In this bonus episode, Glennon shares her “Sort Your Mail” rules for dealing with the inevitable criticisms you will receive from daring to say anything, do anything, or be anything. Learn to sort your mail so you can keep showing up! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What are the 'Sort Your Mail' rules?
Well, welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. I feel so delighted. You do? Yeah, I just feel delighted. I've had more coffee than usual, but also I love this place. I love talking to you too. I love what we talk about and I love who we talk to. I just love our community. So today we're going to continue a conversation.
We started with episode 136, Carefrontation, and received a lot of feedback on about criticism and how to deal with it. Is that a question mark? No, it's an exclamation mark point.
Well, it kind of is a question mark because the whole word, it's curious, the word. Is that word accurately described what we're talking about? It's a really good point. Is it feedback? Does it even count as feedback if it's from strangers? Because presumably you have to direct something to someone for it to be a feedback.
Yes, exactly. It's a feed out if it's public. Right. So, and I love that. It's a force feed. Yes, I love that framing. It's a, yes, I love that framing because I think today what we're going to do is figure out what actually is criticism. Mm-hmm. That we should consider. And what is actually just misogyny being vomited into the air that is not personal to us?
What actually is necessary for us to consider to become bigger and better and deeper and more beautiful and truer? and what needs to be filtered out so that we can take in what matters. And I actually avoid talking about public criticism. I don't think I've ever talked about it in a big way, mostly because number one, I feel like whatever I focus on just gets bigger.
And that part of this life has been confusing, scary, murky to me and unhelpful.
And so you mean like Twitter or people like writing you letters that have problems with you?
No, I don't actually mean that. I think that I have had big luck in terms of the community of people who interact with me directly. Unbelievable, actually, like the level of respect and care and kindness. I mean, people write about our social media feeds about how unbelievably kind. Kind they are, right? I'm actually so amazed at it. It's incredible.
And it was a painstaking process of building that slowly over time and like creating a real culture. But no, I just kind of mean the talking about me out there. And what I hear and read in comment sections here on the internet away from communities that I curate.
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Chapter 2: How can we differentiate between criticism and misogyny?
Here's what I want to talk about with this fourth category, because the fourth category would be stuff that's actually about our work.
Well, because there is stuff that we do need to look at about ourselves, about our work. Yes. To make us better.
for sure. Absolutely. I think we have to be smart enough to sort the first, you know, 80% of it out. And we have to be strong and wise enough to take that 20% and bring it in and let it change us and make us better. However, here's the trick with that 20% is that even when it's about your work, it can still be gendered. For example,
Early on, I was working with a company and I asked a question about my work being disseminated to the world, a very specific business question. And I got a call back from the president of that company who said to me, so I wanted to get back to you. I know that you're a control freak, so I need to answer your question. And I felt so like, wait,
Because I asked a question about my own business and I'm a control freak. If I were a man, there is no way in hell this response would have been framed that way. You experienced this, sister, right? Gendered feedback. What's the feedback that you get in terms of your work that you feel like is gendered?
Well, I think this was a shock to me because I think it's really interesting how much it happens between and among women.
Yes. That was a woman, by the way. That was a woman who called me.
In my experience, it has come back to me in terms of when I ask straightforward questions questions, accountability questions, what I view as non-confrontational questions or just pushing, which is literally my job is to advance things by pushing them through.
I will get feedback from a colleague of the person that I'm trying to get the answers from that, you know, you should just don't, you don't really... you don't work great together. You two, you just kind of don't click. And it's the idea that I am some sort of way that is untenable because I'm asking those things and, and is often, most often with women. And so.
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