The School of Greatness
Stanford Psychologist: The #1 Psychological Skill To Master The Art of Influence & Transform Your Relationships
Wed, 21 May 2025
Leave an Amazon Rating or Review for my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy!What if the key to deeper connections isn't in what you say, but in how you listen? Dr. Caroline Fleck, licensed psychologist and Stanford instructor, reveals the transformative power of validation - a skillset that revolutionized psychology yet remains largely unknown outside clinical settings. Her journey through depression and breast cancer gives her unique insight into why feeling truly seen matters more than love itself. She breaks down the surprising science behind techniques like "copying" that can increase trust by 25% and even overcome implicit bias. This conversation unveils a step-by-step framework that anyone can use to create authentic connection, navigate difficult emotions, and transform relationships - whether you're dealing with a suicidal patient or simply trying to understand your partner better.Buy Dr. Fleck’s book Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your LifeIn this episode you will learn:Why validation is the foundation of all human connection and may be even more important than love itselfThe "validation ladder" – an 8-step process therapists use to make others feel truly seen and heardHow mimicking someone's body language activates mirror neurons that help you genuinely understand their emotionsThe counterintuitive way to handle your difficult emotions – feeling them fully without the narrativeA step-by-step process for self-validation that can transform shame into peace in minutesFor more information go to https://www.lewishowes.com/1774For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Jerry Wise – greatness.lnk.to/1747SCKerry Washington – greatness.lnk.to/1768SCEvy Poumpouras – greatness.lnk.to/1764SC Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy!Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX
Chapter 1: What is the #1 psychological skill for deeper connections?
Well, Caroline, it's clear. I guess this is done. I guess we're not working together anymore. Me saying, I'm sorry, what happened? I emailed you yesterday. You didn't respond? Didn't respond to me? Oh, I'm so sorry. I had so many... Immediately I'm getting defensive, right? I am so sorry. I had so many... You know that I self-harm.
Wow.
You don't care. You don't care. You think this is fun. You think this is fun. Just really kind of... Wow.
Ramping it up. Taking it to a whole nother level. It's like a different world in their mind, right?
It is. And in my heart, I'm feeling responsible for... For what's going on.
For them harming themselves mentally, potentially physically. Wow.
And then like, I need to get this under control. So it's that type of, those types of situations. And if these skills work in those situations... Their potential when the stakes are much lower and folks are much more rational is significantly bigger.
Yeah. When someone's more receptive.
Exactly.
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Chapter 2: How can validation transform relationships?
I mean... If that's the real world, maybe with a patient who's personality disorder, but
No, because I am seeing like that's their world. That's their perspective. I do see that. I'm not saying anything I don't believe. Now, here's the thing. It's acceptance and change, not acceptance or change. They are two sides of the same coin. So I can validate. And then once there's once I see that that has resonated, I switch gears. OK, but let's look at this for a second.
If you keep responding to people in this way when they miss a message from you, I'm worried you're going to start burning people out. Because the other thing I felt just now was attacked and scared and not in a good way. All right.
Is there anything we could have done, do you think, that could have brought down the intensity just a little bit so you could give me that message but not, you know, make me want to hide under the couch?
Wow.
So that's it. That's that combination. You see how I'm going from validation to change.
Interesting.
Right.
Okay. But you said attending was the first step in the ladder, right?
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