The gang tries to rescue some stray cats and Joey Marbles is creepily obsessing over Maddi on Southern Hospitality. Oh and Will is still being accused of banging people in the bathroom. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: What is Southern Hospitality about this week?
Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Ye Olde Broths. I'm Ronnie, and with me is the gorgeous and talented Mr. Ben Bantleker. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. If you've been working out, I can tell this part of your... Neck is very strong right now.
Really? I think it's because I'm leaning forward. I'm like normal. You look very strong. Really? Well, thank you. Thank you. I've been trying to work out more, but I don't think I've been growing my neck.
Chapter 2: How is Ben preparing for the tour?
Well, Ben's getting his tour body ready because we're on tour. We're going. Next month, well, this month, because it's March now. So we're going to be traveling like in a week or so. We're going to Cincinnati, Minneapolis, Toronto, Charlotte, Atlanta, Washington, Philadelphia, Boston, Detroit, Chicago, Austin, Dallas, and Las Vegas.
Get tickets for all of our live shows over at watchwhatcrappens.com. We announced what we're covering about a week before over on our Instagram. And you can get videos of all of our recaps, except live shows, but all the other recaps and traders recaps over on our Patreon. You can also find links to those on watchwhatcrappens.com. So what do you think about that?
And here we are with some Southern Hospital. We did not, we're doing this a little late because we guested on a show yesterday. So it kind of took our time for this, but we did not forget our little Southern Hospitality. I just tried to put Charleston up in the background. It's so busy that I, I'm just, Oh, I have another one under there that I got.
We're trying to change our background picture for all this stuff today. And, um, just for fun, just, you know, it was underwater when it started because we had done a blow deck beforehand.
So this is the one I found. Yeah. I had downloaded one that was very similar, but it'll be similarly, I think it'll be also very, very, very busy. I'll try it. Here we go. I'm going to add this Charleston picture and it's uploading, right? It's going to be busy. It's not going to look great. Yeah, no.
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Chapter 3: What relationship dynamics are unfolding in Charleston?
Well, that's good. That one's fine. Okay. So here we are in Charleston. We get overhead shots, we get the Riven Owl Bridge, and we get a song that nobody is singing on this show, which is, all alone, cause I'm better off without you. It's like the anti-Emmy song. No one's singing that song on here.
Everybody's terrified of being alone, so they're just going to be with someone they're not right with. What the hell? Where's that song, Trixie? How about, I'm settled, settled, settling, like the forefathers of Charleston. That's it.
yeah so um then we go to dunes west golf club and will and joe bradley will i'm sorry will and joe and bradley uh all arrive at the golf course together and will's like oh i don't think i've swung a golf club in like four years and just like yeah you should like enter you need to enter like bigger tournaments so brad shows up And so they go golfing and everything.
They're all like bro-ing it up on the golf course and joking around. And Joe's like, it's pretty moist out here. Here you go, tiger. Here's a club. So then they're having fun. And then we go over to Charleston into the city and we go to the Nails So Dep. Or is it Nails So Deep?
Nails So Dep? Yeah.
What does that mean? I don't know. Maybe that's the name of the person who owns it, Depp. Or maybe it's a typo and it's supposed to be deep. But either way, it's a nail salon. Yeah.
So Maddie and Mia are going to Goss at the nail salon. And they're talking about how much fun they had together in Vegas. I mean, it's like, yeah, but actually, like, I worry for you when you do get married and Grace Lilly is invited to the actual wedding. And then we get a flashback to Grace Lilly just like... like sobbing in the fake wedding.
And Maddie's like, I am actually exhausted by that girl. Like I'm like literally exhausted by her.
Yeah. And Mia's like, then like, why do you let that friendship exhaust you? Is that not a sign that it's time to cut the friendship loose?
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Chapter 4: How does Joe feel about Maddie's career?
Hey, we're making tattoos with toothpicks and food dye. What do you want me to make on you?
So Joe's like, she's sleeping zero nights at my house downtown, which is like literally three blocks away from Republic. So, and Brad's like, well, why is that? I don't know. I'm going to whiff this too, by the way, this ball. So just stop talking. Okay. So Brad basically is saying that he understands why Joe's complaining, but he also thinks that Joe does whatever Maddie says.
And like, you know, if Joe said, if Maddie says jump, Joe says, how high mommy? And he's going to go. So who wears the pants in the relationship? I think we all know. Ha ha ha ha ha.
And so then we go back to the nail salon and Maddie's like, I mean, he's like ready to buy a house together. And I'm just like, whoa, like, whoa, this is moving too fast, you know? And then I'm like looking at houses and he's like, but if we go in on that together and he is just like, no, no, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't ever depend on a man. And she's like, exactly.
Cause like, he could like fuck you over or leave you like at any moment. You know what I mean? I mean, you know, the last time I was able to ride a bike attached to like, a box with wheels on it. Like it's really hard. It's really been hard.
She's like, yeah, like don't put all your eggs in one basket. And Mia's like, wow, you, your DJ career must be doing really well if you can afford eggs. She's like, yeah. So Mia's like, it's outrageous that Joe and Maddie have been dating for four months. I mean, he wants to buy a house, get fake married. And it's just like too much.
So then Maddie is like, I just, I also just like, don't have time to like move or like buy a house or like go house hunting right now. Like I'm about to go on tour. Do you know how busy I am? Do you know how hard it is practicing pressing play on my CD player?
It's like really hard. Um, and she's like, wait, are you taking him on the road? And she's like, oh my God. Well, um, there's definitely going to be times where like, um, he's going to have to like hang back, you know?
I'm not putting words in anyone's mouth, but do you think that like maybe he's a little bit jealous of your career? Oh, my God. Oh, fucking hell. I feel like he's ready for his career growth as soon as he finds a career. And Maddie is I'm sorry, Mia saying like Maddie's pumping the brakes, but I need to hear her.
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Chapter 5: What is happening at the Republic backroom?
And they're like, so do you actually want the housewife life? He's like, yeah, because she's good at, I don't know, taking out trash and making charcuterie boards and cleaning my underwear and stuff like that. She'll come to law school and do my laundry. So yeah, why wouldn't I want to marry her? I mean, yeah, fuck yeah.
You know a woman who's stuck in the laundry room can never catch you cheating.
So, yeah, she's like my backup, which is, you know, something that she really likes when I say that to her, you know, I feel like she's really been supporting me through school and I need to pay her back. You know, after all this bullying I've been going through with, with Biff at law school, it's nice to have someone who can make you a charcuterie board at the end of the day.
so romantic and rad's like so you're gonna pay her back by marrying her and she he's like yeah because you know like having a life together being like all work and cheat you run logistics of our thing and pretend i'm not cheating you know it's like it's just it sounds good you know she'll be like a car and i'll pump it full of fuel and then i'll rent other cars and pump those as well but she won't really care because it doesn't affect her mileage you know what i mean
Yeah. Like, you know, when you've got like a like a plug in hybrid, like sometimes you get your you get your fuel from like the from the socket in the wall. And that's like me. But you only get 30 miles out of it. So then the rest you have to, you know, use a different power source. That's the gas. And that's that's what happens in the bathroom. So it's pretty cool.
So Brad's like, yeah, we're not talking about a car. This is your girlfriend. And I like that all the relationships on this show so far are just brought down to car analogies. And just like, what is this, a business deal?
This is the most unromantic show I've ever heard in my life.
so then he does like this robot thing where he's like we can have platonic family i will give you a ring it's weird i'm like yeah but you're also asking for the exact same thing from um from maddie so and also uh emmy is kind of into the stepford wife thing like that's her goal yeah so i don't know
like what happened to vicky you know the robot when she grew up and it's this she just wants that you know she just wants to be like welcome home honey i made charcuterie this time there is prosciutto from terrace eaters and a larger question whatever happened to vicky um lawrence or lewis all the vickies where are they i was gonna say i think vicky lawrence is doing a one-woman show called like mama and friends is she but the other one i don't know
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Chapter 6: What is the prom-themed event at the Republic?
She's like, yeah, it's going to be like a prom, but it's going to be like adult themed, which sounds like a porn site, but it's not a porn site. Not that I would know. I don't look at porn either, does Will. Like, if Will looked at porn, that would be like so traitorous, which he would never do to me. He would never do that, you guys. Are you suggesting that Will looks at porn?
Because that's bullshit, okay? Now, if anyone wants to figure out who they're going to ask their dates, you know, you got to ask your dates. Like, make it cute, you guys. Like, ask them in a really, really cute way.
Yeah, I hate cutesy prom invitations. Growing up, this was not a thing for me, by the way, growing up in Katona, New York in the mid 90s. Like if you wanted to ask someone to prom, you just walked up to them and awkwardly said, will you go to prom with me? But like, I swear, I don't know if this was something that started in the 2000s or maybe I was sheltered from it.
But I feel like it started with Laguna Beach on MTV, where they would go to a freeway and dangle a sign over the freeway that said, prom, question mark. And I just feel like ever since then, everyone does these ridiculous things. Was this a thing? Did you go to the prom? Of course I didn't go to the prom.
Hello, who are you talking to? No, I did not go to the prom.
Well, I thought you were going to be like... I thought you're going to be like, well, there was like this lesbian who would wear suspenders and we'd go, we just had to go to the prom and just like curse at all the people or something.
The only lesbian I knew in town was my aunt Josie who ran the bowling alley and my dad's property management company. And she would walk around with this gigantic chain of keys on her polyester suit pants. And she had like a big gray fro and she wasn't asking anybody to prom. I'll tell you that much. So no, there was no problem for me.
My theoretical situation still remains you and Aunt Josie going to the prom in front of people.
She's like, get over here. I'm going to show you what fucking prom it is. But no, I didn't go to the prom. But yeah, I do think that people asked each other in creative ways to go to prom. I just never liked it. I just feel like it's so ridiculous. I was like, that is so heteronormative, even though I'm not gay and I don't know what heteronormative means. But I was like, gross.
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Chapter 7: Who are the high-profile guests at Republic?
Yeah, I agree. So she comes in to help with sparklers and Siobhan is like, why is no one else back here? And just like, I don't know. It's just like weird. You know what? Joe Bradley thinks he's the owner and I have to humble him. That's like the typical fucking thing. I don't know if he has some resentment with me or what, but it's like not a good look at work.
Joe, I don't know why you're so mad. I sent Chloris Leachman out there and we caught Chloris Leachman saying, hey boy, it's the lawyers, huh? So will you take care of elderly people getting abused? We're in accidents, fall down at work. What kind of lawyers are you? There's many different flavors.
and everyone gather around who wants to hear some stories about gene hackman so joe is like okay too soon is it too soon too soon it's a memoir listen we're remembering so joe's like he's like well we only had one server come back to the three thousand dollar minimum table and like
you and the other servers like refuse to come out it's like a horrible look and they all deserve a VIP experience and I'm just like I keep telling everyone like why you keep like like while you keep making money from them I'll just keep serving you like that's like not a good look as like a leader of the company and we just cut to TJ going well I guess the honeymoon's over
It's not a good look as the leader of the company to take us away from our tables, Joe. And he's like, I'm not taking it away. It was like two seconds.
He's like, talk to the hand, Joe. Talk to the hand, Joe.
And Michael sees him and he's like, what's going on here? Why are we fighting at work? Like, Leah's CEO is over there. I don't need the king and queen of Republic fighting on the floor. You know what I mean? Like, Leah is here. Do you not see Leah? She is currently doing a line of coke off Cloris Leachman's ass, which is probably not...
Probably not by the rules, but anyway, can we just concentrate?
So then the child server asks Maddie where Joe is. I don't know, child. I don't know where Joe is. And we're like a little like behind right now. So it's like, what the fuck?
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Chapter 8: What conflict arises over server assignments?
Well, it's like, not really what I want you to say. It's just like what I want. Like, it's just what, you know, what you want to say. So basically I don't want to say this to my mom, but I want you to say this to your dad. So I'm just gonna let you know what you have to say.
Yeah. I mean, look back off. This is her fucking business. Everyone has the right to come out how they want to come out. I don't like, I mean, I get that he's just trying to be helpful and being like, you'll feel better once you've actually, you're living your truth, but that's up to her. Yep.
And you're also like, You have a cat face up. He's like, meow. Can I tell you what you should say?
It's like the one minute your mom would be happy. You're covered in pussy.
Like, it's like, why is everyone so concerned about my dad? Like, I'm glad you had a conversation with your dad. I just think it's great. But like, and I want to hear about it, but I'm just like, not ready. So now people are like adopt, not adopting kittens, they're adopting kittens and stuff. And then people are like walking in, et cetera.
And TJ's like, Joe and Maddie come in and TJ's like, oh, I didn't know you guys were coming. I guess the old TJ doesn't get text messages anymore saying we're coming. So great, thanks so much for that.
Well, it takes like two hours to get here from Daniel Island. So we're late. Sorry, everybody about geographically fucked.
Am I right? Maddie, come with me. I want to talk with you. So Michaels takes Maddie to the side and he's like, what the hell was that? She goes, yeah, Joe and I were fighting and like he was talking shit about Grace and I feel like he was like trying to turn her against me. And
then we see the fight and he's like i mean it's just like hard because like you're giving like 99 to a friendship and you're only getting like one percent back and it's like crazy one percent is generous and she's like um i can assure you there have been times in our relationship like where she's been giving 90 and i've been giving 10 so you know what joe it's just how it works until you've really like spent time in mexico with somebody you really don't understand
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