What Now? with Trevor Noah
If I Ruled the World: The One Where Everyone Tries Crack [VIDEO]
Thu, 16 Jan 2025
Required drug taking? Assigned partnerships? Getting rid of politicians? Trevor, Christiana, and Josh are back with maybe their wildest “If I Ruled the World” yet. See which of their inspired ideas will get voted through, and why. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What should everyone try before they die?
i believe everyone should try crack before they die but like in a perfect world you would know right before you die i would i would do it in hospice guys if you're going out go out with a bang but i don't know crack pop bang no i don't think crack is the best hospice drug what would you choose heroin yeah yeah but they give you that anyway yeah they give you that's what i'm saying though because they are trying to figure it out yo let me ask you something i'd want to do have you seen somebody do crack and then like not be like more mobile than they were
Crack heads keep jobs. That's what I'm saying.
Fentanyl kills.
So I'm saying hospice should have crack. But these people aren't going to be working. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Hospice will just have a different swag to it. This one is like an end stage thing. I'm not saying crack for the people. I thought you were saying crack for the people.
No, I'm saying crack when it's done.
When you're old and dying. When crack when it's done. Like, you know when an airplane is going down and the masks come from the ceiling? It should be a little crack as well. That's what should be in the mask.
A crack pipe? Yeah, that's what should be in the mask. Plane's going down, crack pipe comes down from the top, and then it's like... And then you're like, man, it's not so bad. They'll hold the plane up themselves.
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Chapter 2: How can crack be used in hospice care?
You know what I mean?
Because we don't know who their families are. We don't know who their families are.
Yeah, we don't know what their job was like. What you would even call traditions of like you look at the Buddha and the Buddha left everything to go find enlightenment.
Mm-hmm.
But he had responsibilities. He had a wife and he had children and everything.
I didn't know he was a deadbeat.
A little bit.
Wow.
Yeah.
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Chapter 3: What is the idea behind assigned partnerships?
Now, when you say get you, who's the getting and how's the getting work? But I'm like, am I going to get got? Like when you say getting, someone's like, I want to have Trevor.
We'd have like social work. No, no, no, no, no. Everyone would be compelled to.
Yes.
To have an assigned partner. You can say what that assigned partner has to be. But we have to have them. Yes. So no one's single in the world. No one's alone in the world. But no one's single as well. Well, you can have an assigned partner and not be romantically involved with them.
So you can just make your assigned partner a friend?
Some of it would be a friend. Oh, okay.
Because some people struggle to make friends. Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Okay, wait. So imagine you're like, everyone has to have an assigned partner. And as long as you're both alive, you are contractually obliged to each other in some way. Okay, but what does that mean? It could be, some people would be like, I want a husband. Okay. So I would make sure that person got a husband or a wife. And so they wouldn't be matched up with somebody who wanted the opposite.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay, okay. And then some people would be like, I don't want a husband. I don't want someone in my house. But I want to know, but when I grow old, I'll have a companion. But I would prefer that person to be a woman. And then we'll be like, okay, we're going to find you a best friend. And we'd arrange it and you'd have to be together. And this is what I think it does.
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