The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Wed, 23 Apr 2025
Routine might feel safe, but for your brain, it can become a prison. This week, Dr. Yalda Safai joins Tamsen to talk about the science of novelty and why trying something new is the most powerful way to spark dopamine, reboot your mindset, and shift out of midlife stagnation. Tamsen and Dr Safai share dating experience and the benefits of meeting a partner later in life. Plus why women are staying single longer and why we should avoid subpar relationships at all costs! We dive deep into what high-functioning depression really looks like in successful women. From the quiet symptoms of anhedonia and mood disorders to undiagnosed thyroid issues and the hormonal shifts of perimenopause. Dr. Safai breaks down the medical, emotional, and social blind spots that keep so many of us suffering in silence. What you’ll learn; Why novel experiences are a natural antidepressant The mental health cost of playing it safe and sticking to routine Chronic unhappiness and the silent pain of high-functioning women Anhedonia: the medical term for when nothing feels good anymore How thyroid issues and perimenopause are often misdiagnosed as mood swings Why your second act isn’t about accumulation, it’s about experience The pressure to partner up and how it leads to compromising your worth Why you should never date to fill a void What ghosting really says about emotional maturity How to build self-worth before dating again Watch the Full Episode Here: https://www.youtube.com/@TamsenFadalTV Get my new book, How To Menopause, Take Charge of Your Health, Reclaim Your Life and Feel Even Better Than Before 💖 http://www.howtomenopause.com Follow The Tamsen Show: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetamsenshow/ Follow Tamsen Fadal: Website: https://www.tamsenfadal.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tamsenfadal Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tamsenfadal You can find Dr Safai here: Website: yaldasafaimd.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/yaldasafaimd Medical Disclaimer: The information provided in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical concerns or treatment options. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of The Tamsen Show. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: How can novel experiences boost your mental health?
Das Checklist, ich hätte es verbrannt, weil was ich mitgebracht habe, ist nichts, wie ich, der Mann, den du denkst, oder der Partner, den du denkst, den du willst, ist nicht der, den du unbedingt brauchst.
Ja.
Hört sich das an? Ja, natürlich.
Ich bin in meinen 40ern verheiratet und dann bin ich 50 Jahre alt und mein Mann Ira, ich weiß nicht, ob ich ihn vor zehn Jahren ausgewählt hätte. Er wäre nicht gewesen. Ich meine, ich suchte diesen, weißt du, ich weiß nicht, diesen roughen Mann. Ich weiß nicht, wofür ich suchte, aber er war nicht auf meiner Liste. Und jetzt habe ich gemerkt, oh wow, das ist das, wofür ich lange suchen sollte.
You know, I hear from a lot of women that are struggling, whether it's they're looking, you know, they didn't find somebody and now they're hitting their 40s and they're feeling this pressure, right? That is so unfair, in my opinion. It is. What do you recommend for people that might have been like you that said like, I give up, I'm done.
I might not be able to travel the world for three years, but I'm not going to find anybody. I'm just going to have some close friends and pay attention to my kids or concentrate on my job.
I think it's first of all really important to take a hard look at yourself and see why you want to be in a relationship. Es ist für alle anders. Einige Leute tun es nicht so gut, wenn sie sich alleine befinden. Sie fühlen sich sehr traurig. Sie brauchen die Abhängigkeit. Andere haben Druck auf ihre Familie. Es gibt auch andere, die von einem bestimmten Alter an Kinder haben wollen.
Es ist für alle anders. Man muss sich ehrlich mit sich selbst stellen und sehen, warum man diese Druck hat, in einer Beziehung zu sein. Ist es etwas, was du tun solltest?
Wenn es etwas ist, was du tun solltest, und deine Familie und Freunde und die Gesellschaft und die Kultur, in der wir leben, dich bedroht, dann ist das eine Rezept für einen Desaster, weil du weißt, dass du Fehler machst, wenn du es so rutschst.
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Chapter 2: What signs indicate high-functioning depression in women?
Mein Vater sagte früher, es ist besser, alleine zu sein, als alleine mit jemandem zu sein. Genau. Ich habe das nie verstanden, bis ich da war, bis ich mit jemandem saß und mich sehr, sehr alleine fühlte. Und ich dachte mir, das ist das, worüber mein Vater immer gesprochen hat. Er hatte es wirklich richtig. Genau. But I agree with you.
There's a lot of pressure to be in a relationship, not just by parents or family, but I just think you see people coupled off and you feel like the odd man out. And I went through that for 10 years. I felt that way. I felt like I had to, oh gosh, I'm like the extra person. I think that's changed a little bit now.
I don't know that single, you know, is looked at like that, but I know a lot of people are very sensitive to it and they feel awful going home for the holidays or getting questioned by their family about when they're going to meet somebody.
It's the worst. It's the worst. I know, it's like triggering. Und ich bin aus dem Mittleren Osten, also verstehe ich es. Es gibt immer noch kulturelle Druck. Ich auch. Ich bin Libyanin, also verstehe ich es. Ja, ich bin Iranin, ich bin Persin. Es gibt den Druck, verheiratet zu werden und Kinder zu haben. Und deine Verwandten fragen dich immer noch über das. Also verstehe ich es.
Es fühlt sich schrecklich an. Und du wirst wirklich verletzt, wenn jemand fragt, warum du noch Single bist. Was für eine Frage ist das?
Das ist eine schreckliche Frage. Was sollte die Antwort sein, wenn jemand fragt, warum du noch Single bist?
I've thought about this a lot and I always say, because I've been asked this a lot, I'm like, I haven't met the right person, I'm taking my time, I'm getting to know myself, I'm working on myself and when the time is right, he will come.
I think you just don't even have to answer it. I'm trying to tell people, you don't have to answer it. You don't have to answer questions. Let's talk about women in midlife. They've been married for a long time, perhaps. Kids are growing up. Relationship looks a little bit different than it did when they were earlier in life.
You go through a divorce and now you're back there out there on the dating scene. Do you see a lot of women that are dealing with that or struggling with that right now?
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Chapter 3: Why is it important to avoid subpar relationships?
Was du nicht kontrollieren kannst, ist, wir haben darüber gesprochen, Dating ist nicht wie Arbeit. Mit Arbeit, du, du hustelst, du kommst irgendwo hin, du wirst erfolgreich. Mit Dating, du kannst nicht hart daran arbeiten. Es funktioniert nicht so. Das Einzige, was du kontrollieren kannst, ist dich selbst. Deine mentale und physische Gesundheit.
Glaubst du, dass mehr Frauen länger single bleiben?
Ja.
Warum?
Well, when my mom's generation was growing up, oftentimes the women would not work. They were inside the home. They had certain responsibilities. The man was outside the house. There was a dependency on each other. The woman financially was dependent on the man. The man was dependent on the woman for meals, to take care of the kids. That dependency is gone.
We don't need a partnership to survive anymore. Women are independent. They have their own money. They can order Uber Eats every day. Even men can, right? You don't need companionship. And with the Internet, it is so easy to be able to go out on dates whenever you want, meet up with friends whenever you want.
So I think at a certain point in time where there was no Internet and people were dependent on each other, you needed it. The need is gone. So women, and this is a good thing, they don't, Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja. I see this newer generation, they're not even thinking about marriage. That is not even in their vocabulary.
So my generation is really stuck between the old and the new, which is a very confusing place to be.
It can be really confusing, I know. If there's a woman listening to this right now and she's in her 30s and she's like, but I do want to meet somebody and I don't know how to do it. I'm sick of swiping. That's not interesting to me. Do you think good old fashioned meeting somebody, you know, out there because your friends recommend it or you, I guess, traveling.
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