1. Mae, Glennon, Abby, and Amanda each explore their sexuality by delving into what sexually attracts each of them. 2. The sex-positive way Mae’s parents taught them about sex – and orgasm(!) – and how they never made assumptions about Mae's sexuality. 3. Gender as creative expression and a way to have fun. 4. Simple ways to switch up the monotony of routine; to transform boredom into exploration; and dopamine-infused alternatives for addictive personality types. 5. How fear of abandonment / fear of dependence can take over our lives. About Mae: Mae Martin is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer, and producer who can be seen starring in Feel Good, which they also created and co-wrote. Mae is currently in development with their upcoming scripted project Programmed for Netflix and stars in season 2 of The Flight Attendant on HBO Max. Mae Martin's Guide To… series about sexuality and addiction are available to listen to on BBC Sounds. Mae is also the author of Can Everyone Please Calm Down?: A Guide to 21st Century Sexuality. TW: @TheMaeMartin IG: @hooraymae To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: Who is Mae Martin and what are their achievements?
Okay, everybody. Thanks for coming back to We Can Do Hard Things. We're going to jump right in because we're very excited about the person who is with us today. Mae Martin is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer and producer who can be seen starring in Feel Good, which we freaking loved, which they also created and co-wrote.
Mae is currently in development with Programmed for Netflix and stars in Season 2 of The Flight Attendant, so cool, on HBO Max. May Martins Guide to Series about Sexuality and Addiction are available to listen to on BBC Sounds. May is also the author of Can Everyone Please Calm Down?
A Guide to 21st Century Sexuality, which our family has been going through like a hilarious family class for the last month. Willkommen, May. Danke, dass du da bist. Wir können hartes Leben machen. Danke, dass du da bist. Es ist so schön, euch alle zu treffen. Das ist meine Frau Abby. Das ist meine Schwester Amanda. Und ihr wisst alle, das ist May.
We have so much to ask you about, but we want to start with sexuality because that's just an easy subject. We can just get out of the way real quick. Yeah, just a light, you know. Easy breezy. Yeah. And also just because we enjoyed your book so much. Let's start by talking about why we should talk about sexuality because I loved your point about
Chapter 2: Why is discussing sexuality important for everyone?
Das heißt wirklich, Sexualität ist für alle, nicht nur für queere Menschen. Und die armen, strengen Menschen können nie über ihre Sexualität sprechen, weil es immer als etwas ist, das nur für queere Menschen ist. Aber du sagst in dem Buch, das ich liebe, dass Gender-Präferenzen die mindestens wichtigste Teil der Sexualität sind. Es gibt viele andere Teile.
Yeah, that's been my experience. And definitely even, yeah, regardless of how you identify, you're rarely attracted to an entire gender, right? It's to do with pheromones or the way people laugh. I have like very specific criteria. Yes, you do. Yeah, I think people often forget that Yeah, it's not just queer people that have asexuality.
Yeah, so some of the examples... And the token hetero on this pod, I will say, I will affirm that, that it didn't occur to me... We even did one on sexuality and I was like, oh, okay, I'll just listen to that one.
Yes, I know. Yeah, that's insane, right? Yeah, I think it's because queer people are asked to communicate about it a lot more and to sort of defend it and explain it a lot more. So it feels like a much bigger part of our identity when really it should be just one small part, you know, or it should be the same size as your part. That's right.
So this is what we're talking about. Okay, these are some examples of Maze-Sexuality. Okay, as of a few years ago. May really loves winkers. Okay, that's W-I-N-K-E-R-S. May loves people who wink at them.
Incessantly or something? Also diving well. Probably strategically, probably not incessantly.
Incessantly, I'd call an ambulance for them. But yeah, I love it. I think it's the confidence. When someone, I know it's kind of old school, but a wink is, maybe I just like attention. And so it's very direct attention of someone going, I'm giving you attention. And I love, yeah, I love a wink. I can't do it. Maybe that's part of it too. I'm a terrible winker, but like a subtle, quick wink.
It's like a bullet.
If the wink happened with like, Zwei Waffen? Oh, wie Fingerwaffen? Das ist ein Bro-Wink.
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Chapter 3: How did Mae Martin's parents influence their view on sexuality?
Das ist elektrisch, ja.
Sie hat ihre Hand genommen, ihr Essen auf den Tisch gesetzt und sie auf den Tanzflur gebracht. Wow. Und ich dachte mir, das ist meine Sexualität. Wow. Danke. Und körperliche Bewusstsein von nicht nur sich selbst, sondern auch dir. Also, wenn jemand vorbeigeht, wie sie ihre Hand auf deinem Rücken setzt. Oh, ich hasse das. Und wie man sich bewusst ist, wie...
Ich weiß nicht, es geht um das Bewusstsein deines Körpers.
Aber das Schwierige ist, dass all diese Dinge schrecklich werden, wenn die falsche Person sie macht. Das ist so repulsiv, wenn ein gewisser Verrückter das macht. Aber ja, wenn es jemand ist, der eine Vibe hat.
Ich hatte einige. Okay. Someone who can bring a joke full circle and land it. Like inside a conversation where we've been talking for 10 minutes and then the one person who can just bring it home and tie up. That's a thing that Glennon does. And then I'll say this one. Someone who is up for an adventure. Like if I were to say, hey, let's go do this X. And they're like, yes.
And also we should also do Y. And I'm like, Yes, somebody who wants to bring their Yes game and also add to it.
Huh, okay.
Yeah, I'm with you.
That's cool. I had a hard time with this one. Yeah, totally. A really hard time, because you know, I've just gotten a sexuality in the last few years.
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Chapter 4: What is Mae's perspective on gender and identity?
So poetic and so misleading. I was really, really disappointed when it finally happened. No rainbows.
The only person for whom the first orgasm was really fucking let down. It was a let down. Yeah, I was like, have I done it wrong? Can we talk about the fact that you never had to come out? Because this is something we talk about all the time. Which is, I don't know if people who don't have to come out even know why it's so infuriating to have to come out.
Because it's sexualizing yourself in front of people over and over again. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm.
When you're a teenager, if you were like, what kind of music do you like? And then you have to say it and never change it. And yeah, I'm just, I'm lucky, I think. We had other issues, me and my parents for sure. But just in this area, they really, they really did a great job at giving me this armor against the rest of the world, kind of.
And, you know, then I encountered all of that weirdness when I was not at home. And I was like, oh, why is this a thing? But I remember renting the movie Gia. Yeah, with Angelina Jolie. And there's a sex scene in it. But I just didn't know to be ashamed. And I didn't even really know what it meant. But I was like, God, guys, I just love this movie so much.
I just kept talking about it to my parents and being like, isn't this a beautiful scene? And they were like, yeah, okay. And I think that was all. And then I always brought home boys and girls and Yeah, I mean, I think I had a pretty voracious sexual appetite, so I don't know if that was a byproduct of how they raised me. Probably Gia.
Probably Gia. I actually really remember being very attached to that movie. Have you seen it?
Yeah, I have seen it.
It makes sense. It's all coming together now. Yeah. We talked about this one time when you were explaining to a friend, I think you were saying at the time that you were going to date a boy, you were dating a boy. And your friend got upset in like a very confused way because your friend was used to seeing you date women.
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Chapter 5: How can gender be viewed as a form of creative expression?
Brutal.
Ja, das ist, wie ich mich jetzt ein bisschen über Gender fühle. Und das ist auch so ein wachsender Weg für mich und ein letzter Schiff. Und ich bekomme so viele Fragen darüber. Und auf der einen Seite ist es frustrierend, aber ich versuche so hart zu sein. Es ist ein neues Ding für alle, nicht nur in der historischen Geschichte, aber auch in den letzten Jahren. Also versuche ich, super zu sein.
Ja, genau. Well, so I'm 35 and looking back, I'm like, oh, I'm for sure trans. But then, and for 10 years, I thought every day about top surgery. And I just never thought I'd be brave enough to do it. I thought it was such a huge deal and such a massive thing. And then I just did it at Christmas. And it's been incredible. And I didn't think that this type of joy or like,
Ich fühlte mich nicht komfortabel in meinem Körper. Ich dachte nicht, dass es für mich zugänglich war. Ich dachte, dass es für mich zugänglich war. Ich dachte, dass es für mich zugänglich war. Ich dachte, dass es zugänglich war. Ja, und sie sind gut geworden. Pronomen sind schwer für Menschen. Ich meine, es ist schwer, wenn du nicht in einer Gemeinschaft bist, in der du die Musen oft hörst.
Und es wird ganz schnell zweifelhaft, glaube ich. Aber für sie, sie leben eine ziemlich leise und leise Leben. Und sie können noch nicht wirklich ihre Hände daran wenden. Aber sie versuchen. Und sie haben eine interessante Sache gesagt, die letzte Zeit, als sie mich besucht haben. I was like swimming in front of them and I think they could just see how happy I am.
And they said, we can't really understand the pronoun thing, but we want you to know that we see you as you are. Like we can see that you're not a girl and you don't feel like a girl. And so we do know and see you and all your nuances and everything, but it's just linguistically we can't get it.
Vielen Dank.
I think that one of the things that has really helped me, not only the fact that I'm very non-binary in so much of my life, I just, I feel like I'm attached to the pronoun she, her. And so one of our children, they have a non-binary friend that uses the pronouns they, them. And it blew my mind when I started to think of it as just a third way.
Rather than just having two options, there is a middle option. And that helped me orient how to communicate. And by the way, I still make mistakes. We all do. And just moving beyond those mistakes as quickly and as least dramatically as possible has been really kind of shifting for me.
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