Steve Glickman
Appearances
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
It's Christmas Eve in 2005, and I am packed and ready to go to Puerto Vallarta. My flight leaves in 12 hours, and I cannot wait to get out of Chicago. It's been an awful year. I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years and I've been living in a fog. Months of therapy, sleepless nights, just the worst year ever. But somehow I made it to Christmas Eve And I am ready to reboot my life starting now.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
I cannot wait to get to that beautiful beach in Puerto Vallarta and order a pina colada served out of a coconut and kiss this awful year goodbye. I'm packed and ready to go. All I need is my passport. I look in my desk drawer, not there. I look in my file cabinet, not there. I look in my bedroom closet, my dresser, the kitchen cabinets, not there. Where the fuck is my passport? Then I panic.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
I ransack my apartment, going from room to room, emptying every drawer, every closet, every cabinet, and I throw its contents on the floor where I can see it all clearly. I get down on my hands and knees and I'm sifting through the piles of stuff like a crazed burglar. And after I've turned my apartment upside down for hours, nothing. Where the fuck is my passport?
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
It's after midnight and I'm exhausted. Sitting on my bedroom floor, staring at all the piles of junk, I say to myself out loud, as calmly as possible, I've lost my passport. I've looked everywhere I know of, but it's gone. I am not going to Puerto Vallarta for Christmas. And then I cry. The next morning, I make a pot of coffee and I contemplate how I might spend Christmas week in Chicago.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
I can't visit my family, they're not in town. I can't visit my friends because they all think I'm in Puerto Vallarta. And that's what I want them to think. I boasted to everyone that I was gonna spend Christmas week on the beach in Mexico, and they could all have their white Christmas in Chicago. I told my coworkers. I told my volleyball team.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
I told George, the star hitter on my volleyball team, who is a dreamboat and who I have a crush on. I can't fathom telling them I lost my passport. I will never hear the end of it. I feel like the biggest loser ever. I just can't catch a break. And then I get an idea. I hide out in my apartment all week long. I spend my time watching movies and reading Mexico travel blogs.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
When I leave the apartment, I wear sunglasses and a hoodie because I'm incognito. And I leave for only two reasons. To go to the grocery store or to the tanning salon. I love the tanning salon. I love lying on the tanning bed in my Speedo, grooving to my playlist, surrounded by the gentle warmth and humming of the UV lights as they slowly cook my skin to a deep golden brown.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
And when I close my eyes, it feels just like I'm lying on that beautiful beach in Puerto Vallarta. The first week in January we have volleyball practice and I show up at the gym armed with a deep tan and stories from the Mexico travel blogs. I scan the gym from my team, and then I spot Dreamboat George.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
I'm nervous, and part of me wants to walk out of that gym and go back into hiding for the rest of winter. But I know that won't solve anything. I know I have to get out there and live in the world, meet people and take risks, even if I don't feel like it. That's what all the self-help books say. And so...
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
I walk up to Dreamboat George with a smile on my face, and he smiles right back, and he says, so how was Puerto Vallarta? I say, muy bueno. The weather was perfect, the beaches were fantastic, and oh, the food, so mucho delicioso. And as I'm talking, I'm thinking, is he buying this bullshit? I study his face for signs of doubt, and I can't really be sure, but I think he might be.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
My other teammates gather around, and I tell them the same story, and every time I tell it, I get more confident, and I add more details, like a snorkeling trip and a sunset cruise. Suddenly, I realize I'm actually pretty good at this. Dreamboat George says, I'm so jealous, which are the words I long to hear. I simply smile and nod. I sat on this secret for 11 years.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
Over time, I got my confidence back, I got a new boyfriend, and we've traveled a bit, but never to Puerto Vallarta because I don't like to repeat. So last December, I was cleaning out my bedroom closet, and I reach in and I pull out a ratty old jacket. And just as I'm throwing it in the trash, I feel something hard in the breast pocket. So I reach in and I pull out my fucking passport.