Tracey Segarra
Appearances
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
It could be a dollar store, a hardware store, although dollar stores are her favorites. She just loves to shop. But then when my twin daughters are born in 2000, she is my savior. I am so overwhelmed by these creatures. And every Friday, she comes out from the Bronx and she spends the weekend with us.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
And when I hear that screen door open each Friday, it's like the cavalry has arrived and I can finally breathe. And she absolutely adores her granddaughters, but she is not your typical cookie-baking grandma. She's a Sicilian from the Bronx, you know? And one year, when the girls are about two or three, I hear her talking to them in the other room.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
And I hear her say, oh, I love you so much, I just want to punch you. But she also has her tender side. And once when we go to visit them in the Bronx, I notice that she's been stealing things from the girls, like little things, like a stuffed animal or a barrette.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
And I can't figure out why until it dawns on me that she literally wants something of theirs to hold on to when she can't be with them. When the girls are about four, I send out holiday cards every year, usually just season's greetings cards, but this year I decided to send out a Hanukkah card.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
The girls are getting a little older, I'm starting to think about sending them to Hebrew school, but I don't send it to Rita because witnesses don't celebrate holidays, but I do send it to Fred's aunt, who lives near them in the Bronx and likes to display the cards.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
And about a week later, Fred gets a call from his mother, and she tells him that since we've decided to raise our daughters as Jews, that she can no longer be part of our lives. And I'm shocked because she and I have never discussed religion, so I had no idea she might feel this way. And then I'm hurt because this is me. You know, like, how could she do this to me?
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
And then I get angry because this has to be the most anti-Semitic thing that's ever happened to me, and this is my family. But then I think, oh, you know, she's just in shock. She'll get over it, she'll call me, she'll apologize, and everything will be fine. And so I wait. But after four weeks of waiting, it's clear. She's not calling. And so then I dig in, and I say, you know what?
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
If she cannot accept us and how we're going to raise our daughters, then I don't want her in my life, and I'm done. And months pass. But about nine months later, a new dollar store opens up in my neighborhood, and I think of Rita, and I want to call her. And the urge to call her is just so strong that I pick up the phone. I have no idea what I'm going to say, and she answers on the first ring.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
Hi, I say, it's Tracy. Hi, she says. I miss you, I say. I miss you too, she says. And just like that, it's over. We never discuss it. We just step over that time in our lives as if it never happened. And over the next seven years, she becomes my second mother. In 2011, Rita passes away. And I miss her. I miss her every day. But I think about what we almost missed.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
Like that time when the girls were five and they had their first and only ballet recital where they proved that they are much more adept at pratfalls than graceful pirouettes. Or the time when they were eight and we told ghost stories around the fireplace. And you know, I know I would have been justified all those years ago in keeping Rita out of my life.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
What she did was hurtful and cruel, and it was wrong. But in the end, I decided I didn't want to stand on my principles if it meant I had to stand there all alone. At the end of her life, I go to visit Rita, because I need to tell her how much she meant to me and what an impact she had on my life.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
And she tries to say something back, but she's wearing an oxygen mask, and it's really difficult to understand her, and then the moment's just gone. So I don't know what she wanted to tell me, but I'd like to think that it was some variation of, I love you so much, I just want to punch you.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
It's 1996, and I'm on an express bus from the Bronx heading into Manhattan to go wedding dress shopping with my future mother-in-law. And I'm not looking forward to this because she and I are not exactly friends. Rita and I come from very different worlds.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
She is this Sicilian from the Bronx, a waitress and a secretary, and a Jehovah's Witness, devout Jehovah's Witness, this strange religion I know nothing about. And I'm this middle-class Jew from Long Island, so when I start dating her son, a lapsed Jehovah's Witness who she dearly would like to come back into the fold, she and I kind of circle each other warily. And we are polite, but cold.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
But when Fred and I decide to get married, I realize that I should make some effort to get to know this woman who's going to be part of my life. So here we are. And the ride down is very uncomfortable. She and I have never been alone in a room together, so it's very awkward.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
But when we get to the bridal salon and I start trying on all these gowns, she tells me I look beautiful in every single one, which is a complete lie, but the sweetest of lies. And I feel myself starting to soften towards her. And then afterwards, when we get back to the Bronx and it's time to say goodbye, she suddenly grabs me and she gives me a hug.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Menorahs, Presents and Palm Trees - December Holiday Stories
And it's the kind of hug that tells me how much it must have meant to her that I invited her to do this with me. And it breaks open a place in my heart for her, and we start to become friends. And over the next two years, we bond over the two things that Rita loves the most, eating and shopping. Nobody can devour a lobster like Rita Romeo. And she doesn't care where she shops.