This is part 2 of a two-part recapDouche cruise continues to douche up the Seychelles on Below Deck Down Under. With Anthony gone, Tzarina has to cook and clean everything by herself, but luckily, she has a new love interest to keep her motivated. OR DOES SHE? To watch this recap on video, listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: How does the crew handle the absence of Anthony?
so harry goes into vian's cab and he's like so i just asked brianna out on a date and she said yes and they like high five which is funny because vian really vian is being very chill about the fact that he really wants to go after brianna and now his underling has has stolen brianna um as is rightfully it's he is as he has as not do he has
It's not a not a proprietary thing, but I'm saying that in other other below decks, people would take the stance of like, she was mine and I'm the boss. She belongs to me first. The picking order, bro. And beyond just like Gary, guess I lost. Yeah.
And not only that, but he also got stuck with Harry in his room. And now the other room is just Johnny. So he could move. He should move back to the other room again.
Yeah, he should. Because now Vian has to just sit here and listen to Harry talk about how Harry kissed the girl that Vian liked. But you know what, though? I think this actually, in an episode where we're talking about testosterone-less blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I think this actually speaks of big dick energy from Vian. Because he's chill about it. He doesn't unravel.
Chapter 2: What are the romantic dynamics on the yacht?
He's not insecure about it. His identity is not wrapped up in being able to get the model on the boat. He's like, fine, great. I missed out.
But he's also, like, wanting to bang everybody on the boat, which is what we find out in his next monologue. He's like, well, I thought I had chemistry with Bree, but, you know, Harry ended that experiment for me. However, I'm still looking for love. You know, Serena's awesome. We're having fun. Like, who doesn't like attention? I love that's such a guy thing. Like, well, he's giving me attention.
She's giving me attention, so... I like her. And then they make a little Marina, a little heart with Serena and then Marina, Marina and Serena. Wow. Never really noticed that. So he also likes her cause she's very forward and she can really appreciate a scuba diving trip. So that turns him on. And also how can you not like a Brazilian? I mean, Adair, I mean, she's hot, you know, she's spunky.
She's used to being covered in mud. Who doesn't love that? You know? And Laura, sure, her eyebrows are a little askew, but otherwise she's like a Barbie put together with a potato head. You know, who doesn't want to fuck that? So he's like in love with everybody on the boat, so he doesn't care.
He really is. He's, you know, always looking for open port. Oh, what's that? Is there a lady in there? I hear a lady talking. I know it's not, there's not a lady. Is it your phone?
Oh my God, it's my watch. Shut the fuck up. It was playing a commercial from the writer's panel panel podcast. What a creep that creeped me the hell out. And I looked down and it's only Bueller there. And I was like, finally, Bueller's talking to me. This is the end.
Your TaskRabbit arrived. It's like, surprise. Sorry, my hot brother was ill today. So here I am, a lady who you definitely want to fuck, right?
I'm like, sorry, Ben, but there's somebody standing downstairs holding a boombox up and playing something romantic. Got to go. My TaskRabbit's here.
I would love it if that's how Task Rapids arrived. So now everyone goes to bed and now people wake up. It's the next day. And Zarina is in the kitchen and she drops a giant pan on the floor. And I was like, wow, I'm sure the sound department really appreciated all that in their headphones right now.
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Chapter 3: What challenges does Zarina face in the kitchen?
But see that I'm wearing the mud boat uniform. So I don't know what I'm going to do tonight.
So now they are on deck and Vion's talking about who likes who. And he thinks Adair liked Anthony and Harry's like, well, who's she gonna fancy now? And Vion's like, I don't know. She's definitely my type. Well, they're all kind of my type in a way. I can find something about everybody.
So then we cut to the table and the guest, Eric, is like, yeah, let me tell you guys, women have the power to control men if they just knew a few little secrets. Now, let me tell you, I need you to tell me I'm the man every day. Number one.
number two touch me non-sexually every day and i need you to me regularly that's all you need to do then then you can totally control just that just that i need you i need to um deal with your fragility every single day by saying that you're the man because you don't have enough self-esteem uh to arrive to that conclusion on your own so you need external validation for me because
Otherwise, your entire worldview will collapse. Okay, got it. Number two, you need me to touch you non sexually every day, but also very sexually every day. Got it. So you just want to be touched. You just want to be fucked and touched every single day. Okay, so you're basically needy and alone in this world.
And without some sort of physical or emotional connection, you are just going to crumble because you don't have enough energy. You don't have enough confidence in yourself to just forge forward like a true wolf and just shut the fuck up and do what you have to do to get your money and get food on the table. Got it.
Number one, tell me my hair looks real. Number two, tell me it looks like I naturally don't grow hair on my back. And number three, tell me my face doesn't look like a baseball glove. The end! Yeah, let me come all over you. Wow, that's it? Sounds easy.
Here are the three secrets to secrets that women can use to control men. First of all, serve lattes that are 30 calories or less. Second of all, fuck me after the latte. Third of all, second latte, please. But it has to be zero calories. I already used my 30 calories up on the first one.
That's it. So Laura's listening to this because she's behind the bar and she's like, what? He's like, yeah. And you come home with a list of shit. I'll do it. But don't start with that. Start with support. Like this hand. Touch my arm, doc. Yeah, bro. Touch it. Touch it. Touch it, bro. Touch my hand. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. It just came out of my pants. Oh, my God. Fuck. You want me to do the laundry?
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Chapter 4: How does the crew deal with difficult guests?
Men can fuck anything. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, those words will be used against you because when you inevitably cheat on your woman and you say, no, it meant nothing. It was just like, whatever. It didn't mean anything. You're on camera saying when you fuck, it's because you love someone. You're showing love through fucking. So congratulations.
You just condemned yourself for all future cheating excuses. Well, whatever I'm trying to say. Yeah, I gotcha. I gotcha.
He's backing himself into a corner for sure.
Thank you. Much better.
So then they finally get to drop off these fucking losers. So Serena's talking to the captain about crew lunch. She's like, what did you want for crew lunch? And he's like, nothing. You've got all this food left over. And she's like.
we've got to eat something for the night out I mean last time they'd sat down and hadn't even had a proper lunch I mean it's a lot for them it's a lot of work I've got to make them food he's like then just put this food out there I mean make them some wraps with it and she's like we don't have wraps Lady, he's trying to make this easier on you.
Yeah. And he's like, well, this is lunch. And she goes, is it? He's like, yeah, I mean, just turn this into a brunch. It's fine. It's all breakfast food. And she goes, really? And Jason's like, I generally understand, you know, I generally know Zarina cares for the crew. And to me, to say, don't feed them, that's fine. That's against what she would want to do.
But she's just had that problem with the sous chef. Didn't work out. So we can support ourselves with the food that's there. There's enough food there. We're not going to starve. And basically, he tells Lara, like, yeah, we'll just have this brunch food after the tip meeting or whatever. Or we'll have it early. Like, this is going to be the food that you're going to have.
And you'll eat dinner later tonight. And so Lara's like, okay, sort of like a brunch, whatever. But Zarina is, like, losing her mind.
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Chapter 5: What life advice does Eric give to the crew?
And he tells us, don't stop picking a fight with me. I'm on your side. I'm here to support you. Make your job easier. I've come up with a solution. You don't like it, then don't listen to it. You know, is this the way it's going to be all season? I'm not going to put up with it. I'll tell you that. Oh, no. So then it just cuts to Serena still crying in the kitchen.
She's like, I have to make too much, but I can't make anything.
So then Lara's consoling her and Serena's like, yeah, it's just hard trying to get used to being a solo chef again. I'm still really in my head around that. You get in my head around it. It just didn't need Jason and I fighting on top of it. I put so much pressure on myself that I just get into my head about it.
I just think after being bullied and put down and let down, I kind of do it to myself now. I'm my own biggest villain, you know. That's why I don't like to put spoons out there. You only get smacked on the head with a spoon so many times in your life that you don't want to put it into a bowl for people, you know. So Captain Jason's like, all right, everyone, time to dock or whatever.
So they go and they dock.
Thank God we get some more wisdom from Eric before he leaves. He's like, you know what's funny? If you fast for three days and you eat like five Tic Tacs, your veins pop out of your arms like you're the Hulk. Look at my veins. You didn't fast for three days. What the fuck are you talking about? We watched you eat.
And I don't think the veins are popping because of the Tic Tacs. That's the steroids. Yeah. Yeah, man. Intermittent fasting followed by a Tic Tac break fast. Yeah. Does amazing things for your vascularity, bro.
All right, so now they have to dock the boat. And he's like, all right, just wanted to say good call on that marine pier up there on my port side. Nice job, deck crew. And Vian's like, copy that. I'll keep my audio book down.
So the guests say goodbye and everything. And Eric has this really important goodbye speech. He goes, oh man, you guys are such a gift. I mean, there's not one toxic trait in this crew. I'm like, literally, okay, you're not. So this is how I know you're a charlatan. Because you cannot be on Below Deck without being full of toxic traits.
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Chapter 6: What discussions arise during the tip meeting?
I don't know how anyone could look at Vian and not be attracted to him. Obviously, I have a type. Manly, short, muscly guy. So I'm hoping I could get to know him a bit better. And we see pictures of, like, Culver. That didn't work out so well. So she's like, well, I reckon I've got another day in this one. This bra. Would you like to smell my lady musk? He's like, all right. Very nice. Very nice.
So, um, um, people are going to go, are going to go out and everything. And they're talking about hair and like, Oh, you look good, et cetera. And Marina is saying that she has a crush on beyond. And she's like, you know, he's handsome. He's a nice guy. And I want to get to know him a little bit more, but I demand a lot. And maybe he's got what it takes. I demand much scuba.
That's scuba for grandpa.
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