Dr. Yalda Safai
Appearances
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
If you've been in a marriage for 10 years, 20 years, the person coming out of that relationship, of that marriage, is not the same person who went into it. So you have to figure out who you are at this stage in your life, what your priorities are. You might have kids. They might be your priority. You might be still building up a career. You don't have time anymore.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
to prioritize subpar relationships. You have these other priorities. I mean, say someone at the age of 50 is divorced after 20 years. At age 50, you likely have kids. You likely have a career, a thriving career that take up majority of your time. If you're going to pick somebody to spend time with, make sure that person is adding to your life. You do not have the luxury.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
You do not have the time to waste it on subpar relationships, shallow relationships, you know, Men who take away from you emotionally, take away your time, drain your energy. You do not need that.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
I like subpar though.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So, working on yourself has different meanings for people. If someone came out of an abusive relationship, I mean, that's a different type of working on yourself versus someone who, you know, their relationship after 20 years fell apart and they no longer had, you know, anything in common and that's why they got a divorce.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So it's very different for each person, what that working on yourself means. But I always say, at least the things you can control are your health. You can exercise, get healthy, make sure you're in a good mental mindset. And that comes with good relationships, friendships. It doesn't have to be partnership, good health, exercise, good mental health.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Being a little bit scared is a good thing. You're going to look back and say, I'm so glad I did that.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
When you're in a good state mentally, and you know, if you do... Wenn du in deinem Leben mit Verletzungsproblemen kämpfst, musst du daran arbeiten. Wenn du in eine Beziehung mit Verletzungsproblemen gehst, Wir wissen alle, was passieren könnte. So, das ist, wie du auf dich selbst arbeitest. Das sind Dinge, die du kontrollieren kannst.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Was du nicht kontrollieren kannst, ist, wir haben darüber gesprochen, Dating ist nicht wie Arbeit. Mit Arbeit, du, du hustelst, du kommst irgendwo hin, du wirst erfolgreich. Mit Dating, du kannst nicht hart daran arbeiten. Es funktioniert nicht so. Das Einzige, was du kontrollieren kannst, ist dich selbst. Deine mentale und physische Gesundheit.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Well, when my mom's generation was growing up, oftentimes the women would not work. They were inside the home. They had certain responsibilities. The man was outside the house. There was a dependency on each other. The woman financially was dependent on the man. The man was dependent on the woman for meals, to take care of the kids. That dependency is gone.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
We don't need a partnership to survive anymore. Women are independent. They have their own money. They can order Uber Eats every day. Even men can, right? You don't need companionship. And with the Internet, it is so easy to be able to go out on dates whenever you want, meet up with friends whenever you want.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So I think at a certain point in time where there was no Internet and people were dependent on each other, you needed it. The need is gone. So women, and this is a good thing, they don't, Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja. I see this newer generation, they're not even thinking about marriage. That is not even in their vocabulary.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So my generation is really stuck between the old and the new, which is a very confusing place to be.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
If that's really what you want, it will happen. And I know, my mom used to tell me that my entire life. She's like, don't worry, he will come, he will come. And I'm like, how are you saying this to me? Like, how are you just saying he'll come? I'm 37 years old, he's not going to come. My mom kept saying, have faith. And she was right.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
If this is truly what you want, with what you do, with the way you carry yourself, with the choices you make in life, you attract that mate in the right time. Timing matters. I don't know if you believe in God, but Gods timing is perfect. You might feel like you need to be in a relationship at a certain point in life. It probably isn't the right time for you. You probably have more work to do.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Du hast dich einfach ein bisschen ausgetauscht und dein eigenes Ding gemacht. Ja, ich war von New York. Ich habe meine Mathe-Schule und Residenz in New York gemacht und ich habe hier seit sieben, acht Jahren gelebt. You know, life started to get very mundane and routine and dull for me. And I was going in and out of feeling. I don't want to say depressed because depression is a clinical diagnosis.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
I think about this. If I had met somebody when I was 34, before I hit the road, I would not have gone to 70 countries. I would not have seen the world. I would not have met the people I did, the food I ate around the world. I would not have expanded my horizon the way I did. And I was only able to do that because I was single. I had no responsibilities, no obligations, nobody to answer to.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
But I'm so grateful for that experience I had for those three, four years because I came out a more confident person, a more knowledgeable person. My needs and wants changed in life. And, you know, I attracted the mate that I was supposed to at that time in life. So now looking back, I realize, you know, girl, three, four years ago, it was not the right time for you. But now I understand.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So one day you will understand why it didn't work out with all those other people. You will understand why you had to go through the heartbreaks that you did. Because once you are in a good relationship, you appreciate it ten times more. Every day I'm so thankful for my partner. Because now I understand all those other flawed relationships I had. I understand why they didn't have to work.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
I understand why they were toxic. But at the time, they didn't. So have faith. He will come. Or she or whoever.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So what I've noticed of why people stay in relationships that are not good for them is fear. And this fear is, what do I do without him? What do I do if I leave? I might not ever find anybody else again. It's all based on fear. Because who wants to stay in a relationship where there's stress every day?
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
But you have to understand what it is you're fearing, though. It's different for a lot of people. Oh, I remember at one point in time, I was like 27 years old, I had a terrible boyfriend. And my fear of breaking up with him was like, oh, people are gonna, I mean, this is childish, but people are gonna ask me what happened to my guy that I was engaged to. And, you know, what am I gonna tell them?
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Like, this is the dumbest fear in the world. What am I gonna tell my friends? But like, I'm saying like, everybody's fears are a little bit different.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So you gotta figure out what your fear is, why you're stuck in this relationship and take it and run with it. If you need professional help, get it. Sometimes, you know, when we're in this bubble or when we're in this toxic relationship, we don't have clarity. We get tunnel vision. We don't understand.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
And no matter how many times our friends or family tell us that, you know, something's not right, we just don't get it. So I tell those people, like, If women do not want to go on dating apps as a psychiatrist, what do you recommend? Find what you love doing and do it. And you will attract the person who's like-minded. So for example, I love skiing. I was in the French Alps skiing.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
I found him while I was skiing on the French Alps. I was doing what I love to do. You know, I did what I love to do. You know, I wasn't going out of my way thinking, how am I going to meet men? That's, you know, that's no way to live your life. Do you do what gives you pleasure? The right man will be attracted to the things you like as well. And you'll meet that way.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
That's not what I was. I felt like I was in a rut for a long time. And I just couldn't pinpoint what the problem was. I honestly at the time I didn't know. So when I finished my residency, I decided I should just make one, let me just do something differently. And at the time I was single, you know, I don't have any kids.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Ich muss dir sagen, jemand, der zu dir geht, ist es wahrscheinlich nicht wert, um zu beginnen. Warum? Weil die Leute wählen, sich nicht zu konfrontieren und nicht zu verbalisieren, warum sie dich nicht mehr sehen wollen, weil es für sie unangenehm ist. Eine Person, die nicht erklären kann, warum sie dich nicht mehr sehen wollen, die wollen sie eher vermeiden, als dich zu konfrontieren.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
How is that person going to do in a relationship? Relationships are full of little things, little, you might fight with your spouse. You have to be able to properly deal with confrontation and express what you're feeling, your likes and dicks, whatever it is. So someone who can't do that, who rather avoid, is a big red flag to me. So you lucked out.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
It really is, but remember, this is not about you. You don't know what's going on in that person's life, what stage of life they are in, what... They need right now. And the timing might have just not been right. Just remember, it's not about you. It's about them and where they are. If they didn't like you to begin with, they wouldn't have come out with you.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
They wouldn't have gone on a date with you or dated you to begin with. So just remember, this is not about you.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
I'm really glad you mentioned this because I'm a physician, but we didn't learn much about menopause in medical school. I've heard that. I look back on it now and I'm like, how is this even possible? How much did you learn? Very little. Maybe like half a lecture.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Yeah.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Not too much. No.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Yeah. And it's for people like you who are vocal about it, that there's so much spotlight shed on it now. So I want to thank you for that. It's thanks to you and people in the media who have a voice that shed light on it, that the rest of us are now more aware. So I'm pretty 100% sure the medical curriculum is going to be changing. I can't wait. People are going to be talking about it.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So thank you.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So I was like, let me use this opportunity to sell all my stuff, including half my wardrobe, because I decided to just pack one suitcase, one carry-on, that's it, and hit the road. So I did just that. The first place I moved to was Colombia, Medellin, Colombia. And from there I went to 70 different countries over three years, just traveling, trying to see the world, find myself, so to speak.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Also wenn jemand mit einem Mood-Problem kommt, oder in der Psychiatrie oder in der Mentalität, sagen wir immer, dass etwas ein Veränderung ist, sobald es jeden Aspekt deines Lebens zerstört. Also etwas ist nicht als major depressive Veränderung zu kategorisieren, ohne dass es dein soziales Leben, dein berufliches Leben, dein, wenn du in der Schule bist, deine Schule betrifft.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Also sobald es jeden Aspekt deines Lebens zerstört, sagen wir, okay, du hast eine seriöse Mood-Kondition. You probably need medications, you probably need therapy. The thing I've noticed with people who are in perimenopause or menopause, it's not severe enough for them to be crawled up on the floor or hospitalized or like dysfunctional.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
But it is, they're struggling, they're suffering, they're not the same. They're wondering what's going on in their body. So it's not as severe as that. So it doesn't get the attention that something like major depressive disorder does. Unfortunately. Maybe if the symptoms were, I don't want to say I want them to be more severe, but if they were more severe, maybe people would have
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Ja, du spezialisierst in hohen Funktionen, Depressionen und Angst. Erzähl mir ein bisschen über hohe Funktionen, Depressionen, was es ist und dann, wie man es anfangen kann. Highly successful people who are, from the outside they look like they're on top of the world. They're very functional, but they're struggling on the inside silently.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So when, again I say like, sometimes it's good for a mood disorder to be severe, because you Realize you need help and others around you realize you need help and you're struggling and you get into treatment. Sometimes you're hospitalized. That's okay. You go on medication. That's okay.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
But something with high functioning depression, you're functional, but you're severely struggling on the inside for years. Mind you, high functioning depression is still not a DSM diagnosis. It's still not recognized.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
DSM is like the Bible of Mental Illness. Basically, it's the book we refer to. It's called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It's like all the disorders are in that book. High Functioning Depression is still not on that book. And it's recently been getting more attention.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
We just call it something called dysthymia, which means a chronic unhappiness, which is very hard to treat. And it's more dangerous, if you ask me, than something like major depressive disorder that has a treatment. People who struggle with dysthymia or high functioning depression are at a constant low.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Very successful, very productive, very like all these celebrities. Even I think Avicii was also one of them. But then they suffer in silence and one day the ultimate tragedy happens, suicide. So unfortunately, I think nowadays we're getting more awareness about this, about high functioning depression, how you could be functional, you could be successful, but struggling at the same time.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So what I think is a major red flag, whether you're, you know, just a normal person going to the day to day, there's a condition called anhedonia, which means the absence of pleasure. When you're very depressed or when you're even sometimes dysthymic, you go through these severe episodes, when you feel like nothing in life gives you pleasure.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
And I'm talking like when you have a nice meal, it feels good. It gives you pleasure. When you see a nice movie, it gives you pleasure. When you cannot feel pressure at all, that is the most dangerous sign to me. And a lot of my patients who have committed suicide, who have died by suicide, have said that they have reached that stage where there is nothing in the world to deprive them
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
I don't want to say that because I wasn't lost. I was just trying to see the world and see what else is out there. And first of all, A, I learned you don't need material stuff to be happy. I had one suitcase and I couldn't accumulate anything. I couldn't buy anything because I didn't have room. I was on the road. Und das ist das erste, was ich gelernt habe.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So, that anhedonia... That complete absence of pleasure to me is the most dangerous because you have absolutely nothing to live for. Nothing in this world is giving you any sort of happiness. So that's, I think if you've reached that point and there's a lot of steps that happen before you reach that point, please know that you need help immediately at that point.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
And thank you for saying, throwing those terms around, because people do throw these terms around. Oh, I'm depressed, oh, I'm OCD, oh, I... Having a bad day. having a bad day, you're traumatized because your boss yelled at you, that's not PTSD. Please don't, let's not minimize the struggling of people with these real disorders by, you know, just tossing these terms around.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Yes, and I'm so glad you asked. One of the first things we do when someone comes in with a mood disorder is do a complete blood work. Because a lot of times medical stuff masks themselves in cycles, in Psychological symptoms. So if your thyroid is hypo, as in it's not working the way it's supposed to, one of the first signs is depression.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
You feel lethargic, you start gaining weight, you start feeling cold, you start your mood, you feel just lethargic and unhappy all the time. So there is a direct connection between the different organs in your body, especially your thyroid and how your brain is functioning. So I think if you are struggling with a mood disorder, it might be a good idea to do a complete blood workout.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Und das zweite, was ich gelernt habe, war, dass es die Routine in New York war, die mich wirklich nach unten bringt. Sobald ich zu einem neuen Ort wechseln würde, und wir meisten lieben es, zu reisen, oder? Sobald wir für eine Woche reisen, gehen wir irgendwo hin, wir fühlen, als würden wir eine neue Person wiederkommen. Also es war nicht das Reisen, das mein Geist wirklich erhöht hat.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Es kann passieren. Ich habe es auch gesehen. Ich habe Hypothyroidismus gesehen. Viele Male beginnt es jünger im Leben, weil es eine Autoimmun-Kondition ist, aber es kann an jedem Punkt im Leben passieren.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Deswegen, wenn du zu einem Psychiater gehst, wenn sie keine komplette Arbeit machen, ist es für mich nicht eine gute Idee, eine Medikation für psychische Gründe zu beginnen, ohne versuchen zu regeln, welche medizinisch unterliegenden Bedingungen es gibt.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Weißt du, ja, aber zu deinem Punkt, Perimenopause dauert manchmal Jahre. Also bist du in dieser Limbo-Phase, bevor du vollen Menopausen erreichst. Sobald du vollen Menopausen erreichst, hilft Hormonreplacement-Therapie dir hundert Prozent. Aber ich denke, dass viele Frauen seit Jahren in dieser Funke, so zu sprechen, von Perimenopause befinden, wo man sich fragt, was ist mit mir?
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Wie funktioniert alles? Wie kommt dein Blutwerk zurück? Alles normal. Alles funktioniert normal. Also gehen Ärzte zur nächsten besten Sache, die sie haben. Und du weißt, Antidepressantien helfen. Sie lösen deine Bewegung. Sie helfen mit deiner Angst ein bisschen. Aber ich denke, manchmal dauert es Jahre, bevor du die Diagnose von Menopause oder Parämenopause, leider.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Ich wünschte, wir hätten bessere Geräte, um das schneller zu beurteilen. Ich wünschte es wirklich, aber die Wissenschaft hat sich nicht so viel verbessert. Und ich denke, Dinge, die mit Frauen zu tun haben, auch Menschen, von denen ich von jüngeren Menschen mit Endometriose gehört habe, es dauert manchmal Jahre, bevor sie eine Diagnose bekommen.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Frauen und Medizin, du weißt, der Bereich, die meisten der Experimente damals, die meisten der Studien wurden an Männern gemacht. Also sind die Frauen immer noch hinter uns. Und du weißt, ich bin froh, dass wir uns darüber bewusst sind und mehr und mehr Forschung an Frauen gemacht wird, aber wir sind immer noch hinter uns in der Medizin.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So I do this thing with my workout routine. Like I like weighting lift. I hate cardio. I hate aerobics. Oh my gosh. I mean, it is push. But I do it. I torture myself every once in a while with different types of exercises because I know it's something novel. I know my body is going to hit it. My brain, dopamine spike because it's new.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
So simple things, things that you don't even think could be good for your mental health, could give you that dopamine spike, can as long as it's different from your regular routine. So, you know, This weekend I'm doing this painting thing. It's a class where you sip on a little bit of wine and paint. I've never done anything like that before. It might not seem grand, it's not a trip to...
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Ich habe bemerkt, sobald ich zu einem neuen Ort komme, mache ich alle touristische Sachen für eine Woche, ich finde meine... Favorite coffee shop, my favorite restaurant. All of that the first week is exciting. But as soon as I settled in and life developed a routine again, I would notice my mental health kind of going down. So I quickly realized it wasn't the traveling.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Amalfi Coast, but it's something different that I've never done before. And I'm going to do it this way because it's cold outside and I have nothing else to do. So just let anything you can think of that gets you out of your bubble, even though it might feel uncomfortable. And remember, the more uncomfortable it feels, the better it is for you.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Ultimate you, you grow, you learn, you get out of your funk. So do anything that you haven't done before.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
It wasn't, you know, it was the routine that was killing me. And so I, you know, after three years of doing this, I kind of slowed down now. I realized how important it is to expose myself to novel stimuli. And, you know, it is not practical for people to just... travel forever like that. Every time you get tired of the location.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Exactly.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Exactly. You can't do that forever. It's not for everybody. It's not practical. The world's a big place, but at one point you become tired. So I really made it a point to prioritize exposing myself to novel stimuli in my day-to-day routine. um mich stimuliert zu machen. Und ich habe viel Forschung darüber gemacht. Es gibt Zeichen dafür.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Sobald du etwas Neues, etwas anderes, verpasst, spiegelt eine Substanz in deinem Gehirn, die Dopamin heißt, wie die Fielgard-Hormone. Wenn du also diese natürliche Spiegelung haben willst, dann integriere neue Erfahrungen. Gib mir also eine neue Erfahrung. So let me say something very simple and basic. You have your favorite food, right?
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
You go to a restaurant, you usually order, like I love fish, so I order whatever white fish is on the menu. Order the lamb. Something as simple. That simple? Like start there. As simple as doing something new. Or we were talking about this right now.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
In New York most of us like to wear dark colors, but something as simple as swapping out that dark color for a week for something bright, like something your brain is not used to seeing, is enough to get that dopamine spike.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
You know, being a little bit scared is a good thing. It's exciting scared. You got to keep that in mind. Nobody's forcing you to do this, right? You know, ultimately at the end, you're going to be happy with getting out of your bubble and exposing yourself to new scary stimuli. So yes, those first few days might be intimidating. You might feel a little bit lonely.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
You might even think, God, what did I do? But I promise you, at the end, you're going to look back and say, I'm so glad I did that. I'm so glad I came out of my bubble.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Oh mein Gott, die wichtigsten Dinge, die wichtigsten Dinge, wie, weißt du, ich hatte wie Unterhaut, wie zehn der gleichen Farbe oder wie, weißt du. Einfach. Einfach. Einfach. Das war wahrscheinlich toll, oder? Es ist toll, das einfache Leben ist wunderschön, Leute. Ich verspreche dir, das einfache Leben ist wunderschön.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Ich hatte einen dunklen Jeans, einen leichten Jeans, ich hatte einen Sneaker und zwei Flatten.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
But that's all you need.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Wie kann man nur so... Ausgeruht sein? Ganz einfach. Trainiere deinen Schlaf und werde auch du zum Morgenmenschen. Mit der Galaxy Watch 7 oder dem Galaxy Ring und der Samsung Health App.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Ich liebe es.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Die Bedürfnisse. Als ich in der Krankenklinik war, habe ich sehr viel mit dem Fakt, dass die Welt nach vorne geht. Und ich will nicht sagen, dass es in eine dunkle Richtung geht, aber es geht in eine Art, dass die mentale Gesundheit für viele Menschen ein Problem wird. Und dank dieser Stigma, die unterbrochen wird, People are not afraid to talk about it anymore.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
People are not afraid to get treatment anymore. So I thought it was a very critical time in our history, in our culture, that people are now finally able to say, stop and say, I need help and I'm going to get help. So I wanted to be, you know, be there to make it happen.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
You know, there still is a little bit of a stigma. I used to work in a rehab facility and I noticed that Und Rehab ist ein breiter Begriff. Das bedeutet nicht nur Drogen. Es bedeutet Menschen, die durch Lebenserlebnisse gehen, wie Schmerzen, Verbrechen und solche Dinge.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Ich habe bemerkt, dass viele Menschen, die hierher kommen, mit diesem ... Es ist, als ob sie eine Menge Brücken auf ihren Schultern tragen, wie eine Scham, dass sie Hilfe brauchen. dass sie hierher kommen. Aber am Ende sieht man sie ein bisschen höher stehen. Ich hatte eine Künstlerin, die mir sagte, warum war ich so schuldig, meinen Freunden und Familie zu sagen, dass ich Hilfe bekomme.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Sie ging durch Lebensveränderungen und She was just so ashamed that she needed help. And at the end, it cleared up for her. She said, why was I like this? I need to be an advocate. I need to, because she's, you know, a famous person. She was like, I need to be vocal. Like, why did I feel that way? So I feel like still some people are ashamed because that's, you know, when I was growing up.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Da war das Stigma. Wenn du Depressionen hattest, sprichst du nicht darüber. Wenn du Angst hattest, sprichst du nicht darüber. Aber jetzt fühlen sich die Leute, besonders die neue Generation, die jüngere Generation, sehr in Ordnung mit ihren Emotionen. Und sie können aufhören zu sagen, ich fühle mich nicht gut. Ich brauche eine Pause. Ich brauche Hilfe.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
I think it takes one person with a voice to speak out and then for other people to follow suit. That's why I'm always saying to people who have a big social media following or who are famous or a position of influence to use that. I think they have a responsibility. um diese Stimme zu benutzen.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Denn wenn du jemanden siehst, den du idealisiert hast, den du auf einem Pedestal setzt, den du glaubst, dass er sehr erfolgreich ist, und er sagt, dass er auch anstrengend ist, macht es es legitim, dass alle anderen sagen, nein, ich auch. Also ich weiß wirklich, dass Menschen, die in der Position sind, ihre Stimme zu benutzen, wirklich ihre Stimme zu benutzen sollten.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
If you're going to pick somebody to spend time with, make sure that person is adding to your life.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
I did. I met my partner as I was traveling through France. I was traveling through this tiny village in France called Alpe d'Huez. And I met him there completely by chance. I was not looking. Ich denke, es ist schade, das zu sagen, aber ich war an dem Punkt, an dem ich gesagt habe, ich verliere. I'm good, I'm a strong, independent woman. I don't need anybody. I'm perfectly fine on my own.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
We're done with this. And that's after years of struggling to date and disappointments and heartbreaks and the things we all go through. At that point, I was like, I'm done with this. So I'm going to be on my own and it's okay. It doesn't mean I'm lonely. It just means that I'm just more comfortable being by myself. And it was then that I met him.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
He changed my life and we're together now. And, you know... Es ist lustig, ich habe das heute gedacht, ich hatte immer diese Idee, wie dieser Checklist, was mein Partner so sein sollte. Und ich hatte diesen Checklist, als ich ein Kind war. Ja. Und er muss so sein, er muss das tun, er muss aus diesem Hintergrund kommen. Und mein Partner ist nichts von all diesen Dingen.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Das Checklist, ich hätte es verbrannt, weil was ich mitgebracht habe, ist nichts, wie ich, der Mann, den du denkst, oder der Partner, den du denkst, den du willst, ist nicht der, den du unbedingt brauchst.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Hört sich das an? Ja, natürlich.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
I think it's first of all really important to take a hard look at yourself and see why you want to be in a relationship. Es ist für alle anders. Einige Leute tun es nicht so gut, wenn sie sich alleine befinden. Sie fühlen sich sehr traurig. Sie brauchen die Abhängigkeit. Andere haben Druck auf ihre Familie. Es gibt auch andere, die von einem bestimmten Alter an Kinder haben wollen.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Es ist für alle anders. Man muss sich ehrlich mit sich selbst stellen und sehen, warum man diese Druck hat, in einer Beziehung zu sein. Ist es etwas, was du tun solltest?
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Wenn es etwas ist, was du tun solltest, und deine Familie und Freunde und die Gesellschaft und die Kultur, in der wir leben, dich bedroht, dann ist das eine Rezept für einen Desaster, weil du weißt, dass du Fehler machst, wenn du es so rutschst.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Wenn du wirklich fühlst, dass du besser tust, wenn du in einem Paar bist, wenn du besser tust, wenn es um Begeisterung geht, sind diese Leute meiner Erfahrung nach mehr patient. Sie warten bis zum richtigen Moment. Sie verhalten sich nicht. They know their worth. They know what they need in life. And they're in just a much confident, more confident place in life.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Because I think they're in it for the real reasons, not these other reasons that a lot of us, unfortunately, and that's where you make mistakes. Wenn du unter Druck bist, machst du Fehler, du siehst keine roten Flaggen oder siehst sie und ignorierst sie. Und du kannst mit jemandem enden, der nicht gut für dich ist, was, Leute, in einer schlechten Beziehung zu sein, das ist das Schlimmste im Welt.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
You do not have the luxury, you do not have the time to waste it on subpar relationships, shallow relationships, men who take away from you.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
It's the worst. It's the worst. I know, it's like triggering. Und ich bin aus dem Mittleren Osten, also verstehe ich es. Es gibt immer noch kulturelle Druck. Ich auch. Ich bin Libyanin, also verstehe ich es. Ja, ich bin Iranin, ich bin Persin. Es gibt den Druck, verheiratet zu werden und Kinder zu haben. Und deine Verwandten fragen dich immer noch über das. Also verstehe ich es.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Es fühlt sich schrecklich an. Und du wirst wirklich verletzt, wenn jemand fragt, warum du noch Single bist. Was für eine Frage ist das?
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
I've thought about this a lot and I always say, because I've been asked this a lot, I'm like, I haven't met the right person, I'm taking my time, I'm getting to know myself, I'm working on myself and when the time is right, he will come.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Ja, und ich sehe leider einen Trend. Viele von diesen Frauen rutschen in eine andere Beziehung, weil sie fühlen, dass sie diesen Verlust erfüllen müssen. Sie haben vielleicht eine Beziehung seit zehn Jahren, jetzt sind sie einzig. Es fühlt sich ein wenig ungeheuer an, richtig? Also rutschen sie, diesen Verlust zu erfüllen, mit der nächsten Person, die dorthin kommt.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Das ist für mich das wichtigste. Du machst Fehler, wenn du das tust. Ich sehe das sehr oft, leider. Mein Vorschlag an die Leute, die gerade aus einer Beziehung kamen, ist immer, dass man auf sich selbst arbeiten muss und es Zeit braucht. Diese Zeitlinie ist für alle andere anders.
The Tamsen Show
The Science of Rebooting Your Life: Dopamine, Dating & Doing Things Differently
Also macht sicher, dass ihr nicht die Schmerzen, das Wachstum einer ehemaligen Beziehung zu eurer aktuellen Beziehung bringt. It's not going to work out. Make sure you leave the time. And when you're ready, you'll know. Work on yourself, basically. And figure out who you are. And you change as a person.