Brittany Broski
Appearances
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I went through about three years of horrid depression. I was grieving the loss of my wife and children and dealing with the knowledge that they never existed. Holy shit. I was scared that I was going insane as I would cry myself to sleep hoping I would see her in my dreams. I never have. But sometimes I see my son, usually just a glimpse out of my peripheral vision.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
He's perpetually five years old and I can never hear what he says. Holy shit. Okay, this was a little addendum, a little postscript that the author added. I've had many private messages describing similar experiences and three posters stating such experiences are impossible. I'd say more research needs to be done on brain functions. Pre-med students, don't assume you know everything. Holy shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay, so... I know that this is a creepypasta, but let's talk about it because I have not had a dream to this extent of like, that is brutal. you know, to age years, to find the love of your life and to have children and build a life and then have it ripped away.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
That hasn't happened to me, but I know, and I know I've also seen accounts of other people experiencing this of being in love or being married and you wake up and it wasn't real. I know that a lot of women have dreams of having children. and looking at and holding their child in their dream or being pregnant in a dream and waking up and none of it was real and being in mourning the next day.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And you can't explain what's wrong. You can't explain what's heavy on your soul or on your heart. It's just that there is an inconceivable loss that you are mourning and there's a grief of something that is not real. The human brain is fucking wild. I've had dreams where, you know, I've lived an alternate life or I've met someone that was very important to me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I've had dreams where... This actually happens a lot and I think I have a condition. I'll have dreams that someone I love has died and I'll call them the next morning in tears or I'll text them like, hey, I love you and I don't tell you enough and I'm sorry that I... That happens to me a lot. I also have dreams of my teeth falling out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
All of these, I've read what people think that this might be, and there are theories that suggest it's just anxiety, which I know that I do have, and it is severely untreated. I know that the teeth falling out dream is about maybe feeling like you spoke too much, like you shared too much, or that you're lying. It could go either way. And then the death dreams, I don't fucking know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I think I just have a complex. But I have had dreams where I've met the love of my life and we have lived together beautifully and happily and I... And in the dream, you know what it feels like to touch their face and the nuances of how they speak and the color flecks in their eyes. And it's that weird thing of this is another repeat thing that happens in some of my dreams.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And it's happened with this one in particular where they're saying something and I can't hear them. And I keep saying, what was that? What was that? And I can't understand what they're saying. Or they keep repeating it and they're getting frustrated at me because I can't understand them and I can't. And then I wake up. Okay, they're mad at me. They're not real.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And I need to get my hearing checked. Oh, it's like you wake up in this weird, I honestly, that is the source material for a fucking book. that half dreamlike state of, it's almost a purgatory, but purgatory not with a negative connotation, unless it is. Usually it's a positive connotation of like trying to situate myself after a dream of waking up and where am I? Oh yeah, I know where I am.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I mean, do you know how intense a skid mark has to be to be visible outside the pants? Crazy work. We're doing skiddies outside? Damn. Yeah, I used to talk to this one guy. I used to talk to this one guy. I don't know if I told y'all this, but he said that, I said, I don't know why we were talking about this. I said, do you wash your butt in the shower? And he said, no, I don't touch my butt.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And oh yeah, I was dreaming. That halfway state, what is that called? Because I sometimes, I have a fascination with that being potentially a different realm of consciousness, which isn't that outlandish to think about being real. You know, it's not like conspiracy theorist shit. It's like, we know that the human brain is capable of creating alternate realities to cope.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Or like I was talking about last week with Streetcar Named Desire, like it's this, and also with 1984, Double Think, you know, all these, the human brain, is so complex and it is so hyper-intelligent that we are able to construct things to protect ourselves and to protect our feeble and fragile sanity. And if that involves going somewhere else, who's to say where that is?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
In a world that we've created, a world of pure imaginations. then so be it. You know, the human brain, whether or not we tell it to, will create that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And it's very interesting to think so many millennium or hundreds of years of doctors and scientists not having the means to accurately study all the neural pathways and synapses and all these connections that the brain can make and trauma responses and you know, created worlds and realities to protect something that was hurt.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
You know, when you are hurt, what a beautiful concept that your mind tries to fix it for you, you know, tries to make the pain go away. And I don't know if it can, not fully, not 100%, but it will do its best.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And even tied to practices like, you know, Buddhism or things that denying yourself earthly pleasures or meditating to get to that higher version of yourself, higher version of self, where you're no longer in the physical. You're no longer in the physical realm. You are somewhere up here in the in-between. You're in a higher conscious. And that feels so fucking yogi bullshit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
you know, white people with stringy hair and dreads. But that's not per se, that's a weird offset of people who have co-opted that practice and that culture and made it an aesthetic choice, you know, or a bragging right or a personality trait. I'm talking more so like the ancient practice of Buddhism or anything like that. You know, yoga is, it is proven that yoga
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And stretching the body and holding the body in certain positions pushes you to that. It transcends you. So, oh, also I saw this TikTok. This girl was talking about that book, The Body Keeps the Score. And my friend Katie read this book too. I think we need to talk about it. Of women store trauma in their hips. Because of course they do. That's where life comes from.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Everyone came from a woman's hips. Everyone alive came from a woman's hips. Imagine how powerful that statement is, like how much trauma and pain and beauty and love is stored in a woman's hips and how mean we are to our hips, you know, when they are quite, quite honestly, one of the miracles of humanity. So. I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
We know that the body stores trauma and we know that the body and the mind protect us from the horribly infinite effects of trauma. And it's very interesting to think that it's only been recent history that doctors and scientists have had the means and the technology to to study it in a way that we can actually learn from it and put two and two together.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
You know, that we don't know what we don't know. And the more questions we ask and find answers to, it's just this exponential curve of questions that, you know, it's the same with the deep sea, where the more we find out, the fucking less we know. Everything that we thought was true, we find something that disproves it. And it's like, well, fuck. I think that's the point, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
We're not supposed to know. Marvel at the beauty. Marvel at the unknown. And realize how small and feeble you are. But that's... I wore in my own mind of this. Of like, that's sometimes not enough for me. And I like to talk to myself... we know. Hey, we know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
When I start to freak out like that, I pull myself back to that simpler process of thinking of like, it doesn't matter. We're here to just enjoy it. You know, try to make it, try to minimize the suffering as much as you can and have a good time with the people you love. Right? That's what it's about. But at the same time, it's that, but also I think truly if in my lifetime I ever had
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
the privilege to see the Aurora Borealis in person. I mean this very honestly. I've talked about the Sistine Chapel ceiling. I've talked about neoclassical art. I've talked about prose, literature, some of the most impressive forms of just...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
By the way, we're breaking up. By the way, don't ever hit my line. Do you wash your butt in the shower? No, I don't. That's gay. Got it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
mind-bending, soul-shattering art that is, I think, the point of life, all of that just pales in comparison to something as magnificent, and I mean that in the most academic way, magnificent as the Aurora Borealis. Who the fuck made that? And hear me when I say this, because I don't say this often. If there was a god, look at it. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I find it hard to believe there is not a God when you look at something like the Aurora Borealis. What the fuck are we talking about? It is divine with a capital D. It is magnificent. It is awesome. Not in the sense of like, that's awesome. I mean, the dictionary definition, inspiring awe. It is awesome where I marvel.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I would drop to my knees and probably start drooling and crying, like boo-hoo crying if I saw the Aurora Borealis. I'm about to be emotional thinking about it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I just can't imagine something like that. Beauty for the sake of beauty. It's why I'm so like, what the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Oh, it's so hard when things like that just exist naturally for no rhyme or reason. And it comes and goes. And if you see it, you see it. And all of humanity knows, like, you saw the aurora. It's like a universal thing. And that's what makes things like climate change so much worse. It makes it even more acidic and sour. This is what the stars in the universe have gifted us.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And this is what we do to the fucking planet. It's sick. It's sick. The Great Pacific Garbage Patch. It's sick. When this is what we do below and look above. Oh, it's just going to make me so emotional.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay. And I know who you voted for. Damn. Stinky ass, stringy, greasy hair, GameStop ass dude. I'm mad. I'm pissed off. I'm mad as fuck. This is the pickings! This is the pickings. I'm pissed off. A white guy feels super empowered when they reach a certain age like that. That's just, and there's a market for it, okay? There are plenty of young women and people who go for that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Sorry about that. Sorry for crying at the awe-inspiring eccentricities and phenomena of the world. Sorry for marveling at what God hath made. What was that tweet that was like? When God calls his angels home, will turtles not be a part of that choir? What the fuck is that tweet? Will turtles? When God sings with his creations, will the turtle not be part of the choir? Here.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay, here's what I want to Google.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Does the aurora borealis occur? The aurora borealis or the northern lights occur when charged particles from the sun carried by the solar wind collide with gas. We're doing fucking science with Pretty Roski again.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
So whoever, you bitches in the comments who are like, um, astrology, astronomy major here. We're going to need, tap in. Tap in because I need you. Because I'm about to read this and the centrifugal force and the solar winds. What are we talking about, bro? Half of the shit I know about space comes from Interstellar and it comes from Red Rising, okay? I'm not working with much.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I'm not working with much in the observable universe that I understand, okay? Very, very limited to sort of the dynamics of Dune. Dune, Star Wars, Star Trek, Red Rising. That's what I'm rocking with. So, by the way, God, I miss Red Rising. Have you guys read it yet?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I am, okay. I don't care. Primarily near the poles due to the interaction with Earth's magnetic fields. Okay. These natural light shows are caused by magnetic storms that have been triggered by solar activity. Such as solar flares. Or coronal mass ejections. What? Ejected gas bubbles. Energetic charged particles from these events are carried from the sun by the solar wind. That's why they move.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
It's the polycules, okay? They, look, love is love. I just don't want it. with the stringy, greasy-haired, skidmark-having young gentleman. I don't want it. Okay? That's just sort of my two cents on that. Yeah, I don't know what's going on there. There's that whole era of rock stars in the 70s and 80s that just... I don't know, man.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay, that's why they move. What does the Aurora Borealis mean? Aurora Borealis is the scientific name for the northern lights, which literally means light of dawn. The term comes from the Roman goddess of dawn, Aurora, and the Greek god of the north wind, Boreas. The Aurora Borealis is seen in the Earth's northern hemisphere around the polar regions.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
It's difficult to predict when it will occur, but it's best to look for it on a clear night. The counterpart to the Aurora Borealis in the southern hemisphere is the Aurora Australis. Named after the Greek god of the south wind, Oster. Is that why Australia is named Australia? What the fuck? Is there a southern Aurora Borealis? No, there is not a southern Aurora Borealis. What the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
In the southern hemisphere, it's called the Aurora Austra... Oh, that's just... I can't... I'm like speechless.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Imagine being a caveman and seeing that in the sky. I would be terrified. I'd be terrified. They're coming! They're coming! Holy shit. I want to watch a video. I need to like get high as balls. I need to get high as balls, watch Dune Prophecy, and then watch Aurora Borealis live stream for three hours. You know what I've been into recently while I read?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Well, y'all know I like to watch those ambient videos, okay? And can I say something? I was on that before any of you bitches were on that. I, and I hate to be that person that I did it before it was cool, but I found that shit years ago. I've been watching that stuff for years, okay? There are a few that I like to tailor to the book I'm reading. when I read Sherlock Holmes, I do the London one.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
London Victorian study desk with light rainfall. I don't like the ones with campfire noises. I don't like the ones with fire noises, because the crackling and popping, it pisses me off, because I'm focusing on that now. And now I'm watching the screen when I really should be reading Sherlock Holmes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay, so the rain, it's a good enough variation, you know what I mean, where it's not just brown noise, because then I'll go to sleep. It's enough. It's enough variation, okay? For a while, I was watching the Paris one. And then there's an Amalfi Coast one. But those don't really have rain.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And sometimes when I clean the house or whatever, they have some with bossa nova, because we all know I do love bossa nova. So yeah, that's sort of, you know, get on that. If you haven't tried reading with that in the background, I'd really have to recommend it because it's really a spectacular experience. By the way, I'm a bit further in One Dark Window. Really, really cute.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And apparently there's a smut scene coming up. Hurry, hurry. I want them to diddle each other up. Can you guys just diddle each other already? I'm tired of waiting. Boring. I'm not bored, actually. I'm not bored because I've read some fantasy books where I'm like, get to the fucking point. Like, I don't even need smut. Just give me a plot. Fuck. One Dark Window, the plot's compelling, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I love an original storyline. It's not like, and then there was a war, and then they have to fight the war. and you'll never guess who dies. Like, fuck you! Be original! And I will say, there is a skeleton to what makes a commercially successful romanticist, okay? And I applaud authors who try to break the mold, in any case.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
They were doing some crazy hairstyles and probably sleeping with some minors. You know, that was sort of... It was hand in hand. You had a crazy Jimmy Page haircut and you were, you know, sort of being intimate with 15-year-olds. And I don't really know what the correlation is there. I don't really know what that is. Makes me sick, though. So...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And I think that's, you know, the first person to do that, you start the new genre, you start the new offshoot of a famous genre. So... Shout out. Especially when magic is involved, it's super hard to create a new magic system that is easily understandable, that is new and inventive, and isn't, you know...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
easily drawn back to, okay, it's clear this author was inspired by this book or inspired by this series or by this character or whatever. And I want to do a quick shout out to all the fan fiction writers who started writing a story inspired by either their favorite celebrity, a book character, a movie character, whatever, and then slightly adapted it and turned it into its own full story.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Shout out, because that's what the fuck I'm talking about. Okay, anyway. Aurora Borealis. Yeah, that shit is... Wow. Oh, did we stop? Did we finish talking about the lamp story? Oh, yeah, I went on a whole spiral, didn't I? Sorry for getting existential. Oh, fuck. Oh, we haven't done this in a while. I want to do my song of the week.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And I also want to do a lyric breakdown of one of my most favorite songs of all time. Because eventually I'm going to do... Okay, well, here's what it is. It's a hosier song. Eventually I'm going to do a, what I did with Motomami by Rosalia.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I want to do that with Wasteland Baby by Hosier because Wasteland Baby and Hosier self-titled are all like albums that have impacted me thus in a way that is just, I mean, fundamental. And it's art that It feels like a privilege to be able to discuss it and annotate it and think about all the references, literary and musical, that he has packed into these albums.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
So here are two of my favorite songs of all time. We're going to start with Foreigner's God. by Hosier, and we're going to do a lyric breakdown. I'm going to do a dramatic reading a la Jonah Hill and 21 Jump Street. 22, 21 Jump Street. Okay, here we go. This is from, self-titled, his first album from 2014.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
She moved with shameless wonder, the perfect creature rarely seen, since some liar brought the thunder when the land was godless and free. Her eyes look sharp and steady into the empty parts of me. Still, my heart is heavy with the hate of some other man's beliefs. Still, my heart is heavy with the hate of some other man's beliefs.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Always a well-dressed fraud who wouldn't spare the rod, never for me. I love genius. Let's read this shit. From the Victorian phrase, spare the rod and spoil the child, meaning without corporal punishment, a child will become spoiled. In the context of the song, it points towards the parent referred to in the line with the hate of some other man's beliefs.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
This is also the parent that has instilled these patriarchal values in him. Here's the chorus. Scream in the name of a foreigner's God. Scream in the name of a foreigner's God, the purest expression of grief. Oh, my fucking God. Screaming the name of a foreigner's God, the purest expression of grief, because how else do we know how to express that?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
our outrage, our any explicative than through this Judeo-Christian lens. It's infiltrated our language. Throwback to me crying about the divinity of the Aurora Borealis 20 minutes ago. Okay. Verse two, wondering who I copy, mustering some tender charm. She feels no control of her body. She feels no safety in my arms.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I've no language left to say it, but all I do is quake to her, breaking if I try conveying the broken love I make to her. I just can't.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
You bitches don't get it. Everyone say sorry hosier in the comments right now. Wondering who I copy, mustering some tender charm. She feels no control of her body. She feels no safety in my arms.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
If the song truly is supposed to represent Ireland, then the top line, she feels no control of her body, could refer to the fact that it wasn't until the early 20th century that Ireland began its own nation again. but is still split. Going with the top, the bottom line could refer to Hosier trying to do justice by bringing something back to her, but the damage has already been done.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Guess what a Cortado is? Three espresso shots. That was at 8 a.m. It's 7 p.m. Okay, then I had a Red Bull. Then I had a coffee. Then I had another Red Bull, a blueberry Red Bull. And then as of recently, I had a Red Bull Zero Sugar. or Red Bull Zero, and they've got monkey fruit. They do monkey fruit in there. What is it? Sugar, Red Bull, monkey fruit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I've no language left to say it. The song in general is about the pain of losing your own people's language, as most Irish people have lost fluency in Irish Gaelic. The most intimate things we do, like screaming out in sexual ecstasy, are bound by our conception, and our conceptions are bound by our language.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
If you're monolingual, your most private thoughts and most wild fantasies are still bordered by the possibilities structured in your language, in ways you're probably not even aware of. This song is a lament to that fact. Whoever the fuck wrote this on Genius? Holy shit. It's true. All that I've been taught and every word I've got is foreign to me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Screaming the name of a foreigner's God, the purest expression of grief. There are so many layers to this of both, you know, when you're thinking about it through the Catholic church lens. where 100% of the time when children are raised in a Catholic upbringing, a Catholic church, a Catholic school, they didn't pick that. This is something being forced on them.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And forever, from now until the end of time, your worldview will be impacted by your time spent in the Catholic church. And that's not just the Catholic church, any church, any religious institution that you were brought up in as a child. Feel however you want to feel about that, but acknowledge that that happened.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Acknowledge that your worldview is, for better or worse, clouded by a religious aroma, right? Everything you do, say, hear, and know is being pushed through a filter, a cheesecloth filter. of religion. And that does something to the brain. So that's one layer to this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Another layer is, of course, the oppressive history of the British Empire on Ireland, the bloody history of Ireland with respect to Great Britain. the attempted and demi-successful killing off of the Irish people, the loss of the Irish language, the abuses in the Irish church, all of these things where it ties back into the language that we use to describe such atrocities.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And this is prevalent in a lot of poetry around colonialism or slavery when it comes to, I'm speaking the colonizer's language. And I think this is, in a sense, this is what this song is about. You know, the way that I'm even singing this song and expressing these heavy thoughts I have is through, it's in English. I'm not English. So. That's another.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I'm really intrigued by she feels no control of her body. She feels no safety in my arms. I want to say that there's also a level of ever-present in Hosier's works is this plea for women's rights. And Swan Upon Leda, which... Fuck, let's read that one next. Swan Upon Leda is another one that is... He released this during... Oh, this is 2023. I thought he released this during the pandemic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
He released this right around when Roe v. Wade was overturned. And I think he had had it. It had been in the arsenal for a while. And he decided to share it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
That I don't have control over my own body. I don't have autonomy. Laws regulate my body. And I am a walking womb to these fucking people, you know? And it's just like this, this sweeping sense of just numbness of like, I cannot believe. And so to have him release this was such a beautiful display of like, I can't do much, but here's what I can offer, you know? Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
A husband waits outside. A crying child pushes a child into the night. She was told he would come this time without leaving so much as a feather behind. To enact at last the perfect plan, one more sweet boy to be butchered by man. But the gateway to the world was still outside the reach of him, would never belong to angels, had never belonged to men. The swan upon Leda, empire upon Jerusalem.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
A grandmother smuggling meds passed where the god-child soldier Setanta stood dead. Our graceful turner of heads. Weaves through the checkpoints like a needle and thread. Someone's frightened boy waves her on. She offers a mother's smile as soon as she's gone. The gateway to the world, the gun in a trembling hand. Where nature unmakes the boundary, the pillar of myth still stands.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
The swan upon Leda, occupier upon ancient land. The gateway to the world was still outside the reach of him. Wood never belonged to angels, had never belonged to men.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Monkey, what is monk fruit in Red Bull? What the fuck is monk fruit? Monk fruit extract, a plant-based sweetener. combines with erythritol, a sugar alcohol, and sucralose. You know what makes me feel good about that is that I can't pronounce any of those ingredients and also surely none of it's in the Bible. That's how you know it's good for you. That's how you know it's going to embalm you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
So a lot of themes here. I don't know what genius is about to sort of detail here, but again, we're dealing with themes of war and abortion and forced pregnancies and separated families and occupied lands and colonialism. And I mean, the list just goes on and on because they're, they're all intertwined. They're all coexisting and one is a cause of the other, you know?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
So first of all, let's, let's look up Swan upon Leda and, And if I'm not mistaken, I think that this is... It's an old myth and it has to do with a god assaulting a goddess or a nymph and... Some form of that, some form of a male god exerting dominance and sexual ownership over a goddess. I'm fairly certain. Let me go ahead and double check.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
In Greek mythology, the myth of Leda and the swan tells of Zeus seducing Leda, the queen of Sparta, in the form of a swan. Zeus, the king of the gods, transformed into a swan to seduce Leda. Leda slept with the swan and then with her husband, King Tyndareus, on the same night. Leda laid two eggs that hatched four children.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Helene... Okay, so knowing that it's a myth, let's go back to the lyrics and... Let's go, I guess, line for line. Buckle up. Buckle in. So, yes, this does reference Zeus as the swan assaulting Leda and her burying his children. as is custom of the olden times, a husband would wait outside while the wife gives birth. The second line, a crying child pushes a child into the night.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I think we can sort of understand what he's saying there. She was told he would come this time without leaving so much as a feather behind to enact at last the perfect plan, one more sweet boy to be butchered by men. So that's the swan leaving.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Genius says this seems to be about the way patriarchal society destroys boys as well as girls, raising them with toxic ideas about women, punishing them for expressing emotion or affection, and turning them into agents of the structures that hurt them, a game where not even the winners get to truly win. But the gateway to the world was still outside the reach of him.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Wood never belonged to angels, had never belonged to men. The swan upon Leda, empire upon Jerusalem. Empire upon Jerusalem seems to allude to the annexation of Jerusalem by various empires as akin to Zeus' sexual assault of Leda in Greek mythology. Ireland recognizes the statehood of Palestine, and it is a significant topic of modern discourse in Ireland.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Hosier's reference to border crossing could suggest that mankind's empires and various seizures of the Holy Land and the lore of Christianity have laid waste to one of the holiest places on earth.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
In Christianity, this would be considered the birthplace of Jesus and a sacred place to be venerated, but the parallel drawn may be that it is the birthplace of conflict via the imagery of a child born of a salt. In the second verse about the grandmother smuggling medicine in past the guard soldier who is a child himself.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And looks at him knowingly with this gaze of, you know, you're a young boy and I am a mother. And I know that this situation we're in is just, it's just that acknowledgement. You know, it's still a young boy. He's afraid. And now he's been armed. And that line about, you know, the trembling hand with the gun in it, I mean, it's just so beautifully written. Shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
When I say I love Hosier, this is, I mean, it's one thing to say it, and it's another thing to just spend time with the art. And I would be doing y'all a disservice if I continued to just talk about, oh, his lyrics, his lyrics, his lyrics, and not actually, are you hearing this? Here's another one. This song is called To Be Alone. This is one of my favorites.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Once again, a topic that continues to come up on this podcast and in my life that has no means being a sort of evergreen topic that we should always be discussing or that somehow always comes up in conversation. But here it is, once again, being immortal is not a blessing, okay? And everyone knows my opinions on being immortal. It's a curse, right? That the beauty of life is that it's finite.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
These lyrics are a bit more straightforward, right? We don't have to do so much annotating and Cliff's notes on it. This one is also, the melody is so fucking good. He sings his face off. And this is, to me, the pinnacle of what a good fucking song is, to me, my opinion. It's a great melody, a great vocalist, talented instrumentalist, and lyrics that just...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Stand alone as a poem, I would be, but he also managed to add a fantastic melody that's catchy. It's got a hook, you know, to it and live. Don't even get me started on how it sounds live. Never feel too good in crowds, with folks around, when they're playing the anthems of rape culture loud. Crude and proud, creatures baying. All I've ever done is hide from our times.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
When you're near me, honey, when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes, I feel like a person for a moment of my life. But you don't know what hell you put me through. To have someone kiss the skin that crawls from you. To feel your weight in arms I'd never use. It's the God that heroin prays to. It feels good, girl, it feels good to be alone with you. There are questions I can't ask.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Now at last the worst is over. See the way you hold yourself. Reel against your body's borders. I know that you hate this place. Not a trace of me would argue. Honey, we should run away. Someday our baby and her mama and the damaged love she made. But I don't know what else that I would do than try to kiss the skin that crawls from you. To feel your weight in arms I'd never use.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
It's the God that heroin prays to. Can you fucking believe? Can you believe my favorite line? This also seems to be someone talking to their abuser. After an assault, many people feel their skin crawl when they experience a sensation that reminds them of it, even if they love and trust the person they're with now.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Trying to have consensual sex after surviving sexual violence can be incredibly frustrating because it can feel like your body is betraying you. It won't let you forget what you've gone through and can even drag your mind back to the incident. And I would add on to that, unfairly blame the person you're with or take it out on the
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Ideally, in an ideal scenario, you trust completely and they understand what's happened and have the utmost respect and caution with the situation. But it's one of those things that's just unfair. It's unfair. Even him starting the song with, you know, I never feel too good in crowds with folks around when they're playing the anthems of rape culture loud.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
You know what that makes me think of is that fucking Robin Thicke song. You know the one I'm talking about, that one that it was everywhere. And it just, every song, every chart topper, it just, we live in such a hyper-sexualized culture and it's sick, right? And it's weird and it's too normalized. And it is, I don't think it's good or safe or healthy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And it empowers the wrong people, you know, to feel emboldened in their acts. So anyway, I didn't mean to bring the tone down. I didn't mean to bring the vibes down. But when I say I love Hosier, he is capable of that type of songwriting, tackling such heavy topics and putting them to songs that make it bearable. It makes it bearable.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And Caleb and I talked about this, that your cup— It empties, okay? The cup doesn't runneth over. The cup empties, and that's what makes the monkey fruit so sweet. That's what makes the hydradextrin erythritol sugar alcohol sucralose so delicious, okay, is that it's not forever. But I think I've changed my mind on it. I'd like to live forever now. And I believe. I believe. I believe. I believe.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And it's that, but he also has silly sexual songs about being so in love with your partner and lustful and how that is as much a part of reciprocated romantic love as all the emotional things. And it's not... Sex doesn't overpower the emotional side and the emotional side doesn't overpower sex. It's in a perfect scenario.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
It's this beautiful harmony where, you know, it's a current that flows and ebbs and never stops. And it's beautiful. He's got a song called Moment Silence about fucking. Plenty of his songs are about fucking, which I'm down with. But then there's also songs about the church and religious trauma. And I, oh my God, just love him. Love him to goddamn death.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
One of my favorite songs by him of all time. I've talked about it. It's Empire Now. Empire Now is so good. Blood Upon the Snow from the God of War soundtrack. What? Arguably top three hosiery songs ever. And it was on a fucking video game soundtrack.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay. That'll do it for me this week, guys. Love you. Thanks for rocking with me and my heavy topics and me crying and the lamp dream and the Aurora Borealis. Shout out. And yeah, if you want some merch, go grab it. I'm not stopping you. No one's stopping you. Broski.shop and go check out Royal Court, my medieval interview show. All right. I'll see y'all next week. Love you. Be good. Bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
That's from Book of Mormon. And that's a funny, it's actually a funny song because in Book of Mormon, that whole song is pointing out how kind of silly some of their beliefs are. I believe that a man came down and granted only the Mormons with eternal life. That's kind of the song. Anyway, I do believe that I've consumed enough Red Bull in my lifetime that I am preserved.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
You see my beautiful glowing skin. You see my strong little frame, okay? You see my pearlescent my pearlescent shine. And I know you're wondering, how does she have that beauty of youth? How does she have that eternal life glow? Well, Monkey Fruit Red Bull, make it for asking. They're never going to sponsor me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Mask off, fuck it, mask off. Welcome back to the Broski Report. I've had... well over the daily maximum allotment of caffeine, which we all know, collectively, let's say it, 400 milligrams. I've Googled that plenty of times on this podcast. And I look a little bit like John Lennon today, and it's kind of bothering me. I think it's the no volume in my hair.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Ow. The monkey fruit, it's in my blood. Red Bull watching this like, maybe we should stop sending her PR.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Drewski's like another topic that continuously comes up and I have no problem talking about Drewski. I love him. He's got this bit where he goes... He'll have people come on, could have been records or wherever. He'll be interviewing people on the street or, you know, he's just anything where he's talking to someone to the camera and someone will come up and, you know, he'll interact with them.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Then they'll go away and he'll turn around. He'll go, yeah, man, he didn't know. Yeah, he's lost.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Yeah, man, he's lost. You know, he doesn't really... He doesn't really have a direction in life. Yeah, man, he didn't know that song. He lied. That's not making sense. I'm not doing the bit justice.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Stupid. Okay, let's move on from how the monkey fruit is going to make me live forever. Actually, no, I'd like to go back to that. What do we think is the long-term side effects of consuming monkey fruit? Is monk fruit bad for you?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
The FDA, which is sort of not trustable or any marker or checkmark of health and wellness in this country, I really wouldn't put it past the FDA to approve cyanide as long as it's in a small enough dose. As long as, look, we gave it to some squirrels and they only died after 24 hours, not after 12. So it's fine to put in Cheez-Its.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay, we put the monkey fruit and the cyanide in the Cheez-Its, but only in the limited edition flavor. Okay, in the pickle pizza flavor. In the ranch jumping jack pickled feet pizza flavor. Only available limited time at Jimmy John's. We only did that so it's not even going to affect the population that bad. So yeah, it's FDA approved. Stamp, check, move on. Monk fruit, good or bad?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
There is a consensus among experts that monk fruit is safe for consumption. In the amount typically used in foods and beverages. See what I'm talking about? I'm not that far off. They're like, yeah, you can chew on plastic and swallow it as long as it's not too much. Okay. It's important to note that some people may experience mild gastrointestinal side effects, such as bloating or diarrhea.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
However, these side effects are typically rare and resolve on their own. Okay. You guys go out and buy some monk fruit. Everyone go buy some monkey fruit and eat way too much of it. Okay, can I tell you something I've been actually kind of worried about? What the fuck is the lamp dream? What is the lamp dream? And why are people, why are women on TikTok having crises?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I feel like I know, but I'd like to sort of explore it. Girl, the first fucking thing is a Reddit and Creepypasta link. What are y'all talking about? How have we somehow landed back on Creepypasta? How? How? Actually, that checks out. Okay. The internet is captivated by eerie lamp story. The lamp story, Reddit Creepypasta. Guys, fuck you. Let's read it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
There's something about a white guy that when they get to a certain age or they're into a certain type of media, they're like, it's okay, I can grow my hair out this long. And they're wrong. because it's not in a sort of Fabian kind of fantasy romance novel lead way, you know, where he's got war braids, okay? John Lennon didn't have war braids. We weren't doing Viking John Lennon.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Notice, this is an allegedly true story posted in the comment section of an r slash ask Reddit post. Okay. One second. Okay, go ahead and rewind for me. Let's go back to that original Google search because r slash glitch in the matrix. Let me go ahead and cut to the chase of what we're talking about. I feel like I'm an apparition. I have so much caffeine in my system right now.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I feel like a ghostly form. You know, when you go on a ghost tour in like a city, do y'all do that? When you go to a new city, are you like, gonna check out the local haunts? I always go on a ghost tour in the city I'm going to. One of the best ones I've ever been on was in San Antonio, Texas. Y'all need to go on that walking tour. I wish I remembered the name of the company that puts it on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
But the guy dressed up like a fucking ghost. And that's how you know it's gonna be good. That's how you know he takes his job seriously. And they took us to this hotel called, I think I've talked about this before a long time ago. They took us to this hotel called the Yellow Rose Hotel. like the Yellow Rose of Texas, or maybe it's called the Elizabeth. I don't remember.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
It's one of those super high-rise hotels in downtown San Antonio. Apparently the top, just picked a booger, that's cool, the very top floor used to be the surgery level, okay? And now it is permanently stained in the walls. It smells like formaldehyde or like that anesthesia smell to sterilize things.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And the service elevator in that hotel was the old body chute because at the very basement of this hotel was a mortuarium. It was a crematorium. You know what I'm trying to say. They would burn the bodies, the sick, dead bodies. So have a great sleep tonight. Here's the lamp story.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Creepypasta time! This is an allegedly true story posted in the comment section of an r slash ask Reddit post. The question was, have you ever felt a deep connection to a person you've met in a dream? The original post was made years ago on a throwaway account. A screenshot can be found here. Throwaway account, because this is really personal. Okay, okay, okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
This story is also known as a parallel life or awoken by a lamp. Here we go. My last semester at a certain college... Oh, Jesus Christ. Trigger warning, guys. Hey, why'd you type it like that? Okay. After two years, she graced me with her seed. Okay. I had a great job and my wife didn't have to work outside of the house. When my daughter was two, she bore me a son. What?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
When my daughter was two, my wife bore me a son. My son was the joy of my life. I would walk into his room every morning before I left for work and doted on him and my daughter. One day while sitting on the couch, I noticed that the perspective of the lamp was odd, like inverted. It was still in 3D, but just wrong.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
It was a square lamp base, red with gold trim on four legs and a white square shade. I was transfixed. I couldn't look away from it. I stayed up all night staring at it. The next morning, I didn't go to work. Something was just not right about that lamp. I stopped eating. I left the couch only to use the bathroom at first. Soon I stopped that too as I wasn't eating or drinking.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I stared at the fucking lamp for three days before my wife got really worried. She had someone come and try to talk to me. By this time, my cognizance was breaking up and my wife was freaking out. She took the kids to her mother's house just before I had my epiphany. The lamp is not real. The house is not real. My wife, my kids, none of that is real.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
We're doing stinky, greasy, stringy, long hair on a white dude, okay? And there's nothing worse because you can smell that musk from 30 feet away.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
The last 10 years of my life are not fucking real. The lamp started to grow wider and deeper. It was still inverted dimensions. It took up my entire perspective, and all I could see was red. I heard voices, screams, all kinds of weird noises, and I became aware of pain. A fucking shit ton of pain. The first words I said were, I'm missing teeth, and I opened my eyes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I was laying on my back on the sidewalk, surrounded by people that I didn't know. Lots were freaking out. I was completely confused. At some point, a cop scooped me up, dragged, walked me across the sidewalk and grass and threw me face down in the back of a cop car. I was still confused. I was taken to the hospital by the cop and gave CT scans and shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
We were blown away. And it deals with, you know, the residual effects of trauma. And how we construct our own realities to best make that trauma livable. And it deals with themes like domestic abuse and the reality of life as a woman in that time period. And, you know, maybe even the time period that we live in today. It was just amazing. I cannot, well, cannot sing its praises enough.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Also, while we were in London... We went to, this is totally unrelated, we went to Churchill's War Rooms, which I don't mean to turn this into a history lesson, but it's about to be a history lesson, so lock the fuck in, because we're doing, once again, Professor Broski's World War II segment, okay? World War II history segment.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I've been to the war rooms before, and I've also been to the Imperial War Museum. And the UK is a very, very interesting country to do a museum like that. Obviously, as a sentient adult, you become aware that each country has their own retelling of what transpired from 1900 to 1945. And that just becomes very apparent when you walk through a museum like this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And I think that the war rooms, if you ever get a chance to go, please go. If you are interested in history at all like that, especially political figures in history, Churchill was not a good man, to put it very elementaryly. He, you know, was born to be a politician. There was never going to be anything else he was going to do other than, like, be a politician. And I think that this museum...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
to its credit, does a good job of not trying to, like, embalm him in hero fluid. You know what I mean? They didn't try to make a hero out of Churchill. I think that they accurately portrayed how destitute the situation was before, and this is, look, okay, I'm American, let me say it, before America kind of swooped in and the Allies really won the war. The situation was bleak in the UK.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And all my theater bitches, you know about that play. Dude. Yeah, he was, the premiere was on the 13th. and his play was all that week, but there was a showing on the 15th, and I was like, motherfucker, should we stay? But it was sold out, and then we figured it out, and I got tickets, and me and Stanley went, oh my god. Hold on, let me go back to Mickey 17. So much fun. So much fun.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And when you go on any tour through the United Kingdom, when you go to any museum, any whatever, you would be in the minority to find a building or a family or a company that was not affected by the Blitzkrieg in London specifically and around London. The German air raid, the continuous German air raid on London during World War II.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Roman ruins in London. I mean, one of the oldest cities in the world, okay? Destroyed by the Blitzkrieg. And I think that when you look at it like that, and the Imperial War Museum, if you ever get a chance to go, does an incredible job of reimagining what life would have been like as a British citizen during that time period. Yeah. I'm talking war rations.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I'm talking air raids, consistent air raids, the different types of planes to see overhead and how to recognize if one is German and one is, you know, a friendly bird. Not only that, but the reality of you're going to be inside for a while. And even inside, you're not safe. And they have this reimagined living room of the average British family in the 1930s, 1940s.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And some of it has some real memorabilia from that time. And it's just harrowing. I mean, you can read about history in a book. You can watch a documentary. You can watch an interview by someone who is a World War II veteran or whatever. Nothing has sent a chill down my spine quite like being in this reimagined little living room.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
with the tiny little radio and the reimagined war rations and the family photos and the sound of the sirens. And they have completely reconstructed it. And you sit there, I can't even put into words how just horrifying doesn't begin to cover it. And, uh,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
localizing this to just a British struggle war in any case is brutal it's inhumane it is unthinkable this is just I think a more it was the most tangible thing that I've ever been immersed in, if that makes sense. So you sit in this little fake living room and they do all the raids and all the drills and all the propaganda videos and cut back on the bread that you're eating.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And if you can, you know, buy a war bond, buy it and all these things. It's just that history is not far away. And this is unrelated, but very related at the same time. When you think about segregation and things like the Civil Rights Act, all of these things are not ancient history. This was in our grandparents' lifetime. So when you go to museums like this, don't think that this is too far off.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And I don't say that to scare you, but it's, you know, you need to be acquainted with these things because we are living through unprecedented time after unprecedented time. And it's just important to be aware of what we're living through right now and the real risks that having a leader, the fucking sitting leader of the free world like Donald Trump, what life under his regime could turn into.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Okay, anyway, they went to the war rooms. And I think that this museum is very well done. And it's a museum, but it's also the actual place where Churchill and his cabinet, quote unquote, met and it was literally, a bunker isn't even an accurate description. This was just the basement of some government building. It was not safe. It was not reinforced.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
The movie's fun. It was... freezing fucking cold in London because duh. And yeah, it was a blast. I think, oh, I wore this crazy fit, okay? One of the best fits me and my stylist have ever cooked up. That fit, it was very like, menswear is back. Let me sort of put y'all, let me guide y'all's finger to the pulse, okay? Menswear is so back.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
The attempt they did at reinforcing it with this slab of concrete, that wasn't going to keep them safe. It is a miracle that this place was not bombed and everyone in it died. And from this little bunker, People lived there. They slept there. They had fake sunlamps because they spent so long underground. They had one—and this was like a super secret. Whoa.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
They had a direct phone line for Winston Churchill to speak to the American president in the 40s, and they would discuss plans and—
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And they would have these meetings in these rooms that were probably 15 by 15 feet, and they would cram 20, 30 people in there, all of these desks, and every single morning update everyone on the location of German troops, the location of British troops, the evacuation of Dunkirk, all these things. This was... It was real. And that sounds so stupid to say because, of course, it was real.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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But when you are standing in the room where these briefings were giving, I can't. It's like you have to really focus to make it connect in your brain. Like, I... I am here. I have the privilege of standing here and witnessing this. And they have it all behind glass in the map room. It's called the map room.
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And it's kind of at the heart of the basement of this building where there's maps on every wall from everywhere from all of Europe to granular London to Japan, Korea, all of these places where you can see all the little pinpricks in it where they would move the... the little pins and update positioning. And there's a big desk in the middle with all these telephones on top and they wouldn't ring.
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They would light up different colors because obviously it's the ringing would be loud. And it's just, it's unreal because it's all just how they left it on what? August 16th, 1945. Like the day the war was over, everyone left and it's left just like that. There's still pencils on the table. There's, you know, all the equipment, the telephones and the bedding and the newspapers.
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It's just, it's amazing. It's amazing. And I think they opened up the war rooms to public interest. You could tour it, finally, in the 80s, and you have to pay for a ticket inside, and all that money goes to keeping it up and restoring it and all that. It's so neat. To open things like that up to, you know, the general populace. Someone like me. I'm not British.
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And it's psychotic to think I can go in there and just be like, whoa, this is what happened. Because that history is all of our history. And that sounds so fucking corny, but it's true. And the Imperial War Museum explores World War I and World War II. And that's harrowing as well because...
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World War I, I mean, not to go back into what I used to talk about all the time, but that was my hyper fixation for a second because the sheer magnitude of destruction that that war brought
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on mankind is, I mean, there have been horrible wars in human history, but World War I, that was the turn of, we're using biological warfare, we're using tanks, we are using technology to assist in the killing of human beings in a way that we've never seen before. You know, muskets, bayonets, sure, that's technology too, but this was the beginning of, you know, something that
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has turned into nuclear warfare. And it's scary to look back on that time and think, they didn't even know what they were introducing into warfare. All that to say, anyway, if you're ever in the UK, check out the war rooms because it's psychotic. And I have a little magnet on my fridge that says, eat less bread. And I think it's silly because it's like, oh, eat less bread like Kate Moss.
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Oh, like Kate Moss, like a model, like don't eat bread. But really it's in relation to the war rations. And there's another one that I have in my office that says, self-indulgence at this time is aiding the enemy. It's just, you know, when you see propaganda as something that is an art piece and is funny and someone had to sit down and be like, okay, how do we tell them to not eat that much?
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How do we tell them to not eat that much because war rations cost money and we don't have money? It was very educational. This museum, both of those museums do a really great job of honoring the dead, honoring the effort, the war effort by everyone. You know, there are different sections for women, for POC soldiers, for the young underage soldiers that conscripted, you know, to...
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And it's fun to experiment with not only just like the suit and tie sort of thing, but incorporating interesting shapes into the red carpet space. You know what I mean? And I know people kind of do that with the structured gowns or like when they have stuff come up over the bodice and it's, you know, really structured and whatever. That's one thing is like evening wear. But this sort of
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For the sake of my country and for God glory and country. No, what is it? King and country. I mean, these kids were as young as 14 conscripting lying about their age to go join up. And it's like, so very, very educational, very relevant. Not in a scary way, but also kind of in a scary way. And while I was down in the war rooms, of course, I did actually start my period.
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So raise your hand if you've started your menstrual cycle in Churchill's war rooms. Just me? Just me, I guess.
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Okay, let's talk about the fun stuff now.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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When was the last time you needed to go to a doctor but you pushed it off? You made the excuse, I'm too busy, I can't find my insurance card. Getting health advice from the latest social media trend or influencer is enough. I think we've all been there. Booking a doctor's appointment can feel so daunting. But thanks to ZocDoc, there's no reason to delay.
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They make it so easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more.
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Everyone knows I use ZocDoc to find my dermatologist, and Lord knows I keep him in business, so I'm glad I found him. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash broski to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash broski. ZocDoc.com slash broski.
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Here's a fact that will shock absolutely no one. 66% of men are investing in the stock market compared to just 48% of women. Here's another one that won't surprise any of you. Multiple studies have shown that women are better investors than men. Why? Because men are overconfident and women actually do their research.
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The investing gap means less women have the chance to build wealth now and can have huge repercussions down the road when it comes time for them to retire. The good news is that Acorns makes it easy for everyone to start investing. Acorns believes that anyone can be an investor. That's why they make it easy to stick to basic, time-tested principles that give your money a chance to grow.
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You can create your Acorns account and start investing in just five minutes. I believe that putting aside money for future me is a form of self-care, and Acorns cuts out all the intentionally confusing jargon and processes to cut straight to the goal, investing money for older me.
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Sign up now and join the over 13 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $22 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com or download the Acorns app to get started. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier two compensation provided. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor.
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cocktail, business casual, fun take on menswear is really, I just, I'm having fun. Me and my stylist, Kat Spaldos, we have a fucking blast. When we do fittings, we just yell. And then what if we did the, yes, yes! It's so much fun. So we stuck around and we saw Streetcar Named Desire. Now, let me sort of reveal my soul for a second.
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View important disclosures at acorns.com slash broski. I went to Penhaligon's. Let me tell you something about this. Michelle Visage, you will always be famous. Michelle Visage, I love you. Michelle Visage talks about Penhaligon's on TikTok all the time. I was like, what the fuck is that? It's a perfume house. It's a British perfume house that was started way long ago and then had to shut down.
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And then some Italian designer or businessman came in and revived it because there was this one super famous fragrance that Churchill used to wear and all these, you know, it was a very high society fragrance, you know. And they revived it, and someone took over as creative director, and now there's a full storyline. And there's a narrative to this perfume house, which I love. Hey, duh.
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I love shit like that. And it is so fucking British. And it's so fun. So... There's this whole storyline behind Penhaligon's and all the names of the fragrances and how they release them and, you know, what their best sellers are and all this. So it's based around this sort of murder mystery of a man and his estranged wife and his mistress.
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And then all these characters get introduced and each fragrance is named after one of them. It kind of gives... What's that game? Clue. Like, Mr. Mustard, Colonel Mustard, all that shit. Like, it's very reminiscent of that, but all the characters are so fucking British. Well... I go in and this was another, I was like, fuck.
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I went in and I always, when I go to Britain, I like to say, I like to ask the people working there, how old is this building? Because you never know. You never know how old the structure that you're standing in could be. And she was like, well, the original structure is surely the 1600s, but this one rebuilt after the war, destroyed in the bombings.
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And I was like, fucking course it's destroyed in the bombings. Everything was destroyed in the bombings. It sucks. And so I was like, how old is this building? She was like, well, they rebuilt it after the war, but Penhaligon's has been around since, let me see. Penhaligon's is a symbol of English artistic perfumery.
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The brand, originally founded as a barbershop in 1870, immediately made people interested, attracting the curiosity of the English nobility, and in particular, that of the crown. So it's been around for a super long time. Anyway, so we go in and I'm like, let me smell Halfeti. Halfeti is their most successful, like, bestseller. And Halfeti is a city in Turkey, if I'm not mistaken. Turkey, yes.
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That was going to be humiliating if that was wrong. Halfeti is in Turkey. And... Of course, everything relates back to imperialism. And halfetti is this really beautiful, it's like there's notes of coffee in it. There's, it's very woody. Here are the accords. Woody, aromatic, warm, spicy. I'm into that. I'm into that. And here's another thing.
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Okay, this is kind of separate, but warm florals, I'm trying to get into. Fuck me, dude. Warm floral. I want to smell like a hotel lobby. I don't want to smell like a model. Does that make sense? And I don't even think, like, models don't even wear, like, models wear some weird-ass shit. So, I don't know.
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I never actually saw A Streetcar Named Desire when I was in high school. It's one of those that's always in rotation for one-act plays or for community theater, or it's always, it feels like it's showing on Broadway or whatever. I've never actually seen it. And I actually went into it not knowing the plot or even the setting or anything, just that it's super famous.
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Like, when you go into Sephora and all those fragrances, it's like warm floral, light floral, clean floral. I don't give a fuck about floral! What? I like woody. Woody, oud, musk, all that, that's my shit, okay? Halfeti, it is a mature fragrance, I would say, but it's so good. Here are the top notes. Cypress leaf, saffron, cardamom, artemisia, bergamot, grapefruit.
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Heart notes are Bulgarian rose, nutmeg, jasmine. I don't like rose. You know, here's another thing. There are some perfumers or some fragrance TikTok people where I'm like... I don't know if I can trust your opinion because we don't have the same taste. If you are a person who loves florals, I don't really trust your opinion.
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If you love sugary sweet, if you like anything from Kayali, we're not on the same page. Kayali is like teenager Victoria's Secret sweet. I'm not into that. If you're into that, slay. Go do your thing. If you love Parfums de Marly, all those rose perfumes or those sickly sweet, whatever. Parfums de Marly isn't sickly sweet. Those are more, you know, mature, beautiful, sugary fragrances sometimes.
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But there's depth to those. Kayali, it's just sugar. And if you're into that, slay. And, you know, if you want to layer it with something deeper, slay. Not for me. Michelle Visage, her taste, we're on the same page, where if you're going to do a gourmand, it has to be a very interesting gourmand. And so that's, I would describe Helfetti as that.
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Base notes are agarwood, agarwood, leather, cedar, sandalwood, amber, tonka bean, vanilla, musk. Yeah! Launched in 2015. This one is, it's just a classic. Like, Halfetti's a good one for every day, I would say. It's definitely a nighttime fragrance, but any gourmand is. In my opinion, the gourmand of all gourmands, this is my opinion, is Angel's Share by Killian. That motherfucker...
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You want to go out clubbing. You want to go to a nice dinner. You're on a date. You want to do this. You want to do that. If it's at night and you're feeling sexy, you do angel share. It'll last for seven years. One spray lasts seven years. And if you spray it on your clothes, even longer. And that one to me is like there's not a richer, more interesting, lustful gourmand. It just is.
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Halfetti is delicious. So I got a little one of it. I got this other one by Penhaligon's called Dandy. And let me show you this motherfucking bottle, girl. It's from the, it's based on the 1920s, right? Like, great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald type of core. The branding is enough to make you want to buy it. Like, I went and I said, yeah, I guess I have to get that. Oh, look at her.
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She's beautiful. And it's got this little bow tie. It's so cute. This is a crazy fragrance. This is not a womanly fragrance. If you're going to gender fragrance, okay? I don't think that fragrance has a gender, but... I say that with an asterisk, right? Because I'm not going to ignore the way that they market these fragrances, the way that they gender notes in a fragrance.
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When we were in high school for our one-act play, we did Bus Stop, which is by William Inge. And him, Tennessee Williams, who wrote Streetcar Named Desire, and Arthur Miller, who wrote The Crucible and Death of a Salesman, they were all contemporaries. This is in like the 30s, 40s, 50s. Arthur Miller was famously married to Marilyn Monroe. So that's kind of this time period of post-war America.
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Dandy is very masculine, and it's so interesting. The top note is whiskey. Whiskey, sandalwood, and something else. Cedarwood? Bergamot and raspberry.
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Yeah, bergamot raspberry whiskey cedarwood. This one, it's just really interesting. And there's some note in it that I just... I keep coming back to it because I've never smelled anything like it. And maybe it's the whiskey. I don't know. This is one I'm trying to figure it out, okay? I smelled it. I was addicted to it. But I was like, how do you wear it? How do you wear it? It's too...
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weird to wear by itself. This is one I'm going to wear at home. I'm going to wear it at home so that none of my friends are like, what the fuck are you wearing? Because I like it. I like it. And I think if you put like a sweet lotion under it and then this on top, maybe it'd be interesting. I need to work with it. Let me spend some time with her and interview her, and I'll get back to you on that.
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Dandy's very interesting. And the last one I got... Because I went crazy. I was like, they don't have Penhaligon's in the States. They have one in Soho in New York. And they used to sell it at Saks Fifth Avenue and Nordstrom and all this, but they pulled it off the shelves. I don't know why. Because this would make a killing in the States.
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This is a niche fragrance house that is British, that is interesting. It has an identity. And fragrance people... They're really missing a market here. So they have one store in Soho. They need to open one in like, you know, Chicago, Los Angeles, Austin, I would say. This is the other one I got. Now, all of these bottles have animal heads on them.
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They're supposed to be like, you know, in a rich English country estate, all of the maybe taxidermy you'd see on the wall or like after the men go on a hunt. Oh, yes, the hunt in Africa. Like very that. You know what I mean? All of the bottles in this line have either like a ram's head, a cat, a dragon, a bull. And so this one, of course, after she told me the story of it, I was like...
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This one is named The Blazing Mr. Sam. And in the storyline of Penhaligon's, he's the fucking American. I can't help it. An American abroad with all the cocky confidence you might expect. Hot and cold spices mingle over dry patchouli and creamy cedar in his eau de parfum. No one can quite resist Sam's charms. Yeehaw. I mean, come on. I smelled it. I was like, this is good.
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Then she told me the story. I said, fuck. Okay, this fragrance is everything I want in a perfume, as me personally. Patchouli has to be done in a certain way for me to like it. Patchouli by itself smells like a fucking campfire, which I don't hate, but patchouli needs to be paired with something else. I feel the same way about Palo Santo. I love Palo Santo.
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But I need it to be paired with something else to wear it. Because it's one thing to smell it as like, you know, an aromatic or like a candle or whatever. Ooh, it smells good in here. But on the skin, on my skin, my acidic fucking talkies, red 40 skin, it's going to be different. So this one is really, really nice. I got her and I'm trying to figure out what to pair it with.
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And I'll get back to you guys on that. Okay. What did I also get? Oh, I also picked up Tom Ford recently. I have a problem, actually. I need to look in the mirror. I picked up Oud Wood by Tom Ford.
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it this is a cologne it is purely a cologne and the bottle's small and it's really fucking expensive and it doesn't last that long okay I'm pissed off but I got it at duty free at the airport they duped me into it and it smells beautiful I love the smell I just wish these fragrances would last longer and I've done all the fucking tricks okay make sure your skin is moisturized dab don't rub you know don't spray it only on your neck it'll wash you away spray on your pulse points I do all that shit
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But if the fragrance, Jo Malone fragrances are gone in 20 minutes. If the fragrance is not potent, it will not last. That's why Killian is so impressive is because that shit lasts forever. Okay, so don't come at me and tell me I'm doing it wrong because I'm not. Anyway, pick this up too. Love her. Okay, let's move on from fragrance.
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I just wanted to give you all that update that I went to Penhaligon's, had a fucking blast. Very excited to start experimenting with some of those. Let's talk books for a second. We're in the rotation, okay? We've talked about World War II, fragrance, and now we have to talk about books. That's what this podcast has turned into. Other than when I go on a rant about what? Christ?
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And there are so many social constructs and social context that people are trying to return back to a normal life. But how can you, you know, in this post-war state? So Streetcar Named Desire is set in the 50s, I want to say. Yeah, in the 50s in New Orleans. And it is... Okay, so, Paul Mescal, right?
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Christ on the cross? Sometimes that. So we're not doing that segment today. We're not doing the Christ segment right now. Right now we're doing books. Right now we're doing fairy smut. My good friend, Drew F. Wallow, had told me to read Quicksilver. Quicksilver is very smut. Okay. Are you mad at me? Do you guys hate me because I want to talk about the fairies fucking each other? It's been a while.
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I've been doing Orwell. I've been doing Ray Bradbury. It's time to read very smut. We got to go back to our roots team. Finish Quicksilver. Very long. Very good. Here's what here. Okay. Where do I even start? Quicksilver is... The classic, you know, human finds herself in the Fae world, the Fae realm, and there's a war. There's always a fucking war.
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And they need this special human's help winning the war because we haven't seen someone like you in the realm in 1,800 years. Okay? And we just ignore that she's 24 and her boyfriend's 1,800 years old. You just sort of ignore that because it's fine. Because he's sexy. Okay? Have you thought about that he's sexy and he's got a big penis and she's 24? No. You don't think about that.
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I think about that. And so, of course, she's got some special fucking gift that they need her help, whatever. The plot, I was hooked from start to finish. Here's what I will say, and I don't want to spoil it, but one of the characters is very, very selfish.
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And while it lends itself to the plot, you know, why characters make decisions that they do, how it affects their interpersonal relationship, all that, you know, whatever. It was giving me a little bit Iron Flame, but not too much. Not too much. There wasn't this miscommunication trope or I'm ignoring you trope. It was just one of the characters is like...
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I've made my decision, and you cannot convince me otherwise. Just let me do this. I'm doing this because I love you. And then the other character's like, fuck you, selfish prick. Okay? That's kind of one element of this book. And I was texting Drew, and I was like, girl, if he did that to me, I would have said, fuck you, and gone back to the human realm. You know what I mean?
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Like, I'm not standing for bullshit. Anyway... I didn't spoil it, okay? This book is really, really good. I really enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun. And the sequel comes out in November, I think. I'm set. I'm going to read the sequel. It was fun. It was fun.
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But I will say at the end of the book, probably the last 50 pages, the author introduces a crazy plot line that, you know, I wish she had expanded on it a bit more, a bit earlier in the book. You're introduced to a character that changes the course of these characters' lives forever. That it's like, I wish I knew more about who this fucking dude is.
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And I hope that at the top of book two, there's a recap. Because a lot happened in the final pages of the book where I'm like, I'm going to need to be reminded of this. Because I'm not going to reread it. I'm going to need to be reminded. And maybe a map would be nice.
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Guys, good morning. Don't talk to me until I've had my diarrhea. Don't talk to me until I've had the squirts. What a blessed morning it is, team. Haven't washed my hair in a week. You couldn't tell though. I'm training my hair. I don't think that's a real thing. I'm just, my hair stinks. You know what I mean? I'm back from London town.
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If we're doing notes right now, I would like a map of the realm and of the territories and of the river and the castle and the whatever. You know what I mean? That was Quicksilver. I give a 7.9, 8 out of 10. Really enjoyed it. Now I'm reading One Dark Window. It's good so far. It's good so far. I think it's YA. I think it's young adult, which doesn't bother me.
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Half a Soul, that Regency fairy tale book I read, was so good. Yeah. I loved it. What made it so lovely is that it was a standalone. You know, she's written other Regency fairy tales with different characters in the same universe. But yeah, it was short, sweet, and to the point. And I was like, oh, I'm going to miss these characters. Like, it was that sort of book. And it was YA.
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It wasn't like, and then his cock went in. It wasn't that. Which is good because... Know your audience. Know the setting. You know, like we're talking Regency magic fairies. You know, it's Regency era. I shall take my leave. I can only hope to apologize, my lady, that if they were like, and then his cock went in my... Okay. Okay, I guess. Okay, his fairy cock went in my... Whatever.
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I thought he was going to be the lead because the way that they marketed it and all this, it's like, and Paul Mescal is brilliant, which he was, by the way. This play... I can't even tell you. I saw it with Stanley. And for the next hour after we saw this play, we went to dinner and we just could not stop talking. That is a good piece of fucking media, dude.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Can we go back to having tea, afternoon tea with his parents? Anyway.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Go to shopify.com slash broski to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash broski. Reading One Dark Window. It's tea so far. It's very... well, for lack of a better word, dark. It's dark. It's, you know, this mist has enveloped the land, and it's evil. It is all-consuming.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
You know, it's a matter of time before the town is enveloped in this darkness, and the weight rests on this one character's shoulders who, again, she has this power that no one else knows about, and she hates it about herself. And she thinks that she is... she's different and she's damaged. When in reality, she's the one that'll save us all. Isn't that fucking true?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Because we all have that inside of us. We all have a power that if we even knew our power, we could save all of us. Because we are nothing as one. We are everything together.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
So it's kind of that. I'm like 20% done. It's good so far. Next I'm reading, oh, I'm going to read this Viking, this Viking smut with Drew. We're going to book club. Also, when I get like, okay, that's enough fairy smut for the night, I switch over to Sherlock Holmes. I'm tandem reading Sherlock Holmes and One Dark Window.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And then when I get tired of all that, I go back to my Anthony Bourdain book. And then when I get tired of that, when I need a nonfiction, I do George Orwell's Why I Write. And that's a tiny little, I mean, it's probably 80 pages, but there are books like that where I really take my time with it because I'm underlining, I'm highlighting, I'm taking notes, I'm annotating.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Even if it's an 80-page book, I'm not blasting through it. I love Orwell, and I want to spend time with these precious words that he's left us with. And he was a realist. He was a pragmatist, pragmatist, where he fully saw the world around him for what it was. And he goes into detail about, I think I talked about this a few episodes ago, where He has a theory on why authors write. Is it selfish?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Is it for artistic purposes? Is it for political purposes? And his, he realized after his time in the war and after, you know, the 1930s, how could he write anything that was not directly related back to the political sphere? Everything in this life is political. Your existence is political. And he fully wove that in to everything he wrote.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And the way that he describes it in this little book is like, I can't help it. There's nothing else I really want to write about. And any artistic impulses he might have, he used those, you know, in tandem with the political writing that he did. So... Yeah, you know, I don't want to rush through a book like that. It's not just like reading someone's memoir.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
When we're talking about it, you know, because you can go see a musical or a play or whatever, and you can be like, oh, that's good, and then move on with your day.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
It's reading the reasoning why they did what they did. And for me, what really interests me is the reason why they made their art in that way. Oh, there's nothing more interesting. Like, you can read Animal Farm, you can read 1984, and sure, 1984 is a ripoff of this and whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Maybe Animal Farm is his only original piece of writing, original in the sense of the idea is completely his, and it's not a reimagination of something else he read. And maybe that's a lie. Maybe that's not true.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
But as I know it right now, Animal Farm was the first of its kind to be in a commercially successful way an allegory to revolution, the Russian Revolution, and to the effects of fascism in real time. To put it in a way and terms that the average person can understand. Because fascism, the rise of fascism, and...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
when you're in a fascist nation, looking around and thinking, how the fuck did we get here? He details it pretty perfectly and pretty precisely in Animal Farm. And there's a reason it's still around and studied today. And to get inside the mind, what a blessing he left us with to get inside the mind.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
When it's a piece of art that you have to dissect and be like, oh, well, I thought this, oh, that's actually, go back and forth, this is what I interpreted it to mean, and then, you know, you Google it and look it up, and it's like, oh, it actually was, that's what art, that's what's fun about art. So Streetcar Named Desire is about...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Of the person who wrote Animal Farm and his worldview, his perspective, his lived experience and how he interpreted those and converted them into words and not just words, but into artful prose. that is digestible. That's hard. It's hard. And in this book, he says something like, you know, first world problem. He said, there is nothing harder than being an author.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I wouldn't wish this on anyone else, but I have to do it. He said some dramatic bullshit like that. I was like, okay, well, and then I was like, I kind of get it. I kind of get it because what he managed to do is hard and he did it well. And I know, you know, any piece of art, any piece of literature deserves criticism. And he's not insulated from criticism. And there were things wrong with him.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Of course, all these things are true. And at the same time, every artist is unique in the sense that only they could have written what they wrote. And I'm really a fan of his works. So I read that when I'm done with... When I can't do anymore, he put his cock in my, okay. When I need a break from that, I go back to why I write. But anyway, I got this book recently too called Monsters.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And it's about, can we, in the black and white world we live in, separate the art from the artist? It's the age-old question. Is art made by a horrible person, is good art, great art made by a horrible person, ethically good to consume? Is it okay to like art by a shitty person? And I don't have an answer. Let me read this book and get back to you on that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I think the answer is going to be, eh, who's to say? But this book is highly recommended. I've seen it on TikTok and people were talking about it. And I actually bought it in London. We went into this cute little bookstore. It's called the London Review Bookshop. And we went in and they don't call it nonfiction in the UK. I don't know what they call it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Because I was looking, I was like, where's the fact that the nonfiction section doesn't exist? I think it was just downstairs in this little bookshop. And it was like in the psychology area or something like that. Or like current affairs. I don't know. Anyway, very excited to read that because I don't have an answer. I don't know. And I struggle with it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And I'm sure a lot of fangirls do as well, where when someone's art has impacted you in a way that has completely changed the cellular makeup of your mind and of who you are, and in a good way, you know, in a positive way, in a identifiable way, what do you do if that person DMs a minor? What do you do if that person turns out to be racist or sexist or gross? What do you do?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
To put it short and simple, in my opinion, a woman's descent into madness, honestly. Which, oh my god, could I write a fucking thesis on it? Plays or media that center around that, you know, something like The Bell Jar or anything by Virginia Woolf or anything where it's like, it actually...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And I don't have an answer. And it sucks. And you don't want to be a defender of that person. I would never defend those actions. But here we have this piece of music or a book or a movie or a play that is just mind-blowingly good. What do you do? So I'll get back to you guys on that ethical question. Next time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Next time when we do ethics with Brittany Broski, we talk about the death penalty and about fucking the book Monsters. How about that? Okay, guys, I think that'll do it for me this episode. Here are my two songs of the week. First one, High Fashion by Addison Rae. Thank you. Thank you, Addison Rae. And when this album comes out, I'm sat. And when the tour is announced, I'm sat.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Second one, Too Far Gone by Ty Myers. It's a country song, okay? Who cares? I love country music. I don't give a shit. I don't give a fuck. Okay, that's my spiel. If y'all want merch, go to broski.shop. That's all I have to say. Please go watch Royal Court. We have a new episode with Coleman Domingo, who I fucking love. Love Coleman Domingo. Go watch Royal Court. Subscribe to this channel.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Guys, we're almost at one milli. We're almost at one billion subs. We're almost at 100 billion subscribers on this channel. Please be the 101st billion. That will do it for me. I will see you guys next week. Be good and just okay. And also okay. Oh, wait, one more thing. I'm seeing Swan Lake in New York. I'm seeing Swan Lake because I'm still, I love ballet. I love ballet.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And I do ballet stretches every morning and it makes me feel good. So here's my challenge and homework for you. Do one thing that makes you feel good today. And that doesn't mean eat like shit or indulge in an addiction. Do one thing that is good for you. Sit outside, read a book, call your mom. If that's not good for you, don't do it. Okay? If calling your mother is not good for you, don't do it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Do something else. Okay, love you guys, bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
as best as it can, captures this, and like, just listen to me, it captures this existing kernel of madness that I think is in every woman, and you only understand if you're a woman, that can be activated, and it doesn't always show up, but it's there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
It's there. It's there. It's there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And it's not silly or funny. It's like true, unhinged anger and sadness. It manifests as that form of madness. Am I making sense? I feel like if you've experienced it, you've experienced it. You know, if you haven't, that's fine. Because the play is, you know, it's compelling even without that innate emotional connotation. So...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
The play is a gradual descent into that state where the characters are described and portrayed as so gray. And what I mean by that is in life, especially online, people want to see the world as black or white, good or evil, right or wrong. That is not how the world works. And it's best, it's best you start believing it. You best start believing in ghosts. What is it? Fairy tales, Miss Turner.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
You're in one. Like the quicker you realize that the world is not so simple, I'm not going to say the easier, but you have a wider palette of colors to paint the world with. Do you know what I mean? So this play, from the beginning to the end, there is not one character where you're like, oh, well, she was my favorite. She's right. Or he did nothing wrong or whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
That is such an interesting, especially in this age of bullshit Marvel movies and all that. I love Marvel, okay? Iron Man 2, one of my favorite movies of all time. But those stories are based on this concrete evidence and understanding that here is a hero. This is a hero. And there's no hero in Streetcar Named Desire. To give you a short summary of the play, There is a sister dynamic, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
There's a sister named Blanche and a sister named Stella. Stella is married to Stanley. Stanley is Paul Meskel. Stella and Stanley live in New Orleans. They have their happy little life. They're married. It's very lustful, okay? They're always fucking, and they're always with his friends, and it's a very domestic life.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I was in London, weren't I? I was in London and I was at the premiere of Mickey 17. Mickey, I so love him. Robert Pattinson. Hello, darling. We had a fucking laugh.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Well, Blanche, Blanche Dubois, she's the sort of unhinged sister, just could never really figure out what she was going to do, is kind of a spinster, you know, never was married, is a little bit too old now, like in her late 30s, maybe, to get married. She's not a fresh spring chicken anymore. And in this time period, beauty is currency, you know, and being a young woman
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
untouched woman, that's a form of currency, the highest form of currency. You know, you talk about the ceiling, the glass ceiling, there's not much room to grow as a woman in this time period. So you either become a secretary, become a nurse, or get married. There is no form of protection or independence for a woman like Blanche Dubois, and she knows it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And she is very vain, because of course she is. It's how you move through the world in that time period. So She's kind of down on her luck. You come to find out all these things about her, the ways that she has made money, maybe not so glamorous ways, the reputation she had in the town that she left.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
She used to be a teacher who made some less than impressive decisions when it came to her students. And she got kicked out of town. And you come to find that out. But the way that she presents herself is this very, you know, she shows up with a suitcase full of diamonds and furs. And, oh, I could never do that. Haven't you got a cigarette? Haven't you got this? Oh, my.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
You know, very almost entitled where she is living. outside of her means, but not really. It's this double think of she's fully aware of the realistic state of her situation. She's been kicked out of her town. She has no place to live. She has no money. She's defaulted on loans. She's in debt. And so she's running to her sister's house for help.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Well, her sister, you know, welcomes her with open arms and, oh, Stanley, you know, my husband, this is my sister Blanche. You know, it's so exciting. We can have a sleepover. Well, as you can expect, She overstays her welcome eventually. Stanley starts getting pissed the fuck off. And all these characters have shades to them. Stella is a victim of domestic abuse.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Stanley is a perpetrator of domestic abuse. But they both ignore the reality of... We're letting this happen. Blanche, as an outsider, comes in and sees that. And she's like, what the fuck, Stella? Leave him. She's like, I can't fucking leave him. And guess what? She's pregnant. So all this stuff is happening. Blanche... is being a squatter, essentially.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Yeah, guys, I was in London. And I don't really have... Hey, did I meet Robert Pattinson and Steven Yeun? Yeah. And am I okay? No. No. No. But is it just, you know, this is the life, hold on tight.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Stanley is just a toxic, hyper-masculine male. And Stella, I think, is the real victim in the whole story because she just loves her husband and he's not a good man. And does that make her an ignorant woman or does that make her a victim of her situation? Because in Blanche's mind, it's like, we'll leave. Just leave. And Stella's like, I fucking can't. So just shut the fuck up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I don't want to talk about this anymore. Like, that's the situation. Oh, the dialogue is so good. So this is the reality we find ourselves in. Well, things happen. You know, the web begins to become spun. And towards the end, Stanley plays puppet master and he gets Blanche taken away by doctors and And it was the most harrowing scene. And it was done so well.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And Paul Meskel is so scary in this play. And that is such an impressive feat. to distance yourself from how you're known publicly, to fully embody this character. He was doing an American accent. All of them did American accents in the play. I don't think any of them were American. And it was, I could not take my eyes off of him. But let me tell you something else.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Patsy Farren played Blanche Dubois in this version that we saw. When I tell you, she tore. She carried that fucking play. Paul Meskel, you're great. She's the best, right? I was blown away. Me and Stanley could not sing her praises more. We were like... I was fully just enraptured by her performance.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And she had this sort of manic way of speaking where she was, you know, and she would get way ahead of herself and talk really fast. And then she would try to distract you from what she just said because it was kind of incriminating. And she would go over here and, oh, and if you could get me a Coke with lemon and ice, I'd really appreciate it. It was amazing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And what we also found out is she's in Mickey 17. She's in the movie that we just went to the premiere. And she plays a sort of supporting character who's British and is kind of the crux of the whole movie, not to spoil anything, but she, her character is very important. Yeah. Stanley was like, she looks familiar. She looks like the girl from Mickey's Empty. And I was like, no.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And then we looked at the name and I was like, oh my God, it is. She was brilliant in this play. I Throughout the play, towards the end, I'm not spoiling anything. This play has been published for almost 100 years. She gets taken away by, you know, psychiatrists, by doctors, at the request of Stanley. Stanley, Paul Meskel's character, orchestrates this whole thing where he's had enough.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
That's how I feel lately. And this is the dream, it's all I need.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
He recognizes fully the reality of the situation, that Blanche is taking advantage of them, and He finds out all this tea on her. You know, you got kicked out of your school for sleeping with a student. You turned into a prostitute to make your way until that didn't work out. You got kicked out of town, this, that, and the other. I know about you, Blanche. I know about you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
So get the fuck out of my house. I'm not going to be this halfway house for you because you are making decisions that are putting you in this situation. So get the fuck out and figure it out. And so towards the end, this is what I'm talking about, where no one's right. Okay, Stanley's a woman beater. And now he's kicking out this woman who's down on her luck. And is it her fault? Yeah, kind of.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
She made some decisions that were shit. But Blanche, in her reality, she has nowhere else to go. So of course you go to your sister. That's your family. She has no other surviving family. She has no children, no husband. She's late 30s, unmarried. There's no... And she is a self-sabotager. And you feel bad for her because... She did it to herself, and she doesn't want to live like that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I feel like Hannah Montana sometimes. So yeah, I was just in London and I was supposed to only be there for like less than 72 hours for the Mickey 17 premiere. But I ended up extending because someone who we all might know in Broski Nation was in a play. And that's going to be Paul Maskell. And he was going to be in a little production called Streetcar Named Desire.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
You know, she thinks that she's Miss Astor. Miss Astor was a rich socialite who's on the Titanic, okay? Think like Rockefeller, Carnegie, that sort of, you know, Miss Astor. She thinks she's that, and she's not. And she knows it, but she won't admit it. But Stanley sees that, okay? Oh, their dynamic is fucking great! And the dynamic between sisters, Oh, my God.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
It was just, I could not tear my eyes away. I cried. There were some funny parts. Patsy Farren is just, oh, my God. I have chills thinking about it. So, towards the end of the play, she gets taken away, and they actually take her through the audience. So, the spotlight comes on the little walkway, whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And I literally, I wish there had been a camera on me and Stanley, my friend Stanley in the audience, because we were... Oh, it was so, wow. So, cannot recommend it enough. They're taking it to New York. If you have the means, but I know this is so obviously like, duh, but if you are on the East Coast in the next two months, try to make your way to go see this play. It was fantastic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
When you think of cities like Rome, Paris, London, Shanghai, all of these cities are centuries old. And by that, I mean like 1200s is around the time where we started to recognize it as the city that we know it as today. You know what I mean? Especially... When you think of Rome or London as cities that were under the Roman Empire, like old as fuck. I was in London recently.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
We went into a building that had been there since 1066. That shit does not exist in America. So it's hard to compare. You know, culturally speaking, the things that determine why there is a cultural practice, like Ireland has such a deep, rich history that goes back so long. A language, you know, all these things. America doesn't really have that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I love it. I love it, y'all.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And while we have distinct characteristics and features, I wouldn't say that there's one universal American culture. Correct me if I'm wrong, right? I probably am wrong. But the beautiful thing about America is it's a melting pot.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
of cultures from all over the world it's the american dream right anyone can come to america and become an american and and whatever whatever that means freedom to do x y and z but in in that you know especially with a history of slavery that is really not that far removed and and arguably you know slavery still exists in america today in the prison system whole other conversation
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
This sort of context makes conversations like these around language specifically, to bring it back to language, very, very interesting to me because it was an attempt to Americanize but not fully let go of that culture. And so you're left with this cool half and half, you know, where you get capiche and regionally that's understood as the same or a similar meaning to non capisco. Non capisco.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Non capisco. in Italy. So it's very... I love stuff like that, especially, I think, the biggest... And coolest example in my eyes is the whole city of New Orleans or just Louisiana in general. So many different countries have colonized or put their flags into the state of Louisiana. And what comes from that is such an interesting blend of culture.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Welcome back to the Brodsky Report. This week, we are actually time traveling, okay? Because if you're watching this right now, I am in Italy. If you're listening to this right now as of the week of March 10th, I'm actually in Italy. So if you see me in Italy, mind of my business, I'm actually gonna be with my family. So we're doing a family vacation to Rome.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
When you walk down the street on Bourbon Street, that is not... While it's funny that people get drunk and It's a drinking street, the same way Sixth Street is in Austin. Bourbon is actually from the Bourbon dynasty, which was the Spanish monarch, right? Bourbon dynasty or Spanish or French dynasty. Bourbon, France.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
The House of Bourbon was a royal dynasty that ruled France, Spain, Naples, Sicily, and Parma. I'm so smart. They were one of the most important ruling dynasties in Europe. The Bourbon dynasty originated in France in the 16th century as a branch of the Capetian dynasty. The dynasty's name comes from the Bourbon region of France. The Bourbons also ruled Navarre in Spain. So when you think of this
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
especially as cities and tourist destinations that we know today, this really isn't that long ago. You know what I mean? Like their rule in France ended in 1848. So when you talk about Bourbon Street, it's interesting because this is the French Bourbon dynasty, but it'll say Calle de Bourbon, Bourbon Street. It's in Spanish.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I love that shit. History's all around you if you know where to look. History's everywhere if you just have a researcher's eye. Nuts. Yeah, I thought that was really, really interesting. Okay, so... I had some stuff that I wanted to Google with you guys because what would a Broski Report episode be without me Googling shit that I don't know?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
How do birds know when it's night-night time? How do birds know when it's time to go night-night? Like, they stop chirping and they rise with the early dawn. Now, I know that nature is wonderful and beautiful and magical and symmetrical and everything is for a purpose and everything exists in harmony and balance, right? Why do birds not chirp when time go night-night?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Why don't birds sing at night? Bird bot. Should we hit birdbot.com? Bird forum. What time do birds go sleep and stop singing? Welcome to Bird Forum, the internet's largest birding community with thousands of members from all over the world. The forums are dedicated to wild birds, birding, binoculars, and equipment, and all that goes with it. Hell fucking yeah.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Okay, this user writes, "'Hello, I am from Poland. "'I need to record the sound of a stream in a forest.' Since I need pure sound of falling water without birds in the background, I'd like to know, what hour do birds stop singing? I do not want to go to a forest at night, so maybe birds stop singing in the evening when it's light. Thanks in advance for your answer.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Now, someone replied and said, it depends on the species. Duh! Right? Hey, everyone knows that. Some songbirds, especially during the breeding season, sing well into the night. Others, particularly hole nesters, generally, I'll show you a hole nester, generally stop singing long before dark. Most owls, of course, sing mainly at night. Okay, let's hit this AI overview.
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Most birds don't chirp at night because they get nervous. Most birds don't turbanite because they have performance anxiety. Okay, that makes sense. No, it's because they're primarily diurnal. What the fuck? Diurnal meaning. And how the fuck do you say that? Diurnal. Diurnal. I have diurnal about once a week. I have diurnal after I eat spicy food.
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Speaking of which, I had some of the worst stomach cramps I've ever had in my fucking life about two nights ago. I mean, I was up at 4 a.m., heating pad on my stomach, took a Tylenol. I was doing breathing exercises. I couldn't stand up straight. I've never had that happen to me in my life. And what did I eat that night? Spicy chicken.
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We're actually doing the Orient Express, which is super fun. I have never, ever, never in a million years did I think I would be on the Orient Express. So it's really fun because me and my dad love trains. Me and my dad and my brother love trains. So naturally, we're going to be doing the Orient Express into Rome or into Verona, actually.
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And when I had Googled it and I said, what the fuck's wrong with me? Why is my upper abdomen cramping? They said, well, it could be two things. One, you ate spicy food. Two, it's stomach cancer. And I said, well, time will tell. Luckily, I think I just had a diurnal. Okay. I had to go to the turtlet and have diurnal.
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And Kyle Gordon's going on tour and he's coming to LA. Yeah, you bet your fucking ass I'm going to that show. I wouldn't miss a Kyle Gordon show for the life of me. We are young. Hey, he's so fucking funny. Diurnal. Of or during the day. Diurnal. Diurnal. Why don't birds sing at night? Because they are of or during the day. Meaning they are active during the day.
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Sometimes I think back to elementary school or whenever the fuck I was in class. And when teachers were like, don't ask me, ask a friend. I get it. Because that was as simple, if I would have just kept reading one more sentence, I would have answered my own question. Instead of stopping every time I'm like, what that mean? Just spit everywhere, by the way. What dat mean? I Google it.
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And then context clues are a beautiful thing. Don't ask me, ask a friend. Before you ask me, make sure you've asked two friends. They were serious about that shit too, and I get it. Oh my God, if I was a teacher, I would shoot my kids with water guns. Sorry, that sentence started way different than you probably thought it was going somewhere. I would shoot my kids with water guns.
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If you raise your hand and ask me a stupid question, boom. Water to the face. Okay? Now sit down, use your resources, and if you really can't figure it out, ask me again. Right? It's harmless. If you stand up, okay, what does diurnal mean? Because, look it up. Ask a friend. Keep reading the sentence. You know what one of my favorite parts of history class was?
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Was getting into... And this is when I realized, okay, learning can be fun. It's the fucking tea, girl. When the royals would fight. Or like any story of revolution. When I learned about the... French Revolution, when we learned about the French Revolution, I was like, this is tea.
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Okay, why is no one talking about the fact that the French Revolution was literally fucking tea? Um, no, Queen. That's actually going to be the American Revolution because they threw tea in the harbor.
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And then we're taking a car to Rome and then we're going to, I'm going to live my Red Rising fantasy. Okay, my Greco-Roman Hellenistic futurism fantasy, okay? all in this little nugget up here. Because life is something that, stay with me, life is what you imagine it to be. Life is what I've created up here. And what I've chosen to see up here when I go to Rome, Italy, is Red Rising, okay?
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Sometimes I see a vision of my true self and she's floating somewhere up high and she is a vision of golden light. Yet she is shackled by her wrists and her ankles to this version of me. She's trying to get away and she's shackled and weighed down by iron chains of this version of me. where I'm sitting on this podcast like, okay, why was the French Revolution low-key tea?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Hey, there's a fire in our soul. This episode is sponsored by PDS Debt. Feeling buried under credit card bills, personal loans, or medical debt? It's like your money's working harder for your lenders than it is for you. But it doesn't have to be that way with PDS Debt. PDS Debt does more than just help you manage your debt. They empower you to take control.
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When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof, sure, you think about a great product, a cool brand, and brilliant marketing, but an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business, making selling, and for shoppers, buying, simple. For millions of businesses, that business is Shopify.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts go abandoned and way more sales on the books.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling, on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Allo uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash broski, all lowercase.
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Go to Shopify.com slash broski to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash broski. You guys are not paying attention. If you, everyone clap three times. Okay, and if you didn't clap, do it with me now. One, two, three. Get up. Pay attention. You've been slacking off. We're learning about why birds don't sing at night. And say it with me because they are diurnal. Diurnal.
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because the Google pronunciation always says it's so fucking sensual. Diurnal. Meaning they are active during the day and sleep at night. So their singing behavior is mostly concentrated around dawn and dusk when they are most active in searching for food and mates. However, a few species are nocturnal and will vocalize at night, like owls and whippoorwills.
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No, I thought a whippoorwill was a tree. Am I? Whip or will? It's a bird.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Eastern Whippoorwill. Whippoorwill. Now, why the fuck is it named that? Whippoorwill got its name from The Mail's Familiar Call, a three-note series that sounds like it's wailing. Whippoorwill. Oh. Global warming threatens the birds we love. Okay, this is from fucking Facebook. Okay, enough about that. I want to look up, is there a name for the English spoken by Italian immigrants? Whoa. Siculish?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Siculish is the macaronic Sicilianization of English language terms and phrases by immigrants from Sicily to the U.S. in the early 20th century. The term Sisulish, however, is rather recent, being first recorded in 2005. Itenglis, which is also known as Englitaliano, or in the United Kingdom, Britallian, refers to multiple hybrid terms, hybrid types of language based on Italian and English.
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It's actually going to be, what's the fucking name? It's actually going to be Phobos. Phobos, that's the moon. That's the moon that What's the one they blow up? Ganymede? The duck yards of Ganymede. Where are my Red Rising bitches at? Guys, Cassius Albalona's razor master class. Razor master course, steel sharpens steel. You guys don't get Red Rising the way I do. Holy shit.
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Or brunch from breakfast and lunch. Podcast is a portmanteau, a made-up word coined from a combination of the words iPod and broadcast. No way! iPod and broadcast. Don't ever tell me you don't learn something from this podcast. Damn, is portmanteau a French word? Yes, the word portmanteau comes from the French words porter, to carry, and manteau, cloak.
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It originally referred to a suitcase with two compartments for carrying coats and other clothing. Is Netflix a portmanteau? Internet and flicks. Yes! Is ginormous a portmanteau? Yes, gigantic and enormous, ginormous. Turkey duck chicken, turducken, is cheeseburger a portmanteau? Burger can produce a word referring to seemingly any noun between two halves of a round bun.
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Bacon burger, black burger, turkey burger. In fact, it's so liberated from the original word hamburger that it's also a word in its own right. Is Velcro a portmanteau? Velcro was developed as a portmanteau of the French words velours, or velvet, and crochet, or hook. Oh, this is crazy. This is absolutely crazy, man. Okay, I wonder what it's called. What is Italian English called on the East Coast?
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Oh, just American Italian. While Italian English is widely used, there isn't a single universally accepted term for this dialect. The specific Italian-influenced English spoke on the East Coast can vary depending on the region, with New York and New Jersey having notable differences.
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Linguists sometimes use the term ethnolect to describe a variety of English spoken by a specific ethnic group, which applies to Italian English. How cool. How capicola became gabagool, the Italian New Jersey accent explained. Mozzarella became something like mozzarella. ricotta became rigote, prosciutto became prosciutto. There's a mangling of the language in an instantly identifiable way.
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I love this. My heart just started racing. I love this shit, dude. I need to go back to school. Final syllables are deleted. Certain consonants are swapped with others. Certain vowels are mutated in certain places. Most immigrant groups in the US retain certain words and phrases from the old language, even if the modern population can't speak it.
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But for people outside those groups and even often inside them, it's next to impossible to pick out a specific regional accent in the way a Jewish American says chala or a Korean American says jjigae. How can someone who doesn't speak the language possibly have a regional accent? Yet Italian-Americans do. It's even been parodied.
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On an episode of Kroll Show, comedian Nick Kroll's character, Bobby Bottleservice, a Mike-the-situation Sorrentino type, describes his lunch in this thick accent, eliminating the final syllable of each item. Capicol, he says, pointing at capicola. Mortadella, he says, as the camera pans over a thin, pale arrangement of mortadella. Coca-col, he finishes, as the camera moves over to a glass of Coke.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Capicola, made famous in its mutation by the Sopranos, gets even more mutated for comedic effect on The Office, where it becomes Gabagool.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Okay, that is sort of my mindset going into my Italy trip. Of course, yes, I'm going to soak up all of the history. However, it's a bit tainted right now because a lot of my past year has been consumed by genuinely, and I don't mean this is like, are you on TikTok? I've been thinking about the Roman Empire a lot. I watch a lot of National Geographic YouTube specials on the Roman Empire.
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I spoke to a few, okay, this is also from atlasobscura.com, which I fucking love Atlas Obscura. If you ever are visiting a new city and you want something weird or fun or silly to do, go to atlasobscura.com. They'll give you the recommendations for like the best museums. I just realized how fast I'm speaking.
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and how speaking any language is a feat of... Sorry, I'm like having an existential moment right now, if you guys don't mind. Like language and how fucking different language is anywhere you go. And you wanna know something I learned in my sociology class way, way back when? I took it in a college summer course in like 2017.
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One shared commonality amongst every single culture on this planet is not what you would think it is, which is language or sayings or phrases or metaphors. It's not that. It is funeral rites. In every single culture, we have a practice for how we honor the dead. Isn't that beautiful? Okay, going back. Yeah, dude, this shit makes me like, I'm like up here looking down.
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Damn, the liquid IV is talking to me. Hold on, it's whispering to me. Hold on, I'm getting messages from the gods. One second. Okay, I'll tell them. I think that humans are divine creatures and at the same time, very of the earth. My heart's beating 175 beats per second.
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I think that humans are so intriguing and it makes it even more sad and barbaric that we are so violent towards each other, that we have so much hate in our hearts for each other. When we serve a higher, not serve, but we are destined for a higher purpose of like achievement and progress. Like, the bounds of what the human mind can create, we won't know because we're too busy being racist. Anyway.
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I spoke to a few linguists and experts on Italian-American culture, anyway, gabagool, to figure out why a kid from Patterson, New Jersey, who doesn't speak Italian, would earnestly ask for a taste of mozzarella. The answer takes us way back through history and deep into the completely chaotic world of Italian linguistics.
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One thing that I need to tell you, because this is something that is not clear even for linguists, let alone the layperson, the linguistic situation in Italy is quite complicated, says Maria Paola D'Imperio, a professor in the linguistics department at Aix-Marcel University, who was born in Naples and studied in Ohio before moving to France. Crazy.
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The situation is so complicated that the terms used to describe pockets of language are not widely agreed upon. Some use language, some use dialect, some use accent, and some use variation. Linguists like to argue about the terminology of this kind of thing. The basic story is this.
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Italy is a very young country made up of many very old kingdoms, awkwardly stapled together to make a patchwork whole. Before 1861, these different kingdoms, Sardinia, Rome, Tuscany, Venice, Sicily, they were called different things at the time, but roughly correspond to those regions now. Those were basically different countries.
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Its citizens didn't speak the same language, didn't identify as countrymen, sometimes were even at war with each other. The country was unified over the period from around 1861 until World War I, and during that period, the wealthier northern parts of the newly constructed Italy imposed unfair taxes and basically annexed the poorer southern parts.
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As a result, southern Italians, ranging from just south of Rome all the way down to Sicily, fled in huge numbers to other countries, including the United States. About 80% of Italian Americans are of southern Italian descent. That's crazy! About 80% of Italian-Americans are of Southern Italian descent, says Fred Gardafi, a professor of Italian-American studies at Queens College.
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Ships from Palermo went to New Orleans, and the ships from Genoa and Naples went to New York. They spread from there, but the richest pockets of Italian-Americans aren't far from New York City. They're clustered in New York City, Long Island, New Jersey, Rhode Island, Connecticut, and in and around Philadelphia.
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Yet those Italians, all from southern Italy and all recent immigrants in close proximity to each other in the U.S., wouldn't necessarily consider themselves countrymen. That's because each of the old Italian kingdoms had their own, well, d'imperio, who is Italian, calls them dialects. But others refer to them in different ways.
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Basically, the old Italian kingdoms each spoke their own languages that largely came from the same family tree. Slightly, but not all that much closer than the Romance languages. French, Spanish, Portuguese. The general family name for these languages is Italo-Dalmatian. Dalmatian. It's probably not Dalmatian. Dalmatian, it turns out, refers to Croatia. The dog is from there too.
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Not even the Roman Empire. I watched one last night about the fall of... ancient empires. So we discussed the Persian Empire. We discussed Egypt. We discussed how there was at one point in history, Egyptian and Greek cultures kind of lived simultaneously. And while I say simultaneously, I don't necessarily mean peacefully, okay?
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They were not all mutually comprehensible and had their own external influences. Calabrian, for example, is heavily influenced by Greek. I love this shit! Just yelled so loud, it bounced off the metal in here. And it was like this shing after I did that. Damn. Studying sociolinguistics off the liquid IV pineapple yuzu energy drink.
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When you start tweaking so bad, you start studying sociolinguistics? Like? Calabrian, for example, is heavily influenced by Greek, thanks to a long Greek occupation and interchange. In the Northwest, near the border with France, Piedmont, with its capital of Turin, spoke a language called Piedmontese, which is sort of French-ish.
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Sicilian, very close to North Africa, had a lot of Arabic qualities to it. I use the past tense for these because these languages are dying quickly. Dialects do still exist, but they're spoken mainly by old people, says D'Imperio. Sicilian put up more of a fight than most.
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During unification, the northern Italian powers decided that having a country that speaks about a dozen different languages would pose a bit of a challenge to their efforts, so they picked one and called it Standard Italian and made everyone learn it. The one that they picked was Tuscan, and they probably picked it because it was the language of Dante, the most famous Italian writer.
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You can see why calling these languages dialects is tricky. Standard Italian is just one more dialect, not the base language, which Calabrian or Piedmontese riffs on, which is kind of the implication. That is nuts! Yeah, it really is that. I mean, English is English because some king was like, and now everybody's going to speak English. But I don't give a fuck. Okay?
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And now, as of right now, everyone speaks English because that's what I speak. And everyone was like, fine. Well, actually, they weren't like, oh, fine. It's either succumb or die. So. Standard Italian has variations like any other language, which we'll call accents. Someone from Sicily would have a Sicilian accent.
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But when speaking standard Italian, a person from Milan will hopefully be able to understand them because at a basic level, they'll be using a language with the same structure and a vocab that is mostly identical. Yeah, we know that.
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But this gets weird because most Italian Americans can trace their immigrant ancestors back to that time between 1861 and World War I, when the vast majority of Italians, such as Italy even existed at the time, wouldn't have spoken the same language at all. And hardly any of them would be speaking the Northern Italian dialect that would eventually become standard Italian.
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Linguists say that there are two trajectories for a language divorced from its place of origin. I need to... Linguistics studies near me. If I enroll myself in University of California, Long Beach to study linguistics and I can't do the podcast for like six months, you guys gonna be mad at me? My semester starts soon. Okay? I can't keep up the podcast and study sociolinguistics.
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I'm gonna look into that. Do people even give a fuck about an associate's degree anymore? If I get an associate's degree in linguistics... I think it's also, there are so many different ways you can study linguistics of like, obviously you can just learn a new language, which I remember this and I was like, what the fuck?
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When I was in college, one of my Spanish professors, who was a white dude from Ohio, spoke five languages. And he was, while he was teaching our Spanish phonetics class, he himself was studying. It was so cute. He'd be like, okay, guys, I'm not having office hours today. So just email me if you need them because I have to run to my Romanian class.
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Again, I need a linguist in the corner and I need a historian in the corner to be like, ah, you're lying. And then I'll be like, and then I'll sit here in silence and I'll listen to him talk and then I'll just regurgitate what he said. One of these days, I'm going to do that. I'm going to be like, welcome to my home, sit in the corner, and I'm just going to talk.
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That's how I feel, but I need to speak to like a college professor. I need to speak to a professor. I need to speak to a professor. I can't do office hours. I'm running late to my Romanian class. He was probably like 56. I love that. That's going to make me cry. Never stop learning. There is so, this life is so rich and fucking cool. There's so many cool things to do. We're on TikTok all day.
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I grew up speaking English and Italian dialects from my family's region of Puglia, says Gardaff. And when I went to Italy, very few people could understand me. So she grew up speaking English and Italian dialects from Puglia. Even the people in my parents' region, they recognized that I was speaking as if I was a 70-year-old man when I was only 26 years old.
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Italian American Italian is not at all like standard Italian. Instead, it's a construction of the frozen shards left over from languages that don't even really exist in Italy anymore, with minimal intervention from modern Italian. That is crazy! Y'all don't even give a fuck how crazy that is! You know what?
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To sort of contextualize this sort of phenomenon in America, the Southern dialects are dying. Southern dialects are a direct – you can trace them back to the English settlers who came once the colonies were set up. And there is a very clear connection between the sort of high society British receive pronunciation to when you get down to the South, it's a little complicated.
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similar in terms of vowels and the lilt to it. It's a very clear... I'm about to say this word, but I don't mean it. De-evolution of the English language. Okay, I don't mean that in a negative sense, but more so just like this change. It was morphed and molded into something way different because of a similar thing like this, where all these different people from...
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And if you find any incorrect information or I misspeak maybe, then just go ahead and jump in and correct me. If anyone knows any historians, send them my way because I'd like to employ them for a day on one of these podcast episodes.
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different backgrounds and if you've been in America for longer at the time and you're hearing that all day you'll lose your accent I mean it happens to everyone but there used to be this guy I followed on TikTok and I wish I could remember his name where he was from Mississippi and he was probably 24 and he was raised by his grandparents and so when you think about that his grandparents were probably in their late 70s early 80s and that means they were born in the 40s uh
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And grew up in the 50s, 60s, and maybe even early 70s. Now, when you think about the deep South in America... An accent like that, surely you would think is preserved, and there are still those small towns where everyone sounds like that. And it is true to a certain extent, but it's definitely dying out with our grandparents' generation.
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And it kind of makes me sad, but at the same time, there are so many fucking horrific worldviews that come with that accent. It's just like, okay. But he was saying that his accent and his grandparents' accents are classified as an endangered regional dialect. And it is... in like historical, he did some work with some historical society in Mississippi.
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I believe it was Mississippi where he went in and like recorded some of just him speaking or reading certain lines. And it's to preserve that dialect, which is so fun and cool that we have that technology now. Because imagine, I mean, when you get those videos on TikTok or YouTube or whatever of like, this is what so-and-so sounded like and, 1891.
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I love that shit and it's so rare and I don't know if it's, you know, to be trusted or not. I digress. But the fact that we have the forethought to do that now of like, we recognize that First of all, small town America is dying. Everything is becoming big. And with the introduction of things like, you know, Amazon and all these things, the reliance on a community or a small town is dying.
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It's going away. And there are two sides of that, you know, where we're more connected than we've ever been. And the other side of that is we do not rely on community at all. I mean, not even closely to the way that my grandparents did when they were growing up. So I've talked about that on this podcast before of like, you know, I don't know my neighbors, shit like that.
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Anyway, I thought it would be fun to sort of deep dive into some, I'm going to practice some Italian sayings and phrases because recently, as we all know, I had this little stint where I said I was going to learn French. Okay, now ask me if I've gotten anywhere on there. No, I have not made any progress on my French. So, oh, I forgot to tell you what I'm sipping on today.
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Anyway, that accent, the fact that even in America, one of the youngest countries, we have accents that are dying out is just very, it makes me sad, right? But at the same time, As those die out, new accents are evolving. And while it sounds funny, it's very real that this influencer accent is a real thing. And it's very closely tied to, you know, the Valley Girl accent, whatever.
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Just this sort of West Coast thing. This West Coast development of... the regional dialect but yeah i've seen some people on youtube be like what is the influencer accent and uh like let's study it in an academic setting so how how things are always happening things people always happening Now, how the fuck did I get on this when I was Googling, why don't birds sing at night?
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Like, are you serious? Okay, I'm going to pause and we'll come back next week and I'm going to finish my Google searches. But in the meantime, I wanted to update y'all on, I started a new book that is, me and Drew are book clubbing. Thank you. Thank you. We're book clubbing this fucking Viking smut book.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Yeah, dude. It's called from fucking ash and until the dawn. This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money. You sign up for something, you forget about it after the trial period ends, then you're charged month after month after month. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. In fact, I just learned. that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
It's called A Fate Inked in Blood by Danielle L. Jensen. It's a Viking book and it's not so, dude. Sometimes I get like bogged down by how much I don't know. Anyone else feel that way? Like I'm reading this book and she's talking about all these Norse gods. And I did not know that Baldur, as in Baldur's Gate 3, was a god. And it's making complete sense now that I'm thinking about it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Baldur was a god. We know the ones like Odin and Thor and Tyr and Hlynne and all these ones. Like I've heard those before. And is the majority of it through Marvel movies? Yeah, it is. Okay, I don't give a fuck. Or is it through God of War soundtrack? Yeah, it is. Ragnarok.
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Anyway, it's shit like that where I know about it from references in pop culture, but it's this phenomenon where I only know about it through that. I'm not familiar with the original legend or tale or lore or mythology of the Norse mythology. It's more so I know only... about it through pop culture references to it. You get me? You get where I'm going?
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Here in my water, in my water bottle, in my water, is what I can only assume to be expired liquid IV that was in my pantry because I ran out of Red Bull. I ran out of Red Bull and I leave today for my trip. So I'm not going to go buy a bunch of groceries because that is wasteful.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
So, reading this book, which is clearly a fantasy book, it's, you know, fiction, very interesting. And I was intrigued in the same way by, when I read Red Rising, He had a super intense understanding, like an academic understanding, as you should, of all these Roman historical figures and military leaders and whatever, and all the gods as well.
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
It was very clear that he did his research in terms of how the planets are named, like how the Roman-esque society was structured, whatever. It's very clear in this one too. And again, maybe I'm speaking out of my ass because I don't know jack shit about Norse mythology, but I'm loving it. I'm loving it so far. It's definitely giving like,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I'm just a girl and I have this power and I need a man to help me realize the full extent of my power. Like it's that, you know? So it's a delicate balance now when I approach a fantasy book because I've read so fucking many where it's like, I want that Aelin Galathineus, Throne of Glass, like her and Rowan Whitethorn, their balance, I've never read anything like it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And you would think that, you know, Rhysand and Feyre from Akatar is that. No, it's a bit different because Aelin and Rowan, Rowan never, ever tried to impede or step on Aelin's freedom. Aelin made decisions for herself. Rowan respected all of those decisions. And it was never this like, you're a woman and I'm the man and I know you can do it, but I'm still going to protect you, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Even if it's not what you wanted. Like, and that's the Tamlin of it all, okay? Fuck all that. I fucking hate that dynamic. The dynamic between Aelin and Rowan, to me, is the perfect, like, it's how a relationship should be, man. It's how a relationship should be. So reading these fantasy books is fun, but I'm already kind of calling out, like, the guy is kind of older than her.
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she's the novice where like, I was just thrown into this and I have this power and these people have a use for my power. And he's the son of some like, you know, evil king, but he's good, but he's not that good. It's okay. Fine. Like, of course I'm going to finish it to the end and eat up every fucking page. Yeah. I'm going to read it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
But in terms of dynamic, I just, Throne of Glass, that Throne, the Throne of Glass series is a series that just, Stuck with me. And on that note, I need to read Game of Thrones, okay? Stanley's been up my fucking hole about reading Game of Thrones because it's like the book. It's the book. It's the fantasy series. So it's on my list. It's just like taking that on. It's so many fucking books.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And who am I? Throne of Glass was eight books. So it's not like I can't do it. It's not like I'm not interested. And it's also, you know, with Game of Thrones, you already have a jumping off point because of the show. Like, I already have faces to, you know what I mean? It's on my infinitely to read list. Oh, my God. I read 30 books last year. How crazy is that? I read 30 books.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
That's the influencer accent.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Keep your eyes peeled. Y'all don't even, hold on. Can I just like, let me brief you guys for a second. There are a few things happening later this month, and I mean in the next two weeks, that are going to, you are going to freak the fuck out in terms of what Broski Productions is pushing out into the universe, okay? You've been warned. Know that. That's all I'm gonna say on that.
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
So I had to go to my last resort. I had this capsule. I have a capsule in my pantry of emergency things if I have no food in the house. And guess what's in there? canned tuna, because I usually always have gochujang and mayonnaise in the fridge, so I will make a spicy tuna with seaweed. That's a classic lunch in the Broski household. I always have tuna. I always have butter beans.
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If you want podcast merch, go to broski.shop. And I'll leave you with that. And I will see you next week. Okay. Loving y'all. Be good. Be safe. Bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Great source of protein, okay? You just chop up some pepperoncinis. This is a recipe I got from Alyssa's Magic. Shout out. It's butter beans. It's pepperoncinis. or banana peppers, if you will, and a little bit of apple cider vinegar and olive oil and salt. And that's literally it. And you mix it all up, bean salad, fucking yum.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I keep liquid IV packets in my pantry at all times because sometimes I'm just super dehydrated. You know what I mean? I also, look, if we're talking like friends, I did a brand deal with them a while ago. They sent me a bunch of product. I'm still working through it. You know what I mean? So that is actually what's going to be in here. is their version of an energy drink, liquid IV.
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And I Googled it. Each one, each packet is 100 milligrams of caffeine. In a Red Bull, it's about 110, 120 milligrams of caffeine in the sort of 12 ounce ones. And this is my second one. Because I'm just, I'm telling y'all, I have fuckered my system. We're fuckered. I tried out this new place recently. It's not new. It's new to me. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. That's like an LA staple.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Everyone knows about that place. I never go. I've never been. I went yesterday. I said, give me three shots of espresso with a little bit of hazelnut in it and a little bit of oat milk. And he said, sure. That shit had me jacked up. I was, I should clean my toilets. I should scrub the walls. I vacuumed every corner of my room. And, well, the reason I did that. Do you guys even give a fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I'm serious. Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? Holy shit. Last night, I got my fucking vacuum because there was a big-ass spider in my bathroom. And I am the man of the house. I am the patriarch, okay? You're looking at the face. You're looking at the patriarch of the household. And that's just how it is. That's just how I've designed it to be. So yeah, I turned around. And I was also naked.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I was naked, about to hop in the shower. Big-ass brown recluse. Naked, ran through my house, grabbed the vacuum, sucked him up. There is a graveyard of scary big spiders in my vacuum bag because... I don't want to kill it, and I don't want to smush it, because what if it's pregnant? Do spider have puss-puss? Can spider get preganart? Y'all remember those Reddit searches?
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Or those, those, no, what was that, Quora? You guys don't get me. Okay, what the fuck was I about to Google, dude? Seriously?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Oh, you know what? Actually, I've been practicing this. I've been practicing this for when I'm in Italy. Ready?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
What the fuck? Anyway. Sweating under my boobs challenge.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Jesus Christ. Off the liquid IV energy pack, geeking. I had two liquid IV energy packs and now I'm geeking. Okay, here is the extent of my knowledge of Italian phrases. Ready? Buongiorno. Buongiorno. Buonasera. Arrivederci. Do they do the R-roll in Spanish? Arrivederci. Arrivederci. Arrivederci. Arrivederci. Ciao. Ciao, Ella. Per favore. Mi dispiace. How do you say, I don't understand?
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Non incuso. Non... How to say, I don't understand in Italiano. Non capisco. Oh, capiche? What the fuck is capiche? Capiche? No capiche.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Capiche is an informal pseudo-Italian slang term used to ask if someone understands. It can also be used as a threat. how it's used. You must use this knowledge for good, not evil. Never for personal gain. Capisce? I'm not in the mafia. Never was. Capisce? That's, I get it. What do you think, this is a stupid question, because here's my frame of reference, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Actually, a lot of you young women in the comments could answer this. Also, by the way, young woman is fully encompassing, okay? As long as you're not a straight man, you're a young woman. You have the soft and gentle nature of what a young woman represents, okay? So do you know how, like, Quebecois, right? Quebec is a province in Canada. They grow up speaking French as their first language.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Correct me if I'm wrong. French and English are both, I guess, the national language. Let's Google it instead of just talking out of my house. Official language of... French. French is the official language of Quebec. Only French has that status. French is the only common language of the Quebec nation and constitutes one of the foundations of its identity and distinct culture.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Now, is that because Quebec was a French colony? Was Quebec colonized by France? Yes, Quebec was colonized by France as part of New France. France claimed the area in 1535, and it remained a French colony until 1763. Then it became a British colony known as the Province of Quebec.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Now, that makes total sense because Canada and Australia, and maybe New Zealand, are part of the British Commonwealth, okay? And was Australia a prison colony? Yes. And was Canada? No. So Quebec, they grew up speaking French. When a person from Quebec goes to France, and this is what people have told me, okay? And they speak Quebecois French, which is essentially like a, I mean, it's a dialect.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
It's a form of French. right, the way that British English is different from American English is different from Australian English, you understand. When a Quebecois person goes to France and they speak French, the French person will respond in English because it's almost like this redneck version of French to them, that it's not a purist.
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
So if you're not going to speak pure, I will speak back to you in English. That is what my Canadian friends have told me. And first of all, fucked up, right? Second of all, third of all, I am trying to relate this to whatever that, and I'm sure there's a term for it. I'll Google it. That generation of Italian immigrants that came to New York, Jersey, wherever, through the ports.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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What's the famous one in New York? Ellis Island. Ellis Island in New York was the main immigration port for Italians and other immigrants there. from Europe from 1892 to 1924. That's what I'm talking about. That generation of Italian Americans, a very interesting form of English and Italian came from that group, that specific region and that specific time period.
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And I want to know, is there a word for that language, the way that Quebecois is used to refer to French spoken in Quebec? I want to know the Italian that was spoken in those early days of trying to acclimate to American culture and culture. With that and with any immigration to America comes this kind of, and I'm speaking historically, loss of culture, right? Like you abandon it.
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I won't call it whitewashing. I'm going to call it like Americanizing. The Americanization of immigrants during this time period. It was almost an intentional, firsthand thing to not be... You know what I mean? And the time has changed now where, of course, culture is embraced. Or at least we're moving towards that, where it's cool to have a culture.
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Because what we're realizing is America is void of culture. And what I mean by that is... a distinct, well, actually, hold on, let's talk about this. There are aspects of American culture that are distinctly American, right? When you go to Europe, when you go to Asia, when you go anywhere and you ask a local, what do you think about Americans? Like, what is a standout quality of Americans?
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A lot of them will say they're very friendly, they smile a lot, and they're loud. okay, there are worse qualities generally that Americans could be described as, and they are described as them, racist, fat, right? All those things where those are reflective of We are such a young country, truly, like in the grand scheme of things. We are such a young country.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
So he gets out, he goes back home, he escapes, and he starts making Mach 2, Mach 3, Mach 4, and that's how we end up with the red and gold Iron Man suit. Now, the integral part of Iron Man is that that scientist that was in the cave with Tony puts this... arc reactor in his chest. And it's a magnet. It's an electromagnet that keeps the shrapnel from going to his heart. It like suspends it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And he realizes that this is something he's going to have to deal with. And so when in Iron Man 2, stay with me, in Iron Man 2, his blood toxicity is increasing. So he recognizes his conditions getting worse. He starts really doing some self-destructive behavior because he knows that he's dying. He knows that he's dying.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And there are tonics and things like this that he's created to quell the symptoms. But ultimately, his blood is being poisoned and he is dying because of all the metal in his body. Towards the end, he discovers slash death. Yeah, he doesn't invent. He rediscovers an element that his dad had actually made a sort of prototype for back in the 40s, 50s, 60s.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And he discovers it because Howard Stark left behind all of these things for him to use as tools to finish. Because, of course, he was limited by the technology of his time. And he knew that Tony... being his son and being a genius, would be able to complete the plans that Howard put in place, you know, 80 years ago.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
So he does, discovers this new element, and it completely fixes the shit going on with whatever. And then in Iron Man 3, of course, he gets the arc reactor taken out. Now, any questions for me about the plot of Iron Man? Anyway, while in Iron Man 2, when he's testing that new thing, that's what I was likening it to, is this new Red Bull flavor. I'm not liking it, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Tastes like coconut and metal. It's what I was juicing up this morning. And it comes out of my chest. The arc reactor beam comes out of my chest. That's how I feel on this podcast. You give me one and a half Red Bulls. Oh, and mind you, I did have an espresso this morning as well. I'm realizing that it's not really sustainable what I'm doing. Because I have to come in this room juiced the fuck up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And usually I am. Usually about 85% of the time on this podcast, the juice is flowing. And by juice, I do not mean liquor. I mean strawberry apricot Red Bull that makes my throat close up. Okay, anyway, let's move on. This episode is sponsored by SeatGeek. It's a new year. It's time to leave the house. And I have the perfect suggestion for how.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thanks, SeatGeek. This episode is sponsored by Tinder. Did you hear a recent study found that 80% of women find having a hobby sexy? Imagine that, someone having personal interests and passions. Different people find different hobbies attractive.
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For some people, it's cooking or reading or rock climbing. Mine is straight men who watch the Broski Report, all four of them. Now, alternatively, if your whole personality is crypto, yeah, you're going to need to show us something else before you show us that profile. The judges are asking for some diversity. But here's what's fascinating.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Why is there cyanide in tampons? So I made that up. Arsenic! Now see, sometimes I get arsenic confused with arsonists. And I was like, surely that's not it. It's arsenic, sorry. I'll be taking an arsenic pill every morning. Arsenic and tampons. Arsenic is a naturally occurring element that can be present in soil, water, and plants.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Pottery and plant parents are having a moment, something about someone who can nurture things and create with their hands. It's very primal in me. And don't sleep on the unexpected ones like woodworking. Build me a book nook. How about a birdhouse? Now let me share some insider tips for showing off your hobbies on Tinder. First rule, action shots over gym or car selfies.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Show yourself actually doing the thing you love, not looking like a psycho freak. Your bio is also prime real estate. Instead of just listing hobbies, make them conversation starters. Try looking for someone to try my experimental eggplant brownie recipe. That hits a little different than, I like cooking. And when you match, your hobbies are literally the perfect conversation starter.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Trust me, talking about something you're passionate about is way more interesting than, hey. Tinder is perfect for showing off who you are through your interests. It's not just about looks. It's about finding someone who vibes with your hobby. Explore all the possibilities for yourself, Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download the app today. Back to the ballet. Back to the ballet. Saw Swan Lake.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Now, for anyone who has not seen Barbie and Swan Lake, go watch this. Pause this. Pause this episode right now. Go watch Barbie and Swan Lake. I don't give a fuck if you're driving. I don't give a fuck if you're at work. I want to see an extra monitor pulled up with Barbie and Swan Lake now. Go watch it and then report back.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
So for those of you cultured citizens who have seen Barbie and Swan Lake, and shout out to my sister because that's one of our favorite movies. That movie honestly did a fantastic job of telling the plot of Swan Lake. Because think about it, ballet, there's no dialogue. It's a lot of this, okay? It's a lot of signaling and no and heart and want, okay? It's all miming. There's no words.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
There's no dialogue. There's no mouthing. It's hard to tell a story that way. You are genuinely telling a story through the classical music accompaniment and the dance. It's hard. And set design and all that, you know, whatever. Yeah, okay. You fucking bitches. I know. I know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
I feel the need to qualify every single statement I make because people in the comments are going to be like, well, actually, part of what goes in is right now. Shut up! I feel like HRH collection sometimes. There's a little bug in the back of my brain that's like, I can predict I'm six steps ahead, right? I know what people are going to be mad about.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Because I didn't say the stage design is also a vital part of ballet. Okay, Swan Lake, if you've seen Barbie and Swan Lake, very, very accurate telling of the plot line of Swan Lake. So essentially, I'm going to do this from memory, and then we're going to fact check it on Wikipedia, okay? And is Wikipedia reliable? No, it's not reliable, but it's all we have!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It's all I feel, let me be honest, it's all I feel like referencing at this point in time, okay? So, Swan Lake is about a young woman who is cursed by a sorcerer into becoming a swan. And she's only human for a few hours at a time. Other than that, she's a swan on the lake. Simultaneously, there is a prince. He is the queen's son, and it's his name day. It's his birthday.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And it's about time for him to select a wife. He doesn't want to do that. They bring six maidens in front of him. They all do a crazy little dance for him. He's not fucking with it. He is not rocking with the six maidens. For his birthday, his mom, the queen, gives him a crossbow. Okay, loves the crossbow. Him and the boys are going to go out and hunt. So they take the crossbow.
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He's like, fuck all this party. I know there's a bunch of bad bitches in the throne room. Don't care. I want to go be with my boys. Gay, right? Him and his friends go out and go into the woods for a hunt. They go on the hunt. with this beautiful golden crossbow. And as he's about to, boom, shoot a swan, which first of all, why are you shooting? Are you eating swan meat? What the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It is believed that arsenic may enter tampons through the cotton or rayon used in their production. Studies have detected arsenic levels in tampons ranging from 0.002 to 0.035 nanograms per gram. These levels are generally considered low, but they're still higher than the maximum allowable level of arsenic in drinking water. Yay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Why would you shoot a swan? Oh, the most majestic creature probably to ever live. Yeah, let me gun it down. Gotta get that barbecue swan meat. Yeah, just the pulled swan meat for me. Yeah, on a brioche bun. Thank you so much. Can I get a side of waffle fries with the swan meat? Oh, you're out of swan? Fuck. All right, we're going to go somewhere else. Swan meat? Leg o' swan.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
What do swan legs look like? Swan leg.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Goofy all legs, bruh. That is so, it's just tendons. No meat on the swan bone. I wonder what that, I wonder what that feels like on the hand. Like if you were to grab, if you were to grab a swan by the legs, would it be rubbery? What does a duck foot look, feel like? Is it rubbery or is it like a dolphin skin? You know, where it's kind of like smooth and shiny?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Or, because they've got to have some grip on there, right? Also, I'm seeing some crazy talon action. What the fuck? Swans have talons? Oh my God, swans are dinosaurs. That's a dinosaur.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Do swans have talons? What the fuck? relaxed webbed foot of a mute swan. Hind toe claws can scratch. Swans have claws that can scratch. Why is no one, why is no one talking about the fact that a swan's foot is called the webbed or palpated feet of birds can be categorized into several types.
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86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
palmate, only the anterior digits are joined by webbing, found in ducks, geese, and swans, gulls, and terns, and other aquatic birds, ox, flamingos, fulmars, jaguars, loons, petrels, shearwaters, and skimmers. Birds are crazy, but swans are so pretty. They're pretty, but they've got razor-sharp Banshee-like talons and claws. Knee, hip, ankle. Why? God, that is just beautiful though, isn't it?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Look at that wing. It's like an angel wing. Do you think the modern understanding and depiction of angel wings is based on swan wings? Where do angel wings come from? Angel wings are a symbolic representation of qualities like guidance, protection, and purity. Okay, anyway, back to the prince. Prince is on the hunt. Aims the crossbow at the swan. Before he can do that, stop, it's a woman, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
He goes and dances with the woman because she is beautiful, stunning, the most gorgeous creature he has ever seen. They dance in the wood. And it's a beautiful, oh, it's a pas de deux, pas de deux, two, two people dancing together. Pas de deux, deux, un, deux, pas de deux, pas de deux. We have got to get a linguistic guy just sitting in the corner in here.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
The long-term health effects of exposure to low levels of arsenic through tampons are not well known. However, arsenic is a known carcinogen, yay, and can cause a variety of health problems, including skin lesions, cancer, and cardiovascular disease. Awesome.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Who's just a polyglot who speaks every language for... Language? For every time I have a question, I can just be like, right? Anyway, now hiring. If anyone is a polyglot, go ahead and let me know. We can just Zoom you in. Anyway, they dance. It's wonderful. And then she has to go because she turns back into a swan at night, okay? Well, he returns to the castle. Oh, he's in love.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
He's sar, sar, sar in love. And they... promise each other that they're each other's only ones, they're in love, whatever. And also, it pays to mention now that the only way to break the sorcerer's curse is true love. Duh! Duh! Is it your first day on planet Earth? Yeah! True love's kiss. Anyway, opening of act two is... Another birthday celebration for my young boy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Another birthday celebration for bruh. Bruh is, again, dancing with all these maidens. Who gives a fuck? He's thinking about Odette. And there's all these... Actually, the top of Act 2 is really fun because all these different countries or cultures, so to speak, come in and do a little jig for the prince and the queen. And... They incorporate, I was trying to, me and Stanley were like, who is who?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
There was a Spanish one. There was like a Russian one. There was a German one. There was, oh, there was like an Arabesque one. Really gorgeous. And they do all these and they're all in their like respective little outfits. And it was so much fun. And the music is so good. So that's kind of a breakup of the... Because that music is so, it's so heart-wrenching and it's so like dramatic or whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
If you are concerned about the presence of arsenic in tampons, consider using organic or bamboo tampons, which may have lower levels of arsenic, but never free of it, right? Never truly free. Choose tampons made from materials that are not bleached or treated with chemicals. Wash your hands before and after inserting. Yeah, we get that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And then the top of Act Two was like, they have tambourines. Anyway, so at this little ball, right? Roth, Rothgart, Rothbart. Von Rothbart, the sorcerer, okay, the sorcerer who cursed Odette, he's off number one. He comes in in disguise with his daughter named Odile. Now, Odile is dressed just like Odette, but in all black.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Well, the dumbass, stupidass prince thinks that that's his woman, so they start dancing together. Oh, they're so in love. Oh, they kiss. Oh, they're, well, I just miss you so much. You want to be my girlfriend? Yes, I'm gonna be the king! Okay. They are betrothed. Then during the ball, a vision of Odette appears above the throne room. And it's her dancing like this. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Because she's the swan and her wings brought her wings. And he sees the vision and realizes what he's done. This is not Odette. Shorty is not Odette. So he runs, he flees from the building. He knows what he has to do. Oh, he's going to apologize to Odette. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How can I do that? I did not know it was you. I did not know it was not you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Okay, I saw another baddie and she was dancing with me. Pas de deux, pas de deux, and I didn't know. So he runs back into the forest. They start fighting. Yeah, they dance together for a second. And Odette and all her little swan girls are just mourning. They're lamenting. And it's actually so cute because the swans protect her when the prince comes around.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And when Von Rothbart comes around, they protect her for a second. And then, of course, the prince and her find each other. They do a little dance. They're in mourning. And then Rothbart comes out. They all start fighting. They're fighting. They're fighting. They're fighting.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And then towards the end, and this is the fun part about Swan Lake, is different companies do different endings, which is, I think, fun and slay. It's kind of like that episode of SpongeBob when you had the DVD where you could pick your own ending. The Flying Dutchman episode, hello, does anyone get me?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Remember you could pick your own ending where one of them, like Patrick was in that fruit smoothie, and another one was, do y'all remember that? I had that DVD. Anyway. It's very much that. And so some iterations will have Odette and Prince, I think his name is Siegfried, up on this hill, this cliff. And they know that the only way to break the curse is they have to die.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
One of them has to die, right? Because she can never be free because he picked Odile. And so she jumps, she jumps from the cliff, and Siegfried follows her, and that's the end. This one we went to, the end was, it was beautiful. I just got to chill thinking about it. There is this light coming from stage left,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
it's just this like big spotlight and it's very minimal lights above the dancers and it's almost this godly omnipotent light and the swans form a line around odette and
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Here's my thing, though, is even things that are sold as organic or marketed as organic or sustainable or all this shit, who's to really say? And of course, there are measuring techniques to measure a company's sustainability. It's actually called a CSR, a... Commercial sustainability report, consumer sustainability report, CSR. Corporate social responsibility. Well, I was in the world.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
her and the prince embrace one last time, and then she does that crazy, like, where it looks like they're floating across the stage, they're like, with their little feet, and she does it backwards, and she's doing her hands like this, oh, I love this one, like, and she just disappears into the light, and she's smiling, and she, like, waves him goodbye, and then, of course, he's heartbroken, devastated, and then it ends.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
So, like, she had died. So good. It's so good. And there's also this move that they all do. They all. It's Odette and Odile. And some of the backup swans. Where they do their hands like this in front of them. And that's to represent the dying swan. They also do this crazy move where I was like...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
They do this crazy move where it looks like when swans sort of fly and then get in the water and just sort of coast. Do you know what I mean? You guys just don't. Okay. You know, or when birds flap and then they get in the water and then they kind of like float on the water.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
They would do a dance move that looked like that, where they would do this and then they would like hop on one leg and it looked like they had hit the water and they were just coasting along the water. I'm picking up on this shit. I'm watching, that looks like a swan. Yeah, that looks like a swan in a lake. Yeah, yeah.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Stanley, okay, so here's a, I'm talking the whole time narrating it. Okay, so that's actually called a fouette and she did 32 of them. I did say that. I leaned over. I said, she's about to do 32 fouettes. Fouettes are spins with your leg up in the air and it's completely balanced. And you, you spin around, you get back on point every single time. She does it 32 times in a row.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Also Tchaikovsky did the, uh, he composed the music for Swan Lake and for the other two famous ones, Nutcracker and the third one. And, uh, That music that the 32 Fuentes are to, oh my God, go watch it. Go watch Swan Lake 32 Fuentes compilation on YouTube. It is gag. How the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Also, to practice that, you have to be really careful not to let one of your legs become more powerful or muscular than the other. especially for any combinations that require spinning around the stage. I forget what that's called. You're spinning around the whole stage really quickly, and it's on one leg that you do the actual spin on, but you're on two. Okay, hello.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That, how can you not just like... your right leg is roided up, just like rippling with muscle. And then your left leg is a little noodle. Like, how is it not that? It really takes so much behind the scenes, obviously rehearsals and practice, but these people are athletes. They are athletes, bruh. I'm telling you, it is so impressive. And then they look pretty. They look pretty when they do it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
I literally went home that night and I said, this, this is going to take over. And did I email a local dance company around my neighborhood? Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did. To do an adult ballet class? Yeah, I did. Because I had a moment of just blissful inspiration where someone commented under a Bruce Gruber video, dude, hit up a local dance studio and say, do you do adult ballet intro classes?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And guess what? I did. And then I got kind of scared and I didn't respond. But they were so nice. They were like, hi, Brittany. Yes, class is on Monday. And I said, oh, I'm nervous.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
But what time is it? What do I need to bring? Is there an entry fee? Do I need to pay? Do I need to have pointe shoes? I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
They're like, you don't have to buy. You don't have to bring pointe shoes. We're just going to be stretching for first.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Just being way too defensive. Anyway, yeah, I had emailed a local dance company because I don't give a fuck. But I do. Ultimately, I do. Because there's something very humiliating about dancing. And rewind to me 30 minutes ago being like, just try dancing in your kitchen and I'll really fix everything wrong with your life.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
No, I think it's something embarrassing about, it's like singing in front of your parents. Like, I don't want to do that if I don't have to. I don't want to do that if I don't have to, but I want to. Yeah, I'd like to. One of these days, I'm going to work up the courage and I'm going to go. I'm going to get some of those little dance shoes and I'm just going to go.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Not pointe shoes, the other ones they wear. They don't have a box in it, but it's like, it's still got the elastic on it. I just really think that that's in my future. It's something that I see for myself. So yeah. Also, you know, in this theme, this ever-present theme of Renaissance woman, that I want to have lived a full life and tried anything that interests me to give it a shot.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
I was on the planet, but I wasn't in the city, okay? Corporate social responsibility is based on the idea that businesses have a duty to society beyond making profits. These practices should include being transparent and ethical and complying with laws and international norms. To that point.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Do y'all hear how cotton mouthy I am? Fuck this Red Bull flavor, bro. I'm telling you, it's not good. I am going to finish it, though. Yeah, I don't know what's going on with that Red Bull flavor. Pull it off the shelves, team. It's making my tonsils touch. Jack of all trades, master of none.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That's really, and I know there's like a negative connotation to that a little bit, but also, no, there's not. Jack of all trades, master of none. Someone who's competent in many different skills, but not an expert in any single one. Essentially, someone who dabbles in a variety of things without achieving mastery in any particular area. without achieving mastery. That's tough.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That's tough to read. It implies that while a person can perform many tasks, they lack the depth of knowledge and expertise to be considered a true master in any of them. Yeah, because that takes a lifetime of work. I just want to be an appreciator of a simple bystander, right? And a true fan of that art form that I like. And you don't have to be great at something to appreciate it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
You don't have to be great at something to say that you do it. Okay? And hear me when I say that. It's not even like a New Year's resolution. It's just sort of my... Jesus Christ. I am so sorry for all the phlegm in my throat this episode. Yeah, that's just sort of my personal doctrine moving through the rest of my life.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Because some of the people that I look up to the most or really idolize are that. They are so cultured in a lot of different ways. in a lot of ways that are not related, you know, to know so much about this one thing that is completely disjointed from Swan Lake or it's just like to have, I think to have an across the board knowledge is signs and evidence of a life well-lived.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And yeah, just to say that you've tried everything. Okay. Here's something completely separate that I also want to talk about. This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. Why is it that when we need a new doctor, our first instinct is to post in that group chat? Anyone know a good PCP or OBGYN?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
I'm definitely guilty of doing it, but I always end up finding out that the recommendation is not in network or the office is way too far from my house. Enter ZocDoc. ZocTalk is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, are located nearby, and are a good fit for any medical need you may have.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Also, with hundreds of verified patient reviews, you can find the type of care and support you're looking for, from good bedside manner to fast wait times to doctors with the best listening skills. Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings, choose a time slot that works for you, and click to instantly book a visit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Appointments made through ZocDoc also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same-day appointments. Everyone knows I used ZocDoc to find my dermatologist, and I am single-handedly keeping his practice in business. Know that. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash broski to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
To that point, I've talked about greenwashing on here before where companies, specifically car companies, just to highlight one, will do this thing where they'll put a little green leaf next to an option or planes do it too. Like we're going carbon free by, hey, no, you're not. And also that's not going to fix anything. It's a step in the right direction. It's not going to fix anything.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash broski. ZocDoc.com slash broski. Okay, completely separately. I went to NASA. this past week. Hey, the most fun I've ever had. Shout out to the team at NASA, because I got a cold DM from them that was like, Brittany, we'd love to have you. If you're ever in Houston, just come. And I was like, I'm literally going to be in Houston in two weeks.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And so we coordinated, and I got to go with Tato, bestie Tato, and my mom and dad. How fun is it? We got a VIP tour of NASA, and let me tell you something. A lot of people think that NASA... shut down after they stopped the shuttles. And it's just simply not true. It's not true. You know, for people like me, like on the fringes of... The scientific community. I try my best.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
I try my damnedest to understand. But sometimes that shit is not for me. Okay? Because I'm actually studying on a very hyper-intensive level the plot of Iron Man 1, 2, and 3. And as that relates to... You know, a lot of my scientific understanding comes from the Iron Man universe. And that's not easy for me to admit. It's not fun for me to admit. But it's kind of, you know. So...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It's just very, my worldview and scientific understanding is very limited because that's not the part of my brain that is there. Okay, when God was sort of cooking me up in the oven, forgot that ingredient. He forgot the science ingredient because y'all watch me struggle through these Google searches. What is centrifugal force? Centrifugal motion. Centrifugal motion. Centrifugal, centrifugal.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
I'm not getting physics. I'm not getting electricity. I'm not really understanding any of it. So a tour like this, imagine my awe and wonder because so much of NASA and what their current missions are, which is, by the way, establishing a home base on the moon, SLEI, maintaining the ISS, International Space Station, SLEI, And third of all, the long-term goal of establishing something on Mars.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Okay, some form of, like, we're still, and think about this. They've only been really freaking their shit like this for probably 25 years. Like, space exploration is so new. And I know that sounds like a stupid statement, but you would think that, okay, first man on the moon, 1969. We've made great discoveries and breakthroughs since then, but it's really not as much as I thought.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Like, it's crazy. And a lot of the equipment that is up there and even some of the government buildings that NASA's housed in. And I went to the Johnson Space Center. There's another one in Florida, the Kennedy Space Center. And there's another one in Alabama. And there's another one in Arizona. Or is it New Mexico? There's one in Canada. There's one... I mean, there's all over, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
International Space Station, of course, has a bunch of different points globally of if it were to go down, if anything were to happen, it is an international effort, which is truly beautiful. We got to walk through a mock-up of the ISS, which is so neat. And there are different... different areas, they're called nodes of which country sort of not donated, but contributed what.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And there's an American side, there's a Russian side, a Japanese side, this, that, the other. And it's just all this stuff interests me where our tour guide was saying that it is common courtesy on the ISS, which at any one time probably has about 11 people on it. I think there's seven up there right now. About 11 people can fit on the ISS. Crazy, by the way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Because you think it's this huge warship, like, aircraft carrier that has 250 people working on it. Like, I don't know. I don't know why I think they're in Star Wars. I mean, it's very small and contained and... Think about how much preparation and training goes into sending people into space to go be up there and collect samples and do this, do all that. It is so intense.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Maybe I'm just being doom and gloom today. I don't fucking know. But CSR was my introduction to, oh, everyone's lying to you. When we studied this in college, I was like, oh, I've just sort of been lied to. And how naive to trust that these brands who want me to buy their product would be telling me the truth about what they're doing with my money. You know what I mean? That's on me, actually.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And so, yeah, only 11 people. It is so specific and selective and for a good reason, right? Okay. So many variables that could go wrong. You need highly trained individuals. 11 people up there. And when you're going back and forth or for whatever reason, like if you're an American in the Russian node, all of the controls and the signs in the Russian node are in Russian.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And obviously all the ones on the American side are in English. And they said that it is common courtesy when you enter into the Russian side, you should speak Russian. And when Russians come to the American side, they speak English. And it's just this sort of common, like there's banners on the space station. How cute is that? What else?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
They showed us, oh, you know that scene from The Martian where he, those little plant, incubator things where he grows that potato. And it's the most emotional scene in the movie when he runs out of ketchup on that one potato. Yeah, I almost turned the damn movie off. I couldn't handle it. It's too much. That is so scary. Matt Damon is my hero. Matt Damon is just my fucking hero.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That scene where it's that wall of all the planters. In this mock-up, they had one of those. So cool to see. Where it's like the sun lamps and there's water and you keep them hydrated. Just crazy. We're growing shit in space. And I also did not know that there is evidence on Mars of moving water. Again, I'm not tapped into this shit. I'm not really, that's not for me. I'm not being targeted.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And when I get TikToks about space, I scroll because they freak me out. But that's the shit I want to see. And so all these formations on Mars, I could be talking out of my ass. Let's Google it. Almost all water on Mars today exists as polar permafrost ice, though it also exists in small quantities as vapor in the atmosphere.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
What was thought to be low-volume liquid brines in shallow Martian soil, also called recurrent slope linae, may be grains of flowing sand and dust slipping downhill to make dark streaks. While most water ice is buried, it's exposed at the surface across several locations on Mars. In the mid-latitudes, it is exposed by impact craters, steep scarps, and gullies. Steep scarps and gullies!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Who the fuck wrote this, a pirate? Water ice is also visible at the surface at the North Polar ice cap. Abundant water ice is also present beneath the permanent carbon dioxide ice cap at the Martian South Pole. More than 5 million cubic kilometers of ice have been detected at or near the surface of Mars, enough to cover the whole planet to a depth of 35 meters. Wait, that's scary.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Even more ice might be locked away in the deep subsurface. Wait, I'm scared. Some liquid water may occur transiently on the Martian surface today, but limited to traces of dissolved moisture from the atmosphere and thin films, which are challenging environments for known life.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
No evidence of present-day liquid water has been discovered on the planet's surface because under typical Martian conditions and ambient atmospheric pressure, warming water ice on the Martian surface would sublime at rates of... See, you're losing me. You're losing me right here.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Before about 3.8 billion years ago, Mars may have had a denser atmosphere and higher surface temperatures, potentially allowing greater amounts of liquid water on the surface, possibly including a large ocean that may have covered one-third of the planet. Water has also apparently flowed across the surface for short periods at various intervals, more recently in Mars history.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
See what I'm saying, dude? Because he was saying that some of the... movement or tracks in the sand is, or not even sand, the surface of the planet indicates moving water. And I was like, that is crazy. Red rising is happening. It's real. It's real. We're terraforming Mars. We're terraforming the planets. It's just crazy. So yeah, I think, honestly, here's one of my reflections from going to NASA.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That's on me for being naive and trusting a corporation. And to that point, saw this TikTok the other day, not to get political, saw this TikTok the other day that said, why are we treating the US government like a business? Because if there is one thing that we know to be true about businesses is they don't care about the consumer. And also, I'm not a consumer. I'm a citizen. I have rights.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
First of all, humans are amazing when we work together. there are truly no bounds for what we can accomplish. It left me feeling hopeful. And second of all, we are so limited and bogged down by red tape because NASA is a government agency that contracts companies, commercial, like SpaceX and Blue, whatever the fuck Jeff Bezos is, like all these sort of private companies that they contract
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
to either build craft or things like the technology, like Velcro was made for space, I'm pretty sure. You're not allowed to say Velcro though, because that is a, it's copyrighted the way that Kleenex is copyrighted. Velcro. for space. Okay, so I had lied. Essentially, Velcro wasn't developed for NASA, but NASA used it in the Apollo missions.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Velcro is used in many products, including clothing, footwear, packaging, medical supplies. NASA used Velcro to secure equipment during the Apollo missions. The Velcro brand of hook and loop was invented by a man named George de Mistral in the 40s while hunting in the Jura Mountains in Switzerland.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
He was a Swiss engineer, and he realized that the tiny hooks of the burrs stuck in his pants and in his dog's fur, he wondered how they attached themselves. Because nature is the greatest inspiration. Nature is the blueprint. Have y'all seen those things of like stars in nature? How sometimes on a cellular level, it's a star or how leaves form stars, star fruit, this, that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It's like some of these patterns or shapes are truly natural. Like they occur naturally in nature. And it's just amazing. Even when you think about things like a spider web, like, why is it so complex and beautiful? If the goal is just to trap food to eat, why is it beautiful? Why is it so intricately designed? and symmetrical. That's the craziest bullshit is that there is a symmetry in nature.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And that gets back to like Fibonacci sequence and all this, where for whatever reason, nature is mathematical. And a lot of like, this is a perfect example of he recognized something like, why do birds get caught on things? And what is that technology? And how can we harness that and use it for other purposes? But it was naturally occurring. So, so fucking cool. So fucking cool.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Yeah, that's what I'm fucking talking about. Things NASA invented.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
memory foam, camera phones, freeze-drying, insulation, solar cells, foil blankets, food safety, water filters, ear thermometers, wireless headphones, cochlear implants, shoe insoles, prosthesis, athletic shoes, LASIK, scratch-resistant lenses, baby formula, cordless tools, dustbusters, smoke detectors, computer mouse, cordless vacuums, Nike Airs? What? See, this is just... I love this shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Anyway, the whole NASA trip was so fun, learned a lot. And I guess I just misunderstood where we're at in the grand scheme of things when it comes to space exploration and space travel. We're not that far. And let me qualify that statement with, we have made leaps and bounds, right? Like, we have done things that... people 400 years ago would call magic. And it is magical.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And so, of course, recognizing how incredible, especially when internationally these teams work together, what we can achieve and how far we've come since the 60s or the 70s, especially through all the government red tape, what we've been able to accomplish. However, It just makes me so upset. Like, what are we missing out on?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Because NASA and what it's able to do and what it's able to greenlight is limited by who the fuck sits in the Oval Office. Like, it's just so endlessly annoying and makes me mad. So very cool, though. I got my little NASA sticker on my thing. Got my little NASA sticker. I'm a fan. And with that, I'll leave you with my song of the week. It is My Love Will Never Die live by Hosier.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
You know what I mean? I'm not just... Anyway, saw that and I was like, it's so fucking true. It's so fucking true. She's spitting. That is so true. Okay, let's move on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
This is on the extended version of self-titled. I, can I admit something? I'd never heard it until like two weeks ago. And I said, My God. So lock into that. Super, super good. If you want merch, go to broski.shop. Go subscribe to Royal Court now. Now. We've got a crazy guest coming. Y'all are going to freak the fuck out. Very, very crazy guest.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And yeah, keep your eyes peeled for an exciting project coming out later this month. Love you guys. Bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
You may be wondering, Brittany, did you go to the New York City Ballet? Brittany, I just had this feeling that you went to the New York City Ballet. I want to put all of your worries to ease. I did go to the New York City Ballet, and I did actually buy this beautiful blouse, this beautiful sweatshirt. that has all the positions, okay? First position, second position, fifth position.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And you dirty gutter-minded bitches are not, I'm not talking about sexual positions. I'm not talking about Eusexua by FKA Twigs, which by the way, that album is crazy. That album's crazy. Sometimes I'll get super high and listen to it and I get scared. Sometimes I get high to listen to FKA Twigs and get scared. But it's all love. It's all in a good way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Sometimes it's just a bit too much for me when I'm in that mental state. I tried to get high and listen to Sleep Token the other day. Almost had a fucking panic attack. Damn near had to take myself to the hospital. So don't do that. I like to reserve, you know, Still Woozy and Sports, the band Sports, and California Honey Drops for those sort of scenarios.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
They make just great, oh, who's another one? I can't bear for you. I can't bear for you. Who sings that? Disco Surf? Disco... Disco... Surf Curse.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That song... Look, if you have the means... If you're in a state where it's deemed safe and doable, go ahead, pop a little Eddie for me and listen to this song and just close your eyes and dance. When was the last time you bitches had just danced? Just with reckless abandon. Just close your eyes and dance in the kitchen. Have you done that? Have you thought about Dancing to Disco by Surf Curse?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Release date 2019. Just close your eyes and dance around for a second. Might help. Look, it's not going to fix it, but it might help. Now, back to Eusexua. Yeah, that kind of freaks me out sometimes because she is, and I know this to be true, a goddess locked in human form. Do you remember from Pirates of the Caribbean? Calypso.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
How she was like a goddess and she was trapped in a human body and her and Davy Jones had been lovers and they had been torn apart. I imagine FKA Twigs, her energy and her being is too divine and it is too sacred. And I think her creativity is just like, she is leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of us. Someone put a curse on her and trapped her in human form.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And I'd like to get to the bottom of that. So we're going to get the Broski Nation research team on that really quick. And we'll get back. We'll give you progress and updates as they come in. Back to the ballet. How the fuck did I get started talking about that? I went to the New York City Ballet. You hear all the mucus in my throat?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
So me and Stanley went and it was in the Lincoln Center, the Lincoln, the David H. Koch Theater. Of course, me and bro went to the cock theater. Yeah, he loves that one. He loves that theater. It's his favorite theater. So we went, and first of all, super busy, completely sold out, which is so heartwarming. And there's a part B to what I'm about to say.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Actually, I'm going to address that first, and then I'm going to get into the part A. There is clearly, when it comes to the arts, like Broadway, any live play that's in a professional capacity, any musical, any ballet, any opera, things like this that are live performance theater, there is a barrier to entry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
These tickets were so expensive and it really just, I don't know when this happened because I remember going to see like Lion King, the musical with my mom in middle school and being blown away. We were pretty close up and I can't imagine they were that expensive of tickets. You know what I mean? Because that had to be like 2009, 2010. These fucking ballet tickets, one ticket was $250.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
What are you talking about? All of this ties into the monopoly that Live Nation and Ticketmaster have on literally everything, how that form of art should not be gatekept because of finances. It actually enrages me. Like, it actually makes me so upset. that you cannot spend $40 on a ticket to go see a ballet. And that may spark something in you that, you would never otherwise know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
There is a barrier to entry on the arts, and it's something that really, really bothers me. It's just been something I've been thinking about. And thank fuck for YouTube and all these things where you can see some of these most famous ballerinas in the world from Russia or France or London, wherever, and you can watch their variations and you can watch their performances in live 4K.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
But nothing beats watching it in person and hearing the tap of the pointe shoe box on the stage and seeing the makeup and the sweat and remembering that these people, they're doing it right there and they do it every single day. They do it sometimes multiple times a day, I mean, it's just, it's psychotic. And also Swan Lake, it's the same ballerina that dances for Odette and Odile. It is nuts.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
If you know Dahlia, whatever her name is, Dalida, I found my love in Portofino. Guys, what are we sipping on this morning? First of all, welcome back to The Berserk Report. Second of all, check out this Coca-Cola can mug. The bounds of human innovation. We really hit it with this one. We really did it with this one. Mm-mm. Now, what's in there, you may be asking?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It's nuts to me. Me just marveling at like live performance.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It's not even on YouTube on my phone. It was fantastic. I cannot... Like, I just don't. I was so excited, and the excitement did not stop. Afterward, I was like... And Stanley kept asking me all these questions. Sorry, my mouth is watering crazy right now. I'm trying this new Red Bull flavor, and it's kind of making my throat close up. Strawberry apricot? Like, my throat's kind of closing up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It's kind of... Maybe we might need to take a break. Yeah, not loving this flavor. Me looking at the thing like it's, I can read it. It's just my Coke mug. Yeah, strawberry apricot Red Bull. I don't know what you put in there. It's anti-Britney venom. You put anti-Britney venom in there because you know I flock. I flock to Red Bull like a snake to a rodent.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
You put Red Bull within a 10 mile radius of me, I'm going to sniff it out and I'm going to sink my teeth into it. This, I don't know, man, my tonsils are kind of swelling. I don't know what you're doing. What's going on with strawberry apricot, team? See, this is what I get for straying from blueberry. Blueberry is my go-to. It's my tried and true. I know it well. I know the effects.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It's almost a part of me. You know, I've got however many arteries coming out of my heart. There's a fifth one. Aren't there four? There's a fifth one there. And that's just sort of straight Red Bull up to the heart. And it just... I'm like Iron Man. I'm like Iron Man in Iron Man 2 when he creates that new element. He discovers that new element.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
and they're running tests on it, and he goes, tastes like coconut and metal. And if you've seen Iron Man 2, you know that was a great impression. It was a great impression. Y'all don't get me. God, I'm leaking. My tonsils are swelling up. My nose is running. I'm drooling. Fuck! Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Like I was saying, in Iron Man 2, and he discovers that new element, and he's like, he puts it into the arc reactor in his chest, which of course is a part of him, because it's magnetically keeping the shrapnel from going to his heart. Are you guys keeping up?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Because when there was that bomb blast in Iron Man 1, which was, and not to get too deep into Iron Man, because I will, because remember, Tony Stark goes out to the desert, in the Middle East to go see what Stark Industries weapons, to give a weapons display, right? An exhibition of what the new Stark Industries weapons of mass destruction can do.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And he is getting a contract with the US government. Well, of course it goes wrong. And of course there's other things at work, but he watches, in a very dramatic hyper-political scene, he watches the same weapons that he designed to kill and maim foreign humans kill American servicemen. And he has this full circle moment of like, I'm part of the problem. Right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And so therefore, from then on out, when he gets back to the U.S., everything's fine. Sorry if I'm ruining the plot. It came out in 2008. Fucking watch it, maybe. When he gets back to the U.S., he immediately gets this press conference. He gives a press conference where all these reporters are there and...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
He completely uproots and remolds the mission statement of Stark Industries to be that they are going to be focusing on scientific research. They are no longer going to be creating these weapons of mass destruction because he's seen firsthand the ripple effect, right? And now how ridiculous is that?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That you have to be over there and be personally affected by it to realize, I'm aiding the war effort. Negative connotation, right? Anyway, Iron Man, love that movie, great movie. Now, in the bomb blast, part of the whole thing is when he's giving this crazy Stark Industries weapons display, something explodes, and he's in the splash zone, so to speak. He gets riddled with shrapnel.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
a little bit of lead, a little bit of cyanide, right? I'm trying to do this thing where I'm doing small doses. You got to work yourself up. Every morning, I take a capsule of lead, a capsule of Red 40, a capsule of microplastics, and a capsule of cyanide. Because apparently, cyanide is in tampons, right? What are we talking about there? And why is that? Why is that even...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And someone takes him in as sort of like prisoner of war type of thing, realize he's a scientist, and they want him to recreate a missile. And in the meantime, because he's my goat, because he's Tony Stark, he's my goat, he creates the Iron Man suit. which is this prototype with the help of the scientist that saved his life, and thus we have Iron Man.