This week on The Broski Report, we celebrate the year with some of the best moments from 2024! Happy New Year, Broski Nation! 👕 Get your merch here: https://broski.shop/ Follow The Broski Report: https://www.linktr.ee/broskireport https://www.tiktok.com/@broskireport https://instagram.com/broskireport Follow Brittany: https://www.tiktok.com/@brittany_broski https://instagram.com/brittany_broski https://youtube.com/brittany_broski Follow Royal Court: https://www.youtube.com/@royalcourt https://www.tiktok.com/@bbroyalcourt https://www.instagram.com/royalcourt https://www.twitter.com/bbroyalcourt Reproductive Resources: https://aidaccess.org https://plancpills.org https://Ineedana.com https://www.reprolegalhelpline.org/ https://heyjane.com LGBTQ+ Resources: https://Translifeline.org https://Glaad.org https://Pflag.org https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ Climate Resources: https://Oceanconservancy.org https://Climateemergencyfund.org Some helpful credible resources/links to help Free Palestine: Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund - https://www.pcrf.net/ UNICEF - https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/helping-gazas-children-cope-trauma Doctors Without Borders - https://donate.doctorswithoutborders.org/secure/give-monthly-double-your-impact-search-onetime-reverse-mobile?ms=ADD2301U3U49&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=BRAND.DWB_CKMSF-BRAND.DWB-GS-GS-ALL-DWBBrand.E-BO-ALL-RSA-RSARefresh.1-MONTHLY&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6PGxBhCVARIsAIumnWZpQAMikxPIRiPMfAjYsJZ-eHiRQV2pw7tu2Jlo6YL8Gk_uaTSwH0MaAtFGEALw_wc World Central Kitchen - https://wck.org/ World Health Organization - https://www.who.int/ Headcount - https://www.headcount.org/ IG ACCOUNTS TO FOLLOW: @eye.on.palestine @aljazeeraenglish @palestinianyouthmovement @byplestia @motaz_azaiza @impact #brittanybroski, #broski, #broskination, #broskireport, #holiday, #newyear
Chapter 1: What are the best moments from 2024?
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Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
Chapter 3: What is the significance of lymphatic drainage?
God save our precious queen. Long live her majesty. God save the supreme leader.
Chapter 4: What happens during Power Hour on Broski Report?
Hey, one, two, three, eyes on me. Thank you. Silent Coyote. This is Power Hour with Brittany Broski on the Broski Report. Tonight at 10, experts claim lymphatic drainage is the key to a youthful glow. We have an expert here, Dr. Broski, tonight to teach us a bit about it. More at 10, someone was accepted into Shiz University, but our nepotism claims at hand. More to come tonight.
So we're letting the children, the youth of tomorrow, play this game? We're fucked.
We're that purple Enderman guy who killed the kids and was in the rabbit shooty, they're gonna play this game and go on to vote for America in the future?
Fuck me, dude. I'm also gonna tell you right now, what am I sippin' on? We're sippin', listen to that. Yeah! I will not be crazy this time. You will not make me crazy. When you start to think, hmm, maybe men are... Extremely loud, incorrect buzzer.
Introducing the guillotine into the Brusque Nation sort of military industrial complex as a form of punishment and torture that is accepted by the government, government being me, okay? We are now going to implement, first of all, by Celine Dion gets played as you're being, your penis is being jorked and chopped by the guillotine, okay? It's actually gonna be a law change.
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Chapter 5: What are the wild theories about mermaids?
When your penis is getting jorked, do you moan? He makes me really laugh, like genuinely laugh. Oh, what the fuck? Oh God!
No!
That is so nasty, that is so wretched and vile. See, what the hell is this? Do mermaids exist? Scientists begin tests on a 300-year-old what? Mummified body to uncover the mystery. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, look at her, she's gorgeous. And she's in a skim strapless bra. Oh, look at her, she is beautiful. She's in a skims.
Oh my God, Kamala, you did not tell me you were passing through here. What are you doing? You are crazy. Well, no, I can't talk. No, I would love to. No, don't stop the car. Okay, stop the car. No, I'm headed to Santa Monica. Yeah, I'm doing, you know, Brooke. Yes, yes. And her point, yes. So that actually comes out tomorrow. I'm the first episode. Oh, Kamala, you are too sweet.
KK, we like to call her KK. KKH. Kamala Kardashian, if you will. We like to call her that too. I said, Kamala, you are so sweet. No, please, I have to go. I really can't stay another minute. I have got to hit the road. Yeah, y'all were blocking traffic. Y'all were crazy over there. Okay, besitos. Bye, KK. Can we be serious for one minute? I need everyone at their battle stations.
Mm-hmm.
I need, please, sir. Bam! Zap! Wabow! Lickety sea smoke!
I could have slayed as a brain-dead housewife. I would have worn one of those little, the big butt dresses, and I would have had one of those fancy little fascinator hats, and I would have had just mercury, lead in my mouth, just oozing, drooling all over my chest. And I would have been wet off to some fat, ugly man, but he would have been rich. And I would have gossiped with my girls.
I would have ate sweets. Just sweet as sugar. The Coca-Cola had cocaine in it, dude. I would have been living high and mighty. Take me back. Take me back to 1893. I really would have slayed. Like it really would have been a moment. Would I have smelled like puss? Yeah. Would I have smelled like puss?
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Chapter 6: How does the Broski Report incorporate humor?
Wait, where are you going? Oh, it's me, I smell like puss? Oh, sorry. Stop talking, shut the fuck up. Execution by horses. Tying each of the victim's limbs to a different horse and then driving the horses in four different directions. You know that that ASMR was crazy. Damn, King Edward had some crazy ASMR. Sorry, execution by hanging.
Hanging the victim, disemboweling them while they're still alive, and then beheading and dismembering them.
Right. Oh, holy fuck, oh, Jesus Christ!
Quarter, oh, oh! Quarter, oh! Literally means cutting the person's body into four parts or quarters. Oh! Right. I'm done yelling. That's annoying.
Fall in line, soldier! How fucking hard is it to pick up WhatsApp and double tap a message? Shut up! Would you look Sylvia Plath in the eye and tell her to not be depressed? It's not always about you!
It's not about you all the time! Is that okay? It's not about you! Holy fuck!
Zooby, zooby, zoo. I'm cleaning my ass crack. Zooby, zooby, zoo. Dandruff it under my nails. Zooby, zooby, zoo. Oh, a new ingrown hair.
Zooby, zooby, zoo. Ew!
There's a big fly that just, that wasn't a fly, that was like a moth. Did you see that in the video? That was a huge bug. Ew, it's on the desk!
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Chapter 7: What are the bizarre food stories shared?
All right, there's been a murder.
The first murder of the Broski Report. We come to you live tonight to report the sudden and gruesome murder of a bug that flew towards my face, and now its carcass is forever gonna be on that desk, because I'm not gonna clean that up. I do not miss corporate America, but the tea we would get sometimes, girl, I miss having coworkers. I will say that. My coworkers and I, we were like this.
Damn, we were like this because that's trauma bonding, bitch. Say, oh, one more time. Like, can you speak? Speak normal. Speak like an educated adult. When you, uh, can I, uh, like when you, uh. Easter is when the bunny, everyone knows the bunny, of course, the Christ bunny, knocked on the tomb three times. Okay, he said, he said, knock, knock, knock.
Jesus opened the door and he said, we're not doing Girl Scout cookies right now, okay? I'm not interested in buying them. It's Girl Scout cookie season. Please, like, I'm trying to rest. We're doing the, you know, like three days of eternal rest. And then he became the Messiah, okay? Now, when the bunny knocked on the tombstone door, that is when the peeps came out, okay?
Jesus kind of rolled the tomb away. He rolled the big rock. The peeps came out, okay? And then... when Jesus was like, please don't bother me. Like seriously, I said, leave the door dash in front of the tombstone, okay? I can't do like hand-to-hand contact right now. Like I'm doing strictly no contact. Like it's a whole thing, okay?
It's a whole process between me and my heavenly father, but also I'm the heavenly father, okay? Now this is Jesus talking. And so the bunny was there with the door dash and the peeps ran out and he was like, well, what the fuck am I supposed to? And so Jesus slammed the tomb shut and the bunny was like, oh my God, what am I supposed to do with all these chocolate eggs?
Okay, the peeps are on the floor. He scoops them up and he goes, This is something, okay? This is something that we can work with here. What if, and then of course he starts, he's kind of like looking up at the sun, maybe he goes to sit down on like a log stump and he's holding the peeps, he's holding the little chickens and he's like, what if these old fuckers were made of marshmallow?
And then everyone around him was like, what is a marshmallow? He's like, yeah, marshmallow. Marshmallow, isn't marshmallow made up of like horse bones? If you rendered the perfect human face, like through AI, I know I'm just about really close to that, guys. Seriously, it is me. I'm a real human. I have flaws. It's hard to think of one right now, but I will get back to you on that.
We will loop back, sort of circle back, bumping this up in the inbox. No pressure, absolutely no pressure, but I do need this addressed by EOD, end of day, okay?
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Chapter 8: How does the Broski Report celebrate military appreciation?
Room reveal. Is he 16? Maybe.
Doesn't matter. That will not stop me. I don't care. Oh, my God. Tumblr rotted my brain in ways that I'm still trying to figure out.
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That's why, this month only, we're giving military and veteran families a $200 Verizon gift card and a phone on us with a select trade-in and a new line on select unlimited plans. Think of it as our way of flying a squadron of jets overhead while launching fireworks. Now that's what we call a celebration. Because we're proud to serve you. Visit your local Verizon store to learn more.
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The last hundred pages, my asshole was clenched. I was . If I was casting a live action movie about my life, it would be Nicolas Cage to play me. He would be in drag. Robert Grew, also known as the Bald Terror, that's what they call me as well. Oh my God, of course painters. If I was a painter way back when, I would have painted that. Look at the way that that moves.
The Red Bull kicked in, I just realized.
Me like, look at the way the light hits this Amazon Roman packaging. I really understand painters. I could have painted. Hey, the Red Bull just kicked in. Here's what's going on. I'm talking about the Hubble telescope, okay? And I've got a question because you obviously have spent an excessive amount of time in the air. You probably know some things about the atmosphere and how it works. The...
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