This is part one of a two-part recap!Shep tries to arbitrate a sit down between Craig and Austen on Southern Charm, and Patricia reveals that his new girlfriend might have tried to bang Whitney first. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Sold on SLC and Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?
Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. Very excited. Tomorrow is the Golden Crappies here in New York City. It's finally here. The day has finally come. We're so excited. If you don't have tickets, get streaming tickets. They're available right now on WatchWhatCrappens.com. It's our yearly award show. It's going to be fabulous. Then next week, we will be in Salt Lake City and Denver.
uh for our mass hysteria tour and that tour will be continuing through may so check watch what crappens.com for ticket links and also for videos like this you're watching right now and uh for our traders recaps which are great and fun and we love that show so thank you so much for being here everybody we sure love you oh also announcement what we will be covering in salt lake city and denver in salt lake we're going to do salt lake reunion part three and gotta do it
Yeah, in Denver, we're going to be doing Southern Charm, this very show. Speaking of, thank you to Andy and Watch What Happens Live for having us on as bartenders last night. That was so fun, and we got to be on that with Southern Charm stars, Austin Kroll. This is the thing right now.
and patricia also so that was super fun to hang out with those guys and um don't worry i already told austin uh i'm gonna come back to work and still mock him relentlessly so yeah don't worry we didn't get paid off or anything like that uh but we did have a really really good time
We had a really fun time, and I have to say, I have never seen someone receive the attention of so many women as Austin Kroll. The amount of women just coming up to him all night long, giving him numbers. I mean, it was insane right now, man. It was insane. I've never seen anything like that.
Yeah. You can see why he would just wake up with two girls in his bed while he's got a girlfriend. I mean, you basically see that happening. It's wild. That is definitely someone who wants to have a girlfriend that lives out of town. I'll tell you that much.
It was such a fun time. And what a wild thing to be able to get to do that. It was cool to see the way Watch What Happens Live works and being backstage and everything. And it was truly wild. And thank you to everyone who's being so nice to us and sending such nice messages and comments. It's just really, it's like a really fun energy to go into this weekend with. So thanks everyone.
yeah oh and don't forget bitch sesh we were also on bitch sesh uh this week our first ever crossover with bitch sesh and also check out virtual reality page sixes um show that we did as well so like go check us out everywhere we're spamming the world with our sit with our faces that's a perfect way to put it we are spamming the world we're basically standing outside with pamphlets like
Watch what crappens, watch what crappens, watch what crappens. We are people working outside of Levis Restaurant right now. Republic. All right, let's get into it. Southern charm. Southern charm. Okay, we start at Austin's house. He's screaming like a little girl because he sees a wasp nest attached to his door. And guess what? I don't blame him.
Although I will say, looking at Charleston wasp... God damn, I'm gay. Wasp... Wasp nests. How do straight people say it? Wasp nest. Wasp... Wasp... Wasp nests. Um...
texas wasp nests are way bigger so we should be more scared those things are like tiny little dogs crawling over honeycomb you know ours are humongous like you better run i have to get a wasp sprayer that like goes 20 feet because my ass stands very far away and then i run and then i have a blanket to throw over myself because that will kill you
Those wasps seem totally unbothered, which makes sense because this is basically a show about wasps. So, like, not an issue for them. By the way, the one thing that I was thinking about when Austin was dealing with that, first of all, kind of scary. God, fucking wasps. Why do they always build their nests on doors and door jams? They really have to, like... Just be better at it.
Go somewhere else. Go somewhere that's discreet and then do your living there, but not on a door jam. What was it about seeing a giant creature walking in and out of a door that made you say, you know what? I'm going to build my house there. It's like saying, hey, see that highway? See the 405 highway? I'm going to build my house on the median right there.
like don't do that like it's dangerous it's not where you should be it's gonna be a threat to everything and we're just gonna kill you because we're not gonna like having you there and that's what austin does but what i felt bad about was don't give a fuck that's what i'll tell you wasp do not give a fuck and they're daring us they're daring us to pull out the spray so they can attack our asses listen they don't get to live like really long productive lives like there's no college plan for a wasp they want to kill a bitch okay and they're gonna get us
They don't care.
Listen, they're very progressive. They like high-density housing, and they will take non-prime real estate.
Truly. Luckily, Austin got so afraid of the wasps that he was like, oh, my God, Madison, and his spit landed on the wasp mess, so it dissolved before he even had to spray it, which is great.
He just spat the wasps to death. But you know what I was thinking about the entire time? He sprays the wasps and then he runs away. But the cameraman's still there. I was like, what is this poor cameraman going to do? I think it's significantly harder to run away from wasps when you're holding an expensive piece of camera equipment.
That's why later in the show when they were following Austin down the street, the camera kept kind of wobbling because the cameraman was limping. You know, because you know his ass got stung. He was just like crawling along the ground, just holding the camera like, I will get this shot. I will get it.
that is that is some hardcore camera work right there dealing with austin taking me out of wasp nest so um then we have molly and she is doing one of those i forget what you call them where you go up you're on a machine and you go upside down and it stretches you out whatever it is and my dad has one of those have you ever done one of those it hangs you upside down no it's so good i love those i always pretend i'm getting shaken down i'm like i'm sorry i'll pay you your
money back. I'll give you your money back. Just please don't let me go.
It's like an inversion table or something. Inversion table. Yes. That's what they are. I would just be afraid that once I get flipped over, I can't get back up. I know there's probably like a cord and a rope or whatever, but I know my ass. Once I go upside down, I'm just there until someone finds me.
Yeah, the problem is you have to have the upper body strength to pull yourself back up because there's bars and you kind of pull on the bars and it brings you back up. And it's supposed to be very easy, but I'm not a light person. So I have worried, you know, and it's hard being blind when your stomach like comes and covers your eyes, like your your boob flap comes and covers.
I'm like, wait a minute. I'm not used to my boobs being like this.
So she's on there and her dog is looking at the camera kind of like, at what point do I become a fan favorite on Bravo? Like the dog's kind of like, I'm a golden doodle. Like I'm a coveted breed and all anyone cares about is like Jiggy still. And then you've got Charles sucking up all the air for the dogs on Southern Charm. And no one cares about Charles, but he just takes it all up. Look at me.
I am ready for you, America.
I care about Charles. How dare you? But I will say that this is an episode about Shep's girlfriend totally using him and being a user and camera ready and all this. But no one's complaining about this dog. I mean, this dog literally goes right in front of her face and sits down and stares straight into the camera. Why is no one worried about this dog being a user?
This dog is the biggest fucking user on the show. It's the biggest fame whore we've seen on this show. Just literally sitting there like, okay, so we're going to discuss. Am I going to get in the main credits or what?
Welcome, I'm ready for my closeup. So then, let's see, Miss Patricia is FaceTiming Whitney and he's like, mother, I'm in Cannes. Yeah, look, look, there's Cannes. She's like, oh, wow, fantastic. I've never seen Cannes before, Whitney, wow. You're just there like I am, except way far back into the city. He's like, can you see the bay? She's like, I've been closer.
When you get back, I'm going to start calling you Thomas Ravenel because you were in con and now you're not. You're an ex-con.
Then we see Madison arriving at a place called Frothy Beard Brewing Company. Gross. Shave. Shave Brewing Company. And you know there's food stuck in that Brewing Company's beard. I don't care. ZZ Top is dead, okay? Well, I don't know if literally, but like figuratively. Let's just all stop with those beards that come down to our chins. It's gross. Wear a napkin like everybody else, okay?
I don't want to see shrimp peels in somebody's beard trying to come make out with me.
Shave it. Yeah, you know what? It's time for brewing companies to also get their shit together with these names. They're just getting annoying at this point. You know, back in the 90s, everyone used to always joke about all the crazy names that the grunge bands would have. And it's like, oh my god, those stupid grunge bands. Well, guess what?
The spirit of that is back alive with these microbrews and breweries. Okay, Frothy, Beard, like, let's just, let's not. I mean, it's bad when you make Trop Hop look like a pretty chill name. Yeah. Let's just get back into good branding. Greasy butt hair.
Great. Sounds like a delicious beer. Can't wait to drink it.
Excited. So Craig is like, I've been looking forward to seeing you.
Well, how do you feel about JT, traitor? And she tells us, honestly, I'm still pissed off at Craig. Mainly because I just like being pissed off, especially at Craig. But I always expect loyalty out of a friendship.
I'm like, why are you then friends with the most disloyal people on Bravo? I know.
You're a friend with the natural cast of the traitors. Everybody on this show betrays each other constantly.
She's like, I just don't know why I can't trust you.
Also, in the beginning, she was doing that whole act.
Previously on Sudden Charm, I got real mad at Craig because Craig forgave JT, and then he was just trying to be nice to JT and bring him back into the fold, but then he decided that he was still mad at JT, and he wasn't going to give him any more chances.
fuck craig craig is the reason that everybody's mad at jt in the first place i love that they're acting like saint craig is over here doing something nice for jt jt is the one who ruined his reputation in the first place well the canes didn't help let me say it did not help i'm not going to be totally on this show because he's a total douchebag too just in a smaller beavery package but um yeah
And also the fact that he was insinuating that Brett was jealous of him. Although Brett was kind of jealous.
He wasn't telling a lie. Brett did call and demand to know what happened in that room and who else was in there.
Mm-hmm. All I know is the biggest traitor here really is Madison, because last time I checked, Madison just was always going to take down Austin whenever she had a chance. And now suddenly she's like buddy-buddy with Austin. So you want to talk about a traitor? You're a traitor to us, the audience. Okay, you are our ally on the show.
You decided to go work for the evil empire, okay? Who's the traitor now?
the only evil empire i will stand you working with is miss patricia yes yes we will support that so craig is like i could not have been more wrong excuse me mom say that again I know, I know. I've been very genuine in my efforts to try to reintegrate JT into the group after I caused him to be banished with my own lies. But I just don't have the energy to help him anymore.
Yeah, you're just a real fucking helper, Craig. You really deserve a hero statue in the middle of town. I hope they take one of those racist ones down and just put Craig up there like, I tried to reintegrate JT. Like, no, it doesn't work like that. You were the one who kicked him out in the first place. So he's like, yeah, I wanted to tell you the next day. He's like, I know.
But listen, if anything, it just hurt my feelings because I do think that our relationship is stronger than your and JT's relationship. So he's like, watching men eat on this show, I swear to God, can't they do it like housewife shows where you put food down in front of them and they never touch it? I mean, have some manners. Nobody wants to watch you eat with your mouth open.
And also, what are the parents? I know Craig wasn't even raised here, but why do parents on this show not tell their children to close their mouth while they eat?
I know Shep especially. I mean, Shep really is like the worst food eater.
Austin and Shep are both pretty bad. Because Shep just, he's always eating chips and guacamole, I've noticed. And he always just does it like. He's like kind of an open garbage. But like he's half eating and half moisturizing his face with the guacamole. And then Austin eats like, if a bird was eating a gumdrop, he's like. Yeah. He's like more mouth forward when he eats and spittley. Yeah.
But none of you know how to eat. Just stop eating on camera for Christ's sake. The show's about manners.
Exactly.
So Madison is like, well, why do you want to give, why did you want to give JT another chance? I think that hurt Austin's feelings. And by the way, listen, Austin, this whole thing with Austin, this like divorce, I think that you two were going through. I mean, what's, what are we going to do about it? Because like, I think that Austin loves you.
I think you're more angry about it now and he's more sad. Yeah.
and uh she starts talking about how she she's like i always feel bad for austin and then she just starts to laugh i mean look at him he's just pathetic and she's so tall you know at least short people got blamed into the crowd but he's just such a tall loser i mean it's just like a target just being right up there we can all aim for it you know i just feel bad for the guy
It's like he's only had canned corn. He never had the real thing.
And, of course, we get a shot. She's like, we've had Epsom tans. And then we get the shot of, God, Madison's insane, with him grabbing his wiener. And she's just passing the camera going, you motherfucker, I'm going to kill you and all your firstborns.
I will say, I just have to say that backstage at one point, Austin organically at one point said, it's insanity. And I was like, yes.
He says it. So Madison is like, well, I do think that he's doing well, but like, well, I do too.
But like, what do you want me to do as a friend to Austin that I wasn't doing before?
I don't know. Cuddling at night like you used to. I know you punch betas. That's what betas do, right?
Look, he just takes my friendship for granted. If he wants to play victim in all of this, I mean, fuck that guy. He's pushing me away. And I don't know what to tell you. We were friends, but now we're like strangers.
But like, that was Austin's whole point. That's why he went to your house. Cause he's like, we're, it's like business. We do like, we work out and we record a podcast and it's like, we're not friends. We're like business partners. And now Craig is like, wow, I just feel like I don't even know him anymore. It's like, yeah, that's the point. That's why he went there.
I really like when they showed the clip of them, Craig shirtless, sitting in his pool, leaning back, having a beer. And Austin's like, God, Craig, all you do is work. And he's like, all I do is work anymore. It's like lounging by your pool.
24 hours of my day now working watch i can turn my fireplaces on with my phone it's work and also craig saying i feel like he takes our friendship for granted weren't you the one like wasn't he the one who said let's go play golf and then you bailed the night before so that way you could go gardening i like this scene just happened like two weeks ago like i remember all of it yeah
I mean, I do think Craig's just like, you guys mostly want to go out and get shit-faced, and I'm not going out and getting shit-faced. So what do you want me to do? And it is hard when you're used to getting shit-faced with people, and then you have to come up with alternate things to do. I remember one of my friends got sober, and I was like, okay, well, now what do we do?
Like we literally sat there and stared at each other like, should we go to an amusement park? I mean, we went to like Six Flags. We ate a lot. That's for damn sure. We got real fat. And I think we, you know, like how many times can you go to Ross Rest for Less together and look at the home section? It's not very big. So, I mean, I get it.
You know, if that's your hobby, it's very difficult to find another hobby is all I'm saying. Yeah. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.
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so now we go to JT's apartment and he's like doing his typical like JT having a scene in the apartment scene and now he's like trying to bring a match across the room and hope he doesn't fall and it falls oh my god what a wacky guy so he calls his mom bunny and she's like Hi, sweet angel. How are you doing? Did you ostracize yourself from another group yet? He's like, yeah, mama, I certainly did.
Well, I'm going to go to Augusta to play golf with some friends since I think my friend group's not doing so well here. If that doesn't work, I'll go to my middle school friends and then my high school friends. Mama, God, I love you, mama. I'd never call you the B word.
Like, wow, you want me to go in there and yell at the principal? Tell him that those bullies keep messing with you and they're going to have money to deal with? And he's like, no, mama, come on. He's like, well, you know, I'm going to try Augusta again, but if that doesn't work out, I guess I'm going to have to go back to my high school friends, mama.
I'm just going to have to keep going back until there's someone to hang out with me. She's like, just don't show pictures of your couch, honey, because nobody's going to want to be friends with someone from the... Actually, his couch here is pretty cute in the apartment. I'm referring to that ugly couch that he bought for his rental that she hated.
Yeah. You know, it's weird to feel like you've done nothing wrong except be honest. And it's like flashback to him telling Taylor like Gaston, Gaston was cheating. So he's like, and somehow it gets turned upside down to where you are evil. And I mean, I think the part that hurts the most here is like, why flame me?
Well, because you're an outsider and you came in and you're trying to have TV moments and you overplayed your hand. You did a pretty good job last year, but you fucked it up with the reunion and you've been on a losing streak ever since.
Also, I can never feel sorry for a guy who's like, but I'm just honest.
Why are you mad at me for being honest?
Because that's the sign of huge douchebaggery.
And to think that he did have a second chance.
I'm a good person.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like, I don't feel like you get to be the one to declare that. And, you know, he was, he was getting a second chance to this group. And the fact that he like sacrificed it all over Taylor, that's what's, that's what's so sad. And like when Taylor went storming out last week, he should have been not like, what is the truth? I'm just telling the truth.
He should be like, I'm sorry. Like he should have just gone to apology mode and be like, I didn't mean to upset you. But instead he was like very much about like, I'm telling the truth. And then Craig got on his ass. And now, I mean, like, he's just, it's, it's over for him.
I don't know that I would have even apologized to Taylor. You know, and seeing those clips, they played those clips from last week a lot over and over.
Taylor, you're on a reality show about messiness, and you literally dated Shep to get on this show, and now you're dating another person who's like TV ready to be on this show, and now you're storming out every other episode, and I just don't know that you have that right. And also, you're supposed to be messy on the show. What do you think we want to sit here and watch you talk about?
People bringing up your plot is kind of doing you a favor, you dummy. It's called your job. You're not doing it. Someone has to do it. Would you think we would just want to sit here and watch you play pickleball with the semi-hot ears guy? No.
So Bunny is like, yeah, well, while you're away, I'm going to come to your apartment. And he's like, all right. You know, you also have access to my assistant, Shannon, right? And she goes, and your fiance, Vanita. He's like, mother.
She's a sweet girl because she texts me sometimes, you know, and she'll say something nice to me. I'm just like, what a nice girl. And she's like, well, she does love you, Mama. Benita does love you. I mean, she really does, you know, and I know you like her too. And he's like, yeah, you know, my mama's right. Benita's a shining star.
And, you know, there's chemistry between us, but we just don't talk about it because, you know, we just have this...
Friendship, you thought I was the only one that didn't know how to friendzone a biatch? My turn.
My turn. It's like JT's big end of Gypsy moment. Can you tell I saw Gypsy last night on Broadway? He's like, here he is, boys.
Here he is, world. It's JT. Your friendzone, your friendzone, your friendzone.
Bless his heart. Bless his diluted heart. So now we go to Vanita's house and she's putting together some snacks and Leva comes over with some herbs and they're going to make some spritzers. Vanita's like, I'm going to give myself a little pat on the back. I'm a great host and I think everyone can benefit from a Vanita Aspen hosting class.
I can teach you how to set the table, pour the drinks, cocktails, and make snacks. The timing, the attire. I was like, good for you, Vanita.
uh because you know you're probably not gonna last after this season so set up your post show plan i love it get those glasses in do you think they're gonna fire vanita i mean vanita is so lovely and likable she's got great style she's beautiful she's she's smart she seems great but like on this show, like, it just seems like no one pays attention to her.
And I mean, this is the most storyline she had this episode. And I just think she's just not messy enough to be on this show.
She's got a lot more storyline in this show. That's for sure. Um, but yeah, I don't know. And also you're just making this huge amount of food for Leva. Who's just like, she looks at it like, um, I make an extreme effort to not ever touch that. So I don't know what you think I'm doing here. Leva is also just like, oh, here I am filming a scene. How long do I have to stay here?
I mean, I've really got things to do. So.
She's like, I'm sorry, I can't have your lunch. I just had another batch of cookies that I made with my child in my kitchen. And then I went to the best restaurant in all of Charleston Republic. So anyway, good to see you, Vanita. And Leva says that Vanita, well, she says that Vanita is giggling a lot. And when she does that, it usually means that she likes someone.
So Vanita's like, oh my God, there's so much to want.
pack and leva is like okay so did you make out with jt i'm just saying you guys have chemistry i feel like the more that we talk about you guys having chemistry you guys will actually have chemistry for the audience yeah and uh she's like okay oh my god oh my god i just don't know listen you're trying too hard to stay on this show when you go this low and i'm i'm doing it with my hands to go this low and i realize i'm i'm making a short joke but i don't really mean to do that
but when you steep that low you not only embarrass yourself but you kind of hurt your back because that that is he's really low he's really low just stop it do better yeah so um she's like teehee i just like him so much and everybody's like oh my god they're fighting and i'm like oh my god he's so cute and love is like oh my god you're like yeah is he tan like is he fighting like i'm gonna make out with that guy but level looks kind of grossed out you know
This is Manny's fault, because he up and left Vanita, and now she's just spiraling into a rebound. And Manny, just so you know, just know the damage you cause when you do these things. When you go off to Broadway and leave your lady behind, you don't know where that vulnerability and that heartache is going to send her. And it's sending her towards JT, and that's just not nice.
That's a cruel thing to leave in your wake, Manny.
but I didn't get the vibes from Manny that Manny was really into it either. I mean, remember that breakup scene they showed when Manny's like, yep, I'm going to go to Broadway. She's like, Oh my God, we're going to Broadway. He's like, I'm going to Broadway.
She's like, it's like, I'm what's he's in the show right now. Um, what is it right now? I forgot. Oh no, he was in Illinois, which I think closed.
Oh, well, maybe he will be back in three months. You see how it goes? You got to love when Broadway people are like, three months? There's no way I'll be back in three months. Maybe 10 years. It's like three months later. He's like, oh, yeah, that wasn't my best work. I'm back. I'm back. Illinois.
So any who, so Benita's just talking about having a crush on JT, which is as fascinating as you can imagine. And Lev is like, well, have you ever told JT that you think he's cute? She's like, no, but I plan on having JT over for dinner. And I guess we'll hopefully talk it out while we eat Branzino on my sofa. Could not be more of an awkward seating arrangement for an awkward date.
Tee hee hee. Oh my God, JT's coming over. Tee hee hee.
Listen. Vanita, this whole storyline is like a class pass. I'm just not buying it. I'm never going to buy it. There's nothing you're going to do to make me buy it. I'm not going to do it. Okay.
Hmm. So, um, and then she's like, when I'm interested in a guy, I'm not going to wait for him to make the call. I'm going to be the first one to say, Hey, how are you doing? So today at 1230, I expect you to pick me up. Like you answer to me. Um, I'm all for that. Just, but also if you're going to do that, pick it, pick better candidates. Yeah.
Yeah, make sure they're going to listen. You know what I mean? If you're going to need to boss somebody around, you're going to need to get a listener. And no one on this cast is going to do it, I'll tell you right now. Men in Charleston have too many options. You need to move.
You want a beta? You need to move, honey.
So she's like, yeah, he's a marriage guy. Love is like, yeah, he's totally a marriage guy. I mean, who wouldn't want to marry that guy? Like, seriously, if you know that if there's a bad storm, that man is going to build you a dam.
So Benito's like, yeah, he's a marriage guy. He's not like the rest of the boys. Like if he finds the right girl, he's going to get married immediately. Well, he actually was married. And I think we all saw how that turned out.
So anyway, now we go over to Sally, who goes to a place called Bevy Benny Brewing, which I guess is better than frothy beard or sweaty crotch microbrews or whatever they're called. And so Molly arrives and they haven't seen each other since the tuba. I was kind of wishing that Molly just brought her little tuba and they just poured beer into it and she just drank out of the tuba.
She's like, hey, do you have two hours? I've just got a tuba to play for you.
so they sit down in chairs that are like oh my god this chair was like much lower than i was expecting i know it was like really low dude wasn't that so funny how low it was it was really low oh my god oh my god did you get botox today i got on my chin you got on your chin i got on my lips oh really i got on my forehead oh my god i got on my elbow oh my god we got botox everywhere i got filler too oh you got filler where'd you get your fellow so they just sort of compare notes on everything they've they've done to keep things fresh
Yeah, and this is one of those scenes that really kind of illustrates, I think, what a lot of people go through, especially in a town like Charleston, where the men have way too many options. And it's kind of sad to watch. Like, you've got these two gorgeous girls with every, like, their whole beautiful lives in front of them, like... I hope we look good for guys, and especially Sally.
I'm not necessarily, I shouldn't say that about Molly, because Sally is the one who's like, well, it's not like my ex-fiance told me your boobs aren't good. Oh, because she's talking about how she got a breast reduction. So she's like, well, I started doing Botox because I was insecure, but also it makes me happy.
And then I got a breast reduction because it's not like my boyfriend, my ex-fiancee told me my boobs weren't good enough, but it's just all the girls he was cheating on me with just had these bigger boobs. So I got porn boobs. He's looking at porn a lot, so I got porn boobs. And then I thought, am I doing this for me? No, I'm not really. I was like, this is so sad. I don't like this.
I just want to go firebomb that guy's house.
yeah um so then molly explains that her boobs are from like she has thighs and her boobs from a fat transfer because she uh she says you know my anchors were my ankles were a little thicker than your average person and i was always a bit bothered by it so i finally i got ankle and calf liposuction and i shot the fat into my boobs because i had new movies it's amazing
That's amazing what we as humans can be insecure about.
That girl has cankle tits now. Like, that is my hero on Bravo. Someone who's just like, take my cankles and put them in my boobs. I mean, that's the best Bravo shit I've ever heard. And I was not expecting to immediately stan her.
during this episode i mean look i already love her because she plays the tuba and she eats cupcake sandwiches okay she's already got that going for her but it was cemented today put the woman's hand in some cement and get them on a sidewalk because she has cankle boobs on purpose and she's like that's right and i tell people hey babe big boy do you like that they're my cankles they were terrible you should have seen how big they are yes
When she said that, I was like, oh, Ronnie is going to be in bliss. I was like, Ronnie's going to love this.
Girl, I'm getting my waddle put into my boobs. Just wait. And I knew you were going to say that.
I knew you were going to say that.
I'm going to have a waddle dick. I'm going to get my waddle injected into my dick, period.
um so anyway yeah so she she had that procedure and um she's like well people are not giving me bad uh feedback which is nice and sal is like yeah so um i think it was yeah she's like guys are saying i'm look great so i guess it looks good well glad you're not looking for fucking validation anymore with the new one i'm glad you got new ones to not get validation from the ex-fiance just everybody else now come on man you're better than this
So then Sally's like, by the way, she's like, I think it was Ryan was trying to tell me that you seem like you'd like be a good fit for Shep. Like he's kind of hot. And Molly's like, yeah, Shep is hot. Shep's a hottie. And I was like, girl, you have to get out of Charleston. You are JTing the bar as in lowering it. And so Sally's like, yeah, I mean, he is hot.
And well, he wasn't hot when I got with him, but you know, he's looking hot now. Now he's taking ayahuasca. And then we see a rare Ryan clip where we're at the symphony and Ryan leans over to Shep and it's like, Shep, by the way, I think Molly likes you.
I was all scared. Molly's like, well, I'm not super forward. I'm just like really awkward. Like I like playing the tuba. I'm just such a nerd. And I'm like, is this going to be a thing now? Because like, I mean, he's with Sienna. It's not like I'm like trying to steal some guy. Tee hee, tee hee. Am I doing this right?
cause I would look like a fricking idiot. So, um, Sally's like, yeah, but y'all would have a cute, cute couple though. You're both tall. Yeah. We have, we'll have giant children and great personalities. Oh, at least one would, the half good personality, the other half personality. I don't know, but you can play tubas. Your kids would play tubas.
They'll also use really big words out of context and kind of mispronounce them a lot. It's going to be amazing. Can't wait. I see my whole life in front of me. It's like a community theater production of Shakespeare where no one can remember their lines.
So Shep now goes over to a restaurant with little Craig. And Austin shows up. And little Craig wants to get involved in the action and stuff. And they're just catching up. And Austin's like, so anyway, what's been going on? And he's like, well, gosh, it's been like a really hard week for me.
I mean, Sienna went to Africa. And then she was flying home. And then like after that, I don't hear anything. And then two days later, I'm like, hello? Like, why haven't I heard from her?
Gosh.
And Austin's just looking around the room doing that mouth thing. He's like, uh, what do you mean? Like, Austin knows something and he's not telling Shep, is what I'm saying. And he's like, yeah, well, she should have, you know, she should have texted, you know. But at that point, I was just kind of spiraling, you know. So, oh, God, you want me to read it? I just, I said on Sunday, where are you?
And Austin's like, uh, just like, hard stop. Just hard stop. Like, what?
where the fuck are you like that he's like no like this like where are you so like manly where the fuck are you gonna take me back no i was like where are you i said gosh i'm just a good little boy
I'm a good little boy who misses his girlfriend.
Gosh, where the fuck are you? Gosh. So Shep is like, I mean, yeah, she could have like been rushing her, but whatever. But she was like, I'm in the Bahamas. And I said, I don't like not talking to you because I love you.
I'm a good little boy on ayahuasca.
You know Taylor is sitting at home just like stabbing a ham. You know what I mean? I feel like she pulled a ham out of the refrigerator.
A Taylor ham.
Taylor pulled out a ham. She slammed it down on the coffee table and she's just stabbing it as she watches the scene. Because all the work that she put into Shep and Shep with this new person is just suddenly like...
Oh my gosh, I was like, I want, I love you. I want to marry you. Let me impregnate you right now. Jesus, God damn it.
Well, because Sierra had the good sense to make herself unattainable, as opposed to Taylor. Because Shep is always going to be, he always loves the chase. And Taylor made it too easy. Now, I'm not saying that's right, because I don't think in a relationship you should have that at all. And I don't think it's bad that Taylor likes a guy. So if he's like, hey, where are you? She responds.
I'm just saying that Shep is a dog. And so he's really in it for the chase. And Sierra's keeping the chase on. She literally went to Africa.
I agree that he's a dog. I don't know that we've ever seen Shep chase a person, though. I don't know that Shep's really a chaser. He's just kind of a liar downer, in my opinion. But I will say, I do think now he's becoming more of a chaser because he's realized that he's old and he's not pulling the same that he did before.
because Taylor was like what four years ago that that started and I think things changed okay and his reputation got worse and worse and worse as well as his you know general age I mean we age that's that's how life works and I think he's got this young beautiful girl and it's because she's young I think he's chasing her youth you know and I get it because I'm getting older
and i see younger people and i really want to start carrying around a syringe and just start stealing their stem cells out of their spinal fluid you know i'm just like i'm on the subway i'm so close to that 20 year old spine i could just get a little stem cell out of there and inject it right into my cheek and everything will be okay and i think shep's just realizing that this might be his last option you know it's his last chance to get a youngin
Yeah, it could be. But I think that fuckboys are inherently all about the chase. I think it's like for fuckboys, it's just about getting those notches and they're just going to, you know, it's all, it's about conquests. And I think that's, that's what I see in Shep. I see someone who is, I see him going to, I think when he knows he can have it all, he gets restless or at the very least it's that.
So maybe it's not about chasing. It's about not, it's about being restless. Who knows? All I know is that this relationship is not going to work out. Yeah.
yeah it's pretty obvious this one's not gonna work out so he's like where are you and she wrote back i'm in the bahamas and i said i don't like not talking to you because i love you and then we see his text and it says i know that and i realize you're off your phone but you're like an important part of my life and i was worried about you and i like it honestly because it means i care and i like caring because that makes me a better person and i don't like not talking to you
mad emoji face, cause I love you, and I'm making plans for the future with us in mind, and I wanted to get on a plane, plane emoji, and find you this weekend, cause I didn't have to film, please be mine, young person!
This is so, this is too much. This seems like someone who is like cracked out of his mind, like spiraling. Like if I got that text and I was here, I'd be like, yeah, sorry. So the president of the Bahamas called and they said, I'm not allowed to leave the country and you're not allowed to come into it. So I guess we can't see each other anymore. Bye.
That was a really long text, which basically said,
Please don't let me have another season on Southern Charm of looking completely undesirable. It's been like four in a row. Of course!
So Austin's like, yeah, well, what did she say back to you? And Shep says, okay, well, she wrote this. She said, I'm sorry.
I've just been going through a lot and kind of needed space. And I was like, oh gosh, gosh, what does that mean?
It means that you are like a 47 year old man baby who clearly was on something, texting her, love bombing her. And she was like, too much, too much.
Yeah, I went home and I got on my couch. Thank God for little Craig. It felt like someone had gutted me. Gutted me, Dad. You know, if I look this unattractive again on TV, how am I going to get laid by other 20-year-olds in bars?
Yeah, well, gosh, I really feel so bad for Shep having to finally feel what it's like to be in a relationship with himself, like every other woman who has had to deal with him. So he... Like, how many women has he done what Sierra is doing to him, too? Right? Like, it's... Turnabout is fair play, okay? Yeah.
And Austin's like, well, sorry to hear this, ma'am. But, you know, I really am. But you've hung out with her for like six weekends. I mean, that's nothing. Are you kidding? Six weekends? In gay life, that is like our 10th anniversary. You're fucking talking about six weekends? That's a lot.
It is a lot. It is a lot. Shep, for the longest time, told me that it's not like manly to be sad about a woman or to be sappy. So it's interesting to see, you know, the change. And I like it. It's like a humanizing quality to Shep. But at the same time, it's like, how can you love a girl you've only met like three times? It's insane right now.
Yeah, I think that's exactly what Shep's doing here. I mean, I know that we're all supposed to feel sorry for Shep because he's getting used by this girl. And poor Shep, his heart is broken. But that's exactly what they're going for on this show. And I hope you guys aren't falling for it because when Austin says it's like a humanizing quality to Shep, that's why they're doing it, okay?
He needs a humanizing moment, and I'm not falling for it.
And also, this is also a moment where Shep is... I do think the ayahuasca thing played into this, because I think he's starting to realize, like, oh, I'm a mess. I'm 67 years old, and I don't know really what's happening with my life. And I'm kind of immature. I don't have my shit together.
But if I get into a stable relationship with someone, that will prove that I am mature, and I'm an adult, and everything will be fine. And all the doubts I have about myself, all my insecurities, all the nagging feelings... that all my intelligence and all the money that's been poured into me is not turning into anything.
That will all go away once everyone sees and once I see that I'm capable of having a relationship. So therefore, this is what I've chosen. I've chosen this beautiful woman in a different country, and this will work out, and everything will be fine, and the illusion will maintain. And that, I think, is where his head is at right now.
Yeah, I think that he's just, he picks somebody who's not there so he can cheat all the time. But then he can still say, I have a beautiful girlfriend and she's young, so I'm still sexually viable. And then he doesn't have to put in the work to actually be a boyfriend because she's not ever there. And I mean, I just think it's like a whole perfect package and it's just all for his reputation.
I have a counter. I have a counter, which is all of you.
I love it. Hold on. Let me let Ashley's children sit on there.
The answer is all of the above. Everything you said, everything I said. It all works together. It's all part of the package.
I think so, too. It's all a charcuterie of douchebaggery. You know what I mean?
Just pick your meat. But like from Trader Joe's. So it's not from Bristol Farms. It's not a nice charcuterie. That was the biggest burn you've ever gave in this entire episode. It's not even Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's charcuterie. It's just that standard thing, the plastic, you peel it off, and there's some cheddar wedges, you know? Yeah. So that's what's going on. So where were we in here?
You know, your mind wanders to places, and it just sucks, you know? My fear, my paranoia, as if there's a dude, some dude, who seems like a big shot. Maybe he is a big shot. I don't know. I wonder how much mailbox money he gets. I wonder if his dad prefers wooden blinds on rental homes.
shep trying to trying to do this faux humble thing like some quote-unquote big shot's gonna come in when jeff is like see this see this county we own it you know like you come from old old old southern money okay you are a big shot i think that's what he's saying i think he's like i'm a big shot but this other guy's probably like pretending to be some big shot maybe he's a bigger shot
I don't know. I can't wait to ask her.
I'm going to have a private eye follow her around and find out. Does this guy get free dockers wherever he goes?
Of course. Free dockers. He just gets complimentary dockers. Oh, sir. Welcome to Rancho Palos Verdes. Here is your hotel room, and we provided you with complimentary dockers. Tell your daddy we said hello. Congratulations, Mr. Shepherd Rose. Please welcome to the American Express Rewards Program. Here are your free dockers.
I thought we were going to go to the Bahamas, you know, and visit everybody.
But, you know, like in my mind. god are we not doing that and i'm like wow you even gave her the cast trip you gave this new person the cast trip oh you are so pathetic and this is such karma but again it's hard for me to believe that he didn't set this up to make himself look like a huge victim time will tell time will tell
Yeah, and then Austin's like, oh, yeah, well, I love the initiative. Yeah, it's first time I've really seen it from anyone in this cast, at least in the men.
But I can tell, you know, and Shep is like, yeah, but I can tell we both want to talk to each other.
And, you know, it's like, honestly, I just want to see. Oh, so they start talking about Craig. I'm sorry. And because Craig calls, that's who Austin says, I like the initiative because Craig's like, hey, what's going on? I want to hang out this week. Oh, love the initiative. Yeah. Okay, bye. So then Shep is like, you know, this is good. You guys can become friends again.
When was the last time you saw him?
Like, whoa. Like, this is nuts right now. Like, I just want to, like, begin our, like, footing again. You know? Like, I want to start getting back to, like, having a very solid relationship.
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