rocket Money I signed up and I saw it. I said, what the heck is even that? And they canceled it for me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. That's insane. Saving members up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium services. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.com.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Download Rocket Money app and enter our show name, Are You Garbage, in the survey so they know what a bully sent you. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about it on AYG Do It. Hey, gang, this show is sponsored by Liquid IV. The summer is quickly approaching and we need to stay hydrated, baby.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
You can't be out there like you're in the gosh darn desert crawling over the finish line. Stay hydrated so you can get the most out of your body when you're working. We got a lot of blue-collar workers out there. A lot of people staying fit, getting better. You need to stay hydrated and do that with Liquid IV. Listen, the whole team uses Liquid IV. Luke's on it. I'm on it. Mr. Pants is on it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
You got the big man all on it. I use it after a long night of partying with my friends. They got great flavors. They got true-to-fruit flavors that keep you hydrated. You can find all your favorite hydration multiplier flavors on their website from acai berry, lemon lime, and piña colada. Or you can choose from the line of sugar-free flavors like raspberry lemonade. Love that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
The white peach and rainbow sherbert. Sherbert's back in a big way, gang. Right now, you break the mode of your own ritual. Just one stick and a 16-ounce of water hydrates you better than water alone. Powered by Live Hydro Science, an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins, and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Code garbage, liquidiv.com. Back to the show. Huh. Okay. A few things. Back to travel real quick. TSA pre-check? No. No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I mean, you can do TSA pre-check at a fucking Duane Reade now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Staples, anywhere. You gotta get... That's crazy. That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Welcome to the show. Do you take your shoes off on an airplane?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Clicker. How do you pronounce the product that Crayola makes?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Yeah, I say a lot of things. Not great. Crown being one of them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
No? That's where they go. Everybody knows that's where a fingernail is.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I'll give you that. Not bad. If I'm feeling fancy, I get up and throw them out the window. That's the closest thing. Eating one's wild. Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Okay. Uh-huh. If you get the mail for the wrong person, like your neighbor, what do you do? I throw it out. Okay. Because you're a goddamn American. Are you kidding me?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I don't know what he does. They pay him a pretty good salary. Every time I tell him, he's like, can you pick me up batteries? We need batteries. We're stopping to get back. She's got you. Get the briefcase of batteries. It's great.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Listen, the one that we were talking about, nice hotels, the only time we'll stay at a really nice hotel is because we travel a lot of us, so we can't do that. We travel like five guys, but if it's me and him flying somewhere to do pods or whatever, if it's just me and him, we'll use our Amex points for like a Ritz-Carlton or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I don't think it's crazy. It's not nuts. And if you get someone smart at it, who probably Morton's smart at it, you can, like, convert them to Amex, to Delta, back to whatever, and you can really get it. But they treat you like royalty. We thought we were going to get treated like schmucks because we booked on points. Right, right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
We were a little embarrassed because we have complexes about that stuff. We feel like we don't belong in those places.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
And they were all dead. They... They treat you even better because you're like, oh, you've spent so much money to get here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Well, that being said, he is walking through the lobby barefoot. So like we really don't belong there. And we're not allowed back to the one in Austin. Really? That came in writing. I didn't realize I was on trial here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
You don't have a facial routine at the end of the night?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
You hear that and you go, my name's not attached to anything with 50,000.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
How do you think he got the card? That's good. Have you ever shopped on QVC?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Uh huh. Do, uh, do you ever play the lottery, the daily numbers, the scratchers or anything? Do you ever get really into it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
You have one game or do you play multiple games?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
My dad did that. I never understood it. He would shake it up and then pour it into cereal. It was crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Say you're at home and you're making bacon. How do you make that bacon? Microwave, pan, or oven?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I do. That just hit me to the core. Like what?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
When it's that cold, it's got a nice little zest to it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Now, okay. You're a very successful comedian. You're doing very big venues. What's the rider looking like? Anything on? I mean, I know you're not like... I'm curious what your rider is because I'm curious. Bottle of Jameson and Gummy Bears. Bottle of Jameson, Gummy Bears, and a domestic light beer.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I'm shocked. Somebody, an agent or somebody put on sandwiches, but they would get us gas station sandwiches. And I'm like, no one's eating these. You don't want a tuna fish sandwich that's been sitting there for a week. I eat them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
We got rid of that. We'll normally do an Uber Eats or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Sliced lunch meat? Yeah, I get sliced turkey.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
And you're just doing roll-ups or you're doing bread?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I'm a dirtbag. That's dirtbag shit. Grab the espresso.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
That's fucking nuts. What? Always. People pee in that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Yeah. A lot of times we have to leave it there or give it to the staff because if we're flying, it's like, you know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
By the end of it, I'm like, we can't fly with a bottle of Jameson.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Sure. They always say that. You say you're somewhere for one night and somewhere for a weekend. One night, what are you tipping the cleaning people? What are you leaving on the dresser?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
And do you let them come in? Like, are you like, hey?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
What's the name of the high school you went to?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I don't think there's much that he shies away from.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Columbia High School. And we're going to see what we do if we find out if our guest is on the notable alumni from their high school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Shout out to Jim Norton. All-time fave. Okay, this is one that's come up that's been popular in the show of recent. Who was the most famous person you met growing up?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Give me the heavy hit. I mean, obviously, like, Lauryn Hill of Lauryn Hill.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Hour, okay. Hour and a half, okay. Cougars. The Cougars.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Yeah, they can give you that. You're on the notable alum, baby. That's pretty good. We're not. Bullshit. Still, no one's added us after we've been doing this bit for six months.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Do you have any half-used gift cards currently?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Yeah, that's it. That's pretty good. That's good. Can't throw shade at that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
It could have been like... You know, a radio guy or local news.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Do you have at the house a pepper shaker or a pepper grinder? Shaker.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
First person I know has beef with the Himalayans.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
She's got dry toes. She's a lot going on over there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I got denied. Yeah, I swear to God. They denied me. But I'm... Listen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Yeah, I mean, you're fucking, you're, she's huge. If you're not from, just go, you know, go look at her YouTube, any Instagram. I mean, she's fucking a behemoth.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Kippy, what do you got for them? Our tour dates are on sale right now as well. Tickets are going fast. Get them before they're gone. And the AYG card game available at areygarbage.com. Gang, we love you. Jessica, we love you. Yep.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
That's a perfect one. That's a great one. That's really good. Any local newscaster is fantastic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Now even in comedy, who's the most famous person you've met?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
That was going through the scene. They're like, oh, yeah, Jessica's hanging out with Robert De Niro.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
You ever hear of Taylor Swift? Who's Taylor Swift?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Did he ever take you to his restaurant in Tribeca? I just went there two weeks ago.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Who picks up the check in that situation? They're not splitting it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Now, let's say you are out to dinner, not with somebody of that ilk, but, you know, and you know that person's picking up the check, not a De Niro or a producer. Now, will you gauge what you're ordering if someone else is paying? Yes. You'll scale it down.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
other foot you're paying i want them to get everything you're okay you would say hey it's free go for it yeah yeah and then when they do i get resentful that's the kind of crazy we're looking for over here on the ernie and estes tip what was the first concert you went to genesis
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
My apologies. You guys were weak. At the 40-minute mark, we're going to get a little right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
I know. That's a real dirtbag. Putting S's on shit that doesn't belong.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in, as always. Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify, gang. Check that out. Part of that creator program. And also, the best website in the world, www.patreon.com. Go over there and get all that bonus content.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
So, like, you're wearing this today. Is that a T-shirt, I presume? You got on under that? Yeah, I have a white tee. Okay, I'm very tough on that. Now, will you... Sharp kid, isn't he?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
No, I didn't want to assume. It could have been a tank top. I don't know. I don't wear a tank top. I don't know that. I said tank top. I got arms and hammers. Will you put the shirt on then deodorant or deodorant then shirt?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
deodorant and then shirt because i have a hard time lifting the shirt it's so tight okay class i think that's classy okay he does i do the shirt and then that because it gets i'm a bigger guy so it crumbles up and then i get the deodorant stripes all over the side of my shirt oh yeah i've never had that happen to me once really as a big guy never i don't know where he comes up with this i don't know him you uh i don't know my shirts are too tight and then they bunch up here
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
What do you mean? No, I don't wear a white t-shirt. I'm too fat to wear a white t-shirt. That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Jessica Kirson Returns!
Oh, I could do, yeah, but here's not good. I got a big, it's like I got a big hole between my boobs.