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The Moth

The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories

Tue, 17 Dec 2024

Description

In this special December holiday hour, stories about celebration, differing traditions, and family. A mother and son do their best to keep the gifting spirit alive, a daughter tries to fulfill her mother’s wish for a Trinidadian feast, and a man waits and waits for the perfect moment to kiss a date. Those and more stories in this episode. Hosted by The Moth's Executive Producer, Sarah Austin Jenness. The Moth Radio Hour is produced by The Moth and Jay Allison of Atlantic Public Media.Storytellers:Peter Aguero and his mother exchange holiday gifts made of paper.Tracey Segarra sends a Hanukkah card that her mother-in-law takes issue with.Steve Glickman attempts to escape a snowy Chicagoan Christmas for Puerto Vallarta.Dawn Fraser is tasked to find the perfect ingredients for a Trinidadian Christmas.Evan Lunt takes his grandmother’s menorah to college as a keepsake of her.Bernie Somers counts down to a first kiss on New Year's Eve with a romantic interest.

Audio
Transcription

0.309 - 23.946 Sarah Austin Jenness

The Moth is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the Name Your Price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

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24.56 - 44.753 Advertisement Narrator

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45.153 - 50.797 Advertisement Narrator

Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City branch. Terms and more at applecard.com.

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51.277 - 69.776 Leigh Ann

Hey, Moth listeners, it's Leigh Ann. You're about to hear a great story, and the reason why is because of the direct support of listeners like you. The Moth is a nonprofit. While donations to partners like Public Radio are important, we rely on your generosity to bring stories and storytellers all over the world, from Nebraska to Nairobi.

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70.236 - 75.519 Leigh Ann

Please consider donating today by visiting themoth.org or texting GIVE24 to 78679. Thanks for listening.

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91.186 - 116.069 Sarah Austin Jenness

This is the Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Sarah Austin-Ginesse. This is our annual December holiday episode. We have stories of feasts, traditions, celebrating, not celebrating, connecting with family and friends, and just wanting to be alone. Six stories that explore the mixed emotions that come with this last month in the year. Our first storyteller is moth veteran Peter Aguero.

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116.589 - 136.822 Sarah Austin Jenness

Peter calls this story Me and Mama versus Christmas. Lots of people go overboard at Christmas. It's a time of excess. The decorations and the gifts and the food. But what if money is tight? Peter told this story at a moth night we produced in partnership with West Virginia Public Radio. Here's Peter Aguero.

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141.007 - 161.304 Peter Aguero

So I just finished my first semester of college and I have a big bag of laundry and I come through the door of the house and things aren't looking too good for me and my mom. The first thing I notice is that the piano's gone. She had that ever since she was a little girl and took piano lessons. We always put the nativity on top of it around Christmas time.

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161.745 - 180.013 Peter Aguero

I took piano lessons for two weeks, but I still took piano lessons on that piano and that's gone. I go through the living room and the only thing that's left is just one couch that's with broken springs sticking out of it. There are two televisions, one on top of the other. One has picture that works and one has sound that works.

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182.594 - 206.378 Peter Aguero

Over in the corner are the impressions still from my dad's lazy boy that has been gone for four years now. And that's the only furniture in the room. I go upstairs. The dining room's empty. There used to be this big, beautiful dining room set with carved chairs and a glass break front and a buffet table. And that's gone. In the kitchen, there's the kitchen set. There's two chairs.

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206.398 - 219.965 Peter Aguero

There used to be four, but I broke one of them. And the other chair, I also broke. And... There's only two left. And I go upstairs to the bedrooms, and in my mom's room, there's nothing left but her mattress on the floor.

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220.125 - 238.873 Peter Aguero

And there's nothing quite as damning as a bedroom without furniture, because you see all the dings and the scratches in the wallpaper, like all the mistakes that can usually be covered up, but you see them all now. My sister's room is exactly the way it looked when she moved out to go live with my dad.

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238.933 - 259.392 Peter Aguero

It's Pepto-Bismol pink walls and a canopy bed and this big toy box in the shape of a rubber strawberry, as if she was going to move back in and be the little girl that she was. uh, before she moved out. My room, uh, looks exactly the way it was when I left. There's just posters all over the walls and, and, uh, it's, it's ridiculous like, like me.

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259.773 - 276.612 Peter Aguero

So I, I start to do my laundry and my mom comes home from work and she immediately takes over. It doesn't let me do it myself. And I ended up helping her with it. And she's happy to see me. She's happy that I'm home. Uh, when we're done that, we go up to have dinner and my mom makes, uh, tomato casserole was one of my favorite things.

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276.632 - 295.979 Peter Aguero

It was canned tomatoes with cubes of Wonder Bread and American cheese baked in the oven. If you put enough shaky cheese on it, it's delicious, you know. So we're sitting there in the two kitchen chairs and I'm telling her all about my first semester of college and how it finished up. And she's so proud of me. And she's telling me about work.

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296.019 - 315.049 Peter Aguero

My mom's a nurse and she's been taking all of the shifts that she can. But She had warned me that she was starting to have to sell stuff in the house to be able to catch up on the bills because the house was too big for the two of us. Now that I was away at school, it was just her. So she was doing everything she could. And she warned me, but it was still shocking, you know.

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315.669 - 323.173 Peter Aguero

She had just taken a second job, a part-time seasonal job at the mall behind the perfume counter. My mom didn't like people telling her what to do, so I knew that wasn't going to last very long.

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325.031 - 340.72 Peter Aguero

And while we're sitting there at dinner, she tells me that, she says, Pete, we're not going to have a lot of money this year for Christmas, so I don't think we're going to be able to give each other presents. And I said, that's okay, Mom. And I'm being completely honest. I'm just happy to be home with her. I don't need anything. And that's the truth.

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340.94 - 358.135 Peter Aguero

And we sit there eating quietly for a minute, and then she says... You know what would be funny? What if we cut out pictures of things from magazines that we would give to each other if we could? And we laughed about it. And then we cried about it because it's really sad. It's a really sad thing.

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358.556 - 377.449 Peter Aguero

But then we laughed again because, man, like no matter how hard things are, you just have to laugh, you know. The next day I decide I'm going to make the house look as Christmassy as possible. And I go up to the attic and I get the boxes down with the lights and I hang the lights in the bushes out front and around the gutters. I want to go get a Christmas tree.

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377.469 - 393.228 Peter Aguero

I grew up in a little small town in New Jersey called Delanco. It was a little small town, 2,500 people, mostly farms. At that time, there wasn't Walmart or big stores or anything. So I went over to the local Christmas tree farm to get a Christmas tree. I figured they'd give me a deal because I used to date their daughter.

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393.248 - 405.8 Peter Aguero

But it turns out they didn't give me a deal because I used to date their daughter. And a Christmas tree was like 40 bucks, man. I couldn't afford that. So I went back home and I got an old saw out of the garage and I cut out a tree from the side yard and I brought it in. It wasn't even like a

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406.584 - 420.435 Peter Aguero

pine tree it was like a stunted maple tree and I put it in the tree holder had like five branches I put 20 ornaments on each branch and just kind of put the lights on it and called it a day and uh and that's you know my mom came home from work and she just laughed about it you know

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421.432 - 442.159 Peter Aguero

When I was visiting my friends who were also home from college, I would steal their mom's fancy catalogs and bring them home and cut out pictures of stuff. My mom always wanted a green Jaguar convertible. I found a picture of one of those. I cut out pictures of gold and diamonds and jewelry.

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442.859 - 466.697 Peter Aguero

island like all these things that I would love to be able to give my mom for Christmas and like as I was doing it I knew it was sad it was like a sad thing to do but I kept collecting them and folding them up and tying them up with ribbons and hiding them in my room and I was waiting to put them under the tree and like I said it was a sad thing but I knew it was something that would bring us together I knew it was something that we would always be able to hold on to as something that we would be able to hold on to together you know

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467.858 - 490.958 Peter Aguero

There was one night toward the end of December, close to Christmas, when we're sitting there in the living room watching the TVs and the Charlie Brown Christmas special is on. One of the TVs hooked up the cable and the other one gets the antenna so the sound doesn't quite jibe up, you know. And we're sitting there just right next to each other on the couch. We're world's apart. My mom's exhausted.

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491.616 - 503.781 Peter Aguero

I've been trying to get her to sell the house for years, because I knew it was just too big for her to be in by herself. It was too big for the two of us to be there. If I'm being honest, it was too big when all four of us were living there. I don't know why they got it in the first place.

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503.841 - 523.839 Peter Aguero

But four years before that, my parents, who had been separated on and off the whole time that they were married, they were giving it one last try. And the plan was that they were going to sell the house and take the money and we were going to move to Georgia from Jersey and have a fresh start. And that was the big plan.

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524.52 - 542.808 Peter Aguero

And it went along okay for a couple of weeks and then somebody just came in and poured the eggshells all over the floor again and they started the fight and things were back to normal. And that fresh start never really happened. And it culminated with us, the four of us, in the third pew at St. Casimir's Church in Riverside, New Jersey for a Christmas Eve midnight mass.

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542.888 - 563.42 Peter Aguero

And right before the priest started the mass and the packed church my dad stood up and he walked out of the church. And the only sound you could hear in the sound of the church was the hydraulic door just go, shoom. And the four of us, the three of us left stood up and we went outside past the priest and everyone we knew. And we walked the two blocks to where the car was parked.

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563.46 - 587.839 Peter Aguero

And my dad was nowhere to be found, but he left the keys of the car on the hood. And that year, my parents were done. That was it. I got what I wanted for Christmas that year. My parents never got back together. But so here we are now today, the two of us sitting on this couch and trying to watch this thing and let us be happy or something. And she's a million miles away. It's all killing her.

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588.179 - 608.196 Peter Aguero

Trying to pay the bills, trying to keep it together. She did everything she could to try to keep the house so there would be some semblance of normalcy to the outside world. I know that she took a big hit on her pride. She's a very prideful woman. And I knew that when everyone that she knew in her life saw our family disintegrate that midnight mass, I knew that it was just ripping her apart.

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608.236 - 626.42 Peter Aguero

But she was trying to keep the house together, you know? And she was a million miles away. My mom was my best friend. It was the two of us, man. She was my partner. She was like my road dog, you know? It was like me and her against the world. And like being there with her and having her be a million miles away was killing me. Just like I knew this house was killing her too.

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628.424 - 645.696 Peter Aguero

Well, you know, it got to be Christmas Eve, and my buddy Brian came over and picked me up, and we went to a different church for Midnight Mass. When you're under 21, you can't go to a bar, so you go see your friends at Mass. And we split a jug of wine in the parking lot, and the Mass was awesome. It was pretty great.

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648.155 - 662.4 Peter Aguero

And afterwards, I come home, and the next morning I wake up, and it's Christmas morning. So I go and I gather up all the little pictures of the gifts that I want to give to my mother, all wrapped up and tied in ribbon, and I put them under the tree.

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663.32 - 682.312 Peter Aguero

And I hear my mom stirring upstairs, and she comes downstairs, and her hair's in corkscrews, and she's got this big flannel house coat on and her big red plastic Sally Jesse Raphael morning glasses with the broken ear thing on the side taped up, you know. And I say, Merry Christmas, Mom. And she goes, Oh, honey, oh, hold on.

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682.352 - 705.703 Peter Aguero

And she goes upstairs, and she's upstairs for a minute, and then she comes back down, and she has a few. And I give her hers first. And there's the jaguar and the jewelry and the island and a picture of a baby grand piano and a picture of a new dining room set. And a picture of a new mahogany bedroom set. And all these things I wish I could replace for her.

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706.243 - 726.842 Peter Aguero

And she's smiling and laughing the whole time. And then when it's all done, she gives me mine. And there's three of them. There's a picture of a bag of Reese's peanut butter cups. There's a picture of a pair of Homer Simpson slippers. And there's a picture of a karaoke machine. And they were all from the same Rite Aid catalog that was up in her bathroom.

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727.002 - 746.595 Peter Aguero

Because she had completely forgotten about this thing that I thought was going to bring us together. Because she was working so hard. So we're stuck in the middle of this O. Henry story that he never should have written. And I thank her so much for the gifts. And we go upstairs. And my mom makes the best pancakes in the world. You might think your mom does. But I'm so sorry. You're wrong.

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747.921 - 751.262 Peter Aguero

My mom made the pancakes, but this morning she burned them a little bit.

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751.483 - 773.412 Peter Aguero

And I'm sitting in the kitchen eating these pancakes, cutting around the burnt pieces, and I'm looking out through our backyard at everybody else's houses, and all the light in their houses looks like orange and colorful and friendly with all these people, and our house just feels empty and stark and white in the fluorescent light eating these pancakes in silence together, the two of us.

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776.24 - 795.595 Peter Aguero

Couple months later, she finally did send me my present. I was back in college. Man, I'd taken out all the tuition and loans and we couldn't afford it otherwise, but it was important to her that I go. And I had just finished a day of classes and I was heading to the dining hall and I stopped over to check my mail. Remember mail? When people used to send mail?

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796.516 - 815.972 Peter Aguero

And I open up the mailbox and there's an envelope with my mother's postmark on it. And I take it up and I fill up my, into the dining hall, and I fill up my tray with too much food because that's what you do and I go over to a table and I sit down and before I start eating I open up that envelope and inside there's no note, there's just one photograph.

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816.553 - 838.959 Peter Aguero

It's of her standing in front of the house with a for sale sign. And the house sold pretty quickly. And she got it. She offloaded it. And she took a little bit of a hit financially. And she took a bigger hit on her pride. And she moved into a much smaller place that she could afford. And, you know, it hurt her. I know it hurt her. And it took a big hit.

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839.019 - 847.527 Peter Aguero

But the most important thing to me was right then, we're looking at that picture. I got my girl back. Thank you.

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856.42 - 875.535 Sarah Austin Jenness

That was Peter Aguero. Peter says at the moment he's most likely to be found making pottery and listening to the Allman Brothers. Peter makes his home in Queens with his wife, Sarah, and his mom is now happily married, too. As for Christmas traditions, Peter and his mom now do breakfast with as many meats as possible.

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876.076 - 907.488 Sarah Austin Jenness

Last year, Peter says, mom made a seven-meat breakfast, and it was pretty awesome. Tracy Segarra is our next storyteller. She won an open mic Moth Story Slam in New York, where we partner with public radio station WNYC. And that win earned her a spot in a Grand Slam, which is where this story was told. The theme of the night was growing pains. Here's Tracy live at the Moth.

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909.509 - 924.97 Tracey Segarra

It's 1996, and I'm on an express bus from the Bronx heading into Manhattan to go wedding dress shopping with my future mother-in-law. And I'm not looking forward to this because she and I are not exactly friends. Rita and I come from very different worlds.

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925.67 - 949.765 Tracey Segarra

She is this Sicilian from the Bronx, a waitress and a secretary, and a Jehovah's Witness, devout Jehovah's Witness, this strange religion I know nothing about. And I'm this middle-class Jew from Long Island, so when I start dating her son, a lapsed Jehovah's Witness who she dearly would like to come back into the fold, she and I kind of circle each other warily. And we are polite, but cold.

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950.425 - 965.095 Tracey Segarra

But when Fred and I decide to get married, I realize that I should make some effort to get to know this woman who's going to be part of my life. So here we are. And the ride down is very uncomfortable. She and I have never been alone in a room together, so it's very awkward.

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966.124 - 987.842 Tracey Segarra

But when we get to the bridal salon and I start trying on all these gowns, she tells me I look beautiful in every single one, which is a complete lie, but the sweetest of lies. And I feel myself starting to soften towards her. And then afterwards, when we get back to the Bronx and it's time to say goodbye, she suddenly grabs me and she gives me a hug.

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988.863 - 1010.937 Tracey Segarra

And it's the kind of hug that tells me how much it must have meant to her that I invited her to do this with me. And it breaks open a place in my heart for her, and we start to become friends. And over the next two years, we bond over the two things that Rita loves the most, eating and shopping. Nobody can devour a lobster like Rita Romeo. And she doesn't care where she shops.

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1010.977 - 1027.511 Tracey Segarra

It could be a dollar store, a hardware store, although dollar stores are her favorites. She just loves to shop. But then when my twin daughters are born in 2000, she is my savior. I am so overwhelmed by these creatures. And every Friday, she comes out from the Bronx and she spends the weekend with us.

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1027.871 - 1047.183 Tracey Segarra

And when I hear that screen door open each Friday, it's like the cavalry has arrived and I can finally breathe. And she absolutely adores her granddaughters, but she is not your typical cookie-baking grandma. She's a Sicilian from the Bronx, you know? And one year, when the girls are about two or three, I hear her talking to them in the other room.

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1048.024 - 1068.692 Tracey Segarra

And I hear her say, oh, I love you so much, I just want to punch you. But she also has her tender side. And once when we go to visit them in the Bronx, I notice that she's been stealing things from the girls, like little things, like a stuffed animal or a barrette.

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1068.993 - 1085.443 Tracey Segarra

And I can't figure out why until it dawns on me that she literally wants something of theirs to hold on to when she can't be with them. When the girls are about four, I send out holiday cards every year, usually just season's greetings cards, but this year I decided to send out a Hanukkah card.

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1085.943 - 1097.827 Tracey Segarra

The girls are getting a little older, I'm starting to think about sending them to Hebrew school, but I don't send it to Rita because witnesses don't celebrate holidays, but I do send it to Fred's aunt, who lives near them in the Bronx and likes to display the cards.

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1098.887 - 1120.336 Tracey Segarra

And about a week later, Fred gets a call from his mother, and she tells him that since we've decided to raise our daughters as Jews, that she can no longer be part of our lives. And I'm shocked because she and I have never discussed religion, so I had no idea she might feel this way. And then I'm hurt because this is me. You know, like, how could she do this to me?

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1122.156 - 1145.106 Tracey Segarra

And then I get angry because this has to be the most anti-Semitic thing that's ever happened to me, and this is my family. But then I think, oh, you know, she's just in shock. She'll get over it, she'll call me, she'll apologize, and everything will be fine. And so I wait. But after four weeks of waiting, it's clear. She's not calling. And so then I dig in, and I say, you know what?

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1145.126 - 1167.758 Tracey Segarra

If she cannot accept us and how we're going to raise our daughters, then I don't want her in my life, and I'm done. And months pass. But about nine months later, a new dollar store opens up in my neighborhood, and I think of Rita, and I want to call her. And the urge to call her is just so strong that I pick up the phone. I have no idea what I'm going to say, and she answers on the first ring.

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1169.867 - 1204.758 Tracey Segarra

Hi, I say, it's Tracy. Hi, she says. I miss you, I say. I miss you too, she says. And just like that, it's over. We never discuss it. We just step over that time in our lives as if it never happened. And over the next seven years, she becomes my second mother. In 2011, Rita passes away. And I miss her. I miss her every day. But I think about what we almost missed.

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1205.439 - 1224.68 Tracey Segarra

Like that time when the girls were five and they had their first and only ballet recital where they proved that they are much more adept at pratfalls than graceful pirouettes. Or the time when they were eight and we told ghost stories around the fireplace. And you know, I know I would have been justified all those years ago in keeping Rita out of my life.

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1225.72 - 1245.016 Tracey Segarra

What she did was hurtful and cruel, and it was wrong. But in the end, I decided I didn't want to stand on my principles if it meant I had to stand there all alone. At the end of her life, I go to visit Rita, because I need to tell her how much she meant to me and what an impact she had on my life.

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1245.777 - 1266.173 Tracey Segarra

And she tries to say something back, but she's wearing an oxygen mask, and it's really difficult to understand her, and then the moment's just gone. So I don't know what she wanted to tell me, but I'd like to think that it was some variation of, I love you so much, I just want to punch you.

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1275.356 - 1305.084 Sarah Austin Jenness

That was Tracy Seguera at a Moth Grand Slam. Tracy is a former wire service reporter turned marketer. In her free time, she hosts and produces her own Long Island-based storytelling show, Now You're Talkin'. Tracy said, Tracy and her daughters celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas. They light candles every night of Hanukkah, and every Christmas they exchange gifts and have a traditional dinner.

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1305.725 - 1327.803 Sarah Austin Jenness

They also like to bake unique holiday treats. To see a photo of one of their creations, reindeer pretzel cupcakes, and a photo of Rita with her granddaughters, go to themoth.org. When we come back, we try to escape the holidays with a trip to Puerto Vallarta. Stay tuned.

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1343.561 - 1352.771 Public Radio Exchange Narrator

The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts and presented by the Public Radio Exchange, prx.org.

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1354.153 - 1374.757 Advertisement Narrator

I love giving gifts. There's nothing quite like seeing someone's face light up as they behold the absolutely perfect present you've gotten them. And because I'm me, I make it into a silent competition. Oh, Aunt Ethel got you a planner and not the world's softest and most flattering sweater from Quince? Seems like she's implying that you should be doing work.

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1375.277 - 1397.445 Advertisement Narrator

All I want is for you to be wearing a cloud, like you deserve. Sorry, Aunt Ethel. I'm the clear winner here. Better luck next year. To assist in my entirely one-sided quest for holiday victory, Quince is my go-to for quality gifts at an affordable price. If you also want to enter the holiday Olympics, may I suggest gifting Quince's iconic Mongolian cashmere sweaters, which start at $50.

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1397.785 - 1420.509 Advertisement Narrator

I got one for my mom last year, and she loved it so much, I can confidently say it tipped me into favorite child category. Get luxury this holiday season without the luxury price tag. Go to quince.com slash moth for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash moth to get free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash moth

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1425.592 - 1448.525 Sarah Austin Jenness

This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm Sarah Austin Janess, and I'm your host. Welcome back to our annual December holiday anti-holiday episode. I say anti-holiday because there are lots of people listening who don't celebrate the holidays in December in the traditional sense. They escape the typical trappings of this month, maybe in favor of rest and rejuvenation in a far-off land.

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1449.065 - 1462.896 Sarah Austin Jenness

Our next story is all about that. Steve Glickman told it at a moth story slam in Chicago, where we partner with public radio station WBEZ. The theme of the night was refuge. Here's Steve live at the moth.

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1465.878 - 1498.283 Steve Glickman

It's Christmas Eve in 2005, and I am packed and ready to go to Puerto Vallarta. My flight leaves in 12 hours, and I cannot wait to get out of Chicago. It's been an awful year. I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years and I've been living in a fog. Months of therapy, sleepless nights, just the worst year ever. But somehow I made it to Christmas Eve And I am ready to reboot my life starting now.

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1499.083 - 1532.083 Steve Glickman

I cannot wait to get to that beautiful beach in Puerto Vallarta and order a pina colada served out of a coconut and kiss this awful year goodbye. I'm packed and ready to go. All I need is my passport. I look in my desk drawer, not there. I look in my file cabinet, not there. I look in my bedroom closet, my dresser, the kitchen cabinets, not there. Where the fuck is my passport? Then I panic.

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1532.924 - 1558.84 Steve Glickman

I ransack my apartment, going from room to room, emptying every drawer, every closet, every cabinet, and I throw its contents on the floor where I can see it all clearly. I get down on my hands and knees and I'm sifting through the piles of stuff like a crazed burglar. And after I've turned my apartment upside down for hours, nothing. Where the fuck is my passport?

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1562.221 - 1599.546 Steve Glickman

It's after midnight and I'm exhausted. Sitting on my bedroom floor, staring at all the piles of junk, I say to myself out loud, as calmly as possible, I've lost my passport. I've looked everywhere I know of, but it's gone. I am not going to Puerto Vallarta for Christmas. And then I cry. The next morning, I make a pot of coffee and I contemplate how I might spend Christmas week in Chicago.

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1601.728 - 1626.052 Steve Glickman

I can't visit my family, they're not in town. I can't visit my friends because they all think I'm in Puerto Vallarta. And that's what I want them to think. I boasted to everyone that I was gonna spend Christmas week on the beach in Mexico, and they could all have their white Christmas in Chicago. I told my coworkers. I told my volleyball team.

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1627.312 - 1656.875 Steve Glickman

I told George, the star hitter on my volleyball team, who is a dreamboat and who I have a crush on. I can't fathom telling them I lost my passport. I will never hear the end of it. I feel like the biggest loser ever. I just can't catch a break. And then I get an idea. I hide out in my apartment all week long. I spend my time watching movies and reading Mexico travel blogs.

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1659.471 - 1687.814 Steve Glickman

When I leave the apartment, I wear sunglasses and a hoodie because I'm incognito. And I leave for only two reasons. To go to the grocery store or to the tanning salon. I love the tanning salon. I love lying on the tanning bed in my Speedo, grooving to my playlist, surrounded by the gentle warmth and humming of the UV lights as they slowly cook my skin to a deep golden brown.

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1688.774 - 1710.448 Steve Glickman

And when I close my eyes, it feels just like I'm lying on that beautiful beach in Puerto Vallarta. The first week in January we have volleyball practice and I show up at the gym armed with a deep tan and stories from the Mexico travel blogs. I scan the gym from my team, and then I spot Dreamboat George.

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1711.509 - 1730.139 Steve Glickman

I'm nervous, and part of me wants to walk out of that gym and go back into hiding for the rest of winter. But I know that won't solve anything. I know I have to get out there and live in the world, meet people and take risks, even if I don't feel like it. That's what all the self-help books say. And so...

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1731.641 - 1766.219 Steve Glickman

I walk up to Dreamboat George with a smile on my face, and he smiles right back, and he says, so how was Puerto Vallarta? I say, muy bueno. The weather was perfect, the beaches were fantastic, and oh, the food, so mucho delicioso. And as I'm talking, I'm thinking, is he buying this bullshit? I study his face for signs of doubt, and I can't really be sure, but I think he might be.

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1767.039 - 1800.405 Steve Glickman

My other teammates gather around, and I tell them the same story, and every time I tell it, I get more confident, and I add more details, like a snorkeling trip and a sunset cruise. Suddenly, I realize I'm actually pretty good at this. Dreamboat George says, I'm so jealous, which are the words I long to hear. I simply smile and nod. I sat on this secret for 11 years.

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1805.208 - 1842.225 Steve Glickman

Over time, I got my confidence back, I got a new boyfriend, and we've traveled a bit, but never to Puerto Vallarta because I don't like to repeat. So last December, I was cleaning out my bedroom closet, and I reach in and I pull out a ratty old jacket. And just as I'm throwing it in the trash, I feel something hard in the breast pocket. So I reach in and I pull out my fucking passport.

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1845.366 - 1868.926 Sarah Austin Jenness

That was Steve Glickman. Steve has no pictures from his failed vacation, of course, but in the spirit of second chances, you can visit our website, themall.org, to see a picture of him on a successful vacation with his boyfriend. He's never misplaced his passport again. Our next storyteller is Dawn Frazier. Dawn is one of the instructors in our community program.

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1869.306 - 1887.55 Sarah Austin Jenness

She travels around the world with The Moth, workshopping personal stories with all sorts of community groups. This story was recorded in Kampala, Uganda, in an intimate setting where women shared stories for the first time. There were only about 20 people in the room. Here's Dawn Frazier at The Moth in Uganda.

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1888.126 - 1910.984 Dawn Fraser

Okay, so many of you know that my family comes from Trinidad and Tobago. And my family came through New York and then moved to California in the United States. And so when I moved to New York, I totally expected that I would be able to be free, to meet other first-generation Trinidadians, and just have a good time. But my first year in New York, my mom calls me up.

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1911.468 - 1928.281 Dawn Fraser

And she's like, Donnie, you're coming home for Christmas? And I was like, yeah, I'm coming home for Christmas. What's up? She's like, well, I need you to do me a favor. And I was like... Okay, well, what do you want me to do? So she's like, first, first, you're gonna go run down to Nostrand Avenue, and Nostrand Avenue is like where all the Trinidadians live.

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1928.421 - 1956.318 Dawn Fraser

She's like, go run down to Nostrand Avenue, you're gonna pick up 12 Jamaican patties, okay? Six chicken, six beef, then you're gonna pick up 12 roti, 12 roti skin, okay? Bring these 12 roti skin, bring these 12 Jamaican patties, and bring some salt fish back with you from New York to California. And I was like, wait, what? Like, why would I do that? Why? That makes no sense.

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1956.958 - 1976.637 Dawn Fraser

And she said, well, don't you want a Caribbean Christmas in California? I was like, yeah, we can all want a Caribbean Christmas in California. She's like, well, then bring the food now, man. I was like... I was like, okay, but I was mad because I had this suitcase. And my suitcase, you know, I'm going from New York to California, so it's going to be warm. I just have my flip-flops, my tank tops.

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1977.478 - 1995.612 Dawn Fraser

But now I have to take all this stuff out of my bag to pack all this other stuff for my mom. So I'm just aggravated. So I pack all the food, the saltfish, the roti, all the kind of stuff, and I bring the stuff to California so that we can have a Caribbean Christmas. And I get there and I was like, mom, you know, there are black people in California, right?

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1996.232 - 2019.624 Dawn Fraser

You know, I can go to Oakland and go get some saltfish and some roti. She's like, no, no, but it's not the same. We want the good authentic stuff from New York. And I was like, Really? Okay, whatever, whatever. And then, you know, we have a good feast and we live it up. The next year, my mom calls me up again and she's like, Dawn, you coming home for Christmas?

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2020.325 - 2042.814 Dawn Fraser

And I was like, yeah, I'm coming home for Christmas. Why, what's up? She's like, well, I needed to do me a favor. I'm like, okay, what do you need me to do this time? She's like, well, this year we're going to go to Trinidad for Christmas, okay? And I was like, oh, sweet. So I'm thinking to myself, this is awesome. I don't need to bring any type of like roti. I don't need to bring any saltfish.

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2042.854 - 2067.839 Dawn Fraser

I don't need any Jamaican patties. I was like, okay, cool, cool. What do you need me to do? She says, go run down to the Pathmark, okay? The supermarket. And you're going to go pick up a 30 pound turkey. Okay? You're gonna take this turkey, you're gonna put it in the freezer, and you're gonna deep freeze this turkey, all right? You're gonna bring this turkey with you from New York to Trinidad.

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2069.64 - 2099.013 Dawn Fraser

And I was like, wait, what? There's no turkeys in Trinidad? She's like, you don't want a good, big Caribbean Trinidadian turkey for Christmas? And I was like, well, yeah, I want a big... Trinidadian, I guess, or whatever. She's like, then bring the turkey. And I was like, I was like, mom, mom, seriously, this sounds like foul play, okay? This is like literally crossing the line. And is this legal?

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2099.914 - 2118.048 Dawn Fraser

You know, she's like, just bring it, just bring it. So I take this turkey and I put it in my freezer and I deep freeze it for about two weeks. And then the day comes where I'm flying off to Trinidad for Christmas, and it's wrapped up in all this foil, all this aluminum, all this type of stuff, and I throw it in my backpack.

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2118.749 - 2140.784 Dawn Fraser

And my mom lives in this little, little tiny village way in the corner of Tobago. And so in order to get there, I first have to fly from JFK Airport to Miami Airport, from Miami Airport to Trinidad's airport, to Trinidad's airport, a little two-propeller jet into Tobago. I'm going through this process and I still got this 30 pound turkey on my bag.

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2142.065 - 2174.778 Dawn Fraser

But as I get to Trinidad's immigration, I'm starting to drip. And I don't know if this is going to work. So I am looking at the immigration official and he says to me, mom, you have anything to declare? And I'm thinking, okay, I don't know if I need to declare a turkey. So I say, no. He's like, okay. I got on the other little two propeller jet. I get to Tobago.

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2175.919 - 2193.309 Dawn Fraser

Turkey's dripping, dripping, dripping, dripping. I'm like, this is just going to be a wreck. It would take two hours to get to my mom's little village in Charlottesville. I'm there. I'm happy. I was like, I've gone this long, extensive trip to bring this turkey. I get there. I was like, mom, here it is. Your turkey has arrived. It's here. It's here. She's like, oh, good, good.

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2193.329 - 2214.867 Dawn Fraser

Go put it in the freezer quick, quick, because everybody's waiting. Your sister, she brought the ham. And your cousin, he brought the three-layer cake. I was like, wait, the three-layer cake? From where? She's like, oh, he just brought it from Florida and he put it up in the, in the, in the, in the, he put it up in the area, you know, above in the plane.

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2215.448 - 2239.248 Dawn Fraser

And I was like, so wait, I brought a turkey. My cousin brought this three-layer cake, my sister brought this ham, and here I was thinking that I was gonna be saving the day with my big ol', like, you know, turkey. And that's when it hit me that all these years of, like, traveling back and forth with food and all this stuff wasn't a pain. It was just something that, I guess, that our family did.

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2239.268 - 2263.129 Dawn Fraser

We just travel with food. That's what we do, I guess, as a family. As a Fraser, this is what I'm expected to do. So last year, when I was returning to California for Christmas, when my mom called me up and she's like, you're coming home for Christmas? I was like, yeah, I'm coming home for Christmas.

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2263.729 - 2269.813 Dawn Fraser

And I looked down at my suitcase, it was empty and ready to be filled with whatever food she needed.

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2274.693 - 2292.946 Sarah Austin Jenness

Dawn Frazier is an instructor in the Moths Community Program. She's also a communications coach and the host of the podcast Barbershop Stories. When I told Dawn that this story was included in our holiday hour, she said the timing couldn't be better. She had just traveled to Florida with her sister's wedding cake.

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2293.959 - 2309.12 Sarah Austin Jenness

To see photos of Dawn's family Christmas in Trinidad and Tobago, including the turkey she brought that year, plus the roti, pig's feet, patties, and other Caribbean goodies she brought the next year, and for other stories from the Moth Community Program, go to themoth.org.

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2314.582 - 2327.39 Sarah Austin Jenness

After our break, our last two stories, the Jewish tradition of asking for what you want twice, and the sheer stress of planning your first kiss on New Year's Eve, when The Moth Radio Hour continues.

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2332.112 - 2340.978 Public Radio Exchange Narrator

The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, and presented by the public radio exchange PRX.org.

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2342.389 - 2362.114 Advertisement Narrator

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2362.714 - 2377.678 Advertisement Narrator

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2378.358 - 2403.412 Advertisement Narrator

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2403.912 - 2407.695 Advertisement Narrator

Lumen makes a great gift, too. Thank you, Lumen, for sponsoring this episode.

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2411.144 - 2427.266 Sarah Austin Jenness

I'm Sarah Austin Janess, and you're listening to the Moth Radio Hour from PRX. We're up to our last two stories as part of this December special. No matter what our plans are in the next few weeks, December can remind us of family and friends who have died. And that's bittersweet.

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2428.087 - 2442.155 Sarah Austin Jenness

Evan Lunt told this next story at a Moth Slam in Boston, where we partnered with public radio station WBUR and PRX, the public radio exchange. The theme was Wonders. Here's Evan Lunt live at the Moth.

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2446.857 - 2470.677 Evan Lunt

Now, I am not religious at all. My mother's Jewish. My father's a nice little goyim. I was a nice mix. They said, you can do whatever you want. And I said, great. I choose neither. I'm going to choose the holidays that have the best food. So Lent was out the window. Yom Kippur was out the window. But my grandmother, on the other hand, Elizabeth Tobkiss, she was very religious.

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2470.737 - 2484.828 Evan Lunt

She was the nice Jew that had the latke in her pocket when we went through her clothes after she died and we found, we were expecting to find money, we were expecting to find jewelry, but we found an old latke. And it was great.

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2485.248 - 2504.634 Evan Lunt

We would visit her in the nursing home and she would celebrate the holidays with us and she would celebrate all of the little, we'd have Hanukkah celebration with her, we'd have a Passover Seder. She wouldn't remember who I was, but we'd have Passover Seder with her. And that continued, and I had her menorah, and one day I said, mom, can I take this menorah to college with me?

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2504.654 - 2524.719 Evan Lunt

And she looked at me, she said, absolutely not. This is in my family for too long, you can't take it with you. And I said, mom, can I, you know, it's tradition in the Jewish faith, in case you're not familiar, to ask twice. And I said, Mom, can I please take this menorah to college with me? And she said, fine. I'm going to wrap it up all nice. I'm going to put it in a little box.

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2525.34 - 2545.062 Evan Lunt

And you're not going to touch it until Hanukkah. And I said, OK, fine. So Hanukkah comes around. This is now last year around. Hanukkah was late last year. It was around Christmas time. So my house that I lived in with eight other people was mostly Christian. So we had a Christmas tree. And I said, OK, I'm going to do this up a little bit.

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2545.142 - 2565.127 Evan Lunt

I'm going to put the menorah right next to the Christmas tree, right in the window on the second floor so everyone else on the street can see it. And I said, my grandmother would love this. It's her menorah. She would love this. And each night, I would go up and I would walk upstairs, because I lived on the first floor, and I'd light the menorah. And first night went by, great.

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2565.607 - 2586.741 Evan Lunt

Second night went by, great. Haven't burned anything down. This was an old house. Third night goes by, great. Fourth night comes, and I'm feeling a little down. This was, senior year of college was a little rough for me, as I'm sure it's a little rough for most people. You know, you're writing thesis, you're dealing with relationships. It's a time.

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2587.782 - 2618.263 Evan Lunt

And I'm lighting the menorah, and I say, all right, you know what? Here's something I haven't done in a long time. In fact, my entire life. I'm going to pray. I do my little, I sing the song to no one. There's no one there, everyone's doing their own thing. But I'm gonna sing it to myself, and then to my grandmother, God bless. And I say, all right, I'm gonna pray, and I say, all right.

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2619.063 - 2640.784 Evan Lunt

I'm not on my knees, because it's a dirty floor. But I'm gonna sit down in my chair, and I say, all right. How do I start? Elizabeth, no, that's too formal. Grandma, can you hear me? And I say, I'm going to light my candles for you tonight. And I'm going through, and I'm lighting the candles. And it's the fourth night, so you light five candles.

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2642.882 - 2667.22 Evan Lunt

And I'm going through the prayer, and I say, Grandma, can you hear me? And I look out, and looking out the window, nothing. It's cloudy. Looking out the window, maybe I'll see something. Is there a cat? No. She liked cats. And I'm sitting there, and I'm just looking at the candles, and they're flickering, and they're flickering, and all of a sudden, they go out. I'm like, that was weird.

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2668.041 - 2701.354 Evan Lunt

There's no wind. I'm inside. There shouldn't be a draft. I paid rent this month. And I say, Grandma, is that you? And there's a knock on the door. I'm like, that's weird. Again, I paid rent this month. There shouldn't be a knock on the door. Shouldn't be anyone coming for me, I promise. And I go down and there's no one there. And I come back up, and it turns out one candle had stayed lit.

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2701.534 - 2709.518 Evan Lunt

And it's the shamas, which is the candle that you light all the other candles with. And that was the night I realized my grandmother was still with me. Thank you.

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2713.564 - 2742.485 Sarah Austin Jenness

That was Evan Lunt. Evan is a chemistry student at the University of Pennsylvania. Outside of the lab, he likes playing cello, doing crossword puzzles, and finding other people's dogs to pet. He celebrates Hanukkah every year now, and he keeps the tradition of putting his grandmother's menorah out. Our final story starts in December but ends in January.

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2743.006 - 2761.424 Sarah Austin Jenness

Making New Year's plans is a little stressful, and if you add to that a budding new relationship and plotting a first kiss, yikes. Bernie Summers told this at a romance-themed slam in Los Angeles, where we partner with public radio station KCRW. Here's Bernie live at the Moth.

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2762.276 - 2783.955 Bernie Somers

So I met this girl, and I really liked her. She was kind of a nerd, but nice. A nice, nerdy little girl. And I asked her out on a date, and our first date we had a wonderful time. But I didn't kiss her, I didn't even try to kiss her, because on the first date I just like to talk and listen and, you know, get to know the person. And then I asked her out on a second date.

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2784.356 - 2811.517 Bernie Somers

Now the second date is when I usually, you know, go in for the kill. and I will attempt to kiss goodnight. But on our second date, I took her to this Italian restaurant, and whatever I had had so much onion and garlic in it that a Tic Tac would have just suffocated in my mouth. So I just, I didn't kiss her goodnight, I just sort of hugged her goodnight.

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2812.578 - 2832.048 Bernie Somers

And then I asked her on the third date, and I thought, you know, I gotta kiss her tonight. I mean, if I don't kiss her tonight, she's gonna think I'm the shy, insecure coward, which I am, but I don't want her to know that. So on our third date, I took her to this jazz club. And this jazz club was like this dark, intimate club. And it was a couple days after Christmas.

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2832.068 - 2854.117 Bernie Somers

We had these pretty Christmas lights hanging from the ceiling. And her and I were sharing this cozy booth. And it was just a perfect moment to share our first kiss. It was very romantic. In fact, the piano player at the bar was singing the song, Isn't It Romantic. It was like, isn't it romantic? Merely to be young on a night like this. Isn't it romantic?

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2854.178 - 2884.494 Bernie Somers

Every note of this song is like a lover's kiss. Sweet symbols in the moonlight. Do you think that I might fall in love perchance? Isn't it romantic? So the moment was screaming, kiss her! And then she told me about this New Year's Eve party she was going to and wanted to know if I wanted to go with her. And I said, yeah, sure.

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2884.514 - 2894.897 Bernie Somers

And then I thought, you know, it'd be kind of cool if our first kiss was our New Year's Eve kiss. It'd be very symbolic, beginning of a new year, beginning of a new relationship.

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2895.417 - 2914.631 Bernie Somers

So at that moment in my mind, I decided that was when I was going to kiss her, the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve, which meant I couldn't kiss her tonight because if I kissed her tonight, then our New Year's Eve kiss would be our second kiss. And that's just lame. But here's the thing. This nerd wanted me to kiss her tonight. She had her hand on my thigh. She's got her face close to mine.

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2914.671 - 2939.553 Bernie Somers

She's looking into my eyes. I mean, she's doing everything but saying, kiss me, stupid. But I can't. You know, I'm saving myself for New Year's. So New Year's Eve comes, New Year's Eve day, and I'm getting ready for the party. I'm in the bathroom, really excited, and I'm shaving and brushing and flossing. And all day long, that song is ringing through my head.

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2939.613 - 2946.48 Bernie Somers

Isn't it romantic to be young on a night like this? And it's like the song is telling my brain, don't blow it, Bernie. Kiss her tonight.

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2947.847 - 2963.551 Bernie Somers

So we're at the New Year's Eve party, and we're in this loft, very crowded loft, and we're sipping champagne, talking and laughing, and I look at my watch, it's like 10 minutes to midnight, so I decide to go to the bathroom, because I remember I saw a bottle of mouthwash in there. So I thought, you know, I'll gargle, so when I kiss her at midnight, I'll have minty fresh breath.

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2964.532 - 2982.002 Bernie Somers

So I go in the bathroom, I gargle, and I wash my hands and comb my hair, and I step out of the bathroom, and I see that the number of people at the party has, like, doubled. And before I was packed, when I was like jam-packed, you know, you can't even move a muscle. And I look at my watch and it's five minutes to midnight. And I'm trying to get to her, but I don't even see her.

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2983.043 - 3010.553 Bernie Somers

And then before you know it, I hear, 10, nine, eight. And I'm like squeezing through the party, trying to find her. Seven, six, five, and then I see her. She's in the corner, but I can't reach her, you know, because there's just too many people between us. Three, two, one, Happy New Year! And everyone is kissing someone, and I see her there in the corner all alone, looking sad and nerdy.

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3016.275 - 3030.827 Bernie Somers

And by the time I reach her, it's like 20 minutes after midnight. And before I could say anything, she says, Bernie, I'm leaving. She grabs her coat, and she leaves the party. And she's obviously very angry at me. I don't blame her. You know, it's like our fourth date. I haven't kissed her. I leave her alone on New Year's Eve.

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3031.328 - 3049.135 Bernie Somers

So I chase after her, and we're outside, and I kind of grab her by the arm. I say, no, wait. She said, no, Bernie, you know, I'm sensing you're not all that into me, so I'm just going to go home. I said, let me explain. I didn't kiss her on the first date, because I just don't kiss on the first date. And I didn't kiss her on the second date, because I had really bad onion and garlic breath.

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3049.155 - 3054.658 Bernie Somers

And I didn't kiss her on the third date, because I thought I'd be better to kiss her on the fourth date, New Year's Eve tonight, but I couldn't reach her tonight, because her two may be apart, and I couldn't reach her, and I'm really sorry.

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3060.081 - 3078.782 Bernie Somers

And then she gave me this look, you know, and it was just hard to read, you know, because sometimes a woman will look at you, and you have no idea what they're thinking. And then she said, goodbye, Bernie, and she walked away. So New Year's Day came, and I'm just feeling very lonely and depressed. It was a terrible way to bring in the New Year.

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3079.163 - 3093.627 Bernie Somers

Later that night, I'm lying in bed sleeping, and there's this knock at the door. And I'm thinking, who's knocking on my door in the middle of the night? So I go to answer, and it's her. I say, what are you doing here? She says, let me in. I said, what? She says, hurry up, let me in. So she comes in. I said, what's going on? It's past midnight.

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3094.107 - 3111.652 Bernie Somers

She says, well, actually, it's 1158, so you have two minutes till you kiss me. I said, what? He goes, well, I know you want to kiss me on the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve, but you know what, Bernie, everybody kisses on the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve. We're going to be original. We're going to kiss on the stroke of midnight on New Year's Day. I said, okay.

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3112.593 - 3134.109 Bernie Somers

And she said, do you have champagne? And I said, I have Snapple. And she said, get it, but hurry up, it's 11.59. So I'm running in the kitchen, I'm getting the Snapple, and the song's rushing through my head. This is a romantic movie, I'm going to act this. And she yells in the living room, do you have champagne glasses? And I said, I have Batman and Robin coffee mugs.

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3135.51 - 3150.362 Bernie Somers

Honey, you only have 20 seconds. It's romantic every night, so let lovers kiss. And I run into the living room with the coffee mugs. Sweet symbols of the moonlight. Do you think we'll ever fall in love for a chance? And we're sitting on the couch together with a Batman and Robin coffee mug. Took the Snapple and she's looking at the watch. She's doing the countdown. Three, two, one.

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3150.882 - 3168.686 Bernie Somers

And we lock eyes. And I say to her... you are the coolest girl I have ever met in my entire life. And she said, shut up and kiss me. Isn't it romantic?

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3179.048 - 3201.762 Sarah Austin Jenness

That was Bernie Summers. Bernie is a New York writer who finds his dysfunctional love life a great source for comic material. He and his New Year's date eventually ended up parting ways, but he hopes to have a date for Valentine's Day on February 15th. That's it for this episode of the Moth Radio Hour. We hope you'll join us next time. Happy December.

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3212.81 - 3233.133 Public Radio Exchange Narrator

Your host this hour was Sarah Austin Jeunesse. Katherine Burns directed the stories in the show, along with Jennifer Hickson. The rest of the Moss directorial staff includes Sarah Haberman and Meg Bowles. Production support by Timothy Lou Lee. Moth Stories Are True is remembered and affirmed by the storytellers. Our theme music is by The Drift.

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3233.233 - 3256.95 Public Radio Exchange Narrator

Other music in this hour from Melody Creators, Modern Mandolin Quartet, C.S. Heath, Nigel Kennedy and the Croak Band, Proyecto Solo, and Ruby Braft and George Barnes Quartet. The Moth is produced for radio by me, Jay Allison, with Vicki Merrick at Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. This hour was produced with funds from the National Endowment for the Arts.

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3257.351 - 3269.242 Public Radio Exchange Narrator

The Moth Radio Hour is presented by PRX. For more about our podcast, information on pitching us your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org. And have a great holiday season.

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