Ben Kissel
Appearances
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
No, no. I would like to be seen with you, and I paid you for it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah. My God. It'll be beautiful. It'll be beautiful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
When I saw her, she was already in two, but it was crazy, because the top half was kissing me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
You sick or you flirt with me? You sick? You seem cold. Yeah, lady.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Why do they gotta sleep for me to kiss? Why can't I get a live one? Except that one sick girl made me sick, gave me this lover's disease.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But when it comes to the Astor Motels man from Batavia, it's most likely that Henry Hoffman was talking about the Batavia in Indonesia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
He had a bunch of curly soup on his head. I think it's called hair.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Oh, yeah, he definitely had his shirt on. Who am I? My nose is falling off!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, I know. You need an elephant gun, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, I know. Maybe. But at the same time, I could take more than one hit, and usually I'll fall on top of you. That's the problem.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I just have cups of blood.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Oh, my God.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Desperation will put you in some really fucking awful situations.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I always wanted to fuck one of these.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
It was brown!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Are we positive it was a D and not like a sloppy O? That's also a question.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Someone else cleaned up the body after he had killed them and done that. And then when they were cleaning up the body, they were like, we can't leave this flesh around. Now he's getting it.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
And then it gets complicated.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
But vertical.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Unfortunately, Brown is a different context after this episode. So get me Brown.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Do you have any idea how hard it is to run an establishment while you're actively melting? I live in an Alice in Wonderland reality. Syphilis has occupied most of my brain. I don't know what's happening. I'm a floating grin. I look in the mirror.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
That guy's crazy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I owe him $5. America, all gracious skies.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Yeah, or you don't get to keep that diamond necklace you stole from that lady.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Was it Dewey?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Absolutely. We have it on camera.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Or burned and the evidence has been destroyed. Because back in the day, it was so much easier to get away with murder than it is today.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Why would I want to be governor?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Talk about fucking... There wasn't even delivery back then. That's service. Taking it all the way to the house?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
There is so much phenobarbital at my house right now. It always freaks me out when you bring this up.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Let's just call bygones.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
They always end up saying something wrong.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Every time we get together, you always got to bring up the story of the fucking chicken, Ma.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
He keeps saying it so much that he thinks it's going to come true one day.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I'm bringing him down with me, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Hey, I don't suck dick here. This is where I wash my pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Okay, cool. I just wanted to make sure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
The doctor said I'm falling into a knock-a-lantern. You want to stay in the master suite? You're going to have to sit on my lap while I go to sleep. You know, you're a great man when 100 years later you're remembered by that adjective.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
The syphilitic.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
Put it on my gravestone. I was horny to death.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 602: The Black Dahlia Murder Part III - Blood and Brown
I just got to confess, it's the only time we've ever done it. It was like... It's true. We waited until the 10-year anniversary. And the next thing I know, that's not the only place that had brown. Number three had brown. Number nine had brown. Number 12 had yellow. You know what? We're going to wash the sheets this year. That's why that's such a big bill.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
How you doing? What's going on? That's my name.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
It'd be easier if we got high before the show still, but now we wait till afterwards.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
But they didn't really care about life and death back then, you know?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Is that all you want?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You're hilarious.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, and, you know, people don't care as long as they still got their nutmeg coming in.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
I want the other ones.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Didn't it just randomly grow?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
What you doing? Oh, I don't care. Erectile AIDS is, you know, how it all got started.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
And what happens when they kill the captain? The first mate takes over or they take over?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
At least. At least, because there's also the whole island was murdered.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Oh, it's when you get a poor throat.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Even my madness. I'm surprised he didn't murder her. He had made love to her. It's like the only time. And then it ended up leading to a bunch of murder.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
They do it for him.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
You can't tell the difference between wine and clove oil. I don't know how much... Not the living fuck, man!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Not so secretly.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Well, now we're moving.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, it's like if Santa's workshop was run by Skynet.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
The Washington Commander's locker room. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Wait, you pay for that money.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
Yeah, the crime wave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World
That's when the cannibalism started.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, we so we may think.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
There's no place to escape to. This is the Last Podcast. On the left.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I'm sitting there drinking about it being like, we'll never know who killed Elizabeth's short wife. We never will know because every mystery unlocks another mystery.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I put these straps on.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
No, of course not. No, I'm just saying.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Dr. Rulers.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
No! Are you not listening? Jack! Donna Ho! Not Don Ho!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And then the first guy's like, I didn't say kill her! That's the problem. He's like, you didn't want it, then you were going to get her a fucking bus ticket! Yeah!
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
He's got a guy. He's going to do a thing.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, you tell me, friend.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You beat me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I knew you were trying to cut me in half. I knew what you were trying to do. You drew that line above my belly button and you said you were trying to make measurements for the new pool. And I know that that's not what was happening. Hocus pocus yourself. Oh, Mr. Magic Man, you're not kidding me. Because I'm a free lady. I'm going to be. I'm going to go take my dancers out.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I'm going to put a banana up her pussy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I can't believe how hot it's in here. I got to show my butt to the air conditioner. Bring me to the ice machine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
The magician.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I wasn't supposed to do this. I was supposed to be a dentist.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Jeff did it! He killed the Black Dahlia.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Only a serial killer could shade in this way. I've never seen shading like this before. Truly nefarious. I must investigate.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Who's driving? I don't know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
you know he was a bellhop.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
And you don't want to know what happened to Donnie Chaplin.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I need a home. I lost my home in the fire. I had to become a bellhop in 65. Coming my ass so hard my hat pops off. If you would, please. Please use me as a toilet. Whatever you need. All right, I'll take your bags up. I'll suck your dick. I'll play with your balls.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Simpler times.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Whoa. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yes, Jeff. I would love to talk about Jeff.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
That's fascinating.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yes. Me too. Yes. I as well. I wish I could know. All right.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yes. It is called the old fashioned prairie dog. Where you see the little head of the dog peek its way out of the bush, which is the insides of a dead woman.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, yes, absolutely. Of course. No, wonderful.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yes, more and more, please. How pink it is.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Or perhaps you want to try my ass.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
All I can do is tell you what I feel. Feeling some pressure.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah. All right. Yeah. Why not?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
No, I know.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
It was smaller than a nine.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
You know how I know that? The differences are subtle but present. Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. That's how I tell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Let's see what happens then. Gotta tell the whole world. Let's see what he does then.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Jeff, Jeff. Jeff, where are you, Jeff?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah. Please come to my rescue. He like plays like a conch shell.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I brought my ping pong paddle. I brought my enema bags. I brought my chess set. I brought my dogs to me.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I just like to enjoy myself. No, phenobarbital is a downer. Yeah, Tootsie's on phenobarbital.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Oh, whoa, the mystery increases. Oh, I just came in my wool. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Is it still in?
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
To be my receptionist.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yari, Yari, Yari. Let me tell you something funny there, Jack.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
I just happened to notice, I don't know, I feel like the, excuse me, police, you're being naughty, and I feel that you all should be ashamed. Well, this private investigator got car bombed for his trouble.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 601: The Black Dahlia Murder Part II - The Gangster Squad
Yeah, Frank's going down to his house, he's going to take his mustache to Mexico, see. Going to get my mustache, taste it out at the store, see. Come on now, go down there, come on, buddy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
There's no place to escape to.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I had them.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Hell yeah, be sad.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Tune in on Rhyme, please.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, it's Cuba.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I know, Eddie.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Shit. Shit. Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I want that.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Get out of here, missy.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Fly from your grave.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
He's got the hottest tool disease.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I'm running out of pink.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Yeah.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
I love Doss Highway, man.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
LAUGHTER
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
Oh, great. Good.
Last Podcast On The Left
Episode 600: The Black Dahlia Murder Part I - The Girl from Hollywood
God damn.